Ray's musings and humor

Archive for January, 2009

Some days are better than others

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem.  Everything else is inconvenience.

Robert Fulghum

 

 

 

Hi all, I did get out today after the snow dump of the previous two days. We had the biggest snow fall in more than ten years. While plows and salt trucks have been working around the clock we still are semi-snowbound in a number of areas. Unfortunately much of my day at home yesterday was on the phone with my primary internet service provider as we tried to figure out why I cannot sign into web pages. We finally gave up so I could get some sleep and restarted this morning. Right now I am awaiting a call from the brain trust to see what we might do next. I am a little proud of myself since in the past problems like this would make me crazy while today I seem to just be resigned to the fact that all is not well. I don’t know if it is because I am more mature, too tired, our always crazy but I am glad for whatever it is that allows me to stay moderately fretless.

However since I don’t know when Dr. It-Might-be-this or Nurse It-must-be-something-you-did is going to call I am going to quickly send out an old daily.

~~~

First sent on January 29, 2001

Big nosed, gravel-voiced comedian Jimmy Durante was almost 87 when he died on this date in 1980. He was one of America’s greatest entertainers. You may remember watching how he signed off his broadcasts, "Good Night, Mrs. Calabash – wherever you are."

~~~

Some advice from the Dalai Lama:

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

~~~

I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

~~~

He said he is glad he is a guy because:

I can say anything and not worry about what people will think.

Nobody stops telling a good joke when I walk into a room.

I can whip my shirt off on a hot day.

I don’t have to clean my apartment if the meter reader’s coming by.

Car mechanics tell me the truth.

I don’t care if anyone notices my new haircut.

~~~

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.

~~~

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

~~~

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

~~~

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.

~~~

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing when his approach speed was just a little too fast.

San Jose Tower:  "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able.  If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.

~~~

Q.  What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?

A.  Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

~~~

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

~~~

I remember when Grandmas tended to their knitting, and their cookies were just swell. 

They were always at the ready, when you needed some advice.  And their sewing (I can tell you) was available–and nice. 

Well, Grandma’s not deserted you, she dearly loves you still.. You just won’t find her cooking, but she’s right there at the till. 

She thinks about you daily– you haven’t been forsook.  Your photos are quite handy, in the Pentium notebook. 

She prints pictures by the pound.  She’s right there when you need her, you really aren’t alone, She’s out now with her "’puter pals," but she took her new cell phone. You can also leave a message on her answering machine; or page her at the fun meet;

She’s been there since eight fifteen. Yes, the world’s a very different place, there is no doubt of that. So "E" her from her web page, or join her in a chat. 

She’s joined the electronic age, and it really seems to suit her.

So don’t expect the same old gal, cause Grandma’s gone "Computer"

~~~

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

~~~

He went to United Airlines and asked for a reservation from Los Angeles to New York. The clerk knew that the plane was very full with baggage and passengers.

"How much do you weigh, Sir?" asked the clerk.

"With or without clothes?" the passenger asked.

"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"

~~~

Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your children.

~~~

A young man decided to join the police force. As a recruit he was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."

~~~

"We are not retreating – we are advancing in another direction."

General Douglas MacArthur

~~~

Jack and Jill were watching a TV show one night where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he was "cheating" on her.

Jack asked, "Would you ever do that?"

Jill said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you."

~~~

A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he is the one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.

Sydney J. Harris

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

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Category:

Humor

I wonder…..

“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I’d just been myself.”

Brittany Renée

 

 

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Edgar Allan Poe

 

Maybe not to Poe’s extreme but I did get up this morning wondering about things. Things like why did I tell a new friend on my recent cruise that we had not had any real snow to speak of in Indianapolis for many years. I wondered when it would quit snowing when I went out a dug my morning paper out of the snow. I wondered if I could get another set of tickets to the play I did not see last night because I had a minor cold and wimped out of driving in the snow. I wondered when I had lost my desire to drive in ten or twelve inches of snow when years ago I drove in that much frequently when I lived in Minnesota. I wondered if today’s lunch appointment was going to brave the weather and be at our restaurant meeting. So now I am wondering if I will go wandering out for lunch and run a few errands.

Of course wondering is not a new thing for me. I wonder many times each day, I wonder as I stand in front of an open refrigerator what I was going to get, I wonder about the name of the person across the room with the very familiar face, I wonder what I’ll put in the daily, I wonder about what it is that I need to do while trying to remember what I would like to do. Yep my life is full of wonder. While it often does border on chaos it does make life interesting and the best part is I pretty much have freedom of choice, I don’t have a boss to tell me what I must do, I have a wife that gave up trying to steer me towards better choices years ago, and I do have the ability of living a life full of wonderment.

When we realize we really don’t have to stay on stage image building every day and that we can be who we want to be and are not required to be what others think we should be, we can concentrate on being ourselves. And if you are like I am you have few regrets for allowing yourself to fully enjoy what life has to offer. Meanwhile I think I’ll wonder about today from the warmth of my hearth and wait for others to clean the path to what lies ahead outside.

