Ray's Daily

Eat, drink and be scary.

It’s Halloween and I have not yet gone out to Trick or Treat and it is already late in the day. I had a long breakfast with a local real smart person followed by lunch with a newly acquired friend who is also a real smart person. So here I am suffering from brain fatigue, with things yet to do and no daily. But I do have one; I hope you don’t remember what it said the first time around.

Ray

~~~

Ray’s Daily

10-31-2005

“In order to improve the mind, we ought less learn than to contemplate.”

Rene Descartes

~~~

Some of you probably remember how IBM used “THINK” as its motto in the 50’s and 60’s. Everywhere you went in business you saw a small desk top sign that said THINK. I like to believe that it was a reminder that we should contemplate, resolve, and create. Think has many definitions, one is to form thoughts (to use the mind to consider ideas and make judgments) and another is to have an opinion (to believe something or have something as an opinion). We are taught so much, hear so much, and read so much I sometimes wonder if the two definitions are too often mutually exclusive. It seems that we often believe without taking the time to think about what it is we believe.

I am not anti-belief at all; our beliefs are part of the foundation upon which we build our lives. But I am questioning beliefs that are the result of someone else’s teaching, prejudice, or conviction. Please win me over with the logic of what you believe and not the emotion that you use to express it. Of course I don’t mean you; I know you would never do that.

Most of us will never be able to totally unload the influences of our past, yet each of us has the ability to go forward with an open mind. How? – By just taking the time to stop and think once in awhile. Study, learn, and then think. We may not be able to change the world, but we can change our world. We have come this far because thinkers were unwilling to accept the beliefs of the day on blind faith. The creators and innovators learn about what was, and then build what will be.

A test of who we are may very well be our ability to state a belief and then follow with why we believe it. They say what you don’t know won’t hurt you, that’s wrong of course, but what you don’t know may very well free you from the bounds of conventional wisdom.

~~~

“Believe nothing.

No matter where you read it,

Or who said it,

Even if I have said it,

Unless it agrees with your own reason

And your own common sense.”

Buddha

~~~

In a stationery store, I quickly picked out a card for my wife for our anniversary.  The clerk was surprised by how little time it took me, and she began relating a story about another customer who spent a half-hour searching for the right anniversary greeting.

Noticing the man lingering over one card after another, the clerk went to see if she could help.

"Is there a problem?" she asked.

"Yes, there is," he replied ruefully.  "I can’t find one my wife will believe."

~~~

Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?

~~~

"Good afternoon, my good barkeep, a pint of Less if you please," said the old man as he entered the tavern.

"’Less’?  Never heard of it," replied the bartender.

"Oh, come now, surely you have," he persisted.

"No, I’m sorry, we certainly don’t stock it.  What is it anyway?  Some foreign beer?"

"Well, I’m not sure," admitted the man.  "It was my doctor who mentioned it.

He said I should drink less."

~~~

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

~~~

She said: Our crew at an ambulance company works 24-hour shifts. The sleeping quarters consist of a large room with several single beds, so we get to know one another’s habits, like who snores or talks in his sleep. While I was having my teeth examined by a dentist one day, he noticed that some of my teeth were chipped.  

"It looks like you clench your jaw at night," he said.  

"No way," I blurted without thinking. "No one has ever said I grind my teeth, and I sleep with a lot of people!"  

~~~

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

~~~

Jamie asked his dad to explain the difference between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

His father picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered, he asked, "Can I speak to Rolf, please?"

"No! There’s no one named Rolf here," replies the person who answered the phone.

The father hung up. "That, my boy, is irritation."

He picked up the phone again, dialed the same number, then asked for Rolf a second time. "No, there’s no one here called Rolf. Go away. If you call again I’m calling the cops," the person said.

The father hung up and said, "That’s aggravation."

"Then what’s frustration?" asked Jamie. The father picked up the phone and dialed the same number a third time.

"Hello, this is Rolf. Have I received any phone calls?"

~~~

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

~~~

"Can people predict the future with cards?" Jessica asked Danny.

"My mother can," Danny replied.

"Really?"

