Ray's musings and humor

Archive for August, 2019

I appreciate them all

Rays Daily

August 30, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”

Cynthia Ozick

appreciate

Tomorrow starts a long weekend for those living in my country, On the first Monday in September we have a national holiday where we celebrate the contributions made be the workers who do so much for us. This Labor Day has reminded me how much I appreciate the staff here in our retirement community, folks too many of us take for granted.

I am thankful for the cooks and servers that provide us three nutritional meals each day. I am grateful for the health workers who help us stay fit. I am also thankful for the drivers who take me to my appointments, the grocery store and on our outings. And I cannot forget our housekeeper who comes once a week to keep our place clean and tidy and the linens changed,

I really benefit from the opportunities provided by Marla and Amanda, our activities staff for the exercise classes, entertainment, lectures, movies and more.  We have so much more available to us than we had when we were home bound. So this next Monday as we spend time with friends and family I will also say thanks to my friends, the staff here in my residence.

Here is an abridged article that I got from the Harvard medical School that promotes gratitude and its benefits.

Expressing thanks may be one of the simplest ways to feel better.

Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can’t feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.

Here are some ways to cultivate gratitude on a regular basis.

Write a thank-you note. You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a thank-you letter expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s impact on your life.

Thank someone mentally. No time to write? It may help just to think about someone who has done something nice for you, and mentally thank the individual.

Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down or share with a loved one thoughts about the gifts you’ve received each day.

Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your blessings — reflecting on what went right or what you are grateful for. Sometimes it helps to pick a number — such as three to five things — that you will identify each week. As you write, be specific and think about the sensations you felt when something good happened to you.

~~~

Gratitude is a powerful catalyst for happiness. It’s the spark that lights a fire of joy in your soul. –

Amy Collette

~~~

A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. “The secret,” she said, “is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up.”

The boy looked at her quizzically… “Why does it have to be a secret?”

~~~

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves.

~~~

Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle of the night feeding?”

“No. I always did that.”

“That must have been before you had women’s liberation.”

“No, it was before we had baby bottles.”

~~~

Quote from telephone inquiry “We’re only hiring one summer intern this year and we won’t start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss’ daughter finishes her summer classes.

~~~

A priest was sitting on the steps of the church one spring day enjoying the sunshine.  He saw a young boy approaching him on the sidewalk pulling a wagon.  Every few yards one of the wheels would fall off the wagon, the boy would say “Damn!” put the wheel back on, and continue down the street, and a wheel would fall off again a few yards later.

As the boy neared the steps, the priest saw this as an opportunity to make an impression on the boy, and stopped him.  “You know,” he said to the boy, “when a wheel falls off your wagon, instead of using profanity, you should say ‘Praise the Lord!’ instead.”  He went on to tell the boy how someone is always watching over us and how we should be careful to do the right thing at all times.

The boy acknowledged his words and thanked him, and went on down the street.  The priest stood there, feeling quite pleased with himself.  About 50 yards away from the steps, all four wheels fell off the wagon, the boy stopped, heaved a huge sigh, and said, “Praise the Lord!”  Instantly the wagon raised off the ground, all four wheels returned to their places.

Upon seeing this, the priest said, “Damn!”

~~~

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

Germaine Greer

~~~

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced.  “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?”

Nine hands went up. “Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.

“Too much trouble,” came the reply.

~~~

“To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you’re overdoing it.”

Josh Jenkins

~~~

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn’t hear the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I’m sorry, Your Honor, I thought he was talking to you.”

~~~

“No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude.”

Alfred North Whitehead

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

We can do it

Ray’s Daily

August 29, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.

JoyBell.

You can do it

If you are like I am some of your days are harder than others. I know lately I have had some physical problems that have temporarily taken their toll. My bed continues to use its siren song in an attempt to lure me back to bed but I am resisting.

I prefer being me and not the guy who lets things get him down. I have come to believe that we are all a constant work in process, so everyday I get to work on being who I want to be. I get to forge ahead, doing the best I can with few excuses. And you know what? That is what keeps me up, not slipping into despair.

The following piece is a reminder of what I need to promise myself every day.

Promise yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

C.D. Larson

