Ray&#039;s Daily

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”

Ayn Rand

Our days do not seem to get aby better as we wait for the end of the pandemic. I know I miss being with my wife and cuildren. I also miss getting to cocialize with griends and my fellow residents as I continue to stay isolated in my apartment.

It has never been more important for us to doall we can to stay happy. The worse thing that can haapen will be if we let our remorse make things even worse. It may not be easy but our happiness is up to ourselves. Here are a few ideas I picked up from the internet that can help us to stay upbeat.

Positive Tips to Be Happy NOW

Sit down and create a list of things you love and then go ahead and actively engage yourself in one or two of the items on your list..
Please accept yourself and love yourself – unconditionally. Practice extreme self-care and set healthy boundaries.
Just Stop resurfacing and rethinking the past. Don’t invest your energy in things you can’t go back and redo.
Do not make the mistake of comparing your life to others. Keep your feet in your own shoes and follow your own path. Discover your own life’s purpose.
Schedule something enjoyable: listen to your favorite music, call a friend, order a pizza you love, play with children. When you schedule a fun time, you will stick to it and have fun.
Oh please oh please, don’t waste your precious time and energy on idle gossip.
Take a really good look around you. Who are you spending time with? Are they draining your energy? Clear out your heart space and physical space to make room for positive, like-minded people who will contribute to your life – not take away from it.
Laugh a lot, smile a lot and lighten up. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Life is more fun when we greet it with a smile.
You need to realize that there is only one person responsible for your happiness – and that person is YOU. No one can make you feel sad or down unless YOU let them.
Being right is not a necessity. You don’t always have to be right. It’s perfectly fine to agree to disagree. Its freeing.
Firmly practice mindfulness – in everything you do. Be IN the moment you are IN and not somewhere else.
Considerably reduce your expectations and change your perceptions. Don’t try to change things you can’t control.
You don’t have to have what everybody else has. Don’t long for what everybody else has. Its boring really. Know that you have everything you need and carve your own path. Envy is a wasted emotion.
Say NO to hatred and revenge. Life is too short to waste on these negative emotions. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It will eat you up inside. Forgive. Then Drop it…let it go like a balloon in the sky forever.

~~~

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”

Carl Jung

~~~

A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.” He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors, and memorized those two words.

When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.”

The audience was shocked. He didn’t know whether he had offended them or perhaps they hadn’t heard him or understood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish he said, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.”

One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, “Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!”

~~~

She said: All Desirable things in life are either ILLEGAL, BANNED, FATTENING, OR MARRIED TO OTHERS.

~~~

Tim: I hear you just got married again.

Sam: Yes, for the fourth time.

Tim: What happened to your first three wives?

Sam: They all died.

Tim: How did that happen?

Sam: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.

Tim: How terrible! And your second?

Sam: She ate poison mushrooms.

Tim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too?

Sam: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.

Tim: I see; an accident.

Sam: Not exactly. She wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.

~~~

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

~~~

Little Johnny said to Suzi, “We’re going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I’ve gotten three tickets for the big game.”

“Why do we need three?” asked Suzi.

Little Johnny gave her an evil grin and said, “They’re for your Father, Mother and kid sister!”

~~~

My wife will buy anything marked down. Yesterday she came home with an escalator.

Henny Youngman

~~~

If Men Got Pregnant…

* Maternity leave would last for two years…with full pay.

* There’d be a cure for stretch marks.

* Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

* Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.

* All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent effectiveness.

* Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained.

* Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

* They wouldn’t think twins were quite so cute.

* Fathers would demand that their sons be home from dates by 10:00pm.

* Men could use THEIR briefcases as diaper bags.

* They’d have to stop saying, “I’m afraid I’ll drop him.”

* Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.

* They’d stay in bed for the entire nine months.

* Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.

~~~

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

~~~

A golfer asked his friend, “Why are you so late?”

