Ray's musings and humor

Life Goes On

Ray’s Daily

October 6, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground.

Theodore Roosevelt

I got the results from my marathon Cardiac Echo test earlier this week. The good news is if I keep breathing I will be OK. Next I will start a regimen of inoculations to stimulate my Bone Marrow to generate more red blood cells and hopefully restore some of my stamina.

Like they say life goes on I just wish sometimes it was a little easier.

Some thoughts on Living

  • The best way to get even is to forget.
  • Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
  • Some people wear their halos much too tight.
  • Sorrow looks back, worry looks around and faith looks up.
  • Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous, as you may well get knocked down by the traffic going either way.
  • Words are windows to the heart.
  • A skeptic is a person who when seeing the handwriting on the wall claims it’s a forgery.
  • It isn’t difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill; just add a little dirt.
  • The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.
  • The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.
  • To forgive is to set the prisoner free and then discover the prisoner was you.
  • You’ll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out it’s neck.
  • If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence you can bet the water bill is higher.

Author Unknown

~~~

Difficult and meaningful will always bring more satisfaction than easy and meaningless.

Maxime Lagacé

~~~

She says this is what we really mean:

“I can’t find it.” MEANS: It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

“That’s women’s work.” MEANS: It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.

“Will you marry me?” MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can’t find the washer, and there’s no milk left.

“It’s a guy thing.” MEANS: There’s no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

“Can I help with dinner?” MEANS: Why isn’t it already on the table?

“It would take too long to explain.” MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

“I’m getting more exercise lately.” MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.

“We’re going to be late.” MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” MEANS: I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

“That’s interesting dear.” MEANS: Are you still talking?

“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.” MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

“You expect too much from me.” MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

“It’s really a good movie.” MEANS: It’s got guns, knives, fast cars, and half clothed women.

“You know how bad my memory is.” MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

~~~

A Doctor’s secretary called an old farmer out my way and said: “Your check came back.”

The old man replied, “So did my arthritis.”

~~~

Bob is a favorite conductor among commuters on the Long Island Rail Road.  He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider.  One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched.

“Where are you going today?” Bob asked, smiling.

“Well, what does the ticket say?” replied the traveler sarcastically.   “Um, it says you’re on the wrong train,” Bob informed him.

“What am I supposed to do now?” asked the flustered passenger.

Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, “Ask the ticket.”

~~~

“If you wait for the perfect moment when all is safe and assured, it may never arrive. Mountains will not be climbed, races won, or lasting happiness achieved.”

Maurice Chevalier

In the same vain, an executive of a company I once worked for told me that he “would rather have an imperfect Christmas Tree in mid-December than a perfect tree in mid-January.” His words have stuck with me ever since. How often do we withhold something of value because it is not yet perfect? In my experience we often find that others can fine tune our work and perfection soon comes after we have made a timely release of something of value.

Ray

~~~

“If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?”

Steven Wright

~~~

In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo:

Old world charm ~ No bath

Tropical ~ Rainy

Majestic setting ~ A long way from town

Options galore ~ Nothing is included in the itinerary

Secluded hideaway ~ Impossible to find or get to

Pre-registered rooms ~ Already occupied

Explore on your own ~ Pay for it yourself

No extra fees ~ No extras

Nominal fee ~ Outrageous charge

Standard ~ Sub-standard

Deluxe ~ Standard

Superior ~ One free shower cap

All the amenities ~ Two free shower caps

Plush ~ Top and bottom sheets

Gentle breezes ~ Occasional Gale-force winds

Light and airy ~ No air conditioning

Picturesque ~ Theme park nearby

Open bar ~ Free ice cubes

~~~

The really happy man is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

~~~

A man walks into a dentist’s office and says, “Excuse me, can you help me. I think I’m a moth.”

Dentist: “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.”

Man: “Yes, I know.”

Dentist: “So why did you come in here?”

Man: “The light was on…”

~~~

He who is contented is rich.

