Ray's musings and humor

Archive for December, 2019

Happy New Year

Ray’s Daily

December 31, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

C.S. Lewis

New year

Here we are, the last day of the year. It is time to put allour woes and worries behind us, room  for the memories of we wish to keep. 2019 has not been easy for far too many but for my wife and myself it has been a pretty good year as we have grown closer together ib a warm and supportive community.

Now we all get to start fresh, that is if we close out our past and begin anew. I plan on doing the best I can while appreciating all I have, family, friends and all of you.

While I will not party much tonight, I do plan on giving the Daily the day off tomorrow.

   New Year

By Sandra Hearth

 

Another year is coming to a close.

We can forget our troubles and woes.

 

For me, this year was tough.

It brought many emotions, was tearful and rough.

 

Now another year is approaching fast.

Let’s hope it’s a New Year with love and health; let’s hope it’s a blast.

 

May all of your dreams come true

And you find peace and love in all that you do.

 

May this world know the gentle sound of a hush.

May it calm all its anger and slow its pace from the rush.

 

May we all hear the sound of joy

And push away all that hurts that destroy.

 

The New Year I hope will be good to us all.

Care and calm, a helping hand when we fall.

 

Listen more, slow down, and say I love you.

Stop for a moment; take a breath, take in the view.

 

Appreciate your family; tell them you care.

Do something exciting, a thrill or a dare.

 

Enjoy all that the New Year may give.

We have but one life, so let’s learn to live.

 

It’s a New Year, a brand new start.

Always remember, live and love from your heart.

 

Wishing each and every one a year to behold,

And may it be full of wonders for you to unfold.

 

Love, hugs, and kisses too…

A very happy New Year from me to you.

~~~

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”

Edith Lovejoy Pierce

~~~

Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.  So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke.  She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

“I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes.  I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do…I memorized all the state capitals.”

One of the guys, of course, said “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?”

“N”, she answered.

~~~

“I was high on life, but eventually I built up a tolerance.”

Arj Barker

~~~

An elderly lady on a cruise ship wanders up to the bar and asks for a scotch with two drops of water.  As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday, and it’s today.”

The bartender says “Well, since it’s your birthday, this one is on me.”

As the woman finishes her drink, the lady to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink too.”

The elderly matron says, “Why, thank you. Bartender, I would like a scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming up,” says the bartender.

As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, “I would like to buy you one as well.”

The lady says, “Thank you.  Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of water.”

“Comin’ right up.”  As he puts the drink down in front of her, he says, “Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity.  Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”

The 80 year-old replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you learn how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue.”

~~~

The word philanthropy has its roots in the Greek language meaning “love for mankind.” It was never meant to apply only to donors of thousands or millions of dollars.

Arthur C. Frantzreb

~~~

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Silverman became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Silverman, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”

Bewildered, Mr. Silverman was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I . . . I didn’t pinch that girl.”

“Of course you didn’t,” replied his wife, consolingly. “I did.”

~~~

Q: What did the Jewish Mother ask her daughter when the daughter told her she had an affair?

A: Who catered it?

~~~

The obstetrician was used to seeing some unusual tattoos when he was working in labor and delivery.

One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. “That sure is a pretty whale,” the doctor commented.

With a sad smile, she replied, “It used to be a dolphin.”

~~~

Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

~~~

My Dad has a sure way to keep my Mom from buying an outfit.

When she tries it on, he says, “I love that middle-aged look it gives you.”

~~~

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

Carl Bard

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

They Live on the Bright Side

Ray’s Daily

December 30, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

Anthony J. D’Angelo

 

EchoAt a recent lunch my table mates and I discussed how impressed we were by some of our fellow residents. We each have been surprised by how so many older folks retain their intellectual capacity while continuing to fully enjoy the lives they lead.

I have come to believe that graceful aging is primarily the results of a positive attitude. The beauty of staying positive is what you get in return. I am sure you know that a frown will not generate a smile in return but your warm smile will. I find I am drawn to happy people, I bet you are too. Here is a story that reminds us that we reap what we sow.

Reflection of you

There is a story about a father and his young son who were walking through the mountains. Suddenly, the son fell, hurting his leg on a rock. He screamed, ‘AAhhhh!’ To his surprise, he heard a voice repeating, ‘AAhhhh!’

This made him even more curious. So, he yelled, ‘Who are you?’ Back came the same answer, ‘Who are you?’

Feeling a bit perturbed by this response, he yelled out, ‘Coward!’ Back came the same reply, ‘Coward!’

He looked at his father and asked: ‘What’s going on?’ His father smiled and said: ‘Son, pay attention.’

Looking across the valley, his father yelled to the mountain, ‘I admire you!’ The voice answered: ‘I admire you!’

Again the man cried out: ‘You are a champion!’ The voice replied, ‘You are a champion!’

The boy was amazed, but he was very confused. So, his father explained…

‘You are only hearing an echo, the sound of our voices bouncing back from the mountains. However, this really is how life works. It returns to you what you think, say and do!

Our lives are a reflection of our thoughts and actions. If you want more love in your world, create more love in your heart. If you want to be treated with kindness, treat others with kindness. If you want more competence on your team, become more competent.

This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life. Life will give to you, everything you give to it, only it will give you even more in return. Your life is not ever a coincidence. Each moment is a reflection of you!’

The son listened and grew in understanding, and through the following years, he witnessed the truth of these words in his life!

Author Unknown

~~~

Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.

