Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2019

Happy Halloween

Ray’s Daily

October 31, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”

Gordon B. Hinckley

Happiness

Today is Halloween in my country. It is a day when thousands of children will visit neighbors where they will receive treats. I just wish all the world’s children had the same opportunity. Our youth fades but those of us who enjoy our lives have learned to retain some of the joys from our childhood.

I have found that the happiest old folks I know have not given up on life but continue to invest in themselves and their wellbeing. I know that by staying engaged in what is happening while retaining a sense of humor keeps me in good spirits. The following abridged article is a good reminder that our happiness is up to us. So why don’t you join me as we enjoy our day.

10 things you should do every day to improve your life, according to science

Eric Barker

  1. 1. Get out in nature – Being in nature reduces stress, makes you more creative, improves your memory and may even make you a better person.
  2. 2. Exercise – Other than health benefits too numerous to mention, exercise makes you smarter, happier, improves sleep, increases libido and makes you feel better about your body.
  3. Spend time with friends and family – Friends are key to improving your life. Share good news and enthusiastically respond when others share good news with you to improve your relationships. Want to instantly be happier? Do something kind for them.
  4. Express gratitude – It will make you happier. It will improve your relationships. It can make you a better person. It can make life better for everyone around you.
  5. Meditate – Meditation can increase happiness, meaning in life, social support and attention span while reducing anger, anxiety, depression and fatigue.
  6. Get enough sleep – You can’t cheat yourself on sleep and not have it affect you. Being tired actually makes it harder to be happy. Naps are great too. Naps increase alertness and performance, enhance learning ability and purge negative emotions while enhancing positive ones.
  7. Challenge yourself – Challenging your beliefs strengthens your mind. Increasing willpower just takes a little effort each day and it’s more responsible for your success than IQ.
  8. Laugh – People who use humor to cope with stress have better immune systems, reduced risk of heart attack and stroke, experience and live longer..
  9. Touch someone – Touching can reduce stress, and help you be persuasive. Hugs make you happier.
  10. Be optimistic – Optimism can make you healthier, happier and extend your life.

~~~

“Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile, laugh as much as you breathe, and love as long as you live.”

Rachel Ann Nunes

~~~

Men, it is important that you recognize the signs of menopause and then duck.

  1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
  2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
  3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
  4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven’s Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
  5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
  6. You’re on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendale’s.

~~~

Earlier today I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

~~~

You know you’re from Iowa if:

*You’ve never met any celebrities.

*Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

*You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

*You measure distance in minutes.

*East to you means Illinois.

*You know several people who have hit a deer.

*You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

*You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

*You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better.”

*You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July.

*Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.

*You end your sentences with an unnecessary reposition. Example: “Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to town I wanna go with you.”

*All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

~~~

“If you wait for the perfect moment when all is safe and assured, it may never arrive. Mountains will not be climbed, races won, or lasting happiness achieved.”

Maurice Chevalier

~~~

A kindergarten teacher was observing her class of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

~~~

If truth is beauty, how come no one has her hair done in the library?

Lily Tomlin

~~~

Dennis Miller said, being in show business has its drawbacks.  The other day I was at one of my favorite eateries, and I got interrupted midbite by someone asking me, “Are you…?”

I said, “Yes, I’m Dennis Miller. Can we do this later?”

