Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2021

Life is Good

Ray’s Daily

March 31, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“I think being in love with life is a key to eternal youth.”

Doug Hutchison

If you are like I am you find the early days of spring a good time to review how you are doing. By taking stock you get to decide if you are satisfied with how you have been doing. It is a good time to set your priorities for the days ahead. I find that having meaningful life plans help to avoid only reacting to the challenges that come along.

Here is a good template for creating a plan that offers a good life.

Recipe for forever

Gather all of the ingredients together, so that they are close at hand! Get a clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any lingering dust from the past.

Take maturity, respect and friendship, and stir gently.

Add unlimited amounts of compassion and kindness, and mix well.

To this, add caring by the handfuls and fold in trust.

Continue stirring gently, adding listening, honesty, and large amounts of communication.

Slip in some dreams, goals, and firm pieces of keeping promises.

Bake in a home filled with peace, beauty and serenity.

Before you taste the finished product, sprinkle liberally with patience, love, and a touch of spice.

Serve very hot, with imagination on the side.

Author Unknown

~~~

“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Mom’s Dictionary

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a one-year-old to eat strained beets.

ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.

BABY:

1) Dad, when he gets a cold.

2) Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42.

BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.

CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most sugar.

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.

ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.

GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom’s kids.

HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.

HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.

INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mom has spent a minimum of half an hour getting them ready to go outside.

JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids.

JUNK: Dad’s stuff.

KISS: Mom medicine.

~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

~~~

While shopping for vacation clothes, we passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought my advice.

“What do you think?” she asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”

“Better get a bikini,” I replied. “You’d never get it all in one.” Boy was that the wrong answer!

~~~

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately.  It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.

~~~

Some ecclesiastical gentlemen — a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others — were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up.

He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let a new arrival through first.

A sweet young thing in a mini-skirt arrived and was ushered through.

The cardinal was a bit upset about this and demanded an explanation from St. Peter. After all, they had been waiting outside for quite some time and were pillars of the church. How could a girl in a mini-skirt deserve better treatment?

St. Peter smiled and told him: “While she was alive, that young lady drove a little yellow sports car. She regularly jumped red lights, overtook on blind corners, and generally scared the devil out of more people than all of you combined.”

~~~

Q: How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, that’s a hardware problem.

~~~

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the pastor went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the pastor asked, “Why after all these years don’t we see you at services anymore?”

The old man lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you, reverend,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”

~~~

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the $#&% happened.”

~~~

Becky was the manager of a jewelry store that catered to the rich of the rich in Boca Raton.  She was seeking a qualified person to fill the recently vacant position of salesperson. Sarah, an outspoken older woman, comes in to interview for the position.  Becky looks at Sarah’s resume and notices that Sarah has never worked in jewelry before.

“If you don’t mind my saying so, for someone who has never worked in jewelry you certainly are asking a pretty high salary.  That’s chutzpah, wouldn’t you say?!?” asks Becky.

Sarah thinks for a moment.  “Well, I suppose I am,” replies Sarah, “but you must understand, the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you are doing.”

~~~

Maxine on “Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

~~~

Fred was telling his friend how his uncle tried to make a new car for himself…”so he took wheels from a Cadillac, a radiator from a Ford, some tires and fenders from a Plymouth…”

“Holy Cow,” interrupted his friend, “What did he end up with?”

And Fred replied, “Two years.”

~~~

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Enjoy Life

Ray’s Daily

March 30, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

 “You only lose energy when life becomes dull in your mind. Your mind gets bored and therefore tired doing nothing. You don’t have to be tired. Get interested in something. Get absolutely enthralled in something. Throw yourself into it with abandon. Get out of yourself. Be somebody. Do something. Don’t sit around moaning about things, reading the papers, and saying, “Why don’t they do something?” The man who is out doing something isn’t tired. If you’re not getting into good causes, no wonder you’re tired. You’re disintegrating. You’re deteriorating. You’re dying on the vine. The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have. You won’t have time to think about yourself and get bogged down in your emotional difficulties.”

Norman Vincent Peale

Busy day today so here is another reprint

Ray’s Daily first published onMarch 30, 2006