Mary Lou Retton

~~~

Remember the kids, they taught us:

Never tell your little brother that you’re not going to do what your mom told you to do.

—Hank, Age 12

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.

— Chelsey, Age 7

Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.

—Philip, Age 13

~~~

Life is only as long as you live it.

~~~

“So,” Jane asked the detective she had hired. “Did you trail my husband?”

“Yes ma’am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment.”

A big smile crossed Jane’s face. “Aha! I’ve got him!” she said gloating. “Is there any doubt what he was doing?”

“No ma’am.” replied the sleuth, “It’s pretty clear that he was following you.”

~~~

An oral contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

~~~

There once was a 94-year-old nun in the 1890’s whose worn-out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her. However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day.

Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.

“Oh, yes,” she replied. “Never sell that cow!”

~~~

Recession: A period when you go without things your grandparents never heard of.

~~~

A saleswoman is driving toward home in northern Arizona when she sees an elderly American Indian woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Indian woman gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman notices a brown bag on the front seat. “What’s in the bag?” she asks.

“It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband,” says the saleswoman.

The Indian woman is silent for a moment, then says, “Good trade.”

~~~

He who would go a hundred miles should consider ninety-nine as halfway.

Japanese proverb

~~~

Master Sergeant Alfie was a thirty-year Army veteran now assigned to a training battalion and tough as nails. He seemed to have no thought whatsoever about how others responded to his cut-and-dried military manner.

One day he assembled the training battalion and announced, “Private Monroe, take one step forward.” Private Monroe took one step forward, and the sergeant bellowed, “Private Monroe. Report to the chaplain; your mother just died.” Monroe just crumbled and fainted dead away from shock.

Later that day, the battalion commander chewed out the master sergeant: “You’re going to have to learn something about TACT. You just can’t yell at a man and tell him his mother just died. The next time you’re called on for this duty, you’d better do it in a more compassionate way.”

It just so happened that the very next day, another soldier’s mother died, and the MSGT assembled the troops again. “All you whose mother is living” he shouted, “take one step forward. NOT SO FAST, TAYLOR!”

~~~

Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive, because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive, because your behavior become your habits. Keep your habits positive, because your habits

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Appreciate

Ray’s Daily

December 27, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

You live in paradise but you just don’t realize it.

– Muktananda, found

Enjoy Life

I have a friend who has learned how to enjoy her life by appreciating the little things that too many of us overlook. My friend often agonizes over the turmoil and even cruelty that is so rampant these days. In fact I don’t think anyone I know takes the strident attacks on those we disagree with than my friend.

What does make her special is her ability to enthusiastically appreciate the small pleasures in life. In her case it might be a recent concert, a pretty day or the greeting from a stranger. These pleasures offset the distress created by other events and allows her to view the future with hope.

We all would benefit if we appreciated the little things in our lives more than we do. Here is an abridged list of techniques that will help us live happier lives from the Skills We Need blog.

How to Learn the Art of Appreciating the Little Things in Life

You live in paradise but you just don’t realize it. We all have so many blessings in our lives. And yet most of the time we fail to notice them. We don’t recognize them properly, forget them, or simply take them for granted. We lose sight of them, and that’s a critical mistake.

In reality, these little things have a huge impact on our lives. That’s why we should learn to recognize their value. Here’s a complete guide to learning the art of appreciating the little things in life.

  1. a) Keep a gratitude journal – It’s worth keeping a gratitude journal. Research shows that individuals who have such journals for recording daily blessings have a more optimistic view of their lives, experience more positive mood, and even exercise more.
  2. b) Create a bulletin board – This is where you can put up small reminders of things that make you feel grateful. It can be anything from a thank-you note from a client to a handwritten letter from a friend.
  3. c) Celebrate the little things – Give yourself permission to do that. Here’s how you can celebrate your small wins in life: Celebrate good weather by taking out a friend and going for a walk; Celebrate getting through a daunting task with doing something you enjoy.
  4. d) Send one email of gratitude a day – Make it a habit to send out one thank-you email to someone every single day. It doesn’t have to be more than one sentence.
  5. e) Slow down your life – When you’re in the middle of an amazing event, it’s important that you savor it as much as you can.
  6. f) Be present – Choose to be present in the now. This type of consciousness of the moment – sometimes called mindfulness – is critical to generating positive emotions that come with gratitude. When you’re living with more awareness, you notice everything – even the little pieces of everyday beauty.
  7. g) Be aware of your most valued things – Imagine that someone asks you about the most important things in life. You need to have a clear answer to this question. If you don’t, it’s a sign that you’re out of touch with yourself. Connect to what’s important to you and don’t put it off until life gets less busy. Trust me, it never does.
  8. h) Fall asleep with gratitude – Ideally, you should wake up and go to bed with gratitude at the forefront of your mind. Starting and finishing your day with positive emotions helps to build a balanced life and gets you plenty of healthy sleep in the process. Instead of thinking about the things you need to do tomorrow, try to enter the gratitude mode at bedtime. Think about the beautiful things that happened to you on that day.

~~~

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”

Willie Nelson

