Ray's musings and humor

Archive for June, 2021

Ray’s Back

Ray’s Daily

June 30,2021

http://rays-daily.com

There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.

David Burns

While I am back with a new computer itwill take me awhile to get Ray’s Daily back to normal. In the meantime here is a aily from the past.

 Ray’s Daily first published on June 30, 2008

It’s another one of those days, I have no idea what I’ll write but here goes anyway, and we’ll be surprised together.

First I guess I should report on what I have lost over the past few days. The technology gods continued to challenge my skill and my pocket book. Saturday I had no computer info on my display so I called my friendly Indian Dell guy who I must admit had patience with my inability to easily understand English. As we proceeded to pull that and poke this it became obvious that my flat screen monitor had died. He also let me know that the warrantee extension I bought a few years ago ran out three weeks ago, which of course is the reason it waited to fail until now. So off I go to my local Dell outlet and was able to get a new wide flat screen monitor for a couple of hundred dollars. With the upgraded firmware for my GPS, a new Keyboard, a new Blackberry phone and this latest purchase I hope I have sacrificed enough to technology for awhile.

I also learned on Saturday that one of the people who has allowed me to help them decide what they want to do with their lives just landed a job that will be the platform for some good things in the years ahead. She has chosen a company that provides the environment and job content that she was looking for. I am happy for her but will miss our weekly sessions. Fortunately she joins the ranks of a number of my new friends who worked hard to make a midlife career change to something that makes them happy. I am lucky that these people are willing to spend the hours we take discovering what they want to do with their lives and then working out a plan that will help them realize their dreams.

The good news is that so many end up with what they want, the sad news is that there are so many that want to see what we might do together that I have a hard time seeing everyone. I have five new requests today alone which means I’ll be working with at least 10 people in the coming weeks. We usually spend a minimum of two hours once or twice a week so you can see the week fills up pretty fast. I have been successful in giving up most of my leadership positions so that I can devote as much time as possible to those who think I can help. I am often asked why I do it when I don’t ask for anything in return, my response is that I get paid by new friendships and knowing that often someone’s life is happier than it might have been had we not met.

If the truth be known most of what I do is help people understand that it is perfectly alright to be themselves and do what makes them happy. And in almost every case these are good people just like you and they go on to do what they can to brighten the lives of others.

~~~

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

Helen Keller

~~~

Four-year-old Little Johnny asked, “Mummy, where do babies come from?

“The stork, dear.” replied Johnny’s Mom.

“Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?” Asked Little Johnny.

Johnny’s mother answer, “The police, dear.”

“Mummy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?”

“The fire department, dear.”

“Mummy, where does food come from?”

“Farmers, dear.”

“Mummy?”

“Yes, dear?”

“What do we need Daddy for?”

~~~

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

~~~

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, “I suppose you will want some identification.”

He replied, without hesitation, “No ma’am, that won’t be necessary.”

“How come?” asked the woman.

“Crooks don’t buy peat moss.” answered the clerk.

~~~

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

~~~

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, “Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?”

The boy baby quickly chirps up, “I’m a boy baby!”

“How can you tell?” asks girl baby.

“Easy,” says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. “See…..blue booties”

~~~

Some people hate getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it 3-4 times a day.

~~~

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein’s theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.

“Well, Zayda, it’s sort of like this.  Einstein says that if you’re having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like an hour.  But if you’re sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an hour seems like a minute.”

The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a moment and says, “And from this he makes a living?”

~~~

Each one of us can work for a small change in the world around us.

Lamar S. Smith

~~~

This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office. “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer said.

“Give me the bad news first.”

“Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.”

“That’s the bad news?” asked the man incredulously. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”

“The terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”

~~~

“He knows so little and knows it so fluently.”

Ellen Glasgow

~~~

Morris had died.

His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris’ Last Will and Testament.

