Some days are better than others
If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.
Hi all, I did get out today after the snow dump of the previous two days. We had the biggest snow fall in more than ten years. While plows and salt trucks have been working around the clock we still are semi-snowbound in a number of areas. Unfortunately much of my day at home yesterday was on the phone with my primary internet service provider as we tried to figure out why I cannot sign into web pages. We finally gave up so I could get some sleep and restarted this morning. Right now I am awaiting a call from the brain trust to see what we might do next. I am a little proud of myself since in the past problems like this would make me crazy while today I seem to just be resigned to the fact that all is not well. I don’t know if it is because I am more mature, too tired, our always crazy but I am glad for whatever it is that allows me to stay moderately fretless.
However since I don’t know when Dr. It-Might-be-this or Nurse It-must-be-something-you-did is going to call I am going to quickly send out an old daily.
First sent on January 29, 2001
Big nosed, gravel-voiced comedian Jimmy Durante was almost 87 when he died on this date in 1980. He was one of America’s greatest entertainers. You may remember watching how he signed off his broadcasts, "Good Night, Mrs. Calabash – wherever you are."
Some advice from the Dalai Lama:
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
He said he is glad he is a guy because:
I can say anything and not worry about what people will think.
Nobody stops telling a good joke when I walk into a room.
I can whip my shirt off on a hot day.
I don’t have to clean my apartment if the meter reader’s coming by.
Car mechanics tell me the truth.
I don’t care if anyone notices my new haircut.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
The child comes home from his first day at school.
His mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing when his approach speed was just a little too fast.
San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.
Q. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
I remember when Grandmas tended to their knitting, and their cookies were just swell.
They were always at the ready, when you needed some advice. And their sewing (I can tell you) was available–and nice.
Well, Grandma’s not deserted you, she dearly loves you still.. You just won’t find her cooking, but she’s right there at the till.
She thinks about you daily– you haven’t been forsook. Your photos are quite handy, in the Pentium notebook.
She prints pictures by the pound. She’s right there when you need her, you really aren’t alone, She’s out now with her "’puter pals," but she took her new cell phone. You can also leave a message on her answering machine; or page her at the fun meet;
She’s been there since eight fifteen. Yes, the world’s a very different place, there is no doubt of that. So "E" her from her web page, or join her in a chat.
She’s joined the electronic age, and it really seems to suit her.
So don’t expect the same old gal, cause Grandma’s gone "Computer"
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
He went to United Airlines and asked for a reservation from Los Angeles to New York. The clerk knew that the plane was very full with baggage and passengers.
"How much do you weigh, Sir?" asked the clerk.
"With or without clothes?" the passenger asked.
"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"
Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your children.
A young man decided to join the police force. As a recruit he was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered, "Call for backup."
"We are not retreating – we are advancing in another direction."
General Douglas MacArthur
Jack and Jill were watching a TV show one night where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he was "cheating" on her.
Jack asked, "Would you ever do that?"
Jill said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you."
A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he is the one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
Sydney J. Harris
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.
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