Ray's Daily

“Courage is not limited to the battlefield or the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody’s looking, like enduring pain when the room is empty, like standing alone when you’re misunderstood.”

Charles Swindoll

It’s a special time in my hometown this weekend. We like everyone in the U.S. will have a three day holiday since Monday is our nation’s Memorial Day. Memorial Day is a day set aside to remember the veterans who have died in past and present wars as well as our loved ones who are no longer with us. It is not all solemn as stores will offer deep discounts this weekend and the weather will result in outdoor cookouts, picnics and just plain fun. Here in Indianapolis we will be hosting the annual 500 mile race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Sunday. It has been called the greatest spectacle in racing and there will be about 300,000 fans in the stands. That’s right, there will be more people in attendance than live in the country of Iceland all sitting together as they watch the cars race at speeds of well over 200 miles per hour.

Since Ray’s Daily will be shutdown for the Monday holiday you won’t see us again until June 1^st. June is going to be a busy month for the editor, especially since he is scheduled to make a quick trip out of the country on special assignment for a week or more so I thought I should get a jump on the June planning by listing some of our national themes for the month. They are:

Audiobook Month – I refuse to limit my listening to books to only June, I keep at least 6 unabridged books on my IPod at all times and listen to them in the car as I drive from hither and then on to yon. It makes the drives seem so much shorter even when I purposely choose long cuts instead of short cuts.

Drive Safe Month – My accidents have never been my fault, it has been the fault of the people I run into, if they would have stayed home nothing would have happened. That notwithstanding I will keep driving defensively attempting to avoid both fixed and moving objects.

Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Month – This is one of my favorites, almost all the farmers markets will be open this weekend and then every weekend throughout the summer. Yippee fresh real food, don’t you love it!

People Skills Month – We all need this one, let’s all hate less and love more!

Rose Month – Rose worked for me many years ago, I did not know she had her own month. I wonder how she is doing.

Vision Research Month – If I can find my glasses I’ll start the research, if I can’t then sorry I’ll have to wait for the audio book.

~~~

Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.

Mary Anne Radmacher

~~~

Flying can be interesting; here are some flight announcements from the past.

  •       In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.

  •       Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

  •       "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

~~~

"You know that old saying, ‘Strike while the iron is hot?’ Well, I think that’s a pretty dumb saying, ’cause I’ll betcha a cold iron will hurt like hell, too."

Charlie Acord

~~~

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How’s my driving-call 1-800-***-."

6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting-practice.

7. You’re convinced there’s a God and he’s male.

8. You can’t believe they don’t make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.

9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

~~~

"If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."

Jack Lemmon

~~~

A lady leaves Montreal on route 20 heading toward Quebec city, when she decided to stop at a comfort station. The first toilet stall was occupied, so she went into the second one. She was no sooner seated than she heard a voice from the next stall:

"Hi, how are you doing?"

Well, she wasn’t the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and she really don’t know quite what possessed her, but anyway, she answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad."

The stranger said: "And, what are you up to?"

Talk about your dumb questions! She was really beginning to think this was too weird! So she said: "Well, just like you I am driving east?"

About then she heard the stranger, all upset, say: "Look, I’ll call ya right back, there’s some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I’m asking you. Bye!"

~~~

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."

Marty Feldman

~~~

Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"

"I didn’t even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson.

"And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper costume for a mother of two."

"I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either," said Mr. Peterson.

"Oh, for heaven’s sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson.  "A lot of good it does you to go to church."

~~~

"Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?"

~~~

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in Florida.

In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver…"Say, is this really a healthful place?"

"It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."

"That’s wonderful!" said the tourist , "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here."

~~~

Contrary to popular belief, used-car salesmen are fairly honest with their customers.  It’s usually a condition of their parole.

~~~

Just being yourself is often the greatest act of courage of all.

Ray Mitchell

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.

Thomas L. Holdcroft

I had a productive day yesterday as I got my brain scan done, it is not one of my favorite tests. I should know the results next week. I thought that was all the tests for this week but my Neurologist decided she did not want my Neurosurgeon to have all the fun so she has me getting a carotid artery doppler exam on Friday as a follow-up to last summer’s stroke. Fortunately it is only an ultrasound procedure so no needles, IV’s or the dreaded contrast dyes used in the brain scans.

