Ray's Daily

“Winning isn’t everything, but the will to win is everything.”

Vince Lombardi

Circle City celebrates Colts’ win over Pats

American Football is the most popular sport played in the United States. We have two major conferences, the National Football league (NFL) and the American Football league (AFL). Each league has a tournament for their best teams and the winners from each league play a championship game known as the Super Bowl. I am sure most of you know that but since some of you live in distant lands I thought I should let you know how it works.

My home town is Indianapolis, Indiana and last night they became the AFL champions in a hard fought game that was won in the last two minutes of play. It was one of the most exciting games in the history of the playoffs. Naturally our whole city is excited that the Colt’s are the AFC champions and that they will be playing the NFL champion Chicago Bears in the Super Bowl. I am pleased that our fans again demonstrated why they have a reputation for good sportsmanship and that they did not let their post game enthusiasm get out of hand. Mostly though I am glad that we have the Colt’s representing our city. Payton Manning, our quarterback is the best there is in the game; he is a hard worker, smart, and a real gentleman. I am particularly grateful for the time and money that Manning and his fellow players give back to our community as they help to make Indianapolis a better place to live, especially for children.

Our team is coached by an African-American man who always maintains a quiet dignity, he is a man highly respected not only by his players but also by all who know him. The coaches, players, and the owners seem to really care for each other. Naturally I will be cheering them on in the football championship game, but win or loose I will be proud of how they play and the men that they are.

GO COLTS!

~~~

“Sure I am this day we are masters of our fate, that the task which has been set before us is not above our strength; that its pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance. As long as we have faith in our own cause and an unconquerable will to win, victory will not be denied us.”

Winston Churchill

~~~

There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl. He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for the last row, and it was WAY up there. He couldn’t see the game, so he began looking around.

Close to the field he saw an empty seat, so he decided to go down there. He reached the seat and asked the man next to the unoccupied seat if anyone was seating there.

The man replied, "No." So the guy sat down and struck up a conversation.

"Who would have a seat right next to the field and not come?!?"

The man answers, "Oh, that was my wife’s seat."

"Where is she?" the guy replied.

"She died."

"Oh, I’m sorry…don’t you have anyone else to come with you, a brother, or friend?"

"No, they couldn’t come."

"Why?"

"Because they are at her funeral."

~~~

“The real winners in life are the people who look at every situation with an expectation that they can make it work or make it better”

Barbara Pletcher

~~~

Heard on the field

• Our offensive line was so good that even our backs couldn’t get through it.
• Football is a game of inches, and that’s how some teams move the ball.
• As John Madden says, "If you see a defensive line with a lot of dirt on their backs, they’ve had a bad day."
• We play in a dome stadium. We always prefer to kick with the air-conditioning at our backs.
• Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them.
• The coach says his favorite play is the one where one of our players pitches the ball back to the official after he has scored a touchdown.
• I gave up my hope of being a star halfback the second day of practice. One tackle grabbed my left leg, another grabbed my right leg, and the linebacker looked at me and said, "Make a wish!"
• Pro linemen are so huge that it takes just four of them to make a dozen.
• The place kicker missed his attempt at a field goal. He was so angry, he went to kick himself and missed again.
• Wife: "It’s Super Monday. Football season is over!"
• We have so many players on the disabled list the team bus can park in a handicapped space.
• This year I can assure you that we are going to move the ball. I just hope that it’s forward.
• The only way they can gain yardage is to run their game films backward.

~~~

“Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.”

Wilma Rudolph

~~~

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let’s go!"

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.

