Ray's Daily

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

John Wooden

Coach John Wooden passed away recently and as you may know he was from Indiana and will always be revered not just for his basketball prowess but for his strength of character. I am often distressed with how we have become so impatient that we fail to invest in solutions that require time and effort. Coach Wooden taught his players the skills required to both cope and succeed through the quality of effort. Unfortunately far too many of us look for shortcuts finding it easier to blame others for our problems. Sadly many seem to expect they should have it all but depend on someone else to provide it for them.

Not too long ago John Gordon sent me this excerpt from one of his books that describes the Wooden philosophy. We all can benefit from what he wrote.

7 LESSONS I LEARNED FROM COACH JOHN WOODEN

If you read my book Training Camp you know I was influenced deeply by Coach Wooden. In this spirit here are 7 lessons I learned from him.

1. Success Is All About the Little Things – On the first day of practice Coach Wooden didn’t discuss basketball strategy. Believe it or not, he taught his players the proper way to put on their socks and shoes so they didn’t get blisters.

2. Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome – Coach Wooden didn’t focus on winning. He focused on the character of his team, key fundamentals, daily improvement, effort, potential and selfless teamwork. As a result he won…a lot.

3. There’s No Such Thing as an Overnight Success – Wooden was at UCLA 16 years before they won their first national title. Today we live in a world where people expect instant results. If a coach doesn’t win a title in a few years he or she is fired. Wooden is a testament that greatness takes time.

4. Selfless Teamwork is Great Teamwork – Wooden said, "A player who makes a team great is much more valuable than a great player."

5. There’s Power in Humility – Norman Vincent Peale said that humble people don’t think less of themselves. They just think of themselves less. Wooden made his life about coaching, leading and developing others and in doing so exhibited true power.

6. Faith Matters – In our politically correct world where people are afraid to mention God, even though it says it on our dollar bill, I find it interesting how in all the media reports about Wooden they talk positively about how his faith guided his life, principles and actions. There is power in faith. More importantly there is enormous power when your faith moves you to love, serve, inspire, coach and make a difference.

7. Your Legacy Matters – The most important thing you will leave behind when you die is your legacy. And the greatest legacy you can leave is your life, your principles and the lives you touch. Wooden didn’t spend his life amassing wealth and trying to make a fortune. He invested in others. And while buildings will fall, jewelry will tarnish and money will get spent, his legacy will live on in those who carry his teachings in their heart.

~~~

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

John Wooden

~~~

She said, you know it’s a bad date when:

You order a Double Whopper and he says, "Hey, my name ain’t Rockefeller, honey!"

You’ve never heard someone speak with such passion about an ant farm.

He seems to know an awful lot about yourshower routine.

Your dinner reservations are under, "Loser, party of 2."

He’s especially proud of how long he can sustain a burp.

Calls to tell you he’ll pick you up, just as soon as the stand off with the police is over.

He’s been on Geraldo once and Jerry Springer, twice.

~~~

"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."

Mark Twain

~~~

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood by his car to drink his cola, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.  The other man came along behind and filled in the hole.  While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.  The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can’t stand this," said the man, tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what’s going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’re not accomplishing anything.  Aren’t you wasting the county’s money?"

"You don’t understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.

"Normally there’s three of us …  me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.  Now just because Rodney’s sick, that don’t mean that Mike and me can’t work."

~~~

We should all swap problems; everyone knows how to solve the other fellow’s.

~~~

She told me: My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but he often turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?"

"That’s up to you," I replied. "There’s all kinds of food. Why don’t you pretend I’m not home?"

A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I hopped out of the shower to answer it and heard my husband saying, "Yeah, hi, honey. Uh, what should I feed Lily for lunch?"

~~~

“Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.”

Charles Dickens

~~~

Legend has it that a certain college philosophy professor asked one question on his final exam. He picked up a chair, put it on his desk and wrote on the board, "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

The students dug deep and wrote like crazy for the whole exam period, some of them churning out thirty pages of heady philosophical debate and logic.

