Ray's musings and humor

Archive for April, 2020

I am glad I remembered

Ray’s Daily

April 30, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

We do not remember days, we remember moments.

CESARE PAVESE

Memories

If you are like I am you have found as we isolate ourselves that we have time for some introspection. In my case as I have looked back over the years some of my favorite moments have been rediscovered. What is surprising me is that how many did not seem that momentous at the time. I wish it had not taken this long to place more value on the little things. But I am thankful that there resurfacing has so much meaning now.

Here is a story I always liked; I may have published it before but it is worth reading again if I did. So OK my memory is selective.

The Making of a Memory

One can’t predict when or where they will come from; those memories that stay with us a lifetime, and never fail to bring us warm fuzzy feelings. My husband had just finished loading his car; made one lap back through the house and then into the kitchen. ‘I guess filling my thermos is all I have left to do, and then I’m off.’

Down the drain went the hot water that had been warming his thermos. With a very nostalgic look on his face he softly said, ‘When I filled this with water earlier, I thought of your mum. In fact, anytime I fill my thermos I think her.’

‘Oh honey, that’s so sweet.  I know she’s watching and listening right now with a big smile on her face,’ I responded as tears began to brim my eyelids.

‘You know, I never fill my thermos that I don’t think of her, and I always smile too.’  The tone in his voice was so tender as he spoke of my mother who is no longer with us.

Years ago we had been visiting my parents, and the morning we were leaving my mother watched as Jerry began to fill his thermos.  Being the ‘coffee drinker’ in the family, he’s always placed himself in charge of thermos duties. Mum then casually offered up a tidbit of advice.

‘Jerry, if you would fill your thermos with hot water and let it sit a while, your coffee would stay hot longer on your drive.’ 

Well of course it would!  It only makes all the sense in the world!  Who wouldn’t know that?

He dumped the small amount of coffee already in the thermos, and ran the tap until it was at its hottest; then refilled with piping hot water.  After pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee, he sat down to enjoy a few more minutes with mum, and to discuss this unique new idea.

Words of wisdom from a loving mother-in-law made an impact that will never be forgotten.  When spoken that morning, Jerry didn’t realize he would always hear those words ringing in his ears, or that they would bring a smile to his face time and time again.  And Mother would never have dreamed her words would be a treasured, and everlasting memory in the heart of her son-in-law.

The ‘fondest, lasting memories’ don’t necessarily come from ‘major moments’ in life, the making of a memory simply happens.

Written by Kathleene S. Baker

~~~

It takes one thought, one second, one moment or positive memory to act as a catalyst for the light to gradually seep in again.

Fearne Cotton,

~~~

Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees, and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

~~~

“I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.”

Thomas Paine

~~~

Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books – Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court. From Mrs. Gilman’s two volumes, here are a couple of my favorite transcripts, all recorded by America’s keepers of the word:

  1. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
  2. I refuse to answer that question.
  3. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
  4. I refuse to answer that question.
  5. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
  6. No.

~~~

For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

~~~

A man called his neighbor to help him move a couch that had become stuck in the doorway. They got on either end of the couch and struggled until they were exhausted, but the couch wouldn’t budge.

“Forget it,” the man finally gasped. “We’ll never get this in.”

A frustrated voice came from the other side of the couch: “In?”

~~~

In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

~~~

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.”

The giant nodded.

“If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?”

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled.

“Are you sure?” the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.”

“In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”

~~~

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

~~~

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife.

The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife.

“Honey!” he cried. “Is that you?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Happier than you were with me?”

“Yes, my husband…much happier ! ”

“Then Heaven must be an amazing place!”

