Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2011

Tomorrow it starts

What is one to say about June, the time of perfect young summer, the fulfillment of the promise of the earlier months, and with as yet no sign to remind one that its fresh young beauty will ever fade.

Gertrude Jekyll

May 30th has come and gone and tomorrow will be the first day of June. All the Indianapolis 500 race fans have left my town for another year. Our cities swimming pools are open and kids are out of school, or will be soon as they begin their long summer vacations.

It was terribly hot here over the long weekend but after all the rains and flooding of the last few weeks the sun was welcome. For some, June brings the lazy days of summer but for most of us things may slow down some, but not much. There are gardens to be tended, lawns to be mowed, outdoor events to attend and for many it will be the time for a long awaited vacation.

One thing I have found in retirement however is that most days are full and the weekends just seem like another day at the office. In fact many retirees are like I am and cruise in the off seasons in order to avoid the crush and to save a few dollars. We will however often slip away for a short trip as well as visit loved ones who live some distance away. I know one thing, no matter what we do we plan to enjoy the months ahead and I hope you will as well.

Just to let you know that I am not slowing down here are some of June’s special days that you might want to plan for.

June 1 is Dare Day – I am not sure how this will play out chances are my wife will say “Don’t you dare.”

June 2 is National Rocky Road Day – I have traveled enough Rocky Roads this year, thank you very much.

June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day – Reading some of the e-mails I get I think there are many who celebrate this all year long.

June 8 is Name Your Poison Day – Do I really have too? OK, Ice tea!

June 11 is National Hug Holiday – tell me where you will be giving them out, I want one!

June 13 is Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day – I do all the cooking in my family so I qualify for one of the awards

June 16 is National Hollerin’ Contest Day – Is this the same as spouse day?

June 18 is International Panic Day – I think you and I should choose someone to do this for us, that way when someone sends us the latest conspiracy rumor we can off load it onto our designated panic specialist and let them worry about it.

June 19 is World Sauntering Day – I don’t care I will not wear droopy drawers and a cap on sideways to then saunter, I’d rather stay in.

June 30 is Meteor Day – make sure you welcome a meteor to our galaxy.

Did you notice the gap from the 19th to the 30th? I figured after ducking sauntering day I better hide out for a while. Whatever you do in June I hope you have some fun and enjoy joining the rest of us.

~~~

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

James Dent

~~~

“I have good news and bad news,” the defense attorney told his client. “First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.”

“Oh, no!” cried the client. “What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is only 180.”

~~~

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

Fran Lebowitz

~~~

Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, “Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”

“Good,” my dad quickly replied. “Wash it again!”

~~~

Management has created a wonderful solution, now they’re looking for a problem to go with it.

~~~

Joey’s teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, “Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.”

The Mother wrote back the next day, “If you find a solution, please advise.  I have the same problem with his Father.”

~~~

Count your life by smiles, not tears. Count your age by friends, not years.”

~~~

One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university his wife told her absent-minded husband, “Don’t forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty.”

Predictably, he didn’t remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, “And where was it we were moving to?”

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, “Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Would you know which way it went?”

She looked up at him and said, “Yes, Daddy, I’ll show you.”

~~~

Business truth: After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.

~~~

A man walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, “I got shingles.”

She said, “Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you’re done, please take a seat.”

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, “I got shingles.”

So she took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, “Change into this gown and wait in the examining room.”

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, “I got shingles.”

So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram and told him to wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.”

The doctor gave him a full examination, and then said, “I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can’t find shingles anywhere.”

