Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2007


“Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans”

John Lennon



Here we are again, another “To Much to Do” day. So guess what, you got it, another dip into the past.


May 31, 2001

I thought you might enjoy this e-mail I got from my friend Judy from Chicago yesterday.

I had a good laugh today.  I forwarded your info on your cruise to my husband with a note saying "this sounds like a great cruise and Ray said he got a good price".   A few minutes later my computer dings and I open an e-mail from my husband which says "Who’s Ray?"


May 31, 2002

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding stories to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain:

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do – you forward stories.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward stories.

When you have something to say, but don’t know what, and don’t know how, you forward stories.

To let you know that: you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, you are still wanted, guess what you get? A forwarded story from me.

So my friends and family, next time if you get a story, don’t think that I have sent you just a story, but that I have thought of you today.


May 31, 2004

It is our annual Memorial Day holiday (it was on this day three years ago) here in the United States, it is the time for remembrance of friends, family, and the heroes of the past that are no longer with us. It is the time when many will reflect on the world as it was, and the world as it is today a time when there is tragedy everywhere in the world today. Inhumanity is rampant, genocide is again on the rise in Africa, and whole continents are being threatened by both Aids and famine. What bothers me is how easy it is for us to ignore what as going on as we focus on ourselves. We even find that we can make ourselves feel better by calling those that care, bleeding hearts as if that was a derogatory term. It has been those who cared for the plight of others, the so called bleeding hearts, that are the foundation of the great religions. Would Christ be viewed as a bleeding heart if he walked the earth today? You bet he would.

Only time will tell if we can survive in a world where self-interest is primary and helping to build a better society is secondary. I would hope that in the months and years ahead that we will quit spending so much time justifying our behavior and more time caring for others.


Was this true or what?

SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, life will be different.

The memo pad on my refrigerator door will read, “Afternoon at hairdresser," or, "Browse through art gallery," or, "Start golf lessons," instead of, "Pediatrician at 2:00," or, "Cub Pack Meeting."

SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, the house will be free of graffiti. There will be no crayoned smiley faces on the walls, no names scrawled in furniture dust, no pictures fingered on steamy windows, and no initials etched in bars of soap.

SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I’ll get through a whole chapter of an engrossing book without being interrupted to sew a nose on a teddy bear, stop a toddler from eating the dog food, or rescue the cat from the toy box.

SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I won’t find brown apple cores under the beds, empty spindles on the toilet paper hanger, or fuzzy caterpillars in denim jeans. And I will be able to find a pencil in the desk drawer, a slice of leftover pie in the refrigerator, and the comics still in the centre of the newspaper.

SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I’ll breeze right past the gumball machine in the supermarket without having to fumble for pennies; I’ll stroll freely down each aisle without fear of inadvertently passing the candy or toy sections; and I’ll choose cereal without considering what noise it makes, what prize it contains, or what color it comes in.

SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I’ll prepare Quiche Loraine, or Scallops Amandine, or just plain liver and onions, and no one will say, "Yuk! I wish we were having hot dogs!" or, "Jimmy’s lucky, his mom lets him eat chocolate bars for dinner." And we’ll eat by candle light, with no one trying to roast their peas and carrots over the flame to "make them taste better," or arguing about who gets to blow out the candle when we’re done.

SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I’ll get ready for my bath without first having to remove a fleet of boats, two rubber alligators, and a soggy tennis ball from the tub. I’ll luxuriate in hot, steamy water and billows of bubbles for a whole hour, and no fists will pound on the door, no small voices will yell, "Hurry up, Mommy! I gotta go!"

YES when the kids are grown, life will be different. They’ll leave our nest, and the house will be Quiet…. and calm…. and empty…. and lonely…. And I won’t like that at all! And then I’ll spend my time, not looking forward to SOMEDAY, but looking back at YESTERDAY.


I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

Fran Lebowitz


A Jewish Neurotic is a person who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about something that won’t happen in the future, like normal people.


A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don’t like that new boyfriend, he’s rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred’s ever so clever, we’ve only been going out nine weeks and he’s cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."


