Ray's Daily

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Dr. Samuel Johnson

From time to time I get e-mail from author Mary Robinson Reynolds that strikes a chord. Today I wanted to share some thing from her that may be helpful to some of our readers. I often spend time with friends who are in a funk. Too often the funk turns into loneliness and sometimes despair. It breaks my heart to see friends who have so much to offer hide in their own private world reluctant to let others in.

Here is what Reynolds suggests to get over it.

~~~

Here are My Top 3 Steps to Popping Out of a Life Funk:

1 – About feeling alone: get out there and give something to somebody else! Call a friend and rather than talk about yourself, ask them about their day, their life, their worries. Listen, listen and listen some more and soon, you’ll feel like you Made A Difference in someone’s life today. Listen first to other people’s problems and get off your own. You will feel so much better so fast, and talk about self esteem, value and self worth …it’s exactly how you learn to feel better about yourself. If you feel depressed, it’s only because you don’t feel like you matter.

Don’t have any friends? Get out and get involved: churches or community services that help those more needy than you! I was a single mom for about 5 years, and to fill my loneliness, I got involved and volunteered at my church. It filled me in amazing, miraculous ways. Make A Difference in someone else’s life, and suddenly your life starts to make sense when you feel your purpose coming through you.

2- Stop putting your life on hold while you wait for other’s to mentor you. Get busy and start studying books that lift you up and show you the way. If money is an issue, then go to the Library. Do your part and people will show up for you – and give you emotional support and encouragement – because you are giving to other people. The Universe WILL take care of the details of what you need, but it is still up to you to go forward and get deliberate about the life you want to create for yourself and your beautiful daughter.

3- Accept that the only one who can abandon you, is you! The only one that can choose disappointment, is you. My suggestion for you is to begin immediately applying Compassion into every single area and event of your life experiences. Be compassionate with yourself, which is entirely different than giving even a second of a thought to deciding to be sad or disappointed.

~~~

A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

Albert Einstein

~~~

The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."

~~~

I had amnesia once or twice. I think.

~~~

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions; disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

"A penny for your thoughts." she whispered in his ear.

"It’s amazing!" he replied. "I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!"

~~~

TEAMWORK…means never having to take all the blame yourself.

~~~

"Things We Learn From Children"

• There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
• If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
• A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
• It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
• Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
• You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
• When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
• A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
• When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it’s already too late.
• If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak — it explodes.
• A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
• Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.  Duplos will not.
• Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
• Super glue is forever.

~~~

My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.

~~~

A stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed.  He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down trees to create a clearing; built a house and a small barn; cleared land for pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally worked his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive farm.

Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marvelled rather fulsomely, and at great length, at all that "you and God have done together."

"Eh," the farmer said dubiously.  "Ya shoulda seen the place when God ran it on his own."

~~~

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

~~~

Haircuts–The difference between men and women

Women’s version:

Woman 2:  Oh!  You got a haircut!  That’s so cute!

Woman 1:  Do you think so?  I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror.  I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?

Woman 2:  Oh Gosh, no!  No, it’s perfect.  I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman 1:  Are you serious?  I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts–that would look so cute I think.  I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 2:  Oh–that’s funny!  I would love to have your neck!  Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman 1:  Are you kidding?  I know girls that would love to have your shoulders.  Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms–se how short they are?  If I had your shoulders I  could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men’s version:

Man 2:  Haircut?

Man 1:  Yeah.

~~~

The best portion of a good man’s life: his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.

William Wordsworth

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

If we don’t go crazy once in a while, we’ll all go crazy.

Hawkeye

I am on the run again today so I have gone back seven years to find a daily for us.

Wednesday

February 28, 2001

On this day in 1983"M*A*S*H" closed out its TV. Can it really be 18 years ago? (Now 25 years) It was one of the highest rated shows of all time. The shows hold up even today.

~~~

Some of the ways to stay happy:

*Return everything you borrow.*

*Stop blaming other people.*

*Live within your means and within your seams.*

*Be humble.*

*Every day, do something nice and try not to get caught.*

~~~

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings.

They did it by killing all those who opposed them.

~~~

He said you can’t win

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.

If you don’t work enough, you are a good for nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better.

If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

If you cry, you are a wimp. If you don’t, you are an insensitive bastard.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination. If she asks you, it’s a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain. If you don’t, you are a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you are after something. If you don’t, you are not thoughtful.

If she has a headache, she is tired. If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.

~~~

The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

~~~

My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods.

"Listen to me!" his mother said sharply.  "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"

Matthew thought about that for a moment and said,

"Okay, Disney World."

