Ray's musings and humor

Archive for February, 2015

Make your dreams come true

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.

Leon J. Suenes

 ! 000 dreams_come_true

Good morning all. I hope your week has been as good as mine has been. As an example many of my friends have donated items to be auctioned off by my Kiwanis Club to help us meet the needs of children who have little and appreciate that someone cares. I participated in a meeting the other day with folks from my favorite University and OASIS my favorite senior organization as they planned a stage production for next fall that will showcase how we can turn dreams into reality as we build a better community for tomorrow. And then a couple of days ago I learned that one of my granddaughters had won the Ivy League’s All-around Gymnastics Championship last weekend and was named Gymnast of the Week by the Eastern College Athletic Conference.

And the week is not done yet as I will be on special assignment tomorrow on what I am lead to believe will be a beneficial experience. I am going to give my computer the day off so it can enjoy a three day weekend, that means there will not be another Daily until next Monday.

In the meantime let me leave you with a poem that I wish the unhappy folks we hear around us every day would read and start to find peace in their hearts.

Life Still Has A Meaning

by Author Unknown

If there is a future there is time for mending-

Time to see your troubles coming to an ending.

Life is never hopeless however great your sorrow-

If you’re looking forward to a new tomorrow.

If there is time for wishing then there is time for hoping-

When through doubt and darkness you are blindly groping.

Though the heart be heavy and hurt you may be feeling-

If there is time for praying there is time for healing.

So if through your window there is a new day breaking-

Thank God for the promise, though mind and soul be aching,

If with harvest over there is grain enough for gleaning-

There is a new tomorrow and life still has meaning.

~~~

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

Dr. Dale Turner

~~~

Sol and Ben are opening a new fish store, and they are sitting down to sketch out the sign. Ben draws “FRESH FISH SOLD HERE TODAY”. The guy in the sign shop tells them he charges $30 a letter, and the two entrepreneurs go home to talk it over.

Sol says, “We don’t need TODAY — of course they’re for sale today.” Ben agrees and says, “HERE? Where else would we be selling fish?” and they agree to delete that word, too. Sol thinks a minute and says. “SOLD we don’t need. It’s a store, they come in they’ll see a cash register, they’ll know,” and Ben strikes that word out, too.

The sign now says FRESH FISH. Ben shakes his head. “Of course FRESH. Would we be selling stale fish?” and they cross that word out. The sign now says FISH, and Sol crumples up the paper. “We’ll leave the door open, they’ll smell and they’ll know we have fish,” he says as Ben nods. “Already, before we open, we’ve saved over $600.”

~~~

When an agnostic dies, does he go to the “great perhaps”?

~~~

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

Little Johnny says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

~~~

A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

~~~

Grandma’s on the net again, the kitchen’s not her home,

She used to make us cherry pies, and call us on the phone.

She would talk to us for hours; now she leaves us all alone.

We miss her homemade biscuits, and I’ll make this little bet,

If you want to contact Grandma, you’ll have to surf the net.

Grandma’s surfing on the net, you bet.

She is surfing on the net.

We’ve been calling her all morning, and we haven’t got her yet.

She’s on the E-mail network, with her electronic friends.

If you want to talk to grandma, you’ll have to surf the net.

She’s never surfed at Malibu, or caught a wave at Waikiki,

She’s never seen a surfboard: hang ten doesn’t mean a thing.

She’s never met a beach-bum–Noon Doggie is just a pup.

But when she heads for her computer, you know the surf is up.

Grandma’s getting older and her eyes are getting dim,

Her random access memory, is half of what its been.

When Saint Peter comes to call someday, she’ll say I can’t go yet.