A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.


"I have good news and bad news," the defense attorney told his client. "First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene."

"Oh, no!" cried the client. "What’s the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is only 180."


Doug and Bill were at the racetrack.

Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race, the track tells the government."

Bill says, "Well it could be worse."

Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the government you won $600."

Bill sighs, "Telling your wife."


If you want to keep your memories, first you have to live them.

Bob Dylan


 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Forgive Them


“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Lewis B. Smedes


Smedes quote is one of the biggest keys to happiness. I know far too many people who seldom forgive and hold grudges for year after year. I have a close friend that has never forgiven a slight made over thirty years ago. The price being paid is that a possible great friend has been lost for life. Who gets hurt? The one who holds on to anger and hate is the one that is hurt. Show me a happy person and I’ll show you someone who puts the past behind them and sees the freedom that provides for them to enjoy life.


Sure there are those who make us uncomfortable. There are even people who we might never like. The truth is all we have do is let them be who they are and move on to the people who we not only like but those that like us in return. I forgive all those who trespass and even love some of them as I have gotten to know them. So my friends if there is something that you have done and I don’t know about, I forgive you so go out and have some fun,


“Do everything. Love as much as you can. it may hurt but it helps us grow. Give all you have…you may be poor but you will be content. Always forgive….your heart can not afford not to. Teach what you know and learn what you don’t. Stay open to all”

Author Unknown


I think I told you the other day that I just got hearing aids. The thing I don’t understand is why all my friends waited until I got them before the stopped mumbling.


A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening."


"There is only one pretty child in the world, And every mother has it."

~~  Traditional Proverb  ~~


A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location.

"It’s only a stone’s throw away from the beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

The reply was, "It’s the one with all the broken windows."


Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?


During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."


I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labour for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner-


A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number. 

"What kind of car was he driving?" the husband asked.

"I don’t know," she said.  "I never can tell one car from another."

At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and so for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.

It worked.  About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said with obvious pride, "I just hit a brand new Buick!"


"It is time to start living the life you’ve imagined."

Henry James


"Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl – and one night, an owl called back to him.  For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth.  He even kept a log of the "conversation."  Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights … calling out to owls," she said.

"That’s odd," the neighbor replied.  "So does my husband."

Then it dawned on them.


"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."

H.L. Mencken


One night Gwen found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism.Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

"A penny for your thoughts." she whispered in his ear.

"It’s amazing!" Randy replied. "I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib that nice for only $46.50!"


"When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet."

Nick Arnette


Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:

"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.

With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"


"When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Then when they’re gone, I can catch up on my nap."

     Tom Sims


While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock", the man replied.

"How’s it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch", the man said, then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!"


Confusion not only reigns, it pours.


A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"

The man said, "You don’t understand. I need a card that covers BOTH events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday…"


You are never so strong as when you forgive.


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

I wish you immortality!

All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.


I went to one of my grandson’s high school graduation the other night. The ceremony was really well done. It was at a major theatre, all the teachers were in their academic gowns sitting in rows behind the podium and presentation area. The retiring President of the school, it is a Catholic high school, made a moving closing speech. One of the things he said really hit home with me, he referenced the teachers sitting behind him and said we might see Mrs. Johnson. Mr. More and the like but he saw the minds of Mendelssohn, Einstein, Aristotle and the ideas that have lingered over the centuries.


What he said struck me as what immortality is all about. It is our words and actions that linger on well after we have gone. We may not be referenced in any classroom but we can be remembered for our kindness, caring, and love of others. I hope that my grandson, his brother, and his cousins will think of me with fondness after I am gone and that they will let their children know that their family did care.


