Ray's musings and humor

We get to start again

Ray’s Daily

December 13, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Abraham Lincoln

one-day-at-a-time-fi

One of the things that has changed in my life in recent moths has been its unpredictability. Mywife’s needs tend to change day by day, even sometimes hour by hour. My ability to commit to far in advance to activates is limited because of the demands of unplanned challenges. Any significant planning is often shelved due to the lack of clarity into what the future will hold.

At first this reality was overwhelming and then I discovered I could still enjoy my life by focusing on making the best of each day without worring too much about tomorrow. And you know what it is a great feeling when I make it through another day without much difficulty.

So you can see why I valued the following message I got from Henrik Edberg.

One day at a time

This Wednesday I’d like to quickly share one tip that really helped me when I got into better shape in 2009 and still helps me to stay effective, keep the overwhelm and stress at bay and to focus and think clearly.

That tip is to focus on just taking care of today. And to not think of all the days in the future when I have to eat healthy and work out if I want to stay in shape. To not think of the weeks of work it will take to create a new course, a new helpful habit or reach some other goal in my life.

If you look too far into the future, if you look at all the things you need to do to reach a goal it can feel overwhelming and like such a long journey. If you just look at what you have to do during next week it can cause quite a bit of stress and anxiety and so you escape into procrastination.

Sure, sometimes you need to plan and think of the future. Do that early in the week. Or early in your day. But when that is done or when you feel overwhelmed by your day or life, then just then sit down for a minute. And breathe. Focus on just the air going and out of you and nothing else to clear your mind and relax your body.

Then shrink your focus to what you can control and do something about. Focus on just taking care of what is on your plate today. Nothing else. Tomorrow will come in time. And then you will take care of it too. Day after day. And that string of todays will become weeks and months and you’ll reach the goals you want to reach and you’ll create what you want in a way that preserves your inner peace, keeps you away from procrastination and stress and does not suck so much extra energy out of you.

Henrik Edberg

~~~

We do the best we can in life, we take things one day at a time and sometimes we all just need a simple reminder of that.

Demi Lovato

~~~

More signs of the times:

Billboard on the side of the road:”Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.”
On an Electricians truck:”Let us remove your shorts.”
In a Nonsmoking Area:”If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
On Maternity Room Door:”Push, Push, Push.”
At an Optometrists Office”If you don’t see what your looking for you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Taxidermist’s window:”We really know our stuff.”

~~~

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

~~~

The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children’s ward.

“Are you medical or surgical?” asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week.

“I don’t know what you mean,” replied the second.

“It’s simple,” replied the first.  “Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?”

~~~

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”

James Holt McGavran

~~~

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

~~~

He said: What’s new? Most of my wife.

~~~

From the files

Dear Valued Employee:

Year 2000 passed and we are happy to inform you that Y2K did not affect us.

Yet our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I’m sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service.

Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.

