Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2015

Eat, drink and be scary, halloween begins at midnight!

There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.

Robert Brault,

! Halloween-Hero-1-A

Good morning, I am off early for more tests and hopefully today will include as much improvement in my health as there was yesterday. I do have a number of other things I need to do as well so I am going to take the easy way out and send another Daily reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on October 30, 2003

It is a big day tomorrow, besides Halloween; I will be leaving my Kiwanis job. As you all know the work of Kiwanis and UNICEF in support of children has been my passion for almost 10 years and I can assure you that will not stop. I know many of you have lent your support, both by your contributions and your work; I know we can count on your continuing to do all you can in the future. Kiwanis has a staff of great people who are dedicated to help Kiwanis serve the children of the world; I will miss being with them each day but know I will see them often.

Both Kiwanis International and the Kiwanis International Foundation will continue to focus their energy on helping to eliminate the world’s leading preventable cause of mental and physical disabilities, Iodine Deficiency.

Tomorrow there is a good chance that many of us in the US will be given a chance to support the Kiwanis effort by making a contribution to Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF. Kiwanis youth all over the country will use those famous UNICEF orange boxes as they collect to help children who are at risk of suffering from the debilitating effects of iodine deficiency. If you get the chance, please give generously.

As my health continues to improve I know that I will stay active. After all, I still have the responsibility for our daily get together. By the way, they assure me that there is no connection between Halloween and my departure, I will just pick up my broom and slowly fly into the sunset.

~~~

No matter our age or where we’ve been or what we’ve said and done, each sunrise is a reminder that we’ve only just begun.

~~~

Words of wisdom from Shirley

The evils of money

It can buy a House……………But not a Home

It can buy a Bed……………….But not Sleep

It can buy a Clock…………….But not Time

It can buy you a Book……….But not knowledge

It can buy you a Position……But not Respect

It can buy you Medicine…….But not Health

It can buy you Blood…………But not Life

It can buy you Sex…………..But not Love

So you see , money isn’t everything.

And it often causes pain and suffering.

I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering………….. So send me all your money………. And I will suffer for you. CASH ONLY PLEASE!!!

~~~

One of the highlights of my long career at Sperry UNIVAC was the chance to meet Grace Hopper, one of the pioneers of the computer industry. She once said: “If it’s a good idea, go ahead and do it. It’s much easier to apologize than it is to get permission.” Just think how much would get done if we just followed her advice.

~~~

A friend of mine was a philosophy major during his first semester in college. One day in a seminar class, they spent a great deal of time debating whether the glass was half full or half empty.

After the class, my friend was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was learning at university, so when he went home, he tried to continue the discussion with his family.  With maximum drama, he took a 12 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured in 6 ounces of water.  Then took it into the dining room and placed it in the middle of the table.

He proudly asked his family, “Can anyone tell me whether this glass is half full or half empty.”

Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied, “Depends if you’re drinking or pouring.”

~~~

Yesterday is ashes; tomorrow is wood. Only today does the fire burn brightly.

Old Eskimo proverb

~~~

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Stan ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he’d been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position.

Stan wrote, “The climate didn’t agree with me.”

~~~

Character builds slowly, but it can be torn down with incredible swiftness.

Faith Baldwin

~~~

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone.

“I went to get a haircut,” was the reply.

“But,” said the pastor, “why didn’t you do that before the service?”

“Because,” the gentleman said, “I didn’t need one then.”

~~~

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.”

Kurt Vonnegut