"Yes," Danny told her, "she takes one look at my report card and can tell me exactly what will happen when my Daddy gets home."

~~~

Did you know that the biggest sellers in the bookstores are cookbooks.

The second biggest seller is diet books about how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

~~~

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?

Blonde: I don’t know. Why?

Teller: It was easier to spell.

Blonde: Easier than what?

~~~

Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands,

but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.

Maxim Gorky

~~~

Special Note: If you want to hear how much my voice has changed since I got out of puberty and how gracefully I have aged go to http://tvwebcity.tv/index.php?chanID=9. Select the Joe Slash video presentation on Strengthening the Family and you will see me open the program.

Ray

“Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.”

Henry Ford

The market slumped, I had about $5,000 in unplanned dental work not long ago, my wife’s car needed a little work we discovered today, about $2,000 worth and our furnace just failed with the loss of the main blower that has just recently gone out of warranty. Since these expenses have exceeded our contingency budget we had to draw from elsewhere. I think we are being tested but I am not sure I can stand much more character building. However if this is all there is, we’ll survive, move on, and thank our lucky stars that generally we are far better off than we might otherwise be. I sometimes get criticized because I don’t get angry or too upset when things don’t go my way, thankfully I learned a long time ago that it does absolutely no good to agonize over that which we cannot control.

In realty every problem we face and overcome prepares us to handle the obstacles that we encounter along the way as we live out our lives. It is when we understand that the world does not end whenever something goes wrong and that it is easier to pick ourselves up and move on than it is to stop and cry over our misfortune that our lives become not only more tolerable but also more fruitful.

Here is something I got recently from Gretchen Rubin that can help when things are not all we want them to be:

When we’re faced with serious setbacks, psychological mechanisms kick in to help us see positive aspects in the situation. I’ve been struck by how often people – especially those directly affected — search for opportunities for “post-traumatic growth.”

“This is really showing us what matters,” said one friend. “We have a beautiful family, we have our health, this isn’t a catastrophe.” Someone else said, “It’s been amazing to get so many emails and calls from people who are checking to see how I’m doing – I realize how many friends I have.”

People also use the downward-comparison strategy; they find a way to be grateful by realizing how much worse their situation could be. “We almost moved to Hong Kong, we’re so lucky we didn’t do that.”

People are also taking time to do ordinary, pleasurable things that help give them a sense of normalcy and relief. When I was doing the research for my biography, Forty Ways to Look at JFK , I remember reading a story that an advisor told – I may not have the details right, but as I recall: When this advisor walked into the West Wing during the Cuban missile crisis, he heard Kennedy speaking in a low voice. He assumed that JFK was meeting with someone about the crisis, but then he saw that Kennedy was sitting with his young daughter Caroline in his lap and was reading her a story. The advisor realized that this was one of the ways that Kennedy was staying cool – giving himself breaks from the tension by taking moments with his family.

Other people comfort themselves by reminding themselves to take the long view. “I just keep telling myself, a year from now, this will all be over,” said a friend. “In ten years, it will just be a distant memory.”

This isn’t to say that it’s not appropriate for people to feel unhappy or depressed under certain circumstances. It’s normal and often even helpful to experience negative emotions. But finding ways to make yourself feel better, or to contain the negative emotions to one part of your existence, can make it easier to bear a difficult time. All these coping mechanisms help people deal with an unhappy event.

~~~

Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.

Les Brown

~~~

Murphy’s Law For Frequent Flyers

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.

9. The best-looking person on your flight is never seated next to you.

10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

~~~

In good times and bad, we all need friends who will pray for us, listen to us and lend a comforting hand and an understanding ear when needed.

Unknown

~~~

Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?"

"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

~~~

Never argue with a woman when she’s tired. Or rested.

~~~

Driving home from church one Sunday, the father turned the radio to a country and western station.

"How can you stand that stuff?" complained his 16-year-old son. "It’s all about lonesome cowboys, gunfights, bar rooms and broken hearts."

Knowing his son preferred more modern music, the dad asked, "Well, what’s your music about?"

"That’s the beauty of it," the son said. "You just don’t know!"

~~~

Shared joy is a double joy. Shared sorrow is half sorrow.

Swedish proverb

~~~

She said: Not quite grasping the sanctity of "Monday Night Football," I plunked myself next to my new husband one Monday night to chat. He was distracted by the action on TV and after being shushed a few times, I gave him "the look."