I liked it a little better when my human interaction did not include as many white coats. Of course I know I am fortunate that they are there and that they care so much, many have become friends and we always have fun together.

~~~

A couple of times in the past month or so I shared with you some items off a life’s lessons list a friend sent me years ago. Here are a few more with my thoughts added.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you. – It took me awhile to learn how really true this, my life is mine and it is up to me to use it wisely. What has surprised me is how in the years when I was a little grumpy I met a lot of grumpy people, it is funny how they all changed when I became a happier person.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?" – I don’t even think you need to ask yourself about five years, in my case most often when I ask if this will make any difference tomorrow the answer generally has been, “not really.” In the same spirit I find that if I lose something I care about and I ask myself if the world will end because I did, the answer is always no, so I forget what I can’t change and just move on.

Forgive everyone everything. – Not always easy but really worth it. I don’t want what they do to bog me down, it’s just not worth it. Iif they are frequent pains all I have to do is walk away forever.

Time heals almost everything. Give time time. – I spent a major part of my life as a trouble shooter which meant that folks could hand their problems off to me, in the process I learned that problems were easier to solve the next day. Fortunately the things we think are big problems really are not that big. The ones that are truly significant are not as debilitating if we take some time to let them mellow while we do some personal character building.

~~~

Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope.

Tom Head

~~~

MORE HELPFUL HINTS FOR LIFE

• If you’re bidding on a job for UPS, don’t send your bid by FedEx.
• If your computer says, Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
• A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
• When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don’t do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you’re sure you can make them both fit in there.
• If you’re in the armed services, and it’s April 1st, and you get an e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don’t.
• If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don’t have to specify whether it’s for a Windows or a Macintosh.

~~~

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.

Sam Ewing

~~~

A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I’m a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don’t care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket.

After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?"

"That’s nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy who I put off in Buffalo!"

~~~

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

~~~

Whenever I travel by plane someone always says, "Have a safe trip." Since when does a safe plane flight become my responsibility?  I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do! Go kick the tires, drug test the pilot, what?

I feel I’m doing my part by not going up to the cockpit every five minutes and asking, "Are we there yet?"

~~~

Murphy’s Technology Law #3:

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

~~~

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.

She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?"

The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."

The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I’m talking to a wall."

~~~

A frustrated wife told me the other day her definition of retirement: "Twice as much husband on half as much pay."

~~~

A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"

The man said, "You don’t understand. I need a card that covers BOTH events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday…"

~~~

Don’t wish for less challenges; wish for more wisdom.

Unknown

~~~

As the storm raged, the sea captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we’re one short."

~~~

Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.  I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drive into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl.  Let him come out as I do, and bark.

Samuel Johnson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

“We all dream a lot – some are lucky, some are not.

But if you think it, want it, dream it, then it’s real. You are what you feel.”

Tim Rice

I can’t stop and talk right now I am off to the hospital to let them see if they can find anything in my head, it will be a day or two before I get the results. If I am done in time I also will be going to a meeting so let me send you what we wrote five years ago today.

~~~

May 26, 2005

Practice builds skill. I’ve heard golfers and tennis players say,

"The harder I practice, the luckier my game gets."

Author: Marsha Sinetar

~~~

This is all well and good but let me tell you it does not apply to gambling. I practice when I can. Here are the results of my Tuesday at the casino:

1.       I am ahead.

2.       I am even

3.       I am behind

4.       I am broke

5.       I canceled the Tahiti reservation.

~~~

Have you noticed that other people have the luck while think we don’t? If the truth be told we all can be lucky if we are ready for it, recognize it, and accept it.

I consider myself truly lucky for being allowed to do the things I have done, met so many good people along the way, being part of a great family, and living in a world that offers me so much to see and learn. I also think I am fortunate that I don’t have a lot of expensive material goods to worry about.

Brian Tracy had it right when he said. “I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often.”

~~~

All of us have bad luck and good luck. The man who persists through the bad luck – who keeps right on going – is the man who is there when the good luck comes – and is ready to receive it.

Robert Collier

~~~

Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn’t impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought his true love a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn’t having any of it. "Don’t you think I like variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought his true love two eggs – one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love… enjoy!" Kathy was furious, "You scrambled the wrong egg!"

~~~

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.

