Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2009

I don’t have any permanent regrets

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

John Barrymore

 

 

I don’t dwell much on my age, it seems like I was older when I was younger and younger now that I am older. What a wonderful discovery it was for me when I realized that the time that has gone by has led me to a place where I can find more than I had ever hoped for just around the corner. I feel sorry for those who have chosen to just age and retreat into a life that pretty much just repeats itself day after day slowly ending up in stagnation. My only regret ithat I waited so long to become young. At least I learned enough over the years to be able to tell the difference between a life filled with duty and obligation and one with the freedom to enjoy and serve by choice. Trust me kindergarten was OK but eldergarten is better.

My friend Ken always sends me reminders of how much fun there is for all of us if we open up. Sometime ago he sent me the following that I enjoyed enough to share with you.

 

Old age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.  Oh, not my body!  I sometime despair over my body … the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt.

And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.  As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself.  I’ve become my own friend.  I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.  I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant.  I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that they could have.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 a.m., and sleep until noon . .  or go to the casino.

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 40’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love… I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.  But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten … and I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car?  But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.  A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.  I can say "no", and mean it.  I can say "yes", and mean it.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.  And I shall eat dessert every single day.

Author unknown

~~~

Father Time is not always a hard parent, and, though he tarries for none of his children, often lays his hand lightly upon those who have used him well; making them old men and women inexorably enough, but leaving their hearts and spirits young and in full vigor.  With such people the grey head is but the impression of the old fellow’s hand in giving them his blessing, and every wrinkle but a notch in the quiet calendar of a well-spent life.

Charles Dickens

~~~

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."

"You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That’s a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was a good thing to do and thanked me."

~~~

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

~~~

A man from the East Coast is visiting California for the first time, and is conversing with a California native. He says, "I’ll be visiting La Jolla (lah-JOLL-a) next week," whereupon the Californian replies, "Oh, you mean, ‘La-*HOY-a’?" "Oh. Yeah, I guess so." Then he adds, "but right now I’m staying in El Cajon (el-ca-JOHN)," and again the Californian corrects him, "You mean, El Ca ‘HONE’?" "Oh. Yeah, right." Then the Californian asks, "So when will you be returning home?" The East Coast guy thinks about it for a minute and then answers, "Oh, I don’t know, I guess sometime in ‘HUNE’ or ‘HULY’."

~~~

Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.

Frank Lloyd Wright

~~~

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pickup."

The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make.  God knows we’re in here…  and he’s the only one who counts."

The first deacon countered, "But God won’t tell my wife."

~~~

"True friends are the people who walk in when the rest of the world is walking out."

~~~

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.

Someone called 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said.

"My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."

~~~

Why can you "slow up," but you can’t "speed down."?

~~~

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.  "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

~~~

"I didn’t pay attention to those who pointed out my limitations.

If I had, I would have never realized my dream."

Roy Orbison

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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I can’t talk right now, gotta play!

I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I’ve written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.

Shirley MacLaine

 

 

 

I sometimes get concerned that far too many of us have lost the ability to have fun. I pity those who take life so seriously that they never allow themselves the opportunity to really play, to be silly, and to do outrageous things. We owe it to ourselves to find opportunities to enjoy what can be ours if we just loosen up.

I know that I have plenty to laugh at by just observing my miscues and I have learned a long time ago that those who laugh with me and tolerate my foibles are the kind of people I respect and want to be with. I know I have told you before that a breakthrough for me was when I accepted what I was and learned to confidently say to the world “This is as good as I get, take me or leave me, it is up to you.” I also have found that taking criticism and suggestions is lot easier when you tolerate your misses and realize that they really don’t make that much difference.

So my friends I appreciate your honest opinions but please don’t expect me to change my ways unless the detour is going to take me to an even more enjoyable place.

Don’t know what to do? try following the advice I got months ago from a life coach when he wrote:

 

Five Questions for a Life of Fun, Inspiration & Action

Hi Ray

I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that you’ve had fun before. Yep, really. Think back now to a time when you were really having a blast.

Was it by yourself or with others?

Inside or outside?

Doing something new or savoring something familiar?

What else?

And what was your frame of mind when you’re having fun?

Open or focused?

Moving fast or slowing down?

Self indulgent or focused on others?

What else?

My point is this:  Whatever it might look like for you, you already know how to have fun. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel.  You can just remember you’ve already experienced and what you already know.  So what can you do about it? Get really specific about what’s fun for you.

As well as thinking about the questions above, here are some other juicy ones…

Who are the people you want more of? 

Want less of?

What gets your body to come alive?  Exercise?  Dancing?  Massage?  Something else?

What makes you laugh?

What helps you escape? 

So… What do you already know?

Ray here’s to your life of fun, inspiration & action.

Warm wishes,

Michael Bungay Stanier