“I’m not in Heaven, dear.”

~~~

Your memory is the glue that binds your life together; everything you are today is because of your amazing memory. You are a data collecting being, and your memory is where your life is lived.

Kevin Horsley

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Free at Last

Ray’s Daily

April 29, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

I think the most important thing is to keep active and to hope that your mind stays active.

Jane Goodall

busy-clipart-1

It is going to be a big day for me. After being isolated in my apartment for a month and a half I am being driven to my dentist’s office for some long-delayed work. I will don my face mask and meet my daughter who will take me there. We also will stop to pick up some necessities. Upon our return I will again hibernate with my wife.

I have been surprised by how well we seem to be dealing with our isolation. Between streaming movies and usingmy tablets and my computer we stay diverted. Today I want to offer some things you might consider that I got from Self Growth newsletter. I have abridged the article to keep it short.

13 Ways to Keep Busy During Isolation

Social distancing to limit spread of COVID-19 doesn’t have to mean social isolation or boredom.  We have enclosed some healthy, fun and responsible ways for those who are isolating to stay occupied during the public health crisis.

  1. Connect with friends – on the phone or online. – Keep your relationships alive by talking every day to friends, neighbors and relatives.
  2. Read. Books. Magazines. Digitally or in print. – Reading expands your mind and sets a great example for your children, putting them on a path to become lifelong readers, too.
  3. Practice mindfulness. – Meditation reduces inflammation and enhances our immune functions; it also helps us focus our attention and feel less controlled by challenging thoughts or feelings.

4.Go shopping – virtually. – This is a great time to support local businesses. If they have an online presence, go shopping or purchase gift cards. You’ll be ahead when gift-giving time comes around, and you could help keep a small business afloat.

  1. Get organized. – Whatever you’ve put off that will make your life easier when this is over, do it now.
  2. Practice an old skill. – Maybe you haven’t played an instrument in years. Pick it up and see what you remember (provided it won’t bother your neighbors, who are also self-isolating).
  3. Learn a new skill. – Online resources are almost endless whether through a virtual class, online forum, YouTube videos and more.
  4. Cook or bake. – Whip up something new or make an old favorite.
  5. Garden. April is a great time for tasks in the garden
  6. Spring cleaning. – Revive the tradition of a really deep cleaning to usher in spring..
  7. Exercise. – Try out at-home aerobics or yoga videos. Consider downloading a fitness app with curated workout playlists.
  8. Outdoor exercise is good, too: – Just be sure to maintain a 6-foot distance from others while outdoors.
  9. List what you’re grateful for. – Start a gratitude journal or just make a one-time list.

~~~

We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance and truly begin to live our dreams.

Les Brown

~~~

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. “I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.”

“You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That’s a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?”

“Oh, he thought it was a good thing to do and thanked me.”

~~~

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

~~~

A man from the East Coast is visiting California for the first time, and is conversing with a California native. He says, “I’ll be visiting La Jolla (lah-JOLL-a) next week,” whereupon the Californian replies, “Oh, you mean, ‘La-*HOY-a’?” “Oh. Yeah, I guess so.” Then he adds, “but right now I’m staying in El Cajon (el-ca-JOHN),” and again the Californian corrects him, “You mean, El Ca ‘HONE’?” “Oh. Yeah, right.” Then the Californian asks, “So when will you be returning home?” The East Coast guy thinks about it for a minute and then answers, “Oh, I don’t know, I guess sometime in ‘HUNE’ or ‘HULY’.”

~~~

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.

Anthony Burgess

~~~

My friend Moishe owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in Miami, a furniture store.  I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to check out the merchandise himself, and because he was still single, he could check out all the hot Italian women, and maybe get lucky.

As Moishe was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady… she only spoke Italian and he only spoke English, so neither understood a word the other spoke. He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park.

Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted.  They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening.

It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. Moishe was dumbfounded, and to this day remarks to me that he’s never be able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.

~~~

Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.

Frank Lloyd Wright

~~~

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, “I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pickup.”

The other replied indifferently, “What difference does it make.  God knows we’re in here…  and he’s the only one who counts.”

The first deacon countered, “But God won’t tell my wife.”

~~~

“True friends are the people who walk in when the rest of the world is walking out.”

~~~

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said.

“My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.”

~~~

Why can you “slow up,” but you can’t “speed down.”?

~~~

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.  “Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?” he requested.

Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

~~~

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

~~~

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.

“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!”

“Oh dear! I’m very sorry.” replied her friend “What did you do?”

“I opened a can of peas instead.”

~~~

“Learning patience can be a difficult experience, but once conquered you will find life is easier.”

Catherine Pulsifer

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Friends

Ray’s Daily

April 28, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.

Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

Buddha

old friends

I recently learned that two of our old friends had passed away from thepandemic infection. I like them both, ladies well into their nineties. The follow past daily reminds me of our friends so I would like to share it with you.

