Ray's musings and humor

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It is up to you

Ray’s Daily

February 21, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.

Og Mandino

Do your best

One of the great things is life is our freedom to be what we want to be. It does require us to feel OK doing what we choose to do without worrying too much about others tell us to do. I especially like the fact we are our own judges of our performance.

It is up to us, no matter if the task is big or small, we get to do it well or poorly. The folks who I know who are the happiest always do their best and are rewarded with the feeling that comes from a job well done. We do not need to take on monumental tasks for we all have things to do, things we can do well.

Here is a poem that I like for it reminds me of the good people I meet everyday who make the little things right.

 

Be the best of whatever you are

By Douglas Malloch

 

If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill,

 Be a scrub in the valley – but be

 The best little scrub by the side of the hill;

 Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.

 

If you can’t be a bush, be a bit of the grass,

 Some highway happier make;

 If you can’t be a muskie, then just be a bass –

 But the liveliest bass in the lake!

 

We can’t all be captains, we got to be crew,

 There’s something for all of us here,

 There’s big work to do, and there’s lesser to do,

 And the task we must do is the near.

 

If you can’t be a highway, then just be a trail,

 If you can’t be the sun, be a star;

 It isn’t by size that you win or you fail –

 Be the best of whatever you are.

~~~

The most important thing is, whatever you do decide to choose, take it seriously and do your best.

Tom Sturridge

~~~

“I never eat food containing unnatural coloring or preservatives, or sprayed vegetables, or meat that has been pumped with hormones or similar, unnatural growth-enhancing stuff.”

Well, how do you feel?

“Very hungry.”

~~~

“Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities — always see them, for they’re always there.”

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?” There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, “He’s the one you can move diagonally.”

~~~

“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.”

  Mary Dunbar

~~~

She said:

The biggest problem with the younger generation these days is that I don’t belong to it any more.

I got the feeling my stuff strutted off without me?

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I’m getting into swing dancing.  Not on purpose…some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief.

I’ve tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age. But they haven’t made one called, “Buns of Putty.”

I don’t let aging get me down…It’s too hard to get back up.

~~~

The challenge of leadership is to be strong but not rude; be kind but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.

Jim Rohn

~~~

Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic. Witness this candidate for the Senate who traveled to a small town community to address the single church there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask which denomination so that when it was time for his speech, he inquired in this way: “My brethren, all. I must tell you that my great Grandfather was Presbyterian (absolute silence); but my Grandmother was an Episcopalian (more silence); I must tell you that my other Grandfather was a Christian Scientist (deep silence); while my other Grandmother was Methodist (continued silence). But I must tell you that I had an aunt who was a Baptist through and through (loud cheers!) and I have always considered my aunt’s path to be the right one!”

~~~

“At the end of the day, remind yourself that you did the best you could today, and that is good enough.”

Lori Deschene

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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I am grateful, are you?

Ray’s Daily

February 20, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

Meister Eckhart

Gratitude

I was at a feedback meeting the other day where some positive suggestions were made on how we can make our residence an even better place to live. We had a nice representation of community members and staff. The outcome was plans for some good things to come.

Unfortunately for me there were a number of complaints from a few nay-sayers. Some of their points were valid but their complaint list was endless and were not the views of most of the rest of us. As I thought about these folks I wondered if they allow any time to be grateful for the good things we share. I find that there is no one I appreciate more than my friends who practice gratitude, they are also the happiest people I know.

I share the views of Leo Babauta who wrote the following.

Why Living a Life of Gratitude Can Make You Happy

Many days, I try to humble myself and hold a 2-minute gratitude session. I simply sit or kneel, with no distractions, close my eyes, and think about what I’m grateful for and who I’m grateful for.

I don’t do it every day, but let me tell you, on the days I do it, it makes me very happy. Why should that be? Why should the simple act of thinking about who and what I’m grateful for make such a big difference in my life?