"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."

~~~

“There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren’t willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.”

Michael Jordan

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Agnes Rippler

I was with the President of the Central Indiana Council on aging yesterday and the happiness of our older citizens came up. His and his organization’s interest is in enriching the lives of those of us in our later years. It just seems like too many of us just drop out and choose just to exist. In reality not being unhappy does not mean you are happy. Unfortunately lots of people seem to choose just to sit back waiting for happiness to come to them. Sadly it never comes for some.

It seems to me that we can optimize our chance for happiness if we just get out and do things, you know, meet people, volunteer, start a hobby, go to plays, there really are a hundred things for us if we just get up and get at them. That does not mean that what makes me happy will make you happy. But it does mean that each of us is responsible for our own happiness.

One of the greatest causes of unhappiness is letting other people tell you what will make you happy. For true happiness is not something you must chase in a particular way but you won’t find it if you live in isolation. Yes, it really is as simple as that. A few years ago the wise Ralph Marston had this to say on the subject.

When you let go of the notion that this thing or that thing will make you happy, something truly amazing happens. You are suddenly free to be happy without condition.

The good things you associate with happiness are not things that will cause you to be happy. Quite to the contrary, they are things that will come about once you allow yourself to be happy.

Putting conditions on your happiness keeps happiness at a distance away from you. Drop the conditions, and happiness is free to flow into your life.

Stop trying to figure out what it means to be happy or what will cause you to be happy. Simply choose to be happy, and you’ll know exactly what it means.

~~~

“If you’re not actively involved in getting what you want, you don’t really want it.”

Peter McWilliams

~~~

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You’re really doing great, aren’t you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’"

The doctor said, "I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful."

~~~

Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.

~~~

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old-timer said, "I’m a golfer and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."

The doctor said, "Well, I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"

The old-timer said, "Who said my dad’s dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you’re 80 years old and your dad’s still alive? How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He’s 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning, and that’s why he’s still alive … he’s a golfer."

The doctor said, "Well, that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it. How about your dad’s dad? How old was he when he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa’s dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He’s 118 years old."

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"

The old-timer said, "No…Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he got married."

The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"

The old-timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

~~~

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

~~~

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."

I said, "Well, why are you crying?"

He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

He said, "I can’t remember where I live!"

~~~

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

~~~

Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.

Gus, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game Red said to Gus, "You did very good tonight. You didn’t need any help at all. Why is that?"

Gus replied, "Why, ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven’t had any problems at all."

"Memory school? What memory school?"

Gus thought for a moment, "Oh, what’s that flower that’s red with thorns? A really pretty flower"

"A rose?" asked Red.

"Yeah, that’s it!" Gus turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose! What’s the name of that memory school you sent me to?"

~~~

He who laughs last thinks slowest

~~~

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now." Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I’ll write it down so you don’t forget," she said.

"I won’t forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I’ll write it down," she replied.

"I will get you the ice cream. Don’t you worry," replied the gentleman.

A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast."

~~~

“After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It’s better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.”

Sophia Loren

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."

-Plato

I had lunch last week with a university professor friend where we discussed how her students were responding to the challenges facing our world these days. The impression I got was that some students get interested and would like to do something but don’t because they feel there is nothing they can do. This is worrisome to me as if our best and brightest fail to participate in helping finding solutions to our problems they in effect will be letting others less talented do the job. I feel that when do nothing we leave vacuums that are often filled by those who have agendas that are not in the publics best interest. Before you know it the problem we ignored often becomes a problem that causes us hardship.

It may not be easy but the youth of today are needed more than ever. I think we need to:

1. Pay attention. It is so easy these days to fill all of our time leaving no time for us to see what is going on, each of us should set aside time to learn about what is going on in our world. We should take every opportunity we can to be enlightened citizens.
2. Think. Far too often we just go with the flow, it is easier to give others the responsibility to think for us and then just accept their conclusions. I think we should often ask ourselves why we believe what we do and then answer the question objectively.
3. Say Something. We must not just sit quietly in the corner and stand mute until it is too late, that is what the citizens of Germany did as Jews were being carted away. It is the loss of the little things that lay the foundation for the loss of the bigger things.
4. Do something. Get involved, we do need you. What you do may not seem like much, but it is. Great things can happen when people work together, but we have to participate if good things are to happen.
5. Be tolerant. Someone recently said that we were in a period of politics by hate. Logic and objectivity go out the window when all we see is others as evil. We need to listen to others and try to understand them. We must not generalize and classify everyone who belongs to one religion, nationality, race, or other classification as always bad, for if we do we will never hear the voice of reason when someone has the courage to stand up.
6. Be you. Don’t give your life away to the ideologues for you never know where they may take you.

~~~

"An eye for an eye, and the whole world would be blind."

Kahlil Gibran

~~~

Steve reminds us:

There is a Hymn for Everyone!!!