He’ll have to wait for Grandma, cause she’s surfing on the net.

~~~

I can honestly say that I was never affected by the question of the success of an undertaking. If I felt it was the right thing to do, I was for it regardless of the possible outcome.

Golda Meir

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

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We all need them

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

Helen Keller

! 000 be-my-friend

One thing you will learn as you grow older is the importance of building friendships. In fact there is little in life that is more valuable than the people who have given us the gift of their friendship. They smooth the seas when times get rough, they provide solace during the dark days and often they accompany us to places we would have missed without their guidance.

I know I regret the years when my priorities where focused more on material success than personal enjoyment. But fortunately in the late sixties I took on a job that allowed me to spend more time with my family and to appreciate the good people I met. The highlights of my life over the last 50 years have been those experiences I have shared with others. To this day it is the people I have met and who I get to know and often spend time with that provide me with a happy life. That includes folks like you.

Sadly too many of us age and find our friends drifting away leaving behind only memories and loneliness. Too many times it is our unwillingness to get out and about where there are many folks who would love to be our friends if we would let them. The greatest reward of membership in OASIS, our local premiere senior organization is the friends we make there. Trust me there are new best friends out there just waiting for you to find them.

Here is an abridged article by Cherie Burdach that can help you be discovered as someone worth knowing.

 Ways to Make a Great First Impression

By Cherie Burbach

You know the old saying, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. That’s especially true when it comes to meeting potential new friends. Turn someone off the first time you meet them and they may never feel comfortable getting to know you as a friend again.

Even after you get past the first impression, you need to show the very best version of yourself as you continue to get to know them. New friendships can be derailed easily because the other person doesn’t know how to put all your quirks and unique habits in perspective yet. To make a new friendship flow more easily, here are a few tips.

Project Body Language That Invites Conversation

Let people know you’re interested in making friends with your body language. Make eye contact, smile, and stand erect with your arms at your side. Don’t cross your arms or look down at the floor, because this does not encourage conversation. With open body language, you’ll automatically invite people into your personal space.

Be a Great Listener

Listen to people. Too often, when we meet someone new we listen to them just long enough until we think of something we want to say. Rather than fully hearing someone, we’re getting tidbits here and there. Not fully listening means that you’re not letting the bond develop between you and your new friend.

Compliment Others

Look for things you like in people, and tell them. Let people know you appreciate them and then let others know as well. If you use this approach each time you meet people, you’ll automatically attract more friends to you then if you were gossiping about them instead.

Invite Conversation While Waiting in Line

If you’re stuck somewhere in line, at the doctor’s office, or the like, use the time to chat with other people. Too often we just get frustrated when there is a delay and we don’t enjoy the opportunity that has been presented us. Be positive and make the best of it. You may win a friend in the process. Here are some ice breakers when you’re making small talk with strangers.

Approach the Quiet and Shy People in a Group

Pay attention to the shy folks who don’t say much. There are always a few people in every social gathering that just seem to hang back and silently watch others. They may be introverted or just shy, and as a result they’re probably not getting the same attention as the more vocal people in the room. If you see someone like this, seek them out and say hello. They’ll be glad you did.

~~~

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.”

  1. S. Lewis

~~~

A elderly man from Minsk was having trouble getting on the train to Pinsk.  His arms held at right angles to his body.  The hands extending in front of him were separated by several inches of air. Moishele, also traveling to Pinsk, helped the man on the train and kept an eye on him throughout the journey. The hands never moved, and on helping the man out of the carriage Moishele couldn’t resist asking what ailment the man must have for his arms being so rigid.

“Oh, nothing is wrong my boy.  My wife wants a pair of shoes and this is her size.”

~~~

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

~~~

The teacher said, “Now class, we know their are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?”

All the kids looked baffled by the question except Little Johnny, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly.  The teacher said, “Johnny, how many seconds are there in a year?”

Little Johnny said, “Twelve . . . January second, February second, March second . . .”

~~~

It was such a small town that we didn’t even have a village idiot.  We had to take turns.

~~~

When the office printer´s type began to grow faint, the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the printer’s manual and doing the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually it’s my boss´s idea,” the employee replied. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

~~~

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen

~~~

During court one day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note reading: “Blind on right side, may be falling. Please call someone.” Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before whispering to the judge that paramedics were on their way.

Puzzled, the judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room and explained, “I was thinking someone from maintenance!”

~~~

Never shall I forget the times I spent with you; continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours.

Ludwig van Beethoven

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Join Me?

The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Peter F. Drucker

 ! 000 we-can-do-it

I hibernated over this past weekend as our city worked through sub-zero arctic weather. In fact it was actually warmer in Alaska than where I live on at least one day. There was a benefit however, I ended up with time to get some things done that have been gathering dust while waiting for me to do what needed to be done.

A good portion of the time was spent mentally working through a possible theatrical presentation that may be offered to the public which would give them a glimpse of how we could develop a more nurturing community. None of us can change the world but some of us can build more friendly and supporting neighborhoods, and more of us can even help make our city an even better place to live.

