“Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!”
Rusty Fischer
Today is Halloween and Nevada admission day (to the US, I presume).
I wonder if there is a connection, it might explain Vegas.
~~~
“There” is no better than “here,” When your “there” has become a “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that again, looks better than “here.” What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need; what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
I wish these guys would quit putting so much pressure on me with all this wisdom. Ray
~~~
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
~~~
Judy sends us this shocking news:
It is with a heavy heart that I pass on the following news. The Pillsbury Doughboy died on Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Uncle Ben, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, Francesca Rinaldi, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Marie Callendar delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who, “Never knew how much he was kneaded.” Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end, it was thought he’d rise once again, but he was no pop tart.
Doughboy is survived by his second wife Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
~~~
If it’s not broke, let me take a crack at it.
~~~
He said:
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. If it itches, it will be scratched. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. If we ask what’s wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.
~~~
More workplace truths:
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.
~~~
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, ‘I should hope not? If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?’
Larry Miller
~~~
She said:
Why do women live longer than men?
Someone has to stick around and clean up after them.
Why do women pay so much attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
~~~
Have you ever noticed…. Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
~~~
Stupid People for A Stupid Planet…
1. A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE… AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.” He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting “Please come out and give yourself up”.
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “that’s not what I said!”
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”
7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
~~~
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.” G. K. Chesterton ~~~
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.
He says, “So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?”
She says, “Bernie, I want a divorce.”
“My goodness, I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”
~~~
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. ~~~
A guy gets pulled over by the cops. The officer walks up to car and says ‘Excuse me Sir but do you realise your wife fell out of the car two miles back.’ ‘Thank God for that’ says the man ‘I thought I’d gone deaf’
~~~
“Why do vampires always chase down Christians? Why not Jews, or Arabs? You know, somebody who won’t be carrying a cross!” Galager
~~~
“Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live.”
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
“Every moment in our lives is a miracle we should enjoy instead of ignoring.”
Yoko Ono
It will soon be November. October has been pretty good for me. I will continue to appreciate the moments left by paying attention to the little things that mean so much.
When Is That Golden Moment?
When the scale tells me I’ve not gained a pound
When my glasses or phone or keys have been found,
When the cop pulls me over but spares me the ticket
When my ice cream cone drips and I get to lick it,
When I read the obituaries and don’t know a soul,
When the car just ahead of me pays for my toll,
When my pants can fit without sucking my gut in
When I’m on the dance floor and a man asks to cut in,
When it’s time for a movie and I get to choose it,
When I cut out the coupon and remember to use it.
Everyone understands the worth
Of a big celebration: a marriage, a birth
But moments of joy, too many to mention
Brighten each day, when we just pay attention.
By Eileen Hession
~~~
“If you’re always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in? Slow down and enjoy the moment you’re in and live your life to the fullest.”
Nanette Mathews
~~~
FROM HERE TO MATERNITY — OH HOW WE CHANGE.
NAMED AFTER:
First baby: grandmother and paternal aunt for political reasons
Second baby: Daddy
Third baby: Daddy’s boss
GODPARENTS:
First baby: Bernard Ryan and Joy Smith
Second baby: Martha Dunn and either uncle Fred or Fred the Barber
Third baby: relatives
FORMULA:
First baby: fortified prepared infant formula w/ 1.25 water
Second baby: heated cow’s milk poured from a carton.
Third baby: cold milk, Cokes, and Kool-Aid
BOTTLES:
First baby: boiled 10 minutes, removed with tongs and rubber gloves.
Second baby: boiled five minutes, removed with beer can opener
Third baby: rinsed in cold water and dried on apron
HANDLING:
First baby: right hand behind head, left under knee, clutch baby close to body
Second baby: place hands under armpits and lift
Third baby: one arm around stomach
LENGTH AND WEIGHT AT ONE YEAR:
First baby: 15 pounds, 14 1/2 ounces; 26 1/4 inches
Second baby: 16 or 17 pounds, same height as vertical knob on TV set.
Third baby: Heavier than a bowling ball. Short.
SANITATION:
First baby: rubber gloves, face mask, scrub floors weekly, mosquito net
Second baby: use air freshener weekly, swat all flies
Third baby: keep the dog out of the playpen
BABY RECORDS:
First baby: detailed in gold embossed book
Second baby: written on back of old envelopes
Third baby: ask grandma
~~~
A woman tells her friend, “My husband is an angel.”
Her friend replies, “You’re lucky, mine is still alive.”
~~~
The doctor came out of the operating room to talk with the man’s wife. “I don’t like the looks of your husband,” he said. “Neither do I,” said the wife, “but he’s not home much, and he’s great with the kids.”