Sincerely,

Automated Payroll Process

~~~

Each day means a new twenty-four hours. Each day means everything’s possible again. You live in the moment, you die in the moment, you take it all one day at a time.

Marie Lu

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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Want to be happy?

Ray’s Daily

December 12, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.

James Openheim

Happiness

Many of us seem to be too busy to find the time to work on our personal happiness. Some of us even seem to expect happiness to walk in the door they don’t even open to let it in.

A recent article on the BLDG25 blog offers ways we can open our door to happiness on a regular basis. Reading it reminded me that happiness is not limited to the end of the rainbow but exists all along the path, all we need to do is learn how to appreciate them. Here are tips offered in the article on how we can enrich our lives. I have made some minor edits due to limited space.

How To Be Happier: 8 Simple Secrets to Transform Your Mood

There is much scientific evidence that your outlook on life is as important as what you eat for staying healthy…Learning how to be happier is a mindset, and it’s surprisingly easy to access when you know what to focus on. One of the most important things for health is your brain. How you view the world has an enormous effect on your health. This isn’t the New Age idea of thinking well of yourself.

In a world full of challenges, both internal and external, it can seem beyond difficult to stay positive. Here are some tools to help you:

BE GRATEFUL. – The studies are in: Feeling grateful makes you feel better. If you’re going through a tough time, this can be just the thing to turn you around. Find something, no matter how small, to feel grateful for — beautiful sunset, a warm cup of tea, a smile from a stranger. Write down three things a day and let yourself feel gratitude deeply in your body. This practice will bring an instant smile to your face.

NOTICE BEAUTY. – Even in the midst of chaos, there is always beauty. It can be huge, like a gorgeous vista, or tiny, like a little heart-shaped rock in an abandoned lot. The brain is wired toward negativity, so when you start to focus on and notice beauty all around you, you start to rewire your brain for positivity — and you feel happier!

GIVE THANKS. – This goes along with gratitude. Give thanks for all of the goodness in your life. Make a habit of giving thanks. Maybe bring it into your mealtimes. Before you eat, take a moment to pause, and say, “Thank you to all the people who’ve had a hand in bringing this food to my table.” It helps to put you into a gracious frame of mind to notice and be thankful for your life.

DEEP BREATH. – If you’re having a tough time, the best thing you can do is step back and take a few deep breaths. Breathing deeply in through the nose and out through the mouth helps activate the parts of the brain that bring you into calm and happiness.

STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR DAY. – No matter how busy you are, take a moment to pause and reflect on your life. Instead of just rushing through things, stop and do one of the above practices: Notice something beautiful, give thanks for the day or take a deep breath and feel your own miraculous body working.

FEET TO EARTH. – Plug into the abundant earth energy and de-stress by putting your bare feet on the bare earth. It’s deeply healing and feels so good. This is a great one to do with kids, as they love nothing more than getting right up against the earth; they can teach us so much about simplicity.

TAP INTO JOY. – Tap with one finger into the center of your forehead between your eyebrows when you feel joyful. This helps to reprogram joy into your nervous system.

MEDITATE DAILY. – Take some time out of your day to meditate. Something as simple as focusing on your breath for 5-20 minutes a day builds healthier brain function and rewires your brain for health and calm.

Doing one or more of these simple practices is enough to start to shift yourself out of difficult patterns and into more beneficial, health-giving, thriving joy!

~~~

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.

Cynthia Nelms

~~~

Do you remember:

Drive-ins with car hops

Winter rubber boots with metal latches

Coonskin caps

Angora sweaters

Bouffant hairdos

Hair dryers with plastic caps

Butch wax

Dart guns with rubber-tipped darts

Tin-can telephones

Peashooters

Cork popguns

Roll of cap-gun caps

Many of us do, the thing that is scary for me is that I have kids that probably remember most of them.
~~~

Caution: Do not ask for advice, you might get it.
~~~

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, Mrs. Cohen received a jury-duty notice.  She called to remind the people at the clerk’s office that she was exempt because of her age.

“You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms,” they said.

“I’ve already done that,” she replied. “I did it last year.”

“You have to do it every year,” she was told.

“Why?” came the response.  “Do you think I’m going to get younger?”

~~~

A successful man is one who can earn more money than his family can spend.

~~~

I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son.

Without hesitation, the barber answered, “When he’s four.”

~~~

The peak years of mental activity are between the ages of four and eighteen. At four they know all the questions, at eighteen they know all the answers.

~~~

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field at night.

Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where!”

~~~

I don’t think you can feel a sense of entitlement and still be happy. Happiness always comes from feeling that you’ve been blessed.

Robert Brault,

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

 

Caring Pays

Ray’s Daily

December 11, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

I believe empathy is the most essential quality of civilization.

Roger Ebert

empathy

There are thousands of books, articles, and seminars offering the secret of success. Notwithstanding the animosity coming out of Washington I believe the real secret lies in the rewards we recive when we demonstrate our concern for others. Those who can set aside their selfishness and replace it with selflessness opening themselves to empathy for others will always win.