~~~

** Difference Between Men and Women **

  1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
  2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
  3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
  5. Married men live longer than single men – but married men are a lot more willing to die.
  6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
  7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
  8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.
  9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage & after marriage.

~~~

The truly generous is the truly wise, and he who loves not others, lives unblest.

Henry Home

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

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Enjoy every moment

Without the rain there will be no rainbow

! happy-soul-quote

I ventured out yesterday and discovered that lifting even a moderately heavy package to a counter created enough pain that a slight female cashier came and did it for me. They also had someone take my purchases to the parking lot and put them in my trunk. These days any vestige of masculinity has faded as I wind my way through each new day.

Today my need for a little socialization will take me to my Kiwanis Club followed by a blood draw for my cardiologist. Tomorrow I will have another blood draw this time for my hematologist who manages my anemia.

I really am ready to substitute other activities of a non-medical nature so Friday I am scheduled to attend a lecture and on Saturday I am joining my wife on a trip to Louisville, or at least I hope I will be. Writing you each day does perk me up some and as they say the show must go on.

As I have had time to reflect I recalled all the good times I have had and at the same time realized how many more I might of had if I hadn’t let the moments slip by. So as I move ahead I will savor the moments and enjoy living within them. Here is a poem that I will use as my guide. I don’t know who wrote it but I suspect he stays happy.

Enjoy your life.

The world is full of love and joy,

So apply every minute and enjoy.

Your life isn’t too short or long,

It’s enough to where you belong.

 

Don’t care about tomorrow,

As it may be a sorrow.

And don’t care about yesterday,

As it won’t be as today.

 

Forget about your regrets,

As it’s a leading symptom to upsets.

Be yourself and strong,

As you are not doing anything wrong.

 

Just listen to your heart,

Because it wouldn’t break you apart.

The truth never lies,

As it’s a deserving prize.

 

Your life is in your hands,

To impress all your fans.

Live long and true,

As you will see a new you.

~~~

Do what you need to do and enjoy life as it happens.

John Scalzi

~~~

A man walked up to a farmer as he came out of a voting booth, “I’m from the FBI.”

“What seems to be the trouble?”

“We happen to know that you accepted a bribe and sold your vote.”

“That’s not true. I voted for the candidate because I like him.”

“Well, that’s where we’ve got you. We have concrete evidence you accepted $50 from him.”

“Well, it’s plain common sense.  If someone gives you $50, you’re going to like him.”

~~~

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

T S. Eliot

~~~

Keith called his golfing partner to withdraw from their Tuesday night golf league. His partner inquired why after many years would he resign.

“My wife and I are taking Russian lessons. The only available evening for both of us is Tuesday,” Keith told him.

“Does this have anything to do with the little Russian baby you both have just adopted?” replied his partner.

“Yes it most certainly does,” Keith replied, “We want to do everything right for this child and afford it every opportunity. So we’re learning to speak Russian so when the child starts to talk we will understand what it says.”

~~~

“The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole.”

~~~

The passenger noticed by the license that his cab driver’s name was Winston Churchill. Trying to make conversation, he said, “I see your name is Winston Churchill.”

The driver simply said, “Yep. That’s my moniker.”

The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter said, “That’s a pretty famous name.”

The driver responded with: “As well it should be too. I’ve a-been driving a cab here for over forty years.”

~~~

People say New Yorkers can’t get along.  Not true.  I saw two complete strangers sharing a cab.  One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

David Letterman

~~~

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money.  He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me.  I wanna take my money to the afterlife.”

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died.  He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend.  When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!” She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.  Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”

She said, “Yes, I promised.  I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie.  I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?”

“I sure did,” said the wife.  “I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”

~~~

Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.

Ernest Hemingway

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Let’s have a care free day

It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.

Hans Selye

!! StressedOutFace

Yesterday I found a way to take my mind off my lingering back ache. I went to my dentist for a new bridge and to fill two teeth. I spent more than two hours in the dental chair distracted by efforts to save a deteriorating tooth which was beyond redemption. My back only reared its ugly behavior when I got in and out of the chair. I had planned some other activities for the day but my morning’s experience made me reluctant to risk more challenges. So now I can look forward to an oral surgeon as he relieves me of a deep rooted molar next week.

I think I am really ready to put all this behind me and rejoin you all as you dance through our autumn. Fortunately surviving adversity in itself is something of a reward. In an effort to make all this as easy as possible I re-read the following “How to Cope” piece that offers some alternatives to pain induced stress.

Stressful Day? Here’s How to Feel Better

By Elizabeth Scott, M.S. Stress Management Expert

We’ve all had stressful days. But some days can be particularly stressful, and require some extra efforts toward stress relief. When you feel overly stressed, the challenges of your day can pile up and feel bigger than they are, making “those days” feel overwhelming. The following tips can help you to de-escalate the stress you experience when you’re having “one of those days,” and turn a bad day into a day of promise.

