Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2021

Our New Life

Ray’s Daily

May 28, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Forget what hurt you but never forget what it taught you.

Shannon L. Alder

Each week more restrictions on our activities are being lifted. What our new normal is going to be is up to us. Whatever it becomes it will not be what it use to be. Favorite restaurants have closed. Friends and loved ones are no longer with us. Traditonal organizations are gone or changed. Now we must deal with the changes.

Building our new life is both challenging and an opportunity for us to make it worthwhile. Recently Marc Chernoff sent the following that contains thoughts on how we can make the best of the days ahead.

5 Things You Learn as You Let Go of the Uncontrollable

1. The most powerful changes happen in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over everything you don’t.

2. Most people make themselves unhappy simply by finding it impossible to accept life just as it is presenting itself right now.

3. The secret to getting ahead today is to focus all of your energy not on fixing and fighting the old and unchangeable, but on building and growing something new and different.

4. Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation that no longer fits, or no longer exists.

5. Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about something or someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself in this moment.

Think about how these points relate to your life right now. Your present response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. A part of your life is unquestionably decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances right now, yet the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses to these kinds of circumstances. Thus, the goal isn’t to get rid of all your painful thoughts, feelings or life circumstances. Because that’s impossible. The goal is to change your response to them starting today…

~~~

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.

Steve Maraboli

~~~

Father Time is not always a hard parent, and, though he tarries for none of his children, often lays his hand lightly upon those who have used him well; making them old men and women inexorably enough, but leaving their hearts and spirits young and in full vigor.  With such people the grey head is but the impression of the old fellow’s hand in giving them his blessing, and every wrinkle but a notch in the quiet calendar of a well-spent life.

Charles Dickens

~~~

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. “I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.”

“You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That’s a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?”

“Oh, he thought it was a good thing to do and thanked me.”

~~~

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

~~~

A man from the East Coast is visiting California for the first time, and is conversing with a California native. He says, “I’ll be visiting La Jolla (lah-JOLL-a) next week,” whereupon the Californian replies, “Oh, you mean, ‘La-*HOY-a’?” “Oh. Yeah, I guess so.” Then he adds, “but right now I’m staying in El Cajon (el-ca-JOHN),” and again the Californian corrects him, “You mean, El Ca ‘HONE’?” “Oh. Yeah, right.” Then the Californian asks, “So when will you be returning home?” The East Coast guy thinks about it for a minute and then answers, “Oh, I don’t know, I guess sometime in ‘HUNE’ or ‘HULY’.”

~~~

Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.

Frank Lloyd Wright

~~~

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, “I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pickup.”

The other replied indifferently, “What difference does it make.  God knows we’re in here…  and he’s the only one who counts.”

The first deacon countered, “But God won’t tell my wife.”

~~~

“True friends are the people who walk in when the rest of the world is walking out.”

~~~

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.

Someone called 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said.

“My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.”

~~~

Why can you “slow up,” but you can’t “speed down.”?

~~~

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.  “Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?” he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

~~~

If you want to fly in the sky, you need to leave the earth. If you want to move forward, you need to let go the past that drags you down.

Amit Ray

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Life

Ray’s Daily

May 27, 2921

http://rays-daily.com

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

Maya Angelou

Ray’s Daily first published on May 27, 2004

I, like many others, have been distressed by the things that are happening around us. War, rising prices, medical costs, terrorism, governmental fiscal mismanagement, political polarization and partisanship, these are all burdens we share. What is even more bothersome is the fact that these are legacies we will leave for our children and our grandchildren if everything continues as it is today. It becomes even worse if we let it all get to us and we become part of the problem. My  friend Jen offers the following advice on how to treat ourselves, I would suggest that the golden rule would tells this is how we should treat others as well..

Stop All Criticism – Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Don’t Scare Yourself – Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle And Kind And Patient – Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind To Your Mind – Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself – Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself – Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving To Your Negatives – Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now, you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care Of Your Body – Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Mirror Work – Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them too. At least once a day say: “I love you, I really love you.”

Love Yourself .. Do It Now – Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now — and do the best you can.

~~~

“If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.”

Marvin Gaye

~~~

I don’t know if I’ll ever get it right!
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.
If you thump her, it’s wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it’s self-defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated     woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination.
If she asks you, it’s a favor.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist.  If you don’t, you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain.
If you don’t, you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you’re after something.
If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re up on yourself.
If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she’s tired.
If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.
NO WONDER WOMEN OUTLAST MEN …

~~~

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
~~~

A message from the rural Midwest: Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states’ Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It’s called a ‘gravel road’,  No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your car.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get you whipped… by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for…bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We’re real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks–because they want to . So, you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too–and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways—Interstates 29, 35, & 69 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don’t hit in the water hazard. It spooks our fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot…his name is “Sir”…no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit!

~~~

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

Woody Allen

~~~

Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court. The judge asked, “Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?”