~~~

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

Golda Meir

~~~

From kids test papers, essays, etc. The spellings are the original ones.

*H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

*When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

*Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.

*A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

*Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

*Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

*The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.

*For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

*Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

*The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

~~~

What this country needs today is fewer experts on what this country needs.

~~~

Jill and Nadine hadn’t seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch.  The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives.  Jill confided that there really wasn’t anyone special in her life.

Nadine, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.  “He’s perfect.  He’s handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I’ve been waiting to hear a man say to me!”

“He said ‘will you marry me’?” Jill asked.

Nadine replied, “No, he said ‘put your money away’

~~~

Birthdays are good. The more you have, the longer you live.

~~~

A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, “I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?”

The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, “No, you CANNOT play through.” He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, “I can’t believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that! Shame on you!”

The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole.

Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold. When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.

~~~

“The world is round, and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning.”

Ivy Baker

~~~

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. “Okay Simpson,” says the investigator, “you were near the scene – what happened ?”

“Well, it’s like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up.”

“He was smoking in the mixing room ?” the investigator said in stunned horror, “How long had he been with the company?”

“About 20 years, sir”

“20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I’d have thought it would have been the last thing he’d have done.”

“It was, sir.”

~~~

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what? Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident, and more and more successful.”

Mark Victor Hansen

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

You’ll be glad you did

Ray’s Daily

August 28, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”

Aristotle

Choose happiness

Good morning, I plan on having a good day today and I hope you will as well. In this day and age there is too much animosity around us and I won’t let it take me down. I find that our happiness is pretty much to us so I don’t want to let negative folks make me unhappy.

As I mend from my recent fall, I am moving a little slower, but that’s not all bad since it gives me more time to appreciate my surroundings. I think I told you sometime ago that I was criticized for spending so much time looking at the flowers I did not see the weeds. I never felt bad that I chose to concentrate on the good things in life, I still don’t.

Life is too short to waste time waiting for happiness. Here is an abridged article that can show you how to brighten your days.

 Tips for Finding Happiness

By Carrie Rossiter

Happiness can be elusive, but below are ways to help find it.

  1. Only you can you make yourself happy. – You really can’t rely on anyone else to make you happy. If you aren’t happy with yourself, you won’t think you deserve affection and attention. Do not give anyone else the power to make you feel anything. Do not make anyone your whole world.
  2. Little things can bring joy. – Get excited about everyday things. You can find something to be happy about every day: getting coffee with a friend, your favorite song playing on the radio, eating a piece of chocolate, spending time with family or getting a compliment.
  3. Expectations ruin happiness. – William Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” Things happen in life that you cannot control. So many of us have expectations about what our lives should be like at a certain time in our lives.
  4. Appreciate what you have. – Happy moments make you realize how lucky you are. You start to appreciate the things you have and the more you’re grateful about what you have, the happier you’ll become.
  5. Happiness maintenance. – Happiness for any length of time requires maintenance. Once you set your mind to be happy, you have to keep at it. Keep doing things that bring you joy. Keep pushing away negative thoughts.
  6. You are not missing anything. – People always say, “I will be happy when…” Happiness comes from living in the moment. Happiness cannot be based on a future event. It will only make time pass without enjoying the now.
  7. You are in control of your own happiness and your own thoughts. – You can select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes for the day. Choose to be happy. Choose to push away negative energy. Choose to be happy rather than to suffer.
  8. Your past does not define you. – You can learn from your past experiences, but your mistakes do not define you. Letting go gives you freedom. Your bad choices do not define who you are. It’s how we choose to deal with the negative things in our lives that make us who we are.
  9. People like to be around happy people. – Happiness and laughter are contagious. People tend to dwell on the negative and bring others down. Choose carefully whom you let into your life. Surround yourself with positive people who bring you up and only want the best for you and themselves.
  10. You feel happy when you help others.- Volunteering or even just helping out a friend can reduce stress and improve your mood. We all want to feel like we are caring for others and making a difference. Helping others will help your self-confidence, give you a sense of worth and make you feel included.

~~~

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

A friend said: Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word “and.” After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, “Would you like to listen for a different word?”

“Yes,” he whispered.  “I’d like to listen for ‘Amen’.”

