Ray's Daily

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."

Leigh Hunt

It’s a good news bad news day. The good news is that our Kiwanis volunteer appreciation luncheon on Saturday was a great event. It is not often that we get a chance to express our thanks to the good people who help make things better for people and communities like these fine folks do.

The other good news is that I got my Shingles vaccination this morning, the pain friends have gone through when they have suffered with the disease was a great motivator. Later this week I’ll go to the hospital to get my semi-annual infusion of Iron and then Friday my primary doc will get her chance to poke and probe as she gives me my annual physical.

OK, the bad news…..I think I ate the wrong thing as my body is letting me down this morning so you’ll just have to live with another old Daily.

~~~

Ray’s Daily April 27, 2004

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

Margaret Lee Runbeck

~~~

She said, I’m a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up.

After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward my car window to return my credit card.  It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind.

The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent’s name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card.

“Pardon me,” he asked hesitantly, “but how do you pronounce your husband’s middle name?”

~~~

I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

~~~

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

~~~

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

They say that a preacher’s wife is always his number one assistant. An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon.

He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went.

The Preacher shrugged and said, "The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer time went quite well, but," he continued, "I just don’t think the sermon ever got off the ground."

The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, "Well, it sure did taxi long enough!"

~~~

One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.

Sigmund Freud

~~~

Morris and Rachel are sweethearts. Morris lives in a small village out in the country and Rachel lives in town. One day, they go to see the Rabbi and set a date for their wedding. Before they leave, the Rabbi asks them whether they want a contemporary or traditional service. After a short discussion, they opt for the contemporary service.

Their day arrives but the weather is rotten and a storm forces Morris to take an alternate route to the synagogue. The village streets are flooded, so he rolls up his trouser legs to keep his trousers dry.

When at last he reaches the shul, his best man immediately rushes him up the aisle. As the ceremony starts, the Rabbi whispers to Morris, "Pull down your trousers."

"Rabbi, I’ve changed my mind," says Morris, "I think I prefer the traditional service."

~~~

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

~~~

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos.  She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "Why, that’s a thermos…..it keeps things hot and some things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "that’s amazing….I’m going to buy it !" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What’s that,’ he asked? "Why, that’s a thermos…..it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

The blond replied, "Two popsicles, and some coffee."

~~~

Why is it called ‘after dark’, when it is really after light?

~~~

A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes.  "I’ll have a Jumbo Jet," he said.  When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway.

He called his waiter over and asked, "Was that the Jumbo Jet?"

"Yeah," the waiter answered.  "Went pretty fast, didn’t it?"

~~~

"You can have peace of mind only if you forgive rather than judge."

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.

James M. Barrie

I am looking forward to tomorrow when my Kiwanis Club will be hosting a group of good people for lunch in appreciation of their helping with some of our projects. Many have been with us as we honored the athletes at Special Olympics, they have cooked with us as we raised money to help make our area a better place, they have joined us when we helped families in need buy winter clothing for their children at Christmas, they have stood with us in freezing weather as we rang bells at Red Kettles for the Salvation Army, and they have done even more. These are not Kiwanis Club members; these are caring people who take advantage of the opportunity to help others. I am really grateful for all they do but I am just as pleased to have the opportunity for us to do it together for there is no better way to make new friends or to bond with old friends.

I was interviewed on a radio show last week and was asked about volunteerism and what it meant to me, in a specific example I said it provided us with a place to park our hearts and for me it is. But it is also a place to share the human experience I just wish those who are lonely or those who feel that their lives have lost their zest would do something with us or in their community for it is amazing how restorative sharing love can be.

If you want to make some new friends, join us, or if you can’t then follow the advice offered by one of my favorite people, Gretchen Ruben, her is what she wrote:

Ancient philosophers and scientists agree: strong social ties are the KEY to happiness. You need close, long-term relationships; you need to be able to confide in others; you need to belong; you need to get and give support. Studies show that if you have five or more friends with whom to discuss an important matter you’re far more likely to describe yourself as “very happy.” Not only does having strong relationships make it far more likely that you take joy in life, but studies show that it also lengthens life (incredibly, even more than stopping smoking), boosts immunity, and cuts the risk of depression.

“Okay, okay,” you’re thinking, “I get it — but it’s not that easy to make new friends.” Here are some strategies to try, if you’re eager to make friends but are finding it tough:

1. Show up. Just as Woody Allen said that “Eighty percent of success is showing up,” a big part of friendship is showing up. Whenever you have the chance to see other people, take it. Go to the party. Stop by someone’s desk. Make the effort.

Also, the mere exposure effect describes the fact that repeated exposure makes you like someone better – and makes that person like you better, too. You’re much more likely to become friends with someone if you see him or her often.