Phil replies, “Yes Judge, that is correct.”
“And how do you explain this unusual conduct?” the judge inquires.
Phil replies, “I didn’t want to interrupt her, Your Honor.  Momma always said that’s impolite!”

~~~

A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
The Wizard to the Tin Man
~~~

A farmer and his hired man were eating breakfast at a local diner. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, and that stopping for meals wasted time, the farmer told the hired hand that he might as well go ahead and eat his dinner here, too. The hired man didn’t say a word, but gladly filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile, the farmer said, “You know, we’ve got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now, too.” Again, the hired man didn’t respond, but refilled his plate a third time and continued eating. Finally, after finishing his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair and began to take off his shoes. “Hey, what are doing?” the farmer asked. The hired man replied, “I don’t work after supper.”

~~~

If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller
~~~

You may have heard the old joke about Shirley, the Jewish mother in NYC, who brought her 6 year old boy to the psychoanalyst, who diagnosed: “Nothing much wrong with your son, just a slight Oedipus complex.

Said Shirley the mom… “Oedipus, schmedipus, the important thing is that he loves his mother”

~~~

“The people who influence us the most are not those who detain us with their continual talk, but those who live their lives like the stars of the sky and ‘the lilies of the field’ — simply and unaffectedly.  Those are the lives that mold and shape us.”

Oswald Chambers

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Kindness Matters

Ray’s Daily

May 26, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

Aesop

Of all the attributes of folks I know that I appreciate the most is their kindness. There is something special about those who like to help others. For these people it is their normal way of life and they do not require acknowledgement for their dood works.

Recently Marc Chernoff shared some kindness stories that I liked, here are two that I think are especially heartwarming.

“It’s been six months since I totaled my car. I’ve been in and out of the hospital a lot ever since with severe back pain. Although the pain has begun to subside, my recovery forced me to use all my sick time and vacation time for the year. But this morning my boss, who is usually ‘all business’ and pretty hard on everyone, called me into her office and told me she talked with HR and donated five days of her own unused vacation time to me so I would still get paid when I go out of town to visit my family for Christmas.”

~~~

“On the way to work today, I watched a teenage boy help an elderly woman with a cane onto the city bus I was riding. He was so careful with her, assisting her every step of the way. The woman had the biggest smile on her face. They both sat directly across from me, and just as I was about to compliment her with having a wonderful grandson, the boy looked at her and said, ‘My name is Chris. What’s your name, ma’am?’”

~~~

“Simple kindness may be the most vital key to the riddle of how human beings can live with each other in peace, and care properly for this planet we all share.”

Bo Lozoff

~~~

She said: So many men… so few who can afford me.  
~~~

“Mommy, my turtle is dead,” Wally told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
The mother kissed him on the head, then said, “That’s all right. We’ll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we’ll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. I don’t want you….”

Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. “Wally, your turtle isn’t dead after all.”
“Oh,” the disappointed boy, wanting ice cream and a new pet, asked. “Can I kill it then?”

~~~

“People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.”

Søren Kierkegaard

~~~

  • When women retire as homemakers they tend to get a little testy. Here is what husbands have to look forward to.
    Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!
    Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!
    I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!
    So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!
    Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!
    I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!
    If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!
    Our house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
    I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
    If you don’t like my standards of cooking … lower your standards.
    Apology … Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.
  • A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
    A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
    Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.
    Gardening forever . . . Housework, never!
    Dull women have immaculate houses.

~~~

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
Carrie Snow

~~~

“To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.”

Confucius

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Keep Your Brain Active

Ray’s Daily

May 25, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Tough times never last, but tough people do!”

Robert Schuller

As we get older it pays to avoid stagnation. I have a number of friends who are more than ninety years old who as sharp as some folks in their fifties. What they have in common is they stay mentally active.

To some extent our mental ability is up to us. Here are ecerpts from a recent article that tells us how we can stay mentally capable.

7 Things to Do After 50 for a Healthier Brain

by Michele G. Sullivan, AARP

1. Keep your blood pressure under control – Heart and brain health are woven together not only by lifestyle factors but by genetics, cholesterol metabolism, and the health and integrity of the cardiovascular system — from major vessels to the tiniest capillaries — says Marwan Sabbagh, M.D., director of translational research at the Cleveland Clinic’s Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health in Las Vegas.

Blood pressure management — can be achieved with steps including a well-balanced diet, exercise and medication.

2. Get regular exercise – Beyond increasing blood flow to the brain, exercise — particularly running — can be a boon for brain health because it generates the release of a protein called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which promotes the growth of the cells that send and receive signals from the brain, called neurons. BDNF also “increases the connections between neurons, and it sustains them in the face of environmental and other challenges.

3. Eat a heart-healthy diet – This is a diet that keeps cholesterol in check and promotes normal insulin activity — both of which reduce your dementia risk.

In early May a German team published the strongest-yet evidence on this. A Mediterranean diet, which is rich in vegetables, fish and heart-healthy fats, was associated with larger brain volume and less beta amyloid — the protein that forms the neuron-killing clumps that are a hallmark of Alzheimer’s disease.

4. Manage your weight – Obesity is a well-established risk factor for dementia. In a 2020 study, subjects with obesity were 34 percent more likely to develop dementia than those who were normal weight; the risk for women was even higher (39 percent).

5. Learn new things – Just like bodies, brains are meant to be active. Crossword puzzles and sudoku, often suggested as brain exercises, may not offer the best trainingespecially if they are too easy and don’t require “mental sweat.” “The trick is to challenge yourself, but not with something so difficult that you give it up.

