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12-8-2003

Ray’s Daily

December 9, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Joy is not in things; it is in us.

Richard Wagner

Ray’s Daily first published on December 9, 2003

As many of you know our golden years are filled with our grandchildren’s spectator events. We are at a soccer game, basketball game, gymnastic meet, or some other event at least two or three times a week. Last weekend was no exception two soccer games and the Indiana State Gymnastic Championships where you had to qualify by exceeding a cutoff score during the fall season. My 8, soon to be 9, year old granddaughter participated. She ended up number 1 on the bars, and 5th overall. She also had very good scores on the vault and floor exercise, but had a slip on the balance beam which lowered her to her 5th place finish. Her next meet is in Florida in January. If you happen to go to a meet, bring a book, it is wait and wait followed by a minute or two of actual performance and then wait for the next skill. The thing that impresses me the most is her self discipline, her long hours of practice each day, and her great joy in doing it.

~~~

This is dedicated to my friend Clint, he moved to Michigan from Indianapolis, we miss him and at this time of year he may be missing us.

Aug. 20 – Moved to our new home in Michigan. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. This is God’s Country. I love it here!

Oct. 14 – Michigan is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors – you should see the beautiful shades of red and orange and yellow! Went for a ride through some beautiful rolling hills and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be Paradise… I love it here!

Nov. 3 – Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature, the very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 – It snowed last night! Woke up to find everything blanketed in white, just like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother nature in perfect harmony. I love Michigan!

Dec. 12 – More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal) and pushed all the snow back into the driveway, but we bundled up and had a good time clearing it – and we made a snowman out of it! A winter wonderland… I love it here!

Dec. 19 – More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work on time! I’m exhausted from shoveling. That damn snowplow!

Dec. 22 – More of that white crap fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow man hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling this driveway, the jerk! And you should see our heating bills!

Dec. 25 – “White Christmas” my busted ass! More friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll break the bastard’s nose. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt this friggin ICE!

Dec. 28 – More white sh*t last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out the driveway every time “Snowplow Harry” comes by. Can’t go anywhere, car’s buried in a mountain of frozen snow. The weatherman says to expect another 10″ of the sh*t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10″ is? 

Jan. 1 – Happy Damn New Year, the weatherman was wrong AGAIN. We got two feet of the white sh*t this time. At this rate it won’t melt before the Fourth of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road, and the jerk had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. After I told him I’ve broken six shovels already, shoveling all the sh*t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his damn head!

Jan. 8 – Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back, a damn deer ran in front of the car and I hit the bastard. Did about $3,000 worth of damage to the car. Those damn beasts ought to be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

Mar. 22 – Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all that damn salt they keep dumping all over the road? Car looks like a piece of sh*t!

April. 10 – Moved back to Florida. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in that God forsaken state of Michigan!

~~~

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self- esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.

~~~

My sister-in-law was very busy one day working in her house.  She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down when she heard the telephone ring upstairs.  Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end.

“Hello”

“Yes.”

“We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey.”

Sorry I don’t wear them.

~~~

If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren’t doing much at 20.

~~~

My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation…

When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses…

“Ten!” he hollered, “What could any woman want with ten new dresses??”

My mom calmly replied, “Ten new pairs of shoes.”

~~~

Mommy, What Is the Definition of…

** Abusive? What’s the matter, stupid, don’t you know the answer?

** Paranoid? You probably think I don’t know the answer, do you?

** Bigotry? I’m not going to tell someone like you.

** Over-Sensitive? How could you ask me a question like that?

** Depressed? You would have to ask me that?

** Nonchalant? It’s not important.

** Evasive? Go do your homework.

** Insomnia? I stayed awake all last night thinking of the answer.

~~~

Office rule: Never agree with your boss until he says something.

