Ray's musings and humor

Humor Heals

Ray’s Daily

April 19, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“He who laughs, lasts.”

Mary Pettibone Poole

Humor

I have been writing Ray’s Daily for almost twenty years and I have included some humor in each addition. From the very beginning I wanted to start our day as upbeat as I could and felt that a little levity was the way to do that.

The following article not only reminded me of the value of humor in our lives but also the influence Norman Cousins had on mine. So my friends, keep smiling, I know you’ll fell better if you do.

The Healing Power of Humor

By Maud Purcell, LCSW, CEAP

The Ojibway tribe recognized it. The Old Testament even references the healing properties of humor: “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” Although our ancestors couldn’t explain it scientifically, they knew intuitively that laughter was good for the body as well as the soul.

More recently Norman Cousins, in his book “Anatomy of an Illness,” describes how he cured himself of a debilitating disease through the use of humor. He reportedly watched old Marx Brothers movies and laughed uncontrollably. He believes his own laughter cured his disease. He subsequently lived a long and healthy life — well into his 80s!

Today we have a better understanding of how laughter affects human physiology. It:

  • Reduces pain. Our bodies produce pain-killing hormones called endorphins in response to laughter.
  • Strengthens immune function. A good belly laugh increases production of T-cells, interferon and immune proteins called globulins.
  • Decreases stress. When under stress, we produce a hormone called cortisol. Laughter significantly lowers cortisol levels and returns the body to a more relaxed state.

The other good news is that humor has a positive impact on intellectual and emotional functioning. It:

  • Helps put life’s trials and tribulations into healthy perspective by making them seem smaller.
  • Aids us in overcoming fear.
  • Allows us to take ourselves less seriously.
  • Triggers our creativity.

As you can see, humor can be the curative our ancestors professed it to be.

~~~

“Laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It’s the sweetest thing one can do for oneself & one’s fellow human beings.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately.

So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, “Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door.”

Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, “I want a shave!”

The barber said, “Sure, just sit in the seat and I’ll be with you in a moment.”

The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, “God, the first customer came in and I’m going to witness to him. So please give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen.”

Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying, “Good morning sir. I have a question for you……….Are you ready to die?”

~~~

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

~~~

Rita wanted her husband to stop smoking so she sent him to the doctor.

The doctor gave him a box of these patches and said to use one a day. He said ok, and took them home.

Rita asked him what the doctor said and he showed her the patches and told her that the doctor said to use one a patch day. Rita commenced to sew one patch on each shirt he had.

The both of them are still trying to figure out how that’s going to help him quit smoking.

~~~

To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.

~~~

Customer to Accountant: I’ve been working on my budget like you told me to. Line one is my fixed expenses. Line two is my fixed income. And… the difference is the fix I’m in.

~~~

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

Will Rogers

~~~

Investment Definitions

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell “Broke”.

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you’re supposed to be listening to your manager’s presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn’t actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. “The rent, sir?” “Hahaha, well, I’m a little short this month.”).

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

~~~

“A sense of humor… is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.”

Hugh Sidey

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Enjoying Life

Ray’s Daily

April 18, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

The older you get, the more you should learn to love life and appreciate the beauty that comes with age.

Diane von Furstenberg

wise_healthy_aging

I have found that happy aging is as much about what we don’t do as it is about what we do do. When we realize that our lives do not need to be overly complicated we find we have more time to enjoy it.

Let’s face it, much of what we agonized over when we were younger just wasn’t worth it. The happiest old folks I know don’t sweat the small stuff they concentrate on enjoying each day.

The other day Marc Chernoff sent me an article entitled Things that Will Matter a Lot Less to You in 20 Years. I have extracted below some of his points that I find true for me. The good news is that you don’t have to wait twenty years to adopt them as you decide to enjoy your days.

The little failures you often feel self-conscious about. – When you set goals and take calculated risks in life, you eventually learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important in the long run.

How “perfect” everything could be, or should be. – Perfectionism not only causes you unnecessary stress and anxiety from the superficial need to always “get it right,” it actually prevents you from getting anything worthwhile done at all.

The intricacies of what’s in it for you. – Time teaches us that we keep nothing in this life until we first give it away.  This is true of knowledge, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, acceptance, and so forth.  You have to give to receive.

The temptation of quick fixes. – The older your eyes grow, the more clearly they can see through the smoke and mirrors of every quick fix.  Anything worth achieving takes dedicated daily effort

Having a calendar jam-packed with exciting, elaborate plans. – Don’t jam your life with plans.  Leave space.  Over time you will learn that many great things happen unplanned, and some big regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned.  So keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked.

