Ray's Daily

NOTE: Ray’s Daily publication will be suspended for a day or so while Ray goes to the hospital for his heart catheter exam.

A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.

Patricia Neal

Neal is right and I’ll tell you a positive attitude is a lot cheaper than today’s medications. I also find that others respond well when you avoid complaint and worry, this has been especially true during my many medical adventures. If you can stay in relative good humor while dealing with what ever comes in a positive manner those around you are glad to be with you and go out of their way to help you.

Maybe I am more fortunate than others since I have had so much experience with situations that might have been much worse then they were. I have learned that worry is just not worth it, in fact excessive worry can actually create real problems. I know it is not often easy to avoid worry but I find that if I concentrate on the world around me, the people I meet and how I might make their lives a little easier I don’t have too much time to be concerned about myself.

I don’t mean to be harsh but I sometimes feel we would all be better off with a lot more selflessness and a lot less selfishness. So I am ready for my next opportunity to stimulate the economy by participating in more of the health industries high tech offerings. Oh and by the way, before I forget, I hope they find something to bring my energy back without requiring some painful remedy, but what ever will be will be and I’ll make the best of it.

Here is a poem that has real meaning, I hope you enjoy its message.

Gladness

If the day looks kinder gloomy

And your chances kinder slim,

If the situation’s puzzlin’

And the prospect’s awful grim,

If perplexities keep pressin’

Till hope is nearly gone,

Just bristle up and grit your teeth

And keep on keepin’ on.

Frettin’ never wins a fight

And fumin’ never pays;

There ain’t no use in broodin’

In these pessimistic ways;

Smile just kinder cheerfully

Though hope is nearly gone,

And bristle up and grit your teeth

And keep on keepin’ on.

There ain’t no use in growlin’

And grumblin’ all the time,

When music’s ringin’ everywhere

And everything’s a rhyme.

Just keep on smilin’ cheerfully

If hope is nearly gone,

And bristle up and grit your teeth

And keep on keepin’ on.

Author Unkown

~~~

It is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest.

Greek Proverb

~~~

THINGS I WISH I’D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REAL WORLD.

Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter.

Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you" though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent.

Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are.

When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right".

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm

I’ve learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves that the other person was right about you.

Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are going to need them to empty your bed urinal and hold your hand.

Never under estimate the kindness of your fellow man.

And finally… Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect, it just means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.

~~~

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

~~~

George loves the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt when he noticed this priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse – a very long shot – won the race. George was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and placed his blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. George made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. George collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, George bet on it, and won! George was elated.

As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. George began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true.

He made a quick stop at the ATM and withdrew every penny he owned, and awaited the priest’s blessing that would tell him which horse to place the bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. George placed his bet – every cent he owned – and watched the horse come in dead last. George was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track, and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you bless a horse and he loses. Now I’ve lost my life savings, thanks to you!!"

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That’s the problem with you Protestants…you can’t tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites!"

~~~

She said: If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

~~~

Adam was talking to God one day and he said, God, why did you make Eve so beautiful with nice long blonde hair?

God replied, Adam, I made like that so you would love her.

Adam asked, god, why did you make Eve so beautiful we such a nice curvy body?

God replied, Adam, I made Eve like that so you would love her.

Adam then asked, god, why did you make Eve so stupid?

God said Adam I made Eve like that so she’d love you!!

~~~

When you learn to distinguish between the container and the contents, you will have attained wisdom.

Idries Shah

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.

Og Mandingo

I had my Nuclear Stress Test as scheduled yesterday and the results were inconclusive so we move on to the next step which is one of my least favorite things, a Cardiac Catheter exam of the inside of my heart and its tributaries. It is scheduled for next Tuesday since it takes a few days to clear out my blood thinners and to transition me to my self administered $100 a piece Lovenox shots. I have done it before and the shots are painless but the cost of having to do 11 or so is not, since there is no insurance coverage for members of the proverbial doughnut hole gang. For those of you outside of the US that means that my pharmaceutical insurance has maxed out and it will cost me $1000 or more for the shots.

I hope that everyone is grateful that I am providing so much economic stimulus to the health industry. Once I get past the heart stuff I’ll move on to the colon stuff, the blood stuff, the brain stuff and the kidney stone stuff. But as always life goes on and at least I can rationalize my reduced activity as being because of Doctor’s orders. Fortunately my reduced time with friends and colleagues is off set by the friends I’ll make in the medical social world.

So it is smile and move on being ever grateful that I have Medicare and supplemental insurance for if I did not, as so many in our country do not, I would have been bankrupt long ago with the golden years changed to the poverty years. I wish everyone was as fortunate as I am for every time they patch me up my life moves on a little better than it was before. I have found that the secret is to ignore the past, survive the present and then move on with a smile knowing that the future is yours.

Ralph Marston wrote about moving on years ago, here is what he said:

When the disappointments come, when you’ve been knocked down and tossed around, get back up and move on ahead. After all, you’ve paid a heavy price to get this far, so the best option is to really make it count by moving forward from where you are.

When everything has happily gone your way, and you’re sitting on top of the world, get back up and move on ahead. Make your accomplishments truly count by putting them to positive, productive use.

Whatever comes your way, whether good or bad, whether joyous or disappointing, get back up and move on ahead. It is always the best response. Feeling sorry for yourself after a setback will only serve to extend and magnify the disappointment. Feeling smug and arrogant after a victory will drain the value out of what you have just accomplished.

Whatever has happened, don’t spend too long looking backward. Look forward, step positively, confidently forward, and move on ahead.

