Energy is eternal delight.
I need to report an energy high jacking so I will again have to send you something from a past daily or two. Sorry but as I was walking through my day I got robbed of my energy, it was that rotten Atrial Fibrillation guy again I’ll be glad when we catch him and put him away for good.
July 31, 2003
I have it on pretty good authority that many of you have not adequately supported some of the significant July activities. Well, today is the day, if you don’t do it now you will again have failed to do your part so:
Eat a hot dog and eat some baked beans, after all July is National hot dog month and Baked Beans month.
Hitch a ride to the hot dog stand because as you know July is National Hitch Hike month.
Finish off your lunch with desert; after all it is the last day of National Ice Cream month.
You might consider stripping at the restaurant, thus doing your part for National Anti-boredom month.
This is also a good day to make a resolution to not wait until the end of August to celebrate next months stuff.
Holidays are an expensive trial of strength.
The only satisfaction comes from survival.
Two men, sentenced to die on the same day, were led down to the room where the electric chair was. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden.
He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "Kill me first."
I live in my own little world. But it’s OK. They know me here.
Flying home after visiting her daughter in England, she arranged to have her husband meet her plane at the Vancouver, B.C. airport.
This meant a stop at the border crossing between the United States and Canada, where her husband was asked: "What is your reason for entering the country?" and "How long are you planning to stay?"
He replied that he was picking his wife up at the airport after her trip to England. Without missing a beat, the guard asked two more questions in the same businesslike tone: "Is the house clean?" and "Are there fresh flowers on the table?"
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
She said: You have to train men the same way you do a dog. Be very clear about what behavior is acceptable and then give them lots of praise on those occasions when they get anything right, and instant firm correction when they do something wrong. Always use a calm voice. Don’t hit them, don’t make them stay in the yard overnight. Don’t stick their nose in the messes they make, but do make them clean it up. Restrict their access to power tools. Withhold treats when necessary.
Potty training is often difficult with adult human males because their mothers didn’t do it properly. If they put the toilet seat down tell them what a nice boy they are, and then give them a treat.
I’ve learned that ultimately, ‘takers’ lose and ‘givers’ win.
A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, ”Dad, what happened to the birdie?” His dad told him, ”Son, the bird died and went to heaven.”
Then the boy asked, ”Did God throw him back down?”
Remember the good old days when people killed time by working instead of by taking coffee breaks?
Ron just got a new sports car and was out for a drive when he cut off a truck driver. The trucker motioned for Ron to pull over.
When he did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told Ron to stand in the circle and not move.
He then went to Ron’s new car and cut up the leather seats.
When the truck driver turned around Ron had a slight grin on his face.
"Oh, you think that’s funny?" the trucker asked, "Watch this." He got a baseball bat out of his truck and broke every window in the car. When he turned and looked Ron had a smile on his face. This drove the driver into a rage.
He got his knife back out and sliced all the tires. Now Ron was laughing. The truck driver really started to lose it. He went back to his truck and got a can of gas, poured it on the sports car and set it on fire. He turned around and Ron was laughing so hard he almost fell down.
"What’s so funny?" The truck driver asked him.
Ron replied, "When you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times."
There are no new sins….the old ones just get more publicity.
Six Stages Of Married Life:
2: Try weekly
3: Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5: Try anything
6: Try to remember
She said: I’m right all the time. It’s not my fault if the facts are in error.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was, "Don’t."
"Don’t what?" Adam asked.
"Don’t eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve! We got Forbidden Fruit!"
"Don’t eat that fruit!" said God.
"Because I’m your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn’t stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry. "Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
The ultimate test of a man’s conscience may be his willingness to sacrifice something today for future generations whose words of thanks will not be heard.
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.