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Archive for September, 2011

So long September

“There is something in October sets the gypsy blood astir, We must rise and follow her;

When from every hill of flame, She calls and calls each vagabond by name”

William Bliss Carman

Wow, can that be right? The last day of September already! I have to quit spending so much time with Doctors, Hospitals, Clinics and the like since so much happens while I spend time reading in waiting rooms. I did notice that we are into Indiana’s traditional psychotic weather period, our answer to the Bermuda Triangle, if I look out the window and it is bright and sunny I know it will be raining by the time I open the garage door. I really should not complain though, my doctors have told me I needed more exercise and I get that by taking jackets and sweaters on and off during the rapid temperature changes. I wonder if this is Gods way of helping me better understand menopause.

Well anyway it will be October when we next communicate and since I fear that November may sneak up just a few days later I have decided to lay out my plans for participating in Octobers important events. So here goes, October is:

American Pharmacist Month − This one is really important to me since I see my pharmacist about as often as I see my wife. I have been struggling trying to decide what to get him for our twentieth anniversary together.

Apple Jack Month – I can’t celebrate this one, all I can say is that the world made a lot more sense when I was allowed to drink!

Awareness Month – WHAT! WHERE! WHO! Damn I missed it again!

Computer Learning Month – I gave up on this one last year. I could not find even one school that would accept my computer as a student.

Cookie Month – I found out they mean the kind you eat, you just can’t go around hollering “Hey cookie what’s up” to strangers of the opposite sex.

Eat Country Ham Month, National Pizza Month, National Vegetarian Month and National Diabetes Month – Do you think they all take place at the same time for a reason?

National Popcorn Popping Month – OK, I got ready to really get into this one when I discovered that all the popcorn I had bought had passed the expiration date. I don’t care what they say, next year I am popping the corn the month I buy it and I will not wait until corn popping month again.

Sarcastic Month – I know it is the month to do so but I would appreciate it if you kept your comments on my behavior to yourself, I have a wife who provides me all the sarcasm I need, thank you very much.

Seafood Month – I have never forgiven the friend who clarified this meant something from the sea and did not mean I should eat everything I can see.

But no matter how you decide to spend your October I hope it is a wonderful month for you and that you find happiness and joy for despite what others may say there is delight to be found in nature beginning it’s hibernation in one last blast of color as we find warmth in our favorite sweater and companionship with our valued friends.

~~~

October, here’s to you. Here’s to the heady aroma of the frost-kissed apples, the wine-y spell of ripened grapes, the wild-as-the-wind smell of hickory nuts and the nostalgic whiff of that first wood smoke.

Ken Weber

~~~

The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble. Arriving home from work one night, he informed her, “I finally discovered why I’ve been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago and I just learned today that I’ve been sitting in the wastebasket.”

~~~

Seen on a headstone in a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace: The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna.

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.

~~~

A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation of his work and handed him a handsome Moroccan leather wallet.

The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and handed it back with a sharp reminder that a wallet could not possible compensate him for his services. “My fee for that work, ” acidly snapped the attorney, “is five hundred dollars.” The client opened the wallet, removed a one-thousand dollar bill, replaced it with a five-hundred dollar bill and handed it back to the lawyer with a smile.

~~~

“Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew.”

~~~

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is . . . having sex.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 60 success is . . . having sex.

At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

~~~

October gave a party;

The leaves by hundreds came –

The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples,

And leaves of every name.

The Sunshine spread a carpet,

And everything was grand,

Miss Weather led the dancing,

Professor Wind the band.

George Cooper, “October’s Party”

~~~

A friend of mine tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn’t to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to recovery.

“Oh good,” he responded. “Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?”

“Yes,” said the doctor, “if you will promise to be careful.”