The man replied, “They’re outside in the truck. Where do you want them?”

~~~

In summer, the song sings itself.

William Carlos Williams

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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Enjoy!

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.  This makes it hard to plan the day.

Elwyn Brooks White

My family’s graduation season finished last night when we attended my youngest grandsons graduation from primary school and soon he will two other of my grandchildren in High School in the fall. Last week it was my oldest granddaughter’s high school graduation and the week before that it was my second oldest grandson’s graduation from college. That makes the current score two grandsons out of college and into the building phase of life, while two more continue in college followed by three still in High School.

So now the grandparent days, pageants and grammar school sporting events are over for us. We are proud of their accomplishments so far and have many fond memories of their early years. I don’t regret their continued growth as I truly enjoy their friendship and their intellect. It used to be that I bought into the myth that our youth had much to learn and they would do better if they only listened to us. Now I feel it is me and the members of my generation who often have a lot to learn and we would do better if we respected the kids more and listened to them often.

Now you and I face the new beginning that summer offers to us each June. It is a time when we can decide to jettison winters problems and open our hearts and minds to bounty that summer brings. I have learned over the years that it is much better to actively enjoy each day of summer while avoiding the temptation to rest as the days work their way back to autumn. For me it is often the time that I can plant seeds that will grow through the summer months into a generous harvest filled with ideas and new opportunities that will enrich the dreary days of winter. So won’t you join me and enjoy the days ahead

I like what Samuel Johnson said many years ago:

Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.  I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drive into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl.  Let him come out as I do, and bark.

Monday is Memorial Day in my country and it is one of our national holidays so I will be joining my fellow citizens as we remember and closing down the Daily’s presses for the day. Everything should be back up and running on Tuesday.

~~~

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told:  “I am with you kid.  Let’s go.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Whenever I travel by plane someone always says, “Have a safe trip.” Since when does a safe plane flight become my responsibility?  I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do! Go kick the tires, drug test the pilot, what?

I feel I’m doing my part by not going up to the cockpit every five minutes and asking, “Are we there yet?”

~~~

Murphy’s Technology Law #3:

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

~~~

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.

She asks, “You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?”

The old man replies, “I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth.”

The journalist is amazed. “How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?” she asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. “Like I’m talking to a wall.”

~~~

A frustrated wife told me the other day her definition of retirement: “Twice as much husband on half as much pay.”

~~~

Four little aging Jewish ladies were sitting by the pool in Miami Beach. One of them looked at the others and said: “Do you girls still like sex?”

After a few seconds of silence, one looked over and replied: “Honey, I still love Saks, Macy’s, Bloomingdales…all of those nice stores.”

~~~

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

~~~

A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, “We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?”

The man said, “You don’t understand. I need a card that covers BOTH events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday…”

~~~

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

~~~

As the storm raged, the sea captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?”

One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.”

“Good,” said the captain, “you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we’re one short.”

~~~

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

Mark Twain

~~~

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children as they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she came around to one little girl,who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The little girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

~~~

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.

Danny Kaye

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Even the little things count!

“Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.”

Victor Hugo

I think Steve Brunkhorst understands better than I do what I have been trying to say over the last few days. He knows the importance of individual action in time of need and he knows that even the most modest act is important and that we should never pass up an opportunity to help only because we feel our contribution won’t make that much difference.

This is what I received from Steve this morning and his timing could not be better as storms, floods, and other disasters run rampant across our nation. There are thousands of people just like you and me who need as much help as we can give them. So thanks again Steve for sharing your wisdom.

The Simplest Importance

The simplest actions are often the most important actions.

One of the simplest – yet most important – encouragements echoes through my memory to this day. When something became extremely difficult, my dad would say, “Don’t ever give up!” This philosophy was easy to believe and adopt, because I would see him apply it in his life repeatedly. He would solve seemingly impossible problems by sticking with them as long as necessary.

Today, we are watching heroic efforts of volunteers and emergency workers who are working to help tornado victims across the country. To see victims who have lost their homes relentlessly helping others is awe-inspiring.

It often seems that one individual can do so little, when so much needs to be done in our world. However, each of us, individually and in teams, doing what we can do – sharing our time and talents in ways we are best suited – is precisely how positive changes occur. We cannot build or rebuild our world to accommodate all of us, without each of us in participation.

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) said, “Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it.” None of us is insignificant; every action, regardless how small it appears, is important: a helping hand, a word of encouragement, a simple gift of kindness when someone’s hopes have dimmed.

All of us can be the simplest importance in someone’s life today.

So my friends thanks for caring and thanks for doing. It seems these days that many have given up on our world and we can’t let that happen. It is up to us and like Steve’s dad told him, “Don’t ever give up!” for if we do who will be there in our time of need?”

