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Ray’s Daily

February 18, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

No one really has a bad life. Not even a bad day. Just bad moments.

Regina Brett

Bad Day

We all have bad days, even though most are not as bad as we imagine them to be. I have had enough in my lifetime to learn they are not worth agonizing over. Sometimes I just wait them out with others I do what I can to ignore them. In any case the feeling of concern does pass and life goes on.

If you have difficulty dealing with the down days you might try the following suggestions.

How to Handle Trying Days When They Happen

  1. Ask yourself: Is it the day that is a problem, or is it me? – This is a tough love type of question, but I think it’s essential to pause and ask yourself what’s really going on. When you have a day in which everything and anything annoys you, take time to reflect. Ask yourself if it’s just a rough day, or if your reaction is a sign that something in your life is out of whack.

It might just be a fluke of a day where things are going funky right and left. Or maybe you’ve been letting little things build up, and things are boiling over because there’s something big you need to address that you’re ignoring—dissatisfaction with your work, or a compatibility issue in your relationship, for example.

If there is something big that you’re avoiding, can you face it? Can you find someone who will help you find the courage to address what you need to do—to face what you are afraid of?

  1. Release your pent up emotions. – Modern living and working close with others means there are lots of times where we have to filter our words and our reactions to act like a responsible adult. All too often we stuff our feelings down until we’re ready to explode—and often on some innocent bystander who doesn’t deserve our rage.

A healthier approach is to feel and work through our feelings as they arise, and sometimes the best approach is to physically release them from our bodies.

The relief that a good primal scream or pillow punching episode can provide is so incredible (though these things are best done in solitude, so we don’t offload our emotions onto the people around us). Exercise can also help with this, since it gets our muscles moving, and our heart pumping—another good reason to get active!

  1. Take the pressure off. – On some of my worst bad days, I give myself permission to check out and chill out. I take time to watch funny videos on YouTube or do a calming visualization meditation. It can feel tempting to plow through our to-do list, especially since we often tie our worth to our busyness and productivity. But sometimes you just need a break to regroup.

For example, can you find a few moments when you can sit or lie down? Then you can either relax or fill yourself with something silly and lighthearted. Animal videos, anyone?

Rachel Strivel

~~~

I get up every morning and it’s going to be a great day. You never know when it’s going to be over so I refuse to have a bad day.

Paul Henderson

~~~

A little old Jewish lady is flying out of New York City on her way to Miami Beach. She looks at the businessman sitting next to her and asks him, “Excuse me sir, but are you Jewish?”

The man responds politely, “No, ma’am, I’m not Jewish.”

After a little while she again queries him, “You’re really Jewish, aren’t you?”

Again he responds, “No ma’am, I am not Jewish.”

Barely 10 minutes later, the little old lady asks him once more, “Are you sure you’re not Jewish?”

To which in exasperation, and in a final effort to shut her up, he replies, “Okay. Yes, ma’am, I am Jewish.”

“Funny,” she says, looking puzzled, “you don’t look Jewish!”

~~~

Power is the ability to do good things for others.

Brooke Astor

~~~

Heather meets up with her [blonde] sister Karen as she is picking her car up from the mechanic. Heather asks,

“Everything ok with your car now, Karen?”

Karen replies,

“Yeah, thank goodness! I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”

~~~

“The secret of longevity is to keep breathing.”

Sophie Tucker

~~~

The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.

“You must answer the telephone,” he told her irritably.

“All right,” she replied, “but it seems so silly. It’s always for you.”

~~~

Children need models rather than critics.

Joseph Joubert

~~~

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. “Look,” he said, “let’s play a little game. I’ll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I’ll buy YOU a drink. If you can’t, then you buy ME one. Okay?”

“Ja, dat sounds purty good,” said the Norwegian.

The Indian said, “My father and mother had one child. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”

The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, “I give up. Who vas it?”

“It was ME,” chortled the Indian. So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.

Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, “Sven,” he said, “I got a game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can’t, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?”

“Fair enough,” said Sven. Okay, my fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn’t my brudder. It vasn’t my sister. Who vas it?”

“Search me,” said Sven. “I give up. Who vas it?”