~~~

“He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.”

Albert Einstein

~~~

"I Love Her, But…"

(Notice there are no complaints of mine – Ray)

… she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies, and all I can see is her butt. –Howard, Dodge City, Kan.

… she was furious when I got up early once and made her breakfast. Called me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone what she’d have? –Ted, Wexford, Pa.

… what’s mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts. When she’s cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my boxers. I’m tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she’d do. –Dave, Martha’s Vineyard, Mass.

… when she gets an idea in her head, there’s no stopping her. And no rest for anyone until it’s done. It’s not so bad when the idea is to bake cookies, or even to go on vacation. But when it’s to build a new house, or to get pregnant, things get pretty intense. –Jim, Minneapolis

… every so often boom! she’s a brunette. Or I come home to a redhead. Actually, I have no idea what her natural color is. –Cary, Seattle

… she takes her half of the bed out of the middle. -Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.

… she wears these false eyelashes. She left ’em lying around and I slammed ’em with my newspaper, tried to kill the things. Scared me half to death. –Gordon, Oklahoma City, Okla.

… she takes those soaps too seriously. I’ll come home and find her in tears because some character died. Or upset that some nonexistent guy’s having a fictional affair. –Archie, St. Louis

~~~

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”

Mark Twain

~~~

We were helping customers when the store optometrist walked by and flirted with a co-worker. Of course, we all had to stop what we were doing to tease her. But she quickly dismissed the notion of a budding romance.

"Can you imagine making out with an optometrist?" she asked. "It would always be, ‘Better like this or like this?’"

~~~

“I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?’”

Jerry Seinfield

~~~

When the graveside service had no more than just finished, there was a tremendous burst of thunder, accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder and more lightning.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she’s there."

~~~

“Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.”

Stephen Wright

~~~

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate chopped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy got up and decided he wasn’t going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he’s on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!"

~~~

“When someone is impatient and says, "I haven’t got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?”

George Carlin

~~~

Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don’t use the word ‘obey’ anymore."

"Too bad, isn’t it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion."

~~~

“I dreamed I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sky; then I awoke. Now I wonder: Am I a man who dreamt of being a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?”

Chuang Tzu

~~~

While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?"

After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."

~~~

“Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”

Robert Fulghum

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Humor

I chose happiness, did you?

Since time is not a person we can overtake when he is gone, let us honor him with mirth and cheerfulness of heart while he is passing.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

 

Yesterday I wrote about the value of being satisfied with less, especially during troubled times. I also suggested that often the lighter load opens up new vistas for enjoyment. That means when we give up many of the unnecessary material things and be a little more frugal in how we spend our time we do have plenty of options for enjoyment. Volunteer, spend more time with friends, get out and meet new people and look around the city as a tourist and discover those things you never would have seen otherwise. In my case I have found that unloading some of my obligations resulted in opening up so many new doors that I often have more opportunities to do pleasant things than I have time to do them.

Here is what one of my favorite people, Gretchen Rubin suggests on opening new paths to happiness:

Although you might think that feeling good and feeling bad would operate in a see-saw, in fact, research shows that they are distinct—and so is feeling right. Studies show that absence of feeling bad doesn’t mean that you feel good, and also, you can feel very good and very bad at the same time. And just because you feel good doesn’t mean you feel right; sometimes, in fact, you might choose to feel bad in order to feel right. So to boost your happiness, you have to think about all three elements and figure out how to increase your good feelings, decrease your bad feelings, and make sure you’re feeling right:

1. Feeling good

  • Think of something fun to do this weekend.
  • Make a plan with a friend.
  • Make a small purchase that will boost your happiness.
  • My self-inking home-address stamp had gotten so faint that it was barely legible; I was made ridiculously happy by my purchase of a bottle of ink to replenish it.

2. Feeling bad

  • Do you start your day on a bad note—nagging your kids, cursing on the subway? Make a change.
  • Does some task nag at you? Take care of it.
  • I finally made an appointment to get my teeth cleaned; I’m six months overdue.
  • Do you feel guilty about something you did or didn’t do? Make amends in some way.

3. Feeling right

  • Is there a skill that you feel that you should have, but you don’t? Figure out a way to learn it.
  • Is there a subject that you feel that you ought to know more about? I feel that I need to understand more about the Iraq War than I do.
  • Ask yourself: “Is there some major element in my life that just feels wrong to me?” Try not to panic if the answer is “yes,” and don’t worry now about doing anything about it this minute. Just consider whether you’re not feeling right because of your job, your city, your relationship, your body, etc. Understanding that something isn’t right is the first step to being able to make it right.

~~~

I cannot do everything; but I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

~~~

The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone. Not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing.

Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone?" he yelled. "Why aren’t you talking on your own telephone?"

"I can’t," she said. "I’m expecting an important call on my phone."

~~~

“Strive to be first: first to nod, first to smile, first to compliment, and first to forgive.”

Anonymous

~~~

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After two years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news. Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of. Eventually, he arrived at his house and he rang the door bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good for nothing bum! Where have you been? You escaped over 12 hours ago!"

~~~

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there’s a decimal point involved.

~~~

On his honeymoon, a very thick redneck farmer, Billy Joe, insisted on having a room at the luxury hotel with a balcony overlooking the sea. On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie.

"Hey Billy Joe, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to savor for the first time" she said coyly.

"No thanks, I want to sit out here," he said.

So Daisy sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after which she invited Billy Joe once more to come in off the balcony to take pleasure of her virginal body. Once more he refused. Eventually Daisy grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed and fell asleep. In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony. "Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been making love all night?" she asked.

"Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most beautiful night of my whole life – and I didn’t want to miss a moment of it."

~~~

In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.

~~~

After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

The boy’s mother replied, "That’s nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?"

She just said, "Thank goodness!"

~~~

Happiness is contagious…when you reflect happiness, then all others around you catch the happy bug and are happy, too.

Jennifer Leese

~~~

Jill: I just don’t understand the attraction golf holds for men.

Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!

Jill: Well, I’m sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?

Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"

~~~

Women only have two complaints: Nothing to wear, and not enough closet space for it.

~~~

I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were. "Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium, ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked ones," I answered.

"All right," he said. "Crack me a dozen of the large ones."

~~~

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Humor

Ah, the simple life!

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

Charles Darwin

 

 

 

The news here in the US continues to be filled with announcements of record job loss. It hit home for me again this morning when I attended a meeting of business and professional people who are out of a job, most for the first time in their lives. In my experience it is a critical time for these good folks, they can either feel sorry for themselves, give up and slip into personnel depression or they can reassess who they are and what they need and jettison the desire for what they don’t need. As always it is those who carry the lightest load who go the farthest.

The test I have always applied when I was faced with similar situations was answering the question “Will my world end if I don’t have this or do that?” The answer beyond the basic necessities is usually no. What is surprising to me is that when I eliminated those things that I previously thought were important I often found that I was happier.

These are tough times for lots of people and it is doubtful that too many will get jobs that provide more income than they made in the past, many will even have to take relatively low paying interim jobs. The quality of their lives on the short and maybe medium term will depend on their attitude, flexibility and resiliency. I honestly believe that our lives are 75% mental outlook and 25% environment. So come with me and see what might be if we decide we can do with what we have.

Here is something I have saved that I think can help when things start to look black:

1. Stay fully engaged with people and your life.

2. Don’t stuff down your anger – write it out, punch a pillow, let it go.

3. When you think you are too busy, don’t give up your exercise totally. Fit in shorter sessions instead.

4. You have everything you need, the rest is just a bonus.

5. Buy refills for your soap, shaver, face wipes instead of buying a new one with the extra packaging, chose simplicity.

6. Understand that you are really stronger than you think.

7. Make sure you maintain a safety stock of friends, activities, and the necessities for it is nice to know that everything is there for you if you really need it.

8. Smile!!!! For the world really doesn’t end when we are down so why should we.

~~~

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

Bill Cosby

~~~

Jill was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription.

"Look, lady. You can’t have this without a prescription because it’s a habit-forming drug."

"IT IS NOT!" yelled Jill. "I ought to know…I’ve been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"

~~~

People will believe you are confident in your successes if you keep the look of astonishment off your face.

~~~

"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

"I did? What did I tell you?"

"You told me to put my money in that big bank and now, that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That’s one of the oldest, largest and most stable banks in the state. There must be some mistake."

"I don’t think so. They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds.’"

~~~

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.

Confucius

~~~

England‘s West Country is known for its charming cottage-like shops. While visiting the area, my friend peered in through one window to see shelf upon shelf of interesting looking books. So, she went inside.

A woman appeared through a beaded curtain and asked, "Can I help you?"

"No, just browsing," said my friend.

"Fine," came the reply. "But, just so you know, around here, most people knock before entering someone’s home."

~~~

Enjoy the little things, for one day, you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Robert Brault

~~~

The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair. "You’ve got to help me. I’m losing my memory, Doctor," he sobbed. "I once had a successful business, a wife, home and family; I was a respected member of the community. But all that’s gone now. Since my memory began failing, I’ve lost the business – I couldn’t remember my clients’ names. My wife and children have left me, too; and why shouldn’t they – some nights I wouldn’t get home until four or five in the morning. I’d forget where I lived…And it’s getting worse. Doctor – it’s getting worse!"

"This is not an unusual form of neurosis," the psychiatrist said soothingly. "Now tell me, just how long ago did you first become aware of this condition?"

"Condition?" The man sat up in his chair. "What condition?"

