Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2009

I had a great day yesterday!

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Albert Schweitzer

 

 

 

I had a great day yesterday digging back into my records and contacting old colleagues at the request of the US Fund for UNICEF. They have a worthwhile project underway as a follow-up to the successful Kiwanis International/UNICEF partnership that resulted in protecting millions of new born babies from mental retardation around the world each year. Since I had played a major role in the past effort and retained much of our history while continuing to retain contacts with some of the major players it was relatively easy to get done what was needed to help make the current effort possible.

As most of you know I feel that my years with the Kiwanis/UNICEF project were the most important years of my working life. Our joint effort and that of the partners helping to virtually eliminate the worlds leading preventable cause of mental retardation, Iodine Deficiency Disorders (IDD) provided an opportunity to do what few people get to do and that is make life better for millions. I will always be grateful that I was selected to be a player.

I cannot describe the good feelings I had as I pulled up anecdotes, statistics, and reports of past progress from retained computer discs. I was moved by the enthusiastic response I got from past partners who I had not spoken to for sometime. Even better was the fact that it appears that the work paid off and that the project deadlines will be met and positive outcomes will be made possible.

At the end of the day I again realized the value of revisiting the best periods of our past. But in this case it was not just basking in the warmth of fond memories; it was the ability to connect with some of the people who enriched my lfe. I realize now that what I have failed to do in the past was to reconnect once in awhile and let people know how much I appreciate them and what they have done to make my best times possible. It seems we move so fast these days that we don’t take time to hold on to folks that have given there time, hands and often their hearts as they brightened our lives. In a small way this Daily allows me to stay loosely connected but maybe that is not enough.

How about you and I deciding that we are not going to let the important people in our lives linger only in our memories but we are going to drop them a note or give them a call once in awhile to let them know how much we have appreciated all the have done and for so many and what they continue to do. In my experience expressed gratitude is the soil from which even greater accomplishments can be harvested.

~~~

“Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can – there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.”

Sarah Caldwell

~~~

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. An elderly woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

"Don’t know," the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.

"This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn’t know how to get to Des Moines either!"

~~~

Everybody wants to do something to help, but nobody wants to be the first.

Pearl Bailey

~~~

Two paramedics are sent to check on a 92-year-old man who has become disoriented. They decide to take him to the hospital for evaluation.

While the paramedics are rushing him to the hospital with sirens blaring, one of them talks to the man to determine how aware he is.

Leaning close, the paramedic asks, "Sir, do you know what we’re doing right now?"

The old fellow slowly looks up at him, then gazes out the ambulance window.

"Oh," he replies, "I’d say about 50, maybe 55."

~~~

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

~~~

Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman’s work.

One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren’t so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job.

The next day, she couldn’t wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away."

"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn’t work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired."

~~~

"You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there."

George Burns

~~~

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

~~~

"The longest word in the English language is the one that follows the phrase, ‘And now a word from our sponsor’."

Hal Eaton

~~~

A group of burglars were robbing a bank. One of them pointed a gun at a teller’s head and shouted: "Give me all your money, or you’ll be GEOGRAPHY!"

The cashier laughed and said, "You mean H I S T O R Y!"

The burglar shouted back, "Don’t change the subject."

~~~

If you want the last word in an argument, say, "You’re right."

~~~

He loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn’t crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn’t subject himself to an hour’s wait.  He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn’t I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two.  The ferry is just about to dock."

~~~

A recipe is a series of step by step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you do not own, to make a dish that even the dog won’t eat.

~~~

“We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty.”

G. K. Chesterton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Come out – Come out wherever you are

The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.

Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 

 

I was reading the other day how we each live within our own virtual environment. It is not only housed in the physical places where we live, work and play it is also bound by the cultural and experiential wall we have built around ourselves. That got me thinking about some of my friends who have expressed their feeling of loneliness and dislike of the drudgery resulting from uninteresting jobs and experiences. As I thought about it I realized that I too have sometimes in the past let the invisible fence keep me from looking beyond my virtual environment.

Fortunately I often had guides, mentors and fortunate experiences that took me outside my boring but comfortable existence. And you know what? every time I did venture out I found more than I expected and the walls that surrounded my virtual abode started to disappear. Why is it that so many of us feel trapped by our lives? Why do we think we must make major changes and take great risks when all we have to do is go beyond our self imposed walls just every so often and then not very far to add a little zest to our existence? If you’re like I am you will find yourself drawn out of your shell and into a virtual landscape filled with treasure and wonder after you take those first few steps.

So my dear friend, go see a play, volunteer to ring bells for an afternoon or two this Christmas season, or just go out and play, you know more than I do what is out there just waiting for you. And oh by the way, when you do come out please give me a wave, I’ll be there since I have much more yet to see.