~~~

Jill, in the personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex.

She sent this reply…”Attached is a list of our staff.  We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics.”

~~~

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”

Charles, Count Talleyrand

~~~

I came home one night and my wife was crying.

I said, “what’s wrong?

She said, “I’m home sick.

I said, “This is your home.

And she said, “Yes, and I’m sick of it!

~~~

Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.

~~~

Jacob, Benny, Max and Hyman are out fishing early one Sunday morning. After an hour of fishing, Jacob suddenly breaks the silence and says, “You three have no idea what I had to do before I could come out fishing today. I had to promise my Rivkah that I would decorate our bedroom next Sunday.”

“That’s nothing,” says Benny, “I had to promise my Leah that I would build her a new terrace by the swimming pool.”

“Well,” says Max, “you both had it easy. I had to promise my Sharon that I would completely refit our kitchen with new mahogany cupboards and the latest state of the art equipment.”

But Hyman has not said a word so they ask him what he did to come out fishing. Hyman replies, “I just set my alarm for 5.30 am. When it went off, I gave my Faye a firm nudge and said, ‘Fishing or Sex?’ She replied, “Don’t forget your sweater.”

~~~

“We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit.”

Aristotle

~~~

The interviewer had informed the group of applicants for the sole position advertised at the bank, that there would be a verbal question after the written test to guarantee a winner in the event there were any ties.

After the applicants took the written part of the exam, it was announced by the interviewer, “Now it is time for the verbal part of your employment test.” “Can you tell me what ‘gross aggrandized annuity means’?”

One of the applicants for the position, said, as he got up to leave, “Certainly……It means I didn’t get the job.”

~~~

While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded.

Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

~~~

You don’t have to spend your money on expensive burglar alarms anymore.

Here is a cheaper way to deter burglars at your house. Just put up a few signs in well-placed locations….

Dear Mr. Butcher: starting tomorrow, please leave ten pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman: we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. – Any sign of that book we sent for, “The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats”?

Selma dear, don’t come in! Jake, the boa constrictor got loose again!

~~~

A man who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself.

He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.

Alexandre Dumas

~~~

Britain decided it was time to switch left lane traffic to right lane traffic, as everywhere in Europe. So they gather to plan the whole thing and nobody seems to come up with any viable solution, so they send out some help-me type faxes.

A couple of days later, answers come back. The French fax read: “As your neighbors, we are deeply touched you requested our help, etc. etc, but we have no idea at all how to do it”.

The German fax read: “We are Germany, the most organized country in Europe, but we have not had this problem before and we do not know how to handle it”.

The Polish fax read: “As you know, we are Poland, a country that has done a lot on the path towards democracy and economic resuscitation.” We have a great deal of experience in such transition processes. But, as to overcome the inherent difficulties and to avoid social problems, any and all transitions must be done gradually. “So, it is our proposal to handle the situation in three big steps. The first year, it should be mandatory only for the trucks to ride on the right lane.”

~~~

“Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.”

Mandy Hale

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Be Kind to Yourself

Ray’s Daily

December 26, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love you

I hope your holidays were ae good as our Christmas has been. I ended up worn out but enjoyed three celebrations with acquaintances, friends, and family. I wish we can sustain the goodwill we experienced the last few days through the months ahead.

There has been far too much animosity in the last few years, It seems like to many are more interested in fighting than in healing. It has gotten so bad for some that they even lose faith in themselves. If we give up on who we can be we will never find the peace we deserve.

I recently excerpted the following from the Zen Habits blog that I feel is worth sharing, for the future is up to us to enjoy or regret.

How to Practice Kindness to Yourself

The practice is actually fairly simple. In all cases, you find a way to be kind to yourself. Kindness is something most of us already know how to do, because we have done it with others. We can be kind to a loved one, a stranger, a friend, a neighbor. We just need to try it with ourselves.

So here’s the rule: kindness to yourself, always. Even when you fail at the rule, be kind to yourself for failing to be kind.

Some ways to be kind to yourself:

  • When you mess something up, give yourself compassion (the feeling of compassion in your heart, wishing yourself happiness), letting it sooth your pain.
  • See the good heart in yourself, whenever you feel you fell short or let others down. See the good intentions, whenever you make a mess of things. See that you are basically a good person.
  • When you look at your flaws (“ugh, I hate my belly”), see the beauty in them. Find gratitude for what you do have, instead of focusing on what you don’t have or don’t like. For example, isn’t it amazing to have a body? I love that I have a body that can move, breathe, see sunlight and trees, hear music and laughter, feel sun on my skin and grass under my feet. What a wonder, and we take it for granted.
  • See your goodness. Be grateful for yourself. Love your good heart. Be compassionate with yourself when you’re hurting.

