Ray's Daily

Saying Goodbye to One of the Good Guys

To all of Ray Mitchell’s Friends,

One of Dad’s pleasures was sending the “Daily’s” to all of you. He was sad when he had to stop sending them because he knew he would miss hearing from all of you. Please take care of yourselves and as Dad would say Life is too short, Be Happy.

Love, Debi Mitchell

Raymond William Mitchell Obituary

Raymond W. Mitchell passed peacefully in his sleep on March 5, 2024. He was born in Chicago, Illinois, on January 31, 1935. Ray married his wife of more than 70 years, Nancy Joaquina Valdes Gallo/Diego, on April 11, 1953, and she preceded him in death on June 3, 2023.  

Ray joined the Naval Reserve in 1949 at the young age of 14 (his mom had changed his birth certificate when Ray was nine so that he could get a job). He went to boot camp, where he shaved for the first time, and became active in 1952, serving on the USS WASP aircraft carrier during the Korean War. After he was discharged from the Navy, he joined Sperry Univac, working on the installation and support of some of the first computers at major corporations and military bases in the Midwest.

Ray and his family moved to Indianapolis in 1969 so he could be the branch manager for Indiana and portions of the neighboring states. A few years later, Ray embarked on his second career as one of the city’s primary experts and volunteers on employment issues, including minority hiring practices. During this time, Ray served on various state and city task forces on employment, such as those implementing CETA and JTPA. He also served as a board member on several civic organizations like the Indianapolis Urban League, the Central Indiana Health System Agency, and other organizations focused on advancing career and leadership opportunities through training. These activities led to several awards, including the Indiana Jefferson Award and his being a member of the 1st Lacy Executive Leadership Class.

During the 1970s, Ray also began his 45-year relationship with Kiwanis, which included helping found the Kiwanis Club of Northwest Indianapolis. This club still serves the community to this day with various programs that provide opportunities for students through its Key Club and opportunities for individuals with intellectual disabilities to participate in community activities. Upon retiring from the computer world in 1990, he embarked on two of what he would call his most significant achievements. That year, he helped form the Business and Professional Exchange to assist those in career transitions. BPE mentored hundreds of people to help get their lives back on track. At the same time, he joined Kiwanis International as Director of a Worldwide Service Project in partnership with UNICEF and James Bond himself – Roger Moore (007) – to work towards the virtual elimination of the world’s leading preventable cause of intellectual disabilities, iodine deficiency. Over most of the next decade, Ray traveled the world (including many third world countries) with 007 on a project that improved the lives of thousands of people.

Once he truly retired, he embarked on another phase of his life: supporting people who just need a kind thought or a smile on their face to start the day. Ray’s Daily blog went out to thousands of people worldwide with anecdotes, quips, and thoughts for people to consider in their day ahead. This blog not only kept Ray in touch with his many friends made over the years but also served to extol the virtues of volunteerism and helping those less fortunate than ourselves. During this phase of his life, he became one of the Salvation Army’s most dedicated bell ringers throughout the holiday season.

Ray is survived by daughters Debi Mitchell (Bob Williams) and Terry Buckman (Jeff), son Tracy Mitchell (Jennifer), seven grandchildren, and five great-grandchildren. 

A Visitation will be held Thursday, March 14, 2024, from 5 PM until 7 PM at Flanner Buchanan – Broad Ripple, at 1305 Broad Ripple Avenue, Indianapolis, IN 46220. A Service will be on Friday, March 15, at 10 am at the same location, with additional Visitation time starting at 9:30 AM.

Memorial contributions can be sent to the Kiwanis Club of Northwest Indianapolis, 3544 Inverness Blvd, Carmel, IN 46032, or the Salvation Army at https://give.salvationarmyusa.org/.

Ray’s family could not be prouder of his achievements or of the fact that they could call him Dad. WE LOVE YOU, DAD!

Ray Mitchell’s Wife Nancy

Dear Friends,

Although Dad no longer can write his blog, he thinks of you often. You were like family to him.

As such, we wanted to let you know Dad recently lost his wife of 70 years. They had a wonderful life together. We will miss her.