~~~

“Increasing the strength of our minds is the only way to reduce the difficulty of life.”

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

~~~

Don’t you just hate blond jokes, well in this case the hair coloring has been changed to protect the innocent.
A blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?” The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.”

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

~~~
She said: Protons have mass?    I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
~~~

Simulated office experience when working from home…
Get up every day at 6am, iron a shirt, put on your suit. Walk half a mile to the bus stop, stand in cold for 20 minutes. Get a bus to somewhere miles away. Get off, stand in cold for 20 minutes again and get bus back. Walk half mile back to house. It should now be about 9am.

Decorate your ‘office’ with a stained carpet (preferably one made of carpet tiles,) a strip light that flickers and a vending machine which serves not-even-close-to-being-coffee.

Place a proxy between yourself and the web, pointlessly block any sites that may have useful information relevant to your job. Only allow yourself to unblock them after a week-long argument with yourself via email.

If you smoke, don’t do it in the building. Stand outside (in the cold) and move at least 100 yards up the street, to avoid tarnishing your company’s corporate image.

Have daily meetings, where the main topic should always be how to cut down on meetings so that actual work can be done.
At lunchtime, take another cold 20 minute walk to the local newsagent, who will be happy to supply you with a disturbingly cold sandwich from their fridge. The only one left will be egg.

Walk back to work, eating your sandwich and smoking at the same time, for efficiency and to hide the taste of the sandwich.

Every 10 minutes, pick up the phone and say ‘Oh, you should have gone through to reception. Let me put you through… Oh, they’re not answering. Can I take a message?’ After this, scrawl something on a post-it note and wander around the ‘office’ for 10 minutes to simulate finding the message recipient’s desk.

At the end of the day, leave the office and perform the bus trips again.
~~~
If America has FREE ELECTIONS, then why are they the most expensive ones in the world?
~~~

Maxine on “Driver Safety” – “I can’t use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.”
Maxine on “Body Piercing” – “I’d get my tongue pierced, but I still have a little bit of brain left in my head.”
Maxine on “Work” – “My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards.”

Maxine on “the Technology Revolution” – “My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.”
Maxine on “Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

~~~
I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
~~~

A prominent surgeon, who was a member of operating teams at both St. Francis Hospital and Christ Hospital in the Chicago area, would operate in the morning, then field calls about his patients in the evening.

One night, a few dinner guests were quite shocked as the good doctor was on the phone talking to a resident at Christ Hospital, when the other phone rang.  His wife answered, then whispered to her husband, “It’s St. Francis calling.” He whispered back, “Tell St. Francis I’ll have to call back. I’m talking to Christ.”

~~~

If I were here more often, I wouldn’t be gone so much.
~~~

She said: Our neighbor loaned my husband his old chain saw to trim some tree branches.  Unfortunately, the engine burned out while my husband was using it.  Not wanting to return a broken piece of equipment, he bought a new saw to replace it.When I offered it to our neighbor, he thanked me but said, “Keep it. I’ll borrow it when I need it.”
I was turning away when his eyes lit up.  “Hey,” he asked, “want to borrow my car?”
~~~

Disappointments should be cremated, not embalmed.
Henry S. Haskins
~~~

Bill is sitting in his neighborhood bar one hot afternoon, drinking, and minding his own business, when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and — WHACK!! — Knocks Bill clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.”

Bill thinks “GEEZ!!” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking and trying to mind his own business again when all of a sudden — WHACK — the big guy knocks him down…..AGAIN and says, “That was a judo chop from Japan.”

Bill has had just about enough of this so … he gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves.  He is gone for an hour or so, and when he returns, without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and –Bong!!!”–Bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!! Bill then looks at the bartender and says, “When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears.”

~~~

It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived, it was packed.  I tried to force my way on, but no one would budge, although there was ample room in the back. Then the bus driver took over.

“Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen,” he shouted.  “Will all the beautiful, smart people please move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly stupid people stay up front?”

~~~

“I would say what others have said: It gets better. One day, you’ll find your tribe. You just have to trust that people are out there waiting to love you and celebrate you for who you are. In the meantime, the reality is you might have to be your own tribe. You might have to be your own best friend. That’s not something they’re going to teach you in school. So start the work of loving yourself.

Wentworth Miller

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

A Posiutive Attitude

Ray’s Daily

May 24, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.

Richard Bach

There is a small picture on my walker that says “Stay Positive”. It is something that has kept me going over the years. I have also found that positive people accomplish more, worry less and are fun to be with. I hope youwill join me in making this next week great by staying positive.

Here is an article I abriged that offers the steps positive people take to live the good life.

Examples of a Positive Attitude

By: Gae-Lynn Woods

Having a positive attitude, which is choosing to approach difficult circumstances with a productive mindset, can benefit you on several levels. The Mayo Clinic states that a positive attitude can lower your stress level, which is good for your health.

Hope -Hope is perseverance. People with a positive attitude are able to look through the difficulties they face today and believe they can find a way through or around those difficulties.

Optimism -People with a positive attitude exhibit optimism, the belief in the best possible outcome of a decision or action and that negative circumstances are temporary. Teach yourself to challenge failures, analyzing the components that led to the failure. Take ownership for the components that you control and recognize and release the components that you could not have controlled.

Resiliency – Positive people exhibit resiliency. the ability to bounce back from difficult circumstances. The American Psychological Association found that resiliency, or hardiness, has three attitudinal components: commitment, control and challenge. Commitment is the willingness to stay engaged rather than become isolated during hard times, choosing to be involved in life. Control is the willingness to try and influence the outcome of challenging circumstances. Challenge is the ability to view each situation as an opportunity to learn.

Confidence – Confidence, or self-efficacy, is the belief that you can influence the outcome of a particular situation. People with a positive attitude are confident that they can face challenges and believe that overcoming them is within their control.

~~~

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

Epictetus

~~~

Real 911 Calls, “BELIEVE” it or not!!

***

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller:  I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher:  Do you have an address?

Caller:  No, I’m wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller:  Hi, is this the Police?     ;

Dispatcher:  This is 9-1-1.  Do you need police assistance?

Caller:  Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey?  I’ve never cooked one before.

***

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller:  I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher:  This is nine eleven.

Caller:  I thought you just said it was  nine-one-one

Dispatcher:  Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller:  Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

***

Dispatcher:  9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

Dispatcher:  Is this her first child?

Caller:  No, you idiot!  This ! is her husband!

***

Dispatcher:  9-1-1

Caller:  Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing.  I’m all out of breath.

Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.

Dispatcher:  Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller:  I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher:  Sir, an ambulance is on the way.  Are you an asthmatic?

Caller:  No

Dispatcher:  What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller:  Running from the Police.

~~~

If living conditions don’t stop improving in this country, we’re going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.

Russell P. Askue

~~~

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.

“The front row please.” She answered.

“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”

“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.

“No.” he said.

“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“No.” she said.

“Good,” he answered.

~~~

Hearing is one of the body’s five senses. But listening is an art.

Frank Tyger

~~~

An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn’t anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today.

Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said, “I really don’t need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps.”

And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even.

The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money!

The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said: “nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?”

Replied the octogenarian “I do, would you please give me a hand.”

~~~

One of the most adventurous things left us is to go to bed. For no one can lay a hand on our dreams.

E.V. Lucas

~~~

We were driving our three-year-old grandson to his recently divorced father’s home when we stopped at a store.  Once inside, our grandson decided he wanted one of those large gum balls.

I told him he couldn’t have one, and he began to pout.  I leaned over to him and said, “This is a fact of life:  You don’t always get everything you want.”

“I know,” he replied.  “Just don’t tell my dad.”

~~~

She said, “I was playing tooth fairy when my daughter, Carrie, suddenly woke up.

Seeing the money in my hand, she cried out, “Aha! I caught you!”

I froze and tried to think of an explanation for why I, instead of the ‘tooth fairy’, was putting the money under her pillow, but her next words let me off the hook completely. .

“You put that money back!” she said indignantly.  “The tooth fairy left that for me!””

~~~

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.  So I got a girlfriend.

~~~

Here is a group of medical terms as defined by blondes, or was it brunettes:

Barium              What to do when treatment fails.

Cauterize          Make eye contact with her.

Colic                  Sheepdog.

Dilate                 To live long.

Enema               Not a friend.

Fester                Quicker.

Hangnail             Coat hook.

Labor pain          Hurt at work.

Tablet                 Small table.

Tumor                More than one.

Varicose             Nearby.