“I can’t tell you what a relief it will be,” he sighed. “It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!”

~~~

“Kind hearts are the gardens, Kind thoughts are the roots, Kind words are the flowers, Kind deeds are the fruits, Take care of your garden And keep out the weeds, Fill it with sunshine, Kind words, and Kind deeds.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Category:

Humor, Life

Try it, you’ll like it!

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

William Shakespeare

It seems like we all have numerous difficult choices that we have to make these days. I don’t remember a time when families have been challenged for as a long a period as many are today. Loss of jobs, shrinking income and savings, reduced education choices all can take their toll. At a lecture the other night someone said we would be better off if we were not such massive consumers of luxury to the point that some in the future will face difficulty in just acquiring the necessities. Sadly far too many are struggling to acquire the basic necessities today, just providing food, shelter and clothing is a challenge for many. Many more of us have realized that we no longer can have everything nor can we afford to spend our time in unlimited recreational and frivolous pursuits.

So what do we do? What choices do we make? How do we spend our time? We know we cannot depend on others nor do we want to give up and live a life without meaning. A philosopher I heard recently suggests we can make it easier if we commit to testing our options against our commitment to integrity. I wasn’t sure if I really knew the philosophic definition of integrity so I looked it up and found this:

Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one’s actions. Integrity can be regarded as the opposite of hypocrisy, in that it regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs.

In an article by Chuck Galllozzi I found this:

When we commit to integrity we empower and free ourselves. Unencumbered by the fear of ridicule and rejection by others, we do what we believe is right. The rewards for doing so are many and include a growth in self-confidence and courage. The exhilaration of doing the right thing is like experiencing the joy of reaching the other shore by victoriously swimming against the current. Don’t be afraid to be different. How can we be ourselves unless we are unlike others?

Tasks become duties to those who embrace integrity. At the workplace, they don’t ‘put in time,’ but cheerfully carry out their responsibilities; they don’t engage in destructive gossip, but build confidence, teamwork, and morale.

So how does all this help? For me testing my options against a commitment to integrity allows me to throw out any option that does not pass the test. In other words will this action enhance or detract from my commitment to do the right thing. And you know what? Just asking yourself the question provides you the opportunity to focus in on your commitment to such things as the Golden Rule.

~~~

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.

David Star Jordan

~~~

Boy is this true or what? One time my wife told me they were coming even though they weren’t just so I would pick up my clutter. Ray

The featured guest on a local radio talk show was a woman who owned a home-cleaning service. After she described what her clients could expect, the program’s telephone lines were opened to the audience. The first caller struck to the heart of every woman who had ever contemplated employing such a service. Her question: “How much cleaning do I have to do before your people come?”

~~~

TEACHER: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s paper.

STUDENT: I hope you didn’t either.

~~~

A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought “The Almighty” had given him two feet. Without hesitation, the son replied, “That’s easy, one for the brake and one for the accelerator.”

~~~

First a person should put his house together, then his town, then the world.

Rabbi Israel Salanter

~~~

Medical-Speak

Said: “Appointment” Meant: “An opportunity to wait until the doctor feels like seeing you.”

Said: “A few more minutes.” Meant: “You have time to read the entire National Geographic.”

Said: “Cutting edge procedure” Meant: “Your insurance won’t cover it.”

Said: “Discomfort” Meant: “Pain”

Said: “Procedure” Meant: “Surgery”

Said: “Fairly Routine Procedure” Meant: “Major Surgery”

Said: “Routine Procedure” Meant: “Something experimental and dangerous.”

Said: “Latest medical research” Meant: “This week’s guess.”

When they say, “We did all that we could under the circumstances with the knowledge that we had at the time,” what they really mean is, “We blew it”.

~~~

I’d rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

George Burns

~~~

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, “Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?”

“Yes,” the professor answered. “When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.”

“Well,” said the gatekeeper. “That is a very minor sin. You may enter.”

“Thank you very much, Saint Peter,” the professor answered.

“You’re welcome, but I am not Saint Peter,” said the gatekeeper. “He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas.”

~~~

“The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.”

Sam Levenson

~~~

I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.

My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all alike, right down to the baby.

She explained, “When we had just four children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn’t lose any of you. Then,” she added, looking at the pictures in the album, “When the other four came along, I started dressing you alike so we won’t pick up any that don’t belong to us.”

~~~

Goodness is the only investment that never fails.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Humor, Life

I try.

Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.

David Frost

As you probably know there is a term in newspaper publishing called “above the fold.” It is that part of the paper that is on top while the paper is still folded. You find the headlines there as well as the most important stories and pictures.

Below the fold are items of lesser import as far as news is concerned but often of greater interest or help as we live our daily lives. The reason that I wanted to remind you of the term is something I thought about yesterday when I sent you a reprint of a Daily that I sent out ten years ago. It struck me as I read it that there was little of “above the fold” type information and almost all light, and I hope entertaining humor and quotes “below the fold.” It is quite a contrast from the Dailies I am publishing these days. Most now have the majority of the space devoted to thoughts of the day and items from others that I think are worthy of our consideration. In fact often there is only limited space for “below the fold humor.”