Memorial Day here in the US in the US was only three days after the graduation. Our Memorial Day is a time when those who have died in war are remembered. I could not help but wonder how many Beethoven’s, Plato’s, and other great contributors we have lost because of early death in war. It hurts me to know that in our country many of our children must die in order to be given the title of hero. Over the years there have been great heroes who fought out of patriotism and commitment to a just cause. Sadly though, I think that too many of our sons have been lost because they were at a place not of their choosing. So many of our young people have joined the service because they cannot afford college, have no other place to go, or have lost their way. We end up paying them big bonuses to fight our war while we sit back and make no sacrifices. Is this much different than those of old who were hired as mercenaries? I don’t care about your politics or what you think of the wars being fought today, I just hope that you feel the pain that comes from the death of each of these innocents. They may never have become famous but they might have become a grandparent who could take pride in the graduation of a grandchild and then live on in their memories.


The future lies before you

Like a field of driven snow,

Be careful how you tread it,

For every step will show.

~Author Unknown



1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your checkbook. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check.  

2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT’S THE LAW!!!  

3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it’s okay. That way, if he says "yes," then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says "no," then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win!  

4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won’t be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any.  

5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don’t be rushed. Get it right. If you’re not sure just say, "BAG." That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store.  

6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn’t choose plastic.  

7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don’t want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don’t fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are.  

8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag.  

9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life.  

10. Don’t forget rule NO. 8  

11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it’s finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time.  

12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you’re doing, don’t feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite– but you don’t have to.  

13. When the store is not busy and there is only one checkstand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don’t want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one.  

14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don’t, tell him it’s "2-something" or "3-something." The clerks love that because they don’t get to use their SOMETHING keys very often.  


It isn’t how much time you spend somewhere that makes it memorable;

It’s how you spend the time.

David Brenner


A man is in court. The Judge says, "on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"

"Guilty", said the man in the dock.

At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.

The Judge continued "….. and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?

"Guilty", said the man in the dock.

Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!

At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"

He replied "He is my next door neighbor".

The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".

The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don’t understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn’t have one"!!!


Half the people in the world are below average.


"So," Jane asked the detective she had hired. "Did you tail my husband?"

"Yes ma’am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment."

A big smile crossed Jane’s face. "Aha! I’ve got him!" she said gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?"

"No ma’am." replied the sleuth, "It’s pretty clear that he was following you."


On some flights the only thing airlines are letting you take on are a passport and cash.

The passport, of course, for identification and the cash, so they can sell you a bottle of water for $20.


In a completely rational society, the best of us would aspire to be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for something less, because passing civilization along from one generation to the next ought to be the highest honor and the highest responsibility anyone could have.  

Lee Iacocca



 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world

Bye bye for now, see you next week.

“Promise me you’ll never forget me because if I thought you would I’d never leave.”

Winnie the Pooh


Things are pretty hectic here in the Circle City. As always the last days leading up to the Indianapolis 500 are loaded with pre-race day events. I’ll again be working at the Speedway for the Salvation Army in the morning. I know that there is global TV and news coverage of the event, in fact there is so much coverage that the press has not reported that I have a grandson graduating from High School on Friday and a grand daughter that is graduating from Middle School tomorrow.


If your family is like mine you realize that the end of the school year coupled with graduations and all the other May events fills most of our days for at least part of the month. In my case I did not clear the decks so that I could concentrate on being available for what is going on in order to make sure I had enough time to do the daily everyday this week. I hope you have learned not to expect too much from me and will understand that I will stop the daily presses until next week. Don’t worry in my absence, I am fine. In fact today I was fitted with hearing devices that now allow me to understand what people are saying and I am in the process of learning what my wife has been telling me all these years. OK don’t laugh and there is no off button so I will be shifting from I didn’t hear you to I didn’t understand you.


So bye bye wherever you are. I’ll see you next week, and hear some of you too.


Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn’t music.

William Stafford


Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?

Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?

Have you ever run into someone who was gruntled, ruly or peccable? 

And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all).  That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.


A foolish husband remarks to his wife: "Honey, you stick to the washin’, ironin’, cookin’, and scrubbin’. No wife of mine is gonna work.


She said: After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot.  Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.

Wow," the woman said.  "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car."

"Actually," I replied, "that’s my husband."


College  — The four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.


A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer.  After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.