Debi

Nancy Mitchell

Nancy J Mitchell, 90 of Indianapolis passed away on Saturday, June 3rd.  She was born on August 16, 1932 to Ester Diego and Jose Manuel Valdez Gallol in Havana, Cuba. Nancy moved to New York City when she was 11 years old.  She married her loving husband Raymond Mitchell and celebrated 70 years together on April 11th. During that time they lived in Chicago, Minneapolis and eventually Indianapolis where they spent most of their lives together. 

Nancy is survived by her husband, Ray Mitchell, daughters Debi Mitchell (Bob),Terry Buckman (Jeff), son Tracy Mitchell (Jennifer) along with 7 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren.  She was preceded in death by her parents and sister Miriam Berghuis.

Private Family services will be held.  Nancy’s has been entrusted to Indiana Funeral Care.

Published by Indiana Funeral Care – Indianapolis on Jun. 5, 2023.

Retirement

Ray’s Daily

January 5, 2023

http://rays-daily.com

A person can stand almost anything except a succession of ordinary days.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goeth

Ray’s Daily first published on January 5, 2005

As you know I really retired for good this last time, after years of retiring and un-retiring. Since then I have found things were not as I expected. All this talk of leisure and freedom are a myth, at least in my case. Once you start to see contemporaries pass on you start to question your own immortality and how you will spend the time that is left. That fact, coupled with a lifetime of saved up things to learn and things to do, makes it mandatory that we don’t wait to get on with the rest of our life. Even though there is much to do, more than  will ever get done, it can be the best time of our life. In my case I also find that I have the freedom not to conform. While there is still some value in not making too much an ass of myself, if for no other reason than to spare friends and loved ones embarrassment, I find that there is a lot to be said for letting yourself go.

My advice to anyone who has yet to reach their golden years is, don’t wait! There is so much to learn and so much to do that you may not get time to do it all if you don’t start soon.

For those of you who are already in the midst of your golden years, I hope you are having as much fun as I am. If not, shame on you. If you are, let’s play! And oh by the way, the naps are great!

~~~

It was the first day of school; many new teachers and even more new students, filled the building quickly. As the principal made his rounds to check in on each class, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms down the hall. He quickly rushed down the corridor, opened the door where he heard the noise coming from, & walked in. Right away he spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise.  Despite the boy’s reluctance to move, the principal seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. No and’s, if’s, or but’s about it! Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and then proceeded to lecture the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior.

“Now,” he said,” are there any questions before I leave?”

“One girl stood up timidly.  “Please sir,” she asked, “May we have our teacher back?”

“Well, I don’t see why not.”  Looking around the class, he says, “And…just…. where… exactly… is your teacher?”

“He’s the one out in the hall, sir.”

~~~

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.

Franklin P. Adams

~~~

This speaks a lot about the quality of Japanese products and their standards:

They’re still laughing about this at IBM.  Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project.  In the specifications, they stated that they will only accept three defective parts per 10,000.

When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter.  It said, “We Japanese had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment.  Hope this pleases you.”

~~~

Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

~~~

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.

One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”

“Two days ago.”

“Hmm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over.

In May, he’ll be an engineer.”

“What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”

“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”

“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”

“He’s taking every penny I make.”

“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”

“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”

“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”

“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”

~~~

She asked me, What Do You Call A Woman That Works Like A Man??

Her answer was, a Lazy Bitch.

~~~

An airplane pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the ‘newly arrived’ area. There are three doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The devil tells the pilot that he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil has to take care of something first, and disappears.

The curious pilot looks behind door number one. He sees a pilot going through flight checks for all eternity. He looks behind door number two, and he sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve emergency situations. He looks behind the last door, and sees a Captain being waited on hand and foot by scantily-clad stewardesses.

The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position. He offers the pilot a choice of door number one or two.

The pilot says, “I wanted door number three!”

“Sorry,” replies the devil, “that’s ‘flight attendant’s hell’.”

