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Amazing

Ray’s Daily

July 3, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.

Richard Bach

Josefina Monasterio.

When I was a kid in the forties people in their sixties were considered to be old people. Most of the elderly women I knew were matronly homemakers usually clothed in wash dresses. My grandfather spent most of his post retirement days reading mysteries or listening to the radio. My other experience with older men was limited and those I did know were somewhat infirm.

Things have sure changed, most folks I know in their sixties, including my daughters are as vibrant and active as ever, if not more so. My elderly neighbors generally have not let their age get them down.

What inspires me that some begin anew if their sixties and seventies, Recently I read an AARP article about a champion body builder that started in her sixties and now is a constant trophy winner. I have taken the liberty to take highlights from the article to share with you today. I think her positive attitude is inspiring.

 10 Tips on Thriving at Any Age from ‘America’s Got Talent’ Bodybuilder Josefina Monasterio

The 74-year-old grandmother’s never-say-never attitude keeps her trying new things

by Gayle Jo Carter, AARP

The America’s Got Talent judges might have sent 74-year-old bodybuilder Josefina Monasterio packing last week, but that doesn’t mean the trophy-winning grandmother will stop trying new things. Monasterio’s never-say-never attitude is just one of the secrets to her success.

  1. Age is just a number.
  2. Say yes to life.
  3. Be your biggest fan. – I believe in potential, that you have a divine destiny to be productive, to be healthy, to be successful. It’s the definition of life. The other side is death.
  4. You are what you eat. – A lot of [aging] is prevention, so continue to take care of your body, your muscles. What I don’t eat is junk, processed food.
  5. Lift weights. – What I do now is walk and lift weights. I also do yoga, which is the reason I don’t get injuries. I stay flexible.
  6. Be a role model
  7. Just do it. – I don’t believe that because you’re 70, now you’re supposed to stop work, now you’re retired. I think, What can I do now? I got my doctorate in my 50s. I became a bodybuilder in my 60s, a writer in my 70s. I’m going to continue in my 80s, 90s and 100s. The older I get, the better I look and feel.
  8. Avoid naysayers.
  9. Inspire people to inspire yourself. – I’ve been blown away by all the people who got inspired or changed their lifestyles because of me.
  10. When one door closes, another one opens. – I’m not sorry [the America’s Got Talent judges didn’t send her through]. I was wondering “What am I doing here?” But the message got out. I didn’t win in the sense that we understand, but I won by helping people change their minds, to see other ways, to change their paradigm. Sometimes people learn this very late, you don’t have anything to lose by going for something. Think anything is possible.

~~~

Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.

Ralph Marston

~~~

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. “Well,” she explained, “up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees.

~~~

Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

~~~

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

On landing the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

“Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child… pick your favorite.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”

Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.”

~~~

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

~~~

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill’s wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.

But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, “What’s the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now.”

Bill said, “Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole.”

“My God, honey!” said the wife, rushing to comfort him. “That must’ve been terrible!”

“It was,” he said. “All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again…”

~~~

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

~~~

As I was checking on my shrinking 401 K accounts, I learned the following:

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell “Broke”.

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you’re supposed to be listening to your manager’s presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn’t actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. “The rent, sir?” “Hahaha, well, I’m a little short this month.”).

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

~~~

Her mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty…

They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

~~~

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.

“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”

“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?”

“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.

“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”

“Nine…”

~~~

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.

Kahlil Gibran

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Life Goes On

Ray’s Daily

July 2, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

Have you noticed that people who already know the truth and all the answers no longer find it necessary to think?

~Ray Mitchell~

picnic

It is going to be another busy day so I am going back to a Daily from sixteen years ago. Life was simpler then.

Ray’s Daily from July 2, 2004

Here we are in the month of July already, summer is upon us in my part of the world, the challenges of a new month lay ahead. But as always there is more to the days than just the passing of time. For example besides our National Holiday this weekend, it is our Independence Day, today is the Feast of the Expectant Mothers in Italy, I will have to rely on reader Judith who lives in Milan to tell us if this means that the soon-to-be-mothers eat even more than they usually do on this day.

For those of us in the United States our month will be filled with many things we are expected to do. After all it is Hitch Hiking Month, Baked Beans Month, Hot Dog Month, Ice Cream Month, National July Belongs to Blueberries Month, National Peach Month, and National Picnic Month. It seems to me that the most efficient way to put all that behind us is to hitch hike to a picnic somewhere and eat baked beans, hot dogs, ice cream, and fruit. The only problem with doing that will be that we will have to find other things to do as we work our way to August.

~~~

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.  The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.