Here is a sad poem written about someone who has been locked up in her virtual reality, I am glad that it is not about you.

Excuses

Author: Clair Peach

I’d like to stop the hunger in the world,

I’d like to help stop the disease

I’d like to help make the poorer much richer,

I’d like to stop all the pain please

But I can’t because

My husband might not like it if I’m late

My kids will be needing their tea

The house is a mess and I’m needing a rest

The goody goody stuff will just have to wait

I’d like to give money to help poor children grow

I’d like to stop people dying from want

I’d like to stop children being hurt, bruised and worse

I’d like to make a difference in the world

But if I do

People will think I’m a soft touch you know

They’d take for a ride you can bet

I’d run out of time and be a tired old wretch

But maybe- well next year, yes you bet!

~~~

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.”

Helen Keller

~~~

Office Rules

1) If it rings, put it on hold.

2) If it clanks, call the repairman.

3) If it whistles, ignore it.

4) If it’s a friend, take a break.

5) If it’s the boss, look busy.

6) If it talks, take notes.

7) If it’s handwritten, type it.

8) If it’s typed, copy it.

9) If it’s copied, file it.

10) If it’s Friday, forget it!

~~~

It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

~~~

A new flood is foretold and nothing can be done to prevent it; in six days the waters will wipe out the world.

The leader of Buddhism appears on TV and pleads with everyone to become a Buddhist; that way, they will at least find salvation in heaven.

The Pope goes on TV with a similar message: "It is still not too late to accept Jesus," he says.

The Chief Rabbi of Israel takes a slightly different approach: "We have six days to learn how to live under water."

~~~

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned.

"What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man.

"How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse."

The priest replied, "Well, that’s not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage." "Well, now, that’s a little more serious." "Father, there’s more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!"

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I’m afraid you’ll have to make a novena."

"Father, I’m not sure what a ‘novena’ is, but if you’ve got the blueprints, I’ve got the lumber!"

~~~

"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation, but would like it to keep in touch."

~~~

A man was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.  He grabbed the man by the hand and pulled him aside.  The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

The man replied, "I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I’m in the secret service."

~~~

The best things in life are free…. or have no interest or payments for one full year.

~~~

Paul was not the brightest guy around.  Every day, when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money. Finally, Paul decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route, but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn’t happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it. So, one day, on the way home from work, Paul confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued. The next afternoon, Paul went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.

His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation.

"Well," explained Paul, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."

His instructor said, "What happened?"

Paul replied, "They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off!"

~~~

Some people drink deeply from the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

Grant M. Bright

~~~

The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant.

"Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right time. It’s not often that an airline gets to where it’s going exactly when they claim it will. I’m going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am."

"Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think you should know this is yesterday’s flight."

~~~

“If you wait for opportunities to occur, you will be one of the crowd.”

Edward de Bono

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Listen for the harmony

“But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?”

Albert Camus

 

 

 

I’ve been on the run all day starting with a very early medical treatment and then on to other commitments. Since I am semi-brain-dead I better dust off something from the files.

Ray’s Daily reprint

October 28, 2003

I am probably like a lot of other people my age that you know. I know that I miss a lot of what is contemporary today. What brought this to mind was my attendance at an all George Gershwin concert last Sunday. The music was melodious and I understood the lyrics as they were being sung by two excellent singers. It reminded me that these days when I hear most contemporary music I don’t understand the lyrics being sung and find the instrumentals to be too harsh.

I know I came from an era that was filled with strife and turmoil. A depression, wars, civil disobedience were all part of the experience. Yet through it all the music seemed to move us to a warmer clime. We seemed to be more sensitive, even more caring, it was OK to cry at movies, it was OK to be OK. It was an era where you saw an extended hand often, and seldom did you see an extended middle finger. It seemed like we were closer and more caring. I know I shouldn’t generalize, I know this is a subjective opinion; I just hope I am wrong, as I often am.

~~~

May you look back on the past with as much pleasure as you look forward to the future.

Paul Dickson

~~~

For my retired friends who are now Wall Mart greeters, WATCH OUT! There are those who are reading the following suggestions for things to do while your spouse is shopping.

1. Pick up condom packages & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3 in house wares,’…and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

6. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible’.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!’

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream ‘NO! It’s those voices again’.

15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud. ‘We’re out of toilet paper in here!’

~~~

Do you prefer that you be right, or that you be happy?

~~~

There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made made passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!"

~~~

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it."

Margaret Fuller

~~~

Shirley lives in Brooklyn, yet she does keep up with the rest of the country, as an example she sent us this:

One or our local rednecks, Billy Joebob, while a total idiot, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joebob if he could paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object, she was willing to pay $50,000.