He said, “Do what later?  I just wanted to know if you were finished with that ketchup.”

~~~

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Harold Whitman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Those were busy days

Ray’s Daily

October 30, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“The real dividing line between things we call work and the things we call leisure is that in leisure, however active we may be, we make our own choices and our own decisions. We feel for the time being that our life is our own.”

 keepin busy

I have a lot going on so here is a daily from thirteen years ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on October 30, 2006

Here we go again, another full and interesting week for me. This morning I attended my first meeting at 6:45 and learned that two people I have met with in the past had found jobs and that was great news. Later I attended a great meeting with the leaders of our cities major Senior’s programs and a University friend. We ended up laying out plans for an exciting Senior Citizen/College Student intergenerational program that will be included in the curricula of a global studies course. This is an exciting first step in our effort to build bridges between the generations.

Shortly I am off to the second in a series of lectures on the history and development of China. Tonight I will be attending the Franciscan Center on Global Studies guest lecture series to hear a respected academic from Rutgers speak on “Uses of Just War Ideas in Recent American Debate.”

Tomorrow I will meet, for the first time, with someone who is involved in college level distance learning programs. Wednesday I am having coffee with one of my favorite medical buddies who is my Pacemaker guru. Later that day it will be on to one of our cities Colleges to discuss possible community partnerships.

OK, now the fun part. On Thursday morning I will be helping man the African Cultural Resources booth at the Indianapolis International Festival. It will be student day and we expect to be busy with kids wanting to learn more about the world. I might even wear my African shirt given me by a friend who recently returned from Ghana. I may have a hard time looking and acting African but I’ll do my best. It will be easier on Saturday since I will be working at the Nationalities Council booth from 10AM until 2PM. That assignment will be much simpler because of the many nationalities in my background. What is the word they use for humans? I don’t think it’s mongrel.

That is all I’ll be up to this week with the exception of a couple of meals with interesting people, a Kiwanis meeting, and other stuff that I will remember later. And of course there will be our daily visits. Life is full and I am pretty sure retirement is grand, although I sometimes wish I had a job so I could take some time off for work. Anyway, I will be looking for you out there and if you see me first stop and say hi.

~~~

“The life of a man consists not in seeing visions and in dreaming dreams, but in active charity and in willing service”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

~~~

Rules of Management

Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.

Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.

If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.

Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.

If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.

If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.

If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.

Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.

~~~

“One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.”

Jack Handey

~~~

Mike goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he says, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed and I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!! Can you help me?

“Put yourself in my hands for two years, come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you,” says the shrink.

“OK, but how much do you charge for this? asks Mike.”

“A hundred dollars per visit,” says the psychiatrist.

And Mike replies, “I’ll think about it.” He never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me again?” asks the psychiatrist.

“$100.00 a visit,” Mike says. “Why should I want to pay a hundred bucks a visit? My bartender cured me 100% for just ten dollars.”

“Is that so! says the shrink. “Just how did he do that?” And Mike says, “He told me to cut the legs off my bed.”

~~~

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

~~~

“A Love Poem”

I will seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I’m finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

*The Flu*

~~~

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

John Wooden

~~~

Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: “The drink has killed millions– it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has killed millions–it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions…”

“‘Scuse me, Father,” hollered Reagan from the back, “but what is it that kills the people who live right?

~~~

The Bureau of Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three.

~~~

She said: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.  As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. “Has anyone given you any packages that you didn’t pack yourself?” he asked.

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.

He looked at me very carefully and asked: “Does she like you?”

~~~

Motherhood ~ If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

~~~

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son.

As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, “You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again.”

~~~

The happiness that is genuinely satisfying is accompanied by the fullest exercise of our faculties and the fullest realization of the world in which we live.  

Bertrand Russell

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

We Do!

Ray’s Daily

October 29, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.

Maya Angelou

qw need each other

Everyday I am reminded just how much we need each other. I am grateful that where I now live gives me opportunities every day to take an interest in the well being of others. Often there is not much I can do to help but I can let folks know that I care about them and sincerely wish them well.

I know of little else that can reward us as much as our expressing a sincere interest in the welfare of others. I know the people I respect most are those who regularly extend a helping hand

Here are excerpts from a piece written by Marc Chernoff that I wish everyone adhered to.

7 Hard Things You Should Start Doing for Others

Don’t just rant online for a better world. Love your family. Be a good neighbor. Practice kindness. Build bridges. Embody what you preach. Today. And always.

  1. Start being a source of sincere support. – The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. We are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. The very demons that torment each of us, torment others all over the world. It is our challenges and troubles that connect us at the deepest level.
  2. Start giving people your undivided attention. – There is greatness and beauty in making time, especially when it’s inconvenient, for the sake of someone nearby. You don’t have to tell people that you care, just show them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention.
  3. Start respecting and supporting people who are different than you. – Life’s greatest privilege is to become who you truly are. You have to dare to be yourself, one hundred percent, however anxious or odd that self may prove to be. The people who support you in doing so are extraordinary. Appreciate these people and their kindness, and pay it forward when you’re able.
  4. Start being willing to be wrong. – The mind is like a parachute; it doesn’t work when it’s closed. It’s okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by others. But that doesn’t give you the right to immediately reject any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don’t like what they are thinking and saying. Learn to recognize the beauty of different ideas and perspectives, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.
  5. Start giving recognition and praise for the little things. – A brave, extraordinary soul recognizes the strength of others. Give genuine praise whenever possible. Doing so is a mighty act of service.
  6. Start giving people the space to save face. – What others say and do is often based entirely on their own self-reflection. When someone who is angry and upset speaks to you, and you nevertheless remain very present and continue to treat them with kindness and respect, you place yourself in a position of great power. You become a means for the situation to be graciously diffused and healed.
  7. Start being a bit more gentle. – Be gentle and compassionate with those around you. Mother Nature opens millions of flowers every day without forcing the buds. Let this be a reminder not to be forceful with those around you, but to simply give them enough light and love, and an opportunity to grow naturally.

~~~

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

John Holmes

