Ray's musings and humor

Archive for September, 2017

Coffee?

Ray’s Daily

September 29, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.

Thomas Aquinas

Friendship

I was in distress the other day because I thought I had lost a friend due to a misunderstanding that I created. I am at the age where friends are important to retain for as long as you can. They are the sounding board for your thoughts and concerns. They tolerate your missteps and cheer for your successes.

But more importantly they fill a landscape that would-be barren without them. There is no better antidote for lonesomeness than time spent with a friend. I hope you don’t mind that I appreciate you all as much as I do. And by the way if you get some free time let me buy you a cup of coffee.

Here is an article written by Molly Edmonds that I think is spot on.

What is friendship?

Friendship is a type of relationship between two people who care about each other. But such a dry definition doesn’t do the concept of friendship justice. Consider these examples: A friend is the first person you want to call when you hear good news. A friend remembers that you don’t like pickles on your sandwich. A friend will accompany you on the most boring of errands and make them seem fun.

In other words, friendship is wonderful, and much ink has been spilled in citing the virtues of having friends. That’s not to say friendship is easy, though. It demands time and effort, and it requires that people put someone other than themselves first sometimes. But in exchange for that work, a friend can provide an immense amount of support and comfort in good times and in bad.

~~~

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

Helen Keller

~~~

This is the answering machine message the Pacific Palisades High School (California) Staff voted to record on their school telephone answering system. Too bad they can’t actually use it… This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework. This was voted unanimously by the office staff as the actual answering machine message for the school :- “Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work – Press 2

To complain about what we do – Press 3

To swear at staff members – Press 4

To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you -Press 5

If you want us to raise your child – Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7

To request another teacher for the third time this year – Press 8

To complain about bus transportation – Press 9

To complain about school lunches – Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/ her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your children’s lack of effort…hang up and have a nice day!”

~~~

“Six packets of mothballs, please,” said an old lady to the druggist.

“But I sold you six packets yesterday.”

“I know, but my aim’s not very good and I keep missing them.”

~~~

A letter written in a childish scrawl came to the post office addressed to “God”. A postal employee, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter, opened it and read: “Dear God, my name is Jimmy. I am 6 years old. My father is dead and my Mom is having a hard time raising me and my sister. Would you please send us $500?” The postal employee was touched. He showed the letter to his fellow workers and all decided to kick in a few dollars each and send it to the family. They were able to raise $300.

A couple of weeks later the same post office received a second letter addressed to God. The boy thanked God for the recent infusion of cash, but ended with this request: “Next time would you send the money directly to us? If you send it through the post office they deduct $200.”

~~~

Jack is telling his friends about his recent divorce. “Yeah, she divorced me for religious reasons.  She worshipped money and I didn’t have any.”

~~~

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from one pediatrician’s office included the line item “behavior modification reinforcers.” Fearing that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the pediatrician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?”

“Lollipops,” was the reply.

~~~

You should always be aware that your head creates your world.

~~~

“Hello, is this Father O’Malley?”

“It is.”

“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”

“I can.”

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”

“I do.”

“Is he a member of your congregation?”

“He is.” “Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”

~~~

“It’s like, if you’re going to hug me, give me a great hug or don’t touch me at all.”

Sandra Bullock

~~~

Little Johnny said, “Hey, mom, can you give me twenty dollars?”

“Certainly not,” his mom said.

Little Johnny said, “If you do, I’ll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”

His mother’s ears perked up.  She grabbed her purse, handed him a twenty and said, “Well?  What did he say?”

“He said, ‘Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow’.”

~~~

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun.

Charles R. Swindoll

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Advertisements

Find your happiness

Ray’s Daily

September 28, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

 

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. James Openheim

 

find happiness

Many of us get a little lost after we retire. We start off our new lives with a burst of enthusiasm and rapidly attack all the items that have accumulated on our things to do someday list. It doesn’t take too long to find the list was not loaded with rewarding activities, so then we are faced with the question of what’s next. Many of us we don’t find any good answers and spend our time just hanging out missing the happiness that would enrich our golden years.

I know far too many people who are suffering from boredom and loneliness as they let the world pass them by. I have learned that it does not have to be that way. Sure I long for some of the good old days and I do have to adjust to the fact I just can’t do some of what I use to be capable of doing, but there is much more I can do and do.

Some time ago Marc Chernoff wrote about ways to simplify your pursuit of happiness and Iwould like to share some of his ideas with you today.

There are specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world that you have to understand before you can awaken to a simpler, happier life. Sometimes we make life more complicated than it is. 

Of course, you don’t have to live like this.  If you feel like you are, it’s time to simplify things.  It’s time to clear the air and get back to the basics.

Here are some ways to do just that:

Lose yourself in something that moves you.

To truly flourish in life you have to let go a little, lose yourself in the moment and become fused with other people, experiences, and tasks. Long-term happiness isn’t just about conscious achievement; it’s also about the unconscious part of your mind naturally intertwining with the ideas, passions, work, people, songs, and stories that move you.

Know what you want and commit to it.

The words ‘aware’ and ‘commit’ are so powerful.  It’s amazing what you can do once you’re aware of what you want and you commit to doing it.  The more aware you are of life and its difficulties, and the more committed you are about how you handle both good and bad situations, the less stressful life will be in the long-run.

Focus on the way you want to feel.

You will begin to become happier and more successful the minute you decide to be.

Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have.  Generating these feelings is the most powerfully creative thing you can do with your life.

Maintain a flexible, constructive perspective.

Forget all the reasons it won’t work and figure out the one good reason it will.  It’s possible that you won’t get the exact results you had anticipated, but that’s OK – it’s still progress as long as you learn from the results you do get. 