“It vas some Indian up in Fargo, ND.”

~~~

You have to remember that the hard days are what make you stronger. The bad days make you realize what a good day is. If you never had any bad days, you would never have that sense of accomplishment!    

Aly Raisman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Enjoying the golden years

Ray’s Daily

February 15, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege.

Old Age

I was moving a little slow yesterday. It was due to being a little infirm but I will recover. One of the secrets that I learn everyday from my fellow seniors is to keep your sense of humor and don’t give in to health interruptions.

The more time I spend with those older than me the more I see how a sense of humor is one of the secrets of graceful aging. The older we get the more we realize not to take life or ourselves too seriously.

Here are few gems heard around the retirement center.

Getting Older Can be Fun – Age with Humor!

  • As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can’t remember them either.
  • I would be unstoppable, if I could only get started……
  • “I am having amnesia, dementia, and deja vu, all at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before . . .”
  • Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
  • You can’t stay young forever. That’s just a theory, because you can be immature for your entire life.
  • I live in my own little world. But it’s okay — they know me here.
  • Forget health food. I’m at the age where I need all the preservatives I can get. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

~~~

As we grow old…the beauty steals inward.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell “straight.” The boy did so correctly.

“Now,” said the teacher, “what does it mean?”

“Without water.”

~~~

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Samuel Beckett

~~~

A Faithful Woman

An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say “Allah be praised” to all those who passed by.

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”

Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer “Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!”

One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, “Allah be praised!.”

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.”

The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, “ALLAH BE PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!”

~~~

“Happy the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying, once and for all.”

Ovid

~~~

Rabbi Bloom caught two of his rabbinical students gambling and drinking on Sabbath. Next day, Rabbi Bloom called them into his office and asked them what was going on. They immediately confessed to having given in to weakness and agreed that they deserved some form of punishment for their sin. Rabbi Bloom thought a lot about this and then came up with the answer. He bought two bags of dried peas from the delicatessen and told them,

“Put these in your shoes and walk on them for a week to remind yourselves how hard life can be when you turn away from God.”

A few days later, the two students met each other in the street.  One had a pronounced limp and had dark circles under his eyes.  He looked very tired and weary.  On the other hand, the other was the same as he had been before.

“Hey,” said the first.  “How is it tat you are walking so easily? Didn’t you do as the Rabbi asked and put the peas in your shoes?”

“I did,” said the other.

“But I boiled mine first.”

~~~

We’ve all heard “Laughter is the best medicine.”  Lately I’m not so sure. If that were really true, wouldn’t the medical profession have found a way by now to charge us for it?

~~~

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor’s, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament. The man asks, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?” “Well, yes,” the doctor replies, “but not framed like that.”

~~~

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Marie Curie

~~~

MARRIAGE “MIRANDA” RIGHTS for men…

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted AND MISUNDERSTOOD AND then used AND HELD against you FOREVER.

~~~

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent – that is to triumph over old age.

Thomas Bailey Aldrich

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

It is your day

Ray’s Daily

February 14, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Stay positive, all other choices are pointless punishments to your psyche.

Joe Peterson

positive day

If you are like I am there seldom is a week that something doesn’t go wrong. The power goes out, you tear a favorite shirt, you run into an angry person, the list goes on. You know what, these are just normal events and we don’t have to let them take us down. I find that treating them as anything more can wreck my day so I choose to take care of whatever it is and focus on the good things ahead.

In my experience what happens to us is not as bad as some of our reactions to whatever it is. I like myself much better when I just ride it out and stay positive. Here is something I picked up that tells how the writer handles his days.

One positive thought helps in changing the situation totally. When I start experiencing that one positive thought and continue sustaining it, I find that there is a flow of positive energy which changes things. Something that seems impossible starts seeming possible. And everything and everyone around start cooperating too. Today I will create and sustain a positive thought right in the morning. Even if there is a negative situation, I will try and find something positive in it. This will help me create a thought of positivity in spite of the negative situation. Once I experience this positive thought by sustaining it, I find that there is a possibility to work on the situation to make it better.

Brahma Kumaris

~~~

It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

Ellen DeGeneres

~~~

Will Rogers said:

  • After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him … The moral:  When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
  • There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
  • When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.

