Ray's musings and humor

Archive for February, 2020

Yes You Are

Ray’s Daily

February 28, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Albert Einstein

amazing

I hope your week has been good so far. There sure has been a lot of turmoil as the world deals with the coronavirus epidemic. It would be easy to let the health and financial impact to get us down. But that will only happen if we lose sight of how good we can live our lives.

The best judge of how well we are doing is ourselves, not the critics that often offer their opinions. We must not ignore the realities of the current epidemic and its effect on our economy, it is just that we must net let us lose sight of our everyday successes.

Recently Marc Chernoff published his thoughts on life experiences that we should appreciate. Here a few of them that hit home for me.

Incredible Life Experiences You Will Never Forget

Pay attention to your outlook on life. Every day you can either regret or rejoice; it’s your choice. When you choose the latter, life opens doors to amazing experiences you will likely remember forever. Here are 40 such experiences…

  • Flowing and working through life’s great challenges. – No matter what happens, do your best and smile. You won’t enjoy your life if you don’t enjoy your challenges. Great challenges make life interesting, and overcoming them makes life meaningful.
  • The freedom that comes from acceptance. – The secret to happiness and peace is letting every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the best of it.
  • Moments of sincere gratitude. – Appreciate life even when it’s not ideal. Happiness is not the fulfillment of what we wish for, but an appreciation for what we have. When life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive. There’s always something to be grateful for.
  • Walking comfortably in your own shoes. – We are all weird in some way. What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not. Most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible.
  • Aligning what you do with who you are. – Make the rest of your life the best of your life. Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside.
  • Designing your own life, your own way. – No matter how you live, someone will be disappointed. So live a life you are proud of. Live YOUR truth and be sure YOU aren’t the one who is disappointed in the end.
  • Making the impossible possible. – In most cases, impossible is not a fact; it’s an opinion. Almost anything is possible if you’ve got enough time and enough nerve.
  • Following through with your promises. – Unless a real commitment is made there are only empty promises and hopes, but no real plans or results. Remember, commitment means staying loyal and keeping a promise long after the mood you made the promise in has left you.
  • Knowing you did the right thing. – True integrity is doing the right thing, no matter what, even when nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

~~~

Follow your hopes and not your fears.

Jody Bower

~~~

Things Every Kindergartner Knows About Food

  1. If it tastes really bad, the teacher knows a song about how great it is!
  2. In a pinch, glue is an acceptable condiment.
  3. Absolutely everything tastes better with chocolate syrup or ketchup on it.
  4. Most blue food you find in the fridge will make the puppy sick.
  5. Mom’s M&M cookies are worth two sandwiches and a dead frog.
  6. Dr. Pepper supplies the best on-demand burps.
  7. Most foods can be used as finger paints when necessary.
  8. Your dog, your cat and your one-year-old brother all look the same eating peanut butter.

And the #1 Thing Every Kindergartner Knows About Food …

  1. Happy Meal french fries last longer than the Happy Meal toys….but the toys taste better.

~~~

“Despite bad weather and delays, NASA was able to get the space shuttle to the ground safely. They had to reroute the landing due to bad weather. Even though the landing was safe, not surprisingly the crew’s luggage was sent to Atlanta.”

Conan O’Brien

~~~

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive!

So the Minister asked the congregation – What can you learn from this demonstration?

All was quiet until a little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said, “I guess as long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”

~~~

She told me: “I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.”

~~~

The following ‘pick-up’ lines may or may not be the best way to win someone over, but they are certainly a conversation starter, and if delivered right, may even garner a good laugh.

Your eyes are the color of my Porsche.

Hi. My name is Mark Gates. Maybe you know my dad, Bill?

Didn’t I see you on the cover of Vogue?

Hi. I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

Do you believe in love at first site or shall I walk by again?

~~~

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

~~~

A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the polish jokes we knew; boy what a feast! Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, “Hey pal, I’m Polish and I don’t like you telling all those

Polish jokes!”

So I said, “Well, they’re not against you, pal, just against anyone in Poland.”

“My mother is in Poland!” He screams, and pulls out a razor.

Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me, but luckily he couldn’t find a place to plug it in.

~~~

“I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.”

Steven Wright

~~~

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.  The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him.