The friend replied, “It’s Sunday. I had to toss a coin between going to church or playing golf and it took 25 tosses to get it right!”

~~~

“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.”

Buddha

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Category:

Making the best of each day

Ray’s Daily

November 27, 2020

“We can go through our whole lives worrying about our future happiness, and totally miss where true peace lives- right here, right now.”

Peter Russell

My Thanksgiving is past, it was done in isolation so I missed not being with family. I am busy today paying bills and doing other tasks. I hope you are doing well. Here is another Daily from the past.

Ray’s Daily first published on November 27, 2012

I know I have written a lot about being grateful lately but it is only because I am so grateful for all I have been given. It is only lately that I have understood that the events that have triggered my gratefulness these days have always been there but were mostly overlooked. I am pleased that I have finally found out how much better life is when we pay attention to what it has to offer. Taking time to examine the moment and where appropriate appreciate it can make a world of difference in our day-to-day lives. I think the thing I like most about paying attention is that it allows me to say thank you, thank you to friends, thank you to servers, thank you to contacts and best of all thank you to strangers. When I thank those who seldom get thanked their pleased response further brightens my day.

I recently found this article on the web that I like, I hope you will also. I don’t know who wrote it, if I did I would tell her thank you.

The first thing I do each morning is take a deep breath and thank God for the start of a brand new day. As a nurse, I’ve seen people with lung diseases and terminal diseases struggle for each breath and this taught me to fully appreciate the fact that the ability to simply breathe is a blessing which most take for granted.

Florence Nightingale said, “Live your life while you have it. Life is a splendid gift.” Nurses are more aware than most of the fragility and preciousness of this thing we call the life force. One moment we’re here, and in the next breath we could be gone. Various faiths explain what happens after death in different ways and those who have only their own personal beliefs may feel all existence ends at the time of death. Such things may be up for debate and no one knows for sure what happens when we die, but we all know that our time on earth is limited. The wise among us, celebrate life as a splendid gift to be savored, not wasted.

Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.” I am grateful that I have the ability to plant seeds of joy wherever I go and make a conscious effort to do so whenever possible. Spreading smiles, love, kind words, kind thoughts and actions costs nothing and brings great joy into my own life and I’ve found that it’s a natural antidote to depression. When I focus on helping others I am less focused on my own problems or worries.

In this regard, we can learn from the bees whose work ensures the beauty in our world by pollenating flowers:

“The bee is more honored than other animals, not because she labors, but because she labors for others.”

Saint John Chrysotom.

~~~

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: “If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I’ll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

~~~

Martha Stewart did not dine with us this Thanksgiving. Since Ms. Stewart did not come, we made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk was not lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

The dining table was not covered with expensive linens, fancy china or crystal goblets. We used dishes that match and everyone got a fork. Since it was Thanksgiving, we did not use the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece was not the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we displayed a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assured me it was a turkey.

We dined fashionably late. The children will entertained you while everyone waited. They shared every choice comment I made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 AM upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children’s recital, I played a recording of tribal drumming. If the children mentioned that I don’t own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We’ve also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounded, everyone gathered around the table and sat where they liked. In the spirit of harmony, we did ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This did not happen at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey was carved in a private ceremony. I stress “private” meaning: No one, under any circumstances was allowed to enter the kitchen and laugh at me. I used an electric knife. The turkey was unarmed. It stands to reason that I would eventually win. When I did, we ate.

Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we served a traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints.

Martha Stewart did not dine with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won’t come next year either.

I am thankful.

~~~

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? “‘Hold my purse.'”

Francois Morency

~~~

A young woman meets her old, retired, parish priest and when he asks her how she is, she bursts out crying. “What’s the matter child?” he asks.

“Oh, Father,” she says, “it’s my boyfriend. He won’t marry me because I’m Roman Catholic.”

“There, there child. Here’s what you do. Explain to him the faith of the Church, the traditions, the ceremonies and the rites. That’ll bring him around.”

Tearfully, the young woman says she’ll try it. About a year later, they meet again, and again she bursts into tears when he asks how she is doing.

“Is it your boyfriend, child?” he asks. “Yes, Father.”

“Did you explain about the Church as I suggested?”

“Yes, Father,” she says, “but that was the problem. He was so taken by it that he’s now studying to be a priest.”

~~~

“The foolish seek happiness in the distance; the wise grow it under their feet.”

James Oppenheim

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Having Thankful Thoughts

Ray’s Daily

November 25, 2020

“Keep your eyes open to your mercies. The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life.”

Robert Louis Stevenson

I don’t know about you but I will miss being with my family during Thanksgiving tomorrow. It is easy these days to let our troubles influence our thinking to the point it makes us miserable. It does us no good to let that happen.

During these trying days I prefer to concentrate on what is still good in my life. My family remains well and I am thankful for that. I am well taken care of by my retirement residency staff and I am thankful for that. So tomorrow I plan on concentrating on what I still have.

I like rhis list that I got from the Life on Purpose blog, it reminded my about what I should appreciate.

14 Soothing Thoughts to Give Your Brain—Instead of Your Usual Stressful Ones

I have everything I need in this moment.
I have survived all of my hardest days.
I am open to the lessons life is teaching me.
I don’t judge or demean my own feelings. I let them in.
I’m both a masterpiece and a work in progress.
I have enough, I do enough, I AM enough. (via Shawn Fink)
I am strong, calm, and stable.
I’ve done hard things before. I can do it again.
I love and accept myself just as I am.
Everything will come together as it’s meant to.
Mountains don’t rise without earthquakes.
May I practice with what I’m given, rather than wish for something else.
There’s no emotion I can’t survive.
I’m doing the BEST I can with what I have, and it is enough.

~~~

“If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.”

Gerald Good

~~~

Ridding Yourself of Telemarketers

<RRRrrrrinnggg!>

“Hello?”

“Hello! Mr. Michaels?”

“Speaking.”

“How are you today?”

“OK so far…”

“My name is Debbie from Pointless Industries, and I’m calling to offer you a fabulous new offer that we are offering….”

“Who is this really?”

“My name is Debbie from—“

“How did you get this number?”

