Ray's musings and humor

Archive for February, 2018

Never lose hope

Ray’s Daily

February 23, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.

Desmond Tutu

Hope

I am a little tired this morning so I am going to let my mind rest and fall back on a reprint. I hope you have a great weekend.

Ray’s Daily first published on February 23, 2004

We have often talked about those who seem to find the cloud even in a rainbow. What is sad to me is that so many just give up as they get older and seem to only be able to find fault. I know that you see each day as a new adventure and something to be enjoyed. No matter how old we are we still have the ability to hope that tomorrow will be an even better day than today. I like the following.

~~~

If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope.

If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.

If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope.

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.

If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope.

If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope.

If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope.

If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope.

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope.

If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.

If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope.

If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope.

If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey, then you still have hope.

If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.

If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope.

If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase….”yeah….BUT..” then you still have hope.

Hope is such a marvelous thing.  It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break.

It sustains us when nothing else can. It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we’d rather give in. Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage. Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it. Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction. Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return.  And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.  Never lose hope.

Author Unknown

~~~

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

10 WAYS YOU KNOW YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION IS SLOW

  1. Text on Web pages displays as Morse Code.
  2. Graphics arrive via FedEx.
  3. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection.
  4. You post a message to your favorite newsgroup and it displays a week later.
  5. Your credit card expires while ordering online.
  6. ESPN Web site exhibits “Heisman Trophy Winner”…for 1989.
  7. You’re still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, “PacMan”.
  8. Everyone you talk to on the ‘net phone’ sounds like Forrest Gump.
  9. You receive e-mails with stamps on them.
  10. When you click the “Send” button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.

~~~

“I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.”

Rita Mae Brown

~~~

From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.

“Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.

“I’ve no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad.”

~~~

“Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?” “No, but that didn’t keep her from talking for two hours.”

~~~

Here is the result of Ken’s research: LADIES….VS…. REAL WOMAN

LADIES – If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix-me-up.”

REAL WOMEN – If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women’s motto: “I made it and you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes.”

LADIES – Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

REAL WOMEN – Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

LADIES – Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

REAL WOMEN – Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up anyway.

LADIES – To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

REAL WOMEN – Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don’t have to worry about the potatoes growing arms and legs.

LADIES – When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the inside of the cake.

REAL WOMEN – Go to the bakery – they’ll even decorate it for you.

LADIES – Brush some beaten egg whites over pie crust before baking, to yield  a beautiful glossy finish.

REAL WOMEN – Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over it, so I don’t do it.

LADIES – If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

REAL WOMEN – Go ask the very HOT neighbor guy to do it.

And finally the most important tip….

LADIES – Don’t throw out all that left-over wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

REAL WOMEN – Left-over wine??

A GOOD friend will come and bail you out of jail.

A TRUE friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn…that was fun!”

~~~

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

~~~

Jane prays:

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my shape to keep

Please no wrinkles

Please no bags

and please lift my butt before it sags

Please no age spots, Please no gray.

And as for my belly, please take it away

Please keep me healthy, and young,

And thank you Dear Lord for all that you have done.

~~~

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.

John Wayne

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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Happy?

Ray’s Daily

February 22, 2018

“True happiness is to enjoy the present without anxious dependence upon the future.”

Seneca

find-happiness-healthyplace

We all face challenges as life goes on. Some are real, some are small and some are imagined. In a way they are the tests that we take to help us learn to cope with reality. I think the secret to a happy life is to always focus on what is good and especially the people who care for our wellbeing. Material things can’t comfort like the companionship offered by our friends and family does.

I hope you will continue to find your happiness. What follows is what I wish for you.

 

May You

by: R.L. Keith

May you find happiness in every direction your paths take you.

May you never lose your sense of wonder, and may you hold on to the sense of humor you use to brighten the lives of everyone who knows you.

May you go beyond the ordinary steps and discover extraordinary results.

May you keep on trying to reach for your stars.

May you never forget how wonderful you are.

May you always be patient with the problems of life, and know that any clouds will eventually give way to the sunlight of your most hoped-for days. May you be rewarded with friendships that get better and better, and with love that blesses your life forever.

May you meet every challenge you are faced with, recognize every golden opportunity, and be blessed with the knowledge that you have the ability to make every day special.

May you have enough material wealth to meet your needs, while never forgetting the real treasures of life are the loved ones and friends who are invaluable to the end.

May you search for serenity, and discover it was within you all along.

May you be strong enough to keep your hopes and dreams alive.

May you always be gentle enough to understand.

May you know that you hold tomorrow within your hands, and that the way there will be shared with the makings of what will be your most wonderful memories.

And may you always remember, each step along the way…You are loved more than words can ever begin to say.