~~~

** Signs You Have a Cheap HMO Plan **

10. Directions to the doctor’s office include, “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”

9. When you enter the office, you see a dispenser with the sign “PLEASE TAKE A NUMBER.”

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

7. The only psychiatrist in the plan is nicknamed “Joe the bartender.”

6. The only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is, “An apple a day.”

5. Your “primary care physician” is wearing pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. “Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges” is not a misprint.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. Your pills come in different colors with “M” on them.

1. Prescription for anti-depressant medication: A coupon for a double espresso at Starbucks.

~~~

A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.

~~~

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”

“Why complain?” said the counselor, “You’re still getting the same service.”

~~~

Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile.

Pierre Coneille

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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Stay Positive

Ray’s Daily

Decenber 8, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive.”

Matt Cameron

I hope you have had a good week so far. Mine has been busy. My eye doctor has found that I have early stage glaucoma, not good news! My audiologist reprogramed my hearing aids and I can hear much better, really good news. Now I just need to work on sustaining a positive attitude.

7 Notes to Self You Should Repeat to Yourself this Week

1. “I will be too busy watering my own grass to notice if yours is greener.”

2. “I will stop focusing on how stressed I am and remember how blessed I am. Complaining won’t change my reality, but a positive attitude will.”

3. “I will remind myself that being positive does not mean ignoring the negative. Being positive means overcoming the negative. There’s a big difference between the two.”

4. “There’s also a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. And life is short. As often as possible, I will invest in the activities that move me.”

5. “I cannot control everything that happens; I can only control the way I respond to what happens. In my response is my power.”

6. “I will not get caught up in what could’ve been or should’ve been. I will look instead at the power and possibility of what is, right now.”

7. “When I find that I don’t have time for what matters, I will stop doing (and thinking about) things that don’t.”

The bottom line is, despite the real world challenges you face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will have to personally overcome on a daily basis is your own mind. In other words, you aren’t responsible for everything negative that happens, but you ARE responsible for undoing the self-defeating thinking and behavioral patterns that these undesirable experiences create.

Angel Chernoff

~~~

“A positive attitude is a person’s passport to a better tomorrow.”

Jeff Keller

~~~

“Dilbert’s Work Rules”

If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a dern fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.

Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

~~~

Money can’t buy everything… but then again neither can no money.

~~~

Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization.

Moses said the law is everything.

Jesus said love is everything.

Marx said capital is everything.

Freud said sex is everything.

Einstein said everything is relative.

~~~

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.

Gail Sheehy

~~~

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the director, “We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No” said the director, “A normal person would pull the plug … Do you want a room with or without a view?”

~~~

I am proud of my superior modesty!

~~~

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing to you. I had to Elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice, even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion dad, she’s pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.

Even though you won’t care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too.

Joan taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

~~~

“When the negative thoughts come—and they will; they come to all of us—it’s not enough to just not dwell on it…. You’ve got to replace it with a positive thought.”

Joel Osteen

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

December 7

Ray’s Daily

December 7, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

I have another busy do so here is a reprint of Ray’s Daily from December 7, 2000

On this day in 1941 I was at a cousins house in Wayne, Illinois when the news of the bombing of Pearl Harbor came over the radio. My Uncle was an army officer and immediately left to report. Us kids all thought that the US would be bombed next, it was not a good day for anyone.

More things we have learned, at least I hope we have:

You can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

It takes me a long time to become the person we want to be.

You can keep going long after you can’t.

We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

~~~

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

~~~

  • Martha Stewart’s Holiday Calendar
    December 1
    Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
    December 2
    Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
    December 3
    Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
    December 4
    Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
    December 5
    Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
    December 6
    Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
    December 7
    Debug Windows NT 5
    December 10
    Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
    December 11
    Lay Faberge egg.
    December 12
    Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
    December 13
    Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
    December 14
    Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
    December 15
    Replace air in SUV tires with Glade “holiday scents” in case tires are shot out at mall.
    December 17
    Childproof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
    December 19
    Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
    December 20
    Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner’s sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
    December 21
    Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
    December 22
    Float votive candles in toilet tank.
    December 23
    Seed clouds for white Christmas.
    December 24
    Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
    December 25
    Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
    December 26
    Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
    December 27
    Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
    December 31
    New Year’s Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

~~~

My second favorite household chore is ironing.  My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. 

Erma Bombeck

~~~

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”
“That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. “Hmm… How do you start a flood?” he asked.

~~~

Behind every successful woman…is a substantial amount of coffee. 

Stephanie Piro

~~~

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”

The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”

“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”

I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”

“Well, then we need a urine sample.”