~~~

Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast, you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

Eddie Cantor

~~~

A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL".

The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name.

"But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."

~~~

There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend.

Unknown

~~~

While working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old, Lizzie, her shot. "No! No! No!" she screamed.

"Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That’s not polite behavior."

At that, the girl yelled even louder, "No, thank you! No, thank you! No, thank you!"

~~~

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”

Virginia Satir

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

The World Awaits

I would rather fail in an attempt at something new and uncharted than safely succeed in a repeat of something I have done.

A. E. Hotchner

 

 

 

It is mid-afternoon and I just got home from a day of meetings, etc. that started at 6:30 this morning. So I am not only tired, I am brain dead. Since I get hollered at when I miss a Daily I went down to the archives blew the dust off a box of old Dailies to find one I could send today and here is what I came up with.

 

Ray’s Daily January 23, 2004

     I’m off early this morning to have breakfast with an old colleague from New York who is in town for a meeting. Getting together for an hour or so is important to me as now that I appear to be really retired, we may never meet again, at least face-to-face. I think what we become is often due to the results of our friendships and their impact on our thoughts and even our lives. It is sad how often we fail to tell friends all they have given to us until it is too late to do so.

     In a slightly different vein I lunched with another close friend this week and our conversation drifted into a discussion about someone we both hold in high regard. Our talk centered on the decisions and judgments our friend is making in his professional life. We got into the fact that we all have a tendency to see the world only from where we stand and that this may be having undue influence on his decisions. We all have a lifetime of experiences, developed tastes, observations, and even prejudices that I believe often have too much influence on what we do or say. As an example it drives me up the wall when a politician says “The American People want…” as if they are capable of speaking for all of us. How many times have we slipped into subjective judgmental comments such as the restaurants special is lousy, or the movie stinks, as if everyone shares our tastes. I often feel that one of the greatest problems we face in the world today is that those in power base their decisions on what worked for them a generation ago and don’t understand the changes that have gone on in society since.

     I remember lunching in Rome years ago at a restaurant that served Lasagna, to those of us who were touring together, when I heard a fellow traveler complain that “the Italians don’t know how to make Lasagna.” Judging the world and all it has to offer, by only our own subjective view is not only somewhat arrogant, but is also a sure way of missing out on so much of what makes life interesting and worthwhile. It seems to me that just knowing that how we feel and what we do is filtered by seeing the world only from where we stand is enough for us to open our minds to more. And you know what? Standing in a different spot once in awhile can be an adventure and even fun.

~~~

The less routine the more life.

Amos Bronson Alcott

~~~

Ken said:

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.

From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.

I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;

And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount."

 

I went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries;

And there, once again, got quite a surprise.

The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.

He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free."

 

Understand—I’m not old—I’m merely mature;

But some things are changing, temporarily, I’m sure.

The newspaper print gets smaller each day,

And people speak softer–can’t hear what they say.

 

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt),

And my glasses identify people I meet.

Oh, I’ve slowed down a bit…not a lot, I am sure.

You see, I’m not old…I’m only mature.

 

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.

You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.

Washing my hair has turned it all white,

But don’t call it gray…saying "blond" is just right.

 

My car is all paid for…not a nickel is owed.

Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer…get off of the road!"

My car has no scratches…not even a dent.

Still I get all that guff from a punk who’s "Hell bent."

 

My friends all get older…much faster than me.

They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.

I’ve got "character lines," not wrinkles…for sure,

But don’t call me old…just call me mature.

 

The steps in the houses they’re building today

Are so high that they take…your breath all away;

And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.

That should explain why my walking is slow.

 

But I’m keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new,

And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.

I’m still in the running…in this I’m secure,

 

I’m not really old … I’m only mature.

~~~

"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children." King Edward VIII

~~~

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, my Uncle Joe was hired by a warehouse.  But one day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he’d have to withhold 10 percent of Uncle Joe’s wages to pay for the repairs.

"How much will it cost?" asked my uncle.

"About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Uncle Joe. "I’ve finally got job security!"

~~~

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

~~~

When it comes to wine I’m very particular about what I buy. There are two things I look for before making my selection.

First, the word "Wine" must appear somewhere on the label. This is something I insist on.

Second, I look for a sign nearby that says "On Sale."

Follow these two rules and you won’t go far wrong.

~~~

For people who like peace and quiet – a phoneless cord.

~~~

It was a May-December marriage, and as the old man climbed in to bed for the first time with his new bride, he asked, "Did your mother tell you what to do on your wedding night?"