~~~

While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.

Ben Franklin

~~~

Since we opened with a medical report I thought you might enjoy these excerpts from patient’s charts.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

~~~

"A great answer is what you think of later."

Sam Ewing

~~~

A man once asked his Rabbi to Explain the meaning of "Talmudic Reasoning."

The Rabbi replied: "Well, it’s not too easy to explain, but I think I can demonstrate it to you and you will get the point. I will ask you a simple question and you give the answer.  Are you ready?"

The man was ready, so the Rabbi continued: "Imagine that two men come out of a chimney, one is dirty, the other clean. Which one takes a bath?"  The intrigued listener immediately replied: "That’s easy, Rabbi. The dirty one takes the bath."

"Not so," said the Rabbi. "The Talmud would explain that when the men came out, the dirty one looked at the clean one and saw a clean face.   Meanwhile the clean one looked at the dirty one and saw a dirty face."

A knowing look, complete with broad smile, flashed onto the man’s face. The Rabbi continued, "Now tell me which one takes the bath?"  The answer was quick and sure. "Now I get it Rabbi, the clean one takes the bath!"

The Rabbi looked just a bit unhappy, but he answered patiently, "No. You see, the Talmud would go on to ask: ‘How could two men come out of a chimney and one be clean and the other dirty?"

~~~

"A sobering thought: What if, right at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?"

– Jane Wagner

~~~

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.

The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep.

~~~

"Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no point in two people remembering the same thing…"

~~~

"When parents talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they have gone from supervisor of a child’s life to spectator. It’s like being the vice-president of the United States."

Erma Bombeck

~~~

I may not be able to buy happiness, but I still want the money.

~~~

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.

The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today."

The husband looked around at the fields incredulously and asked the farmer, "When do you have time to plow your land? At night?"

"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

~~~

What does love look like?

It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy.

It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men.

That is what love looks like.

St. Augustine

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

If I had my way I’d make health catching instead of disease.

Robert Ingersoll

NOTE: Ray’s return will be delayed. He returned from his assignment a little worse for wear. They have him going to the hospital early Wednesday for a Nuclear Stress Test to see what can be done to get his energy back. He will be fasting with no caffeine tomorrow (the problem is fasting seems to go really slow) which is the reason for the delay. If he can get his act together the Daily will be back on Thursday, if he can’t I’ll let him wait until next Monday. I’ll send out something today but I’ll wait for him to get back before sending more.

Ray’s Computer

~~~

September 21, 2001

Before my world changed last week I had planned on flying to New York today in order to join in the celebration of the progress made towards the goals set by the UN World Summit for Children in 1990. We would have shared with leaders from all over the world how we were working together to build a better world. It is ironic that today we are trying to find out how we can hold the world together.

My friends who have knowledge and expertise about the situation in Afghanistan are worried about how we, and our allies will respond. They support the Presidents apparent restraint, as a well as the effort to find an effective counter-terrorism solution. I have nothing to offer other than my hope that we will not find ourselves in a Holy War between the Muslin and non-Muslim world.

In the meantime I suggest giving ourselves a break this weekend. If you are like I am, you have been bombarded by newscast after newscast that have reported again and again on the tragic events of last week. I am already in pain; it is now time to look towards solutions. I am going to watch my grandchildren play soccer, and express my thanks that they are ok so far. I am going to dine with friends, and express thanks that I can spend time with them. I am going to relax and enjoy a few hours of solitude. The result will reinforce my understanding of the great value of my everyday life. It is through a clear understanding of what we hold dear that we will understand that the sacrifices we face in the months and years ahead are of little import by comparison.