“Well.. you are on our list of preferred—“

<urgent whisper> “Listen to me, and listen good! You tell Hugo and his goons I lived up to my end of the deal! I cut up the bodies like he said, I ditched the car like he said, now I’m out of it, understand? You tell him he bothers me or my family again and I take everything I know to the Man, and don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

~~~

“No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.”

Helen Keller

~~~

Martin, a trendy dresser, fancied himself quite a lady-killer, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl’s name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. “How romantic,” he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.

Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, “Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt.”

~~~

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

~~~

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Walmart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she said “And here’s something for you Diploma” and “there’s something for you Diploma”. And this carried on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked “Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?”

Replied the grandmother, “I sent my daughter to college and this is all she came back with!”

~~~

Thank you for holding. This call may be monitored for quality purposes.

Of course, if we really cared about quality we’d hire more people to answer the phone.

~~~

Bernie and Faye, a wealthy couple, are coming up to their 50th wedding anniversary and Faye has been thinking for some months about how they should celebrate. Then she comes to a decision.

“Bernie,” she says, “I’m going to book us a wonderful 6 weeks cruise. I know you don’t like ships because you got sea sick last time, but trust me, this one will be perfect for us. It’s called ‘Bubbeh of the Sea,’ an intimate seven-star luxury liner with everything kosher we could ever want to eat made available. Let’s give it a go.”

Bernie certainly isn’t pleased with Faye’s decision, but who is he to argue – he could never win. So he says, “OK dear.”

On the day of the cruise, Bernie and Faye drive up to the dock in their Bugatti Veyron 16.4. Captain Cohen is on the bridge as they pass by and calls in the purser. “Find out who they are and invite them to dine at my table tonight.”

Later, the purser knocks on the door of the Royal State Room. When Faye answers the door, the purser says, “Compliments of Captain Cohen, madam. He would very much like you both to dine with him this evening.”

Bernie comes to the door and says, “Who is it Faye, is there a problem?”

“This man says that Captain Cohen wants us to eat with him this evening,” replies Faye.

“I told you we shouldn’t have come,” says Bernie, “seven-star or no seven-star, we have only been on this boat half-an-hour and already we have to eat with the crew.”

~~~

She said: “Stop asking me for more details. I already told you more than I heard.”

~~~

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Join With Me

Ray’s Daily

November 24, 2020

So often we dwell on the things that seem impossible rather than on the things that are possible. So often we are depressed by what remains to be done and forget to be thankful for all that has been done.

Marian Wright Edelman

Another busy day today so here is another reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on November 24, 2008

For those of us in the United States this is the week that we set aside a day of thanksgiving. I hope those of you in the other parts of the world will join us at least mentally as we reflect on what we have at a time that is difficult for so many people.

What I would like for all of us to do this week is not let ourselves be dragged into depression by our problems but rather rise in appreciation of what we do have. I believe that almost all of us are much better off than the majority of the people in the world.

I may not eat at fancy restaurants as I use to but I eat and I eat pretty well. I may not be able to buy as much as I once did but I already have more than enough to meet my needs. While I have lost friends that I will always miss, they have been replaced by others who enrich my life. I am blessed by my family who while having problems as most do, find joy in each other.

I can go on and on listing what is right in my life and hopefully I will continue to do so between now and Thanksgiving Thursday, I know I will not have time think about what I don’t have. And you know what? At the end of the week I am going to build on all I have to be thankful for and waste no time trying to find out who to blame for today’s challenging times.

It is time to look ahead with hope and not back in desperation. In fact I would love for you and me to always concentrate on being thankful for our life as it is while working to make it and the lives of others even better.

So please take sometime to be thankful this week and then on Thursday when you spend the day with others let them see that you truly appreciate them and the opportunity to share what is right in your life. Just think what the day would be if everyone decided to celebrate what they have rather then covet what they don’t have.

~~~

To live a life of gratitude is to open our eyes to the countless ways in which we are supported by the world around us. Such a life provides less space for our suffering because our attention is more balanced. We are more often occupied with noticing what we are given, thanking those who have helped us, and repaying the world in some concrete way for what we are receiving.

Gregg Krech

~~~

She told me that parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes

-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby’s Name

-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.

-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.

-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth

-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

-2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.

-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

Worries

-1st baby: At the first sign of distress — a whimper, a frown you pick up the baby.

-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Going Out

-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

~~~

If you want to make people angry, lie. If you want to make them livid, tell the truth.

~~~

Boy is this true or what?

When a man needs a suit, he and his wife go to the store. The salesman and the wife make selections from the rack. The husband tries them on. The wife and the salesman discuss the fit, remarking on the fullness, thinness or any asymmetry of the husband’s body. The jacket and pants are pulled, tucked, pleated and bunched in assessing the need for tailoring.

Once a suit is chosen, the wife and the store’s tailor repeat the fitting procedure and then negotiate a date when the suit will be ready.

On leaving the store, the husband may talk if he wishes.

~~~

To belittle is to be little.

~~~

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.

“All right, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my hoss ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what i dun in texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled-up and started riding out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say pardner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

~~~

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

About 30 pounds.