The man replies, “Come on, a dog?”

The owner says, “How about a cat?”

The man replies, “No way!  A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!”

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!”

The man says, “A centipede?  I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.”

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.”

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate!  All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He’s absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.”

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered.  The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.  This really is a pet that can do everything!”

Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.”

The centipede walks out the door.  10 minutes later…no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede. 30 minutes later…no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what’s going on.  So he goes to the front door, opens it… and there’s the centipede sitting right outside.

The man says, “Hey!!  I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper.  What’s the matter?!”

The centipede says, “I’m goin’!  I’m goin’!  I’m just putting on my shoes!”

~~~

Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?

~~~

See how many of these well known phrases you can recognize without the use of a dictionary or a thesaurus.

  1. Scintillate, scintaillate, asteroid minific
  2. Surveillance should precede caltation
  3. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate
  4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity
  5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid
  6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude
  7. The stylus is more potent than the scimitar
  8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers
  9. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion
  10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees F.
  11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly suriferous.
  12. Where there are visible vapors having their prevalence in ingnited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

 

Answers:

  1. Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
  2. Look before you leap.
  3. Birds of a feather flock together.
  4. Beauty is only skin deep.
  5. No use crying over spilt milk.

6.C leanliness is next to godliness.

  1. The pen is mightier than the sword.
  2. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
  3. Spare the rod and spoil the child.
  4. A watched pot never boils.
  5. All that glitters is not gold.
  6. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

If those of you in other countries had trouble with this one, don’t worry, nobody here got them right either.

~~~

Mary had a little lamb, some white wine, and a salad.

~~~

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a midterm exam. The last question was: “Name seven advantages of mother’s milk,” worth 70 points.

One student who had also partied the night before, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

He finally wrote:

  1. It is a perfect formula for the child.
  2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
  3. It is always available as needed.
  4. It is always at the right temperature
  5. It is inexpensive
  6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.

And then, the student was stuck. Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote .  .  .

  1. It comes in such cute containers.

(He got an “A.”)

~~~

The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.

“It’s bad,” said the proprietor, “but it’s not as bad as it could have been if he’d robbed me yesterday.”

“Why is that?” the detective asked.

“Because today everything was on sale.”

~~~

The price of wisdom is eternal thought.

~ Frank Birch ~

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Be Optimistic

Ray’s Daily

July 1, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

Helen Keller

Optimist

I worry that too many of us are being overwhelmed by current events to the point we are not concentrating on our own needs. While I know we need to stay aware of what is going on around us we must not let all that prevent us on taking care of our own wellbeing.

If we make an effort to stay optimistic and learn to enjoy what we do have or lives will be a lot happier. It also will give us a good start when things get better.

Here are excerpts from an article written by Paul Rarick that talks about focusing on how optimism can benefit us during these difficult times.

Ways to Live an Optimistic Life

 Surround yourself with optimistic people. – We humans are extremely impressionable creatures and tend to absorb and take on the qualities of our surrounding environment to a large extent. It is very difficult to maintain a high level of optimism when you spend time with people who are negative, pessimistic, resigned or playing the victim role.

Avoid television and most media for at least 6 months. – Most of what we see and hear in the media has a fairly pessimistic tone. Notice how our culture loves to tear people down (usually after building them up).

Understand the distinction: Optimism vs. Realism. – Many people think being optimistic is fool-hardy or pollyanna-ish because it doesn’t always take into account the real story or situation. Well, there is an argument there worth exploring AND, to put it simply, optimism is just a more efficient and enjoyable system to use most of the time. The thing which most often stops people from reaching their goals or living their dreams is their own limiting (non-optimistic) self-talk.

Take total responsibility for your entire life. – While it may be possible to be optimistic and not totally responsible – from an integrity standpoint, it’s better to accept that you ARE responsible for everything that happens in your life. That way, you will be quick to respond to difficult situations vs. wanting to fret and moan about how it *wasn’t your fault* or *life isn’t fair.* It’s about acceptance, and seeing that the present is always perfect (even when you’d like to believe otherwise).

Eliminate everything you are tolerating or procrastinating or incomplete about. – By doing this, you will give your self-esteem and confidence a big boost. When you let these types of things hang around, not only do you lose vast amounts of energy, you begin to feel impotent in life. It starts to feel like you are incapable of handling/completing certain tasks.