~~~

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can’t get out.

Steven Wright

~~~

A woman’s husband asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She thought for a moment and said, “This year I just want cold, hard cash for a change.”

The following day her husband fulfilled her request. He put $40 in nickels, dimes and quarters into a quart jar, then filled it with water and placed it in the freezer.

On her birthday he handed his wife a solidly frozen bottle of change.

~~~

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”

Mark Twain

~~~

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, “I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pick-up.”

The other replied indifferently, “What difference does it make. God knows we’re in here… and he’s the only one who counts.”

The first deacon countered, “But God won’t tell my wife.”

~~~

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that.

~~~

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, “Look at me. I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France.”

The new man asked, “What happened?”

“One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!”

~~~

“We can’t control the world. We can only (barely) control our own reactions to it. Happiness is largely a choice, not a right or entitlement.”

David C. Hill

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Hope Pays

Ray’s Daily

August 27, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.

Desmond Tutu

hope

My right leg gave me some trouble this past weekend, walking was a struggle. To make matters worse I slipped and fell on our bathroom floor and not only did I get a little banged up I also had to have my son-in-law come over to help me get up. So for a few days I am using a walker and am contributing to the walker congestion here at our residence.

I had a hard time convincing my family that this too would pass. And I am happy to say it is all getting better. As you know I like to believe that in the end all will be well. I find that optimism coupled with hope is a great way to be. What about you?

Then you still have hope

If you can look at the sunset and smile, and find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.

If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, and if the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.

If you can see the good in other people, and if the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, and if the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, and if you give people the benefit of the doubt, then you still have hope.

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, and if receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.

If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, and if you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, and if you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.

If you can look to the past and smile, and when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase … ‘yes, but ….’ Then you still have hope.

Hope is such a marvelous thing. It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break. It sustains us when nothing else can. It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we’d rather give in.

Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage. Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it. Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction.

Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured and something that will refresh us in return. It can be found in each of us and it can bring light into the darkest of places. So never lose hope.

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay positive and happy. Work hard and don’t give up hope. Be open to criticism and keep learning. Surround yourself with happy, warm and genuine people.

Tena Desae

~~~

STUFF YOUR MOM TAUGHT YOU

RELIGION; “You better pray that comes out of the carpet.”

TIME TRAVEL; “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”

LOGIC; “Because I said so, that’s why!”

IRONY; “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

STAMINA; “You sit there ’till all that spinach is gone.”

HYPOCRISY; “I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times.  Don’t exaggerate!”

BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION; “Stop acting like your father.”

ANTICIPATION; “Just wait until we get home.”

ESP; “Put your sweater on.  Don’t you think I know when you‘re cold?”

WISDOM; “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

~~~

Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

~~~

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.

“You know, it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”

Susie, still crying, said “What would God want with a dead dog?

~~~

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.”

~~~

“Famous Mothers”

PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew.”

MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”

COLUMBUS’ MOTHER: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still could have written!”

MICHELANGELO’ S MOTHER: “Can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?”

NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: “All right, if you aren’t hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.”

MARY’S MOTHER: “I’m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.”

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S MOTHER: “The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!”

THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!”

~~~

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.

Arthur Schopenhauer

~~~

A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: “We have a critical shortage of typists. I’ll give you a little test. Type this,” he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.

The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. “That’s fine,” he said. “Report for work at 8 tomorrow.”

“But aren’t you going to check the test?” the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned.

“You passed the test,” he replied, “when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.”

~~~

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Confucius

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Elderly Adventures

Ray’s Daily

August 26, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Aging can be fun if you lay back and enjoy it.

Clint Eastwood

aging-gracefully-quote

What I regret the most in my past life was not spending more time with friends and family. I would have liked ro know them better and let them know how important they were. I really like people and have found that the human connection is vital to my happiness.

I am now of the age where I am no longer running all the time, no more business meetings, no more external requirements, no car to drive, no house to maintain and less volunteer requirements. I no longer smoke, gave it up years ago, I can’t drink anymore and there is someone else cooking for my wife and me. So I am now free at last to learn more about my new neighbors while developing new friendships.