Vein                     Conceited.

~~~

Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can’t be done.

Robert Foster Bennett

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Leadership

Ray’s Daily

May 21, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

To give up the task of reforming society is to give up one’s responsibility as a free man.

Alan Paton

Ray’s Daily first published on May 21, 2007

I worked over the weekend at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway with a fellow Salvation Army volunteer. She is a decade or two younger than I am yet we found we had much in common. Some of our conversation centered on the youth that will soon manage our world and our lives. We wondered if the pressures and materialism faced by many results in their being to narrowly focused to be able to deal with the broader responsibility of governing our society. Have they time for the humanities? Have they been sold on the idea that all politics is bad? Are they convinced that there is nothing anyone can do? I hope the answer is not to all of these, at least in our very best and brightest.

For some reason I started to think about how much of how we are so often distracted by so much activity around us everyday that we fail to invest in what might be a better tomorrow. Sometime ago I picked up some ideas that I think are important

  • Find your own happiness. It amazes me how many of us don’t stop long enough to analyze what gives us pleasure. Too often we let others decide where we should look for happiness. I suggest that if you like to read then read. If you like to travel then travel. And if you want to see what you might be missing, get involved.
  • Stray from the path once in awhile. Many of us reach the starting line in our lives and always follow the course laid out by others. Almost always you will find that it is those who stray from the beaten path who contribute the most to building a better world.
  • Don’t run too fast. I pity those who run so fast that they never see anything around them. Sadly when they get to the finish line they find the race is over and their lives have ended. Everyone is a resource that should be used and not wasted, stop once in awhile and regroup for it is often the new beginning that allows us to be all we might be.
  • Let go! Don’t let the past define our future. Some will say that doing it the same way we always did provides us proven results, don’t kid yourself too often this just provides us the excuse to coast with what we have. Those who stay in the past stagnate, and they become the past, as the one thing you can be sure off the world is always changing whether we do or not.

There is a lot more I could say but I won’t. The bottom line is that if our leaders of tomorrow don’t know themselves, don’t take a risk once in awhile, don’t stop to see if there is a better way, and lock them selves into the past because it is a safe harbor, then my friends I fear that my golden years will not be as bright if those who will have the power to manage society let us down.

~~~

The way people in democracies think of the government as something different from themselves is a real handicap.

Lewis Mumford

~~~

Selma telephones home with some exciting news:

“Mama, I got married.” “Mazel Tov,” says Mama.

“I might as well tell you, Mama, he’s not of our Faith.” “So he’s a goy. But am I prejudiced?”

“But, Mama, he’s also black.” “So he’s a schvartzeh. By me, everybody should be tolerant.”

“Well, frankly, Mama, he’s also unemployed.” “So, you’ll support him. A wife should help

her husband.”

“But, Mama, we have no place to live.” “Don’t worry, Selma, dear. You’ll move in with us.”

“But Mama, you have only one bedroom.” “That’s okay. You and your husband can have the bedroom.”

“Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa sleep?” “Papa can sleep on the couch in the living

room.”

“Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?”

“Selma, dear, about me you don’t need to worry. The minute I get off the phone…I’m going to drop dead.”

~~~

Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.

~~~

Nadine and Jill got summer jobs as cashiers in a grocery store.

Nadine is ringing up an order on her line and comes to a small dairy carton that isn’t scanning and has no price on it.  She yells out to Jill, “How much is half-and-half?”

Without a moment’s hesitation Jill replied, “One.”

~~~

Seven out of 10 people say they are feeling the pinch of high gas prices.

The other three have bought siphoning equipment.

Jim Barach

~~~

New Office Work Rules

1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor’s statement as proof of illness, as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.  

2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.  

3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.  

4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.  

5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms. In the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order, for instance, those with last names beginning with “A” will be allowed to go from 9:00-9:05, and so on. If you are unable to go at your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes around again.  

6. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you’ll never do enough.  

7. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.  

8. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.   

9. THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.  

10. WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG, REFER TO RULE 9.  

~~~

He had delusions of adequacy.”

Walter Kerr

~~~

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service.

The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members,” explained the minister.

“I know,” said the man, “but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I’d like to meet him.”

~~~

Vuja De – The Feeling You’ve Never Been Here.

~~~

In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time.  

“For example, he said, “take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”  

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, “Not very well.”  

“Why is that?” Asked the professor.  

“For one thing,” the student said, “She’d be way too old.”  

~~~

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Aristotle

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Being Responsible

Ray’s Daily

May 20,2021

http://rays-daily.com

The first condition of happiness is a clear conscience.

David O. McKay

I have often said that this is as good as I get. That does not mean that I do not need to be as responsible to do the best I can. I know perfection is impossible but working to behaving as honarably as we can is something we all can do.

Our reward for positive behavior is in the personal appreciation of the person we have become. A trouble free conscience is is one of life’s greates rewards.

Accepting responsibility has its rewards

Forty-three years seems like a long time to remember the name of a mere acquaintance. I have duly forgotten the name of an old lady who was a customer on my paper run when I was a twelve-year-old boy. Yet it seems like just yesterday that she taught me a lesson in forgiveness that I can only hope to pass on to someone else someday.

On a mindless Saturday afternoon, a friend and I were throwing rocks onto the roof of the old lady’s house from a secluded spot in her backyard. The object of our play was to observe how the rocks changed to missiles as they rolled to the roof edge and shot out into the yard like comets falling from the sky.

I found myself a perfectly smooth rock and sent it for a ride. The stone was too smooth, however, so it slipped from my hand as I let it go and headed straight for a small window on the old lady’s back porch. At the sound of fractured glass, we took off from the old lady’s yard faster than any of our missiles flew off her roof. I was too scared about getting caught that first night to be concerned about the old lady with the broken porch window.

