Ray's Daily

“What we are is God’s gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.”

Eleanor Powell

 

 

As you know I love the time I get to spend with others. I am enriched by their friendship, their thoughts, their experiences, and especially their happiness. Sadly some are still struggling to overcome the belief that they don’t have the ability to control their lives, it is as if they feel that fate has determined their destiny and they just have to live with what comes. Fortunately they are wrong; we have the ability within ourselves to make life changes for the better. Everyone deserves happiness but not everyone is generous enough to give it to themselves. Here is something that illustrates how we can make what’s ahead better than it might be otherwise.

 

“Generosity is another quality which, like patience, letting go, non-judging, and trust, provides a solid foundation for mindfulness practice. You might experiment with using the cultivation of generosity as a vehicle for deep self-observation and inquiry as well as an exercise in giving. A good place to start is with yourself. See if you can give yourself gifts that may be true blessings, such as self-acceptance, or some time each day with no purpose. Practice feeling deserving enough to accept these gifts without obligation-to simply receive from yourself, and from the universe.”  

Jon Kabat-Zinn

~~~

“I certainly don’t regret my experiences because without them, I couldn’t imagine who or where I would be today. Life is an amazing gift to those who have overcome great obstacles, and attitude is everything!”

Sasha Azevedo

~~~

According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there.  

"Please disrobe," he told her.  

"With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father.  

Turning to Dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem." 

~~~

If you are too busy to laugh . . . you are too busy.

~~~

Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"  

1st customer: "I’ll have tea."  

2nd customer: "Me, too.  And be sure the glass is clean!"  

(Waiter exits, returns)  

Waiter: Two teas.  "Which one asked for the clean glass?"  

~~~

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

Joe Lewis

~~~

From my friend Allen:

Retirement Choices – Where To Live

 

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where …..

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where ….

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can Live in New York City where ….

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map .

3.You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You’ve worn out a car horn.

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression .

You can Live in Maine where ….

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in Texas where ….

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "y’all" is singular and "all y’all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin’ " is a valid defense.

5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where ….

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where ….

1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2 Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where’s my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

Or You can live in Florida where ….

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4 Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

~~~

Small deeds done are better than greater deeds planned.

Unknown

~~~

It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried-looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account"?

Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move."

~~~

Today, this hour, this minute is the day, the hour, the minute for each of us to sense the fact that life is good, with all its trials and troubles, and perhaps more interesting because of them.

Robert Updegraff

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own,

Because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give”

 

 

Today is not one of my better days, fortunately by this time next week I should be out of the operating room and be in the recovery room at the hospital. I look forward to being young again and a more reliable Daily writer. Hopefully I have improved since I wrote the following.

~~~

January 19, 2000

 

If you were over 5 on this evening in 1953, odds are you were in front of one of the 68% of TV sets tuned to Lucy Ricardo giving birth to little Ricky. More people watched Lucille Ball that night on "I Love Lucy" than Dwight Eisenhower’s Presidential inauguration the next day.

~~~

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’

Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’ "

Charlie Brown

~~~

Famous Last Words:

— Unfortunately I can not totally agree with comrade Stalin.

— Of course you don’t look fat in that dress honey.  Well… maybe a little.

— Hey ya’ll watch this.

— LOOK! An old mine from world war…..

— Sure, rope bridges last forever.

— Trust me, I know what I’m doing.

— Do I cut the red or the blue wire?

— Oh shut up! I won’t fall!

— Oh, it looks like a dolphin is swimming this way…

— I wonder what happens if these two wires touch.

~~~

Cooking lesson #1: don’t fry bacon in the nude.

~~~

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold". At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, How come you called God, "Harold"?" The little boy looked up and said, "That’s what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name." 

~~~

She said:

Women don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you’ve gotten sick of him.

Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

A woman’s work that is never done, is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

If you want a nice man, go for a bald one — they try harder.

Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.

~~~

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

~~~

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second hiker says, ‘What are you doing?’
The first responds, ‘I figure when the bear gets close to us, we’ll have to jump down and make a run for it.’
The second says, ‘Are you crazy? Don’t you know you can’t outrun a bear?

The first guy says, ‘I don’t have to outrun the bear I only have to outrun you!’

~~~

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

~~~

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking." Exhausted

~~~

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it!!! There are plenty more ribs where YOU came from!"

~~~

Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one looked forlorn, and almost on the verge of tears. His friend asked, "What had the world done to you, my old friend?"

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That’s not bad."

"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"Sounds like you should be grateful…"

"You don’t understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

Now he was really confused. "Then, how come you look so glum?"

"This week… nothing!"

~~~

The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes on Saturday morning and set about all the chores he’d been putting off for weeks. He’d cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and yelled out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"

The fellow thought for a minute, then answered, "The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her."

~~~

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."

Robert A. Heinlein

~~~

During an Army war game a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud.

 The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. "Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way."

The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."

~~~

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.

The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don’t you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young student confidently. "Means carrying a child."

~~~

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;

It is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."

Sydney J. Harris

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity.

I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.”

Garson Kanin

 

 

The other day a guy younger than me shared his concern about his mortality. He had recently had stents put in to open his arteries which has increased his blood flow. The need for the operation seemed to trigger some anxiety about his longevity. It seemed to me at the time that he was thinking about it wrong, he had just undergone surgery that will prolong his life and boost his energy.

