Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2014

Stress is not welcome here

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”

Hans Selye

 entering-stress-free-zone1

 It has been a heck of a week here for us. We had our water heater go and it cost a bundle to replace and install. Our plumbing apparently suffered from the same virus and so we had to replace one of those really vital porcelain devices we all keep in our bathrooms (WC’s) and while we enjoyed the jovial plumber his bill did not contribute to our overall joy. I did not get upset through it all as I am still a little weary from my recent health problems.

The really good news is that I am in a program that set a goal; for me to lose 7% of my body weight and yesterday I succeeded, now all I have to do is not slip back which is less likely as they are going to monitor me for a full year. Later this morning I will visit my cardiologist to make sure I have no current problems and I am sure he will give me an attaboy for my weight loss.

So another week has gone by with some bad and some good but as always there was nothing to get stressed over. We can handle stress if we just don’t take it too seriously. Here are some tips from Elizabeth Scott, M.S. that can help during one of those bad days.

 

Stressful Day? Here’s How To Feel Better

Stop Stressful Days In Their Tracks–Every Day Can Be A Better Day!

We’ve all had stressful days. But some days can be particularly stressful, and require some extra efforts toward stress relief. When you feel overly stressed, the challenges of your day can pile up and feel bigger than they are, making “those days” feel overwhelming. The following tips can help you to de-escalate the stress you experience when you’re having “one of those days,” and turn a bad day into a day of promise.

•Take A Meditation Break – A well-timed meditation session can feel like a mini-vacation when you’re having an overwhelming day. Regular meditation brings cumulative benefits, but even a five-minute meditation can help put you in a better frame of mind so that whatever stressors come, you’ve got them handled.

•Use Reframing Techniques – Sometimes stress is all in how you look at it! If you see something as a threat vs. a challenge, for example, it will bring more stress. If you’re catastrophizing, ‘shoulding all over yourself’, or unwittingly using other cognitive distortions to add to the stress of your day, stop.

•It’s Okay To Say No – Sometimes we have One Of Those Days because we have so many commitments stacked up on each other that one false move leads to a string of minor crises. One way to avoid doing this is to only take on commitments that are really important to you and directly help you fulfill your most valued goals, like ‘keep my job’ or ‘be a good parent’. It’s important to learn how to say no to other more periphery commitments, even if people will be disappointed.

•Locate A Supportive Shoulder – Sometimes it helps just to have a sympathetic ear or an active listener to tell your troubles to, to ‘get it out of your system’, or to feel validated and supported. If you are someone who does better with the supportive ear of a good friend (and can avoid rumination when telling your tale), then go for it!

•Have A Sense of Humor – Laughing in the face of stress is a good way to rob it of its power. And, fortunately, there are other benefits of laughter as well. Practice maintaining your sense of humor on an overwhelming day and the world laughs with you!

•Just Breathe – A quick and effective way to feel much less stressed anytime, anywhere? Breathing exercises! Try taking a few deep breaths right now, and see how much more relaxed you can be.

 

Ongoing stress relief works best with a mix of quick stress relievers, long-term resilience-promoting habits, and a few shifts in perspective. Find all of that with these ongoing resources for stress management–they’re free!

~~~

“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.”

George Burns

~~~

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.  The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, “I’ll hear the oldest first.”

The case was closed for lack of evidence.

~~~

Dad: Don’t be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time.

Son: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!

~~~

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.

With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, “A lawyer!”

~~~

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Then when they’re gone, I can catch up on my nap.”

Tom Sims

~~~

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.

“That is the talking clock”, the man replied.

“How’s it work?” the friend asked.

“Watch”, the man said, then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!”

~~~

“When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, ‘Give me a table near a waiter.'”

Henny Youngman

~~~

Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening as they have done for the past 35 years. Max, the older, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife.

At the end of the card game Ed said to Max, “You did very good tonight.  You didn’t need any help at all. Why is that?”

Max replied, “Why ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven’t had any problems at all.”

“Memory school? What memory school?”