~~~

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was.  I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory.  I was naïve.  I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer.  It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with:  that I am nobody but myself.

Ralph Ellison

~~~

She told me:

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How’s my driving-call 1-800-***-."

6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting-practice.

7. You’re convinced there’s a God and he’s male.

8. You can’t believe they don’t make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.

9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

~~~

"If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."

Jack Lemmon

~~~

A lady leaves Montreal on route 20 heading toward Quebec city, when she decided to stop at a comfort station. The first toilet stall was occupied, so she went into the second one. She was no sooner seated than she heard a voice from the next stall:

"Hi, how are you doing?"

Well, she wasn’t the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and she really don’t know quite what possessed her, but anyway, she answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad."

The stranger said: "And, what are you up to?"

Talk about your dumb questions! She was really beginning to think this was too weird! So she said: "Well, just like you I am driving east?"

About then she heard the stranger, all upset, say: "Look, I’ll call ya right back, there’s some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I’m asking you. Bye!"

~~~

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."

Marty Feldman

~~~

Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"

"I didn’t even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson.

"And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper costume for a mother of two."

"I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either," said Mr. Peterson.

"Oh, for heaven’s sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson.  "A lot of good it does you to go to church."

~~~

I’ve been collecting compliments all my life. So far I have three.

~~~

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in Florida.

In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver…"Say, is this really a healthful place?"

"It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."

"That’s wonderful!" said the tourist , "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here."

~~~

Be who you are and say what you feel,

Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Good for them!!!

Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire.

W. B. Yeats

 

 

 

I, like every other grandparent, know that our grandchildren are the brightest, most attractive and highly proficient kids ever. We just sometimes wish that their parents could walk on water like they do. So OK, we might be a little prejudiced and possibly only see them at their best. But in spite of my bias I was objectively proud of two of my seven grandchildren last night. I had a grandson graduating from his parochial middle school at the same time my gymnast granddaughter was graduating from a different parochial middle school. Since my wife and I could not be at both schools at the same time she attended my grandsons graduation at his school and I attended my granddaughters at her school.

I wish I could have been at both for both kids were recognized for their achievements. In fact my grandson was also presented with a ten thousand dollar academic scholarship from Cathedral High School, one of our leading college prep institutions. I truly enjoy both his analytical skills and his sense of humor. He is special also by his ability to balance his intense participation in both soccer and basketball and now I can also brag about his academic skill.

My granddaughter did well also, in fact she had to make a multiple trips to the podium on crutches (she is recovering from knee surgery and has to wear a full leg brace) to get her awards. She also received special recognition for being one of only four kids that had straight A’s every year they attended middle school. In addition she and one other graduate received the schools top award for a combination of academic, service and just being well liked good kids. Her school success is especially noteworthy since she was able to do so well even though she is a nationally ranked gymnast who practices for four hours a day 6 days a week and sometimes even more and has had miss school days on occasion in order to compete in National meets all over the US and on occasion attend the National Training Camp. As I have mentioned before I have never met a better time manager or anyone who handles challenges like those she does with so many smiles and so much grace.

I am proud of all of my grandchildren and am thankful that I have been blessed by having them in our life. I am also grateful to my children for staying here in our city which so we can regularly bask in the glow of their children as they thrive and grow.

Our immortality exists in what we leave behind, in our case I think our greatest legacy will be our grandchildren and what they will do to help make our world a better place.

~~~

In a completely rational society, the best of us would aspire to be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for something less, because passing civilization along from one generation to the next ought to be the highest honor and the highest responsibility anyone could have.

Lee Iacocca

~~~

HELPFUL HINTS FOR LIFE

1. If you’re bidding on a job for UPS, don’t send your bid by FedEx.

2. If your computer says, Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

3. If you want your refrigerator’s ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source.  Air doesn’t make good ice unless it is mixed with water.