Take a Meditation Break

A well-timed meditation session can feel like a mini-vacation when you’re having an overwhelming day. Regular meditation brings cumulative benefits, but even a five-minute meditation can help put you in a better frame of mind so that whatever stressors come, you’ve got them handled.

Use Reframing Techniques

Sometimes stress is all in how you look at it! If you see something as a threat vs. a challenge, for example, it will bring more stress. If you’re catastrophizing, ‘shoulding all over yourself’, or unwittingly using other cognitive distortions to add to the stress of your day, stop.

It’s Okay To Say No

Sometimes we have One Of Those Days because we have so many commitments stacked up on each other that one false move leads to a string of minor crises. One way to avoid doing this is to only take on commitments that are really important to you and directly help you fulfill your most valued goals, like ‘keep my job’ or ‘be a good parent’. It’s important to learn how to say no to other more periphery commitments, even if people will be disappointed.

Locate a Supportive Shoulder

Sometimes it helps just to have a sympathetic ear or an active listener to tell your troubles to, to ‘get it out of your system’, or to feel validated and supported. If you are someone who does better with the supportive ear of a good friend (and can avoid rumination when telling your tale), then go for it! Research on coping styles shows that social support can be a wonderful stress release, and can lower cortisol levels as well. So let your friends help you, and you can return the favor when your friend has One Of Those Days in the future.

Have A Sense of Humor

Laughing in the face of stress is a good way to rob it of its power. And, fortunately, there are other benefits of laughter as well. Practice maintaining your sense of humor on an overwhelming day and the world laughs with you!

Just Breathe

A quick and effective way to feel much less stressed anytime, anywhere? Breathing exercises! Try taking a few deep breaths right now, and see how much more relaxed you can be. Then you can reverse your body’s stress response, improve your mood, and press ‘restart’ on your bad day. Or at least suck some of the stress right out of it!

~~~

Give your stress wings and let it fly away.

Terri Guillemets

~~~

There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.”

The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.”

The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.”

The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”

The Priest said “No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!”

~~~

“Do you prefer that you be right, or that you be happy?

~~~

She said: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals.  I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.” However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things.  So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.

~~~

“It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.”

Isabel Waxman

~~~

After bumping his head on our stereo cabinet, my 11-year-old-son, Felix, required stitches.  While the doctor was administering a local anesthetic to his head, I started to feel faint, so the nurse offered me a chair.

My son winced with every stitch, and the nurse told him it was okay to cry.  On the way home, my husband asked Felix if he had heard the nurse tell him it was okay to cry.  “Yeah, I heard her,” Felix replied, “but I thought she was talking to Mom.”

~~~

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jim Carrey

~~~

Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again looking down in the dumps.  “What’s wrong now Doug,” asked Bill.

Doug replies, “They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for.”

“Yeah, so what’s the problem with that?” asks Bill.

Doug sighs, “Well it seems that I am best suited for unemployment.”

~~~

We live longer than our forefathers; but we suffer more from a thousand artificial anxieties and cares. They fatigued only the muscles, we exhaust the finer strength of the nerves.

Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

OK, so I was overly optimistic

“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.”

Charles Kingsley

! courage-roar

Wouldn’t you know it, I acted like I had completely recovered from my spine pain and twisted my back jumping out of bed and then made it worse by too much morning activity. So when I reported yesterday that I was having a new beginning I had not meant that I would be taking a step backward. It just goes to show you that you cannot depend on mind over matter because if you think you can and really can’t it does matter. But I really am grateful that I have made so much progress and find that slowing down is just a minor setback.

So my YMCA friends and my fellow Kiwanis members it looks like my empty chair is going to have to stay empty for a while yet. I am limiting my exercise to mental workouts and my service to thinking good thoughts. I probably will not reappear until next week; meanwhile there is always the Daily.

I really have no right to complain since I, like you, are so much more well off than most folks. Here is a reminder of how good we have it.

Are You Blessed?

Author Unknown

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness……….you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation…….you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep…you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace……. you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful…..you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can read this now, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

~~~

“Two men look out through the same bars; one sees the mud and one sees the stars.”