~~~

Don’t borrow trouble.  Be patient and you’ll soon have some of your own.

~~~

Carolyn shares more of her household hints:

I don’t do windows because…  I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

I don’t wax floors because…  I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I’ll feel terrible and they may sue me.

I don’t mind the dust bunnies because…  They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don’t disturb cobwebs because…  I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don’t Spring Clean because…  I love all the seasons and don’t want the others to get jealous.

I don’t pull weeds in the garden because…  I don’t want to get in God’s way, he is an excellent designer.

I don’t put things away because.  My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because…  I don’t want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don’t iron because…  I choose to believe them when they say “Permanent Press”.

I don’t stress much on anything because…  “A Type” personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty old woman!!!!

~~~

The great thing about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.

~~~

A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet, and instructs the guy to hit him as hard as possible on the head.

The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden block.

The man shrugs his shoulders and pounds him hard.

Three years later, the magician wakes up from a coma in the hospital and goes…. “Taa-Daa!”

~~~

When the door of happiness closes, another opens,

But often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.

~~~

Happy New Year

Ray’s Daily

January 4, 2023

http://rays-daily.com

With my failing eyesight I am finding it too difficult to create a new Daily so I will send you reprints from the past 23 years when I can. Stay well and Happy New Year.

Ray

Ray’s Daily first published on January 4, 2005

So, how has 2005 been for you so far? I hope you remembered that there is plenty for us to do this month. After all It is:

• Be On-Purpose Month. Since I will be cruising for part of the month I don’t think this one is possible.
• Barbecue Month. Oh sure, now they tell me, the grill is outside bundled-up for the winter.
• Date Your Mate Month. I assume this means my wife and not a buddy of mine.
• National Retail Bakers Month. Here is another one; it is also National Prune the Fat Month, I wish they would make up their mind.
• National Yours, Mine and Ours Month. OK you tell me, what is ours?
• Prevention of Cruelty to Your Money Month. I promise you if you send me some I will treat it kindly.

If that was not enough it is also Get Out Your Boxer Shorts Day, National Trivia Day, and Short People Day. So, who was the midget in his underwear?

~~~

WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.

Ellie Katz

~~~

A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done – what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.

The teacher said very simply, “You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella.”

~~~

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

~~~

Dear Diary… For my birthday present this year, Phil (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team (let’s say over 30 years ago and leave it at that), I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I’ll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Phil seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Monday:

Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

Tuesday:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air –then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.

Wednesday:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.

Thursday:

Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.

Friday:

I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the *@*#$ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.)

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:

Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the *$@# Weather Channel.

Sunday:

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year Phil (the Beast) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

~~~

Getting people to like you is the other side of liking them.

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M., on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.

He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”

The boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you an entire hour?”

~~~

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

~~~

A friend and I were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Huntington Beach, CA. Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl:  athletic with a great tan and blond hair. Mulling over the menu, my friend asked her if the roast beef was rare.

The waitress gave us a long blank look, and then replied, “Well, no.  We have it, like, just about every day.”

~~~

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it.  I said, ‘Thyroid problem?'”

~~~

A little boy took his dog on a “take your pet to school” day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet. Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks.

Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, “Mindy, how much is two plus two minus four?”

The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent.

“Right!” exclaimed the boy.

His dog won first prize.

~~~

Don’t go for looks; they can deceive.

Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away.

Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile.

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Merry Christmas

Ray’s Daily

December 23, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

I wish you all peace, joy, and the brightest of futures.

I hope you have a great Christmas. Iwill spend mine with my wife and daughters. This will be the last Daily for this year as we are taking a few days off and will resume the Daily on January 2 next year.

Christmas Greeting From A Fairy To A Child

by Lewis Carroll

Lady, dear, if Fairies may

For a moment lay aside

Cunning tricks and elfish play,

‘Tis at happy Christmas-tide.

We have heard the children say –

Gentle children, whom we love –

Long ago on Christmas Day,

Came a message from above,

Still, as Christmas-tide comes round,

They remember it again –

Echo still the joyful sound

“Peace on earth, good-will to men!”

Yet the hearts must childlike be

Where such heavenly guests abide;

Unto children, in their glee,

All the year is Christmas-tide!

Thus, forgetting tricks and play

For a moment, Lady dear,

We would wish you, if we may,

Merry Christmas, Glad New Year!