~~~

“Sometimes it is the simplest, seemingly most inane, most practical stuff that matters the most to someone.”

Patty Duke

~~~

“Mommy, my turtle is dead,” Wally told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

The mother kissed him on the head, then said, “That’s all right. We’ll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we’ll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. I don’t want you….”

Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. “Wally, your turtle isn’t dead after all.”

“Oh,” the disappointed boy, wanting ice cream and a new pet, asked. “Can I kill it then?”

~~~

“People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.”

Søren Kierkegaard

~~~

When women retire as homemakers they tend to get a little testy. Here is what husbands have to look forward to.

Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!

Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!

I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!

So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!

Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!

I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!

If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!

Our house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

If you don’t like my standards of cooking … lower your standards.

Apology … Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.

Gardening forever . . . Housework, never!

Dull women have immaculate houses.

~~~

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits.

As long as we have Friendship, each day is never a waste.

~~~

A bricklayer at a construction job routinely complained about the contents of his lunch box. “I’m sick and tired of getting the same old thing!” he shouted one day. “Tonight, I’ll set my wife straight.”

The next day, the men could hardly wait until lunchtime to hear what happened. “You bet I told her off,” the bricklayer boasted. “I said, ‘No more of the same old stuff. Be creative!’ We had one heck of a fight, but I got my point across.”

He had indeed. In front of an admiring audience, he opened his lunch box to find that his wife had packed a coconut and a hammer.

~~~

“A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.”

H.L. Mencken

~~~

A husband said to his wife, “You know, dear, it may be time for you to consider getting a hearing aid.”

“How much do they cost?”

“They’re usually about $3,000.”

“Okay, I’ll get one. As soon as you say something that’s worth $3,000.”

~~~

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I appreciate all that you do!

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

Mohandas Gandhi

It seems like humanity is being confronted more each day by natural and man-made disasters. Earthquakes, tornados, riots, floods and war are impacting more of our fellow man each day. Besides these highly visible crises there are thousands of personal emergencies and catastrophes that are quietly addressed by individual volunteers in every community every day. It seems like the need for help has never been greater, fortunately there is a cadre of volunteers who answer the call whenever the alarm sounds. These are the volunteers of the Salvation Army, the Red Cross, service clubs, churches as well as individuals and other organizations.

I have the good fortune of knowing many of these folks who volunteer their time, their hands and their hearts whenever the need arises. I am often struck with the glow that these good people exhibit which I am sure is the result of their good works. I am learning that the things we accumulate do not even come close to brightening our lives as much as the difference we make when we do what we can for others.

I ran across this thank you speech to volunteers made by DJ Cronin that I think describes the gratitude we owe volunteers.

You make a difference in the dash.

Life is short. In the scheme of things this oft quoted saying must be true. Our planet has been here for millions of years – our universe billions. On our headstones will be the etching of when we were born and the date when we died. For example 1960 – 2050.

What matters to me are not the two years mentioned. It is the dash. That little dash. That’s our life. That represents to me the short time we have, here, to make a difference, or not. And making a difference means so many different things to so many people. But for you, the volunteer, what you do during that dash is most significant.

You can give me money for my cause. Sure. But I may pay that back to you. Say you give a dollar a month. It is appreciated without doubt. It is your dollar. However you may pick it up elsewhere. Something extra you do. Some other way of earning that buck. But how do we give back time? As a volunteer you give time. Time. The most precious resource in our lives.

Look at the dash. How many hours are in there? It’s not billions. It’s not infinite. Money can be printed. Time cannot. Once you give an hour of your time it is lost forever. That hour you just gave volunteering will never be replicated.