2. Join a group. Being part of a natural group, where you have common interests and are brought together automatically, is the easiest way to make friends: starting a new job, taking a class, having a baby, joining a congregation, or moving to a new neighborhood are great opportunities to join a group. If those situations aren’t an option, try to find a different group to join. An added advantage to making friends through a group is that you can strengthen your friendships to several people at once — very helpful if you don’t have a lot of free time.

3. Form a group. If you can’t find an existing group to join, start a group based around something that interests you. Studies show that each common interest between people boosts the chances of a lasting relationship, and also brings about a 2% increase in life satisfaction. Movies, wine, cheese, pets, marathon-training, a language, a worthy cause…I know people in all these sorts of groups.

4. Say nice things about other people. It’s a kind way to behave; also, studies show that because of the psychological phenomenon of spontaneous trait transference, people unintentionally transfer to you the traits you ascribe to other people. So if you tell Jean that Pat is arrogant, unconsciously Jean associates that quality with you. On the other hand, if you say that Pat is hilarious, you’ll be linked to that quality.

5. Set a target. This strategy sounds very calculating, but it has really worked for me. When I enter a situation where I meet a new set of people, I set myself the goal of making three new friends. This seems artificial, but somehow, this shift makes me behave differently, it makes me more open to people, it prompts me to make the effort to say more than a perfunctory hello.

6. Make an effort to smile. Big surprise, studies show that the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct effect on how friendly you’re perceived to be. In fact, people who can’t smile due to facial paralysis have trouble with relationships.

7. Make friends with friends-of-friends. “Triadic closure” is the term for the fact that people tend to befriend the friends of their friends. So friends-of-friends is an excellent place to start if you’re trying to expand your circle.

~~~

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.

Elie Wiesel

~~~

(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a well meaning husband who has inherited the house and kids.)

Monday A.M.  Dearest: Sleep late.  Everything under control.  Lunches packed.  Kids off to school.  Menu for dinner planned.  Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches.  Thermos of hot tea by bedside.  See you around six.

Tuesday A.M.  Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep.  Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses?  The school might call you on this.  Dinner may be a little late.  I’m doing your door-to-door canvas for liver research.  Your lunch is in refrigerator.  Hope you like leftover chili.

Wednesday A.M.  Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister!  If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris’s missing shoes?  We’ve checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box.  Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers?  There’s some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer.  Will be late tonight.  Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house.

Thursday A.M.  Doris: Don’t panic over water in hallway.  It crested last night at 9 P.M.  Will finish laundry tonight.  Please pencil in answers to following:

1.  How do you turn on the garbage disposal?

2.  How do you turn off the milkman?

3.  Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots?

4.  How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy’s hand?

5.  What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I don’t know what you’re having for lunch!  Surprise me!

Friday A.M.  Hey: Don’t drink from pitcher by the sink.  Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white.  Take heart.  Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. have a great day.

~~~

A man’s best friend is his dogma.

~~~

THE HISTORY OF MEDICINE

             2000 BC:  Here, eat this root

             1000 AD:  That root is heathen.  Say this prayer.

             1850 AD:  That prayer is pure superstition. Here, drink this potion.

             1940 AD:  That potion is snake oil.  Here, swallow this pill.

             1985 AD:  That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic

             2000 AD:  That antibiotic doesn’t work any more.  Here, eat this root.

~~~~

Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

~~~

She said, as the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me.  One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse.  "We’re required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained.

"I think you’ll find everything there."  As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don’t mind if we watch.  Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse.  And we’d like to see just how you do it."

~~~

Don’t worry about temptation — as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.

~~~

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard a big splash.

"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?"

~~~

Kindness trumps greed: it asks for sharing.

Kindness trumps fear: it calls forth gratefulness and love.

Kindness trumps even stupidity, for with sharing and love, one learns.

Marc Estrin

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.”

Pablo Casals

It seems awfully easy these days for many people to look around themselves and say “It’s too bad but it is not my problem.” Some don’t see or don’t want to see those who are hurting due to no fault of their own. There is hardly a day that goes by that we are not tested in one way or the other, it may be a neighbors job loss, the kid who use to more our lawn having to drop out of college due to lack of money, or a single mom who has gone bankrupt because of a huge medical bill. All you have to do these days is open your eyes and ears to understand these are the toughest times ever for far too many. And you know what? If everyone looks the other way it will only get worse, soon it may very well be everyone getting hurt and all because too many folks looked the other way and said “It’s not my problem.” Don’t be like the animals in the following story, please when you see the need try to do what you can.

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain?  The mouse wondered.  He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.  Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: "There’s a mousetrap in the house! There’s a mousetrap in the house!" 

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it." 

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There’s a mousetrap in the house! There’s a mousetrap in the house!"  The pig sympathized but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but be assured you are in my prayers." 

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There’s a mousetrap in the house! There’s a mousetrap in the house!"  The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse, I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my nose." 

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house — like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.  The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught.  In the darkness, she did not see the a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.  The snake bit the farmer’s wife.  The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.  Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient.  But his wife’s fever continued.  Friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.  To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.  The farmer’s wife did not get well.  She died.  So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.  The mouse watched it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn’t concern you, remember this — when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.  We are all involved in this journey called life.  We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

~~~

When you are kind to someone in trouble, you hope they’ll remember and be kind to someone else. And it’ll become like wildfire.

