Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2012

Great News!

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect.

It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

 

I got good news yesterday afternoon from my gastro-intestinal Doc. The biopsy on the troublesome polyp is benign so thankfully there is no oncologist in my future. It still has to be removed. Since the last time they did one of this size resulted in severe complications they are referring me to one of the top GI Docs at the University of Indiana Medical Center to see if he is willing to remove it. If that fails I will have to have part of my colon removed surgically, while neither of the two options are thrilling they are a lot better than a siege of chemo and/or radiation treatments. So I am pleased that I have again avoided the worst case scenario and that my inability to worry saved me from unfounded agony. Life is good.

A friend seemed surprised the other day when I shared what was going on since I did not appear to be more anxious. I said I had learned a long time ago that I do not have the power to change what is. What has helped me has been my willingness to accept whatever comes my way and after learning what positives may also exist I move on making the best of whatever is going on. To tell the truth I believe that a positive attitude provides the foundation that results in an enhanced healing process.

So my friends my cruise no longer seems in jeopardy. What needs to be done is something that I have dealt with before and I am not important enough to any of my current activities that a short absence will be a problem.

I like what Ralph Marston wrote about accepting what life hands you I hope you will as well. Here is what he wrote:

Total acceptance

It is through total acceptance of what is, that you gain total control of what can be. By allowing life to come to you, you empower your purpose to radiate out from you. You cannot successfully fight against what is. For the moment you choose to fight, you’re fighting against a past that cannot be changed.

Accept the energy that comes to you in this now moment, whatever flavor that energy may be. Apply that energy to create a beautiful future filled with joy and positive purpose. Embrace each circumstance as it comes into your awareness. By doing so you will gain access to its positive possibilities.

Live from a place of deep-seated peace. Instead of jumping into a reaction at every turn of events, exude a consistent, confident purpose. Lovingly accept every bit of life as it comes your way. And you will always find much too truly love.

~~~

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.”

Fulton Oursler

~~~

If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous scientist who once said: “I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen…and replaced by exact duplicates.” His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Half the people you know are below average.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

What happens if you get scared half to death ….. twice?

My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

~~~

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.

Frank A. Clark

~~~

Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. “Doctor,” he said, “I need you to cut off my dog’s tail.”

The vet stepped back, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?”

“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”

~~~

We lived in Minnesota in the late 60’s, we were a lot hardier then. We had to be, and here is why:

a.. If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through l8 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.

b.. If you’re proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Minnesota.

c.. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Minnesota.

d.. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there, you might live in Minnesota.

e.. If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk, you might live in Minnesota.

f.. If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Minnesota.

g.. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Minnesota.

h.. If you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, Edina and Shakopee, you might live in Minnesota.

i.. If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, “From the land of sky-blue waters, …. you might live in Minnesota……

~~~

Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

~~~

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. “Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, “Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?”

“And then what happened?” the officer interrupted.

“From what I remember,” Bubba said, “I stood up and said, “Sure, I’m game.”

~~~

Complaints? Write them here legibly []

~~~

A guy had been isolated on an island in the South Pacific for 10 years. He lit a signal every night for 10 years but no one saw it and no one came to rescue him. Finally a passing boat did notice the signal and sent an officer and men in a small boat to investigate. The castaway explained that he had been on this island for 10 years waiting to be rescued.

The boat captain ask “If you are all alone, what are those three huts I see built in the lagoon?

He answered “The first hut is my home. The second hut is where I go to church. And the third hut is where I went to church before I got mad and changed churches …”

~~~

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.

~~~

When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. “Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?” she asked.

Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, “I’ll take them.”

Relieved, I started to to ring her up, until she interrupted me. “Can I have another pack? This one’s been opened.”

~~~

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Melody Beattie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Yesterday I said I would do it tomorrow but now it is today and not tomorrow

“You may delay, but time will not.”

Benjamin Franklin

 

I am busy and somewhat distracted today and must leave for a meeting. I do feel the need to get my taxes done as well and hopefully today I will learn about my next medical adventure. So rather than try to come up with a new Daily I found this one from seven years ago that shows that in some ways I have not changed much.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on March 29, 2005

I probably have told you that lately I find I have escalated my procrastination skills to record setting levels. The sad part is that I know better, I am always uncomfortable with having things linger on my to-do lists as they approach required deadlines, and I almost always find that once I get started the tasks are easy and often turn out better than I expected.