“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”

“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m drunk.”

~~~

There is logic in this; he is unbiased– he hates all creative people equally.

~~~

“New State Slogans For Florida”
FLORIDA: If you think we can’t vote, wait till you see us drive.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don’t like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: Relax…Retire…ReVote.
FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again! …and again…and again…
FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts…and counts…and counts…
FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.
FLORIDA: We don’t just cheat in football.
FLORIDA: We’re number one! Wait! Recount!

~~~

Repeat after me, “We are all individuals!”

~~~

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Kids Watch

Ray’s Daily

December 6, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Children have more need of models than of critics.

 Carolyn Coats

I have an early apointment this morning so here is a reprint of Ray’s Daily from December 6, 2002

Those of us who have access to children have the advantage of being able spend time with them. And we don’t have to wait until Christmas to spend time with the kids and grandkids. If you have some time, spend it with them this weekend.

That was triggered by the following, sent to us by my wife’s friend Jane.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING

A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don’t.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn’t feel good and I learned I would have to be responsible when I grew up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I learned most of life’s lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, “Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.”

I AM SENDING THIS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW DO SO MUCH FOR OTHERS THAT THINK NO ONE EVER SEES. LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT.

~~~

Remember you’re never too old to hold your father’s hand.

Molly, Age 11

~~~

From his performance reviews:

* his men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity

* works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap

* he would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle

* this employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better

* he does not have ulcers, but he’s a carrier

* he would argue with a signpost

* he brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room

* if you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one

* gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming

* if you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean

* some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled

* takes him 11/2 hours to watch ’60 minutes”

~~~

Money is the poor people’s credit card.

Marshall McLuhan

~~~

Finally, we’ve learned why Webster compiled the dictionary. Every morning at breakfast, he’d sit down and talk to the wife for a few minutes. As soon as he said something, she’d say, “Now what’s that supposed to mean?”

~~~

Two women are talking in a coffee shop when one says, “You know, there were very few things that upset my ex-husband.”

“Really?” asks the other woman.

“Yes, and it makes me feel rather special to have been one of them.”

~~~

“A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable.”

Billy Graham

~~~

Last year I got my wife a Christmas gift that left her speechless. In fact, she didn’t speak to me for three weeks.

~~~

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. However, he did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”

“I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.”

~~~

Better by far that you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.

~~~

Seven year old Susie went to her dad, who was working in the yard, and asked, “Daddy, what’s sex?”  He thought, well, is she interested in this already? Then he decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the birds and the bees, embellished with a simple but thorough discussion of what he thought she should know, including discreet references to body parts.  When he finished explaining, Susie stood there looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

Her father asked, “Why did you ask this question?”

“Oh,” Susie replied. “Mommy just told me to come outside and find you and tell you that dinner would be ready in a couple of secs.”

~~~

Death to all fanatics!

~~~

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend.

By the time he got home Sunday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home.  The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.  He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and more painful.

His maid saw him limping and said, “I don’t know, I’m only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling.” He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided.

On Monday morning he called his Dr.  again to complain.  “Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway?  You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse.  My maid told me to use cold water and it got better.”