As I wondered why the change I realized that I have changed. Over the last ten years I have become more aware of the human condition and have taken a much stronger interest in the people I meet and how I might be of service to them and others. I no longer take life for granted nor do I think that my beliefs and attitudes are so right that they should be imposed on others. I might not be all that great at being a better person than I was but I sure like myself more.

Here is something Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote long ago that has real meaning to me, I hope it will for you as well.

Success

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty,

To find the best in others,

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child,

A garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

~~~

“Most successful men have not achieved their distinction by having some new talent or opportunity presented to them.

They have developed the opportunity that was at hand.”

Bruce Barton

~~~

Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the Navajo’s, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and many braves were wanting the daughter’s hand in marriage. Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a contest. All the eligible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that brought back the biggest and best ‘catch’ would be given the chief’s daughter in marriage.

A lot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves had returned with their killings–except for three: Running Bear, Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.

On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously, the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all….so far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he could award his daughter to Running Bear.

On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp and brings back a really big cougar: it’s even bigger than the black bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was 7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief’s daughter in marriage.

Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull’s catch.

Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went…..Saturday came and went……The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years, and still….Falling Rock did not return. It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull. There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever after.

The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep their eyes open whenever they rode the trails—just in case.

And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say…”Watch for Falling Rock”.

~~~

I don’t mind that my grandson is earning more than I did on my first job.

What disturbs me is he’s just seven, and it’s his allowance!

~~~

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle, Charlie died. A man who lived far away called his brother and told him, “Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill.”

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. But when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.

“Well,” said the other brother, “You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie… so I rented him a tuxedo!”

~~~

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories:

Those that don’t work, those that break down, and those that get lost.

~~~

Steinberg needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications to get it. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.

After a successful initial interview with the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the Sales Manager.

“You say you have experience selling books?” the manager asks.

“Oh yes, lots of it,” replies Steinberg

“And you say you have a master’s in American history from the University of Michigan?” the manager asks.

“That is correct,” replies Steinberg. “American history is my field of study.”

“Well, then,” says the sales manager. “With these qualifications, as soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in our firm.”

While the sales manager is making a few notations, Steinberg, obviously pleased with himself, begins to look around the room. Steinberg notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the wall. Pointing to the portraits, Steinberg turns to the sales manager and says, “Fine-looking men. Your partners?”

~~~

“Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.”

Arnold H. Glasgow

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Humor, Life

What time is it? Where am I?

“Learn the past, watch the present, and create the future.”

Here is my things to do list for today.

Doctor appointment with my Pulmonologist and Sleep Specialist.
Lunch with one of my grandsons.
Ethics lecture at the University.
Select a past Daily to send since I already have too much on my plate, I hope it is OK.

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published September 27, 2000

More rules for life from our friends down South:

Talk slowly but think quickly.

When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Call your mom.

Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

~~~

I’m not a complete idiot – several parts are missing.

~~~

The Official Golf Survival Handbook. Dictionary of terms every golfer should know

Golf – A beautiful walk spoiled by a small white ball.

Fore – A warning to the slow foursome ahead that one of them may be knocked unconscious by the ball you just hit.

Hack – Golfer who yells “Fore,” but causes people behind him to duck.

Divot – Crater left in the fairway after a bad stroke.

Rough – Area on the course the landscapers forgot to mow.

Victory – When a golfer finds a better ball than the one he just lost.

Hack – Golfer who never loses any balls because they don’t go far enough.

Hazard – Area on the golf course that you reach in one shot.

Sandtrap – Place where a hack spends a lot of time – along with his sand wedge, beach towel and tanning oil.

The Drink – Place where a hack goes snorkeling for the ball he just hit out of the sandtrap.

Caddy – Kid you pay money to lug around your clubs, give you advice, and watch you struggle in hazards and traps, lose money and swear.

Golf – A FORE letter word.

Mulligan – Free shot taken when your drive doesn’t go past the women’s tee.

Guilt – Taking 6 strokes, writing down 5, and wiping you finger prints off the pencil.

Veracity – Cheating on your score at the 5th hole– and feeling bad about it for the next 13.

Hack – Golfer who needs a calculator to keep track of his score.

Golf – A game where everyone in front of you is to slow and everyone behind you is too fast.

Heaven – An empty golf course on a Sunday afternoon.

Hell – An overcrowded golf course, due to a golf tournament on the one day you have off from work.