My most recent example has been the preparation of my Federal and State taxes. I have been putting off doing them week after week as my wife increased the frequency of her do-the-taxes reminders. Well the news is that I got them all done this weekend. As always with the software I use the whole thing was relatively painless and went fairly quickly, and as usual I regretted waiting so long. But that is not the big news; the big news is that when I was done it turns out that I will get all of my 2004 estimated federal tax payments back. This means that I either have made a major mistake or I have stumbled on an easy way to reduce federal income tax liabilities.

After checking or rechecking it appears that we made no mistakes, of course the friendly IRS will let me know if I am wrong. Since I hold each of you in such high regard I thought I should share the secret with you. The first thing is to make sure you have no supplemental income from consulting contracts or any other payment for your work, this way there are no bothersome W2’s or income 1099’s which also result in zero self-employment taxes. The second secret is to keep cash in Money Market accounts and certificates of deposit that pay less than two percent interest. The third secret is to invest in equities that pay little or no dividends. So if you really want to reduce your taxes, quit your job, put whatever cash you have into low or no interest bearing accounts, and buy securities in companies with low profits.

Now I don’t want you to think that by following this plan that you will no longer work. I find I am given all kinds of opportunities to work for free and sometimes even for food. Despite all of this if the FED’s do send my money back, my wife and I will probably take a trip to New England in the fall.

~~~

Nothing hurts more than having to pay an income tax, unless it is not having to pay an income tax.

~ Thomas Robert Dewar ~

~~~

“Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food-preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television.”

~~~

The most efficient labor-saving device is still money.

~~~

One of my nurse buddies told me that:

* The patient furthest away from the nurses’ station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses’ station.

* You always remember “just one more thing” you need after you’ve gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.

* The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.

* When you cancel extra staff because it’s so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.

* If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on. Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.

* There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.

* When management smiles at you, be afraid, very afraid …

* Staffing will gladly send you three aides–but you have to float two of your RNs.

* As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.

* Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you’ve had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed.

* You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room.  You always remember when you get back to the other end …

* Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn’t doing well.

* Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.

* The more sophisticated the equipment, the longer it takes to get repaired.

* Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

* As soon as you’ve ordered the pizzas, 25 patients show up at the ER registration desk along with three ambulances all with cardiac arrests!

~~~

An accountant couldn’t get to sleep, so he tried counting sheep. Then he made a mistake, and it took him all night to find it.

~~~

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir,

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven’t raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1,000 for not raising hogs. If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane. Now another thing: these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn.

I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat.

Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise? Also, I am considering the “not milking cows” business, so send me any information you have on that, too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese?

~~~

It’s so simple to be wise.  Just think of something stupid and then don’t say it.

Sam Levenson

~~~

A tourist from the city was visiting a quaint country village, and got talking to an old man in the local pub.  “And have you lived here all your life, sir?” asked the tourist.

And the old man, with a wise look, said, “Not yet.”

~~~

There’s nothing so rewarding as to make people realize they are worthwhile in this world.

Bob Anderson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I wish I knew what they meant!

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

Anthony Robbins

Busy day today, I am off to cardiac rehab at 6 AM then a blood draw to see if I have to continue my two a day self-injected stroke protection medication. I have had to give myself nine shots so far at about $100 apiece it gets expensive so I hope my test results will let me stop, if not it will probably mean another four before I test again. Then it is off to the dentist since he reported that my last x-ray showed the need for some immediate attention. If that was not enough I also have a lecture that I need to attend. The day hasn’t even started and I am already worn out. So you got it, another reprint.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on March 28, 2005

 

I sometimes forget that our generational separation often results in a mysterious communications gap. It can go something like this:

I said, “I was really put through the wringer today.” She said, “What’s a wringer?” I said, “It is the thing that you put on the side of the wash tub that you use to get the water out of clothes before you hang them on the line to dry. She said “How big is it?” I said “It is about the size of a breadbox.” She said, “What is a breadbox.” I said, “Never mind. Anyway I just had a bad day and let’s leave it at that.” She said “That’s too bad what happened?” I said “I ran into this guy, he looked like Jimmy Cagney and he was so mad at me I thought he might come after me riding on the running board of a black roadster shooting a Tommy Gun.” She said “Who the hell is Jimmy Cagney, what is a running board, and what is it doing behind something called a black roadster?” At this point I excused myself and went to the senior center where we all talk the same language.

Substitute culture differences for the generational differences and you can see why we are so often misunderstood by others, and even worse, why we so often misunderstand others.

~~~

A world community can exist only with world communication, which means something more than extensive short-wave facilities scattered about the globe. It means common understanding, a common tradition, common ideas, and common ideals.

