Ray's musings and humor

Archive for June, 2006

My, my, it is almost July.

 

 

The Summer looks out from her brazen tower,

Through the flashing bars of July.

Francis Thompson,

~~~

My how time flies, here we are closing out June already. As you know I provide as a public service significant activities that we are expected to participate in each month. Unfortunately I often don’t provide the information early enough for everyone to be able take action as the month begins. So get out your pen and paper and build your list for July. I’ll start with a few of the activities that are unique to week one. It is:

  • Be Nice to New Jersey Week – At least they put the more difficult tasks early in the month.
  • Man Watchers’ Compliment Week – OK, I’ll watch but if I compliment you there will be no kissing on the lips.
  • Nude Recreation Week – I have been asked by friends and neighbors to boycott this as they are afraid that if I participated it would lower property values.

Monday is:

  • Compliment-Your-Mirror Day – Every time I try to do that the guy looking back at me is not all that good to look at.
  • Disobedience Day – Please don’t give my wife advance notice of this one.

If that was not enough it is also:

  • National Anti-Boredom Month – Got any ideas?
  • National July Belongs to Blueberries Month and National Peach Month – I wonder what the peaches think knowing the month belongs to blueberries.
  • National Purposeful Parenting Month – It is sad that the kids of parents who birthed them by accident will miss out, especially since there are so many.

I might as well be honest, I’ll do my best but I probably will miss participating in one or two these, it is nice to know that most of you won’t. If you to miss a few I’ll understand, however it will not be OK not to have fun this month. I warn you if I catch you moping around I will turn you in!

PS – For those of you who will participate in nude recreation week please send me a postcard and if it is from jail let me know what we can send you.

~~~

I don’t want to ever, ever do something in life that isn’t fun. Ever.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

~~~

Beware, these people are in the gene pool and reproducing! Real 911 Calls, believe it or not!!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I’m wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency? Caller: Fire, I guess. Dispatcher: How can I help you sir? Caller: I was wondering…..does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks? Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency? Caller: Well, I’ve spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and… well, do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me? Dispatcher: Help you what? Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency? Caller : My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is……….

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn.. I think I’m going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn…… Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police.

~~~

Remember this–that very little is needed to make a happy life.

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

~~~

When I picked up my Ford Escort at the service station after some minor repairs, I paid by check as usual. A couple of weeks later I came home from work to find my wife quite upset. She gave me the silent treatment until I figured out why she was so angry. She had noticed the canceled check, and on the memo line I had written "Escort Service."

~~~

The company I worked for always had problems with interoffice communications.  For instance, last week the Personnel Department sent around a memo on sexual harassment Three people initialed it and six people signed up for it.

~~~

A best friend is like a four leaf clover…. hard to find, and lucky to have.

~~~

The Washington Post recently had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it "in the old days." Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below.

Second Runner-Up:

In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.

First Runner-Up:

In my day, we didn’t have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you’d weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we’d use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn’t adjust our skates, which didn’t really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like today.

And the winner:

In my day, we didn’t have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.

Honorable Mentions:

  • In my day, we didn’t have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes.
  • In my day, we didn’t have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
  • In my day, we didn’t get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice saying ‘Doors closing.’ We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.
  • In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
  • Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.
  • Back in my day, ’60 Minutes’ wasn’t just a bunch of gray-haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.
  • In my day, we didn’t have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
  • Back in my day, they hadn’t invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.

~~~

Use what talent you possess:

The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.

 

Henry Van Dyke

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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Come on, get happy!

The Grand essentials of happiness are:

Something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

Allan K. Chalmers:

 

~~~

When I first sat down to write today’s daily I thought I would tell everyone to just go out and have some fun this weekend, the dailies this week have been too serious. But as I thought about it I realized that far too many people are just too unhappy to have fun. We can’t let that continue. I know telling everyone to be happy won’t work, so I decided to share with you one persons keys to a happy life.

