Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2009

I had a great day yesterday!

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Albert Schweitzer

 

 

 

I had a great day yesterday digging back into my records and contacting old colleagues at the request of the US Fund for UNICEF. They have a worthwhile project underway as a follow-up to the successful Kiwanis International/UNICEF partnership that resulted in protecting millions of new born babies from mental retardation around the world each year. Since I had played a major role in the past effort and retained much of our history while continuing to retain contacts with some of the major players it was relatively easy to get done what was needed to help make the current effort possible.

As most of you know I feel that my years with the Kiwanis/UNICEF project were the most important years of my working life. Our joint effort and that of the partners helping to virtually eliminate the worlds leading preventable cause of mental retardation, Iodine Deficiency Disorders (IDD) provided an opportunity to do what few people get to do and that is make life better for millions. I will always be grateful that I was selected to be a player.

I cannot describe the good feelings I had as I pulled up anecdotes, statistics, and reports of past progress from retained computer discs. I was moved by the enthusiastic response I got from past partners who I had not spoken to for sometime. Even better was the fact that it appears that the work paid off and that the project deadlines will be met and positive outcomes will be made possible.

At the end of the day I again realized the value of revisiting the best periods of our past. But in this case it was not just basking in the warmth of fond memories; it was the ability to connect with some of the people who enriched my lfe. I realize now that what I have failed to do in the past was to reconnect once in awhile and let people know how much I appreciate them and what they have done to make my best times possible. It seems we move so fast these days that we don’t take time to hold on to folks that have given there time, hands and often their hearts as they brightened our lives. In a small way this Daily allows me to stay loosely connected but maybe that is not enough.

How about you and I deciding that we are not going to let the important people in our lives linger only in our memories but we are going to drop them a note or give them a call once in awhile to let them know how much we have appreciated all the have done and for so many and what they continue to do. In my experience expressed gratitude is the soil from which even greater accomplishments can be harvested.

~~~

“Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can – there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.”

Sarah Caldwell

~~~

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. An elderly woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

"Don’t know," the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.

"This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn’t know how to get to Des Moines either!"

~~~

Everybody wants to do something to help, but nobody wants to be the first.

Pearl Bailey

~~~

Two paramedics are sent to check on a 92-year-old man who has become disoriented. They decide to take him to the hospital for evaluation.

While the paramedics are rushing him to the hospital with sirens blaring, one of them talks to the man to determine how aware he is.

Leaning close, the paramedic asks, "Sir, do you know what we’re doing right now?"

The old fellow slowly looks up at him, then gazes out the ambulance window.

"Oh," he replies, "I’d say about 50, maybe 55."

~~~

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

~~~

Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman’s work.

One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren’t so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job.

The next day, she couldn’t wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away."

"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn’t work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired."

~~~

"You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there."

George Burns

~~~

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

~~~

"The longest word in the English language is the one that follows the phrase, ‘And now a word from our sponsor’."

Hal Eaton

~~~

A group of burglars were robbing a bank. One of them pointed a gun at a teller’s head and shouted: "Give me all your money, or you’ll be GEOGRAPHY!"

The cashier laughed and said, "You mean H I S T O R Y!"

The burglar shouted back, "Don’t change the subject."

~~~

If you want the last word in an argument, say, "You’re right."

~~~

He loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn’t crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn’t subject himself to an hour’s wait.  He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn’t I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two.  The ferry is just about to dock."

~~~

A recipe is a series of step by step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you do not own, to make a dish that even the dog won’t eat.

~~~

“We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty.”

G. K. Chesterton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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Come out – Come out wherever you are

The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.

Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 

 

I was reading the other day how we each live within our own virtual environment. It is not only housed in the physical places where we live, work and play it is also bound by the cultural and experiential wall we have built around ourselves. That got me thinking about some of my friends who have expressed their feeling of loneliness and dislike of the drudgery resulting from uninteresting jobs and experiences. As I thought about it I realized that I too have sometimes in the past let the invisible fence keep me from looking beyond my virtual environment.