~~~

We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.”

Mary Dunbar

~~~

They say that a preacher’s wife is always his number one assistant. An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon.  He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went. The Preacher shrugged and said, “The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer and communion times went quite well, but,” he continued, “I just don’t think the sermon ever got off the ground.” The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, “Well, it sure did taxi long enough!”

~~~

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

~~~

My Jewish friends remind me that they too enjoy the Christmas season.

Here is a Jewish Princess Prayer that was sent to me recently

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want

He leadeth me to Neiman Marcus

He giveth me energy for shopping

He restoreth my checkbook

He teacheth me to make restaurant reservations

He leadeth me past K-Mart for mine own sake

Yea, though I walk by Target

I shall not go in, for Thou art with me

Thy fashionable clothes they comfort me

Thou preparest diamond jewelry for me in the presence of mine enemies

Thou anointest my face with Chanel cosmetics

My cup overflows

Surely designer clothes shall follow me to the end of my days

And I will walk on Rodeo Drive forever.

~~~

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

~~~

She reminds us:

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can do all these things,

Then you are probably the family dog.

~~~

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.

~~~

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, “Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.”

“Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend.

“Oh! Not yet.” the first replied, “I’d like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first.”

~~~

“Someone once said that the greatest cause of ill-health is mountain-climbing over molehills.”

Maxwell Maltz

~~~

More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.

“This,” he said, showing him a rope, “is a lariat. We use it to catch cows.”

“I see,” said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. “And what do you use for bait?”

~~~

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

Veronica A. Shoffstall

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Celebrate

Ray’s Daily

December 23, 2019

http://rays-dail.com

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.

Agnes M. Pahro

chirstmas

The time has gotten away from me, this is the first year we have not sent any Holiday cards. That does not mean I don’t appreciate both my old and my new friends. In fact it is the people I spend my days coupled with assisting my wife that fills my days.

I do wish you all the happiness for the season and beyond. We will be very busy the next two days celebrating with friends and family. In fact I will close down the daily until Thursday the 26 of December.

I wish I had written the following poem for it reflects how I feel towards my many friends and especially my wonderful family.

A Friend’s Greeting

By Edgar Guest

 I’d like to be the sort of friend

     that you have been to me;

I’d like to be the help that you’ve been

     always glad to be;

I’d like to mean as much to you

     each minute of the day

As you have meant, old friend of mine,

     to me along the way.

 

I’d like to do the big things

     and the splendid things for you,

To brush the gray out of your skies

     and leave them only blue;

I’d like to say the kindly things

     that I so oft have heard,

And feel that I could rouse your soul

     the way that mine you’ve stirred.

 

I’d like to give back the joy

     that you have given me,

Yet that were wishing you a need

     I hope will never be;

I’d like to make you feel

     as rich as I, who travel on

Undaunted in the darkest hours

     with you to lean upon.

 

I’m wishing at this Christmas time

     that I could but repay

A portion of the gladness

     that you’ve strewn along the way;

And could I have one wish this year,

     this only would it be:

I’d like to be the sort of friend

     that you have been to me.

~~~

Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand.

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. “Where did you get that?” John asked “I got it last night for Hanukkah,” said Stan. “What’s Hanukkah?” John asked.

“It’s the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights.”

“Wow, I wish we got that!” John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, “What’s wrong? Where’s your present from last night?” asks John.

Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, “It was leftovers night.”

~~~

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree:

The presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

Burton Hillis

~~~

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of  little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it  a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you.  Where would you like me to stick it?”

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

~~~

My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, “What’s the matter? You didn’t, like the other one?”

~~~

As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”

~~~

In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit.

Marge Kennedy

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Make It Sing

Ray’s Daily

December 20, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

It is essential to our well-being, and to our lives, that we play and enjoy life.

Every single day do something that makes your heart sing.

