Ray's musings and humor

Archive for December, 2018

Have a great New Year

Ray’s Daily

December 31, 2018

Here is what I sent a few years back

 

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering ‘it will be happier’…”

Alfred Tennyson

Nappy New Year

Here we go, New Year’s Eve, tomorrow a fresh year and for many a fresh start. Since most folks will be celebrating or recovering from too much celebrating there will be no Daily tomorrow. As I told you over the last few days I have reached the age where I am comfortable making New Year’s resolutions that do not require super effort. In fact this year I am striving more for success in keeping my commitments rather than taking a chance on disappointment by taking on too much.

But I know most of you are on a high achiever path so your sights are probably set pretty high. I just got this article written by Dr. LeslieBeth Wish that may be a help to you. I have made some minor cuts to fit the Daily but kept all her tips.

Beating the Odds of Breaking your New Year’s Resolutions: Tips that Work

Many New Year’s resolutions are broken by the end of January. If that sentence describes you, don’t fret. New Year’s resolutions are hard to keep because we humans—and probably most primates—have brains that are designed for pleasurable sensations and encounters such as eating delicious food, having sex, socializing or mastering a difficult task. Unfortunately, there isn’t a magic pill or process that guarantees New Year’s resolutions success, but here are some tips that have worked for the women in my study and for people in general. You will have to experiment to see which ones work for you.

Smart Steps for New Year’s Resolutions Success

  1. Evaluate to motivate. Make a list of all the things you’d like to change. Now rate them in both in degree of importance and difficulty. Ask yourself, “How likely am I to do this?” Since health issues are often the most important, you might choose to work on that. Yet, some health-related problems such as losing weight are the toughest ones to address. What should you do?
  2. Build in on-going help and support. Get professional guidance immediately. You don’t want that first week at the gym to be your last. The best solutions combine motivation and pleasure. Tell all your family members and friends about your resolutions and ask them to help you—or join you!

Get a buddy. Tell a friend to check in on you—or go with you or speak up when you shop or eat too much. Going it alone courts failure. Or, if you really want to quit smoking, consult a professional and find a support group.

  1. Take small steps to train your brain. Rather than make big resolutions, vow to take one small step a day. Allow your brain to get used to going without the pleasure of a cigarette or drink or dessert. In some cases, though, eliminating totally your unwanted behavior works better. Now you can see why resolutions are so complicated!
  2. Know your moods triggers. Get mindful of your feelings and state of mind. Do you feel insecure, lonely or unloved? What have you done in the past to soothe you—drink, eat, shop, for example? Ask yourself: “How am I feeling right now and what would I normally do about it that is not good for me? And what can I do to handle my situation that is good for me?”
  3. Start again—and learn. Don’t give up. Get back on that horse, as they say. Giving up old behavior that made you feel less stressed and unhappy is difficult to change. Learn from your setback. Ask yourself, “What triggered my relapse?” When you relapse, which is very common, just start over—and be more vigilant about your triggers. Remember, behavior is a choice.
  4. Create rewards to assist your brain to connect pleasure with discipline. A reward might be permission to eat one or two small bites or buy one item under a certain amount—or not buy anything at all! Eventually, your success will become its own reward. Or, create a money jar where you deposit a dollar or all your change every time you stay on course. Or, don’t allow yourself to watch your favorite show or use social media until you complete your task for the day.
  5. Be your own buddy and stay positive. Think about your previous success in overcoming your urge to spend, smoke, eat, drink or do any other undesirable behavior. Keep a Success Journal so you can read what you did to recognize and resist the temptation to give in. Say these words out loud: “I know this change is difficult, but I deserve to be healthy and happy.”

~~~

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”

Brad Paisley

~~~

If you are concerned about not following through on your New Year’s resolutions you might find one or more of these helpful.

  1. Read less.
  2. Gain weight.
  3. Stop exercising.
  4. Watch more TV.
  5. Procrastinate more.
  6. Drink. Drink some more.
  7. Start being superstitious.
  8. Spend more time at work.
  9. Stop bringing lunch from home: eat out more.
  10. Take up a new habit!

~~~

“There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.”