~~~

He Said: Marriage is like tobacco-its popularity is all out of proportion to its benefits.

~~~

She said:

You can’t change a man — unless he’s in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

If they put a man on the moon — they should be able to put them all up there.

Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.

Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Women don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him the checkbook.

~~~

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. “Good,” says the man. “That means I must have really escaped.”

~~~

More things we learned from the movies:

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

Everyone knows the words to every song you want to sing and will sing along with you. They can even carry the solo part so that they can sing the song back to you, even if they have never heard the song until you sang half of it.

Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always find a new one laying around the next time you need one.

Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.

~~~

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

~~~

A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the secretary. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the paralegal. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“You’re next,” the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

~~~

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

~~~

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

“Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'”

One of the women spoke up immediately. “Does she cook??”

~~~

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars’ worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

~~~

“Biggest Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle”

1. Being told to “Think Outside the Box” when I’m in the @#$%? box all day!

2. Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.

3. Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

4. That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.

5. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

6. My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.

7. Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment.

Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you loosen your pants to tuck in your shirt.

8. 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

9. Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

10. When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.

11. Can’t slam the door when you quit and walk out.

~~~

“Change is what keeps us fresh and innovative.

Change is what keeps us from getting stale.

Change is what keeps us young.”

Rick Pitino

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Humor, Life

If you know it’s true I’ll listen

A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true.

Demosthenes

I am beginning to wonder about us. Have we gotten lazy, dumber, or just plain gullible? Or maybe many of us only want to listen to what we want to hear. I honestly think society is threatened when political leaders spend all their time pandering, not to popular opinion necessarily but to those who take an active role in primaries and elections since they often have the power to choose our leaders as we sit on the sidelines and let them do it.

Do some of the candidates honestly believe that evolution is an unproven theory or that climate change does not exist? I listen to debates and politicians from both sides and then through fact checking and other sources learn that they are misstating fact or in some cases communicating outright falsehoods. It gets worse when the primary communication vehicle for too many of us is 30 second negative sound bites that are often taken out of context. It also seems to get worse as folks communicate rumor, innuendo, and fabrications that they get from anonymous or fabricated sources that they would like to be true but that they don’t care enough to verify that they are.

What really makes it hard to understand is how so many of us just don’t seem to care. Is it really a democracy if so many of us make our decisions on the basis of the quantity of messages we hear or those that so polish their messages that we believe them to be true.

I personally have dropped out of the political ad watching business. It takes work but I prefer to read both side’s positions and history in respected non-partisan journals as well as unbiased information sources. The big thing I don’t want to do is spread untruths. We all would be better off if we followed the advice given in this story.

The Triple-Filter Test

Author Unknown

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“Well, no,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now, let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“Umm, no, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about my friend, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left—the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

I think part of the problem is that so many of our elected officials think that the ends justify the means and that is how so many nations began their demise.

~~~

“It is well for the heart to be naive and for the mind not to be”

Anatole France

~~~

More rules:

O’Reilly’s law of the kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible.

Lieberman’s law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

Denniston’s law: Virtue is its own punishment.

Gold’s law: If the shoe fits, its ugly.

Finster’s law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Hanlon’s razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Green’s law of debate: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oliver’s law of location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Harrison’s postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

~~~

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

~~~

An old lady tottered into a lawyer’s office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. “A divorce?” asked the unbelieving lawyer. “Tell me, how old are you?”

“I’m eighty-four,” answered the old lady.

“Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?”

“My husband is eighty-seven.”

“My, my,” said the lawyer, “and how long have you been married?”

“Next September will be sixty-two years.”

“Married sixty-two years?! Why would you want a divorce now?”

“Because,” the woman answered calmly, “enough is enough!”

~~~

“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.”

Erma Bombeck

~~~

The new family in the neighborhood overslept and the six year old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, agreed to drive her if she’d direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes — yet when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.

Asked why she’d led the father over such a circuitous route, the child explained, “That’s the way the school bus goes, and it’s the only way I know.”

~~~

It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

~~~

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880’s. He’s buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a .44

