Ray's musings and humor

Archive for June, 2022

Take the Time

Ray’s Daily

June 30, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.”

Helen Keller

Life goes on and it is up to us to make it as enjoyable as we can. If we become to busy spending time trying to catch up doing meaningless tasks we won’t be able to find the time to enjoy what we have.

Take time to stop today

Take time to stop a while

Reflect on how life changes

Then take the time to smile

Know that as the days go by

These things that challenge you

Will one day just be memories

Of times you have gone through

Look back now on yesterday

And all you have achieved

Recognise the strengths you’ve gained

The blessings you’ve received

One day in the future

You will think about today

You’ll see just how these challenges

Have helped you on your way

Written by Michelle Tetley

~~~

“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something.”

Ashton Kutcher

~~~

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein’s theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.

“Well, zayda, it’s sort of like this.  Einstein says that if you’re having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like an hour.  But if you’re sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an hour seems like a minute.”

The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a moment and says, “And from this he makes a living?”

~~~

Each one of us can work for a small change in the world around us.

Lamar S. Smith

~~~

This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office. “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer said.

“Give me the bad news first.”

“Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.”

“That’s the bad news?” asked the man incredulously. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”

“The terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”

~~~

“He knows so little and knows it so fluently.”

Ellen Glasgow

~~~

Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris’ Last Will and Testament.

“To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”

~~~

It ain’t necessarily so, but when people with money meet people with experience, the people with experience tend to get the money and the people with the money tend to get experience.

Joe Klock

~~~

Linda was driving her old beat up car on the Highway with her 7 year old son. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her.

After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road, she looked at her speedometer to see she was doing 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind.

Linda looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. She waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, “Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?”

Her son piped up from the back seat, “I do… because you couldn’t catch the other cars!”

~~~

My wife is a person who is never outspoken.

~~~

A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number.  “What kind of car was he driving?” the husband asked. “I don’t know,” she said. “I never can tell one car from another.” At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and so for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make. It worked.  About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face.

“Darling,” she said with obvious pride, “I just hit a brand new Buick!”

~~~

“Thought is action in rehearsal.”

Sigmund Freud

~~~

Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture on the week’s topic – the problems of dining out. She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried. Finally she turned the question over to the group for discussion. “What is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?”

Replied one woman quickly, “Running into you!”

~~~

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.

~~~

The bank where I work had just installed its first 24- hour cash machine. I encouraged an elderly gentleman to take an application for the new plastic identification cards, explaining that he would be able to get cash any time of day or night.

He declined, saying, “Lady, anything I’d need money for that late at night I shouldn’t be doing.”

~~~

“Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.”

Jules de Gaultier

~~~

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person.

“However, if you’re over 65,” he said, “the price will be only $5.50.”

From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out, “Do you really think I’d give you that information for only fifty cents?”

~~~

“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.”

Frank Lloyd Wright

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

A blast from the past

Ray’s Daily

June 29, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.

J.K Rowling

Ray’s Daily first published on June 29, 2004

One of the things I am grateful for is the friends I have who are from a younger generation. I was thinking about why these younger friends have become some of my best friends. I think I may know the answer. If I talk about a breadbox, running board, Arty Shaw, Sarah Vaughn, Good Humor Bars or the like, their eyes glaze over, as do mine when they talk about contemporary artists, etc. In reality what we have in common is our interest in each other and our interest in the world around us, our conversations are not cluttered up by our generations culture and biases. I just wish that my time with other friends were as productive.

It gets even better when we discover we have the same values, that we listen to each other, and even often enjoy the same movies, food, and travel destinations. That is not to say they don’t have problems, we all do, but the problems seem to pale when we share them with each other. We can talk because we don’t have any hidden agendas or ulterior motives, what you see is what you get.  

Usually their enthusiasm, optimism, and joy is contagious. The only problem I have with all this is that their youth spills over and I become younger, at least I feel I do. However I did have my doubts today when I got some new passport photos and discovered they must have given me someone else’s since I know I am not as old as the guy in the picture. I have decided to use them anyway so that people at passport control points will compliment me on getting over whatever problem I had when the picture was taken.

So those of you from my generation should consider going intergenerational. If you do you will find there are other things to talk about than just our medicines, what is wrong with the world, and all that other old guy stuff. But if you would rather not come out and play with us, that is OK, but don’t expect me to show up for the senior social.

~~~

Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty.

Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.

Franz Kafka

~~~

Becky: Do you love me with all your heart and soul?

Dave: Uh-huh!

Becky: Do you think I’m the most beautiful girl in the world?

Dave: Uh-huh!

Becky: Do you think my lips are like rose pedals?

Dave: Uh-huh!

Becky: Oh, you say the sweetest things!

~~~

Doug:  “I’m a man of few words.”

Bill:  “Yeah, I’m married, too.”

~~~

While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face.

As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, “Are you hurt?” “No, I’m fine,” I said, touched by her concern. “Oh, good,” she continued. “So will you be vacating your parking space now?”