~~~

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

Frederick Keonig

~~~

The doctor, who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life, finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she has a prescription for birth control pills. “Mrs. Cohen, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?” “Yes, they help me sleep at night.” “Mrs. Cohen, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these pills that could possibly help you sleep!” She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee. “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks… And believe me …it helps me sleep at night!”

~~~

“Either I’ve been missing something or nothing has been going on.”

Karen Elizabeth Gordon

~~~

The police recently busted a man selling “secret formula” tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983.

~~~

Courage does not always roar.

Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”.

~~~

She said: “I fall in love really quickly and this scares guys away. I’m like, ‘I’m in love with you, I want to marry you, I want to move in with you! I want to bear your kids!’

They usually reply with such bland and unromantic stuff like, ‘Ma’am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I’m outta here.'”

~~~

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windshield, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.

Tommy Cooper

~~~

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Slim says, “I feel just like a new-born baby. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

~~~

On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past…. but never forgets the present.

~~~

Q: HOW MANY ZEN BUDDHISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one NOT to change the light bulb, and one to neither change nor not change the light bulb.

~~~

Loving your life is about trusting your instinct, taking chances, losing and finding happiness cherishing memories and learning through experiences. It’s long time journey through at the confusion, live consciously in the moment and enjoy your life as it unfold.

Author Unknown

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Try to understand

Ray’s Daily

September 27, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

Be patient and understanding. Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious.

Phillips Brooks

Puppy

If you are like I am you wish that there was less animosity, hate and ill will in our world. I so appreciate the folks who have the strength of character to care for their fellow man. These are people who volunteer their time helping those who have suffered in disasters. They unselfishly hold the hand of the sick and downtrodden. I regret that their acts of kindness are often masked by the deluge of negative events.

I sometimes long for the days when I, like other children, saw a kinder world. Here is a story that some would scoff at but there are those like me who still have the capacity to be moved by the tender offering of a caring hand.

Someone Who Understands

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.  He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

“Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”

“Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. “I’ve got thirty-nine cents.Is that enough to take a look?” 

“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.  The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.  Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up…

“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.  In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.  Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.

~~~

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

Ann Landers

~~~

Joe went into his proctologist’s office for a rectal exam. Elaine, the Doctor’s new nurse, took him to an examining room and told him to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see him. While waiting, Joe observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a Tube of K-Y jelly a rubber glove and a beer.

When the doctor finally came in Joe said, “Look Doc, I’m a little confused. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?”

The Doctor flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, “Damn it Elaine, I said a BUTT LIGHT”

~~~

The fastest way to travel is to be there already.

Terry Pratchet

~~~

My husband had run to the store with our daughters, Sarah (four) and Hannah (two) and on the way home he drove through a neighborhood looking for houses for sale.     After a bit Sarah asked, “Daddy, what are we doing?”

My husband said he was looking at the houses that were for sale.

Sarah asked “Are you gonna buy a new house?”

Dad replied “Maybe.”

Then Sarah said with much concern, “But Dad, how will we get it HOME?!”

~~~

Television is what gives you nothing to do when you aren’t doing anything anyway.

~~~

When Morty returned home from work, his wife Ruth said, “So how was your day?”

He replied, “I met an artist and I’ve never met someone so talented. He said he painted a picture of a cobweb on his wall and it looked so real, the maid tried for over an hour to get it off.

Ruth said, “I don’t believe him.”

“Why not?” said Morty, “some artists are very good indeed.”

“Maybe,” said Ruth, “But maids aren’t.”

~~~

Kindness in ourselves is the honey that blunts the sting of unkindness in another.

Walter Savage Landor

~~~

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”

“Two days ago.”