Immediately contrite, he picked up the remote.

"I’m sorry, honey," he apologized. "I’m being rude. You go ahead and talk. I’ll just turn up the volume."

~~~

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

~~~

Barbara is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. "

Regis: "Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I’ll have a go."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it……..

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

"Remember, Barbara, its worth 1 million dollars."

Barbara: "Oh, gees, that’s simple…..Its a cuckoo.

Regis: "You’re sure? You can to stick on $500,000 or play on for the million."

Barbara: "I want to play, I’ll go with C – Cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Absolutely! "

Regis: "Barbara…. .you had $500,000 and you said C – Cuckoo.

Well….you’ re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please! Put your hands together for Barbara.

That night Barbara calls around to Carol and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their champagne, Carol turns to Barbara and asks, "Tell me, how in God’s name did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"Get real!" Barbara replies, "Everybody knows that cuckoos live in clocks."

~~~

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.

Albert Einstein

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

People often say that, in a democracy, decisions are made by a majority of the people.  Of course, that is not true.  Decisions are made by a majority of those who make themselves heard and who vote – a very different thing.

Walter H. Judd

Just a couple of quick thoughts before I get into the excuses.

I was an early voter yesterday and while I was standing in a pretty long line I started talking to others who were there to vote. What impressed me was how serious these folks were and how knowledgeable they were about the candidates and the issues. I have often raised concerns about those who vote who watch a political commercial or two. Possibly this year will be different because of the serious problems we face, I hope so.

Last Saturday I visited my local Sport Clips barber shop where my all time favorite barber practices her trade. I was surprised to see a counter full of baked goods that I soon learned where baked by Amy and her fellow barbers to raise money to buy phone cards for the military serving in Iraq so they can call home over the holidays. Most everything on sale cost only a dollar and I don’t know how much they raised or how many cards they will be able to buy, but I do know they spent time doing something they could do to make our world a little better. They didn’t have to do it but they cared enough that they did. If everyone would give just a little of their time like my friend Amy has done we could work miracles while feeling good about it in the process.

OK here are the excuses; I have an early morning breakfast meeting today followed by a mid-morning lecture and then an early evening seminar. That is besides the normal stuff so I hope you enjoy another dusted off old Daily.

~~~

From the October 29, 2001 Daily

Over the years we collect memorabilia of all kinds. In my case most have been in the form of plaques, certificates, awards, photos, and the like. I plastered my office walls and filled my shelves with these things as the years went by. I often wondered if I did that because of some sort of ego trip or because I needed the reinforcement that comes from knowing someone else thought you did something that had merit, I never learned the answer.

It is only lately that I have discovered the true value of revisiting the things we save from the past. Each is like a snapshot frozen in time that brings back memories of friends, events, and in some cases accomplishments. In total they are like brushstrokes on the canvas that is our lives. Each event is a brick in the platform that we build that allows us to reach for the stars. Without them everyday would be like the last and reaching for the stars would be too great a challenge.

~~~

Our lives would run a lot more smoothly if second thoughts came first.

~~~

One day, two out-of-work ventriloquists are talking on the phone to each other and lamenting their condition. The older one says, "Just between you and me, I’ve been moonlighting lately as a medium."

The young ventriloquist is quite impressed. "Really?" he says. "I didn’t know that you were psychic!"

"Well, to tell you the truth, I’m not," confesses the older man. "But what I did was rent a storefront and bought a small round table, a crystal ball, and a turban. Then, when people come in, I throw my voice and they think that they’re talking to their dead relatives."

"What a great idea!" says the young ventriloquist.

"You should try it too," suggests the first man. "You’ll see, it works great."

The next day, the young man goes out, rents a little storefront, and buys a table, a crystal ball, and a turban. He opens up for business, and an hour later a middle-aged woman walks in. She sits down at the table across from the ventriloquist and asks him, "Can you put me in touch with my long-lost husband?"

"I sure can!" he answers. "Why, for just a hundred dollars, you can hear your husband speak to you from behind that curtain over there. Now I must warn you that his voice might sound a little different, but that’s because he’s talking to you from the spirit world."