Max thought for a moment, “Oh, what’s that flower that’s red with thorns? A really pretty flower…?”

“A rose?”

“Yeah…that’s it!” Max turned to his wife and mumbled, “Hey, Rose!  What’s the name of that memory school you sent me to?

~~~

“Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.”

Douglas Pagels

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Thoughts for today

All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.

Ladder of success

I have a full plate today so the wisest thing for me to do is again revisit the past and send you a Daily that we published years ago. Now we both should go have a great day. See you tomorrow.

Ray’s Daily first published on May 28, 2007

I went to one of my grandson’s high school graduation the other night. The ceremony was really well done. It was at a major theatre, all the teachers were in their academic gowns sitting in rows behind the podium and presentation area. The retiring President of the school, it is a Catholic high school, made a moving closing speech. One of the things he said really hit home with me, he referenced the teachers sitting behind him and said we might see Mrs. Johnson. Mr. More and the like but he saw the minds of Mendelssohn, Einstein, Aristotle and the ideas that have lingered over the centuries.

What he said struck me as what immortality is all about. It is our words and actions that linger on well after we have gone. We may not be referenced in any classroom but we can be remembered for our kindness, caring, and love of others. I hope that my grandson, his brother, and his cousins will think of me with fondness after I am gone and that they will let their children know that their family did care.

Memorial Day here in the US in the US was only three days after the graduation. Our Memorial Day is a time when those who have died in war are remembered. I could not help but wonder how many Beethoven’s, Plato’s, and other great contributors we have lost because of early death in war. It hurts me to know that in our country many of our children must die in order to be given the title of hero. Over the years there have been great heroes who fought out of patriotism and commitment to a just cause. Sadly though, I think that too many of our sons have been lost because they were at a place not of their choosing. So many of our young people have joined the service because they cannot afford college, have no other place to go, or have lost their way. We end up paying them big bonuses to fight our war while we sit back and make no sacrifices. Is this much different than those of old who were hired as mercenaries? I don’t care about your politics or what you think of the wars being fought today, I just hope that you feel the pain that comes from the death of each of these innocents. They may never have become famous but they might have become a grandparent who could take pride in the graduation of a grandchild and then live on in their memories.

~~~

The future lies before you

Like a field of driven snow,

Be careful how you tread it,

For every step will show.

Author Unknown

~~~

CUSTOMER’S GUIDE TO SUPERMARKET SHOPPING

1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your checkbook. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check.

2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT’S THE LAW!!!

3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it’s okay. That way, if he says “yes,” then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says “no,” then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win!

4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won’t be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any.

5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don’t be rushed. Get it right. If you’re not sure just say, “BAG.” That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store.

6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn’t choose plastic.

7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don’t want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don’t fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are.

8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag.

9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life.

10. Don’t forget rule NO. 8

11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it’s finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time.

12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you’re doing, don’t feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite– but you don’t have to.

13. When the store is not busy and there is only one checkstand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don’t want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one.

14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don’t, tell him it’s “2-something” or “3-something.” The clerks love that because they don’t get to use their SOMETHING keys very often.

~~~

It isn’t how much time you spend somewhere that makes it memorable; It’s how you spend the time.

David Brenner

~~~

A man is in court. The Judge says, “on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?”

“Guilty”, said the man in the dock.

At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted “You dirty rat!” The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.

The Judge continued “….. and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead”?

“Guilty”, said the man in the dock.

Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, “You dirty rotten stinking rat”!!

At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, “I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?”

He replied “He is my next door neighbor”.

The Judge replied, “I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments”.

The man replied “NO, your Honor, you don’t understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn’t have one”!!!

~~~

Half the people in the world are below average.

~~~

“So,” Jane asked the detective she had hired. “Did you tail my husband?”

“Yes ma’am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment.”

A big smile crossed Jane’s face. “Aha! I’ve got him!” she said gloating. “Is there any doubt what he was doing?”

“No ma’am.” replied the sleuth, “It’s pretty clear that he was following you.”