Bill Vaughan

~~~

"How come you’re late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course. "What did you do?" asked the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

~~~

The American reading his Sunday paper in a state of lazy collapse is perhaps the most perfect symbol of the triumph of quantity over quality…. Whole forests are being ground into pulp daily to minister to our triviality.

Irving Babbitt

~~~

A couple’s happily married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in their household of old Aunt Emma.

For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding.

Eventually, the old girl passed away.

On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confesses to his wife,

"Darling, if I didn’t love you so much , I don’t think I would of have put up with having your Aunt Emma in our house all those years!"

His wife looked at him aghast.

"Huh? My Aunt Emma!?" she cried.  "I thought she was *your* Aunt Emma!"

~~~

Fancy Restaurant  — One that serves cold soup on purpose.

~~~

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.  

She rolled the dice and she landed on ‘Science & Nature.’ Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"  

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"  

~~~

"I’ll believe in reincarnation in my next life."

~~~

A priest was preparing a dying man for his ‘long day’s journey into night’. Whispering firmly, the priest says, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."

The dying man says nothing.

The priest repeats his order again.

Still, the dying man says nothing.

The priest asks, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man replies, "Until I know exactly where I’m headed, I don’t think it’s such a good idea to aggravate anybody."

~~~

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

~~~

Bryant, a youngster about four years old, loved having ice cream after dinner every evening. He would sit on his mother’s lap and have a small bowl for dessert.

Unfortunately, he developed the habit of licking the bowl afterwards to "make sure he got it all".

This went on for a while, much to his mother’s chagrin. Finally, trying to tactfully hint that it was not such a great idea, she said, "You know, when I was your age, my mother said that licking my dish was a VERY impolite thing to do."

Bryant thought a minute, and then responded, "Well you can do it now if you like, because I don’t mind at ALL!"

~~~

Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

~~~

After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had backed the truck up to our garage door so that we could start loading all of the boxes. Just then one of our neighbors came walking across the lawn carrying a plate full of muffins. 

"Isn’t that thoughtful," my husband said to me.  "They must have realized that we packed our kitchen stuff."

The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the neighborhood!"

~~~

Fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds.

Buddha

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

Doug Larson

These sure aren’t the easy times are they? I was looking into today’s news and with the global economy again softening, an escalating crisis on the Korean peninsula, the plummeting Euro and the disastrous Gulf oil spill it would be easy to let events take us down. And for some a long period of unemployment requires all their strength just to stay upbeat. Yep, it is tough to stay optimistic but the alternative only makes things worse. There has seldom been a better time for us to learn how to rise above our problems than right now. If you don’t know how you might do that you can start by reading this article by Dr. Bernie Kastner a psychotherapist who helps individuals (including college students) take charge of their life so they can achieve more of their goals. Here is an excerpt from what he wrote.

How to Reduce Stress & Keep Balance in Your Life by Warding Off the Things You Hate to Do

* Are you stressed out right now about doing something you hate to do?

* Does your life feel off balance?

* Are you using procrastination as a defense mechanism?

A former professor of mine told me that if you have something unpleasant to do, don’t put it off – it will only get worse. Many of us have "to do" lists that we create for ourselves on any particular day. It is not uncommon for this list to consist of ten or more items. Some of us even prioritize the list either in their order of importance, or in the logistical order in which they would get checked off most efficiently. Rarely are we brave enough to put the unpleasant tasks first. Upon further reflection, why should anyone begin one’s day with something unpleasant? Why not first do something you like, and then do the dirty work? This way you already have something positive under your belt for the day.

The First Way to Ward Off the Things You Hate to Do

The concept of first doing something nice is well-documented. Some refer to it as a "spiritual reservoir". This means that every day you build up your spiritual bank account with "feel-good" types of things like giving charity, volunteering, going out of your way to do a favor for a stranger, getting your endorphin levels up by exercising or by just enjoying a good book.

Each time you do anything that either promotes a good feeling inside you or builds up your confidence in some way, it gets added to your account. As these kinds of points build up on the positive side of the ledger, over time it can accumulate to quite an impressive number.

Now imagine you are having a bad day, or better yet, you know in advance that you will be facing a tougher day than usual. As long as you know you have a positive balance in your "well-being" account, you simply withdraw a certain point value that you ascribe to the challenge you will be facing, and at the end of the day you still remain with a positive balance on your ledger.