Marcia Wieder

heart sing

My day yesterday and today are keeping me busy so I am again sharing a Daily from long ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on December 20, 2005

~~~

Our year is about to end and it does for most of us at the height of our holiday season. This is the time of the year when most of us will find enjoyment from those we are with and what we will do. It is also the time when we have the opportunity to put some joy into the life of others. Many will find inspiration coming from their beliefs, others from there humanity. So I hope you can take a little bit of time to make someone else a little better. What a wonderful thing it would be if we all took time out for a week each other to put our anger, hatred, and selfishness aside and truly had the chance to experience peace on earth and goodwill toward man. Sure, I know it won’t happen, but it will not be because of you and I that it does not.

This is also the time of year when many of us will reflect on the past, we reflect on what was good and what was not good as 2005 slowly slipped away. This is also the very best time for us to inventory our blessings, rethink our desires, and recognize the challenges ahead. As we plan the future, we have the opportunity to promise ourselves that next year we will set aside time to enjoy the world around us and what we already have, especially our friends and family. And please above all commit to doing something special for yourself for it is only you that can open the door to personal joy.

I honestly believe that if we chose to be happy, we will be. All we have to do is look around us, there is so much pain in the everyday lives of the billions of people who have no food, medicine, shelter, or safety that we, by contrast should be grateful for everything we have.

Next year each morning as I awake I plan on remembering that I am safe, I am free, and I am alive, and that a new day is beginning and it is going to be one that I will enjoy. You can do it too, and just think if we do it at the same time we will have shared another experience, and shared experiences are always the best kind.

~~~

Enjoy the journey, enjoy every moment, and quit worrying about winning and losing.

Matt Biondi

~~~

LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

~~~

“He had delusions of adequacy.”

Walter Kerr

~~~

Two men were talking. “My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution,” said one. I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.

~~~

Jill:  Mary, what exactly is an “oxymoron”?

Mary:  It’s a phrase made up of contradictory terms, like “deafening silence.”

Jill:  Oh, I get it.  Like “Mr. Perfect”!

~~~

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.

Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi

~~~

A young boy enters the barber shop and Bill Soprovitch the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,  “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!!!!”

~~~

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Phyllis Diller

~~~

Ken sent us some “Senior” personal ads seen in Florida and Arizona newspapers:

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim,5′-4″ (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six- unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

~~~

If people weren’t meant to have midnight snacks, then why do they put a light in the refrigerator?

~~~

In a department store, a difficult customer and a patient clerk were having a hard time getting together. Nothing the clerk provided was suitable.

Finally, the finicky shopper said in annoyance, “Can’t you find a smarter clerk to serve me?”

“No,” said the saleswoman. “The smarter clerk saw you coming and disappeared.”

~~~

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

~~~

When I stopped to visit a friend, I found her on the phone with a real estate agent. “That’s a little high!” she exclaimed. “What can I get for less than $500 a month?” The reply was evidently not to my friend’s liking. “I see,” she said abruptly, and hung up.

“What did the agent say you could get?” I asked.

“A car.”

~~~

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither,

But just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.

Thornton Wilder

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

It’s My Job

Ray’s Daily

December 19, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.”

Lucille Ball

BE HAPPY

I thought I had retired after my two careers. They were the days when my jobs pretty mu ch dictated what I was going to do. Lately I have realized that senior living is as much of a job as those in my past.

While some my age do sit back and let events lead them to inactivity and listlessness, the folks I find enjoying their lives are managing themselves as if they were still actively employed. In my case, my wife’s needs as well as my own require that I fulfill a number of tasks while providing the most enjoyable environment that I can.

Just as it has always been my happiness depends on how well I do my job. It is in the vein that I offer the following edited article.in

7 Keys to Unlock Your Happiness

Shawn Doyle

As an entrepreneur, I think it’s essential to be happy while you’re on the journey of building your empire. In fact, research shows that happy people are typically much more successful. It’s with that in mind that I wanted to share seven key focal points from my new book, Jumpstart Your Happiness, that can help you become a happier person and, therefore, a better entrepreneur.

  1. Passion. – Do you have a passion for what you do? Passion is critical to happiness.The reality is that passion is critical because, on those days when business is tough, passion is what will drive you.
  2. Energy.- If you have more energy, you’ll be more enthusiastic and motivated and feel more accomplished in your life. In other words, you’ll feel happier. So the question is, how do you get more energy? The answer comes down to two physical elements: exercise and nutrition. Find a plan that helps you focus on diet and fitness.
  3. Social Life. – Having a good social life helps you get and stay happy because when you’re around other people, they validate your talents and gifts and provide social proof. In a lot of ways, a social life makes you feel loved and a part of something bigger. No matter how busy you are, make time for a social life.
  4. Expand Expectations. – Do you expect smaller results, or do you expect massive results? Research supports the idea that thinking big and thinking positively gets better results. Positive emotions broaden your sense of possibility and open your mind up to more options.”
  5. Purpose. – I believe that purpose is the foundation for maximum motivation and for having a truly happy life. Why is that? If you know your purpose, it gives you direction. It drives everything that you do. It makes you happy. If your business is tied to your purpose, that can be powerful.
  6. Thinking.- One way of being happy is to change your thinking and to realize that “thoughts are things.” What I mean by this is if you think positive thoughts, you get positive results. If you think negative thoughts, you get negative results.
  7. A mentor. – What’s the advantage of having a mentor? Well, first of all, guess what? I know it’s hard to believe, but you can’t learn or know everything yourself, and having a mentor is a shortcut to knowledge.