~~~

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."

H. L. Mencken

~~~

She said:

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, My breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy? A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me.  Why? A. Cause you’re fatter then they are.

~~~

"Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure."

~~~

A priest at a parochial school, wanting to point out the proper behavior for church, was trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.

"Don’t play with your food," one second-grader cited.

"Don’t be loud," said another, and so on.

"And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?" the priest inquired of one little boy.

Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."

~~~

[On the death of a promiscuous actress]: She sleeps alone at last.

Robert Benchley

~~~

MORE GREAT SIGNS

On a ski lift in Taos, NM: "No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted."

Official sign near door:  Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby:  Window frightened.

Seen in a health food store: "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot"

"Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense."

~~~

Success isn’t permanent and failure isn’t fatal.

Mike Ditka

~~~

Laws and Rules

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary – If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

~~~

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

~~~

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other two- letter word, and that is "UP."

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake UP.

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends, we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special, and this is confusing.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP.

To be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in the dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, UP takes UP almost 1/4th the page and definitions add UP to about thirty.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn’t rain for a while, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so I’ll shut UP.

~~~

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

John Andrew Holmes

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

From a headstone in Ireland

Early this morning I received word from a member of our extended family that the young son of someone who had been close to our family for many years had passed away. While I had only met the young man once that I recall, I know from reports of his family members that he was someone special. He had suffered from brain cancer for a number of years and while I am sure he suffered much as he battled his disease I know he did it with dignity.

It has been difficult over this past year to lose many special people but it is especially sad when it is someone so young. My heart goes out to his father and the rest of his family, they are all exceptionally good people.

As we get older it seems like grief calls too often. But when you realize that the depth of our grief is a reflection of how much we care for people it can be bourn, for the alternative would be a lack of caring and a life of missed human experiences. I have included something Ralph Marston wrote some time ago that says it better.

~~~

Sadness

In every life there is some sadness. The loss of a loved one, the disappointment of a shattered dream. Things don’t always go the way we want. Sadness hurts. It is difficult. And ultimately, it is good. Because sadness can come only when you care. As painful as it is, consider the alternative. What if you did not even care? Paradoxically, the absence of pain is the ultimate pain.

We must learn to experience and appreciate our sadness, without being overwhelmed by it. And the first step is to admit it and feel it for what it is. It is a powerful form of caring. About ourselves, about others, about truth, about love, about life. Sadness shows us how very much we care, and defines for us the truly important things in life.

Even in the pain of sadness, there is meaning and hope. Out of sadness, comes a deeper sense of appreciation. The sunshine is more precious after a week of rainy days. In sadness is the strength to go forward and the opportunity to triumph over every obstacle.

~~~

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Kahlil Gibran

~~~

I considered leaving out the humor today but decided that it would be inappropriate when those who have suffered have so often maintained their humor in the face of their pain.

~~~

Sol and Ben are opening a new fish store, and they are sitting down to sketch out the sign. Ben draws "FRESH FISH SOLD HERE TODAY". The guy in the sign shop tells them he charges $30 a letter, and the two entrepreneurs go home to talk it over.

Sol says, "We don’t need TODAY — of course they’re for sale today." Ben agrees and says, "HERE? Where else would we be selling fish?" and they agree to delete that word, too. Sol thinks a minute and says. "SOLD we don’t need. It’s a store, they come in they’ll see a cash register, they’ll know," and Ben strikes that word out, too.

The sign now says FRESH FISH. Ben shakes his head. "Of course FRESH. Would we be selling stale fish?" and they cross that word out. The sign now says FISH, and Sol crumples up the paper. "We’ll leave the door open, they’ll smell and they’ll know we have fish," he says as Ben nods. "Already, before we open, we’ve saved over $600."

~~~

A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

~~~

POSITION: Mom, Mama, Mother, Mommy

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: For the rest of your life;

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

~~~

"Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings."

Artur Rubinstein

~~~

He said: As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate.

One night, I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another and after six games, we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.

"How old are you"? I typed.

"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you"?

Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten."

~~~

As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. 

As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us.

Sascha

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”

Mary Manin Morrissey

I think I told you last Friday that I had writers block and had to skip my usual ramblings. You know that writer’s block is code for being stuck. Unfortunately I often feel stuck and more often then not stuck is not acceptable, at least if I am going to get anywhere. So stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place requires an exit strategy. In my case I sometimes am unsure what it is that has blocked my moving forward so I went and found the following suggestions. If I do a better job defining what is stopping me I can work on finding a way to get by the problem.