Whoopi Goldberg

~~~

George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop.  The flight was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the jump because of high winds.  As the plane headed back to base, and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of the neophytes got airsick. 

"How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn’t handle the smooth landing?" asked George.

"Well, Sir," one trainee explained, "we’ve always jumped out of planes. We’ve never actually landed before."

~~~

Something popped into my mind and left right away. Maybe it was lonely.

~~~

A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat."

The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. It is hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself.

The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan."

The girl gives her the fan, too. Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here."

The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here."

The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As she’s walking out of the bus, he asks, "Madam, what is it you have?"

The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah."

~~~

A fool and his money rarely get together to start with.

~~~

She said: I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath’.

For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.

~~~

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

~~~

A Psychology professor was giving a lecture on Bi-Polar Disorder.

"Let us establish some parameters," said the professor. "Now then, Bennett, what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," replied Bennett.

"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Buston?"

"Elation and joy, sir."

"And you Morris, how about the opposite of woe?"

"I believe that would be giddy up, sir."

~~~

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

~~~

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-another had printed it.

"Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.

"Yes, that was it!"

"You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!"

"Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther."

~~~

True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess.

Louis Nizer

~~~

"That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-boyfriend."

"I know, but I don’t hold any grudges."

"I’m surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her."

"Well, I had to swear to him she’s Jennifer Lopez’s double."

"Wow! Is that true?"

"I wouldn’t lie. She’s twice her weight and twice her age!"

~~~

“Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on; ‘Twas not given for thee alone, Pass it on; Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another’s tears, ‘Til in Heaven the deed appears – Pass it on. ”

Henry Burton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

“Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.”

Ryunosuke Satoro

As you know I often spend time talking about happiness keys and what we might do to use them. Recently I read an article that provided tips for what I believe is the most important element of true happiness and that is building and sustaining strong relationships with others. I sincerely believe that the greatest contributor to unhappiness is isolation and loneliness. Even those who maintain a gregarious outward appearance can be truly lonely if they are unable to retain trusting relationships with others.

Here is what Bud Bilanich executive coach, motivational speaker, author, and blogger offers as tools to help build permanent bridges to true friendship:

It Pays to Be Nice

Here are some thoughts to help you become more interpersonally competent. If you use them, you will be able to build strong, lasting relationships with the people around you.

* Work hard at relating well with all kinds of people. People who are different from you might make you feel uncomfortable at first. However, they also have the potential for teaching you something you didn’t know.

* Listen well and demonstrate your understanding of others’ points of view. Ask questions if you don’t understand; repeat your understanding to make sure you got it right.

* Be a consensus builder. If you focus on where you agree with another person, you’ll find that it will be easier to resolve differences and come to agreement.

* Learn how to relate to all kinds of people. Focus on building mutually beneficial relationships.

* Put others at ease. Be diplomatic and tactful.

* Be warm, pleasant and gracious, and sensitive to the interpersonal needs and anxieties of others.

* Be receptive to feedback.

* Take a deep breath when you are angry. Don’t blow up. Present your side of things in a measured tone of voice.

* Take responsibility for your feelings. Don’t blame others if you are unhappy.

* Be easy to get to know. Share your feelings. Be open about your personal beliefs.

* Be attentive to the needs of others. Listen actively. Set a goal of listening twice as much as you speak.

* Avoid judging and criticizing and preparing your response while the other person is speaking. Instead, focus on understanding what they are saying, and the emotions behind what they are saying.

* Show others the respect they deserve as human beings — listen to them and do your best to put yourself in their shoes. Respond to the feelings they share with you before responding with facts.

* Be humble, not a know-it-all. Apologize when you’re at fault. Give people credit when they are correct.

* Speak only when you have something to add to the conversation. Don’t make comments just to hear yourself speak. Don’t state the obvious.

* Look people in the eye when you are speaking with them. Ask questions to clarify things that are not clear to you.

* Acknowledge other people for their contributions and talents. Everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves.

The common sense point here is simple, and a little Zen-like. People can spot a phony. So don’t just act in an interpersonally competent manner. Be interpersonally competent. Treat people with respect. Engage them. Listen to what they have to say. Avoid being judgmental and overly critical.

~~~

“There are two types of people – those who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are."”

Frederick L. Collins

~~~

Young Morris asked his father, "Dad, was Adam Jewish?"

