Ray's musings and humor

Archive for July, 2008

All’s Well

“Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant”

Washington Irving

 

 

Some of you asked what my heart doc told me yesterday. First I want you to know that I try to be reasonably honest with my medical caregivers. It took me lots of years before I figured out that telling your physician that you are sustaining healthy habits when your not is pretty stupid. What comes to mind is leaving a doctor’s office proud of the fact you fooled him and then fainting from sleep deprivation, malnutrition, excesses, etc. So I started by offering the good news, which was I lost 21 pounds in the three months since my last visit. The bad news was I was still planning my exercise program as I have been for at least six months, I may not get much physical exercise but I do get lots of mental exercise as I visualize what I might do.

He had good news and bad news too. The good news is that I have gotten through the last three months pretty well so there are no med changes, no pacemaker changes, just try to lose some more weight and start exercising. The bad news was that I have to avoid strenuous activity, excesses, extended periods in the sun, and so on. I sure can live with that, that is my normal lifestyle anyway, that and afternoon naps. I don’t have to see him for six months unless I have a relapse or that my monthly telephone readout of my pacemaker reports a problem.

~~~

Now for today’s business, one of our readers told me that my last few Dailies were too depressing and I better leave reality for a day or two. So here is what I am going to do. I am going to page back in history and see if I can find a jovial Daily to use for this edition.

~~~

“The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it, and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly kind companion.”

William Makepeace Thackeray

~~~

Ken tells us not to go for looks; they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

~~~

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age."

 Robert Frost

~~~

A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don’t really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them."

~~~

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright

~~~

My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.

One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I’d love to!"

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn’t until the end of the evening that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom’s feet on the kitchen floor.

~~~

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.

Dave Barry

~~~

A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.

"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.

"It’s okay, Dad" the boy said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

~~~

Don’t judge your wife too harshly for her weaknesses. If she didn’t have them chances are she would have never married you.

~~~

A mother was worried that her three-year-old son was unusually precocious, and took him to a psychiatrist.

"Right," said the shrink, "We’ll just try a few simple tests." To the boy, he said "Say a few words – anything that comes into your mind."

The boy turned to his mother and asked, "Does he want logically constructed sentences or just a few random and purely isolated words?"

~~~

You have to dance like nobody’s watching, and love like it’s never going to hurt.

~~~

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women’s breast implants. The I-Breast will cost $499 to $599 depending on size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

~~~

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.

~~~

Finkelman just arrives in America and needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven. After a successful initial interview with the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.

"You say you have experience selling books?"

"Lots of it," replies Finkelman.

"And you have a Master’s in American history from the University of Michigan?"

"Correct," replies Finkelman. "History is my field of study."

"Well then," says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in our firm."

While the sales manager is making a few notations, Finkelman, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls. Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine looking men. Your partners?"

~~~

“May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrocks, may your heart be as light as a song, may each day bring you bright, happy hours that stay with you all the year long.”

Irish Blessings

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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Lend me some more please, more please, still more please

“We don’t inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children”

David Brower

 

 

I read an article on the US Federal Budget deficit yesterday written by Patrick Edaburn in which he reported:

“The Bush Administration today announced a projected budget deficit of $ 490 billion for Fiscal Year 2009 (October 1, 2008 to September 30, 2009). Just to put that in proper perspective it is $490,000,000,000 or about $ 1,650 per person for the single budget year alone. This will bring the national debt to nearly $ 10 trillion dollars which pans out to $ 10,000,000,000,000 or in excess of $ 32,000 per person.”

I don’t know about you but my wife and I don’t have an extra $64,000 laying around and I really get concerned about my kids. My son has five in his family so he owes $160,000. As I thought about what I read I came up with the following.

Me: What are we going to do about this huge debt? Mr. Washington: Don’t worry about it we’ll just borrow what we need from Asians and others.

Me: But won’t that mean more interest and more debt? Mr. Washington: Well yes but they are good for it and we can always borrow more.

Me: Hold on that means the dollar gets weaker and things cost more doesn’t it? Mr. Washington: Yes but that’s good because we get to pay our debts with cheaper dollars.

Me: Whoa hold on, I am on a pretty much fixed income and others who are lucky enough to have pensions are totally on fixed incomes so what they have will buy less and maybe not buy enough for them to meet their needs. Mr. Washington: That may be true but it is not the government’s fault that people didn’t save enough years ago they should have known that what we said would happen probably wouldn’t.

