Ray's musings and humor

Boy did that hurt!

Ray’s Daily

January 22, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Every step of life shows much caution is required.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Ice fall

Friday I was taken to the hospital after a bad fall on an icy driveway. After extensive x-rays it was determined that I had badly bruised ribs and chest. Thankfully no broken bones. They sent me home with high powered pain pills that prevent me from driving. I am still taking the pills and the pain has become tolerable to the point that I plan on sleeping in my bed tonight after a fitfil last night in a recliner.

I have had to cancel outside activities but will resume normal activities in a day or so.Since the pills leave me a little goofy I am again sending you a Ray’s Daily reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on January 22, 2008

 Recently I had the good fortune to attend a performance by an outstanding New York tap dance troop. They intermixed their performance with on screen performances by some of the all time great tap dancers from years ago. People like Bojangles, Fred Astaire, Eleanor Powel, Shirley Temple, and many more.

The troop was made up of outstanding dancers who performed both individually and in production numbers. They presented to us both high energy virtuoso performances and quiet more graceful and subtle examples of the dance. I realized as I watched just how much I have grown to appreciate the work of Bojangles and others who danced with a style and grace that was almost featherlike while they partnered with a melody instead of dominating the music.

As I thought about it later it came to me that when you listen with your heart a whisper is often louder than a shout and a gentle touch more moving than a shove. It seems to me I have come to appreciate the grace of a Degas painting, the simple melody, the well spoken word, and those who are always civil and never strident, things that might not have gotten my attention when I was younger.

I sometimes worry that we have become so inundated with visuals, sounds, news, and other examples of contemporary society that we are in danger of losing our ability to find beauty in the simplest of things. While I appreciate the prodigy, I love the people I know who don’t put on airs but rather just live the good life doing the best they can, hating no one while giving the gift of their friendship to all they meet.

~~~

That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

  1. Sag, you’re It.
  2. Hide and go pee.
  3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
  4. Kick the bucket .
  5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
  6. Musical recliners.
  7. Simon says something incoherent.
  8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy .

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:

  1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
  2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
  3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:

  1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
  2. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
  3. Getting a little action means you don’t need fiber today.

4.. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

  1. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

~~~

It is a good thing to be rich, it is a good thing to be strong, but it is a better thing to be beloved of many friends.

Euripides

~~~

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry…. we can’t hire you.”

“But wait,” he said. “If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”

“Really? Great! Show me!”

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

“Well,” said the interviewer, “that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employee womanizing all over the country!”

“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”

“Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?”

“Oh, that,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”

~~~

“Virtue” is the failure to achieve vice.

~~~

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful (and very sexy) 25 year-old blonde. She knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm, as she hangs on to Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s not my girlfriend.. .she’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age”, Bob replies.

“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

~~~

Some pursue happiness, others create it.

Anonymous

~~~

She told me: After raising 4 kids, and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started, but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years, a literature course.

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.

He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began “Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook…”

I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

The student behind me whispered, “Slow down! He’s just taking attendance!”

~~~

“I get those maternal feelings sometimes, like when I’m lying on the couch and can’t reach the remote, I think, ‘Boy, a kid would be nice right now.'”

Kathleen Madigan

~~~

The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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It all works out

Ray’s Daily

January 19, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

OK

Guess what? it is Friday and we are about to complete another work week. For folks like me that just means we made it through another week OK. One thing I have learned over the years is that what appeared to be a major catastrophe was just another temporary part of life. You get to the point where setbacks are just another day at the office.

I think one of the greatest gifts of aging is developing the ability to cope. I recently read A First Aid Kit for When Life Falls Apart written by Helena Önneby that made a lot of sense for me, it might for you as well. Here in part is what she wrote.

Let people in

Who in the world told us that being human in this day and age is easy? Where did we get that crazy idea from? It’s not easy. Not always anyhow. Life can be hard.

Talk to someone that you trust. Remind them in advance that all you need from them is to listen, no advice needed in this stage. Just let it out, all of it. Just having someone to listen can take you a long way.

Remember you’re not alone

Whatever you are feeling or experiencing right now, you are not alone. You are unique and special, but your experiences and emotions are not.

Write it out

Our mind has this nasty habit of getting stuck on repeat. Same thought looping, over and over again. Grab a pen and paper or sit down in front of your computer and write. Let it all out. Don’t censor yourself. Take the pressure off by dumping it all out. Truly cathartic.

Maybe you’re not dying

Our mind sometimes has a tendency to exaggerate, just a little bit. Are you really in mortal danger right now? Is your life about to end or is that just the emotion you’re experiencing? If you’re breathing, your heart is beating, you have two feet on the ground, you are essentially all right. You are okay.

This too will change

This is my favorite mindfulness quote. Being alive is accepting change as the only constant. Know that whatever you are going through right now, it will change. It might not all be good and fine tomorrow, but it will be different, if ever just slightly. Things will change.

Ask for help

Let other people help you. Let other people take care of you. Cry. Scream. Wail. Laugh. Sleep. Close your eyes. Do whatever you need to do. Let it out. And embrace.  It will get better. I promise.