~~~

Agnes feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. “Oh, that feels good,” she says.

Eddie’s hand moves to her breast. Agnes says “Gee, honey, that feels wonderful.”

Eddie’s hand moves to her leg. Agnes says “Oh, honey, don’t stop.” But Eddie stops.

Agnes asks “Why did you stop?“

Eddie replies, “I found the remote.“

~~~

I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.

Laura Ingalls Wilder

~~~

Mr. Shwartz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol (who is very religious), “So, tell me Sol my boy what do you do?”

“I study the Torah,” he replies.

“But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are you going to feed and house her?”

“No problem,” says Sol, “I study Torah and it says God will provide.”

“But you will have children, how will you educate them?” asks Mr. Shwartz.

“No problem,” says Sol, “I study Torah and it says God will provide.”

Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol is like.

“Well,” says Mr.Shwartz, “he’s a lovely boy, I only just met him and he already thinks I’m God.”

~~~

Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.

Unknown

~~~

The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”

The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”

The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”

~~~

I don’t want to live in the kind of world where we don’t look out for each other. Not just the people that are close to us, but anybody who needs a helping hand. I cant change the way anybody else thinks, or what they choose to do, but I can do my bit.

Charles de Lint

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Don’t

Ray’s Daily

October 28, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

There are two rules in life: Rule #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule #2: Everything is small stuff.

Finn Taylor

don't sweat

One of the things I have learned over the years is that the happiest people don’t waste much time on the trivial. The folks that let the unimportant fill their time and clutter their minds miss the opportunities to manage their life in order to maximize their happiness.

The trivial things we encounter in our lives are just that, trivial and not worth our time. Too many of us let minor inconveniences anger us and waste time better spent just moving on. If we are so busy reacting to little things we can’t control, we will have little time left over to improve those things we can control.

Here is an old favorite story I may have shared with you before, if I did it is worth reading again,

The important things in life

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up the remaining open areas of the jar. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, or fix the disposal.”

“Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

Author Unknown

~~~

Ask yourself this question, will this matter a year from now?

Richard Carlson

~~~

A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood.

Then suddenly a man in his early 40’s rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.

She replied in crazed anger and without hesitation, “Well, hell, I can’t throw that far!”

~~~

People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick

~~~

“I don’t understand it, doctor. My weight is just out of control,” said Mrs. Pauly. “I’ve gained over 70 pounds in the last two months. Why, just yesterday, my husband called me a Fat Cow!”

“Well,” said the doctor, “I’m sure that we can find a cause for this. Let’s begin with an examination. Stick out your tongue and say ‘Mooo.’ ”

~~~

“Depend upon yourself. Make your judgement trustworthy by trusting it. You can develop good judgment as you do the muscles of your body – by judicious, daily exercise. To be known as a man of sound judgment will be much in your favor. ”

Grantland Rice

~~~

The physics professor, checking to see how many people had actually read the assignment, asked “What are the two types of light?”

The lab fell quiet until a small voice came from the back of the room, “Uhhh, Miller and Coors?”

~~~

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

Hugh Downs

~~~

Senior questions???

Q: My wife is going through menopause. What can I do?

A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?

A: The next time you’re in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.

Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: “I remember these!!”

~~~

Remember: Life is short, break the rules (they were made to be broken) Forgive quickly, kiss slowly Love truly, laugh uncontrollably And never regret anything that makes you smile. The clouds are lined with silver and the glass is half full (though the answers won’t be found at the bottom) Don’t sweat the small stuff, You are who you are meant to be, Dance as if no one’s watching, Love as if it’s all you know, Dream as if you’ll live forever, Live as if you’ll die today

James Dean

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

 

It is better than you realize

Ray’s Daily

October 25, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

True wealth is the ability to fully experience life.