~~~

Wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong ones.

~~~

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother, she noticed I hadn’t once lit up a cigarette.  “Are you trying to kick the habit?” she asked.

“No,” I replied.  “I have a cold, and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.”

“You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.”

~~~

A young man is reported to have approached the renowned composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (one of the great musical prodigies of all time), and asked, “Herr Mozart, I have the ambition to write symphonies and perhaps you can advise me how to get started.”

Mozart said, “The best advice I can give you is to wait until you are older and more experienced, and try your hand at less ambitious pieces to begin with.”

The young man looked astonished. “But, Herr Mozart, you your- self wrote symphonies when you were considerably younger than I.”

“Ah,” said Mozart, “but I did so without asking advice.”

~~~

Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was surprised…

~~~

These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking among themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth.

The Jewish men are dumbfounded. “My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?” they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store, an old friend also fluent in Yiddish, “Where did your waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?”

The owner looks around and leans in so no one will hear and says, “Shhhh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”

~~~

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

~~~

Jon, Brian, and Amanpreet were all locked away in a mental institution for many many years.

One day, the head quack tells them that if they pass a test he wanted to administer to them, they’d be deemed mentally competent and free to leave the nut house. Should they fail, however, they’d be locked away for another five years of observation.

All three took the doc up on his offer.  The four of them went to the hospital’s indoor pool.  The pool was drained of water.  The doctor leads the patients up to the diving platform, some 60 feet in the air.

The doctor motions to Jon.  “Jump.”

Without hesitation, Jon leaps off the platform, right into the pool, breaking both arms in the process.

The doctor notes this on his clipboard and tells Brian, “Jump.”

Also without hesitation, Brian flies off the platform into the empty poll, breaking both of his legs.

After noting the results on his clipboard, the doctor tells Amanpreet, “Jump.”

Amanpreet shakes his head.  “Naw.  I don’t think so.”

The doctor notes this on his clipboard rather enthusiastically and says, “Congratulations, ‘Preet.  You’re a free man.  Just tell me one thing. Why didn’t you jump?”

“Easy,” Amanpreet says, “I can’t swim .”

~~~

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

~~~

A man, exiting a grocery store, was very surprised when a rather good-looking and perky young lady greeted him cheerfully by saying, “Good evening!” Her face was beaming. At least she was smiling until he gave her that “Who are you?” look. He couldn’t remember ever having seen her before.

Then, she obviously realized that a mistake had been made and apologized. She explained, “Oh, I’m so sorry. When I first saw you I thought you were the father of one of my children.” She walked on her way into the store.

The man was left staring dumbfounded after her. More than a bit puzzled, he thought to himself, “What is the world coming to, an attractive woman who doesn’t even keep track of what the father of her children look like.”

However, he was also a bit flattered that he might resemble one of her former suitors. But, also hoped that nobody overheard her saying that she mistook him for being the father of one of her children. A bit panicked, he then thought, “Could I possibly have forgotten a relationship?” 

“Could  it be that I really fathered a child?” Still stunned, he walked to his car.

He still did not realize, of course, that she was a fifth-grade teacher at a local elementary school

~~~

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Love Yourself

Ray’s Daily

June 28, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Be enough for yourself first. The rest of the world can wait.”

I hope you regard yourself as much as we do. I just wish more folks appreciated themselves more than they do. Selflove is the key to a happy life.

Here are some thoughts from Angel Chernoff that really are worth your consideration.

4 Rules for Being YOU

1. Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you. It’s not pride, it’s self-respect. Don’t expect to see positive changes in your life if you constantly surround yourself with negative people. Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value and what you have to offer.

2. Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. Yes, let someone love you despite all of this, and let that someone be YOU.

3. Perspective is everything. When faced with long check-out lines, traffic jams, or waiting an hour past your appointment time, you have two choices: You can get frustrated and enraged, or you can view it as life’s way of giving you a guilt-free breather from rushing, and spend that time daydreaming, conversing, or watching the clouds. The first choice will raise your blood pressure. The second choice will raise your consciousness.

4. Remember, ten years from now it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of jeans you bought. What will matter is how you thought about yourself, how you lived, what you learned, and where you applied this knowledge.

The bottom line is, despite the real world challenges you face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will have to personally overcome on a daily basis is your own mind. In other words, you aren’t responsible for everything that happens to you in life, but you ARE responsible for undoing the self-defeating thinking patterns that these undesirable experiences create.

YES, YOU CAN THINK BETTER, which means you can ultimately live better.

And YES, I know that’s sometimes much easier said than done, but you are NOT alone on this journey.

~~~

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

Lucille Ball

~~~

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

“Well,” she explained, “up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees.

~~~

Her mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty…

They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

~~~

The district attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.

Bitterly he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?”

The foreman answered, “Insanity.”

The D.A. said, “All twelve of you?”