After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I’ll go home."

~~~ I

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery


Your in trouble if:

Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.

You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.

The little league puts you on waivers.

Your suggestion box starts ticking.

Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.

They pay your wages out of petty cash.


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza …

Dave Barry


Margaret was royally peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can’t have this without a prescription because it’s a habit-forming drug."

"IT IS NOT!!!!" Screamed Margaret! "I ought to know: I’ve been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"


Make God laugh, "Tell him your plans"

Ken Hall


"Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?"

"A little over three tons, ma’am," said Johnny promptly.

"Why, Johnny, that isn’t right," said the teacher.

"No, ma’am, I know it ain’t," said Johnny, "but they all do it."


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill


Bernie says to his wife Sarah, "Let’s go out tonight, darling and have some fun."

Sarah replies, "OK, but if you get home before I do, please leave the light in the hall on."


Our policy is to always blame the computer.


The young woman looked up from her hospital bed at the handsome doctor and said breathlessly, "They tell me, doctor, that you’re a real lady killer." The doctor smiled, "Maybe so. But the jury threw the case out of court due to lack of evidence"


Mom, I’ll always love you, but I’ll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.


A small social club was trying to organize a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, but finally found a ninth to play. In desperation, they called on a new member, an Englishman, to join their team. During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park. "Run!" his teammates cried. "For God’s sake, run!" The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan’t run," he replied. "Why should I? I’m perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball."


Life has no romance without risk.

Sarah Doherty


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

What about tomorrow?

To give up the task of reforming society is to give up one’s responsibility as a free man.

Alan Paton



I worked over the weekend at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway with a fellow Salvation Army volunteer. She is a decade or two younger than I am yet we found we had much in common. Some of our conversation centered on the youth that will soon manage our world and our lives. We wondered if the pressures and materialism faced by many results in their being to narrowly focused to be able to deal with the broader responsibility of governing our society. Have they time for the humanities? Have they been sold on the idea that all politics is bad? Are they convinced that there is nothing anyone can do? I hope the answer is not to all of these, at least in our very best and brightest.


For some reason I started to think about how much of how we are so often distracted by so much activity around us everyday that we fail to invest in what might be a better tomorrow. Sometime ago I picked up some ideas that I think are important


  • Find your own happiness. It amazes me how many of us don’t stop long enough to analyze what gives us pleasure. Too often we let others decide where we should look for happiness. I suggest that if you like to read then read. If you like to travel then travel. And if you want to see what you might be missing, get involved.
  • Stray from the path once in awhile. Many of us reach the starting line in our lives and always follow the course laid out by others. Almost always you will find that it is those who stray from the beaten path who contribute the most to building a better world.
  • Don’t run too fast. I pity those who run so fast that they never see anything around them. Sadly when they get to the finish line they find the race is over and their lives have ended. Everyone is a resource that should be used and not wasted, stop once in awhile and regroup for it is often the new beginning that allows us to be all we might be.
  • Let go! Don’t let the past define our future. Some will say that doing it the same way we always did provides us proven results, don’t kid yourself too often this just provides us the excuse to coast with what we have. Those who stay in the past stagnate, and they become the past, as the one thing you can be sure off the world is always changing whether we do or not.


There is a lot more I could say but I won’t. The bottom line is that if our leaders of tomorrow don’t know themselves, don’t take a risk once in awhile, don’t stop to see if there is a better way, and lock them selves into the past because it is a safe harbor, then my friends I fear that my golden years will not be as bright if those who will have the power to manage society let us down.


The way people in democracies think of the government as something different from themselves is a real handicap.

Lewis Mumford


Selma telephones home with some exciting news:

"Mama, I got married." "Mazel Tov," says Mama.

"I might as well tell you, Mama, he’s not of our Faith." "So he’s a goy. But am I prejudiced?"

"But, Mama, he’s also black." "So he’s a schvartzeh. By me, everybody should be tolerant."

"Well, frankly, Mama, he’s also unemployed." "So, you’ll support him. A wife should help

her husband."

"But, Mama, we have no place to live." "Don’t worry, Selma, dear. You’ll move in with us."

"But Mama, you have only one bedroom." "That’s okay. You and your husband can have the bedroom."

"Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa sleep?" "Papa can sleep on the couch in the living


"Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?"

"Selma, dear, about me you don’t need to worry. The minute I get off the phone…I’m going to drop dead."


Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.


Nadine and Jill got summer jobs as cashiers in a grocery store.

Nadine is ringing up an order on her line and comes to a small dairy carton that isn’t scanning and has no price on it.  She yells out to Jill, "How much is half-and-half?"

Without a moment’s hesitation Jill replied, "One."


Seven out of 10 people say they are feeling the pinch of high gas prices.

The other three have bought siphoning equipment.

Jim Barach


New Office Work Rules