Lao Tzu

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Happy Wednesday

Ray’s Daily

October 5, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Life is about making an impact, not making an income.”

Kevin Kruse

There is not much on my agenda today. So I am going to do something I like best, relax and stay happy. I think whoever wrote the following had the right idea.

Just for Today

by: Author Unknown

Decide to be happy today, to live with what is yours – your family, your business, your job, your luck. If you can’t have what you like, maybe you can like what you have.

Just for today, be kind, cheerful, agreeable, responsive, caring, and understanding. Be your best, dress your best, talk softly, and look for the bright side of things. Praise people for what they do and do not criticize them for what they cannot do. If someone does something stupid, forgive and forget. After all, it’s just for one day.

Who knows, it might turn out to be a nice day.

~~~

“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something.”

Ashton Kutcher

~~~

Things I learned at the hospital:

•Little is a medical term that is not defined the same as in Webster’s dictionary, for example “this may be a little uncomfortable,” “this may sting a little,” “you may feel a little burning sensation,” and “there may be a little post-op pain.”

•All staff meetings are held outside of open hospital room doors between the hours of 1 AM and 4 AM.

•A requirement not to leave the hospital bed for eight hours is a highly effective Diuretic but having to pee in a little plastic bottle while lying in bed is an art and not a science.

•Hospital food has one great attribute; it makes everything you eat after having one seem so much better.

~~~

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

~~~

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, “AMEN, BROTHER!”

When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “PREACH IT, REVEREND!”

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS…AMEN!”

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to the other and said, “He’s quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

~~~

“I tell ya, a lot of people are in bad shape. A guy stopped me in the street the other day. He told me he hasn’t eaten in five days. I told him, I said, ‘I wish I had your will power.'”

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys kneeled down beside their beds to say their prayers. Suddenly, the youngest boy began praying at the top of his lungs, “I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…”

His older brother leaned over, nudged his younger brother, and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”

The little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”

~~~

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

~~~

On the first day of college, the Dean addresses the students, pointing out some of the rules. “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.  Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180.

“Are there any questions?” At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, “Er…  How much for a season pass?”

~~~

“When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life or the life of another.”

Helen Keller

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

22 Years Ago

Ray’s Daily

October 4, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.”

Earl Nightingale

Ray’s Daily first published on October 4, 2000

More life tips:

Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
Spend some time alone.
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

~~~

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
~~~

Newspapers & Readers

 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

 2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

 3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country.

 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t understand the Washington Post.

 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time.

 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country.

 8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.

 9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it.

 10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country.

~~~

Ignorance is Bliss!! Why aren’t you happy?
~~~

He said:

Most accidents happen at home! And the men have to eat them.

Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.

Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men?

~~~

When there’s a will, I want to be in it!

~~~

TEN “IF’S” YOU NEED TO KNOW TO GET ALONG AT WORK
1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clunks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it’s a friend, stop work and chat.
5) If it’s the Boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it’s handwritten, type it.
8) If it’s typed, copy it.
9) If it’s copied, file it.
10) If it’s Friday, FORGET IT!!!

~~~

“I want to know what good is a web search engine that returns 324,909,188 ‘matches’ to my key word. That’s like saying, “Good news, we’ve located the product you’re looking for. It’s on Earth.”

Bruce Cameron

~~~

The doctor finished his examination and asked the patient to step into his office.

“Sit down, Mr. Kaysen. After looking at these test results, I recommend that you have an operation immediately.” The man thought for a moment, “How will this affect my hobby, Doctor?”

“What’s your hobby?”

“Saving money!”

~~~

“Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.”
Scott Adams

~~~

She said:

I was at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

“Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the I explained. “He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts.

He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening.”

~~~

“Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.”
Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

Real Signs On Church Property

It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.

Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.

If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.

If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.

Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.

This is a CH_ _ CH. What is missing?” ———> (U R)

Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

In the dark? Follow the Son.

Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.

If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.