Twenty Keys to a Happy Life

1. Compliment three people every day.

2. Watch a sunrise.

3. Be the first to say "Hello."

4. Live beneath your means.

5. Treat everyone as you want to be treated.

6. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen.

7. Forget the Jones’s.

8. Remember someone’s name.

9. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

10. Be tough-minded, but tender-hearted.

11. Be kinder than you need to be.

12. Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

13. Keep your promises.

14. Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don’t feel it.

15. Remember that overnight success usually takes 15 years.

16. Leave everything better than you found it.

17. Remember that winners do what losers do not want to do.

18. When you arrive at work in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone’s day.

19. Don’t rain on the parades of others.

20. Don’t waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

 

Yes I do know trying to change overnight and do everything today won’t work so lets set up our own twenty day program. For the next twenty days we can use the suggestions as a check list and each day pick one thing from the list to do that day. Then tomorrow we can pick one of the other suggestions.

So let’s do it, I am going to pick number one for today, I am going to compliment three people starting with you. I compliment you for deciding to work on your own happiness, you will be glad you did and so will those who love and care about you. When I am done I promise to do my best to do all twenty all the time.

~~~

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. {Sources say a Macintosh variant is in the works.} In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft’s new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are:

1) GPF key — This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.

2) $$ key — When this key is pressed, money is transferred automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or third party intervention.

3) ZD key — This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file being edited.

4) MS key — This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.

5) FUD key — Some thing to do with the display … self explanatory.

6) XP key — Generates do nothing loops for months at a time.

7) IBM key — Searches your hard disk for operating systems or applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them. (Is very effective at removing Netscape).

8) MSN Key — With a single keystroke you will install and setup the world’s second slowest web access (AOL takes first place). And you thought it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 95!

9) FDISK Key — Microsoft’s new compression utility gives you 100% data compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format Disk, but we all know what it really stands for.

~~~

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

~~~

Results of a computerized survey indicated that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 12 minutes.

He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.

He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.

He makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.

He is 28 years of age, but he’s been preaching for 30 years. He is wonderfully gentle and handsome.

He gives himself completely but never gets too close to anyone to avoid criticism.

He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.

He has a burning desire to work with teenagers, but he spends all his time with senior citizens.

He makes 15 daily calls to parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.

~~~

"The future is when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now."

~~~

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50 percent of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

~~~

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

Don Herold

~~~

Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died.  It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her started growing.  The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Jill continued to try getting the car to start up again. 

Finally Jill gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her.

"I can’t seem to get my car started," Jill said, smiling.  "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me.  I’ll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."

~~~

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Helen Keller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Let’s Go!

 

 

Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights;

It is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.

Miriam Beard

~~~

I have been fortunate to travel to more than fifty countries, islands, and territories, over the years and will soon set off again to Europe. Of course I have been like most travelers, taking hundreds of pictures of buildings, mountains, flowers, seas, and much more, and like most people the photos are hidden away in albums, stacks, and drawers, and most will never again see the light of day. While I continue to enjoy the sights as I travel, I have found that the lingering memories are of the people I have met along the way and the places where I, ate, talked, and learned.

We live in difficult times and I fear walls are being built by others in an attempt to isolate us from those in other lands; we must not let that happen. When governments talk about public diplomacy they don’t mean what is done by people like you and me, and yet it is the friendships we make as we travel that define us and our fellow countrymen as much or more than image building government pronouncements. I think we should think of ourselves as diplomats representing the good people of our various countries as we travel and the walls will not keep us apart.

It seems to me that hate is on the rise everywhere and it can poison us all if we let it. I have met some really good people in some really bad countries and some really bad people in some really good countries, and you know why that is? It is because everyone else has the same human needs that we do and like us some are warm and friendly and others are not.

People who care for others were never needed more than we need them now. Other lands have so much more than just sights to offer us if we are open to the people we meet along the way. When we give the people we meet the benefit of the doubt, show them respect, and show a sincere interest in them wonderful things often happen, not the least of which is making a new friend. It is totally up to us and if we care enough to care, who knows maybe, just maybe, we can make our world a slightly better place.