But only one student earned an A and he wrote for only a few seconds. His paper read in full, "What chair?"

~~~

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs.Cohen, your check came back."

Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

~~~

Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.

John Wooden

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

The light is what guides you home, the warmth is what keeps you there.

Ellie Rodriguez

I have returned from my assignment and it is good to be back with you. I promised you when I left that I would fill you in with the details. I started by being picked up in a black SUV and driven to the airport to catch a plane to Detroit. Once I got to the gate they switched me to a flight to Philadelphia and then on to Baltimore. I told you that my instructions self destructed and my memory is so bad I could not remember what my assignment was, so I decided to just go with the flow. Once I landed in Baltimore I was whisked away to a safe house disguised as a Holiday Inn Express. The next morning I was taken to the docks to board a ship that was to take me out of the country, no expense had been spared as it was disguised as the Enchantment of the Seas, a large ocean liner.

We proceeded on to Portland Maine, St. Johns Island in New Brunswick, Canada, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Bar Harbor, Maine, Boston, Massachusetts and then a return to Baltimore. From there we bussed to the airport for our return to Indianapolis. If my assignment included anything more than good food, friendly fellow passengers, a few wins in the on-board casino and some sight seeing I am afraid I failed, if it was only to relax and recharge I did great.

There was a moment when I thought there might be more. Two of our table makes where dropped off at a remote location in St. Johns where fog rolled in and rain started to fall. As they were standing there in isolation wondering what to do next, a stranger with a German Shepherd came up to them and offered them a ride. They mustered all of their courage and got in his car and, your not going to believe this, he drove them safely back to town. I cannot tell you their names as they fear their children might find out and either have them locked up for reckless and irrational behavior or bar them from ever leaving Tennessee again.

While it was a great trip I am glad to be back, I just hope that I was not supposed to do something of importance. Now it is back to normal, if I can only remember what normal is. Oh well, on with the show. While I am somewhat disappointed that you did not solve all of the world’s problems while I was gone I sure am glad to see you.

~~~

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.

George Moore

~~~

Conversation between God and St. Francis of Assisi:

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. The go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. The begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the homeowners happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Earthlings must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. The haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It’s a real stupid movie about…..

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

~~~

"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."

James Dent

~~~

Good Advice About Love:

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." — Dick, age 7

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." — Lynnette, age 8

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" — Ricky, age 7

"Don’t forget your wife’s name. That will mess up the love." — Erin, age 8

"Sensitivity don’t hurt." — Robbie, age 8

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." — Erin, age 8

"Don’t say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch." — Natalie, age 9

~~~

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.

Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.

~~~

A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn’t sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten" said Murphy.

So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.

"Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I’ve got 2 left over!"

"Dat’s funny," said Murphy. "So did I."

~~~

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

Live the life you’ve imagined.”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Mark Twain

Later today I will get the details of my special assignment; I am to be at a specific location promptly at 1:37 for the handoff from Natasha. While as always I have some trepidation I at the same time am excited about the possibilities for I know it will be something of value. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. Whatever it is should take no more than two weeks so after we close down the Daily tomorrow you won’t hear from me for awhile. If you have something you want to send me you might want to hold off until you know I’m back as my electronic staff will not be available to pick it up messages and my wife is allergic to anything that has an on–button and a keyboard.

As I prepare myself to face the unknown I stumbled across this article written by Steve Brunkhorst that is in the spirit of my next adventure.

Exploration Courage

We can explore life with courage, experiencing the adventure and joy in discovering our potential, or we can choose to stay on familiar shores. In that "safe harbor" which Mark Twain mentioned, we have less risk. Even the pain of error and promise of regret become comfortable friends; they feel safer than leaving the old for the new.

Yet exploration courage always comes down to a choice, a decision of virtue to stay where one is, or to move ahead to a new challenge because something is more important, more essential than fear.

On what can one base such a decision?

We carry with us some very accurate compasses to guide our choices. They are our values, principles that determine our actions each day. We cannot see or touch our values physically. However, we know them deeply and honor them because they define who we are as individuals.

As examples, one might value peace, integrity, creativity, family, compassion, adventure, spirituality, wellness, autonomy, knowledge, or courage. When we act in accordance with our values, we feel that we are acting with purpose.

As we change over the course of years, some of our values also change. We keep most of our core values, drop others, and add new ones, reordering their importance. Often, the decision to take a virtuous and courageous action will involve timing.

In her article, The Art of Courage (Vogue, October 1, 1952), Victoria Lincoln insightfully wrote, "This is the art of courage: to see things as they are and still believe that the victory lies not with those who avoid the bad, but those who taste, in living awareness, every drop of the good."

What do you value, and what would you explore if your heart called you to reach your highest potential?

Explore and enjoy your unique talents – gifts of your Creator. Look forward in faith, keeping the best you would envision for your life as your predominate thought. See, feel, and taste today’s good with gratitude, Explore with courage, and enjoy the journey!