~~~
“Because we don’t think about future generations, they will never forget us.”
Henrik Tikkanen
~~~
Dilbert’s Words Of Wisdom
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn’t looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
4. I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
5. Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
7. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
8. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
10. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”
12. My Reality Check bounced.
13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
14. I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.
15. You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
~~~
“The journey is never-ending. There’s always gonna be growth, improvement, adversity; you just gotta take it all in and do what’s right, continue to grow, continue to live in the moment.”
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
“Forget yesterday, live for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.”
Rick Ross
I hope like I am that you’re going to have a good day. I have canceled anything requiring stamina. So now I will start with a nap. Hope you enjoy today.
Yesterday’s Door
I have shut the door on yesterday,
Its sorrows and mistakes.
I have locked within its gloomy walls
Past failures and mistakes.
And now I throw the key away,
And seek another room.
And furnish it with hope and smiles,
And every spring-time bloom.
No thought shall enter this abode
That has a taint of pain.
And envy, malice, and distrust
Shall never entrance gain.
I have shut the door on yesterday
And thrown the key away.
Tomorrow holds no fear for me,
Since I have found today.
Author Unknown
~~~
“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
Groucho Marx
~~~
Over dinner, Jill said to John, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”
“How did you meet this fellow?” John asked, very concerned.
Jill said, “Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car.”
~~~
Here’s a new invention — a solar-powered clothes dryer. It’s called a clothes line
~~~
He said: My job is in the Aerospace industry and it’s always been a challenge to explain just what kind of work I do.
At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, “Defense Contractor.”
The men nodded and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then one of them turned to me and asked, “So, what do you put up mainly? Chain link?”
~~~
When I was a child, I remember my mom telling me, “Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please.” When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please any of them.
~~~
She said: We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night. At four different motels, however, we were told, “Sorry, no vacancies.”
Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, “Mom, are we vacancies?”
~~~
Many of our fears are tissue paper thin and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.
Brendan Francis Behan
~~~
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!”
“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!”
“I know, I know!” said Joanna. “But what am I going to do with the BODY?”
~~~
Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
Unknown
~~~
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, “Order, order.”
The drunkard immediately responded, “Thank you, you honor, I’ll have a Scotch and soda.”
~~~
The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.
~~~
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, she seemed upset.
“What happened, Mother?” the daughter asked.
“I had to slap his face three times!”
“You mean he got fresh?”
“No,” she answered, “I thought he was dead.”
~~~
There are three types of people: Those who can count, and those who can’t.
~~~
A woman and a baby waited in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for him to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and commented the baby wasn’t gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
“Breast fed,” the woman replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered. She did.
He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, “No wonder this baby is hungry. You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma … but I’m glad I came.”
~~~
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster
~~~
“Live today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Just today. Inhabit your moments. Don’t rent them out to tomorrow.”
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
A teacher affects eternity: he can never tell where his influence stops.
Henry Adams
Ray’s Daily first published on October 26, 2005
~~~
We are told that our future lies with our ability to educate and train our best and brightest, yet we do not adequately invest in education. We talk about the need for society to save itself by well educated statesman, yet we do not adequately invest in education. We talk about the need for better heath care that requires top notch Doctors, yet we do not adequately invest in education. The children that enter the educational system today deserve the very best education we can provide, for they will manage our destiny tomorrow. It is not just money that is needed; it is also our hearts and our voices. We must stop looking at the school systems as being primarily custodial and start partnering with them to assure our future. And, yes, let us start paying our teachers so that they don’t leave the profession for a better job working as a waitress or bartender. At a very minimum let us show them the respect they deserve.
~~~
The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”
He reminded the other dinner guests of the old adage about teachers: “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”
To stress his point he said to another guest: “You’re a teacher, Jane. Be honest. What do you make?”
Jane, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, “You want to know what I make? I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor for a student who has tried her or his best. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.” “You want to know what I make. I make kids wonder. I make them question. I make them criticize. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them write. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math and perfect their final drafts in English.” “I make them understand that if you have the brains and follow your heart and, if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you must pay no attention because that person just didn’t learn.” Jane paused and then continued. “You want to know what I make. I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make?”
~~~
What nobler employment, or more valuable to the state, than that of the man who instructs the rising generation.
Marcus Tullius Cicero
~~~
“Mom’s List of Things She Does Not Want To Hear”
1. I swallowed the goldfish.
2. Did you know your lipstick works better than crayons?
3. Does grape juice leave a stain?
4. The principal called…
5. But DAD says that word all the time!
6. What’s it cost to fix a window?
7. Has anyone seen my earthworms?
8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy?