~~~

Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.

Maya Angelou

~~~

She said that this should be the theme for the next Survivor Show  

6 Married men will be dropped on an island with 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks.  

Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes.  

There is no access to fast food.  

Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.  

The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.  

The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches.  

They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 A.M; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.  

The kids vote them off the island, based on performance.  

The last man wins only if he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.  

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years – eventually earning the right to be called "Mother".  

~~~

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM.

It could be a right number. Think about this.

~~~

I came out of a convenience store the other day and some seedy looking guy walks up to me and holds up a little sign: "DEAF & DUMB… Can you spare $10?"

Wow! What happened to a dollar or 2?

So I reached into my pocket for my wallet, opened it, took out a folded piece of paper and handed it to him. It said: "I CAN’T READ" and I walked away.

~~~

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

~~~

THE WISDOM OF MAN’S BEST FRIEND

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.

~~~

The ideas that have lighted my way have been kindness, beauty and truth.

Albert Einstein

~~~

A New York woman was at her hairdresser’s on Park Avenue getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We’re taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s left bank called Teste…"

"Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is bad and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That’s rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel, it was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What’d he say?"

He said, "Where’d you get the lousy hairdo?"

~~~

I am so convinced of the advantages of looking at mankind instead of reading about them, and of the bitter effects of staying at home with all the narrow prejudices of an Islander, that I think there should be a law amongst us to set our young men abroad for a term among the few allies our wars have left us.

Lord Byron

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Tuesday. Don’t be afraid to get wet.

Tuesday

June 27,
2006

 

 

“Accept fate, and move on.

Don’t yield to the seductive pull of
self-pity.

Acting like a victim threatens your
future.”

~~~

I used
this Teddy Roosevelt quote yesterday. “Far better is it to dare mighty
things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure…than to
rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because
they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”
I know
about Teddy Roosevelt and I am no Teddy Roosevelt. I have learned to live
without glorious triumphs but I do enjoy many personal triumphs.

Here is one dictionary definition of triumph: the happiness, pride, or feeling of elation
that comes from winning, being victorious, or overcoming
something.

For many
of us satisfaction and joy comes just from getting in the game. Sadly too many
others just sit on the sidelines held back by fear or just plain laziness. Of
course it is always a personal choice, but I have real problems with people who
find excuses to just sit and let the world pass them by.

How often
have you procrastinated, and delayed, and then delayed again, only to put your
toe in the water and find that there were no grounds for your fear. I know when
that happens to me and when it does I regret that I missed things I might have
had.

Sure we
get hurt once in awhile, we often even look foolish, but so what! I would much
rather stand up and enjoy the laughter than to wallow in self pity or run and
hide. We get the chance everyday to do something special, but only if we start.
Want to see a play? Don’t talk about it, go see one. Lonesome? Volunteer
somewhere and say hi to all you see. Just don’t crawl up in a ball and hide in
the corner, but if that is your choice so be it, I don’t know about everybody
else but I’ll miss you but I won’t hang around.

So put
your toe in the water and lo and behold you will find that your body won’t be
far behind. Like Teddy said “it is far better to dare than to live in the grey
twilight.”

~~~

"To be
what you want to be, be like a bee. If the bee wasted its time comparing
it’s big body with it’s small light wings, it would not be flying
today."

S. Zondo

~~~

SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS

1. Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!

2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live
here!!

3. I’m creative; you
can’t expect me to be neat
too!

4. So this isn’t Home Sweet
Home… Adjust!

5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it
yourself!

6. I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!

7. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!

8. I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!

9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.

11. COOK CAN’T TAKE IT
ANYMORE!

12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

13. If you don’t like my
standards of cooking … lower your standards.

14. You may touch the dust in this house … but please
don’t write in it!

15. Apology … Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down,
converse. It doesn’t always look like
this: Some days it’s even
worse.

16. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is
delirious.

17. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.

18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.

21. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

22. Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.

23. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to
lead normal lives.

24. My next house will have no kitchen — just vending
machines.

25. Gardening forever . . . Housework, never!

26. Dull women have immaculate houses.