I have been chastised on occasion for being too open and candid about myself, I keep few secrets as I want folks to know who I really am and not by only my job titles and awards. When we share our hopes and dreams as well as our fears and shortcomings, we eliminate the facade that so often hides who we really are. That openness allows friendships to become special.

Here are excerpts from a Web MD article that I think are worth reading.

 

The Old Are Survivors

It’s true that aging brings hardships, but remember that the old are survivors — a select group.

Wisdom, resilience and a mature perspective are often cited as the hard-won prizes of aging. But growing old itself is an accomplishment.

“But if you get to be older, you have survived a lot of the threats to your physical and psychological integrity that have affected other people who are no longer around,” psychologist Whitbourne says.

Through good luck or good genes or both, the old have dodged fatal accidents, premature disease, and other things that kill the young. “You are stronger, and you get to live longer,” she says. “Most people think that’s a benefit.”

A dose of healthy denial can improve outlook in one’s later years, she adds. “The people who do the best with aging aren’t thinking that much about getting older. They’re not really focusing on what’s not working anymore. If you sit around mulling over the meaning of existence and how time is running out, you’re building in a scenario where you’re not going to age as successfully.”

Accepting Changes

Accept the inevitable changes of aging, rather than seeing them as aberrant crises.

During the course of his career, Illinois psychologist Mark Frazier, PsyD, has worked with thousands of older people “ages 65 to 105,” he says.

Again and again, he’s seen an important key to psychological health: accepting that your life won’t stay the same. Aging changes everyone.

“If you live until you’re 95 years old, you’re probably not going to be living alone in a beautiful apartment and driving your car to the grocery store and picking up your dry cleaning and walking a mile to the park. But if you know that ahead of time, it’s much easier to manage it,” he says.

“To age gracefully, one needs to anticipate the changes that are inevitable,” Frazier says. “People who think rigidly do not do that. As they encounter the natural changes and health status that are part of aging, these things are experienced as negative and adding a lot of stress and strain to their life. Rigid thinkers tend to get overwhelmed. They can’t manage it, and they get depressed.”

“Other people anticipate what’s going to happen,” he says. “It’s more of a ‘Yes, I knew this was coming and I know that I’ll negotiate my way through it.'”

~~~

Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.

Robert Browning

~~~

Resumes can have misleading information. This guide should help clear any confusion…

* Bright: Wears a lot of yellow and red – usually together.

* Intelligent: Got 3 gold stars for spelling in first grade.

* Computer Literate: Knows the difference between a mouse and a keyboard.

* Excellent Communication Skills: Knows everybody’s personal business.

* Detailed Oriented: Will spend eight hours perfecting a two-minute job.

* Prompt: First one out the door at quitting time.

* Friendly: Watch out for attractive members of your staff.

* Honest: King of Gossip!

* Dependable: Can depend on them to be the last one there in the morning.

~~~

I’m getting along nicely with my wife. Things are getting better. Every once in a while I say those three magic words:  “You’ve lost weight.”

~~~

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company and he kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”.

“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”

The clerk replies “Fresh, canned or frozen?”

~~~

I am returning this otherwise good paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

English Professor, Ohio University

~~~

A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage.

“When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this problem.”

She smiled and replied, “When you fly other airlines, I don’t have this problem either.”

~~~

The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

~~~

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity.

“I’m foreman of the local sawmill,” he explained. “Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time.”