9. I found out the dog doesn’t like dressing up in your underwear.
10. I’m running away from home. (Well, maybe some day)
~~~
Drive defensively – buy a tank.
~~~
An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone he said, “There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if anyone has gone to heaven, he certainly has.”
They walked on a bit further and then came to another grave. The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, “Now there’s a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to hell, he certainly has.”
The little boy thought about all of this for a while and then said, “You know, Grandpa, you are very lucky.”
“Me? Lucky? Why?” asked the old man in surprise.
“Well, whichever place you go to, you’ll have some money to draw on.”
~~~
The secret of a successful marriage is incompatibility. He has the income, she has patability.
~~~
The following are different answers given by elementary school age children to each of the given questions:
How did your mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dads such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What’s the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don’t even have bread on them!
Describe the world’s greatest mom?
1. She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
2. The greatest mom in the world wouldn’t make me kiss my fat aunts!
3. She’d always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
~~~
Education is the guardian genius of democracy.
It is the only dictator that free men recognize, and the only ruler that free men require.
Mirabeau Buonaparte Lamar
~~~
Be careful to leave your sons well instructed rather than rich,
for the hopes of the instructed are better than the wealth of the ignorant.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
Today is going to be great, my friend Dr. Sally Basset is coming to speak to our community. Sally is a world traveler having visited 120 countries. She also has had an illustrious career having headed a number of organizations. She is a college professor, philanthropist, author and the founder of Women for Adventure. I consider her to be a special friend and look forward to her visit.
Friends
Friends answer your needs before their own.
You come to them with your hunger,
And they satisfy you with peace.
That’s how friends are.
Friends let you speak your mind,
Without worrying what their thoughts will be.
Friends know when you are silent,
They need to listen your heart.
I consent to receiving emails and personalized ads.
Friends share the joy and the pain.
They know about desire and rejection.
Friends allow you to be who you are,
Without expectations of who you should be.
Friends don’t come with a purpose,
They don’t come with a plan.
They come to enlighten your spirit,
They come to brighten your heart.
They come to give you a hand when needed
And expect nothing in return.
It is the little things that friends do.
Like fill your heart with pleasure, hope and joy.
AAHH… The Sweetness Of Friendsip
There can be no price placed on Friendship
It has once been told.
For Friendships are worth far more than gold.
Author Unknown
~~~
True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.
Helen Keller
~~~
‘m Only Mature
Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, “Because of the Seniors Discount”
I went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries; and there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, “For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.” Understand—I’m not old—I’m merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I’m sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day, And people speak softer—can’t hear what they say.
My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.), and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I’ve slowed down a bit…not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I’m not old…I’m only mature.
The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don’t call it gray…saying “blonde” is just right.
My car is all paid for…not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, “Old duffer…get off of the road!”
My car has no scratches…not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who’s “Hell bent.”
My friends all get older…much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I’ve got “character lines,” not wrinkles…for sure,
But don’t call me old…just call me mature.
The steps in the houses they’re building today
Are so high that they take…your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.
But I’m keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I’m still in the running…in this I’m secure,
“I’m not really old…I’m only mature.
~~~
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.
Mark Twain
~~~
She said: When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too.
Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he’d found inside the dryer. He didn’t know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job.
“I have the other parts,” the clerk said, “but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife’s bra.”
~~~
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.
Arnold H. Glasow
~~~
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up. She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date.
He took one look at her and gasped, “I’m two hours late . . . and you’re still not ready?”
~~~
“You can always tell a man who is a non-conformist, because he looks just like every other non-conformist.”
~~~
Max Levy goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gives him a clean bill of health. “Max, you’re in excellent shape for an 85 year old man. But I’m not a magician – I can’t make you any younger”, says the doctor.
“Who asked you to make me younger?” says Max. “Just make sure I get older!”
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
I have a full week ahead and need to do what is important and not waste tine on the unimportant, So I plan on staying productive just like I know you will.
5 Signs it’s Time to Let Go
1. You haven’t been feeling like yourself. — Remember, it’s always wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.
2. You feel confused by constant inconsistencies. — Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, again and again, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions don’t match up with their words, it’s time to create some healthy space for yourself. Alone is better than being in bad company.
3. You feel depleted. — If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Know when to close the account. Again, it’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.
4. You feel like there’s lots of “missing pieces.” — I know it’s hard now but I assure you, someday all the pieces will come together. Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated. And you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”
5. You feel trapped. — The bottom line is that you are a product of what you’ve gone through, but you don’t have to be a prisoner of it anymore. It may be hard, but you can LET GO! You CAN accept the feeling of not knowing exactly where you’re going next, and train yourself to love and appreciate this freedom. Because it is only when you are suspended in the air, with no destination in sight, that you force your wings to open fully so you can fly. And as you soar around you still may not know where you’re traveling to. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is the opening of your wings. You may not know where you’re headed, but you know that so long as your wings are spread, the winds will carry you forward.