~~~

In a completely rational society, the best of us would aspire to be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for something less, because passing civilization along from one generation to the next ought to be the highest honor and the highest responsibility anyone could have.  

Lee Iacocca

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

How do you count your life?

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.”

John Lennon

 inthepursuitofhappiness

Yesterday I shared with you how impressed I have been with my friend who recently lost a leg. As I had he has chosen to see the positive aspects of the life ahead versus agonize over his loss. What especially impresses me is the dedication and work that he will put into as he regains mobility. When I was in my cardiac rehab last December there were many that resisted the effort necessary to speed their recovery and their eventual return to full and active lives, I honestly feel that many did not as they spend the rest of their days feeling sorry for themselves. I am glad my friend has chosen to concentrate on what life still has to offer and not on the temporary loss of mobility.

Our friend Marc Chernoff wrote Little Ways to Find Happiness in What You Already Have some time ago and I would like to share with you a few of his suggestions.

 

Embrace your humanness. – Do not endlessly search of sanctity, sacredness, and purity – these things are found after this life, not in it.

Realize your greatness. – Contrary to what others may say, you do not need to rise to the top, or be the cream of the crop, before you can feel great about yourself.

Choose differently. – If you don’t like some part of your life, it’s time to start tweaking things and making better choices, right now, right where you are.

Accept yourself just the way you are. – Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t.

Choose your own thoughts. – The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.

Dedicate time every day to meaningful activities. – What you do every day matters, but WHY you do what you do matters more.

Enjoy the process of learning and growing as you go. – You have to acknowledge your troubles but gather strength from them, and laugh at your mistakes but learn from them.  Getting second chances in life is about giving yourself the opportunity to grow beyond your past failures.

Celebrate how much stronger you are now. – You can’t possibly know you are strong if you’ve only ever had wonderful things happen to you.

Stop resisting what is. – Flow with reality, not against it.

Do what you can right now. – It’s not as much about acquiring new things as it is about using what you already have.

Take it just one easy step at a time. – Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.  Tiptoe if you must, but take the step.

Appreciate each day for what it’s worth. – If what you did today didn’t turn out as you hoped, tomorrow is a new opportunity to do it differently, or to do nothing at all.

Spend more time around those special people who truly care. – You grow to be like the people you spend most of your time with.

Do something nice for yourself today. – The trick is to enjoy your life today.

Fill your time and mind with positivity. – Do what you can, and smile.

Be grateful. –Count the blessings in your life, and start with the breath you’re taking right now.

Be present. – Do not dwell so much on creating your perfect life that you forget to live.

Schedule in some dedicated down time. – Find the time… the time to read, to smell the flowers, to take a walk in the wilderness, to share a laugh, to explore somewhere new, to really be with someone you love, to paint your dreams, or even to just do nothing and relax for a while.

~~~

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.”

Audrey Hepburn

~~~

 

You know you are in trouble when:

You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you’ve ever had.

The simple instructions enclosed aren’t.

People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.

Your wife starts charging you rent.

A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.

You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife.

~~~

He or she who laughs……lasts.

~~~

A Texan, trying to impress a Bostonian with tales about the heroes of the Alamo, said, “I’ll bet you never had anyone so brave around Boston.”

“Ever hear of Paul Revere?” asked the Bostonian.

“Paul Revere?” said the Texan. “Isn’t he the guy who ran for help?”

~~~

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

Oscar Wilde

~~~

Financial Terminology

Bull Market – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market – A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Momentum Investing – The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing – The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E ratio – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.

Broker – Poorer than you were last year.

Standard & Poor – Your life in a nutshell.