“Hmm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer.”

“What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”

“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”

“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”

“He’s taking every penny I make.”

“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”

“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”

“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”

“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”

~~~

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

~~~

A TEENAGER who had just received her learner’s permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a wild ride, they finally reached their destination. The driver’s mother got out of the car and said, “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” her daughter replied.

As the woman slammed the door, she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”

~~~

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.”

Roy T. Bennett

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Finding Our Way

Ray’s Daily

September 26, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

conflict-resolution

I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us, that the less we use our power the greater it will be.

Thomas Jefferson

It is another one of those days. It is mid morning and my colander is overloaded so I need to send you another reprint.

 Ray’s Daily first published on September 26, 2006

 I wonder sometimes if we have become too dependent on the use of power believing that it is the solution to every problem. I sure hope not because history has proven that the misuse of power never works over the long haul. The bully, whether a person, organization, business, or even a country can expect that retaliation will come one day.

Sadly those who are power centered feel no need to search for alternative solutions to the problems they face. Unfortunately, when you shoot off your guns first and that doesn’t solve the problem there is not much left to do but raise the stakes which usually results in even more violent confrontations. In fact every time more pressure is applied the counter pressure grows and history has shown that there is no better way to unify an opponent than the use of force.

Sadly in this day and age it is the reaction to the use of force that is sometimes worse then the use itself. Who would of thought that a handful of terrorists could win so much by just one act. There action has triggered a war that has taken the lives of thousands and continues to do so. Everyday people have changed their behavior out of fear. Billions of dollars have been redirected away from human needs in an effort to protect ourselves from an invisible enemy and to fight what appears to be an unwinable war. I don’t have the answer but I am pretty sure further polarization of nations and cultures is not it.

The truly strong raise above the trap created by dependency on the use of power, in fact the wise retain power as deterrence and as a vehicle to bring both sides together. I wish someone with the power had the courage to say enough is enough and offer to search for more peaceful solutions. Unfortunately I doubt that will happen since everyone on all sides has decided that their advisories can never be trusted. I fear that the answers will never be found in our fighting each other but only by finding a way to search for answers together.

People don’t want to die! What has happened to humanity that we seem to have little interest in making all people safe so all could live? Maybe in the end it will turn out that the solution was up to all of us, including you and me.

~~~

“If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his own . . . how much kinder, how much gentler he would be.”

William Allen White

~~~

On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jewish man who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son Morris to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it was a great school and completely secular.

After a month, the boy came home and said casually, “By the way, Dad, I learned what Trinity means!  It means ‘The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.'”

The father could barely control his rage. He seized his son by the shoulders and declared, “Morris, I’m going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. Forget this Trinity business. There is only one God…  and we don’t believe in him!”

~~~

“Everything you can imagine is real.”

Pablo Picasso

~~~

IMPORTANCE OF PROOF READING

* IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words “state zip code” should have read “pull rip cord.”

* It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

* There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.

* There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.

* In the City Beat section of Friday’s paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is “Dewey.” Another firefighter is nicknamed “Weirdo.” We apologize for our mistake.

* Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.

* In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error.

* Apology: I originally wrote, “Woodrow Wilson’s wife grazed sheep on the front lawn of the White House.” I’m sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word “sheep.”

* In one edition of today’s Food Section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley’s Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.

* The marriage of Miss Freda vanAmburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.

~~~

My Dad has a sure way to keep my Mom from buying an outfit… When she tries it on, he says, “I love that middle-aged look it gives you.”

~~~

A soldier stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books.

Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door.

“Oh darling” he gushed, “Come here… let me look at you… let me hold you ! Let’s have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I’ve missed your lovin’ so much !”

The wife, keeping her distance, said, “All in good time lover. First, let’s hear you play that harmonica.”

~~~

Sometimes you have to take the leap, and build your wings on the way down.

Kobi Yamada

~~~

He said: At 5 P.M. one Halloween afternoon, my dental hygienist realized that she wouldn’t make it to the store in time to get snacks for trick-or-treaters. So she took home some free samples from the office supply cabinet. That night she handed out dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental floss.

The next year, although she had bags of chips and popcorn, not one child came knocking at her door.

~~~

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

~~~

She said: One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse’s office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas.

“Why are you dressed like that?” I asked her.

“I told my son,” she explained, “that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I’ve come to spend the day with him!”

~~~

“Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Listen to Mark

Ray’s Daily

September 25, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

honesty

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Mark Twain

Mark Twain was right, truth eliminates the risk of losing another’s trust if they learn you were not telling it. If you have noticed the truth tellers don’t waste a lot of time figuring out what to say next. Some folks may not want to hear the truth but integrity is a character builder that allows us to grow and earn the respect of others. And that is the truth.