No Les No More.

~~~

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.

Bertrand Russell

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile

Category:

Humor, Life

Appreciate what you have and you will want less!

Appreciate what you have, before time teaches you to appreciate what you had.

The other day I suggested how much benefit we can derive from living simpler lives. I recommended that we really don’t need the flashiest, fastest, or most fashionable whatever’s to enjoy life. I included a story that suggested that we are often mislead by the wrappings when it is the contents of the box that matters. The bottom line is that I think we take for granted so much of what we have without appreciating their value leaving us vulnerable to searching for something more than we need.

Here are excerpts from an article written by Mike Robbins that holds an answer that can make many of our lives better than we ever thought possible.

Want What You Have

Recently someone said to me, “Mike, I read the best book of my life a few years ago. It only had four words in it, ‘want what you have’.” As simple of a concept as this is, I was struck by its wisdom and began to think about it in my own life. Sadly, as I thought about it more deeply, I realized that I put more of my attention and energy than I’d like to admit on either wanting things I don’t yet have or thinking that some of what I have isn’t quite good enough the way it is. Can you relate?

How much of what you have in your life do you truly want (i.e. desire and choose)? How much time and energy do you spend wishing things were different, or that you had a little more of this and a little less of that?

While the circumstances of our lives – both “positive” and “negative” – do have an impact on us, the truth is that we always have a choice about how we relate to our circumstances and to ourselves in the process. A great job, big house, large amount of money, fit body, incredible relationship, or anything else we say we want, can’t and won’t make us happy if we don’t choose to be. In other words, to create an authentic sense of fulfillment in life, we have to learn how to want what we already have in our lives with gratitude.

Wanting what we have doesn’t mean everything is “perfect” in our lives, which is almost never the case, or that we can’t desire for things to change or evolve in a way we deem positive. It simply means we choose to accept what we have in our life, right now, with a sense of gratitude and surrender.

Surrendering is not about complacency, weakness, or giving up – it’s about learning to make peace with life as it is. It’s important for us to remember that the passion, joy, and fulfillment we experience doesn’t come from life itself, it comes from us and our ability to accept, appreciate, and celebrate what we have in our lives.

By putting more of our attention on wanting what we already have, and less attention on fixing things or wanting what we don’t yet have, we can create a deep sense of peace and joy in our lives, our work, and our relationships, which, more than most specific outcomes or material possessions, is what most of us truly want anyway.

~~~

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

Frederick Keonig

~~~

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . .

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

When the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

Baptism is referred to as “branding”.

People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

The service wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”.

The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, ya hear?”

~~~

Q: Why are so many Jewish girls still single these days?

A: They have not yet met Dr. Right.

~~~

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain it to you. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”

~~~

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill was enough.

~~~

The math teacher posed this problem, “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”

The savvy student answered, “A lawyer!”

~~~

Success never rests. On your worst days, be good. And on your best days, be great. And on every other day, get better.

Carmen Mariano

~~~

The U.S. Treasury announced it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state. The quarters are being issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. “We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued,” Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday.

“This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices.” “The problem lies in a design flaw,” Shackleford said.

The winning design was submitted by an Auburn University student. “Apparently,” Shackleford said, “the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices.”

~~~

Keep a green tree alive in your heart and a songbird may come to sing there.

Chinese Proverb

~~~

A factory owner said to a store owner, “Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.”

“Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised,” admitted Smith. “You know that I argue every bill and always pay late.”

The factory owner said, “I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred.”

~~~

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Ashley Smith

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Humor, Life

Let’s go crazy together today!

“If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right”

Bob Basso

I hope if nothing else our time together sometimes motivates you to consider not taking life too seriously. Sometimes I wonder if some of us spend so much time acting the part that we are expected to play that we never get to be ourselves. I know for much of my life I was over scripted and over scheduled. If the truth be known there is probably nothing more therapeutic then just letting go once in a while. I just love people who can go a little crazy and just let loose. As we get older some of us begin to regret that our childhood ended so early and that our second childhood began so late.

Oh I know that most of us can’t go crazy all of the time or be irresponsible too much of the time, but we can sneak off and take a recess break every once in a while. I use to like going someplace and roleplaying me being someone else. It was fun to sit in a restaurant behaving and thinking like a profound observer of human behavior, or acting as if I never had a care in the world. You know there are still places in the world where you can yell as loud as you want, wade in squishy mud or just sit on the sidelines and people watch. My advice: Don’t take life so seriously that you miss living it.

Here is a story written by Emily Myrick that I especially like:

LET YOURSELF GO

For anyone who has ever been unsure

The other day my friend told me to let go…. he told me not to be so worried about what I’m doing, or what I look like, but to just let myself go once in awhile. This really got me thinking. Maybe I should let go. Maybe I should do something crazy, just so I can say I did. I’ve got many long years ahead of me, and plenty of time to live a fun and happy life.

Sometimes, an opportunity only knocks at the door once, and if you don’t answer it at that particular moment, then you’ll never get another chance. Life is tough, and most of the time we spend our days wondering why things go the way they do.