Me: Jeez, we can’t pay for a broken Social Security system, a Medicare system that can’t keep up now and soon will be flooded with baby boomers, and we have ever mounting fuel and food costs and everyone continues to borrow. Mr. Government: Yep, that’s the American way. But I don’t understand what bothers you, you don’t have to pay, we’ll borrow enough to cover today’s needs and trust me things are going to be great in a decade or so and your kids can pay the bill.

Me: Ya sure, I have heard that song before. Mr. Government: Well I don’t have time to spend with you, you’re a trouble maker, I’m going to go be with people who appreciate all we are doing for them.

Me: That was awful, sorry kids I tried.

~~~

“Debt is the slavery of the free”

Publilius Syrus

~~~

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I’ve been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."

The human resources director agreed and said he’d have the letter the next day.

The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."

~~~

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

~~~

From a passenger ship, one can just barely see a bearded man on a small island in the distance who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is that?" a passenger asked a passing steward.

"I have no idea. Every year when we pass by, he goes nuts."

~~~

The statement below is true.

The statement above is false.

~~~

The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to start at the very beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note on it.

The little girl went to the blackboard, looked thoughtful for a minute and wrote, "Dear Aunt Emma. Just a short note to tell you I’m fine."

~~~

To learn from mistakes, you must know you’re making them.

~~~

A guy is driving around Newfoundland and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

You talk?" he asks. "Yes, I do," the Lab replies. "So, what’s your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS about my gift, and in no time, at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, and because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security – wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

Ten dollars," the Newfie says. "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that stuff."

~~~

Humility, like darkness, reveals the heavenly lights.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining about severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain.

My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.

I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?"

With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he’s not that sick!"

~~~

A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.

~~~

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it. Finally, she went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally, he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed, "I’m in awe of your faith, pastor."

"It’s really nothing," he answered. "The number is written on a piece of tape on the ceiling."

~~~

And now a word from our sponsor… BUY!!!!!

~~~

A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his. "Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight."

When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, "Not really, as I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway."

~~~

“As an individual who undertakes to live by borrowing, soon finds his original means devoured by interest, and next no one left to borrow from – so must it be with a new government”

Abraham Lincoln

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

It’s your life!

“Simplicity is the examined life richly lived. It is asking ourselves what’s important, what matters. We all think that someday we’ll start living. But few of us feel fully alive.”

Cecile Andrews

 

 

Yesterday a friend of mine and me discussed the challenges that we all face these days. There is no doubt that our world is changing and the question is are these changes temporary or is it the beginning of new structural changes that will modify our lives. Personally I doubt that what is normal today will ever be normal again.

It seems that in an effort to reestablish what we had that we are looking for magic solutions that most often are flights of fancy at best. Too many of us believe that if we open up oil drilling and recovery everywhere we will achieve energy independence and cheap fuel. The reality is that the oil pumped from North America is oil that will be on the world market and it is doubtful that whatever new oil comes on the market that we would see supply exceeding the rapidly growing demand, we might as well face it we will never see cheap gasoline again. It is also doubtful that we will ever return to really cheap imports, the dollar has lost too much of its value and with trade and staggering debt most of us will no longer be able to have every new toy and every new fashion. I also don’t know how food prices can fall with the growing demand coming from a more affluent third world, a rapidly expanding global population and agricultural lands being lost to drought and non-food crops.

Many of us ignore the impact of global warming through discussion of green house gasses, natural changes and the like. Unfortunately as we talk about it polar ice is melting, once fertile lands have gone fallow due to a lack of rain, and as sea levels rise we are beginning to see shore line creep that may very well have a disastrous effect on coastal cities in the years ahead.

Couple all this with back breaking government debt, an aging population, a shrinking workforce, an unsustainable health system and it does not take much intellectual effort to see that we face major life style changes in the future.

The question will be how well we handle the changes. Will we come together as a people as we did in the aftermath of the roaring Twenties? Will we rally around national solutions as we did in the Forties? Will we find happiness in the simpler life style of the Fifties? Will our inability to overload our time with our toys, trips, and excesses result in our using the time to rediscover so many of the everyday things that we overlook these days? It’s our choice, we can wallow in self pity and fight reality as we find that we no longer have it all or we can find happiness in new behaviors and a return to a lifestyle that had so much to offer in years past.