“Really?” answered the doctor, “I don’t understand it – my maid said hot water.”

~~~

“It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.”

Robert F. Kennedy

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Thank you Nancy

Ray’s Daily

December 5, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.”

George Burns

My wife and me have been married for 69 years. I could not think of anyone better, she has been a great wife and a wonderfull mother. These days her memory is not what it was and she is pretty frail but while we are separated by our living quarters (she is in a special care unit) we still see each other most days.

When I read the following I realized it is something my wife could have written

Reflections

You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was a young girl, just married and embarking on my new life with my husband. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all.

And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams, but, here it is…the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise.

How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go and where did my youth go? I remember well, seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.

But, here it is, husband retired and he’s really getting gray, he moves slower and I see an older man now. He’s in much better shape than me, but, I see the great change. Not the one I married who was dark and young and strong, but, like me, his age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore, it’s mandatory! Cause if I don’t on my own free will, I just fall asleep where I sit! And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things.

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I’m not sure how long it will last. This I know, that when it’s over, I will enjoy the spring into the arms of my loving father and wait for my loved ones to come when their winter is over too.

So, if you’re not in your winter yet, let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly!

Author Unknown

~~~

“As we grow older, we must discipline ourselves to continue expanding, broadening, learning, keeping our minds active and open.”

Clint Eastwood

~~~

You can’t fool all the people all the time, but the airplane schedules come pretty close.

~~~

More wisdom from the kids:

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)

“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9) 

“If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long to learn.” (Leo, 7)

~~~

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

•       “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.”

•       “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…”

•       “Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”

•       “We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.

•       Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.

•       Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it’s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it’s dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y’all wanna go there I really don’t know.”

•       Pilot – “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land… it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.”

•       And, after landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

•       As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, “This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft.

•       As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella…WHOA..!

•       “Here are a few heard from Northwest: “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.

•       As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.

•       “And from the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry… Unfortunately none of them are on this flight. “

~~~

Appearances can be deceiving – a dollar bill looks the same as it did twenty-five years ago.

~~~

An eight – year old was discussing parent problems with his little friend.  Of course, they had a lot of complaints.  One was overheard grumbling, “first they teach you to talk, then they teach you to walk, and as soon as you do it, it’s ‘Sit down and shut up!”

~~~

As I was on the way home from a long and stressful day at the office, the car phone rang.  It was my wife.

“Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?” she asked. 

“What a lovely way to spend an evening,” I thought. I was about to tell her how considerate she was when she continued, “Because if you’re not, I need to start adding more water to the tub.”

~~~

How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

~~~

Tanchum, the water carrier, was returning home one evening when a stranger rushed up to him and slapped his face.

“Take that, Meyer!” yelled the attacker.

Tanchum picked himself up from the street and stared at the man in amazement.  Suddenly, a broad grin spread over his face, and then he laughed uproariously..

“Meyer, what are you laughing at?” exclaimed the other.  “I just knocked you down.”

“The joke is on you,” chortled Tanchum.  “I’m not Meyer!”

~~~

Emerging from the chiropractor’s treatment room, a young man said aloud in the crowded waiting room, “I feel like a new man!”

“I do, too,” a middle-aged woman responded, “but I’ll probably go home with the same old one.”

~~~

“When I want to end relationships I just say, ‘I want to marry you so we can live together forever.’ Sometimes they leave skid marks.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

“He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition, youth and age are equally a burden.”

Plato

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

’tis the season

Ray’s Daily

December 2, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

The course of human history is determined, not by what happens in the skies, but by what takes place in our hearts.

Sir Arthur Kent

I have a couple of medical appointments so here is a Daily reprint from December 2, 2002

Each year on the two Fridays before Christmas I stand outside ringing bells for the Salvation Army. It is always a worthwhile experience for me as I get a true look at the humanity of others. I have often seen children who appear not to have much of their own contribute all of their pennies. Sometimes families will drive up in cars that have seen better days and dump the change they have been saving all year into the red kettle. Others, often obviously affluent, can’t be bothered. I honestly believe that it is those who have a concern for others are the ones who understand the true meaning of Christmas. In that spirit I give you the following.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?”

“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his handout of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it. “How much is a dish of plain ice cream?” he inquired.

Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was a bit impatient. “Thirty-five cents,” she said brusquely.

