Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2021

A New Begining

Ray’s Daily

May 6, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Every new day is another chance to change your life.” 

As the covid restrictions on our activities are lifted we are free to move to a more normal life. The challenge for us is to work torwards making the days ahead what we would like them to be. It is time to leave our caves and rejoin the world.

There is no need to return to who we once where, now is the time we can work to be who we would like to be. The new dawn brings new opportunity and it is up to us to take advantage of the chance to make the days ahead great.

Recently I got a message from Angel Chernoff and I have provided excerts from her message below to help us focus on what we can do for ourselves.

We all need our own time to travel our own distance. And right now, you just need to keep peaceful, productive thoughts and perspectives centered in your mind, as you take things one step at a time…

  1. Don’t waste your energy fighting against where you are. Invest your energy into getting to where you want to go. Let go of everything from the past that does not serve you, and just be grateful it brought you to where you are now—to this new beginning.
  2. You may not be responsible for everything that happened to you when you were younger, and you may not be responsible for everything that happened to you yesterday either, but you need to be responsible for undoing the thinking patterns these circumstances created.
  3. When you look back on your past, think of the strength you gained, and appreciate how far you’ve come. It hasn’t been easy. You’ve been through a lot. But you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for your resilience, and step forward again with grace.
  4. Too often we spend our time waiting for the ideal path to appear. But it never does. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. Now is the time! And no, you shouldn’t feel more confident and motivated before you take the next step.
  5. Love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most. This is the way we find happiness, opportunity, and peace in the long run.
  6. Ultimately, it’s about letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. At the end of this day, before you close your eyes, smile and be at peace with where you’ve been and grateful for what you have. Life is good.

~~~


I hope you realize that every day is a fresh start for you. That every sunrise is a new chapter in your life waiting to be written.

Juansen Dizon

~~~

“Kids Takes On Life”

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” – Del, age 6

“Shake your hips and hope for the best.” – Camille, age 9

“Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs … and don’t worry if their parents are right there.” – Manuel, age 8

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” – Alonzo, age 9

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” – Bart, age 9

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” – Bobby, age 9

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold … Other people care more about the food.” – Bart, age 9

“Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.” – Sarah, age 9

“See if the man has lipstick on his face.” – Sandra, age 7

~~~

We live by hope. We do not always get all we want when we want it. But we have to believe that someday, somehow, some way, it will be better and that we can make it so.

Hubert H. Humphrey

~~~

After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. “Oh, you’re welcome,” she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, … “And will your grandmother need a rental car?

~~~

Nothing improves memory like trying to forget.

~~~

A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn’t care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character.

Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence.

The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common — they were both pathological liars.

~~~

Happiness is mostly a by-product of doing what makes us feel fulfilled.

Dr. Benjamin Spock

~~~

A Kansas cyclone hit a farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It lifted the roof off, picked up the beds, on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county.

“Don’t be scared, Mary,” her husband said. “We’re not hurt.”

Mary continued to cry. “I’m not scared,” she responded between sobs. “I’m happy ’cause this is the first time in 14 years we’ve been out together.”

~~~

Of course I don’t look busy…I did it right the first time!  

~~~

The young secretary was describing her evening’s exploits to a friend. “After dinner,” she said, “he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that.”

“That was smart,” her friend said, approvingly, “Then what happened?”

“He kept insisting, and I kept refusing,” the secretary said.

“You didn’t weaken your resolve did you?” asked the friend.

“Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let HIS mother worry…”

~~~

Children will not remember you for the material things you provided, but for the feeling that you cherished them.

Richard L. Evans

~~~

While I was taking a Law course, the ‘Audi alteram parten’ rule was explained to us.

Translated it means “To hear the other party”

After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn’t understand the rule.

Responded one man “My Wife”

~~~

Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.

Douglas Pagels
~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Success

Ray’s Daily

May 5, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.”

Henry David Thoreau

I have learned that success for me was not title, income or special recognition. It was certainly a lot more than than my vocational duties. Most of the time it was just doing what I could, not only for myself but also for others. Years ago I when lectured on management I would tell my audience that I thought the sure secret of personal success was working to make the people around you successful and that would assure personal success. I honestly feel that taking a “what’s in it for me” attitude is no substitute for a “what is in it for others” attitude..

Success is is not limited to recognition or reward, it is knowing you did the right thing and that you did your best. In fact some of the best people I know are the unsung regular folks who go through life caring for others.

Be Necessary

Success comes from making yourself necessary. It does not come from making a nuisance of yourself, nor from making people feel sorry for you, nor from taking advantage of others.

In whatever arena you seek success, you will attain it by making a useful and substantial contribution. What are you doing right now to make yourself necessary?

How much of yourself do you put into your work, into your life? True, lasting achievement requires effort on your part.

You may be able to lie, cheat or steal your way to a big bank account, but you cannot steal true success and fulfillment. It must be earned. It must come from you. It must come from making your own unique, positive contribution to the world.

You’re a special individual, and the best thing you can do with your uniqueness is to make it available to others. Make yourself necessary. Make a difference. Your own life is the most blessed when the most others are blessed by it.

Written by Ralph S. Marston, Jr

~~~

“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.”