I have been around a long time often challenged by today’s complexities but I have also found some of the very best things that happened in my life took place in simpler times.

~~~

"While our lives are full, they seem somehow less than they could be. They resemble a page crammed with too much type – and the margins get narrower all the time. "

Timothy Jones

~~~

A missionary heard about a native who had five wives.

"You are violating a law of God," he said, "so you must go and tell four of those women you can no longer live here or consider you their husband."

The native thought a few moments, then said, "Me wait here.  You tell ’em."

~~~

The person who agrees with everything you say either isn’t paying attention or plans to sell you something.

~~~

A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"

The man said, "You don’t understand. I need a card that covers *both* events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday…"

~~~

To find a fault is easy; to do better may be difficult.

Plutarch

~~~

Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant’s kitchen. But one day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for ‘enjoyment of food’.

So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them.

The manager said, "You’re enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."

Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him.

At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case.

The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."

The judge turns to Abraham and said, "What do you have to say to that?"

Abraham didn’t say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?"

Abraham replied, "I’m paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money."

~~~

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Bill Cosby

~~~

Morty and Sarah had just returned home from a party. Sarah said, "Do you realize what you did tonight, Morty?"

"No I don’t," Morty replied, "But I’ll admit I was wrong. What did I do?"

~~~

The worst thing about censorship is *******

~~~

"What’s the usual tip?" a man growled when a college boy delivered his pizza.

"Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great."

"That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here’s five dollars."

"Thanks," the student said, "I’ll put it in my college fund."

"By the way, what are you studying?"

"Applied psychology."

~~~

"Starbucks announced this week that from now on new Starbucks employees will be required to go through 32 hours of training.

The first hour Starbucks employees learn how to make a cup of coffee, then the next 31 hours they learn how to charge $4 with a straight face."

Conan O’Brien

~~~

In a department store, a difficult customer and a patient clerk were having a hard time getting together. Nothing the clerk provided was suitable.

Finally, the finicky shopper said in annoyance, "Can’t you find a smarter clerk to serve me?"

"No," said the saleswoman. "The smarter clerk saw you coming and disappeared."

~~~

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Robert Brault

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Did you see it? It was there for you!

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. 

Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

Cherokee Expression

 

 

A new friend and I discussed the differences in the people we have met over the years while we were having coffee this morning. Like I am sure you have over the years we also have run into our share of happy people, sad people, angry people, hateful people you get the idea we all meet lots of different types of people. As we talked we realized that some of us seem to have the ability to get along with almost everyone while others seem to always run into people that are unreasonable and disgruntled. Later I started to think about what we talked about and the more I pondered the more I realized that some of us care for most of the people we meet, have the patience to hear them out and the wisdom to try to understand what causes them grief. I think just taking the time and showing interest lets people know you care and when they realize you do the atmosphere changes.

Have you also noticed that some people seem to have all the luck while others spend their days under a dark cloud? In my experience those people who expect things to turn out OK usually benefit and those who expect things to go bad find that things usually do. I don’t think these people are clairvoyant, l think it is that most of the time we get what we expect. If we look always for the bad I can guarantee we’ll find it and if we are open to the good it will show up at our door. My old friend Toby would say it is mostly all a case of attitude, I am sure that is part of it, but I also think it has a lot to do with our outlook and our ability to enjoy what we are given.

 

Here is a Yiddish folk tale that carries a message that I think we all need to understand.

An old man sat outside the walls of a great city. When travelers approached, they would ask the old man, "What kind of people live in this city?" The old man would answer, "What kind of people live in the place where you came from?" If the travelers answered, "Only bad people live in the place where we came from," the old man would reply, "Continue on; you will find only bad people here."

But if the travelers answered, "Good people live in the place where we came from," then the old man would say, "Enter, for here too, you will find only good people."

The hidden beauty of this story is the fact that those who move on believing they live among only bad people will never find their place in life and those who appreciate the good in the people around them will be at home wherever they might be.

Me? I know you and it just does not get much better than that!

