Ray's musings and humor

Archive for February, 2007

What about your dream house?

“In order to plan your future wisely, it is necessary that you understand and appreciate your past.”

Jo Coudert

This morning an acquaintance of mine became a friend. We talked about the years ahead and how we could plan for our happiness. We both had experienced a period in our lives when other people had more influence over what we did then we ourselves had. They decided what box we would work in and sometimes even live in. Heck they knew what was good for us, or at least we let ourselves believe they did. We must be good guys, they said so.

Fortunately we both got to the point where we realized that we were in charge of our own happiness. The bottom line was that we decided to listen to ourselves and take responsibility for our own lives. We would hear what others had to say and then decide if we wanted what they had to offer. Sadly in my experience too many of us wait to take control of our lives until it is too late. Even worse many of us never even stop long enough to put down those things that might enrich our lives, too many never recognize their opportunity to be happy when it is in front of them because they never designed their dream life. Instead of being our own architects and designing that special place for ourselves we buy someone else design and then live within its walls, sometimes never realizing why we are unhappy.

My new friend has decided that she will design her own place from the bottom up. She is putting together a list of all the amenities and necessities that she wants in the life she is about to build. Me I can hardly wait to see what it looks like.

~~~

“Build this day on a foundation of pleasant thoughts. Never fret at any imperfections that you fear may impede your progress. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you are a creature of God and have the power to achieve any dream by lifting up your thoughts. You can fly when you decide that you can. Never consider yourself defeated again. Let the vision in your heart be in your life’s blueprint. Smile!”

Og Mandino

~~~

A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing. The Jewish man commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are.

"Yes," replied the Chinese, "Our culture is over 4,000 years old. But, you Jews are a very wise people, too."

The Jewish man replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old."

The Chinese man was incredulous, "That’s impossible," he replied. "Where did your people eat for a thousand years?

~~~

On my recent birthday my wife gave me a superb birthday present. She let me win an argument.

~~~

Four retired Army vets are walking down the street window shopping. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Veterans Bar" over the doorway of an entry into an establishment that doesn’t look all that well kept up. They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they could judge the ‘book by it’s cover’.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar so the men all ask for a martini. In short time the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis – shaken not stirred and says, "That’ll be 40 cents, please." The four men stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other – they can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis and or! der another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That’s 40 more cents, please."

They pay the 40 cents but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They’ve each had two martinis and so far they’ve spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"

The bartender replies, "No doubt you’ve noticed the decor in here. And the outside ain’t nothin’ to write home about. I don’t waste money on that stuff. But, here’s my story. I’m a retired Master Sargent and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for real veterans. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow. That’s quite a story." says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn’t help but notice three other guys at the end of the! bar who didn’t have a drink in front of them and hadn’t ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man finished his martini and, gestured at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What’s with them?"

The bartender says, "Oh, they are retired in Florida. They’re waiting for happy hour

~~~

The Good News, Canada has offered to help the U.S. in the war on terrorism! They Have pledged 2 battleships, 6000 troops and 10 fighter jets.

The Bad News, with the current exchange rate, that comes out to 2 canoes, a mountie and a couple of flying squirrels.

~~~

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

~~~

The sad thing is that I can relate to some of the following:

Three old guys were out walking.

First one says. "Windy isn’t it? "

Second one says, "No its Thursday"!!

Third one says. "So am I. Lets go get a beer"

~~~

I’ll believe psychics when one phones me, just in the nick of time, yelling, "Duck!"

~~~

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The

first guy said "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."

"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.

"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last time I got aroused in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"

"Healthier?  How is that?" his buddy wondered.

"Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she’d get these terrible headaches." he answered. "Now that we’re older, she hasn’t had a headache in years."

~~~

"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?"
 George Carlin

~~~

QUESTIONS I’VE WONDERED ABOUT

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it that night falls and day breaks?

Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Do pilots take crash courses?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

~~~

"Both humor and faith are the expressions of the freedom of the human spirit,

of its capacity to stand outside of life, and itself, and view the whole scene."