Your time volunteering must be valued but we can never put a value on that time. How can you value something that is priceless? As a volunteer you bring much to this organisation. Skills, advice, experience, friendship, vision, leadership, inspiration etc. That you bring. But time you give. In our time poor world you bear the gift of time. You choose to donate the most precious commodity in the known universe.

We may count your time in numbers. We may attempt to count your time in cash value. Though such methods have their reasons we will all be poorer if we don’t realize that the giving of your time is simply and utterly magnificent. So today, we take a little time out to thank you for the amazing “time in” that you give. Truly, thanks for your time!

~~~

Act as if what you do makes a difference.  It does.

William James

~~~

Don’t you just hate blond jokes, well in this case the hair coloring has been changed to protect the innocent.

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

~~~

She said: Protons have mass?    I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

~~~

Maxine on “Driver Safety” – “I can’t use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.”

Maxine on “Housework” – “I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible.”

Maxine on “Body Piercing” – “I’d get my tongue pierced, but I still have a little bit of brain left in my head.”

Maxine on “Work” – “My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards.”

Maxine on “the Technology Revolution” – “My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.”

Maxine on “Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

~~~

I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

~~~

She said: Our neighbor loaned my husband his old chain saw to trim some tree branches.  Unfortunately, the engine burned out while my husband was using it.  Not wanting to return a broken piece of equipment, he bought a new saw to replace it.

When I offered it to our neighbor, he thanked me but said, “Keep it. I’ll borrow it when I need it.”

I was turning away when his eyes lit up.  “Hey,” he asked, “want to borrow my car?”

~~~

Disappointments should be cremated, not embalmed.

Henry S. Haskins

~~~

It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived, it was packed.  I tried to force my way on, but no one would budge, although there was ample room in the back. Then the bus driver took over.

“Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen,” he shouted.  “Will all the beautiful, smart people please move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly stupid people stay up front?”

~~~

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.

Desmond Tutu

~~~

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.

“Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” the tourist asked.

The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, “Nope.”

As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!”

The old man muttered, “Ain’t my dog.”

~~~

I expect to pass through life but once.  If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.

William Penn

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I’ve made some big ones!

“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.”

James Joyce

Yesterday I shared with you my concern about two friends who have had some really bad luck that has culminated in their having difficulty putting the past behind them. As I reflected on their plight I realized that I sometime found myself bogged down due to a mistake I had made and let me tell you I made some doozies. Fortunately I learned later in life that mistakes happen to us all and that they are seldom as bad as we imagine them to be. But even if a self-made mistake is a whopper what done is done. Fortunately the recognition of our mistakes often provides us a learning experience that we can use as we move ahead in our lives.

Here is a slightly edited version of an article written by Elizabeth Scott, M.S., that can help us to turn mistakes into benefits.

Learn from Your Mistakes, Or They’re A Waste

One of the best ways to relieve stress is to learn from your mistakes. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to find the balance between seeing too many things as someone else’s fault and seeing too many things as your fault.  There’s no easy answer on how to learn from your mistakes that will work every time, however, there are some strategies you can use to learn from your mistakes that will work in various situations most of the time. When you’re trying to learn from your mistakes, consider the following:

Reframe Your Mistakes — First, use reframing to stop thinking of your mistakes as failures. They can be more accurately described as opportunities for learning—people generally learn more from mistakes than they learn from successes. With each mistake, you can learn valuable information that can be used for future success.

Be Forgiving — Next, maintain perspective and don’t take mistakes too seriously. Blaming others for our mistakes can be a defense mechanism for those who are harsh with ourselves when we mess up—we stay in denial because we can’t take our own harsh self-condemnation. Be forgiving. Just changing your outlook on this can make it less threatening to recognize when you’re responsible or partially responsible for things going other than you’d planned.

See What You Can Change — Rather than thinking of who is more responsible for a situation—you or another person—look at the situation as a whole in terms of what you can change. If you view taking responsibility through the lens of personal control—what can you change next time, what do you have control over?—makes it an empowering experience to learn from your mistakes.

Look Beyond — Look at other sides of the same situation. How do different people in the situation feel. How might things have gone differently if you’d made different choices? Look at the situation in different ways. Play with it. And see what you can learn for next time.

Ask Questions — Ask for impartial opinions. Have a few trusted friends who will tell you the truth, and who can see things from both sides, and ask them what they see. Sometimes we’re too close to a situation to make sense of it at first, but an observer who isn’t so emotionally attached, and who can deliver their opinion with love and tact, is what we need to help us learn from our mistakes.

Pat Yourself On The Back — Congratulate yourself for whatever growth you’ve gained from dealing with each difficult situation you encounter and each mistake you make. Remember that these things add value to life as much as the more pleasant experiences we all value. And be glad that you always have the opportunity to learn from your mistakes in one way or another.