For example, let’s say you did 25 acts of kindness in the last week and you determined that you now have 100 points in your bank account. You have a crucial presentation to make in a couple of days and you are getting very nervous. It is taking something out of you, but it is hard to quantify. Tell yourself that the presentation is not the end of the world, and that this nervous energy is worth 30 points. In your overall perspective, it will cost you 30, but you still have 70 left in the bank.

Initial feelings of despair and disproportion suddenly fall away. When you see your account getting low, then you know you need to build it up once again. You can understand that if you allow the "state" of your account to go into overdraft, you are starting out from a point of distress and any additional challenges that come along your way will only add to that minus. Think about this reservoir as a protective seal that coats you with a thick layer of positive energy whenever you need it. The account is open 24 hours a day and deposits and withdrawals can be made accordingly.

~~~

Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold.  But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.

Douglas Pagels

~~~

"What Doctors Say, And What They’re Really Thinking"

"This should be taken care of right away." I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here…?" He has no idea and is hoping you’ll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"I’d like to prescribe a new drug." I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call." I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

~~~

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"

Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Charlie Brown

~~~

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection – a baseball bat to the cash register.

"Cash or charge," the clerk asked.

"Cash," she snapped.  Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.  I am way past sane!!"

"Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you going back there?"

~~~

Anything is possible, unless it’s not.

~~~

WAYS TO STAY STRESSED (Not funny but important)

Are you worried now about how to stay stressed? You’ll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:

NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.

EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, if cigarette smoke can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to.

GAIN WEIGHT. Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES. Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress.

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM. Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don’t take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE – BE MACHO. Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!

BECOME A WORKAHOLIC. Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.

DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS. Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.

PROCRASTINATE. Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN’T CONTROL. Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.

BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS… …and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don’t meet them."

THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one.

~~~

When you find yourself stressed, ask yourself one question: Will this matter in 5 years from now?

If yes, then do something about the situation. If no, then let it go.

Catherine Pulsifer

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which will never happen.

James Russel Lowell

This is a week I have been waiting for. I get to meet my new urologist; my former went and died on me sometime ago. He had wanted to keep chasing an elusive stone and do a cut here and a nip there in an effort to reduce the foundation of my exercise program – frequent use of the facilities. I am doing as well as can be expected so I don’t think I will have to do more than provide a sample and do the annual goodbye until next time trick.

The biggie is that I get another brain scan on Wednesday to see if my aneurism has quit growing or if my super head guy wants to take action. I was staying close to the Doctors recently in case it acted up but I have decided it is not worth doing that so unless he discovers something new I am going to stay active, travel when I can, do what I can, communicate with you when I can and have as much fun as I can. After all life is to be enjoyed not lived filled with worry. I have always been glad that I seldom worried until it was too late, for that freed me from being anchored down by thousands of concerns about what might happen that never do. So I am going on, confident that all will be well, and if not I will still have had additional worry free days.

I like what Ralph Marston said a few weeks ago when he wrote:

If you’re able to worry, you’re also able to be confident. Because from a functional standpoint, worry and confidence are pretty much the same thing.

Worry is the expectation that something negative will happen. Confidence is the expectation that something positive will happen.

How do you create confidence about something that hasn’t happened yet? You use the exact same process you would use to create worry. The big difference between worry and confidence is the expected outcome. And the powerful fact is, you can expect whatever outcome you choose.

There’s another way that worry and confidence are quite similar. They both tend to be self-fulfilling prophesies. So instead of destroying your effectiveness with worry, you can vastly enhance your effectiveness with confidence. It takes nothing more than a simple yet powerful change in your expectations.