~~~

No matter where you are in the world today, no matter your religion or your beliefs, I hope you too will embrace “Peace on Earth, good-will to men.” I know of no time when goodwill was needed more. The events of the last few years have shown that hatred, animosity, and terror affects us all, and that no one is guaranteed safety and tranquility. It will take us all, and millions of others working for peace and understanding if we are to stop and reverse the insanity. At the very least we can be kind to each other and invest in the brightest possible future for all children in the years ahead. During this season of celebration let us not forget the fact that our religions and our philosophy is based on the promise of a better life for all.

I hope each of you have the happiest of holidays, hopefully with those you love and care for.

~~~

The peace makers shall be called the children of God.

Bible

~~~

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. 

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrisnukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.  As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to A great miracle happened there, the message on the dreydl will be the more generic Miraculous stuff happens. In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher.  All sides appeared happy about this development except for Santa’s dentist.  He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of Oy, Come all Ye Faithful

~~~

As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”

~~~

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday(tm), practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

~~~

All I Need To Know I Learned From Santa

1. Encourage people to believe in you.

2. Always remember who’s naughty and who’s nice.

3. Don’t pout.

4. It’s as much fun to give as it is to receive.

5. Some days it’s ok to feel a little chubby.

6. Make your presents known.

7. Always ask for a little bit more than what you really want.

8. Bright red can make anyone look good.

9. Wear a wide belt and no-one will notice how many pounds you’ve gained.

10. If you only show up once a year, everyone  will think you’re very important.

11. Whenever you’re at a loss for words, say “HO, HO, HO!” 

~~~

Until one feels the spirit of Christmas, there is no Christmas. All else is outward display–so much tinsel and decorations. For it isn’t the holly, it isn’t the snow. It isn’t the tree not the firelight’s glow. It’s the warmth that comes to the hearts of men when the Christmas spirit returns again.

Unknown

~~~

Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.

Unknown

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Late Shopping

Ray’s Daily

December 22, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” 

Thich Nhat Hanh

Ray’s Daily first published on December 22, 2003

Well here we are, the first day of the Christmas shopping season for all us procrastinators. I think I may implement an alternative plan next year. As many of you know it has been my proposed practice on New Year’s Eve to set the clock ahead a few hours so that I could celebrate New Year’s eve while I am still awake. The upside is that we would avoid all those on the highways that drink too much, the downside is that some restaurants might frown on our use of noise makers and kissing other customers at 8 PM. In the same vein I was thinking if I moved the calendar ahead a week next year, I would be able to avoid the Christmas rush since I would be shopping after everyone celebrated Christmas, prices would be better too. Then when we celebrated New Year’s Eve on January 6th, people would not think we were celebrating early on News Years day, just obviously that we were out of our minds. Who knows the restaurant might even provide free food if we would just leave.

Of course I am married to a traditionalist who buys none of this, and since it is she who must be obeyed I, like you, will be trying to stay awake late on New Year’s Eve and join all of you who do so, celebrate a traditional Christmas.

~~~

Over the last month or so we have had a number of new people join our list, which is always good. What is even better is how some of you do more than just read the daily. A Priest reported that he had found something he would use in one of his homilies, another resends it to a wider distribution list, another friend reported that he had integrated a few of our items into his weekly class for kids, it goes on and on. I am always surprised but also pleased when a friend of a friend asks to be added or when one of you sends in the names of friends or relatives to go on the list. In a few cases some of these have become pen pals. But no matter why you are here I am glad to be with you each day.

~~~

She told me why SANTA CLAUS must be a WOMAN!

Men don’t know how to pack a bag.

Most men wouldn’t be caught dead wearing red velvet.

Men don’t even think about selecting gifts until after lunch on Christmas Eve.

Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.

If Santa were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and Chia Pets, still in the bag from the mall.

If Santa were a man he would have no reindeer, because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped across the front of the sleigh. And Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. And if he did find some way to power the sleigh, he’d never get to everyone’s house because he would get lost up there in the snow and never stop to ask for directions.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened by having to be seen with all those elves.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a “bowl full of jelly.”

Having to do the “Ho Ho Ho” thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up chicks.

And last but not least, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment!