Being in constant control of everything. – The older we get the more we realize how little we actually control.  And there’s no good reason to hold yourself down with things you can’t control.

Blaming others. – Have you ever met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life?.  Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold.  They believe their own happiness is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.

The selfish and disparaging things others say and do. – If you take everything personally, you will inevitably be offended for the rest of your life.  At some point it becomes crystal clear that the way people treat you is their problem, and how you react is yours. 

Winning arguments. – Not much is worth fighting about for long.  And if you can avoid it, don’t fight at all. 

Distant future possibilities. – As time passes, you naturally have more of it behind you and less of it in front of you.  The distant future, then, gradually has less value to you personally.  But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when you stop waiting for a better one. 

~~~

It is not how old you are, but how you are old.

Marie Dressler

~~~

Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture.

“Why don’t you wait until your husband gets home?” someone asked.

“I could,” my mother told the group. “But the couch is easier to move if he’s not on it.”

~~~

Disk Full – Press F1 to belch.

~~~

Job

* Interviewer: “Do you think you can handle a variety of tasks?” Applicant: “I should say so. I’ve had nine totally different jobs in the past five months.”

* The stern faced Personnel Officer told an applicant that they needed an individual who is totally responsible. “I sure qualify then.” replied the applicant. “Everywhere I’ve worked, whenever something went wrong, I was responsible.”

* “I see under ‘Personal Traits’ you have “Self-Starter” listed,” said the Human Resources Officer. “Why is that important to you?” “It seems to me that if more employees were self-starters, then the bosses wouldn’t have to be cranks,” the almost selected candidate replied.

~~~

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Howard W. Newton

~~~

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says: “So how is your strange business going?”

“What do you mean strange?”

“Because you sell only trumpets and guns!”

“So?”

“Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?”

“It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun.”

~~~

As for butter or margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.

~~~

Mrs. Johnson was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, “How much are these oranges?”

“Two for a quarter,” answered the vendor.

“How much is just one?” she asked.

“Fifteen cents,” answered the vendor.

“Then I’ll take the other one,” said Mrs. Johnson.

~~~

Don’t regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

~~~

One woman was talking to her friend. “You should listen to my neighbor,” she said. “She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that’s so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap, but have you ever heard me say a bad word about him?”

~~~

You can’t help getting older. But you don’t have to get old.

George Burns

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Don’t Wait

Ray’s Daily

April 17, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don’t see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself.

Marianne Williamson

enhance

I spent my afternoon Monday watching the devastating Notre Dame Cathedral fire in Paris, a place I had visited years ago. It was as if centuries of history were evaporating as the fire raged. It will be up to we the people to help it rise out of the ashes to new glory.

I could not help but think about how we are always a work in progress no matter our age. If we let our infirmities leave us in ashes, we will have little but memories left. The good news is that we too can restore and rebuild as the years pass. We can become even better than we have ever been if we invest in our own selves.

I may have shared some of the following with you before but I felt it is worth revisiting as we continue to do what we can to be who we want to be. I don’t remember where I got it or who wrote it but I appreciate the wisdom.

IBelieve

I believe- That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe- That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe- That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them

I believe- That you can keep going long after you can’t.

I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I believe- That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe- That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you – you will find the strength to help.

~~~

Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values.

Joshua Loth Liebman

~~~

  1. SEUSS COMPUTES

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,

And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,

And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

 

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,

And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,

And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,

Then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gonna crash!

 

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,

Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,

But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,

That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss

So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,

Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,

‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

 

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,

And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,

Then you have to flash your memory

and you’ll want to RAM your ROM.

Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

~~~

Take interest in your future. It’s where you’re going to spend the rest of your life.

~~~

A 50-ish man is driving on a slow highway in the middle of the night. He has a flat tire. He gets out of his car and is changing his tire, when out of the blue, another car pulls up behind him.

He thinks “That’s nice. Someone is stopping to help me.”

The guy gets out of his car, walks to the front of the other car and lifts the hood.

The owner says: “What the hell are you doing?”

The other guy replies: “Well, I see you’re stealing the tires, so I’m taking the damn battery!”

~~~

“If you don’t make mistakes it means you’re not really trying… and you’re probably boring too.”

~~~

Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, “After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, ‘If you don’t be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!’ It worked.”

~~~

Friendship is what binds the world together in peace, may we all become friends.

~~~

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.

“How did you manage to find it, Mom?” the teenager asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”

~~~

“If at first you don’t succeed, you’re running about average.”