“Yes,” she quickly replied. “Tell him…Mother didn’t come after all.”

~~~

“I dreamed a thousand new paths. . . I woke and walked my old one.”

Chinese Proverb

~~~

He said: Our crew at an ambulance company works 24-hour shifts.  The sleeping quarters consist of a large room with several single beds, so we get to know one another’s habits, like who snores or talks in his sleep.

While I was having my teeth examined by a dentist one day, he noticed that some of my teeth were chipped.  “It looks like you clench your jaw at night,” he said.

“No way,” I blurted without thinking.  “No one has ever said I grind my teeth, and I sleep with a lot of people!”

~~~

If you go around being afraid, you’re never going to enjoy life. You have only one chance, so you’ve got to have fun.

Lindsey Vonn

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

It is just me

It’s Just MeRay’s Daily

February 27, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“Be yourself, don’t take anything from anyone, and never let them take you alive.”

Gerard Way

beyourself

I think one of the big advantages of the retirement years is that we get to be who we want to be. When I was in the workforce I often found myself making an effort to project myself as capable of doing what ever needed to be done. I would sometimes role play being some one more confident that I really was.

I think many of us go through life trying to be someone others want us to be. While I did not find my efforts to be a problem as my life rolled on, but I now enjoy the freedom to just be me. This is as good as I am going to get, and you know what? That seems to be ok with my friends and family.

Here is an article from the Lifehack blog that makes sense to me:

10 Ways To Always Be Yourself And Live Happily

  1. Don’t Aim to Please Others – There is a problem if you are never doing what you want to do, yet always doing what everyone else wants to do.
  2. Pleasing others can be a nice thing to do, but know where your boundaries are. Instead of always aiming to please others, you should do things for yourself as well every now and then.
  1. Don’t Worry About How Others View You – Occasionally thinking about how others view you may make you change for the good, but you should not be constantly wondering about what others are thinking. You should change if you want to, and change into what or who you want to change into.
  2. Learn More About Yourself – Do you know who you really are? Ever since you were young, you have been conditioned to be one way or another. It may be weird just to spend a day being your spontaneous self, but sometimes it is the only way that you can learn how to be yourself.
  3. Appreciate Who You Are – No matter how weird you are, appreciate yourself! Each person is unique, and everyone has at least a little weirdness in themselves. Appreciate your weirdness and let it out.
  4. Be Confident with Who You Are – Do you ever doubt yourself? Doubting yourself can be very easy if you are constantly comparing yourself to others and wondering “What if?”

Instead of doubting yourself all the time, you should be confident with yourself and who you are. Showing confidence in yourself and your decisions will also show to others that you know what you are doing.

  1. Forgive Yourself – Forgive yourself for thinking negatively. Forgive yourself for talking, without thinking twice. Forgive yourself for being rude to your superiors, your friends, your parents, or your siblings. Don’t think negative thoughts about yourself for taking wrong steps or making wrong decisions. This kind of thinking puts your focus on the problem and not the solution. It’s better to say good things about yourself than to say negative things. Always saying positive things about yourself is a sign that you have forgiven yourself.
  2. Stop Being Negative About Yourself – Do you look at everything as a glass half full or a glass half empty? It can be easy to be negative about yourself. When it comes to being happy, it is vital that you learn how to be yourself and to be more positive.
  3. Find a Hobby That You Love – Everyone has something that they live for or that they love to do. Figure out what you love to do and make a hobby out of it. Doing what you love can make you much happier.
  4. Learn from Your Mistakes – You can really learn more about yourself when you make a mistake. Mistakes in your life do not always need to be seen negatively. Think about what went wrong, learn from it, and move on.
  5. Strive for What You Want to Accomplish – Being yourself does not have to mean that you have to be stuck in status quote. Aim for what you want to achieve and strive for that accomplishment. You can improve yourself while still remaining true to yourself.

~~~

“Learn to… be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not.”

Henri Frederic Amiel

~~~

On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple’s 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.

“It all felt like five minutes…” the gentleman said slowly.

The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head:

“…underwater…”

~~~

“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation… as you grow older, it will avoid you.”

Winston Churchill

~~~

“How long have you been driving without a tail light?” asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan.

He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

“Come on, now,” he said, “you don’t have to take it so hard. It isn’t that serious.”

“It isn’t?” cried the motorist. “Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?”