Angel Chernoff
~~~
Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.
Eckhart Tolle
~~~
A businesswoman is sitting at a bar.
A man approaches her. “Hi, honey,” he says. “Interested in a little company?”
“Sure” asks the woman. “What kind of company are you selling?”
~~~
You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me, not you!
~~~
Hints on when you can tell it is not going to be a good day:
– You wake up face down on the pavement.
– You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
– You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
– You see a ’60 Minutes’ news team waiting in your office.
– Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
– You want to put the clothes on you wore home from the party but find there aren’t any.
– Your twin brother forgot your birthday.
– You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes from the city.
– Your car horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway.
– Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
– You call your answering service and you’re told to mind your own business.
– Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
– Your tax refund check bounces.
– You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
– Your wife says “Good Morning, Bill” and your name is George.
~~~
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
~~~
Hubby – You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife – When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby – You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife – Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
~~~
Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget’s Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday. According to the Associated Press, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied …
~~~
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
“Look, it’s not the same hat.”
“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.”
“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.
After a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat?”
~~~
Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx
~~~
A traveling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order he said he wanted his eggs hard and burned around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard.
The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested. She then asked if was there anything else she could do for him.
He says, “Yes, sit down across from me, frazzle your hair and start complaining. I’m home sick!”
~~~
“Misers aren’t fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors.”
David Brenner
~~~
FAMOUS LAST WORDS
Don’t unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
What happens if you touch these two wires tog–
We won’t need reservations.
It’s always sunny there this time of the year.
Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.
You can make it easy… that train isn’t coming fast.
Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.
Let’s see if it’s loaded.
Step on her, boy, we’re only going 75.
Just watch me dive from that bridge.
Lemme have that bottle; I’ll try it.
What? Your mother is going to stay another month?
~~~
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
~~~
A priest and a rabbi, who had become best of friends, were having dinner together.
“Come on,” said the priest to the rabbi, “when are you going to let yourself go and enjoy a piece of ham?”
“At your wedding,” the rabbi replied.
~~~
Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.
Blaise Pascal
Ray’s Daily first published on October 21, 2003
This and that:
I have a state ranked, 8 year old gymnast granddaughter who competed in a meet last Saturday evening. She is very good and will be competing in Florida in January. The meets are another of those parent and grandparent things. Vault, is two jumps about 5 seconds each. Floor exercise is a couple of minutes. Balance beam takes maybe a minute and a half. And finally the parallel bars takes maybe another 90 seconds. So you get to watch your special person for a total of about five minutes. You wait, they rotate, they practice, you wait, and they perform one event and they rotate again. We arrived at the meet at 5:00 PM and left just before 9:00 PM. They are great to watch! Take a book to read.
I hope you have a Trader Joe’s grocery store near you. Great food, good prices, and super recreation. COSTCO is not too shabby either, it is a place where you find what you really need, but didn’t know you did until you saw it.
The other day a friend of mind told me that I often repeat myself in our daily. When I have trouble remembering what day it is, remembering what I did yesterday is just too much to expect. So, sorry if I am redundant – redundant. One of the advantages I have found however, is that I have been able to eliminate many of my bad habits since I don’t remember what they where or even how to do them.
As most of you know my system asked all of you to update my contact list. In the process I ended up adding some people to our daily list for the first time. So if you are new to our group, please make sure you read the housekeeping stuff at the end.
~~~
If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of forgetting do seem peculiarly past finding out.
Jane Austen (1775 – 1817)
~~~
A contractor was speaking with a woman about her house painting job.
In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down then went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!”
In the second room she told him that she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”
The lady finally asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew laying sod across the street.”
~~~
“Never ask God to give you anything; ask Him to put you where things are.”
Mexican Proverb
~~~
In a perfect world………
A person should feel as good at 50 as he did at 17 and he would actually be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17.
You could give away a baby bed without getting pregnant.
Forget-me-nots would stimulate the memory.
Doing what was good for you would be what you enjoyed doing the most.
Pro baseball players would complain about teachers being paid contracts worth millions of dollars.
People always have good reasons to be optimistic.
You would never fumble, but if you did, you would recover the ball yourself.
The mail would always be early, the check would always be in the mail, and it would be written for more than you expected.
Potato chips might have calories, but if you ate them with a dip, the calories would be neutralized.
If the guy from the government said to you, “I’m here to help,” not only would he mean it, but also he’d do it.
