Ray's musings and humor

Why Worry

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.

Leo Buscaglia

stop-worrying

Lately technology has complicated my life. The screen on one of my Amazon Tablets cracked when I dropped it so I bought a new replacement. My Outlook mail reader would not function due to a corrupted file so I bought an upgrade and worked for hours getting it operational with an assist from Microsoft. And today the device I use to transmit readings from my Pacemaker to my Docs is failing so I soon will be calling their tech support.

All I can say is that I am glad I gave up worrying and fretting so I can enjoy my life. Here is some advice I copied a long time ago that is worth remembering.

YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW

 There are two days in every week about which we should not worry.

Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

 

One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares,

Its faults and blunders, Its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed.

We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

 

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow.

With its possible adversities, Its burdens,

Its large promise and poor performance.

Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow’s Sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,

but it will rise.

Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This just leaves only one day . . . Today.

Any person can fight the battles of just one day.

It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity’s –

yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of today that drives people mad.

It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday

and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

 

Let us therefore live but one day at a time.

 

Author Unknown

~~~

“Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not.”

Ana Monnar

~~~

MEMO TO ALL EMS PERSONNEL

To: All EMS Personnel

From: Chief of Operations

Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT “Charlie Carrots.” Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or “hamburger helper.” Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like “negative vehicle to vehicle interface” or “terminal deceleration syndrome.”

4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not “glow worms.”

5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered “pharmaceutically gifted.”

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not “trans-occipital implants.”

7) The homeless are not “urban outdoorsmen,” nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a “PVC Challenge.”

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being “paws up,” ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.

~~~

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

~~~

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call!

~~~

“Beauty is silent eloquence.”

French Proverb

~~~

My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots.

“Tina,” I commented, “I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?”

“At the store,” she answered.

“Which one?” I asked.

She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, “Both of them!”

~~~

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

Kurt Vonnegut

~~~

My sister brought her daughter a really nice Spinet Piano for her birthday.

A few weeks later, I asked my sister how her daughter was doing.

“Oh,” she said, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Well,” my sister answered, “because with a clarinet, she can’t sing….”

~~~

“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.”

George F. Burns

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Appreciate what you have

If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.

Cavett Robert

life-is-good

I think it was actress Betty Davis who said something like getting old is not for sissies. I understand what she meant. It becomes harder to get from here to there, driving is more of a challenge then it once was and many skills are not as sharp as they were in the past. Some of my friends bemoan the fact that they are no longer as robust as they once were instead of appreciating their long life.

I know in my case I have not found it easy to withdraw from some of my past activities but I am grateful that I can still choose to do what I can do. It is always worthwhile no matter your age to take stock of what you do have without regretting too much what you don’t have. If you need a boost just read this piece written by Marc Chernoff and focus on your good fortune.

19 Signs you’re doing better than You Think

Even in uncertain times, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.

1.You are alive.

2.You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.

3.You are able to hear birds sing and waves crash.

4.You can walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.

5.You have tasted the sweetness of chocolate cake.

6.You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.

7.You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.

8.You had a choice of what clothes to wear.

9.You haven’t feared for your life today.

10.You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.

11.You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.

12.You live in a country that protects your basic human rights and civil liberties.

13.You are reasonably strong and healthy – if you got sick today, you could recover.

14.You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.

15.You have someone with whom to reminisce about ‘the good old days.’

16.You have access to clean drinking water.

17.You have access to medical care.

18.You have access to the Internet.

19.You can read.

The truth is, you’re doing better than a lot of people in this world.  So remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

~~~

I may not overcome the inevitable, but O, it is mine to see that the inevitable does not overcome me.

Muriel Strode Lieberman

~~~

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doctor, ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'”

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful.”

~~~

Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.

~~~

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, “To what do you attribute your good health?”

The old-timer said, “I’m a golfer and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.”

The doctor said, “Well, I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?”

The old-timer said, “Who said my dad’s dead?”

The doctor said, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your dad’s still alive? How old is he?”

The old timer said, “He’s 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning, and that’s why he’s still alive … he’s a golfer.”

The doctor said, “Well, that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it. How about your dad’s dad? How old was he when he died?”

The old timer said, “Who said my grandpa’s dead?”

The doctor said, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! How old is he?”

The old timer said, “He’s 118 years old.”

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, “I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”

The old-timer said, “No…Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he got married.”

The Doctor said in amazement, “Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?”

The old-timer said, “Who said he wanted to?”