"That’s wonderful," says the woman eagerly.

"For a hundred and fifty dollars," the ventriloquist says, "you could have a two -way conversation with your husband, and talk back and forth with him."

The woman’s voice rises in anticipation as she asks, "You mean, I could communicate directly with my dear departed Hubert?"

"Not only that," says the ventriloquist, getting just as excited as the woman. "For two hundred dollars, you could actually carry on a two-way conversation with your husband while I’m drinking a glass of water!"

~~~

I am having an out of money experience.

~~~

How many of these do you remember?

 1. Metal ice trays with levers

 2. Telephone party lines

 3. 45 RPM records

 4. Soda machines that dispensed glass bottles

 5. Tableside jukeboxes in coffee shops

 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

 7. Butch wax

 8. Newsreels before the movie

 9. The unholy trinity: Hitler, Mussolini and Franco

10. Eisenhower, Normandy and D-Day

11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive-6933)

12. Peashooters

13. Howdy Doody

14. Candy cigarettes

15. S&H Green Stamps

16. Hi-fi’s

17. Wire recorders

18. Mimeograph paper

19. Blue flashbulbs

20. Beanie and Cecil

21. Roller skates with keys

22. Cork popguns

23. Drive-in movies

24. Studebaker and Nash automobiles

25. Wash tub wringers

26. Rotary dial phones

IF YOU REMEMBERED…

  0-5 = You’re still young

 6-10 = You are getting older

11-15 = Don’t tell your age

16-20 = You’re older than dirt!

Over 20?… even dirt isn’t as old as you

~~~

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.

The older she gets, the more interested he is in her!

~~~

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "I’ll hear the oldest woman first." The case was closed for lack of evidence.

~~~

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you sit there.

~~~

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.  "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single."

~~~

My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.

CHARLES F. KETTERING

~~~

Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life.

Seneca

In the last few Dailies I mentioned that some of us are going to have to cut back and live a little more frugally, I also suggested that that is not all bad. In fact having the opportunity to begin again is often a godsend as it provides us another chance to make new discoveries and sometimes even to find what we have been looking for all our lives. For some of us taking those first steps are not all that easy since it has been so long since we last had to move out of our comfort zone. I have been fortunate that the last ten or so years of my life have allowed me to find a new world filled with wonder and opportunity and I think you can too if you try.

A few years ago I copied an article on enriching your life written by Scott Young, a university student who planned on making the most out of his life. It offered a number of valuable suggestions on how we can find more than what we have now. Here is an edited version of what he wrote.

• Get a Hobby – Pick up a creative activity that doesn’t have any goals attached. This is something that you enjoy doing, but doesn’t have the looming deadlines, schedule or to-do lists that is common to your workplace.
• Learn a Skill – Learning can be incredibly enjoyable when there is no GPA, performance evaluations or letter grades. Try learning a new language, take up martial arts or learn public speaking.
• Store Opportunities – How often do you see a flyer for an event or activity, but dismiss it because you don’t have the time? My suggestion is to save those interesting activities so that you can apply them when you do have time.
• Write Your Book – I’ve heard statistics that say 8 out of 10 people would like to write a book in their lifetime. Perhaps now is the time to start working on the first draft. I’ve found personal projects like these can be an enjoyable diversion from the externally imposed goals of work or school.
• Exercise – If you don’t like running or going to the gym, don’t force yourself. But there are many different interesting sports and activities that can move your body. Exercising can releases hormones in your brain which improve your mood.
• Always Have a Book – Unsatisfied with channel flipping? Having a book (not just reading blogs) requires you to use your brain. Light reading can be a great way to stay engaged without burning yourself out.
• Use Your Social Circle – Conversing with friends is actually a fairly complex mental task, requiring you to read signals and body language, think fast and respond to comments.
• Games – Games have been around long before Nintendo came around. The prevalence of games in most cultures is probably because playing games is a challenging mental task that produces a state of flow. Learning and playing a game can provide an engaging environment without the stress.
• Create Something – Creativity is often seen as having good ideas. But if you look at the root word of creativity, create, then creativity can be seen as simply building something new. Pick something small, but meaningful, to create. Spending an hour or two working building something can be incredibly rewarding and enjoyable.
• Appreciate – I’m sure I’m not alone in that I like listening to music to relax. Improving upon this would be trying to go deeper into the music you are listening or the art you are looking at. Try to appreciate how different elements work together and build on each other.
• Be in the Now – Focus on whatever you are experiencing in the moment. This sounds trivial at first, but it is actually incredibly difficult to sustain. Being in the now is what Eckhart Tolle believes to be the secret to happiness. Concentrating on your muscles, senses or the environment around you takes mental effort when buffeted by distracting thoughts.
• Work on Yourself – I’m sure few of us can claim that 100% of our time is used exactly how we would like it to be. Spending your free time working on yourself, your habits, your goals and your projects can take more energy but can ultimately make your free time more rewarding.

~~~

Tis easy enough to be pleasant,

When life flows along like a song;

But the man worth while is the one who will smile

When everything goes dead wrong.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