~~~

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.

“A penny for your thoughts,” she said.

“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.”

~~~

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Melody Beattie

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

We will be OK

Ray’s Daily

November 23, 2020

For every single dark night there is a brighter day.

Tupac Shakur

Things are not getting better. The Covid pandemic continues to infect record numbers of folks with a staggering amount of deaths, and the predictions for the days ahead are dire. Too many of us do not do much to protect ourselves from infection which makes things worse. In my case I chose to protect myself and others by mask wearing and only venturing out for doctor appointments. Our city has restricted visitors to senior faciliries like mine so I only briefly encounter fellow residents.

It would be easy for us to let the current situation get us down. I know if I start down that path it will result in nothing but regret and unhappiness. I prefer to make the best of my days. I have found that if I expect I will be unhappy, I will be, but if I expect my days to be well they will, While I am isolated from my wife I talk to her a couple of times a day. While I don’t venture out, my I do spend hours reading, and my many TV options provide me news and entertainment. So I am grateful for being safe and virus free and look forward to better days ahead.

What you ask for

The world around you is whatever you sincerely ask of it. Your life is precisely what you ask of it, with your thoughts, your actions, and your attitude. All things and events may come and go. Yet, reality is what you choose to do with it all.

The value you look for, and the value you expect, is the value you will find. What you decide to make of anything will ultimately define for you what it is. What you truly expect to see, you will most certainly see. The way you genuinely expect to live is the way your life will surely proceed.

When you know without the slightest doubt that it will happen, it will happen. Expect the very best, in every moment, with every thought, every action, and it will be.

Author Unknown

~~~

Are you looking for answers, to questions under the stars? If along the way you are growing weary, You can rest with me until a brighter day It’s okay

Dave Matthews

~~~

She said: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 50, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us.

“Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving,” I thought.

Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, “Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade.”

~~~

Happiness sometimes comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.

~~~

Things You Wish You Were Told

Try to gain a few pounds.

You’re flossing too much.

It was only a loose wire; there’s no charge.

You can retire right now.

I think you need a smaller size, Ma’am.

Let’s go to lunch. I’ll treat.

I found this hundred-dollar bill right at your feet. It must be yours.

No, Sir, I’m not a telemarketer. I’m with the prize division, and you’ve just won a new car.

No, I don’t think we should get married. In fact, let’s keep separate residences. I’ll pay all the bills for both of them.

No, Honey, you control the remote tonight. It’s too big a burden on me.

I’m with the IRS. We found an error on your return. It seems we owe you a lot of money.

No, your check didn’t bounce. In fact, you have plenty of money in your account.

I know we just met, but would you consider going to the Bahamas with me for two weeks?

You’ve lost weight!

Your house sold for twice what you thought it would!

~~~

We cannot adjust the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

~~~

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said, “Pastor, I was born blind, and I’ve been blind all my life. I don’t mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed.”

The pastor asked her, “Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?”

“Yes I do,” she replied.

“Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane,” He said. “Then tell them ‘If you had more faith that wouldn’t hurt!'”

~~~

One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade.

Chinese Proverb

~~~

Bill received a bill from the hospital for his recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 charge for the anesthesiologist. He called his office to demand an explanation.

“Is this some kind of mistake?” he asked when he got the doctor on the phone.

“No, not at all,” the doctor said calmly.

“Well,” said Bill, “That’s awfully costly for just knocking someone out!”

“Not at all,” replied the doctor.

I knock you out for free. The $900 is for bringing you back around.”

~~~

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

~~~

His mom got mad at his dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses.

“Ten!” he hollered, “What could any woman want with ten new dresses??”

She calmly replied, “Ten new pairs of shoes.”

~~~

Why do men’s hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?

BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK!

~~~

One should remember that calling 911 is sometimes a public service, done for the benefit of others.

One elderly male called 911 and reported, “There’s a woman over here doing some yard work in one of those thong bikinis.”

“Sir,” said an exasperated dispatcher, “911 is an emergency number. What do you expect the police to do about a woman in a thong bikini?”

“Nothing,” the guy said, “Just thought you fellows would like to know.”

~~~

Our greatest strength isn’t our ability to imagine brighter days ahead, it is that we are empowered-in every present moment-to effortlessly dismiss any dark thought or feeling that, left unattended, diminishes our happiness.

Guy Finley

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

I Trust You

Ray’s Daily

November 20, 2020

http://rays=daily.com

”The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.”

Henry L. Stimson

Ray’s Daily first published on November 20, 2006

Trust definitions:

Confidence in and reliance on good qualities, especially fairness, truth, honor, or ability
Responsibility for taking good care of somebody or something
Position of somebody who is expected by others to behave responsibly or honorably

Trust is cool as far as I am concerned. There is far too much distrust in the world for us to be part of the problem. I often fail, but trust me I don’t mean to, fortunately most tolerate my failings and trust my motives. I have found that when I offer my trust to those that I meet they almost never let me down and they return my trust, and I like that.