~~~

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Henri Nouwen "Out of Solitude"

~~~

We should manage our fortunes as we do our health – enjoy it when good, be patient when it is bad, and never apply violent remedies except in an extreme necessity.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

~~~

"Are you my caddie?" asked MacTavish.

"Aye, sir," replied the boy.

"And are you any good at finding lost balls?"

"Aye, sir."

"Right, then. Find one and let’s get the game started."

~~~

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something."

Jackie Mason

~~~

If you want long friendships, develop a short memory.

~~~

A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!"

Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn’t call me ‘Marian.’  I’m your mother, you know."

"I know," said the child, wise beyond his years, "but the store is full of mothers!"

~~~

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven."

John Milton

~~~

PROCRASTINATOR’S CREED

NOTICE: You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.

8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

10. I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

~~~

"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones come daily."

Ivy Baker Priest

~~~

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. All three had offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"

"Head up," said the doctor.

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised the blade, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade — and stopped barely an inch above the doctor’s neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?" said the executioner.

"Head up."

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised the blade, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade — and stopped an inch above the chemist’s neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?"

"Head up."

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised the blade, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out:

"WAIT! I see what the problem is!"

~~~

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these."

George Washington Carver

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

J K Rowling

NOTE: Ray will be on special assignment for the balance of the week. He is expected to return on Monday the 21^st so the Daily will suspend publication until then.

~~~

As many of you know I spend a lot of my time with other folks assisting them as they explore the ways they can brighten their future and enrich their lives. Most often it happens when an individual has decided that it is time for a career change and/or to find ways to enjoy the years ahead. What surprises me is how many of these people really don’t know themselves. Too many exist in a world that is defined by their employment, family and day to day activities; they play their part every day, day after day. These are good people that have learned to get by but who start to wonder is this really all there is. Yep, when we dig the same trench day after day it soon becomes a rut, and dug deep enough it can be really hard to imagine crawling out of it.

When I ask people what really makes them happy, what intrigues them and what dreams did they had that they have forgotten, they often struggle to come up with the answers. We will spend hours on more than one occasion just talking about the times in their life when they were doing something that made them happy. We explore the kinds of people and events that have pleased them in the past and we discuss alternatives that might bring them happiness in the future. Our lives don’t have to be mundane and when they are we need to take responsibility and understand it is ourself who has chosen a life with little sizzle.

What really pleases me is that so many have broken out of their shells. These were folks who decided to crawl out of the rut by implementing plans that took them to a place that enriched their lives and continued to feed their desire for happiness. As I have said before, I really feel sad when I see someone trying to hold up the coffin lid as they holler “Wait! I haven’t started to live yet.”

The wise Gretchen Rubin suggests that we do some self assessment so that we can learn where we want to go. Here is what she wrote:

How well do you know yourself?

Two of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood remind me to Be Gretchen: “Just because something is fun for someone else, doesn’t mean it’s fun for you – and vice versa” and “You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.”

People assume that they in fact do enjoy what they think they should enjoy – e.g., they enjoy going to the theater, because going to the theater is a fun thing to do. Nope! Not true. There are so many “fun” things that I don’t enjoy one bit, like skiing, drinking wine, going to concerts, eating pasta, shopping. And I love to do many things that other people dread doing – cleaning out closets, for example. I beg my friends to let me help them clean out their closets.

My friend Michael Melcher wrote an outstanding (and quite funny) book called The Creative Lawyer ; he also has a terrific blog.

Here’s a quiz, lightly adapted from The Creative Lawyer, to help you figure out your interests. Not what you wish interested you, but what actually interests you.

1. What part of the newspaper do you read first?

2. What are three books you’ve read in the past year?

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time?

4. What’s a goal that has been on your list for a few years?

5. What do you actually do with your free time? [This is perhaps the most helpful question. I finally switched careers from law to writing when it dawned on me that I was always writing books in my free time.]

6. What types of activities energize you?

7. What famous people intrigue you?

You need to pay close attention to yourself. The better you understand your true likes and dislikes, the better able you are to make decisions – in work and leisure – that will make you happy. It’s not possible to build a happy life, filled with enthusiasm and engagement, based on the way that you wish you were. For better or worse, we’re all stuck with ourselves.

~~~

“The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created–created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating.”

~~~

Heard at the senior center:

My supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

My secrets are safe with my friends because they can’t remember them either.

My joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

~~~

"If you listen when you hear and look when you see then you will never be deaf or blind to an opportunity."

Unknown

~~~

She said: "I’ve got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone lines in the house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a pager.

I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers & one weekly one. I watch both the local & network news every evening.

And my kids have the nerve to tell me I’m out of touch!"