“To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”

~~~

It ain’t necessarily so, but when people with money meet people with experience, the people with experience tend to get the money and the people with the money tend to get experience.

Joe Klock

~~~

Linda was driving her old beat up car on the Highway with her 7 year old son. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her.

After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road, she looked at her speedometer to see she was doing 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind.

Linda looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. She waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, “Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?”

Her son piped up from the back seat, “I do… because you couldn’t catch the other cars!”

~~~

Men spend their lives in anticipations,—in determining to be vastly happy at some period when they have time. But the present time has one advantage over every other—it is our own. Past opportunities are gone, future have not come. We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer the tasting of them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age.

Charles Caleb Colton

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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Life Goes On

Ray’s Daily

June 4, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground.

Theodore Roosevelt

Each of us has the rest of our lives ahead. It is up to us to make them as good as possible. Some os may just go with the flow and not take any intiatives make the days ahead special.

Recently I got the following from Joe Gordon that suggests how we can take our life’s boat to some amazing places.

11 Leadership / Life Lessons

The Oar

1.       The oar is the symbol of strength. It’s the only thing that can take you from where you are to where you want to go. The great thing about the oar is you determine whether you put in the water or whether you take it out.

2.       If you don’t think you can, nobody will get you there. If you think you can, you can get around others who think you can… and then you can.

3.       There’s good things and hard things to get through. There’s no bad things. Only opportunistic situations.

The Boat

1.       The bigger your boat is the farther you can go. The more you give, and the more you serve, and the more you sacrifice the bigger your boat is going to get. Little boats sink in storms. Big boats float. Not only do they float, big boats take people farther.

2.       If you’re not willing to sacrifice for what you want, whoever is going to sacrifice more is going to get there. Someone who wants it more is going to pass you on the way to getting there.

3.       If you want to go far in life, make your life not about you. Make it about other people. Make it about serving and giving.

The Compass

1.       If you want to be extraordinary, you have to get around the extraordinary people. Who better to teach you about being extraordinary than the extraordinary.

2.       You can’t see the future but you row in the present. You can’t control the future but you can control aspects of the present.

Closing Thoughts

1.       The Row The Boat lifestyle is about never giving up and not allowing the circumstance to dictate your behavior.

2.       It’s finding a way to think optimistically about everything.

3.       Trained behavior becomes boring habits. Boring habits become elite instinct. The elite get to the elite instinct. The average stop in the boring habits because they lose interest.

~~~

Difficult and meaningful will always bring more satisfaction than easy and meaningless.

Maxime Lagacé

~~~

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

The first kid says,” A circumcision.”

The second kid says, “Whoa, Good luck buddy! I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year.”

~~~

Keep running after a dog and he will never bite you.

~~~

THE TOP 29 REASONS DOGS DON’T USE COMPUTERS. YET.

20. Can’t stick their heads out of Windows XP.

19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.

17. Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit.

16. Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got Mail.”

15. Fire hydrant icon is very frustrating.

14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they’re browsing http://www.pethouse.com instead of working.

13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee.

12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver

11. Still trying to come up with an “emoticon” that signifies tail-wagging.

10. Oh, but they WILL… with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.

8. ‘Cause dogs ain’t GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand…

7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.

3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup.alt.pictures.master’s.leg.

2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Do Not Use Computers..

1. TrO{gO BOW DsA[M,bN WOW HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,RUFF.

~~~

Don’t think of it as getting hot flashes.

Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

~~~

Late one night, I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick.

“How old is the coffee you have here”? I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter.

She shrugged.

“I don’t know. I’ve only been working here two weeks.”

~~~

The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.

Chinese proverb

~~~

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming around the zoo.

This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “Oh, about a thousand feet, I think… unless somebody remembers to lock the gate at night!”

~~~

When men send flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.

~~~

An efficiency expert, called into a company to find out why they were losing money, stopped one man and asked him what he did.  

“Nothing,” said the employee.  

The expert turned to another man standing nearby and asked him what he did.  

“Nothing,” was his reply.  

“Oh,” said the efficiency expert, “too much duplication.”  