~~~

A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood.

Then suddenly a man in his early 40’s rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.

She replied in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, hell, I can’t throw that far!"

~~~

People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick

~~~

"I don’t understand it, doctor. My weight is just out of control," said Mrs. Pauly. "I’ve gained over 70 pounds in the last two months. Why, just yesterday, my husband called me a Fat Cow!"

"Well," said the doctor, "I’m sure that we can find a cause for this. Let’s begin with an examination. Stick out your tongue and say ‘Mooo.’ "

~~~

“Depend upon yourself. Make your judgement trustworthy by trusting it. You can develop good judgment as you do the muscles of your body – by judicious, daily exercise. To be known as a man of sound judgment will be much in your favor. ”

Grantland Rice

~~~

The physics professor, checking to see how many people had actually read the assignment, asked "What are the two types of light?"

The lab fell quiet until a small voice came from the back of the room, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"

~~~

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

Hugh Downs

~~~

Senior questions???

Q: My wife is going through menopause. What can I do?

A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?

A: The next time you’re in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.

Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "I remember these!!"

~~~

I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail and not drift, nor lie at anchor.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.

One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.

Chinese proverb

As we watch the results of panic that are around us these days it is worth our stopping and taking a breath and exercising patience. It seems like so many are jumping ship that the ship itself is in danger of floundering. I don’t know if my failing to go with the crowd by selling off my holdings will result in my total recovery of what are now paper losses, but I do know if I sell my holdings now all I will have is what they are worth today. I have chosen to be patient, tighten my belt for hopefully just a year or two and ride out the storm and joining in the recovery.

I wonder sometimes if we have been so conditioned by our ability to achieve instant gratification that we have lost the ability to wait until the time is right to take action. Too many have bought today with dollars they thought they would have tomorrow only to find they are not there. Many of our children have never had to make an alternate choice because getting what the wanted was always easy.

It seems to me that when things come too easy we lose our ability to cope with reality. So now for many it is time to discover that it isn’t always easy. In my experience it is those things that we have earned through patient planning and practical acquisition that are most dear.

Right now I may have less in the purse but I have as much if not more in the heart. Maybe I’ll even learn to appreciate all I do have even more.

So my friends I hope that you can find a way to patiently ride out your storms, I know if you do you’ll find your arrival in a safe harbor to be worth the effort.

Here is some counsel from our old friend Ralph Marston that is worth reading:

Think of a time when your reaction to bad news ended up being worse than the bad news itself. Now consider that if you have the power to make something worse by the way you respond, you also have the power to make it better.

Look back over the events in your life, and you’ll see what a powerful role your responses have played. Certainly whatever happens to you has an influence, but what you do about it usually has an even greater influence.

It has been your responses, not the events that preceded them, which have brought you to where you are. And no matter what may come your way, you have the power to respond in whatever way you choose.

So you can blame the weak economy for your misfortune, or you can find in it an opportunity to create new value. You can curse the nasty weather, or you can use it as a time to move forward. You can complain that those around you don’t understand, or you can seek to strengthen your own understanding. You can let yourself be tossed around by random events, or you can direct them all toward your most treasured dream.

How will you respond to the events of life this very day? Whatever you choose, keep in mind that it can make all the difference in the world.

~~~

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.

Helen Keller

~~~

Over dinner, Jill said to John, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!"

"How did you meet this fellow?" John asked, very concerned.

Jill said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car."