~~~

Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

~~~

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill’s wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.

But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, “What’s the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now.”

Bill said, “Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole.”

“My God, honey!” said the wife, rushing to comfort him. “That must’ve been terrible!”

“It was,” he said. “All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again…”

~~~

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

~~~

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.

“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”

“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?”

“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.

“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”

“Nine…”

~~~

Hollywood has changed. Today you see women doing on the screen what they used to do off the screen to get on screen.

~~~

She said: Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone.

In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

“Mom, this is Susan and I’m sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I’m going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad’s car has a flat but it’s not my fault. Honest! I don’t know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don’t be mad, okay?”

Since I don’t have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake.

“I’m sorry dear,” I replied, “but you’ve reached the wrong number. I don’t have a daughter named Susan.”

“Wow, Mom,” the young woman’s voice replied, “I didn’t think you’d be this mad!”

~~~

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”

Brené Brown

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be a good one

Ray’s Daily

June 27, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“It always seems impossible until it is done.”

Nelson Mandela

Here we go again, a new week. There will be a lot going on as we end June and get ready for Independence day. Besides the daily I have a few activities to participate in. Things are not as easy as they once where but they are still do able. In any case I will do my best.

I like the following story as it reminds me how we can strive to always do our best.

Be a good one

Pablo Picasso, the great Spanish painter and sculptor, once said this about his ability: ‘My mother said to me, if you become a soldier, you’ll be a general; if you become a monk, you’ll end up as Pope. Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.’ No lack of confidence here!

But he would have agreed with Abraham Lincoln. ‘Whatever you are,’ said Lincoln, ‘be a good one.’ He demonstrated the wisdom of that advice with his own life. And in this present age, which often seems to be contented with mediocrity, his words summon a yearning for improvement and growth.

I think it helps to remember that excellence is not a place at which we arrive so much as a way of travelling. To do and be our best is a habit among those who hear and understand Lincoln’s admonition.

Viennese-born composer Frederick Loewe, whom we remember from his musical scores that include – My Fair Lady, Gigi and Camelot, was not always famous. He studied piano with the great masters of Europe and achieved huge success as a musician and composer in his early years. But when he immigrated to the United States, he failed as a piano virtuoso. For a while he tried other types of work including prospecting for gold and boxing. But he never gave up his dream and continued to play piano and write music.

During those lean years, he could not always afford to make payments on his piano. One day, bent over the keyboard, he heard nothing but the music that he played with such rare inspiration. When he finished and looked up, he was startled to find that he had an audience – three moving men who were seated on the floor.

They said nothing and made no movement toward the piano. Instead, they dug into their pockets, pooled together enough money for the payment, placed it on the piano and walked out, empty handed. Moved by the beauty of his music, these men recognized excellence and responded to it.

Whatever you are, be a good one. If what you do is worth doing, if you believe that who you are is of value, then you can’t afford to be content with mediocrity. When you choose the path of excellence through this life, you will bring to it your best and receive the best it can offer in return. And you will know what it is to be satisfied.

Writtne by Steve Goodier

~~~

“Well done is better than well said.”

Benjamin Franklin

~~~

Ralphie was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den.

The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, “For Pete’s sake, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?!”

~~~

Dennison’s law: Virtue is its own punishment.

~~~

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, “I had a big fight with Sidney. He called me a sissy.”

“What did you do?” the mother asked.

“I hit him with my purse!”

~~~

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakes.”

Carl G. Jung

~~~

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. “Look,” he said, “let’s have a little game. I’ll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I’ll buy YOU a drink. If you can’t then you buy me one. OK?”

“Ja, dat sounds purty good,” said the Norwegian.

The Indian said, “My father and mother had one child. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”

The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, “I give up. Who vas it?”

“It was ME,” chortled the Indian.

So the Norwegian paid for the drinks. Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies, “Sven,” he said, “I got a game. If you can answer a question, I’ll buy you a drink. If you can’t, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?”

“Fair enough,” said Sven.

Ok…my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn’t my brudder. It vasn’t my sister. Who vas it?”

“Search me,” said Sven.

“I give up, who vas it?” “It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota.”

~~~

What’s the hardest thing about playing golf with your wife? -Having to say, “Great shot, Honey!” 142 times.

~~~

A programmer had been missing from work for over a week when finally someone noticed and called the cops.

They went round to his flat and broke the door down.  They found him dead in the still running shower with an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body.  Apparently he’d been washing his hair.

The instructions on the bottle said: Wet hair  Apply shampoo  Lather  Rinse  Repeat

~~~

Little Johnny asked his grandma how old she was. Grandma answered, “39 and holding.”  Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, “And how old would you be if you let go?”

~~~

I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.

~~~

Jill and Nina went to lecture on positive thinking.  After the lecture was done, Nina said to Jill, “You know, I learned a lot from this.  From now on, I am going to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. From now on, I am going to use the word IS instead of the word NOT.”

“You’re right Nina.  I am going to quit making negative statements too. I am going to speak positively from now on as well”, Jill said.

“Really Jill, like what?” asked Nina.

“Well,” Jill says, “I used to always say that my husband was not fit to live with the hogs.  Now I am going to say he IS fit to live with them.”