I recently stumbled across an article written by Travis Bradberry that I liked, here in part is what he wrote.

Good for you: Eight habits of considerate people

“Being considerate of others will take you further in life than any college or professional degree.”

Marian Wright Edelman

That’s all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become more considerate when you have so many other things competing for your finite mental energy? It’s not that hard—all you have to do is emulate the habits of highly considerate people.

Show up on time – Sure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear message that you think your time is more important than everyone else’s, and that’s just rude. Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you don’t have to broadcast that belief to the world. Instead, be considerate and show up when you said you would.

Be deliberately empathic – It’s one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling into action is another matter entirely. It’s great to be able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes—in fact, it’s essential—but that doesn’t necessarily translate into being considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to let your ability to walk in their shoes change what you do, whether that’s changing your behavior to accommodate their feelings or providing tangible help in a tough situation.

Apologize when you need to (and don’t when you don’t) – We all know people who are so insecure or so afraid of offending someone that they practically apologize for breathing. In such situations, apologizing loses its meaning. But it’s a different matter entirely when a sincere apology is really necessary. When you’ve made a mistake, or even think you’ve made a mistake, apologizing is a crucial part of being considerate.

Smile a lot – Physically, it’s easier to frown than to smile—smiling involves 42 different muscles; however, it pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect on other people. People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. When you smile at people, they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.

Mind your manners – A lot of people have come to believe that not only are manners unnecessary, they’re undesirable because they’re fake. These people think that being polite means you’re acting in a way that doesn’t reflect how you actually feel, but they’ve got it backwards. “Minding your manners” is all about focusing on how the other person feels, not on how you feel. It’s consciously acting in a way that puts other people at ease and makes them feel comfortable.

Be emotionally intelligent – One of the huge fallacies our culture has embraced is that feeling something is the same as acting on that feeling, and that’s just wrong, because there’s this little thing called self-control. Whether it’s helping out a co-worker when you’re in a crunch to meet your own deadline or continuing to be pleasant with someone who is failing to return the favor, being considerate often means not acting on what you feel.

Try to find a way for everybody to win – Many people approach life as a zero-sum game. They think that somebody has to win and somebody else has to lose. Considerate people, on the other hand, try to find a way for everybody to win. That’s not always possible, but it’s their goal. If you want to be more considerate, stop thinking of every interaction with others as a win/lose scenario.

Act on your intuition when it comes to other people’s needs – Sometimes you can just tell when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such cases, being considerate means checking in with them to see if your intuition is correct. If your intuition is telling you to reach out—do it; they’ll appreciate your concern.

Bringing It All Together – Being considerate is good for your mental and physical health, your career, and everyone around you. On top of that, it just feels good.

~~~

All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.

Tahereh Mafi

~~~

This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face!

What’s wrong with me, Doctor?” The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, “Well, I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

~~~

You are never a looser until you quit trying.

Mike Ditka

~~~

At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes three. “I’d like to know why,” she scoffed.

The clerk thought a moment and then suggested, “The horses are a lot older now?”

~~~

Always remember you’re unique….just like everyone else.

~~~

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books — how not to eat what you’ve just learned to cook.

Andy Rooney

~~~

A man is in no shape to drive, so he wisely leaves his car parked and walks home. As he is walking unsteadily along, he is stopped by a policeman.

“What are you doing out here at 2 a.m.?” the officer asks.

“I’m going to a lecture,” the man replies.

“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“My wife.”

~~~

Let him who is without aim cast the first stone.

~~~

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.

“Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady.

~~~

Empathy is about standing in someone else’s shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.

Daniel H. Pink

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Thanks good people

Ray’s Daily

December 8, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.