His father put down his newspaper and thought for a moment. He was an expert at Talmudic reasoning and in the art of making a point by an unanswerable question. He replied, "If we can determine that Eve was Jewish, my son, we would at once see that Adam was Jewish, for who but a Jew could bring himself to marry a Jewish girl?" (Here he turned his head a bit nervously to make sure his wife wasn’t listening.)

"Therefore, we can drop the Adam problem and instead ask ourselves, "Was Eve Jewish?"

"To answer that, we have only to ask the question, "Would anyone but a Jewish girl say, ‘Here, have a piece of fruit’?"

~~~

If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

~~~

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

~~~

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.

~~~

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. (Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he will with me.")

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10" ("And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.").

~~~

"To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’."

Rita Rudner

~~~

I was getting into my car when I noticed a dent.  On the windshield was a note and a phone number from the driver.  "I feel terrible," the woman apologized when I called.  "I hit your car as I was pulling into the next parking spot."

"Please don’t worry," I said to her.  "I’m sure our insurance companies will take care of everything."

"Thank you for your understanding," she said.  "You’re so much nicer than the man I hit on my way out."

~~~

Ballerinas are always on their toes.  Why don’t they just get taller ballerinas?

~~~

My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run.

After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.

"Everything’s fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items."

~~~

"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck…But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."

Ellen Goodman

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

“I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being.”

Oscar Wilde quotes

Last Saturday evening I attended the final performance of a long time performing arts series that has always been a favorite of mine. The Indianapolis newspaper did interview me and allowed me to express my regrets at the loss of something that I felt was a community asset. I am hopeful that it will return one day.

The final offering was a concert by Grammy award winners Riders in the Sky who has been performing together for more than thirty years. I had seen them a few years ago when they appeared in an Indianapolis Symphony Pops concert and while their musical style is something I normally pass up I enjoy these guys since they are so much fun to watch.

It was obvious to me as I watched and overheard my fellow theatre goers, that our individual capacity to be entertained varies widely. I listened to those who knew in advance that they would not like what they saw, others who seemed to say “OK I’m here now dazzle me” and still others who are big fans and knew they would love the show. In my case I honestly feel that I am open to be entertained by most things I see. I might not be overwhelmed by the show but seldom do I regret my attendance. You see I look to the experience as a moment away from the norm, a chance to appreciate the effort someone puts into trying to please us and more often than not I end up broadening my appreciation of the theatre arts.

Best of all when I go expecting to be entertained without it always being a spectacular event I am seldom disappointed. My theatrical adventures are just like most everything else, there is much to be seen and enjoy if we are only willing to look and let what we see into our lives.

In a similar vein today was a rainy day in my town and some felt it was miserable while I was grateful that our spring flowers were being watered, our roads were cleaned and the dust around us washed away. My life is good I wish others would see that theirs can be as well.

~~~

From the start it has been the theatre’s business to entertain people … it needs no other passport than fun.

BERTOLT BRECHT

~~~

An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles."

"What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group.

"I’m not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like ‘Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!

~~~

People are lonely, because they build walls instead of bridges.

~~~

Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl who isn’t there if he can buy her a drink.

The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine’s Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."

The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn’t you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a drink? Never know –she might say yes."

The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right — how likely is THAT to happen?"

~~~

My psychiatrist says I’m manic-depressive ……I have mixed feelings about that.

~~~

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."

"Amazing," said the counselor. "How did you do it?"

"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."

~~~

The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.

William James

~~~

We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry." Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double checked with the doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head.

"This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."

~~~

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

Mae West

~~~

He said: When I was a kid, my dad and I had a running joke. If anyone asked what he did for a living, I always said, "He’s a sports mechanic. He fixes boxing matches and horse races."

Once I answered a teacher this way. She flipped out and summoned my parents. Dad calmed her down by explaining it was a joke.

"So, what do you do?" she asked.

Dad, a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company said, "I sell drugs."

~~~

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

William A. Ward

~~~

A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "Will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city."

"Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."

~~~

The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors.

~~~

A Civil War soldier, who had lost his bayonet, whittled one from wood so that he could pass inspection. He hoped he would not be discovered until the regiment had gone into battle, where he planned to pick one up from a dead soldier.

At inspection, an officer asked to see his bayonet. The soldier stated, "Sir, I promised my father I would not unsheathe my bayonet unless I intended to kill someone with it."

The Officer insisted that the soldier hand over the bayonet.

Taking it out, the soldier looked skyward and said, "May the Lord change my bayonet to wood for breaking my vow."

~~~

Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

~~~

He said:

I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last.

She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."

~~~

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.