Ray's musings and humor

No buts please

Ray’s Daily

March 22, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

 

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”

James Allen

Complain

Rather than write a new Daily I want to revisit one I wrote nine years ago.

Those of you who have been reading the Daily for a while know that I am not comfortable with people who are constant complainers. These are the folks who wake up in the morning sure they are going to have a bad day and then spend the rest of day proving that they were right. I think of them as “but” folks, you know those who always say yes, but. It seems like they go out of their way to find fault or a flaw in almost everything they encounter.

As an example, Jack just got back from a cruise and I ask “Jack, how was your cruise?” and Jack replies, “It was fine but it rained most days, the food was very good but the dining room was noisy, my cabin was very nice but the bathroom was small, all in all I liked the cruise but it wore me out.” Since most of us hear the exceptions while taking for granted the good things in our day to day lives we tend to focus in on what is said after the but. In Jacks case what he said to the right of the but was that it rained most days during the cruise, the dining room was noisy, the bathroom too small and it wore him out. If he just would have stayed to the left of the but I would have heard that the cruise was fine, the food was very good, that he had a nice cabin and that he liked the cruise. If he needed to add anything he could have done so in a way that did not distract from what he reported, for example he could have said “I really liked the cruise, we had so much fun that I did not get enough sleep and it took me a day to rest back up.”

The sad part is that there are those who are compulsive “buters,” people that just need to find fault. Pretty soon all they say is what is on the right side of the but and they become chronic complainers. I really feel sorry for them as they miss the good life that those of us who try to stop before the but live every day. If you think about it the great majority of our time is pretty good and while we may stub our toe once in awhile that is the exception not the norm. So my friends let us make a pact — whenever we are about to say but we’ll stop ourselves and stay focused on what we really feel and what we are trying to say.

~~~

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen-aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage; climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

~~~

I have never had premonitions, but one day I think I will.

Lawrence Brotherton

~~~

Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. Then she went to visit her mother for two weeks and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that her husband had surprised her by installing beautiful new cabinets.

A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, “All of us were so glad the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen.”

~~~

She said: God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends

~~~

My parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. “Would you like to go out, girl?” he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, “Oh, yes, I’d love to!”

They had a wonderful evening and it wasn’t until much later that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom’s feet on the kitchen floor.

~~~

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

~~~

A guy moved to Arizona at the urging of his doctor. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man. “My doctor recommended I move here for my health. Is this really a good place to live?”

“It sure is! When I first arrived here, I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head and I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room. I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That’s wonderful! How long have you been here?”

“I was born here.”

~~~

If you’re not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.

Les Giblin

~~~

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents’ nasty divorce. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother. Jennifer asked the new wife to exchange it, but she refused.

“Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress and I’m wearing it,” she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, “Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”

A few days later, they went shopping and found another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Aren’t you going to return the other dress?” “You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”

Her mother just smiled and replied, “Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!”

~~~

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. If we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.

Charlotte Bronte

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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We need each other

Ray’s Daily

March 21, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”

Charles Dickens

helping

The other day I attended a meeting of my fellow residents who live in our Senior Living facility. It was attended by about 40 of my neighbors.

The meeting showed us ways we could make our community even better than it already is while giving us an alternative to hibernating in our apartments. I was impressed with how volunteers operated the convenience store where we purchase necessities and more. A member told how our library was staffed by fellow residents. Others reported on what they do to welcome new residents.

We were invited to participate by helping those with memory issues, meeting with prospective and new residents and much more. I liked the idea that we had things we could do while helping our residents. It is great to have the opportunity to do something worthwhile rather than just rest and eat.

I am glad I am here and I did sign up to get more involved. There is not much more rewarding than helping others. When I read the following story it reminded me of what some of my neighbors would do.

The Man at the Market

When the supermarket clerk tallied up my groceries, I was $12 over what I had on me. I began to remove items from the bags, when another shopper handed me a $20 bill. “Please don’t put yourself out,” I told him. “Let me tell you a story,” he said. “My mother is in the hospital with cancer. I visit her every day and bring her flowers. I went this morning, and she got mad at me for spending my money on more flowers. She demanded that I do something else with that money. So, here, please accept this. It is my mother’s flowers.”

Leslie Wagner

~~~

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

John Holmes

~~~

He said that with the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called, “Marriage Anonymous.” Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn housecoat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she tries to nag him out of it.

~~~

She said if you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

~~~

At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen.

“Paddy,” he asked casually, “didn’t you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?”