~~~

“Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.”

Dennis Waitley

~~~

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

“Not Gutenberg?” Gasped the collector.

“Yes, that was it!”

“You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!”

“Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. “It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther.”

~~~

There is no heavier burden than great potential

Linus (Peanuts)

~~~

** SIGNS YOU NEED A NEW DOCTOR **

– He calls you at two in the morning “just to talk.”

– He keeps accidentally referring to himself as “the defendant.”

– He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Brooklyn.

– He tries to color your X-Rays with crayons.

– Your internist thinks that “saline solution ” is taking his yacht to Barbados for 3 weeks.

~~~

She’s always late, in fact, her ancestors arrived on the June flower.

~~~

One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words.  “Mom,” she asked, “what’s a quarter horse?”

As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, “I know!  It’s the one they have in front of the grocery store.”

~~~

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

~~~

“I have good news and bad news,” the defense attorney told his client. “First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.”

“Oh, no!” cried the client. “What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is only 180.”

~~~

Researchers at Johns Hopkins announced an incredible breakthrough in shoe science.  Solving a puzzle that has eluded scientists for decades, they reported that it’s the left sandal that’s the flip, and the right sandal is the flop.

Craig Kilborn

~~~

“Intelligent” is a term used to describe someone who agrees with you.

~~~

Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry, a man searched this small Georgia town in which he was visiting until he found a sign which read: “Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service.”

After explaining his needs, he said, “I’ll be back for my suit tomorrow.”

“Won’t be ready til Saturday,” replied the proprietor.

“But I thought you had 24-hour service,” the customer protested.

“We do, son,” the proprietor said reproachfully.  “But we only work eight hours a day.  Today’s Thursday – eight hours today, eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday.  That’s 24-hour service.”

~~~

Why Men Shouldn’t Take Messages…Husband’s note to wife:

“Doctor’s office called:  Said Pabst Beer is normal.”

~~~

The Hospital regulations where Betty last worked as a nurse, like most all others, require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. One day Betty, found an elderly gentleman, already dressed and sitting on the bed with an overnight suit case besides him. The guy insisted he didn’t need Betty’s help to leave the hospital.

But after Betty educated him about the hospital rules, and vehemently insisting she would take him down to the hospital exit, he reluctantly agreed to let her wheel him to the elevator.

After they were downstairs and at the exit door, Betty asked if his wife or someone was meeting him and taking him home. “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”

~~~

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”

Stephen Wright

~~~

Contrary to popular belief, most blondes do indeed know the value of a dollar. The other day a blonde from Atlanta had her car break down. The tow truck driver charged her $65.00 to take the car to the garage less than 10 miles away.

When she told her husband that evening, he said that the driver had taken advantage of her.

She said, “I thought so. But I made him earn it. I kept the brakes on all the way.”

~~~

“To be kind to all, to like many and love a few, to be needed and wanted by those we love, is certainly the nearest we can come to happiness.”

Mary Stuart

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Precious Gifts

Ray’s Daily

December 18, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Every gift which is given, even though it be small, is in reality great, if it is given with affection.

Pindar

giving

I do appreciate those of you I have met and even those I don’t know personally. At this time of year many of us try to express our affection through the giving of gifts. In my case it is not easy to do that for my far-flung friends and acquaintances.

As I was contemplating what I might do I found a list compiled by someone who I think has the right idea. So my friends I am adopting his list. Here it is:

Priceless gifts you can give

THE GIFT OF LISTENING

No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your responses. Just listen.

THE GIFT OF AFFECTION

Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and hand holding.

THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER

Share articles, positive news, funny stories, and cartoons to tell someone, ‘I love to laugh with you.’

THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT

A simple and sincere ‘You look great in red,’ ‘You did a super job,’ or ‘That was a wonderful meal’ can make someone’s day.

THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE

Be sensitive to the times when others want nothing more than to be left alone.

THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION

The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, even if it’s just saying hello or thank you.

THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP

Without friends life would hardly be worth living, let your friends know just how much they mean to you today.

THE GIFT OF YOUR SMILE

A simple smile breaks all the barriers of language and culture. Smile and the world smiles with you!

Author Unknown

~~~

Love the giver more than the gift.

Brigham Young

~~~

A witness is testifying before the court, and the prosecuting attorney is asking him questions. “You witnessed the robbery, sir?”

“Yes” “What was stolen?”

“Two televisions”

“Did you see the thieves?”

“Yes” ”

Could you identify them?”

“Yes”

“Are the two men who stole the televisions in this courtroom?” At this point, the two defendants raised their hands.