~~~

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

Mark Twain

~~~

Tips from the kids:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.  Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.– Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.– Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids.– Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.  Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.– Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead.  The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.– Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich.– Pam, age 7

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife.  I don’t want to be all grossed out.– Theodore, age 8

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys.  Boys need someone to clean up after them.– Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?– Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. — Ricky, age 10

~~~

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

~~~

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer’s down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. What’ll it be?"

The first priest says, "I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I’ve always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them, He asks.?"

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."  "Why?" asketh the Lord.

"He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

~~~

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

James Matthew Barrie

~~~

One of those physical fitness club franchises was preparing to enter the international market.  They placed ads in newspapers all over the county for people who could represent them on a tour.  The ad said:

We’re looking for five men in peak physical condition.  Must be able to speak Spanish, French, Chinese, or Japanese.  Must be knowledgeable about weights, aerobics, and at least two major sports.

The day after the ad appeared, a heavy man of about 70 appeared in the offices of the fitness club.  "I’m here about the ad," he said.

The bronzed Adonis behind the desk looked surprised, but decided to be polite.  "Do you speak Spanish or French?" he asked.

"Nope," the old man said.

"Chinese? Japanese?"

"No, both times."

"Know anything about weights or aerobic exercises?"

"Only that I wouldn’t be caught dead with either one."

"How about sports?"

"I’ve never played anything more taxing than checkers."

"I see," the young man said.  "Tell me something.  Why did you come here?"

"To tell you to count me out."

~~~

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

To give up the task of reforming society is to give up one’s responsibility as a free man.

Alan Paton

Sorry gang, I did it again. I ended up with early morning meetings followed by volunteer work on a new community garden. I then was asked to help resolve a neighborhood problem and I am about to start cooking dinner with no Daily. So we go back to the past once again.

Ray’s Daily first published May 21, 2007

I worked over the weekend at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway with a fellow Salvation Army volunteer. She is a decade or two younger than I am yet we found we had much in common. Some of our conversation centered on the youth that will soon manage our world and our lives. We wondered if the pressures and materialism faced by many results in their being too narrowly focused to be able to deal with the broader responsibility of governing our society. Have they time for the humanities? Have they been sold on the idea that all politics is bad? Are they convinced that there is nothing anyone can do? I hope the answer is no to all of these, at least for our very best and brightest.

For some reason I started to think about how much of how we are so often distracted by so much activity around us everyday that we fail to invest in what might be a better tomorrow. Sometime ago I picked up some ideas that I think are important

• Find your own happiness. It amazes me how many of us don’t stop long enough to analyze what gives us pleasure. Too often we let others decide where we should look for happiness. I suggest that if you like to read then read. If you like to travel then travel. And if you want to see what you might be missing, get involved.
• Stray from the path once in awhile. Many of us reach the starting line in our lives and always follow the course laid out by others. Almost always you will find that it is those who stray from the beaten path who contribute the most to building a better world.
• Don’t run too fast. I pity those who run so fast that they never see anything around them. Sadly when they get to the finish line they find the race is over and their lives have ended. Everyone is a resource that should be used and not wasted, stop once in awhile and regroup for it is often the new beginning that allows us to be all we might be.
• Let go! Don’t let the past define our future. Some will say that doing it the same way we always did provides us proven results, don’t kid yourself too often this just provides us the excuse to coast with what we have. Those who stay in the past stagnate, and they become the past, as the one thing you can be sure off the world is always changing whether we do or not.
• There is a lot more I could say but I won’t. The bottom line is that if our leaders of tomorrow don’t know themselves, don’t take a risk once in awhile, don’t stop to see if there is a better way, and lock them selves into the past because it is a safe harbor, then my friends I fear that my golden years will not be as bright if those who will have the power to manage society let us down.

~~~

The way people in democracies think of the government as something different from themselves is a real handicap.

Lewis Mumford

~~~

Selma telephones home with some exciting news:

"Mama, I got married." "Mazel Tov," says Mama.

"I might as well tell you, Mama, he’s not of our Faith." "So he’s a goy. But am I prejudiced?"

"But, Mama, he’s also black." "So he’s a schvartzeh. By me, everybody should be tolerant."

"Well, frankly, Mama, he’s also unemployed." "So, you’ll support him. A wife should help her husband."

"But, Mama, we have no place to live." "Don’t worry, Selma, dear. You’ll move in with us."

"But Mama, you have only one bedroom." "That’s okay. You and your husband can have the bedroom."

"Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa sleep?" "Papa can sleep on the couch in the living room."

"Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?"

"Selma, dear, about me you don’t need to worry. The minute I get off the phone…I’m going to drop dead."

~~~

Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.

~~~

Nadine and Jill got summer jobs as cashiers in a grocery store.

Nadine is ringing up an order on her line and comes to a small dairy carton that isn’t scanning and has no price on it.  She yells out to Jill, "How much is half-and-half?"