However, a few days later, when I was sure that I hadn’t been discovered, I started to feel guilty for her misfortune. She still greeted me with a smile each day when I gave her the paper, but I was no longer able to act comfortable in her presence. I made up my mind that I would save my paper delivery money, and in three weeks I had the seven dollars that I calculated would cover the cost of her window.

I put the money in an envelope with a note explaining that I was sorry for breaking her window and hoped that the seven dollars would cover the cost for repairing it. I waited until it was dark, snuck up to the old lady’s house, and put the envelope of retribution through the letter slot in her door. My soul felt redeemed and I couldn’t wait for the freedom of, once again, looking straight into the old lady’s eyes.

The next day, I handed the old lady her paper and was able to return the warm smile that I was receiving from her. She thanked me for the paper and said, ‘Here, I have something for you.’

It was a bag of cookies. I thanked her and proceeded to eat the cookies as I continued my paper run. After several cookies, I felt an envelope and pulled it out of the bag.

When I opened the envelope, I was stunned. Inside were the seven dollars and a short note that said, ‘I’m proud of you’.

Author Unknown

~~~

I believe that we cannot live better than in seeking to become better, nor more agreeably than having a clear conscience.

Socrates

~~~

A friend and his co-worker were talking over a brown-bag lunch.

Said one, “My wife and I hardly ever see each other. She works the night shift and I work the day shift. All we can do is pass each other in the hall.”

His co-worker said, “Well, you have five children. How did you manage that?”

Said the first chap, “Loooooooooong hall.”

~~~

Research shows the first five minutes of life can be the most risky. Somehow I think that the last five minutes aren’t so hot either.

~~~

PRAYERS AROUND THE ZODIAC

ARIES: Dear God, please give me patience … and could you do it right now?

TAURUS: Dear God, help me accept change, but let’s do it my way.

GEMINI: Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?

CANCER: Dear God!!!

LEO: Yes? Hello God…are you listening to me?

VIRGO: Dear God, please make us perfect and don’t mess it up like you did the last time.

LIBRA: Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?

SCORPIO: Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the low-life scum don’t deserve it!

SAGITTARIUS: Dear Lord, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.

CAPRICORN: Dear God! I’d like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!

AQUARIUS: Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!

PISCES: Dear Lord, as long as I’m going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.

~~~

There is a difference between happiness and wisdom: He that thinks himself the happiest man really is so; but he that thinks himself the wisest is generally the greatest fool.

Charles Caleb Colton

~~~

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old……..as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat ’til the wrinkles fill out.

I’ve still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I’m getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

I think I’ve reached my sexpiration date.

People our age can still enjoy an active passionate sex life! Provided we get that cable or dish thing.

The good news is, that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is, they have to squat down first.

These days, about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief”.

I’ve tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven’t made one called “Buns of Putty”.

Don’t think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.

Remember: you don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.

~~~

Minds are like parachutes, they only function when open.

~~~

Late one Friday night, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone…In a sleepy grumpy voice I said, “Hello.”

The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

“OK… Mom, this is Marsha and I’m sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I’m going to be a little late getting home. See, Daddy’s car has a flat but it’s not my fault. Really! I don’t know what happened. The tire just went flat while John and I were inside the theater. Please don’t be mad, okay?”

Since I don’t have any daughters, I knew the person had misdialed. “I’m sorry dear, “I replied, “but you’ve reached the wrong number. I don’t have a daughter named Marsha.”

“Come on, Mom,” pleaded the young woman’s voice, “I didn’t think you’d be this mad.”

~~~

“If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

~~~

“I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don’t know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had.”  

~~~

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

~~~

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.”

The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.”

God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, “All our lives we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore.”

God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”

The cat yawns and stretches and says, “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”

~~~

Self-respect and a clear conscience are powerful components of integrity and are the basis for enriching your relationships with others.

Denis Waitley

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Have Fun

Ray’s Daily

May 19, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

I realize that humor isn’t for everyone. It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.

Anne Wilson Schaef

Ray’s Daily first published on May 19, 2005

~~~

Ain’t that the truth. I just realized that over the past few weeks I have gotten awfully solemn in the daily. After rereading some of the stuff I got to worrying that I might be taking myself too seriously. Fortunately most of you know that my faults preclude any serious positioning. It’s like the guy said, it is too bad that you don’t think you are special, even though you are not.

That famous doctor, Dr. Seuss, once said,

From there to here,

and here to there,

funny things are everywhere.

I am sure Dr. Seuss meant including ourselves.

Going through life always playing the part of someone else is not nearly as much fun as just letting go and being yourself. We should never take ourselves too seriously, if we do we will miss out on all the fun. One nice thing about doing something dumb or embarrassing, is that once we do it we no longer have to prove ourselves to others, they will already know we are human. If you are too perfect you may scare away people who find perfection either frightening or boring.

So drop everything, break a heel, lose a button, forget to zip up, and do something fun, outrageous, or just silly. When you do you can say to the world, “Damn you, I am not going to let you get me down, I am looking for the good times and you better not stand in my way.”

~~~

All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.

Samuel Butler

~~~

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, “We’ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.”