Frederick Langbridge

~~~

Top 15 Clues That Your Company Has Been Sold

  1. People you have never met assure you that nothing will change.
  2. They issue new nametags without the company name on them.
  3. The company logo on our paychecks gets changed to something else. When this is questioned, we’re just told not to worry, it will be discussed in a meeting next week.
  4. My paycheck did NOT bounce.
  5. An announcement that on Monday we should report to the new building… in a different state.
  6. English-German dictionaries show up on everyone’s desks.
  7. The budget for your project suddenly doubles in size. Uh, how’d we get that much money?
  8. The pointy-haired owners are cleaning out their desks and their offices, of a company that their family has owned for over 40 years, but tell you that they are redecorating their office at home and want all their things there?
  9. What is this “Lot 642” tag stapled to my ear?
  10. The pointy-haired boss called a meeting to let whole department know we weren’t being bought, everything was O.K. and don’t worry.
  11. I post articles to an online edition of the local newspaper. I learned the newspaper had been sold when I received an article to post about the sale.
  12. You get voicemail messages from some temp company you’ve never heard of or called, who say they got your number from your boss.
  13. The boss starts doing work.
  14. The ‘Coming Soon…’ sign on the front lawn…
  15. A letter on your desk which reads, “Thanks for all your hard work, BUT….”

~~~

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

~~~

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.  Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men?  Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous…or what?”

“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied.  “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”

~~~

If rabbit’s feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

~~~

Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him. Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.

Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him. After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate. Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, “Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It’s the Red Cross.”

Bristling, the harried executive called back, “Get lost. I gave at the office!”

~~~

“What a life. When I was a kid I asked my dad if I could go ice skating. He told me to wait until it gets warmer.”

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

POINTS TO PONDER

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?

Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

~~~

“My friends accused me of being a hypochondriac, which made me think: What if I *am* a hypochondriac, in addition to all these other ailments I have?”

Jenny Wong

~~~

An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer:

“As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say, ‘$75.’ … if his eyes don’t flutter, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be $50.’…”

“If his eyes still don’t flutter, you add, ‘Each.'”

~~~

“In spite of illness, in spite of the arch enemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable of intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.”

Edith Wharton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

I get to start over

Life is like a roller coaster, live it, be happy, enjoy life.

Avril Lavigne

! Enjoying-Life

Hi everybody. I am pleased to let you know that I am on the way to my new normal, whatever that may be. I actually slept in a bed last night after almost a week of sleeping in a recliner. My back pain has evolved into a backache that I am hoping will also leave me soon. I am even driving myself for the first time in more than a week as I go to a doctor’s appointment. No return to exercise at the Y yet, but hopefully that will resume soon

You know that say it is an ill wind that blows no good and in my case the last ten days or so provided me time for contemplation and appreciation. I had supportive messages from many of you and hands on help from my family. I also found my wife evolving from someone who is always at my side into someone how can demonstrate extraordinary patience and skill as she helped me get over my malady. I don’t remember having ever been in as much sustained pain, pain that made me even more difficult than normal.

So I again have learned to complain less and appreciate more and that the best medicine is the people around you who care. Here is a poem that gives us insight into what life offers us even on bad days.

Live Your Best Life

It only takes a moment

To stop and take a breath

To take in all the sights, and sounds

To enjoy all life has to give

 

Don’t take time for granted

Because it quickly slips away

Years cannot be promised

So enjoy every single day

 

Time and life are precious

And we only get one chance

To live life to its fullest

To live in happiness

 

Live your best life

Starting with today

Make sure it’s a happy one

Every step of the way

~~~

Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

Eddie Cantor

~~~

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several nighttime exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet, sad, and looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. “Scared, Lieutenant?” I asked.

He replied, “No, just a bit apprehensive.”

I asked, “What’s the difference?”

He replied, “That means I’m scared with a university education.”

~~~

Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

~~~

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.  After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork… but have you really never even tasted it?”

The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, “I must tell you the truth.  Yes I have, on the odd occasion.”

The rabbi had his turn of interrogation.  He asked, “I know that in your religion, you’re supposed to be celibate… but…”

The priest interjected, “Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice.”

The two resumed their reading.  There was silence for a while.

Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper and said, “Better than pork, isn’t it?!”