~~~

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”

Agatha Christie

~~~

“May I try on that dress in the window?” the gorgeous young woman asks the manager of the designer boutique.

“Go ahead,” the manager replies. “Maybe it’ll attract business.

~~~

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

~~~

Jones jumped up from the card table white with rage.  “Stop this game,” he shouted, “Smith is cheating!”

“How do you know?”

“He’s not playing the hand I dealt him.”

~~~

“Do not watch the clock. Do what it does. Keep going.”

Sam Levenson

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Peace

Ray’s Daily

June 24, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“You should feel beautiful and you should feel safe. What you surround yourself with should bring you peace of mind and peace of spirit.”

Stacy London

Ray’s Daily first published on June 24, 2003

One of the real advantages I get from publishing our daily is what I get back from some of you. As you know a couple of days ago I raised the issue of our understanding of the Middle East and what we might do as individuals to better understand the issues and some thought on how we might become personally involved.  I want to share with you the thoughts of two people I respect, they demonstrate the value of our sharing our views.

~~~

Good morning Ray – I have been appreciating your thoughts.  I certainly understand, have observed, and to some extent feel the frustration that often leads us to do nothing.  Your list of things we could do is good … but there are two more very important things to add. 

     1.) we can take every opportunity to make a positive contribution to the world we come in contact with everyday, even if it is just a kind word to someone.  We never know how far those ripple effects reach. 

     2.) we can pray!  I don’t pretend to know how, but I’ve seen enough examples to know that prayer works.  And if enough Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus … whatever religion … prayed in their own way, according to their own faith, there would be a force for good so strong that I believe it would bring about peaceful solutions.

Lucy

~~~

I totally agree with your article today.  There is so much misunderstanding and grouping all people as being alike.  I have taken two trips that opened my eyes.  One in the late 90’s to Morocco to visit my daughter who was in the Peace Corp.  We traveled together and visited families and govt officials for three weeks.  I ate in people’s homes and walked the streets with Molly.  I came to respect the commitment that Muslim country has for its religion.  It was so apart of their day with the call to pray over loudspeakers.  My daughter married a Moroccan.  Right now they live in Bloomington but soon moving to Florida.  It has brought a wonderful dimension to our family. 

My second important trip (2001) was with an AFP (Association Fundraising Professionals) group that went through People to People to South Africa.  I was the only Indiana delegate out of 36 people.  I have always had an interest in South Africa.  In the 80’s I attended an intensive **** on South Africa and apartheid.  I was with the YWCA and they did a lot of work in South Africa on anti-apartheid.  I just got from the library Long Night’s Journey into Day – about the Truth and Reconciliation hearings.  It is the 10th anniversary of the end of apartheid.  The history of South Africa and the AIDS issue there are passions for me.  After returning, I was speaker at several churches and groups on my experience. 

My thoughts for today.

  Jan

~~~

In dwelling, live close to the ground.

In thinking, keep to the simple.

In conflict, be fair and generous.

In governing, don’t try to control.

In work, do what you enjoy.

In family life, be completely present.

Tao Te Ching

~~~

A fine funeral was ordered for a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of the cat and dog with her explosive temper.

As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor’s benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder.

“Well,” commented one of the mourners, “sounds like she got where she was going.”

~~~

A Michigan circuit judge tells about a divorce suit he handled recently.  “I think you might as well give your husband a divorce,” he advised the wife.

“What!” shouted the lady.  “I have lived with this bum for twenty years, and now I should make him happy?”

~~~

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth.  On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”

Steven Wright

~~~

When visiting the senior center I heard him say:

I’m the life of the party……  even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I’m very good at opening childproof caps …  with a hammer.

I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.

I’m very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over…

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.

I’m so cared for — long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

I’m not really grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can’t seem to remember right now.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, …somewhere.

I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…….

I’m beginning to realizing that aging is not for wimps.

I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?

I’m wondering, if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?

I’m a walking storeroom of facts…..  I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom door.

I am pretty sure he said it and not me, I just can’t remember for sure.

~~~

I heard that there is a sign taped to the women’s room mirror at my old office that reads:

“Objects in this mirror are MUCH prettier than they appear.”

~~~

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

“Ma’am, what do you want with arsenic?”

“To kill my husband.”

“I can’t sell you arsenic to kill a person!”

The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.

The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist’s wife.

He takes the photo and nods. “I didn’t realize you had a prescription!”

~~~

A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband that she did, but she knows her son will never get as good a wife as his father did.

~~~

He said: One Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were attending a church in our community. It was common for the preacher to invite the children to the front of the church and have a small lesson before beginning the sermon. He would bring in an item they could find around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.

This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a smoke detector. He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.

My child immediately raised his hand and said, “It means Daddy’s cooking dinner.”

~~~

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn…that was fun!”

~~~

Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, “Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?”

“I didn’t even see her,” admitted Mr. Peterson.

“And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing,” continued Mrs. Peterson, “Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper costume for a mother of two.”

“I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either,” said Mr. Peterson.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” snapped Mrs. Peterson.  “A lot of good it does you to go to church.”