First impressions wouldn’t count for nearly as much as ultimate performance. Winning might be a nice thing, but that would be about all.
All people could expect to be accepted.
Every once in a while at least, a kid who always closed the door softly would be told, “Go back and slam the door.”
Highway patrolmen would never be around when you’re running late, but would always be at your side when a BMW blows past or a Mac truck won’t get off your bumper.
The better food tasted, the less calories it would have.
Warranties would be for 13 months and products would fail at 12.
More would be accomplished by governments when they spent more.
~~~
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
~~~
Husband in movie: “Can you see, dear?”
Wife: “Yes.”
Husband: “Is your seat comfortable?”
Wife: “Yes.”
Husband: “Is there a draft on you?”
Wife: “No.”
Husband: “Good! Let’s trade seats.”
~~~
There are three kinds of men: The one that learns by reading; The few who learn by observation; The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Will Rogers’
~~~
A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different. Something unusual was about to happen. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees. He went downstairs – the clock had stopped at 3 o’clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month. Threes – that was it! He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win.
The horse ran third.
~~~
“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty-six hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours.”
Rita Rudner
~~~
Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion.
One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking. The Optimist owned a huntin’ dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out in a boat duck hunting.
This he did. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist shot down a duck…the dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.
The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, “What do you think about that?”
The Pessimist replied, “That dog can’t swim, can he?”
~~~
It is a good idea to be ambitious, to want to be good at what you do, to have goals, but it is a terrible mistake to let drive and ambition get in the way of treating people with kindness and decency.
The point is not that they will then be nice to you.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.
Blaise Pascal
Ray’s Daily first published on October 21, 2003
This and that:
I have a state ranked, 8 year old gymnast granddaughter who competed in a meet last Saturday evening. She is very good and will be competing in Florida in January. The meets are another of those parent and grandparent things. Vault, is two jumps about 5 seconds each. Floor exercise is a couple of minutes. Balance beam takes maybe a minute and a half. And finally the parallel bars takes maybe another 90 seconds. So you get to watch your special person for a total of about five minutes. You wait, they rotate, they practice, you wait, and they perform one event and they rotate again. We arrived at the meet at 5:00 PM and left just before 9:00 PM. They are great to watch! Take a book to read.
I hope you have a Trader Joe’s grocery store near you. Great food, good prices, and super recreation. COSTCO is not too shabby either, it is a place where you find what you really need, but didn’t know you did until you saw it.
The other day a friend of mind told me that I often repeat myself in our daily. When I have trouble remembering what day it is, remembering what I did yesterday is just too much to expect. So, sorry if I am redundant – redundant. One of the advantages I have found however, is that I have been able to eliminate many of my bad habits since I don’t remember what they where or even how to do them.
As most of you know my system asked all of you to update my contact list. In the process I ended up adding some people to our daily list for the first time. So if you are new to our group, please make sure you read the housekeeping stuff at the end.
~~~
If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of forgetting do seem peculiarly past finding out.
Jane Austen (1775 – 1817)
~~~
A contractor was speaking with a woman about her house painting job.
In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down then went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!”
In the second room she told him that she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”
The lady finally asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew laying sod across the street.”
~~~
“Never ask God to give you anything; ask Him to put you where things are.”
Mexican Proverb
~~~
In a perfect world………
A person should feel as good at 50 as he did at 17 and he would actually be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17.
You could give away a baby bed without getting pregnant.
Forget-me-nots would stimulate the memory.
Doing what was good for you would be what you enjoyed doing the most.
Pro baseball players would complain about teachers being paid contracts worth millions of dollars.
People always have good reasons to be optimistic.
You would never fumble, but if you did, you would recover the ball yourself.
The mail would always be early, the check would always be in the mail, and it would be written for more than you expected.
Potato chips might have calories, but if you ate them with a dip, the calories would be neutralized.
If the guy from the government said to you, “I’m here to help,” not only would he mean it, but also he’d do it.
First impressions wouldn’t count for nearly as much as ultimate performance. Winning might be a nice thing, but that would be about all.
All people could expect to be accepted.
Every once in a while at least, a kid who always closed the door softly would be told, “Go back and slam the door.”
Highway patrolmen would never be around when you’re running late, but would always be at your side when a BMW blows past or a Mac truck won’t get off your bumper.
The better food tasted, the less calories it would have.
Warranties would be for 13 months and products would fail at 12.
More would be accomplished by governments when they spent more.
~~~
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
~~~
Husband in movie: “Can you see, dear?”
Wife: “Yes.”
Husband: “Is your seat comfortable?”
Wife: “Yes.”