The operator giggled, “That’s really funny,” she said. “All this time we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.

~~~

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.    

Sophia Loren

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

We can do it

Ray’s Daily

August 23, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.

Jewish Proverb

Adversity

I have another full day today, starting with an early morning doctor appointment. So I am again sending you a reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on August 23, 2012

The other day I made a pitch for allowing tranquility into our lives — at least for a little bit whenever we can. In a meeting I had yesterday morning with a new friend from another nation I again realized how elusive tranquility can be when our burdens become almost too much to carry.

Unfortunately, adversity befalls almost all of us at one time or another. More often than not we let it get to us when in reality it is either imagined or transient — soon to pass into history. But like in my new friends case it occasionally can be real and debilitating. Sometimes, like in my periodic health interruptions they are events that we have to live with and wait out while making life adjustments so they can be tolerated or ignored.

In other cases it requires us to take action to neutralize its impact on our lives. In reality it often takes perseverance, confidence and even courage to avoid being taken down. I know one thing, there is little hope for us if we just give up wallowing in self-pity or sorrow. Adversity cannot be ignored, it is real and how we deal with it often determines the difference between happiness and regret. Here is something I picked up from the Coaching Newsletter that I liked; if you need aid as I sometimes do I hope it will be of help.

Ten Ways to Handle Adversity

We’ve all experienced difficult times in our work or home lives, often through events and circumstances outside our control. But like great trees, humans grow stronger when exposed to powerful winds. Here are 10 suggestions for dealing with the hard times when they happen.

  1. Take responsibility. Assume an “I can do something” attitude rather than pointing fingers. If nothing else, you can control your own response to the situation.
  2. Limit the focus. Don’t let the problem become all encompassing. When you compartmentalize the difficulty, you can focus on a workable solution.
  3. Be optimistic. The ultimate belief in life as positive, even with hard-times and troubles, will result in positive behaviors and positive actions.
  4. Think creatively. Approach the problem from new and different directions. Trust your creativity.
  5. Have courage. Having courage doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means that you don’t let the fear get in the way of doing what you need to do.
  6. Take action. Handling the day-to-day details can keep you from getting bogged down in the mud of adversity. Determine what can be done, and do it.
  7. Take the long-range view. Remember that “this too shall pass.” Recount other times when you have overcome challenges.
  8. Maintain a sense of humor. Even in the darkest times, laughter can help ease the pain.
  9. Get support. No need to do it alone. Ask for help.
  10. Don’t quit. Persistence may be the greatest of human qualities that help us overcome adversity. Consider how water smoothes stones and wind sculpts cliffsides.

~~~

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.

Ralph Blum

~~~

Here’s the exercise program I use to use to stay in shape in the summer. You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient.  It may be too strenuous for some.

*Always Consult Your Doctor Before Starting Any Exercise Program*

Okay, let’s start…. Scroll Down…

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

Now Scroll Up…

Okay….that’s enough for the first day! Drink some water and rest.

~~~

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all,”

“Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.

~~~

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”

The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled,

“Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!”

~~~

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”

Ingrid Bergman

~~~

The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.

She said, “Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting.”

“It was postponed.” he replied. “The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate wouldn’t let him attend tonight.”

~~~

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

~~~

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the rest.

Strike while the …………………….bug is close.

It’s always darkest before………………Daylight Saving Time.

Never underestimate the power of……….termites.

Don’t bite the hand that………………..looks dirty.

You can’t teach an old dog new…………..math.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…………stink in the morning.

Where there’s smoke there’s……………..pollution.

Happy the bride who……………………..gets all the presents.

A penny saved is…………………………not much.

Two’s company, three’s………………….the Musketeers.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and….you have to blow your nose.

There are none so blind as……………….Stevie Wonder.

If at first you don’t succeed…………….don’t skydive.

When the blind leadeth the blind………….get out of the way.

Better late than………………………pregnant!!!!

~~~

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

 

My Favorite

Ray’s Daily

August 22, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Life is a mirror; it reflects your face. Be friendly, and all of life will reflect friendliness.

Rajneesh

each other

We have a temporary server in our dining room who recently graduated from High School. She is liked by everyone, She is poised, smart and caring. She is one of the most personable people I have ever met. Soon she will be moving to a  college in another state leaving us all with fond memories.

The following abridged article could have been written about Sophie,

my friend and appreciated server.