“That I did, sir.”

“And you are a bricklayer!  It sure is a funny world.  Things in life aren’t divided equally, are they?”

“No, that they ain’t sir,” agreed Paddy, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks.  “Me poor brother couldn’t do this to save his life!”

~~~

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

Sue Grafton-

~~~

Several women were visiting elderly Mrs. Diamond who was very ill. After a while, they rose to leave and told her, “Esther, we will keep you in our prayers.”

“Just wash the dishes in the kitchen,” the ailing woman said, “I can do my own praying.”

~~~

People tell me I’m childish but I think they’re just being poopyheads.

~~~

Over a round of golf, two doctors were talking shop.

“I operated on Mr. Lee the other day,” said the surgeon.

“What for?” asked his colleague.

“About $17,000.”

“What did he have?”

“Oh… About $17,000.”

~~~

“Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.”

Dave Barry.

~~~

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.  Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying A dollar per point.” The next class the professor handed the tests back out.

This student got back his test and $64 change.

~~~

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

~~~

During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up.

The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn’t know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a homebound 98-year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple.  The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was.

So he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation.

The one whose followers stood during prayer said to the old man, “Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?”

The old man answered, “No, that is not the tradition.”

The one whose followers sat asked, “Is the tradition to sit during prayer?”

The old man answered, “No, that is not the tradition.”

Then the rabbi said to the old man, “The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand!”

The old man interrupted, exclaiming, “THAT is our tradition!”

~~~

The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.

Herbert V. Prochnow

~~~

Laws Of Slow People

  1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don’t know each other.
  2. They drive side by side, too. If they can’t find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
  3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors, either.
  4. Slow people drift sideways so they’ll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.
  5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you’ll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.

~~~

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.”

Booker T. Washington

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Happy?

Ray’s Daily

March 20, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.

Edith Wharton

happiness

Even at my age I meet people who wish they were happier. If you ask them what would make them happy many don’t have an answer, others have unreachable fantasies that leave them little chance of finding an answer.

Most of the people I live with in our community have learned that the key to happiness is to appreciate what we already have. They have found that accumulating more stuff does not bring happiness nor does constant searching for new experiences.

I find that my happiness comes from people like you, friends, family and the people I meet everyday. I also relish the comfort that our new home provides.

Here is a story that reminds us to not search for happiness over the hill but rather recognize it where we are.

Stop chasing happiness

“An old man lived in the village. The whole village was tired of him; he was always gloomy, he constantly complained and was always in a bad mood. The longer he lived, the viler he became and more poisonous were his words. People did their best to avoid him because his misfortune was contagious. He created the feeling of unhappiness in others.

But one day, when he turned eighty, an incredible thing happened. Instantly everyone started hearing the rumor: ‘The old man is happy today, he doesn’t complain about anything, smiles, and even his face is freshened up.’

The whole village gathered around the man and asked him, “What happened to you?”

The old man replied, ‘Nothing special. Eighty years I’ve been chasing happiness and it was useless. And then I decided to live without happiness and just enjoy life. That’s why I’m happy now.’”

~~~

I don’t think you can feel a sense of entitlement and still be happy. Happiness always comes from feeling that you’ve been blessed.

Robert Brault,

~~~

A young Jewish man falls in love with a Native American woman and they decide to get married. When his mother hears the news, however, she is extremely distressed because she wanted him to marry a nice Jewish girl. When she hears that not only is he marrying this Native American girl but has decided to live with her on the reservation, the mother becomes so upset that she refuses to even speak to the boy, practically disowning him.

After a year, the son telephones the mother to tell her that he and his wife are expecting a child. The mother is happy for him, but there is still quite a bit of tension in the air.

Nine months later, the son calls the mother again. “Mom,” he says, “I just wanted you to know that last night my wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I also wanted to tell you that we’ve talked it over and we have decided to give the boy a Jewish name.”

Upon hearing this, the mother is overjoyed. “Oh, son, this is wonderful,” she gushes. “I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life. You have made me the happiest woman in the world.”

“That’s great, Mom,” replies the son.

“And what,” asks the mother, “is the baby’s name?”

The son proudly replies, “Smoked Whitefish!”

~~~

Believing in our hearts that who we are is enough is the key to a more satisfying and balanced life.

Ellen Sue Stern

~~~

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter. When returning to her car she found that she had locked her keys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter. She didn’t know what to do, so she called her home and told the babysitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.

She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.” So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful. The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said, “Sure”. He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional.”