Aldous Huxley

good people

Today is another one of these days where my brain slowed while there is still a daily to write. In order not to embarrass myself I am going to rely on your poor memory and send you a reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on December 8, 2005

Do you know why it is great to get out amongst the people? For me it is the chance to see others at their best and at their worst providing me the opportunity to see myself in others. Once I do I can avoid the negative behaviors that are displayed by so many and strive to reinforce those things that the good people I meet display everyday. Even if I can’t always do as well as I wish, I hope I never behave like some I meet, they must be some of the most unhappy people in the world. They whine, complain, and find fault with everything, it is no wonder they have few real friends. To them the world stinks, I just wish they would learn that it does for them but does not for most others; it is the world they make for themselves.

My most recent experience was on my latest cruise. There were a few that could not keep from telling us the food was bad, the rules were Mickey Mouse, the service was lousy, their shipmates all had faults, and on and on and on. They were easy to walk away from as they wallowed in their sorrows. Meanwhile the rest of us loved the food, enjoyed the weather, had a great time, and best of all spent our time with the good guys.

Sometime ago my friend Shirley sent me the following. I love the concept. To me it is saying if you don’t like it make it better, if you don’t want to expend the energy please shut up and don’t try to take the rest of us down with you. I am glad none of this applies to you, that is why I like you so much.

Those who actually solve problems spend very little time complaining about them. Problems are turned into opportunities not by complaining or blaming or endless analysis, but by thoughtful and determined action. When you’re busy solving a problem you’re working to transform it from a negative to a positive. When you merely complain, then you’re investing yourself in perpetuating the negativity of that problem. Complaining is easy, and it usually just worsens the situation. Taking positive action is indeed the more challenging course, for it involves effort and commitment.

Taking action requires you to make real-life decisions, to look at the tradeoffs and to weigh the value of different options. When you take action, you must be willing to put yourself on the line.

For the results are not going to be perfect, and there is always the possibility of failure. When that happens you learn from it and make another, more informed, more determined effort.

Commit to taking thoughtful, persistent action. And it will take you where you want to go.

~~~

A man was lying on the psychiatrist’s couch as his therapist addressed him.

“Well, Jim. I’m pleased to announce that this will be our final session. I believe that you finally are cured of your paranoia.”

“Yes, doctor. I am.”

“I remember how you used to think that men in black were following you everywhere. But you don’t believe that anymore, do you?”

“No, doctor. I don’t”

“I remember also how you used to think that black helicopters were hovering over your house. But you don’t believe that anymore either, do you?”

“No, doctor. I don’t”

“Finally, I remember how you used to think that CIA agents were monitoring your mail, bugging your phone, and snooping into your affairs. But you don’t believe that anymore either, do you?”

“No, doctor. I don’t. Thanks to your therapy, I no longer harbor such delusions. In fact, you’ve been so helpful to me, that I’m really sorry that I have to kill you now,” said Jim, as he pulled out a gun.

The psychiatrist was shocked. “Wait a minute. Why do you have to kill me?”

“You know too much.”

~~~

Nothing is more humiliating than to see idiots succeed in enterprises we have failed in.

Gustav Flaubert

~~~

Susan’s teenage son was having problems mastering the finer points of managing his new checking account.

“The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store, son.”

“Oh, good!” he said…”Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!”

~~~

Law of the Alibi:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

~~~

I graduated from a private school that I didn’t like much. Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. “So, what have you been doing with yourself?” the perky alumnus asked. I responded, “Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars and running moonshine.”

They’ve never called back.

~~~

He who hesitates is probably right.

~~~

She said: I wanted a haircut and phoned a salon early for an appointment with a highly recommended stylist. I was told customers were taken on a walk-in basis only. On Saturday I got there by 9 a.m., only to learn that it was that hairdresser’s day off. I drove to another salon, but it was booked solid. Still another had no openings. The situation seemed hopeless, so I went home. My husband greeted me at the door. “That was fast,” he said cheerfully. “Your hair looks great!”