~~~

“I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face… I say to myself, I’ve lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along… We must do the things that we think we cannot do.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Live Well

Ray’s Daily

June 23, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.”

Seneca

I keep finding ways to enrich my life, I hope you do as well. I attend as many activities as I can hande. I dine with many different friends and acquaintances. In other words I add as much to my days as I can handle. I also do what I can for others  and life goes on. So do what you can and enjoy what you do.

Life is to be lived. No excuses. No reservations. No holding back.

An enchanting story about violinist Fritz Kreisler tells how he once came across a beautiful instrument he wanted to acquire. When he finally raised the money for the violin, he returned to buy it and learned that it had already been sold to a collector.

He went to the new owner’s home in order to try to persuade him to sell the violin. But the collector said it was one of his prized possessions and he could not let it go. The disappointed Kreisler turned to leave, but then asked a favour. ‘May I play the instrument once more before it is consigned to silence?’

Permission was granted and the great musician began to play. The violin sang out a quality of music so beautiful that the collector himself could only listen in wonderment. ‘I have no right to keep that to myself,’ he said after the musician finished. ‘The violin is yours, Mr. Kreisler. Take it into world, and let people hear it.’

William Arthur Ward said, ‘If you believe in prayer, pray; if you believe in serving, serve; if you believe in giving, give. For you and I are exquisite violins – our music is meant to be heard.’

I want to live my life that way – to take it into the world and live it fully. I’d rather burn out than rust out. I’d rather be used up than die not having done whatever I could . . . wherever I would.

I’m not talking about wearing ourselves out on over-activity. Happiness is never found in excessive busyness. But it is found in investing our lives in others. Saying yes when asked for a hand. Volunteering some time for a worthwhile organization. Spending an hour with a lonely relative.

In the end, I know that my happiness will not have been about by my ability or my inability. It will have been about my availability. My life is meant to be lived.

Written by Steve Goodier

~~~

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

(Now at Camp Pendleton, San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay… practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it’s not so bad… there’s warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food.

Tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you ’til noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home.

Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.

It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

~~~

Every man’s work, whether it be literature or music or pictures or anything else, is always a portrait of himself, and the more he tries to conceal himself the more clearly will his character appear in spite of him.

Samuel Butler

~~~

Perhaps you’ve heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don’t bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don’t bleed.

“Do you now agree that dead men don’t bleed?” the doctor asked.

“Yes, I do,” the patient replied.

“Very well, then,” the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient’s finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, “What does that tell you?”

“Oh my goodness!” the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger… “Dead men do bleed!!”

~~~

Traffic was so bad on the freeway, I had to stop twice to make car payments.

~~~

Returning home from work, a not-so-bright blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,

“Can it get any worse than this? I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman!”

~~~

Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

Bob Marley

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Stop Procrastinating

Ray’s Daily

June 22, 2022

http://ray6s-daily.com

Time wasted is existence; used is life.

Edward Young

I am finding that it is getting too easy to procrastinate. I really must put my act together and do better. I have learned in the past that letting tasks linger offers nothing of value. So here I go again. A new beginning.

The following thoughts of Angel Chernoff reminded me of how it is all up to me.

3 Hard Choices that Make You Happier in the Long Run

1. In a world that often seeks easy rides and immediate gratification, we must learn the beauty of effort and patience. Be strong, present, and steadfast. Remember, life doesn’t always give you the circumstances and people you want; it gives you the circumstances and people you need… to learn, to grow, and to fall in love.

2. You can’t do it all. Be mindful today and choose wisely. Say “no” to good things so you are able to say “yes” to important things. Truth be told, the quality of your life ten years from now will greatly depend on how well you respect your present priorities.

3. The secret to getting ahead today is to focus your energy not on fixing and fighting the old, but on building and growing something new. Reset and step forward. There’s nothing about your present circumstances that prevents you from making progress, one tiny step at a time.

Think about it…

How often do you glance at your phone instead of being present with the person in front of you?

How often does the draw of comfort plague your best intentions?

How many workouts have you missed because your mind, not your body, told you that you were too tired?

In the past year alone the answer to all three questions is probably “lots and lots” for most people, including myself sometimes. And obviously these questions can be reworked and applied to other areas of our lives too. The bottom line is that we all have patterns of thinking and behaving that hold us back.

Truth be told, your mind needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be worked on a daily basis to grow. If you haven’t pushed yourself in lots of small ways over time—if you always distract yourself and avoid doing the uncomfortable things—you’ll almost certainly crumble on the inevitable days that are slightly harder than expected.

So my challenge to you is this:

Choose to exercise when it would be more comfortable to sit around. Choose to do the tenth rep when it would be more comfortable to quit at nine. Choose to create something special when it would be easier to consume something mediocre. Choose to put down the phone when it would be easier to zone out.

~~~

Begin while others are procrastinating. Work while others are wishing.

William Arthur Ward

~~~

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, “Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.” His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!”

~~~

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Albert Einstein

~~~

A good woman died and went to Heaven. When she arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter offered to take her on a tour of the facilities. As they walked past the halo depository, she noticed a sort of fence off in the distance

Intrigued, she asked St. Peter if they could look at it. “What’s a fence doing up here?” she asked.