~~~

“I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up… they have no holidays.”

Henny Youngman

~~~

Three contractors were touring the White House on the same day. One was from Chicago, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida.

At the end of their White House tour, the guide asked them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors the guide said “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys look at it and give me a bid.”

So to the back fence they went.

First up was the Florida contractor.

He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Next was the Missouri contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this Job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, $100 profit for me.”

Then the guide asks the Chicago contractor how much. Without even going around to take a look at the job the contractor says: $2,700.”

The guide, incredulous, looks at him and says “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy” says the guy from Chicago, “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Missouri.”

~~~

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

Andy Rooney On Prisons:

Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks apiece I’ll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows.

I don’t think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don’t want to run, they can rest in the chair that’s hooked up to the generator.

~~~

A man who is an avid golfer finally gets a once-in-a-lifetime chance for an audience with the Pope. After standing in line for hours, he gets to the Pope and says, “Holiness, I have a question that only you can answer. You see, I love golf, and I feel a real need to know if there is a golf course in heaven. Can you tell me if there is?”

The Pope considers for a moment, and says, “I do not know the answer to your question, my son, but I will talk to God and get back to you.”

The next day the man is called for another audience with the Pope to receive the answer to his question. He stands before the Pope, who says, “My son, I have some good news and some bad news in relation to your question. The good news is that heaven has the most fabulous golf course that you could imagine and is in eternally perfect shape.”

“And what’s the bad news?” asks the man.

“You tee-off tomorrow morning,” the Pope replies.

~~~

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

David H Comins

~~~

A lawyer was cross-examining a witness:

“You have just testified that you heard the shot at exactly 11:32 p.m.? How did you know what time it was? Did you look at your watch?”

“No,” the witness said. “I looked at the sundial in the garden.”

“That’s absurd,” screamed the lawyer. “How could you tell time by a sundial at 11:32 at night?”

“I had a flashlight,” the witness said.

~~~

How do I know anything really exists? Kick it *really* hard.

~~~

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day.

While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.

Teen says, “Grandpa, they didn’t have a whole lot of problems with all  these diseases when you were young did they?”

Grandpa replies, “Nope.”

The teen says, “Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?”

Grandpa replies, “A wedding ring.”

~~~

“If we are to enjoy life, now is the time, not tomorrow or next year….

Today should always be our most wonderful day.”

Thomas Dreier

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Happy Holidays

Ray’s Daily

December 21, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“A joy that is shared is a joy made double.”

John Roy

Ray’s Daily first published on December 21, 2004

As you look to finish selecting the rest of your holiday gifts you might want to consider these from an unknown author.

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To every child, a good example.

To all, charity.

To yourself, respect.

I often wonder why when we have so much to give we miss so many chances to make someone happy. When we do we also benefit, for when we give forgiveness we unload our anger, when we are tolerant we no longer search for flaws, when we give our hearts to friends we let them know the joy the bring into our lives, when we are good examples we sow the seeds of goodness in the generations to come, when we are charitable we are rewarded by reinforcing our humanity, and when all is said and done we end our day by respecting ourselves.

~~~

In recognizing the humanity of our fellow beings, we pay ourselves the highest tribute.

Thurgood Marshall

~~~

History from Wendy: For those who never saw the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930’s and ’40’s. Before the Interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers’ fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet……and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD

TO GAIN A MINUTE

YOU NEED YOUR HEAD

YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT

Burma Shave

DROVE TOO LONG

DRIVER SNOOZING

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

IS NOT AMUSING

Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER

LET’S REHEARSE

ALL TOGETHER

GOOD MORNING NURSE

Burma Shave

BY CAUTIOUS RIDER

TO HER RECKLESS DEAR

LET’S HAVE LESS BULL

AND MORE STEER

Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH

WEATHER WAS NOT

TIRES WERE THIN

X MARKS THE SPOT

Burma Shave

~~~

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

~~~

The boyfriend said, “We’re going to have a GREAT time Saturday.  I’ve gotten three tickets for the big game.”

“Why do we need three?” asked the girl.