~~~

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there

~~~

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: “What sort of people were punished in the stocks?”

To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: “The small investor.”

~~~

There’s so much pollution in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs there’d be no place to put it all.

Robert Orben

~~~

My wife called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated.  Finally she said, “I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can’t find it!”

I replied, “Aren’t you talking on it!?”

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in – followed by, “You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!”

~~~

I doubt, therefore I might be.

~~~

Finkelman just arrives in America and needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.

After a successful initial interview with the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.

“You say you have experience selling books?”

“Lots of it,” replies Finkelman.

“And you have a Master’s in American history from the University of Michigan?”

“Correct,” replies Finkelman.  “History is my field of study.”

“Well then,” says the sales manager, “As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in our firm.”

While the sales manager is making a few notations, Finkelman, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle.  Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.  Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, “Fine looking men. Your partners?”

~~~

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

We Let Go

Ray’s Daily

February 26, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“If you want to fly on the sky, you need to leave the earth. If you want to move forward, you need to let go the past that drags you down.”

Amit Ray

don't stumble

I had lunch with an old friend yesterday who recently retired from her job as executive director of a not-for-profit organization. I learned that she was enjoying her new freedom from obligations as much as I have enjoyed mine.

We both seemed to put a lot of importance to the letting go of much of our past life. In my case I found that while not easy, the results of moving on where well worth it. I found that letting those who take on our roles when we retire and do whatever they need to do and there is little to be gained by second guessing what they do.

I find that closing one chapter of our life frees us to write a new one. I love that my simpler life provides me the time to spend any way I want. I can meditate in my recliner, write, visit friends and even invest in being the person I want to be.

I hope you will find the time to invest in your future without the limits that come from staying anchored to your past.

Life is for living

Life is a gift we’re given each and every day.

Dream about tomorrow, but live for today.

To live a little, you’ve got to love a whole lot.

Love turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Life’s a journey always worth taking.

Take time to smell the roses, daffodils and lilacs.

Count blessings like children count stars.

The secret of a happy life isn’t buried in a treasure chest . . . it lies within your heart.

It’s the little moments that make life big.

So don’t wait. Make memories today and celebrate your life!

Author Unknown

~~~

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”

Steve Maraboli

~~~

A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help.

The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he’d wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt.

Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones.

“Hello, there,” said the motorist. “Say, I’ve changed a lot of tires ….. maybe I can help here.”

“You sure can,” the man with the flat tire replied wearily. “My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I will concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done.”

~~~

“I think the one lesson I have learned is that there is no substitute for paying attention.”

Diane Sawyer

~~~

GOD’S THOUGHTS ON LAWNS

GOD:  Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on that planet Earth?  What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?  I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.  The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.  I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now.  But all I see are these green rectangles.

  1. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, LORD. The Suburbanites.  They started calling your flowers “weeds” and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass?  But it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms.  It’s sensitive to temperatures.  Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

  1. FRANCIS: Apparently so, LORD. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.  They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

  1. FRANCIS: Apparently not, LORD. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it — sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it?  Do they then bail it like hay?

  1. FRANCIS: Not exactly, LORD.  Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it?  Why?  Is it a cash crop?  Do they sell it?

  1. FRANCIS: No, Sir.  Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.  And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

  1. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

  1. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this LORD. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense.  At least they kept some of the trees.  That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.  The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer.  In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes.  Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil.  It’s a natural circle of life.

  1. FRANCIS: You better sit down, LORD. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.  As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No.  What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

  1. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

  1. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough.  I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts.  What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

  1. CATHERINE: ‘Dumb and Dumber,’ Lord.  It’s a real stupid movie about….

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St Francis.

~~~

It is terrible to grow old alone – my wife has not had a birthday in ten years.

~~~

Perhaps you’ve heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don’t bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don’t bleed.

“Do you now agree that dead men don’t bleed?” the doctor asked.

“Yes, I do,” the patient replied.

“Very well, then,” the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient’s finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, “What does that tell you?”

“Oh my goodness!” the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger……. “Dead men do bleed!!”

~~~

She said, there are easier things in life than finding a good man…like nailing Jello to a tree, for instance.

~~~

She also said: I was on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines.

It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn’t sure how any of the machines operated.