Henry David Thoreau

appreciate

I think far too many of us overlook just how good we really have it. As we grow older and start to lose some of our capabilities it is worthwhile to stop and review just how good things really are.

I have learned that it is not how much money we have, or the things we own that are important. It is what we experience each day. I find it worthwhile to stop and appreciate one or more things that provide me the enjoyment I have. Here is a list compiled by Marc Chernoff that I think lists some of the good things we share.

19 Signs You’re Doing Better than You Think

  • You are alive.
  • You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.
  • You are able to hear birds sing and waves crash.
  • You can walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.
  • You have tasted the sweetness of chocolate cake.
  • You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.
  • You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.
  • You had a choice of what clothes to wear.
  • You haven’t feared for your life today.
  • You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.
  • You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.
  • You live in a country that protects your basic human rights and civil liberties.
  • You are reasonably strong and healthy – if you got sick today, you could recover.
  • You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.
  • You have someone with whom to reminisce about ‘the good old days.’
  • You have access to clean drinking water.
  • You have access to medical care.
  • You have access to the Internet.
  • You can read.

The truth is, you’re doing better than a lot of people in this world.  So remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

~~~

“What you truly acknowledge truly is yours. Invite your heart to be grateful and your thank you’s will be heard even when you don’t use words.”

Pavithra Mehta

~~~

“Occupational Descriptions”

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

~~~

“She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech.”

George Barnard Shaw

~~~

The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. “You say you’re here,” he inquired, “because your family is worried about your taste in socks?”
“That’s correct,” muttered the patient. “I like wool socks.”
“But that’s perfectly normal,” replied the doctor. “Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks.”
“You DO?” exclaimed the man. “With oil and vinegar, or just a squeeze of lemon?”

~~~

“God has a plan for all of us, but He expects us to do our share of the work.”

Minnie Pearl

~~~

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their body’s odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Yeah; being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray, wrinkled, and bald that they don’t recognize you.

~~~

A sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to our steps as we walk the tightrope of life.

~~~

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.

“Can’t you see, Ben,” intoned the parson, “that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?”

“Well, I sort of disagree there,” replied the backslider.  “It makes me miss the folks I shoot at.”

~~~

Modesty is the art of drawing attention to whatever it is you are being humble about.

~~~

“I live to enjoy life by the littlest things, feeling the grass between my toes, breathing fresh air, watching the wind sway the trees, enjoying the company of loved ones, a deep conversation, getting lost in a good book, going for a walk in nature, watching my kids grow up. Just the feeling itself of being alive, the absolute amazing fact that we are here right now, breathing, thinking, doing.”

Marigold Wellington

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

It could be worse

Ray’s Daily

October 24, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.

Robert Louis Stevenson

http://rays-daily.daily

stay positive

I have a full day ahead so I am again sending you a Daily from long ago.

Ray’s Daily First sent on October 24, 2001

When I came home last night from a productive meeting of the board of the Indianapolis Leadership Association, I again started to work on my computer problems. As my level of frustration was starting to rise, I started to think about my friends who are faced with real problems. I thought about the close friends I have at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) who are in the forefront of the biological terrorism that threaten so many. I thought about my friends at the US Agency for International Development, some posted overseas. I thought about my friends at UNICEF both here and abroad; many in areas of the world where innocent people are suffering from the tragic events being fostered upon us all. You know what? I am truly fortunate that all I have are insignificant problems to deal with.

~~~

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in the world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

A businesswoman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. “Hi, honey,” he says. “Interested in a little company?”

“Sure” asks the woman. “What kind of company are you selling?”

~~~

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me, not you!

~~~

Hints on when you can tell it is not going to be a good day:

– You wake up face down on the pavement.

– You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

– You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

– You see a ’60 Minutes’ news team waiting in your office.

– Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

– You want to put the clothes on you wore home from the party but find there aren’t any.

– Your twin brother forgot your birthday.

– You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes from the city.

– Your car horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway.

– Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

– You call your answering service and you’re told to mind your own business.

– Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

– Your tax refund check bounces.

– You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

– Your wife says “Good Morning, Bill” and your name is George.