“They’re for your Father, Mother, and kid sister.” he replied.

~~~

I got my IQ test results back, they were negative.

~~~

The officer pulled me over for speeding.  I explained that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary.

But rather than letting me off, he wrote out the ticket, handed it to me, and said, “Congratulations.  The first year is paper, right?”

~~~

When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you.

Jessica Lange

~~~

*A Man’s Guide to What A Woman Is Really Saying*

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE…..  without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?… we haven’t had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA’S FINE…..  you cheap slob!

I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW…. I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?… I can’t believe you have nothing planned.

I LIKE YOU, BUT…… I don’t like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN…. you never listen.

I’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE…. I’m ready, but I’m going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I’LL PAY FOR MYSELF…. I’m just being nice; there’s no way I’m going dutch!!

~~~

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

~~~

A little son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub.

The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed and tore him, and got away.

With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face.

Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: “Fine, be an Atheist.”

~~~

Father grumbling to his two boys as he reluctantly gets ready for an evening out:  “Other kids make their mothers too tired to want to go out — but not you two.”

~~~

Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Houston, Texas prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a quick peek at it and address him by name.

Once, during a check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. “Welcome to Houston, Mr. Bell,” the desk clerk said.

“Oh, please,” the man replied, “call me Taco.”

~~~

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was…surrounded by trees and bushes.

~~~

Forgiveness does not change the past,

But it does enlarge the future.

Paul Boese

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Another Holiday Reprint

Ray’s Daily

December 20,2022

http://rays-daily.com

The truly generous is the truly wise, and he who loves not others, lives unblest.

Henry Home

Ray’s Daily first published on December 20, 2002

The weather in Indianapolis will change for the worse today, it always does whenever I ring bells outside for the Salvation Army. The side benefit though is that people seem to be more giving out of sympathy for runny noses, frozen feet, and shivering.

~~~

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,” the message on the dreidel will be the more generic: “Miraculous stuff happens.” In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.”

~~~

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

Erica Jong

~~~

To: All Employees

From: Management

Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1.  Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.

2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden.  (It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)

3. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.

5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.

6. Work requests are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.”

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

~~~

Don’t worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you.

Robert Fulghum

~~~

It’s forty below zero one-winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, “You owe me quite a bit on your tab.”

“Sorry,” says Pat, “I’m flat broke this week.”

“That’s okay,” says the bartender. “I’ll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall.”

“But,” says Pat, “I don’t want any of my friends to see that.”

“They won’t,” says the bartender. “I’ll just hang your parka over it until it’s paid.”

~~~

If George Washington were alive today, he’d be most noted for his old age.

~~~

Bill had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week’s vacation in France.

“I wish we’d brought the refrigerator with us,” said Morris.

“What on earth for?” asked the wife.

“I’ve left our airline tickets on it.”

~~~

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

~~~

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, “But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half.”

“Just bring me a size eight.”

The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain.  He turns to the salesman and says, “I’ve lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, and my business has filed Chapter 7.

The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off.”

~~~

“A worrier always seems less troubled by what happens today than by what might happen tomorrow.”

Unknown

~~~

It is said that when you tell an Englishman a joke, he will laugh three times. First – when you tell it, to be polite. Second – when you explain it, to be polite. And third – in the middle of the night when he wakes up and finally gets it.

When you tell a German the same joke, he will laugh twice. First – when you tell it, to be polite. And second – when you explain it, to be polite. He won’t laugh a third time because he will never get it.

When you tell an American the same joke he won’t laugh at all. Instead he will say, “It’s an old joke and besides, you tell it all wrong!”

~~~

*grin* It makes “them” wonder!

~~~

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.”

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: “What’s the matter Jim?”

Jim shouts back in a nervous voice: “Throw me my 7-iron! You can’t get out of here with an 8-iron.”

~~~

Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute… I’ll find someone.

~~~

Some neighbors of my grandparents gave them a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift.  As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that my grandmother had to throw it away.

Ever gracious and tactful, my grandmother still felt obliged to send the neighbors a note.  It read:  “Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn’t last very long in our house.”

~~~

“Happiness is not a reward – it is a consequence.