None of us know when the fateful day will arise but we do know it is not today, probably not tomorrow or even for many years. Life is to be lived and each day is offered to us to use in whatever way we chose. So I think we all should chose to make the best of it and because of that I plan to live forever or at least for a few more decades so I chose not to worry about life but rather jump on board and enjoy the ride.

Awhile ago someone sent me the following, I don’t remember who it was but I sure like their attitude.

I’m reading more and dusting less.

I’m sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden.

I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time at work whenever possible. Life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not endure.

I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I’m not "saving" anything; I use my good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis bloom.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my wife/husband/significant other/parents often enough how much I truly love them.

I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back or save anything that would add laughter and luster to my life.

And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that every day, every minute, every breath, is special.

~~~

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. 

Anthony J. D’Angelo

~~~

She said: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age.  When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead.  

"Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband.  

"What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"  

~~~

It’s time to start living the life you’ve imagined.

Henry James

~~~

A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet.

Why don’t you do that?"

"I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don’t know her well enough."

~~~

Mom, I’ll always love you, but I’ll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.

~~~

So true in the 21st Century …  

Our communication – Wireless  

Our dress – Topless  

Our telephone – Cordless  

Our cooking – Fireless  

Our youth – Jobless  

Our food – Fatless  

Our labour – Effortless  

Our conduct – Worthless  

Our relationship – Loveless  

Our attitude – Careless  

Our feelings – Heartless  

Our politics – Shameless  

Our education – Valueless  

Our follies – Countless  

Our arguments – Baseless  

Our boss – Brainless  

Our Job – Thankless  

Our Salary – Much Less  

~~~

"When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep.

Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."

~~~

The holiday bowl games were in full swing and we had invited some other football fans over.

One couple brought their active two-year-old son, who began playing with a dish that was filled with antique buttons. After a few near disasters, my husband quietly removed the temptation.

The next morning, I realized the bowl was gone and went upstairs. "Don, where is the button bowl"? I asked my just-awakening husband.

"Gee, I don’t know for sure," replied my spouse, who prides himself on knowing the answer to any sports trivia question.

"I think it’s in Florida."

~~~

It is impossible to gain a toehold when acting like a heel.

~~~

She said: Stopping to pick up my daughter from Kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents’ occupations.

The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."

I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms.

When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn’t sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels."

~~~

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

Voltaire

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.

John Dewey

 

 

I was with a good guy this morning that is not happy in the job he is in. He has felt for some time that he could do a better job and find more pleasure by returning to a previous profession. When we last met a year or so ago he had decided to not just sit back and accept his current situation but rather planned on doing what was necessary to explore alternatives. Unfortunately in the process he met an advisor that told him that he should not complain and that he was lucky to have the job he was in and if he did not like it he should work harder especially since his employer would benefit if he did more.

Well you know me, when he told me this I told him I thought it was a crock of crap. I get tired of those people who decide what is best for us and then proceed to lay a guilt trip on us if we don’t follow their advice. Unfortunately this misguided guru knocked my friend off stride and he tabled his search for a happier life, but fortunately not forever. Today we worked on a plan of action that will get him back on track.

It really bothers me when good people lose opportunity by delaying their investments in their future for it puts them another day behind in finding what is right for them. You and everyone else deserve to be as happy as you can possibly be. It is perfectly OK to be selfish when you are working to make things better for yourself as long as you are not hurting those dear to you in the process. Sometimes others who we really care about may have difficulty understanding for awhile but more often than not they will like the new and happier you more.

Today we talked a little about value since we truly need to consider what is important to us. Money has value, helping others has value, learning new things has value, doing work that interests us has value, having time to enjoy an outside life has value. Each of us is different in some way and what we value is often different as well. But when we inventory our values and have a chance to add up our value balance sheet we often find that doing something we love is worth more to us than doing something that pays more. When we can measure our pay in happiness points versus dollars earned we will be well on our way to finding our place in the world. We owe it to ourselves and to those who care about us to do all we can to be what we can be. I think my friend will and I know I’ll do anything I can to help him except tell him what his choices should be.

~~~

It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny.

Jean Nidetch

~~~

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A REDNECK WHEN…

• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
• You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
• Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• You come back from the dump with more than you took.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

~~~

I have a terrible memory. I never forget a thing.

Edith Konecky

~~~

While watching a movie recently, I couldn’t hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me.  

Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can’t hear."  

"I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation."

~~~

Learn to write your hurts in the sand. Learn to carve your blessings in stone.

Unknown

~~~

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.  

"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?"  

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell ‘intellectual?’"  

~~~

"Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long."

Ogden Nash

~~~

My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked.  

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I’d love to!"  

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn’t until much later that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom’s feet on the kitchen floor.  

~~~

Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is.

The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

Virginia Satir

~~~

She said: My husband grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening.

Finally, losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.

"I have to ask you to move your car," my husband told him.

"Oh, sure. Is it in someone’s way"?

"No," he replied. "It’s parked in the wrong driveway."

~~~

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

~~~

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden!  

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.  

After about a half mile the boy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.  

"Lets see yer fishin’ license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.  

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.  

"Well, son", said the Game Warden, "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!"  

"Yes Sir", replied the young boy," But my friend back there, well, he don’t have one"…  

~~~

I have kleptomania, but I’m taking something for it.  

~~~

A worried father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship.

"I’ll say he is, Daddy," responded the girl. "Just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you two are easy to get along with."

~~~

Courage doesn’t always roar.

Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.

Mary Anne Radmacher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.