~~~

Life is a grindstone,  and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you and you alone to decide.

Cavett Robert

~~~

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the person behind the wheel was knitting!

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, “PULL OVER!”

“NO!” the driver yelled back, “SCARF.”

~~~

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
~~~

He said that these are little known facts about women

  • “Oh, nothing,” has an entirely different meaning in woman language than it does in man language.
  • Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
  • Only women understand the reason for “guest towels” and the “good china”.
  • Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
  • Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they’ll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

~~~

“Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.”

~~~

She said these are the REAL facts about women:

  • Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
  • The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
  • Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.
  • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
  • Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
  • Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
  • Age is important only if you’re cheese or wine.
  • The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
  • Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.

~~~

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

~~~

A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” the woman wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I wonder then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”

~~~

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure

~~~

Grandma said:

I’m really not an addict,

There is no need to shout;

But talking with my puter friends,

Has turned my life about.

I still do the grocery shopping,

And make a bed or two;

But instead of staring at the television

I spend some time with you.

I go with friends or family,

To dinner or a show;

I take the time to hear my kids,

Or to watch a flower grow.

But yes, you’ll find me off and on,

Sitting on my puter chair;

And talking to my cyber friends,

Who always seem to care.

There are redeeming qualities,

And hear me if you will;

Since playing in this cyber world,

I’ve improved keyboarding skill.

In fact I feel at peace with life,

Things are going well;

The only thing it hasn’t done,

Is teach me how to spell!

~~~

“We can go through our whole lives worrying about our future happiness, and totally miss where true peace lives- right here, right now.”

Peter Russell

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Don’t Rush

Ray’s Daily

February 21, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Wisely, and slow. They stumble that run fast.

William Shakespeare

slowdown

If you are like I am you have often found that what you were doing kept you on the run much of the time. In fact, some of us get so into the rushing habit that we don’t stop to see if everything we are doing is really all that important.

Those who decide to avoid the rat race are the ones who find the value of choosing quality over excessive speed. I recently read aPhycology Today article that offers ideas on how to slow down. I have extracted the main points for you today.

It’s Just Not That Important

The rush to nowhere gets you nowhere.

You know that rushing and being anxious and worrying about whether you will get there on time—and in one piece— can impact your physical body as well as your mind. And when you rush, you are likely to make more mistakes, overlook things and be less careful with what’s most important.

Resolve to have a plan. The reason most people find themselves rushing is that they know they need to do something, but they don’t have a plan to accomplish it. What time would you need to leave to get to where you need to go on time? What might you be able to do in advance to prepare–put out the clothes you will wear, pack your purse or briefcase the night before, put things in your car, or have the train schedule handy so you know what time you need to be at the station?

Keep a journal. Be aware of the triggers which put you into the state of rushing. Most people have something chronic they do over and over again that defeats them (on a number of topics!) so identify what throws you into the rush. Is it always work related? Relative to your kids? Is it when you are avoiding something? Is it because you under-estimate how much time something will actually take? Do you get distracted? There are so many situations, and reasons, for any person to rush. Figure out what puts you there, so you can identify a way to deal with it next time.

When you notice yourself rushing, stop and breathe. What? In the middle of hyperactivity, you should just stop and breathe? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of getting where you need to go? If you don’t stop, right in the middle of the rush, and calm yourself down, you will almost inevitably make mistakes and regret doing something. Taking a pause might be just the thing your brain needs to orient you to what’s most important.

Deliberately be nice: Stop for someone in traffic. Take a moment to look into the eyes of the clerk and say “Thank you,” instead of rushing out of the store. Set your attention on “Who can I help right now?” This small act reminds you that the world is much bigger than you are, and whatever you are rushing about in this moment will be merely a memory tomorrow.

Make a conscious decision to slow yourself down. Unless you are following an ambulance taking your dangerously ill child to the hospital, or about to lose your job if you are late one more time, or on the way to save your elderly parent who has fallen and has minutes to live without you there, almost everything else can wait. Yes, there are life experiences that demand you step up with vigor and push everything aside to get to where you are going, but most times it is not the case. You can make better choices, and ultimately it IS a choice. Resolve not to let the rush control you and define you. Plan. Breathe. Be conscious and aware, and focus on what’s important.

~~~

Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.

John De Paola

~~~

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies

Ezekial Aikle

Age 102

The Good

Die Young.

~~~

A physician presented his bill to the attorney representing a deceased person’s estate.  Each of them knew the other, having tangled quite a few times in court, where the doctor was often called as an “expert witness”. The Doctor asked the lawyer if he wanted the bill sworn to.

“No,” replied the lawyer, “the death of [Mr Smith] is sufficient evidence that you attended him professionally.”

“Be that as it may,” replied the doctor, “the fact that you handled his affairs is probably why he couldn’t afford to pay this bill in the first place.”