Dentist’s Hymn……………….Crown Him with Many Crowns

Weatherman’s Hymn………………There Shall Be Showers of Blessings

Contractor’s Hymn………………….The Church’s One Foundation

The Tailor’s Hymn………………….Holy, Holy, Holy

The Golfer’s Hymn………………… There’s a Green Hill Far Away

The Politician’s Hymn…………….Standing on the Promises

Optometrist’s Hymn………………..Open My Eyes That I Might See

The IRS Agent’s Hymn…………….I Surrender All

The Gossip’s Hymn…………………Pass It On

The Electrician’s Hymn…………..Send The Light

The Shopper’s Hymn……………..Sweet Bye and Bye

The Realtor’s Hymn………………… I’ve Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop

The Massage Therapists Hymn…. He Touched Me

The Doctor’s Hymn………………….. The Great Physician

AND for those who speed on the highway – a few hymns:

45mph………………..God Will Take Care of You

65mph………………..Nearer My God To Thee

85mph………………..This World Is Not My Home

95mph………………..Lord, I’m Coming Home

100mph……………….Precious Memories

~~~

"If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners."

Johnny Carson

~~~

I love how the government keeps telling us that the weather affects gasoline prices.

For example, when the weather was rainy and cold, it takes more fuel to heat homes, so the price of oil goes up.

And when the weather is warm and sunny, well, then people take more vacations — they drive further and use more gas.

And the only time weather makes the price go down is when it ‘snows in hell.’ That’s about the only time.

Jay Leno

~~~

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between the strong, silent type and the simply stupid type.

~~~

The Wonders of God

A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not.

Along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.

The boy replied with a bright laugh, "Don’t you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle. "The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy, and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" behind the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across."

The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible lying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation.

"Wow!" Exclaimed the boy happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"

~~~

When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’

Sydney J. Harris

~~~

I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old boat, a trailer and a motor from me. "Thanks," he said as he loaded them up. "I’m planning to resell them."  

Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he’d sold everything.  

"How did you manage that?" I marveled.  

"I took out an ad: ‘Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.’ When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor. He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage. Bought that, too."  

~~~

"The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun."  

Napoleon Hill

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.”

It seems to me that all of us are collectors and just like other collectors we get to decide what we will secure, save, and value, we also get to choose what we will reject. Today I had coffee with a friend that shared with me that she just collected the positive attributes of the people she meets and has no interest in remembering their failings. I think as we live our lives we can collect remembrances of good times or bad. A little of both is probably good, but I’ll tell you for me storing fond memories that I can recall every once in awhile is one of my life’s great pleasures. I honestly believe that that our memories lay the foundation each day yet to be lived. Look for and collect the good memories and you will find more. Look for and collect the bad and you will continue to find more of the same.Here are some excerpts from an article I read recently that I thought you might like.

While there’s everything to be said for living a life of integrity and goodness, balance and moderation, service and love — I want to talk about life as CELEBRATION. As we carry out the duties of the day, we can have fun with sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. There’s a whole array of possibilities for living with pleasurable appreciation. Don’t let those opportunities slip by. Regret, I’m here to tell you, is one mangy, ill-tempered dog that’s best kept outdoors.

How many of us are able to live fully, enriching our days with satisfying experiences, accumulating warm memories that will keep through the winter of our lives? We all can pull from our pasts those special events once embraced and wonderfully absorbed, then permanently recorded for future delightful replay.

Anyone can be miserable — there’s no talent in that. Anyone can live a dull and unimaginative life. Whether proactively or by opportunity, our task — should we choose to accept it — is to live with gusto. As we proceed through life, let us do so with playful deliberation, with a twinkle in our eyes and a bounce in our steps. We need to relish the moments we’ve been given. Are we up to the challenge?

~~~

“Who is the happiest of men?

He who values the merits of others, and in their pleasure takes joy, even as though t’were his own.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~~~

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age."

~~~

Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business," always be followed by the word "but"?