~~~

I think Dr. Peale is right on target. Far too many of us look back and wonder why we ever waited so long really start to enjoy a full life. I wish that more of us had a greater appreciation of what life has to offer while we were still young instead of waiting until the time we become gravely ill or are near the end of our years. I am always amazed at the spirit and zest for life I find in so many of Chemo patients I meet when I am getting my periodic Iron infusion. It is sad when it takes a grave illness for us to understand what is important in our lives and what really isn’t worth our time and energy.

Unfortunately I have had dear friends over the years who have been so loaded down with self-imposed burdens that they let day after day go by never rewarding themselves. I just wish more of us stopped and took inventory every once in awhile to see just how unimportant many of the things we do that keep us from doing something for ourselves really are.

Please don’t let fear of what lies ahead keep you from following Dr. Peale’s advice. Those who don’t step out lose, those who do find excitement, reward, and plenty of fun.

Please don’t be the one who tries to hold up the coffin lid saying, “Wait I haven’t started to live yet.”

~~~

“Fear less, hope more;

Whine less, breathe more;

Talk less, say more;

Hate less, love more;

And all good things are yours.”

Swedish Proverb

~~~

“What time does the library open?” the man on the phone asked the librarian.

“Nine A.M.” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?”  

“Not until nine A.M.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice.

“No, not till nine A.M.!” the librarian repeated again “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?”

“Who said I wanted to get in?” the man sighed sadly. “I want to get out.”

~~~

“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.”

Rich Cook

~~~

Every ten years, as summertime nears,

An announcement arrives in the mail,

A reunion is planned; it’ll be really grand;

Make plans to attend without fail.

I’ll never forget the first time we met;

We tried so hard to impress.

We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,

And wore our most elegant dress.

It was quite an affair; the whole class was there.

It was held at a fancy hotel.

We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,

And everyone thought it was swell.

The men all conversed about who had been first

To achieve great fortune and fame.

Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses

And how beautiful their children became.

The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,

Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.

The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,

And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.

No one had heard about the class nerd

Who’d guided a spacecraft to the moon;

Or poor little Jane, who’s always been plain;

She married a shipping tycoon.

The boy we’d decreed “most apt to succeed”

Was serving ten years in the pen,

While the one voted “least” now was a priest;

Just shows you can be wrong now and then.

They took a class picture, a curious mixture

Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.

Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;

You never saw so many thighs.

At our next get-together, no one cared whether

They impressed their classmates or not.

The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;

By this time we’d all gone to pot.

It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;

We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.

Then most of us lay around in the shade,

In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.

By the fortieth year, it was abundantly clear,

We were definitely over the hill.

Those who weren’t dead had to crawl out of bed,

And be home in time for their pill.

And now I can’t wait as they’ve set the date;

Our sixtieth is coming, I’m told.

It should be a ball, they’ve rented a hall

At the Shady Rest Home for the old.

Repairs have been made on my old hearing aid;

My pacemaker’s been turned up on high.

My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;

And I’ve bought a new wig and glass eye.

I’m feeling quite hearty; I’m ready to party,

I’ll dance until dawn’s early light.

It’ll be lots of fun; and I hope at least one

Other person can make it that night.

~~~

There are tall people, short people, skinny people, and fat people, and every one of them would like to get his hands on the manufacturer who claims, “One size fits all.”