Just think of those you know who are distrustful almost to the point of paranoia, they really are not much fun to be around. Just think how bad it must be for them since they are always around themselves. Sadly they often take others down with them to the point that there is so much suspicion that life loses some of it’s luster.

The only thing I know that may be worse is when we don’t even trust ourselves. How sad it is when people’s confidence is sapped by their fear of failure. We all can trust our ability to do our best, and if that is not good enough so be it; at least we did what we could. As I have often said “This is as good as I get, take me or leave me, it is up to you,” Unfortunately there are those who so distrust themselves that they leave the person they might have been. I am so glad you are not like that.

~~~

”Self-trust is the first secret of success.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Two guys in a bar…One says “Did your hear the news – Mike is dead!”

“Wooo, what the hell happened to him?”

“Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn’t brake properly and boom – He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof – went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.”

“What a horrible way to die!”

“No no, he survived that, that didn’t kill him at all. So, he’s landed in my upstairs bedroom and he’s all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He’s just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.”

“What a way to go, that’s terrible!”

“No no, that didn’t kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.”

“Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!”

“No no, that didn’t kill him, he even survived that. So he’s on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him.”

“Man, what a way to go!”

“No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He’s lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn’t mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him.”

“Now that is one awful way to go!”

“No no, he survived that, he …”

“Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?”

“I shot him!”

“You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?”

“He was wrecking my house.”

~~~

Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble doing it.

~~~

A woman was determined to get her newly retired husband some attractive leisure clothes. She went into a men’s clothing store and told the salesgirl, “I’m looking for something youthful, something wild in a men’s pair of slacks.”

“Oh,” sighed the salesgirl. “Aren’t we all?”

~~~

”As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~~~

My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to acess the popular “Ask Jeeves” site, and we told her it could answer any question she had.

Nancy’s mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, “It’s true, Mom. Think of something to ask it.”

As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy’s mother thought a minute, then responded, “How is Aunt Helen feeling?”

~~~

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

Elizabeth Foley

~~~

The strangest mystery of all is a woman’s bladder. X-rays prove that the female bladder is proportional to the woman’s size, yet they always have to pee.

Driving in a car seems to irritate the problem. It also irritates the guy she’s driving with.

The big question is: How is it that women pee every 10 to 15 minutes; yet they are always retaining water?

~~~

There is always a certain peace in being what one is, in being that completely.

Ugo Betti

~~~

He said: About five years ago the battery in my beat-up VW beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight . I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car.

I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 MPH for it to start. She said fine, hoped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what can she be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rearview mirror coming at me at about 40 MPH, I realized that I should have been A LOT clearer with my directions.

~~~

”Trust each other again and again. When the trust level gets high enough, people transcend apparent limits, discovering new and awesome abilities for which they were previously unaware.”

David Armistead

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

I Am Glad IKnow You

Ray’s Daily

November 19, 2020

“A friend is what the heart needs all the time.”

Henry Van Dyke

I think the most powerful antidote for depression due to the isolation created by the current health crisis is our relationship with others. I mentined to a doctor friend the other day that I felt that the desocialization of society these days is almost as debilitating as the Covid epidemic.

I don’t remember a time when we needed each other more. If we want to invest in our wellbeing we should make sure we cultivate our relationships with others. I think the best way we can do that is to show those we meet that we are interested in them. As always a kind word can do wonders, just don’t fake your interest in them, be interested.

Here is an article thatI edited that shows how we can build a bond with others.

The Motivating Power of Appreciation and Praise

by Mike Moore

How to Use Appreciation and Praise to Motivate People

1. Listen more than you talk. There is nothing more affirming than the undivided attention of another.

2.Always use the first name of the person you are addressing.

3.Be polite and respectful.

4.Ask for solutions to problems and then use the suggestions given.

5.Don’t give orders. Ask nicely.

6.Be positive.

7. Be generous with encouragement and affirmation. If you find it difficult to express affirmation and encouragement face to face then write notes of appreciation.

8. Apologize when you have been impatient, sarcastic etc. It will happen. You’re only human.

9. Always correct someone in private and never when angry.

10.Give credit; don’t take credit.

11.Laugh with the people you your with.

12. Keep people informed.

13. Be flexible.

14. Ask about their lives. Ask about their children, hobbies etc. There is a huge difference between being interested and prying.

15. Smile a lot.