After thinking for awhile I’m finally realizing that maybe thinking about this so much, is wasting the time in which we could be going out and making the days go better. We’re wasting the time we have here on Earth. By attempting to figure out why life goes the way it does, we lose time when we could be having fun, and living our lives to the fullest.

We are only here for a short amount of time. An average of 70-100 years seems long, but it goes faster then we realize. It’s so incredibly important to live every day to it’s fullest potential. When you’re 87 years old and laying on your death bed, do you want to look back and think of things that you wished you had done?

I don’t know about you but I want to look back and remember all the times when I let myself go, and had fun. I want to remember the times when I actually let myself be open to try new things, and open the door to wonderful opportunities.

Life is only wonderful if you leave yourself open to be part of it. Think about it.

~~~

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

Anthony Robbins

~~~

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. “What was your sin, my son?” asked the priest. “I stole some lumber, Father,” replied the man. “How much lumber did you steal?” asked the priest. “Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse.” The priest replied, “Well, that’s not so bad.” The man continued, “Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage.” “Well, now, that’s a little more serious.” “Father, there’s more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!”

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. “That is a little more serious.

I’m afraid you’ll have to make a novena.”

“Father, I’m not sure what a ‘novena’ is, but if you’ve got the blueprints, I’ve got the lumber!”

~~~

An optimist laughs to forget.. A pessimist forgets to laugh.

~~~

This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit.

“I’ve got grounds, all right,” sputtered the irate husband. “Can you believe my wife told me I’m a lousy lover?”

“That’s why you’re suing?” pursued his lawyer.

“Of course not. I’m suing because she knows the difference.”

~~~

Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.

Booth Tarkington

~~~

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense. After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, “What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a big, sharp knife?”

The student replied. “BIG ones.”

~~~

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.

James Oppenheim

~~~

Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, “What kind of boy did your daughter marry?”

“Oh, he’s wonderful,” gushed the mother. “He lets her sleep late, wants her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night.”

“That’s nice,” said the woman. “What about your son?”

“I’m not so happy about that,” the mother sighed. “His wife sleeps late, spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out meals!”

~~~

I NEED SOMEBODY BAD… ARE YOU BAD?

~~~

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eye glasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.

“What seems to be the problem, madam?”

“I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.”

~~~

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s learning to dance in the rain.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile

Category:

Humor, Life

Love the simple life!

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.

E.F. Schumacher

I was talking to an acquaintance the other day that has been out of work for more than a year. He shared with me how challenging it has been to modify his family’s lifestyle in order to live more simply. He did share with me however that he was grateful for the fact that the experience has allowed him to see and do things he never would of in the past. He has found, as we all should that there is a lot to offer in a simpler life, one that allows us to see and appreciate the things we so often overlook.

As I thought about my friend I was again reminded that we do not need the biggest and showiest car to get us from place to place, nor do we have to eat at the fanciest restaurant to enjoy a meal. I think far too many of us have been conditioned to believe that the fanciest is best when in reality most of the time the dazzle is only cosmetic.

I have found lately that it has become easier for me to ask myself if I really need the latest, the most fashionable or something that has substantially more bells and whistles than I will ever use. I also am finding that living more frugally makes a lot of sense.

I thought I would share the following story with you as I think it goes to the heart of the issue of deciding what we really need and what we don’t. I don’t know who wrote it but I am glad they did.

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. The conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and in life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

“If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

“What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other’s cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and do not change the quality of Life. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided. So, don’t let the cups drive you … enjoy the coffee instead.”

~~~

Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things.

Elise Boulding

~~~

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?”

“That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man.

“Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.”

“Wow! Does that really work?”

“You bet it does.”

“Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it.”

“Well, okay.”

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?”

“You’re the sixth,” he said.

~~~

Any child who is anxious to mow the lawn is too young to do so.

Bob Phillips

~~~

Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat will stop my fellow mail carriers and me from delivering junk mail. One day, I delivered an envelope full of coupons to a home. It was addressed to “The Smart Shopper at 729 Main Street.”

The next day the envelope was returned with this note scrawled on it: “Not at this address.”

~~~

The person who agrees with everything you say either isn’t listening to you or plans to sell you something.