Robert M. Hutchins

~~~

A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

“Do you know how to work this thing?” the older man asks. “My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it.”

“Yes, sir,” says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.

“Now,” says his boss, “I just need the one copy…”

~~~

All men have the same amount of hormones. If you want to use yours growing hair, that’s your business.  Baldy

~~~

She said: I’m A Senior Citizen

I’m the life of the party…even when it lasts till 8 p.m.

I’m very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.

I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you are saying.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I’m so cared for: Long term care, Eye care, Private care, Dental care . . .

I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

I’m anti-everything now: Anti-fat, Anti-smoke, Anti-noise, Anti-inflammatory . .

I’m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors . . .Absolutely nothing!

I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I’m in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD’s, IRA’s, AARP. . .

I’m supporting all movements now . . .by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

I’m a walking storeroom of facts . . . I’ve just lost the storeroom.

~~~

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

Roseanne

~~~

Doug:  I know you’re crazy about that little daughter of yours.  What are you going to do when she starts to date?

Bill:  I figure I’ll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder, and pull him close to me so that only he can hear.  Then I’ll say, “Do you see that sweet, little young lady?  She’s my only daughter, and I love her very much.  If you were thinking about touching, kissing, or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just remember this:  I don’t mind going BACK to prison.”

~~~

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

Fran Lebowitz

~~~

A person enters a service station and asks for the quickest way to get to Oak St.

The attendant says, “Are you walking or driving?”

The person says, “Driving.”

The attendant responds, “That’s the quickest way”.

~~~

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You’re only interested in one thing,” and you can’t remember what it is.

Milton Berle

~~~

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.

She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Chanukah stamps?”

The clerk says, “What denomination?”

The woman says, “Oh my God. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

~~~

You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’

But I dream things that never were; and I say, “Why not?”

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

 

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Wanna feel good?

We get to make a living; we give to make a life.

Winston Churchill

 

This coming Thursday I will be sharing with a number of guests at my weekly Kiwanis meeting why I have been a Kiwanis member for more than thirty years. It has not always been easy to stay active as my business and travel coupled with post retirement obligations have often kept me excessively busy. But rather than give up the friendships I have made, the things I learn from top notch speakers and the opportunity to do some good I have elected to make my membership a priority.

Fortunately my club has such a wide variety of service opportunities that there is almost always something that I can do, even when my health holds me back. I have found over the years that doing something for others is truly a gift I can give to myself. It is hard to explain the positive results that come from caring for others, in fact I find it to be as good for me as most of the medicines I take.

Not too long ago a gal wrote the following in her blog that I think hits the nail on the head, she wrote it after she had spent a weekend as a volunteer for a humane society event. Here is what she said:

 

When You Do Good, You’ll Feel…

inspired. Being around other people who are spending their time doing something good for the world is truly one of the most inspiring things. You’ll probably be around people who do inspiring things for a living (like the people I met who spend every day at the animal shelter) and that will make you feel even more inspired. Doing something good for a good cause is one of the most inspiring things. You will realize that there are many other people out there in the world that want to make it a better place.

grateful. When you’re in a situation where you’re donating your time to a cause, it’s probably because something or someone needs help. In this case, I was assisting with an event to raise money for animals in need. Hearing about those animals in need made me feel incredibly grateful for my own life — and for the life I am able to give my pup Bella. No matter what the cause, if you are aware of what your work is benefiting, you will most likely feel incredibly grateful for all of the goodness in your own life.

useful. Being a part of this great event made me feel like, even if it was just for a weekend, I was doing something good with my life. I had a purpose and that purpose was to assist with an event that would raise money for animals in need. Feeling as if our lives have purpose is one of the wonderful impacts of being involved in a meaningful volunteer opportunity, and it’s not something to be taken lightly. This weekend, it was amazing and inspiring to feel as if what I was doing had a true purpose.

connected. For the first time in my life, I was with a group of people who really got how I felt about animals. I’ve certainly met animal-lovers before, but to be in a room full of people who feel as passionately about helping animals as I do was truly a wonderful feeling. Whatever cause you choose to support, it’s such a great feeling to be around other people who support the cause that you feel strongly about. Feeling connected to complete strangers is a rare occurrence and something to be enjoyed.

hopeful. When working with a group of people who are inspired and motivated by a single cause, you almost can’t help but be hopeful. Though it might seem like you’re only impacting a small corner of the world when you’re working on one event for one cause, you’ll find yourself filled with hope because you know that all over the world — in all of the other little corners — there are other people doing good things to make something — maybe just one thing — a little better.

~~~

The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves.

Helen Keller

~~~

A husband was with his wife when she decided to buy something for their daughter-in-law at an exclusive lingerie shop. Inside, the husband was feeling very out of place when a beautiful clerk asked if she could help him. In a cocky manner, he asked, “Where are all the men’s clothes?”