The little boy again counted the coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.

The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed. When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies — her tip.

~~~

“Your Honor, my wife is just being ridiculous. Most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry and I was only opening the door for her out of chivalry.”

“Mr. Smith,” replied the judge, “I am granting the divorce. I cannot believe chivalry was your motivation while driving 65 mph.”

~~~

“Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.”

~~~

A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem.

After the visit the man asks, “How much do I owe you?”

“My fee is five hundred dollars,” replies the physician.

“Five hundred dollars? That’s impossible. No one charges that much!”

“In your case,” the doctor replies, “I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred.”

“Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous.”

“Well, then, could you afford two hundred?”

“Who has that kind of money?”

“Look, replies the doctor,” growing irritated, “Just give me fifty bucks and get out.”

“I can give you twenty says the man. Take it or leave it.”

“I don’t understand you,” says the doctor. “Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?”

“Listen, Doctor”, says the patient, “When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive.”

~~~

“People who never get carried away should be.”

Malcolm Forbes

~~~

“The Big IQ Test”

Pay close attention. Here is a very simple little test comprised of four easy questions to determine the level of your intellect. See if you have what it takes to be considered “smart.” Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting of time. And no cheating!

On your mark, get set, go…

1: You are competing in a race and overtake the runner in second place.  In which position are you now?

Answer: If you answered that you’re now in first, you’re wrong!  You overtook the second runner and took his place, therefore you are now in second place.

For the next question try not to be so dim.

2: If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?

Answer: If you answered second to last, you are wrong once again. Think about it… How can you overtake the person who is last? If you’re behind him, he can’t be last. You would have been last. It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points.

Anyway, here’s another question to try. Don’t take any notes or use a calculator, and remember, your replies must be instantaneous.

3: Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000.  Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20.  Plus 1000. And plus 10.  What is the total?

Answer: Did you get 5000?

Well, wrong again!

The correct answer is 4100. Try again with a calculator.

Today is clearly not your day, although you should manage to get the last question right…

4: Marie’s father has five daughters:

  1. Chacha

  2. Cheche

  3. Chichi

  4. Chocho

  5. ????

Question: What is the fifth daughter’s name?

Think quickly… you’ll find the answer below..

Answer: Are you thinking ‘Chuchu’?

WRONG!

It’s obviously Marie!  Read the question properly. ‘Oy, what a day I’m having….’

~~~

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

Karen Kaiser Clark

~~~

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, “They’re all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want.” The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion. “Well” said the man, ” She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed.”

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. “Well,” the man replied, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.”

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!”

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified, the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. “Well,” explained the farmer, “she was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her.”

~~~

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

 Robert Frost

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Welcome December

Ray’s Daily

December 1, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

Hal Borland

Here we go, the last month of the year. We still have time to work on being who we want to be.

Please take the time to let folks know how important they and how glad you are to know them.

Recipe for forever

Gather all of the ingredients together, so that they are close at hand! Get a clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any lingering dust from the past.

Take maturity, respect and friendship, and stir gently.

Add unlimited amounts of compassion and kindness, and mix well.

To this, add caring by the handfuls and fold in trust.

Continue stirring gently, adding listening, honesty, and large amounts of communication.

Slip in some dreams, goals, and firm pieces of keeping promises.

Bake in a home filled with peace, beauty and serenity.

Before you taste the finished product, sprinkle liberally with patience, love, and a touch of spice.

Serve very hot, with imagination on the side.

Author Unknown

~~~

The color of springtime is in the flowers; the color of winter is in the imagination.

 Terri Guillemets

~~~

He said: About five years ago the battery in my beat-up VW beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight . I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car.

I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 MPH for it to start. She said fine, hoped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what can she be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rearview mirror coming at me at about 40 MPH, I realized that I should have been A LOT clearer with my directions.

~~~

I’m just moving clouds today – tomorrow I’ll try mountains.