Ray’s Daily first published on April 28, 2008

A friend and neighbor passed away the other day. I had not known him very well but over the past few years I got to know him better than I had. He had a good heart, a sense of humor, and loved people. As the memories of our few times together surfaced I realized how sorry I was that we had not spent more time together over the 20 plus years we were acquainted. We talked a time or two about cruising together one day, unfortunately that day never came. He leaves a loving wife of many years and I only hope that her countless friends help fill the gap that has been left by the loss of her life partner.

Most of us have one special person who is so close to us that most of the day to day things we do we share together. As I have gotten older I realize that the more we share with others beyond our immediate family the richer life becomes. By broadening our outreach to more people we do not steal from those we hold dear, rather we add to that we already have and everyone benefits. And then when we suffer so great a loss as my friends wife just has we do not grieve alone.

Bernadette Ballezza knows what I mean, here is what she wrote a few years ago:

 

We were meant to share our lives with each other, because life can be painful. We face too many fragile moments standing alone, often unable to contain our sadness, the feeling of staying lost forever. Sharing our sorrow helps us feel protected. We feel hopeful.

We were meant to share our lives with each other because life can be full of joy. It can overflow with each new success, rediscovering an old friendship, winning against all odds, carrying life within us. Sharing the abundance of our joy brings us the pleasure of feeling cherished. We have chosen happiness.

We were meant to share our lives with each other because life can catch us unaware. It can suddenly surprise us with unwanted adventures and the dare-devil risk of starting new jobs, falling out of love, questioning our faith. Sharing this crisis gives our loved ones a chance to hold steady a safety net even if we choose not to jump. They stand by, a proud witness to our courage.

We were meant to share our lives with each other, because we need each other. For our lives to sustain its purpose and continue to hold its profound significance, we need to be connected, appreciated and understood. We need to share and we need to belong.

We will never be alone if we share ourselves with others for they will share with us in return.

~~~

Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.

James M. Barrie:

~~~

A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers.

“I don’t know,” he said dubiously. “It seems to me that we’ve blessed all this stuff before.”

~~~

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

~~~

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said, “Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.

The pastor shouted out “CROSS.” Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, “THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.”

The pastor hollered out “GRACE.” The congregation began to sing “AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.”

The pastor said “POWER.” The congregation sang “THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD”.

The Pastor said “SEX!” The congregation fell in total silence.

Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing “PRECIOUS MEMORIES.”

~~~

We can’t change how we started out but starting now we can change the ending.

~~~

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one asked.

“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”

“No, not yet,” said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”

“No, not yet,” replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when CAN we see the baby?”

“WHEN IT CRIES!” she told them.

“WHEN IT CRIES??” they demanded. “Why do we have to wait until it CRIES??”

“BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it…”

~~~

A rabbi took a job at a Duracell factory.

His job is to stand on the production line and as the batteries go by, say, “I wish you long life”

~~~

An evangelist had a great revival camp going.  One night he was up in front of a large audience, speaking on imperfection.  He asked his audience towards the end, “Has anyone ever known anyone who has come CLOSE to the perfection of our lord, Jesus Christ?”

Nobody, of course raised their hand.  So he issued the question again.  “Anybody! Has ANYONE ever known that kind of perfection?”

Finally a guy in the back raised his hand, so of course he was asked to stand up. “Tell us.  Tell us who you knew who was so close to perfection.”

The man responded, “My wife’s first husband.”

~~~

“We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”

Will Rogers

~~~

Mr. & Mrs. Jones were eating breakfast one morning and Mrs. was reading a letter while she ate.

Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

“Henry,” she said, “I’ve just received a letter from mother saying she isn’t accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that?  I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience.  You did write to her, didn’t you?”

“Er, yes, honey, I did,” said the husband.  “But I couldn’t spell ‘convenience’, so I substituted ‘risk’.” (last time we checked, this husband was still recovering from his injuries.)

~~~

I had amnesia once — or twice.

~~~

A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck.

Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.