"Yes," she cooed, kissing him lightly, "She told me everything."

"Good," said the elderly gentleman as he turned out the light, "because I’ve forgotten."

~~~

A computer DOES save time at work. Now I can play solitaire without having to spend all that time shuffling real cards.

~~~

No man can ever be noble who thinks meanly or contemptuously of himself, and no man can ever be noble who thinks first and only of himself.

W. H. Dollinger

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

Enjoy life – NOW!

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”

 

 

I was going through some Dailies I had done years ago and I ran across this piece and unfortunately I don’t know who wrote it or sent it to me. Yet I think it is worth rereading since so many of us regret what we might of done while passing up what we can do if we just quit finding reasons not to. So stop listen and learn from what this mystery person shared.

 

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven’t thought about it, don’t have it on their schedule, didn’t know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine. I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gasp and stammer, "I can’t. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday.. I had a late breakfast. It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It’s Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.

We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We’ll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained.

We’ll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.

We’ll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating, as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to our-selves gets longer.

One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I’m going to", "I plan on", and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my ‘seize the moment’ friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you’re ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

Now ~ go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to ~ not something on your SHOULD DO list.

~~~

Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

~~~

Harold was an old man, he was sick, and he was in the hospital.  There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy.  Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.  She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.  One day, Old Harold had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand.  He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice.  So…..  you know where the juice went. The nurse came in a little later and picked up the urine bottle.  She looks at it.  "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today….."

At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drinks it down, saying, "Well, I’ll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted……  Old Harold just smiled

~~~

Only a mediocre person is ever at their best.

~~~

She said: Antiques have become very popular. Right now there are 15 million Americans who have things that are old, funny-looking, don’t work and are only kept for sentimental purposes. Some of these are called antiques – and the rest are called husbands.

~~~

WHAT HE SAYS / WHAT HE MEANS

"I’m going fishing." / Really means: "I’m going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It’s a guy thing." / Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" / Really means: "Why isn’t it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear." / Really means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain." / Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We’re going to be late." / Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard." / Really means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That’s interesting, dear." / Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing." / Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can’t find it." / Really means: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else." / Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific." / Really means: "Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving."

"I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are." / Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

~~~

All food is Fat-Free – if you don’t eat it.

~~~

A feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a Hassidic elderly Jewish man gets up from his seat.

She thinks to herself, "Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the elderly man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again.

Finally, the old Jewish man says, "Look, lady, trouble I don’t want, but you’ve got to let me get up….. I’m twelve blocks past my stop already!"

~~~

Never leave your wife’s anniversary present in a Wal-Mart bag.

~~~

SCHIZOPHRENIA – Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY – We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC – Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

PARANOIA – Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER – You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I’ll tell you why.

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY – Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE – On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

~~~

“Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal.”

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Humor

I appreciate all you do!

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well”

Voltaire

 

 

 

 

I had breakfast with a friend the other day who heads a major arts organization. He, like others with similar responsibilities has the job of leading and motivating a group of artists on the performing side and administrators on the business side. Each group is dependent on the other for the organization to succeed and yet as is so often the case many do not understand or place value on the role of others in the organization. Sadly when we don’t understand or place value on the work of others we have a tendency to fall back on status, seniority, and many times a false sense of superiority. Fortunately my friend has the skill and temperament to make sure everyone is recognized and that their work is valued. In my experience the best way to bring people together is to publicly appreciate what they do so all can see how winning comes from the joint effort of good people.

If you are like I am you find it too easy to take for granted those who perform with competence day after day, people who are always there and who always make our lives just a little bit easier. I need to frequently stop and recommit myself to recognize the things that people do and let them know that I appreciate them. When I do let people know that I value them I find that they respond positively to knowing that I appreciate what they do. Unfortunately I find many, if not more people seem to concentrate on finding fault than on recognizing the good in others.

 

Here is what personal coach Carolyn B. Ellis suggests we can do to reap the rewards that come from appreciating others:

Appreciation is an underutilized yet hugely valuable ingredient in successful relationships. Wondering how to get into the groove of appreciation? Here are the seven strategies I call the "Appreciation A-B-Cs" to get you off to a great start. Each of these strategies is simple and effective, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

1. Keep Your Appreciation Simple. — Your verbal statements of appreciation to another don’t have to be fancy or long. Try a simple "I appreciate you for ____…" to get you started.

2. Speak from Your Heart, not Your Head. — Don’t think too much! Your most effective guide is your heart, not your head. Take a moment to breathe, visualize your heart, and let the words flow from there.

3. Keep It Up. — Expressing appreciation on a regular basis is more effective than going on a binge one day and then dropping into radio silence for the next two weeks. Set some simple goals like expressing one heart-felt appreciation to your partner each day. Giving and receiving appreciation may feel awkward initially, just like a muscle that hasn’t been called upon for a while. Simply keep up your efforts and soon it’ll become a natural and effortless habit.