~~~

"If you were arrested for being kind……..would there be enough evidence to convict you?"

~~~

The banker had called the man in to talk about his account.

"Your financial affairs are in a big mess! Your wife constantly overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. So…why don’t you talk to her about it?"

"Because…." said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with her."

~~~

If you are what you do, then when you don’t you aren’t.

Wayne Dyer

~~~

She said: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my golden retriever had fresh air.

She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay….. Do you hear me?… Stay!.. Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, perhaps noting that I am a blonde, gave me a strange look and said.

"Why don’t you just put it in park?"

~~~

You must arrange in advance for pleasant memories.

~~~

The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there."

"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported."

~~~

Too often we do not see things as they are; we see things as we are."

Stuart Avery Gold

~~~

A woman is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again.

Look, the man says, "Look, lady, you’ve got to let me get up. I’m twelve blocks past my stop already!"

~~~

“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.”

Robert F. Bennett

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart.

Blaise Pascal

I got the following message yesterday from one of my favorite friends who currently is in Uganda:

Hi Ray

You won’t believe what I did yesterday. I started helping a 15 year old with breathing techniques while in labor. Yoga and having two children made me qualified. She ended up having C section and I went into delivery room. It was so sad to see the procedure and then the baby came out. She had no family at first so I held and comforted the baby for the first hour.

Then I was called into delivery for natural child birth. Uganda women take the pain so you don’t hear much. Dennis heard me outside however yelling PUSH.

Found land today for new birthing center we will build by February in a village that has nothing but huts.

Talk soon,

Sally

My first thought when I got this message was how amazing it is that my friends can send me immediate messages via satellite using their Blackberry no matter where they are in the world. I often feel that life was better when it was simpler not that many years ago, but I must admit hearing from friends no matter where they are is something I value.

My second thought was that my friend is doing great things while far too many of us are spending our time in heated arguments accomplishing nothing other than making sure we accomplish as little as possible. I am beginning to believe that a person’s knowledge is inversely proportional to how loud they scream.

The voice of reason requires reasonable listeners and reason without a preponderance of reasonable people taking action results in chaos and often in irreversible damage. I yearn for a return to civility; there is far too much work to be done for us to be wasting time and energy in argument.

I may not be able to go to Africa and do what Sally does and will continue do for others, but I can help here at home. I don’t have enough time left to squander it in non-productive pursuits so I am not going to do so.

If you live in Indianapolis and would like to know what you can do to help stop by Monument Circle downtown tomorrow for community day between 11 AM and 2 PM. If you do you will discover all kinds of opportunities to pitch in and make a difference. Oh, and by the way, if you do stop by the Salvation Army tables and say hi, I’ll be there offering all kinds of feel good and do good volunteer opportunities. Maybe we can even do something together in the days and months ahead.

~~~

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.

Albert Einstein

~~~

A grandma and grandpa were busy telling their little granddaughter what their own childhood was like: "I used to ice skate outside on a pond during the winter," Grandpa said.

"I had a swing made from a tire," Grandma added. "It hung from a tree in our front yard."

"I rode our pony bareback," Grandpa said.

"My brothers and sisters and I used to pick wild raspberries in in the woods," Grandma said.  "We would eat them right off the bush, staining our mouth and fingers in the process."

The little granddaughter was wide-eyed, taking all this in.  At last she said, "Wow…..I sure wish I’d gotten to know you two sooner!"

~~~

"A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier."

~~~

You Know Your In Trouble When

A black cat crosses your path and drops dead.

The bride’s family throws rocks instead of rice.

The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife.

You’re so lonely that you invite the peeping Tom in… and he says no.

Your children’s school calls to surrender.

Your mother approves of the person you’re dating.

Your plants do better when you don’t talk to them.

~~~

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

~~~

Little Johnny and Little Mary were talking one day. Little Mary asked "what is the highest number you have ever counted up?" "I counted up to 1,279 once" Johnny answered. "WoW!

Really? Why did you stop at 1,279?"

Mary asked. "Because church was over."

~~~

“Better keep yourself clean and bright. You are the window through which you must see the world.”

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000."

There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?"

~~~

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.

Coco Chanel

~~~

A devoutly Christian couple felt it important to own an equally Christian pet. So, after careful inquiry, they went shopping at a kennel specializing in Christian dogs.  They found a dog they liked quite a lot.  When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash.  When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied eagerly, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed; they immediately purchased the animal, and went home (piously  of course).

That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new Christian dog and his religious skills, they called the dog and began showing him off.  The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn’t thought about "normal" tricks.

"Well," they said, "let’s find out."   Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"  Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the guest’s forehead, closed his eyes, and began to pray.