~~~

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

~~~

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.”

I said, “Well, then why are you crying?”

He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.”

I said, “Well, why are you crying?”

He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.”

I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?”

He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”

~~~

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

~~~

Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.

Gus, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game Red said to Gus, “You did very good tonight. You didn’t need any help at all. Why is that?”

Gus replied, “Why, ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven’t had any problems at all.”

“Memory school? What memory school?”

Gus thought for a moment, “Oh, what’s that flower that’s red with thorns? A really pretty flower”

“A rose?” asked Red.

“Yeah, that’s it!” Gus turned to his wife and mumbled, “Hey, Rose! What’s the name of that memory school you sent me to?”

~~~

He who laughs last thinks slowest

~~~

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, “I am going to get a dish of ice cream now.” Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. “I’ll write it down so you don’t forget,” she said.

“I won’t forget,” the old gent said. “But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I’ll write it down,” she replied.

“I will get you the ice cream. Don’t you worry,” replied the gentleman.

A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, “See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast.”

~~~

True wealth is the ability to fully experience life.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Back to the simple life

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”

Hans Hofmann

live-simple

Hi everyone, yes Ray’s Daily is back. I had spent the last four days trying to recover from a corrupted data file that locked out my mail software including the Daily’s distribution lists. Yesterday I purchased the latest Microsoft Outlook and then spent about seven hours interacting with a Philippine Microsoft Technician as she worked out a solution to the data corruption. I am glad that’s over so we can get back to normal.

In my case it is getting back to my new normal which is my much simpler life style, I am still somewhat uncomfortable not doing what I use to do but I am adjusting. There is a lot to be said for a simpler life. Recently Angel Chernoff sent out a piece that listed how her and her husband Marc have learned how to sustain a manageable life, here is what she wrote.

Some lessons I’ve learned about living a simpler life:

  1. A simpler life is about subtracting the obvious and adding the meaningful. Thus, you are wealthy in proportion to the number of unnecessary things you can afford to live without.
  2. You can’t live a simpler life if you’re unwilling to change and let go of what you’re used to.
  3. Letting go of old routines and habits and building new ones can be hard, but it’s easier if you do a 30-day challenge. Let go of something for 30 days and see how it affects your life. (Letting go of cable TV was one of the best decisions Marc and I made this past year – no more continuous, random, distracting noise in our home.)
  4. When we travel lightly, we’re freer, less burdened, and less stressed. This applies to traveling through life too, not just traveling through an airport.
  5. Decluttering your physical space can lead to a less cluttered mental space. These visual distractions pull on us and distract us in more ways than we often realize.
  6. Overthinking is one of the most rampant sources of stress and mental clutter. The key is to realize that the problem is not the problem. The problem is the incredible amount of overthinking you’re doing with the problem. Let it go and be free.
  7. Positivity always pays off in simplifying outcomes. So before you waste it on anger, resentment, spite or envy, think of how precious and irreplaceable your time is.
  8. The simplest secret to happiness and peace in the present is letting every circumstance be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and making the best of it.
  9. Gratitude always makes life easier to deal with. Because happiness comes easier when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.
  10. The feeling you get from doing something important (and true) is far better and less stressful than the feeling you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.

~~~

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”

Lao Tzu

~~~

A man asks his guru, “Do you have anything that stops the aging process?”

The guru responds, “Sure. What kind of disease would you like?”

~~~

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.

“I’ll admit I’m wrong,” the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, “if you’ll admit I’m right.”

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.

“I’m wrong,” she said.

With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, “You’re right!”

~~~

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

~~~

She said: While trying to explain to our five-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house.

Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, “How big was the mouse?”

~~~

A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

~~~

Anne meets up with Dana as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.

Anne asks, “Everything ok with your car now?”

Dana replies, “Yes, thank goodness.  I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was $12 worth of blinker fluid.”

~~~

“I still believe that love is all you need.

I don’t know a better message than that.”