~~~

Tips to let you know if you are at a really bad party this year…

To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled and pick-pocketed

The ‘Party Hats’ look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones

There’s a “Happy 2012” sticker on the packet of shrimp you’ve been eating all night

It’s January 6th

At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle Earl’s pants drop

You hear a guy doing a count down before using the bathroom

The ‘Champagne’ tastes suspiciously like apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer

~~~

A hangover is something to occupy a head that wasn’t used to the night before.

~~~

When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked the little five-year-old how he liked the new place.

“It’s great!” he said. “I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But, poor mom still has to sleep with dad.”

~~~

An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person.

~~~

Here a few New Year’s toasts you may want to use tonight

As you slide down the banisters of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

May the clouds in your life form only a background for a lovely sunset.

May your life be as beautiful as a summer day, with just enough clouds to make you appreciate the sunshine.

Success to the lover, honor to the brave, health to the sick, and freedom to the slave.

Good day, good health, good cheer, good night!

~~~

“Let this coming year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you have always wanted to do but could not find the time. Call up a forgotten friend. Drop an old grudge, and replace it with some pleasant memories. Vow not to make a promise you do not think you can keep. Walk tall, and smile more. You will look 10 years younger. Do not be afraid to say, I love you. Say it again. They are the sweetest words in the world.”

Ann Landers

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Ray’s Daily

December 28, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

“You can get excited about the future. The past won’t mind.”

Hillary DePiano

AnotherYearOlder

As 2018 nears its end many of us will review our last twelve months and asses how we did with a intent to make meaningful resolutions for the new year. In my case my biggest accomplishment was making it this far. My year was filled with unexpected change, testing my ability to go with the needed responses to the realities of aging.

My plans for 2018 weight loss, modest travel, learning experiences and service were all modified by the new reality required by senior living. But all that was replaced by what I can do and how I can make our days as pleasant as possible, So as I face the new year my one resolution is to do as much as I can for my wife and my healthy happiness. Of course I plan on continuing to be a good husband, father and friend.

Here is a piece I copied from The Indian Child blog that is in line with what I plan on finding in the year ahead.

A Lesson in Life

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it.

~~~

◦“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.”

Brooks Atkinson

~~~

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Rita Rudner

~~~

“I noticed you always carry my photo in your handbag. Why?” a husband asked his wife.

“When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem always disappears,” she said.

The man smiled. “You see how good I am for you?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be that is worse than this one?'”

~~~

“One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.”

George Carlin

~~~

A blonde is complaining to her friend what a horrible day at work she had; her boss had a heart attack and died!

Her friend says, “Why, that’s terrible! What did you do?”

The blonde shakes her head and says, “There was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 911, but he wouldn’t tell me the rest of the numbers!”

~~~

In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.

Sir Francis Bacon

~~~

An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, “Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” the doctor shot back. “And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?”

The old man says, “Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since February.”

~~~

“I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling, I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”

Mitch Hedberg

~~~

Judy reports that a not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.”

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

  1. No need to boil.
  2. Never goes sour.
  3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good – maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

  1. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A

~~~

To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. Guaranteed!!

~~~

Bambi, in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said,

“That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

~~~

◦“You can be clumsy yet clever. You can be classy yet poor. It’s not tearing a leaf off a calendar which will make you a better or a worse man but the attitude that you have from dusk till dawn every day.”

Indeewara Jayawardane

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Stay Upbeat

Ray’s Daily

December 27, 3018

https://rays-daily.com/

The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does.

James M. Barrie

Happy

I am glad it is the season to be jolly, I need that to offset the current turmoil. Our country can’t seem to stay on tract these days. The shifting sands have driven the value of our nest egg down and the future is uncertain.

Fortunately the last few days of good times with friends and family have been uplifting. The chef’s in our residence’s restaurant outdid themselves, serving us a prime rib lunch with two of my favorite desserts on Christmas day. We also feasted with family and friends on Christmas Eve followed by dinner and gift exchange with our family on Christmas day.

I hope you enjoyed the last few days as much as we did. I intend to not let current events get me down in the days ahead, concentrating on all the good things in my life. In that vein I want to share with a favorite feel good story today.

The Master’s Hand

Wishing to encourage her young son’s progress on the piano, a mother took the small boy to a concert of the famous pianist, Paderewski. After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her. Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall, the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door marked “No Admittance.”

When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered that her son was missing. Suddenly, the curtains parted and the spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway piano on stage.

In horror, the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard. Innocently, he then began to play “Chopsticks”.  The crowd reacted with anger, some shouts were heard, “Take the boy away!”, “Who is bringing a little boy to a concert?!”.

When Paderewski heard the uproar backstage, he grabbed his coat and rushed to the stage. Realizing what was going on, he went to the piano, Reaching around the little boy from behind, the master began to improvise a countermelody to “chopsticks.” As the two of them played together, Paderewski kept whispering in the boy’s ear, “Keep going. Don’t quit, son… don’t stop… don’t stop.”

Together, the old master and the little boy transformed an embarrassing situation into a wonderfully creative experience. The audience was mesmerized