“Excuse me.” I said to a casino employee.  “How does this work?”

The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle.

“And where does the money come out?” I asked.

He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, “Usually at the ATM.”

~~~

“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”

Steve Maraboli

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Sometimes it is not eaSY

Ray’s Daily

February 25, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

If that is as bad as it gets, things are pretty good.

Ray Mitchell

brighter day

I have a full day today so I am sending you a Daily from the past that meant a lot to me at the time.

 Ray’s Daily first published on February 25, 2005

 I got so distracted putting together yesterday’s daily that I did not tell you about my Wednesday. I had an early morning blood test appointment and as I usually do, I hung out my clothes for the next morning the night before, everything from socks and underwear to suit and shoes. All proceeded as normal, underwear on, check; shirt on, check; I then took the freshly cleaned suit off the hook and low and behold, no pants, not a good thing. I went to a back up dress program and started my day.

All went well, I was to meet a good friend for lunch at 12:15, I waited outside the restaurant (it was pretty cold) for about a half hour before I learned that my friend was home sick with the flu, she had e-mailed me earlier but the message was missent so I didn’t get it, that was not a good thing either.

Since I now had time on my hands, I went to a nearby restaurant to get one of my favorite sandwiches, only to learn they don’t make them anymore. As you can tell things were not moving well at all. Since they did not have what I wanted I decided to go to a super-store and see if I could purchase something that my wife wanted, of course they did not have it. As I was pulling out of the parking lot I collided with another car ($1,200 damage on my car, more on hers), that was a bad thing.

We exchanged insurance information and I started off to go to my friends Terry’s viewing at the funeral home, I took a wrong turn and was able to make a ten minute trip, a forty-five minute trip via a short cut that was probably 20 miles longer.

Later, on my way home from the body shop where I got my estimate, I decided to stop at a deli that serves good New York hot Pastrami sandwiches, the sandwich was great and so my day was not all that bad after all.

Fortunately yesterday was much better. The highlight of the day was the funeral celebration of my friend Terry’s life. I thought of that old adage, you can learn much about someone by the friends he has. As I looked around the chapel, I saw people from all over our nation in attendance, these are good people who shared Terry’s dedication to serving others. Terry is gone now but his memory will live forever.

~~~

Few cases of eyestrain have been developed by looking on the bright side of things.

Author Unknown

~~~

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. “I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said, “I guess I let myself go.”

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. “Don’t feel ashamed, Miss.  You don’t look that bad.”

“Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Now just open your mouth and say “Moo!”

~~~

A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, “Is anything all right?”

~~~

An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer.

“As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say ‘$75.’

If his eyes don’t flutter, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be $50.’

If his eyes still don’t flutter, you add ‘Each.'”

~~~

“Jack, will you still love me when my hair is grey?” asks Rachel.

“Of course,” says Jack. “I’ve loved you through blonde, brunette, red and every other color. Why not grey?”

~~~

Irving walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the lawyer’s rates.

“$150 for three questions,” replied the lawyer.

“Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked Morris.

“Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”

~~~

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quietest voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”.

Paulette Tuers

~~~

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

She walked up to the group and with a big smile said : . . .  “Do you men know Jesus Christ?”

They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled “Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”

One of the steelworkers asked why.

The worker yelled “His wife is here with his lunch”.

~~~

Historians have found the first treaty the U.S. government ever signed with the Indians.  It states that the Indians can keep their lands “for as long as the river runs clear, the buffalo roam, the grass grows tall and the mountains stand proud – or ninety days – whichever comes first.

~~~

Life is a paradise for those who love many things with a passion.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Men’s Rules

Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

All comments become null and void after seven days.

If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.

When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the highway exit, your saying “This is our exit” is not necessary.

~~~

Old Jacob Johnson, a raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was appendicitis.  Mrs Johnson explained that his appendix is on the right.

“So, aha!  THAT’s why it hurts so much….” said Jacob.