Get clarity about what you truly want. – It’s always been hard for humans to get in touch with what they REALLY want in life. When you do get clear about what you want out of your life, and you orient yourself around that choice, optimism can blossom naturally because you will experience a deep sense of purpose and mission about who you are and why you’re here.

~~~

“I think I am going to have to supercharge my optimism to arm myself for the battle ahead.”

Rebecca Bloom

~~~

Laws you should know

“The Law of Volunteering” If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

“The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

“Boob’s Law” You always find something in the last place you look.

“Weiler’s Law” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

“Law of Probable Dispersal” Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

“Law of Volunteer Labor” People are always available for work in the past tense.

“Conway’s Law” In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

“Iron Law of Distribution” Them that has, gets.

“Law of Cybernetic Entomology” There is always one more bug.

“Law of Drunkedness” You can’t fall off the floor.

“Heller’s Law” The first myth of management is that it exists.

“Osborne’s Law” Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

“Main’s Law” For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

“Weinberg’s Second Law” If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

~~~

We the people have much to enjoy, share, love, ponder, appreciate, learn, celebrate, anticipate, admire and contribute. Gets you to wondering why we squander so much time and energy on fighting, cheating, killing, envying, hating, torturing and killing each other.

~~~

She said: I returned to my parents’ home to attend a funeral.  At the chapel, my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar.  “Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?” she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me.  He was the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother’s funeral.  “It’s good to see you again, Rabbi,” I said.  “Though I wish it weren’t always under such tragic circumstances.”

The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away.  A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother. “Imagine,” she whispered, “after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your first wedding!”

~~~

A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails

Pioneer Girls Leaders’ Handbook

~~~

He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, ”Let’s go!”

The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. ”Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, ”and make several low-level passes.”

”Why?” asked the nervous pilot.

”Because I’m going to take pictures!” yelled the photographer. ”I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures.” The pilot replied, ”You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

~~~

A husband is a man who wishes he had as much fun when he goes on business trips as his wife thinks he does.

~~~

A man was showing his friend a new set of matching golf clubs he had just bought.

“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.”

“What did you buy your wife?” the friend asked.

The man said, “A new lawn mower.”

~~~

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.

Sydney J. Harris

~~~

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10. sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older person friendly” policies.

One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him in the office for a talk. “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes. I know boss, and I am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Arm Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?”

“They said, “Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, Sir?”

~~~

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.”

Noam Chomsky

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Smile

Ray’s Daily

June 30, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“A smile is happiness you’ll find right under your nose. “

Tom Wilson

Smile

These are really tough times for many. Illness, income loss and isolation have taken their toll. It can be devastating if we let today’s challenges take us down. Even during the worst of times, we have each other and even at what seems to be the worst we are better off than most of the world’s folks.

Yes, there are reasons some will go each day with a frown on their face, but that only makes things worse. There are plenty of reasons to smile. When we do it helps us all to feel better. Even if we are wearing a mask, the smile we offer shines through in our eyes and words.

Here is an excerpt from the Live Happier Blog that reminds us why we should smile

Why I believe smiling is paramount in living the happiness lifestyle:

Reverse property – I think there is a technical mathematical expression for this, but basically it states that if something works one way then it will work in reverse as well. e.g. Happy=Smile; Smile=Happy. This works, even though it may not be instantaneously and … you have to want to and some days that can be a real challenge!

Confidence – Smiling makes you feel better about yourself and you are the foundation of you; therefore smiling will help you build self esteem and confidence.

Friendly – Smiling makes you more inviting, which means others are more likely to engage with you in conversation. Not always a great thing for introverts, however; but, it is for this very reason that also makes people more trusting of you and more likely to do business with you or hire you because being around a “frowny face” is a downer. IT OPENS DOORS!

Something as simple as smiling can be a life changer. Think about all the other things you’ve tried in life. Maybe  the only thing you really need to do is smile to live a happier Life.

~~~

“A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles.”

William Hazlitt

~~~

Beware, these people are in the gene pool and reproducing! Real 911 Calls, believe it or not!!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I’m wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency? Caller: Fire, I guess. Dispatcher: How can I help you sir? Caller: I was wondering…..does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks? Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency? Caller: Well, I’ve spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and… well, do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me? Dispatcher: Help you what? Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency? Caller : My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is……….

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn.. I think I’m going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn…… Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police.

~~~

Remember this–that very little is needed to make a happy life.

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

~~~

When I picked up my Ford Escort at the service station after some minor repairs, I paid by check as usual. A couple of weeks later I came home from work to find my wife quite upset. She gave me the silent treatment until I figured out why she was so angry. She had noticed the canceled check, and on the memo line I had written “Escort Service.”

~~~

The company I worked for always had problems with interoffice communications.  For instance, last week the Personnel Department sent around a memo on sexual harassment Three people initialed it and six people signed up for it.

~~~

A best friend is like a four-leaf clover…. hard to find, and lucky to have.