~~~

Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.

Joseph Addison

~~~

I came home one night and my wife was crying.

I said, “what’s wrong?”

She said, “I’m home sick.”

I said, “This is your home.”

And she said, “Yes, and I’m sick of it!”

             Tommy Cooper

~~~

Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.

~~~

Jacob, Benny, Max and Hyman are out fishing early one Sunday morning. After an hour of fishing, Jacob suddenly breaks the silence and says, “You three have no idea what I had to do before I could come out fishing today. I had to promise my Rivkah that I would decorate our bedroom next Sunday.”

“That’s nothing,” says Benny, “I had to promise my Leah that I would build her a new terrace by the swimming pool.”

“Well,” says Max, “you both had it easy. I had to promise my Sharon that I would completely refit our kitchen with new mahogany cupboards and the latest state of the art equipment.”

But Hyman has not said a word so they ask him what he did to come out fishing. Hyman replies, “I just set my alarm for 5.30 am. When it went off, I gave my Faye a firm nudge and said, ‘Fishing or Sex?’ She replied, “Don’t forget your sweater.”

~~~

“We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit.”

Aristotle

~~~

The interviewer had informed the group of applicants for the sole position advertised at the bank, that there would be a verbal question after the written test to guarantee a winner in the event there were any ties.

After the applicants took the written part of the exam, it was announced by the interviewer, “Now it is time for the verbal part of your employment test.” “Can you tell me what ‘gross aggrandized annuity means’?”

One of the applicants for the position, said, as he got up to leave, “Certainly……It means I didn’t get the job.”

~~~

While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded.

Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

~~~

You don’t have to spend your money on expensive burglar alarms anymore.

Here is a cheaper way to deter burglars at your house. Just put up a few signs in well-placed locations….

Dear Mr. Butcher: starting tomorrow, please leave ten pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Exterminator: be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards already and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are that we want you to rid us of.

To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck…..heh heh!!

Selma dear, don’t come in! Jake, the boa constrictor got loose again!

~~~

To live long and achieve happiness, cultivate the art of radiating happiness.

Malcolm Forbes

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Enjoy thre Holidays

Ray’s Daily

December 21, 2018

Peace on Earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.

Helen Steiner Rice

Christmas

It will be our Christmas Holiday in a few days my family has planned a busy schedule for us in the days ahead so I will shut down the Daily until next Wednesday. I hope that you will enjoy the time as much as I will.

As I was thinking about my world today with the falling markets, global strife and political polarization I was reminded of something I wrote ten years ago. In the spirit of Christmas I would like to share it with you again.

The next few days will be a good time to bask in the holiday spirit and be grateful for what we have, especially our friends and our families. Now is a time in our history that we risk falling into to the depths of despair due to the economic conditions and the challenges that life often lays upon us. Thankfully when we review what is important, our family, friends, the air we breathe, the things that are there for us to see and more, the picture brightens. It often is not easy to see what we have because of the challenges we face each day. But it is the overcoming of challenge that toughens and strengthens us and allows us to concentrate on what is really important.

What lies ahead will require almost all of us to review and plan for the differences that we will experience in the months and years to come. It is a good for most of us to reassess what is important and what really is not all that important. If we spend our time measuring losses based upon life as it once was instead of measuring what our life can be, we may miss the chance to find happiness.