~~~

After a lengthy delay for plane repairs, the passengers were becoming impatient but quit complaining when the pilot told them: “Why don’t you look at it this way? Wouldn’t you rather be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here?”

~~~

“Every time you wake up and ask yourself, “What good things am I going to do today?”

Remember that when the sun goes down at sunset, it will take a part of your life with it.”

Indian Proverb

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

I Appreciate You

Ray’s Daily

March 29, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

I appreciate you and the many years of friendship you’ve provided.

Over the years I have been often asked “Why the Daily”. The following letter explains in part why I continue.

Hi Ray,

I just wanted to fill you in on my latest status.  I have been diagnosed with stage 4 gallbladder cancer.  It is very rare, ain’t I lucky.  I have had no pain and only knew I was sick when I became jaundiced and had dark urine.  They put a stent in the bile duct which has eliminated the jaundice and I feel fine.  All the more surreal when they tell me that if I refuse chemo (my only option) I have 6 months if I can tolerate the chemo I have maybe a year.  It is very aggressive and has spread to nodes in my neck and throughout my digestive tract.

Ray, your daily has meant a lot to me and my many friends I share it with.  If you don’t mind, I may send you a few names that particularly look forward to the daily so you can add them to your list. 

Thanks for being the warm, kind person you are.

Love,

Judy

I became aquainted with my friend Judy about 20 years ago at the offices of a major corporation in Chicago who was helping the UNICEF/Kiwanis International effort to raise the funds needed to help prevent one of the worlds leading causes of childrens disabilities. She was an executive secretary at the time and I had a few small contacts with her over a couple of years. While I knew most of the executives, including the company president I liked no one anymore than I liked Judy.

While I have not seen or talked to my friend for a couple of decades I feel like we have walked through our lives mentally together as we shared our mornings via the Daily. I feel the same way about many of you as well.

~~~

I woke up today with gratitude on my mind and heart. I appreciate you just because. Thanks for being a friend.

Shaquille O’Nea

l~~~

Were you a kid in the Fifties or earlier? Everybody makes fun of our childhood! Comedians joke. Grandkids snicker. Twenty-somethings shudder and say “Eeeew!” But was our childhood really all that bad? Judge for yourself:

In 1953:

The US population was less than 150 million…Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better… And that was good.

The average annual salary was under $3,000…Yet our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life… And that was good.

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents…But it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one… And that was good.

Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriett, and Lassie…So nobody’d ever heard of ratings or filters… And that was good.

We didn’t have air-conditioning…So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike… And that was good.

Your teacher was either Miss Matthews or Mrs. Logan or Mr. Adkins…But not Ms Becky or Mr. Dan… And that was good.

Most families needed only one job…Meaning Mom was home when school let out… And that was good.

You loved to climb into a fresh bed…Because sheets were dried on the clothesline… And that was good.

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives…So “child care” meant grandparents or aunts and uncles… And that was good.

TV was in black-and-white…But all outdoors was in glorious color…And that was certainly good.

Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody’s carburetor…And the Dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs… And that was very good.

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard…And chickens behind the garage… And that was definitely good.

And just when you were about to do something really bad…Chances were you’d run into your Dad’s high school coach…Or the nosy old lady from up the street…Or your little sister’s piano teacher…Or somebody from church…ALL of whom knew your parents’ phone number…And YOUR first name… And even THAT was good!

~~~

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

~~~

A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Yukon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by.

Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most.

“The marriage service,” the chief said, smiling. “We all got new wives!”

~~~

I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

~~~

A manager is told by his doctor that he has to take on some sport so he decides to play tennis.  After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing.

“It’s going fine”, the manager says, “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: “To the corner!  Back hand! To the net!  Smash!  Go back!”

“Really?  What happens then?” the girl asks all enthusiastic.

“Then my body says: Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!”

~~~

“America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.”

Evan Esar

~~~

A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn’t sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.  

“Buffy,” she said, “how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?”  

“Ten,” said Buffy.  

So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.  

“Buffy,” she said. “I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I’ve got 2 leftover!”  

“Yes,” said Buffy. “So did I.”  

~~~

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

Albert Einstein

~~~

A taxpayer received a strongly worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue.  Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.

“Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices.  We have found that the second notices are more effective.”

~~~

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Marcel Proust

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Solving Problems

Ray’s Daily

March 26, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

Albert Einstein

One of the things I seem to be good at is procrastination. Of course it is a habit I should break. Delaying dealing with problems only makes them worse. Here is an abridged article on how to solve our problems. I am going to make its suggestions a priority tomorrow.

10 Steps to Solving Any Problem

by Brian Tracy and Colin Rose

1. Change your language from negative to positive. Instead of using the word “problem,” use the word “situation,” or call it a challenge or an opportunity. 

2. Define your situation or difficulty clearly. What exactly is the challenge you are facing? What is causing you the stress and anxiety? What is causing you to worry? Why are you unhappy? Write it out clearly in detail.

3. Ask, “What else is the problem?” Don’t be satisfied with a superficial answer. Look for the root cause of the problem, rather than getting sidetracked by the symptom.

4. Ask yourself, “What are my minimum boundary conditions?” What must the solution accomplish? What would your ideal solution to this problem look like? Define your parameters clearly.

5. Pick the best solution by comparing your various possible solutions against your problem, on one hand, and your ideal solution, on the other. What is the best thing to do at this time under the circumstances?

6. Before you implement your decision, ask, “What’s the worst possible thing that can happen if this decision doesn’t work?” Before you make any expenditure of money or effort in trying to achieve your goal, you should evaluate what would happen if your decision were a complete failure.

7. Set measures on your decision. How will you define a success? Make it measurable, and then monitor it on a regular basis.

8. Accept complete responsibility for implementing the decision. Many of the most creative ideas never materialize because no one is specifically assigned the responsibility for carrying out the decision.

9. Set a deadline. A decision without a deadline is just a meaningless discussion.

10. Take action. The faster you move in the direction of your clearly defined goals, the more creative you will be, the more energy you will have, the more you will learn and the faster you will develop your capacity to achieve even more in the future.

~~~

“Problems are the gifts that make us dig out and figure out who we are, what we’re made for, and what we’re responsible to give back to life.”

Tony Robbins

~~~

True Definitions

TRAFFIC LIGHT — apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.

DIVORCE — postgraduate in School of Love.

PIONEER — early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.

PEOPLE — some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what’s happened.

SWIMMING POOL — a mob of people with water in it.

SELF-CONTROL — the ability to eat only one peanut.

SALESMAN — man with ability to convince wife she’d look fat in mink.

EGOCENTRIC — a person who believes he is everything you know you are.

FOREIGN FILM — any movie shown in Texas theater that isn’t a western.

OPTIMIST — girl who regards a bulge as a curve.

MAGAZINE — bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.

COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.

OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.

BUFFET: A French word that means “Get up and get it yourself.”

BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.

~~~

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”

Mother Teresa

~~~

A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. “The secret,” she said, “is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up.”

The boy looked at her quizzically…”Why does it have to be a secret?”

~~~

I thought I had found the perfect date in the Personals when she said she liked country music, but what she failed to say was her country was Albania.

~~~

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”

St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth and exchange gifts.”

St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was.

St. Peter said, “So, tell me.”

She said, ” Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder…

St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.”

Then the blonde continued, “Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball.”

St. Peter fainted.