~~~

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

Jerry Seinfeld

~~~

Kids instructions for life:

* “Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.” – Rocky, age 9

* “Sleep in your clothes so you’ll be dressed in the morning.” – Stephanie, age 8

* “Don’t flush the john when your dad’s in the shower.” – Lamar, age 10

* “Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes.” – Carrol, age 9

* “Never bug a pregnant mom.” – Nicholas, age 11

* “Don’t ever be too full for dessert.” – Kelly, age 10

* “When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ don’t answer him.” – Heather, age 16

~~~

“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”
Alison Boulter

~~~

“The things we love tell us what we are.”

St. Thomas Aquinas

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Relax

Ray’s Daily

October 3, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Find Your Peace And Live In It.”

Yohancé Salimu

Welcome October. I am glad to say goodbye to September. Last month had the hurricane in the Southeast and major water loss in the Southwest both have created problems for millions. While we were not affected in Indiana my Doctors have made big changes in my health care. I am hoping October will treat us all well.

3 Things to Remember When Life Does NOT Go as Planned

1. Appreciate how far you’ve come in recent times. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for your strength and resilience. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward, not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you’ve survived and grown in many ways from the bad ones.

2. In the end, loving yourself is about enjoying your life, trusting your own feelings, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning from the past. Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting. Have faith that things will work out, maybe not exactly how you planned, but just how it’s meant to be. And like I mentioned in our last email, just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. It will happen when it’s time. Your situation is evolving.

3. Life should be touched, not strangled 24/7. Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. And remember that you don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great…

So today, practice using frustration and disappointment to motivate you rather than annoy you. Breathe and be mindful. You are NOT in control of everything, but you ARE in control of the way you respond to life. And in your response is your power.

Truth be told, as time passes life educates and humbles us. We gradually realize how much nonsense we have wasted our energy and resources on.

And we begin to understand what it means to let go…

Without a doubt, we are all facing our share of difficult circumstances right now, many of which are not the result of anything we’ve done. But we all have choices when it comes to how we respond.

Angel Chernoff

~~~

“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.”

William Burroughs

~~~

“You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common.”  said the new tenant’s neighbor. “Why on earth did you get married?”

“I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract'” was the reply. “He wasn’t pregnant and I was.”

~~~

Parents

1. Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck.

2. Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

3. Your life’s “Golden Age” is the period in your life when your kids are to old to require a babysitter and too young to take the car.

4. Shouting at your children to get cooperation is about the same as steering your car using the horn…same results.

5. To be in your children’s memories tomorrow one must be in their life today.

6. The best advice regarding raising your children is to really enjoy them while they are still on your side.

7. A home’s temperature is best maintained by warm hearts, not cold words or hot heads.

8. “The Joy of Motherhood”: What a woman experiences after she puts the last tyke to bed.

9. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so that he or she can tell when they are REALLY in trouble.

10. Your children may outgrow your lap…but NEVER your heart.

11. Cleaning house with the children at home is a lot like snowblowing during a blizzard.

12. There are only two things that your child is absolutely willing to share: Communicable Diseases and their mother’s age.

13. Why is it that we can’t get a child to read the Bible at home, but when in prison they will.

14. Remember this? “When you grow up and have children of your own, I hope that they are JUST LIKE YOU!” It worked.

15. How come your Dad never had money for the ice cream man but after a visit with Grandpa your kids “jingle”?

16. True genetics have nothing to do with hair and eye color. It’s their occurrence of such things as “Who said life was FAIR”, and Because I SAID so!” when you SWORE you’d never use those on your kids.

17. Practice what you preach even covers never letting them see you snag those Ding Dongs for breakfast.

~~~

Success is when you get what you want. Happiness is when you want what you get.

~~~

Friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking.

The Optimist owned a huntin’ dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat.

They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist shot down a duck.  The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.

The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, “What do you think about that?”