~~~

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”

Cynthia Ozick

~~~

The following letter from the family’s solicitor is addressed to a member of the British aristocracy who has been spending much of the summer in his residence in the south of France leaving his wife in the United Kingdom to look after the ancestral home.

Dear Sir Royston,

I hope you are having a good time on your holiday. I say this with sincerity because I am afraid that I have some bad news for you, although there is good news too. First the bad news. I am sorry to tell you that your favorite dog, Honey, is dead. The vet says that she died instantly and could have felt no pain. She was kicked in the head by your horse, Sherbert, though I’m sure that no blame can be attached to Sherbert, frightened as he was by the fire in the barn.

I’m afraid that Sherbert was in the barn along with your other horses when it burnt to the ground. The fire brigade had been called within a short time of the barn catching fire and would normally have been able to put the fire out. Had it had not been for the fact that the tender crashed into your Bentley in the lane. Your wife had taken it out for a spin with your brother. As it was, both the tender and your Bently were written off. No blame can be attached to your wife for the accident I’m sure.

The Bentley was stationary at the time and your wife was in the back seat of the car. She managed to escape death only due to the fact that your brother was lying on top of her at the time of the collision. The doctors say that given time she will regain her sight but that she will never walk again. She has also lost her memory and cannot even remember you. Your brother, unfortunately, was killed.

I should explain how the barn came to be on fire in the first place. You see a spark from the house blew over and set the roof alight. The fire started in the main hall of the house where, as you know, your Mattisse and your Picasso once hung. I say ‘once’ because they are not there now. Fortunately neither of these paintings were damaged in the conflagration as they were stolen beforehand by the burglar who started the fire.

Although all of this may seem to you very serious it is not in fact the bad news that I wrote of. Your wife and brother had been visiting your Insurance agent in prison where he is serving a three year sentence for fraud. I’m afraid that none of your insurance policies are valid.

As I said, there is some good news. The heat from the fire warmed your greenhouse and brought your flowers on.

~~~

It is the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn’t know – and the less a man knows, the more sure he is he knows everything.

Joyce Cary

~~~

Little Benny came home from his first day of school and said,

“Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will be coming to my school.”

“That’s nice of her to take such an interest in your family, dear. What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?”

She just said, “Thank goodness!”

~~~

Everyone seems normal until……..you get to know them.

~~~

Another lesson on how to maintain domestic harmony:

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST:

Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars. ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today. SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

~~~

“Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

She said: On a visit to Indianapolis, I was eager to visit a posh department store some distance from our hotel. My husband obligingly hailed a cab. “The lady wants to go to Saks Fifth Avenue,” he told the driver.

The cabby looked over his shoulder at us. “And the gentleman?” he asked. “Does he want to go to the bank?”

~~~

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he’d like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife’s birthday.

“A little surprise, eh?” smiled the clerk.

“You bet,” answered the customer. “She’s expecting a cruise.”

~~~

Give some women an inch, and they’ll rearrange or redecorate it

~~~

A Sunday School teacher was trying to explain about saying grace before meals. One of the pupils was the young son of the minister of that church, so she started the discussion by asking him, “Jerry, what does you father say when the family sits down to dinner?”

Jerry answered, “Dad says ‘Go easy on the butter, kids — it’s three dollars a pound!'”

~~~

Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

Voltaire

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Fresh Start Ahead

Ray’s Daily

November 18, 2020

“At first glance, it may appear too hard. Look again. Always look again.”

Maryanne Rodmacher

It is time for us to recognize that we must hunker down and do what we can to avoid becoming infected with the Covid virus. In my case it means again more isolation and patience as I wait for the day when when we will be able to restart are lives.

We must believe that there will be a time when we can rejoin society. I think the new normal will be a lot different than what it has been. It is going to be up to us what our normal will be. Rather than regret what we have lost we can use the process to make it as good as possible. Here is an article I got from the Zen Habits blog that reminds us ho a fresh start frees us to make positive plans.

The Magic of a Fresh Start

By Leo Babauta

One of the biggest obstacles to sticking with a habit change, a new system, a goal or long-term project … is that we get disrupted. Something interrupts our progress — we skip a workout day or two — and then some programming in our brains turns that into a message of how we’re not good enough, we can’t do it, we should just give up. This stops so many people from making long-term progress. It stops us from simply starting again. This is because most of us don’t realize the power and magic of a Fresh Start.

A Fresh Start is when we get to start anew, with a blank slate. It’s waking up to a brand new morning, with a day we get to use however we want.

When we miss a few days of meditation, or eat junk for a week because of various celebrations, or fall off from writing our book … instead of making that to mean that this whole thing is a waste of time or that we somehow suck … we can look at it as a Fresh Start.

I’m not simply reframing things to “be positive.” There’s a lot of power available to us in a Fresh Start that we miss out on.

A Fresh Start is magical:

We can see the habit or project with fresh eyes, as if we’d never seen it before, and bring a sense of wonder and curiosity to what we’re doing. There’s a sacredness to letting everything go from the past and just showing up in a new moment

We can learn something from the past failure or disruption, and use this new start as a way to get better at that difficulty, armed with this new information, so that every Fresh Start becomes a new opportunity to learn, grow, get better at something. We get to reinvent ourselves, reinvent what we’re taking on, reinvent what we want to make our lives to be.

We can recommit, and remind ourselves of why we’re committed to this. This is all missed when we ignore the magic and power of a Fresh Start!