Turning dreams into reality can be a daunting task but trying to offers us all a chance to reap shared rewards. It seems to me that we need to build bridges and not walls between ourselves. I would love to see us concentrate on our common interests rather than letting our differences drive us apart. Just think what it would be like if we lent our hands, hearts and minds in a common effort to solve our problems while enhancing our communities.

The good news is that none of us have to wait; we can redirect the energy so many of us put into finding someone to blame and apply it to building friendships. We can start by setting a good example for our children; it is a terrible way to begin a life if all a child hears from elders are complaints and hateful observations.

It may not seem like much but it is a start and we may never find the limit on what we can do, but I know one thing, nothing will get better if we don’t start. Here is a story that I think is worth reading.

Start With Yourself

Author Unknown

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But, it too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.

The above words are said to be written on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in the crypts of Westminster Abbey in London, England.

~~~

With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.

Dalai Lama

~~~

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, “My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.”

The other woman said, “Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only has he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.”

“My word,” the first mother said. “You must be so proud.”

“I am,” the second mother replied. “And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.”

~~~

Miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly hard for them.

Chaim Weizmann

~~~

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?” One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.”

“Good,” said the captain, “You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We’re one short.”

~~~

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

Mark Twain

~~~

A friend said that an acquaintance of hers is a deputy with the sheriff’s department canine unit.

One evening, the deputy was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building ajar. He let the dog out his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek.

Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building:

“Veterinarian’s Office.”

~~~

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.

Garrison Keiller

~~~

As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight a flight attendant announced, “We’d like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot.  He’ll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop.”

The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop.  Still, the passengers applauded.  Then the attendant’s voice came over the intercom, “Thanks for flying with us. And don’t forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best.”

~~~

Your karma just ran over my dogma.

~~~

An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer:

“As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say ‘$75.’ …

If his eyes don’t flutter, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be $50.’…

If his eyes still don’t flutter, you add …’Each.’

~~~

Follow your dreams and use your natural-born talents and skills to make this a better world for tomorrow.

Paul Watson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Be good to yourself

Work on yourself first, take responsibility for your own progress.

I Ching

! 000 lay down burden

We’ve talked a lot lately about how much better life is when we unload some of our burdens. Too many of us take on more than we can comfortably do, others are led down a path by friends, managers or family to a place they really shouldn’t be. The tough part is that it is not easy to gracefully get back on track.

It is even harder if we ourselves are part of the problem. Our fear of doing what we need to do just delays our finding happiness and as each day goes by our burdens weigh even more heavily on our minds. It will never get better if we don’t find the self-confidence we need to stand up for ourselves.

Someone told me recently that I never seemed to hold back and that they thought it was refreshing that I spoke my mind rather than said what I thought people wanted to hear. I hope it was a compliment.

Here is an edited piece written by Laura G. Jones that I wish I had read when I was younger and not as confident.

How to Accept Yourself Fully

It’s Not The End Of The World

Put yourself in the situation of your fear being true. The first step of what you dreaded has happened. What now?

If you really think about it, you may just realize that it’s not that big of a deal. You live and let live. You just move on. You won’t die. You’ll be just fine. You might even learn a thing or two from it.

Maybe you’ll realize what ended up happening was actually better than what you had initially planned. Maybe you will be glad it all happened this way after all.

Anxiety and worry focus on a narrow perspective. They turn a potential event into a major threat by blowing up the negative consequences.

People Want To Like You

Contrary to my inner ramblings, no one was really out to hate and humiliate me. Au contraire. People feel lonely. They are looking for a pleasant encounter — someone to like. As much as hating and yelling can be cathartic, doing that is not pleasant by any meaning of the word.

The people you’re interacting with are people who have something or another in common with you — whether it be that you simply take the same train to work, are both looking for a match (e.g., company — employee) or are in some way connected to you (professor, boss).

As long as you treat them with respect, love, and trust, they don’t give a rat’s booty about what shortcomings you have. Besides, they have their own shortcomings to worry about. (You’re not the only one feeling like a fraud, no matter how much you think you are).

You’re Using the Wrong Mirror

When you criticize yourself, the default mirror you’re looking at yourself with is that ginormous super-mirror that shows off every little imperfection. You see everything that you don’t like within yourself, and you cringe, because others don’t seem to have those things. But what you’re really doing is comparing apples to oranges, because you can’t look at others with that mirror. You see them with a much bigger mirror, one that makes those imperfections much smaller and showcases their positive qualities just as much.

So switch the mirror you look at yourself with. Take some perspective. See yourself for who you really are. Keep a long, open list of reasons why you’re not a fraud — in all facets of your life. With evidence.

Actually notice when you do something well, and don’t be afraid to pat yourself on your back — loving yourself does not lead to cockiness or a loss of friends. When you catch yourself being stuck in worry and anxiety, pull out the notebooks, or even a sheet of paper. Write down everything that is good and amazing about yourself — it’s only fair to balance out the mirrors.