~~~

In the end, everything will be okay. If it’s not okay, it’s not yet the end.

Fernando Sabino

~~~

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer “Dear Harold”. At this, dad interrupted and said, “Wait a minute, How come you called God, “Harold”?” The little boy looked up and said, “That’s what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, “Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name.”

~~~

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

~~~

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. “My you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?”

“It was terrible,” her husband said. “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.”

~~~

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve,

“Watch it!!! There are plenty more ribs where YOU came from!”

~~~

Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one looked forlorn, and almost on the verge of tears. His friend asked, “What had the world done to you, my old friend?”

The sad fellow said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars.”

“That’s not bad.”

“But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear.”

“Sounds like you should be grateful…”

“You don’t understand!” he interrupted. “Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million.”

Now he was really confused. “Then, how come you look so glum?”

“This week… nothing!”

~~~

“Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

Robert A. Heinlein

~~~

During an Army war game a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud.  The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. “Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but  we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t  contribute in any way.”

The C.O. turned to his driver and said, “Go drag a couple of  those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction.”

~~~

So often in life a new chapter awaits. You ride off into the sunset and discover it’s the sunrise.

Robert Brault,

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

We are blessed

Ray’s Daily

January 18, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.”

Steve Maraboli

blessed

I had calls from two friends yesterday hoping I would be able to meet with them this morning, unfortunately I can’t make it as I need to do some things here at home. My gym coach also inquired about how I was doing with having limited my activity, she expressed concern that I don’t become a recluse. I told her not to worry that when the weather turns I am sure I will be more active.

I also let her know that I am glad to be able to help my wife deal with her health problems. She has given me so much over the years that a chance to do more for her is a blessing, we have never been closer. I am surprised that I am learning to be OK with a one-day-at-time lifestyle. Of course, I still get to visit with you most days via the Daily and that too is a blessing.

Here is a list of positive thoughts that I saved years ago, they are worth revisiting once in a while.

BEAUTIFUL WORDS TO LIVE BY

  • Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
  • You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
  • Love ……and you shall be loved.
  • All people smile in the same language.
  • A hug is a great gift. One size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it’s easy to exchange.
  • Everyone needs to be loved…especially when they do not deserve it.
  • Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
  • It’s important for parents to live the same things they teach.
  • If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.
  • Happy memories never wear out…. relive them as often as you want.
  • The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow.
  • Take time to laugh for it is the music of the soul.
  • If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.
  • Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together.
  • Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts.
  • We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for.
  • You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven.

Author Unknown

~~~

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.

William Arthur Ward

~~~

You know what happens when you play country music backwards?

You quit drinking, you get your wife back, you’re rehired and your lost dog comes home.

~~~

One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university his wife told her absent-minded husband, “Don’t forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty.”

Predictably he didn’t remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, “And where was it we were moving to?” He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, “Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Would you know which way it went?”

She looked up at him and said, “Yes, Daddy, I’ll show you.”

~~~

“Dogs have owners — Cats have staff.”

~~~

Years ago I worked on the UNIVAC I & II which were the follow-on to the Eniac based on the same technology. Here is what Popular Mechanics reported in March 1949 “Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuums tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons.” Today there is more power in my cell phone.