~~~

Many a man’s tongue broke his nose.

Seumas MacManus

~~~

There is the story of a person who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:

“I have good news and bad news.

“The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.

“The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”

~~~

I began my education at a very early age. In fact, right after I left college.

Winston Churchill

~~~

A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer.

The man asked, “How often do I take these.”

“Let’s start off with once every six hours. But they’re not for you.” replied the doctor. “They’re for your wife.”

~~~

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

Frederick Keonig

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Think First

Ray’s Daily

March 19, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

 

As you think, so you become…..Our busy minds are forever jumping to conclusions, manufacturing and interpreting signs that aren’t there.

Epictetus

Conclusions

I worry sometimes that too many of us don’t stop to think before we jump to erroneous conclusions. It reminds me of the times I have returned excess change I received to a cashier only to find they reacted before I could explain that they did not short change me.

Have our lives become so fast paced that we don’t take time to deliberate before we judge? I hope not.

The following edited piece I got from Angel Chernoff triggered my thoughts today.

A 90-Second Reminder that Will Change Your Attitude (and Spare Some Pain)

Many of the biggest misunderstandings in life could be avoided if we simply took the time to ask, “What else could this mean?”

Here’s how it works: The story I’m telling myself can be applied to any difficult life situation or circumstance in which a troubling thought is getting the best of you. For example, perhaps someone you love (husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.) didn’t call you on their lunch break when they said they would, and now an hour has passed and you’re feeling upset because you’re obviously not a high enough priority to them. When you catch yourself feeling this way, use the phrase: The story I’m telling myself is that they didn’t call me because I’m not a high enough priority to them.

Then ask yourself these questions:

  • Can I be absolutely certain this story is true?
  • How do I feel and behave when I tell myself this story?
  • What’s one other possibility that might also make the ending to this story true?

Give yourself the space to think it all through carefully.

Challenge yourself to THINK BETTER—to challenge the stories you subconsciously tell yourself and do a reality check with a more objective mindset.

~~~

If you’re going to be a good and faithful judge, you have to resign yourself to the fact that you’re not always going to like the conclusions you reach. If you like them all the time, you’re probably doing something wrong.

Antonin Scalia

~~~

A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do – everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.

Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this ‘miracle doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, “Hey, doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste nothin’, so what are ya goin’ to do?”

The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, “What you need is jar number 47.”

So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, “This is gross!” he yelled. “Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson,” said the doctor. So Mr. Thompson went home…. very mad.

One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem. “Doc,” he started, “I can’t remember anything!” Thinking he had the doctor stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, “What you need is jar number 47, it’s……” But before the doctor could finish his sentence, Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room!

~~~

Am I getting older or is the supermarket playing great music?

~~~

You might be from Las Vegas If…..

* – You no longer associate bridges with water.

* – You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

* – You can make instant sun tea.

* – You learn that a seat belt makes a good branding iron.

* – The temperature drops below 85, and you feel a bit chilled.

* – You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

* – You discover you can get a sunburn through your car window.

* – You notice the best parking place is determined by shade, not distance.

* – It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is on the streets.

* – Hot water comes out of both taps.

* – You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

* – No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

* – You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

~~~

The self is not something that one finds. It is something that one creates.

Thomas Szasz

~~~

“Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?” a tourist asked the museum guard.

“They are three million, four years and six months old.”

“That’s an awfully exact number. How do you know their age so precisely?”

“Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here and that was four and a half years ago.”

~~~

Conditions are never just right. People who delay action until all factors are favorable are the kind who do nothing.

William Feather

~~~

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe.

While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa!

The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

“Ma’am,” they said, “we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker…”