In a demure voice the clerk replied, “All of these clothes are for men, sir.”

~~~

The best exercise for reducing is to move the head slowly from right to left when offered a second helping at the dinner table.

~~~

I never knew this…..

TRUE Newspaper Headlines

* Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link-Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995

* Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut-The New York Times, November 22

* Alcohol ads promote drinking.-The Hartford Courant, November 18

* Official: Only rain will cure drought.-The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

* Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men.-The Sunday Oregonian, September 24

* Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows.-The New York Times, March 10

* Scientists see quakes in L.A. future.-The Oregonian, January 28

* Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold.-Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26

* Bible church’s focus is the Bible.-Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994

* Discoveries: Older blacks have edge in longevity.-The Chicago Tribune, March 5

* Lack of brains hinders research.-The Columbus Dispatch, April 16

* Fish lurk in streams.-Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29

~~~

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.

~~~

The Sunday after Christmas, the Sunday School teacher told her students about an angel appearing to Joseph in a dream, warning him about danger to the baby Jesus and telling him how to escape from it.

After the story time, the students were given an opportunity to draw a picture about the story.  Most of the pictures were predictable, but Larry’s had an odd element in it.

“Larry, I see Joseph and Mary with the baby Jesus on a donkey, but what is that following the donkey?

“It’s the flea, teacher.”

“Flea…? Ah…what flea?” asked the teacher.

To which the boy faithfully repeated the Bible verse:

“Take Mary and Jesus and flea to Egypt.  There’s Mary; there’s Jesus; and there’s the flea.”

~~~

There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.

Euripides

~~~

A group of elderly Jewish men meet every Wednesday for coffee and a chat. They drink their coffee and then sit for hours discussing the world situation. Usually, their discussion is very negative. One day, Aaron surprises his friends by announcing, loud and clear, “You know what? I’ve now become an optimist.”

Everyone is totally shocked and all conversation dries up. But then Sam notices something isn’t quite right and he says to Aaron, “Hold on a minute, if you’re an optimist, why are you looking so worried?”

Aaron replies, “Do you think it’s easy being an optimist?”

~~~

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of candle will never be shortened. Happiness never ceases by being shared.

Chinese Proverb

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

DRATZ again!

He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears.

Montaigne

 

I made it back from my special assignment which took me to Michigan where their traditional cold and blustery March weather was replaced with balmy days with temperatures in the 80’s. While there we invested some of our money in games of chance at an Indian owned casino. I am sure you will not be surprised to learn that our investments did not provide any return; it was more like a money down the drain experience. I suppose though that providing our original Native Americans some compensation for past practices has some justice attached but my wife does not see it that way.

Friday I had my delayed colonoscopy; it had been delayed until I overcame my cardiac problems. The good news is that it is done. Unfortunately there is also some bad news, I flunked the test. While they did remove a couple of polyps there was one that was nasty that they left. I will learn later in the week after the docs get the biopsy results what we will have to do next.

I learned long ago that there is little to be gained by agonizing over that which we cannot control. I also know that unfounded worry is almost always misguided so I will hold off on doing so until I know what to worry about. I am getting so use to helping the medical economy I’ll just view it as another adventure. That is not to say that I do not realize it may be serious it is just to let you know that it is not in my nature to let it get me down. Of course I will be upset if I have to cancel my end of May cruise to Alaska, especially since my cardiac interruption required me to cancel the cruise we had scheduled for last November to the Caribbean.

~~~

No man ever sank under the burden of the day. It is when tomorrow’s burden is added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bear.

George MacDonald

~~~

Boudreaux goes to see his preacher one day. “Preacher, sumting terrible is happening, and I have to talk to you about it.”

The preacher asked, “What’s wrong, Boudreaux?” Boudreaux replied, “My wife, Marie, I tink she’s poisoning me.”

The preacher, very surprised by this, asks, “What makes you say that?” Boudreaux then pleads, “I’m telling you, I just know she’s trying to poison me. What should I do?”

The preacher then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, and I’ll see what I can find out and let you know.”

A week later the preacher calls Boudreaux and tells him, “Well, I spoke to your wife on the phone for three solid hours. You want my advice?” Boudreaux anxiously says, “Yes, anything!”

The preacher tells Boudreaux, “TAKE THE POISON!”