~~~

The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it “in the old days.” Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below.

Second Runner-Up:

In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.

First Runner-Up:

In my day, we didn’t have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you’d weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we’d use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn’t adjust our skates, which didn’t really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like today.

And the winner:

In my day, we didn’t have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.

Honorable Mentions:

  • In my day, we didn’t have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes.
  • In my day, we didn’t have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
  • In my day, we didn’t get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice saying ‘Doors closing.’ We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.
  • In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
  • Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.
  • Back in my day, ’60 Minutes’ wasn’t just a bunch of gray-haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.
  • In my day, we didn’t have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
  • Back in my day, they hadn’t invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.

~~~

“Maman told me that every time you smile, a very tiny bit of the smile stays stuck to your face, so as you get older and older your face starts to show all the tiny bits of all your smiles and you look like you are smiling all the time, even when you are just thinking about what to have for breakfast. She said, also, that if you frown a lot then the frown sticks to your face instead. That way when you are old you have a very frowny face and look cross all the time and people are scared of you.”

Claire King

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Happy Aging

Ray’s Daily

June 29, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.”

Frank Lloyd Wright

aging

Here we go again, a new week. Hat surprises me these days is that my wife and me are staying pretty happy. We are sequestered, the outside world is suffering from the virus and depression. I do hear a lot about the good things some peopleare doing for others and I applaud their efforts.

As you know Nancy and I live in a senior residential facility that includes folks even more than a hundred years old. The thing that I like most about so many of my neighbors is how upbeat they are. Their positive attitudes are contagious.

I always have, and hope I always will chose happiness and avoid the doldrums that come from giving up on life. I may not be as healthy as I once was, certainly I am not as spry, but I can still do enough to keep me happily occupied, so my life is good. I hope yours is as well.

Here is a story that reminds me of some of the good people I know, I hope you enjoy it.

Each day is a gift

A 92-year-old delicate but well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and his face shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

‘I love it,’ he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

‘Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.’

‘That doesn’t have anything to do with it,’ he replied.

‘Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged … it’s how I arrange my mind.

I already decided to love it. ‘It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.’

‘Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away. Just for this time in my life.’

‘Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in.’

‘So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.’

Remember these five simple rules to be happy:

  1. Free your heart from hatred
  2. Free your mind from worries
  3. Live simply
  4. Give more
  5. Expect less

Author Unknown

~~~

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be.”

Robert Browning

~~~

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie.

Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?”

Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.”

“Oh, come on.” says the Rabbi.

“YES!” says Bernie.

Rabbi: “I don’t believe you. You are just fooling around;  that’s not a proper thing to do in temple.”

Bernie: “Its true..!”

“Ok”, says the Rabbi (thinking he would call Bernie’s bluff), “then show me what the dog can do.”

“OK” says Bernie nodding to the dog. The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.

When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. “Do you think your dog would consider going to rabbinical school????”

Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says, “YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!”

~~~

“There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.”

George Santayana

~~~

According to an abcnews.com feature story, nearly eight in 10 people polled said lack of respect and courtesy is a serious national problem, and six in 10 said the problem is getting worse.

Symptoms cited are talking loudly on cell phones in public; driving obnoxiously; leaving people on hold; cursing and littering.

The remaining respondents were quoted as saying, “Here’s a quarter, go call someone who gives a crap.”

~~~

“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.”

Chuck Reid

~~~

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

“What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” asked the officer.

“I’m going to a lecture.”

“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.

“My wife.”

~~~

“If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?”

Laurence J. Peter

~~~

A high-school geometry teacher started one lesson on triangles by reading a theorem. “If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles.”

He noticed that one student wasn’t taking notes and asked him why.

“Well,” he replied sincerely, “I’m waiting until you start speaking English.”

~~~

“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”

Abraham Lincoln

~~~

This fellow was being sold a very cheap suit.

“But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”

“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer.

“No problem,” the sales clerk answered. “Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That’s why this suit is only thirty dollars.”

Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit’s left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car.

Two doctors happened along and noticed him.

“Good heavens,” the first doctor said to the second, “look at that poor crippled fellow.”

“Yeah,” answered the second doctor. “But doesn’t that suit fit great?”

~~~

“In the central place of every heart there is a recording chamber.  So long as it receives a message of beauty, hope, cheer, and courage – so long are you young.  When the wires are all down and our heart is covered with the snow of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and only then, are you grown old.”