~~~

I said to my wife, “Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road except one.”

And she said, “I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23.”

~~~

An airline pilot with poor eyesight had managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that she’d been hoodwinked. Well, the pilot proved to be nearly blind as a bat. But the doctor could not contain her curiosity. “How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?” “Well,” says the pilot, “it’s really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years.”

“I can understand that,” replies the doctor. “But what about the take-off?” “Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!”

“But once you’re aloft?” “Oh, everything’s fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the autopilot and the plane pretty much flies itself.”

“But I still don’t see how you land!” “Oh, that’s the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport’s radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, ‘AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!’ pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!”

~~~

Slow down and enjoy the journey right now. Take time for the people in your life. They won’t always be there.

Joel Osteen

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Just be you

Ray’s Daily

February 20, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.

Marcus Aurelius

life

I did it, I went back to the gym yesterday to restart my exercise routine. It didn’t last long for I found that while my mind was willing my body was not. I guess my back needs a little more healing time. But all is not lost I am still recovering, my life is good and I am sure it will continue to do so.

I like many others face challenges in my life and find that the secret is not to let reversals set you back. It is important to remember that the world can only change you if you let it do so.

Things to remember

       By Bill Greer

Your presence is a present to the world.

You are unique and one of a kind.

Your life can be what you want it to be.

Take the days just one at a time.

 

Count your blessings, not your troubles.

You will make it through whatever comes along.

Within you are so many answers.

Understand, have courage, be strong.

 

Do not put limits on yourself.

So many dreams are waiting to be realized.

Decisions are too important to leave to chance.

Reach for your peak, your goal and you prize.

 

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.

The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets.

Do not take things too seriously.

Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

 

Remember that a little love goes a long way.

Remember that a lot … goes forever.

Remember that friendship is a wise investment.

Life’s treasure are people together.

 

Realize that it is never too late.

Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

Have hearth and hope and happiness.

Take the time to wish upon a start.

 

AND DO NOT EVER FORGET ….

FOR EVEN A DAY

HOW VERY SPECIAL YOU ARE !

~~~

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.

Helen Keller

~~~

My last years in grammar school were spent on a farm school for boys outside a small town in Illinois, we could walk to town on Wednesday and Saturdays during the summer, and if the weather permitted, we could go on Saturday in the winter. The town was so small that…

in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened

the clinic was called Joe’s Hospital and Grill

instead of hoses, the Fire Department used water pistols

you had to make a reservation to use the parking place

during snowstorms, salt was spread using a pea shooter

the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Town Council & street sweeper

before you visited, you could look out a window & see who was home

But all kidding aside, the Saturday night movie shown outside on the school house wall and the volunteer fire departments barrel fights on the Fourth of July were really special. Don’t know about barrel fights? Two different fire companies would shoot water from their hoses on a beer keg from opposite sides; the goal was to get the barrel to the other side and win. As you can see life was simpler then, even our twenty-five cent weekly allowance went a long way.

~~~

What a pity human beings can’t exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow’s.

~~~

“It’s just to hot to wear clothes today,” said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.  “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money.”

~~~

“There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and”

Brad Ramsey

~~~

The minister’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment.  She told her she couldn’t go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child’s reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. “What’s the matter?  I thought you’d be glad to go to the picnic.” her mother said. “It’s too late!” the little girl said.  “I’ve already prayed for rain!”

~~~

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

~~~

John was called into his bank to discuss his accounts.

“Your finances are in terrible shape,” the banker stated. “Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue.”

“Yes, I know.” said the man. “It’s my wife Jill, she is out of control.”

“Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?” asked the banker.