Reinhold Niebuhr

~~~

NOTE:

Ray will be away at meetings all day tomorrow and he has turned off the presses until Friday.

Don’t worry he is OK, I think.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Come out and play!

“The heart that loves is always young.”

 

 

My old friend Vince in Minnesota sent me this advice on how to stay young the other day and I thought I would share it with you. In fact this morning I was talking to a pal about what age is all about and it turned out we both knew old young people and young old people. It is so nice to know you do not have to find the fountain of youth to stay young all you have to do is be young. Here is Vince’s advice.

 

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan’s and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice…loved it both times!  

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning:  Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil’s workshop." And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!  

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.  LIVE while you are alive.  

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, = music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.  

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.  

I would only add, “Do not take yourself too seriously, enjoy the ride.”

~~~

“May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true.

May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you.

May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong.

May you stay forever young.”

Bob Dylan

~~~

Really, Really Bad Traffic

 

* Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a tire without losing your place in line.  

* All across the country rush hour traffic is bumper to bumper. The next thing they’ll be selling is anti-perspirant to put under your car’s fenders.  

* Traffic is always heavy in both directions. There are just as many people trying to get to whatever you’re trying to get away from.  

* You have mixed feelings when you see an opening in rush hour traffic. You’re glad for the opening, but you wonder who died.  

* It’s useless to print roadmaps anymore. You just get on the highway and go wherever the other cars take you.  

* The only way to get home from work on time is to take the day off…even then, you’re cutting it close.  

* Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a hurry.  

* You don’t even have to brush your teeth anymore. Just get in rush hour traffic, smile, and let someone else’s windshield wipers do all the work.  

* You can sit on the highways forever. In fact, some places have little exit ramps where you can pull over and make a car payment.  

* During rush hour the only way you can change lanes is to buy the car driving next to you.  

~~~

Why is it the loudest snorer is always the first one to get to sleep.

~~~

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away.. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection………Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they’re fooling?

I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on — but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

~~~

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."

Sir Francis Bacon

~~~

Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, looking really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked Thibodeaux what the problem was.

Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and Clothile done had our first fight last night."

Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat’s too bad. What y’all had a fight about?"

Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope."

Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You knows dat Clothile is Catholic."

Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn’t know de Pope was too."

~~~

Every man needs a wife because there are a number of things that go wrong that one cannot blame on the government.

~~~

A study published in "Neurology" says people who snore are more prone to getting headaches. No reason is given. But could it be on account of their spouses hitting them in the head all night long trying to get them to stop snoring?

~~~

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count.

It’s the life in your years.

Abraham Lincoln

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Remember when……

“Looking back you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life- and it was you.

It is not too late to find that person again.”

Robert Brault

 

 

 

I will be attending an intergenerational discussion group in a few weeks. It will be people from my generation mixing with college undergraduate students. The students have provided a set of questions that they would like to discuss and one of them asks about the difference in America during the Second World War and America today. This morning I jotted down a few notes about the world I saw then and the world of today. I won’t bore you with the results but the exercise reminded me of something my friend Inez sent me some time ago. Here is what she sent:

 

I grew up in the fifties with practical parents — a mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it…

A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, dish towel in the other.

It was the time for fixing things — a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy.

All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful.

Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer’s night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any ‘more.’

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…never to return.

So…while we have it…it’s best we love it…..and care for it…..and fix it when it’s broken…..and heal it when it’s sick.

This is true…..for marriage…..and old cars…..and children with bad report cards…..and dogs with bad hips…..and aging parents…..and grandparents.

We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep.

Like a best friend that moved away — or — a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special…..and so, we keep them close!

~~~

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

Author Unknown

~~~

He said: I’ve been married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.  Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."  

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot, 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed…

CRISIS RESOLVED!  

~~~

"It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life."

P. D. James

~~~

Ed reminded me why he likes retirement !

Question: How many days in a week?

Answer:    6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?

Answer:   Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?

Answer:   Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer:   There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer:   The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?

Answer:   Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answer:   They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Answer:   They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?

Answer:   Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answer:   The never ending Coffee Break.

~~~

My cousin Larry meets a lot of women now that he has changed his email address.

He had a lot of trouble getting action with his old one, which was: "36-year-old-living-with-my-mama @home.com."

~~~

DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.  

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!  

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot, and go out with a bang, because as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!  

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory, and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.  

~~~

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in both hands, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "What a ride!"

Author Unknown

~~~

 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Late Edition

“Everything comes too late for those who only wait.”