~~~

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde.

Dolly Parton-

~~~

During Marine Corp basic training, one private was being hassled by his drill instructor. “Well,” snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered recruit, “I suppose after you get discharged from the Corp, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave.”

“Not me, Sarge!” the private replied. “Once I get out of the Marines, I’m never going to stand in line again!”

~~~

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.”

Franklin P. Jones

~~~

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and waits at the bar for his table. He says to the bartender, “Give me a Stoli with a twist.”

The bartender smiles and says, “Once upon time, there were four little pigs…”

~~~

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like and do what you’d rather not.”

Mark Twain

~~~

The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, “Where do you want to go?”

“Heaven!” Suzy cried out.

“And what do you have to be to get there?” asked the preacher.

“Dead!” yelled Little Johnny.

~~~

“We only have one life and one body to care of, and we better do it right. You never know what tomorrow may bring and so we better live this life the best we can and be grateful for everything we have.”

Novak Djokovic

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Thanks for being here

Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

Voltaire

! gratitude

This last week and a half has reminded me again of how much I appreciate my wife and lifelong companion. I don’t remember ever being in as much pain or being as debilitated as I have been over these last ten days or more. My wife has been my driver, comfort manager and sympathetic ear and I am truly grateful. I have been reminded again how important it is that we not take those close to us for granted. I know I have not told my wife nearly often enough how much I appreciate her.

What about you, do you keep your gratitude under wraps? I hope not for some day it may be too late. Here is something I got from the Fast Fedora blog that I think we all should heed.

How to Express Appreciation

Do you tell others often how much you appreciate them? Does it come across sincere? I struggled in the past with expressing appreciation. Especially with employees, but also with loved ones, colleagues and even strangers. I aim to get things done. Once I complete a task or project, I’m onto the next one. I used to forget to stop and appreciate the people and things around me. To take a moment and express a heartfelt thanks.

Learn to Appreciate

Everything I read indicated appreciation is both an attitude and a skill. Empty platitudes are meaningless. Therefore, before you can learn how to express appreciation toward others, you must first learn how to feel appreciative. Take these steps to learn to feel appreciation:

Appreciate the world around you – Take a few moments in each day to notice useful or beautiful things around you and smile at them. Imagine what the world would be like without them. Take a deep breath and be thankful for their existence (and keep smiling!).

Express your appreciation of the world to others – Tell a friend how much you appreciate breezy spring days or hot tea in the morning. Learn to verbalize your appreciation.

Practice appreciating yourself – At the end of each day, ask yourself “What can I truly be proud of today?”. Say it aloud or write it down. Practice recognizing in yourself the type of things you want to appreciate in others.

Express appreciation to others – Tell people that you appreciate them and why. If it feels strange, start with people where you have few power dynamics or attachments, then move onto employees, colleagues and loved ones.

Express Your Appreciation – Learning how to appreciate others is only a first step. Sincere appreciation gets amplified when you express it in certain ways.

When expressing appreciation, try to:

Make “I” Statements – Being appreciative is about how you feel, not the other person.  Thus, avoid “you” statements and focus on “I” statements. Tell them how you feel, not what they are. Don’t say “You are so organized”, say “I appreciate you being so organized because it means I can focus on the bigger picture.”

Be Specific – Avoid vague or broad  language. Be specific in what you appreciate. Don’t say “You’re awesome”, say “I appreciate that you’re so punctual.”

Recognize the Exceptions – When someone does something that requires extra effort or under touch circumstances, recognize them for it. Say “I know we had a tight deadline for the proposal, but I appreciate you putting in the extra effort to make sure it got out on time.”

Appreciate the Unexceptional – But appreciate the unexceptional too. Notice when people do things right, and thank them for it. Too often we pay attention only when things go wrong. Be thankful for the good things as well. Imagine what life would be if they weren’t there.

~~~

“Whenever I count my blessings, I find myself becoming more grateful because the good things of life outweigh the not so pleasant things that are happening in my life.”

James Jason

~~~

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. “Suppose your husband were to die,” he said, “What would you get?”

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, “Oh, a parrot, I think.  Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet.”

~~~

I am in shape! ..Round is a shape.