~~~

Feggala Rothstein from Chicago decided to go on vacation to Miami in the 1920s. Upon trying to checking into a nice hotel, the concierge told her, “Sorry, there’s no vacancy.” Just then, a man checked out. Feggala then exclaimed, “Good, now you have a room.”

“Sorry”, the man behind the counter replied, “this hotel is restricted.”

“And what does that mean?” she asked him.

“Jews aren’t allowed here!”

“Well what makes you think I’m Jewish?” she shot back.

“I know you are!”

“Well, I’m not! I’m a Catholic!” she insisted.

“So tell me,” the man replied, “Did God have a son?”

“Sure.”

“What was his name?”

“Jesus.”

“And where was he born?”

“In Bethlehem, in a stable.”

“And WHY was he born there?”

“Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t rent his parents a room!”

~~~

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.

William James

~~~

There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, “What do you do for a living?” He said, “I’m a former window washer.” I asked, “When did you give it up?” He replied, “Halfway down.”

~~~

Surely I deserve some kind of recognition for all the bad things I haven’t done.

~~~

While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into four pieces or six. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into four pieces. I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat six pieces.

~~~

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

Prov 18:24

~~~

The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So, the pilot made a simple request of the passengers.

“We have a little extra room tonight, folks,” he said over the PA system. “So, if you wouldn’t mind, please take a window seat so that the competition thinks the plane is full.”

~~~

What the new year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the new year.

Vern McLellan

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

A Better Day

Ray’s Daily

November 30, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.

William Shakespeare

I had a challenging day yesterday, I know today will be better. I hope yours will be too.

5 Choices You Will Regret in 5 Years

Here are five choices that ultimately lead to this phrase of regret, and how to elude them:

1. Settling. — When the time comes, be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve. Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again. Don’t settle.

2. Holding on too tight. — Life should be touched, not strangled. Sometimes you’ve got to let life happen without constant worry or micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. And remember, you don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great.

3. Giving up too soon. — There are no failures, just results. Even if things don’t unfold the way you had expected, don’t be disheartened or give up. Learn what you can and move on. The one who continues to advance one step at a time will win in the end. Because the battle is always won far away and long before the final victory. It’s a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other…

4. Focusing on the uncontrollable. — Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control. In other words, say “goodbye” to what didn’t work out so you can say “hello” to what might. In life, goodbyes are a gift. When certain people walk away from you, and certain opportunities close their doors on you, there is no need to hold on to them or pray to keep them present in your life. If they close you out, take it as a direct indication that these people, circumstances and opportunities are not part of the next chapter in your life. It’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different or something more, and life is simply making room.

5. Trying to please and impress everyone. — If you want to impress someone, impress yourself by making progress on something you’re sincerely proud of. Focus on what matters! It’s truly amazing what you can accomplish in a day when you aren’t incessantly worried about what everyone else in the world is thinking and doing. Just show yourself that you can grow and get better. It’s never about impressing or competing with others. In the end, it’s just you vs. you…

Angel Chernoff

~~~

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.

Jean de La Fontaine

~~~

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. 

“Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,” she said. 

“So would I,” replied the technician. “It’s a floor-cleaning machine.” 

~~~

Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

Unknown

~~~

Lisa was babysitting Cory and Cody. Finding Cody making faces at Cory, Lisa stopped to warn the child.

Smiling Lisa said, “Cody, when I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that.” 

Cody looked up and replied, “Well you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

~~~

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.

~~~

He Said:

  • Women don’t understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could* be.
  • If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he’ll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she’ll pack 21 outfits because she doesn’t know what she’ll feel like wearing each day.
  • Women brush their hair before bed.
  • Women do not know anything about cars. “Oil-stick, oil doesn’t stick?”
  • Women have better restrooms. Ladies receive the royal treatment in the ladies room. Gents just get a large bowl to share.
  • The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
  • Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
  • Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
  • Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, ‘How do I look?’
  • PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.