~~~

It’s hard to have fun when you’re feeling stuck. Stuck shows up differently for each of us. For some it’s having a dream but not knowing how to get it. For others, it’s not having a dream and feeling empty.

It can be waiting for your superhero to show (and they’re taking their time) or it can be feeling responsible for everyone – and feeling exhausted. However you get stuck — and we all get stuck from time to time, it’s part of being human — it has this as its essence:

You only have one way to see the situation … and you don’t like what you see. So where are you feeling stuck right now?

Not sure?  Here are some clues…

• Where do you feel in a rut?
• Where do you feel lots of "shoulds" and "musts"?
• Where do you feel there’s no choice?
• What makes you grit your teeth in frustration?
• What are you tolerating?

So what can you do about it?

Funny enough, just articulating and acknowledging the situation where you’re feeling stuck is often enough to get things moving. When you finally get what’s hanging you up it often doesn’t feel quite so big, quite so overwhelming, quite as daunting. So look at the situation head on. No more sideways glances or head in the sand.

Get specific and detailed – go on, wade right into it. Write it down. Turn it from a "stuck-ness"… and into a challenge you’re willing to take on and to change.

Michael Bungay Stanier

Author, speaker and coach

~~~

“The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong”

Thomas Carlyle

~~~

She said that:

• Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road. Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.
• Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf. Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.
• Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. Guys: wear high school T-shirts they’ve actually owned since high school.
• Men: think perfume (yours) is a turn-on. Guys: think sweat (theirs) is a turn-on.
• Men: balance their checkbooks. Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.
• Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner. Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.
• Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers. Guys: are afraid of becoming men.
• Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call. Guys: pretend you’re not there when their moms call.
• Men: start their own businesses. Guys: quit their jobs.
• Men: are experts on women’s erogenous zones. Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.
• Men: order wine based on more than the price. Guys: bring their own beer.

~~~

I’m Destined for Greatness — I’m Just Pacing Myself

~~~

One of the Docs tells us:

During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room.  Unshaven and with tousled hair, I showed up with an equally unpresentable medical student.  In the ER we encountered the on-call medical resident and his student, both neatly attired in clean white lab coats.  The resident said to his student, "You can always tell the surgeons by their absolute disregard for appearance."

Two evenings later, I was at a banquet when called to the ER to suture a minor laceration.  I was stitching away – wearing a tuxedo – when I encountered that same medical resident.  He looked at me, then said to his student, "Sure is sensitive to criticism, isn’t he?"

~~~

"Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home.’"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It’s not unusual."

~~~

It was such a small town that we didn’t even have a village idiot.  We had to take turns.

~~~

A elderly man from Minsk was having trouble getting on the train to Pinsk.  His arms held at right angles to his body.  The hands extending in front of him were separated by several inches of air.

Moishele, also traveling to Pinsk, helped the man on the train and kept an eye on him throughout the journey. The hands never moved, and on helping the man out of the carriage Moishele couldn’t resist asking what ailment the man must have for his arms being so rigid.

"Oh, nothing is wrong my boy.  My wife wants a pair of shoes and this is her size."

~~~

He said:  "My wife thinks I put football before marriage, even though we just celebrated our third season together."

~~~

The teacher said, "Now class, we know their are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?"

All the kids looked baffled by the question except Little Johnny, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly.  The teacher said, "Johnny, how many seconds are there in a year?"

Little Johnny said, "Twelve . . . January second, February second, March second . . ."

~~~

I wouldn’t touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!

~~~

Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a plane to Chicago.

"The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.," a ticket agent said, "and arrives in Chicago at 1:01 p.m."

"Would you repeat that, please?" Bob asked.

The agent did so and then inquired, "Do you want a reservation?”

"No," said Bob, "But I think I’ll hang around and watch that thing take off."

~~~

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one.”

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“The body has to be utilized for service to others.

More bliss can be got from serving others than from merely serving oneself.”

Sri Sathya Sai Baba

A friend of mine who I hold in high regard spoke to my Kiwanis Club this morning. She shared her experiences working in New York shortly after 911 as a Salvation Army disaster volunteer. The job she was given when she first arrived was to act as a coordinator of the Salvation Army canteen and support center at the location where the remains of the victims of the Trade Center destruction were brought for identification. Often all that were found were small body parts but in each case what remained was formally treated with great respect and reverence.

You can imagine how hard it was for the workers who toiled day after day with the difficult responsibility of finding, transporting and examining the remains of the victims, day after day, week after week, month after month. My friend and her colleagues provided both solace and substance to those in need. Her centers provided food, a place to rest and relax, hands to hold and shoulders to cry on.