~~~

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

Andre Gide

~~~

Stumpy’s English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Stumpy handed in a poor paper.

"This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes. I can’t understand how one person would have made all these mistakes."

"One person didn’t," replied Little Stumpy defensively. "My dad helped me.

~~~

Ever notice how ignorance picks-up confidence as it goes along.

~~~

One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house.  Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back in.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house, then back again?"

Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yes, that’s my husband; I told him he was going to cut the grass today come Hell or high water!"

~~~

If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

~~~

A note to the teacher said:

To all teachers

Please put this in a prominent place on your desk so that you may refer to it throughout the year. Attach it securely, as no copies will be made available. So that there is no misunderstanding between thee and me, it is expected that the following rules be obeyed:

1. Students must leave their homes no later that 7:30 A.M. and return no earlier that 3:00 P.M. No hanging around the front yards. Parents have enough to do in the mornings without babysitting your students.

2. Students may come home for lunch only if they live within thirty feet of the school.

3. If school is to be dismissed at noon on any given day, notice must be sent home six months in advance.

4. No student may come home claiming illness unless he a) is bleeding from both ears, b) has a broken bone protruding from the skin, c) is unconscious. In such cases, the student may come home if s/he brings a note from the school nurse testifying that the child is not faking.

5. Oil paints, India ink, and Magic Markers are strictly prohibited and if brought into the home, will be confiscated and destroyed. In the event that said items are smuggled into the home, and are found by a preschool age sibling, it shall be understood that the teacher will then be required to report to the home that evening to wash down the walls, clean the carpet, and explain the whole thing to Dad.

6. Requests for milk money, hot-lunch money, mission money, field-trip money, or any other money must be made before the 21st of the month, as no respectable mother can be expected to come up with any petty cash after that date.

7. Students who are persuaded to go out for band will be allowed to practice only in the home of the band instructor.

8. In the interests of peace at home, the following policy will be strictly adhered to: No PTA meetings, scout banquets, Christmas programs, graduations, etc., may be scheduled on Monday nights unless they are first cleared by all parents.

9. Students are expected to return home from school in reasonably reputable clothes. Trousers with holes, jackets with rips, and shoes with irremovable tar will not be tolerated. In the case of primary students, parents of first and second-graders will be satisfied if their children just return home in the same clothes they wore to school.

10. We realize that personality conflicts may occur throughout the year. However, we must insist that teachers do not request that their students be assigned to another family. While many parents would be happy to cooperate with such a request, surveys have shown that one home is pretty much like another, and students and teachers will just have to adjust.

If you have any questions concerning this letter, please feel free to call me anytime before 3:00 P.M. yesterday afternoon

I am sad to say that I believe this note reflects the thinking of many parents today. They are so busy in self-centered activities that they have no time for the inconveniences brought on by parenthood.