~~~

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected.  “The plane can take out only four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind,” he stated.

They argued with him; the year before the had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard, and the plane was just the same model and capacity as this. Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley where they were, the little plane could not make it, and they crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, “Do you know where we are?”

“I think so,” replied the other hunter.  “I think this is about the same place where the plane crashed last year.”

~~~

Our lives would run a lot more smoothly if second thoughts came first.

~~~

“Oh, Laura!” cried her neighbor, “I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  He was such a wonderful man.  I’m sure he left you well provided for, didn’t he?”

Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, “Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will.  I miss him so much that I’d give fifty thousand just to have him back!”

~~~

No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.

~~~

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each

week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same  tricks over and over again. There was only one problem:  The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

“Look, it’s not the same hat.”

“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.”

“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank.  The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said:  “OK, I give up.  Where’s the boat?”

~~~

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.

Bessie Stanley

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

It will be better tomorrow

“There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow”

Orison Swett Marden

! Better Day tomorrow

Hi everyone, sorry I have been out of the loop lately but I find the road to recovery is not as easy as I wish it was. I have been improving but found that injecting steroids into my spine yesterday has taken its toll. We will know in a day or two if it is going to provide the rejuvenation I need.

Meanwhile sleeping in a recliner and not being ambulatory is keeping from one adventure after another. Hopefully I will blossom again within the next forty-eight hours and see you again.

I will not suspend the Daily but will send another reprint. We have a lot of new readers and a lot of older ones who are as memory challenged as I am so it will seem new to them also.

Ray’s Daily first published on October 22, 2007

I really like the above Marden quote. I am a big believer in always expecting the best because almost always things do turn out that way. I am sure I have told you before that I don’t worry until it is too late. When things turn out well, as they usually do, I will not have been bogged down in worry. If per chance something does not go well it can be dealt with when it happens. Of course I do believe that I should do what I can to keep the odds in my favor as an example I quit smoking many years ago and I am sure that made a difference in my recent test results.

While I am not racing or even walking fast today I am pleased to report that my Cardiac Cath procedure indicated that I do not have any significant blockage and will not need a bypass or angioplasty. I do have a lot of bruising and discomfort from the incision and the procedure but it is not bad. I again was pleased with the medical team, nice people but I would prefer to meet them socially and not professionally. I was especially pleased that the operating room nurses were so self controlled. The only thing covered just prior to the procedure was my feet and not one of them pointed and laughed. We’ll see if the nurses on November 8th are equally as kind since that operation will be even more revealing.

This week should be pretty good as there will be no cutting on my body. Tomorrow I get a CAT scan which just runs me into a tube and Wednesday they will only draw a little blood. Isn’t life grand?

I am still limiting myself to about one outside activity a day since I am still moving slow, but soon I will again be jumping over tall buildings and more. I hope all of you will have remained close enough that I can catch back up when that happens.

~~~

“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

Things You Wouldn’t Know Without Help from the Movies

  1. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
  2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade at any time of the year.
  3. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
  4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
  5. It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
  6. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
  7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
  8. All single women have a cat.
  9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
  10. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them
  12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
  14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  15. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
  16. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
  17. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity
  18. If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath.
  19. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

~~~

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.”

Sir Francis Bacon

~~~

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.” She wasn’t selected for the jury.

~~~

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Morris West

~~~

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours everyday, they never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. “Well, I figured out their secret,” he announces.

“What? Tell us! Tell us!” his teammates shout.

“We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row.”

~~~

The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

~~~

I was sitting in the foyer of a bank when a young man walked by, and then stopped for a moment on his way out. I noticed that one of the latches on his overstuffed briefcase was unfastened, putting strain on the remaining latch.

“You’re going to lose the contents of your briefcase,” I warned him.

Just then the case burst open. He stared at me with something akin to fear in his eyes as he gasped, “How on earth did you do that?”

~~~

You are not happy because you are well. You are well because you are happy. You are not depressed because trouble has come to you, but trouble has come to you because you are depressed. You can change your thoughts and feelings and then the outer things will come to correspond. Indeed, there is no other way of working.

Emmet Fox

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

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