The Pessimist replied, “That dog can’t swim, can he?

~~~

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.

~~~

Sitting at the bar after a game, Joe said to a club member, “I’m not about to play golf with Jim Walsh anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green,” said Joe.

“That’s possible.”

“Not when I had his ball in my pocket!”

~~~

It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere!

~~~

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.

His grandmother remarked…”doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”

Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”

“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!”

~~~

The best vitamin for making friends: B1.

~~~

A young boy called the pastor of a local “corner” church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu.

The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road.

So the pastor asked, “Shouldn’t you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?”

The young boy replied, “Yeah, but we didn’t want to take the chance that he might catch whatever this is that Mom has.”

~~~

It really bothers me when people cut me o…

~~~

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”

Eckhart Tolle

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

More From Yesteryear

Ray’s Daily

September 30, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

You better live your best and act your best and think your best today, for today is the sure preparation for tomorrow and all the other tomorrows that follow.

Harriet Martineau (1802 – 1876)

I have a hematologist appointment this morning so here is Ray’s Daily first published on September 30, 2003

Beginning today I will look in the mirror and I will see a person worthy of my respect and admiration. This capable person looking back at me is someone I enjoy spending time with and someone I would like to get to know better.

Beginning today I will cherish each moment of my life. I value this gift bestowed upon me in this world and I will unselfishly share this gift with others. I will use this gift to enhance the lives of others.

Beginning today I will take a moment to step off the beaten path and to revel in the mysteries I encounter. I will face challenges with courage and determination. I will overcome what barriers there may be which hinder my quest for growth and self-improvement.

Beginning today I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time. Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image, my desire to succeed or my capacity to love.

Beginning today I walk with renewed faith in human kindness. Regardless of what has gone before, I believe there is hope for a brighter and better future.

Beginning today I will open my mind and my heart. I will welcome new experiences. I will meet new people. I will not expect perfection from myself nor anyone else: perfection does not exist in an imperfect world. But I will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles.

Beginning today I am responsible for my own happiness and I will do things that make me happy . . . admire the beautiful wonders of nature, listen to my favorite music, pet a kitten or a puppy, soak in a bubble bath . . .pleasure can be found in the most simple of gestures.

Beginning today I will learn something new; I will try something different; I will savor all the various flavors life has to offer. I will change what I can and the rest I will let go. I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be.

Beginning today. And every day.

~~~

Here is another one of those “I wish I didn’t know facts” Angie Dickinson is 72 today. How can these beautiful people be getting this old when I am staying the same age? Well at least mentally, or is it in my dreams?

~~~

20 SAYINGS WE’D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings… they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos… then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity… probably has a scapegoat.

7. Plagiarism saves time.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, try management.

9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

10. TEAMWORK… means never having to take all the blame yourself.

11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

13. We waste time, so you don’t have to.

14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

19. Succeed in spite of management.

20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

~~~

Never wave to your friends at an auction.

~~~

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.

She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he look serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. “I’m in awe at your faith, pastor,” she said.  “It’s really nothing,” he answered. “The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling.”

~~~

The judge read the charges, then asked, “Are you the defendant in this case?”

“No sir, your honor, sir,” replied Bob, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defendin’. I’m the guy who done it.”

~~~

I have a brother who was on a plane that had taken off and was approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants came on the public-address system.  She announced that she was sorry, but the plane’s restroom was out of order. The flight attendant went on to apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she finished cheerily with: “So, as compensation, free drinks will be served.”

~~~

Life is the ultimate IQ test.

~~~

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, and military jets, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

You’re going to love this…… Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo: “Defrost the chicken.”

~~~

Help a man when he’s in trouble and he will remember you the next time he’s in trouble.

~~~

In one class, the Professor asked anyone to explain how they would measure the height of a building using an Aneroid Barometer. One student, short of knowledge but long on ingenuity replied, “I would lower the barometer on a string and measure the string.”

~~~

Q: HOW MANY ZEN BUDDHISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Three. One to change the lightbulb, one NOT to change the lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change the lightbulb.