Just a few reasons:

  • Because it reminds you of the positive things in your life. It makes you happy about the people in your life, whether they’re loved ones or just a stranger you met who was kind to you in some ways.
  • Because it turns bad things into good things. Having problems at work? Be grateful you have work. Be grateful you have challenges, and that life isn’t boring. Be grateful that you can learn from these challenges. Be thankful they make you a stronger person.
  • Because it reminds you of what’s important. It’s hard to complain about the little things when you give thanks that your children are alive and healthy. It’s hard to get stressed out over paying bills when you are grateful there is a roof over your head.
  • Because it reminds you to thank others. I’ll talk about this more below, but the simple act of saying “thank you” to someone can make a big difference in that person’s life. Calling them, emailing them, stopping by to say thank you … just taking that minute out of your life to tell them why you are grateful toward them is important to them. People like being appreciated for who they are and what they do. It costs you little, but makes someone else happy. And making someone else happy will make you happy.

~~~

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”

Gilbert K. Chesterton

~~~

My last years in grammar school were spent on a farm school for boys outside a small town in Illinois, we could walk to town on Wednesday and Saturdays during the summer, and if the weather permitted, we could go on Saturday in the winter. The town was so small that…

in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened

the clinic was called Joe’s Hospital and Grill

instead of hoses, the Fire Department used water pistols

you had to make a reservation to use the parking place

during snowstorms, salt was spread using a pea shooter

the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Town Council & street sweeper

before you visited, you could look out a window & see who was home

But all kidding aside, the Saturday night movie shown outside on the school house wall and the volunteer fire departments barrel fights on the Fourth of July were really special. Don’t know about barrel fights? Two different fire companies would shoot water from their hoses on a beer keg from opposite sides; the goal was to get the barrel to the other side and win. As you can see life was simpler then, even our twenty-five cent weekly allowance went a long way.

~~~

What a pity human beings can’t exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow’s.

~~~

More from the unofficial Catholic dictionary:

Egypt—the country which created the first form of writing: hieroglyphics—the basis for all medical prescriptions.

Envy— The sin Catholics commit when they think of non-Catholics who get to remain seated during their church services.

Eternity—The time between Communion and the end of Mass.

Everlasting life— What a Catholic will need to understand all the changes since Vatican II.

~~~

“I’m growing old by myself. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in years.”

Milton Berle

~~~

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, “What do you have in lingerie?” She said, “More than you’ll ever have!”

Cleaning your house before the kids have stopped growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

He is a typical husband. When I drive he complains about every telephone pole I hit. But does he ever compliment me on the ones I miss?

Once my husband said to me, “I’m going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?”  I thought that was the least he could do, considering I was giving birth!”

Phyllis Diller

~~~

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.  “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money.”

~~~

Eschew obfuscation.

~~~

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”

Zig Ziglar

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Feel Good

Ray’s Daily

February 19, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“It’s always a nice day above the clouds”

James Stoddah,

Feeling Good

I was feeling a little under the weather for a few days last week. I tried not to mope around by staying positive. That is not always an easy thing to do, but it is worth doing. I have found that when you are down people would rather spend their time elsewhere rather than let you take them down too.

Being with happy positive people is good medicine so we need to do all we can to let them bring us up. I got the following piece years ago from the Real-Life-Law-of-Attraction blog and it is something I try to emulate.

To Feel Good is To Be Allowing

You attract what you ARE – when you are “making the best of it” and looking for reasons / ways to feel content DESPITE whatever may be going on in your life right now, you ARE allowing!

And ALLOWING — becoming an energetic match to what you would like to attract — is the ONLY way to manifest anything! To TRY to feel happy or content is the fastest way to match the energy of that which you want — that is HOW you ALLOW it into being!

So, go out there and FEEL BETTER today!  …Look for reasons to FEEL APPRECIATIVE!  …Try to find things to FEEL PLEASED about, and more GOOD will find you!

  • Look for the good things in your life
  • Try to find reasons to feel at peace, content, and good
  • List the positive aspects of situations and people around you
  • Think of ANY ways in which your life is “just right” right now
  • Search for examples of good news
  • Watch happy shows, focus on comedy, and read uplifting material
  • Collect stories and memories of the good things that have happened in the past and are happening still, all around you
  • Ask the Universe to give you experiences to feel really happy about…

(And, best of all, when you are FEELING GOOD, the particular type of good that you like BEST of all, is the GOOD you are attracting more.

 ~~~

“Don’t water your weeds”

Harvey Mackay

~~~

A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.”

“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.

The woman replied, “A billionaire.”

~~~

A young man who wants to see the world signs up with the merchant marine to a tramp steamer to be trained as a helmsman. After mastering the classroom instruction, he starts his practical training behind the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the exec gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then the exec orders, “Come starboard.”