4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.

5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.

6. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don’t do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you’re sure you can make them both fit in there.

7. When your PC says "You have mail," don’t go to the company mail room and look for a package.

8. The French version of Internet Explorer doesn’t translate English language web pages into French.

9. If you’re in the armed services, and it’s April 1st, and you get an e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don’t.

10. If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don’t have to specify whether it’s for a Windows or a Macintosh.

~~~

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.

Sam Ewing

~~~

A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother."

"Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn’t time before your birthday."

"Why don’t you do like they do down at Daddy’s factory when they want something in a hurry?  Put more men on the job."

~~~

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

~~~

A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I’m a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don’t care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo."

The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket.

After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?"

"That’s nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy who I put off in Buffalo!"

~~~

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

~~~

Whenever I travel by plane someone always says, "Have a safe trip."

Since when does a safe plane flight become my responsibility?  I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do! Go kick the tires, drug test the pilot, what?

I feel I’m doing my part by not going up to the cockpit every five minutes and asking, "Are we there yet?"

~~~

A frustrated wife told me the other day her definition of retirement: "Twice as much husband on half as much pay."

~~~

Four little aging Jewish ladies were sitting by the pool in Miami Beach. One of them looked at the others and said: "Do you girls still like sex?"

After a few seconds of silence, one looked over and replied: "Honey, I still love Saks, Macy’s, Bloomingdales…all of those nice stores."

~~~

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

~~~

The other night, my wife and I were going out for dinner.

She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?"

~~~

Our background and circumstances may influence who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

~~~

A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"

The man said, "You don’t understand. I need a card that covers BOTH events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday…"

~~~

Every individual makes a difference. We cannot live through a single day without making an impact on the world around us. And we all have free choice–what sort of difference do we want to make? Do we want to make the world around us a better place? Or not?

Jane Goodall

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

It’s a good time to think about it!

 

“It takes great wit and interest and energy to be happy. The pursuit of happiness is a great activity. One must be open and alive. It is the greatest feat man has to accomplish.”

Robert Herrick

 

 

 

It seems like more and more my conversations with friends revolve around life after the big recession. As you know my hope is that we will have learned that we have more that can make us happy than we realize and that in fact many of those who spent all their time chasing more title, money and material goods have learned that those pursuits often left little time for true happiness. When I read the following article in the most recent issue of the Foreign Policy magazine I felt that what it said was important enough that we all should think about what it says.

 

The Next Big Thing: Happiness

By Barry Schwartz

 

McMansions and SUVs didn’t make our lives better. Losing them just might.

 

Psychologists and other social scientists (most economists excepted) have learned a lot in the last few decades about what makes us happy. They have taught us that, in affluent societies, money doesn’t buy as much happiness as people think. Indeed, for people living above subsistence, it may buy very little.

They have also taught us what affects well-being more than money: close relations with family, friends, and community; meaningful work; security (financial, job, and health); and democracy.

Before the financial crisis, nothing was stopping us from pursuing these things that make life worth living. But, consistent with a substantial body of research showing that we generally don’t know what’s good for us, when the money was flowing we substituted risk for security. We sacrificed time with friends and family to spend more time at work accumulating wealth and more time after work figuring out how to spend it. The short-term temptations were just too hard to resist.

But now, everyone’s belt has tightened. Financial necessity may give us the opportunity to discover that time spent with loved ones is much more satisfying than time spent with your 76-inch HDTV. Once the crisis lifts, we may not be tempted to go back to living the way we did before, if that’s even an option for those millions who are now losing their jobs, homes, and retirement accounts.

If this silver lining does appear, it may bring another benefit in its wake. It might change the way society and policymakers assess well-being. It may become apparent that equating social welfare with GDP is not just inadequate, but more importantly, misleading. It might lead us to develop a gross national well-being measure that will supplement, or even replace, GDP as our principal yardstick of social welfare and social progress. Then, maybe we’ll discover that we were never so well off in the first place.

Barry Schwartz is professor of psychology at Swarthmore College

~~~

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

Margaret Young

~~~

The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator. The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"

"No, sir," replies the newbie.

"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.

The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 and sets it on his chart table.

"What’s THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.

"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I’ll know we’re lost before you will."