~~~

Sing the song that only you can sing, write the book that only you can write, build the product that only you can build… live the life that only you can live.

Naval Ravikant

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

What List Are You On?

Ray’s Daily

June 3, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.”

Misty Copeland

I am having lunch today with a few folks who have become my close friends over the last few years. One friend moved away when the Covid epidemic shut is in many months ago. She joined us today just to renew our friendships.

When you reach my age you have to get use to the fact that friends will not be around forever. Here in my senior community there are many opportunities to earn new friends. I use the word earn because it is who we are and how we behave that allows us to develop new friendships. Here is a story that reminded me of how we should view our relationships.

Whose list are you on?

I had to say goodbye to someone. You know I hate goodbyes, so I struggled with what I needed to say to him. But at the same time I discovered something special about how I feel about people and myself.

The following is taken, in part, from the note I just emailed to him:

‘It’s the thing about caring for people. They get into your life, sometimes briefly, and manage to become a part of who you are. Not all people, but those special individuals who arrive unexpectedly and linger there.

How does it happen?

They are the ones who, the first time you meet them, touch you in such a way that they leave an imprint on your heart. They are the people you look for and hope to meet along the way. They make the journey easier. Some become close friends and share everyday happenings in your life. Others just pass through leaving behind bits and pieces of who they are.

Then there are those who are always there, but off in the distance somewhere within reach whenever you need them. You may only see them once in awhile, but when you do you are made better, lifted up, energized by the time you shared with them.’

After reading this I thought about the many people in my life who fit into this group. I realized how many people I depend on each day, sometimes just to get through it. I am blessed beyond measure.

It also brought up this question…’Am I one of those people?’ Wouldn’t it be great if we could become more like the people we personally depend on? Like the old, ‘If you want a good friend, be one.’ or, ‘Be the change you want to see in the world.’

Look at the people around you that you love and depend on daily. Make a list of all of the qualities they possess that you admire and value. Now, take that same list and ask yourself, ‘I am I as good a person?’ Do you reflect those same qualities in the lives of others? Now, ask yourself, ‘Whose list are you on?’

Written by Bob Perks

~~~

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.”

Elie Wiesel

~~~

AUTOMOBILE INSURANCE CLAIMS

  1. “The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.”
  2. “I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.”
  3. “I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight”
  4. “The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.”
  5. “I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way”
  6. “A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”
  7. “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.”
  8. “Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”
  9. “I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”
  10. “As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.”
  11. “The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

~~~

“The best way to cheer yourself up: Cheer everybody else up.”

Mark Twain

~~~

The day after a man lost his wife in a freak scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr Wilkins, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

One of the policemen says, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr Wilkins says, “Go Ahead. Give me the bad news first.”

The policeman says, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in San Francisco Bay.”

“Oh, my gosh!” says Mr Wilkins, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, “So, what’s the good news?”

“Well,” the policeman says, “when we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good-size Dungeness crabs on her.”

“If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” Mr Wilkins demanded.

The policeman replies. . .      “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning!”

~~~

“Look to the future, because that is where you’ll spend the rest of your life.”

George Burns

~~~

At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

“It won’t work,” countered the woman. “You see, I’m not the mother, I’m the aunt.”

~~~

Mr. Smith goes to see his supervisor.

“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage; you know, moving and hauling stuff.”

“We’re short-handed, Smith,” the boss says.  “I can’t give you the day off. No way.”

“Thanks, boss,” says Smith.  “I knew I could count on you!”

~~~

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

Stephen Wright

~~~

Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again looking down in the dumps.  “What’s wrong now Doug,” asked Bill.

Doug replies, “They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for.”

“Yeah, so what’s the problem with that?” asks Bill.

Doug sighs, “Well it seems that I am best suited for unemployment.”

~~~

Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right’. Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.