1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor’s statement as proof of illness, as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.  

2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.  

3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.  

4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.  

5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms. In the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order, for instance, those with last names beginning with "A" will be allowed to go from 9:00-9:05, and so on. If you are unable to go at your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes around again.  

6. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you’ll never do enough.  

7. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.  

8. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.   




He had delusions of adequacy."

Walter Kerr


After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service.

The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister.

"I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I’d like to meet him."


Vuja De – The Feeling You’ve Never Been Here.


In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time.  

"For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?"  

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."  

"Why is that?" Asked the professor.  

"For one thing," the student said, "She’d be way too old."  


"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."



Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.


It has been a long day!




I spent most of my day today working at the Salvation Army Guest Services stand at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Standing for six and a half hours on concrete was a challenge and my brain has gone partially dead so here is another blast from the past.


From the May 18, 2005 daily.


I had lunch yesterday with my all time favorite Irish, red headed, political science college professor. Of course she is the only Irish PHD that I know, but even if I knew others she would still be a favorite. It is pure pleasure to sit with her as we solve the world’s problems. Yesterday was somewhat special as she gave me a newly published book authored by her husband that has been getting positive reviews in the national press. Now I am in a quandary since if I gave her anything I wrote she would not be able to read it, would learn of my inability to spell and my failure to properly punctuate. I am hoping that since I am more than 20 times older than her son that she will overlook my shortcomings.


While lunching we spent part of the time talking about the youth of today. I questioned whether today’s young people are committed to helping solve the problems of today’s society. Hopefully I am wrong but it seems to me that some of the spark of youth that has driven so many in the past is missing today. It looks to me that much of the young, like so many of us, have decided that it is just too much trouble to get involved. I am concerned that too many today find it easier to drop out, leaving the responsibility for the society we live in to others. If not us, and not them, then who will manage the world in which we live? Society today is as much what we have left to others as it is the result of natural political evolution. I hope I am wrong, I often am. While I continue to be personally optimistic I wish I was as hopeful for the world that we have built. What we reap today is the result of what we sowed yesterday.


Our children are the product of our counsel, our nurturing, and our example. It is as Dorothy Law Holte wrote:

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn;

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight;

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy;

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty;

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient;

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence;

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate;

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice;

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith;

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself;

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.


I know there is still hope as long as there are teachers like my friend who share their knowledge and wisdom with their students. It is up to us to make sure they are not alone as they develop the citizens of tomorrow who will run the communities in which we live.


WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people’s.

A grandfather is a man grandmother.

Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also! Why we shouldn’t step on "cracks."

They don’t say, "Hurry up."

Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

Grandparents don’t have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like "why isn’t God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"

When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad.


In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but how many can get through to you.

Mortimer J. Adler


Moe and Lenny are strolling home from Shul one Saturday morning.

Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.

"Well," said Lenny. "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."

"Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn’t you read that book I lent you, ‘The Other Side of the Story,’ about the command to judge other people favorably? I’ll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving’s behavior."

"Yeah, like what?"

"Maybe he’s sick and needs to go to the hospital."

"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab, he’s healthier than Arnold Schwartzennegger."

"Well, maybe his wife’s having a baby."

"She had one last week."

"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."

"She’s home."

"Well, maybe he’s running to the hospital to get a doctor."

"He is a doctor."

"Well, maybe he needs supplies from the hospital."

"The hospital is a three minute walk in the opposite direction."

"Well, maybe he forgot that it’s Shabbos!"

"Of course he knows it’s Shabbos. Didn’t you see his tie? It was his paisley beige l00% silk Giovanni tie from Italy. He never wears it during the week."

"Wow, you’re really observant! I didn’t even notice he was wearing a tie."

"How could you not notice? Didn’t you see how it was caught on the back fender of the taxi?"


"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."