Fortunately I often had guides, mentors and fortunate experiences that took me outside my boring but comfortable existence. And you know what? every time I did venture out I found more than I expected and the walls that surrounded my virtual abode started to disappear. Why is it that so many of us feel trapped by our lives? Why do we think we must make major changes and take great risks when all we have to do is go beyond our self imposed walls just every so often and then not very far to add a little zest to our existence? If you’re like I am you will find yourself drawn out of your shell and into a virtual landscape filled with treasure and wonder after you take those first few steps.

So my dear friend, go see a play, volunteer to ring bells for an afternoon or two this Christmas season, or just go out and play, you know more than I do what is out there just waiting for you. And oh by the way, when you do come out please give me a wave, I’ll be there since I have much more yet to see.

Here is a sad poem written about someone who has been locked up in her virtual reality, I am glad that it is not about you.

Excuses

Author: Clair Peach

I’d like to stop the hunger in the world,

I’d like to help stop the disease

I’d like to help make the poorer much richer,

I’d like to stop all the pain please

But I can’t because

My husband might not like it if I’m late

My kids will be needing their tea

The house is a mess and I’m needing a rest

The goody goody stuff will just have to wait

I’d like to give money to help poor children grow

I’d like to stop people dying from want

I’d like to stop children being hurt, bruised and worse

I’d like to make a difference in the world

But if I do

People will think I’m a soft touch you know

They’d take for a ride you can bet

I’d run out of time and be a tired old wretch

But maybe- well next year, yes you bet!

~~~

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.”

Helen Keller

~~~

Office Rules

1) If it rings, put it on hold.

2) If it clanks, call the repairman.

3) If it whistles, ignore it.

4) If it’s a friend, take a break.

5) If it’s the boss, look busy.

6) If it talks, take notes.

7) If it’s handwritten, type it.

8) If it’s typed, copy it.

9) If it’s copied, file it.

10) If it’s Friday, forget it!

~~~

It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

~~~

A new flood is foretold and nothing can be done to prevent it; in six days the waters will wipe out the world.

The leader of Buddhism appears on TV and pleads with everyone to become a Buddhist; that way, they will at least find salvation in heaven.

The Pope goes on TV with a similar message: "It is still not too late to accept Jesus," he says.

The Chief Rabbi of Israel takes a slightly different approach: "We have six days to learn how to live under water."

~~~

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned.

"What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man.

"How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse."

The priest replied, "Well, that’s not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage." "Well, now, that’s a little more serious." "Father, there’s more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!"

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I’m afraid you’ll have to make a novena."

"Father, I’m not sure what a ‘novena’ is, but if you’ve got the blueprints, I’ve got the lumber!"

~~~

"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation, but would like it to keep in touch."

~~~

A man was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.  He grabbed the man by the hand and pulled him aside.  The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

The man replied, "I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I’m in the secret service."

~~~

The best things in life are free…. or have no interest or payments for one full year.

~~~

Paul was not the brightest guy around.  Every day, when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money. Finally, Paul decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route, but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn’t happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it. So, one day, on the way home from work, Paul confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued. The next afternoon, Paul went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.

His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation.

"Well," explained Paul, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."

His instructor said, "What happened?"

Paul replied, "They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off!"

~~~

Some people drink deeply from the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

Grant M. Bright

~~~

The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant.

"Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right time. It’s not often that an airline gets to where it’s going exactly when they claim it will. I’m going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am."

"Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think you should know this is yesterday’s flight."

~~~

“If you wait for opportunities to occur, you will be one of the crowd.”

Edward de Bono

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Listen for the harmony

“But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?”

Albert Camus

 

 

 

I’ve been on the run all day starting with a very early medical treatment and then on to other commitments. Since I am semi-brain-dead I better dust off something from the files.