Suffering is not a punishment – it is a result.”

Robert G. Ingersoll

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Christmas Past

Ray’s Daily

December 19, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.”

Norman Vincent Peale

TodayI would like to revist Christmas week past so here is Ray’s Daily from December 19, 2003

I think I mentioned the other day how much I appreciate the feeling of the season. When I ring bell’s outside, helping to raise funds for the Salvation Army I am constantly greeted with a Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday’s from men, women, and children of all ages. Yesterday seniors at a local retirement community warmly greeted my fellow Kiwanians as we did our best to sing carols at their morning meal. While I seldom see many of you, the friends I do run into often close our brief meeting with a hug and their good wishes.

Equally important to me is the holiday messages I get from so many of you. As an example one of my heroes is a Doctor now working with the World Health organization outside the U.S. She was instrumental in helping to put together a partnership between Ted Turner’s UN Foundation and Kiwanis International that put $2 million into programs in Africa. She sent me an E-mail this week for which I am grateful

I am sure that many of you have not heard of Albert Schweitzer. He was an unselfish humanitarian who spent much of his life in one of the world’s most difficult places, French Equatorial Africa. He was a Doctor, world class musician, and theologian who gave up fame and fortune to help others who the world had abandoned. Mary, and others like her carry on that tradition. Unsung heroes, often living in the most difficult circumstances, doing for others. Many of you serve others as a profession, personal philosophy, or as a way of life, others of us demonstrate our commitment to others in our daily lives. Humanity is built upon the foundation of people who care, care for their family, care for others, and care for themselves. You are heroes in your own right. Stop for a minute and just think what our world would be like if everyone just turned their back on the needs of others. Thanks for all you do, and especially thanks to those of you who have let me know how you are doing.

~~~

Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid… He is the hero, he is everything. He must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor, by instinct, by inevitability, without thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best man in his world and a good enough man for any world.

Raymond Chandler

~~~

A pick pocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes. “Mr. Brewster,” the Judge said, “you are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150.”

After consulting with his client, Mr. Brewster’s lawyer stood up and said, “Your Honor, my client is a little short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd…”

~~~

Surely the finest teachers of creativity, persistence, and unconditional love are children.

~~~

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

“Not Gutenberg?” Gasped the collector.

“Yes, that was it!”

“You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!”

“Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. “It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther.”

~~~

There is no heavier burden than great potential

Linus (Peanuts)

~~~

** SIGNS YOU NEED A NEW DOCTOR **

– He calls you at two in the morning “just to talk.”

– He keeps accidentally referring to himself as “the defendant.”

– He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Brooklyn.

– He tries to color your X-Rays with crayons.

– Your internist thinks that “saline solution ” is taking his yacht to Barbados for 3 weeks.

~~~

She’s always late, in fact, her ancestors arrived on the June flower.

~~~

One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words.  “Mom,” she asked, “what’s a quarter horse?”

As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, “I know!  It’s the one they have in front of the grocery store.”

~~~

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

~~~

“I have good news and bad news,” the defense attorney told his client. “First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.”

“Oh, no!” cried the client. “What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is only 180.”

~~~

Researchers at Johns Hopkins announced an incredible breakthrough in shoe science.  Solving a puzzle that has eluded scientists for decades, they reported that it’s the left sandal that’s the flip, and the right sandal is the flop.  

Craig Kilborn

~~~

“Intelligent” is a term used to describe someone who agrees with you.

~~~

Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry, a man searched this small Georgia town in which he was visiting until he found a sign which read: “Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service.”

After explaining his needs, he said, “I’ll be back for my suit tomorrow.”

“Won’t be ready til Saturday,” replied the proprietor.

“But I thought you had 24-hour service,” the customer protested.

“We do, son,” the proprietor said reproachfully.  “But we only work eight hours a day.  Today’s Thursday – eight hours today, eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday.  That’s 24-hour service.”