~~~

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.”

Swami Sivananda

~~~

I’d had enough of my employees abusing their allotted break time.  In an effort to clarify my position, I posted a sign on the bulletin board: “Starting immediately, your 15-minute breaks are being cut from a half-hour to 20 minutes.”

~~~

I wouldn’t touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.

~~~

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor.  The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear.  The lady, who was obviously crying, said, “Pastor, I was born blind, and I’ve been blind all my life.  I don’t mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed.”

The pastor asked her, “Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?”

“Yes I do,” she replied.

“Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane,” He said.  “Then tell them ‘If you had more faith that wouldn’t hurt!'”

~~~

“As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed.”

Vincent Van Gogh

~~~

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board:

“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.

Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.

One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an “A”” when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words:

“What chair?”

~~~

“A person becomes wise by reflecting on what happened to him when he wasn’t.”

~~~

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple.

I asked one nurse what the pin signified.

“Nothing,” she said with a smile. “It’s just to keep the doctors away.”

~~~

In high school, I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun. That may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.

Rita Rudner

~~~

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Ready, set, restart!

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

Mary Engelbreit

I recently had conversations with two different friends who are burdened with a combination of grief over the loss of a loved one, job frustration, unsatisfactory relationships and a whole bunch of negative situations. They both are carrying huge burdens built up by the events of the past. Both are really special people with all kinds of love in their hearts that is currently being caged in by their inability to offload the past.

They, like so many of us, spend so much time trying to rewrite history while trying to determine who is to blame for our plight that we don’t have energy to move on, so we stop and don’t take advantage of the opportunities that the future offers. It is one thing to carry on when the burden we carry has value, it is quite another to load ourselves up with only monuments to an unsatisfactory past. Instead of looking back and reliving our agonies we need to bury our burdens and view the funeral as our opportunity to find happiness. I know one thing we will never find happiness if we just sit down and give up. I know that setting past problems behind us can be one of the greatest therapies that life offers, too often fear prevents us from appreciating who we are and what we might do, unfortunately succumbing to that fear assures that our lives will never get better.

Like I told one of my friends, we need to be like Mary Richards on the Mary Tyler Moore show when she threw her cap up in the air on the streets of Minneapolis and told the world to watch out she was on her way.

Here is an article I picked up recently that I feel tells it like it is. Please don’t be afraid to view the chance to begin again as an opportunity to make the rest of your life great. And if your life is already great take advantage of the opportunity to make it even better by offloading any of your unnecessary burdens.

Don’t Be Afraid

Here we are, afraid of losing what we have all the time, holding on to it so tight that not a soul can touch it. We think by hiding it from the world, it’s hidden and it’s ours. Nothing is. Nothing ever will be. For, nothing ever was.

If you think there is anything that you have, that’s yours, be it money, a house, a job, or a girlfriend… it’s nothing but an illusion. It’ll all disappear… in one blow. One blow, my man.

Here we are, so insecure that we are afraid of re-starting our lives, so we just carry on trying to sort out the current mess. The thought that we should give it all up and just start all over – with nothing – might cross our minds some time, sure, but we get scared and we push away anything that scares us.

There is nothing I can ever achieve or gain that I cannot lose, in a matter of seconds. You have never gained enough to not be able to lose it all, in just a few minutes. What you think is yours, was never yours and will never be yours. Whatever you make here, you leave here. You came naked and you’re going to go back naked.

So what are you afraid of?

Let all be lost. Let them take away everything. As long as you have your heart beating strong, as long as you have your nostrils working fine, as long as the blood flows in your veins, you will live, you will breathe and you can get it all back… again and again. For, if you can do it once, you can damn well do it again. It’s just a game we play – Life.

 Rohit Wadhwaney