Not willing to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joebob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with this wife. In a few minutes he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it.  However, he would have to leave his socks on so he would have some place to wipe his brushes.

~~~

"Imagination is the highest kite one can fly."

Lauren Bacall

~~~

She said: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals.  I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things.  So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don’t Know," "I Don’t Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.

~~~

"It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days."

Isabel Waxman

~~~

After bumping his head on our stereo cabinet, my 11-year-old-son, Felix, required stitches.  While the doctor was administering a local anesthetic to his head, I started to feel faint, so the nurse offered me a chair.

My son winced with every stitch, and the nurse told him it was okay to cry.  On the way home, my husband asked Felix if he had heard the nurse tell him it was okay to cry.  "Yeah, I heard her," Felix replied, "but I thought she was talking to Mom."

~~~

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jim Carrey

~~~

Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again looking down in the dumps.  "What’s wrong now Doug," asked Bill.

Doug replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for."

"Yeah, so what’s the problem with that?" asks Bill.

Doug sighs, "Well it seems that I am best suited for unemployment."

~~~

"A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside."

Denis Waitley

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Do you see what I see?

“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.”

C. W. Leadbeater

 

 

 

I had an interesting conversation with a friend this morning. He told me about an article that reported that a recent study said that the majority of watchers form an opinion in the first few seconds of a short video. I shared with him that I had just written in my pocket notebook a statement from a friend’s book that had identified that we each have different realities. Our conversation soon drifted to how perceptions differ. I used the example of my standing only behind an automobile seeing only the back and its somewhat narrow image with little ornamentation, while someone else saw only the side seeing a much longer image with doors, mirrors and the like. We both we would be looking at the same object but we would see something much different. If we never move our separate realities would be accurate individually but far from complete enough to fully describe the car.

In addition I told my friend that when I am presented with an image for only a brief moment I suspect my memory adds to what I don’t see. I feel that my experiences, personal bias, and background tend to form a mental definition of what I see. If the picture is of a poorly dressed unshaven individual I might assume I am seeing a derelict as an example.

My concern is that we may be moving to a time when many people see the world only from one place, a place where they only see and hear news and information slanted by opinion or ideology. I also worry that our limiting ourselves to brief images and sound bites, in effect information shorthand, may result in our becoming quick to judge because we only see the surface and never go deep enough to find out what might be something much different looked with more than a glance.

I hope I am wrong for I become concerned when we observe and decide in haste for soon we may lose our ability to discern the difference between a myopic reality and that which is truly real. After thinking about my friend’s book and my conversation with my buddy this morning I decided that I want to join the Society for the Prevention of Conclusion Jumping and always ask myself if what I see is really all there is.

~~~

“Most of the mistakes in thinking are inadequacies of perception rather than mistakes of logic.”

Edward de Bono

~~~

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "manager".

The questions aren’t that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

-= ANSWERS =-

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Wrong Answer : Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Correct Answer : Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer : The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old.

~~~

If in doubt, make it sound convincing.

~~~

"If you Cosmopolitan editors stopped obsessing about men, you could focus your brainpower on the Middle East Peace Process, health care, Social Security or the federal budget surplus. I bet you could give us some important insights into these issues! Or at least tell us how to drive them wild in bed."
Dave Barry

~~~

Why must we have enough memory to recall the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not enough to remember how many times we have told it to the same person?

~~~

 

She said:

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.

Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines.

Gardening forever .  .  .  Housework, never!

Dull women have immaculate houses.

~~~

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

~~~

Top ten reasons you’re too old to be trick or treating:

10.  You get winded by knocking on the door.

9.   You have to have another child chew the candy for you.

8.   You request the choice of a high fiber candy only.

7.   When the treater drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6.   People say "Great Harry Potter mask!" and you’re not wearing a mask.

5.   When the door opens you yell, "Trick or…" and can’t remember the  rest.

4.   By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3.   You have to choose carefully a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.

2.   You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1.   You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

~~~

She said, "My Husband And I Married For Better Or Worse… ….He Couldn’t Do Better And I Couldn’t Do Worse"

~~~

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"

"Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend."

~~~

It is the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn’t know and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he knows everything.

Joyce Cary

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Thank you Nancy!

"A friend is a gift you give yourself."

Robert Louis Stevenson

 

 

I don’t know about you but I find that I have lots of Nancy’s in my life. My wife is one, another is my favorite nurse who left our city sometime ago, then there are the not for profit Nancy’s, the business Nancy’s and memories of an old personal family friend Nancy who passed on not long ago. In fact I don’t remember a bad Nancy, they have been friends, caregivers, Kiwanians, service-leaders, and just good people. As I was tooling through the stacks of possible Daily material I stumbled across the following I got from one of the Nancy’s last spring, since I did not keep the senders identification I’ll just say “Look what I got from Nancy, a gift worth sharing”.