Do you take for granted the little everyday things that provide you comfort? Do you have a priority list of what really is important and what makes you happy? If you do, good for you for those are the things we need to protect and nurture. The year coming up can mark a new beginning where we have the opportunity to set the stage for a life compatible with the times and one that has the potential to bring us true happiness.

~~~

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something else besides ourselves.

Eric Sevareid

~~~

Bill once told me that his marriage was secure. “My wife would never file for divorce from me. She’d never do anything to make me that happy!”

~~~

For new fathers, or anyone thinking about becoming a father, you must learn these WORDS OF WISDOM:

  • Don´t ask me, ask your mother.
  • Close the door. Were you raised in a barn?
  • Who said life was supposed to be fair.
  • This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
  • You call that noise “music”?
  • No, we´re not there yet.
  • As long as you live under my roof, you´ll live by my rules.
  • Because I said so. That´s why.
  • Do what I say, not what I do.
  • So you think you´re smart, do you?
  • If I´ve told you once, I´ve told you a thousand times.
  • You want something to do? I´ll give you something to do.
  • I´m not just talking to hear my own voice!
  • What do you think I am, a bank?
  • I don´t care what other people are doing! I´m not everybody else´s father!
  • Enough is enough!
  • Don´t make me stop the car!

~~~

I’d like to go to an assertiveness training class.  First I need to check with my wife.

Adam Christing

~~~

Retirement Center Pickup Lines

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like…where exactly are we again?”

“Yes, I’m 92… but I have the body of a 78-year-old.”

“Your beautiful blue eyes are like limpid sapphire pools. Your blue hair, too.”

“Hey babe, looking for a good time? How’s about coming home with me and…Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z.”

~~~

“Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.”

Douglas Pagels

~~~

In the Admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms.

An elderly woman, obviously not sure of where she should be, hesitatingly entered my cubicle.  She had completed the admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards.  I typed the necessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital.

“I’m here to just visit a friend,” she said, “but all this has taken so long, I’m not sure I have the time now!”

~~~

The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors.

~~~

The officer pulled me over for speeding.  I explained that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary.

But rather than letting me off, he wrote out the ticket, handed it to me, and said, “Congratulations.  The first year is paper, right?”

~~~

The only people to get even with are those who have helped you.

~~~

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was…surrounded by trees and bushes.

~~~

Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving heart, a wide open heart that thinks of others first.

George Matthew Adams

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Thank You Charles

Ray’s Daily

December 20. 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.

Charles M. Schulz

 schultz2

It seems like I have more effect on the world than I thought I did. Since I am now residing in an Independent Living facility with no automobile I have been unable to get to my local Omaha Steak store for my frequent purchase of their products, Neither have I been able to get to my local YMCA for my workouts using my membership paid for by my insurance company. You can imagine my dismay when I learned that the Steak store is closing in a few weeks and that my insurance company will cease offering free Y memberships next year, I hope it was not because of my lack of participation.

I am not sure why they call my current home an Independent Living Facility since I am dependent on them for my food, housekeeping, health management, entertainment and more. Whatever it is I am grateful for how they make my wife and my life easier.

Our world is a better place because of the gifts Charles Shultz provided us. Here is a piece I think I have shared before and it seems like the right time do so again.

Charles Schulz Philosophy

      The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comicstrip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you’ll get the point.

  1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
  2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
  3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

 4.Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.  

  1. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
  2. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

  1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
  2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
  3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
  4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
  5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. hey are the ones that care.

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”(Charles Schulz)

~~~

If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.

Charles M. Schulz

~~~

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed,

“Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA.  As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank goodness,” returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear”   “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.”

~~~

The first line of the notice said, “Please Take Notice.” … So the guy standing next to me took it.

~~~

English has acquired the largest vocabulary of all the world’s languages, perhaps as many as two million words, and has generated one of the noblest bodies of literature in the annals of the human race. Nonetheless, it is now time to face the fact that English is a crazy language — the most loopy and wiggy of all tongues.

In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

In what other language do people play at a recital and recite at a play?

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Why does a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy?