As she was sharing her experience with us she told us that she had never been in such a situation before and she found herself distressed that she was now. But she went on to say that she caught herself and decided that she was not there for herself but rather for people who had great need. It was not easy but she did it and did it well. She is another of those unsung heroes that quietly make the world a better place for others.

I again realized how fortunate I am to know her. I also thought about how important it is that we end each day looking back and evaluating how we did. Do we feel good about what we did and how we behaved or do we feel disappointed in the fact we were not the person we could be?

I hope you have a friend like mine, someone who inspires as they share the joy that comes from serving others.

~~~

I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift ,and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen. Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper came through his gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper. "I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away." The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him.

The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard’s checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing. Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to his supervisor. He walked into the supervisor’s office and before he could say a word, the boss said, "You’re fired!" –Fired?– he asked in total surprise. –Why? What did I do?"

"It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant and you have failed. So you’re fired."

"Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard."

"Oh, really," the boss answered. "Then how do you account for the fact that there are 365 wheelbarrows missing?"

~~~

I accidently listened to my motivation tapes backwards and became a failure.

~~~

"How do I know that my youth’s all spent?

Well, my get up and go has got up and went.

But in spite of it all, I’m able to grin

When I recall where my get up has been.

Old age is golden, so I’ve heard it said,

But sometimes I wonder, when I get into bed.

My years in a drawer and teeth in a cup,

My eyes on the table until I wake up.

The sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself —

‘Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?’

And I am happy to say as I close my door,

My friends are the same, perhaps even more.

When I was young, my slippers were red,

I could kick of my heels right over my head,

When I grew older my slippers were blue,

But still I could dance the whole night through.

Now I am old, my slippers are black.

I walked to the store and puff my way back;

The reason I know my youth is all spent,

My get up and go has got up and went.

But I really don’t mind, when I think with a grin

Of all the grand places my get up has been.

Since I have retired from life’s competition,

I busy myself with complete repetition.

I get up each morning, dust off my wits,

Pick up my paper, and read the "Obits,"

If my name is missing, I know I’m not dead.

So I eat a good breakfast, and go back to bed."

~~~

If you are doing your best, you will not have time to worry about failure.

Robert Hillyer

~~~

The slave driver of the Roman ship stared down at his slaves and yelled. "I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that you’ll be getting double rations tonight."

The mumbling of the happy slaves was interrupted by the bellowing of the slave driver. "The bad news is that the commander’s son wants to water ski."

~~~

You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.

~~~

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs. She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"

"What’s the matter"? I asked.

"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they’re eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."

"That’ll teach them!" I replied.

~~~

I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.

Leo C. Rosten

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

The most damaging phrase in the language is "It’s always been done that way."

Grace Hopper

Time is flying by so I reached back seven years and came up with this daily.

Tuesday

February 20, 2001

Judy provides us more of her wisdom:

I’ve learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I’ve learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about.  I just did.  Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.

NOTE:  People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

~~~

Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog

~~~

If…..

If ya can’t beat ’em…….RUN!

If you can read this you have a modem.

If you don’t care where you are, then you ain’t lost.

If you don’t like my opinion of you – improve yourself!

If you don’t think women are explosive, drop one!

If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!

~~~

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

~~~

These announcements were found in synagogue newsletters and bulletins.

•           Don’t let worry kill you.  Let your synagogue help.

•           Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.

•           For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

•           Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the rabbi in his private study.

•           The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.

~~~

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

Cindy Garner

~~~

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the directions: "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom. For 95 points, tell me WHICH tire it was!"

~~~

I walked in a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.

~~~

A husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside.  His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You’re beautiful."

Flattered, she continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.  Later he woke up and said, "You’re cute." "What happened to ‘beautiful’?" she asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

~~~

"Then the insurance man told me that the accident policy covered falling off the roof but not hitting the ground."

Tommy Cooper

~~~

He said there are ten things that only a woman understands.

10. Cats’ facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

OTHER WOMEN

~~~

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

~~~

My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun.

One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.  She said "…And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said ‘Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?’" Then the teacher asked the class "And what do you think that man said?" and my friend’s son raised his hand and said "I know! I know!  He said ‘Holy smokes! A talking pig!’"

~~~

Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.

Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.

~~~

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. 

The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs to look for:

* A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

* A loss of interest in judging other people.

* A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

* A loss of interest in conflict.

* A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

* Frequent attacks of smiling.

* An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.

* An increased susceptibility to the love offered by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

~~~

The smallest good deed is better than the greatest intention.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.