Paul McCartney

~~~

The Italian composer, Rossini, went to see his doctor. After examining him, the doctor said, “Your trouble stems from wine, women and song.”

Rossini suggested, “Well, I can get along without the songs, since I compose my own.”

The doctor said, “Well, which of the other two are you prepared to give up?” Rossini relied, “That depends entirely on the vintage.”

~~~

“Never explain–your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

A man was waiting at the train station.  The train was due at 5:23 PM. Finally, it rolled into the station at 6:07 PM.

“You’re LATE,” the man said to the conductor.  “What’s the use of having a schedule if you’re going to be late anyway?”

The Conductor looked at him, and said, “Sir, if we didn’t have a schedule, how on earth would you realize what time you were supposed to be at the station?  And how would you know that we were late?”

~~~

“The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.”

Robert R. Coveyou

~~~

A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.

“Can you imagine,” he demanded, “people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?”

When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, “What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast.”

~~~

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”

Noel Coward

~~~

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, “Ya know, I reckon I’m about ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last two years I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn’t get pregnant again.

Lester asks Billy Bob, “So what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year, I’m takin’ Marie with me.”

~~~

“A simple life is not seeing how little we can get by with—that’s poverty—but how efficiently we can put first things first. . . . When you’re clear about your purpose and your priorities, you can painlessly discard whatever does not support these, whether it’s clutter in your cabinets or commitments on your calendar.”

Victoria Moran

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Laugh NOW!

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Charlie Chaplin

laugh

I have been publishing the Daily now for almost fifteen years and that amazes me. I guess the old adage that “time flies if you are having fun” applies. Of course in all honesty I too have suffered some pain and anguish but from the very beginning I have tried to use humor as an antidote to minimize the discomfort that comes from some of the things life throws at us.

I have learned that it is worth remembering that the bad days will pass and we should do our best not to let them take us down. So I have tried to include humor in the Dailies from the very beginning and hope they have brought you a smile once in a while. So my dear friends keep smiling and stay happy.

Here is something that was written many years ago that I still like, I hopw you will as well.

A Life of Positive Thinking and Laughter

Having A Sense Of Humor Can Empower You

By Jordan Richardson

Living a life of positive thinking and laughter is bound to have you feeling happier and more successful throughout your day-to-day routine. In fact, people who make positive thinking and laughter a key goal in their lives tend to experience more daily success and happiness than anyone else. There are key steps to achieving happiness by incorporating a good attitude and a sense of humor in your life: visualizing goals and maintaining the right attitude. Visualizing goals and going after them is a key component to positive thinking because it is a successful technique that helps you achieve the results you want. Keeping a good attitude towards life is a great way to make laughter a greater part of your life. Having a sense of humor can empower you, even in the most distressing situations. Instead of making a bad situation worse, a sense of humor can help you overcome any negative emotions and get you in the frame of mind to solve whatever problem is at hand.

Daily Happiness and Success

Having daily happiness and success is all about developing a habit. You’ll need to start making a few changes in your life if you want to experience positive thinking and laughter on a regular basis, and you’ll want to create an environment that encourages both those qualities. One of the first things you’ll want to do in developing your “happy habit” is to change the way you look at things in your life. It’s important to keep a realistic view about things that happen in your life, but your attitude about setbacks can make a big difference in your mood and possibly your health.  Chronic stress has been linked to a variety of health conditions, including depression, ulcers and heart disease.

~~~

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

Maya Angelou

~~~

Signs of a Frustrated Parent

  1. Your children know how to read HTML code but can’t operate a vacuum cleaner.
  2. Your children tell you that you said “yes” and you don’t even remember the question.
  3. You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time.
  4. Your spouse asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale of 1-10 repeats of “stop that!” or “no!”
  5. You can’t remember the last time you didn’t have to share your drink.
  6. You mistakenly tell the kids it’s “sanity” time when you meant to say “bed” time.
  7. The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin to feel that it’s out to get you.
  8. You dread hearing the phone ring because it’s a sure sign there’s about to be trouble amongst the children.
  9. It’s finally your turn on the computer and “Touched by an Angel” is just coming on.
  10. You go to sleep with “I’m bored” or “I’m hungry” still ringing in your ears.

~~~

“Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd.”

Allan Goldfein

~~~

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly she had fared in the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magic genie!!

The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes.

But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds gain that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. For my last wish…  “I’d like to give birth to twins.”