The beautiful thing is that a Fresh Start is available to us not only when we get disrupted or stumble … but in every moment. Every day. Every new meditation or workout or work session. Every new meeting with someone, every new conversation. Every new breath.

~~~

“Believe in yourself. Believe in your capacity to do good and great things. Believe that no mountain is so high you cannot climb it. Believe that no storm is so great that you cannot weather it. Believe in yourself.”

Gordon B. Hinckley

~~~

In his attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup, my friend, a gynecologist, struck up a casual conversation. After noticing the label on her sandals read “Hecho en Mexico,” he asked his patient, “So when were you in Mexico?”

Flabbergasted, the patient asked, “You can tell all that from a pelvic exam?”

~~~

“Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.”

Jules Feiffer

~~~

Things You Will Never Hear In A Western Movie:

“I reckon I’ll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist.”

“Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let’s draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution.”

“Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys room.”

“Y’know, Badlands Pete… a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you ‘n’ me… what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?”

“Let’s see… hardtack and pemmican… that’s three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches.”

“You ‘n’ Slim round up them strays, and I’ll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue.”

“That’s him! That’s the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!”

“He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration.”

“Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?”

“It’s like I keep tellin’ ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge.”

“HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! …Okay, now a little to the left… …Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!”

~~~

“It is said that power corrupts, but actually it’s more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.”

David Brin

~~~

A rabbi, a priest and a minister have their houses of worship side by side, so they decide to car pool .On the first day, the other two are shocked to see the pastor lay hands on the hood and pray silently. “What are you doing?” the priest asks.

The pastor looks up. “I’m just dedicating the car to the Lord’s service.”

“Good idea! Be right back!” the priest exclaims, running into his church. He emerges with a bulb on a short stick, shaking water out of it onto the car. The rabbi stares. “What are you doing?” he says.

“I’m consecrating it with holy water,” the priest replies.

“Great idea!” the rabbi says, and runs into his synagogue’s tool shed. He emerges with a hacksaw and takes off an inch of the tailpipe.

~~~

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

~~~

Late one night, a man walks into a dentist’s surgery and says, “Excuse me, can you help me. I think I’m a moth.”

Dentist: “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.”

Man: “Yes, I know.”

Dentist: “So why did you come in here?”

Man: “Well …. the light was on…”

~~~

“Always remember, money isn’t everything. But also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.”

Earl Wilson

~~~

A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he wanted to buy an evening gown for his wife as a surprise.

“What size?” asked the clerk.

The man shrugged blankly.

Trying to help, the clerk inquired, “Well then, what are your wife’s measurements?”

The man thought for a moment. “Small, medium, and large, in that order.”

~~~

She said: Most men say they read Playboy for the articles. Right, and I go to shopping malls for the music!

~~~

“Playing big doesn’t come from working more, pushing harder, or finding confidence. It comes from listening to the most powerful and secure part of you, not the voice of self-doubt.”

Tara Mohr

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

You Can Too

Ray’s Daily

November 17, 2020

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

George Eliot

One of the things that has impressed me the most has been how many folks I have met who have excelled in second careers. Some have been as volunteers’ others as employees or business leaders. I know in my case my second career was amazing.

I think too many of us think our life slows down as we age, but I think it only does if we let it. No matter how old we are we are not too old to find new opportunities to enrich our lives. Here is a story you may have heard before but it remains an example of late life success.

In the 1940s, there was a man who, at the age of 65, was living off of $99 social security checks in a small house, driving a beat-up car.

He decided it was time to make a change, so he thought about what he had to offer that other people may benefit from. His mind went to his fried chicken recipe, which his friends and family loved.

He left his home state of Kentucky and traveled throughout the country, trying to sell his recipe to restaurants. He even offered the recipe for free, asking for only a small chunk of the money that was earned.

However, most of the restaurants declined his offer. In fact, 1,009 restaurants said no.

But even after all of the rejections, he persisted. He believed in himself and his chicken recipe.

When he visited restaurant #1,010, he got a YES.

His name? Colonel Hartland Sanders.

The Moral:

There are a few lessons that you can take away from this story. First, it’s never too late in life to find success. In a society that often celebrates young, successful people, it’s easy to start to think you’re never going to be successful after a certain age. However, Colonel Sanders is an example that proves that argument wrong.

~~~

Follow your passion. The rest will attend to itself. If I can do it, anybody can do it. It’s possible. And it’s your turn. So go for it. It’s never too late to become what you always wanted to be in the first place.

J. Michael Straczynski

~~~

Kyle and Justin were sitting down to eat their supper with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle saw the baby sitter sit down in his daddy’s seat.

“You can’t sit in Daddy’s seat!” Kyle exclaimed.

“Daddy’s not home,” the baby sitter replied, matter-of- factly. “Since I’m responsible for you while he’s gone, I can sit here. Today I’m the boss.”

Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, “If you’re the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy’s chair!”

~~~

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”

Jean Kerr

~~~

A lady lost her purse in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm, that’s funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”

The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

~~~

Remember, once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.

~~~

I won’t tell you who told me this.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream “Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!”

Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we’re sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: “For this I have stretch marks??”

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can still retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally… more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

~~~

When there’s someone around to make change the change machine works perfectly, and when there isn’t it doesn’t.

~~~

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

“Sid,” asked Al, “Are there any Jews in China?”