Bud Holiday

~~~

Some Jewish Curses

May your bones be broken as often as the Ten Commandments.

May God answer all your prayers – and then may He mistake your worst enemy for you.

May your husband’s father marry three times so you’ll have three mothers-in-law.

May all your teeth fall out –except one, so you can have a toothache.

May the heartburn after one of your meals be strong enought to heat your home.

May you grow like an onion – with your head in the ground.

and Last but not least

I wish you everything you wish me, and everything you’ll regret not having wished me after I’ve wished you everything I wish you.

~~~

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

The afternoon was drawing to a close, and the guests were getting ready to leave.

“Mrs. Goldberg,” said one of the ladies, “I just wanted to tell you that your cookies were so delicious I ate four of them.”

“You ate five,” replied the hostess, “But who’s counting?”

~~~

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”

Mark Twain

~~~

A gal bought a brand new Car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn’t reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her “What Happened?”

She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, “Oy, these car designers, these people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!”

~~~

You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.

Vernon Howard

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Humor, Life

Down with clutter!!!

“Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough.”

Author Unknown

I had breakfast with a friend a few days ago who told me she spent the first two days of her vacation decluttering her home office. As I sit her amongst piles of my own personal clutter I envy the joy that I know comes from ruthlessly pitching of the things we don’t need to save and will never get to as well as items whose connection to the past have long been forgotten.

When I had a staff I was dependent on their locking me up and forcing me to do what we called a “Stack Attack.” Stacks would become piles; the piles would become an inch or two of work which would soon result in a relatively clean surrounding and a feeling bordering on euphoria. I need that feeling again! Since my former work partners are no longer here to boost my courage I am planning on calling on an imaginary friend to help. I just hope I can conjure him up soon.

If you need to do something similar you might find these tips from Gretchen Rubin helpful.

Don’t get organized.

When you’re facing a desk swamped in papers, or a closet bursting with clothes, or counter-tops littered with piles of random objects, don’t say to yourself, “I need to get organized.” Your first instinct should be to get rid of stuff. If you don’t keep it, you don’t have to organize it. A huge amount of clutter is the result of keeping things you don’t use. “Well, I don’t have that problem,” you might think. “Why would I bother to keep something I don’t use?” But it’s easier than you think for this stuff to accumulate.

In fact, there are a surprising number of reasons to hang on to something you don’t use. Maybe you used this object in the past, and it has sentimental value – your ten-year-old’s old sippy cup. Maybe you wish you used this object, even though you never do – a set of hand-weights. Maybe you want to pretend you live a life where this object would be useful – linen cocktail napkins. (All items that I held onto for years, without using, by the way.) It can be painful to admit that you aren’t going to use certain possessions, but all that junk just gets in your way. Be honest with yourself.

I’m a big believer in keeping things for sentimental reasons, but it helps to admit that that’s what you’re doing and to act accordingly.

People also say, “No, I’ve never used that, but maybe I will! It might come in handy!” Maybe it will – or maybe it won’t. Ask yourself: how easy would it be to replace this item? Have I ever used it? What else in my life would have to change for me to use this?

For example, my sister had huge amounts of paper clutter, and when we started going through it, I saw that she was hanging on to all sorts of statements and receipts. She wanted to buy a file box to file it all away neatly, but I disagreed. “You should just throw these papers away,” I said, “why do you them at all?” “Maybe I’ll need them,” she objected. But she’d never needed them in the past, and it wouldn’t have been hard to get copies, if she would ever need them. So we tossed all of it. Much easier than organizing it!

So the next time you have the urge to get organized, and especially if you feel tempted to buy organizing doodads, first push yourself to throw away or give away the things you don’t actually use. You may find yourself left with nothing to organize.

Have you ever realized that you’ve been hanging on to something that you didn’t use? Why were you keeping it?

~~~

“Clutter is stuck energy. The word “clutter” derives from the Middle English word “clotter,” which means to coagulate – and that’s about as stuck as you can get.”

Karen Kingston

~~~

Life was simpler when:

Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”

“Oly-oly-oxen-free” made perfect sense.

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

War was a card game.

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.

Ice cream was considered a basic food group.

Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

~~~

“The distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult.”

Marquise du Deffand

~~~

Top 10 Ways to Tell You’re a New Dad

10) Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.

9) The sentence, “Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?” sounds normal.

8) You are used to doing everything one-handed.

7) The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a pleasant one.

6) The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to zero.

5) Your idea of romance is hand-holding.

4) You answer the question “How are you?” with “We’re fine.”

3) You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt’s main colour.

2) You see a slender teenage girl walking down your street, and you think, “Hey, I wonder if I could interest her in babysitting?”

And the #1 way to tell that you’re a new dad:

1) It takes you two months to write and send out a simple top-10-style joke email.