     In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

     In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

     In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

     In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

     In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn’t have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

     In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

     In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn’t have to be embarrassed.

     In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before.

     In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn’t laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

     In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn’t wind up being the only freshman there.

     In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

     In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn’t be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

     In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go…

     At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

     The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn’t deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you  had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

     Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you’re scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you  at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps  you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a  better person, and most importantly loves you!

     Pass on to those friends of the past, and those of the future…and those you have met along the way. Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there. There’s never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them.

So thanks Nancy I am glad you’re my friend!

~~~

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."

Elbert Hubard

~~~

I used to be a manager at a toy store. A few years back, during the height of the Furby craze, I overheard one of my cashiers say to a customer, "We haven’t had any for awhile and I doubt we’ll be getting any soon."

I quickly assured the customer that we would have a shipment in next week. After she left, I read the cashier the riot act. "Never tell a customer we’re out of anything. Tell them we’ll have it next week. Now, was she looking for a Furby?"

"No."

"Well, what was it she said she wanted?"

"Rain."

~~~

Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

~~~

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank !"

Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you’d like to know you gave me twenty dollars too much. Bye. "

~~~

It is a good thing to be rich, it is a good thing to be strong, but it is a better thing to be beloved of many friends.

Euripides

~~~

She said: I was getting ready for a garage sale one summer day. Since it was so humid out, I decided to stay inside my air-conditioned house and mark the special stickers I had bought for the sale. Then I slapped them on my blouse, ran outside, stuck them on the appropriate items and rushed back inside. I did this until every item was labeled. Later that day a UPS man came by the house with a delivery. I noticed that as I was signing for the package, he seemed ill at ease. It was only after he left that I noticed there was one sticker still attached to the front of my blouse. It read "Make me an offer."

~~~

I had a difficult time remembering names until I took that Dave Carnegie course.

~~~

While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"

"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."

"I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."

~~~

"Do not save your loving speeches

For your friends till they are dead;

Do not write them on their tombstones,

Speak them rather now instead.

Anna Cummins

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Ray’s at it again!

“A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.”

Oscar Wilde

 

 

 

This morning I was reading an article by Christine Rosen entitled “In the beginning was the word” published in the current issue of The Wilson Quarterly. In the article Rosen wrote:

Since the migration of the word from page to screen is still in its early stages, predictions about the future of print are hazardous at best. When Time magazine named “YOU!” its person of the year in 2006, the choice was meant as a celebratory recognition of our new digital world and its many opportunities for self-expression. We are all writers now, crafters of our own images and creators of our own online worlds. But so far this power has made us less, not more, willing to submit ourselves to the singular visions of writers and artists and to learn from them difficult truths about the human condition. It has encouraged us to substitute images and simplistic snippets of text for the range, precision, and peculiar beauty of written language, with its unique power to express complex and abstract ideas. Recent surveys by the National Endowment for the Arts reveal that fewer Americans read literature for pleasure than in the past; writers of serious fiction face a daunting publishing market and a reading public that has come to prefer the celebrity memoir to the new literary novel.

As I have suggested before we will lose much about life if we only see it in the broadest of terms. Rosen’s article suggested to me that more may very well mean less from the standpoint of exercising our brain and analytical powers. In the same issue another author suggest the opposite, he implies that our living in a digest world where we see only results and opinion presented as factual result allows us the know more. Where I think he misses the point is when he dismisses the idea that too much unfiltered information does not overwhelm us because we control what goes into our personal Reader’s Digest, that is limiting what we see to only what we wish to see. For me that is often precisely the problem, for if we filter out the details, information that we don’t agree with, and limit the information that makes it to our personal digest to only that which is easy and comfortable, we will soon find that we no longer think we will only absorb.

I am sorry if I ramble too much about my fears, I do so because I find that there is so much polarization amongst many of my fellow citizens which makes constructive discussion almost impossible. Both sides prove their cases with the facts they agree with without regard to countervailing information. I long for a return to the day when fact was fact and not modified by opinion, the days when dialogue based on in depth understanding of the facts allowed us to jointly arrive at an agreed upon truth on which we could take constructive action.

I know my recollections are not necessarily the way the past was for everyone. An author friend reminded me recently that our bright and shiny “Father knows best” world of the fifties applied to only some of us and missed far too many of us. What she says is true, so I now have decided that I want to return to the best some of us have seen in the past and build on the best we remember while adding to it the best we can become.

~~~

I know of no safe depository of the ultimate powers of the society but the people themselves; and if we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them but to inform their discretion.