~~~

Q: What’s the Indian word for "lousy hunter"?

A: Vegetarian.

~~~

She said: I sat with my infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my
husband’s channel-surfing. He
eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon
topless.  

"Honey, change the channel," I said, shielding my son’s eyes. "He shouldn’t see this."  

"It’s okay." my husband
replied. "He probably thinks it’s the
Food Network."  

~~~

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be
happy.

Cynthia Nelms

~~~

A child asks his mother, "Do all fairy tales begin with, ‘Once upon a time?’"

His mother answers, "No, dear. Once in a while they begin with
‘I’ll be working late at the office
tonight.’"

"Does Daddy tell you fairy tales like that?"

"He used to."

"What made him stop?"

"One day he told me he’d be
working late, and I said, ‘Can I
depend on that?’"

~~~

No one would ever have crossed the ocean if
he could have gotten off the ship in the storm.

Charles Kettering

~~~

How to
install a wireless security system:

Go to a
second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used work boots, a really big pair.

Put them
outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog
dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says
something like "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition – back in
1/2 an hr. Don’t disturb the pit
bulls. They’ve just been wormed and
they are a little edgy."

~~~

There are more men than women in mental
hospitals – which just goes to show who’s driving who crazy.

~~~

She said:
If you’re a bear, you get to
hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with
that.

Before
you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat
yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

If
you’re a bear, you birth your
children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to
partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with
that.

If
you’re a mama bear, everyone knows
you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out
of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If
you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you
to wake up growling and he EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body
fat.

Yup……
I want to be a bear!

~~~

Your vision will become clear only when
you can look into your own heart.

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks
inside, awakes.