~~~

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

Sir John Lubbock

~~~

He said: I walked into my sister’s kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch, having a snack. "Where’s your mother?" I asked.

"She said she was going to take a shower. Just a second and I’ll see." Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. An indignant yell came from above.

Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, "Yep, she’s in the shower."

~~~

Life is a riddle; unfortunately the answer’s not written on the back of anything.

~~~

A friend went to her doctor the other day and the man was not very sympathetic with her aches and pains. "You’ll just have to learn to live it," he said.

When she got her bill for $90, she sent it back, with the notation, "You’ll just have to learn to live without it!"

~~~

One of life’s greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn’t good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.

Yiddish Proverb

~~~

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

"I’m sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

~~~

On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7.

~~~

She said: For many years, I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator for a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president.

A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve my raise.

His reason? I clearly wasn’t doing my job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.

~~~

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.

Harold Coffin

~~~

Doug asks, "I know you’re crazy about that little daughter of yours, Bill. What are you going to do when she starts to date?"

Bill says, "I figure I’ll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder and pull him close to me so that only he can hear." "Then I’ll say, ‘Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She’s my only daughter and I love her very much. If you were thinking about touching, kissing or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just remember, I don’t mind going back to prison.’"

~~~

A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.

The Wizard of Oz to the Tin Man

~~~

I was sitting in the foyer of a bank when a young man walked by and then stopped for a moment on his way out. I noticed that one of the latches on his overstuffed briefcase was unfastened, putting strain on the remaining latch. "You’re going to lose the contents of your briefcase," I warned him.

Just then, the case burst open. He stared at me with something akin to fear in his eyes as he gasped, "How on earth did you do that?"

~~~

He is rich or poor according to what he is, not according to what he has.

Henry Ward Beecher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

I just wanted to say thanks

The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!

Henry Ward Beecher

 

 

 

Those of us in the United States are about to embark on our annual Memorial Day long weekend. Since it will be a national holiday on Monday there will not be another Daily until Tuesday.

While our country utilizes the holiday to remember those heroes of our past that helped build the society we live in today, I will remember those in my life that have helped me to be as fortunate as I am. There are far too many to mention here and sadly far too many that are no longer with us. As I look back I wish I would have appreciated them more and that I had told them at the time what they meant to me. While I can’t change my past I can and do make sure I let others know how glad I am to know them and how much I benefit from our interaction.

This is also my city’s biggest weekend as about 300,000 race fans will be at the 100 year old Indianapolis Speedway on Sunday watching the annual Indianapolis 500 mile auto race. Cars will travel around the two and half mile oval at more than 200 miles an hour while millions worldwide will be watching on television.

Our weekend will consist of parades, memorial services, parties and more. It is a time when it would be easy to forget the meaning of the weekend, I will not and hopefully each of you wherever you may be will join me for a few minutes to remember with gratitude those who contributed to who we are today. And I promise you, if you express gratitude everyday you life will never be brighter. Listen to what Ralph Marston offers on the subject:

Lead with gratitude

Make gratitude your first response and it will soon become an empowering perspective from which you can achieve great things. Rather than looking for something to criticize, look for things to genuinely praise. Make the most positive qualities the first things you notice in people, in your surroundings, and in the situations which come along.

There are positive sides and negative sides to everything. The negative aspects will have little trouble asserting themselves. They need no help from you. Don’t overlook them, but don’t give your energy to them either.

Put your focus on finding a reason for gratitude. It’s there, no matter what. From that you can build and grow, move ahead and prosper. Make it a habit on a moment by moment basis. Ingrain it in your very being. Let it become second nature to you to seek the positive and you will indeed find it. It’s an approach which will bring delightful substance to your relationships and powerful effectiveness to your pursuits.

Lead with gratitude and you’ll truly be even more grateful for the richness of living which most certainly will follow.

~~~

Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.

G.B. Stern

~~~

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?

Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?

Have you ever run into someone who was gruntled, ruly or peccable? 

And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all).  That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

~~~

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

~~~

She said: After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot.  Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.

Wow," the woman said.  "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car."