“I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Al said, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”

“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.

He quickly returned and said, “No, sir. No Chinese Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Al asked.

“I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”

“Are you really sure?” Al asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!”

~~~

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out”?

~~~

Laws of Parenting

—The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.

—For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.

—Toys multiply to fill any space available.

—The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.

—Yours is always the only child who doesn’t behave.

—If the shoe fits…it’s expensive.

—The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.

—The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.

—Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.

~~~

To err is human—to blame it on a computer is even more so.

~~~

She says that:

“Hey Marco! Is it true you have a new girlfriend?” I quizzed.

“Yeah, it’s true” he mumbled.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” I asked.

“Well, it’s my new girlfriend,” he said.

“Oh yeah? What’s the problem?”

“Well I asked her if she could learn to love me,” he replied.

“Yeah…and?” I pried further. “and she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.

~~~

Find out what you don’t do well and don’t do it.

~~~

The state trooper pulled Mr. Schwarz over and, after inspecting his license and registration, informed the motorist that he was going to have to spend the night in jail.

“What’s the charge? Mr. Schwarz demanded.

“None,” replied the officer. “It’s all part of the service.”

~~~

“If the path you’re walking on seems to be leading you to nowhere, stop and choose another. It’s never too late to change direction.”

Anonymous

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Category:

We all need it!

Ray’s Daily

November 16, 2020

To live without Hope is to Cease to live.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Things have gotton pretty bad with the rampant rise in Covid infections. We are now on major lock down with only tested visitors allowed in. My brother and sister in law have canceled their trip to visit us in January. I cannot visit my wife nor meet with friends. But I:

Hope the the epidemic will end in the not too distant future.
Hope that the vaccine is approved soon And is widely distributed.
Hope that everyone will wear their masks and stay safe.
Hope that the Covid death rates will fall.
Hope that I will soon get to see my family and friends
And most of all I hope you stay well.

I got the following from the Hope Grows blog and offers us why our hope is so important.

Why Is Hope So Important?

To have hope is to want an outcome that makes your life better in some way. It not only can help make a tough present situation more bearable but also can eventually improve our lives because envisioning a better future motivates you to take the steps to make it happen.

Whether we think about it or not, hope is a part of everyone’s life. Everyone hopes for something. It’s an inherent part of being a human being. Hope helps us define what we want in our futures and is part of the self-narrative about our lives we all have running inside our minds.

Deeper Meaning

In a way, having hope links your past and present to the future. You have a vision for what you hope will happen. Whether it does not, just envisioning it can make you feel better. And if it’s something you can somewhat control – like the kids working to get out of poverty – then hope can motivate you to take whatever steps you need to take.

Dr. Neel Burton, a book author who writes about emotions, writes that he always asks patients for what they hope for, because if they say “nothing” then that is a sign of depression or worse.

Having hope is important to the very act of being a human being. As Dr. Judith Rich writes, “Hope is a match in a dark tunnel, a moment of light, just enough to reveal the path ahead and ultimately the way out.”

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All human wisdom is summed up in two words; wait and hope.

Alexandre Dumas

~~~

Lefkowitz was a very pious old man, who had lived his life according to the Commandments, never asking anything, always giving to others. Finally, wanting to have something for himself, and to experience the other side of life, he began to pray to God.

“Lord”, he said, “All my life I have tried to be good, to follow all your Laws and Commandments, and to always help others, never asking anything for myself when I have prayed to you. Now that I am old, I am finally asking for something for myself. All that I want is to win the Lottery, so I can have a comfortable old age.”

For year after year, he repeated this prayer, and nothing would happen. Finally, in despair, he again prayed to God, saying “Why have you abandoned me? Is this all I am to have in life? All I have ever asked you for is to just once to win the Lottery. What have I done wrong that you punish me this way?”

And an aggravated voice boomed down from the heavens, saying, in exasperation, “Lefkowitz, BUY A TICKET ALREADY!!!”

~~~

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

~~~

Signs That You Live In 2020

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You call your son’s cell phone to let him know it’s time to eat, he emails you back from his bedroom.

3. Your daughter sells Girl Scout cookies via her web site.

4. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.

5. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

7. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20-50 years of your life, is cause for panic and turning around to go get it.

8. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

9. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

10. You’re reading this.

~~~

Why do they put Braille on drive through bank machines?

~~~

An old Jewish man and a young Jewish man are traveling on the train. The young man asks: “Excuse me, what time is it?” The old man does not answer.

“Excuse me, sir, what time is it?”

The old man keeps silent.

“Sir, I’m asking you what time is it. Why don’t you answer?!”

The old man says: “Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don’t know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, I’ll have to invite you to my home. You’re handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love and you will want to get married. So tell me, why would I need a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch?”

~~~

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

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“I think a really funny joke would be for NASA to send up rockets and push a bunch of planets out of alignment. Then they could sit back and laugh when everyone realizes that their horoscopes aren’t coming true.”

Eric Presbrey

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You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.

Michelle Obama

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

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