~~~

“When the archer misses the mark, he turns and looks for the fault within himself. Failure to hit the bull’s eye is never the fault of the target. To improve your aim — improve yourself.”

Gilbert Arland

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Welcome Autumn

Ray’s Daily

September 29, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Autumn leaves shower like gold, like rainbows, as the winds of change begin to blow.”

Dan Millman

I like autum. Years ago I use to go up in the Adirondack mountains and could almost hear the leaves turn color. These days I enjoy the cooler weather and the chance to again wear sweaters and a cooler wardrobe. I love the smell of fall and all that goes with the seasons changes.

10 Easy Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy Fall

  • Head outside for a while – The crisp fall air and the nice cool breeze are two parts of fall that you don’t want to miss out on! Head outside for a little while and take in the fall air.
  • Bake something sweet – Fall is the perfect time to warm up your kitchen and fill your home with the sweet smells of fall. Bake a batch of brownies, cookies, or anything else you might be craving this fall.
  • Make your favorite fall drink from scratch – Just because it’s fall doesn’t mean you need to run to Starbucks in order to get your pumpkin spice latte fix. You can make your favorite fall drink from scratch right in your own home! Look online for a few simple DIY versions and make your own at home!
  • Make something out of a pumpkin – The possibilities of what you can make with pumpkin are really endless. From a savory pumpkin alfredo pasta to the classic pumpkin bread or pie, you can make whatever you are in the mood for. When you pick out the pumpkins you plan to carve, why not pick up an extra to cook with!
  • Make use of the extra hour of daylight savings – We will be setting our clocks an hour back soon, which means that you get an extra hour of sleep! However, make use of this time to enjoy yourself! After all, you’re used to staying up that extra hour anyway.
  • Fill your home with the warm scents of fall – There are so many great potpourri recipes, candles, and other ways to bring the warm scents of fall into your home. Light a fall scented candle or start a pot on the stove to fill your home with the tasty smells of fall.
  • Enjoy the fall harvest by visiting the farmer’s market – If you have a farmer’s market nearby, head there to grab some amazing fall harvest! There will be tons of great vegetables in season that you can turn into a tasty dish!
  • Make a few fun crockpot recipes – Crockpot recipes are great for the fall months! These cook low and slow which means you can take your time with them and cook them to perfection.
  • Cuddle up under a blanket with a good book – Making the time to read can be kind of tricky. Grab your favorite blanket and cuddle up to enjoy a good book for a few hours.
  • Sit outside and enjoy Fall with a cup of hot chocolate – Grab yourself a cup of hot chocolate and enjoy the sunset outside. The drink will keep you warm even on the chilliest of nights!

~~~

“The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground.”

Andrea Gibson

~~~

She said: “It’s just to hot to wear clothes today,” said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.  “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money.”

~~~

But seriously folks, plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

~~~

Here are a few things we have learned over the years that might make your travels more pleasant…

Find the flusher. European bathrooms are strange but, don’t panic it’s in there somewhere.

If the front desk clerk at your hotel is behind bullet-proof plexiglas, find another hotel.

Swiss border guards carry machine guns and seem well versed in their use. Also their guard dogs can drive cars and are quick to take offence.

If you get on a ferry with 200 drunken Danish soccer fans, well … you asked for it.

At Heathrow Airport, the shortest distance between two points is not a straight line. There is no shortest distance between two points at Heathrow.

There is a direct correlation between fatigue and proximity of screaming infants on overseas flights: the more exhausted you are, the closer the screaming infant.

~~~

The other line always moves faster until you get in it.

~~~

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn’t understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew with a seat open was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool of himself, this recruit decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the missionary tried to follow along.

When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down. When the man took the cup and bread for the Lord’s Supper, he took the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn’t understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.

Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too. Then the preacher said some words that he didn’t understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped.