"Actually," I replied, "that’s my husband."

~~~

I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

~~~

Your in trouble if:

Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.

You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.

The little league puts you on waivers.

Your suggestion box starts ticking.

Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.

They pay your wages out of petty cash.

~~~

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza …

Dave Barry

~~~

Margaret was royally peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can’t have this without a prescription because it’s a habit-forming drug."

"IT IS NOT!!!!" Screamed Margaret! "I ought to know: I’ve been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"

~~~

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.

Robert Copeland

~~~

A customer called the airline’s reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card.  The reservation specialist asked him, "Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?" The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A."

~~~

Mom, I’ll always love you, but I’ll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.

~~~

At a pre-birth class for couples who had already had at least one child, the instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child.

"Some parents tell the older child, ‘We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that. Ladies, what would you say if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much, I decided to bring home another wife?’"

One of the women immediately responded, "Does she cook?"

~~~

When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.

Chinese Proverb

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Don’t stop now!

Here’s a test to see if your mission in life is finished – if you’re still alive, it’s not.

A.W. Tozer

 

 

 

I just got back from my weekly Kiwanis meeting and have to leave shortly for a downtown meeting. I’ll be back mid-afternoon just in time for a nap. So no excuses, just not enough energy for a new Daily so here is an old one.

Ray’s Daily

May 21, 2003

 

An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil—he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good —he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

~~~

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a 10 ton truck and landed up in hospital in intensive care. His best friend Morris came to visit him. Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She’s so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?"

"My life insurance policy."

~~~

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history — with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."

Mitch Ratliffe

~~~

With only two tellers working at the bank, the line I was standing in was moving very slowly.  As I waited, I began to fill in my withdrawal slip. Not sure of the date, I turned and asked the woman behind me. "It’s the fifth," she replied. From the back of the line a man advised, "Don’t write it in yet!"

~~~

The teacher wrote "Like I ain’t had no fun in months" on the board and then she said, "Timmy, how should I correct that?”

Timmy replied, "Maybe get a new boyfriend ?"

~~~

"I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."  -Stephen Bishop

~~~

A congregant asked his Rabbi, "Rabbi, you’re a man of God. So why is it that you are always talking business when I, a businessman, am always talking about spiritual matters when I’m not at work?"

"You have discovered one of the principles of human nature," the Rabbi replied.

"And what principle is that, Rabbi?"

"People like to discuss things they know nothing about."

~~~

Discover wildlife!  Have kids!

~~~

A doctor was awakened at four in the morning by a caller who demanded to know how much he charged for a house call.

"Twenty-five dollars," muttered the sleepy physician.

"How much is an office visit?" demanded the caller.

"Fifteen dollars."

"Okay, Doc," said the caller. "I’ll meet you in your office in fifteen minutes."

~~~

Well Bill, how are you getting on with trying to date that new cocktail waitress?" "Not so bad. I’m getting some encouragement now." "Really, is she beginning to smile sweetly at you or something?" "Not exactly, but last night she said that she’s said ‘NO’ for the last time."

~~~

Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

~~~

My boss’ wife Sherry was exasperated with her younger sister, who bought an unreliable car and called for a ride every time it broke down. One day Sherry got yet another one of those calls. "What happened this time?" she asked. "My brakes went out," her sister said. "Can you come to get me?" "Where are you?" Sherry asked. "I’m in the drugstore," her sister responded. "And where’s the car?" "It’s in here with me."

~~~

Murphy’s Technology Law #2:

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

~~~

Three men were traveling and happened to meet at a bar in Ohio. One man was from Texas, one from Florida, and one from Kansas. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives. The guy from Texas began by saying "I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do all of the cooking. Well, the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, and a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert."

Then the man from Florida spoke up "I sat my wife down and told her, that from now on she would have to do all of the grocery shopping, and all of the house cleaning. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and in the pantry, the shelves were filled with groceries".

The fellow from Kansas was married to an enlightened woman who had grown up in rural Kansas. He sat up straight on the bar stool, pushed out his chest and said "I gave my wife a stern look and told her, that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and housecleaning. Well, the first day I saw nothing. The second day I still saw nothing. But by the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye.

~~~

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

Mae West

~~~

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able.  If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

~~~

A woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewelry store window.  She goes in and asks the clerk if a small deposit will hold it until her husband does something unforgivable.