Why do we pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why do privates eat in the general mess and generals eat in the private mess?

Why do we call it newsprint when it contains no printing but when we put print on it, we call it a newspaper?

Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?

Why — in our crazy language — can your nose run and your feet smell?

~~~

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.

~~~

A wild-eyed man dressed in a Napoleonic costume and hiding his right hand inside his coat entered the psychiatrist’s office and nervously exclaimed, “Doctor, I need your help right away.”

“I can see that,” retorted the doctor. “Lie down on that couch and tell me your problem.”

“I don’t have any problem,” the man snapped. “In fact, as Emperor of France I have everything I could possibly want: money, women, power — everything! But I’m afraid my wife, Josephine, is in deep mental trouble.”

“I see,” said the psychiatrist, humoring his distraught patient. “And what seems to be her main problem?”

“For some strange reason,” answered the unhappy man, “she thinks she’s Mrs. Smith.”

~~~

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

~~~

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.”

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”

“I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself.”

~~~

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.

Charles M. Schulz

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Think Happy

Ray’s Daily

December 19, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

Be Happy

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

Aristotle

I felt ill yesterday but did not let it get me down. I am at the point where I don’t have time to waste on unhappiness. I have learned that if I give in to feeling sorry for myself the only result is my being unhappy while making others unhappy as well.

Minor setbacks and infirmities are part of life and our happiness does need to be diminished when they occur. After all we are still here living our lives and have much to be grateful for.

The Top 10 Things to Remember About Happiness

By Diana Robinson

Almost all of us want to be happy. Being happy is not a skill taught in school. If we are lucky, our parents taught us about happiness, either by example or by shared wisdom. For the rest of us, there are some important things to remember about happiness, and the art of being happy.

  1. It is OK to want to be happy. – It is not unduly selfish, or materialistic, or self-centered. Wanting to be happy is normal.
  2. To pursue happiness is an inalienable right – to be happy is not. – Some people seem to believe that they have a right to be happy, that other people should make them happy, that when they are not happy they have a right to complain about it and that complaining will cause them to be happy. All three premises are false.
  3. No one owes you happiness. – Assuming you are an adult, your happiness is not anyone else’s problem. If you are a person who spreads happiness, then others will probably want to contribute to your happiness. This is their choice, not your right.
  4. Happiness comes from attitude, from within. – We become happy when we cultivate an attitude of appreciation and gratitude, when we focus on the good stuff. One way to do this is by keeping a regular gratitude journal. This gets us in the habit of looking for what is good in our lives, and when we focus on that we are likely to be happy.
  5. Owning more things does not make you happy. – Advertisers would like to make us believe that we can buy happiness, but we cannot buy happiness by buying more things.
  6. Happiness is more a process than it is a goal. – When I get… when I reach… when I am… we may think that happiness is something that will come, or will happen, one day. Eventually, we will probably find that happiness is the journey, and that if we focus only on the destination we will never get there.
  7. Talking about unhappiness does not make you happy. – It is true that we all need to vent at times. The purpose of venting is to express our dissatisfaction with something so that we can move on. If we keep our mental attic filled with unhappy stuff, there will be no room for anything else. We need to get rid of it so as to make room for the happy thoughts to move in.
  8. Happiness is more often accompanied by accomplishments than by compliments. – Certainly it is nice to be appreciated, and we all need to receive encouraging words from others. But they need to be based on fact. It is when we have worked and achieved that we can know that the words ring true, and can really feel good about them and ourselves.
  9. Memories of happy times can be stored up for retrieval during the bad times. – Very few of us will never feel unhappy, will never fall into ‘the slough of despondence.’ A major help then is to remember the times when we were happy, and the fact that we have those memories ‘in the bank.’
  10. Happiness comes from sharing happiness. – There are few joys as complete as those that involve bringing joy to someone else. Happiness defies the laws of economics in that it is not something that we have less of when we give it away. It is something that grows greater for the giver as it is given. The more you give, the more you have.

~~~

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

Helen Keller

~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

~~~

It is possible to own too much.  A man with one watch knows what time it is.  A man with two watches is never absolutely sure.

~~~

Memorial Day weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.”We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.”

One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . . “I’m not free. I’m four.”