Douglas MacArthur

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

We all need them

Ray’s Daily

June 27, 2020

http://rays-daily

A man’s growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

friendship

I hope you are doing OK during these trying times. If you are like I am you have come to appreciate being able to communicate with friends and family. I am sorry for those whoare so alone with little human contact.

Over the years I have valued making new friends even though it was not easy. I am glad I had the patience to learn more about the people I met even if at first I did not like them much. In fact I would not have some friends I now like the most if it was not that I learned more about them and liked what I learned. There has never been a time in our lives that we have not needed others more. So my friends I am so glad I know you and I like forward to the day we can meet again.

Recently Marc Chernoff wrote and article about being grateful, here is an excerpt from that article.

Gratitude

Yes, there are incredibly painful parts of my life, and it’s OK to feel the pain they bring. But it’s also important that I remember the rest of my life too, and to also remember that even the painful experiences make life as intricate and remarkable as it is. Life would be impossible without challenges. There is no happiness without some sadness—one requires the other.

The makeover of my mindset and how I felt about my life in that moment, on that really hard night, was extraordinary. And it all stemmed from going back to the fundamentals—I found some gratitude.

I’ve used this same process dozens of times since that night, and it continues to make a world of difference:

  • When someone upsets me, I try to find one thing about them I’m grateful for.
  • When I catch myself procrastinating on a task, I look at why I’m grateful for a opportunity to complete the task.
  • When I get sick or injure my body, I focus on how grateful I am to be alive and able to heal.
  • When I lose someone I love, I grieve, but I am also grateful for the time and experiences I shared with them.
  • When something negative happens with the work I do, I remember to be grateful for the ability to work and serve others, and that these challenges allow me to grow wiser.
  • When someone doesn’t like me, or judges me unfairly, I do my best to be grateful that they care enough to even pay me some attention. Attention is time, and time is a gift.

The bottom line is that the art of being grateful on really hard days starts with you. And make no mistake about it: the secret to being grateful is no secret. You choose to be grateful. Then you do it again and again. If you forget, begin again.

~~~

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

~~~

The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television…

A harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return.

I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar.

“Hey,” commented my 11-year-old, “it sounds as if someone just got their food.”

~~~

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

Erica Jong

~~~

He said… What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said…Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

~~~

He said… Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
She said…Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
~~~

Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she’s wearing a jumpsuit.

Rita Rudner

~~~

A young couple decided they needed an au pair, and arranged for a girl to come over from Northern Finland.  When she arrived, the wife asked, “Can you cook?”

“No,” said the girl, “My mother always did that.”

“Can you do housework?” asked the wife.

“No, my oldest sister always did that.”

“Well,” said the wife, “You’d better just look after the children.”

“I don’t know how,” said the girl. “My youngest sister always did that.”

“What can you do, then?” asked the wife, in desperation.

“Well,” said the Finnish girl brightly, “I can milk reindeer.”

~~~

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

~~~

Kisses blown are kisses wasted

Kisses aren’t kisses unless there tasted

Kisses spread germs and germs are hated,

So kiss me baby, i’m vacinated!!

~~~

All’s well that ends.

~~~

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. He replied, “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.”

~~~

“Things could be worse. I could be one of my creditors.”

Henny Youngman

~~~

Mike was lying on his deathbed.  “You only have a little while longer in this world,” the kindly parish priest warned the sick man.  “If there is anything you would like before you go, I shall do my best to get it for you.”

The weakening patient replied, “Father, I’d like to hear the village band play once more.”

The band was summoned and played its best, after which Mike remarked, “Now I can die happy. There’ll be nothing in hell worse than that.”

~~~

Think young. Aging is for wine.

~~~

Audrey Greyson was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief Audrey got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Audrey loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn’t want to hear them.

To teach Audrey a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they’d just get up, walk out, and meet at another home but without Audrey.

Sure enough, at the next bridge club meeting, Audrey started, “You know, girls, there’s a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say…” Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door.

Audrey was disconcerted, but only for a moment. Then she understood
what was going on and said, “Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There’s plenty of time because the bus doesn’t leave until morning!”

~~~

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality

~~~

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.  She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it.  Finally, she went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial.  After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.  Finally, he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.  Then he looked back at the lock and quickly turned to the final number and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed.  “I’m in awe at your faith, pastor,” she said.

“It’s really nothing,” he answered.

“The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling.”

~~~

There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you.

Paramahansa Yogananda

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry!

Ray’s Daily

June 25, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well”

Voltaire

appreciationd

Sorry, I had a reocurance of my inability to use my right hand, so no Dailies the last few days. By inceasing my medications and some therapy I am doing better. But still not totally recovered so I am again taking to easy way out. Here is another Daily from the past.