W.E. Hickson

~~~

Always remember.

The driver in front of you is always an idiot.

The driver in back of you is always a moron.

If there is a driver on your right, he/she is always stupid.

If there is a car on your left, the driver is always an imbecile until he/she finishes passing you and you can take that lane.

Then, he/she becomes an idiot.

~~~

Maturity is the ability to think, speak and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations.

Samuel Ullman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Ray’s Daily

April 16, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it”

– Edith Wharton

stay positive

If you know me you know I prefer to be optimistic and positive. I am also an advocate for staying upbeat and enjoying each day. I also appreciate the folks I meet and the friends I have made. I enjoy being able to share with you and the others how good our lives can be.

I also appreciate when you let me know how you are doing, since what you share is good to hear.

Jon Gordon recently wrote a piece how to communicate positively that I has abridged for you today..

9 Ways to be a Positive Communicator

  1. Shout Praise, Whisper Criticism – Shouting praise means you recognize someone in front of their peers and whispering criticism means you coach them to get better. Both build better people and teams.
  2. Smile More – When you share a real smile it not only produces more serotonin in your brain but in the brain of the recipient of your smile. Just by smiling at someone you are giving them a dose of serotonin, an anti-depressant.
  3. Don’t Complain – When you complain you lose power, effectiveness and credibility as a communicator and leader.
  4. Encourage – We all need encouragement and positive communicators encourage and inspire others to do more and become more than they ever thought possible. Great communicators are great encouragers.
  5. Spread Positive Gossip – Instead of sharing negative gossip, be the kind of communicator who spreads positive news about people.
  6. Sometimes You Have to Listen More and Talk Less – Positive communicators don’t just talk. They listen. They ask questions and really listen. Positive communicators make others feel important by listening to them and truly hearing what they have to say.
  7. Welcome Feedback – Positive communicators also listen to and welcome ideas and suggestions on how they can improve. They don’t fear criticism. They welcome it knowing it makes them better.
  8. Celebrate Success – Instead of focusing on what went wrong each day, positive communicators focus on what went right. They celebrate their successes, even the small ones, knowing that small wins lead to big wins.
  9. Give High Fives, Handshakes, Pats on the Back, Fist Bumps and Hugs When Appropriate – Positive communication isn’t just verbal. It’s also physical. In a world where physical touch has become taboo because of misuse and abuse we must remember that it is a way we humans communicate naturally and is very powerful and beneficial when done appropriately with good intention.

~~~

“An attitude of positive expectation is the mark of the superior personality”

Brian Tracy

~~~

Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.

Andy replied, “Oh, nothing.  It’s just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while.”

Josh, “Gee, I never knew you played hockey.”

Andy, “No I don’t. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television…”

~~~

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Charlotte Whitton

~~~

Dear Sir,

Since taking your body building course, I now have a 44 inch chest, a 32 inch waist, 17 inch biceps and an 18 inch neck. I feel absolutely marvelous but at the same time, I do feel that my chances of marriage are spoiled.

Yours faithfully,

Rachel Goldberg

~~~

Morris had died.

His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris’ Last Will and Testament.

“To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”

~~~

Jewish curses

May you sell candles for a living and then may the sun never set.

May you be like a chandelier, hang by day and burn by night!

~~~

Did you know that Moses had to make a third trip up to the top of Mount Sinai?

Well, on this third trip, Moses arrived at the burning bush after much climbing, removed his sandals, kneeled and prayed to God.

“Oh mighty God, King of the Universe, your people have sent me back here to ask you a question about the Ten Commandments.”

“What question do they have for me?” roared the voice of God.

“They want to know whether the commandments are listed according to priority.”

~~~

Sign in restaurant: If you are over 80 and accompanied by your parents, we will cash your check.

~~~

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ….. and into the hole he gooooes.”

~~~

“I firmly believe that when I am positive, it not only makes me better, but it also makes those around me better.”

Harvey Mackay

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I am enjoying it

Ray’s Daily

April 15, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.”

Frank Lloyd Wright

senior-highkicks

A friend e-mailed me the other day saying that she appreciated my thoughts on graceful aging. I thought about what she said and realized that I am finding my life to be pretty good these days.

I don’t see as well as I once did so I miss seeing some of the wrinkles and some of the debris but I still see smiling faces, flowers in bloom and pretty days. My hearing is failing but my hearing aids let me hear what I want to hear. I walk a little slower but that provides me more time to appreciate my wife and friends as we stroll together.