“No,” she replied, “but we have a lobby. You can wait there.”

~~~

The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Let’s Have One

Ray’s Daily

April 27, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

Marcus Aurelius

Have a good day

We made it through another weekend of isolation. We are learning that it really is not that bad. Certainly, it is better than those who are battling the covid95. I am pleased that so many of you are OK, lets keep it that way.

We do a little of phone and text communications, we also watch a lot of TV. I especially enjoy seeing some of my old favorites that we have saved on our DVR. While I am late with the daily today, I still feel ready for another good day. I hope you are like the guy who wrote the following and chose to have one too.

I have a choice about today

I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today and I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad that I don’t have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn’t give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.

Today I can complain because I have to go to school oreagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can appreciate that I have a place to call home.

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

Have a GREAT DAY … unless you have other plans and please remember, a ‘Smile’ will make the days go better.

Author Unknown

~~~

“I get up every morning and it’s going to be a great day. You never know when it’s going to be over, so I refuse to have a bad day.”

Paul Henderson

~~~

She said, I a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up. After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward my car window to return my credit card.  It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind.

The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent’s name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card. “Pardon me,” he asked hesitantly, “but how do you pronounce your husband’s middle name?”

~~~

I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

~~~

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

~~~

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

They say that a preacher’s wife is always his number one assistant. An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon.

He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went.

The Preacher shrugged and said, “The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer time went quite well, but,” he continued, “I just don’t think the sermon ever got off the ground.”

The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, “Well, it sure did taxi long enough!”

~~~

One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.

Sigmund Freud

~~~

Morris and Rachel are sweethearts. Morris lives in a small village out in the country and Rachel lives in town. One day, they go to see the Rabbi and set a date for their wedding. Before they leave, the Rabbi asks them whether they want a contemporary or traditional service. After a short discussion, they opt for the contemporary service.

Their day arrives but the weather is rotten and a storm forces Morris to take an alternate route to the synagogue. The village streets are flooded, so he rolls up his trouser legs to keep his trousers dry.

When at last he reaches the shul, his best man immediately rushes him up the aisle. As the ceremony starts, the Rabbi whispers to Morris, “Pull down your trousers.”

“Rabbi, I’ve changed my mind,” says Morris, “I think I prefer the traditional service.”

~~~

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

~~~

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos.  She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, “Why, that’s a thermos…..it keeps things hot and some things cold.”

“Wow, said the blonde, “that’s amazing….I’m going to buy it !” So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. “What’s that,’ he asked? “Why, that’s a thermos…..it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” she replied.

Her boss inquired, “What do you have in it?”

The blond replied, “Two popsicles, and some coffee.”

~~~

Why is it called ‘after dark’, when it is really after light?

~~~

A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes.  “I’ll have a Jumbo Jet,” he said.  When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway.

He called his waiter over and asked, “Was that the Jumbo Jet?”

“Yeah,” the waiter answered.  “Went pretty fast, didn’t it?”

~~~

“It is in the early morning hour that the unseen is seen, and that the far-off beauty and glory, vanquishing all their vagueness, move down upon us till they stand clear as crystal close over against the soul.”

Sarah Smiley

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Love Yourself

Ray’s Daily

April 24, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Buddha

selflove

We are still who we were before the epidemic

I am afraid some of us allow our current situation to lose confidence in ourselves. We are the same people we were before the epidemic and are probably even more worthy now. It is sad that some folks don’t understand just how good they are.

I is alright to appreciate and like yourself. It is difficult to love and be loved if you don’t love yourself. Self-appreciation is up to each of us, all we need do is  look inward and recognize the good that is in each of us.

Jade Nyx recently wrote an article on self-love, I have excepted some of her thoughts that can help us better understand ourselves b

Ways to Learn to Love Yourself and Be Happy

Here’are ways to learn to love yourself and be happy:

Cast out of the Idea That You Have to Be Perfect – You are never going to be perfect. But the good news is, you already are perfect, in your imperfection.

  1. Understand That Societies’ Expectations of You Are an Unrealistic Standard That Can Never Be Met – Don’t compare yourself or your life to that unrealistic standard, it only leads to self hate and depression: The More We Compare, the More We Lose Ourselves

Live in the Moment, Just for a Moment Every Day -Take a moment to stop the endless pursuit and just look into yourself. See where you have come from and appreciate the beauty of the moment that YOU ARE ALIVE — Living, breathing, functioning human being and how much of a luxury that is.

Check in with Yourself Emotionally – Find a chair, grab a coffee and ask what is going on with you today. How are you feeling? Feel that feeling. Learning to actually feel your feelings instead of brushing them under the rug is the best way forward.

Face Your Negative Thoughts – Ask them: Are they true? Are they helpful? Are they kind? Before you say anything negative, ask yourself, does this thought benefit me in any way? Does this thought make me better in some way? Or is it just rude, belittling and cruel.

  1. Tighten Your Circle – Your social circle affects your whole life. Learn about The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You.

You are an accumulation of the 5 people you hang out with, so have a look at who that is. Who are they? Are they positive? Loving? Supportive? Or are they negative, rude and abusive?

You don’t owe anyone anything so if someone is dragging you down like a really negative friend, an insulting boyfriend or a rather opinionated overbearing Aunt. You don’t owe them your time. Ditch, Avoid, Move On. It is your life.

Remember Who You Are – You have been through a lot and you have come through it, getting stronger and stronger every time. I ask you to remember who you are. Adversity is your friend, it challenges you to make life interesting so you can get to the place you really want to go!

Try Minimalism – True happiness and love isn’t found in stuff, it is found in appreciating what you have and experiences. At the end of your life, you want someone to say how great your life was, how you did everything you ever wanted!

Clear up Your Environment – Clear out all those negative people on social media. All of those relatable memes about underachieving alcoholics. What you put in your mind becomes your life, therefore it is only logical that you fill your mind with positive information, and you will have a positive life.