Market Correction – The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Profit – Religious guy who talks to God.

~~~

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

~~~

“The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife”s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets,often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”

~~~

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Tomorrow is waiting for us, we get to decide what it will be like

Don’t miss the sunshine because you’re thinking of the rain. Stay positive, focused and present!

Ricardo Housham

 stay-positive-4

A number of weeks ago I shared with you that I have a friend who had a major medical problem which resulted in his losing a leg. After a significant stay in the hospital he was moved to a rehabilitation center where he has been getting physical and occupational therapy, the good news is that he will be going home today where he will continue his recovery.

When I wrote about my friend the last time I shared with you how impressed I was with his positive attitude in spite of the pain he continued to suffer. I had a chance to visit with him few days ago and even though the regimen they are putting him through is arduous he continued to demonstrate his ability to put everything in perspective while staying upbeat. He continues to inspire. I wish more of us would concentrate on the potential the future holds while not dwelling on the losses suffered in the past. Yes my friend lost a leg, but that is all he lost, he lived and I know will do well in the years ahead.

Here is a story that has a message we all need to understand if we are going to be like my friend.

 

I Am Blessed Indeed!

Og Mandino

Today upon a bus, I saw a lovely girl, I envied her:

She seemed so happy. And I wish I were as fair.

And then, suddenly, she rose to leave, and I saw her hobble down the aisle,

She had one leg and wore a crutch,

But as she passed, a smile.

 

Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two legs, I am blessed indeed. The world is mine!

Later, walking down the street,

I saw a man with eyes of blue.

But he just stood and watched the others play.

So, I stopped a moment and then I said,

“Why don’t you join the others, sir?”

But he looked ahead without a word.

And then I knew he could not hear.

Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two ears, I am blessed indeed. The world is mine!

 

And later, I stopped to buy some sweets,

The lad who sold them had such charm,

I talked with him. If I were late, it would do no harm.

But as I turned to go, he said to me,

“I thank you sir. You’ve been so kind.

It’s nice to talk with folks like you.”

“You see,” he said, “I am blind.”

 

Oh God forgive me when I whine, I have two eyes, I am blessed indeed. The world is mine!

 

With legs to take me where I want to go,

With ears to hear the things I need to know,

With eyes to watch that radiant sunset glow.

Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I am blessed indeed!

The world is mine!

~~~

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.”

Walt Whitman

~~~

A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, “I’m a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don’t care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo.”

The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket.

After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, “How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?”

“That’s nothing,” said the porter. “You should have heard the guy who I put off in Buffalo!”

~~~

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

~~~

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks, “You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?”

The old man replies, “I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth.”

The journalist is amazed. “How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?” she asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. “Like I’m talking to a wall.”

~~~

A frustrated wife told me the other day her definition of retirement: “Twice as much husband on half as much pay.”

~~~

The other night, my wife and I were going out for dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and said, “Does this look natural?”

~~~

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

~~~

A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, “We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?”

The man said, “You don’t understand. I need a card that covers BOTH events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday…”

~~~

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

~~~

As the storm raged, the sea captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?”

One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.”

“Good,” said the captain, “you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we’re one short.”

~~~

There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. That little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.

W. Clement Stone

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Thanks for the memories

We do not remember days; we remember moments.

thanks_for_the_memories

 Today is my countries annual Memorial Day, a US federal holiday wherein the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces are remembered. The holiday, which is celebrated every year on the final Monday of May, was formerly known as Decoration Day and originated after the American Civil War to commemorate the Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the Civil War. By the 20th century, Memorial Day had been extended to honor all Americans who have died while in the military service.

In my case it triggered my thinking back over the years to the many people who contributed to who I am today. These folks were friends, family, teachers, mentors, employers and colleagues. As I thought back I realized how much I owe so many. Each has left their footsteps on my memory and many on my heart as well. I just wish I had done a better job expressing my gratitude when they were with me.

Here is a poem I wish I would have recited to so many.

Memories

by Annabelle

 

Within my book of memories,

Are special thoughts of you.

And all the many nice things

You often say and do –

 

As I turn the pages,

And recall each single thought,

I realize the happiness

That knowing you has brought.

 

There are memories of the times we’ve shared

Both bright and sunny days.

There are memories of your kindness

And your friendly thoughtful ways.

 

There are memories of all those notes,

we would write back and forth,

When we would just get together,

And talk of this or that.