~~~

“I’m Jewish but not very religious…I go to Temple twice a year.  Christmas and Easter.”

Jeffery Ross

~~~

Morris had just had coronary artery bypass surgery a month ago and now is at the doctor’s office for his final follow up visit.  Of course Morris wants to know when he can start having sex again.

The doctor explains to Morris that he would be able to resume his sex life as soon as he could climb two flights of stairs without becoming winded.

Morris listens attentively and then says, “What if I look for the women who live on the ground floor?”

~~~

“You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.”

Ray Bradbury

~~~

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great check-up.  Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?”

“Well,” he said, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”

“That’s a big decision!  Have you talked it over with your family?”

“Yeah, we took a vote… and they’re in favor of it 15 to 2.”

~~~

“Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?”

Lisa Claymen

~~~

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, “You know I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?” asked the woman.

“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

~~~

She said: Advice to bridegrooms: Don’t tell your bride-to-be that you’re not worthy of her. Let it be a surprise.

~~~

Jake came home from a hard day’s work, sat down at the kitchen table, and said to his wife, “Sadie, for once in your life don’t start with your troubles. Ask, instead, what happened to me at business. Ask, already, what kind of day I had. Go ahead, ask. Just ask.”

Whereupon Sadie said apprehensively, “So what happened, Jake?”

And Jake buried his head in his hands, groaned, and said, “What happened?  Oh, Sadie, better you shouldn’t ask!”

~~~

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up.

Allen Klein

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Learn how to be miserable

The man who doesn’t relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on.

Elbert Hubbard

lets-have-fun-today

Good morning everyone. I had a full day yesterday that wore me out and I have two very early appointments this morning so I am again sending you a Daily from the archives.

Ray’s Daily first published on January 12, 2006

The other day we talked about those people who seem to enjoy their unhappiness. While I don’t want to spend any time with them I thought I should share this for those wish to be miserable, if you follow the suggestions you will be sure to increase your stress level. If it works for you let me know, I’ll be the guy asleep on the beach.

You’ll have no trouble staying stressed if you practice the following clinically proven methods:

  • Never Exercise – Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
  • Eat Anything You Want – Hey, if cigarette smoke can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to.
  • Work hard at staying at least 25% over your recommended weight.
  • Take Plenty of Stimulants – The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.
  • Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The “perpetual work” ethic is good for staying stressed.
  • Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.
  • Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don’t take time to listen; be offended, then return the attack!
  • Be Macho. Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
  • Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
  • Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
  • Procrastinate – Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.
  • Worry About Things You Can’t Control – Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.
  • Set Impossibly High Standards – and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don’t meet them.
  • Throw Out Your Sense of Humor – Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one. So…that means stop emails like this and get to WORK!

~~~

Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.

Margaret Fuller

~~~

Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success. “Abe,” she says, with tears in her eyes, “I don’t think you love me.”

“Why do you think that?” he asks.

“Because if you really loved me, you would ensure that if anything happened to you, God forbid, I would be properly provided for.”

“Sarah,” he says angrily, “I need life insurance like I need a hole in the head.”

“I know your views,” says Sarah, “but I’ve spoken to two of my friends recently and they tell me that their husbands have life insurance — and they’re not as rich as you. If it’s good enough for them, why isn’t it good enough for you?”

“I’ll tell you why,” replies Abe. “It’s because they’ve been paying high premiums month after month, and what have they got so far in return? Nothing!”

“So what if their husbands have been paying for nothing?” says Sarah. “You’ve always told me I’m luckier than my friends — who knows, maybe this time I’ll strike it rich.”

~~~

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

Ed Furgol

~~~

“I was out of town on business,” he told the doctor,” and I wired my wife that I would be coming home on Tuesday, instead of Wednesday. When I got in I went straight home as fast as I could, and when I got there I found her in bed with my best friend!”

The man then broke down into uncontrollable tears.

The doctor considered the problem for a couple of moments then said, “Maybe she never got your telegram.”

~~~

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

~~~

I’ve been reading a new book, if any of you would like to borrow it just let me know. It’s called the “Useful Golf Book”.  It contains some really good articles such as:

* How to Line Up Your Fourth Putt

* How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee

* How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in the bunker

* How to get more distance off the shank

* Proper etiquette when you are playing with a complete jerk

* Crying and how to handle it

* How to rationalize a 7-hour round

* How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water

* Why your spouse no longer cares that you birdied the 4th

* How to let a foursome play through your twosome without getting embarrassed

* How to relax when you’re hitting five off the tee

~~~

“Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes.”

Norman Douglas

~~~

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away.