~~~

"What kind of job do you do?" a lady passenger asked the man traveling in her compartment. "I’m a naval surgeon," he replied. "Goodness!" said the lady, "How you doctors specialize these days."

~~~

"Never forget that life can only be nobly inspired and rightly lived if you take it bravely and gallantly, as a splendid adventure in which you are setting out into an unknown country, to face many a danger, to meet many a joy, to find many a comrade, to win and lose many a battle. "

Annie Besant

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

“Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close proximity with someone who has ceased to communicate”

Germaine Greer

There are so many people missing these days that I am starting to worry and feel a little isolated. Jen has totally disappeared and has not been seen at any of the old haunts. Dr A  has apparently started a new life leaving no forwarding address, Tyler obviously has gone into hiding as has S. Toledo. If that was not enough my Oasis friends operations center has moved to a secret location. Missing persons reports don’t generate any answers.

My concern is that I am missing something. Are there aliens from another planet snatching my friends away? Has anyone seen unmarked black helicopters abducting citizens off the street? Are there press gangs roaming the area capturing citizens to go on secret missions? Those I can still find don’t think it is any conspiracy or sinister plot and that it must be something I did.

Now I worry if it is me and I am being shunned for a reason, so I am taking action. Today I changed deodorants and have started to double check my attire before I go out to make sure everything is zipped, buttoned and arraigned properly. I also am concentrating more so I don’t call John, Shirley or Barbara, Tom for I have found some folks are not thrilled when I introduce them as an old and dear friend and then use someone else’s name.

I also have been taking some psychological action, as an example I sat with strangers the other day and had a passerby take my picture so I can show people that I still have a few friends, even if they are surrogates.

Possibly all of this is the reason I am being sent on secret assignment Thursday. Maybe the plan is to arrange for the return of my old friends at a welcome back surprise party. More likely it is to action me to go out and find others that I have yet to alienate. So if I should happen to show up at your door please at least pretend you are glad to see me.

Meanwhile I am off to meet some folks this morning that I think are still here. If they do show up I hope I can contain my excitement at being able to talk to real people instead of just the mental images of old friends.

Of course there is one real benefit, now I have more time to strengthen the bond between us. So old friend how’s it going today?

~~~

“The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.”

Pearl S. Buck

~~~

INTERNET PARKING NOTICE

During our routine sweep of the Internet we, the Internet Police, have discovered that you have been on your chair in front of the computer TOO LONG!

You are HEREBY ORDERED to clean up that pile of cups, cans, wrappers and papers on your desk (yes, we can see you — sit up straight!) and after you have logged into the real world for a minimum of ten minutes you may log back on to the Internet.

Failure to comply may result in loss of reality, carpal tunnel syndrome, and the requirement of a larger chair. The timer starts NOW!

Get off your butt — you’ll thank us for it later.

~~~

Upon her engagement the exuberant young woman went to her mother and said, "I’ve found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

~~~

A congregant asked his Rabbi, "Rabbi, you’re a man of God. So why is it that you are always talking business when I, a businessman, am always talking about spiritual matters when I’m not at work?"

"You have discovered one of the principles of human nature," the Rabbi replied.

"And what principle is that, Rabbi?"

"People like to discuss things they know nothing about."

~~~

"Don’t worry… be happy."

Bobby McFerrin

~~~

Ah, life’s mysteries.

A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I’ll do it myself; lets her.

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I’ll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad.

A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I’ll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?"

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I’ll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you."

~~~

"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible, and achieve it, generation after generation."

Pearl S. Buck

~~~

The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his career when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy directions to the post office.

 After being told the way by the lad, the Reverend Graham thanked him, adding: "If you’ll come to the Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven.

 "I don’t think I’ll be there," the boy said.  "You don’t even know your way to the post office."    

~~~

"If you never did, you should.

These things are fun, and fun is good."

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pickup."

The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make.  God knows we’re in here…  and he’s the only one who counts."

The first deacon countered, "But God won’t tell my wife."

~~~

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Dorothy Parker

~~~

"You look sad, Fred, what’s the trouble," asked Bill.

"Domestic trouble."

"But you’re always bragging that your wife is a pearl," says Bill.