Albert Einstein

~~~

The following are actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers:

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere else again.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off- head illusion.

Blue Cross and salary.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Great Dames for sale.

Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

~~~

You must arrange in advance for pleasant memories.

~~~

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town, which he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote, “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too!”

~~~

There is a time when we must firmly choose the course which we will follow or the endless drift of events will make the decision for us.

Herbert V. Prochnow

~~~

“Great TIPS”

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and letting someone else win.

Heavy smokers. Don’t throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you’ll have enough to insulate your loft.

X File fans. Create the effect of being abducted be aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You’ll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously ‘erased’.

A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.

Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgem cars anyway, so it may as well look like one.

Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have he oven serviced.

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

~~~

Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.

Edmund Burke

~~~

At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes three. “I’d like to know why,” she scoffed.

The clerk thought a moment and then suggested, “The horses are a lot older now?”

~~~

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”

Conrad Hilton

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Live a good life

Ray’s Daily

May 4, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Albert Einstein

~~~

I have an early Doctor’s appointment so here is anotherreprint

Ray’s Daily first published on May 4, 2005

Some time ago someone sent me a few of their maxims for us to read and think about, they are:

  • I’ve learned that ultimately ‘takers’ lose and ‘givers’ win. This may not always be true but I find I like givers a lot better, especially when I look in the mirror and see that it was me.
  • Life’s precious moments don’t have value, unless they are shared. Amen to this one. The sunset is never as beautiful as it is when you see it with someone you care about. Sharing the things that give you pleasure are the best gifts you can give to another.
  • If you don’t start, it’s certain you won’t arrive. It is sad that there are so many that wait until the race is almost over to start living their lives.
  • We often fear the thing we want the most. And I find it hard to understand why we sometimes feel guilty when we get it. In my experience the goal achieved often loses it’s luster as the process of getting there often is more rewarding than the achievement itself.
  • Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you have to say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say! So often the best communications take place without words, holding a hand or brushing away a tear at the right time always communicates more than what might be said.
  • Look for opportunities…. not guarantees. It seems to me that when we don’t take ourselves too seriously, are not excessively afraid what others might think if we fail, we end up doing great things. Even when we don’t win we are still able to take pride in the fact we tried.
  • Life is what’s coming…. not what was. I don’t know about you but I know I don’t have time to live down the past. Everyday is a new adventure and I can hardly wait to see how it turns out.

Ray

~~~

Jill and Nadine were having lunch and Nadine looked a little upset.

“What’s wrong?” asked Jill.

“I’m really worried about myself,” Nadine said forlornly. “My memory has always been a source of quiet pride to me, but lately it’s been failing me. I’m having a hard time remembering things from the mundane to the major.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” Jill said consolingly, “sounds like you’ll forget all about it tomorrow.”

~~~

I was shopping at the supermarket today and I saw a package of Turkey Bacon. What’s up with that?? Makes me wonder WHAT is going on at that farm?

~~~

The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a traffic violation. Standing outside his expensive foreign car, the red-faced driver frantically waved his hands and jumped up and down.

“I’ll have your job for this!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.

“Sir, you wouldn’t want my job,” replied the unruffled officer as he wrote out the citation.

“The hours are long, the pay is low, and you meet some of the nastiest people.”

~~~

Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~~~

THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA

The computer swallowed grandma.

Yes, honestly its true

She pressed ‘control’ and ‘enter’

And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely

The thought just makes me squirm.

She must have caught a virus

Or been eaten by a worm.

I’ve searched through the recycle bin

And files of every kind;

I’ve even used the internet,

But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves

My searches to refine.

The reply from him was negative,

Not a thing was found ‘online’.

So, if inside your ‘inbox’

My grandma you should see.

Please ‘Copy’, ‘Scan’ and ‘paste’ her

And send her back to me!

~~~

Of course, there must be subtleties.  Just make sure you make them obvious.

~~~

In a small town in the Old Country, the Rabbi died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again. But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education. However, she was lonely, so she agreed, and they were married.

After the marriage, Friday came. She went to the mikvah (a Jewish ritual bath to get rid of impurities). Then, she went home to prepare to light the candles. The butcher leaned over to her and said, “My mother told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it’s a mitzvah to have sex.” So they did.

She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, My father told me that after lighting the candles it’s good to have sex.” So they did.

They went to bed after prayers to get ready for Shabbos. When they awoke he said to her, “My grandmother said that before you go to the synagogue it’s a mitzvah to have sex.” So they did.

After praying all morning, they came home to rest; and again he whispers in her ear, “My grandfather says after praying it’s a mitzvah to have sex.” So they did.

On Sunday she went out to shop for food and met a friend who asked, “Nu, so how is the new husband?” She replied, “Well, he is no scholar; but he comes from a wonderful family.”

~~~

May your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, never in want.

Irish toast

~~~

A millionaire informs his attorney, “I want a stipulation in my Will that my wife is to inherit everything, but only if she remarries within six months of my death.”

“Why such an odd stipulation?” asks the attorney.

“Because,” he says, “I want someone to be sorry I died.”