~~~

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

~~~

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, “Can people predict the future with cards?”

His response was, “My mother can.”

The teacher replied, “Really?”

The young boy was quick to explain, “Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.”

~~~

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

~~~

One day a guy on a vacation heard of an Indian with an amazing memory, so he decided to visit the Indian and see what the big deal was. He went to the Indian and asked him, “What did you eat for breakfast on July 2, 1961?”

The Indian replied, “Eggs.”

The same man came back 10 years later to see the Indian again. He greeted him by saying, “How.”

The Indian said, “Fried.”

~~~

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

~~~

Two inmates break out of their prison cells and are running across the yard when a guard in one of the towers spots them. Immediately, he sounds an alarm and all the searchlights in all the towers shine on the would-be escapees.

Caught in the light, one hisses to the other, “Don’t just stand there! Smile and start tap dancing!”

~~~

“Take time daily to reflect on how much you have. It may not be all that you want but remember someone somewhere is dreaming to have what you have.”

Germany Kent

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Letting go works

Ray’s Daily

January 17, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

“Action may not bring happiness but there is no happiness without action.”

William James

Happiness

The other day I suggested that letting go can be fun and rewarding. Yoday I want to share with you the edited thoughts of Marc Chernoff on how letting go cn also be the key to finding happiness. Here are his thoughts

Ways to Grow Your Happiness by Letting Go

Happiness in all walks of life is often more about stopping than starting.  More about subtracting than adding.  More about letting go than holding on. Consider, for example, what happens when you stop, subtract or let go of…

  1. Criticizing everyone and everything. – Life isn’t perfect. People make mistakes.  Let go of unfair expectations.  Stop criticizing yourself and others for being human.  If you feel like everyone is judging you all the time, realize that human beings often feel this way when they are too busy judging themselves.
  2. Believing that you have all the answers. – Criticizing has a big brother: the know-it-all-syndrome. The older you grow, the higher you rise in your chosen field, and the more you achieve, the more likely you are to think you know it all.  When you catch yourself thinking and speaking with intense finality and little tolerance for new ideas, stop yourself and take a deep breath.  If you do not, you will alienate the world around you and become more and more disconnected from reality with each passing day.
  3. Trying to control everything. – Craving control leads to anger and unhappiness. Life is to be lived, not controlled.  Powerful, positive change will occur in your life when you decide to take control of yourself instead of craving control over everyone and everything else.
  4. Dwelling on what used to be. – When something negative happens, view this circumstance as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. Don’t wish it never happened.  Don’t try to step back in time.  Take the lessons learned and step forward.  You have to tell yourself, “It’s OK. You’re doing OK.”
  5. Wanting everything you don’t have. – Life is NOT short if you spend every waking moment appreciating it. It’s just that by the time most of us catch up to appreciating what we have, we’ve already squandered our time and left life at least halfway behind us. The key is being thankful for what you have NOW.
  6. Whining and doing nothing about it. – Complaining does not work as a strategy. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least positive results.  When you spend time fretting and complaining, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.
  7. Fearing everything for any reason at all. – Sometimes we’re afraid we’ll fail. Sometimes we’re subconsciously afraid we’ll succeed, because then we’d have to deal with all the disruption (growth) and change that follows success.  And other times it’s our fear of rejection or simply our fear of looking like a fool.  So it’s easier to hesitate, to wait for the perfect moment, to decide we need to think a bit longer or do some more research or explore a few more unnecessary alternatives. Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years of our precious lives pass us by.  And so do our dreams.
  8. Spending time with people who drain you. – It’s not always where you are in life, but who you have by your side that matters most. Some people drain you and others provide soul food.  Don’t jeopardize your dignity and self-respect by trying to make someone accept, love and appreciate you when they have proven that they are incapable of doing so.

~~~

“You just have to do your own thing, no matter what anyone says. It’s your life.”

 Ethan Embry

~~~

There was a snail crosses the road to go to his brother’s house. He was in the middle of the road when he was run over by a turtle!

When he came to the doctor and his brother were standing over him.

The doctor asked “Mr. Snail. Are you ok?”