Pleased with himself at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and walks over to his executive officer.

The exec has an incredulous look on his face as the wheel swings freely… Then, rather gently considering the circumstances, he asks politely, “Could you bring the ship with you?”

~~~

I may be lost but I’m making good time.

~~~

A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”

“What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired.

“Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.”

“My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you’ll have women buzzing all around you.”

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. “Did my advice not work?” asked the doctor.

“It worked alright. For the past several weeks I’ve enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.”

“So, what’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem,” the man replied. “My wife does.”

~~~

“We have a new recipe for an exotic gourmet dinner. First, take two credit cards…”

Bessie and Beulah

~~~

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.

“Ohhh, it’s my girlfriend.” he said.

“Oh yeah? What’s the problem?”

“When I asked her if she could learn to love me,” he said, “she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.”

~~~

“Saying thanks to the world, and acknowledging your own accomplishments, is a great way to feel good and stay positive.”

Rachel Robins

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Stay Up

Ray’s Daily

February 18, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

No one really has a bad life. Not even a bad day. Just bad moments.

Regina Brett

Bad Day

We all have bad days, even though most are not as bad as we imagine them to be. I have had enough in my lifetime to learn they are not worth agonizing over. Sometimes I just wait them out with others I do what I can to ignore them. In any case the feeling of concern does pass and life goes on.

If you have difficulty dealing with the down days you might try the following suggestions.

How to Handle Trying Days When They Happen

  1. Ask yourself: Is it the day that is a problem, or is it me? – This is a tough love type of question, but I think it’s essential to pause and ask yourself what’s really going on. When you have a day in which everything and anything annoys you, take time to reflect. Ask yourself if it’s just a rough day, or if your reaction is a sign that something in your life is out of whack.

It might just be a fluke of a day where things are going funky right and left. Or maybe you’ve been letting little things build up, and things are boiling over because there’s something big you need to address that you’re ignoring—dissatisfaction with your work, or a compatibility issue in your relationship, for example.

If there is something big that you’re avoiding, can you face it? Can you find someone who will help you find the courage to address what you need to do—to face what you are afraid of?

  1. Release your pent up emotions. – Modern living and working close with others means there are lots of times where we have to filter our words and our reactions to act like a responsible adult. All too often we stuff our feelings down until we’re ready to explode—and often on some innocent bystander who doesn’t deserve our rage.

A healthier approach is to feel and work through our feelings as they arise, and sometimes the best approach is to physically release them from our bodies.

The relief that a good primal scream or pillow punching episode can provide is so incredible (though these things are best done in solitude, so we don’t offload our emotions onto the people around us). Exercise can also help with this, since it gets our muscles moving, and our heart pumping—another good reason to get active!

  1. Take the pressure off. – On some of my worst bad days, I give myself permission to check out and chill out. I take time to watch funny videos on YouTube or do a calming visualization meditation. It can feel tempting to plow through our to-do list, especially since we often tie our worth to our busyness and productivity. But sometimes you just need a break to regroup.

For example, can you find a few moments when you can sit or lie down? Then you can either relax or fill yourself with something silly and lighthearted. Animal videos, anyone?

Rachel Strivel

~~~

I get up every morning and it’s going to be a great day. You never know when it’s going to be over so I refuse to have a bad day.

Paul Henderson

~~~

A little old Jewish lady is flying out of New York City on her way to Miami Beach. She looks at the businessman sitting next to her and asks him, “Excuse me sir, but are you Jewish?”

The man responds politely, “No, ma’am, I’m not Jewish.”

After a little while she again queries him, “You’re really Jewish, aren’t you?”

Again he responds, “No ma’am, I am not Jewish.”

Barely 10 minutes later, the little old lady asks him once more, “Are you sure you’re not Jewish?”

To which in exasperation, and in a final effort to shut her up, he replies, “Okay. Yes, ma’am, I am Jewish.”

“Funny,” she says, looking puzzled, “you don’t look Jewish!”

~~~

Power is the ability to do good things for others.

Brooke Astor

~~~

Heather meets up with her [blonde] sister Karen as she is picking her car up from the mechanic. Heather asks,

“Everything ok with your car now, Karen?”

Karen replies,

“Yeah, thank goodness! I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”

~~~

“The secret of longevity is to keep breathing.”

