Ray's musings and humor

Lessons About Life

Ray’s Daily

December 3, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

The wisest mind has something yet to learn.

George Santanaya

When you get to be my age you realize you really do not need much more than you already have. In fact in my case I still have too many clothes and want for little more things than I already have. What I do covet is the time I get to spend with the many good people I live with in my senior citizen residence.

It seems like the older folks become the wiser they are. They probably have always possessed the attributes that make them special today, it is just that now they are more willing to share.

I do appreciate the gifts of the friendship given by these good people. The following story is a reminder for all we can have if we are willing to accept the offerings of others.

Gift Exchange – lessons about life!

‘I just got back from the gift exchange,’ she said.

‘Did someone give you something you didn’t want?’ I asked.

‘No, not at all. I got more than I thought I would,’ she replied.

‘So you had too many gifts?’ I asked.

‘Oh, no. You could never get too many,’ she said so seriously.

‘Then, I’m confused. You were returning a gift that you received and didn’t want because you had more than you could use, but never enough of whatever it was,” I said. Of course I had no idea what I just said, but it was what I heard.

‘No. I wasn’t returning anything. I was giving it away,’ she said.

I felt like I was watching an episode of ‘I Love Lucy’ with Ricky Ricardo and Lucille Ball.

‘Let’s start over. Where were you?’ I asked.

‘I went to the nursing home. I volunteer to visit people there,’ she said.

‘You said you went to the gift exchange.’

‘Oh, I see your problem. That’s what I call it, the ‘Gift Exchange’ – I go to the nursing home to spend time with some of the most fascinating people. I’m only in my 40s. These people are in their 70s, 80s and older. They have so much to offer. Their stories are special gifts to me. Their life experience and lessons are so incredibly valuable. I learn so much from them,’ she said.

‘So, that is the gift exchange?’ I asked.

‘Yes, I give them my time, they teach me about life.’

What an incredible way to look at it. All these years that I have been writing, all these people that I have met along the way were all a part of the ‘Gift Exchange.’

Why not join us. Take time to speak to someone at the Mall today. Make time to stop and say “hello” to someone in your neighbourhood. Attend a church function and meet new people. Visit a local nursing home. Phone someone.

You have so much to give and so much more to get. The ‘Gift Exchange’ is open 24 hours a day.

Written by Bob Perks

~~~

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship.

William Blake

~~~

Excerpts from some kids’ letters to God:

Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma

Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones you have now? Jane

Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan

Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Neil

Dear God, Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. Joyce

Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)

~~~

It’s a small world, once you’ve made the long trip to the airport.

~~~

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?”

The young man looks at him and says, “I’m a pilot!”

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!” The aide hustles the young man off.

The general looks at the second young man and asked, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?”

The young man says, “I chop wood!”

“Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?”

“I chop wood!”

“Young man,” huffs the general, “you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!”

“Well,” the young man says, “you hired my brother!”

“Of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!”

The young man rolls his eyes and says, “Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!”

~~~

While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her.

Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, “Was it worth the trouble you’re in?”

~~~

The three major food groups are canned, frozen and takeout.

~~~

Here are some questions asked on forms with interesting answers:

Form: Length of Residence…Answer: 73 feet

 Form: Reason for requesting employmen  Answer: Money

 Form: Beneficiary Answer: Wife — Form: Relationship Answer: Strained

 Form: Purpose of withdrawal Answer: Get money to spend

 Form: Person to notify in Case of Accident Answer: Anyone in sight

 Form: Number of passengers in vehicle during accident Answer: Three — Form: Disposition of passengers Answer: Mad as Hell !

 Form: Number of employees in your office, broken down by sex Answer: None that I know of, Liquor is a much larger problem

~~~

Monotony is the awful reward of the careful.

A.G. Buckham

~~~

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a police officer?”

“Yes,” I answered, and continued writing the report.

“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right,” I told her.

“Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”

~~~

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

~~~

A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”

“How do I know?” the driver responds. “I’m not a lawyer!”

~~~

It takes a long time to become young.

Pablo Picasso

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Remember the Good Years

Ray’s Daily

December 2, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”

Leo Tolstoy

Ray’s Daily first published on December 2, 2004

As you know the news is not always good. Each day one or more of us has to carry a heavy burden. I hope that we all do what we can to share the load, or at least provide empathy to those who must deal with tragedy in their lives.

Yesterday I just got an e-mail from a friend who just lost her brother to cancer at too young an age. My friend shared her brother’s almost intolerable agony as his life slipped away over a long period of time. I also recently heard from an old friend’s daughter that her dad has inoperable lung cancer and is terminal, this on top of her mother dying of cancer not that many months ago. Not only that, she told me that her brother’s son is fighting a brain tumor. This family has been friends of ours for nearly 50 years, when we lived in the same city they were our brothers and sisters. They deserve better.

My heart goes out to those who are suffering and to those who suffer with them as they watch loved ones battle for their very lives. I never have adequate words to express just how much I wish that they did not have to go through these terrible life experiences. It is a time when our friends probably need us most. While it is not too much fun to put your arm around someone who is sharing the pain of a loved one, there is no better time to show them that we care. As we reach the end of another year I hope that these wonderful caregivers will find life a little better in the months ahead.