~~~

Doctor to patient:  I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.    

~~~

“Best way to escape from your problems is to solve them.”

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Standing Tall

Ray’s Daily

March 25, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

The real beauty of a person comes from standing tall for what you believe in and showing confidence in yourself that you can make a difference!

I am often awe struck by some of my new friends. Many of them are even much older than I am, often with physical limitations due to their age. Even with that they maintain a positive outlook and face each day with optimism.

Their belief in themselves lets them continue to thrive. They may be frail but they continue to stand tall in my eyes. Here is a story that reminds me of many of my friends,

Stand tall like the Sunflower

I find it humorous sometimes that even the most mundane occurrences can have an impact on our awareness. My wife, daughter, and I moved into our home nine years ago and we spent a lot of time and energy in the yard to get it looking like it does today. We live on a corner, higher than street level, and the entire side of the yard is encased by a professionally built rock wall. The front of the house though is another story because instead of a wall along the sidewalk the rocks appear to be just thrown up onto the dirt as if someone were in a hurry to finish.

We did the best we could with what we had to work with and called this area our ‘rock garden’. Whenever we had left over flowers or plants, Denise or I would stick them out front, just to bring some colour to the area.

I still do all of my own yard work, even the dreaded weed-pulling. After putting on my knee pads I assume the position to clear the yard of weeds, even in the rock garden.

Last summer I had reached the end of the rock garden and found a tiny little plant that I could not immediately identify. I knew I didn’t plant it and Denise claimed that she didn’t either. We decided to let it continue growing until we could figure out what it was.

Weeks passed and as I made my way back to the mystery plant, it appeared to be a Sunflower. It was spindly looking with a tall skinny stalk and only one head on it. I decided to baby it along and weed around it. As I pulled rocks from the area to get to the weeds, I noticed something unusual. The Sunflower had not started where I saw the stalk begin. It actually had begun under a big rock and grown under and around it to reach the sun.

That’s when I realized that if a tiny little Sunflower didn’t let a big rock stand in its way of developing, we too have the capability of doing the same thing. Once our environment begins to see that we believe in ourselves like that little Sunflower, we can attain the same nourishment and nurturing as well.

First, we need to believe in ourselves knowing we have the capabilities in achieving our desires. Like the Sunflower, it knew it had the capability to overcome its obstacle because it trusted in the Universal Truth and had faith it would succeed.

Stand tall like the Sunflower and be proud of who and what you are and the environment will begin to support you. You will find a way to go under or around your big obstacle in order to reach your desires.

Written by Tony Masiello

~~~

You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.

Harriet Woods

~~~

You’ll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If:

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

The choir is known as the “OK Chorale.”

Boone’s Farm “Tickle Pink” is the favorite wine for communion.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable.

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue.

The collection plates are really hub caps from a ’56 Chevy.

~~~

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

~~~

The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed her ex-husband at the bar.

“Honey,” she said as she pointed the guy out, “that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”

Her husband said, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that much.”

~~~

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.

~~~

Perks of Being Over 60

1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 

2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans and politicians.

12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with the music piped into the Mall.

16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

18. Your ankles swell and you can’t feel them either.

19. You have lost your sense of smell. 

20. Your taste buds only sense the alcohol in medicines. and worst of all…… You can’t remember who sent you this darn list.

~~~

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

~~~

The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children’s books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names.   She would then tell them they were signing a “Contract” for returning the books on time.

Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.

The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out.  The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.

Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, “That other Librarian we had could write.”

~~~

Ever notice that you have to get to church pretty early to find a seat in the back row?

~~~

A young man was walking past an old woman on a street corner, when she said, “Son, if it is not too much trouble, can you see me across the street.”

The young man said, “Just a minute.”  Then he walked across the street, looked back and yelled, “Yes, I can see you!”

~~~

Life brings what it brings. I might be young but I’ve learnt this: prepare for each blind corner with your strongest shoulder dropped, ready to smash through whatever is thrown at you next. Once the dust clears you will be standing tall, a champion, a victor. NOTHING will be able to knock you down once you’ve taken the biggest hits this life has to offer, so come on life, BRING IT!

Adam Johnson

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

We Need Statesmen

Ray’s Daily

March 24, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

A statesman is a politician who places himself at the service of the nation.

A politician is a statesman who places the nation at his service.