A professor at the Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliché-ridden lectures.  

At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase.  

For example, when the professor said, "On the other hand," that counted as a base hit. "By the same token" was a strike out; "and so on" counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball.  

On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly.  

Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.  


Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her."   

"Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her."  

"Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don’t tell her I told you that she told me."  


She was right then and I hope she is now.


The young do not know enough to be prudent,

and therefore they attempt the impossible — and achieve it,

generation after generation.

Pearl S. Buck


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Invest in your day!

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.  Anthony J. D’Angelo



I have a friend who ever since I can remember has touted attitude as the secret to a happy and productive life. He even hands out lapel pins that say ATTITUDE. I have learned over the years that my friend is right on target. We lay the foundation for the day we will have each morning depending on our attitude. I honestly believe that if we expect the worst, the worst will happen, or at least we will convince ourselves that it has. It is when we go forth with a positive attitude that our day has the best chance of being all we want it to. That does not mean that we won’t be challenged, we will be, but it does mean that we see challenge as just another part of life, something to be faced, overcome, and left behind.


I think the right attitude is even more; it is the frame around the picture in which we live. A meadow filled with flowers is also a field without a road. We can either bask in the beauty of the field or bemoan the fact that there is no path. It is those who see the flowers who fulfill the promise that the phrase “Stop and smell the roses” holds out for each of us. They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, it is but you won’t see it if you don’t open your eyes and let it in.


Here is what Charles Swindoll said about the subject and I think what he says is worth our remembering each day.


"The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing that we can do is to play on the one string we have and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes."


Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.

Chinese Proverb


Facts of Life

* Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.  

* There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.  

* Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.  

* Don’t worry about the world ending today…It’s already tomorrow in Australia (unless you’re in Australia -then start worrying).

* Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.  

* Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.  

* A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.  

* Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.  

* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.  

* If at first you don’t succeed … well, so much for sky diving.  

* A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two things: 1 – Women, 2 – Fractions  


The world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.

Helen Keller


The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.  Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.  

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.  

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.  

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.  

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.  


Aggravated wife to husband who’s hiding behind the newspaper:

"You can stop saying, ‘Uh-huh.’  I stopped talking an hour ago."


Anyone who’s ever been to a "teaching hospital" knows to expect a group of students to descend upon them at any time. At one such hospital, in the recovery room, a bunch of students gathered around a beautiful blonde who, even in a gown, was obviously very well endowed.  

Recovery is an excellent place for student doctors to become familiar with variations in heartbeats while the body comes back to normal from the operation and the anesthesia.  

The first student approached the patient calmly and proceeded to listen intently to her heartbeat through the stethoscope.

The group was silent as he did so. The woman hesitated, then looked sympathetically into the eyes of the doctor-to-be. Reaching up, she gently placed the earpieces into his ears.  


Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do.


Obtainable Affirmations

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.  

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.  

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.  

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.  

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.  

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.  

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.  

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.  

9. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.  

10. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.  


Goodness is a special kind of truth and beauty.

It is truth and beauty in human behavior.

H.A. Overstreet


It doesn’t make sense. You’re flying at 500 m.p.h., 30,000 feet in the air, and the pilot tells you to feel free to roam around the plane. But when you’re on the ground taxiing to the gate at 1 m.p.h., he tells you to remain seated for your own safety.


Jill:  I had to take the bus the other day, and a gentleman asked his young son to give up his seat "for the lady" – ME!

Mary:  Well, that was just common courtesy, right?

Jill:  I don’t know.  The boy was sitting on his father’s lap!


I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

Elayne Boosler


In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor. One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe nonlinear waterfowl issue." Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"

The programmer replied, "They don’t have all their ducks in a row."


I have found that if you love life,

Life will love you back.

Arthur Rubinstein


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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