Ray’s Daily reprint

October 28, 2003

I am probably like a lot of other people my age that you know. I know that I miss a lot of what is contemporary today. What brought this to mind was my attendance at an all George Gershwin concert last Sunday. The music was melodious and I understood the lyrics as they were being sung by two excellent singers. It reminded me that these days when I hear most contemporary music I don’t understand the lyrics being sung and find the instrumentals to be too harsh.

I know I came from an era that was filled with strife and turmoil. A depression, wars, civil disobedience were all part of the experience. Yet through it all the music seemed to move us to a warmer clime. We seemed to be more sensitive, even more caring, it was OK to cry at movies, it was OK to be OK. It was an era where you saw an extended hand often, and seldom did you see an extended middle finger. It seemed like we were closer and more caring. I know I shouldn’t generalize, I know this is a subjective opinion; I just hope I am wrong, as I often am.

~~~

May you look back on the past with as much pleasure as you look forward to the future.

Paul Dickson

~~~

For my retired friends who are now Wall Mart greeters, WATCH OUT! There are those who are reading the following suggestions for things to do while your spouse is shopping.

1. Pick up condom packages & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3 in house wares,’…and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

6. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible’.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!’

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream ‘NO! It’s those voices again’.

15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud. ‘We’re out of toilet paper in here!’

~~~

Do you prefer that you be right, or that you be happy?

~~~

There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made made passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!"

~~~

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it."

Margaret Fuller

~~~

Shirley lives in Brooklyn, yet she does keep up with the rest of the country, as an example she sent us this:

One or our local rednecks, Billy Joebob, while a total idiot, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joebob if he could paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object, she was willing to pay $50,000.

Not willing to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joebob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with this wife. In a few minutes he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it.  However, he would have to leave his socks on so he would have some place to wipe his brushes.

~~~

"Imagination is the highest kite one can fly."

Lauren Bacall

~~~

She said: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals.  I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things.  So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don’t Know," "I Don’t Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.

~~~

"It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days."

Isabel Waxman

~~~

After bumping his head on our stereo cabinet, my 11-year-old-son, Felix, required stitches.  While the doctor was administering a local anesthetic to his head, I started to feel faint, so the nurse offered me a chair.

My son winced with every stitch, and the nurse told him it was okay to cry.  On the way home, my husband asked Felix if he had heard the nurse tell him it was okay to cry.  "Yeah, I heard her," Felix replied, "but I thought she was talking to Mom."

~~~

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jim Carrey

~~~

Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again looking down in the dumps.  "What’s wrong now Doug," asked Bill.

Doug replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for."

"Yeah, so what’s the problem with that?" asks Bill.

Doug sighs, "Well it seems that I am best suited for unemployment."

~~~

"A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside."

Denis Waitley

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Do you see what I see?

“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.”

C. W. Leadbeater

 

 

 

I had an interesting conversation with a friend this morning. He told me about an article that reported that a recent study said that the majority of watchers form an opinion in the first few seconds of a short video. I shared with him that I had just written in my pocket notebook a statement from a friend’s book that had identified that we each have different realities. Our conversation soon drifted to how perceptions differ. I used the example of my standing only behind an automobile seeing only the back and its somewhat narrow image with little ornamentation, while someone else saw only the side seeing a much longer image with doors, mirrors and the like. We both we would be looking at the same object but we would see something much different. If we never move our separate realities would be accurate individually but far from complete enough to fully describe the car.

In addition I told my friend that when I am presented with an image for only a brief moment I suspect my memory adds to what I don’t see. I feel that my experiences, personal bias, and background tend to form a mental definition of what I see. If the picture is of a poorly dressed unshaven individual I might assume I am seeing a derelict as an example.

My concern is that we may be moving to a time when many people see the world only from one place, a place where they only see and hear news and information slanted by opinion or ideology. I also worry that our limiting ourselves to brief images and sound bites, in effect information shorthand, may result in our becoming quick to judge because we only see the surface and never go deep enough to find out what might be something much different looked with more than a glance.

I hope I am wrong for I become concerned when we observe and decide in haste for soon we may lose our ability to discern the difference between a myopic reality and that which is truly real. After thinking about my friend’s book and my conversation with my buddy this morning I decided that I want to join the Society for the Prevention of Conclusion Jumping and always ask myself if what I see is really all there is.