He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing, so he sat down.

After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: “I take it you don’t speak Spanish.”

The missionary recruit replied: “No I don’t. Is it that obvious?”

“Well yes,” said the preacher, “I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy and would the proud father please stand up.”

~~~

“I can smell autumn dancing in the breeze. The sweet chill of pumpkin, and crisp sunburnt leaves.”

Ann Drake

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Things Change

Ray’s Daily

September 28, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“With a positive attitude, the world is your oyster. Without it, your world will be filled with ill fate and unfortunate circumstances.”

Lorena Laughlin

A couple a days ago after I got my Covid booster and Flu shots ny daughter and I went to an large old favorite restaurant and discovered there was only one lady working in the front, she was hostess, bartender and waitress covering two large sections. She did a good job since there were only a few patrons, in the past there would always be many more.

On top of that my favorite Steak and Shake and Penn Station restaurants are now closed. My world is changing and not to my liking. I just have to adjust and stay positive.

Attitude on Life

The longer I live, the more I realise the impact of attitude on life.

It is more important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than whatever anyone might say or do.

It is more important than appearances, giftedness or skill.

The remarkable thing is that we have the choice to create the attitude we have for that day.

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the way people act. We cannot change the inevitable.

The one thing we can change is the only thing we have control over, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what actually happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Charles Swindoll

~~~

“Do not allow negative thoughts to enter your mind for they are weeds that strangle confidence.”

Bruce Lee

~~~

A friend said: Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word “and.” After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, “Would you like to listen for a different word?”

“Yes,” he whispered.  “I’d like to listen for ‘Amen’.”

~~~

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can’t get out.

Steven Wright

~~~

A woman’s husband asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She thought for a moment and said, “This year I just want cold, hard cash for a change.”

The following day her husband fulfilled her request. He put $40 in nickels, dimes and quarters into a quart jar, then filled it with water and placed it in the freezer.

On her birthday he handed his wife a solidly frozen bottle of change.

~~~

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”

Mark Twain

~~~

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, “I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pick-up.”

The other replied indifferently, “What difference does it make. God knows we’re in here… and he’s the only one who counts.”

The first deacon countered, “But God won’t tell my wife.”

~~~

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that.

~~~

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, “Look at me. I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France.”

The new man asked, “What happened?”

“One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!”

~~~

“Never forget to smile because a positive attitude will surely motivate you to get back on your feet after you committed a huge mistake.”

Norbert Richards

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Another Reprint

Ray’s Daily

September 27, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.”

William Feather

Reprint- Ray’s Daily first published on September 27, 2001

Today is another milestone for me. My formal role with the Kiwanis/UNICEF IDD project will end today, after almost 10 years. I will miss seeing so many of my Kiwanis staff friends on a daily basis. They are good people and good friends to have. Don’t quit on the kids, keep up your support of the effort, I know I will.

My first official post-Kiwanis act will be to drive my wife to a reunion in Cincinnati this afternoon and I won’t return until late Friday, so no daily tomorrow.

Spend the next three days in reverent contemplation, if that does not work then just let yourself go. Keep the peace.

~~~

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

“Why the big smile?” Bill asked his buddy, Jim.

“My wife just ran off with my best friend.” Jim replied.

“Do I know him?” Bill inquired.

“No.” Jim replied. “And neither do I!”

~~~

Mark sends us this important information:

Secrets of Women’s Language……. Keywords and their meanings!

§ “Fine”: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

§ “Five minutes”: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

§ “Nothing”: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

§ “Go Ahead” (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

§ “Go Ahead” (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

§ A “Loud Sigh” This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

§ “Soft Sighs”: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that you can actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

§ “Oh”: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to so and so about what you were doing last night.” If she says “Oh” before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring ourselves to write about them.

§ “That’s Okay” This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

§ “Please Do”: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

§ “Thanks”: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.

§ “Thanks a lot”: This is much different from “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks a lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”.