Sophie Tucker

~~~

The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.

“You must answer the telephone,” he told her irritably.

“All right,” she replied, “but it seems so silly. It’s always for you.”

~~~

Children need models rather than critics.

Joseph Joubert

~~~

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. “Look,” he said, “let’s play a little game. I’ll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I’ll buy YOU a drink. If you can’t, then you buy ME one. Okay?”

“Ja, dat sounds purty good,” said the Norwegian.

The Indian said, “My father and mother had one child. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”

The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, “I give up. Who vas it?”

“It was ME,” chortled the Indian. So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.

Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, “Sven,” he said, “I got a game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can’t, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?”

“Fair enough,” said Sven. Okay, my fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn’t my brudder. It vasn’t my sister. Who vas it?”

“Search me,” said Sven. “I give up. Who vas it?”

“It vas some Indian up in Fargo, ND.”

~~~

You have to remember that the hard days are what make you stronger. The bad days make you realize what a good day is. If you never had any bad days, you would never have that sense of accomplishment!    

Aly Raisman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Enjoying the golden years

Ray’s Daily

February 15, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege.

Old Age

I was moving a little slow yesterday. It was due to being a little infirm but I will recover. One of the secrets that I learn everyday from my fellow seniors is to keep your sense of humor and don’t give in to health interruptions.

The more time I spend with those older than me the more I see how a sense of humor is one of the secrets of graceful aging. The older we get the more we realize not to take life or ourselves too seriously.

Here are few gems heard around the retirement center.

Getting Older Can be Fun – Age with Humor!

  • As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can’t remember them either.
  • I would be unstoppable, if I could only get started……
  • “I am having amnesia, dementia, and deja vu, all at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before . . .”
  • Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
  • You can’t stay young forever. That’s just a theory, because you can be immature for your entire life.
  • I live in my own little world. But it’s okay — they know me here.
  • Forget health food. I’m at the age where I need all the preservatives I can get. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

~~~

As we grow old…the beauty steals inward.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell “straight.” The boy did so correctly.

“Now,” said the teacher, “what does it mean?”

“Without water.”

~~~

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Samuel Beckett

~~~

A Faithful Woman

An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say “Allah be praised” to all those who passed by.

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”

Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer “Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!”

One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, “Allah be praised!.”

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.”

The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, “ALLAH BE PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!”

~~~

“Happy the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying, once and for all.”

Ovid

~~~

Rabbi Bloom caught two of his rabbinical students gambling and drinking on Sabbath. Next day, Rabbi Bloom called them into his office and asked them what was going on. They immediately confessed to having given in to weakness and agreed that they deserved some form of punishment for their sin. Rabbi Bloom thought a lot about this and then came up with the answer. He bought two bags of dried peas from the delicatessen and told them,

“Put these in your shoes and walk on them for a week to remind yourselves how hard life can be when you turn away from God.”

A few days later, the two students met each other in the street.  One had a pronounced limp and had dark circles under his eyes.  He looked very tired and weary.  On the other hand, the other was the same as he had been before.

“Hey,” said the first.  “How is it tat you are walking so easily? Didn’t you do as the Rabbi asked and put the peas in your shoes?”

“I did,” said the other.

“But I boiled mine first.”

~~~

We’ve all heard “Laughter is the best medicine.”  Lately I’m not so sure. If that were really true, wouldn’t the medical profession have found a way by now to charge us for it?

~~~

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor’s, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament. The man asks, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?” “Well, yes,” the doctor replies, “but not framed like that.”

~~~

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Marie Curie

~~~

MARRIAGE “MIRANDA” RIGHTS for men…

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted AND MISUNDERSTOOD AND then used AND HELD against you FOREVER.

~~~

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent – that is to triumph over old age.

Thomas Bailey Aldrich

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

It is your day

Ray’s Daily

February 14, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Stay positive, all other choices are pointless punishments to your psyche.

Joe Peterson

positive day

If you are like I am there seldom is a week that something doesn’t go wrong. The power goes out, you tear a favorite shirt, you run into an angry person, the list goes on. You know what, these are just normal events and we don’t have to let them take us down. I find that treating them as anything more can wreck my day so I choose to take care of whatever it is and focus on the good things ahead.