Ray’s Daily first published on June 25, 2008

I have another one of those full days. I had a breakfast meeting; I still have to do a major lengthy upgrade to my GPS system and on and on; I won’t bore you with it all. I did not want to again just do a reprint from the past as I have been prone to do lately because I just got a flood update from the Salvation Army that included appreciation for our financial contributions. If you were one of our online contributors, thank you; you have helped make a difference in the lives of some pretty desperate people. If you wanted to make a contribution and did not get around to it we still could use your help, you can make a donation today at http://salvationarmyindiana.org/kiwanis.html.

Since appreciation is today’s theme, I want to let you know how much I appreciate our connection. Many of you have become more than readers, you have become friends. I am especially grateful to those of you who share your wisdom and offer your counsel. I also find it awesome how many of you are doing so much for others, you are truly a band of heroes.

~~~

A random thought from Ray’s notebook.

Does it seem to you that we have become a people that need someone to blame for all of our problems? Some tell us everything is due to the NAFTA treaty, for others it is the immigrants, and for still others it is our religious differences. Sadly we seldom think it is us. Both our government and our people have spent money we don’t have and we have seen the dollar plummet in value. Oil and food cost shoot up as the dollar weakens and we view our consumption of a quarter of the world’s resources as our right. Yet we take little responsibility for our plight. We go to war but are not asked to make any personal sacrifices; it is only the people we send and their families who pay a terrible price. By most measures we no longer can consider ourselves superior to other nations and yet we don’t shore up our educational delivery systems, we don’t take action to slow the academic decline and if the truth be known too many of our decision makers have become questionable role models for the future generations.

~~~

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

~~~

A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds – and girth – was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership.

When the salesman’s pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, “Now what would it take to get you into one of these?”

Looking at the Jeep’s high front seat, the woman replied, “Probably a crowbar.”

~~~

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

Peg Bracken

~~~

A gentile once wandered into a Jewish restaurant and ordered roast chicken. It arrived complete with potatoes and a few sundries, and the diner looked at it without much favor. He said to the waiter, “Don’t I get a green vegetable?”

And the waiter said, “And what color is the pickle? Purple?”

~~~

He who hesitates is probably right.

~~~

She said:

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot.

“NO!  NO!  NO!” she screamed.

“Lizzie,” her mother scolded.  “That’s not polite behavior.”

At that, the girl yelled even louder, “NO, THANK YOU!  NO, THANK YOU!”

~~~

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

~~~

As she was about to leave the house for her new job, she thought it would be fun if he picked her up at work and they could go out to dinner. She put a note on their dining room table that said, “For a good time, call…” and she put her new work number.

When her husband failed to call, she took the bus home.

“Where were you?” she asked. “Didn’t you get my note?”

“Oh,” he replied with a sheepish grin, “I wasn’t sure who wrote it.”

~~~

“Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who has a low opinion of himself.”

Anthony Trollope

~~~

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.

At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.

As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

~~~

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternatives.

Maurice Chevalier ~

~~~

A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons.

A passerby asks her how old the boys are.

“The doctor is three” the mother answers, “and the lawyer is two.”

~~~

“Looking through the want ads last week, I came across a job that required a college degree or the equivalent. Finally, I thought, my eight years of high school are paying off.”

Buzz Nutley

~~~

At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful coed and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many guys at these parties that she’d date.

“Oh, I have a 3.8, so I’m much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals,” she said. “What’s your G. P. A.?”

Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, “I get about 25 in the city and 40 on the highway.”

~~~

Forgive all who have offended you. Not for them, but for yourself.

~~~

A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is…”

“Wait! Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”

~~~

Science is true. Don’t be misled by fact.

~~~

A worried father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship.

“I’ll say he is, Daddy,” responded the girl. “Just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you two are easy to get along with.”

~~~

Don’t confuse an open mind with one that’s vacant.

~~~

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer’s garden.  “I’ll give you my two pennies for that tomato,” said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. “No,” said the farmer, “I get a dime for a tomato like that one.” The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, “Will you take two pennies for that one?” “Yes,” replied the farmer, “I’ll give you that one for two cents.” “OK,” said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer’s hand, “I’ll pick it up in about a week.”

~~~

“Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” isn’t the falling down, but the staying down.”

Mary Pickford

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

On my way

Ray’s Daily

June 22, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

If you’re going through hell, keep going.    

Winston Churchill

on my way

I am a semi-new person. I have all my new teeth and can eat normally again. My kids got me a new monitor for my computer that has a much larger screen so I have no problem reading my e-mail. They also got me a scale that use a voice to tell me my weight, so no vision problems there. And if that was not enough my pulmonologist ordered me a new CPAP (breathing machine) that is helping me get a sound sleep.