~~~

The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

She said: After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot.  Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.

Wow,” the woman said.  “I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car.”

“Actually,” I replied, “that’s my husband.”

~~~

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

~~~

You’re in trouble if:

Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.

You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.

The little league puts you on waivers.

Your suggestion box starts ticking.

Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.

They pay your wages out of petty cash.

~~~

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

Winston Churchill

~~~

A customer called the airline’s reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card.  The reservation specialist asked him, “Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?” The customer carefully replied, “V-I-S-A.”

~~~

Our policy is to always blame the computer.

~~~

The young woman looked up from her hospital bed at the handsome doctor and said breathlessly, “They tell me, doctor, that you’re a real lady killer.” The doctor smiled, “Maybe so. But the jury threw the case out of court due to lack of evidence”

~~~

Mom, I’ll always love you, but I’ll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.

~~~

A small social club was trying to organize a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, but finally found a ninth to play. In desperation, they called on a new member, an Englishman, to join their team. During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park. “Run!” his teammates cried. “For God’s sake, run!” The Brit turned and stared at them icily. “I jolly well shan’t run,” he replied. “Why should I? I’m perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball.”

~~~

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

Voltaire

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world. 

Would you like to join us?

That best portion of a good man’s life; his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.

William Wordsworth

I spent a fun filled hour yesterday with the good people of my Kiwanis Club and some special friends of mine as we had fun buying things brought to our White Elephant auction. We raised quite a bit of money which will help us as we do what we can for others. As I looked around the room I could feel the warmth that comes from the good will of kind people. Our members are from all walks of life, different professions and ages. These are men and women who over the years have given much to others and their friendship to me. I am pleased not only by their constant good work for others but also that I have the good fortune to be able to join them.

What I do find depressing are the folks who were not there but could be if only they would take advantage of the opportunity to build friendship through shared positive experiences. I’ll tell you what there is nothing much better than having fun and building friendships while doing something that is meaningful and that also provides new experiences. Far too many folks are lonely or stagnant these days, some sadly by choice, others only because we have failed to ask them to join with us. If I haven’t asked you who are nearby to see what your missing, shame on me, if you have decided that you prefer to sit back while the world passes you by, shame on you.

In truth when all is said and done our lives are up to us to build upon. Here is a poem I especially like, it provides the reminder we all need once in a while.

Everything I Needed 

Author Unknown 

I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.

I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work.

I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.

I asked for patience and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.

I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted

I received everything I needed.

My prayers have all been answered.

~~~

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”

Jack London

~~~

A friend and his co-worker were talking over a brown-bag lunch.

Said one, “My wife and I hardly ever see each other. She works the night shift and I work the day shift. All we can do is pass each other in the hall.”

His co-worker said, “Well, you have five children. How did you manage that?”

Said the first chap, “Loooooooooong hall.”

~~~

There is a difference between happiness and wisdom: He that thinks himself the happiest man really is so; but he that thinks himself the wisest is generally the greatest fool.

 Charles Caleb Colton

~~~

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”

~~~

Minds are like parachutes, they only function when open.

~~~

“I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don’t know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had.”

~~~

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

~~~

Mother passing by her son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to “Mom” With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion … Mom she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don’t worry Mom. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,

Your Son Jon

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it’s safe to come home.

~~~

“Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.”

Henry Van Dyke

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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