The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose.

The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose.

The statistician jumped up and down screaming, “We got him! We got him!”

~~~

What’s the opposite of opposite?

~~~

When I was doing telemarketing, one of our associates had a man on the phone and was pitching the product. The man rebuffed him and said his wife wouldn’t let him buy it. The associate boldly asked “Who wears the pants in your family?”

The man replied “My wife said I do?”

~~~

George Washington never told a lie, proving that he neither liked to golf or fish.

~~~

In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms.

An elderly woman hesitantly entered my cubicle.  She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the necessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital.

“Just to visit a friend,” she said, “but this had taken so long, I’m not sure I have time now.”

~~~

Let no one come to you without leaving better and happier.

Mother Teresa

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Sometimes it is not easy

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.

Hermann Hesse

letting-go

I am still trying to make peace with my less active life style. While some of the changes are due to health restrictions the bottom line is I have made a choice to take a more practical approach to my day-to-day activities. The problem is I have yet to be comfortable with my no longer spending time with others doing good works.

Over the years I have always found that I could let go and move on to a new and more meaningful venture, My leaving the computer industry and working with Kiwanis International and UNICEF is an example. The difference now is that I am letting go and moving to a more practical and sedentary lifestyle and I feel twinges of guilt in the process. I am learning that I do no favors by promising to do more than I can do so I now send my spirit and best wishes to my friends who continue to make our world a better place while I sit back and cheer them on.

Here is a story that reminds us of why we need to be ready to let go, sometimes to be more productive and other times, like in my case, to be more realistic.

Letting Go

In exactly the same way that birds have to find the courage to let go of a branch in order to actually fly, we must also let go of our emotional branches if we are to experience the exhilaration of soaring to our highest potential in life!

The branches we hold on to are our innermost attachments: our beliefs, our bad habits and those memories which keep us stuck. And then there are the outer attachments: they are people, possessions, positions and privileges – to name but a few. We must be aware that as long as we hold onto them, we will actually live in fear (of letting go and loss) and we will never feel the freedom that we all deserve. Once you become aware of those birds and the initial courage they display when they let go of their branches just prior to flying, you will be capable of experiencing life in a totally different way.

This can be your new recipe of how to live a life where you learn to let go of one branch at a time, and learn to have new experiences, one at a time. The birds have found that by letting go of one branch, they are then able to spend the rest of their lives trying many other branches, one branch at a time, and they can enjoy the view from each new vantage point. What a way to live!

Are you actually flying and soaring in your life, or are you stuck on one branch, resenting others as they fly past?

You can do it, go on, just try letting go!

Remember this – not letting go of old stuff is the same as driving through life with a flat tire on our cars; not stopping to change it; hoping that it will fix itself; pretending that the ride is smooth; knowing that it isn’t; until one day it gets so loud and bumpy that we are forced to stop and take a look, and actually get help!

Author Unknown

~~~

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

Havelock Ellis

~~~

There was a feud between the Pastor and the Choir Director of The Hicksville Southern Baptist Church. It seems the first hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached on “dedicating yourselves to service” and the Choir Director chose to sing: “I Shall Not Be Moved.”

Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor put the incident behind him. The next Sunday he preached on “giving.”  Afterwards, the choir squirmed as the director led them in the hymn: “Jesus Paid It All.”

By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday Morning attendance swelled as the tension between the two built. A large crowd showed up the next week to hear his sermon on “The sins of Gossiping.” Would you believe the Choir Director  selected: “I Love To Tell The Story?”

There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the congregation that unless something changed, he was considering resignation. The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them in: “Why Not Tonight?”

Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later, explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away. The Choir Director could not resist: “What A Friend We Have In Jesus.”

~~~

“Remember that happiness is a way of travel – not a destination.”