The good news is I now have limited use of my right hand. It has been a difficult and painful month created by a severe case of the gout. It now seems like it is almost over. I am glad that the hospital and doctor’s visits are behind me, no more shots and less medicines, yippee. While I was on some heavy pain pills the only choice was to keep going, not easy but necessary.

See it through

When you’re up against a trouble,

Meet it squarely, face to face;

Lift your chin and set your shoulders,

Plant your feet and take a brace.

When it’s vain to try to dodge it,

Do the best that you can do;

You may fail, but you may conquer,

See it through!

 

Black may be the clouds about you

And your future may seem grim,

But don’t let your nerve desert you;

Keep yourself in fighting trim.

If the worst is bound to happen,

Spite of all that you can do,

Running from it will not save you,

See it through!

 

Even hope may seem but futile,

When with troubles you’re beset,

But remember you are facing

Just what other men have met.

You may fail, but fall still fighting;

Don’t give up, whate’er you do;

Eyes front, head high to the finish.

See it through!

Edgar Guest

~~~

If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.

H.G. Wells

~~~

Most people deserve each other.

All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.

The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.

Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the way they look from behind.

If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.

Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.

~~~

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”

George Carlin

~~~

She said: My husband and I were watching some TV show the other night where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he were in fact “cheating” on her. My husband asked me if I would ever do that.

I said, “Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you.”

~~~

According to a new poll, women are much better liars than men.

At least that’s what THEY say… but they could be lying.

~~~

A man is lost in the desert.  He used up the last of his water three days ago and he’s lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling “Mush! Mush!”

Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again, closer this time — “Mush! Mush!”

Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and sees, of all things, an Eskimo in a fur coat driving a sled with a team of huskies across the dunes.  Thinking that it’s a hallucination, he blinks and shakes his head, but it’s for real!  He painfully lifts one arm and in a cracked voice calls, “He-elp!”

The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in the heat, and he says to the Eskimo, “I don’t know what you’re doing here, or why, but thank God you are!  I’ve been wandering around this desert for days, my water’s all gone and I’m completely lost!”

The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, “You think YOU’RE lost!”

~~~

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

~~~

“What happened to you?” asked the bystander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor. The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin.

“Last thing I remember was my wife came out of the beauty salon.  I took a look at her and said, ‘Well, Honey, at least you tried,’ and then it was lights out.”

~~~

She said: – Do Not Start With Me. You Will Not Win.

~~~

Important Warnings

On the “CycleAware” helmet-mounted mirror: “Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you.”

On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens: “Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place.”

On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and the steering wheel: “Warning – Remove lock before driving.”

In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: “Keep out of children.”

On a packet of juggling balls: “This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA.”

On a packet of Nytol sleeping tablets: “Warning: may cause drowsiness.”

On a packet of peanuts served on an internal flight in China (written in both English and Chinese): “Open packet and eat contents.”

On 500g packets of Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Contains nuts.”

~~~

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer were being hit by cars” and he didn’t want them to cross there anymore.

~~~

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.

Maya Angelou

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Smile

Ray’s Daily

June 19, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“A simple smile. That’s the start of opening your heart and being compassionate to others.“

Dalai Lama

smile

Today is a big day for me. A few months ago I broke off a permanent bridge that were my upper front teeth. Since we were guaranteed I was not able to get to the dentist until about a month ago. Today is the day I get a replacement. I will be able to smile again without looking like a clown. Fortunately, the required masks have hidden my toothless grin from the few who saw me.

Now if I can only get over my painful gout, I will even feel like smiling more. I do like my great family and my friendly neighbors. I am glad I can smile again. Hopefully we will be able to get to a more normal life one of these days. In the meantime smile.

Smile

A smile costs nothing, but gives much.

It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give.

It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor, but that he can be made rich by it.

A Smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship.

It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone, until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile;

Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

Author Unknown

~~~

“A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles.”

William Hazlitt

~~~

On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.

“What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” I joked.

“It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.

“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”

“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion would blow out the match.”

~~~

“We trained hard, but it seemed every time we were beginning to form up into teams, we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization.”

Petronii Arbitri Satyricon AD 66

~~~

She told me:

I Don’t Wanna

I don’t wanna do the dishes

I don’t wanna do the wash

I sprinkled clothes a week ago

And now my iron is lost!

I don’t wanna rattle pots

I don’t wanna rattle pans

I see the mail light flashin’

I wanna chat with friends!