Carl Gustav
Jung

~~~

Stay well, do
good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is
not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is
somewhat senile.

This daily is sent
only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have
system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you
the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you
can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily.
Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp
 currently
there are about 500 readers from all over the
world.

If you go you will be glad you did, but we have to book soon for the big bargain’s.

 

As many
of you know my wife and I cruise a few times a year and next year is no
exception. My pal Robin is offering us a 12 day spring cruise to Ireland,
England, France, Belgium and Holland at an unbelievable price. Friends can
go along for as little as $75 a day with $50 per cabin shipboard credit thrown
in? If you like to cruise this is a real bargain. You can even select a balcony
cabin (while they last) for less than $115 per day with $150 per cabin shipboard
credit. Where else could you get great meals, super shipboard entertainment,
casino play and so much more for so little?

We will
sail on the Jewel of the Seas, a great ship, from Fort
Lauderdale and fly back from Amsterdam. The cruise lines transfers and
airfare offerings are surprisingly low, but they are only offered until July
15th.

The Jewel of the Seas
offers the ultimate "at sea" experience by combining speed, added comfort,
greater space, sweeping ocean vistas and an exceptional staff committed to
serving your every whim. I have sailed on her sister ships and they were
great.

Among her spectacular
features are the ten-story glass-constructed Centrum, glass elevators facing the
sea, and the highest percentage of outside cabins in the Royal Caribbean fleet.
Some of the highlights are:

Rock-climbing wall

Portofino Italian
Restaurant

Chops Grille

Latté-tudes, specialty
coffee house

Seaview
Café

Themed bars and lounges

Casino Royale

The Colony Club, a
unique British colonial-style lounge with self-leveling pool tables

Beautiful indoor
Solarium

Indoor/outdoor country
club with golf simulator

Adventure Ocean youth facilities

Day Spa and Fitness Center

Sports court with
basketball/volleyball court

 

Take a virtual
tour of our Radiance Family of Ships.

 

Here is
what a recent traveler had to say about the Jewel of the
seas.

At 90,090
tons (which counts on the high end of mid-size these days), Jewel of the Seas,
like its siblings, has just enough space for some of the storied Royal Caribbean
innovations, such as a rock climbing wall, gorgeous solarium pool, expansive
Adventure Ocean kids facility and two lovely alternative restaurants. At the
same time, its layout is so well designed I hardly ever was reminded that the
ship carried 2,100-plus other passengers.

That’s
why, before embarking on a recent six-night Western
Caribbean cruise, my expectations were on the high side. I
anticipated that Jewel would be a beautiful ship in a physical sense, with
lovely dark woods throughout that were countered by an infusion of glass and
light. I surmised that service would generally, for such a large vessel, be
quite good — if a tad uneven. And I assumed that the cuisine, in true Royal
Caribbean style, would be adequate when you considered that the ship’s culinary
staff caters to several thousand folks — but not necessarily superb.

The big
surprise to me was that Jewel of the Seas did not only meet my lofty
expectations — it also exceeded them. So many elements of the trip were truly
exceptional that I found myself comparing the cruise to those taken on luxury
lines that sail smaller ships — and charge significantly higher
tariffs.

Among the
pleasant surprises:

Cuisine
had markedly improved and I’m not referring to the alternative restaurants
(which I’ve always thought were pretty good) as much as the main dining room,
particularly at dinner, where roughly half the ship is ordering and eating
simultaneously.

Entertainment ranged from the fabulously ridiculous (like the always
funny Newlywed Game) to the elegantly sublime (the Rosario Strings).

The ship
was indeed beautiful. I have never been a fan of over-hyped art collections, and
yet there were some pieces that were so gorgeous (particularly a series of
hauntingly beautiful photographs on the main staircase landing between Decks 5
and 6) that I made it a point to take the stairs several times a day just to
admire them.

Service
was consistently top-notch in all areas. On a couple of occasions, my cabin
steward, seeing me return to my cabin with arms full, ran, literally, half a
corridor ahead of me to open the door. At dinner in the main dining room,
waiters remembered us — even though we only attended intermittently. Staffers
at the purser’s desk were unusually helpful and attitude-free.

As a
result, for the first time in a long time at Cruise Critic, a ship that’s firmly
planted in the mass-market category receives an overall rating of five — which
places it in the lofty firmament of only a handful of luxury ships (such scores
have heretofore only been bestowed upon small, luxury-oriented ships whose lines
charge a heftier price tag). Jewel earned the rating particularly for its
top-notch entertainment, family facilities, and better-than-usual cuisine and
service — and for offering exceptional value for money.

 

Jewel of the Seas
April 15, 2007

 

JEWEL OF THE SEAS
Itinerary

 

Cruise Line :
ROYAL CARIBBEAN INTERNATIONAL
Date : Sun 15 Apr
2007

Cruise Length :
12
Nights

 

Date

Port

Arrival

Boarding

Departure

 

Remark

 

Sun 15
Apr

FORT
LAUDERDALE
, FLORIDA

 

1:00PM

4:00PM

 

DOCKED

Mon 16
Apr

CRUISING

 

 

 

 

 

Tue 17
Apr

CRUISING

 

 

 

 

 

Wed 18
Apr

CRUISING

 

 

 

 

 

Thu 19
Apr

CRUISING

 

 

 

 

 

Fri 20
Apr

CRUISING

 

 

 

 

 

Sat 21
Apr

CRUISING

 

 

 

 

 

Sun 22
Apr

CRUISING

 

 

 

 

 

Mon 23
Apr

CORK – IRELAND

9:00AM

 

6:00PM

 

DOCKED

Tue 24
Apr

CORNWALL (FALMOUTH), ENGLAND

7:00AM

 

4:00PM

 

TENDERED

Wed 25
Apr

PARIS (LE
HAVRE) – FRANCE

7:00AM

 

10:00PM

 

DOCKED

Thu 26
Apr

BRUSSELS (ZEEBRUGGE) – BELGIUM

10:00AM

 

6:00PM

 

DOCKED

Fri 27
Apr

AMSTERDAM, HOLLAND

7:00AM

 

 

 

DOCKED

 

We
really can’t go wrong at these prices so reward yourself and come along. If you
want to know more just call my friend Robin Souder at
(866) 968-2789, it
is a toll free number. We only have until
July 15th to lock up the great prices. One nice thing is that if your plans
change up until 75 days before the cruise you can cancel without penalty,
so please don’t procrastinate, do what you have to do, get your questions
answered and then prepare for the good times.

 

Ray
Mitchell
8356 Seabridge
Way
Indianapolis, IN 
46240
Phone
317-255-4309
Cell
317-446-8545

 

Don’t be afraid to get wet

 

“Accept fate, and move on.

Don’t yield to the seductive pull of self-pity.

Acting like a victim threatens your future.”