“My appendix is on the wrong side!”

~~~

Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.

Irving Berlin

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

I was surprised

Ray’s Daily

February 24, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

Happiness is a function of accepting what is.

Werner Erhard

choose Happy

I have been pleasantly surprised at how happy I have become in spite of my advanced age and health problems. I am blessed by making new friends while retaining many old friends. And having a family that helps us to stay happy

I have learned the value of simplifying; I really didn’t need all that I had accumulated over the years. Nor do I have to see every film, read every book or attend every play. I have learned to appreciate those things I do select to enjoy.

By clearing out the excess and being selective in what I chose to do I have found plenty of time to take care of my wife and to discover what my community has to offer. I honestly do not remember being happier.

I said recently in a meeting that I thought we do better when we focus on what can do and have instead of focusing on what we no longer can do or don’t have. Here is abridged article that reminds me of my life.

5 Things That Happy People Know

Jodie Cookr

Happy is having nothing to prove, being at peace with past actions whilst welcoming the future and whatever it may bring. Happiness isn’t some unknown destination that you may or may not reach; it can be found in every second of every day. Here’s what happy people know:

  1. Everything is a choice – Happy people know that there are two ways of viewing every single situation. It’s completely your choice.
  2. Happiness is your responsibility – Happy people know that they alone are responsible for their happiness. They know that no one can make them feel anything without their explicit consent. Happy people aren’t looking for any external events to dictate their mood because they know it’s their responsibility to get intentional about their day to day and the general direction of their lives and careers.

 

  1. Happiness takes place in the present – Happy people know that looking fondly back or excitedly forward is not a substitute for true, in-the-present living. It’s always possible to stay present, in the moment you’re in. Meditation, daily journaling or just paying attention to whatever is happening right in front of you at any given time is a way to be present.
  2. Humans adapt – Happy people know that everything is fleeting and temporary, without exceptions. Our time on earth, our time with others, any feeling we may have at any given time. What you are experiencing right now constitutes your current version of normal, but once it was only a pipe dream. Hold on to that feeling and remember when you wished you had everything you have right now.

 

  1. What adds and what subtracts – Happy people can predict what will make them feel better and what will make them feel worse, and they act accordingly. Happy people can identify the people, places and situations where they find happiness, energy and positivity and they can avoid those that bring them down. They do this to design a life intentionally set up for success and happiness, whatever their version of that may look like.

~~~

If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.

Roy T. Bennett

~~~

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweet meats are candies while sweet breads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

~~~

“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”

Bill Vaughan

~~~

An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. At noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. “What are those drums?” asked the anthropologist, knowing he was in cannibal country.

The guide turned to him and said “No worry. Drums OK, but very bad when they stop. “They both went ghostly pale when the drums suddenly stopped. The guide crouched in the belly of the canoe and covered his ears. “Do as I do! Very important!”” intoned the guide with great urgency.

“Why? What does this mean?” asked the panicked anthropologist. “Drums stop! Next come guitar solo!”

~~~

“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.”

Mark Twain

~~~

Ways to Tell If You Have PMS

* Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

* You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.

* The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

* Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

* You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, “How’s my driving- call 1-800-###-####.

* Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

* Inanimate objects get on your nerves.

* You’re counting down the days until menopause.

* You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

* The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

* You dump the pretzels out of the bag, and eat the salt. While simultaneously eating a gallon of ice cream.

* You cry at commercials one minute, and contemplate assault the next.

~~~

Change is inevitable — except from vending machines.

~~~

A young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments.

The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. “Mr. Katz, I’m asking you as the oldest member of the community,” said the rabbi, “what is our synagogue’s custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?”

“Why do you ask?” asked Mr. Katz.

“Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down… ”

“That,” said the old man, “is our custom.”

~~~

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

We Care

Ray’s Daily

February 21, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.”

Mandy Hale

unslefish

When I was a kid in the forties, we were taught the value of caring for others. You may remember the adage of ‘One for all and all for one.” The second world war showed us how we all could benefit from the kindness of others.

I am afraid that today too many folks don’t think about what is in it for us rather they only think about what’s in it for them. Each year our government borrows a staggering amount of money that our children will have to pay back, while at the same time they cut revenue. Too many of us are so self-centered that we care little about what is happening to underpaid teachers, homeless families and the lonely.

I am glad that you continue to care. For it is our humanity that is needed as so many of us suffer from the ravages of climate change, inadequate healthcare and more.

I am glad that my fellow members of service clubs continue to serve other, I wish everyone did.