Oh the tables need some dustin’

and the floor could sure be mopped

But I know if I get started

there’ll be no place to stop.

The closets are so full

things are falling off the shelves

I wish for cleaning fairies

and magic little elves.

They could sprinkle fairy dust

and twitch their little nose

The windows would be sparkling

I would have no dirty clothes.

Oh I know that I’m just dreamin’

My head is in the sky

I must cook that meat that’s greying

and bake that apple pie.

The Hubby needs a bath

Doggy needs attention

Oh.. the other way around I mean

my brain is in suspension.

I am runnin’ round in circles

I am gettin’ nothin’ done,

I keep thinking of my web

I am missing all the fun!

Well I know I’m not addicted

though I hear that all the time

But I guess this stuff can wait on me

Cause Today I’ll Be On Line!!!

~~~

My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost: “I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.”

“But, Miss,” replied the officer, obviously familiar with the poet, “Frost chose the road less traveled, and, unfortunately for you, this wasn’t it.”

~~~

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

~~~

“Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that’s beautiful.”

Rashida Jones

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Oops

Ray’s Daily

June 18, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“The man who achieves makes many mistakes, but he never makes the biggest mistake of all – doing nothing”

Benjamin Franklin

oopss

I am still working onrecovering use of my right hand as well as brain power. Hopefully soon but in the meantime here is one from years ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on June 18, 2007

I was at a meeting this morning where a football coach said that each morning he tells himself, “If I slip I know that’s not me.” I have slipped in my life often enough that he got my attention. He was not saying that he would deny the fact that he slipped nor was he excusing himself for a future misstep. Rather he was saying we all slip once in a while and do something out of character. His message to me at least was that you don’t let it get to you rather you pick yourself up and go on.

I am not saying we should ignore our missteps, most of us couldn’t anyway, I am saying we can’t let them take us down. If we bury ourselves in remorse we end up thinking the whole world is ready to indict us for what we have done when in truth the world does not sit there trying to catch us in a mistake. None of us are perfect, except maybe you. If we all let our mistakes take us down there would be few of us left to do what needs to be done.

I care for you as you are. I care for all the good things you do and I understand that sometimes things go astray. I have made some whopping big mistakes in my time and hope that they help me to avoid continuing to do the same thing over and over.

 By the way a lot of the mistakes we make are because we had the courage to make them. We could avoid ever making another one by locking ourselves in a room having someone slip a pizza under the door once in awhile. I would rather take my chances living than hide from life in fear of doing something foolish. So I’ll continue to do the best I can and I will follow the coaches advice, I’ll try to avoid making mistakes but when I do I will understand that that was not like me, at least most of the time.

~~~

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Albert Einstein

~~~

Speaking of mistakes:

Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work. For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset gave him the eye as he passed. Of late, she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man and didn’t want to cheat on his wife. However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get her out of his mind.

After spending many sleepless nights, he went to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy, he was married 45 years, and did not want to cheat on his wife.

“What should I do?” asked Jake.

The psychiatrist said: “Take Melrose Avenue.”

~~~

“Virtue” is the failure to achieve vice.

~~~

A Chicano widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife.

“Honey!” he cried. “Is that you?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Happier than you were with me?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Then Heaven must be an amazing place!”

“It is! Trust me, it is!”

“I do have one question for you, my snookums.”

“Yes, my love, what is it?”

“When did you learn to speak English so perfectly!?”

~~~

You’ve got to spend money to lose money.

~~~

Wife: And another thing I want to tell you. I’ve noticed every time you talk, you say my house, my automobile, my chair, my shoes; everything’s yours. You never say ours. I’m your partner. I’m your wife. It should be ours.

The husband paid no attention to his wife and just kept looking around the room for something.

Wife: What are you looking for?

Husband: Our pants!

~~~

I don’t understand the uproar over gas prices,

I just put $10 worth into my car and it didn’t cost any more than it usually does.

~~~

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned.

Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “Oh, no he didn’t. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door.”

~~~

A smile is a language even a baby understands.

~~~

My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost: “I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.”

“But, Miss,” replied the officer, obviously familiar with the poet, “Frost chose the road less traveled, and, unfortunately for you, this wasn’t it.”

~~~

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.

“Have you ever seen one of these before?” one asked.

“Yeah, my mom have one,” the other replied.

“What’s it for?”

“It’s a cussing machine,” the second boy answered.

“Every time she stands on it she gets really pissed.”

~~~

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

~~~

A young man volunteered to baby-sit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back.

At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, “No”.  Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, “I’m here Mom but he won’t let me go home.”

~~~

Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.

Sophia Loren

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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