~~~

“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

“Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.”  – Rocky, age 9

“Sleep in your clothes so you’ll be dressed in the morning.”- Stephanie, age 8

“Don’t flush the john when your dad’s in the shower.” – Lamar, age 10

“Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes.” – Carrol, age 9

“Never bug a pregnant mom.” – Nicholas, age 11

“Don’t ever be too full for dessert.” – Kelly, age 10

“When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ don’t answer him.” – Heather, age 16

“Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.”- Michael, age 14

“Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.” – Joel, age 12

“When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone.” – Alyesha, age 13

“Never try to baptize a cat.” – Laura, age 13

“Never spit when on a roller coaster.” – Scott, age 11

“Never do pranks at a police station.” – Sam, age 10

“Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it’s moving.” – Rob, age 10

“Never tell your little brother that you’re not going to do what your mom told you to do.” – Hank, age 12

“Remember you’re never too old to hold your father’s hand.”- Molly, age 11

“Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.”- Chelsey, age 7

“Stay away from prunes.” – Randy, age 9

“Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.”- Phillip, age 13

“Forget the cake, go for the icing.” – Cynthia, age 8

“Remember the two places you are always welcome – church and Grandma’s house.” – Joanne, age 11

“When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.”- Matthew, age 12

~~~

“Every human being is important and all human beings owe something to their fellow inhabitants of this planet.”

Wallace Campbell

~~~

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks’ door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

“Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,” said the skinny man.

“Okay, see that giant redwood over there?” said the lumberjack. “Take your axe and go cut it down.”

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack’s door. “I cut the tree down,” said the man.

The lumberjack couldn’t believe his eyes and said, “Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?”

“In the Sahara Forest,” replied the puny man.

“You mean the Sahara Desert,” said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, “Oh sure, that’s what they call it now!”

~~~

Husband: Darling, will you love me when I’m old and feeble?

Spouse:  You bet I do.

~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.

“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

“Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

~~~

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Thomas Jefferson

~~~

She told me that working as a court reporter, she hears a lot of testimony you will never hear on the TV show, Law and Order, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit.

Judge: “Was the child born out of wedlock?”

Mother: “No, sir. Just outside of Louisville.”

~~~

“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”

Fred Rogers

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

I am grateful

Ray’s Daily

April 23, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

art-of-being-grateful

If you are like I am you do not always find it easy to stay positive. That is especially true these days when there is so much happing that we can’t control. I know in my case being isolated from friends and family just reinforces the price we pay for the challenges imposed by today’s crisis.

The good news that many of us have developed coping skills that allow us to do OK, skills I never realized I had. Recently Marc Chernoff wrote an article that shred how he deals with his bad days. Here is an excerpt from his article thatmake sense to me.