~~~

“Most of the mistakes in thinking are inadequacies of perception rather than mistakes of logic.”

Edward de Bono

~~~

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "manager".

The questions aren’t that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

-= ANSWERS =-

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Wrong Answer : Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Correct Answer : Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer : The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old.

~~~

If in doubt, make it sound convincing.

~~~

"If you Cosmopolitan editors stopped obsessing about men, you could focus your brainpower on the Middle East Peace Process, health care, Social Security or the federal budget surplus. I bet you could give us some important insights into these issues! Or at least tell us how to drive them wild in bed."
Dave Barry

~~~

Why must we have enough memory to recall the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not enough to remember how many times we have told it to the same person?

~~~

 

She said:

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.

Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines.

Gardening forever .  .  .  Housework, never!

Dull women have immaculate houses.

~~~

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

~~~

Top ten reasons you’re too old to be trick or treating:

10.  You get winded by knocking on the door.

9.   You have to have another child chew the candy for you.

8.   You request the choice of a high fiber candy only.

7.   When the treater drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6.   People say "Great Harry Potter mask!" and you’re not wearing a mask.

5.   When the door opens you yell, "Trick or…" and can’t remember the  rest.

4.   By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3.   You have to choose carefully a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.

2.   You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1.   You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

~~~

She said, "My Husband And I Married For Better Or Worse… ….He Couldn’t Do Better And I Couldn’t Do Worse"

~~~

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"

"Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend."

~~~

It is the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn’t know and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he knows everything.

Joyce Cary

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Thank you Nancy!

"A friend is a gift you give yourself."

Robert Louis Stevenson

 

 

I don’t know about you but I find that I have lots of Nancy’s in my life. My wife is one, another is my favorite nurse who left our city sometime ago, then there are the not for profit Nancy’s, the business Nancy’s and memories of an old personal family friend Nancy who passed on not long ago. In fact I don’t remember a bad Nancy, they have been friends, caregivers, Kiwanians, service-leaders, and just good people. As I was tooling through the stacks of possible Daily material I stumbled across the following I got from one of the Nancy’s last spring, since I did not keep the senders identification I’ll just say “Look what I got from Nancy, a gift worth sharing”.

     In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

     In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

     In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

     In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

     In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn’t have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

     In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

     In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn’t have to be embarrassed.

     In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before.

     In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn’t laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

     In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn’t wind up being the only freshman there.

     In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

     In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn’t be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

     In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go…

     At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

     The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn’t deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you  had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

     Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you’re scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you  at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps  you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a  better person, and most importantly loves you!

     Pass on to those friends of the past, and those of the future…and those you have met along the way. Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there. There’s never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them.

So thanks Nancy I am glad you’re my friend!

~~~

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."

Elbert Hubard

~~~

I used to be a manager at a toy store. A few years back, during the height of the Furby craze, I overheard one of my cashiers say to a customer, "We haven’t had any for awhile and I doubt we’ll be getting any soon."

I quickly assured the customer that we would have a shipment in next week. After she left, I read the cashier the riot act. "Never tell a customer we’re out of anything. Tell them we’ll have it next week. Now, was she looking for a Furby?"

"No."

"Well, what was it she said she wanted?"

"Rain."

~~~

Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

~~~

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank !"

Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you’d like to know you gave me twenty dollars too much. Bye. "

~~~

It is a good thing to be rich, it is a good thing to be strong, but it is a better thing to be beloved of many friends.

Euripides

~~~

She said: I was getting ready for a garage sale one summer day. Since it was so humid out, I decided to stay inside my air-conditioned house and mark the special stickers I had bought for the sale. Then I slapped them on my blouse, ran outside, stuck them on the appropriate items and rushed back inside. I did this until every item was labeled. Later that day a UPS man came by the house with a delivery. I noticed that as I was signing for the package, he seemed ill at ease. It was only after he left that I noticed there was one sticker still attached to the front of my blouse. It read "Make me an offer."

~~~

I had a difficult time remembering names until I took that Dave Carnegie course.