~~~

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter, since nobody listens.

~~~

A city slicker stopped his large, expensive car on a country road and looked about in confusion. He noticed a young farm hand leaning on a fence and called to him, “Hey, you know how far it is to Shrewsbury?”

The farm hand thought about it and said, “Don’t know.”

“Well then, do you know the best way to get there?”

Again, the farm hand thought a bit and said, “Don’t know.”

“Look, can you just tell me where the nearest gas station is so I can pick up a map?”

“‘Fraid I don’t know that either.”

Frustrated, the man in the car snapped, “You don’t know much do you?”

To which the farm hand replied, “I’m not lost.”

~~~

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.

Mike Murdock

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Ray’s Back

Ray’s Daily

November 29, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.

Danny Kaye

I am recovering from a minor health issue so here is Ray’s Daily first published on November 29, 2001

I have been retired, semi-retired, almost retired, and semi-gainfully employed for about 10 years now. Currently I am in the almost fully retired mode. I have found that in the past my agenda, time-tables, priority lists, and more where set by others or by the responsibilities associated with whatever someone was paying me to do. Now I am overwhelmed with tasks, opportunities for service, lifetime delayed hobbies, learning opportunities, and travel — anyway you get the idea. Having been traditionally undisciplined in my work habits all this freedom of choice is overwhelming.

I have learned in this brief period of no major obligations that everyday seems to be the same, weekends seem to disappear. Also I find that there are not enough hours in the day to do all I would like to do or what others offer me the opportunity to do. Time management is tough when you are operating in fixed time boundaries, with externally imposed deadlines. Time management is impossible when you think you have unlimited time. I find that I also operate in a parallel mode. I have many projects, books that I am reading, work that I have started, all going on at the same time, with most unfinished. I really have to figure out this Golden Years stuff.

PS Naps at anytime are great!!!

~~~

Well now that I have got that out of my system I thought I should share a few other truths:

You know you’re living in the 00’s when: –

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a “9” to get an outside line.

8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

9. Your company’s welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o’clock news.

12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.

13. Your supervisor doesn’t have the ability to do your job.

14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.

16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.

19. Being sick is defined as you can’t walk or you’re in hospital.

20. There’s no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss’s boss on strategy.

21. Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers”.

22. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

23. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your “friends”.

24. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you don’t have time to check so you forward it anyway.

25. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.

26. This email has 20 different disclaimer notes at the bottom, telling you that the information is confidential, but you forward anyway.

~~~

Kleptomania: take something for it

~~~

The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister’s embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, “Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches … and for the spirit in which they were given!”

~~~

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

~~~

Old Granny Annie was known as a hard drinker but a steady and responsible one.  And so when the family were gathered at a family celebration, old Annie took a big glass of Southern Comfort, then asked for an eyedropper, everyone was curious.  They were even more curious when Annie took the eyedropper and put exactly three drops of water in the whiskey glass.

“Tell me, Annie one of the family asked, “why are you doing that?”

“Well, I’ll tell ya somethin’.  I can still drink more Southern Comfort than any of you lot and hold it better, too.  I’ve always been mighty proud of my ability to drink and hold my own!  But to tell ya the truth, everyone, I can’t hold my water like I used to!”

~~~

Know what I hate?  I hate rhetorical questions!

~~~

   A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun.  “It’s for my husband,” she tells the clerk.

   “Did he tell you what gauge to get?” asked the clerk.

   “Are you kidding?” she says. “He doesn’t even know that I’m going to shoot him!”

~~~

There is absolutely no excuse for a wife to have an inferiority complex.  All she has to do to avoid or cure it, is to be sick in bed for a day and leave her husband to manage the household and the kids.

~~~

Learn to splel, danmit!

~~~

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa continued to try getting the car to start up again.