Elbert Hubbard

Well gang, I again have let the day get away from me. Between blood tests and meetings it is almost the end of the day and I have yet to publish the daily, so here we go again, blasts from the past.

 

February 23, 2004

We have often talked about those who seem to find the cloud even in a rainbow. What is sad to me is that so many just give up as they get older and seem to only be able to find fault. I know that you see each day as a new adventure and something to be enjoyed. No matter how old we are we still have the ability to hope that tomorrow will be an even better day than today. I like the following.

 

If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope.

If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.

If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope.

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.

If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope.

If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope.

If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope.

If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope.

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope.

If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.

If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope.

If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope.

If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey, then you still have hope.

If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.

If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope.

If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase…."yeah….BUT" then you still have hope.

 

Hope is such a marvelous thing.  It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break. It sustains us when nothing else can. It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we’d rather give in. Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage. Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it. Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction. Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return.  And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.  Never lose hope.

Author Unknown

~~~

“It gets late early out there.”

Yogi Berra

~~~

The Future of Airlines

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You’re in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It’s the airline’s new policy.

Passenger: That’s the craziest thing I ever heard. I won’t pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I’ll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won’t stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you’re right, you can’t stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We’re about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don’t comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don’t want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there’s a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can’t believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It’s stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn’t seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It’s the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don’t have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you’ve given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there’s a change making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin’ out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it. You’ll need it later for the lavatory.

~~~

Advice is what we ask for when we know the answer but wish we didn’t.

~~~

The receptionist found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. 

She sent out an e-mail:  "If anybody can say where he/she lost $66, please let me know, and it will be returned."

Within minutes one employee replied, "Kentucky Derby, 2006."

~~~

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Howard W. Newton

~~~

Each one of us is a mixture of good qualities and some perhaps not so good qualities.  In considering our fellow man, we should remember his good qualities and realize that his faults only prove that he is, after all, a human being.  We should refrain from making harsh judgment of a person just because he happens to be a dirty, rotten, no-good son-of-a-bitch."

~~~

"The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing."

Michael E. Gerber

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Please speak out

Tolerance

 

 

I have been struggling with the concept of tolerance lately. For many years I have advocated personal tolerance as the cornerstone of a healthy society. I guess I still do providing we do not see our toleration as being the ability to overlook the faults of others, but rather our ability to respect our differences. Harmony comes from living together not from just accepting adversarial relationships. So I still basically believe taht tolerance is good and intolerance is bad.

 

Tolerance is defined by some as

  • the power or capacity of an organism to tolerate unfavorable environmental conditions
  • a disposition to allow freedom of choice and behavior
  • a disposition to tolerate or accept people or situations

On the surface it all sounds good. But have we become so tolerant that we ignore problems that we face as individuals and as a society. Would their have been the oppression and slaughter of the Jews in Germany during the 30’s and 40’s if people like you and me had not tolerated the evil action of others. Is the willingness of most of the world’s people to tolerate the current slaughter of innocents in Africa the act of a civilized populace?

 

Many of us are given the opportunity to stand up and say no to things that should not be in our own personal world, yet how many of us just sit by and tolerate the existing condition because it just is not all that important to us. Many think the answer rests in democracy, yet democracy with out civil liberty often results in the oppression of the minority. We should really care and raise our voices in opposition to what should be the intolerable for each of us are minorities of one kind or another. As an example I belong to an age group is only a small percentage of the total population and my personal beliefs are not shared by everyone else. We are all different in one way or the other and we need to stand up and demand our right to be different for if we don’t who will?

 

Sorry for the long winded diatribe today, but I worry about our toleration of things that darken the future. Sadly nothing will change unless we decide to take some responsibility to at least leave the world no worse than we found it, we owe it to future generations.

~~~

 “Tolerance is another word for indifference.”

Somerset Maugham

~~~

Now on with the show……………..

A Blonde’s Cookbook

Monday: It’s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So, I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

Wednesday: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly, but I took a bath anyway. I can’t say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. For some reason, Tom keeps counting to ten.

Sunday: Tom’s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly, I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

Well, good night, dear diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.

~~~

Some people will like me and some won’t. So, I might as well be myself, and then at least I’ll know that the people who like me, like me.