~~~

While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"

"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."

"I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."

~~~

"Do not save your loving speeches

For your friends till they are dead;

Do not write them on their tombstones,

Speak them rather now instead.

Anna Cummins

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Ray’s at it again!

“A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.”

Oscar Wilde

 

 

 

This morning I was reading an article by Christine Rosen entitled “In the beginning was the word” published in the current issue of The Wilson Quarterly. In the article Rosen wrote:

Since the migration of the word from page to screen is still in its early stages, predictions about the future of print are hazardous at best. When Time magazine named “YOU!” its person of the year in 2006, the choice was meant as a celebratory recognition of our new digital world and its many opportunities for self-expression. We are all writers now, crafters of our own images and creators of our own online worlds. But so far this power has made us less, not more, willing to submit ourselves to the singular visions of writers and artists and to learn from them difficult truths about the human condition. It has encouraged us to substitute images and simplistic snippets of text for the range, precision, and peculiar beauty of written language, with its unique power to express complex and abstract ideas. Recent surveys by the National Endowment for the Arts reveal that fewer Americans read literature for pleasure than in the past; writers of serious fiction face a daunting publishing market and a reading public that has come to prefer the celebrity memoir to the new literary novel.

As I have suggested before we will lose much about life if we only see it in the broadest of terms. Rosen’s article suggested to me that more may very well mean less from the standpoint of exercising our brain and analytical powers. In the same issue another author suggest the opposite, he implies that our living in a digest world where we see only results and opinion presented as factual result allows us the know more. Where I think he misses the point is when he dismisses the idea that too much unfiltered information does not overwhelm us because we control what goes into our personal Reader’s Digest, that is limiting what we see to only what we wish to see. For me that is often precisely the problem, for if we filter out the details, information that we don’t agree with, and limit the information that makes it to our personal digest to only that which is easy and comfortable, we will soon find that we no longer think we will only absorb.

I am sorry if I ramble too much about my fears, I do so because I find that there is so much polarization amongst many of my fellow citizens which makes constructive discussion almost impossible. Both sides prove their cases with the facts they agree with without regard to countervailing information. I long for a return to the day when fact was fact and not modified by opinion, the days when dialogue based on in depth understanding of the facts allowed us to jointly arrive at an agreed upon truth on which we could take constructive action.

I know my recollections are not necessarily the way the past was for everyone. An author friend reminded me recently that our bright and shiny “Father knows best” world of the fifties applied to only some of us and missed far too many of us. What she says is true, so I now have decided that I want to return to the best some of us have seen in the past and build on the best we remember while adding to it the best we can become.

~~~

I know of no safe depository of the ultimate powers of the society but the people themselves; and if we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them but to inform their discretion.

Thomas Jefferson

~~~

"Horoscopes For Your Job Position…"

1) MARKETING:  You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2) SALES:  Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3) TECHNOLOGY:  Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying but who the heck can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4) ENGINEERING:  One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

5) ACCOUNTING:  The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. Oh, and usually the first to be incarcerated.

6) HUMAN RESOURCES:  Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT:  Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT:  See above – Same sign, different title.

9) CUSTOMER SERVICE:  Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10) CONSULTANT:  Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience.  You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand, and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER":  As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO:  You are brilliant or lucky.  Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

~~~

Our lives would run a lot more smoothly if second thoughts came first.

~~~

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?"

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think.  Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet."

~~~

Nine-tenths of wisdom is appreciation. Go find somebody’s hand and squeeze it, while there’s time.

Dale Dauten

~~~

"Oh, Laura!" cried her neighbor, "I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  He was such a wonderful man.  I’m sure he left you well provided for, didn’t he?"

Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, "Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will.  I miss him so much that I’d give fifty thousand just to have him back!"