His brother said “What happened brother?”

The snail sat up and said “Yes doctor. I’m fine. I don’t know what happened…it all happened so fast.”

~~~

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”

e e cummings

~~~

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

The first old guy says to the second guy, “Sorry about that.  I’m looking for my wife,

and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The second old guy says, “That’s OK.  It’s a coincidence.  I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her, and I’m getting a little desperate.”

The first old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”

The second old guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?”

To which the first old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, — let’s look for yours.”

~~~

“It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.”

William G. McAdoo

~~~

A friend of mine, who stuttered rather badly, went to a specialist and after ten difficult weeks was able to say quite distinctly: “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.” I congratulated him on his achievement.
Frowning, he replied doubtfully, “B-b-but it’s s-s-such a d-difficult remark to w-w-w-work into a c-c-conversation.”

~~~

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.”

Dick Cavett

~~~

The only cow in a small town in Alberta, Canada, stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Melfort, Saskatchewan, for $200. They bought the cow from Saskatchewan and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the local veterinarian, who was very wise, what to do. They told the vet what was happening.

“Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away” they said. “If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side.”

The veterinarian thinks about this for a minute and asks, “Did you buy this cow in Saskatchewan?”

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Saskatchewan?”

The veterinarian replied, with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Saskatchewan.”

~~~

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Let go once in a while

Ray’s Daily

January 16, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.

Daphne Rose Kingma

let-go-2

The wintery weather continues and we had to again cancel our outside appointments yesterday. I need to get my wife out before she becomes stir crazy. We are at the age where there is no reason not to be ourselves nor to become the stereotypical old folks.

Here is a piece written by Emily Myrick a long time ago that is worth considering no matter how old you are.

LET YOURSELF GO

The other day my friend told me to let go…. he told me not to be so worried about what I’m doing, or what I look like, but to just let myself go once in awhile. This really got me thinking. Maybe I should let go. Maybe I should do something crazy, just so I can say I did. I’ve got many long years ahead of me and plenty of time to live a fun and happy life.

Sometimes, an opportunity only knocks at the door once, and if you don’t answer it at that particular moment, then you’ll never get another chance. Life is tough, and most of the time we spend our days wondering why things go the way they do.

After thinking for awhile, I’m finally realizing that maybe thinking about this so much is wasting the time in which we could be going out and making the days go better. We’re wasting the time we have here on Earth. By attempting to figure out why life goes the way it does, we lose time when we could be having fun and living our lives to the fullest.

We are only here for a short amount of time. An average of 70-100 years seems long, but it goes faster then we realize. It’s so incredibly important to live every day to it’s fullest potential. When you’re 87 years old and laying on your death bed, do you want to look back and think of things that you wished you had done?

I don’t know about you but I want to look back and remember all the times when I let myself go and had fun. I want to remember the times when I actually let myself be open to try new things, and open the door to wonderful opportunities.

Life is only wonderful if you leave yourself open to be part of it. Think about it.

~~~

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Scott Adams

~~~

A five year old boy went for a weekend trip with his grandparents. On the way home, they stopped at a country restaurant for lunch.

The little boy left the table to use the restroom by himself. A moment later he returned with a confused look on his face. He says, “Grandpa, am I a rooster or a hen?”

~~~

For fast acting relief, try slowing down.

Lily Tomlin

~~~

Ever notice how a 4 year olds voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don’t sleep with Mom that night. They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, the wife and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane’s arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running, shouting, “Hi, Dad! I’ve got some good news!”

As I waved back, I said loudly, “What’s the good news?”

“Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!” The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

~~~

Things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out.

Art Linkletter

~~~

Being somewhat senile I can’t remember if I sent this to you before.

THE SENILITY PRAYER

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m ‘older’ (but I refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:

ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

FOUR- Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

EIGHT- Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…

TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause…kids.

TWELVE- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

THIRTEEN- Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

FIFTEEN- When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

SIXTEEN- It’s not hard to meet expenses… they’re everywhere.

SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

NINETEEN- UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT AND DOUBT IF YOU CAN EITHER. I forgot I already told you that.

~~~

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

Ann Landers

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

I love problems

Ray’s Daily

January 15, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.