10 Things Highly Personable People Do Differently

Carol Morgan

  1. They listen. And I mean REALLY listen. – Being a good listener is about much more than remembering what someone said. Listening is a relationship tool, and highly personable people know this. It gives the other person a message about whether you care or not.
  2. They use verbal feedback. – Highly personable people give verbal cues to express they are listening. Expressions of positive words show other people they are definitely being paid attention to. It makes other people feel important.
  3. They show empathy. – Many people confuse empathy with sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for another person, whereas empathy is “putting yourself in another person’s shoes” and really trying to identify with his/her experience.
  4. They ask questions and encourage others to elaborate. – When people ask us questions and want to hear more about us, we like it.
  5. Their body language says they care. – Nonverbal communication accounts for about 90% of the meaning of a message. So keep it positive – have direct eye contact, tilt your head (this is a sign of empathy), and minimize distractions (such as your phone).
  6. They remember things about you.
  7. They use your name when speaking to you. – Directly acknowledging people makes them feel like real human beings. Using people’s names makes them think they are special in your eyes.
  8. They use touch to convey interest. – Touch can convey many things, but interest and connectedness are two of the big ones. A small and brief touch on the arm or shoulder says “I’m with you.” Highly personable people use this technique, and it usually works.
  9. They smile, laugh and talk about positive things. – They talk about the good stuff going on in their lives, not the negativity. They keep it happy.
  10. They make everyone feel good. – Because highly personable people keep it happy, everyone feels good around them! They exude positive energy and literally draw people to them like a magnet.

~~~

“Most people want, need, and respond positively to gestures of kindness and goodness. This universal friendliness connects humanity.”

― Susan C. Young,

~~~

The shoe dealer was hiring a clerk.  “Suppose,” he said, “a lady customer were to remark while you were trying to fit her, ‘Don’t you think one of my feet is bigger than the other?’ What would you say?”

“I would say, ‘On the contrary, Ma’am, one is smaller than the other.’ ”

“The job is yours.”

~~~

Everybody repeat after me: “We are all individuals!”

~~~

Morty and Sarah had just returned home from a party. Sarah said, “Do you realize what you did tonight, Morty?”

“No I don’t,” Morty replied, “But I’ll admit I was wrong. What did I do?”

~~~

Sign in a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

~~~

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. “My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,” said God. “Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways,” said the nun.

“There must be something you would have of me,” said God.

“Well, there is one thing,” she said.

“Just name it,” said God.

“It’s those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.”

“Consider it done,” said God. “Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you.”

“There is one thing. But it’s really small, and not worth your time,” said the nun.

“Name it. Please,” said God.

“It’s the M&M’s,” said the nun. “They’re so hard to peel.”

~~~

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Erma Bombeck

~~~

The little boy wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking.”

~~~

When you smile and project an aura of warmth, kindness, and friendliness, you will attract warms, kindness, and friendliness. Happy people will be drawn to you.

Joel Osteen

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Avoid the complainers

Ray’s daily

August 21, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.”

Og Mandino

stop-complaining

If you are like I am you know some folks who go out of their way to find out what is wrong. They seem to have lost their ability to appreciate what is right in their world. It seems that in todays polarized and somewhat uncivil society the loudest voices are those of the chronic complainers.

I don’t have much interest in wasting time focusing on the negative. I do appreciate constructive criticism when it offers the opportunity for improvement and when it is offered in good faith.

I, like most others, put little stock in what is offered by those who only complain. Like the boy that cried wolf so often that no one listened, we learn to ignore the constant naysayers.

Stop wasting your time complaining

Author Unknown

“People visit a wise man complaining about the same problems over and over again. One day, he decided to tell them a joke and they all roared with laughter.

After a few minutes, he told them the same joke and only a few of them smiled.

Then he told the same joke for a third time, but no one laughed or smiled anymore.

The wise man smiled and said: ‘You can’t laugh at the same joke over and over. So why are you always crying about the same problem?’”

~~~

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.”

Eckhart Tolle

~~~

Immutable Facts

When one wishes to unlock a door but has only one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von Fumbles Law)

A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale Law of Destiny)

When one’s hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Ichiban)

Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Insurance So Sorry Law)

When things seem to be going well, you’ve probably forgotten to do something. (Cheney’s Second Corollary)

When things seem easy to do, it’s because you haven’t followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)

If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it’s probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem. (Law of Gravitas)

Most problems are not created or solved; they only change appearances. (Einstein’s Law of Persistence)

You will run to answer the telephone just as the party hangs up on you. (Principle of Dingaling)

Whenever you connect with the Internet, the call you’ve been waiting for all day will arrive. (Principle of Bellsouth)

If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time. (Law of Wasteland)

~~~

“My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire department.”