OKAY NOW…I hope this clears up any misunderstandings.

~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

~~~

Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning.

“I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog.”

~~~

On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.

H.L. Mencken

~~~

In Cork County Ireland, a bum came up to old Hogan and asked for a handout.  Hogan replied, “Ye’ll only waste the money, you will.”

“No,” replied the bum, “I need it for food.  I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I sure don’t gamble.”

“Aye,” Hogan replied, “in that case, if you’ll be comin’ back to my house, I’ll give you a whole pound.”

The bum was agreeable, and in a few minutes they were at the door of Hogan’s house.  Mrs. Hogan opened the door, took a look at the pair of them and said, “Aye!  And what would this be about then?”

Hogan said to his wife, “I just wanted to show you somebody who doesn’t smoke, drink, or gamble!  And why don’t you keep your promise and marry him, then?”

~~~

She said, every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up. You don’t know where it’s been.

~~~

A comely redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him, even though he was a married man.

“Oh, sweetie,” she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial, “isn’t there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?”

Taking her by the shoulders, the lawyer proceeded to scold her for her lack of discretion and good judgment. “Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried meetings in sordid motels rooms – is that really what you want for us?”

“No…no…” she sobbed, heartsick.

“Oh,” said the lawyer. “Well, it was just a suggestion.”

~~~

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Have a good week

Ray’s Daily

September 26, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Find Your Peace And Live In It.”

Yohancé Salimu

I hope you have a good week, I know I hope I will. Today I get flu and covid booster inoculations. I will end the week with a hematology exam to check on my anemia. The rest of the time I will concentrate on staying positive and do what I can for my wife.

3 Things to Remember When Life Does NOT Go as Planned

1. Appreciate how far you’ve come in recent times. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for your strength and resilience. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward, not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you’ve survived and grown in many ways from the bad ones.

2. In the end, loving yourself is about enjoying your life, trusting your own feelings, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning from the past. Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting. Have faith that things will work out, maybe not exactly how you planned, but just how it’s meant to be. Just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. It will happen when it’s time. Your situation is evolving.

3. Life should be touched, not strangled 24/7. Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. And remember that you don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great…

So today, practice using frustration and disappointment to motivate you rather than annoy you. Breathe and be mindful. You are NOT in control of everything, but you ARE in control of the way you respond to life. And in your response is your power.

Angel Chernoff

~~~

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

Bindi Irwin

~~~

An old lady tottered into a lawyer’s office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. “A divorce?” asked the unbelieving lawyer. “Tell me, how old are you?”

“I’m eighty-four,” answered the old lady.

“Eighty-four!  And how old is your husband?”

“My husband is eighty-seven.”

“My, my,” said the lawyer, “and how long have you been married?”

“Next September will be sixty-two years.”

“Married sixty-two years?!  Why would you want a divorce now?”

“Because,” the woman answered calmly, “enough is enough.”

~~~

“I’m a PBS person living in an MTV world.”

~~~

Resumes can have misleading information. This guide should help clear any confusion…

* Bright: Wears a lot of yellow and red – usually together.

* Intelligent: Got 3 gold stars for spelling in first grade.

* Computer Literate: Knows the difference between a mouse and a keyboard.

* Excellent Communication Skills: Knows everybody’s personal business.

* Detailed Oriented: Will spend eight hours perfecting a two-minute job.

* Prompt: First one out the door at quitting time.

* Friendly: Watch out for attractive members of your staff.

* Dependable: Can depend on them to be the last one there in the morning.

~~~

I’m getting along nicely with my wife. Things are getting better. Every once in a while I say those three magic words:  “You’ve lost weight.”

~~~

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company and he kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”.

“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”

The clerk replies “Fresh, canned or frozen?”

~~~

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

English Professor, Ohio University

~~~

A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane.

Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage.

“When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this problem.”

She smiled and replied, “When you fly other airlines, I don’t have this problem either.”

~~~

The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

~~~

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity.