Hugh Prather

~~~

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he’d finished she paid him and said, "I’m going to make a . . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you’ll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man, ‘sigh’, he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man . . . "

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes…yes!"

"And since I’ve been wanting to ask you ever since you came in the door…"

"Yes… yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

~~~

"The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back."

Franklin P. Jones

~~~

Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why Americans have not adopted it:

A miss is as good s 1.6 kilometers.

Put your best .3 of a meter forward.

Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.

Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.

Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he’ll take 1.6 kilometers.

Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

~~~

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.

~~~

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.

The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep.

~~~

Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart.

Mort Walker

~~~

She said: My husband and I found a charming bed-and-breakfast nestled in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted, I nonetheless had some questions about the accommodations.  

"Does the room have its own bath?" I asked.  

Nodding, the proprietor answered, "If no one else checks in, it does."  

~~~

Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.

Bertrand Russell

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Welcome to the daily!

“Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift from your Creator, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self-starter. Let your first hour set the theme of success and positive action that is certain to echo through your entire day. Today will never happen again. Don’t waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail.”

Og Mandino

 

 

Since many of you have recently joined our daily list in order to start your day with a smile I thought I should review what it is all about. About seven years ago I started sharing stuff I found humorous with a small number of friends, most from the United States, but some from outside the US. Since that time the mailing list has grown to more than 500 recipients, actually much more than that since there have been more than 11,000 visitors to my 360 blog and many of you resend the daily on to others. As you know I have fallen into the habit of sharing thoughts and a little philosophy from time to time and I am grateful to the fact it has become a habit. I doubt that I would be doing much introspective thinking if it were not for the daily, I have learned a lot about myself in the process.

 

Many of you are old friends, some from as far back as the 1950’s, others from more recent times. You are doctors, housewives, professors, international aid workers, retirees, business people, and more. The list of what occupies you is extensive and you live in all parts of the worldYou range in age from the teens to the eighties. I have never met many of you since you joined the list through a friend or somehow stumbled across the daily as you surfed the web. I feel though that we have become friends since we are in regular contact and I do appreciate your being a reader.

 

Much of what is included in the daily are things I received from one of you and I am always grateful for that. Of course the best part of that is just hearing from you.

 

As always if you want me to put a friend on the list let me know and I will be glad to do so. So thanks one and all, I am glad that we have become friends.

~~~

Although there may be nothing new under the sun, what is old is new to us and so rich and astonishing that we never tire of it. If we do tire of it, if we lose our curiosity, we have lost something of infinite value, because to a high degree it is curiosity that gives meaning and savor to life.

Robertson Davies

~~~

She told me that:

When I was in my younger days,

I weighed a few pounds less,

I needn’t hold my tummy in

to wear a belted dress.

 

But now that I am older,

I’ve set my body free;

There’s comfort of elastic

where once my waist would be.

 

Inventor of those high-heeled shoes

my feet have not forgiven;

I have to wear a nine now;

But used to wear a seven.

 

And how about those pantyhose-

They’re sized by weight, you see,

So how come when I put them on,

the crotch is at my knees?

 

I need to wear these glasses

as the prints were getting smaller;

And it wasn’t very long ago

I know that I was taller.

 

Though my hair has turned to silver

and my skin no longer fits;

On the inside, I’m the same old me,

Just the outside’s changed a bit.

~~~

I will never put off until tomorrow what I can forget about forever.

~~~

One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?"  

"I’m making your mom’s favorite drink," she answered.  

Imagine the woman’s shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?"

~~~

YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE THE VOICES TALK ONLY TO ME.

~~~

The Fourth of July weekend was coming up and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.

"We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free."

One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room.

He stood with his hands on his hips and said, "I’m not free. I’m four."

~~~

A wife says she wants a divorce.

Husband: "But you’re supposed to love me no matter what."

Wife: "You have me confused with Jesus."

~~~

The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a "little" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship’s log: "The first mate was drunk today."

"Captain please don’t let that stay in the log", the mate said. "This could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself."

"Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, its true" the mate said.

"Then if it is true it has to go in the log. That’s the rule. If its true it goes into the log, end of discussion," said the captain sternly.