~~~

Here’s a new invention — a solar-powered clothes dryer. It’s called a clothes line

~~~

He said: My job is in the Aerospace industry and it’s always been a challenge to explain just what kind of work I do.

At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, "Defense Contractor."

The men nodded and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then one of them turned to me and asked, "So, what do you put up mainly? Chain link?"

~~~

When I was a child, I remember my mom telling me, "Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please." When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please any of them.

~~~

She said: We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night. At four different motels, however, we were told, "Sorry, no vacancies."

Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, "Mom, are we vacancies?"

~~~

Many of our fears are tissue paper thin and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.

Brendan Francis Behan

~~~

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

~~~

Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Unknown

~~~

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, you honor, I’ll have a Scotch and soda."

~~~

The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.

~~~

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, she seemed upset.

"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.

"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered, "I thought he was dead."

~~~

There are three types of people: Those who can count, and those who can’t.

~~~

A woman and a baby waited in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for him to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and commented the baby wasn’t gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast fed," the woman replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.

He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don’t have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I’m his Grandma … but I’m glad I came."

~~~

You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster

~~~

Everyone has some adversity. Everybody has a battle in their lives, and some are more traumatic or obvious than others. You don’t necessarily have to win. You have to endure.

Nancy Grace

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.

Robert Louis Stevenson

I am off to get some internal x-rays and then on to one of my Doc’s. The rest of the day is full as well so here you go again, a Daily out of the past.

First sent on October 24, 2001

When I came home last night from a productive meeting of the board of the Indianapolis Leadership Association I again started to work on my computer problems. As my level of frustration was starting to rise I started to think about my friends who are faced with real problems. I thought about the close friends I have at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) who are in the forefront of the biological terrorism that threaten so many. I thought about my friends at the US Agency for International Development, some posted over seas. I thought about my friends at UNICEF both here and abroad; many in areas of the world where innocent people are suffering from the tragic events being fostered upon us all. You know what? I am truly fortunate that all I have are insignificant problems to deal with.

~~~

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in the world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

A businesswoman is sitting at a bar.

A man approaches her. "Hi, honey," he says. "Interested in a little company?"

"Sure" asks the woman. "What kind of company are you selling?"

~~~

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me, not you!

~~~

Hints on when you can tell it is not going to be a good day:

– You wake up face down on the pavement.

– You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

– You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

– You see a ’60 Minutes’ news team waiting in your office.

– Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

– You want to put the clothes on you wore home from the party but find there aren’t any.

– Your twin brother forgot your birthday.

– You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes from the city.

– Your car horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway.

– Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

– You call your answering service and you’re told to mind your own business.

– Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

– Your tax refund check bounces.

– You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

– Your wife says "Good Morning, Bill" and your name is George.

~~~

Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.

~~~

Hubby – You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife – When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby – You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife – Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

~~~

Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget’s Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday. According to the Associated Press, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied …

~~~

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each

week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same  tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem:  The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it’s not the same hat."

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank.  The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said:  "OK, I give up.  Where’s the boat?"

~~~

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Groucho Marx

~~~

A traveling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order he said he wanted his eggs hard and burned around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard.

The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested.  She then asked if was there anything else she could do for him.

He says, "Yes, sit down across from me, frazzle your hair and start complaining.  I’m home sick!"

~~~

"Misers aren’t fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors."

David Brenner

~~~

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

Don’t unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

What happens if you touch these two wires tog–

We won’t need reservations.

It’s always sunny there this time of the year.

Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.

You can make it easy… that train isn’t coming fast.

Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.

Let’s see if it’s loaded.

Step on her, boy, we’re only going 75.

Just watch me dive from that bridge.

Lemme have that bottle; I’ll try it.

What? Your mother is going to stay another month?

~~~

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

~~~

A priest and a rabbi, who had become best of friends, were having dinner together.

"Come on," said the priest to the rabbi, "when are you going to let yourself go and enjoy a piece of ham?"

"At your wedding," the rabbi replied.

~~~

Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.

Plan more than you can do, then do it.

Anonymous

~~~

Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force.

Tom Blandi

Here is something I ran across the other day that I would like to share.