Our home has been replaced by our senior living apartment that is spacious and homey. We have friendly neighbors who share in our activities, and we don’t have to drive somewhere to see them. The folks who provide us a pleasant dining experience serve us tasty meals that we enjoy with friends each day.

You want to know something? I never thought that old age could be as good as mine is. Here is a story that reminds me of many of my new friends.

Good News—Positive Emotions Are Contagious

by Holly Lebowitz Rossi

“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor,” said Charles Dickens. Modern research suggests that the idea of contagious emotions is more than a literary flourish; it has a basis in science.

The smallest emotional moments of connection between two people reveal that your attitude impacts your neighbor’s attitudes, and their attitude impacts their coworkers’ attitude and so on and so on through the complex social networks we all travel.

Sociologist Nicholas Christakis of Yale University, who led a 32-year-long study of face-to-face interactions among 5,000 people in one town, told NPR.org, “If someone smiles at you, you smile back at them. That’s a very fleeting contagion of emotion from one person to another.”

Simply put, if you are positive, kind and grateful, the people you encounter are more likely to feel the same.

You may be thinking, if positive emotions like joy and gratitude are contagious, what about “negative” emotions like sadness or anger? They also spread from person to person, whether through a nonverbal cue like averted eyes at the office water cooler or online in a heated rant.

If you are struggling with negativity, it can feel like a lot to take responsibility for other people’s feelings. But it might be helpful and even inspiring to consider that taking a moment to observe your behavior might reveal easy ways to use your emotional contagiousness for the good of your community.

~~~

We can’t avoid age. However, we can avoid some aging. Continue to do things. Be active. Life is fantastic in the way it adjusts to demands; if you use your muscles and mind, they stay there much longer.

Charles H. Townes

~~~

Overheard at the day care center, or was it the senior center.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?

A: Nearby.

~~~

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.

Cullen Hightower

~~~

Esther had only recently got married and was having a chat with her best friend Becky.

Esther asks, “Tell me, Becky, I’ve forgotten the procedure. When one first gets married, how long should one wait before starting to point out to one’s husband what disgusting habits his friends have?”

~~~

Scandinavian Airlines dinner:  Smoked salmon on hard doughnut-shaped rolls.

El Al dinner:  Lox on bagels.

~~~

“I’d like the number for Rachel Cohen in Brooklyn, New York.” the young man said to the information operator.

“There are multiple listings for Rachel Cohen’s, in Brooklyn” the operator said. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated a moment, “Well, uh, most people call me “Max.”

~~~

The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate.

After the service a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, “Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!”

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said “Now, now, Carolyn, don’t carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me”.

“Yeah right”, she said, “That’s what they said the LAST time too!!!”

~~~

“The model for the Gerber baby on the jars turns 77 years old today. He’s back to eating Gerber baby food.”

Conan O’Brien

~~~

She said: At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup.

I didn’t realize how long I’d been until someone slid a note under the door.

“You win,” it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot.”

~~~

“Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”

Franz Kafka

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Learn to enjoy life

Ray’s Daily

April 12, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.

William Feather

Be yourself

I have a full day today starting with an early meeting so here we go again a Daily from long ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on April 13, 2005

A friend and I were discussing someone who seems to be searching for happiness and never finding it. She seems so concerned about her job, relationships and playing the roles expected of her that she has little time to become herself. I don’t know why so many of us live with unhappiness or live dull, regimented lives, never experiencing the joys that are there for us to find. What is really sad is when we miss happiness because we did not recognize it when we saw it, or we did not take the time to enjoy itwhen we had the opportunity.

Here are a few investments we can make that can help make happiness easier to find.

  1. Free your heart from hatred
  2. Free your mind from worries
  3. Live simply
  4. Give more
  5. Expect less

I know for many of us committing ourselves to the above is not easy, but I suggest that taking a few minutes each day to think about them can provide real results. Maybe the question we need to ask ourselves is, “do things really have to be this way?” The answer is often they do not, and once we know that we can unload a little each day. If we do I think we will find things a little brighter, life more enjoyable, and joy more frequent.

~~~

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.

Jacques Prévert

~~~

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies’ group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.  She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.” So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom …  a roll of toilet paper.  She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.

Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend’s home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.  After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert. Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!” Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say …”Thank you, I baked it myself.”

~~~

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.

Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.

Lao Tzu

~~~

A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday.  Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up.

Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn’t a pew available.  Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, “Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back.”

The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, “I beg your pardon?”

“Get three chairs for my Baptist friends,” repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.

Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. “Three chairs. For the Baptists,” he enunciated.