~~~

Children are natural mimics – they act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.

~~~

Fortuneteller: You will be miserable, depressed, and unhappy until your 40th birthday.

Client: Then things will improve?

Fortuneteller: No, you’ll just get used to it by then…

~~~

“Nothing needs reforming so much as other people’s habits.”

Mark Twain

~~~

Sol and Mort are walking from religious service. Sol wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Mort replies, “Why don’t you ask Rabbi Schwartz?”

So Sol goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and asks, “Rabbi, may I smoke while I pray?”

But Rabbi says, “No, my son, you may not. That’s utter disrespect to our religion.”

Sol goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Rabbi told him.

Mort says, “I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”

And so Mort goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and asks, “Rabbi, may I pray while I smoke?”

To which Rabbi Schwartz eagerly replies, “By all means, my son. By all means.”

~~~

“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.”

George Bush

~~~

OK guys, I’m assuming that you suffer from PMS, not directly, but suffer none the less. Hers the solution…

Q: What can I do to end the havoc created every 28 days?

A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: Will it ever end?

A: Sure, but you’ll be so old you won’t notice.

Q: Why is it that I’m wrong so much during this awful time?

A: You just are, cope with it. Someone must bear the blame.

Q: Can I just pack up and go out with the boys?

A: Only if you are heavily insured and have a death wish.

Q: What should I do to cope with this?

A: Glad you asked… (take notes)

1. Pamper your woman!  Shower her with love and affection.

2. Duck (alot).

3. Let her vent.  Remember, she probably doesn’t mean it.

4. If #3 does not apply, you deserve every bit of it…don’t whine.

5. Making dinner will lessen the trauma, take note: Burnt biscuits will only add to your pain – Order out.

6. Speak only when spoken to – Limit your replies to: “Yes, of course you’re right darling” and “those jeans never fit better.”

7. Educate yourself on the magic pills your loved one prefers, keeping them on hand is a bonus point for you.

8. Keep small children (and other helpless creatures) out of the path, keep the casualties to a minimum.

9. Gifts and “shiny” tokens of affection are advised, just remember these words: Victoria’s secret , Macys & Tiffany.

10. Always remember, you are against something way beyond your power.

~~~

Some of your hurts you have cured,

And the sharpest you still have survived,

But what torments of grief you endured

From the evil which never arrived.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Ray escaped again!

Success is peace of mind in knowing you did your best.

John Wooden

 

I am off early this morning on a special assignment and will not be back until Thursday and then Friday I have to be at the hospital at 6 AM for another Colonoscopy. The last one resulted in my in spending a week in intensive and transitional care after a horrendous bout of internal bleeding. I have lost 21 pounds in the last couple of months so I do not need to lose more via blood loss. Although I do hope that my pre-op fasting and purge routine will offset any weight gain that occurs while I am on assignment.

And so my good friends I am once again breaking out and will leave with a few thoughts from an earlier time. I’ll be back with you next Monday. Please have fun while I am gone and avoid getting arrested.

Ray

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on March 20, 2002

One thing that has happened since I have again retired has been the difficulty I have explaining my behavior to my wife. Almost every day she asks where I am going, and I tell her I am working on something for someone and have a job to do. She keeps saying if I have all these jobs, where is my paycheck. I think they call that special spousal counsel.

One of the benefits of retirement is that you can do the right thing without worrying if it is going to fly with the vested interests, maintainers of the status quo, or the risk avoiders. But you know in all cases we would be better off not waiting for retirement. Here is something that says what I mean.

 

IF YOU HAVE A DREAM

Don’t wait for some distant day to come; it may be too late before you’ve even begun. Not everyone will agree with all you decide. Be true to yourself first and foremost. The only important thing in life is what you do with the time you spend here on earth.

Don’t cloud today with things that can’t be undone. You have no more control over yesterday or tomorrow, than you do the raging of your passions.

Do not quiet these dreams nor quench your desires, for if you do your journey is ended. You have only today to begin anew and follow your dreams. For in the end all we have are our memories.

When the twilight comes to us, let there be, no excuses, no explanations, no regrets!

~~~

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, – I’m home now, but leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.

Steven Wright

~~~

“Air Force Maintenance Issues”

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

“Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before next flight.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That’s what they’re there for

(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right.” and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

~~~

You’re never too old to become younger.

MAE WEST

~~~

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.  She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. “Excuse me,” she said, “I’m in a hurry.  Could you check me out, please?”

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, “Ummmm, Not bad.”

~~~

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

~~~

A couple is celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary and goes down to their old school. There, in a corner, they hold hands as they find their old desk where he had carved, “I love you, Sally.” On the way home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car in front of them. She picks it up and counts $50,000.