Each of us experience pain and joy as life goes on. At least we have been given the memories of the good years, years that those we have lost would most like to be remembered. It is up to us to remember the past while making the best of the future. I wish us all well.

~~~

The best memory is that which forgets nothing, but injuries.

Write kindness in marble and write injuries in the dust.

Persian Proverb

~~~

Every man’s memory is his private literature.

Aldous Huxley

~~~

A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced.

The wife answered the door.  “Come in,” she said.

The other couple came in, sat down, then asked, “Where’s Jack?”

“Oh,” replied his wife, “he’s in the bathroom, grouting and spackling.”

“Oh, dear,” said the other lady, “I had that once and didn’t get over it for two weeks.”

~~~

Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.

~~~

Here is some more about where I live.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE FROM INDIANA WHEN:

You think the state Bird is Larry.

You can say “French Lick” without laughing out loud.

There’s actually a college near you named “Ball State.”

You know Batesville is the casket-making capital of the world and you’re proud of it.

You could never figure out spring forward-fall back, so screw Daylight Savings Time!

Down south to you means Kentucky.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing Terre Haute.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You know what the phrase “knee-high by the Fourth of July” means.

You’ve heard of Euchre, you know how to play Euchre, and you are a master of Euchre.

Detassling was your first job. Bailing hay, your second. Or you could stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off and then have the strength to play a couple of games of hoops, all in the same barn lot on the same day.

You say things like catty-wampus and kitty corner and know what they mean.

You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave them both unlocked.

You drink pop. You catch frogs at the crick. If you want someone to hear you, you holler at ’em.

You know that baling wire was the predecessor to duct tape.

You know that strangers are the only ones who come to your front door.

You think nothing of driving on the roads and being stuck behind a farm implement in spring and fall. You just hope it’s not a hog truck or a manure spreader.

High school basketball games draw bigger crowds on the weekend than movie theaters, If you have a movie theater.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six for local sports.

You can repeat the scores of the last eight NBA games, but unless the MVP is a Hoosier, you are not sure who he is.

You can see at least two basketball hoops from your yard.

Indianapolis is the BIG CITY.

Getting stuck by a train is a legitimate excuse for being late to school or work.

Everyone knows who the town cops are, where they live, and whether they’re at home or on duty.

You’ve been to the Covered Bridge Festival. And you took back roads to get there. Why sit in traffic?

To you, tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big, salty, breaded, & fried piece of pork served on a bun with pickle.

You end your sentences with prepositions, as in “Where’s it at?” or “Where’s he going to?”

~~~

Ever once in a while, take the scenic route.

~~~

An elderly couple were sitting together watching television. During one of the commercials, the husband asked his wife, “Whatever happened to our sexual relations?”

After a long, thoughtful silence, the wife replied, during the next commercial, “You know, I don’t even think we got a Christmas card from them this year.”

~~~

Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, “Miss Hunter, get my broker!”

The client was impressed until he heard the secretary’s clear voice saying, “Yes, sir, stock or pawn!”

~~~

A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial.

Clifton Fadiman

~~~

He was a good man but a bit stingy.  He would bargain and haggle on a price, never paying the price asked.  He especially hated paying his medical fees.

One day, while eating fish, a bone became lodged in his throat and within minutes he could scarcely breathe.  His wife frantically calls the family doctor, who arrived just as the patient’s face was turning blue. The physician quickly removed the bone with a pair of forceps.

After he was breathing normally again, although overwhelmed with gratitude to the doctor for saving his life, he began to worry about the medical fees.

Trying his best to keep his costs down & down play the whole episode, he turns to the good doctor and asks,

“So, doc, how much do I owe you for that small two-minute job?”

The doctor, who knew his patient’s miserly habit all too well, replies,

“Just pay me half of what you would have when the bone was still stuck in your throat!”

~~~

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

~~~

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little Jewish man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet, freezing, and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, “May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?”

The baker said in astonishment, “Two bagels? Nothing more?”

“That’s right,” answered the little man. “One for me and one for Sherry.”

“Sherry is your wife?” asked the baker.

“What did you think,” snapped the little man, “that my mother would send me out on a night like this?”

~~~

When the heart grieves over what is has lost, The spirit rejoices over what it has left.

Sufi Epigram

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

The Good Life

Ray’s Daily

December 1, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Make the most of yourself–for that is all there is of you.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here we go, a new month. This has been a challenging year for most of us with the health restrictions and contentious world. While it has not been easy most of my friends and family have demonstrated their capacity to cope with each trouble they have encountered. Most of us are stronger from the effort and have what it takes to handle whatever the future brings. The best part is we can do it with a positive stance.

Here is a reminder of how we can invest in the days ahead.

     Reflecting on Life

Take time to stop today

Take time to stop a while

Reflect on how life changes

Then take the time to smile

Know that as the days go by

These things that challenge you

Will one day just be memories

Of times you have gone through

Look back now on yesterday

And all you have achieved

Recognise the strengths you’ve gained

The blessings you’ve received

One day in the future

You will think about today

You’ll see just how these challenges

Have helped you on your way

   Written by Michelle Tetley

~~~

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.”