 

And when I recall these memories

As I go along life’s way,

I find they grow more precious still

With every passing day.

~~~

Memory is a paradise out of which fate cannot drive us.

Alexandre Dumas

~~~

A message from the rural Midwest: Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states’ Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It’s called a ‘gravel road’,  No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your car.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get you whipped… by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $1000 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for…bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That’s right. Whiskey is only three bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We’re real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks–because they want to . So, you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too–and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways—Interstates 29, 35, & 69 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don’t hit in the water hazard. It spooks our fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot…his name is “Sir”…no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit!

~~~

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

~~~

Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court. The judge asked, “Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?”

Phil replies, “Yes Judge, that is correct.”

“And how do you explain this unusual conduct?” the judge inquires.

Phil replies, “I didn’t want to interrupt her, Your Honor.  Momma always said that’s impolite!”

~~~

If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.

Phyllis Diller

~~~

You may have heard the old joke about Shirley, the Jewish mother in NYC, who brought her 6 year old boy to the psychoanalyst, who diagnosed: “Nothing much wrong with your son, just a slight Oedipus complex.

Said Shirley the mom… “Oedipus, schmedipus, the important thing is that he loves his mother”

~~~

Friends are the most important part of your life. Treasure the tears, treasure the laughter, but most importantly, treasure the memories.

Dave Brenner

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

We don’t have to be like them

People who fight fire with fire end up with only the ashes of their own integrity.

Michael Josephson

 integrity2

I don’t know about you but I am concerned with how many people seem to believe freedom of speech includes the freedom to lie and/or mislead. Soon we will be in the heat of another campaign season with hundreds of millions of dollars spent spreading negative information believing that it is alright to win at any cost. In effect too many have let their integrity take a back seat to the winning no matter the moral price.

Sadly our acceptance of subjective slanted truths is no longer limited to political rhetoric; we now can find a myriad of sources that will pander to our prejudices by giving is the information we want to hear no matter that is often based on rumor and innuendo. I wonder what our children and grandchildren think as they observe a society so polarized that accomplishment is secondary to retention of power. I liked it when we had a society that honored and rewarded civility and integrity and not the folks who work to destroy those that disagree with them.

I like the following story as it reminds me that we are being watched by our children. It is up to us to demonstrate that we can be truthful and caring about who and what we are.

 

What You Are Is As Important As What You Do

by: Patricia Fripp

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon in Oklahoma City. My friend and proud father Bobby Lewis was taking his two little boys to play miniature golf. He walked up to the fellow at the ticket counter and said, “How much is it to get in?”

The young man replied, “$3.00 for you and $3.00 for any kid who is older than six. We let them in free if they are six or younger. How old are they?”

Bobby replied, “The lawyer’s three and the doctor is seven, so I guess I owe you $6.00.”

The man at the ticket counter said, “Hey, Mister, did you just win the lottery or something? You could have saved yourself three bucks. You could have told me that the older one was six; I wouldn’t have known the difference.” Bobby replied, “Yes, that may be true, but the kids would have known the difference.”

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.” In challenging times when ethics are more important than ever before, make sure you set a good example for everyone you work and live with.

~~~

What you allow, you encourage.

Michael Josephson

~~~

God called down to Moses and said, “I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”

Moses replied, “Most merciful God, if I have brought you any favor, please give me the good news first.”

“Moses, the good news is that I’ve chosen you to deliver my people from bondage,” God answered. “I will force Pharaoh to release my children by causing years of pestilence in Egypt.

There will be plagues of locusts and frogs and incredible devastation upon the land. Pharaoh’s armies will chase you as you try to leave, but do not fear because I will part the waters of the Red Sea to aid in your escape.”

“And the bad news?” Moses inquired.

“You have to prepare the Environmental Impact Statement,” God replied.

~~~

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

Charles Wadsworth

~~~

Remember the old Catskill Mountains comics of Vaudeville days like Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? I know I do, this is some of what they left for us.

* I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love? “Honey, I’m home!”

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mud-pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

* I was just in London – there is a 6-hour time difference. I’m still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”

* Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I AM 60!” Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”

* Doctor says to a man, “You’re pregnant!” The man says, “How does a man get pregnant?” The doctor says, “The usual way. A little wine, a little dinner, you know?”

* Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.” Doctor: “Don’t answer!”