Finally Lisa gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. “I can’t seem to get my car started,” Lisa said, smiling. “Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I’ll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you.”

~~~

We only have this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand…and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late.

Marie Beynon Ray

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Have a happy Thanksgiving

Ray’s Daily

November 23, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Thanksgiving Day is a good day to recommit our energies to giving thanks and just giving.”

Amy Grant.

Tomorrow is our annual Thanksgiving holdiday and a busy day for me. In fact I will be taking the next few days off so no daily until next Monday. In the meantime here is Ray’s Daily first published on November 23, 2004

It is our children that become our legacy, they are our heritage, and they leave our mark on future generations. The ultimate test of who we are is what we leave behind. Each of us owns a small portion of the world with its opportunities and its problems. At the same time we hold the key to the future of those who are ours, and through them on others. I am afraid however that too many of us get carried away by time and events and don’t make our responsibilities to our children our top priority.

Unfortunately we sometimes have to do even more. There are many children that do not get any nurturing, hand holding, or support as they mature. They pretty much do it on their own, often failing to reach their potential. They need more, they need us or others. Many will say it is not my problem; it is their family’s problem. Unfortunately little kids do not get to choose their parents or their environment. If we let these kids flounder we often pay a terrible price later since dysfunctional families beget dysfunctional children who often become dysfunctional adults. The following tells the story:

A CHILD

If a child lives with criticism ~ he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility ~ she learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule ~ he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame ~ she learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance ~ he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement ~ she learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise ~ he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness ~ she learns justice.

If a child lives with security ~ he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval ~ she learns to like herself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship ~ he learns to find love in the world.

~~~

Children might or might not be a blessing, but to create them and then fail them was surely damnation.

Lois McMaster Bujold

~~~

Ken sent us words to live by:

1)  Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

2)  Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3)  Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4)  Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

5)  Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

6)  If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

7)  If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

8)  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning  to others.

9)  Never buy a car you can’t push.

10)  Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.

11)  Nobody cares if you can’t dance well.  Just get up and dance.

12)  The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

13)  When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

14)  Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

15)  You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16)  Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

17)  Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.

18)  We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

19)  A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

20)  Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.

~~~

To lose patience is to lose the battle.

Mohandas K. Gandhi

~~~

A distinguished rabbi and a friend were playing golf. It was a very close match, and at the last hole the two were only one stroke apart. The rabbi teed up, addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force…slicing the ball deep into the woods.

The rabbi glared, and bit his lip while his face turned crimson, but said nothing. His opponent looked at him for a moment and then remarked, “Rabbi, that is the most profane silence I have ever heard.”

~~~

He said, “My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.”

~~~

The blonde had been married about a year when one day she came running up to her husband jumping for joy.

Not knowing how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her.

“Why are we so happy?” he asked.

“Honey, I have some really great news for you!” She said. “Great!” he said, “Tell me what you’re so happy about.”

She stopped jumping and was breathless from all the jumping up and down. “I’m pregnant!” she gasped.

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for awhile.

He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful itw as, and that he couldn’t be happier.

Then she said “Oh, honey there’s more!”

“What do you mean more?”, he asked.

“Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

“It was easy” she said, “I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!”

~~~

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?

~~~

A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, “Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?”

“Nothing,” sighed the little guy despondently. “You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he sacked me. I cleared my desk, went to my car, only to discover that it wasn’t there – somebody had stolen it. So I got a taxi home, but when it came to paying the driver I realized I’d forgotten my wallet. I then went into my house and I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about ending it all, you came along and drank my poison…”

~~~

If you want to make peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.

Moshe Dayan

~~~

It takes a really tall tale to win the annual Burlington, Wis., Liars Club Contest.  So tip your hat to Gordon Zwicky, because he’s a worthy champion. A neighbor, said Zwicky, told him and his wife Dorothy that they’d be fine as long as they paid attention to the road signs along the way.  But they’d driven just 30 miles when they saw one that read, “Clean Restrooms Ahead.”

Two months later, they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, 267 rolls of paper towels, and three cases of toilet-bowl cleaner.

Total restrooms cleaned:  450.

~~~

Life, love, and laughter–what priceless gifts to give our children.

Phyllis Campbell Dryden

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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