~~~

An evangelist had a great revival camp going. One night he was up in front of a large audience, speaking on imperfection. He asked his audience towards the end, "Has anyone ever known anyone who has come CLOSE to the perfection of our lord, Jesus Christ?" Nobody, of course raised their hand. So he issued the question again. "Anybody! Has ANYONE ever known that kind of perfection?"

Finally a guy in the back raised his hand, so of course he was asked to stand up. "Tell us. Tell us who you knew who was so close to perfection."

The man responded, "My wife’s first husband."

~~~

People with humility don’t think less of themselves, they just think of themselves less.

Ken Blanchard

~~~

It is forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. A guy is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."

"Sorry," says the guy, "I’m flat broke this week."

"That’s okay," says the bartender. "I’ll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."

"But," says the guy, "I don’t want any of my friends to see that."

"They won’t," says the bartender. "I’ll just hang your parka over it until it’s paid."

~~~

Life is short and it’s up to you to make it sweet.

Sarah Louise Delany

~~~

On my first day of college, I took a front row seat in my literature course.

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook…"

I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

The student behind me whispered, "He’s just taking attendance!"

~~~

Do you ever notice that every time you find an answer, the question changes?

~~~

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer:  I don’t have a P.

Tech support:  On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:  What do you mean?

Tech support:  "P"…..on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:  I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

~~~

Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth."

~~~

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug … Do you want a room with or without a view?"

~~~

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

~~~

The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven!" they all piped up.

"And what do you have to be to get there?"

"Dead!"

~~~

“Let a joy keep you.

Reach out your hands and take it when it runs by.”

Carl Sandburg

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

The man who doesn’t relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on.

Elbert Hubbard

It has been an interesting week. With the computer crash, post cruise clean-up, registering for classes, making a new friend, new daily readers including another from China, and so much more, I am again late with the daily. So here we go, another dip into the past.

January 12, 2004

We are back from our few days in Florida, followed by a seven day Caribbean cruise on what currently is the largest cruise ship in the world, the Mariner of the Seas (soon the Queen Mary will have that honor). The ship holds over 3000 passengers, is huge by any standard and was a little overwhelming. The atrium is so big that they even hold periodic parades made up of a large number of costumed performers. There also is an ice rink large enough for an outstanding ice show. As always the food was good, they even had a Johnny Rockets diner on board. I gained a little weight and lost a little money at the casino although I did manage to come back with more cash than expected, so it was a little like winning.

No wonder this last cruise looked so familiar, it was this same ship. Of course I am at the age when most things are new again so it was OK.

January 12, 2005

Well gang tomorrow is the last day of the daily for awhile. Yesterday I sent the back issues to those who wanted to fill their time during the dailies absence by reading old issues. For the rest of you, if you are looking for something to do while I am gone I would appreciate your:

• Reducing the unemployment rate to 4.4%
• Reducing the national debt by $1,798,447,399
• Negotiating a final peace settlement in the Middle East
• Finding the parents of 3,472 children in South Asia
• Strengthening the dollar by $0.18.

If you can’t fit any of these tasks into your schedule then just think good thoughts, spread good will, and do good things.

Obviously there is still work to be done, let’s try harder this time.

January 12, 2006

The other day we talked about those people who seem to enjoy their unhappiness. While I don’t want to spend anytime with them I thought I should share this for those who wish to be miserable, if you follow the suggestions you will be sure to increase your stress level. If it works for you let me know, I’ll be the guy asleep on the beach.

You’ll have no trouble staying stressed if you practice the following clinically proven methods:

• Never Exercise – Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
• Eat Anything You Want – Hey, if cigarette smoke can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to.
• Work hard at staying at least 25% over your recommended weight.
• Take Plenty of Stimulants – The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
• Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The "perpetual work" ethic is good for staying stressed.
• Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
• Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don’t take time to listen; be offended, then return the attack!
• Be Macho. Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
• Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
• Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
• Procrastinate – Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.
• Worry About Things You Can’t Control – Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.
• Set Impossibly High Standards – and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don’t meet them.
• Throw Out Your Sense of Humor – Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one. So…that means stop emails like this and get to WORK!