~~~

“It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy.”

George Horace Lorimer

~~~

She said, I’d had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bedtime finally came, I laid down the law: “We’re putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it’s lights out!”

Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, “We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don’t have mommies and daddies.”

Even after I’d been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, “Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?”

~~~

“How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it.”

Sara Swank

~~~

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.

Passenger: ‘Who?’

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more… He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died. . . . I’m married to his widow.”

~~~

What is left when honor is lost?

Publilius Syrus

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Don’t let today spoil tomorrow

You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.

Epicurus

adversity

Last week I encountered another temporary health setback. I treat these interruptions as temporary events knowing that they can only take me down if I let them. I know it is not easy for some but for me I have had so much practice that getting through difficulties without permanent distress has become second nature. As I thought about my own experience I remembered a piece written by Marc Chernoff entitled Things to Remember When Everything is Going Wrong. I would like to share with you the following excerpts from the article.

 Pain is part of growing.

Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Good things take time. Stay patient and stay positive. Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.

Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

Everything in life is temporary.

Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever.

Worrying and complaining changes nothing.

Those who complain the most, accomplish the least. It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it. If you believe in something, keep trying. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter. Take action instead. Let what you’ve learned improve how you live. Make a change and never look back.

Your scars are symbols of your strength.

Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear.

Every little struggle is a step forward.

In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it. So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way. Otherwise, there’s no point in starting.

Other people’s negativity is not your problem.

Be positive when negativity surrounds you. Smile when others try to bring you down. It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus. When other people treat you poorly, keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are. You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.

What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.

True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead. There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You can’t force things to happen. You can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.

The best thing you can do is to keep going.

Don’t be afraid to get back up. Don’t be afraid to love again. Don’t let the cracks in your heart turn to hardened scar tissue. Find the strength to laugh every day. Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful. Find it in your heart to make others smile too. Recognize when you’re wrong and learn from it. Don’t hold on too tightly. Always look back and see how much you’ve grown, and be proud of yourself. Don’t change for anyone, unless you want to.

~~~

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

M. Kathleen Casey

~~~

I was interviewing a jeweler for a story I was writing on giving new life to old jewelry, and I asked him to tell me about his most memorable client. “It was a divorced woman who had me make a pair of earrings from her inscribed wedding band,” he remembered.  “One earring read, ‘with all,’ and the other, ‘my love.’

When I asked why she had wanted it done that way, she answered, ‘To remind me that the next time anyone says that to me, I should let in go in one ear and out the other.'”

~~~

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

~~~

A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, “What 20 Million American Women Want.”

He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.

His wife was a little annoyed. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

He calmly replied, “I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right.”

~~~

Wife:  If I left you for some man, would you be sorry?

Husband:  Why would I be sorry for a man I don’t even know.

~~~

A truck driver tried to edge his semi past the lady driver on the road ahead of him as she was obviously having difficulty deciding which lane she wanted to be in. Finally, her mind made up, the woman veered into the truck driver’s lane and jammed on her brakes, which resulted in a slight collision.

Unhurt but obviously harried, the lady driver rushed over to the truck driver and started to bawl him out, barking, “You knew I was going to do something idiotic. Why didn’t you stop to wait and see what it was?”

~~~

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

~~~

A New York judge is ready to go through the day’s business and he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.  The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk: “Quick…get me a translator.”

Translator shows up and the judge says: “Ask him what his name is, how old is he and where does he come from?”

The translator says: “Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?”

The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect English with a British accent: “Your Honour. My name is Sir Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be 82 next Thursday and I’ve come from England where I hold the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at Oxford University.”

The translator turns to the judge and says: “Ehr zukt, ehr is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt, und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun Oxford.”

~~~

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.

~~~

Mary:  And then he says, “You criticize everything I do!”

Jill:  I see.  And is that true?

Mary:  No!  He just never does anything right!

~~~

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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