Roy M. Goodman

~~~

Her “Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler”

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

~~~

I told my wife I feel old, fat, bald, useless, and stupid. She said, “Don’t be silly you’re not old.”

~~~

Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk: 10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound 4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound 2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound 2 bars soap at $.83 each “How much does that come to?” asked Larry.

“Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents.”

“If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?” said the boy.

“Seven dollars and sixty-four cents,” stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.

Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, “I don’t want to buy anything…that’s our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it.”

~~~

Want a little peace and quiet around your house??? Buy a phoneless cord.

~~~

He said:

I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, “Do I click the square?”

I said, “Yes.”

She asked me, “Single click or double click?”

~~~

Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.

Melody Beattie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Enjoy the day

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

Anthony Robbins

 

a-great-day

Good morning everyone, I have not put a new Daily together this morning so here is another blast from the past.

Ray’s Daily first published on January 10, 2006

Boy is Robbins right or what. I feel sorry for those who start each day expecting things to go wrong, you know the ones I mean, those people who always see the rain cloud and never the rainbow. The people I like are those who share their joys and keep their troubles, unless there is something I can do to help.

I want to start a club that excludes grouches, naysayer’s, soreheads, negative thinkers, pessimists, cynics, and all others who find pleasure in making everyone else as miserable as they are. If we get it done just think how much fun we will have with our fellow members.

As many of you know I cruise often (my next is on Celebrity out of Fort Lauderdale in March). I cruise because it provides a great getaway opportunity where I can rest, relax, make new friends, see something new, enjoy good food, and be entertained. Unfortunately there are always a few fellow cruisers that do whatever they can to make sure everyone else has a bad time, so on this cruise I sent out a notice that anyone that complains to me better be ready for a bop on the nose, a shove overboard, or non-person status.

Everyday, whether cruising or not, I get up expecting good things to happen. I keep looking for the good stuff as the day goes on, I would hate to miss something good just because I was not paying attention. Fortunately there is never enough time to look for what is wrong and if something bad does happen my memory is short enough that I don’t remember what it was.

~~~

“I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I’ve written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.”

 Shirley MacLaine

~~~

She sent me this poem:

Things To Do TODAY…

    I don’t want to do the dishes,

    I don’t want to do the wash,

    I sprinkled clothes a week ago

    And now my iron is lost!

    I don’t wanna clean the pots,

    I don’t wanna rattle pans,

    I wanna read my e-mail,

    And chat with all my friends!

    The table needs some dusting

    and the floor could sure be mopped,

    But I know if I get started

    There’ll be no place to stop.

    The closets are so full

    Things are falling off the shelves,

    I wish for cleaning fairies

    And magic laundry elves!

    They could sprinkle fairy dust

    And twitch their little nose,

    And the windows would be sparkling

    And I’d have no dirty clothes.

    I don’t know what I’m saying,

    My head is in the sky,

    I must cook that meat that’s graying

    And bake that apple pie!

    My husband needs a flea bath,

    The dog needs some attention…

    Oh, the other way around I mean!

    My brain is in suspension!

    I am running round in circles,

    I am getting nothing done,

    I keep thinking of the internet,

    I’m missing all the fun!

    I know I’m not addicted

    Though I hear that all the time,

    But I guess this stuff will have to wait,

    Cause today I’ll be ON LINE!!!

~~~

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

Oscar Wilde

~~~

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do…   (especially when you share the same major!)

PSYCHOLOGY   Girl accuses boy of just using her as a substitute for his

mother.

SOCIOLOGY   Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.

ARCHAEOLOGY   One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.

THEATRE   “OH! Life is… ENDED… as we KNOW it!”

BIOLOGY   “You just wanted to get in my genes!”

PHYSICS   Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.

JOURNALISM “Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks…”

WOMEN’S STUDIES   “HE did it!”

BUSINESS   Both decide that they’re spending way too much money together, and that it’s simply cheaper to be single.

HISTORY   Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past.

GEOGRAPHY   Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other.

ANATOMY   “I never liked your body anyway.”

ECONOMICS   One party demands more than the other can supply.

~~~

She said: I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his.

~~~

Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course.

The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice.  Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case.

The class went off in groups to practice.

As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked,

“Are you all right?”  He then put his ear over the mannequin’s mouth to listen for breathing.

Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed,

“She said she can’t feel her legs!”

~~~

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM… It could be a right number.

~~~

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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