“Oh, that’s not exactly a fence,” he replied. “It’s a balcony railing. You see, some folks arrive here and find that certain friends or loved ones aren’t here, and realize they must have gone to Hell. So we have an arrangement with the Adversary whereby our folks can stand at the railing and look down and find their loved ones.”

So they approached the railing, and the woman looked down. She spotted a group of people wailing and tearing out their hair while demons poked them with pitchforks. “What’s the matter with that group?” she asked. St. Peter took a look. “Ah,” he said. “Those are Southern Baptists who went to dances.”

Then she noticed another group, screaming while they walked on red-hot coals. “What are they being punished for?” she asked the saint. He looked and replied, “Those are old-style Catholics who ate meat on Friday.”

Another group caught her attention. They were being whipped with scorpion tails, and screaming. “And their sin?” she asked. St. Peter looked and said, “Oh, those are Episcopalians who used the wrong fork.”

~~~

Those who wish to sing, always find a song.

Swedish Proverb

~~~

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long plane flight. After they’re airborne and the plane has leveled off the man in the window seat suddenly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low voice, “General, United States Army, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons.”

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight-lipped smile, “General, United States Air Force, retired. Married, two sons, both judges.”

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, “Master Gunnery Sergeant, United States Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both generals.”

~~~

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

~~~

A few friends and I were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake.

Someone responded with surprise that sleep was a factor.

Another replied: “Of course sleep has a lot to do with dieting. The only time I’m not eating is when I’m sleeping!”

~~~

Patient: “It’s been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.”

Doctor: “Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?”

Patient: “Yes, I did. The bottle said, ‘keep tightly closed.'”

~~~

Often greater risk is involved in postponement than in making a wrong decision.

Harry A. Hopf

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Journey Together

Ray’s Daily

June 21, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be…Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you’ll live as you’ve never lived before.”

Erich Fromm

Ray’s Daily first published on June 21, 2005

~~~

I have learned that you can’t go unless you leave. There is so much for us yet to see and do, but we must let some of the past go if we are to live well in the future. It is not just breaking out of the box that is created by our safe harbors, it also breaking out of the box created by our thoughts and our memories. It is never easy to leave a job and turn it over to someone else without looking back, we did what we did and it is time others took over and without our dwelling on how well they do it. I know it has been hard for me not to critique others serving on boards and committees where I once served. All that does is anchor us to a past that we can’t revisit.

Most of us can pick a moment in time and think backwards and see ourselves as we were then, we can then look forward from that moment and see what we became. Each new day is one of those moments in time; we can stop, stagnate, and maintain the status quo or we can say a fond farewell to yesterday as we move into tomorrow. It is almost as hard as finally understanding that your children are now adults and they need to be free to make their own mistakes and earn their own successes. We just need to free ourselves in the same way. The chains that bind are those we have placed on ourselves and we are the only ones that can set ourselves free.

So I will keep traveling and if we pass each other along the way I hope we will be able to spend a little time together. If we journey together for a bit, hand in hand, we will have the good fortune of sharing the discoveries that lay ahead for us both.

~~~

“Success is not a place at which one arrives but rather the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey.”

Alex Noble

~~~

“Why God made moms” answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions.

Why did God make mothers?

1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?

1. We’re related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?

1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

What’s the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.

2. I’d make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

~~~

EVERYONE IS GIVEN PATIENCE WISE PEOPLE USE IT.

~~~

Classic Tower Conversations

“Air Force ’45, it appears your engine has…oh, disregard…I see you’ve already ejected.”

“About three miles ahead, you’ve got traffic 12 o’clock, five miles.” If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor.”

“Climb like your life depends on it…because it does.”

~~~

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Dorothy Parker

~~~

After watching his mother change the diaper on his newborn sister, a three year old boy voices his concern that she seems to be missing some parts.

So in terms the mother thought he would understand, she explains to her son the difference between boys and girls. Then to make sure he understood what she said, she asks him,

“Okay son, now what do you have that your new baby sister doesn’t?”

Smiling broadly, the boy proudly says, “Teeth!”

~~~

Those who want much, are always much in need.

Horace

~~~

A friend and I were shopping for dresses for her three-year-old girls to wear to a wedding.  In the store, another girl staring intently at Sarah and Becky asked, “Are those girls twins?”

“Actually they’re triplets,” I explained. “They have a brother at home.”

“Wow,” she replied. “They sure look like twins to me.”

~~~

We were driving our three-year-old son to his Grandma’s home when we stopped at a store.  Once inside, our son decided he wanted one of those large gumballs.

I told him he couldn’t have one, and he began to pout.  I leaned over to him and said, “This is a fact of life:  You don’t always get everything you want.”