~~~

Boucher’s Observation:  He who blows his own horn always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.

~~~

The kid said:

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?  –Age 15

~~~

The stockbroker’s secretary answered his phone one morning.  “I’m sorry,” she said, “Mr. Bradford’s on another line.”

“This is Mr. Ingram’s office,” the caller said.  “We’d like to know if he’s bullish or bearish right now.”

“He’s talking to his wife,” the secretary replied. “Right now I’d say he’s sheepish.”

~~~

There’s no underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
H. L. Mencken

~~~

Another success secret:

Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss –and you will get caught–your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You’re not a loafer, you’re a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

~~~

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “what’ll you have?”

The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.

Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”

The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine—-I just quit drinking.”

~~~

I asked my psychiatrist if she thought I was crazy, she said “no”, so I let her up.

~~~

No matter what you’re going through, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you’ll find the positive side of things.

Demi Lovato

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Know Yourself

Ray’s Daily

February 13, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

Aristotle

Know Yourself

One of the traps some older folks seem to fall into is giving up on themselves. Most of the people I meet these days have not done that. They demonstrate that personal zest does not require physical skill but an enthusiastic mind.

Most of my elderly friends have already learned what life is all about and chose to use their time in self-rewarding pursuits. Some read, some like doing puzzles, some enjoy the arts, and my favorites enjoy stimulating conversation. The following poem reminds me of many of these good people.

Know Yourself

 You are more than you pretend to be

You are more than what most eyes can see

You are more than all your history

Look inside and you will find

There’s glory in your mind

Come be the kind of person you would be….

 

You are more than what your leaders say

You are more than how you earn your pay

You are more than what you seem today

So drop that loser’s mask

You’re equal to the task

The question you should ask is who you are….

 

You are more than what the preachers shout

You are more, come let your spirit out

You are more, your soul shall have no doubt

Arise, become awake

With every breath you take

The god within will ache to be….

 

You are more than some statistic chart

You are more than the sum of all your parts

You are more inside your heart of hearts

You know that it is true

This being that is you

Has miracles to do

Believe….

by Jean Houston

~~~

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”

May Sarton

~~~

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

“Well,” she explained, “Up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.

“In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?”

~~~

“What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on?”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”

Another patient asked, “How do you know?”

The first inmate said, “Because God told me!”

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!”

~~~

The greater part of our happiness depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.

Martha Washington

~~~

“Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

  1. Knowledge is Power.
  2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money

It follows that: Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

~~~

“Never judge a book by its movie.”

W. Eagan

~~~

Do-It-Yourself Tips For Real Men

* Leak stain on ceiling. – Cut a piece of plywood into a square. Nail it over the stain. Put a handle on it. Tell everyone it’s the door to your attic. (Not recommended for basement apartments).

* Ant invasion. – In a four-litre pail mix together two litres of water, 500 grams of abrasive cleanser and two tablespoons of dish detergent. Find the spot where the ants are getting into the house, pick them up one-by-one and drown them in your pail. Or simply squoosh them with your shoes and use the mixture to clean up the mess.

* Crayon marks on wall. – Grasp in right hand one paint scraper about 30cm long. With left hand, grab rotten offspring who made the marks and threaten to apply scraper to his video game collection if this happens again. Break all his crayons.

* Crabgrass. – In one corner of your lawn, assemble your mower, rake, shovel and weed killer. Using right index finger, dial any asphalt company. Have them come over and pave your lawn — mower, rake, shovel and weed killer included.

~~~

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

Carl Jung

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Appreciate

Ray’s Daily

February 12, 2019

 

Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

Voltaire

appreciate

A friend told me the other day that she had heard a fellow resident berate a dining room worker for not letting him go behind the counter to get what he wanted. She was just doing her job and always does her best.

Fortunately this mean spirited guy is the exception in our community. He is also someone to be pitied for it is folks who fail to appreciate what we have who will never find happiness. In fact we all benefit when we let people know that we appreciate what they do for us. Please let people know that you value what they do.

Excerpt from “Feeling Your Way Through Life”

David DeNotaris

Enjoy what’s around you, and use all your senses.

Appreciate the white, puffy clouds in the sky;

some people can’t see them.

Appreciate the sounds of the birds singing;

some people can’t hear them.

Appreciate the sweet fragrance of a rain shower or a blooming flower;

some people can’t smell them.

Appreciate the food you eat;

some people don’t have it or cannot taste it.

I believe that gratitude can change our attitude.