~~~

He’s so dumb, if he saw a sign that said "wet floor" he probably would.

~~~

An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn’t quite make it.  She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn.

Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500."

He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee:  $200."

~~~

Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.

~~~

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.

Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued,  "Anybody caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $60.  Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.  Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How   much for a season pass?"

~~~

"Be forever a student. He and he alone is an old man who feels that he has learnt enough and has need for no more knowledge."

Sivananda

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

I have come to believe that the thread that enriches the tapestry that we weave as our life goes on is the friendships we make. Yesterday I visited a friend and former colleague who has endured an extended hospital ordeal encompassing weeks of multiple surgeries complicated by an infection that ravaged his body that almost ending his life and did result in the need to amputate the toes on one of his feet. When I saw him he was in better spirits that most of us would be if we had gone through so much. He has lost a lot of weight and still is limited to only a few hours a day in a chair and is undergoing a daily stay in an oxygen chamber to accelerate the healing process from his foot surgery.

My friend has built many global friendships over the years and I did my best to keep many of those friends informed about Bill’s ordeal and his progress. As I expected they rallied to the need for prayer and communication of their wishes for a speedy and full recovery. As Bill and I talked yesterday we reminisced recalling the times we spent with our common friends both here in the U.S, and overseas. I honestly believe that the memories revisited in themselves were therapeutic and have hastened his recovery and helped to sustain his positive attitude. So my friends please cherish your friendships for in truth they are some of your most valued possessions. Here is something I saved that I worth remembering.

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who: -let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In primary school your idea of a good friend was the person who:

-went to the bathroom with you;

-held your hand as you walked through the scary halls;

-helped you stand up to the class bully;

-shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus;

-saved a seat on the back of the bus for you;

-knew who you had a crush on and never understood why

In secondary school your idea of a good friend was the person who:

-let you copy the social studies homework;

-went to that "cool" party with you so you wouldn’t wind up being the only freshie there;

-did not let you lunch alone

In pre-university your idea of a good friend was the person who:

-gave you rides in their new car;

-convinced your parents that you shouldn’t be grounded;

-consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan;

-found you a date to the prom or went to the prom with you (both without dates);

-helped you pick a university and assured you that you would get into that university;

-helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time letting you go

On the threshold of adulthood your idea of a good friend was the person who:

-was there when you just couldn’t deal with your parents;

-assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together and you’ll could make it through anything;

-just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories;

-and reassured you that you would make it in university as well as you had these past 18 years;

-and most importantly sent you off to university knowing you were loved

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who:

-gives you the better of the two choices,

-hold your hand when you’re scared,

-helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you,

-thinks of you at times when you are not there,

-reminds you of what you have forgotten,

-helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer,

-stays with you so that you have confidence,

-goes out of their way to make time for you,

-helps you clear up your mistakes,

-helps you deal with pressure from others,

-smiles for you when they are sad,

-helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!

By the way, I am really glad we are friends.

~~~

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Author unknown

~~~

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I’m going to give you some  money."

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"

"Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had."

~~~

"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." 

Pablo Picasso

~~~

The woman was always frequenting small antique shops, but regardless of what she saw there, she always complained about something.  The quality was poor, the prices too high, or the selection was limited. The shop owners took it in stride, but one day, while ranting and raving, she yelled at the clerk, "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?"

The clerk simply smiled and replied, "Possibly, ma’am, because we’re too polite."

~~~

"Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies."

Gene Hill

~~~

While teaching children about world religions, a teacher asked her students to bring a symbol of their family’s faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to come forward and share the symbol with the class.

The 1st child said, "I’m Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."

The 2nd child said, "I’m Jewish, and this is my family’s menorah."

The 3rd child said, "I’m Roman Catholic, and this is my Mom’s rosary."

The 4th child said, "I’m Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint."

The 5th child said, "I’m Southern Baptist, and this is my casserole dish."

~~~

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have 10 years ago.

WILLY: Me!

~~~

My daughter-in-law, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth.  Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered. 

Her response:  "Just meet me in the parking lot!"

~~~

I know so little that it astonishes me how many people know even less.

~~~

My phone bill was past due and I needed to change my service, so I had to visit the local office. The line wasn’t clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me. It was unclear as to who was next.

When we got to the front of the line, the man gestured to me and said, "After you."

I smiled at him and said, "No, please, after you. I have all day."

The he said, "No. You go ahead. My doctor says I have at least six months."

~~~

Even though we’ve changed and we’re all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we’re not all still friends.”

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.