The husband says, “We’ve got to give it back.”

She says, “Finders keepers.” And when they get home she hides it in the attic.

The next day, two FBI men show up at their home. They ask, “Pardon me, did anyone in this house find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

She says, “No.”

The husband says, “My wife is lying. She took the money and hid it in the attic.”

She says, “Don’t believe him, he’s a bit senile.”

So they sit the man down and begin to question him. One FBI guy says, “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

The old man says, “Well, my wife and I were on our way home from school…”

The FBI guy looks at his partner and says,  “Let’s get out of here.”

~~~

“Time is at once the most valuable, and the most perishable of all our possessions.”

John Randolph

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Free medicine for you

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Lord Byron

 

One of the benefits I get from putting the Daily together is the constant reminder not to take life too seriously. The balance I try to provide by including some humor is as much for me as it is for you. I find that a daily dose of laughter is as important to my wellbeing as any of my pills. The people I enjoy most are those who have an overflowing sense of humor, you know the folks I mean, the people that make you smile whenever they are around.

In this day filled with doomsayers, worriers, accusers and even some nasty people we need the antidote that humor provides. It’s not only good for the soul; it is also good for the body. Don’t believe me? Then read this article from the University of Maryland Medical Center that extols its health benefit.

 

Laughter is the “Best Medicine” for Your Heart

Can a laugh every day keep the heart attack away? Maybe so. Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack, according to a recent study by cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore. The study, which is the first to indicate that laughter may help prevent heart disease, found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared to people of the same age without heart disease.

“The old saying that ‘laughter is the best medicine,’ definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart,” says Michael Miller, M.D., director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center and a professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. “We don’t know yet why laughing protects the heart, but we know that mental stress is associated with impairment of the endothelium, the protective barrier lining our blood vessels. This can cause a series of inflammatory reactions that lead to fat and cholesterol build-up in the coronary arteries and ultimately to a heart attack.”

In the study, researchers compared the humor responses of 300 people. Half of the participants had either suffered a heart attack or undergone coronary artery bypass surgery. The other 150 did not have heart disease. One questionnaire had a series of multiple-choice answers to find out how much or how little people laughed in certain situations, and the second one used true or false answers to measure anger and hostility.

Miller said that the most significant study finding was that “people with heart disease responded less humorously to everyday life situations.” They generally laughed less, even in positive situations, and they displayed more anger and hostility.

“The ability to laugh — either naturally or as learned behavior — may have important implications in societies such as the U.S. where heart disease remains the number one killer,” says Miller. “We know that exercising, not smoking and eating foods low in saturated fat will reduce the risk of heart disease. Perhaps regular, hearty laughter should be added to the list.”

Miller says it may be possible to incorporate laughter into our daily activities, just as we do with other heart-healthy activities, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. “We could perhaps read something humorous or watch a funny video and try to find ways to take ourselves less seriously,” Miller says. “The recommendation for a healthy heart may one day be exercise, eat right and laugh a few times a day.”

~~~

It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.

Wayne Dyer

~~~

He said: My wife and I went to a “Dude Ranch” while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn’t, she replied, “The one without the horn is fine. I don’t expect we’ll run into too much traffic.”

~~~

“The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference.”

Audre Lorde

~~~

Remember Gracie Allen? She said:

Appliance salesman: You’ll like this range. For instance, you put in a roast, you set the oven control, then you go out all day. When you come home at night, the roast is done.

Gracie: Haven’t you got one where I don’t have to go out?

George: Gracie, what do you think of television?

Gracie: Oh I think it’s wonderful, I hardly ever watch radio anymore.

~~~

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

~~~

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . . ?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

~~~

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Groucho Marx

~~~

Taxing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned round and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” she explained.

“Oh, and it took a while to fix it,” said the passenger.

“Not exactly.” replied the stewardess, “It just took us a bit to get a new pilot here.”

~~~

We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.

~~~

The young lady walked over to the hospital room where she knew her friend was. “May I see Irving, please?” she asked the woman blocking the door.

“We don’t allow anyone but relatives to see the patients,” replied the woman. “Are you a member of the family?”

“Why-er-why, yes.  I’m his sister,” said the lady.

“Oh, I’m so glad to meet you,” said the woman. “I’m his mother!”

~~~

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.