“Frankly,” replied the man with a deep sigh, “because I’d rather argue with you than with her.”

~~~

Lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don’t get so worked up about things.

Kenneth Branagh

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

There is always room

Ray’s Daily

February 18, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Make new friends, but keep the old; Those are silver, these are gold.

Joseph Parry

always-room-for-one-more-friend

I know I have talked a lot about how important it is that we avoid the erosion of our friendships. There is nothing more detrimental to our well being than loneliness and it is important that we maintain our friendships.

There was just an article published in Time magazine that I edited so I could share with you how we can maintain our health and happiness by adding to our pool of friends. Here in part is what was offered.

How to Make Friends as an Adult — and Why It’s Important

Modern life can become so busy that people forget to keep choosing each other. That’s when friendships fade, and there’s reason to believe it’s happening more than ever. Loneliness is on the rise, and feeling lonely has been found to increase a person’s risk of dying early by 26%–and to be even worse for the body than obesity and air pollution.

The antidote is simple: friendship. It helps protect the brain and body from stress, anxiety and depression.

Easy as the fix may sound, it can be difficult to keep and make friends as an adult. But research suggests that you only need between four and five close pals. If you’ve ever had a good one, you know what you’re looking for

If you’re trying to replenish a dried-up friendship pool, start by looking inward. Think back to how you met some of your very favorite friends. Volunteering on a political campaign or in a favorite spin class? “Friendships are always about something,” says Rawlins. Common passions help people bond at a personal level, and they bridge people of different ages and life experiences.

Whatever you’re into, someone else is too. Let your passion guide you toward people. Volunteer, for example, take a new course or join a committee at your local religious center. Using apps and social media–like Facebook to find a local book club–is also a good way to find simpatico folks.

Once you meet a potential future friend, then comes the scary part: inviting them to do something. “There’s a chance that the person will say no. But there’s also the chance they’ll say yes, and something really great could happen.” The process takes time, and you may experience false starts. Not everyone will want to put in the effort necessary to be a good friend.

It’s never too late to start being a better pal. The work you put into friendships–both new and old–will be well worth it for your health and happiness.

~~~

“Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet and everyone you meet will be genuinely interested in you”

Rasheed Ogunlaru

~~~

When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather than rented, two of my husband’s friends gave him a bottle of champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten.

Three months later we held a Christening party for our third child.

Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, we remembered our housewarming gift. In front of our guests, I opened the attached card and read it aloud, “Donald, take good care of this one, it’s yours!”

~~~

Girlfriend:  And are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend:  Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

~~~

“Send someone over quickly!” the old woman screamed into the phone. “Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!” This is the Fire Department, lady,” the voice replied. “I’ll have to transfer you to the Police Department.”

“No, it’s YOU I want!” she yelled. “They need a longer ladder!”

~~~

“When you are down and out, something always turns up — and it is usually the noses of your friends.”

Orson Welles

~~~

Morris has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair, and asks him to be seated for a short while. Morris settles down, picks up a glossy magazine from the glass-topped table, opens it, and tries to read. However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to a rumpus coming from behind one of the doors leading off the reception area. Morris goes over to the receptionist and asks: “What’s going on in there?”

She replies: “It’s a partners’ meeting.”

“But why are they shouting at each other?” Morris asks.

“It’s a battle of wits,” she replies.

Morris asks: “Who is in there?”, and she answers: “Horowits, Lebowits, Rabinowits and Abramowits.”

~~~

“Wise man talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.”

Plato

~~~

Jane had a system for labeling homemade freezer meals. She would carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables” or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”

Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he really likes.

In Jane’s freezer you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.”

No more frustration for Jane because no matter what her husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner, it’s there waiting.

~~~

She said “I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.”

~~~

She said: At the company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup.

I didn’t realize how long I’d been until someone slid a note under the door.

“You win,” it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot.”

~~~

“A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Let go and live

Ray’s Daily

February 16, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge.

Gerald Jampolsk

forgive

I had a full day yesterday and am off to an early meeting this morning so I hope you don’t mind getting a reprint of a Daily from yesteryear.

 Ray’s Daily first published on February 16, 2004

I hope it is my imagination, but it seems like there is more bitterness in people these days. Friends seem so polarized by politics that they seem to have lost their objectivity. Everyday we read about the results of road rage and confrontation. Are we as a people becoming so selfish that we are at risk losing of our humanity? I sure hope not. I am glad I know all of you, because so many of you are selfless and continue to enjoy life with confidence and concern for others. I guess goodness is not often recognized. Each day you make my day better, thank you.

~~~

Heavenly Father,

Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can’t make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

Author unknown.

~~~

To err is human,

to forgive is divine.

Alexander Pope

~~~

Age Might Be Creeping Up On You …

You like to be in crowds because they keep you from falling down.

Your favorite section of the newspaper is “25 Years Ago Today”.

The parts that have arthritis are the parts where you feel best.

A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills

Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill the suitcase with your pills.

Somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.

Your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the left or right.

Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.

~~~

“A man needs self-acceptance or he can’t live with himself; he needs self-criticism or others can’t live with him.”

James A. Pike

~~~

Budget cuts to the army forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do? So all of the recruits bar one scatter and get down behind “stuff”, and get into returning fire positions.

The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open, quite relaxed and unfazed. Yelling, the Sergeant asks “What the devil do you think you’re doing? You’re under fire!” So the recruit takes one step to the left and remains still.

Now the Sergeant’s really annoyed. He yells again, “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? You’re under imaginary fire, take cover!” The recruit turns to him and replies, “I’m taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!”