“I know,” he replied.  “Just don’t tell Gramma.”

~~~

On the bottom of an office memo:  “If you have any questions, please read again.”

~~~

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars that were all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got caught and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman asked the man.

“Ummm, yeah…,” the driver replied.

The officer grinned and said, “Ever catch all the fish?”

~~~

Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker.

Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end.

Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.

Denis Waitley

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Stay Passionate

Ray’s Daily

June 20, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.”

T.D. Jakes

Yesterday, fathers day, I was with my three children and again realized what a wonderful gift my wife had given us with their births. They have grown into accomplished adults and have helped my wife and me to age as gracefully as possible.

All three have accomplished a lot over the years. I hope they realize just how good they are. Too many folks I know never do. The following story should remind you of how good you are.

The brilliant you, released!

You’re a remarkable person. But, you knew that already. Still, buried among apathy, unbelief and inhibition, is the brilliant “you” waiting to be released. You already knew that, too.

A few disappointments here, several temporary defeats there, and POOF! just like that, you settled for being a risk-conscious, opportunity: self-denied, generality. Nobody has ever made any progress by standing still. You’re not an exception; and you’re not alone. In fact, you have plenty of company. But, why settle for a life that looks like just about everyone else’s? Do something magnificent with your God-given gifts and boldly distinguish yourself from the masses. Decide-on this day-to connect with your brilliance, within.

Paramount in your quest for brilliance is the personal development and daily utilization of your talents and abilities. As a matter of fact, it’s required. It’s not necessary to be perfect. Striving for excellence in everything you do is enough to release your brilliance.

Trust me. You were not born to be “mild.” So cut it out! There’s an entire universe out there starving for your gifts. How long will you continue to wait to take those last four classes needed for your degree? What career have you just been “wishing it were so” about? If all you can see is yourself remaining 16 units short of your degree, how can you possibly prepare for an exciting future? If you can’t believe for a meaningful vocation now, will you have the passion to believe for one later?

Challenge yourself. Commit to do just two things this hour that will untap your brilliance. Revamp your resume; make a phone call to your advisor. Even a modest amount of brilliance unreleased, would relay the message to your brain: “Wow, she’s serious!”

Ignite your passion. Inhale, then excel. Stand and deliver! See, then be!

Your life matters. Visualize your brilliance totally released. Then boldly, step into the vision.

Written by Fran Briggs

~~~

“It is obvious that we can no more explain a passion to a person who has never experienced it than we can explain light to the blind.”

T. S. Eliot

~~~

Morris returns from a long business trip and finds out that his wife has been unfaithful during his time away.

“Who was it!!!???” he yells. “Goldstein?”

“No,” replied his wife. “It wasn’t Goldstein.”

“Was it Feldman, that dirty old man?”

“No, not him.”

“Aha! Then it must have been that idiot Rabinovich!”

“No, it wasn’t Rabinovich either…”

Morris was now fuming. “What’s the matter?” he cried. “None of my friends are good enough for you?”

~~~

Sign in a cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.”

~~~

         Florida blessing

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.

Please keep it cool in mid-July.

Bless the walls where termites dine,

while ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass

fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please

carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two,

the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.

Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,

in Florida, Lord, you’ve put them all!!

But this is home, and here we’ll stay,

So thank you Lord, for insect spray.

~~~

When standing in a long lineup why do we feel so much better when somebody comes and stands behind us?

~~~

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

~~~

Haddon was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.

The judge ordered Haddon, “You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.”

After a time, Haddon re-entered the courtroom alone.

When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Haddon replied, “You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split.”

~~~

There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.

Robert Byrne

~~~

A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child’s kindness, and gave her the required sum. “There you are, my dear,” said the mother. “But, tell me, isn’t the lady able to work any more?”

“Oh yes,” came the reply. “She sells candy.”

~~~

A South African doctor wrote about an epitaph he had seen in a local cemetery: In memory of my father: gone to join his appendix, his tonsils, his olfactory nerve, a kidney, an eardrum, and a leg prematurely removed by an intern who needed the experience.

~~~

Murphy’s Technology Law #16: Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

~~~

You Know You’re Trailer Trash If…

* The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

* You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

* You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.

* Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “most admired people”.

* You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

* You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

* Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

* Your junior prom had a daycare.

* The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

* You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

* You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

* You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.

* You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

~~~

“Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.”

Niels Bohr

~~~

Boating Tips

Always stay at least five boat-lengths behind the whale in front of you.

While sinking to the bottom of a lake or ocean, screaming does not help.

When boating, always wear a swimsuit with suspenders. This makes it easier on the guys with the grapling hook when they’re trying to retrieve your body.

Drowning can cause severe shortness of breath. And you don’t even want to think about what it does to your complexion.

Always wear a life jacket in case you fall overboard. Also, it’s a good idea to take along something to read, in case you’re swallowed by a whale. Most whales seem to enjoy Moby Dick.

Boating while intoxicated is not illegal in some states, but it’s stupid in all of them.