~~~

Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.

Margaret Cousins

~~~

Last week I regretted that I no longer can drive for I had no way to get to the funeral services being held for an old friend. I regret missing a chance to join with others to remember how much he did for so many.

~~~

An old Native Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government officials sent to interview him. “Chief Two Eagles” asked one Official, “you have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress and the damage he’s done.”

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The Official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”

The Chief stared at the Government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, “When white man found the land, Natives were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, Medicine Man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night having sex.”

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, “Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.”

~~~

It worked… Now if I could only remember what I did.

~~~

She said: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us.

“Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving,” I thought.

Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, “Hello. Remember me? You were my third grade teacher.”

~~~

Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man.

Louis Nizer

~~~

Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

~ Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, “I told you so.”

~ To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.

~ Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.

~ Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.

~ For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out- of-control fires that consumed most of the city.

~ A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep, and work in doorways.

~ Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.

~ In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table, or your boss.

~ If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you’ve wasted your life.

~~~

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPS~OCK KEY?

~~~

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office. After the exam, she shyly said, “My husband wants me to ask you…”

The doctor cut her off and reassured her, “I know, I know, I get the same question all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.”

“No, that’s not it,” the woman confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

~~~

Abstinence should be practiced in moderation.

~~~An Australian was in Ireland. On his way to Belfast, he stopped at a bar and asked one of the locals, “What’s the quickest way to Belfast?”

The Irishmen asked, “Are you walking or driving?”

The Australian replied, “I’m driving!”

The Irishman said, “Aye, that’d be the quickest way!”

~~~

The aim of life is appreciation; there is no sense in not appreciating things; and there is no sense in having more of them if you have less appreciation of them.

K. Chesterton

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Enjoy Your Life

Ray’s Daily

February 11, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

The minute you choose to do what you really want to do, it’s a different kind of life.

Buckminster Fuller

Enjoy Life

Many years ago I decided I was going to have a life that was not driven by career and obligations. It was the best decision I ever made, while I did not enrich my pocketbook, I did enrich my life.

When I was free to get involved in my community and to participate in a wide variety of activities, I made new friends, learned new things and found ways I could be useful to others. Far too many of us never start living the life we might have had and that to me is tragic.

Here is a story I may have sent you in the past but if I did it is worth repeating.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

This is the story of an 85-year-old man imagining how he would’ve lived his life differently if given the chance.

He said, “If I had my life to live over again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time. I wouldn’t try to be so perfect. I would relax more. I’d limber up. I’d be sillier than I’ve been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things that I would take so seriously, I’d be crazier. I’d be less hygienic. I’d take more chances, I’d take more trips, I’d climb more mountains, I’d swim more rivers, I’d watch more sunsets, I’d go more places I’ve never been to. I’d eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I’d have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.

You see I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour and day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had it to do all over again, I’d have more of those moments. In fact, I’d try to have nothing but beautiful moments- moment by moment by moment.

I’ve been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had to do it all over again, I’d travel lighter next time. If I had to do it all over again, I’d start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I’d ride more merry-go-rounds, I’d watch more sunrises, and I’d play with more children, if I had my life to live over again. But you see, I don’t.”

~~~

It’s never too late to be what you might have been.

George Elliot

~~~

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

“How could you do this?!”

“I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on,” she explained. “It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, ‘You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'”

“Well,” the pastor replied, “You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, ‘Get behind me, Satan!'”

“I did,” replied his wife, “but then he said, ‘It looks fabulous from back here, too!'”

~~~

Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

~~~

A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he’d like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. “What would you like to take when you attend college?” they asked the little boy. After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, “The refrigerator, if you can get along without it.”