Her husband replied, “Well, lots of dogs can do that.”

The wife responded, “But we’ve never subscribed to any papers!”

~~~

Dispatching her ten-year-old son to pick up a pizza, my sister handed him money and a two-dollar coupon.  Later he came home with the pizza and the coupon.  When asked to explain, he replied, “Mom, I had enough money.  I didn’t need the coupon.”

~~~

The only thing that men will brag about theirs being smaller than another man’s is his cell phone.

~~~

Over a pleasant evening meal Bill, John and Doug were discussing going to the gym and the various effects of working out.

Doug said that it was possible to get “pectoral inserts” for the “reasonable” cost of $6000.

Bill snickered, looked completely aghast and commented, “For $6000 you could get a personal trainer and get the same result without surgery.”

John replied, “For $6000 you could get a woman who doesn’t care what you look like.”

~~~

How about a constitutional amendment that declares anything said in a campaign speech to be under oath?

~~~

The Classifieds

If you see this describing a man, here’s what it really means:  

40-ish – 52 and looking for 25-yr-old  

Athletic – Sits on the couch and watches ESPN  

Average looking – Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back  

Educated – Will always treat you like an idiot  

Free Spirit – Sleeps with your sister  

Friendship first – As long as friendship involves nudity  

Fun – Good with a remote and a six pack  

Good looking – Arrogant  

Honest – Pathological Liar  

Huggable – Overweight, more body hair than a bear  

Likes to cuddle – Insecure, overly dependent  

Mature – Until you get to know him  

Open-minded – Wants to sleep with your sister  

Physically fit – I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself  

Poet – Has written on a bathroom stall  

Spiritual – Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday  

Stable – Occasional stalker, but never arrested  

Thoughtful – Says “please” when demanding a beer  

~~~

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.  The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father”

The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that”.

The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many”.

The boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.

The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds” and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar”.

~~~

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

~~~

There is a new virus. The code name is WORK. If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely.  

If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your system.  

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life.  

If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.  

I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive, so I’m headed for the bar anyway…it never hurts to be safe.  

~~~

“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.”

Woody Allen

~~~

Rifka and Beckie were talking about their children. Rifka asked Beckie how her daughter was.

“Not too good. My daughter just divorced her husband. He was a doctor.”

Rifka replied, “Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.”

Beckie continued, “Yes, it is sad. Her first husband, whom she divorced three years ago, was a dentist. But she is OK now, she is  dating a handsome lawyer.”

“A dentist, a doctor and a lawyer,” Rifka exclaimed,  “OY VEY! All these blessings from just one daughter!”

~~~

“Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.”

Anthony J. D’Angelo

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Let’s Relax

Ray’s Daily

May 18, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Take a deep breath. Inhale peace. Exhale happiness.”

A.D. Posey

I was asked why I seem so comfortable with my life these days. I think the main reason is that I stay relatively stress free. Even with normally eight hours of sleep I have no problems relaxing to the point the relaxation turns to cat naps.

Minimizing stress for me is not waisting time agonizing over things I can do nothing about. I honestly believe my peace of mind is helped by my ability to relax. I thought you might be interested in the following tips from Healthline.

Easy ways to relax

Breathe it out. Breathing exercises are one of the simplest relaxation strategies, and can effectively calm your stressed-out body and mind anywhere at any time. Breathe in to a slow count of three, and then breathe out to the same slow count of three. Feel your belly rise and fall as you breathe in and out. Repeat five times, or as long as you need to feel relaxed.

Release physical tension. Releasing any physical tension can help relieve stress in your body and mind. Tense up one part of your body at a time, and then slowly release your muscles. As you do this, notice how your body sensations change.

Write down your thoughts. Getting things off your mind by writing them down may help you relax.

Make a list. Making a list about what you’re grateful for can help some people feel relaxed. Experts say that when we’re stressed, we tend to focus on the negative parts of life rather than the positive.

Visualize your calm. Sit in a quiet and safe place, such as your bedroom, and begin to think about a place in the world where you feel most calm. Close your eyes and imagine all the details linked to that place: the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and tactile feelings.

Connect to nature. Spending just a few minutes in nature when you feel stressed may help you relax. When you’re feeling stressed, take a step outside and go for a short walk, or simply sit in nature. Scientists have found that simply looking at images of natureTrusted Source with greenery for five minutes on a computer screen can help calm you down.

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“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”

Eckhart Tolle

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WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people’s.

A grandfather is a man grandmother.

Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also! Why we shouldn’t step on “cracks.”

They don’t say, “Hurry up.”

Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

Grandparents don’t have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like “why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?”.

When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad.

~~~

In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but how many can get through to you.