Husband: “Is there a draft on you?”
Wife: “No.”
Husband: “Good! Let’s trade seats.”
~~~
There are three kinds of men: The one that learns by reading; The few who learn by observation; The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Will Rogers’
~~~
A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different. Something unusual was about to happen. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees. He went downstairs – the clock had stopped at 3 o’clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month. Threes – that was it! He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win.
The horse ran third.
~~~
“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty-six hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours.”
Rita Rudner
~~~
Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion.
One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking. The Optimist owned a huntin’ dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out in a boat duck hunting.
This he did. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist shot down a duck…the dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.
The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, “What do you think about that?”
The Pessimist replied, “That dog can’t swim, can he?”
~~~
It is a good idea to be ambitious, to want to be good at what you do, to have goals, but it is a terrible mistake to let drive and ambition get in the way of treating people with kindness and decency.
The point is not that they will then be nice to you.
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
Confucius
As I live a more sedentary life I find that having a recliner to rest in is a delight. In my case mine use to fully layback to were I was almost totally prone. Unfortunately it now only partially reclines. What I am doing is learning to nap even though I am unable to stretch out. Life is not without its challenges fortunately most can be overcome.
The Weeds in Our Lives
Isn’t it amazing how you never have to water your weeds or nurture them and they still give you an unwanted crop?
I can remember as a young boy growing up in Santa Cruz, California my grandfather showed me how to dig up this pesky weed called Bermuda grass. It was terrible stuff and it would really spread if you didn’t get it out by the roots.
That was then. But more recently when my wife and I bought our first home about 8 years ago; guess what I had to deal with? If you said weeds, you are correct. There was this certain patch of weeds that was similar to the Bermuda grass. In other words, just as invasive.
After getting the inside of our home settled, it was time to work on the outside. On my hands and knees I vigorously attacked the weeds with a small hand trowel getting each one out by the roots. Spring after, spring that was my ritual.
Just this Spring I realized that one particular weed was no longer prevalent but another one was in full force. So again, I got down on my hands and knees and got to work ridding them from my yard. When I was finished, my yard was better off.
What hidden message is this true story purveying? Sometimes our life can be oh so similar. Yes, we all have weeds in our life. These weeds can be challenges, setbacks, negative beliefs, or naysayers, and the list can go on and on.
The solution is when dealing with these weeds of life is to get to the root of it and remove them one by one and eventually you will conquer this round. And when another crop of weeds shows up, deal with them directly before they spread, because now that you know what to do with them by getting to the root of it, it will give you more courage and wisdom the next time a problem crops up.
You could say we all need weeds in our life to challenge us to grow. Once you know how to handle the weeds in your yard to make it beautiful – so too will your life be.
Written by Tony Masiello
~~~
Your character is formed by the challenges you face and overcome.
Nick Vujicic
~~~
A woman goes into a meat market and asks the butcher why his pork chops are 2.99 cents a pound when the guy across the street is selling his for 89 cents? The butcher says well then, why don’t you go over there and buy his? The lady customer says, well he don’t have any. The butcher says, well that’s nothing, when I don’t have ANY I sell mine for 79 cents
~~~
A Smile is the easiest way to improve your looks.
~~~
A young Jewish man falls in love with a Native American woman and they decide to get married. When his mother hears the news, however, she is extremely distressed because she wanted him, of course, to marry a nice Jewish girl.
When she hears that not only is he marrying this Native American girl but has decided to live with her on the reservation, the mother becomes so upset that she refuses to even speak to the boy, practically disowning him.
After a year, the son telephones the mother to tell her that he and his wife are expecting a child. The mother is happy for him, but there is still quite a bit of tension in the air.
Nine months later, the son calls the mother again. “Mom,” he says, “I just wanted you to know that last night my wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I also wanted to tell you that we’ve talked it over and we have decided to give the boy a Jewish name.”
Upon hearing this, the mother is overjoyed. “Oh, son, this is wonderful,” she gushes. “I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life. You have made me the happiest woman in the world.”
“That’s great, Mom,” replies the son.
“And what,” asks the mother, “is the baby’s name?”
The son proudly replies, “Smoked Whitefish!”
~~~
Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
~~~
An old man stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves three pennies for a tip.
As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself, “You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves.”
The old man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. “Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?”
“Well, this penny tells me you’re a thrifty man.”
Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters, “Hmm, true enough.”
“And this penny, it tells me you’re a bachelor.”
Surprised at her perception, he says, “Well, that’s true, too.”
“And the third penny tells me that your father was also a bachelor.”
~~~
“Ask me about my vow of silence.”