~~~

I used this Teddy Roosevelt quote yesterday. “Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure…than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.” I know about Teddy Roosevelt and I am no Teddy Roosevelt. I have learned to live without glorious triumphs but I do enjoy many personal triumphs.

Here is one dictionary definition of triumph: the happiness, pride, or feeling of elation that comes from winning, being victorious, or overcoming something.

For many of us satisfaction and joy comes just from getting in the game. Sadly too many others just sit on the sidelines held back by fear or just plain laziness. Of course it is always a personal choice, but I have real problems with people who find excuses to just sit and let the world pass them by.

How often have you procrastinated, and delayed, and then delayed again, only to put your toe in the water and find that there were no grounds for your fear. I know when that happens to me and when it does I regret that I missed things I might have had.

Sure we get hurt once in awhile, we often even look foolish, but so what! I would much rather stand up and enjoy the laughter than to wallow in self pity or run and hide. We get the chance everyday to do something special, but only if we start. Want to see a play? Don’t talk about it, go see one. Lonesome? Volunteer somewhere and say hi to all you see. Just don’t crawl up in a ball and hide in the corner, but if that is your choice so be it, I don’t know about everybody else but I’ll miss you but I won’t hang around.

So put your toe in the water and lo and behold you will find that your body won’t be far behind. Like Teddy said “it is far better to dare than to live in the grey twilight.”

~~~

"To be what you want to be, be like a bee. If the bee wasted its time comparing it’s big body with it’s small light wings, it would not be flying today."

S. Zondo

~~~

SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS

1. Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!

2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!

3. I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!

4. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!

5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!

6. I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!

7. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!

8. I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!

9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.

11. COOK CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

13. If you don’t like my standards of cooking … lower your standards.

14. You may touch the dust in this house … but please don’t write in it!

15. Apology … Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.

16. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

17. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.

18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

21. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

22. Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.

23. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

24. My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines.

25. Gardening forever . . . Housework, never!

26. Dull women have immaculate houses.

~~~

Q: What’s the Indian word for "lousy hunter"?

A: Vegetarian.

~~~

She said: I sat with my infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my husband’s channel-surfing. He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless.  

"Honey, change the channel," I said, shielding my son’s eyes. "He shouldn’t see this."  

"It’s okay." my husband replied. "He probably thinks it’s the Food Network."  

~~~

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.

Cynthia Nelms

~~~

A child asks his mother, "Do all fairy tales begin with, ‘Once upon a time?’"

His mother answers, "No, dear. Once in a while they begin with ‘I’ll be working late at the office tonight.’"

"Does Daddy tell you fairy tales like that?"

"He used to."

"What made him stop?"

"One day he told me he’d be working late, and I said, ‘Can I depend on that?’"

~~~

No one would ever have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in the storm.

Charles Kettering

~~~

How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used work boots, a really big pair.

Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition – back in 1/2 an hr. Don’t disturb the pit bulls. They’ve just been wormed and they are a little edgy."

~~~

There are more men than women in mental hospitals – which just goes to show who’s driving who crazy.