"She really is," replies Fred.  It’s the mother-of-pearl that’s giving me trouble!" 

~~~

Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

Og Mandino

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Kahlil Gibran

Twice in the last ten years I have experienced the loss of a valued and meaningful friendship. In both cases my friends just totally broke off any communications. I have often had to move on after a loss of one kind or another when friends moved away, suffered grave illnesses or just pursued other interests. While I always missed them when they left I would understand that life’s that way and did not let it slow me down much.

I have had a much harder time with the unexpected total loss that comes from absolute silence without knowing why the split. My great concern is that I might have done something to create the break and I have no idea what that might be. While I know I can deal with the loss of a valued friendship I find it much harder to deal with the fact I might have hurt someone with whom I have nothing but regard and respect. So my dear friends if I ever do anything that upsets you please let me know what it is for it is never my intent to hurt. Help me to understand so I can learn and change my behavior or clear up what I would hope would only be a misunderstanding, only just don’t walk away for that punishment is too harsh. I lost the first of my two good friendships a few years back and still have not totally overcome the pain and regret that came from what I might have done, I just wish I knew what that was. I know the above is out of character but I wanted to let you know about my loss in hopes that you never leave a friend without saying goodbye.

So now on with a two day weekend that includes some really good stuff, in effect it will be the therapeutic antidote to my current concerns. I hope you too will rest, have fun and recharge. In my case it is vital that I do so as I will be going on special assignment next Thursday for a couple of weeks and I must be at my best. I will be closing down the Daily after Wednesday in order to give my electronic staff some time off. When I get back I’ll give you a complete report on my activity.

~~~

Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,

May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.

~~~

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother and found a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled sweetly and then replied, "I remember."

~~~

"I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food…"

Robert Orben

~~~

Sally purchased an answering machine with a prerecorded message that used a male voice. She chose not to record a new message. The next Saturday she was "screening" her calls. The phone rang and the machine answered… After the message, there was a pause and the caller hung up. The phone rang a second time — the same result.

Then the phone rang a third time, and the person said: "This is your mother, I think. If I am, please call me."

~~~

THINK –it gives you something to do while the computer is down.

~~~

ABOUT GROWING OLDER…………

1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

2. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

3. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved. 

4. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of  Algebra.

5. You know you are getting old when every thing either dries up or leaks.

6. I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

7. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

8. One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

9. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

10. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

11. If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at.

~~~

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?

No matter what, somebody’s fixin’ to lose a trailer.

~~~

After our old friend Phil had been a "temporary bachelor" for a few weeks, we stopped by his home to visit him. My wife asked if he was eating properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of dog food," Tom told her.

"Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can’t believe you would be eating anything like that!"

"Neither do I!" I responded.  "You’re not that easy to please when it comes to food!"

"Well, come to the kitchen and I’ll show you," Tom replied. Opening the refrigerator door, he waved his hand at a row of doggie bags from some of the finest restaurants in town.

~~~

Never try to guess your wife’s size. 

Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold onto the receipt.

~~~

We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"

There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He’s the one who moves diagonally."

~~~

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

Oscar Wilde

~~~

I walked into my sister’s kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch, having a snack. "Where’s your mother?" I asked.

"She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute and I’ll see." Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. A sharp yell came from above. Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, "Yep, she’s in the shower."

~~~

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed.

Never throw out anyone.

Audrey Hepburn

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Here is my advice as we begin the century that will lead to 2081.  First, guard the freedom of ideas at all costs.  Be alert that dictators have always played on the natural human tendency to blame others and to oversimplify.  And don’t regard yourself as a guardian of freedom unless you respect and preserve the rights of people you disagree with to free, public, unhampered expression.

Gerard K. O’Neill

I am somewhat brain dead today so I won’t make a feeble attempt at writing a new Daily. The one I wrote six years ago today will have to suffice. Unfortunately things have not changed much since then.