Without a moment’s hesitation Jill replied, "One."

~~~

Seven out of 10 people say they are feeling the pinch of high gas prices. The other three have bought siphoning equipment.

Jim Barach

~~~

New Office Work Rules

1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor’s statement as proof of illness, as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.  

2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.  

3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.  

4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.  

5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms. In the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order, for instance, those with last names beginning with "A" will be allowed to go from 9:00-9:05, and so on. If you are unable to go at your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes around again.  

6. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you’ll never do enough.  

7. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.  

8. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.  

9. THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.  

10. WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG, REFER TO RULE 9.  

~~~

He had delusions of adequacy."

Walter Kerr

~~~

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service.

The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister.

"I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I’d like to meet him."

~~~

Vuja De – The Feeling You’ve Never Been Here.

~~~

In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time.  

"For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?"  

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."  

"Why is that?" Asked the professor.  

"For one thing," the student said, "She’d be way too old."  

~~~

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Aristotle

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

It’s another one of those full days today. A dental appointment, my semi-weekly blood draw, a Persian Gulf lecture, and a Council on World Affairs dinner will leave little time for much including the always desirable mid-day nap. Yep, you got it; I am substituting a past Daily instead of creating something more scatterbrained then usual.

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on May 19, 2005

I realize that humor isn’t for everyone.

It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.

Anne Wilson Schaef

~~~

Ain’t that the truth. I just realized that over the past few weeks I have gotten awfully solemn in the daily. After rereading some of the stuff I got to worrying that I might be taking myself too seriously. Fortunately most of you know that my faults preclude any serious positioning. It’s like the guy said, it is too bad that you don’t think you are special, even though you are not.

That famous doctor, Dr. Seuss, once said, “From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.”  I am sure Dr. Seuss meant including ourselves.

Going through life always playing the part of someone else is not nearly as much fun as just letting go and being yourself. We should never take ourselves too seriously, if we do we will miss out on all the fun. One nice thing about doing something dumb or embarrassing, is that once we do it we no longer have to prove ourselves to others, they will already know we are human. If you are too perfect you may scare away people who find perfection either frightening or boring.

So drop everything, break a heel, lose a button, forget to zip up, and do something fun, outrageous, or just silly. When you do you can say to the world, “Damn you, I am not going to let you get me down, I am looking for the good times and you better not stand in my way.”

~~~

All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.

Samuel Butler

~~~

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We’ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning."

Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."

The wife responded, "But we’ve never subscribed to any papers!"

~~~

The only thing that men will brag about theirs being smaller than another man’s is his cell phone.

~~~

Over a pleasant evening meal Bill, John and Doug were discussing going to the gym and the various effects of working out.

Doug said that it was possible to get "pectoral inserts" for the "reasonable" cost of $6000.

Bill snickered, looked completely aghast and commented, "For $6000 you could get a personal trainer and get the same result without surgery."

John replied, "For $6000 you could get a woman who doesn’t care what you look like."

~~~

How about a constitutional amendment that declares anything said in a campaign speech to be under oath?

~~~

The Classifieds   If you see this describing a man, here’s what it really means:

40-ish – 52 and looking for 25-yr-old  

Athletic – Sits on the couch and watches ESPN  

Average looking – Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back  

Educated – Will always treat you like an idiot  

Free Spirit – Sleeps with your sister  

Fun – Good with a remote and a six pack  

Good looking – Arrogant  

Honest – Pathological Liar  

Huggable – Overweight, more body hair than a bear  

Likes to cuddle – Insecure, overly dependent  

Mature – Until you get to know him  

Open-minded – Wants to sleep with your sister  

Physically fit – I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself  

Poet – Has written on a bathroom stall  

Spiritual – Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday  

Stable – Occasional stalker, but never arrested  

Thoughtful – Says "please" when demanding a beer  

~~~

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

Ken said:

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.  The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father"

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that".

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many".

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar".

~~~

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

~~~

There is a new virus. The code name is WORK. If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely.  

If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your system.  

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life.  

If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.  

I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive, so I’m headed for the bar anyway…it never hurts to be safe.  