~~~

"Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

Henry Van Dyke

~~~

Economics 102: The Energy Debate

A Texas oil tycoon and an Alaskan oil tycoon were debating which state had the most oil…

The Alaskan tycoon said, "Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas".

The Texas tycoon scratched his chin, adjusted his cowboy hat, and said, "Well boy, I’ll tell ya what….you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it…….I’ll buy it".

~~~

What’s the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?

To hold cows together.

~~~

I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can’t break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

"What is she doing?" the pal asked.

"Waiting for me to get home."

~~~

The lazier the man is, the more he plans to do tomorrow.

Norwegian proverb

~~~

I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university. I worked repairing construction equipment. One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt, so to free it I started heating the nut with an oxyacetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt, so I could then remove it.

"So, things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "That’s why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."

There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered about that," he said.

~~~

"I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me."

Dick Martin

~~~

The receptionist for the company where I’m employed found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker.

She sent out an e-mail that said, "If anybody can say where he/she lost $66, please let me know and it will be returned."

Within minutes, one employee replied, "Betting on Super Bowl 2007."

~~~

NEW WORDS FOR 2008

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace:

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line generation’s answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find your self unable to stop watching them.

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

15. 404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.

18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

~~~

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.

Helen Keller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Come out and play

It is essential to our well-being, and to our lives, that we play and enjoy life.

Every single day do something that makes your heart sing.

Marcia Wieder

 

 

Here we go again team, another weekend. I want you to make sure you go out and play. Leave all the burdens in the locker room, throw your hat in the air, run around and even do silly things. There are a few things I would have liked to do for myself and others this week but never got to them. Fortunately they have waited for me to come out and wisely spend my recreational time. So I may not see you at the bubble blowing contest but not to worry I will be enjoying myself.

 

If you have forgotten how to enjoy life you might be able to use these tips from Peter Clemens.

1. Appreciate Beauty. Each day we come across beauty in a number of shapes and forms. It’s a shame, then, that many people have become so accustomed to this beauty that it largely goes unappreciated. I suggest looking again at the people, plants, gadgets, and buildings (to name but a few examples) around you and taking a moment to appreciate what makes them so special.

2. Connect With Nature. Nature is an amazing healer for the stresses and strains of modern life. Eating lunch in the park, attending to a vegetable garden in your backyard, or watching the sunset are just a few simple ideas for how you can enjoy the outdoors on a daily basis.

3. Laugh. E. E. Cummings once said “the most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” How very true. Never be too busy to laugh, or too serious to smile. Instead, surround yourself with fun people and don’t get caught up in your own sense of importance.

4. Have Simple Pleasures. A good cup of coffee when I first wake. Time spent playing with my 8 month old son. Cooking a nice meal in the evening. These may not seem terribly exciting, but they are some of the simple pleasures I enjoy in life. If you slow down for just a moment and take the time to appreciate these ordinary events, life becomes instantly more enjoyable.

5. Connect With People. In so many ways, it is our relationships with people that give us the most happiness in life. Perhaps, then, the best way to enjoy your work more is not to get a raise or a promotion, but rather to build rewarding relationships with your co-workers.

6. Learn. There is a strong link between learning and happiness. Given this, there is no excuse not to be stimulating your brain and learning something new each day. My favorite way to find time for learning is to make the most of the commute to and from work. Audiobooks and podcasts are great for this purpose.

7. Rethink Your Mornings and Evenings. Are the mornings a mad rush for you to get out the door? Do you switch off the TV at night and go straight to bed? I have personally experienced the profound benefits of establishing a routine in the morning and evening. For example, in the morning you may choose to wake an hour earlier and spend the time working on yourself, whether it be reading, writing or exercising. In the evening, consider spending some time just before bed reviewing your day or in meditation.

8. Celebrate Your Successes. During a normal day we are sure to have some minor successes. Perhaps you have successfully dealt with a difficult customer, made a sale, or received a nice compliment for your work. These aren’t events worth throwing a party for, but why not take a moment to celebrate your success? Share the experience with someone else, reward yourself with a nice lunch, or just give yourself a mental pat on the back.

~~~

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.

Wayne Dyer

~~~

The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness  the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and  the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

~~~

When you can’t have what you want, it’s time to start wanting what you have.

~~~

LAWS TO LIVE BY

Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop – Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire

Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location – No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law – If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

~~~

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

~~~

On television my 88 year old stepfather and I saw an attractive woman wearing an evening gown with leg openings going all the way up to her waist. "Why do they wear gowns like that?" he asked.

"Maybe that style makes their legs look longer," I speculated.

"No," he said," I think it makes the men look longer."