The Art of Being Grateful on Really Hard Days

  • I am married to a loving, encouraging, beautiful woman named Angel.
  • I am alive.
  • I have a relatively healthy body.
  • I have a roof over my head.
  • I have loving parents and other extended family members, who I love.
  • I have a few close friends.
  • I have the ability to learn new things and grow.
  • I can read.
  • I can hear music.
  • I can see the sun rise and set.
  • I can run at the beach (at the time we lived in San Diego, walking distance to the ocean).
  • I can taste delicious home-cooked food (Angel is a pretty darn good cook).

The list keeps going and going, of course, but you get the gist. The little yet marvelous things I was taking for granted every day were now in black and white right in front of me. The hard times I was struggling to cope with didn’t suddenly vanish, but things were put into better perspective. I was no longer focusing solely on the hard times with tunnel vision, but instead broadening my focus into the periphery of my life where a whole list of amazing things existed that could nurture my inner spirit.

Yes, there are incredibly painful parts of my life, and it’s OK to feel the pain they bring. But it’s also important that I remember the rest of my life too, and to also remember that even the painful experiences make life as intricate and remarkable as it is. Life would be impossible without challenges. There is no happiness without some sadness—one requires the other.

~~~

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Melody Beattie

~~~

  • How do you get a redhead to argue with you? A: Say something
  • How do you get a redhead’s mood to change? A: Wait 10 seconds
  • If you love a Redhead, set her free…..if she follows you everywhere you go, if she pitches a tent in your front lawn, and if she puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she’s yours.
  • How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend? A: She has scratched “stay off MY TURF!” on his back with her nails.
  • What do you call a Redhead with an attitude? A: Normal
  • How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you? A: She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl
  • Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.  One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

One of my favorite friends is a red headed professor and I know she is not like that (Don’t tell anyone but if I said she was I would be afraid of the consequences).

~~~

Some people are discovered, others are found out.

~~~

A little boy is told by his mother that he has been very bad this year. Thus, he would probably not get anything for Christmas.

“What? Nothing for Christmas?” cried the little boy.

“Well,” said mom, “maybe if you write a letter to baby Jesus and tell him how sorry you are, Santa will bring you some presents.”

The little boy returned to his room and began his letter. With each attempt at writing he would first apologize and then promise to be good for a certain amount of time. Each letter he crumpled up started again, making the “be good” time shorter with each letter.

Finally in frustration, he gave up and then was struck by a bolt of inspiration! Running to the living room he carefully removed the little Mother Mary figure from the family’s manger scene and just as carefully wrapped it in a sock, placing it in his top drawer. Returning to his desk, he took out a clean piece of paper and began to write:

“Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your Mother again…”

~~~

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model INSIDE her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. It worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.

The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds!

~~~

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!”

Dave Barry

~~~

During the Second World War, when many young men were being trained for combat, they were stationed in the south, and it was the custom for some of the local residents to offer some Southern Hospitality to our fighting men.

One day, in a camp that will remain nameless, the phone rang; a woman at a local woman’s school offered to entertain a dozen soldiers at a party being held the upcoming weekend, and would the captain send some of her best behaved men over? The captain agreed, but before he could finalize the agreements, the woman made a request: “Please, suh, don’t send any Jewish boys.”

The captain agreed … no Jews.

The day of the party, the soldiers were dropped off at the school, and knocked on the door. The hostess opened the door … to the sight of a dozen Black soldiers, all in dress uniforms.

“Why, th-there m-must be some kind of m-mistake,” she stammered.

“No, ma’am,” said one of the soldiers, “Captain Rabinowitz, he doesn’t make mistakes.”

~~~

“Everyone is born a genius, but the process of living de-geniuses them.”

Richard Buckminster Fuller

~~~

Joe: Why don’t you play golf with Bob anymore?

Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card?

Joe: No!

Mike: Neither will Bob.