~~~

Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.

~~~

Hubby – You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife – When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby – You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife – Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”

~~~

Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget’s Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday. According to the Associated Press, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied …

~~~

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same  tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem:  The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

“Look, it’s not the same hat.”

“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.”

“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank.  The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said:  “OK, I give up.  Where’s the boat?”

~~~

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Groucho Marx

~~~

A traveling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order he said he wanted his eggs hard and burned around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard.

The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested.  She then asked if was there anything else she could do for him.

He says, “Yes, sit down across from me, frazzle your hair and start complaining.  I’m home sick!”

~~~

“Misers aren’t fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors.”

David Brenner

~~~

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

Don’t unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

What happens if you touch these two wires tog–

We won’t need reservations.

It’s always sunny there this time of the year.

Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.

You can make it easy… that train isn’t coming fast.

Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.

Let’s see if it’s loaded.

Step on her, boy, we’re only going 75.

Just watch me dive from that bridge.

Lemme have that bottle; I’ll try it.

What? Your mother is going to stay another month?

~~~

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

~~~

A priest and a rabbi, who had become best of friends, were having dinner together.

“Come on,” said the priest to the rabbi, “when are you going to let yourself go and enjoy a piece of ham?”

“At your wedding,” the rabbi replied.

~~~

Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.

Plan more than you can do, then do it.

Anonymous

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Happy?

Ray’s Daily

October 23, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy. It’s all that matters.

Audrey Hepburn

Finding happiness

Are you happy? Do you know what can make you even happier?

I think too many of us listen to what folks say will make us happy, rather than deciding what we want that would bring more joy into our lives. In my case I find that reducing the variety of activities I pursue allows me to focus on the ones that provide the most pleasure.

I wish I could provide a happiness elixir to the folks I meet who complain about their lives, folks who stay focused on what they don’t like instead of what they could like. But unfortunately, no one but ourselves can lead us to happier lives.

Today I offer an abridged article that provides those who want to become happier a process to improve their lives.

Take Control Of Your Happiness

Jodie Cook

Here are 6 ways to create and control your own happiness:

Make a change – If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. Everything that happens is a cyclical process that will continue until you make an intervention – a change that puts you on a new course.

Evaluate yourself – Be prepared to give yourself honest and ruthless feedback and don’t forget to learn each time you mess up. If you’ve already assessed and addressed your own weaknesses, what can anyone else’s opinion matter?! Get comfortable with your strengths – look for opportunities to use them.

Stop comparing – It happens all the time. You’re happy with your job until you hear about someone else’s and it sounds much better. If you compare your life to anything other than a former version of itself, you’re asking for unhappiness.

Define happiness – The happiness you seek has to be based on your version of happiness and not someone else’s. Definitely not based on TV adverts, celebrity Instagram pictures or the lives of friends and relatives.

Keep your lips sealed – Work out your own plan before you ask for comment. Be sure of your next move before you open up to receive advice.

Design your life – If you can’t define what makes you happy then you will forever be confused as to how you achieve it. If you can define it exactly, no amount of Insta-envy or assessments from others will touch you. Only you have the power and inclination to control your own happiness. No external factors should penetrate your inner core. No one can make you feel anything you don’t want to feel, it’s all a choice. You’ve got this!

~~~

The only thing that will make you happy is being happy with who you are.

Goldie Hawn

~~~

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. “Suppose your husband were to die,” he said, “What would you get?”

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, “Oh, a parrot, I think.  Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet.”

~~~

I am in shape! ..Round is a shape.

~~~

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.

They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected.  “The plane can take out only four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind,” he stated.

They argued with him; the year before the had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard, and the plane was just the same model and capacity as this.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard.

But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley where they were, the little plane could not make it, and they crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, “Do you know where we are?”

“I think so,” replied the other hunter.  “I think this is about the same place where the plane crashed last year.”

~~~

I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

~~~

“Oh, Laura!” cried her neighbor, “I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  He was such a wonderful man.  I’m sure he left you well provided for, didn’t he?”

Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, “Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will.  I miss him so much that I’d give fifty thousand just to have him back!”

~~~

No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.

~~~

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same  tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem:  The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

“Look, it’s not the same hat.”

“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.”

“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank.  The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said:  “OK, I give up.  Where’s the boat?”

~~~

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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