~~~

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

~~~

A group of men sat around the pot-bellied stove in the country store, discussing the mysteries of life. “I’m going deaf and blind,” sighed one old fellow. “I don’t know what the good Lord wants to leave me here for.”

“Now, Mr. McCain,” replied his friend, “the Lord’s ways are not our ways, and we can’t always understand. But if He’s left you here He’s got work for you to do.”

Mr. McCain sat for a minute in quiet meditation, then announced, “Well, I’m not a-gonna do it.”

~~~

“If you feel like there’s something out there that you’re supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.”

Wanda Skyes

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Enjoy Your Life

Ray’s Daily

June 17, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.

Earl Nightingale

Ray’s Daily first published on June 17, 2005

~~~

What did they say, “Stop and Smell the Roses,” I would like to add that it is perfectly alright to chose the work or life path that takes you through the most rose gardens. I would much rather trade off a little bit of income or title for more of life’s pleasures. In our early years we stay busy; it is a time when we are still learning who we are and what pleases us. As time goes by we have more and more opportunity to pick a more pleasurable path for ourselves, but too often we are carried on by the tide and just go with the flow. Finally we reach the point in our lives where we can be selective and choose to do what gives us the most pleasure, unfortunately too many have lost the ability to know what would give them enjoyment much less choosing something to enjoy. Part of the problem is that we often look for that unbelievable fantasy fulfillment event that will make up for all the opportunities we missed, when we could be finding pleasure in the moment, the little things we do, the people we meet everyday, and so much more.

In my case I get great pleasure from escaping into a book. I also like spending hours with someone new, we often find something that we have in common and get mutual pleasure in the sharing. I like BBQ, movies, learning new things, talking to five year olds (they are so much smarter and fun than we think they are), and cruising. The list is too long to put it all here but you get the idea. Of course there are lots of things I don’t like, I either don’t do them or don’t pay attention to them.

Can you put a list together? A list that helps you to appreciate your day-to-day pleasurable experiences and that includes the things you could do if you just let yourself do them. If you can, why not do it now, you might find that you will be glad you did.

~~~

Live and work but do not forget to play, to have fun in life and really enjoy it.

Eileen Caddy

~~~

An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming.  She loved them so much, she couldn’t keep from remarking about their cute habits.

As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the ‘treated’ ones from the rest. So I came up with a quick solution. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog’s head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent.  As I sprinkled the last pup’s head, the woman leaned forward and whispered,

“Gee, doctor, I never realized you performed baptisms also!”

~~~

“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”

Tom Lehrer

~~~

Jack forced himself to open his eyes.  The first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack then looks over, and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He notices that the entire room is in perfect order, Spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirin, and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. There’s a note on the table:

“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping–Love you!”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son…what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A.M.., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

“So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”

His son replies, “Oh… THAT!…

Well, mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to undress you, you screamed, “Leave me alone, lady, I’m married!”

~~~

Happiness does not come from doing what you want, but wanting what you do.

~~~

YOU KNOW IT’S A “NO FRILLS” AIRLINE WHEN …

* They don’t sell tickets, they sell chances.  

* All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.  

* Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.  

* You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.  

* Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.  

* The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.  

* When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.  

* The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.  

* You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, “Just once.”  

* No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.  

* You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let off the plane.  

* All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.  

~~~

We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty.

When the loyal opposition dies, I think the soul of America dies with it.

Edward R. Murrow

This message still rings true, especially when you realize that the loyal opposition may soon have the power and then we become the loyal opposition.

Ray

~~~

Tom had never been on a fishing boat before, and he was now thinking it was the stupidest thing he’d ever done in his life. Who would ever have believed that seasickness could be this awful? With every pitch and roll, Tom wondered how he was going to survive the remaining two hours of the trip.

One of the deckhands came up to him and said, “Don’t worry, young fella. Nobody ever died of seasickness.”

“You’ve just taken away my last hope for relief,” Tom said.

~~~

On the phone with a golf buddy who has asked him to play, a guy says: “I am the master of my home and can play golf whenever I want. But hold on a minute while I find out if I want to.”  

~~~

A burglar alarm sent out its piercing wail in the dark of a December night in Brooklyn, and the police arrived just in time to collar the burglar, Morris Spiegel, as he was leaving the premises with a big bag full of loot.  Soon, he was in court, facing a grim-looking judge.

“Did you have an accomplice?” asked the judge.

“What’s an accomplice?” replied Morris.

“A partner.  In other words, did you commit this crime by yourself?”

“What else?” demanded the culprit.  “You can’t get honest and reliable help these days?”

~~~

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

~~~

Our family held a reunion when my mother was 88 years old, with grandchildren and great-grandchildren attending. The talk turned to honeymoons, and my three daughters began to tell about their trips to Las Vegas, Chicago, and Niagara Falls. One of my daughters turned to my mother.

“Grandma, where did you go on your honeymoon?” she asked.

Mother never hesitated. “Upstairs!” she said.

~~~

Love What You Do.

Do What You Love.

Wayne Dyer

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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