~~~

“I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.”

~~~

“In ordinary life, we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

What Will You Do Next?

Ray’s Daily

April 22, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

William James

Stress

I seem to have learned how to live somewhat stress free in our period of isolation. It has not always been easy but we have things we must do and things that we have times to do, So for me keeping busy while not worrying about tomorrow has worked out.

We will have decisions to make soon as they start to loosen up the isolation rules. I like most people have things like dental appointments, hair cuts and the like that will need attention. How much risk we are going to take is up to us. It is important that we do not become part of the problem putting ourselves and our loved ones in jeopardy.

We plan in staying in as much as we can, but doing it as stress free as possible. Need stress relief ideas? If you do here are some tips I extracted from a recent article that you may find useful.

7 Ways To Deal With Stress and Enjoy Greater Peace of Mind

by Ricky O’ Shea

#1 Burn Off Stress With Exercise – Studies have shown that physical activity promotes the brains feel good neurotransmitters. On top of this, exercise helps you burn off a little steam.

#2 Mindfulness Based Stress Therapy – Mindfulness Based Stress Therapy (MBST) is a stress relief system that combines mindfulness meditation and yoga. If this strategy does tickle your fancy, then you can enroll in this free online MBST program (no catch).

#3 Do Something That Makes You Laugh – You’ve probably heard the saying “laughter is the medicine.” Well it’s true. When you laugh you release more of those feel good neurotransmitters.

#4 Declutter and Organize Your Home – There’s nothing worse than running around indoors trying to find paperwork or the remote for the television. If this sounds familiar, then maybe it’s time to have a declutter and organize your home a little better.

#5 Spend Time Doing Stuff You Enjoy – With the hustle and bustle of daily life it’s easy to get caught up in the rat race and neglect the things we enjoy. But if you don’t make time for doing the things you love to do, then you will miss out on the finer things in life.

#6 Make Meditation a Daily Ritual – Studies have shown that meditation helps to relieve stress, anxiety and other psychological disorders. I recommend a basic mindfulness meditation as you will learn to observe your thoughts without over analyzing them.

#7 Keep a Journal and Update It Daily – Journals are a great way to unload your thoughts and vent your mental frustration. Journaling also helps you to track and pinpoint the things in your life that are causing you stress.

~~~

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.”

Lee Iacocca

~~~

A sales clerk asked his boss how to handle people who complained about the current prices compared to the low prices in the good old days.

“Just act surprised and tell them you didn’t think that they were old enough to remember them.”

~~~

Doug goes to a doctor and says: “Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?”

The doctor replies, “Try coming home at 3 in the morning!”

~~~

All I want is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.

~~~

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town.  The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered.  It was a simple place …  2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment.  Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove.  It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron.  What was strange about it was its location …  it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams. “Fascinating,” said the psychologist.  “It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb.” “Nonsense!” replied the engineer.  “The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics.  By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin.” “With all due respect,” interrupted the theologian, “I’m sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning.  Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries.” The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue.

When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling. His answer was succinct.  “Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe.”

~~~

SHE SAID: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

HE SAID: Don’t you ever want to improve?

~~~

Heavily laden with groceries, my aunt asked a young clerk at the grocery store to accompany her to her car.  Arriving there, she unlocked and opened the doors and, without thinking, sat down in the back seat to check off her list of errands.

A moment later, the perplexed clerk walked around the car to my aunt.

“Lady,” he said firmly, “I don’t mind helping you load your groceries, but I really gotta draw the line at driving you home.”

~~~

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.

Will Rogers

~~~

Proof that Vodka is good for your brain:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300C.

When confronted with the same problem, the Russians used a pencil.

~~~

I’ve got it all together and now I’ve forgotten where I put it.

~~~

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?”

Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.

He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub-topics and by the time he’s finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge.

Her father finally asks, “So what did you want to know about sex for?”

“Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”

~~~

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

~~~

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he’d like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife’s birthday.

“A little surprise, eh?” smiled the clerk.

“You bet,” answered the customer.  “She’s expecting a cruise.”

~~~

They say that hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

~~~

The man, trying to start up a conversation with another man said, “Who is the ugly lady over there?”

The second man said, “Why, that’s my wife!”

Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation, the first man said, “No, not her, the other one!”

The second man said, “That’s my daughter!”

~~~

Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.

~~~

A lawyer asked a pregnant witness, “Do you know how far along in your pregnancy you are now?”

“It’ll be three months on April 12,” she replied.

“Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And what were you doing at that time?”

“Uh, Your Honor, do I have to answer that question?”

~~~

“We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday’s burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.”

John Newton

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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