“I’m foreman of the local sawmill,” he explained. “Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time.”

The operator giggled, “That’s really funny,” she said. “All this time we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.

~~~

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”

~~~

Readers of William Safire’s “On Language” column in THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE were asked to give sports-related definitions for common words:

  • Superficial:  A really good referee
  • Beleaguered:  Stuck in the semipros
  • Hermit:  Girl’s baseball glove
  • Saturnine:  Baseball team that plays on weekends
  • Truncate:  Tailgate party given by a compact-car owner
  • Wrinkle:  A small hockey arena
  • Haiku:  Signal to center from a Japanese quarterback 

~~~

“A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!”

~~~

My friend Terry, a former school teacher by the way, sent us this example of a language problem.

Why men aren’t secretaries…….

Husband’s note on refrigerator to his wife:

“Someone from the Guyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal.  I didn’t know you liked beer.”

~~~

“Always be yourself. At the end of the day, that’s all you’ve really got; when you strip everything down, that’s all you’ve got, so always be yourself.”

Al Roker

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Stay Balanced

Ray’s Daily

September 23, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“The most important thing you’ll ever wear is your attitude.”

Jeff Moore

I had breakfast with a good friend yesterday morning. She, like many of us is challenged by her responsibilities and the limited time we all have to do what needs to be done. I also have had to reprioritize my challenges, I have recommitted to some and jettisoned the rest. I fimd that it is important for us to manage our lives in a manor in which we can live unfettered by trying to do too much.

Here is a poem with a message to keep us on track.

Our Mind

Poet: Julie Hebert

Our mind is a gateway to what’s good and bad,

It just takes us to show it, its way.

If we choose to be happy and see things not crappy,

We’re sure that our lives will obey.

If we always worry or expect the worst,

You’ll soon see that life will follow.

So in order to make sure that life will be grand,

We must make sure our attitude is easy to swallow.

Think big, not small, rise, don’t fall,

And everything will go your way.

But if you find yourself negatively thinking,

You may just need a replay.

So kick off your boots and remember your roots,

And decide how you want to be.

If you want to be happy and think positively,

then remind yourself of what you will see!

~~~

“Having a positive attitude isn’t wishy-washy, it’s a concrete and intelligent way to view problems, challenges, and obstacles.”

Jeff Moore

~~~

Aviation Truisms:

Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Basic Flying Rules

1.  Try to stay in the middle of the air.

2.  Do not go near the edges of it.

3.  The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.  It is much more difficult to fly there.

~~~

Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.

Groucho Marx

~~~

The little turtle climbs the tree very slowly, very painfully. Then she crawls along a branch, to the very end, and when she finally gets to the edge, she jumps. And she falls. But she doesn’t get discouraged. So she walks to the tree, she climbs the tree, she crawls along the branch, she gets to the edge, and she jumps. And falls to the ground. Again, with a stubborn look in her face, the little turtle walks slowly to the tree, she climbs the tree, she crawls along the branch, she gets to the edge, and she jumps. And falls.

In a nearby tree a couple of pigeons are looking at the little turtle. Walk, climb, crawl, jump. Fall. And all over again. After a while one of the pigeons ask the other, “Hey honey, don’t you think its time we tell her that she is adopted?”

~~~

“The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.”

~~~

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic’s eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, “Granddaughter? Are you there?”

The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?”

“Yes granddaughter, it’s me.”

“It’s really, really you, grandmother?” the woman repeats.

“Yes, it’s really me, granddaughter.”

The woman looks puzzled, “You’re sure it’s you, grandmother?”

“Yes, granddaughter, I’m sure it’s me.”

The woman pauses a moment, “Grandmother, I have just one question for you.”

“Anything, my child.”

“Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?”

~~~

“Be positive. Your mind is more powerful than you think. What is down in the well comes up in the bucket. Fill yourself with positive things.”

Tony Dungy

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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