Robert H. Schuller

Problems

I stumbled across an article the other day that got me thinking about problems and my past activities. Almost all of my working life and much of my personal life has been spent problem solving. It was what I did and what I enjoyed doing.

Years ago a respected friend told me he would never take a job running a highly successful organization for at best he could keep it going and at worst he could mess it up, He wanted jobs that needed his building skills. I was lucky enough to have been given a multitude of opportunities during my lifetime similar to those my friend sought.

Without problems my life would have been empty. Here is the article written by Danielle Laporte that reminded me of why I liked problems

Can you love the problems that come with your good choices?

I’m in the middle of a grinding conversation with publishing collaborators: “If we do A, then B happens, so what if we do X instead?” Brows are furrowed. We’re workin’ this problem like a piece of gum. Silent pauses. We’re thinking…thinking. Arguing our points. It’s tense and kind of wonderful.

“Hey, by the way everyone,” I raise my hand for pause, “I just want you to know, I LOVE this stuff. This is my idea of fun.” And on we plod.

I can respect the challenges because I know they’re part of my calling. I’m on my path, there will be problems, and complaining about the inevitable is a ridiculous waste of energy. I know that, and I mean this in the most pragmatically joyous sense, life is just one damn thing after another.

If you’re intentional about your choices you may as well approach obstacles as opportunities to get more creative, innovative, stronger, and closer to what you want and the people you want to be with. (If you’re not intentional about your choices then…then that’s a “real” problem. Fix that first and then come back and read this. I’m cheering you on.)

Love your problems — really love them, and the solutions appear.

Do you love the kind of problems that you have in your relationship? Like, can you love the fact that your “work” as a couple is to deepen intimacy? That’s some hard work. But can you honor that that’s your work to do?

Can you love the problems inherent in your industry? The challenges that come with the goals you’ve set? The hoops you have to jump through to get what you want the most? If you can’t love the hassles, maybe you’re in the wrong place. Pick the battles that are for your cause, your higher good — it will bolster your strength instead of wearing you down.

If you can’t love the challenges that come with your territory, you should consider moving elsewhere. Move to where you find problems that are more loveable and satisfying — because there are plenty of them, and they need your willingness to be solved.

~~~

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.”

Steve Maraboli,

~~~

A woman goes to her lawyer to ask about getting a divorce.  The lawyer asks, “Does he beat you?”

“No, he does not.”

“Does he keep you short of money?”

“No, he does not.”

“Is he a perpetual drunkard?”

“No, he is not.”

“Is he unfaithful to you?”

“Ahhh, we’ve got him there. He was not the father of my last child.”

~~~

A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.

~~~

Top 10 Signs That Your Presidential Candidate is Under-Qualified:

  1. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.
  2. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen’s character on “The West Wing.”
  3. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is “That Bob Vila guy.”
  4. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.
  5. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.
  6. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, “The state or the DC thingie?”
  7. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, “You wanna wrestle?!?”
  8. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.
  9. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, “I win!”
  10. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE.

~~~

For people who like peace and quiet – a phoneless cord.

~~~

She tells me that the difference between her and me is:

When I get angry it’s because I’m ill-tempered…It just happens that her nerves are bothering her.

When I don’t like someone it’s because I’m prejudiced…She just happens to be a good judge of human nature.

When I compliment people it’s because I use flattery to get my way… She only encourages people.

When I take a long time to do a job it’s because I’m unbearably slow and pokey… She takes a long time because she believes in quality workmanship.

When I spend my paycheck in 24 hours, it’s because I’m a spendthrift… When she does, it’s because she’s generous.

When I stay in bed until 11 A.M., it’s because I’m a lazy good-for-nothing… When she stays in bed a little longer, it’s because she’s totally exhausted.

~~~

“It’s okay. I didn’t believe in reincarnation last time either.”

~~~

Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other, “Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat.”

Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily.  “My dear Mr. Wilson,” she gushed, “fancy meeting you here on the bus.  Am I glad to see you! Why you’re almost a stranger.  My, but I’m tired!”