Thomas Jefferson

~~~

"Horoscopes For Your Job Position…"

1) MARKETING:  You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2) SALES:  Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3) TECHNOLOGY:  Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying but who the heck can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4) ENGINEERING:  One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

5) ACCOUNTING:  The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. Oh, and usually the first to be incarcerated.

6) HUMAN RESOURCES:  Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT:  Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT:  See above – Same sign, different title.

9) CUSTOMER SERVICE:  Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10) CONSULTANT:  Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience.  You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand, and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER":  As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO:  You are brilliant or lucky.  Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

~~~

Our lives would run a lot more smoothly if second thoughts came first.

~~~

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?"

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think.  Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet."

~~~

Nine-tenths of wisdom is appreciation. Go find somebody’s hand and squeeze it, while there’s time.

Dale Dauten

~~~

"Oh, Laura!" cried her neighbor, "I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  He was such a wonderful man.  I’m sure he left you well provided for, didn’t he?"

Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, "Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will.  I miss him so much that I’d give fifty thousand just to have him back!"

~~~

No one ever says "It’s only a game," when their team is winning.

~~~

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.  There was only one problem:  The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it’s not the same hat."

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank.  The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said:  "OK, I give up.  Where’s the boat?"

~~~

There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings.

Dorothy Thompson:

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

When were you last inspired?

“Students now arrive at the university ignorant and cynical about our political heritage, lacking the wherewithal to be either inspired by it or seriously critical of it”

Allan Bloom

 

 

If you have been reading the Daily for awhile you know that I have been concerned about the lack of the liberal arts in today’s education system. Because of funding limits and the emphasis on science our children often get little taste of art, philosophy and the humanities. I wonder sometimes as technology takes more and more control of our lives if we have lost our ability to resolve conflict both at home and in the world. Is it because we have become so materialistic and focused on acquisition and power that we no longer place as much value on the common good? I don’t know the answer but I do appreciate the problem.

A respected friend told me yesterday that he was dismayed by the lack of civility in society today. Have we lost respect for each other and no longer have an interest in creating thoughtful solutions to our problems? Over the centuries it has been the inspired thinkers who have led us to the best that was in us. I worry that we don’t have as many who see and appreciate the danger of our problems and who are inspired to lead us to solutions and that makes me wonder if our educational plant has stifled the minds that might provide us the help we need.

I don’t know who sent me the following nor do I know who wrote it, but I do hope that it will trigger our readers to embrace the value of investing in their own inspiration.

INSPIRATION

In the 4th century B.C., Socrates said, "I decided that it was not wisdom that enabled [poets] to write their poetry, but a kind of instinct or inspiration, such as you find in seers and prophets who deliver all their sublime messages without knowing in the least what they mean."

For millennia we have recognized the mystery that lies in our ability to create. Ancient cultures such as the Norse and Greeks viewed artistic inspiration as a gift from the gods, and even today the idea retains a quality of the inexplicable and sublime. We speak about being “struck” by inspiration, as if it were a lightning bolt from above.

A look at the history of the word gives a glimpse, however, of humbler roots. The word comes from the Latin spirare, meaning "to breathe." Inspiration, then, is a process of drawing from the world around oneself in order to create, just as our bodies draw from the air around us to take in oxygen and sustain life. This creativity can produce a work of art – or it can affect our interactions with others, the decisions we make, or the way we live our lives.

Inspiration doesn’t always come rare and intense like a lightning bolt. There are steps we can take to meet it halfway. The great cubist painter Pablo Picasso said, "Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working." American wilderness writer Jack London put it in less delicate terms: “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”

Sought or unsought, inspiration can happen even when our surroundings are less than ideal. Winston Churchill said, "We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival." Just as the body shows amazing ability to survive in bad conditions, we can use the adversity or suffering we have experienced to inspire us, as well as our joys and epiphanies. Inspiration belongs to painters, composers, novelists, sculptors and dancers, but also to anyone who desires to live creatively and fully.

~~~

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and your discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”

Patanjali

~~~

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

"We don’t need anyone" they replied.

"You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime anything."

"We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell.  If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.

"How in the world did you do that" they asked.

"I told you I’m the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anywhere anytime."

"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.

"What’s that?" he asked.

"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."

He was gone about 8 hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says "Heres Mr.Brown’s and this one is Mr.Smith’s."

"That’s good" they said, "but what’s in those two buckets?"

"Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

~~~

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”

Jimmy Durante.

~~~

Signs that your getting on in years (I may be repeating myself):

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants.

You keep repeating yourself.

You discover bifocals are stylish!

When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out…and it stays out.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father" class.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.

You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

Neighbors borrow your tools.

You’re on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Your classmates at your reunion think you’re one of their former teachers.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

You keep repeating yourself.

