What is one to say about June, the time of perfect young summer, the fulfillment of the promise of the earlier months, and with as yet no sign to remind one that its fresh young beauty will ever fade.
May 30th has come and gone and tomorrow will be the first day of June. All the Indianapolis 500 race fans have left my town for another year. Our cities swimming pools are open and kids are out of school, or will be soon as they begin their long summer vacations.
It was terribly hot here over the long weekend but after all the rains and flooding of the last few weeks the sun was welcome. For some, June brings the lazy days of summer but for most of us things may slow down some, but not much. There are gardens to be tended, lawns to be mowed, outdoor events to attend and for many it will be the time for a long awaited vacation.
One thing I have found in retirement however is that most days are full and the weekends just seem like another day at the office. In fact many retirees are like I am and cruise in the off seasons in order to avoid the crush and to save a few dollars. We will however often slip away for a short trip as well as visit loved ones who live some distance away. I know one thing, no matter what we do we plan to enjoy the months ahead and I hope you will as well.
Just to let you know that I am not slowing down here are some of June’s special days that you might want to plan for.
June 1 is Dare Day – I am not sure how this will play out chances are my wife will say “Don’t you dare.”
June 2 is National Rocky Road Day – I have traveled enough Rocky Roads this year, thank you very much.
June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day – Reading some of the e-mails I get I think there are many who celebrate this all year long.
June 8 is Name Your Poison Day – Do I really have too? OK, Ice tea!
June 11 is National Hug Holiday – tell me where you will be giving them out, I want one!
June 13 is Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day – I do all the cooking in my family so I qualify for one of the awards
June 16 is National Hollerin’ Contest Day – Is this the same as spouse day?
June 18 is International Panic Day – I think you and I should choose someone to do this for us, that way when someone sends us the latest conspiracy rumor we can off load it onto our designated panic specialist and let them worry about it.
June 19 is World Sauntering Day – I don’t care I will not wear droopy drawers and a cap on sideways to then saunter, I’d rather stay in.
June 30 is Meteor Day – make sure you welcome a meteor to our galaxy.
Did you notice the gap from the 19th to the 30th? I figured after ducking sauntering day I better hide out for a while. Whatever you do in June I hope you have some fun and enjoy joining the rest of us.
A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.
“I have good news and bad news,” the defense attorney told his client. “First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.”
“Oh, no!” cried the client. “What’s the good news?”
“Your cholesterol is only 180.”
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, “Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”
“Good,” my dad quickly replied. “Wash it again!”
Management has created a wonderful solution, now they’re looking for a problem to go with it.
Joey’s teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, “Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.”
The Mother wrote back the next day, “If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father.”
Count your life by smiles, not tears. Count your age by friends, not years.”
One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university his wife told her absent-minded husband, “Don’t forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty.”
Predictably, he didn’t remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, “And where was it we were moving to?”
He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, “Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Would you know which way it went?”
She looked up at him and said, “Yes, Daddy, I’ll show you.”
Business truth: After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
A man walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, “I got shingles.”
She said, “Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you’re done, please take a seat.”
Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, “I got shingles.”
So she took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, “Change into this gown and wait in the examining room.”
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, “I got shingles.”
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram and told him to wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.”
The doctor gave him a full examination, and then said, “I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can’t find shingles anywhere.”
The man replied, “They’re outside in the truck. Where do you want them?”
In summer, the song sings itself.
William Carlos Williams
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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