~~~

As I said before, I will not repeat myself.

~~~

Carolyn provides us these insights from Maxine:

  1. Maxine on “Driver Safety” – “I can’t use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.”
  2. Maxine on “Life” – “Life is like an oven. It burns my buns.”
  3. Maxine on “Housework” – “I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible.”
  4. Maxine on “Lawn Care” – “The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless.”
  5. Maxine on “Body Piercing” – “I’d get my tongue pierced, but I still have a little bit of brain left in my head.”
  6. Maxine on “the Perfect Man” – “All I’m looking for is a guy who’ll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed.”
  7. Maxine on “Work” – “My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards.”
  8. Maxine on “the Technology Revolution” – “My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.”
  9. Maxine on “Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

~~~

“Ladies and gentlemen, before we begin a special announcement – the National Security Alert has now been lowered back down to ‘elevated’. Have you got that? It’s been lowered to ‘elevated’. I hope that clears up any confusion.”

Jay Leno

~~~

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says “Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!” So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked, “How did you do it?”

“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, ‘Do you want to get a 3-day pass?’ So we exchanged tanks!”

~~~

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

~~~

A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, “What 20 Million American Women Want.” He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.

His wife was a little pissed.  “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

He calmly replied, “I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right.”

~~~

Do not abuse drugs. Store them in a cool, dry place and never yell at them.

Lawrence

~~~

A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy playing “wedding.” The wedding vows went like this: “You have the right to remain silent; anything you say may be held against you; you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”

~~~

A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. “In Texas,” he drawls, “you can get on a train, ride all day long, and still be in Texas by nightfall.”

“Yeah”, replies the Yankee, “We have slow trains in Rhode Island too.”

~~~

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

The Dalai Lama

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

You are a big help

Ray’s Daily

February 15, 2018

http://www.rays-daily.com

“The great thing about new friends is that they bring new energy to your soul.”

Shanna Rodriguez

a friend

As I thought about my friend who is about to embark on a new career I again was reminded that a chapter in our lives that is completed does not mean the book is finished. We all have the ability to enrich our tomorrows but only if we are willing to keep going. Life only stagnates if you have decided there is little more to be done. We never should stop so long that we lose the energy needed to move on.

I have learned that the journey is much more enjoyable when you have a companion cheering you on. That is why I like the following story.

The Story of Life

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger) but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count!!! Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

~~~

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

C.S. Lewis

~~~

I’ve always ordered beverages one simple way: “A Coke, please.”

Lately, though, this hasn’t seemed to work. Waitresses now often respond, “I’m sorry, we don’t have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb.”

Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I’d make life easier.  So one day I simply asked the snackbar clerk at a movie theater for a “dark, carbonated beverage.”

The young man behind the counter chuckled and asked, “Ma’am, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?”

~~~

“There are two things I’ve learned: There is no Cinderella. And, I’m not her Prince.”

~~~

Before and After Children

-Before children: Going out to dinner meant a romantic candle-lit dinner for two, at an upscale restaurant with a view of the ocean.

-After children:  Going out to dinner means a fast meal for four served on a tray under a heat lamp with a view of the drive through.

-Before children: Dressing up meant wearing a brand new evening gown with sequins and a low cut back.

-After children:  Dressing up means wearing my only pre-maternity dress that zips all the way up without the use of body lotion and power tools.

-Before Children: The aroma of expensive perfume wafted seductively through the air.

-After Children:  The aroma of talcum powder and anti-bacterial soap permeates the air.

-Before Children: In the evening we’d lay on the rug and hold hands in front of a roaring fire.

-After Children:  In the evening I collapse on the floor somewhere between the chair and the ottoman because I’m too exhausted from chasing after children and picking up toys to hoist my body into an upright position.

-Before Children: “Sweet nothings” were whispered gently in my ear.

-After children:  Requests for cups of water are screamed down the stairs.

-Before children:  I’d receive a dozen roses or expensive jewelry.

-After children:  I receive stale candy hearts and homemade macaroni necklaces.

-Before Children: I spent each day with the person I loved the most.

-After Children:  I spend each day with the people I love the most.

~~~

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

~~~

Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in, sits down and asks him what the problem is.

“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul on one of those awkward questions women ask. Now, I’m in deep trouble at home.”

“What kind of question?” asked Tom.

“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly.”

“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will.'”

“Yeah,” said Eric. “That’s what I did, except I said ‘Of course I do.'”

~~~

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.”

William Shakespeare

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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