In my experience what happens to us is not as bad as some of our reactions to whatever it is. I like myself much better when I just ride it out and stay positive. Here is something I picked up that tells how the writer handles his days.

One positive thought helps in changing the situation totally. When I start experiencing that one positive thought and continue sustaining it, I find that there is a flow of positive energy which changes things. Something that seems impossible starts seeming possible. And everything and everyone around start cooperating too. Today I will create and sustain a positive thought right in the morning. Even if there is a negative situation, I will try and find something positive in it. This will help me create a thought of positivity in spite of the negative situation. Once I experience this positive thought by sustaining it, I find that there is a possibility to work on the situation to make it better.

Brahma Kumaris

~~~

It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

Ellen DeGeneres

~~~

Will Rogers said:

  • After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him … The moral:  When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
  • There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
  • When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.

~~~

Boucher’s Observation:  He who blows his own horn always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.

~~~

The kid said:

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?  –Age 15

~~~

The stockbroker’s secretary answered his phone one morning.  “I’m sorry,” she said, “Mr. Bradford’s on another line.”

“This is Mr. Ingram’s office,” the caller said.  “We’d like to know if he’s bullish or bearish right now.”

“He’s talking to his wife,” the secretary replied. “Right now I’d say he’s sheepish.”

~~~

There’s no underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
H. L. Mencken

~~~

Another success secret:

Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss –and you will get caught–your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You’re not a loafer, you’re a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

~~~

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “what’ll you have?”

The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.

Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”

The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine—-I just quit drinking.”

~~~

I asked my psychiatrist if she thought I was crazy, she said “no”, so I let her up.

~~~

No matter what you’re going through, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you’ll find the positive side of things.

Demi Lovato

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Know Yourself

Ray’s Daily

February 13, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

Aristotle

Know Yourself

One of the traps some older folks seem to fall into is giving up on themselves. Most of the people I meet these days have not done that. They demonstrate that personal zest does not require physical skill but an enthusiastic mind.

Most of my elderly friends have already learned what life is all about and chose to use their time in self-rewarding pursuits. Some read, some like doing puzzles, some enjoy the arts, and my favorites enjoy stimulating conversation. The following poem reminds me of many of these good people.

Know Yourself

 You are more than you pretend to be

You are more than what most eyes can see

You are more than all your history

Look inside and you will find

There’s glory in your mind

Come be the kind of person you would be….

 

You are more than what your leaders say

You are more than how you earn your pay

You are more than what you seem today

So drop that loser’s mask

You’re equal to the task

The question you should ask is who you are….

 

You are more than what the preachers shout

You are more, come let your spirit out

You are more, your soul shall have no doubt

Arise, become awake

With every breath you take

The god within will ache to be….

 

You are more than some statistic chart

You are more than the sum of all your parts

You are more inside your heart of hearts

You know that it is true

This being that is you

Has miracles to do

Believe….

by Jean Houston

~~~

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”

May Sarton

~~~

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

“Well,” she explained, “Up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.

“In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?”

~~~

“What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on?”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”

Another patient asked, “How do you know?”

The first inmate said, “Because God told me!”

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!”

~~~

The greater part of our happiness depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.

Martha Washington

~~~

“Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

  1. Knowledge is Power.
  2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money

It follows that: Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

~~~

“Never judge a book by its movie.”

W. Eagan

~~~

Do-It-Yourself Tips For Real Men

* Leak stain on ceiling. – Cut a piece of plywood into a square. Nail it over the stain. Put a handle on it. Tell everyone it’s the door to your attic. (Not recommended for basement apartments).

* Ant invasion. – In a four-litre pail mix together two litres of water, 500 grams of abrasive cleanser and two tablespoons of dish detergent. Find the spot where the ants are getting into the house, pick them up one-by-one and drown them in your pail. Or simply squoosh them with your shoes and use the mixture to clean up the mess.

* Crayon marks on wall. – Grasp in right hand one paint scraper about 30cm long. With left hand, grab rotten offspring who made the marks and threaten to apply scraper to his video game collection if this happens again. Break all his crayons.

* Crabgrass. – In one corner of your lawn, assemble your mower, rake, shovel and weed killer. Using right index finger, dial any asphalt company. Have them come over and pave your lawn — mower, rake, shovel and weed killer included.

~~~

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

Carl Jung

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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