4. Cover All the Bases. — Once you start looking, there are so many things you will realize you appreciate in the people in your life! Look at what they do, how they communicate, how they look, how you relate to each other. Look for things to appreciate and you’ll start to find them.

5. Don’t Let Just Words Do the Talking. — Appreciation doesn’t always need to be verbal. Play with nonverbal appreciation as well, such as leaving unexpected notes in lunch bags or briefcases, flowers, and other small acts of kindness.

6. Who to Appreciate. — Loved ones, family, and friends are clear candidates for receiving appreciation. How about your coworkers or employees? Why not expand your horizons to include your hairdresser or the check-out clerk at the grocery store? Appreciate your home, the city you live in, or your health. Expanding your list of whom and what you appreciate will help you to live in an "attitude of gratitude," which will help you keep centered and open, better able to take on any challenges that might still be in front of you.

7. Appreciate Yourself. — Do you ever find yourself in need of appreciation? I always encourage my clients to start by appreciating themselves first. It’s amazing what wonders doing 10 written self-appreciations every day can do for your spirit!

~~~

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can read.

Mark Twain

~~~

You’ve seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of contraptions. Well, there’s no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape now!!! The following exercises can be done anywhere, anytime.

Inner Thighs: Place the dog’s favorite toy between thighs Press tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged – dogs who favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be damaged.

Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog – off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and so on.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If they’re too small for him, they’re certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the full length of the room, sails through the air, and slams both front paws into your chest.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 3: (for use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and answer the phone before it stops ringing.

Upper Arms: Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the Frisbee. Repeat until nauseous.

Upper Arms: (alternate) Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock. Repeat until your shoulder is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes first).

Hand Coordination: Remove foreign object from dog’s locked jaw. This exercise is especially popular with puppy owners. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed exercise. Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to prevent trips to the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw firming clenches.

Calves: After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hang a circular toy on your ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back. WARNING: This is feasible only for those with strong bones and small dogs.

~~~

If some people said what they thought, they’d be speechless.

~~~

At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single!"

~~~

“It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”

Irish Proverb

~~~

She said:

Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay, I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. "I’m here to do my postnatal exercises," I said.

The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?"

"Twenty-six," I replied.

~~~

"The only reason that I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."

Erma Bombeck

~~~

To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked us to guess the total number of years the three of them had worked for the airlines. After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the announcement: "The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please step off the plane once we are airborne?"

~~~

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”

Mother Teresa

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

Are you a satisficer?

A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault.

John Henry Newman

 

 

Today is a historical day in my country. We will inaugurate a new president who has captured the imagination and raised the hopes of millions of my fellow citizens. We do have a chance, if we learn how to come together, to pull our selves out of the economic and international problems we face. I would also hope that we will have learned from the price we are paying for our excesses and make the structural changes that we must have to maintain a viable society for future generations.

My concern is that we will spend so much time debating the minor issues in search of perfect answers that we will fail. In my view we cannot hesitate to make some bold moves nor can fail to ask our fellow citizens to understand that we cannot continue to live beyond our means. In my experience delays in the name of perfection often result in failure when success might have been achieved.

Here are some thoughts on perfection offered by the always wise Gretchen Rubin that are worth your consideration.

 

I was inspired by an observation by Voltaire to make my resolution, “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” In other words, instead of pushing yourself to an impossible “perfect,” and therefore getting nowhere, accept “good.” Many things worth doing are worth doing badly.

I have a friend who never exercises unless she’s training for a marathon; as a consequence, she almost never exercises. I never push myself when I exercise, and although I suspect she scoffs at my wimpy work-outs, I’ve managed to get myself to exercise several times a week for years. If I’d tried to have a more ambitious work-out, I’m sure I wouldn’t have exercised at all.

Along the same lines, I told a friend that one of my happiness-project resolutions was to “Remember birthdays,” and so I was sending out happy-birthday emails. He said, “Oh, you shouldn’t email! You should call or write a hand-written note, that’s much nicer.” True – but I won’t. And it’s better to get something done imperfectly than to do nothing perfectly.

The perfect can also become the enemy of the good in the quest for perfect information. There are two ways to approach decision-making: as a satisficer (yes, that is a word) or as a maximizer.

Satisficers are those who make a decision or take action once their criteria are met. That doesn’t mean they’ll settle for mediocrity; their criteria can be very high, but as soon as they find the pasta sauce or the business card that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the optimal decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until after they’ve examined every option, to make the best possible choice. Studies suggest that satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers; maximizers spend a lot more time and energy to reach a decision, and they’re often anxious about whether they did, in fact, make the best choice. (For a fascinating discussion, read Barry Schwartz’s The Paradox of Choice.)

In almost every category, I’m a satisficer, and in fact, I often felt guilty about not doing more research before making decisions. But it’s one of my Secrets of Adulthood: Most decisions don’t require extensive research. In picking a girls’ summer camp, a friend got information from twenty-five camps and visited five in person. We got information from five camps and picked the one that a friend’s daughter loved. I used to think that my lack of diligence was a sign of laziness, and my resolution “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good” has made me feel a lot better.

In some situations, the happier course is to know when good enough is good enough, and not to worry about perfection or making the perfect choice.