~~~

Why Men Shouldn’t Take Messages…Husband’s note to wife:

“Doctor’s office called:  Said Pabst Beer is normal.”

~~~

The Hospital regulations where Betty last worked as a nurse, like most all others, require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. One day Betty, found an elderly gentleman, already dressed and sitting on the bed with an overnight suit case besides him. The guy insisted he didn’t need Betty’s help to leave the hospital.

But after Betty educated him about the hospital rules, and vehemently insisting she would take him down to the hospital exit, he reluctantly agreed to let her wheel him to the elevator.

After they were downstairs and at the exit door, Betty asked if his wife or someone was meeting him and taking him home. “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”

~~~

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”

Stephen Wright

~~~

Contrary to popular belief, most blondes do indeed know the value of a dollar. The other day a blonde from Atlanta had her car break down. The tow truck driver charged her $65.00 to take the car to the garage less than 10 miles away.

When she told her husband that evening, he said that the driver had taken advantage of her.

She said, “I thought so. But I made him earn it. I kept the brakes on all the way.”

~~~

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing; it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”

Voltaire

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be Grateful

Ray’s Daily

December 16, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.”

Helen Steiner Rice

There is more to the gifts we receive than what is packed inside. We do well to appreciate the effort behind what we are given.

The Long Walk

In the midst of shopping, decorating, card writing, cooking and baking … before you get frazzled and frayed in the days leading up to Christmas, I want to share an old story with you. In the telling, I pray you might allow it to influence your decisions and activities during the holidays.

Some time ago there was an American missionary living in a very remote, tiny African village. The young woman was a teacher who laboured alongside the natives.

One Christmas Eve a little boy from the missionary’s class proudly brought her a crudely wrapped gift. The teacher was quite surprised. This young boy was very poor. What could he possibly give? The teacher unwrapped the gift and found within the crumpled brown paper a beautiful, exquisite seashell.

The missionary, knowing the only place to find such shells was many rugged miles away, expressed her enthusiastic appreciation.

‘My goodness,’ she told him, ‘you’ve travelled so far to bring me such a wonderful, lovely present!’

At first the little boy appeared surprised by her reaction, but his eyes quickly brightened and a wide smile crept across his small face.

‘Oh, teacher,’ he explained, ‘Long walk part of gift.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It might be tempting to believe what the marketers are trying to tell and sell us – that the ‘perfect’ gift will make for a perfect Christmas. Don’t believe it. As the little boy taught his teacher and reminds you and me, it’s not the gift that really matters – it’s the effort, thought and love behind the giving of the gift itself.

Even if you navigate these next few days with the right spirit and attitude befitting the celebration of the world’s greatest birthday, you might still find yourself worn out and weary. If you do, don’t despair. Just remember the heart-warming words of that little boy – words which I pray might echo down through the years . . . . ‘LONG WALK PART OF GIFT’

Written by Jim Daly of Focus on the Family

~~~

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”

Helen Keller

~~~

Here are some more words for you to use in your conversations today.

Lactomangulation (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the ‘open here’ spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

Peppier (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

Telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

~~~

Hypochondriacs are just like fishermen, because neither have to catch anything to be happy.

Lawrence Brotherton

~~~

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?”

Nine hands went up.

“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man. “Too much trouble,” came the reply.

~~~

Marriage changes passion … suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

~~~

A woman goes to a bank and meets with a loan officer.

“I want a loan,” she tells him. “I’m going to divorce my husband.”

“Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” says the loan officer. “We do make loans for automobiles, businesses, home improvements …”

The woman interrupts. “Well, getting rid of him would certainly be a home improvement!”

~~~

The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions–the little, soon-forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

~~~

A little boy had been pawing over a stationer’s stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, “Just what is it you’re looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend, Anniversary or a congratulations to your mom and dad?”

The boy shook his head and answered, “Got any like a blank report card?”

~~~

She said, “I haven’t found Mr. Right, but I have found Mr. Cheap, Mr. Sleazy, and Mr. Wrong.”

~~~

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, she seemed upset.

“What happened, Mother?” the daughter asked.

“I had to slap his face three times!”

“You mean he got fresh?”

“No,” she answered…

“I thought he was dead!”

~~~

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

Albert Einstein

~~~

My wife said:

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power.

But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.

Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

 Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing spiders.

~~~

“A joy that is shared is a joy made double.”

John Roy

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.