~~~

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

Woody Allen

~~~

Rifka and Beckie were talking about their children. Rifka asked Beckie how her daughter was.

"Not too good. My daughter just divorced her husband. He was a doctor."

Rifka replied, "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that."

Beckie continued, "Yes, it is sad. Her first husband, whom she divorced three years ago, was a dentist. But she is OK now, she is  dating a handsome lawyer."

"A dentist, a doctor and a lawyer," Rifka exclaimed,  "OY VEY! All these blessings from just one daughter!"

~~~

"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine."

Anthony J. D’Angelo

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

“Enthusiasm is contagious. Be a carrier.”

Susan Rabin

This morning I was reading some of the articles that I have saved and reread the following by best selling author Gretchen Rubin were she promotes the value of our being enthusiastic. It started me thinking about the people I worked with on various projects last week and as I reflected I realized that the one thing they all had in common was enthusiasm. What I especially like is that enthusiasm is contagious and there are not too many things better than being around people who like doing what they are doing and who let you do it with them.

One of the things that hit home in Gretchen’s article was her saying she tries to act the way she wants to feel and in my experience that is often the difference between having a bad day and a good day. Her comments also reminded me that far too many people who spend all of their time being critical of those who are enthusiastic and happy, fortunately I have learned to ignore the destroyers as I rush to join the builders.

So how about trying it, let the complainers sit around bad mouthing everything as they contribute nothing while you are up, out, having fun while enjoying life.

Why I’d Rather Be Enthusiastic than Confident

By Gretchen Rubin

Lately, I’ve been thinking about enthusiasm. I’ve become increasingly convinced of the importance of enthusiasm to happiness. Enthusiasm is energetic, positive, generous, and social. It’s outward-turning and engaged. It’s kind of goofy.

As one of my happiness-project experiments, I tried putting sticky notes throughout the apartment with two key adjectives to keep in mind as I went through my day. In my office, the sticky note originally said, “Creative and confident.” But as I thought more about the quality of confidence, I decided that it really wasn’t the right adjective.

Confidence has an overtone of posture; also it relates to the way I’m seen by others, or the way I feel about myself. Enthusiasm, on the other hand, has to do with the way I feel about something or someone else. Enthusiasm is a form of social courage; it’s safer to criticize and scoff than to praise and embrace.

Enthusiasm is contagious; one person’s enthusiasm can infect others with enjoyment. My mother-in-law is a theater nut who takes my older daughter to the theater a lot, especially to musicals. If my daughter took a class in musicals, would she love them? I’m not sure. But being swept up in her grandmother’s enthusiasm has made her love them, too.

I’m not a particularly enthusiastic person, except in certain very specific areas, and I’m trying to do a better job of tapping into my enthusiastic side and encouraging other people’s enthusiasms. For instance, I follow resolutions to give positive reviews and to act the way I want to feel.

There’s a dark tendency in human nature to mock or attack other people’s enthusiasms. It’s easy to make fun of ping-pong or Barry Manilow or Star Trek or wine-tasting — but why do it? I remind myself to Shield my joyous ones. I draw energy and cheer from the joyous ones, from the enthusiastic ones, and I need to encourage and join them, not drag them down.

~~~

“Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Moe and Lenny are strolling home from Shul one Saturday morning.

Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.

"Well," said Lenny. "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."

"Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn’t you read that book I lent you. ‘The Other Side of the Story,’ about the command to judge other people favorably? I’ll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving’s behavior."

"Yeah, like what?"

"Maybe he’s sick and needs to go to the hospital."

"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab, he’s healthier than Arnold Schwartzennegger."

"Well, maybe his wife’s having a baby."

"She had one last week."

"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."

"She’s home."

"Well, maybe he’s running to the hospital to get a doctor."

"He is a doctor."

"Well, maybe he needs supplies from the hospital."

"The hospital is a three minute walk in the opposite direction."

"Well, maybe he forgot that it’s Shabbos!"

"Of course he knows it’s Shabbos. Didn’t you see his tie? It was his paisley beige l00% silk Giovanni tie from Italy. He never wears it during the week."

"Wow, you’re really observant! I didn’t even notice he was wearing a tie."

"How could you not notice? Didn’t you see how it was caught on the back fender of the taxi?"

~~~

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."

~~~

A professor at the Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures.  

At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase.  

For example, when the professor said, "On the other hand," that counted as a base hit. "By the same token" was a strike out; "and so on" counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball.  

On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly.  

Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.  