Your relatives longingly refer to your things as your "estate".

People don’t harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.

~~~

Take heart, the only person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

~~~

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn’t been talking to each other.

Instead, they were giving each other written notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said:

"Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."

The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o’clock.

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:

"Wake up, it’s 6 o’clock!"

~~~

One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else.

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Ray’s away!

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

 

 

Ray is at it again. He is leaving early this morning for a breakfast meeting and then he is off to visit two friends at a rehab center. He leaves from there to go to a Criminal Justice seminar and if that was not enough he has a Council on World Affairs dinner. I do not want to wait for him nor probably do you so I am pulling from the past and getting today’s distribution over with.

Have a nice day!

Ray’s Computer

~~~

Ray’s Daily

October 21, 2002

My life is full of adventure, Kiwanis meetings and projects, a little writing, lectures at the senior center, and some volunteer activities. Pity my poor brother he never gets to do any of this, as you can see from the following satellite e-mail I got the other day.

 

Dear Ray,

Just a quick note to let you know we did leave Madagascar yesterday morning, the 17th, and have gone about 120 miles.  We had light winds yesterday and had to motor 8 hours, but the trades have now come back at 20 knots and we are going wing n wing at 6 knots.  Skies are clear, there’s a nice big moon, and all’s well.  1200 miles to go to Richards Bay, on the NW coast of South Africa. 

We have caught 2 fish since we left, one each morning, a wahoo first and then a yellowfin tuna (the best kind, like albacore).So we’re eating like kings out here.

Love to all, Paul and Susan

 

Just he and his wife on a 35 foot sail boat, and this has been going on for more than 20 years. They use to sail exclusively in the South Pacific but now are working their way back to the Americas, I would expect they will arrive sometime next year. My wife and I would not survive even 20 weeks together in closed quarters, much less 20 years. She stayed on a larger boat a couple of day’s years ago, and that was enough for her lifetime.

~~~

A large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life, by him who interests his heart in everything.

Laurence Sterne

~~~

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?"

Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."

~~~

"Never put off till tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow."

Mark Twain

~~~

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.  Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.

"Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."

"You’re wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I’ve been working in the bank where your father has his account.

~~~

Good leaders guide the willing and persuade the stubborn.

~~~

She said: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.

I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

~~~

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him."

Cher

~~~

Grandma Goldberg, a woman of 85, was slowly ambling down the street when she met her physician Dr. Cohen. Dr. Cohen, a dapper graying man in his early 60’s asked the elderly lady—"Mrs. Goldberg how are you feeling?"

For a long moment the woman gave the good doctor a terrible stare and then she said–"You ask me how I’m feeling! I’ll tell you how I’m feeling!! My legs hurt, my chest is sore, my heart is beating too fast and I can’t sleep!!! I have horrible headaches and stomach pains too!"

The good doctor looked at the elderly lady with compassion. "If you’re feeling so awful, why don’t you come and see me right away?"

Grandma Goldberg let out a sigh and said, "I was just waiting until I felt a little better."

~~~

Q. What’s the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?

A. Wife saying she wants to talk to him.

~~~

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, "ALLLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine".

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens — the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It’s no good, I’ll have to do it" and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me — it’s this bloody horse. What is he — deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf — he’s BLIND!"

~~~

Wear sleeveless shirts!  Support your right to bare arms!

~~~

Cheer Up!!!"

* The parachute company says you’ll get a full refund.

* They say the house didn’t float very far at all.

* Well, at least the operation was a partial success.

* The "National Inquirer" just loved those nude shots of you.

* With the lights dimmed, it looks almost normal.

* The District Attorney says he only has a few more questions.

* The reward for your capture has reached fifty thousand dollars.

* At least we never thought you were guilty like that Jury did.

* The insurance pays the full book value ($312) for your 1956 T Bird.

* Those Grand Juries always overreact. Don’t worry about it.

* The boss said while you’re sick, he’d do all your work personally.

~~~

Gene the lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I’ll take either side."

~~~

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself. But each of us can work to change a small portion of events. And in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.

Robert F. Kennedy

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Enjoy life, stay balanced!

"Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance."

Brian Tracy

 

 

It seems like a lot of the Dailies lately have focused on slowing down, enjoying life and ignoring the unimportant. Of course we all have things we must do, things we probably should do and things that trap us into doing what we really don’t need to do. Lately it seems that far too many are so bogged down in just constant doing they never stop to spend time being. The wise know that you cannot keep the engine revved up at full speed all the time, it needs time to slow down and even stop for maintenance for if you don’t it will wear out. We are like that, we need our own maintenance, for if we don’t stop and recharge we take the risk of a real breakdown. Taking a break is not running from the things we must do, rather it is the rest stop that assures that we will be able to do what we do well. It is all a question of balance.