~~~

Some can trace their family back 300 years, but can’t tell you where their children are tonight.

Lawrence Brotherton

~~~

The Hebrew school teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little David interrupted.

“My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

~~~

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

William Allen White

~~~

More wisdom from the kids.

Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.

—Michael, Age 14

Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.

—Joel, Age 12

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone.

—Alyesha, Age 13

Never try to baptize a cat.

—Laura, Age 13

~~~

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

~~~

The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. “How many of you,” he asked, “would say you’re opposed to war?”

Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, “Who’ll give us the reason for being opposed to war?”

A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand.

“Johnny?” the teacher said.

“I hate war,” Johnny said, “because wars make history, and I hate History!”

~~~

Never moon a werewolf.

~~~

The Rabbi’s wife called a psychiatrist and said, “My husband thinks he’s the new Moses.” The doctor assured her that these delusions of grandeur were only a passing fancy.

“OK.” she responded. “But in the meantime, how do I keep him from parting the waters in the hot-tub?”

~~~

We make ourselves rich by making our wants few.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination.

Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.

“Miss Jones,” he said finally, “it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination.”

~~~

“At whatever stage you apologize to your wife, the answer is always the same — ‘it’s too late now’.”

of her pupils, “What’s the nation’s capital?”

The reply was, “Washington DC.”

On being asked what the ‘DC’ stood for, the pupil added, “Dot com!”

~~~

The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.

Richard Moss

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

The Gift

Ray’s Daily

December 17, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Marcel Proust

gift

For many of us the season includes the exchange of gifts between loved ones and friends, For me it is a time to also express gratitude for the good things in my life, For me the material worth of a gift is not as important as the spirit in which it is given,

I fear that too many of us focus on the material value of what we receive instead of the expression of the love associated with the act. In truth most of us don’t need more things but can always use more affection.

Here is a story that I like as it embodies the gift that we all need.

A little girl was

A little girl was decorating a box with a gold wrapping paper to put it under the Christmas tree. Money was tight, so the girl‘s father punished her for wasting almost all roll of that expensive paper.

However, the next morning the girl brought the gift to her father. „This is for you, Daddy” – she said. He opened a box and found it empty, so he became angry again. „Don‘t you know, that when you give someone a gift, it is supposed that there would be something inside it” – he said severely.

The little girl looked at her father with tears in her eyes. „Daddy, this box is not empty, I filled it with my kisses, all for you“.

The father was stunned. He felt so embarrassed that could just put his arms around his little daughter and beg for her forgiveness.

For many years of his life the man kept that golden box near his bed. Wherever he felt sad and downhearted he opened the box and thought of love that the little child had put into it.

Each of us have been given a present of unconditional love from our children, family, friends and God. It is the most precious possession that anyone could hold.

~~~

“Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.”

Ernest Hemingway

~~~

Rule #1 If you’re coasting, you’re going down hill.

Rule #2 If you’re not coasting, you’re not going down hill.

~~~

Women have something now called Marriage Anonymous.  When they feel like getting married, they call somebody and they send over a man in a dirty T-shirt who hasn’t shaved in three days, smells like stale beer, and whines at her to make him a snack while he lies on the couch, emits various bodily gases and their accompanying noises, and watches football.

~~~

When you talk about someone behind their back, they will be there someplace.

~~~

“I have to have a raise,” the man said to his boss. “There are three other companies after me.”

“Is that so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?”

“The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”

~~~

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

~~~

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.

And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar.  He had them do this four times.

“Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”

A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. “To make the gravy,” came her enthusiastic reply.

~~~

Support bacteria — they’re the only culture some of us have.

~~~

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the bar, so one night he took her along.

“What’ll ya have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, it’s nasty poison!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

~~~

“Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.”

Erma Bombeck

~~~

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, “This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a handsome tip.”

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.

The usher leans over and whispers, “The wife did it.”

~~~

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.

Benjamin Franklin

~~~

Esther was entranced with an expensive mink coat she had seen in an exclusive shop, and for days she cudgeled her brain to think of a way to bring up the subject to her husband. Suddenly she had an inspired thought.

“Sol, last night I had a lovely dream.”

“What kind of a dream, Esther?”

“I dreamed that we passed by Saks Fifth Avenue, and there in the window was this gorgeous mink coat — only $6,200. And you know what you did? You went right in and bought it for me, Sollie dear!”

“Say, that really was a wonderful dream! Hereafter, in all your dreams, you should wear it in good health, Esther dear!”

~~~

“It is necessary, then, to cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”

Wallace D. Wattles

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

It’s Up To You

Ray’s Daily

December 16, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Happiness is not by chance, but by choice.