 Les Brown

~~~

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.

I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register.

“Cash or charge?” the clerk asked.

“Cash,” I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, “I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.”

“Shall I gift wrap the bat?” the clerk asked sweetly. “Or are you going back there?”

~~~

Elections: Things that are held to see if the polls were right.

Yasha

~~~

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day, I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time”?

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

~~~

“There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: Those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed.”

Ray Goforth

~~~

You are no longer “cool” when …..

  • You find yourself listening to talk radio.  
  • You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.  
  • The pattern on your shorts and couch match.  
  • You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.  
  • Your wife buys a flannel nighty and you find that sexy.  
  • You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.  
  • When jogging is something you do to your memory.  
  • Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair.  
  • Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.  
  • All the cars behind you flash their headlights.  
  • You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son’s new running shoes.  
  • You actually ASK for your father’s advice.  
  • You don’t know how to operate a fax machine.  
  • When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.

~~~

Anger or hatred is like a fisherman’s hook.

It is very important for us to ensure that we are not caught by it.

Dalai Lama

~~~

Driving to a new restaurant, Margaret took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, “Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?”

“I thought you knew where you were going,” he replied. “You always know where you’re going when I’m driving.”

~~~

Goodness is the only investment that never fails.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

A SECRETARY’S RULES FOR WORK

1.  Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.  

2.  If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.  

3.  Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.  

4.  If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.  

5.  If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.  

6.  Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.  

7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.  

8.  If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.  

9.  If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.  

10.  Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.  

~~~

“How noble and good everyone could be if, every evening before falling asleep, they were to recall to their minds the events of the whole day and consider exactly what has been good and bad. Then without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day.”

Anne Frank

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Respect

Ray’s Daily

November 30, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”

Confucius

I think the thing I appreciate the most are the people I have met, those I have worked with and my talented family. Even today as I live a somewhat isolated life I am surroned by good people I respect. My appreciation is not limited to the famous or recognized folks that I have met along the way. While I appreciate the performers, statesmen and those who are recognized for there public accomplishments I have equal respect for those who folks who are good at living unrecognized meaningful lives. I find that what I appreciate most is the goodness displayed by so many.

Here is a piece by Marc Chernoff that he wrote many years ago that is worth us remembering.

What makes a person respect someone else?

Why do we respect certain people?  How do we earn the respect of others?  These are interesting questions.  There are a million different scenarios that could directly lead to one person gaining the respect of another, but each one of these scenarios probably has one of a few underlying characteristics.  First, allow me to define what I mean by “respect for someone else”.  I define this respect as a feeling of social approval and high regard for another individual.

Without being excessively long winded on a topic that could cross numerous boundaries of personal opinion and debate, I’m going to keep it simple and just state why I believe that I respect certain people. 

The distribution of respect is probably more of an art than it is a science.  It depends on the individual persona of each character involved.  Here are five general qualities a person can hold that I believe motivates an increase in other people’s feelings of respect toward them:

  • Confidence and pride in oneself while simultaneously being considerate of others
  • Aiding someone in need without expectation of reward
  • Honesty at all times, but especially in a moment of tension
  • Achieving a goal or holding a societal status that the individual desires
  • Holding the respect of a third party that the individual admires

~~~

“Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you’ve got to give it.”

R.G. Risch

~~~

She said:
You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
Chaos, panic & disorder – my work here is done.
Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
Earth is full. Go home.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
How do I set a laser printer to stun.
I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
Your village called, their idiot is missing.

~~~

A man never discloses his character so clearly as when he describes another’s.

~~~

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. 

“Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,” she said. 

“So would I,” replied the technician. “It’s a floor-cleaning machine.” 

~~~

I’m the person your mother warned you about.

~~~

Lisa was babysitting Cory and Cody. Finding Cody making faces at Cory, Lisa stopped to warn the child.

Smiling Lisa said, “Cody, when I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that.” 

Cody looked up and replied, “Well you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

~~~

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.

~~~

BABY QUIZ
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.
Q: What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a supermodel?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him).
Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kid is in college.

~~~

You have a death wish if you say to your pregnant wife: “I finished the Oreos.”

~~~

He Said:

·   Women don’t understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could* be.

·   If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he’ll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she’ll pack 21 outfits because she doesn’t know what she’ll feel like wearing each day.

·   Women brush their hair before bed.

·   Women do not know anything about cars. “Oil-stick, oil doesn’t stick?”

·   Women have better restrooms. Ladies receive the royal treatment in the ladies room. Gents just get a large bowl to share.

·   The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

·   Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

·   A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

·   Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

·   Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, ‘How do I look?’

·   PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.

~~~

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter, since nobody listens.

~~~

A city slicker stopped his large, expensive car on a country road and looked about in confusion. He noticed a young farm hand leaning on a fence and called to him, “Hey, you know how far it is to Shrewsbury?”

The farm hand thought about it and said, “Don’t know.”

“Well then, do you know the best way to get there?”

Again, the farm hand thought a bit and said, “Don’t know.”

“Look, can you just tell me where the nearest gas station is so I can pick up a map?”

“‘Fraid I don’t know that either.”

Frustrated, the man in the car snapped, “You don’t know much do you?”

To which the farm hand replied, “I’m not lost.”