~~~

Don’t hate yourself in the morning – sleep till noon.

~~~

As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There’s a big fire across the street," the doctor replied. "We didn’t want you to think the operation was a failure."

~~~

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.

Angela Schwindt

~~~

My wife called me as she was driving to an appointment.

She arrived and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally, she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can’t find it!"

I replied, "Aren’t you talking on it?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in, followed by, "You are not going to tell anybody about this!"

~~~

Keep away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.

Khalil Gibran

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Do you know you?

If we are too busy, if we are carried away every day by our projects, our uncertainty, our craving, how can we have the time to stop and look deeply into the situation-our own situation, the situation of our beloved one, the situation of our family and of our community, and the situation of our nation and of the other nations?

Thich Nhat Hanh

 

 

I wonder sometimes if any of us really spends the time we should getting to know ourselves. So many of the people I know don’t really understand just how many of my friends don’t know how good they are and what they have to offer others. The sometime seem to avoid finding out if they can do something because they are not sure enough about themselves to even try.

Sadly the more we avoid understanding our own reality the easier it becomes to ignore our truths. Our rationale to delay because I will do it after I complete this course, or after I finish that project, or after the kids are back in school, or after my vacation, or after Christmas often transforms tomorrow into someday and someday into never. How many of us never fulfill our dreams because we just go with the flow never looking at ourselves and into our hearts because it seems easier just to wait until never?

It wouldn’t be so bad if not knowing ourselves resulted in our avoiding pain but most often it means we will never be all we could be and never soar to the heights that we might of if we just opened up our wings once in awhile.

I currently think I am the luckiest person I know. I have probably climbed all the mountains that I will in my lifetime and have seen more than my share of the world. I have had the good fortune to have family and friends carry me through the bad times while sharing with me the good times. But what makes this time of my life so special is watching my friends who are willing to invest in themselves find so many rainbows. Many are in, or even past, their golden years and yet they have found joy in their new found jobs, relationships, and families. Why? Mostly because they took the time to examine themselves and learned what makes them happy and then implemented a strategy to look for the opportunity to enjoy their lives. Many have found a level of happiness they did not think was possible. For me there is nothing better than sitting with a friend who shares their excitement as they relate the details of a new job, the results of a volunteer effort or what they have seen now that they stop and look. I share their joy and allow me bask in their glow. I honestly believe that the world is waiting for us but we’ll never find what it has to offer if we just sit and wait for it to come to us.

~~~

Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What’s a sundial in the shade?

Benjamin Franklin

~~~

"Moving Day"

He said:

In the last 30 or so years, my wife and I have moved at least 12 or 13 times. Sometimes it was across town and sometimes it was from one country to another. This is my advise for those who are getting the urge to splurge with a new house.

1. Hire the cheapest mover in the Yellow Pages. Every mover will break or scratch the same quota of items, so it is better not to pay them so much to do it.

2. Forget about marking boxes. Marking boxes to move is somewhat akin to assembling you kid’s bicycle, because there will be parts left over you don’t know where they go. There will be rooms in the new house that do not fit the rooms they came from.

3. Forget any communications between you and the mover. One, they will forget where you are moving from and lose their directions to where you are moving to. Two, do not expect the mover to be on time. After waiting all day for him to arrive, just as you sit down for the evening meal a truck the size of a football field will pull up on your lawn expecting to get everything done before dark.

4. Do not watch the movers pack. Watching the movers pack is somewhat akin to looking in the kitchen of your favorite restaurant. It will make you sick with an irrepressible urge to throw up.

5. Two days before the movers promise to arrive, send your children off to camp for a month. Movers get along with children like mailmen get along with dogs. Before the day is over, it is inevitable that either a child will be accidentally boxed, or the mover will trip over a child and sue you for everything you own.

6. As soon as you get into your new house and replace all the broken and missing items, nail everything to the floor. You and your wife cut your wrists, cross arms, and make a blood vow never to move again.

7. The three most important things to remember about moving are . .

1. Plan ahead

2. Don’t do it

3. Consider the cost of the move as three times the cost of your new house.

~~~

“There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go.”

Frederick Faber

~~~

She said:

For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he.