Napoleon Hill

~~~

Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. “Honey,” my Dad finally said one day, “why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was ‘forgive and forget.'”

“It is,” she said. “I just don’t want you to forget that I’ve forgiven and forgotten.”

~~~

Inside every older lady is a younger lady — wondering what the hell happened.

Cora Harvey Armstrong-

~~~

“The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.

“You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”.

“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience..

“I watched my wife”s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained.

“She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets,often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”

~~~

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

June

Ray’s Daily

June 2, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“In June as many as a dozen species may burst their buds on a single day.

No man can heed all of these anniversaries; no man can ignore all of them.”

Aldo Leopold

Ray’s Daily first published on June 2, 2006

~~~

Can you believe it, it is June already. For us in the Northern half of the world summer is just over the horizon. Flowers are everywhere, airconditoners are starting their annual roar, the birds of summer abound, June brides are primping, and time continues to march on. I only wish that June’s pleasantries were shared by all, far too many will die of starvation, dehydration, or the ravages of war during the month.

Besides doing what we can for others we must continue to live in our space. For those of you who live in the US please remember that June is:

National Turkey Lover’s Month – Does this mean that those of us who have been called turkeys can expect love this month? I think not, more likely they are honoring those who devour turkeys and I hope that only applies to fowl and not humans.

National Accordion Awareness Month – Don’t worry, if there is an accordion player close by we will be aware.

National Dairy Month – Where would we be if it were not for the cow and her well used…….mammary glands.

National Fiction is Fun Month – Do not take this too literally, some of the fiction you tell your spouse still may go unappreciated.

National Dream Work Month – I don’t know why this deserves a special month, I know lots of people who dream they are working all year long.

National Drive Safe Month – Does this mean it is ok to drive recklessly the rest of the year, if it does it sure explains what I see on the highway everyday. Today it appeared that many drivers did not know it was June.

National Pest Control Month – OK, where do I send the list of names?

National Own Your Share of America Month – I am fortunate in this regard, my wife manages my share and she manages hers too.

~~~

It is the month of June,

The month of leaves and roses,

When pleasant sights salute the eyes

And pleasant scents the noses.

Nathaniel Parker Willis

~~~

Real Newspaper Ads

**3-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.  

** Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.  

** Vacation special: Have your house exterminated.  

** Dinner Specials: Turkey $3.25 Chicken or Beef $2.75 Children $2.00.  

** Illiterate? Write today for free help.  

** Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.  

** Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.  

** Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.  

** Stock up and save. Limit: one.  

** Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.  

** Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.  

** For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.  

** Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.  

** We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.  

** Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.  

~~~

A woman who dresses to kill probably cooks the same way.

~~~

The young widow was kneeling at her husband’s grave tending to the weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt.

She smiled and said “Easy sweetheart, you’re dead now ya know.”

~~~

Money can’t buy everything…..but then again, neither can no money.

~~~

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Silverman became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Silverman, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”

Bewildered, Mr. Silverman was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I . . . I didn’t pinch that girl.”

“Of course you didn’t,” replied his wife, consolingly. “I did.”

~~~

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

~~~

Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains.

We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain.

My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong.

When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.

I turned to my husband and asked, “Would you like me to call the funeral home now?”

With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, “Honey, he’s not that sick!”

~~~

The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with is the one you see in the mirror every morning.

~~~

During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City.  They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish – the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe

A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday.

The Jewish men were dumbfounded. Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish, they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?”

The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said, “Shhhh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”

~~~

“The degree of one’s emotion varies inversely with one’s knowledge of the facts—the less you know the hotter you get.”

Bertrand Russell

~~~

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant an Army guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him. “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“How’d you sleep?” asked the manager. “Never better.”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time” said the Marine.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, good night beautiful and when I got up this morning, he was still sitting there with his eyes wide open watching me.”