Once there were three bricklayers busily working at their trade.

When asked what they were doing, the first man answered gruffly “I’m laying bricks,” without ever taking his eyes from his work.

The second man replied, “I’m putting up a wall.”

But the third man said enthusiastically and with obvious pride, “I’m building a cathedral!”

What struck me at the time was how significant those little things we do are to what we build in our lives. The sad part is that we often don’t place as much value on our efforts as we should. In truth every child we nurture, every kindness we offer and every service we provide lays the foundation on which so many good things are built.

Years ago I realized that many of my colleagues never realized the contributions they had made to our success because we just took them for granted. At the time I had management responsibility for major computer support for a multi-state region. Our systems ran factories, were the heart of banking operations and in truth were critical to a wide variety of organizations. It was not unusual for us to require a critical part to be taken to an airport put on a chartered plane to be met upon landing by someone who would rush the needed part to be installed so that a computer could be put back in operation. Sadly the person who got what we needed and rushed to the airport seldom realized the value of their contribution. What I did was initiate a Silent Partner award that included how what they had done allowed a business to get back in operation saving thousands of dollars and untold lost production. Our corporate president heard about the award and added his written congratulations to each winner. The results were amazing and I learned just how important it is to recognize those who make what we do work and to let them know we appreciate it.

As the years have gone by I have come to realize that often we are our own silent partners, seldom stopping to give ourselves a pat on the back for the little things we do that contribute to the greater good. For example just a smile offered to a stranger will often make their day. So don’t view the good things you do as being unimportant for it is through your caring that you help make the world a little better than it would have been without you.

~~~

The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are.

Thomas Dreier

~~~

I often resend the same thing if this is one you have seen before forgive me but I think it is worth repeating.

Things I Have Learned…

I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night"   Age 6  

I’ve learned that our dog doesn’t want to eat my broccoli either.   Age 7  

I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.   Age 9  

I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.   Age 12  

I’ve learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.   Age 14  

I’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, I’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me.   Age 15  

I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.   Age 24  

I’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures.   Age 26  

I’ve learned that wherever I go, the world’s worst drivers have followed me there.   Age 29  

I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe   Age 39  

I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it.   Age 42  

I’ve learned that you can make someone’s day by simply sending them a little note.   Age 44  

I’ve learned that the greater a person’s sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.   Age 45  

I’ve learned that YOUR dance will forever heal you. Age 46  

I’ve learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.   Age 47  

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.   Age 48  

I’ve learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.   Age 49  

I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.   Age 50  

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.   Age 52  

I’ve learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.   Age 52  

I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.   Age 53  

I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.   Age 58  

I’ve learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.   Age 61  

I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.   Age 62  

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.   Age 64  

I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.   Age 65  

I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.   Age 66  

I’ve learned that everyone can use a prayer.   Age 72  

I’ve learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I’ve seen several.   Age 75  

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.   Age 82  

I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.   Age 85  

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.   Age 92  

Sometimes Someone need a little something to make them smile and warm their hearts.   Ageless  

Mostly I’ve Learned… I get too soon old and Too Late smart!  

~~~

Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills. Making the last car payment.

~~~

A very 90 year-old gentleman,  very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady in her mid eighties.

The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?

~~~

"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom."

Thomas Jefferson

~~~

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance.

"Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?"