~~~
A rabbi took a job at a Duracell factory. His job is to stand on the production line and as the batteries go by, say, “I wish you long life”.
~~~
May your troubles be less, your blessings more and may nothing but happiness come through your door.
~~~
She said: I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair. At the shop I proudly recited, “The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves.”
As I smugly glanced over the mechanic’s shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, “Lady says it makes a funny noise.”
~~~
Part of the challenge that comes with striving for success is how the entire journey comes with its own fair share of failures and disappointments.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
“Principles aren’t principles when you pick and choose when you’re gonna follow them.”
Chidi Anagonye
Our early wintery weather has frozen my brain so here is a Ray’s Daily reprint from October 19, 2004
I grew up during the years of the “feel good” movies. We found warmth, goodness and the human spirit in many of the films we watched. We found solace during the depression and during the Second World War in films that promoted the value of decency, kindness and integrity. For many of us it laid the foundation for the belief that we could make our world a better place, and we could do so civilly and without malice. During this political season I often long for the time when we valued those who rose above petty self interest in order to serve others.
One of my favorite movies of the genre was Mr. Smith Goes to Washington that debuted on this day in 1939. It starred James Stewart as an earnest young senator persevering against corruption and cynicism. The film won him the New York Film Critics Award for Best Actor.
Stewart’s genial, guy-next-door appeal landed him roles as simple idealists in several classic movies, including It’s a Wonderful Life (1939). In 1940, he starred with Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant in The Philadelphia Story, for which he won an Oscar.
Some would say that these films were pie-in-the-sky fantasies and that those of us who found hope and the human spirit in them were delusional. I guess if they are right I would rather be delusional and continue to have hope for the human race than to cynically give up on others.
I wish our children and grandchildren had the opportunity see the films we did. Today it seems that children’s cartoons, video games and the like are focused on conflict and violence. I hope I am wrong, but I do worry about a future led by those who have missed so much.
~~~
It is easy to perform a good action, but not easy to acquire a settled habit of performing such actions.
Aristotle
~~~
*Ten Things a Mom Doesn’t Want to Hear*
1. I swallowed a goldfish!
2. Did you know your lipstick works better than my crayons?
3. Does grape juice leave a stain??
4. The principal called…..
5. But DAD says that word all the time.
6. What’s it cost to fix a window nowadays?
7. Has anyone seen my earthworms?
8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh, Mommy?
9. Well, the dog sure doesn’t like dressing up in your clothes.
10. I’m moving out. (Well, maybe some days.)
~~~
Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.
Golda Meir
~~~
Poor Johnson had spent his life making wrong decisions. If he bet on a horse, it would lose; if he chose one elevator rather than another, it was the one he chose that stalled between floors; the line he picked before the bank teller’s cage never moved; the lane he chose in traffic crawled; the day he picked the picnic was the day of a cloudburst; and so it went, day after day, year after year.
Then, once, it became necessary for Johnson to travel to some city a thousand miles away and do it quickly. A plane was the only possible conveyance that would get him there in time, and it turned out that only one company supplied only one flight that would do. His heart bounded.
There was no choice to make! And if he made no choice, surely he could come to no grief.
He took the plane.
Imagine his horror when, midway in the flight, the plane’s engines caught fire and it became obvious the plane would crash in moments.
Johnson broke into fervent prayer to his favorite saint , Saint Francis.
He pleaded, “I have never in my life made the right choice. Why this should be, I don’t know, but I have borne my cross and have not complained. On this occasion, however, I did not make a choice; this was the only plane I could take and I had to take it. Why, then, am I being punished?”
He had no sooner finished when a giant hand swooped down out of the clouds and somehow snatched him from the plane. There he was, miraculously suspended two miles above the earth’s surface, while the plane spiraled downward far below.
A heavenly voice came down from the clouds. “My son, I can save you, if you have in truth called upon me.”
“Yes, I called on you,” cried Johnson. “I called on you, Saint Francis!”
“Ah,” said the heavenly voice, “Saint Francis Xavier or Saint Francis of Assisi. Which?”
~~~
“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
William James
~~~
With most of my grandchildren playing soccer we have had to learn the ropes. Now we are so well versed we even know what the following means.
**Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer**
1. Well, it’s Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I’ve got to fancy Liverpool for the win.
2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.
3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.
4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.
5. Well, it’s a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.
6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal.
7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn’t here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere.
8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win.
9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.
10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.
~~~
“If there was a loser in town, I’d find him and date him and fall in love — and be devastated when it didn’t work out.”
Halle Berry
~~~
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service.
Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
“I went to get a haircut,” was the reply.
“But,” said the pastor, “why didn’t you do that before the service started?”