Jim Rohn

Choose Happiness

I am pleased that most of the folks I meet are pretty happy. I feel sorry for those who seem to focus on their unhappiness. Life is too short to be wasted in misery. I have never found that allowing events around me to take me down. I may be upset or saddened for a bit but it never lingers long enough to ruin my days.

I know that you also prefer happiness to woe. If you want to reinforce your ability to be happy you might find the following tips helpful. I wish I know who wrote it, but I don’t.

20 Positive Tips to Be Happy NOW

  1. Sit down and create a list of 50 things you love and then go ahead and actively engage yourself in one or two of the items on your list.
  2. Please accept yourself and love yourself – unconditionally. Practice extreme self-care and set healthy boundaries. Self-love is not selfish.
  3. Just Stop resurfacing and rethinking the past. Don’t invest your energy in things you can’t go back and redo.
  4. Do not make the mistake of comparing your life to others. Discover your own life’s purpose.
  5. Schedule something enjoyable: I know most of us have no time to do anything other than work, hence schedule it. When you schedule a fun time, you will stick to it and have fun.
  6. Oh please oh please, don’t waste your precious time and energy on idle gossip.
  7. Take a really good look around you. Who are you spending time with? Clear out your heart space and physical space to make room for positive, like-minded people who will contribute to your life – not take away from it.
  8. Laugh a lot, smile a lot and lighten up. Don’t take yourself so seriously.
  9. Let go of the “what if’s”. Please do not bother rehearsing the future with a whole lot of “what if’s” – it never turns out like you rehearsed it.
  10. Drink water, water, and more water! One of the first signs of dehydration is a mood swing.
  11. Embrace your dreams and dream Big! Even while you’re awake – dream big! Working towards that dream will reignite your passion and life purpose.
  12. You need to realize that there is only one person responsible for your happiness – and that person is YOU. Noone can make you feel sad or down unless YOU let them.
  13. Know without a doubt that everything happens FOR you – not TO you. Problems are opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. Embrace your life. All of it.
  14. Being right is not a necessity. You don’t always have to be right.
  15. Take a nature walk. Research shows that walking is great way to de-stress.
  16. Firmly practice mindfulness – in everything you do. Be IN the moment you are IN and not somewhere else.
  17. Considerably reduce your expectations and change your perceptions. Don’t try to change things you can’t control.
  18. You don’t have to have what everybody else has. Don’t long for what everybody else has. Know that you have everything you need and carve your own path.
  19. Clean out the clutter. Being surrounded by clutter can cause you to feel overwhelmed, stuck, and stressed.
  20. Say NO to hatred and revenge. Life is too short to waste on these negative emotions. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It will eat you up inside. Forgive. Then Drop it…let it go like a balloon in the sky forever.

~~~

Happiness grows at our own firesides, and is not to be picked in strangers’ gardens.

Douglas Jerrold

~~~

He said: As a senior at St. Cloud State University in Minnesota, I often engage women psychology majors in heated discussions about male-female relationships. Once, my friend Shelly and I got into a hot debate about whether men or women make the larger sacrifice of their respective gender characteristics when they get married.  To my surprise, Shelly agreed with me that men give up far more than women.

“You’re right, Steve,” she said.  “Men generally give up doing their cleaning, their cooking, their grocery shopping, their laundry.”

~~~

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction of being loved for yourself, or, more correctly, being loved in spite of yourself.

Victor Hugo

~~~

When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. “The first ten years are the hardest.”

“How long have you been married?” I asked.

“Ten years,” she replied.

~~~

“According to a recent Bureau of Justice survey, night is the most dangerous time for law enforcement officers. Second most dangerous time: day.”

Jimmy Fallon

~~~

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg.”

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”

“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

“Aye,” said the lad.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Angus blurted out, “Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”

~~~

Wow, I wonder how long I would be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them.

~~~

Some Flight Announcements You Might Not Want To Hear

“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

~~~

The kindest way of helping yourself is to find a friend.

Ann Kaiser Stearns

~~~

The new postman is delivering a registered parcel and needs a signature so he rings the doorbell. Sadie sticks her head out of the bedroom window and says, “Nu, what is it?”

“I have a registered parcel for Mrs Levy,” he replies.

“Is it wrapped in fancy gift paper or just plain brown paper?” Sadie asks.

“Ordinary brown paper, madam,” he replies.

“So who is it from?” Sadie asks.

“It’s from John Lewis department store, madam,” he replies.

“Does it say from which branch?” Sadie asks.

“Yes, madam,” he replies, “it’s from Oxford Street.”

“Does it say what’s in it?” Sadie asks.

“It says it’s from their Writing Instruments department,” he replies. “Will you now come down and sign for it, please.”

“Sorry,” replies Sadie, “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” he asks.

“Because,” Sadie replies, “I’m Sadie Cohen. Mrs Levy lives next door.”

~~~

If you want to be happy you have to work to make it happen. You can’t just wish for it and you can’t put it in the hands of other people.

Michael Buckley

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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