~~~

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

~~~

A man was placed in intensive care, needles stuck everywhere, tubes running over his disease-ridden body like a spider’s web, nearly comatose. A week later, a second man was put in the same room in very nearly the same condition.

Both men lay there, near death, machines pinging, oxygen tubes puffing, monitors ding-donging, lights flashing. After a few days, one of the men summoned the strength to weakly raise his hand and catch the other man’s attention. He pointed to himself and wheezed out, “Jim………..my.”

The other man weakly pointed to himself and said, “Paddy.”

This act tired them both out so badly it was another day or two before they had the strength to try again. The first man weakly pointed to himself and murmured in almost inaudible tones, “Scottish.”

The second man replied, “Irish.”

Again the fatigue set in and they both fell fast asleep. In another couple of days they were at it again.

Jim took several deep breaths, then summoned up the strength to cough out, “Glasgow.”

Paddy whispered back, “Dublin.”

This time they were both a little stronger and could continue.

“Cancer”, said Jim.

“…Sagittarius,” replied Paddy.

~~~

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

~~~

The minister’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn’t go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.

When Saturday arrived, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind.  When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic after all, the child’s reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.

“Why, what’s the matter, honey?  I thought you’d be happy to go to the picnic.” her mother said.

“It’s too late!” the little girl replies sarcastically. . .   “I’ve already prayed for rain!”

~~~

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

We can do it

Ray’s Daily

December 7, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

“Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem.”

Virginia Satir

Coping-with-stress

2017 has been a challenging year for me. My health issues have been minor compared to my wife’s ordeals. We have had to adjust to a more moderate life style as my caregiver responsivities have increased. While I miss some of the things I like to do I have found that my wife and I have never been closer.

We are blessed by having our three children nearby as they go out of their way to ease our burdens by doing some of the heavy lifting. In the process I have also learned how useless anger for what we can’t control really is. I have banked a lot of positive memories and continue to benefit from the friendship of many so like they say “don’t complain because things aren’t what the once were just be grateful for all there once was.

The ever-wise Marc Chernoff recently published a piece on how to cope with reality. I have excerpted his recommendations to share with you today. Here is what he wrote:

 10 Things to Remember When the Going Gets Tough

As we journey through our personal and professional lives, there will inevitably be periods of incredible frustration and despair.  During those tough times, it will sometimes appear to us that we’ve lost everything, and that nothing and nobody could possibly motivate us to move onward in the direction of our dreams.  But we are all holding with us a backpack of support that comes in many forms—it can be a simple email or text message from someone we respect, inspiring blog posts, insightful books, helpful neighbors, supportive communities, and so much more.

When the going gets tough—when we’re feeling utterly down and discouraged—we need to remember…

1.To trust the journey, even when we do not understand it.

2.To accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in the road ahead.

3.To start exactly where we are, use what we have, and do what we can, one step at a time.

4.To look for the blessings hidden in every struggle we face, and be willing to open our hearts and minds to them.

5.To recognize our backpack of support—our external sources of hope and motivation—before a random guru (or someone with far more crooked intentions) has to steal it from us so that we can finally see what we have always taken for granted.

6.To be present and tap into our own hearts and minds—our internal sources of hope and motivation—which have the power to push us back up on our feet and guide us down the road to our backpack of support, even when it appears to be lost forever.

7.To laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and appreciate the lessons found at each twist and turn.

8.To not compare our progress with that of others, and accept that we all need our own time to travel our own distance.

9.To see how many of the things we never wanted or expected, ultimately turn out to be what we need.

10.To be OK with not ending up exactly where we intended to go, while opening ourselves up to the possibility of eventually arriving precisely in the right place at the right time.

~~~

Resilience isn’t a single skill. It’s a variety of skills and coping mechanisms. To bounce back from bumps in the road as well as failures, you should focus on emphasizing the positive.

Jean Chatzky

~~~

Martha Stewart’s Holiday Calendar

December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.

December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3 Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.