Weeks later, it was the first mate’s turn to make the log entries. The first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today."

~~~

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

George Eliot

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Don’t overlook the rainbow!

In the central place of every heart there is a recording chamber; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, and courage, so long are you young. When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, and then only, are you grown old.

General Douglas MacArthur

 

 

The dictionary says that a cynic is a person who believes all people are motivated by selfishness. A person whose outlook is scornfully and often habitually negative is also a cynic. I am ok with the definitions; my problem is that I don’t know how to react to the cynical. First let me say that I really don’t like to be around the cynical, I don’t mind looking a potential problems, I just don’t like people who spend all their time trying to find them. How sad it must be for those who have spent their lives in a negative world, participating only by spreading scorn.

 

Just think what the cynic misses. How many friends might they have had if they had not believed that everyone is selfish? Pity the cynic who is so busy looking for trash that they can’t see the flower. Every day we let go by thinking the worst is a day that we will surely have missed the best. I would so much rather spend my time finding the flower than spend it looking for trash that I can use to prove to all that they have no reason to be happy.

 

Do me a favor, if something is wrong tell me, don’t shut everything down. Once you have told me then please work with me to make it right. And oh by the way if you think all people are motivated by selfishness then why are you here, for here is where people who care for each other gather to share friendship and goodwill.

~~~

“What is a cynic?

A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

Oscar Wilde

~~~

What a bargain grandchildren are!

 

My grandkids believe I’m the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.  

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.  

Welsh Proverb

Never have children, only grandchildren.

Ogden Nash

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

Marcy DeMaree

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete.

Lois Wyse

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I’d have had them first.

Henry Youngman

The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents.

You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.

Alex Haley

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children.

Joy Hargrove

~~~

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.  

"Well," he replied, "the pay sucks and the hours are lousy, but what I do like is that the customer is always wrong."  

~~~

A ninety-year-old man married a woman of the same age.

They spent their honeymoon trying to get out of the car!

~~~

Mary:  I’m not interested in marriage.

Sally:  Don’t you want to meet that special guy?

Mary: Hey, I meet special guys all the time. If I was married, I’d have to stop doing that.

~~~

Money does not talk. It just goes without saying.

~~~

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him."

"I noticed the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘What Would Jesus Do?’ bumper sticker, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

~~~

"If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done."

Ludwig Wittgenstein

~~~

The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a ‘Lord Nelson.’ The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night.  

The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told: "Doctor, I’ve been suffering from a delusion. I know now that I am not Lord Nelson."  

"That’s wonderful," said the doctor.  

"Yes," said the patient, smiling demurely, "I’m Lady Nelson." 

~~~

"People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date doesn’t look any better."

Margot Black

~~~

A frustrated father vented, "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son’s room, he has his own color TV, telephone, computer, and CD player."

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

"I send him to MY room!" exclaimed the father.

~~~

“There is nothing so pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

It turned out to be a great day….

 “A sense of humor… is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.”

Hugh Sidey

 

 

If there is one thing I am sure of after all these years sharing the daily, it is that humor is the answer, it is the best medicine, it defuses even the worst situation and I have yet to see a relationship in trouble when both partners sustain a healthy sense of humor. This morning I spent a little bit of time with a friend who was having a really bad day, I mean one of those big time stinkers. Fortunately we had the opportunity to spend about an hour together finding humor even in some of the lousy things that had happened. We laughed together and you know what? We both left looking forward to the good day ahead. If you have been suffering from sense of humor deficit lately you might want to follow the suggestions of international speaker/writer/cartoonist Mike Moore who wrote:

 

Here are a few ideas you can use to make certain that laughter remains an ever present reality in your relationships thus ensuring their quality and endurance. Start slowly by working on your own fun loving, cheery disposition. Laughter and humor are contagious so it won’t be long before others catch the bug.

 

* Remember that a sense of humor is learned, not inherited.

* Commit to becoming a humor hound. Look for humor everywhere. When something strikes you funny enjoy it. Let the laughter flow. After the funny event has passed recall it and enjoy it and laugh again.

* Begin to cultivate an atmosphere of humor and laughter in your relationships. Try to enjoy and share humor as often as you can.

* Learn to laugh at yourself. If you don’t, you leave the job to others.

* Encourage others to share their humor. Listen and appreciate it when they do. When someone sees that you have enjoyed their humorous contribution they will be eager to continue sharing.

* Collect cartoons and jokes and put them on display on the fridge or the bulletin board

* Watch comedy movies and television programs as often a possible.

* Use humor to neutralize conflict in your relationships. When things get tense use self deprecating humor to lighten things up. I remember one evening having an argument with my wife, Carol. In the heat of the moment she said something totally out of character. She said something hurtful. In my surprise I looked at her and said, “Carol, when you say things like that you stoop to my level.” She started to laugh and so did I. It wasn’t long before things were back to normal.

 

Is Moore right? I think so. If he is then we do have a choice of having fun days or letting the negative things in our lives pull us down. That reminds me, did I ever tell you the one about…….