~~~

Life is cheap. It’s the accessories that kill you.

~~~

Harry had just reached his 175th birthday last week. Surrounded by reporters, he was asked, “Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 175?”

Harry answered, “It was easy.  I just never argue with anyone.”

The reporter shot back, “That’s crazy.  It had to be something else –diet, meditation, or *something*.  Just not arguing won’t keep you alive for 175 years!”

The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several seconds.

Then he shrugged.  “Hmmm.  Maybe you’re right.”

~~~

“It may be important to great thinkers to examine the world, to explain and despise it. But I think it is only important to love the world, not to despise it, not for us to hate each other, but to be able to regard the world and ourselves and all beings with love, admiration, and respect.”

Hermann Hesse

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Free Gifts

Ray’s Daily

November 29, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more.”

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

It is a tradition in my country for retailers to offer deep discounts on the days following the annual Thanksgiving holiday. This year was no exception thousands flocked to stores and to online vendors to take advantage of lower prices. Many were buying gifts fot the December holidays.

In the sprit of giving I want to offer the following. It lists cost free gifts we can give everyday.

Priceless gifts you can give

THE GIFT OF LISTENING – No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your responses. Just listen.

THE GIFT OF AFFECTION – Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and hand holding.

THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER – Share articles, positive news, funny stories, and cartoons to tell someone, ‘I love to laugh with you.’

THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT – A simple and sincere ‘You look great in red,’ ‘You did a super job,’ or ‘That was a wonderful meal’ can make someone’s day.

THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE – Be sensitive to the times when others want nothing more than to be left alone.

THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION – The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, even if it’s just saying hello or thank you.

THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP – Without friends life would hardly be worth living, let your friends know just how much they mean to you today.

THE GIFT OF YOUR SMILE – A simple smile breaks all the barriers of language and culture. Smile and the world smiles with you!

Author Unknown

~~~

“We must give more in order to get more. It is the generous giving of ourselves that produces the generous harvest.”

Orison Swett Marden

~~~

I’d rather be a ‘could-be’ if I cannot be an ‘are’;

Because a ‘could-be’ is a ‘maybe’ who is reaching for a star.

I’d rather be a ‘has-been’ than a ‘might-have-been’ by far;

For a ‘might-have-been’ has never been, but a ‘has-been’ was once an ‘are’.

Milton Berle

~~~

Joey’s teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, “Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.”

The Mother wrote back the next day, “If you find a solution, please advise, I have the same problem with his Father.”

~~~

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.

Dick Cavett

~~~

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the “good old days.” Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?”

“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.

“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.

The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our 50th, I’ll go down there and get her.”

~~~

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Yesterday you took my license away and today you expect me to show it to you!”

~~~

Constant change is here to stay.

~~~

On his honeymoon, a very thick redneck farmer, Billy Joe, insisted on having a room at the luxury hotel with a balcony overlooking the sea.

On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie.

“Hey Billy Joe, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to savor for the first time” she said coyly.

“No thanks, I want to sit out here,” he said.

So Daisy sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after which she invited Billy Joe once more to come in off the balcony to take pleasure of her virginal body.  Once more he refused.  Eventually Daisy grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed and fell asleep.

In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony.

“Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been making love all night?” she asked.

“Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most beautiful night of my whole life – and I didn’t want to miss a moment of it.”

~~~

They told me I was gullible — and I believed them.

~~~

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.

“Honey,” his wife said, while reading the newspaper, “it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers.”

To which the husband replies, “Sorry to hear that, dear. I’m sure you’ll miss your mother being gone.”

~~~

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

~~~

A man came hobbling into the doctor’s waiting room, assisted by his wife. The poor guy could hardly move. He was bent over and grimacing with pain as he shuffled along, his hands like two rigid claws.

The receptionist looked on sympathetically. “Oh dear,” she said. “Arthritis with complications?”

“No,” said the guy’s wife. “Do-it-yourself with concrete blocks.”

~~~

“Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.”

Yogi Berra

~~~

My niece, after living in several apartments, found one in the area where she had grown up.

“The best thing about this apartment,” she said to her sister, “is that it’s within walking distance of the grocery store.”

“What grocery store? I don’t recall a close by grocery store replied her sister..