~~~

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

Confucius

~~~

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Ohio were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park…. Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time."

~~~

I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.

~~~

A man owned a small farm in Indiana. The Indiana State Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," Demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

"Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That’s the guy I want to talk to… the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

~~~

Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important. –T.S. Elliot

~~~

"Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Jennifer has been most difficult. I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her. You were perfectly right. You want to speak with her? All right."

He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room, "Jennifer, your mother wants to talk to you!"

~~~

The great man is he who does not lose his child’s heart.

Menicus

~~~

I was playing tooth fairy when my daughter, Carrie, suddenly woke up. Seeing the money in my hand, she cried out, "Aha! I caught you!"

I froze and tried to think of an explanation for why I, instead of the tooth fairy, was putting the money under her pillow, but her next words let me off the hook completely.

"You put that money back!" she said indignantly. "The tooth fairy left that for me!"

~~~

Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.

~~~

A tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part when the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.

Suddenly, she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classified as income or a long-term capital gain?"

~~~

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.

Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi

~~~

My broker called me this morning and said, "Remember that stock we bought and I said you’d be able to retire at age 65?"

"Yes, I remember," I said.

"Well," my broker continued. "Your retirement age is now 108."

~~~

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.

William Shakespeare

~~~

 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Humor

This is the winter of our content.

“Those who don’t pick roses in summer won’t pick them in winter either”

German Proverb

 

 

 

I hope everyone had a good weekend. Here in Indianapolis we continue to experience unusually frigid weather. We get to decide each day how we are going to react, hibernate or bundle up and adventure out into the frosty weather. In a way it somewhat symbolizes the choices we have in life.

Recently I received an e-mail from a Daily reader who spoke about the seasons we live through — the spring of our childhood, the summer of our youth, the fall of our adulthood and finally the winter of aging. The writer expressed regret not only for the passing of the life seasons but also the experiences missed. She spoke of the winter of her life as a negative period that had to be endured. It is a great tragedy when folks live concentrating on what they have missed and then giving up while there is a lot of life left. Each of our life seasons carries different and unique opportunities. Rather than spending time regretting what we might have done in the past or deferring experiences for what might be in the future we have an opportunity to soar in the today.

Like many others the spring of my life was filled with war, occasional loneliness, years away from family and friends in a boarding school and maybe having too many responsibilities too soon and yet the memories I do retain are filled with wonder, good people and experiences that formed the future. I don’t know what I would have done with more.

My youth went quickly I was able to join the Navy reserve at an early age, much younger than was legal at the time. I was able to enter engineering school at 15 and was called into the Korean war at 16 where the Navy provided me extensive training that laid the foundation for the future, I married at 18 and began a lengthy career in the computer industry at 19.

My fall started early and had so much variety that I feel I have lived more than one life. I do have a regret or two but mostly my memory overflows with experiences that were beyond my wildest dreams earlier. I especially enjoyed thousands of moments shared with wonderful people, many who have become lasting friends.

And now I am in my winter and I find it as a good or better than anything gone before. I have time to do what I chose. I get to throw my hat in the air every day and holler “watch out world here I come.” I am learning more, traveling more, seeing more, and enjoying more than ever. Yes I move slower, need more of my medical help and have some physical and lifestyle restrictions but that has freed my mind and eye for other things.

Yes I am grateful, grateful that when I look back I have few regrets and grateful that each new day brings expectations that it will include something good. My friends I believe the seasons are different with each having within many things to be enjoyed and they are followed by the next season that has equal potential for enjoyment.

Please don’t be like my friend and bundle up and stay indoors because you no longer can do what you once did. There is so much more yet to do and you know what many of these things are things you could not have done in the past like using senior discounts, participating in senior programs and opportunities to share your wisdom and your heart. And of course like in all seasons you can go out and just have fun.

~~~

If you were over 5 on this evening in 1953, odds are you were in front of one of the 68% of TV sets tuned to Lucy Ricardo giving birth to little Ricky. More people watched Lucille Ball that night on "I Love Lucy" than Dwight Eisenhower’s Presidential inauguration the next day.

~~~

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’

Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’ "

Charlie Brown.

~~~

Famous Last Words:

— Unfortunately I can not totally agree with comrade Stalin.