Here are a couple of stories that I appreciate:

Seven Miles For Me

Leaving a store, I returned to my car only to find that I’d locked my keys and cell phone inside. A teenager riding his bike saw me kick a tire and say a few choice words. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I explained my situation. “But even if I could call my wife,” I said, “she can’t bring me her car key, since this is our only car.” He handed me his cell phone. “Call your wife and tell her I’m coming to get her key.” “That’s seven miles round trip.” “Don’t worry about it.” An hour later, he returned with the key. I offered him some money, but he refused. “Let’s just say I needed the exercise,” he said. Then, like a cowboy in the movies, he rode off into the sunset. –

Clarence W. Stephens, Nicholasville, Kentucky

~~~

My Granddaughter’s Dress

I saw a dress in a consignment shop that I knew my granddaughter would love. But money was tight, so I asked the store owner if she could hold it for me. “May I buy the dress for you?” asked another customer. “Thank you, but I can’t accept such a gracious gift,” I said. Then she told me why it was so important for her to help me. She’d been homeless for three years, she said, and had it not been for the kindness of strangers, she would not have been able to survive. “I’m no longer homeless, and my situation has improved,” she said. “I promised myself that I would repay the kindness so many had shown me.” She paid for the dress, and the only payment she would accept in return was a heartfelt hug.

Stacy Lee, Columbia, Maryland

~~~

There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you.

Paramahansa Yogananda

~~~

JACK (3 yrs) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?

MELANIE (5yrs) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Said Melanie, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

STEVEN (3yrs) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. “I love you so much, that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

BRITTANY (4yrs) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know?”

SUSAN (4yrs) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

MARC (4yrs) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:  “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

JAMES (4yrs) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked:  “What happened to the flea?”

~~~

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

~~~

The president calls in the head of the CIA and asks: “How come the Jews know everything before we do?”

The CIA chief says, “The Jews have this expression – ‘Vus titzuch?'”

The President says, “Hell, what’s that mean?”

Well, Mr. President”, replies the CIA chief, “It’s a Yiddish expression which roughly translates to “what’s happening”. They just ask each other and they know everything.”

The President decides to personally go undercover to determine if this is true. He gets dressed up as an Orthodox Jew (black hat, beard, long black coat), and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York, picked up in an unmarked car and dropped off in Brooklyn’s most Jewish neighborhood. Soon a little old man comes shuffling along. The President stops him and whispers, “Vus titzuch?”

The old guy whispers back: “The president is in Brooklyn.”

~~~

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?

Kelvin, age 8

~~~

She said:

My teenaged niece Elizabeth was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson.  As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the instructor said, “Turn left here, and don’t forget to let the people behind you know what you’re doing.”

Elizabeth turned to the students sitting in the backseat and announced, “I’m going left.”

~~~

When it comes to telling her age, she’s shy……..about 10 years shy.

~~~

Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren’t sure what to get, because the bed was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting our mother one day when I called home.

“Measure the bed frame before you leave,” I told him.

“I don’t have a tape measure.”

“You can use a dollar bill,” I suggested, “each one is six inches long.”

“Can’t,” he replied after digging through his wallet, “I only have a ten.”

~~~

“I’d better get off the phone now, I’ve already told you more than I heard myself.”

Loretta Lockhorn

~~~

It’s about two elderly excited women who were sitting together in the front pew of church with a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of lust, these two ladies cried out at the top of their lungs…..AMEN… BROTHER! When the preacher condemned the sin of stealing, they yelled again….PREACH IT REVEREND! And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying…. they jumped to their feet and screamed, RIGHT ON BROTHER…. TELL IT LIKE IT IS….. AMEN! But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got quiet and one turned to the other and said, “He’s done quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

~~~

The man who practices unselfishness, who is genuinely interested in the welfare of others, who feels it a privilege to have the power to do a fellow-creature a kindness – even though polished manners and a gracious presence may be absent – will be an elevating influence wherever he goes.

Orison Swett Marden

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

My Life Back When

Ray’s Daily

February 20, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.”

John Mason Brown

Past

Today I decided to go back 19 years to see what my world was like them. Here is what I found.