~~~

He who is of calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden.

Plato

~~~

One evening a preschooler, Kristel, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Kristel asked, ” Daddy, you’re the boss of the house, right?”  Her father proudly replied, “Yes, I am the boss of the house.”

But Kristel added “Cause Mommy put you in charge, huh Daddy?”

~~~

I have been a nutritional overachiever.

~~~

“HEADSTONE INSCRIPTIONS”

Here lies my wife,

I bid her goodbye.

She rests in peace

and now so do I.

Here lies Henry Blake

He stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake.

~~~

I am having an out of money experience.

~~~

“Oh, No!”  he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it.  How anyone could have survived he did not know.  He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene.  He took a deep breath and proceeded.  Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path.  He moved ahead slowly.

“Danny!  Danny!”  he whispered to himself.  He tripped and almost fell several times.  He heard someone, or something, move.  At least he thought he did.  Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.  He couldn’t understand how this could have happened.

There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand.  He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, “Danny!”

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. “Yes, Dad,” he said, in a voice so weak he could hardly hear.

“It’s time to get up and get ready for school,” the man sighed, “and, for heaven’s sake, clean up this room.”

~~~

Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.

~~~

The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.  Don O’Brian was called for his question session.

“Property holder?”

“Yes, I am, Your Honor.”

“Married or single?”

“Married for twenty years, Your Honor.”

“Formed or expressed an opinion?”

“Not in twenty years, Your Honor.”

~~~

“We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday’s burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.”

John Newton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Be my friend?

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”

Joseph F Newton

! 00 FriendshipAmYStock

If you are like I am you know some really shy young people and some really shy old folks. One of the things I enjoy most is learning more about my introverted friends for more often than not they have hidden attributes that make them really interesting. It’s like cleaning off the surface of a stone only to discover a precious gem.

What is even better is when our conversations result in them seeing themselves in a different light and seeing that they do not have to be alone in their walk through life. Many discover that there are latent friends all around them. We all need others in our lives and sometimes we just need to take the initiative to step out and let us know them.

Here selections from a piece written Sarah Williams on the change blog that can help those who want to enrich their lives by building new friendships.

Here are keys to becoming more social:

Start small

Don’t try to suddenly take huge steps. To become more social you need to learn how to expand your comfort zone, slowly. If you have a tendency to do things alone or with an old friend, just try going a step further.  Go to a place where there’ll be plenty of people you don’t know well.  Don’t sit in a circle and talk to only the people you know.

Chat with strangers

Master chatting with people you’re unfamiliar with so you can speak to people who you actually want to get to know later. You might never be an accomplished conversationalist without trying small things first.   Find your own way to approach strangers and open your mind to them.

You can come up with a variation of the method I developed when I was a kid. My teacher suggested that I ask random people what time it was. I thought it was for fun but now I see that it was a simple exercise to teach social skills. Just asking people about the time quickly went into much further conversation and so I advise you to try the same… Chat with a taxi driver, passengers seated next to you on a train, or a shop assistant. You can ALWAYS say something more than “hi” or “how much does it cost” or “thanks.” Whatever matches the situation and is said in a friendly way with a smile will be great. You’ll be surprised by the positive effect!

Learn to act like likeable people do

If you want motivation for becoming more social you need positive feedback from others. There are certain things all likeable people have in common. Try to incorporate some new ways of communication.

Smile a lot. There’s no person in the world who doesn’t like an honest smile.

Speak loud and clear so people don’t have to struggle to understand what you’re saying. When people talk to you ask them questions and follow the conversation. It’ll pleasantly boost their ego, because everyone needs to be listened to.