This morning I want to share with you some advice from professional life strategies coach and inspirational author Steve Brunkhorst. It is longer than my usual material from the wise but I think it is important enough to include it.

A Plan for Balance

In today’s fast-paced society, it is normal to fall out of balance from time to time. Our sense of control seems to vanish in a whirlwind of career schedules, appointments, family responsibilities, and a search for more personal time. Simplicity appears to be chance rather than voluntary, and we backslide into chaos.  Today, I’m going to introduce you to a helpful seven-step plan for achieving a more integrated balance in daily living.

1. Identify your imbalance and recognize your current mind-set: If you felt as fulfilled as you would like, what would be different? What is the exact gap between where you are now and where you want to be? This identification may be the most difficult step to take; however, it is essential. Take the time to work through it, and name the gap. Then, notice the way you are looking at any particular issue (e.g., "My schedule won’t allow me any time for myself."). The process begins with awareness of a trapped perspective.

2. Brainstorm new perspectives: Reexamine your viewpoint. Are you driving your choices, or does someone or something else have the wheel – habits, time-wasting activities, limiting beliefs, low energy, the need for additional skills? Stretch your boundaries to include new ideas – without attachment to any one option. Make a "What if" list (e.g., What if I began my dream job part time, hired an assistant, dropped out of a group or committee, etc.). Here is a great example: What could you do with the hour you normally spend watching TV each day – gaining you the equivalent of more than three 8-hour work days each month?

Ask yourself these questions: "What has been my most effective response to the greatest challenges in my lifetime?" "What is one thing I could alter in my environment today that may be having a negative impact on me spiritually, emotionally, or physically?"

3. Imagine living from your new perspectives: Here, your power of choice begins to expand. Imagine viewing your life through the window of your new choices. Visualize and mentally inhabit different perspectives. Live each of these viewpoints for a moment, as if you were trying on a new garment. What does each one feel like?

4. Choose one perspective: This is your gateway to life-changing action. Now that you’ve tried on a few new perspectives, choose your favorite. You can always go back to others; however, for now, choose one to live with for a month. You will be moving closer to balance.

5. Design a personal action plan: What additional skills and resources will you need? What will be the advantages or disadvantages in all the key areas of your life? What will be the first step of your plan, and when will you begin? What are you willing to take ownership of in order to achieve the balance and fulfillment you desire? Write out a plan that you can easily manage and carry out over the next month.

6. Make a commitment to your plan: Commitment enhances resolve, determination, and mental strength. Without commitment, our plans are external to us, and we remain trapped in uncertainty and fear. When we commit to a plan of action, we move beyond choice. We step into new territory, unwilling to turn back from keeping our desires, values, and actions in harmony with one another.

7. Take massive action: This process is about accepting responsibility for your well-being and taking control of your life. You have identified limiting viewpoints and mentally "tried on" new perspectives. You have become aware of new options, made a plan, and made a commitment. Now, work your plan intensely each day. Learn from mistakes, restructure your plan as needed, and gain from your efforts the most valuable asset you will ever own: experience. Your experience is life’s instant feedback manual. It uncovers options and contains the awareness of choice that will lead you toward greater balance and wholeness.

When you accept this responsibility, not ever delegating your power of choice to another, you place yourself in charge of your outcomes. Your actions will begin to lead you toward additional possibilities and options for creating a more balanced and fulfilling life. The process continues.

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"We need to maintain a proper balance in our life by allocating the time we have. There are occasions where saying no is the best time management practice there is."

Catherine Pulsifer

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The following reminds me of when, as an adult I was initiated into the Boy Scouts of America’s Order of the Arrow. I was left in the woods alone, with a blanket and two matches, I never got past step 7. Ray

Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire

1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

2. Bandage left thumb.

3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments

4. Bandage left foot.

5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand)

6. Light Match

7. Light Match

8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.

9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.

10. Apply burn ointment to nose.

11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.

12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."

13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.

14. Relabel can to read "gasoline."

15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.

16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.

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"Every day is a good day to be alive, whether the sun’s shining or not."