I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.

"I’m the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn’t get out until you did."

~~~

"One of the most difficult things is not to change society – but to change yourself."

Nelson Mandela

~~~

"Well, Ted, you’re certainly coming up in the world. What’s the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies?"

"Oh, it was my wife’s idea."

"Your wife?"

"Yeah," answers Ted. "She thought I should spend more time with the kids."

~~~

Argue if you must, just remember I’m right!

~~~

A little boy was walking down a dirt road one Sunday afternoon when he met a little girl going in the same direction.

"Hello," said the little boy.

"Hi," replied the little girl. "Where are you going?"

"I’ve been to church this morning and I’m on my way home,"

"Me too. I’m also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?"

"I go to the Baptist church back down the road. "What about you?"

"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill."

After they’d walked a short distance together they came to a low spot in the road where rains had partially flooded the road. There was no way they could get across to the other side without getting wet.

"If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom’s going to skin me alive," said the little girl.

"My Mom’ll tan my hide too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"

"I tell you what I think I’ll do. I’m gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."

"That’s a good idea. I’m going to do the same thing with my suit."

So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing in the sun waiting to dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy remarked … "You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there really is between Baptists and Methodists."

~~~

To succeed, we must first believe that we can.

Michael Korda

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

He’s away somewhere

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

 

 

Ray’s Computer (RC) OK where is he?

Ray’s Blackberry (RB) He has a 6:30 AM meeting this morning.

RC When we will he be back?

RB Who knows, he has a 9 AM after that and then an 11:15 meeting and lunch, then something at 2 PM and then the AT@T U-verse guy is supposed to be here to string some new cable.

RC Damn, I wish he wouldn’t do that, he won’t get his daily done and he’ll be upset.

RB Let’s not wait for him, let’s just go get an old one, send it and take the rest of the day off.

RC Great idea! I’ll do it now.

~~~

Ray’s away so here is what you get today.

Originally sent July 23, 2004

 

My friend Lewis sent this to me and I knew I had to send it to you as well:

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn’t know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark’s math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."  Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark’s mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark’s former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck’s wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It’s in my diary."

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

That’s when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don’t know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late. I sent this to you because you too are important to me.

Ray

~~~

Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand ­ and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late.

Marie Beyon Ray

~~~

A man goes to the doctor to find out about his tests. "It’s real bad, I’m afraid", says the doc "you’ve got a disease so new that it hasn’t even got a name yet – we just call it ‘Blue 56’. The only certain thing is that you’ll be dead in three days."

Naturally the guy is devastated, and goes into a big depression. His girlfriend suggests they go to Vegas to cheer him up just a bit till the end comes. So he goes reluctantly.

As he walks into the Casino, he’s the millionth customer and wins a brand new Rolls Royce. Then he pulls the handle of a slot machine as he passes, and wins the golden jackpot of $7 million. He sits down for a rest at the Blackjack table and wins $100,000 – straight 21 and he can’t even be bothered to turn the cards.

Weighed down with money, he throws it onto the nearest table. But it’s the roulette wheel and the money is on 22 – which promptly comes up! "Jeez," says the croupier, "I never seen luck like that in my whole life!"

"No, you don’t understand" says the guy, "I’ve got blue 56."

"Darn! Now you’ve won the raffle!!"

~~~

"One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized, and cruelly mocked, but it cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered."

Michael J. Fox

~~~

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman from Alabama. He bragged that he had told his wife to do all the dishes and clean the house. He said that it took her a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from So. Carolina. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told the men that the first day he didn’t see any results, but by the next day it was better, and on the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Chicago girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry folded. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn’t see anything and the second day he didn’t see anything but by third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!

~~~

Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.

Dean Acheson

~~~

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist: "You are far too upset and worried

about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes" the mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" he asked.

"Who cares?" she replied.

~~~

Mary:  So at the end of our first date, he told me he wanted me for a friend.

Jill:  All right.

Mary:  Yeah, but on the second date, he brought the friend!

~~~

He said: On the first evening back from overseas, my girlfriend’s understanding parents left us alone in the living room.  Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway.   "If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter," I said to her.

Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but was very soon back again.  "Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."

~~~

Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.

Northrup Christiane

~~~

 

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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