Harry Hill

~~~

When the heir to the Rothschild fortune visited a poor Jewish village near Budapest, the locals poured out to greet him. With all due ceremony, he was given a small parade, met with the mayor, and awarded a key to the city.

At the local inn, he ordered some roast chicken for brunch. When he finished, he received a bill larger than the most expensive bottle of wine his family sold.

“This is outrageous!” Rothschild shouted at the innkeeper. “Never in my life have I been charged so much for a roast chicken! Are chickens that rare around here?”

“Not at all,” said the innkeeper reassuringly. “But millionaires — ah, they are a rarity!”

~~~

I am always doing things I can’t do, that’s how I get to do them.

Pablo Picasso

~~~

Billy’s dad was away on a business trip. So he wanted to sleep with his mother. The first night she refused. The second night she refused again. On the third night she decided to let him lay there for a while and take him to bed when he fell asleep.

So Billy put on his pajamas and jumped into bed on his father’s side. With both his hands behind his head, he said to his mother just before she fell asleep: “With Christmas approaching, don’t you think it would be a good idea if we buy Billy a bicycle?”

~~~

When you walk with wise men, you will become wise, but a companion of fools will be destroyed.

Proverbs 13:20

~~~

My 17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her resume, which she planned to submit to a local fast food restaurant. I agreed.

A few days later, she called and asked me to meet her at the restaurant later that afternoon. When I asked her why, she replied, “The manager wants me to come in for an interview and she told me to bring my references.”

~~~

The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast

~~~

A lady answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. “I’m here to fix the leaky pipe,” he announced.

“I didn’t call a plumber,” said the lady.

“What?” huffed the plumber. “Aren’t you Mrs. Snyder?”

The Snyders moved out of this house over a year ago,” explained the lady.

“How do you like that?” grunted the plumber. “They call you up and tell you it’s an emergency and then they move away!”

~~~

Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems.

Zig Ziglar

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

For the good times

Ray’s Daily

August 20, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

The cave you most fear to enter contains the greatest treasure

Joseph Campbell

Upbeat

Everyday I get to be with people who always seem to be upbeat, no matter how many difficulties they face. These people seem to be able to sustain a positive attitude almost all of the time. While our community houses mostly older folks, some over a hundred years old, they do not let their age keep them from finding enjoyment.

Many folks resist moving to a community like ours, feeling that when they leave what they have there will be little left. In fact, what I find is that most of us find more than we left. It is especially rewarding to be with people who know that we can live full lives no matter our age. I appreciate all I had, all I did, and all my past friends, their memories live on but I also really appreciate what I have now.

I hope you appreciate all you have done while realizing that there is still time for much more. Here is a piece suggests that our future is up to us.

  Reflecting on Life

Take time to stop today

Take time to stop a while

Reflect on how life changes

Then take the time to smile

Know that as the days go by

These things that challenge you

Will one day just be memories

Of times you have gone through

Look back now on yesterday

And all you have achieved

Recognize the strengths you’ve gained

The blessings you’ve received

One day in the future

You will think about today

You’ll see just how these challenges

Have helped you on your way

by Michelle Tetley

~~~

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age

Christopher Morley

~~~

He said:

Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day.

When she’s in a good mood it turns green.

When she’s in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead.

~~~

Living well and beautifully and justly are all one thing.

Socrates

~~~

A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots.” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time?” The guy says,” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here,” and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.

The bartender asks “He can drink?”

“Oh, sure. He can drink.”

So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

“That’s amazing” says the bartender. “What else can he do, can he walk?”

The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, “Hey, Jake. Go get that.” The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.

The bartender is in total shock. “That’s amazing” he says, “what else can he do? Does he talk?”

The man says “Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor’s powers!”

~~~

Why do ships carry cargoes and cars carry shipments?

~~~

Sadie stopped by an usher at the entrance to the synagogue.

The usher asked, “Are you a friend of the bride?”

Sadie quickly replied, “No, of course not. I am the groom’s mother.”

~~~

Concern should drive us into action and not into depression.

Karen Horney

~~~

A widowed lady, travelling alone, was taking a long plane trip back to where she & her husband both grew up. Upon arriving at the airport she informed the airline that she wanted to take her dog with her in the cabin. She became angry when the airline told her she couldn’t, but finally gave in and allowed them to put the dog carrier with the dog in the baggage compartment.