Bessie Anderson Stanley

~~~

 

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

It’s time to laugh and dance in the meadow

The temple bell stops but I still hear the sound coming out of the flowers.

Basho

 

I am not sure about global warming but I am positive about Indianapolis warming. Here we are in the middle of traditionally blustery March and our temperatures are in the high 70’s and low 80’s, in fact we broke the all-time record the other day. Bushes in my neighborhood are covered with bright yellow bubs, spring flowers are in bloom and the strollers are in summer garb. My hope is that the last vestiges of winter are not hiding around the corner waiting to come in and do evil by destroying the glory currently around us.

Rather than worry about tomorrow I plan to spend today and this weekend basking in the glow that comes not just from the sun and flowers but that shines most brightly in the smiles of the people I see wandering about the neighborhoods. I am thinking about finding a container for the goodwill that is always exhibited as spring warms our hearts for I would love to be able to capture some of it to release whenever I run into the conflicts that seem to be poising our land these days.

Just think what tomorrow will be like when we combine balmy weather with St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, it ought to be a hoot.

I like what William Wadsworth wrote in 1798, I especially agree with the last stanza. Here is what he said:

 

Lines Written in Early Spring

 

I heard a thousand blended notes,

While in a grove I sate reclined,

In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts

Bring sad thoughts to the mind.

 

To her fair works did Nature link

The human soul that through me ran;

And much it grieved my heart to think

What man has made of man.

 

Through primrose tufts, in that green bower,

The periwinkle trailed its wreaths;

And ’tis my faith that every flower

Enjoys the air it breathes.

 

The birds around me hopped and played,

Their thoughts I cannot measure:–

But the least motion which they made

It seemed a thrill of pleasure.

 

The budding twigs spread out their fan,

To catch the breezy air;

And I must think, do all I can,

That there was pleasure there.

 

If this belief from heaven be sent,

If such be Nature’s holy plan,

Have I not reason to lament

What man has made of man?

~~~

Come, gentle Spring! Ethereal mildness, come.

James Thomson

~~~

She said:

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!” I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” “I know,” she replied, “but what is growing in your butt?”

~~~

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

James Francis Owens

~~~

“I bought my brother some gift-wrap for his birthday. I took it to the Gift Wrap Department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.”

~~~

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.

~~~

The Perfect Pastor

The perfect pastor preaches exactly 10 minutes.

He condemns sin roundly but never hurts anyone’s feelings.

He works from 8 AM until midnight and is also the church janitor.

The perfect pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the church.

He is 29 years old and has 40 years experience. Above all, he is handsome.

The perfect pastor has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens.

He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his church.

He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.

The perfect pastor always has time for church council and all of its committees. He never misses the meeting of any church organization and is always busy evangelizing the unchurched.

The perfect pastor is always in the next church over!

If your pastor does not measure up, simply send this notice to six other churches that are tired of their pastor, too.

Then bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list.

If everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1,643 pastors.

One of them should be perfect.

Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in less than three months.

~~~

“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income — which he then spends sending his son to college.”

Bill Vaughan

~~~

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight, and dropped in a coin.

“Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great husband.”

“Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too.”

~~~

Ring, bluebells, ring!

Winning eye and heart completely,

Sing, robin, sing!

All among the reeds and rushes,

Where the brook its music hushes,

Bright the caloposon blushes,

Laugh, O murmuring Spring!

Sarah Foster Davis

Summer Song.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Happy days are here again if you want them!

Act happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love, and do what you will.

Dan Millman

 

We’ve talked a lot about happiness lately and yet it still eludes many of us. I wonder if some of us don’t recognize the opportunities to enjoy or days when they appear. I even wonder if some of us even really know what would make us happy. It seems like it is easy to fall into a routine that results in our expecting to just get through another day with little if any joy in the process. In my case I just don’t find focusing in on what is wrong in my life has much benefit if it keeps me from seeing what is right. If I can’t change a stressful situation I do my best to ignore it.

Our old friend Gretchen Rubin has spent the last few years focusing in on her won happiness, in fact the book she wrote last year “The Happiness Project” was a big time best seller. I have appreciated her effort and her willingness to share her thoughts. Here is something she posted on the net some time ago that I found interesting, I hope you will too.

 

In my study of happiness, I’ve labored to identify its fundamental principles. Because I get a tremendous kick out of the numbered lists that pop up throughout Buddhism (the Triple Refuge, the Noble Eightfold Path, the Four Noble Truths, the eight auspicious symbols), I decided to dub these fundamental principles as my Eight Splendid Truths.

Each one of these truths sounds fairly obvious and straightforward, but each was the product of tremendous thought. Take the Second Splendid Truth—it’s hard to exaggerate the clarity I gained when I finally managed to put it into words. Here they are:

First Splendid Truth

To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

Second Splendid Truth

One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

Third Splendid Truth

The days are long, but the years are short.