~~~

“A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerated the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable”

Billy Graham

~~~

Thibodeaux’s two kids are in the same class at school, and the teacher had the class write reports about their pets. After the reports were all turned in, the teacher called one of the Thibodeau youngsters up to her desk and scolded him. "This report on ‘My Dog’ is exactly, word for word, the same as your brother’s. Did you copy from him?"

He replies, "Mais, no Ma’am, it’s about de same dog!"

~~~

She said: I disagree with my psychiatrist’s assertion that I’m depressed because I have a serotonin imbalance. I’m pretty sure the real reason is: My life sucks!

~~~

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If You are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary; the funeral should be scheduled in The late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under The "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

~~~

"Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others."

Groucho Marx

~~~

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.

"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.

Michael, what would you do in a case like this"?

"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I’d limp too."

~~~

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Garrison Keillor

~~~

She said: I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve tried online dating. I haven’t met anyone in person yet because the guys always stop writing before we can set up a date. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps that handsome athletic thirty-two-year-old doctor was lying about his age, got grounded, and lost his internet privileges. Or maybe it was something I said, "I’d love to meet for coffee. Thursday’s are best for me. That’s when my neighbor picks up my four kids from my three previous marriages."

~~~

Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one’s bottom.

Taki

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Share your warmth?

My world is made meaningful not by what I can evaluate and define, but by what I can appreciate and adore. I find there is a profound difference in what I find interesting and what I find important.

Ann E. Hossler

 

 

Some of you who have been reading the daily for the last six years or so may remember that I use to include lists of what people appreciated and adored. In other words things that made the list writer smile. I got this list from someone recently and it resulted in my stopping and taking inventory of many of the things that give me pleasure. Here is what I was sent:

 

NATURAL HIGHS

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing my favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Milkshakes.

12. A bubble bath.

13. Giggling.

14. A good conversation.

15. The beach

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in my coat from last winter.

17. Laughing at myself.

19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

20. Running through sprinklers.

21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

22. Having someone tell me that I am beautiful.

23. Laughing at an inside joke.

24. Friends.

25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about me.

 

A few on my list are a babies laughter, the person I just met and the one I’ll meet next, my grandchildren at play, the smell of fresh food being prepared, my dreams, and much more. What about you? What puts a warm smile on your face and in your heart, I would like to know.

~~~

“All the statistics in the world can’t measure the warmth of a smile.”

Chris Hart

~~~

One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather.

G. Norman Collie  

Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old; it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother.

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love.  

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting.  

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string – handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren.  

Grandmothers are just antique little girls.  

It’s amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one.  

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside.  

Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies.  

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever.  

~~~

A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

~~~

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you?"

Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. "Of course you are!" she said. "And the best too."

~~~

You have to be careful about being too careful.

Beryl Pfizer

~~~

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn’t going to take all day, is it?"

~~~

It is terrible to grow old alone – my wife has not had a birthday in ten years.

~~~

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"  

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"  

~~~

He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.

Japanese proverb

~~~

It was Friday and Lewis and I were headed out to lunch.

"Hey, do you have change for a hundred dollar bill"? I asked as we drove to the restaurant.

"I think I do," he said pulling a wad of bills out of his pocket. "Here," he said handing me five twenties.

"Great, thanks," I said pocketing the money. "I’ll give you the hundred on Monday."

~~~

You can’t be afraid of stepping on toes if you want to go dancing.

Lewis Freedman

~~~

There are three reasons for being a conservationist.

You will help prevent the destruction of the world as you know it.

You will save hundreds of endangered species from extermination. 

And

You will finally have a reason NOT to buy your wife a fur coat.

~~~

She said: Now that I’ve remarried, I’ve discovered my first husband was not the dumbest man in the world after all.