“You know…..” my niece said…. “Mom’s house.”

~~~

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.”

Booker T. Washington

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Happy Thanksgiving

Ray’s Daily

November 24, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

The thankful heart opens our eyes to a multitude of blessings that continually surround us.

James E. Faust

I hope those of you in the US enjoy Thanksgiving tomorrow. I know I will as I join with my wife at her special care residence. We will also go to my oldest daughters on Saturday to celebrate with with three generations of our family. Because of the Holiday there will be no Daily on Thursday or Friday this week. We will get together again next Monday.

In the meantime here are some Thanksgiving thoughts penned by Jon Gordon I would like to share with you.

THE POWER OF THANK YOU

In the spirit of Thanksgiving this week I’d love to share with you the benefits and power of two simple words. THANK YOU.

They are two words that have the power to transform our health, happiness, athletic performance and success. Research shows that grateful people are happier and more likely to maintain good friendships. A state of gratitude, according to research by the Institute of HeartMath, also improves the heart’s rhythmic functioning, which helps us to reduce stress, think more clearly under pressure and heal physically. It’s actually physiologically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time. When you are grateful you flood your body and brain with emotions and endorphins that uplift and energize you rather than the stress hormones that drain you.

Gratitude and appreciation are also essential for a healthy work environment. In fact, the number one reason why people leave their jobs is because they don’t feel appreciated. A simple thank you and a show of appreciation can make all the difference.

Gratitude is like muscle. The more we do with it the stronger it gets. In this spirit here are 5 ways to practice Thanksgiving every day of the year.

1) Take a Daily Thank You Walk  – I started this practice 15 years ago and it changed my life. Take a simple 10-30 minute walk each day and say out loud what you are thankful for. This will set you up for a positive day.

2) Meal Time Thank You’s  – On Thanksgiving, or just at dinner go around the table and have each person, including the kids, say what they are thankful for.

3) Gratitude Visit  – Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the father of positive psychology, suggests that we write a letter expressing our gratitude to someone. Then we visit this person and read them the letter. His research shows that people who do this are measurably happier and less depressed a month later.

4) Say Thank You at Work  – When Doug Conant was the CEO of Campbell Soup he wrote approximately 30,000 thank you notes to his employees and energized the company in the process. Energize and engage your co-workers and team by letting them know you are grateful for them and their work. Organizations spend billions of dollars collectively on recognition programs but the best and cheapest recognition program of all consists of a sincere THANK YOU. And of course don’t forget to say thank you to your clients and customers too. 

5) Say Thank you and Goodnight  – At bedtime reflect on your day, identify and share all that you are thankful for. If you have children you can read Thank You and Goodnight with them and add to it. 

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thank you for allowing me to share this newsletter with you. I’m thankful for YOU.

Jon

~~~

Give thanks not just on Thanksgiving Day, but every day of your life. Appreciate and never take for granted all that you have.

Catherine Pulsifer

~~~

Don’t adjust your mind, the fault is with reality.

~~~

MOMMY, WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF…?

Amnesia            What did you just ask me?

Apathy             I don’t care.

Bigotry            I’m not going to tell someone like you.

Damnation          Go to hell!

Dyslexia           Beeing Sackwards

Egotistical        I’m the best person to answer that question.

Evasive            Go do your homework.

Hostility          If you ask me just one more question, I’ll kill you!

Ignorance          I don’t know.

Indifference       It doesn’t matter.

Influenza          You’ve got to be sick to ask me that question.

Insomnia           I stayed awake all last night thinking of the answer.

Irreverent         I swear to God, you ask too many questions!

Narcissism         Before I answer, tell me, don’t I look great?

Over-Protective    I don’t know if you’re ready for the answer.

Paranoid           You probably think I don’t know the answer, do you?

Procrastination    I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Repetitive         I already told you the answer once before.

Self-Centered      Well, I know the answer, that’s all that matters.

Suspicious         Why are you asking me all these questions?

~~~

A friend is a person before whom I may think aloud.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son’s room, a mother finally laid down the law: Each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents. By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50 cent tip and a note that read, “Thanks, Mom — Keep up the good work!”

~~~

Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while watching fireworks heard their small son say, “Oh, God!” The father quickly cautioned his son, “Please don’t speak the Lord’s name in vain.” The boy nodded but obviously misheard, because he asked quietly, “Is it OK if I speak his name back in Minnesota?”

~~~

Diner: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!

Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it either.

~~~

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room,

people say, ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say “Your Eminence.”

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”

She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6′ 2”, hard bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, “My God….”

~~~

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a “dream home.”

Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.

“Honey,” she said, “I don’t like this place at all.  There are no curtains in the bathroom.  The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath!”

“Don’t worry,” replied her husband.  “If the neighbors DO see you, they’ll buy curtains.  Maybe for us, too!”

~~~

Why can’t life’s problems hit us when we’re seventeen and know everything?

A.C. Jolly

~~~

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited.

Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. “So, how did you do son?” he asked.

“You’ll never believe it!” Billy said, “I was responsible for the winning run!”

“Really? How’d you do that?”

“I dropped the ball.”

~~~

In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.

Elizabeth Gilbert

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Enough

Ray’s Daily

November 23, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”

Thornton Wilder

Ray’s Daily first published on November 23, 2010

As I mentioned we in the United States set aside one day a year to express thanks for all we have. The day after tomorrow is that Thanksgiving Day. Unfortunately many will not stop to reflect on what they have and to be grateful. In fact millions will be out shopping in order to buy more stuff to add to their material possessions in anticipation of the Christmas Gift giving season. Of course I am like everyone else in so far as the Christmas Season provides me and others the opportunity to be with friends and loved ones.