Ask open questions so the conversation doesn’t get stuck on “yes” or “no” responses.

Find a hobby that’s social

Find people in your area with similar interests.. It’ll be easier to expand your social circle with people who share your passion.

You should definitely consider joining Toastmasters (there’s a club in almost every city). It’s a club of regular people who come together 1-4 times a month to practice public speaking. The topic of your speech is totally up to you and the people in the clubs are very nice and polite, so if you have stage fright, you can be sure there won’t be any harsh feedback, because everyone’s there for the same reason. This might be a big step for some introverted folks, but it’s definitely worth the work!

So, what are you waiting for now? Go and smile to someone!

~~~

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

Mother Teresa

~~~

These announcements were found in synagogue newsletters and bulletins.

  • Don’t let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
  • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the rabbi in his private study.
  • The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.

~~~

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

Cindy Garner

~~~

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the directions: “For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom. For 95 points, tell me WHICH tire it was!”

~~~

I walked in a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.

~~~

He said there are ten things that only a woman understands.

  1. Cats’ facial expressions
  2. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
  3. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds
  4. Fat clothes
  5. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
  6. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
  7. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
  8. Eyelash curlers
  9. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

AND, the Number One thing only women understand: OTHER WOMEN

~~~

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

~~~

My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun. One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.  She said “…And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said ‘Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'” Then the teacher asked the class “And what do you think that man said?” and my friend’s son raised his hand and said “I know! I know!  He said ‘Holy smokes! A talking pig!'”

~~~

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.

Pearl S. Buck

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

It is never too late

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching”

Gerard Way

 ! 000 enjoy-life-now-this-is-not-a-rehearsal

I am at the age when I hear other folks who have lived long lives say that they wish they had done things in their life that they never tried. I try to remind everyone that life is not over until it is over and there is a lot to be said for having some bucket list plans. I know the later years in a lot of ways have given me the opportunity to enjoy more of my life than I did when I was primarily vocation focused.

If I could change anything I would have put together a bucket list in my twenties and then set aside some time each year to turn a bucket wish into a bucket reality. It seems like it takes us far too long to realize what is important in life, so my friends my advice is that you are never too old and say you are never too young to plan. Don’t just write down your dreams take action and turn some of them into reality.

Here is a story about a lady that I know I would have liked, I think you would too.

I Would Pick More Daisies

Don Herold

When the late Nadine Stair of Louisville, Kentucky, was 85 years old, she was asked what she would do if she had her life to live over again.

“I’d make more mistakes next time,” she said. “I’d relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been on this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

“You see, I’m one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, and a raincoat. If I had to do it over again, I would travel lighter than I have.

“If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds and I would pick more daisies.”

~~~

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

More Gravestone Epitaphs

Alright, so I DON’T know anything about brake repair.

It’s downright cold down here.

C’mon, what are the odds of terrorism on a flight to such a peaceful place as Israel?

~~~

If winning isn’t important then why keep score?

~~~

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches & pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, though no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can ignore a friends limited education and never correct him/her,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, or politics,

Then, you are ALMOST as good as your dog..

~~~

She said:

Single women complain that all good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

~~~

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears and asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?  “The little girl stayed silent.

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, “Do you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?” Again, the little girl was silent.

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest.  As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?”  “Oh, no!” the little girl replied.

“Jesus is in my heart.  Barney’s on my underpants.”

~~~

My Wife Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips

~~~

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other.

“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way:

‘Take a clean dish…'”

~~~

We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they’re still getting in!

~~~

A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said “Acts 2:38,” and proceeded to quote scripture.

The burglar froze in place and didn’t move. The woman called 911, the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood. “What did you say to him that kept him from moving?” they asked the woman. She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture.

The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. “Why did the woman’s quoting scripture scare you so much?” they asked.