~~~

What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t invent with your mouth.

Jewish proverb

~~~

Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her."  

"Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her."  

"Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don’t tell her I told you that she told me."  

~~~

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Mark Twain

~~~

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny… He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house… walked home… and left it there all night.

You got to love George!

~~~

If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind.

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

"Don’t waste your life in doubts and fears: spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour’s duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hi everyone, as you can see I made it back from five active days of service projects, friendship building and personal renewal. It was great, although I must admit that my body is still creaking from the aftermath of so much standing, walking, and modest misuse, but it was well worth some minor discomfort. I again learned that the best way to get to know people is to share an experience with them and I feel fortunate to be given so many opportunities to do so. Oh yes and by the way the shared experiences were for the benefit of others and that is where self-renewal is found.

It is always rewarding to see how much we gain from staying active and working, especially with others. I am at a point that retirement income covers my material needs so I am free to choose what I do. The work I am allowed to do these days is much more meaningful and rewarding than most of the work I got paid for in the past. Fortunately most of us can enrich our lives outside of the workplace by becoming involved in a wide variety of good works, and I’ll tell you it beats the heck out of using spare time for worrying about the future and agonizing over the present. Of course there are some basic life principles that can insure that you’re at your best. Here are some edited suggestions that life coach Steve Brunkhorst offers to minimize stress and anxiety in our lives.

1. Get Enough Sleep. Inadequate sleep effects one’s mood negatively and increases stress level. Adequate sleep helps people to be healthier, happier, more creative, more productive, less accident prone, and more effective in relationships.

2. Optimize Your Schedule. Look at your priorities and choose those activities that are essential for your purpose and objectives. If you find that you are over-scheduled, opt out of the nonessentials. Work with excellence on what is most important at the time.

3. Keep Expectations Realistic. Expecting ourselves or others to be perfect is certainly not realistic. However, expecting continuous improvement is realistic. Compliment others for a job well done. Request help when you need it rather than becoming stressed over something that cannot be done well without help.

4. Stay Physically Fit and Eat a Healthy Diet. Moderate exercise helps to reduce stress. A healthy diet with proper vitamins and minerals provides the fuel to help our bodies function optimally, especially under stressful conditions.

5. Relax Everyday. Each day, do at least one activity that you enjoy. This is like replenishing your emotional energy account. We feel the best when our emotions are in a moderate stage of engagement. When emotions run too low or high, they also negatively affect our physical tension, posture, and feelings of well-being.

6. Change your Routine. For many people, monotony in a daily schedule can drive stress through the roof. Occasionally, take a different route to work. Begin reading about something you’ve always wanted to learn about. Do something just for you that you’ve always wanted to do – no more putting it off. Do one small thing that is completely new for you every week!

7. Solve Problems with Action. Much of the stress and anxiety we experience comes from dwelling on our problems and feeling a lack of control. This attitude only attracts more anxiety as we begin to worry about things that will never happen. Instead, put yourself in the driver’s seat. Look calmly at your problem and take stock of your options. Then, take one positive action toward a solution. Action leads to confidence, and it will help relieve stress and anxiety, giving you a greater feeling of control.

~~~

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask, I’d still have to say it."

George Burns

~~~

Recently, I was on a plane that had taken off and was approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants came on the public- address system.

She announced that she was sorry, but the plane’s restrooms were out of order.  The flight attendant went on to apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she finished cheerily with: "So, as compensation, free drinks will be served."

~~~

The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "GEORGE AND THE DRAGON".

He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly.

"Could I have a drink of water?"

"No!" she said again.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable then?"

"NO!"  By this time she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond still continued,  "Might I please…?"

"What *now*?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"D’ye suppose," he asked…"I might have a word with George?"

~~~

"Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air, and you."

Langston Hughes

~~~

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?"

"No," he answered. "I’m only after one thing."

As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."

~~~

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

~~~

From British Newspapers

* Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)

* Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

* A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)

* At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn’t have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)

~~~

"If you can’t find the time to do it right the first time, when will you find the time to do it over?"

~~~

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row, please," she answered.

"You really don’t want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I’m the pastor’s mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered.

~~~

“The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.”

Arthur H. Stainback;

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.