But for now, Thanksgiving means that I get to recognize all that I have, not measured by material goods but by my good fortune. My friends, my family, my health, my freedom and my unlimited opportunities all provide me with more than enough to live a happy life. You know the key to happiness is often the ability to see what is enough and what is too much. When we have enough we can concentrate on enjoying all we do have and the freedom to do more rather than have more. A few weeks ago a friend from my distant past sent me an excellent piece on the value of embracing the concept of enough. Here is what he sent in pat.

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure of her plane. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, ‘I love you, and I wish you enough.’  

The daughter replied, ‘Dad, our life together has   been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish    you enough, too, Dad.’

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated.  I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, ‘Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?’

‘Yes, I have,’ I replied.  ‘Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?

‘I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is – the next trip back will be for my funeral,’ he said.

‘When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?’

He began to smile. ‘That’s a wish    that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone…’ He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. ‘When we said, ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.’ Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.  

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.  

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.  

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

How sad it is that so many of us fail to appreciate the fact that we really have enough and that what we do have provides us every reason to celebrate our good fortune.

~~~

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed”

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

A distinguished rabbi and a friend were playing golf. It was a very close match, and at the last hole the two were only one stroke apart. The rabbi teed up, addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force…slicing the ball deep into the woods.

The rabbi glared, and bit his lip while his face turned crimson, but said nothing. His opponent looked at him for a moment and then remarked, “Rabbi, that is the most profane silence I have ever heard.”

~~~

He said, “My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.”

~~~

The blonde had been married about a year when one day she came running up to her husband jumping for joy. Not knowing how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her.

“Why are we so happy?” he asked.

“Honey, I have some really great news for you!” She said. “Great!” he said, “Tell me what you’re so happy about.” She stopped jumping and was breathless from all the jumping up and down. “I’m pregnant!” she gasped.

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for awhile. He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it as, and that he couldn’t be happier.

Then she said “Oh, honey there’s more!”

“What do you mean more?” he asked.

“Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. “It was easy” she said, “I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!”

~~~

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?

~~~

A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, “Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?”

“Nothing,” sighed the little guy despondently. “You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he sacked me. I cleared my desk, went to my car, only to discover that it wasn’t there – somebody had stolen it. So I got a taxi home, but when it came to paying the driver I realized I’d forgotten my wallet. I then went into my house and I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about ending it all, you came along and drank my poison…”

~~~

If you want to make peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.

Moshe Dayan

~~~

It takes a really tall tale to win the annual Burlington, Wis., Liars Club Contest.  So tip your hat to Gordon Zwicky, because he’s a worthy champion. A neighbor, said Zwicky, told him and his wife Dorothy that they’d be fine as long as they paid attention to the road signs along the way.  But they’d driven just 30 miles when they saw one that read, “Clean Restrooms Ahead.”

Two months later, they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, 267 rolls of paper towels, and three cases of toilet-bowl cleaner.

Total restrooms cleaned:  450.

~~~

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more.

If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.

Oprah Winfrey

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be Thankful

Ray’s Daily

November 22, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Strive to find things to be thankful for, and just look for the good in who you are.”

Bethany Hamilton

This Thursday is our Thnksgiving Holiday in my country. It is a time when we are challenged to examine our lives and identify all the good that is in them. Traditiolay we feast together with family and friends but unfortunately some of us fail to use the day to express our gratitiude for what we have.

Gratitude is something we should practice everyday and not just once a year, if we do we will be a step closer to happiness. Here a piece I got from the Simple Truth web site that can help reap the benefits from expressing our gratitude.

4 Ways to Practice Gratitude in Your Life

It’s easy to be grateful for the big moments in your life, but in the day-to-day craziness, sometimes we forget to be grateful for all of the people and the little things in life that make us happy. Plus expressing your gratitude can help you feel less stress and more happiness.

It’s always great to remember all the good things in your life, so here are 4 tips for finding more gratitude:

1. Be thankful for what DIDN’T happen. – No matter how bad things are, they could almost always be worse. Start finding gratitude for what could have happened but didn’t. You may not be thankful for everything in your life, but you can always be thankful for something.

2. Don’t hold on to your anger or hurt. – Though you may not realize it, you are always choosing between two ways of perceiving: Looking to the world for reasons to be upset, or looking in your heart for reasons to be happy. You can’t be upset and grateful at the same time, and life is too short to look for reasons to be upset. Try to remember that patience and tolerance bring you happiness, while anger and hatred bring you suffering.

3. Savor life’s little moments. – Italian poet and novelist Cesare Pavese once said, “We do not remember days; we remember moments.” At today’s hectic pace, however, we often forget to live in the moment, to just be. And by just being, by just soaking up a beautiful moment, we can find some of life’s greatest pleasures.

4. Express your gratitude by living it. – Expressing gratitude brings even more things to be grateful for. No matter what’s going on around you, look for things to appreciate, and then express your appreciation. You don’t spread gratitude by preaching or scolding—you spread it by living it. Every moment. Every hour. Every day. John F. Kennedy said it best, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

Finding something to be grateful for and expressing your gratitude helps you find more happiness in your life (and you can spread that happiness and attitude of gratitude on to others). So show your friends and family how much you appreciate them, and show your appreciation for life’s perfect little moments.

~~~

“Reflect upon your present blessings—of which every man has many—not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

Charles Dickens

~~~

She said that if she ran the world:

Medical research money would be spent on developing new birth control methods for men.

Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.

Men would be forced to purchase overpriced clothes every season.

Overweight men would be encouraged to wear girdles.

PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.

Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.

Men would get reputations for sleeping around.

“Ms. Magazine” would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.

Men who designed women’s shoes would be forced to wear them.

Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women make.

Men would learn phrases like: I’m sorry, I love you, You’re beautiful, Of course you don’t look fat in that outfit, Go to sleep-I’ll take care of the baby, etc.

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.

Men would pay as much attention to their women as their cars.

All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.

Men would have their wedding rings permanently attached so they can’t pretend to be single.

For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.

~~~

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
~~~

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point – he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes, knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn’t home.
“Well,” the woman said, “could I please wait for her?”
The man directed her to the living room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked, “May I know where your wife is?”
“She went to the cemetery,” he replied.
“And when is she coming back?”
“I don’t really know,” he said. “She’s been there eleven years now.”

~~~

“My grandfather’s a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day he took me aside and left me there.”

Ron Richards

~~~

He said:

Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That’s why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

Women don’t need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man *wants* to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

Women can’t keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don’t view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

~~~

The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

~~~

What the dictionary does not tell you definitions:

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing or sucking on it.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words

~~~

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands….
~~~

Little Guido was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat.”

Little Guido replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”

The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”

Little Guido answered, “No, he minded his own Damn business!”

~~~

“Don’t spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.”

Billiam Coronel
~~~

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher…
“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

~~~

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”

William Arthur Ward

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

eep it simple

Ray’s Daily

November 19, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”

Hans Hofmann

One of the great things about old age is we don’t have to worry about who we are. I think to many folks live their lives as actors following a script written by others. For some of us it is difficult to free ourselves from our past and who we use to be. For me the freedom to be myself is a great gift.

Years ago Angel Chernoff wrote the following that reminded me of the value of jettisoning our past to free us up so we can enjoy our futures. I have abridged the article for length.

7 Things You Never Have to Wear Again

1. You never again have to wear the guilt of your past. – Guilt and regret about the past aren’t serving your present. Let go, apologize, forgive and choose to live free of guilt and regret.

2. You never again have to wear your pain. – How many times have you tried to shop away your pain? Retail therapy is an expensive way to relieve the pain of boredom, frustration and heart ache and it only delivers temporary relief.

3. You never again have to wear the pressure to prove yourself. – I tried to prove who I was by what I wore and by what I accomplished. The problem was that there was always more to prove and eventually I forgot who I was in the process.

4. You never again have to wear your failures. – Failure gets such a bad rap but it’s nothing more than a stepping stone to success. It’s through the failures that we learn new approaches and ways of doing things. You don’t have to feel sad or bad for failing because if you are failing, that means you are trying.

5. You never again have to wear goals you’ve outgrown. – Letting go of goals and dreams can be the most challenging of all. As our lives change, we change, and things that seemed so important years ago may slowly fade away. Instead of beating yourself up for not achieving your old goals, focus on your new dreams and develop goals or bucket lists that reflect who you are right now.

6. You never again have to wear everything you think. – Often, our thoughts can weigh us down but thoughts are just thoughts. Some are true and real and some aren’t. When we cling too tightly to believing everything we think, we distance ourselves from the truth. Questioning the truth of my thoughts has prevented me from over reacting in some situations and helped me let go of other things more easily. Once you realize that all of your thoughts aren’t true, they will be much lighter.

7. You never again have to wear other people’s expectations. – When you stop wearing the weight of other people’s expectations and judgements, you’ll be more connected to who you are and to what matters to you. When you let go of what other people think, you’ll gain clarity and freedom to enjoy your life.

~~~

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.

Hans Hofmann

~~~

The following letter from the family’s solicitor is addressed to a member of the British aristocracy who has been spending much of the summer in his residence in the south of France leaving his wife in the United Kingdom to look after the ancestral home.

Dear Sir Royston,

I hope you are having a good time on your holiday. I say this with sincerity because I am afraid that I have some bad news for you, although there is good news too. First the bad news. I am sorry to tell you that your favorite dog, Honey, is dead. The vet says that she died instantly and could have felt no pain. She was kicked in the head by your horse, Sherbert, though I’m sure that no blame can be attached to Sherbert, frightened as he was by the fire in the barn.

I’m afraid that Sherbert was in the barn along with your other horses when it burnt to the ground. The fire brigade had been called within a short time of the barn catching fire and would normally have been able to put the fire out. Had it had not been for the fact that the tender crashed into your Bentley in the lane. Your wife had taken it out for a spin with your brother. As it was, both the tender and your Bently were written off. No blame can be attached to your wife for the accident I’m sure.

The Bentley was stationary at the time and your wife was in the back seat of the car. She managed to escape death only due to the fact that your brother was lying on top of her at the time of the collision. The doctors say that given time she will regain her sight but that she will never walk again. She has also lost her memory and cannot even remember you. Your brother, unfortunately, was killed.

I should explain how the barn came to be on fire in the first place. You see a spark from the house blew over and set the roof alight. The fire started in the main hall of the house where, as you know, your Mattisse and your Picasso once hung. I say ‘once’ because they are not there now. Fortunately neither of these paintings were damaged in the conflagration as they were stolen beforehand by the burglar who started the fire.

Although all of this may seem to you very serious it is not in fact the bad news that I wrote of. Your wife and brother had been visiting your Insurance agent in prison where he is serving a three year sentence for fraud. I’m afraid that none of your insurance policies are valid.

As I said, there is some good news. The heat from the fire warmed your greenhouse and brought your flowers on.