~~~

“Children are natural mimics – they act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.”

~~~

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.”

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

“Now what?” the fellow asked the speechless pro.

“Uh… you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup,” the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

“Oh great! Now you tell me,” said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

~~~

“The more you have, the more you are occupied.

The less you have, the more free you are.”

Mother Teresa

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Humor, Life

I have no permanent regrets

I have no regrets. I wouldn’t have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.

Ingrid Bergman

I ran into a guy this morning that has been reading the daily for more than five years. I don’t think I have seen him since then, even at the time we only met briefly. I was pleased that he reported that often the Daily provided him relief from the bad days we all have on occasion. During our conversation he shared with me that he had just fried himself from a key position as he felt that a recent reorganization resulted in his key executive position being redundant so it was in the best interest of his employers that he leave.

My friend said he had no regrets as he now had the opportunity to reprogram his life to help, insure future happiness.

His comments brought back recent thoughts I had about life and regret. When I was a young child I was sent away to a boarding school for kids from broken homes and was only allowed to go home for one week a year. While the time was filled with experiences I would never have had in a more traditional setting I was often lonesome and wishing I could be back with friends and family. When I got to high school age I was returned home but had lost my childhood friends and was a problem for my high school instructors to the point that I was allowed to quit school at 15 to enroll in an electronic institute where I did well even though all most all of the students were returning World War II veterans. I had also joined the Navy Reserve at 14 using a birth certificate that had been changed when I was younger so I could work which resulted in my being called into active duty at 16 during the Korean War. I was fortunate to have been chosen to attend a yearlong school on new technology being introduced into the Navy. It was on a blind date while there that I met my wife on a blind date in New York City. After graduating from the Navy training I was assigned to a large aircraft carrier that sailed the world.

I can go on and on with events and things I did that I regretted at the time but looking back I now know that each were stepping stones that resulted in the wonderful life I have today. In reality I would not have met and married my wife and had three great kids and seven wonderful grandchildren if I had not been sent away as a young kid. I would not have had the career I had if my mother had not changed my birth certificate that resulted in my being trained in the Navy on technology that was the foundation for the computer age that followed. Yes, like my friend I have learned to appreciate the events that I often regretted at the time for without them I would not be enjoying the life I have now or the opportunity it provides to visit with you most every day.

I like the following poem, I hope you do too.

No Regrets

By Agnes Sligh Turnbull

There is only one thing about which I shall have no regrets when my life ends.

I have savoured to the full all the small, daily joys.

The bright sunshine on the breakfast table;

the smell of the air at dusk;

the sound of the clock ticking;

the light rains that start gently after midnight;

the hour when the family come home;

Sunday evening tea before the fire!

I have never missed one moment of beauty,

not ever taken it for granted.

Spring, summer, autumn, or winter.

I wish I had failed as little in other ways.

~~~

“I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.”

Rita Mero

~~~

There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position and had a variety of individuals applying for the position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question how much is 2+2?

The first candidate was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed that the answer was 4.

The second candidate was an attorney. He stated that in the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was proven to be 4.

The final candidate was a CPA. When asked what 2+2 equaled, the CPA did not respond immediately. He looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair and went to see if anyone was listening at the door.

Then he returned to the business owner and said, “What would you like it to be?”

~~~

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

~~~

An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, “You’re in incredible shape. How old are you again?” The man replied, “I am 78.”

The doctor exclaimed, “Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old.” The man explained, “Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down.”

“What does that have to do with it?” asked the doctor. The man sighed, “I’ve pretty much lived an outdoor life.”

~~~

Only by taking the risk of going too far can you determine how far you can go.

Joe Heuer

~~~

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters’ place. They put up a big bold sign which read:

“WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!”

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:

“WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS”

~~~

“There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and”

Brad Ramsey

~~~

An elderly Jew is struck by a car and brought to the hospital.

A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, “Mr. Epstein, are you comfortable?”

Epstein replies, “I make a nice living.”

~~~

“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I’d just been myself.”

Brittany Renée

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Humor, Life

Ray's Daily

Ray's musings and humor

Archive for September, 2011

So long September

Try it, you’ll like it!

I try.

What time is it? Where am I?

If you know it’s true I’ll listen

Appreciate what you have and you will want less!

Let’s go crazy together today!

Love the simple life!

Down with clutter!!!

I have no permanent regrets

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Archive for September, 2011

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