~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

~~~

When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, “How will we keep from getting separated?”

“We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,” I reassured him. “Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?” he persisted.

“Well, then I guess we’ll never see each other again,” I quipped. “Okay,” he said. “I’m riding with Mom.”

~~~

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Oscar Wilde

~~~

A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games.  In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”

The son replied, “When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States.”

~~~

“For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out.” -Age 6

~~~

Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.

Steve Maraboli

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

It’s your time

Ray’s Daily

December 18, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

“Either you run the day, or the day runs you.”

Jim Rohn

time

I was asked recently to take on a task that would have committed me to an important responsibility that would have been difficult for me to do. I did the responsible thing, I said no. It took me a long time to learn that I must manage my time and activities in a way that I could be effective and capable of doing what I wanted to do.

Saying no is often difficult to do, but saying yes just can be distressing. Even in my new environment I find that managing my time is something I must take responsibility for if I am going to be able to balance happiness with the chores I have taken on.

Here is an abridged article whose advice we all could use.

Things you must quit doing now to be more successful

TRAVIS BRADBERRY

Knowing when to quit is a skill that can be learned. If you tend to get stuck on things long after it’s obvious that what you’re doing isn’t working, you can train yourself to do better. Here are some things we should all quit doing.

  1. Quit doubting yourself – Confidence plays a huge role in success. Sometimes confidence is all it takes to reach that next level. The trick is, you have to believe it. If you doubt yourself, it won’t work. Faking confidence just doesn’t produce the same results.
  2. Quit putting things off – Change is hard. Self-improvement is hard. Scrounging up the guts to go for what you want is hard, and so is the work to make it happen. When things are hard, it’s always easier to decide to tackle them tomorrow. The problem is that tomorrow never comes.
  3. Quit thinking you have no choice

There’s always a choice. Sure, sometimes it’s a choice between two things that seem equally bad, but there’s still a choice. Pretending that there isn’t one makes you a victim who is voluntarily taking on a mantle of helplessness.

  1. Quit doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result –

The fact is simple: if you keep the same approach, you’ll keep getting the same results, no matter how much you hope for the opposite. If you want different results, you need to change your approach, even when it’s painful to do so.

  1. Quit thinking everything is going to work out on its own – It’s tempting to think that it’s all going to work out in the end, but the truth is that you have to make it work. Everything is not going to magically work out on its own; you have to be proactive and take responsibility for yourself.
  2. Quit saying “yes” – Every “yes” you utter is a tradeoff. By saying “yes” to one thing, you’re saying “no” to something else. Saying “no” is indeed a major challenge for many people. No is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. Saying “no” to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them. When you learn to say “no,” you free yourself from unnecessary constraints and free up your time and energy for the important things in life.

~~~

“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.”

Harvey Mackay

~~~

The Doctor says “You’ll live to be 60!” “I AM 60!” “See, what did I tell you?”
Henny Youngman

~~~

She said:
Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I’m a man, I don’t think we’re all that lost, and no, I don’t think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger — I mean, how the hell could he know where we’re going?

~~~
An alibi is the legal proof that a person wasn’t where he was and, therefore, couldn’t do what he did.

~~~

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her roommate.
“Terrible!” the roommate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”
“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”
“He was the original owner.”

~~~

A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. “You see, Doc,” the patient explained, “my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots.”

“Why, that’s no problem,” answered the doctor. “Most people like shoes better than boots.”
The patient was elated, “That’s neat, Doc. How do you like them, fried or scrambled?”
~~~

You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
~~~

A busy mother sometimes accidentally left pots and pans on the stove with the burners on, so she resorted to posting this reminder on the kitchen door: “STOVE?”

Her daughter, back from college, noticed Mother’s sign. Beneath it she taped her reply: “No — DOOR! Trust me. I went to college.”

~~~

The Earth Is Full – Go Home
~~~

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like everything, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.
After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him…
“Lets see yer fishin’ license, Boy!!” the Warden gasped.
With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
“Well, son,” said the Game Warden, “you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”
“Yes, sir,” replied the young feller, “But my friend back there, well, he doesn’t have one…”

~~~

“We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.”

Nelson Mandela

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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