~~~

We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

Aristotle

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Let’s Make It A Good One

Ray’s Daily

June 1, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

I hope you enjoyed your weekend. Those of us in the U.S.A had a holiday weekend so we had three days to rest and recreate. Here in Indianapolis we held the annual 500 mile auto race and it was a great one. Of course in our part of the world it is Spring with balmy weather which adds to our enjoyment. While we still are dealing with the Covid epidemic things are much better.

I plan on continuing to make my days as good as these past few have been. I will start each day knowing that it will be as good as I can make it. Here are some tips on how you can too.

7 Ways to Have a Great Day–Every Day

BY GEOFFREY JAMES

1. Listen to or read something that inspires you. – Rather than distract yourself with news or “entertainment” that only adds to your stress, fill your quieter moments with music, books, and TED-like talks that are uplifting and help you aspire to be your best.

2. Make your body stronger and more resilient. – When it comes to physical condition, there’s no such thing as staying in the same place.. Take time each day to exercise and eat well–at least enough so you’re headed in the right direction!

3. Review and hone your plans for the future. – You’ll make better decisions and be more satisfied with your results if you know that most of what you’re doing fits into your long-term plans and goals.

4. Do at least one thing that’s worthwhile. – Hopefully your day-to-day activity is a worthwhile endeavor, but if you’re stuck in a holding pattern of busywork  make the extra effort to find something to do that makes a difference and improves the world.

5. Help somebody less fortunate. – Self-centered people are always unhappy because they’re shoveling all their energy into the bottomless pit of their egos. The best and easiest way to get over yourself is to do something for somebody who needs your help. Do it anonymously, if possible.

6. Spend 20 seconds appreciating what you have. – If you’re reading this blog post, you’re probably striving to achieve an even higher level of success. However, if you don’t stop and feel grateful, I guarantee that you won’t enjoy yourself when you get wherever you’re headed.

7. Record at least one good memory. – At the end of the day, take out your journal, smartphone, or tablet and write down at least one positive memory about that day. In future months and years, you can glance through these memories to give yourself a boost.

~~~

“I get up every morning and it’s going to be a great day. You never know when it’s going to be over, so I refuse to have a bad day.”

Paul Henderson

~~~

The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few…  

  • “If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be  ‘profectionist’.
  • “I was abducted into the National Honor Society.”  
  • “I function well as an individual and a group.”  
  • “Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck.” 

~~~

Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others.

Danny Thomas

~~~

“Hello, is this here the Sheriff’s Office”?

“Yes. What can I do for you”?

“I’m calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He’s drillin’ holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!”

Thank you very much for the call sir.”

The next day, the Sheriff and his deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil’s house.

“Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come”?

“Yeah!”

“Did they split yer farwood”?

“Yep!”

“Happy Birthday, buddy!”

~~~

If you insist on measuring yourself, place the tape around your heart rather than your head.

Carol Trabelle

~~~

The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she’d died and gone to heaven when she reached my very polite and patient son on the phone.  At the end of her long sales pitch, she asked, “Do you mind if we send out someone to give you an estimate?”

“Not at all,” my son said.

“When would be a good time?” she asked.

My son answered, “Just as soon as I dig a basement.”

~~~

Live today to the fullest, because tomorrow is not promised.

~~~

A couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!”  

The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island.”  

There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, “We’re leaving right now. Get your coat and let’s get out of here.”  

As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. “You’re angry about something.”  

“Oh really? You noticed?” he sneered. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? You idiot! Don’t you know the No. 5 bus doesn’t go out to Coney Island?”  

~~~

Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.

Richard L Evans

~~~

A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets.

After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace.

After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast as he could.

After another few weeks, the turtles finally caught up with the snail and mugged him, took all of his clothes and the keys to his car.

After another couple of weeks, the snail got to a pay phone and called the police.

“I’ve been mugged by three turtles wearing leather jackets! You need to get down here and take a report or do something!” he said.

“Can you give us a description of the turtles?” asked the police officer.

“No, I can’t. It all happened too fast!” cried the snail.

~~~

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

Marcus Aurelius

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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