~~~

This could happen to you: I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other bathroom stall saying, "Hi, how are you?" I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom, but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin’ just fine!"

And the other person said, "So, what are you up to?" What kind of question is that? At this point, I was thinking this was too bizarre, so I said, "Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!"

At this point I was just trying to get out as fast as I could, when I heard another question. "Can I come over?" Okay, this question was just too weird for me, but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I told the person, "No… I’m a little busy right now!!!"

Then I heard the person say nervously, "Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!"

~~~

“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.”

Oscar Wilde

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

A funny thing happened on my way to…….

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.

And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

Bill Cosby

 

 

It seems lately that I have talked a lot about adversity. Too many of my friends have health problems, personal problems, relationship problems, job problems or just plain problem problems. Most of the time we talk about the best way to overcome problems is through attitude, personal toughness and self respect. That always sounds good but unfortunately it is not always easy. I have found that the best medicine for the doldrums is laughter and humor. When all hell is breaking loose the smart guys take a break and spend time finding humor of one sort or another. In my case I never have to look far for I often do things that are foolish, I like to stand back and observe myself often finding comedy in my stumbles.

 

Don’t believe me? than read this:

Simple put, laughter raises one’s frequency to help with the healing process. People who are ‘up’ positive personalities and laugh a lot generally have less physical problems than those who are depressed – wounded souls – who dwell in their issues and find it hard to laugh at life.

 

  • Laughter therapy boosts the interferon levels of the immune system which helps the system’s ability to fight illness and escalates healing. Laughter decreases stress hormones that constrict blood vessels and suppress immune activity.
  • Muscle Relaxation – Belly laugh results in muscle relaxation. While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relaxes. After you finish laughing those muscles involved in the laughter start to relax. So, the action takes place in two stages.
  • Reduction of Stress Hormones – Laughter reduces at least four of neuroendocrine hormones associated with stress response. These are epinephrine, cortisol, dopac, and growth hormone.
  • Immune System Enhancement – Clinical studies have shown that humor strengthens the immune system.
  • Pain Reduction – Humor allows a person to "forget" about pains such as aches, arthritis, etc.
  • Cardiac Exercise – A belly laugh is equivalent to "an internal jogging." Laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning especially for those who are unable to perform physical exercises.
  • Blood Pressure – Women seem to benefit more than men in preventing hypertension.
  • Respiration – Frequent belly laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect – similar to deep breathing. Especially beneficial for patient’s who are suffering from emphysema and other respiratory ailments.

So my friends cry a little and laugh a lot you will be healthier and have much more fun.

~~~

 “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.”

Henry Ward Beecher

~~~

A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the bush, he came across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.  

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.  

As carefully and as gently as he could he removed the thorn and the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and stared at him intently. For a long minute the man stood frozen – thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.  

For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of that day. One day the man was walking through the zoo with his son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. It stared at him and the man couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant.  

After a while it trumpeted loudly, then it continued to stare at him. The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.  

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man’s legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.  

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

~~~

Peace starts with a smile.

~~~

Words to build your vocabulary…

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’ trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.  

CARPERPETUATION (kar’ pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.  

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.  

ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.  

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.  

LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal’ side.  

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.  

PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.  

PUPKUS (pup’ kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.  

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.  

~~~

"I took a course in speed reading and was able to read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It’s about Russia."

Woody Allen

~~~

Two men walk into a bar. One sits at one end of the bar and the other at the opposite end. The bartender asks the first man what he wants.

I’ll have a Frizzle. That’s a beer with a splash of tonic, a splash of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, no lime."

Then the man at the other end of the bar orders.

"Make mine a Frizzle. It’s a beer with just a bit of tonic, a bit of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, but no lime."

The astonished bartender makes the drinks. Then he asks the first man what he does for a living.

"I am a theoretical mathematician at the university."

Then he asks the other man what he does.

"Theoretical mathematician at the college."

"This is remarkable," says the bartender. "You both order a drink that I’ve never heard of. You have an identical profession and you both walk into my bar on the same day at the same time. What are the odds of something like that happening"?

Both men look up and answer in unison, "Twelve trillion, nine-hundred, and eighty-seven billion to one."

~~~

“If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.”

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

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