Marty Robbins

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My wife is a shopping expert, here are some tips:

1. Get it now. Tomorrow it might be gone.

2. If it’s on sale, you need it.

3. Never ask your mother her opinion.

4. You can always take it back.

5. You’ll grow into it.

6. By the time you need it, you’ll lose ten pounds.

7. Never believe anyone who says, "It’s really you".

8. If they’re working on commission, they’re lying.

9. Know when to yell, "Charge!"

10. So many malls, so little time.

11. If you put it on your credit card, it’s not really spending money.

12. Always try to spend someone else’s money first.

13. There’s no such thing as compulsive shopping, just enthusiastic shopping.

14. Shopping is patriotic. It’s good for the economy.

15. If you’ve still got checks, there must be money in the account.

16. You can always get more credit.

17. If you want it, you deserve it.

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"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

Mother Teresa

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There was a blonde sitting on the side of the road because her 1968 Volkswagon beetle had broken down. She started waving her arms to get the attention of another blonde who was also driving a Volkswagen beetle. After she was waved down, the second blonde got out of the car and asked what was wrong.

The first blonde said that when she opened up the hood of her car she noticed that her engine was missing. After hearing this, the second blonde walked over to her car, opened up the trunk and said that she was in luck because there was a spare engine in her trunk.

~~~

Every soul is a melody which needs renewing.

Stephane Mallorme

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The young lady walked over to the room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door.

"We don’t allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?"

"Why-er-why, yes. I’m his sister," said the lady.

"Oh, I’m so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I’m his mother!"

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"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself."

Ethel Barrymore

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Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter. First woman, "My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me." Second woman, "I know." First woman, "How?" Second woman, "My dog told me."

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"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your step as you walk the tightrope of life."

William Arthur Ward

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Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Living in an abridged world

“You seldom listen to me, and when you do you don’t hear, and when you do hear you hear wrong, and even when you hear right you change it so fast that it’s never the same.”

Marjorie Kellogg

 

 

 

I understand how Kellogg feels. The other day I was reading a critique from a reader of a book written by Laurie King, the writer said that King spent too much time embellishing her prose and would be worth reading if she wasn’t so descriptive. For me the great gift that King provides me is the depth of her writing and the texture it provides to her work. You can almost feel the environment as the story unfolds. As I thought about the criticism I decided that it was probably due to the critic living in today’s abridged world.

These days too much of our news in comes in short bursts only touching on the big picture while holding back the opportunity to get behind the story. Most of our movies are rapid paced non-stop visuals that never give us time to savor the moment. We tweet, we text, we speed up, we cut out and many of us go so fast that we don’t have time to ponder what we have seen or heard. Of course I know I generalize and not everything comes in digest form nor is everyone one willing to substitute shortened fact gathering for thoughtful information processing but it may become harder to do so as newspapers fold, thoughtful magazines shift editorial content to Wam-Bam journalism in order to pander to the “I don’t have time to think” crowd, and everything continues to speed up.

Too many of us are so busy keeping up that we don’t have time for the meaningful things that we could find that enrich our minds and souls. I don’t know about you but I find the abridged world to be distasteful and I am unwilling to substitute someone else’s bullet points for real observation and dialogue. My solution is to be more the tortoise than the hare and even if the hare draws a conclusion faster than I do at least I’ll know why I decided to think the way I do. I can’t live with knowing a little about a lot of things and giving up knowing a lot about those things that have meaning for me.

Here is some advice from Ralph Marston that we all probably could use.

When you attempt to do too much too fast you end up with a lot of anxiety and not much else. Slow down, calm down, focus your attention without rushing too fast, and you’ll be able to achieve so much more.

Instead of worrying about what you’re missing, or what else you could be doing, put your heart, mind and spirit fully into what you’re doing now. Life is indeed precious, and each moment is irreplaceable, yet that’s no reason to make the moments so frenzied and hectic. Rather than spinning your wheels like a car stuck in the snow, slow down and calmly get some traction. Moving slowly and deliberately forward is far better than frantically going nowhere.

How many things do you see as urgent just because you’re afraid for them not to be? Imagine how much more ground you would gain if you took the time to do it right instead of busily hurrying through.

Life is best experienced when you take the time to really live it. Move steadily ahead, fast enough to get there, and slow enough to clearly see, appreciate and arrive at where you’re going.

~~~

“Madness is to think of too many things in succession too fast, or of one thing too exclusively”

Voltaire

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A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"

The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."

The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I’m talking to a wall."

~~~

"I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate."

Phyllis Diller

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Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.

He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

~~~

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

~~~

She said:

Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!

Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!

I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!

So this isn’t Home Sweet Home…  Adjust!

Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!

I clean house every other day….  Today is the other day!

~~~

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

~~~

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son.  I suggest you take tranquillizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquillizers calmed you down?"

"Yes" the mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" he asked.

"Who cares?" she replied.

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Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.

George Bernard Shaw

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He told me: As I was dropping off my son at his daycare the other day, I overheard some of the other children talking about their siblings.

"My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one little boy.

"My sister takes gymnastics," said another.

Not to be outdone, the littlest child in the group piped up and said, "My sister takes antibiotics!"

~~~

"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery – drive fast and join the scenery."

Doug Horton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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