~~~

She said: If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling and he EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup…… I want to be a bear!

~~~

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

Carl Gustav Jung

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

It’s Monday, let’s do it!

Monday

June 26,
2006

 

 

There is nothing either good or bad, but
thinking makes it so.

William Shakespeare

~~~

Last week
we wrote about how so many of us put ourselves down, telling ourselves that we
are not as good as we really are. I was somewhat surprised at how what we wrote
generated soul searching on the part of many of our readers. The good news is
that like everything else, when we know we have a problem we can do something
about it. It is when we face up to reality that we can make things better. As I
thought about all the responses I received it struck me that it is attitude that
is the key for most of us. Instead of me rambling on today I just thought I
would share with you some of the thoughts of others.

Before we
go on I’ll just leave you with one thought, I don’t like the guy that gets up in
the morning with a bad attitude, when I look in the mirror it better not be
me.

~~~

A man sees in the world what he carries in
his heart.

Opening scene of "Faust"

***

The
longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me
is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than
education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than
what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift,
or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home.

The
remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will
embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… The only thing we can do is
play on the string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am
convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so
it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.

Charles Swindoll

***

You can tell more about a person by what he
says about others than you can by what others say about him.

***

People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much
you care.

***

Far
better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though
checkered by failure…than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy
much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not
victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

~~~

A
READER’S GUIDE

1. The
Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The
Washington
Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The
New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who
are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA
Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but
don’t really understand The New York
Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The
Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country – if they could find the
time, and if they didn’t have to
leave Southern California to do it.

6. The
Boston Globe is
read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job
of it, thank you very much.

7. The
New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the
train.

8. The
New York Post
is read by people who don’t care
who’s running the country as long as
they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The
Miami Herald is
read by people who are running another country but need the baseball
scores.

10. The
San Francisco
Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that anyone is running
it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional
exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who
also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of
course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The
National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery
store.

~~~

She said: "What makes airport security
think they can find something in my purse when even I can’t?"

~~~

"Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir," urged the  

street vendor.  

"I
haven’t got a wife," replied the
young man.  

"Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart."  

"I
don’t have a sweetheart,
either."  

"Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck."  

~~~

Throughout life people will make you mad,
disrespect you and treat you bad.

Let God deal with the things they do, cause
hate in your heart will consume you too.

Will Smith

~~~

A Charlotte,
North Carolina man, having
purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against … get
this … fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous
cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man
filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that
he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company
refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars
in a normal fashion.  

The man sued… and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated
that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that
the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars
against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it
was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a
lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the
judge’s ruling and paid the man
$15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."  

After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had
him arrested … on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was
convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24
consecutive one-year terms!  

~~~

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in
the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

~~~

A Jewish man was in St.
Vincent’s Hospital
recovering from an emergency operation when a nun walked into his room. She was
there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man and nun started talking and the
nun asked about the man’s life. The
man talked about his wife and 13 children.

"My, my," said the nun, "13 children . . . You’re a good, proper Catholic family man. God is very
proud of you!"

"I’m sorry, Sister," the man
said, "I am not Catholic. I’m
Jewish."

"Jewish!?" she replies and immediately gets up to leave.

"Sister, why are you leaving?"

"I didn’t realize I was
talking to a sex maniac!"

~~~

Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.

~~~

"Well, I reckon you’ve been a
pretty good horse," said the farmer.

"You work hard and I ain’t had
to call the vet on you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster.
But all in all? I’d say
you’re one fine horse and any farmer
worth his salt would be proud to own you!"

"NO!" said the horse, "I said, ‘feedBAG’
not,’feedBACK’."

~~~

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the
weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of
these.

George Washington
Carver

~~~

Stay well, do
good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is
not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is
somewhat senile.

This daily is sent
only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have
system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you
the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you
can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily.
Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp
 currently
there are about 500 readers from all over the
world.

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