— Of course you don’t look fat in that dress honey.  Well… maybe a little.

— Hey ya’ll watch this.

— LOOK! An old mine from world war…..

— Sure, rope bridges last forever.

— Trust me, I know what I’m doing.

— Do I cut the red or the blue wire?

— Oh shut up! I won’t fall!

— Oh, it looks like a dolphin is swimming this way…

— I wonder what happens if these two wires touch.

~~~

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

~~~

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.

They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second hiker says, ‘What are you doing?’

The first responds, ‘I figure when the bear gets close to us, we’ll have to jump down and make a run for it.’

The second says, ‘Are you crazy? Don’t you know you can’t outrun a bear?

The first guy says, ‘I don’t have to outrun the bear I only have to outrun you!’

~~~

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

~~~

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking." Exhausted

~~~

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve,

"Watch it!!! There are plenty more ribs where YOU came from!"

~~~

Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one looked forlorn, and almost on the verge of tears. His friend asked, "What had the world done to you, my old friend?"

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That’s not bad."

"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"Sounds like you should be grateful…"

"You don’t understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

Now he was really confused. "Then, how come you look so glum?"

"This week… nothing!"

~~~

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."

Robert A. Heinlein

~~~

During an Army war game a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud.

The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. "Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way."

The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."

~~~

There is a privacy about winter which no other season gives you…. In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.

Ruth Stout

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Humor

Was that Ray that just ran by?

“When you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it’s your world for the moment. I want to give that world to someone else. Most people in the city rush around so, they have no time to look at a flower. I want them to see it whether they want to or not.”

Georgia O’Keeffe

 

 

 

I strongly agree with O’Keeffe’s quote, except I can’t today I am too rushed. Plus I am trying to overcome the temperature contrast, 80’s last week in the Caribbean and minus 20 wind chill this morning.

 

I just got back from an early breakfast meeting and am off to a finance meeting and then on to meeting with a heart patient. So my friends I will burden you with another Daily out of the past.

Keep smiling and enjoy your weekend.

~~~

Ray’s Daily from January 16, 2000

I am off to Washington, DC to attend meetings to help build a better world for children, make the globe safe for democracy, discuss the key foreign policy issues of the day, and best of all to have a few really good meals. Back on Friday.

~~~

Some more of life’s lessons from Lewis down in Tennessee:

•           Heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

•           Money is a lousy way of keeping score.

•           You and your best friends can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

•           Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

•           Sometimes when your angry, You have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give you the right to be cruel.

~~~

Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

~~~

He said I’d rather be a guy because:

If someone forgets to invite me to something, he or she can still be my friend.

My underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

I don’t have to shave below my neck.

None of my coworkers has the power to make me cry.

I don’t have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

I can write my name in the snow.

~~~

I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of widths.

Steven Wright

~~~

A pastor walked into a neighborhood bar to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "I really don’t think you should."

"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!"

"Well, I don’t think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there — and she’s only covered by a fig leaf!"

"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I’ll look the other way!"

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs, and he proceeded to the restroom.

After a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don’t understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and now the place is hopping again."

"Well, now you’re one of us!" said the bartender. "Would you like a drink too?"

"But, I still don’t understand," said the puzzled pastor.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place.

Now, how about that drink?"

~~~

"I know they say, ‘Good things come to those who wait,’ but I have problems with that. First of all, if this were true, we’d all be sitting around waiting and waiting, expecting that good things would happen. Then some guy would stand up and yell, ‘Dear God, have we not waited long enough?’ No, you have to wait longer."

~~~

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

‘Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o’those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness – couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..’ And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, ‘Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.’

Indignantly, the man said, ‘Why? Don’t ye believe me?!?’

~~~

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

~~~

TEN REASONS ADAM WAS THE LUCKIEST MAN

1. He is the only man who has never been compared to the man she could have married.

2. He had no in-laws to drop in.

3. There were no Jones for him to keep up with.

4. There were no credit cards OR shopping centers.

5. He never had his dinner interrupted by window salesmen.

6. He got away with wearing a simple wardrobe.

7. He never had to shovel snow!

8. If he had gone bald, who would have known that wasn’t normal.

9. There was no "standard weight and height" tables – and the word FAT meant good.

10. When God asked "Adam, where are you?"  He replied, "The woman you gave me was reading the map."

~~~

FOR SALE BY OWNER:

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

~~~

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day’s lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there’s somethin’ I can’t figger out."

"What’s that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.

"Well accordin’ to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"

"Right."

"An’ the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Er–right."

"An’ the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again you’re right."

"An’ the Children of Israel fought the ‘gyptians, an’ the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an’ the Children of Israel wuz always doin’ somethin’ important, right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what’s your question?"

"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?

~~~

A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else.

Len Wein

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Humor

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