Ray’s Daily first published on June 9, 2004

I was at a workshop the other day led by a couple of think tank researchers. The subject was how well the news media has been doing in an effort to keep us informed. The result was some consensus that with so many outlets, and with so many people getting all their news in snippets, that we often form our opinions without adequate knowledge. While we can lay the blame at the footsteps of the media it is up to each of us to work to educate ourselves so that we can fulfill our duties as citizens. You would not be getting this e-mail if you did not have computer access, so I would suggest you visit http://news.google.com/ and http://www.aldaily.com/ to learn that there are a number of sources available to us that will help provide us balanced news.

As we all know we live in dangerous times, but this is not the first time. I remember in the fifties how much our fear of Communism and atomic warfare affected our lives. We found it easy to succumb to the hysteria created during what is now called the McCarthy era. We found it easy to step on personal freedom, attack others without reason, and ostracize innocent people without any evidence. It is worth remembering that it was on this day in 1954 that Joseph Welch, special counsel for the U.S. Army, confronted Senator Joseph McCarthy during televised hearings on whether communism had infiltrated the U.S. armed forces. It was Welch’s verbal assault coupled with sound reporting by Americas leading journalist, Edward R. Murrow that marked the end of McCarthy’s power during the anticommunist hysteria of the Red Scare in America. When emotion replaces reason terrible things can happen, you and I have a responsibility to do what we can to make sure that it does not happen again. We can do that by staying informed. I appreciate all each of you does, you and others like you are critical players in our future.

~~~

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

George Santayana

~~~

Jon was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed Jon by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Jon replied, "I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

The Pastor questioned, "How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I’m in the secret service."

~~~

Do something. If it doesn’t work, do something else. No idea is too crazy.

Jim Hightower

~~~

Everyone knows Murphy’s Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will…" Here are some other Laws you may not have heard!

Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony’s Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Lowery’s Law of Home Repair: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway

Beach’s Law: Interchangeable parts aren’t.

Tussman’s Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.

William’s Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

Lane’s Law of Supply and Demand: The one item you need is always in short supply.

Cannon’s Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Martin’s Law of Meteorology: The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

Ehrlich’s Law: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Norman Einstein’s Law: If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.

Col. Murphy’s Law of Combat: Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder!

~~~

"Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind."

Leonardo da Vinci

~~~

She said: Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone.

In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello.  The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

"Mom, this is Susan and I’m sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I’m going to be a little late getting home.  See, Dad’s car has a flat but it’s not my fault.  Honest!  I don’t know what happened.  The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater.  Please don’t be mad, okay?"

Since I don’t have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake.

"I’m sorry dear," I replied, "but you’ve reached the wrong number.  I don’t have a daughter named Susan."

"Wow, Mom," the young woman’s voice replied, "I didn’t think you’d be this mad!"

~~~

"No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other."

Jascha Heifetz

~~~

Students at school were asked by their teacher to write about the harmful environmental effects of oil on fish. One 11-year old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."

~~~

President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks, "How come the Jews know everything before we do?"

The CIA chief says, "The Jews have this expression – ‘Vus titzuch?’

The President says, "What’s that mean?"

Well, Mr. President", replies the CIA chief, "It’s a Yiddish expression which roughly translates to "what’s happening." They just ask each other and they know everything."

The President decides to personally go undercover to determine if this is true. He gets dressed up as an Orthodox Jew (black hat, beard, long black coat), and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York, picked up in an unmarked car and dropped off in Brooklyn’s most Jewish neighborhood.

Soon a little old man comes shuffling along. The President stops him and whispers, "Vus titzuch?"

The old guy whispers back: "Bush is in Brooklyn."

~~~

The best defense against logic is stupidity

~~~

Sadie and Esther are sitting on the porch of their Miami Beach hotel.

"Oh my God," cries Sadie. "Look at that poor boy! Such a weak chin. His mouth is crooked. And look, his eyes are crossed."

"That boy," says Esther, "happens to be my son."

"Oh," replies Sadie. "On him it’s very becoming."

~~~

Yearn to understand first and to be understood second.

Beca Lewis Allen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.