December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7 Debug Windows 10

December 10 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11 Lay Faberge egg.

December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13 Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14 Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15 Replace air in SUV tires with Glade “holiday scents” in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17 Childproof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19 Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20 Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner’s sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21 Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22 Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23 Seed clouds for white Christmas.

December 24 Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25 Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27 Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31 New Year’s Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

~~~

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

~~~

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

“That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

The lawyer looked somewhat confused. “Hmm… How do you start a flood?” he asked.

~~~

There is logic in this; he is unbiased– he hates all creative people equally.

~~~

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”

The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”

“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”

I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”

“Well, then we need a urine sample.”

“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”

“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m drunk.”

~~~

“I guess in the end, it doesn’t matter what we wanted. What matters is what we chose to do with the things we had.”

Mira Grant

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

We all need them

Ray’s Daily

December 6, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.

Friend

Seems like I have been thinking and talking a lot about old friends lately. As you know of don’t think there is anything more valuable in life than our friends. It is just not easy to through life alone. I wonder sometimes if we place as much importance on friendship as we should.

Here is an article I picked up some time ago that provides some insight into these most valuable relationships.

True friendship

Author unknown

Have you ever wondered what the real essence of the saying “A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed” is? People talk about the true value of friendship actually without knowing what it stands for. True friendship is the one, in which the individuals do not have to maintain formalities with each other. Sharing true friendship is the situation, when the person you are talking about is counted as one among your family members, when the relation you share with him/her reaches a stage that even if you don’t correspond for sometime, your friendship remains unscathed. Best friends need not meet up often to make sure that the friendship remains constant.

The trust between best friends is such that if one friend falls in trouble, the other will not think twice to help. If the bond between two friends is strong, true friends can endure even long distances. For them, geographical separation is just a part of life. It would not affect their friendship. They make it a point to stay in touch, even in the verge of being exhausted due to the drudgery of everyday life. True friendship never fades away. In fact, it grows better with time. True friendship thrives on trust, inspiration and comfort. Best friends come to know, when the other person is in trouble, merely by listening to their “Hello” over the phone. They can even understand each other’s silence.

True friends don’t desert each other when one is facing trouble. They would face it together and support each other, even if it is against the interests of the other person. Best friends don’t analyze each other; they don’t have to do so. They accept each other with their positive and negative qualities. Nothing is hidden between true friends. They know each other’s strengths as well as weaknesses. One would not overpower the other. They would respect each other’s individuality. In fact, they would understand the similarities and respect the differences. Best friends don’t stand any outsider commenting or criticizing their friendship and they can put up a very firm resistance, if anyone does so.

True friends are not opportunists. They don’t help because they have something to gain out of it. True friendship is marked by selflessness. Best friends support even each other, even if the whole world opposes them. It is not easy getting true friends for the lifetime. If you have even one true friend, consider yourself blessed. Remember, all best friends are friends, but not all friends can be best friends. In this world of cynics and back stabbers, there are still some people who are worth being friends with. They have to be recognized and respected for being best friends, for the lifetime.

~~~

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.

C.S. Lewis

~~~

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.  One day he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line.  You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose.  You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'”

The actor is thrilled.  All day long, before the play, he’s practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came.  The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line, “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming – “You bloody fool!,” he cried, “You have ruined me!”

The actor was bewildered, “What happened?  Did I forget my line?”

“No!” screamed the director.  “You forgot the rose!”

~~~

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.  -Catherine Aird

~~~

A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”

The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”

The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”

The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”

The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what.  Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?”

The man anxiously says, “Yes.”

“Take the poison !”

~~~

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, “Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?”

The father answered immediately, “I don’t know. No male has lived that long yet.”

~~~

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

~~~

She said “here are some of the rules,”

Call.

Don’t lie.

If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

The correct answer to “Do I look fat?” is never, ever “Yes.”

Ditto for “Is she prettier than me?”

Victoria’s Secret is good. Frederick’s of Hollywood is bad.