~~~

It is the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn’t know – and the less a man knows, the more sure he is he knows everything.

Joyce Cary

~~~

Little Benny came home from his first day of school and said,

“Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will be coming to my school.”

“That’s nice of her to take such an interest in your family, dear. What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?”

She just said, “Thank goodness!”

~~~

Everyone seems normal until……..you get to know them.

~~~

Another lesson on how to maintain domestic harmony:

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars. ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today. SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

~~~

“Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

She said: On a visit to Indianapolis, I was eager to visit a posh department store some distance from our hotel.  My husband obligingly hailed a cab.  “The lady wants to go to Saks Fifth Avenue,” he told the driver.

The cabby looked over his shoulder at us.  “And the gentleman?” he asked.  “Does he want to go to the bank?”

~~~

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he’d like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife’s birthday.

“A little surprise, eh?” smiled the clerk.

“You bet,” answered the customer.  “She’s expecting a cruise.”

~~~

Give some women an inch, and they’ll rearrange or redecorate it

~~~

A Sunday School teacher was trying to explain about saying grace before meals.  One of the pupils was the young son of the minister of that church, so she started the discussion by asking him, “Jerry, what does you father say when the family sits down to dinner?”

Jerry answered, “Dad says ‘Go easy on the butter, kids — it’s three dollars a pound!'”

~~~

Simplify your life. Don’t waste the years struggling for things that are unimportant. Don’t burden yourself with possessions. Keep your needs and wants simple and enjoy what you have. Don’t destroy your peace of mind by looking back, worrying about the past. Live in the present. Simplify!

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be Special

Ray’s Daily

November 18, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“If you can stay positive in a negative situation, you win.”

Some one said it is never too late to be the person you would like to be. I know that I consider myself as someone in constant development.

I do appreciate so many of the folks I know who spend their days just being worthy. At a time when we are surrounded by animosity it is heartning to be with the folks who stay positive.

Here are some tips for those who strive to be special.

Everybody Knows

You can’t be all things to all people.

You can’t do all things at once.

You can’t do all things equally well.

You can’t do all things better than everyone else.

Your humanity is showing just like everyone else’s.

So

You have to find out who you are, and be that.

You have to decide what comes first, and do that.

You have to discover your strengths, and use them.

You have to learn not to compete with others,

Because no one else is in the contest of being you.

Then

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.

You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.

You will have learned to live with your limitations.

You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.

And you’ll be a most vital mortal.

Dare To Believe

That you are a wonderful, unique person.

That you are a once-in-all-history event.

That it’s more than a right, it’s your duty, to be who you are.

That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.

And you’ll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

Author Unknown

~~~

“I dwell in possibility.”

Emily Dickinson

~~~

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

* To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”  

* If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.  

* To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.  

~~~

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.

Stephen Leacock

~~~

These are from an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.”

“I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?” –Age 15

“It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen’s. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.” -Age 8

“For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out.” -Age 6

“When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.” -Age 5

“If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.” -Age 15

~~~

The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there’s only one other choice.

Doug Larson

~~~

Two sisters spent two weeks in Paris. The locals obviously hated Americans. No matter where they went, they were subject to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After awhile, it started to irritate them.

One day, in Paris, one sister went shopping. She entered a store and started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was looking through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and very abruptly asked if he could help her.

The sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that every clerk in the store was staring at her.

Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held high and left the shop.

As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read, “Dry Cleaners.”

~~~

Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined.

~~~

Jill:  I had to take the bus the other day, and a gentleman asked his young son to give up his seat “for the lady” – ME!

Mary:  Well, that was just common courtesy, right?

Jill:  I don’t know.  The boy was sitting on his father’s lap!

~~~

Summer camps are places that are staffed by seventeen-year-old counselors, which is amusing since you wouldn’t trust them with your car, but with your kids it’s okay.

~~~

A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. “You see, Doc,” the patient explained, “my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots.”  

“Why, that’s no problem,” answered the doctor. “I like shoes better than boots.”  

The patient was thrilled, “That’s neat, Doc! How do you like them, fried or scrambled?”  

~~~

It’s more fun to color outside the lines.

~~~

While waiting to register at a hotel, I overheard the couple ahead of me asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.

Disappointed, the man remarked, “I don’t know. We’ve been sharing the same bed for 44 years.” “Could you possibly put them close together?” the wife asked.

Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, “How romantic.”

Then the woman finished her request with, “Because if he snores, I want to be able to punch him.”

~~~

“Inspiration comes from within yourself. One has to be positive. When you’re positive, good things happen.”

Deep Roy

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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