“Oh,” the waitress interrupted. “Sorry about that.” She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

~~~

As human beings, we suffer from an innate tendency to jump to conclusions, to judge people too quickly, and to pronounce them failures or heroes without due consideration.

Prince Charles

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Who do you appreciate?

Ray’s Daily

March 18, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”

Willie Nelson

Grateful

I attended a special luncheon last week prepared by our restaurant staff. I sent the food director a thank you for the great meal. He responded in part with:

The lost art of thanks giving will die with your generation. It is always such a treat to receive thank you cards from our residents as well as emails and verbal “thanks givings”. This is not something that any generation after yours does very well.

Often times we are so busy or so entitled or so jaded that we can’t see past our noses. Love and appreciation are all around us, the blessings of others and the smiles too; If we could just see past ourselves.

Is he right, have we become so materialistic and self-centered that we don’t appreciate those who do so much for us? Do we thank friends, family, servers, druggists, grocery clerks and others enough? I find that many of you do appreciate those who make your life a little happier, thank you for caring.

How to Be More Appreciative

  • Start saying thank you for everything, time, gifts, service rendered, assistance, kind words, everything.
  • Make a list of things and people you appreciate and make a conscious effort to regularly show your appreciation for them. Add something new to this list everyday.
  • Volunteer. Just do something that is for anyone but yourself on a regular basis.
  • Understand that you regularly go out to eat, buy convenience foods, treats, even bread, or if you have help around the house, spend one week learning and doing it all for yourself. I guarantee the next time a waiter brings you a basket of bread that you had to wait a couple extra minutes for, you will feel more grateful and appreciate the work it took to get it to you.
  • Realize that if you find yourself being overly critical of people around you, make a mental list of their good qualities and the things they do that you appreciate.

~~~

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Marcel Proust

~~~

A guy walks into a bookstore, not looking for anything in particular. On his way to the back of the store, he spots something of interest. A book with a very interesting title, “Dating for the New Millennium. What Women Want.” So, he picks it up and opens it to a random page.

“Chapter 1: The First Date.”

He glances the chapter over for a few minutes and then rushes out of the bookstore to call a girl he’s wanted to ask out for quite awhile. When he gets home, he picks up the phone and calls her. She answers, “Hello?”

He says, “Hi, Jessica. Listen, I was wondering if you would want to go see a movie with me tonight?”

She says, “Sure, I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

He gets excited. He thought she’d say no way, but she didn’t. So, he decided to take it one step further. He asks, “Great, well how about dinner before the movie?”

She replies, “Sure, that would be great too!”

“Fine, I’ll pick you up about nine. You should be finished eating by then.”

~~~

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

A man decides to join the circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to the impresario.

“I have the most unusual act,” he announces. “I’m sure it will amaze you.”

He proceeds to climb a tall tower and jumps off. He flaps his arms wildly and finally, his fall slows. He soars forward, swoops upward, turns and swoops back again. Finally, he stops in mid-air and gently lowers himself to the ground.

The impresario stares blankly at him for a long time. Finally, he says, “Is that all you’ve got? Bird imitations?”

~~~

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.

~~~

Pauly and Maury were in the neighborhood bar… Again…And Maury remarked that Old Jim had just told him that He was now an octogenarian.

“What’s an octogenarian?” asked Pauly.

“I dunno,” said Maury, “but they must be pretty healthy People. Every one of ’em I’ve ever heard of is eighty Years old or more.

~~~

Why is it that we travel hundreds of miles to get away from everyone at home and then send them postcards that say, “Wish you were here”?

~~~

My town takes jury selection very seriously. So much so that when it sends questionnaires to perspective jurors, every question is expected to be answered in full–plain and simple, no ifs, ands or buts.

This was evidenced by the juror’s questionnaire I was sent. It asked, Do you speak, read and understand English? If no, explain.”

~~~

As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might.

Marian Anderson

~~~

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her Mom and brother, “Nobody loves me. The whole world hates me!”

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: “That’s not true, Mary. Lots of people don’t even know you.”

~~~

Doing nothing is tiring because you can’t stop to rest.

~~~

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?!” “Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

“Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?” “We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em.”

~~~

“Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.”

Northrup Christiane

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Be Happy Today

Ray’s Daily

March 15, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“It’s been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.”

L.M. Montgomery

Be Happy

Yippee it is Friday and this is St. Patrick’s Day weekend. I have no special big plans other than to happily enjoy the days with my wife and our new friends.

I have learned that happiness is up to ourselves. So again, this weekend I will focus on the good stuff, enjoy the days and ignore any stormy weather. Let’s just have fun and enjoy what we have.

Raise your spirit to the light,

Then your smile you must employ,

Swiftly expelling the gloomy night.

 

A new day comes into view,

To be shaped and to redesign,

And each move will be, by you

So perfect, so right and fine.

 

The birds will start their song,

And delight in this newborn day,

And with your courage so strong,

Exhilaration will come your way.

 

Greet the bright dawn with joy,

Don’t give in to tears and stress,

Find nothing that might annoy,

Come to know complete happiness.

 

         Ernestine Northover

~~~

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”

Epictetus

~~~

** The Biggest Lies In The World **

It’s a good thing you came in today. It’s the last one we have.

I promise to pay you back on my next paycheck.

You made it yourself? I would have never guessed.

Your hair looks just fine.

It’s delicious but I can’t eat another bit.

Go ahead and tell me, I won’t tell another soul.

The doctor will call you right back.

You don’t look a day over 50.

Your baby is just beautiful.

I gave at the office.

Put the map away. I know where we’re at.

Having a great time. Wish you were here.