~~~

No one ever says "It’s only a game," when their team is winning.

~~~

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.  There was only one problem:  The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it’s not the same hat."

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank.  The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said:  "OK, I give up.  Where’s the boat?"

~~~

There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings.

Dorothy Thompson:

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

When were you last inspired?

“Students now arrive at the university ignorant and cynical about our political heritage, lacking the wherewithal to be either inspired by it or seriously critical of it”

Allan Bloom

 

 

If you have been reading the Daily for awhile you know that I have been concerned about the lack of the liberal arts in today’s education system. Because of funding limits and the emphasis on science our children often get little taste of art, philosophy and the humanities. I wonder sometimes as technology takes more and more control of our lives if we have lost our ability to resolve conflict both at home and in the world. Is it because we have become so materialistic and focused on acquisition and power that we no longer place as much value on the common good? I don’t know the answer but I do appreciate the problem.

A respected friend told me yesterday that he was dismayed by the lack of civility in society today. Have we lost respect for each other and no longer have an interest in creating thoughtful solutions to our problems? Over the centuries it has been the inspired thinkers who have led us to the best that was in us. I worry that we don’t have as many who see and appreciate the danger of our problems and who are inspired to lead us to solutions and that makes me wonder if our educational plant has stifled the minds that might provide us the help we need.

I don’t know who sent me the following nor do I know who wrote it, but I do hope that it will trigger our readers to embrace the value of investing in their own inspiration.

INSPIRATION

In the 4th century B.C., Socrates said, "I decided that it was not wisdom that enabled [poets] to write their poetry, but a kind of instinct or inspiration, such as you find in seers and prophets who deliver all their sublime messages without knowing in the least what they mean."

For millennia we have recognized the mystery that lies in our ability to create. Ancient cultures such as the Norse and Greeks viewed artistic inspiration as a gift from the gods, and even today the idea retains a quality of the inexplicable and sublime. We speak about being “struck” by inspiration, as if it were a lightning bolt from above.

A look at the history of the word gives a glimpse, however, of humbler roots. The word comes from the Latin spirare, meaning "to breathe." Inspiration, then, is a process of drawing from the world around oneself in order to create, just as our bodies draw from the air around us to take in oxygen and sustain life. This creativity can produce a work of art – or it can affect our interactions with others, the decisions we make, or the way we live our lives.

Inspiration doesn’t always come rare and intense like a lightning bolt. There are steps we can take to meet it halfway. The great cubist painter Pablo Picasso said, "Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working." American wilderness writer Jack London put it in less delicate terms: “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”

Sought or unsought, inspiration can happen even when our surroundings are less than ideal. Winston Churchill said, "We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival." Just as the body shows amazing ability to survive in bad conditions, we can use the adversity or suffering we have experienced to inspire us, as well as our joys and epiphanies. Inspiration belongs to painters, composers, novelists, sculptors and dancers, but also to anyone who desires to live creatively and fully.

~~~

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and your discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”

Patanjali

~~~

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

"We don’t need anyone" they replied.

"You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime anything."

"We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell.  If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.

"How in the world did you do that" they asked.

"I told you I’m the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anywhere anytime."

"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.

"What’s that?" he asked.

"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."

He was gone about 8 hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says "Heres Mr.Brown’s and this one is Mr.Smith’s."

"That’s good" they said, "but what’s in those two buckets?"

"Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

~~~

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”

Jimmy Durante.

~~~

Signs that your getting on in years (I may be repeating myself):

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants.

You keep repeating yourself.

You discover bifocals are stylish!

When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out…and it stays out.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father" class.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.

You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

Neighbors borrow your tools.

You’re on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Your classmates at your reunion think you’re one of their former teachers.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

You keep repeating yourself.

Your relatives longingly refer to your things as your "estate".

People don’t harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.

~~~

Take heart, the only person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

~~~

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn’t been talking to each other.

Instead, they were giving each other written notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said:

"Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."

The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o’clock.

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:

"Wake up, it’s 6 o’clock!"

~~~

One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else.

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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