Ray’s Daily first published on February 20, 2001

I did not want to tell you but I guess I must. I have failed my retirement. I have been given so many opportunities for service, pro-bono consulting, volunteerism, and even occasional recreational activities that I am not keeping up. So you know what? I am following the old adage that says “when things get tough, the tough gets going.” So that is what I am going to do, I am going on vacation, that’s what they meant wasn’t it? In any case I will be off in the next day or so. Now I don’t want you to think I am in total avoidance, I am fortunate to have a brother-in-law and sister-in-law who live in Central Florida who provide me with a working hideout. I will take about a ton (well a few pounds anyway) of backlogged work with me and hope to come back with little or none left.

We will be gone about two weeks and should come back revived and relieved. You know even though the golden years have more mines to work than I realized, I could always say no. In fact I feel fortunate that I am given so many alternatives to stagnation. So anyway—Adios, Adieu, so long and I’ll see you. I will be taking a computer so will get your e-mail. I might even sneak in a special edition or two of the daily.

Stay well, have fun, we will be together again soon.

~~~

My last years in grammar school were spent on a farm school for boys outside a small town in Illinois, we could walk to town on Wednesday and Saturdays during the summer, and if the weather permitted, we could go on Saturday in the winter. We were allowed to go home one week a year, between Christmas and new Year’s day..

The town was so small that..

in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened

the clinic was called Joe’s Hospital and Grill

instead of hoses, the Fire Department used water pistols

you had to make a reservation to use the parking place

during snowstorms, salt was spread using a pea shooter

the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Town Council & street sweeper

before you visited, you could look out a window & see who was home

But all kidding aside, the Saturday night movie shown outside on the school house wall and the volunteer fire departments barrel fights on the Fourth of July were really special. Don’t know about barrel fights? Two different fire companies would shoot water from their hoses on a beer keg from opposite sides; the goal was to get the barrel to the other side and win. As you can see life was simpler then, even our twenty-five cent weekly allowance went a long way.

This was at Allendale for boys from broken homes, in Lake Villa. Illinois

~~~

What a pity human beings can’t exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow’s.

~~~

More from the unofficial Catholic dictionary:

Egypt—the country which created the first form of writing: hieroglyphics—the basis for all medical prescriptions.

Envy— The sin Catholics commit when they think of non-Catholics who get to remain seated during their church services.

Eternity—The time between Communion and the end of Mass.

Evangelists, TV 1. Preachers with miraculous power—the ability to squeeze dollars out of the penniless.

Everlasting life— What a Catholic will need to understand all the changes since Vatican II.

Eye of the needle— The analogy that provides a strong incentive for rich men to breed tiny camels.

~~~

“I’m growing old by myself. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in years.”

Milton Berle

~~~

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, “What do you have in lingerie?” She said, “More than you’ll ever have!”

Cleaning your house before the kids have stopped growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

He is a typical husband. When I drive he complains about every telephone pole I hit. But does he ever compliment me on the ones I miss?

Once my husband said to me, “I’m going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?”  I thought that was the least he could do, considering I was giving birth!”

Phyllis Diller

~~~

“It’s just to hot to wear clothes today,” said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.  “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money.”

~~~

“There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and”

Brad Ramsey

~~~

The minister’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment.  She told her she couldn’t go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child’s reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. “What’s the matter?  I thought you’d be glad to go to the picnic.” her mother said. “It’s too late!” the little girl said.  “I’ve already prayed for rain!”

~~~

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

~~~

John was called into his bank to discuss his accounts.

“Your finances are in terrible shape,” the banker stated. “Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue.”

“Yes, I know.” said the man. “It’s my wife Jill, she is out of control.”

“Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?” asked the banker.

“Frankly,” replied the man with a deep sigh, “because I’d rather argue with you than with her.”

~~~

Eschew obfuscation.

~~~

Top 10 Songs from the retirement village

———————————-

  1. Lets Get a Physical
  2. Ain’t No Burrito Mild Enough
  3. Johnny B. Olde
  4. How Do You Mend a Broken Everything
  5. The Lack O’ Motion
  6. Hair Potion Number Nine
  7. Doctor My Eyes (And Ears and Joints and Back and…)
  8. To All the Girls I’ve Disappointed Before
  9. A Hard Day’s Nap

And the Number One Song for People Over 40…

  1. Knock Knock Knockin’ on the Bathroom Door

~~~

“If only we wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is difficult, since we think them happier than they are.”

Monesquieu

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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