“Because,” the gentleman said, “I didn’t need one then.”
~~~
“You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.”
Amy Carmichael
~~~
There was this fellow from Tennessee who had a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers, and proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, “I have a flat tarr.”
In response the passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?
The man responded, “When you break down the State of Tennessee tells you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither cause the damn tarr is still flat.”
~~~
If you don’t run your own life, somebody else will.
~~~
He said: My wife, Diane, was chatting with her brother, Charles, a business executive who had retired last year. While discussing the joys of his new leisure time, Charles remarked that he had been compelled to give up skiing, a sport he had enjoyed for many years.
“Afraid of injuries?” Diane asked.
“Well, now I am,” he responded. “Before I could drag a cast into work and still do my job, but now I’d be messing up my golf game.”
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
I don’t know about you but I sometimes run out of energy. Like most folks I have things I must do so resting is not the answer. I may have shared the following poem with you before but I needed it today and I thought you might need it too.
See it through
When you’re up against a trouble,
Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it’s vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!
Black may be the clouds about you
And your future may seem grim,
But don’t let your nerve desert you;
Keep yourself in fighting trim.
If the worst is bound to happen,
Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
See it through!
Even hope may seem but futile,
When with troubles you’re beset,
But remember you are facing
Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
Don’t give up, whate’er you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
See it through!
Edgar Guest
~~~
A failure is not always a mistake. It may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.
B.F. Skinner
~~~
The son of a financier bursts into his father’s office and says, “Dad, lend me $5,000.”
“What for?” his father asks.
“I’ve got a sure tip on the market.”
“How much could we make?” his father asks.
“I’d say at least $2,000 — that’s $1,000 for each of us.”
“OK, son. Here’s $1,000,” his father said. “Let’s consider that we have made the deal and it has succeeded. You make $1,000 and I save $4,000.”
~~~
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.”
Don Herold
~~~
Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other, “Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat.”
Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily. “My dear Mr. Wilson,” she gushed, “fancy meeting you here on the bus. Am I glad to see you! Why you’re almost a stranger. My, but I’m tired!”
The sedate gent looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before but he rose and said pleasantly, “Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn’t often I see you on washday. No wonder you’re tired. Being pregnant isn’t easy. By the way, don’t deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney’s office to see whether or not she can get your husband out of jail.”
~~~
“When there is a hill to climb, don’t think that waiting will make it smaller.”
~~~
One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the class of five-year-olds, “I’ll give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was.”
An Irish boy raised his hand and said, “Please, Miss, it was St. Patrick.” The teacher said, “Sorry, Sean, that’s not correct.”
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, “Please, Miss, it was St. Andrew.” The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Hamish, that’s not right either.”
Finally, a Jewish boy, Adam, raised his hand and said, “Please, Miss, it was Jesus Christ.”
The teacher said, “That’s absolutely right, Adam. Come up here, and I’ll give you your $2.”
As the teacher was giving Adam his money, she said, “You know, Adam, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.” “I know, Miss,” Adam replied, “in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.”
~~~
“Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.”
Marion Smith
~~~
A lovely young couple is doing some shopping in town. Having purchased everything they need, they return to the parking lot to drive home. Where’s the car? Good golly, someone has stolen it! They notify the police from a phone booth inside the mall and make a report at the Police station. A young detective drives them back to see if any evidence remains from the scene of the crime. But, what do you know, there is the stolen car, back in the exact spot! A note is on the windshield with two tickets to a concert attached. The note thanks the young couple for the use of their car, but the culprit’s wife was about to give birth and had to be rushed to the hospital. The young couple’s faith in humanity is restored and they go to the concert and have a wonderful time.
They arrive home late that night to find their entire house robbed, with a note on the door reading, “Well, I gotta put the kid through college, don’t I?”
~~~
“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”
Elbert Hubbard
~~~
New Age corporate and investment acronyms…
!CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
!CFO: corporate fraud officer.
!P/E: parole entitlement.
!EPS: eventual prison sentence.
!BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
!BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
!MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
!VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower
!P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
!BUY, BUY: A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
!STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
!STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
!FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
!MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
!CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
!WINDOWS 2000: What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
!INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Someone who has owned equities for the last two years and who’s now locked up long-term in a hospital.
!PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God.
~~~
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
~~~
NASA planned a mission that involved three astronauts spending two years in space. Because of the extended duration, each was allowed to take 200 pounds of baggage, with no restrictions.
The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes.
Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home.
First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms.
Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German.
They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause.
Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth.
He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, “Anyone got a light?”
~~~
Failure is often that early morning hour of darkness which precedes the dawning of the day of success.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted athttp://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
Ray's Daily 