Ordering for me is good. Telling me what I want is bad.

Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

~~~

Q: How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

~~~

A man is visiting a mental home and sees a group of inmates sitting in a circle. As he gets close one of them shouts, “128” and all the others start to laugh!
He asks the nurse with him what’s going on and he explains that they have all been together so long that they know the jokes off by heart, so to save retelling them all the time they numbered them and just say the number!
The man thinks this is a good idea and although he doesn’t know the jokes asks if he could try it!
The nurse says, “Why not, go ahead!”
So the man shouts, “10”
Nothing, absolute stoney silence! So the man says, “What’s wrong, wasn’t that joke funny?”
And the nurse says, “It wasn’t that, it’s just the way you told it!”

~~~

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Keep Going

Ray’s Daily

December 5, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

You learn more from losing than winning. You learn how to keep going.

Morgan Wootten

keep-going

If you are like I am you have often stumbled or made mistakes in the past. I know I have made more than my share. Most of the time there was no way for me to stop trying, withdrawing into my shell and hiding out. As I am sure it is the case with you missteps are only temporary setbacks unless you let them take you down.

I have found that the world did not end when I failed and it was forgiving as I restarted. In fact I think now our mistakes sharpen our abilities and lay the foundation for future success.

Here is a piece written recently by Henrik Edberg on his Positivity Blog that offers his thoughts on how to recover from our misteps.

Sometimes we stumble in life. But what do you do then? Let me tell you what I used to do. I used to beat myself up for a day or a week or so. Partly because that seemed like the natural thing to do. No matter if the mistake was quite small. Partly because I thought it would help me to move forward and improve. And partly, simply because of low self-esteem. It wasn’t a very healthy but an extremely common way to handle mistakes, failures or setbacks.

This habit can be hard to stop using because it can indeed help you to improve. And if you don’t know what more positive alternatives you can replace it with then you may get stuck.

So what can you replace that habit with?

Remember: If you want to do something of value in life then you will stumble.

If you want to go outside of your comfort zone, if you want to do things that really

matter then you will stumble.

You will fail or make mistakes from time to time.

It has happened to everyone over the past thousands of years that wanted to do something of value. So it is normal. And it is OK. Even though some people may try to convince you otherwise.

Be your own best friend. When you stumble or have a setback, ask yourself: How would my friend/parent support me and help me in this situation? Then do things and talk to yourself like he or she would.This will keep you from falling into a pit of negativity and help you to be more constructive with your time, energy and with the small steps you can take to move forward once again.

~~~

“Even small positive shifts in thinking, create huge results if you are consistent in your efforts”

Nanette Mathews

~~~

Here are her shopping secrets for buying for men:

Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores.) It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. (“From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.”)

Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”
Tickets to a Colts game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.

It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

~~~

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

~~~

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in the front seat and three in the back – wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.  The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. “But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”

~~~

When you get into court you are putting yourself in the hands of l2 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

~~~

A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff. Church, church, church.”

~~~

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.

~~~

Mirror, mirror on the wall, Do you have to tell it all?
Where do you get the glaring right To make my clothes look just too tight?
I think I’m fine but I can see you won’t co-operate with me;
The way you let the shadows play, You’d think my hair was getting grey
What’s that, you say? A double chin? No, that’s the way the light comes in;
If you persist in peering so, You’ll confiscate my facial glow,
And then if you’re not hanging straight, You’ll tell me next I’m gaining weight;
I’m really quite upset with you, For giving this distorted view;
I hate you being smug and wise… O, look what’s happened to my thighs!
I warn you now, O mirrored wall, Since we’re not on speaking terms at all,
If I look like this in my new jeans, You’ll find yourself in smithereens!!

~~~

“What’s done is done. What’s gone is gone. One of life’s lessons is always moving on. It’s okay to look back to see how far you’ve come but keep moving forward.”

Roy T. Bennett,

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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