Here is a story I always liked, I hope you will too.

The Dean Schooled Them

One night four college kids stayed out late, partying and having a good time. They paid no mind to the test they had scheduled for the next day and didn’t study. In the morning, they hatched a plan to get out of taking their test. They covered themselves with grease and dirt and went to the Dean’s office. Once there, they said they had been to a wedding the previous night and on the way back they got a flat tire and had to push the car back to campus.

The Dean listened to their tale of woe and thought. He offered them a retest three days later. They thanked him and accepted his offer.hat time.

When the test day arrived, they went to the Dean. The Dean put them all in separate rooms for the test. They were fine with this since they had all studied hard. Then they saw the test. It had 2 questions.

1) Your Name __________ (1 Points)

2) Which tire burst? __________ (99 Points)

Options – (a) Front Left (b) Front Right (c) Back Left (d) Back Right

The lesson: always be responsible and make wise decisions.

~~~

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.

Albert Einstein

~~~

She said: Concerned about fitness in my 50’s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor…

“I’m here to do my postnatal exercises,” I told the instructor.

She gave me an appraising look. “How old is your baby?”

“Twenty-three,” I replied.

~~~

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Yogi Berra

~~~

After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses – I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping. The receipt included $45 in makeup.

I said, “Wait a minute I’ve given up beer and you haven’t given up anything!”

She said, “I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you.”

I told her, “Hell, that’s what the beer was for!”

I don’t think she’ll be back.

~~~

He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself.

George Herbert

~~~

Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. We used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso to allow for storage in a carrying case.

As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked, “Are you all right?”

He then put his ear over the mannequin’s mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, “She said she can’t feel her legs!”

~~~

“Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers?

Men don’t like flowers. I’ve been wearing a great scent. It’s called New Car Interior.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

In days past, children were given names that sound strange to us today — Prudence, Charity, Faith, and so on. One boy was named Amazing, and he resented it all his life. People laughed at him because of it. He told his wife that, when the time came, he did not want his name on his tombstone. When he died, she followed his wishes and put on the tombstone, “Here lies a man who was faithful to his wife for 60 years.”

But even in death, he couldn’t escape the curse, because everyone that looked at his tombstone said, “Why, that’s Amazing!”

~~~

“Virtue is often the result of insufficient temptation.”

Cheers, George

~~~

I was flying between Maui and Oahu.  It’s only a 30 minute flight and so, to save money, I flew with a small airline in a little, twin-engine plane. About eight minutes into the flight the pilot announced that we were going to have to turn back due to some engine trouble.

The nervous passenger I was seated next to turned to me and said, “Oh-h-h m-m-my G-g-god.  If we l-l-loose an engine, how f-f-far d-d-do you think the other o-o-one will t-t-take us?”

I told him, “One engine?  Oh, I’m sure it’ll take us all the way to the scene of the crash.  Hell, we’ll probably make good time too.  I bet we beat the paramedics there by at least a half hour!”

~~~

Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”

Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier: “No, SIR!”

~~~

No legacy is so rich as honesty.

William Shakespeare

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Integrity Pays

Ray’s Daily

September 22, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”

Spencer Johnson

integrety

It is another of those “Ray has more to do than time to do them all” days. So here is a Daily from yesteryear.

Ray’s Daily first published on September 22, 2008

If you are on my global affairs mailing list you know how much I have been disappointed by those who are so caught up in the current campaign that they have been overcome by often unreasoned emotion bordering on hate. If you are like I am you are inundated with messages from folks who spend all their time doing what they can to destroy what they are against and little time building up what they are for. Some denigrate one of the candidates who finished high in one of our foremost universities with honors as being elitist and others denigrate the other candidate for finishing at almost the bottom of his graduating class saying he is incapable of understanding complex issues. Neither of these slams tells the story. We ask our candidates to promise the world, even when most know that the promises cannot be kept, especially as our recent history is burdening us with a more than a ten trillion dollar deficit. I prefer to look at who they might bring into office with them. Our countries wisdom lies in our leader’s use of quality staff and advisors for as the past has shown that when big egos think they already know all the answers and have surrounded themselves with yes men we end up in real trouble. So please play fair, share the relevant facts and observations and let us make the best choices we can.

I wonder if my friends truly think it is worth it for them to sink to innuendo, rumor and falsehoods as they work to defeat the other guy. I wish every one would take a step back and look at themselves. If they do and find that they don’t like what they see I suggest they follow the advice that my friend Maureen offered me a few years back. She said if we follow her rules our lives will be better than we thought possible. Here is what she sent me:

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, “I love you,” mean it.

FIVE.  When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.  People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives

TWELVE.  Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