Fourth Splendid Truth

You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

Fifth Splendid Truth

I can build a happy life only on the foundation of my own nature.

Sixth Splendid Truth

The only person I can change is myself.

Seventh Splendid Truth

Happy people make people happy, but I can’t make someone be happy, and no one else can make me happy.

Eighth Splendid Truth

Now is now.

~~~

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.

Omar Khayyam

~~~

** The Biggest Lies In The World **

It’s a good thing you came in today. It’s the last one we have.

You made it yourself? I would have never guessed.

Your hair looks just fine.

It’s delicious but I can’t eat another bit.

Go ahead and tell me, I won’t tell another soul.

The doctor will call you right back.

~~~

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

~~~

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.” With that the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?” The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?” “See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call.

He was probably very busy with some- thing and we annoyed him. Now watch….” The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father. “Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here!

You’ve got a lot of nerve calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard. The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.” He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!” The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”

~~~

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

~~~

He said: Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you’re a Navy SEAL.  Case in point:  My grandson’s pre-K class on Career Day.  I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military.  After I finished, hands shot up into the air all over the classroom.  The kids were eager to ask questions.

“So,” asked one little girl, “can you balance a ball on the end of your nose?”

~~~

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”

Paul Boese

~~~

The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist’s couch. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.”

“Amazing,” said the doctor. “How did you do it?”

“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”

~~~

“A smile starts on the lips, A grin spreads to the eyes, A chuckle comes from the belly; But a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, Overflows, and bubbles all around.”

Carolyn Birmingham

~~~

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession…even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!”

~~~

We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them.

William Arthur Ward

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

They bring joy to a troubled world!

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring.

Liz Armbruster

I can’t talk right now, I am off to exercise and then on to meetings. Since my day includes some mystery I don’t want to take a chance on missing the Daily so I have instructed my crack staff to select one from the archives for your enjoyment. Wait, I don’t have any staff, OK I’ll do it.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on March 14, 2003

I got this from a friend who I have known ever since he was a young child. It is great to see that as life goes on we recognize the gifts our children give us as they grow to adulthood. Thanks Craig.

~~~

I have seen repeatedly the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the REWARDS listed this way. It’s nice, really nice! The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140!

That doesn’t even touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the money we could have banked if not for (insert your child’s name here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless.

But $160,140 isn’t so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That’s a mere $24.44 a day! Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says don’t have children if you want to be “rich”. It is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140?

  • Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
  • Glimpses of God every day.
  • Giggles under the covers every night.
  • More love than your heart can hold.
  • Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
  • Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds and warm cookies.
  • A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
  • A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
  • Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
  • For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.
  • You have an excuse to keep: reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.
  • You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother’s Day, and cards with backward letters for Father’s Day.
  • For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.
  • You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
  • You get a front row seat to history; to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel.
  • You get to be immortal.
  • You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you’re lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called Grandchildren.
  • You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
  • In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.
  • You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN (and grandchildren)

~~~

There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again.

Elizabeth Lawrence

~~~

Some guys in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of them walked into the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

“You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” asked the clerk. The fellow replied, “Um, I’ll have to check with the rest of the boys.”  He went out to his truck and within a few minutes returned to the clerk stating, “Yep, I meant two-by-fours.”

“Alright,” replied the clerk. “How long do you need them?”

He stood there scratching his head while pondering this question and replied, “Well, um, a long time.  We’re gonna build a house.”

~~~

Minds are like parachutes–they work best when open.

Thomas R. Dewar

~~~

Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up.

The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he’d put an end to things by saying boldly, “After our second child, I’ll just have a vasectomy.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, the bride retorted, “Well, I hope you’ll love the third one as if it’s your own.”

~~~

Sally told her friend, “I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”

~~~

A faith healer asked Moshe how his family was getting along. “They ‘re all fine,” Moshe said, “except my uncle. He’s very sick.”

“Your uncle is not sick,” the faith healer said. “He THINKS he’s sick.”

Two weeks later, the faith healer ran into Moshe on the street. “How is your uncle getting along?” he asked.

Moshe shrugged, “He THINKS he’s dead.”

~~~

A very wise mute once said:

~~~

In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

However, in France, the average fat intake is very high, and yet, the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In India almost no one drinks red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Spain, everybody drinks too much red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Algeria, the average sexual activity ratio is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Brazil, everybody has sex like crazy and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

Conclusion: Drink, eat and all the sex you want. It’s speaking English that kills you.

~~~

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.

Helen Keller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

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