~~~

Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.

Margaret Fuller

~~~

Recently in Traffic Court a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.

The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.

The Judge then said, "Good.  When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you $57. Next…"

~~~

I love giving homemade gifts. Which of my children would you like?

~~~

Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, now living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Boudreaux’s neighbors were Catholic… and since it was a few years ago, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism.

After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass…and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Boudreaux’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish."

~~~

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

~~~

Each one of us is a mixture of good qualities and some perhaps not so good qualities.  In considering our fellow man, we should remember his good qualities and realize that his faults only prove that he is, after all, a human being.  We should refrain from making harsh judgment of a person just because he happens to be a dirty, rotten, no-good son-of-a-bitch."

~~~

Thank you for holding. This call may be monitored for quality purposes. Of course, if we really cared about quality we’d hire more people to answer the phone.

~~~

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her"?

"Yes," sighs the husband. "She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago and I hear she hasn’t been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long"?

~~~

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

Anthony Robbins

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 “Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one.”

Chinese Proverb

With the possible exception of you, no one is perfect, and as I have said before I am glad they are not since life would be too boring if they were. Unfortunately we spend so much time seeing other things we often miss the flaws that can make someone special. A few months ago my friend Claudia from Australia sent me the following story that is a lesson for us all.

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?"

"That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

So, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and Remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Claudia

~~~

 “You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out.”

Martha Graham

~~~

Some Childbirth Q & A

Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. I’m modest. Once I’m in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?

A. Authorized personnel only — doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

~~~

Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light.

Jennie Jerome Churchill

~~~

A man and woman were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one… "Sorry I’m running late… had an emergency, you know how it is, didn’t have time to get you both a present."

Not to worry," said the dad…"the important thing is that we’re all here together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom still look great, Dad. Just flew in from L.A. and didn’t have time to get you a present… Sorry."

It’s nothing," said the father, "Glad you were able to be here."

Just then the daughter arrived, "Hello both of you, Happy Anniversary! I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing… so I didn’t have time to get you guys anything."

Again the father said, "I really don’t care, at least the five of us are together today."

After they had all finished dessert, the father put down his knife and fork, looked up and said, "Listen up, all three of you, there’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you to college. All through the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much but… we just never found the time to get married."

The three kids gasp and said, "You mean we’re bastards?"

"Yep," said the dad…"and cheap ones too!"

~~~

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

~~~

Three businessmen were having dinner at a club. When it came time to pay the check, each grabbed for it.  

"It’s a business expense," said one.  

"I’ll pay," said the second. "I’m on cost plus."  

"Let me have it," argued the third. "I’m filing for bankruptcy next week."  

~~~

She:  "I’m not looking to get involved with one particular guy right now."

He: "Well, luckily for you, I’m not exactly known for being particular."

~~~

She said: For years my husband denied he was an aggressive driver. That changed one day when we were out for a ride with our three-year-old, Matthew. Seeing a teaching opportunity, I began quizzing Matthew about traffic lights.  

"What does a red light mean?" I asked.  

"Stop."  

"How about green?"  

"Go."  

"And yellow?"  

In his best impression of Daddy, Matthew bellowed, "Hang on!"  

~~~

Happiness is the delicate balance between what one is and what one has.

F. H. Denison

~~~

She said: One of my third-graders came to school crying. "Jonathan’s upset because he couldn’t complete his math homework," his mother explained.  

"Why’s that?" I asked.  

"Unfortunately," she said, "our computer doesn’t have Roman numerals."  

~~~

He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.

Japanese proverb

~~~

She said: As a switchboard operator in one of Philadelphia’s busiest hotels, I often relay messages to guests.

One evening a gentleman called me because the message light on his phone was flashing. "This is Mr. Grant in Room 1162. Do you have a message for me?"

"Yes," I replied, "the message is from Sue. She says she loves you and misses you."

There was silence on the other end before he asked, "Did she leave a last name?"

~~~

It is good to love as many things as one can, for therein lies true strength, and those who love much, do much and accomplish much, and whatever is done with love is done well.

Vincent van Gogh

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.