Mortimer J. Adler

~~~

Moe and Lenny are strolling home from Shul one Saturday morning.

Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.

“Well,” said Lenny. “I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi.”

“Wait a minute,” Moe replied. “Didn’t you read that book I lent you. ‘The Other Side of the Story,’ about the command to judge other people favorably? I’ll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving’s behavior.”

“Yeah, like what?”

“Maybe he’s sick and needs to go to the hospital.”

“Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab, he’s healthier than Arnold Schwartzennegger.”

“Well, maybe his wife’s having a baby.”

“She had one last week.”

“Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital.”

“She’s home.”

“Well, maybe he’s running to the hospital to get a doctor.”

“He is a doctor.”

“Well, maybe he needs supplies from the hospital.”

“The hospital is a three minute walk in the opposite direction.”

“Well, maybe he forgot that it’s Shabbos!”

“Of course he knows it’s Shabbos. Didn’t you see his tie? It was his paisley beige l00% silk Giovanni tie from Italy. He never wears it during the week.”

“Wow, you’re really observant! I didn’t even notice he was wearing a tie.”

“How could you not notice? Didn’t you see how it was caught on the back fender of the taxi?”

~~~

“Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.”

~~~

A professor at the Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures.  

At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase.  

For example, when the professor said, “On the other hand,” that counted as a base hit. “By the same token” was a strike out; “and so on” counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball.  

On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly.  

Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.  

~~~

Jill complained to Nina, “Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her.”  

“Well,” replied Nina in a hurt tone, “I told her not to tell you I told her.”  

“Oh dear!” sighed Jill. “Well, don’t tell her I told you that she told me.”  

~~~

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”

John Lubbock

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

And Then Some

Ray’s Daily

May 17, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Well done is better than well said.”

Benjamin Franklin

And now another week. I hope folks continue to get vaccinated so we can put the threat of Covid in fection behind us. I cannot understand the people who are willing to risk illness and even death rather than protect themselves.

This is a time when we need each other. First to do what we can to protect others health and secondlyto provide the rewards that come from friendships and companionship. I know in my case I really appreciate the support I get from others. I also do what I xan for them as well.

I am grateful for all I have been allowed to do over the years. The following story reminded me of how we can do well.

Three Simple Words that Change Everything

How wonderful it would be if there were a simple formula for success. I think of the man who was honoured as ‘Businessperson of the Year.’ At the presentation dinner, a newspaper reporter asked him . . . ‘To what do you owe your great success and prosperity?’

‘Five things contributed to my success’ . . . said the man. ‘First, I always treated people fairly. Second, I always offered a fair price. Third, I was always honest. Fourth, I was always generous to my employees. And fifth, my Aunt Edna died a few years back and left me two and a half million dollars.’

Certainly, the top four items on his list are well worth following – fairness, sound business principles, honesty and generosity. Each contributes toward success and Aunt Edna’s infusion of money certainly helped.

But there is one behaviour that will almost always guarantee that we will succeed at most everything we do. And it is especially important if we want to build whole and happy lives.

Professor Richard Weaver, who taught at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, points us to that behaviour. He sums it up in three simple words . . . ‘and then some.’ Most people do what is expected of them. But some do what is expected and then some.

  • They meet their obligations and responsibilities fairly and then some.
  • They are good friends to their friends and then some.
  • They build bridges; they mend fences and then some.
  • They can be counted on in an emergency and then some.
  • They are considerate and kind and then some.
  • They donate money, expertise and time and then some.

There are many paths to getting what you want out of life and becoming the kind of person you want to be in life. But the surest way of succeeding is to remember those three words . . . ‘and then some.’

They are only three simple words, but they change everything.

Written by Steve Goodier

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“Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.”

William Butler Yeats

~~~

THINGS YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR OVER THE AIRLINE PA SYSTEM:

1. This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

5. Ummmmmm….Sorry……(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)….uhhhhh….we have to go back …. we ..we ….uhhhhhh ….forgot something…..

7. I’m sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we’ll be flying much more efficiently now.  (ironic note: this is actually true for prop aircraft!)

8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)

9. This is your Captain speaking….these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I’m used to.. so you’ll have to give me some leeway…

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

~~~

“Take care to get what you like, or you will be forced to like what you get.”

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

A woman who works for the state of Calif. got a call from a man who paused when she told him the name of her agency. He then asked her to repeat it.

“It’s the Governor’s Office for Elderly Affairs,” she told him again.

There was another pause. “For gosh sakes, sign me up,” he said. “I didn’t do too well when I was young.”

~~~

Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart.

~~~

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning.

“It’s twenty to seven,” she called.

“In whose favor?”

~~~

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”

Gandhi

~~~

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, “Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!”

~~~

Does anybody else find it ironic that many couples split up because they haven’t spent enough time together?

~~~

While leading activities for seniors at a nursing home, I asked my group to complete these well-known phrases.

For example, I would prompt them with, “Better safe…” to which they would answer, “than sorry.” The game proceeded as expected until I got to the phrase, “Make love, not war.” I had barely gotten out the first two words when a 90-year old shouted from the back, “while you can.”

~~~

“Always do your best. What you plant now you will harvest later.”

Og Mandino

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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