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think.  Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet."

~~~

Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

Christian D. Larsen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

"My friends are my estate."

Emily Dickinson

Some of you have asked about my recent cruise so here is a brief recap. I sailed from Quebec City in Canada winding up in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The trip took two weeks and we had stops in Saguenay, Quebec; Corner Brook, Newfoundland; Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island; Sydney, Nova Scotia; Halifax, Nova Scotia; Saint John, New Brunswick; Bar Harbor, Maine; Boston, Massachusetts; Newport, Rhode Island and New York City, New York. The weather ran from not bad to great. The colors of the trees in the Northern climes were spectacular. I visited places I have never been before and was rewarded with visits to the past, friendly people and dazzling scenery. The ship was brand new with only small glitches left to be taken care of. The food was as fine as it usually is on a cruise and the combination of lots of walking and if you’ll believe it, self restraint resulted in my not gaining any weight.

One of the highlights of our trip was a visit to my wife’s childhood apartment building at 111^th and the West Side Highway in New York City. Our visit was followed by a challenging three hour walk from there to 52^nd and Broadway to meet relatives and friends for a Cuban luncheon. This was the ultimate test of my two heart operations and med changes and while I was really challenged I made it, the bad news is that I am still sore.

As I think I have told you in the past, I find the best part of cruising is the new friends I get to make; in fact that is how I met a number of you who read Ray’s Daily. Fortunately this was another of those times when luck was with me since we had great dinner tablemates and toured with many good folks. Fortunately while we now have to give up our emphasis on material things we will have more time to concentrate on some of our most meaningful possessions, our friendships. Here is what someone else shared with me on the subject sometime ago and I am glad she did.

Friendships

In life, you will meet many people along the way. Each person who touches our life brings a gift. Some will touch you more than others, but each person comes into your life for a reason. Many times we don’t exactly know why. This person could be a teacher, a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a friend or a stranger. Maybe this person listens when we need to talk or cry. Maybe they help us financially when we are broke. Maybe they talk to us, when we need a different perspective. Maybe they hold us when we don’t deserve it. Maybe they sit with us when our grief is too much to bear alone. Maybe they are just there, so we know we are not alone.

How have we acknowledged this help? Have we taken their gifts of love, compassion, and hope out into the world and offered it to others? We all need to give something back to this world that will help others along their paths. I think we all need to be more thankful. This year, stop, think, and remember all of the people who have crossed your paths and be thankful for them. Say it out loud, say it in silence, but say it.

~~~

"Friendship is like a violin; the music may stop now and then, but the strings will last forever."

~~~

Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of life insurance (his) – an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.

"Abe," she says, with tears in her eyes, "I don’t think you love me."

"Why do you think that?" he asks.

"Because if you really loved me, you would ensure that if anything happened to you, God forbid, I would be properly provided for."

"Sarah," he says angrily, "I need life insurance like I need a hole in the head."

"I know your views," says Sarah, "but I’ve spoken to two of my friends recently and they tell me that their husbands have life insurance – and they’re not as rich as you. If it’s good enough for them, why isn’t it good enough for you?"

"I’ll tell you why," replies Abe, "it’s because they’ve been paying high premiums month after month and what have they got so far in return? Nothing."

"So what if their husbands have been paying for nothing?" says Sarah, "You’ve always told me I’m luckier than my friends – who knows, maybe this time I’ll strike it rich."

~~~

To be alive, to be able to see, to walk; it’s all a miracle.

Arthur Rubinstein

~~~

At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole.

"Are you a pole vaulter?"

"No, I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

~~~

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere."

Glenn Turner

~~~

Jane walked into a pharmacy, strolled over to the counter, and caught the pharmacist’s attention.

"Can I please get some arsenic?" she asked.

"Arsenic? What do you want arsenic for?" asked the pharmacist.

"It’s for my husband," she replied.

"Your husband?" exclaimed the pharmacist, "I hope you don’t mean what I think you mean!"

She just nodded.

"Well, lady," he replied, "I’m an honest man. I can’t sell you arsenic, I wouldn’t if I could, and I don’t know what made you think you could just stroll into a respectable store and expect me me to sell you arsenic!"

She didn’t say a word. She just reached into her purse, fished out a photograph, and handed it across the counter. It was a picture of her husband, in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

Slowly the pharmacist looks up, over the counter, and then straight at her. "Lady," he said, "why didn’t you tell me you had a prescription?"

~~~

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.

Mark Twain

~~~

A minister was opening his mail one morning.  Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word:  "FOOL".

The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name.

"But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."

~~~

"Next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, consider that your garbage disposal eats better than 30% of the world’s population."

~~~

Suzanne and Lorna were talking about their work.

"I hate filing," Lorna said, "No matter how careful I am, I can never find the papers I’m looking for. I forget where I have filed them."

"I used to have that problem too, but no more," Suzanne replied, "Now I make 26 copies of everything I type and file one under each letter of the alphabet. That way, I can’t miss it!"

~~~

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

~~~

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

~~~

“Even though we’ve changed and we’re all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we’re not all still friends.”

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.