~~~

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”

Clement Stone

~~~

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. “What was your sin, my son?” asked the priest. “I stole some lumber, Father,” replied the man. “How much lumber did you steal?” asked the priest. “Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse.” The priest replied, “Well, that’s not so bad.” The man continued, “Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage.” “Well, now, that’s a little more serious.” “Father, there’s more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!”

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. “That is a little more serious.

I’m afraid you’ll have to make a novena.”

“Father, I’m not sure what a ‘novena’ is, but if you’ve got the blueprints, I’ve got the lumber!”

~~~

“Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?”

~~~

This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit.

“I’ve got grounds, all right,” sputtered the irate husband. “Can you believe my wife told me I’m a lousy lover?”

“That’s why you’re suing?” pursued his lawyer.

“Of course not. I’m suing because she knows the difference.”

~~~

Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.

Booth Tarkington

~~~

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense. After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, “What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a big, sharp knife?”

The student replied. “BIG ones.”

~~~

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.

James Oppenheim

~~~

Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, “What kind of boy did your daughter marry?”

“Oh, he’s wonderful,” gushed the mother. “He lets her sleep late, wants her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night.”

“That’s nice,” said the woman. “What about your son?”

“I’m not so happy about that,” the mother sighed. “His wife sleeps late, spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out meals!”

~~~

I NEED SOMEBODY BAD… ARE YOU BAD?

~~~

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eye glasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.

“What seems to be the problem, madam?”

“I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.”

~~~

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”

Mark Twain

~~~

The afternoon was drawing to a close, and the guests were getting ready to leave. “Mrs. Goldberg,” said one of the ladies, “I just wanted to tell you that your cookies were so delicious I ate four of them.”

“You ate five,” replied the hostess, “But who’s counting?”

~~~

The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.

Arthur H. Stainback

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

You can do it too

Ray’s Daily

September 21, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”

Author Unknown

perserver

Yesterday I had breakfast with a friend who I truly respect. My friend is a highly regarded professional who helps folks age gracefully. She does her job like she does everything else, she does it with caring warmth.

Over the years I have learned that her life has been full of challenges, burdens that it would be difficult for most of us to bear. Somehow no matter how tough things have been she has persevered and done so without losing her confidence or hope. Like the legendary Molly Brown she just keeps going helping others while retaining her belief that our lives are often better than we think they are.

Recently I got an email from Angel Chernoff that reminded me of my friend and I want to share part of what Chernoff wrote with you today.

Here are 5 daily rituals for long-term happiness and success:

  1. Exercise your integrity. – Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you are capable of.  Communicating clearly and asking for what you want and need from people.  Speaking your truth, even when others judge you for it.  Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your morals and values.  Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.  And, of course, always doing the right thing, even when it’s hard, and even when nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.
  2. Watch your self-talk. – Mental strength is incredibly important. Take care of your mind and the way you speak to yourself.  Don’t let negative self-talk weaken you. 
  3. Simplify whatever you can, whenever you can. Simplifying is not seeing how little you can get by with – that’s deprivation – but how efficiently you can put first things first, and use your time accordingly to pursue the things that make a lasting difference in your life. Less really is more. 
  4. Give yourself credit. – It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Eventually you’ll end up where you need to be, doing the right things, alongside the right people.  Patience and persistence are the key.  But don’t forget to pause once a day and appreciate how far you’ve come too.
  5. Embrace your humanness. – “Human” is the only real label we are born with. Yet we forget so easily.  To become attached to an opinionated label of depressed, divorced, diseased, rejected, or poor, is to be like the rain, that doesn’t know it is also the clouds… or the ice, that forgets it is water.  For we are far more than the shape we’re currently in.  And we, like the wind, water, and sky, will change forms many times in our lives, while forever remaining beautifully human.

~~~

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

Japanese Proverb

~~~

Dog Truths

LEASH:  A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don’t. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their persons want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

BUMP: The best way to get your human’s attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection,  given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a human will love you in return.

~~~

She said: A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. And a woman’s gotta do what he can’t.

~~~

“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both.   The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.”

“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.

“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

~~~

Some people just don’t know how to drive…I call these people “Everybody But Me.”

~~~

Boss: (to employee) – Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, so Knock, Knock.

Employee: Who’s there?

Boss: Not you anymore.

~~~

“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”

George Orwell

~~~

“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.

“Keep it,” the cop said, “when you collect four of them you get a bicycle.”

~~~

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.

G.B. Shaw

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Tag Cloud