The airline pilot told her, “It will be warm & pressurized in there, & your dog should be just fine. Nothing to worry about.”

Upon arrival at the first fuel stop, the crew went to check on the dog and found it dead! The airline crew quickly ran all over town until they found a dog of the same color, height, weight, and sex & put it in the cage in place of the dead dog

Upon arrival at their final destination, they hand delivered the lady her dog. Quite surprised, the woman says, “Sorry, but that’s not my dog! Could you please go get *my* dog! ?”

The airline pilot replies, “Sure it’s your dog. Look! It’s the same height, weight, color, & sex as when we loaded it.”

The lady again insisted, “THIS, IS *NOT* MY DOG!”

The airline pilot asks her, “Just how do you know that this isn’t your dog?”

The widow answers. . . . “Because my dog was dead! I was taking it home to bury it next to my husband!”

~~~

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

~~~

Jewish humor has it that a rabbi and a priest met at the town picnic and began their usual “kibitzing.” “This baked ham is just delicious,” the priest teased the rabbi. “You really should try some. I know it’s against your religion, but I can’t understand why such a wonderful thing should be forbidden.

You just don’t know what you’re missing. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mrs. Kennedy’s baked ham. Tell me rabbi, when are you going to break down and try a little ham?”

The rabbi looked at the priest, smiled and said, “At your wedding.”

~~~

Risk more than others think is safe.

Care more than others think is wise.

Dream more than others think is practical.

Expect more than others think is possible.

Claude T. Bissell

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

We need each other

Ray’s Daily

August 19, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

 

“Social support is everything”

Jordan Knight

Need each other

One of the things I have found to be helpful here at my residence is a monthly discussion group on memory health. At each meeting there is an expert that offers us things we can do to stay mentally acute while we continue to function at our best.

While I benefit from what I learn, my favorite part of the meaning is when we exchange our ideas, suggestions and concerns, Last week we not only pointed out the advantages of staying connected with others, we shared our own techniques to assure we enjoy our lives.

A quiet elderly lady who I did not know let us know that she liked to write and kept a journal which helped her to see herself in a different light. I also learned that  she was an accomplished author, volunteer and much more.

It was again obvious to me that the best thing we can do is nurture our relationships and invest in building new friendships. The lonesomeness that often accompanies age only happens because we let our selves withdraw from our fellow man.

Socialization Matters

Socialization is just as essential to us as individuals. Social interaction provides the means via which we gradually become able to see ourselves through the eyes of others, and how we learn who we are and how we fit into the world around us. In addition, to function successfully in society, we have to learn the basics of both material and nonmaterial culture, everything from how to dress ourselves to what’s suitable attire for a specific occasion; from when we sleep to what we sleep on; and from what’s considered appropriate to eat for dinner to how to use the stove to prepare it. Most importantly, we have to learn language—whether it’s the dominant language or one common in a subculture, whether it’s verbal or through signs—in order to communicate and to think. Without socialization we literally have no self.

~~~

“We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.”

Joyce Meyer

~~~

She said: My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

“Honey!” he called excitedly. “You’ve got to come here and see what I found.”

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet.

~~~

Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.

~~~

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:

“An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.”

She wasn’t selected for the jury.

~~~

What an automated society we live in. Have you ever noticed that when a traffic signal turns green, it automatically activates the horn of the car behind you?

~~~

Cartoon Laws Of Physics

Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.

Cartoon Law II Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.

Cartoon Law III Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.

Cartoon Law IV The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Cartoon Law V All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Cartoon Law VI As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

Cartoon Law VII Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l’oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall’s surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting.

Cartoon Law VIII Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives, might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

Cartoon Law Amendment A A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B The laws of object permanence are nullified for “cool” characters.

Cartoon Law Amendment C Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.

Cartoon Law Amendment D Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.

Cartoon Law Amendment E Dynamite is spontaneously generated in “C-spaces” (spaces in which cartoon laws hold).

~~

“When you’re warm and approachable, you don’t have to go up and talk non-stop to someone in a social situation. You just have to be open to the conversations you’re already having – and warm and receptive to the people you’re meeting.”

Karen Salmansohn

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

 

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