~~~

The biggest seller is cookbooks, and the second is diet books about how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

~~~

I was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.

After several days, I again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush.  The phone was now working fine…  except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour!

~~~

Some neighbors of my grandparents gave them a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift.  As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that my grandmother had to throw it away.

Ever gracious and tactful, my grandmother still felt obliged to send the neighbors a note.  It read:  “Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn’t last very long in our house.”

~~~

Clerk in flower shop: “Sorry, we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets?”

Customer (sadly):  “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”

~~~

Life-insurance salesman …

“Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?” the life-insurance salesman asked his client.

“What do you mean?” countered the woman.

“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman.

The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”

~~~

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

Dorothy Parker

~~~

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming trucks, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and he wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said to him, “You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds.”

“Impossible,” said the embarrassed man. “You really know what I think?”

“Yes,” the lady replied, “Right now, you are thinking that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom.”

~~~

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Harold Thurman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I Will

Ray’s Daily

February 8, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Happiness equals reality minus expectations”

Tom Magliozzi

Promise

I had a full day yesterday and still have a few things to do, so I am sending you the Daily I wrote eleven years ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on February 8, 2008

I think far too many of us get trapped by actions that don’t meet the expectations of others. I know many people find it too easy to say yes and then turn their hope into a commitment others expect to happen. The quickest way to dissatisfaction is for others to expect something to happen because of what we said we would do only to find out we can’t deliver. It is not that our motives are wrong; more often than not we say we will do something because it needs to be done and then fail because we did not realistically review our capabilities.

In my experience I have found that a good rule is to offer less and then do your best to deliver more. I was fortunate to have spent most of my life working with people who established realistic goals and then proceeded to do extraordinary things to exceed those goals. If the team had to install a major computer system we would provide a promised date and then set our target deadline for a week earlier.

It seems to me that cost overruns, missed deadlines, meeting no shows, and broken promises have almost become the norm. When we promise more and deliver less, we lose the confidence of others and create ill will.

So I promise you I will always do my best to be early for our appointments, keep my promises, and do my best to exceed your expectations. I hope that you will understand when I don’t promise you something it is probably because I doubt that I will able to deliver. 

So like Magliozzi says when reality is better than what you expected you will have discovered happiness. And do you know what? When you exceed someone else’s expectations your happiness is often greater than theirs.

~~~

“Time is swift, it races by;

Opportunities are born and die…

Still you wait and will not try –

A bird with wings who dares not rise and fly.”

A. Milne

~~~

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

* Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader

* Strike while the …bug is close

* It’s always darkest before…Daylight Savings Time

* Never underestimate the power of…termites

* You can lead a horse to water but…how?

* Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty

* No news is…impossible

* A miss is as good as a…Mr.

*You can’t teach an old dog new…………math

* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…stink in the morning

* Love all, trust…me

* The pen is mightier than the…pigs

* An idle mind is…The best way to relax

* Where there’s smoke there’s…pollution

* Happy the bride who…gets all the presents

* A penny saved is…not much

* Two’s company, three’s…the Musketeers

* Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose

* None are so blind as…Helen Keller

* Children should be seen and not…spanked or grounded

* You get out of something what you…see pictured on the box

* When the blind leadeth the blind…get out of the way

~~~

“Men who never get carried away should be.”

Malcolm Forbes

~~~

A husband and wife went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on. Neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.

The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this”?

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days, I play golf.”

~~~

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”

William Shakespeare

~~~

This blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a peel and win sticker on her coffee cup. So, she peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”

The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a mini-van.”

But the blonde keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home. ”

Finally, the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home, because we didn’t have that as a prize!”

The blonde says, “No, it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motor home!”

So, she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads…   ……..WIN A BAGEL!

~~~

Our goal is to establish language that is gender-neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age neutral while celebrating our spirit of diversity.

~~~

He said: My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So, when an advertising company offered to put my father’s business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. A full year went by before he got a call that could be traced to those placards.

“Richard Larson, CPA”? the caller asked.

“That’s right,” my father answered. “May I help you”?

“Yes,” the voice said. “One of your shopping carts is in my yard and I want you to come and get it.”

~~~

“Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?”

~~~

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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