“Scripture?” said the burglar, “I thought she said she had an ax and two 38’s.

~~~

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but to slide across the finish line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, leaking oil, and shouting GERONIMO!!!”

Bill McKenna

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Sometimes we need to let go

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

Lao Tzu

 ! 000 let-go-1

I was talking to a friend the other day who is suffering from an old malady of mine, obligation overload. My friend is faced with the fact that there are not enough hours in a day to do all that people expect her to do. It often is not easy to do the right thing and say no, yet if we don’t we end up either not doing what needs to be done or we do it badly.

In my friends case it is time to let go of some of her obligations. A few times in the past I had to let go of my relationships and involvement in organizations I supported. It was never easy but it was much better than agonizing over my failures. The secret of course is not getting overloaded in the first place. I wonder sometimes if we don’t fool ourselves into believing that we are so good that something will fail if we don’t do it when in reality if we try to walk on water we will soon drown. In my experience whenever I left a task there was someone there to pick it up.

I have copied some thoughts from an article by Charu Chandra and added them below. I wish I had had his advice many years ago rather than only learning through the mistakes I made by saying yes more than I should have. I have also learned the hard way that what I have does not define me, it is the quality of what I do that does.

 

Lessons On Letting Go

 

Letting Go Of Attachment To People Doesn’t Mean You Have To Become A Recluse

My self-identity used to be dependent on the people around me. Most of my actions were aimed at pleasing people and maintaining my social image. I learned that letting go of attachment to people means that you don’t let your sense of identity be affected by the actions and words of anyone, including your loved ones. This way, you are not running away from your loved ones but you are also not saying things like, “Without this person I wouldn’t survive.”

I learned that it is possible to love a person without being attached to that person.

Having Fewer Possessions Makes You Happier

Attachment to material possessions can get dangerously toxic. I used to have a tendency to accumulate more and more. But recently I have moved towards living a minimalistic lifestyle. Things I used to dream of as a boy, such as owning a big mansion no longer excites me (unless I have a big enough family to fill that mansion). I have realized that I feel much happier living with fewer, high quality items which fulfil my needs and not more.

The Past Doesn’t Matter, Nor Does The Future

It is important to realize that yes, we have a say on what happens in the future depending on the actions we take in the present. So it is okay to think about the future when you make decisions right now. But to worry about it is nothing more than a big distraction.

What about the past? Events that occurred in the past are meant to stay exactly there, in the past. However, it is important to learn the lessons that the past teaches us. Other than that, dwelling on the past has no use to us.

It is Easy to Become a Slave to Your Emotions

Just like with attachment to people, letting go of attachment to emotions doesn’t mean you should stop feeling emotions. All it means is that it is OK to feel emotions but it becomes a problem when you let them change your self-identity. For example, if you just suffered a bad break up, you feel pain. And that is OK — it’s part of life. But you shouldn’t let that change the way you think about yourself.

Just like the saying goes, “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” Accept the pain and move on.

Another example, when things are going great, you feel very happy. It is okay to feel this too. But the minute you let it turn into pride and start thinking of yourself as superior to others, it’s bad.

~~~

Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.

Melody Beattie

~~~

** Update your Thesaurus**

coffee (n.), person who is coughed upon.

flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

abdicate (v.), to give up hope of having a flat stomach.

esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

negligent (adj.), condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your underwear.

lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up when run over by a steamroller.

balderdash (n.), rapidly receding hairline.

testicle (n.), humorous question on an exam.

rectitude (n.), formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist before examining you.

oyster (n.), person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

circumvent (n.), opening in the front of boxer shorts.

pokemon (n), Jamaican proctologist.

~~~

She said: I’m a Libra. They say I’m indecisive . . . I’m not indecisive! . .  Am I indecisive?

~~~

Now then,” said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot. “I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?”

One of the three men stepped forward, “Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.”

“I see. And the cell? What did you use to break the bars?”

Replied the spokesman, “Toast….”

~~~

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

 Milton Berle

~~~

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walks a young chick with a low cut blouse that revealed a rose tattooed on one breast. One lady leaned over to the other and said, “She don’t know it, but in 50 years she’ll be wearing a long stemmed rose in a hanging basket.”

~~~

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

~~~

I find it helpful during this political season, as I am inundated with vindictive massages, to remember this quote from Bertrand Russell:

“The degree of one’s emotion varies inversely with one’s knowledge of the facts—the less you know the hotter you get.”

~~~

She said:

Never having learned to ride a bicycle as a child, I finally decided to do it in my late twenties. My boyfriend, William, offered to teach me, and we headed to the park for my first lesson. He held on to the seat as I wobbled down a path. My self consciousness was just beginning to disappear when I saw a father, teaching his little daughter to ride a bike, approaching.

As we passed, I was mortified when William said to the dad, “They grow up so fast, don’t they?”

~~~

“The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.”

Steve Maraboli

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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