The usher’s face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation. “All right, everybody,” he called out to the assembled worshipers. “Three cheers for the Baptists!”

~~~

Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.

Ernest Hemingway

~~~

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move,” said the broker. “It’s only $1 a share.”

“Buy me 1,000 shares,” said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right. Give me 5,000 more shares.”

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares.”

“Great!” said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”

The broker asked, “To who? You were the only one buying that stock.”

~~~

“My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, ‘Just wait.'”

Judy Tenuta

~~~

Jill and Nina went to lecture on positive thinking.  After the lecture was done, Nina said to Jill, “You know, I learned a lot from this.  From now on, I am going to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. From now on, I am going to use the word IS instead of the word NOT.”

“You’re right Nina.  I am going to quit making negative statements too.

I am going to speak positively from now on as well”, Jill said.

“Really Jill, like what?” asked Nina.

“Well,” Jill says, “I used to always say that my husband was not fit to live with the hogs.  Now I am going to say he IS fit to live with them.”

~~~

The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality.

John Quincy Adams

~~~

She said, now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die before you do?” Dad asked Mom. After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then Mom asked Dad, “What will you do if I die first?” He replied, “Probably the same thing.”

~~~

After being advised by a store front investment counselor to invest my few measly savings in CD’s, does anyone know of a good music store that sells them cheap?

~~~

After joining the Navy, a guy undergoes a physical. During the exam, it was discovered that, due to a bum shoulder, he couldn’t fully extend his arms above his head. Perplexed, the doctor conferred with another physician.

“Let him pass,” said the second doctor. “I don’t see any problems, unless he has to surrender.”

~~~

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

Margaret Young

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Sixty-six good years

Ray’s Daily

April 11, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.

Martin Luther

Wedding Pic 2

On this day sixty-six years ago my wife and I got married in the Norte Dame Chapel at Columbia University. I was 18 and in the Navy, Nancy was 20 and employed at the Chase Bank in Manhattan. We had met on a blind date the previous year. I was going to school at a Navy base in Maryland, I was there for almost a year and went to New York City most weekends. When I visited I stayed with friends in Greenwich Village. Nancy and I spent our time exploring Manhattan and enjoying what it had to offer.

When I got out of the service we set up our residence in Chicago where our two daughters and our son was born. I was away on business sometimes for months at a time while my wonderful wife raised our children,

My career took us to Minnesota in 1967 and then to Indianapolis in 1969. We were asked by my employers to move away for a promotion but we chose to stay and raise our family. Indianapolis has provided us a great life. Our family has grown, we now have seven wonderful grandchildren and two greatgrandchildren.

We have had a good life enhanced by our many friends and a pleasant community. The years have treated us well and now as we spend our days together in our now senior living home we have never been closer. I am grateful for her tolerance and understanding and to my sailor friend who asked me to go on a blind date where I found my life mate.

More Time, More Love

 

Our sixty-sixth anniversary, Love,

Brings feelings of delight,

Thoughts of pleasure that you give me

Every day and every night.

 

I’m grateful for each day and hour;

I thank the Lord above

For giving me the precious gift:

Of your deep, enduring love.

 

As our lives go on and on,

One thing is always true:

To the very end, I’ll always wish

For more time, more love with you.

 

By Joanna Fuchs

~~~

“When we get to the end of our lives together, the house we had, the cars we drove, the things we possessed won’t matter. What will matter, is that I had you, and you had me.”

~~~

A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, “My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him about all the bargains,” the hostess replied.

“Normally, yes,” the lady said.  “But he just broke his leg, and he’s waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set.”

~~~

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.

Roseanne Barr

~~~

“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart,” said the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”

“Good, what are we having for breakfast,” said the new husband.

“Toast and juice,” she replied.

~~~

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

~~~

The generation gap quickly became apparent when I tried to discuss marriage with my daughter, who is very career oriented.  “A husband might not tolerate your ambition forever,” I pointed out.  “He might become concerned about how such total dedication to a job could fit into a successful relationship.”  “You don’t understand, Dad,” my daughter countered.   “It’s going to be a merger, not a takeover.”

~~~

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

~~~

A man and woman had been married for sixty years. They kept no secrets from each other except a shoebox the woman had in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask about.

However, one day the woman got sick and the doctor said she would not recover. The man got the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed it was time he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000.

She said, “When we were to be married, my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily.”

The old man was so moved he had to fight back tears. Only two doilies in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in sixty years. He almost burst with happiness.

“Honey,” he said, “that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling doilies.”

~~~

“Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply.”

Zane Grey

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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