~~~

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

~~~

"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.

The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan.

He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

"Come on, now," he said, "you don’t have to take it so hard.  It isn’t that serious."

"It isn’t?" cried the motorist.  "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"

~~~

Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching.

Thomas Jefferson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 

Indianapolis, Indiana

 

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Short, but not too short!

“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”

Oliver Wendell Holmes

 

 

 

One of the speakers at my grandson’s high school graduation ceremony said “Giving a speech is like making a mini skirt; it should be long enough to cover the subject and short enough to keep people interested.” I plan on using the advice when I open a televised local session that is part of the Foreign Policy Associations Great Decisions series this morning. In my case however it will be short on subject and hopefully long enough to answer the audience’s questions. Fortunately for them I will only open the session, introduce the expert speaker and then close it.

~~~

I don’t have anything special to offer today but I have been saving the following to share with you.

Dear Sir/Madam,

This message is to inform you that you have been expelled from Life Inc.’s Suffering of the Month Club. As you know we here at Life Inc. take great pride in the wide range of Sufferings available through our Suffering of the Month Club, however, even though your membership was free, there are certain expectation on you if you expect to continue to suffer with us.

In order to participate in The Suffering of the Month Club you must:

Maintain unhealthy attachments and desires Experience fear and insecurity

Be jealous

Believe in permanence

Fear death

And above all YOU MUST KNOW THAT YOU DON’T DESERVE JOY!

While these seem like simple steps to follow, in reviewing your records we have found that you have actually participated in all of the following:

You have been forgiving of self/others

You have been joyful

You have expressed the knowledge that birth and death are the same

You have been compassionate

You have been playful

You have been loving

You have been passing easily from the world of dreams to manifesting

You seem to have no real fear response You have been happy and present in the moment on numerous occasions

You seem to have discovered that rebirth exists in every moment

You love just being alive

We have even had reports that you are free

As much as we wish to bring suffering to you, free of charge, we simply cannot work with you any longer. You are dismissed from Life Inc.’s Suffering of the Month Club. There is no appeal process or possibility of return to prior miseries. We are sorry.

You are stuck with the bliss you feel now and any new blisses that you may find.

Sincerely,

Pet E Jealousy, Accounts Manager

Suffering of the Month Club

Don’t feel too bad they threw me out years ago. Ray

~~~

Words calculated to catch everyone may catch no one.

Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

~~~

PRAYERS AROUND THE ZODIAC

ARIES: Dear God, please give me patience … and could you do it right now?

TAURUS: Dear God, help me accept change, but let’s do it my way.

GEMINI: Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?

CANCER: Dear God!!!

LEO: Yes? Hello God…are you listening to me?

VIRGO: Dear God, please make us perfect and don’t mess it up like you did the last time.

LIBRA: Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?

SCORPIO: Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the low-life scum don’t deserve it!

SAGITTARIUS: Dear Lord, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.

CAPRICORN: Dear God! I’d like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!

AQUARIUS: Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!

PISCES: Dear Lord, as long as I’m going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.

~~~

There is a difference between happiness and wisdom: He that thinks himself the happiest man really is so; but he that thinks himself the wisest is generally the greatest fool.

Charles Caleb Colton

~~~

Late one Friday night, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone…In a sleepy grumpy voice I said, "Hello."

The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

"OK… Mom, this is Marsha and I’m sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I’m going to be a little late getting home. See, Daddy’s car has a flat but it’s not my fault. Really! I don’t know what happened. The tire just went flat while John and I were inside the theater. Please don’t be mad, okay?"

Since I don’t have any daughters, I knew the person had misdialed. "I’m sorry dear, "I replied, "but you’ve reached the wrong number. I don’t have a daughter named Marsha."

"Come on, Mom," pleaded the young woman’s voice, "I didn’t think you’d be this mad."

~~~

"If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

~~~

"I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don’t know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had."  

~~~

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

~~~

She said: My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I’ve told you this one before, haven’t I?"

We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message. "What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me."

"But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!"

Suddenly we realized what had happened. Sheepishly we returned to our table. The boss smiled and said, "Don’t worry. After the second one I figured it wasn’t for me, so I passed it along!"

~~~

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

Buddha

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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