~~~

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

~~~

Seven Ages of the Married Cold

1st Year – The husband says, “Oh, sweetie pie, I’m really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There’s no telling what that could turn into with all the strep throat that’s been going around. I’m going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I’m going to bring you some take-out from Tosini’s. I’ve already arranged it with the head nurse.”

2nd Year – “Listen, honey, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I called the doctor, and he’s going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don’t you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?”

3rd Year – “Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy, you need the rest. I’ll bring you something –do we have any canned soup around here?”

4th Year – “No sense wearing yourself out when you’re under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids’ baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!”

5th Year – “Why don’t you take a couple aspirin?”

6th Year – “You oughta go gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a dog!”

7th Year – “For Pete’s- sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You’d better pick up some tissues while you’re at the store.”

~~~

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

~~~

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.” With that the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?” The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?” “See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call.

He was probably very busy with some- thing and we annoyed him. Now watch….” The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father. “Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here!

You’ve got a lot of nerve calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard. The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.” He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!” The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”

~~~

“Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.”

Henry Louis Mencken

~~~

The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist’s couch. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.”

“Amazing,” said the doctor. “How did you do it?”

“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”

~~~

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”

Stacey Charter

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Do it anyway

Ray’s Daily

March 14, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions.”

Dalai Lama XIV

Do it anwayjpg

I now live in a close and diverse community. The one thing we have in common is our ages and our need to adjust to a more sedentary lifestyle. Our community is made up of folks from all walks of life and as you might expect a wide variety of feelings and beliefs. Some of us are generally happy while others stay fairly negative.

The secret to enjoying our stay here is to not let others influence how we behave. As always doing your best provides the happiest existence. And do you know what? When you do your best often you will find that the negative folks appreciate your efforts.

I have always liked the following piece, I hope you will too.

“The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. – Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. – Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. – Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. – Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. – Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. – Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. – Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. – Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. – Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. – Give the world the best you have anyway.”

Kent M. Keith

~~~

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

~~~

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up.

“You’ve been on for five miles–that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responds, “I ha’not, I want a ha’penny fare, just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged, and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase and hurls it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace.

The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ye tryin’ to overcharge me for the ticket–but now ye’ve gone an’ drowned me boy Angus!”

~~~

I have a very fine doctor. If you can’t afford the operation, he touches up the X-rays.

~~~

One day, Bill and Joe went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Joe slammed his fist on the table. “When are you going to learn to be polite?”

“If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?”

“The smaller piece, of course,” Joe replied.

“What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”

~~~

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

Dorothy Parker

~~~

A kangaroo kept escaping from his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty foot fence was put up. The next morning, the zoo officials found the kangaroo was wandering the zoo.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”

~~~

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.

The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man’s hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.

The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed:

“And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention…”

~~~

“According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing, when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.”

Jay Leno

~~~

The balding middle-aged man asked his barber, “Why do I have to pay full price for a haircut — there’s so little of it.”

“Well,” said the barber, “actually I only charge a little for cutting it. What you’re paying for mostly is my time searching for it!”

~~~

Life’s a dance. Put on your dancing shoes.

Steve Winwood

~~~

Just before Rosh HaShana, a team of terrorists invades the shul and takes the rabbi, the cantor and the shul president hostage. Hours later, the governor stands tough, he won’t give them a million dollars, nor a getaway car nor a Jumbo Jet.

The terrorists gather the three hostages in a corner and inform them that things look bad and they’re going to have to shoot them. Nevertheless, to show that they’re not really a bad bunch, they’ll grant each hostage one wish.

“Please,” says the rabbi, “for the last two months I’ve been working on my Rosh HaShana Sermon. What a waste to die now without having carried it before an audience. I’ll go happily if you let me recite my sermon. It’s an hour – ninety minutes long tops.” They promise to grant him the wish.

“Please,” says the cantor, “after 50 years I’ve finally gotten the ‘Hinneni’ prayer just right. What a waste to die and not sing it to an audience. It’s only about 45 minutes long – then I’ll go happily.” The terrorists promise to grant the cantor his wish too and then turn to the shul president.

“Please,” says the president with tears in his eyes, “Shoot me first!”

~~~

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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