~~~

The question is not “Do I have the gifts and strengths that I need for my life,” but “Am I seeking to discover my gifts and strengths?”

Paula Ripple

~~~

She said: I was self-conscious about going to the gym, because I thought the pounds I had put on would make me stand out among the spandex-clad regulars.

I chose a treadmill way in the back corner so I’d be inconspicuous. However, as I exercised, my worst fears came true. At least a dozen people turned to stare at me periodically. I thought it might be my imagination, but then one woman even squinted to get a better look. Imagine!

Completely mortified, I stepped off the machine and started to leave.

When I turned around to see if I left my towel back there, I realized that the gym’s only wall clock had been hanging just inches above my head.

~~~

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

Dale Turner

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Keep an open heart

Ray’s Daily

May 3, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.

Deepak Chopra

Here we are, a new week and a new month. I plan on doing all I can to appreciate all that the days will offer. I want to focus on the goodness in the people I meet as well as what is right in the environment. I can’t do that unless I pay attention and stay open to all I encounter.

I abridged the following piece I got from the Tiny Budda website. It offers me tips on how I can make the most of the days ahead.

How do we become more present and alive in each moment?

  • Practice fully pouring yourself into every act. This is a Zen practice — being fully in every task you do, every act. If you’re brushing your teeth, just brush your teeth — and be completely immersed in that. Fully express yourself in everything you do.
  • See the divinity in the person in front of you or in this moment. When I say “divinity,” it might mean God if you believe in God … but if you don’t, it’s seeing the incredible gift of the world, of each person. Seeing the profound beauty in everything. Seeing the sacredness of the ordinary. When you’re talking with someone, can you fully appreciate their divinity? Can you feel wonder at the world around you, no matter where you are? This is an incredible practice that will help you feel more alive, each time you do it.
  • Let yourself express your emotions physically. Most of us barely let ourselves feel any emotions. We can express them physically — scream into a pillow, throw a tantrum by kicking and banging your fists on the ground, express pain by writhing in anguish or letting your heart be broken. When we express our emotions fully and physically in our bodies, we unleash our vitality.
  • Open your damn heart! Most of us move through our days with our hearts closed. We do our tasks, go through the motions, but we aren’t connected to our hearts. (Some people, of course, are able to live in their hearts much of the time — let them be our role models!) What would it be like to be open-hearted today, feel loving toward every person you see, loving and tender toward the world around you? Try it and see!
  • As you can see, these are not things that you’ll be able to get perfect, immediately or even ever. They are things to practice.

But I can tell you, in my experience, this kind of practice of being fully immersed in each activity, with your heart open, your emotions fully expressed, seeing the divinity in everything and everyone around you — this will help us be fully alive in each moment.

~~~

Open your eyes to the beauty around you, open your mind to the wonders of life, open your heart to those who love you, and always be true to yourself.

Maya Angelou

~~~

I was at a party this weekend and a jokester, stifling a laugh said, “Listen to this: One day, Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to…”  

At this, my Jewish friend, Al Cohen said, “Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change?”  

The jokester, sobered and embarrassed, said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke: One day, Hong-lee Yang and Mao-chen Foo were going to the synagogue to attend the bar mitzvah of Hong-lee Yang’s nephew…”

~~~

The best defense against logic is stupidity.

~~~

After several private tutorial meetings, the anthropology instructor invited the struggling student to his house to view his personal collection of artifacts.

As they entered his living room, the young woman began giggling. Pointing to an object on the mantel, she asked, “What’s That?”

“Actually,” he explained, “it’s a phallic symbol used by the Australian aborigines in their fertility rites.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” she said. “I’d hate to tell you what it looks like.”

~~~

The only lesson history has taught us is that man has not yet learned anything from history.

~~~

A man travelling on a train asked the ticket collector what time the train stopped at Victoria. “This train doesn’t stop at Victoria, its the express.”

“You’re joking! I NEED to get off at Victoria!”

“Sorry sir, this train will not stop at Victoria.”

“There must be something you can do.”

“Well there is one thing…”

“What? Anything! I need to get off at Victoria!”

“Well, I’ll get the engineer to slow down and I’ll dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform.”

“My goodness!” said the man, “Will that work?”

“It’s worth a try,” replied the conductor.

The train approached the platform at 50 mph. The conductor hung the man out the door. The man started running in mid air. “Run faster!

Run faster!” the conductor shouted as he lowered the man down.

The man’s feet touched the platform, and smoke flew off his shoes. One of his heels came off; he was running for his life! Suddenly, the ticket collector let go, and the man was running at 30 mph. He has made it; he began to slow down. He was still running at 20 mph along side the train as the other passengers watched in amazement. As the last car went by, another hand grabbed the man by the shirt collar and lifted him back onto the train.

As he was being pulled into the observation car he heard a voice say, “Your lucky I was here to help you on, normally this train doesn’t even slow-down at Victoria!”

~~~

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

Thornton Wilder

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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