The sedate gent looked up at the girl.  He had never seen her before but he rose and said pleasantly, “Sit down, Mary, my girl.  It isn’t often I see you on washday.  No wonder you’re tired.  Being pregnant isn’t easy. By the way, don’t deliver the wash until Thursday.  My wife is going to the District Attorney’s office to see whether or not she can get your husband out of jail.”

~~~

Creativity is not just for artists. It’s for businesspeople looking for a new way to close a sale; it’s for engineers trying to solve a problem; it’s for parents who want their children to see the world in more than one way.

Twyla Tharp

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Ray’s Daily

January 12, 2018

http://www.rays-daily.com

“When you undervalue what you do, the world will undervalue who you are.”

Oprah Winfrey

dear me

I have been saddened over the years by meeting so many folks that did not realize just how good they really were. Far too many of us fail to give ourselves credit for who we are and what we do. We don’t all have to be super stars, just being ourselves is our reward.

If you pay attention you will find that some of the kindest and most pleasant people often have the most menial jobs. It is a shame that we often don’t let them know how much we appreciate them, but that is not nearly as bad as us not appreciating ourselves.

I recently read 9 Beliefs You Have to Let Go If You Want to Find Inner Peace written by Benjamin Fishel in which he offered tips on how we can relax and enjoy who we are. I have included some of his thoughts below.

You Have to Let Go If You Want to Find Inner Peace

“I need to be doing something right now.” – Though our ego tricks us into believing we need this feeling to get things done, when we can let it go we see a lot of our anxiety dissolves and our relaxation deepens. We’re also much more likely to enjoy what we need to do without the constant internal pressure of feeling that what we’re doing in this moment is never enough.

When I get what I want I will be happy.” – To overcome this, we need to be mindful of when we have the feeling that we need something before we can be happy. When we see we’re doing this we can practice letting go of that need, even if only for a brief moment. The more capable we become at doing so, the more we will naturally experience happiness in the present, and the less our minds will fixate on ideas of the future for fulfillment.

“If I express my emotions honestly people will think I’m weak.” – We’re often taught, as we grow up, to keep a lid on our emotions. The irony in this is that as everyone is dealing with the urge to be authentic, those that actually do so are often met with respect and admiration.

“I should be happier right now.” – When we don’t feel good, we look at what we have and feel guilty for not being happy enough. Happiness isn’t something you need to have all the time; it comes and goes, like any experience, but it’s not a prerequisite for being human.

“Not being the best me isn’t good enough.” – Most people don’t feel they need to better themselves out of a genuine need to improve their community, but out of the feeling that they’re not good enough in the first place. When you can strip yourself of this idea you’ll soon realize that the chase to being your best self is infinite and anxiety-inducing. You’ll see that you can love and appreciate yourself now, as you are, without needing to be someone else before feeling okay.

“There was a time in my past that absolutely sucked.” – Often we become so identified with bad times in our past that they get in the way of us enjoying the present. We define ourselves with these past experiences and feel we need to share them with everyone we know before they know the real us. But when we come to realize that they are far less significant than we initially thought, we stop feeling like imposters and we let old memories fall away.

~~~

“Self appreciation is a sign of maturity, seeking appreciation is a sign of immaturity”

Sivaprakash Sidhu

~~~

Recently in Traffic Court a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.

The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.

The Judge then said, “Good.  When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you $57. Next…”

~~~

I love giving homemade gifts. Which of my children would you like?

~~~

Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, now living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Boudreaux’s neighbors were Catholic… and since it was a few years ago, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism.

After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass…and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic.”

Boudreaux’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: “You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish.”

~~~

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

~~~

Each one of us is a mixture of good qualities and some perhaps not so good qualities.  In considering our fellow man, we should remember his good qualities and realize that his faults only prove that he is, after all, a human being.  We should refrain from making harsh judgment of a person just because he happens to be a dirty, rotten, no-good son-of-a-bitch.”

~~~

Thank you for holding. This call may be monitored for quality purposes. Of course, if we really cared about quality we’d hire more people to answer the phone.

~~~

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, “Do you know her”?

“Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says the wife, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long”?

~~~

“Simply give to yourselves that which you need – which is love and appreciation without judgment.”

Réné Gaudette

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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