Georges Pomidou

Ray’s Daily first published on March 24, 2005

~~~

Over the years I have heard people ridicule and vilify our elected officials. Over that same period I have had the good fortune to spend a lot of time in Washington. Sometimes I represented the computer industry, on other occasions Indiana interests, health planning, and most recently the global needs of children. Over the years I found most members to be hard working, good men and women, people who put the concerns of their constituency and the nation above petty politics. Most have had outstanding staffs and worked hard to understand the issues of the day in order to make intelligent voting decisions. Sure many pandered to their constituents, maybe that is somewhat their role, but in the main they tried to do a good job, vote their conscious, and do so with some modicum of dignity. Civility was a required attribute of the effective member, especially on the Senate side.

Some of these people became friends, people that I have respected and liked. Some still are doing the job. But I am sad to report that I think that the current climate of total partisanship has taken its toll. The exercise of power and the utilization of threat by the leadership has forced too many to get in lock step as they go to what appears to be a battle to the death. The same dictatorial power is used to manage the members through the electorate, almost all seats in the House are totally protected from the threat of the other party, but the party can still run one of their members against an incumbent if he does not toe the line.

Are all issues so black and white that the members for all practical purposes feel comfortable voting as part of a partisan block? Have our representatives lost their ability to put statesmanship above politics because of the power of the leadership? Our country faces huge problems, staggering deficits, a national medical care crisis, under funded schools and public safety, and much more. It is a time when we need our best and brightest to help assure the future for our country, for ourselves, and especially for our children. Decisions should not be the result of intimidation or blackmail.

I guess what saddens me most is how so much of the public seems to buy into what is going on. They seem to see the world as made up of either enemies or friends, with no in between, some even to the point of hating anyone who has been labeled a Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative. They see little problem in emasculating the House Ethics Committee. For many it has become too easy to just categorize and label others, in that way we don’t have to worry about understanding the issues, all we have to do is be for or against people.

I am sorry to rant and rave in my daily. These thoughts are normally reserved for those of you who are on my public interest lists. It is just that recent events and the threatened meltdown in the Senate pose a great threat and could result in irreparable damage to the institutions that have served us so well for hundreds of years. I think we need to do what we can to make sure that does not happen.

~~~

A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman of the next generation.

James Clarke (1854 – 1916)

~~~

She said:

We were taking six children on a camping trip. I drove the lead car with our gear, and my husband followed in the station wagon. At a tollbooth, I realized that we hadn’t divided the cash supply, and my husband didn’t have any money. I paid a double toll, explaining to the woman attendant, “I’m paying for the car behind me. He has all those children and no money.”

Without cracking a smile, she replied, “Good! Keep him that way.”

~~~

Among the most effective labor-saving devices is the neighbor who hasn’t returned your garden tools.

~~~

I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on: “If you have been waiting longer than ten minutes, press eight. This will not speed up your call, but it will give you something to do while you wait.”

~~~

At the rate changes are occurring everywhere, anyone nostalgic for the “good old days” is yearning for last week.

~~~

There was a tailor named Mendel and he was worried about his business. Mendel was down to his last $50 and was torn between buying a sign and getting food for his family. Mendel decided to pray.

“Dear God,” he said, “I don’t know what to do. If I buy a sign it may bring in business, but I need to buy groceries for my family…and if the sign doesn’t bring in sales, we will starve.”

God replied, “Mendel, buy the sign. Don’t worry, your family won’t starve.”

So, Mendel bought the sign and business took off. The tailor fed his family and all was well. However, as time passed it became evident that Mendel couldn’t keep up with orders all by himself. He contemplated hiring on a helper, but wondered if he could afford it. So, he asked God if getting help would be a prudent move.

“Go ahead,” God tells Mendel, “hire some help, you’ll do okay.”

And so Mendel did. And business took off beyond his wildest dreams. After a time, the tailor decided to move to a larger site that would accommodate the growing demands of his business. As he surveyed certain locations, he found a perfect storefront, but the rental price was really steep.

“God,” Mendel again prayed, “I found the perfect place to relocate my business. But the cost of the lease worries me. I don’t want to get in over my head.”

“Go ahead and a get a lease on the store, Mendel,” said God. “Trust me, you’ll be okay–I haven’t steered you wrong yet, have I?”

So Mendel signed a lease on the 5th Avenue store and profits from his business went through the roof. Out of heartfelt gratitude, Mendel proposed to the Almighty that he dedicate the store to Him.

“How do you like the name “Yaweh and Mendel,” the tailor asked.

“Nah,” God said. “Let’s go with ‘Lord and Taylor.'”

~~~

Character isn’t inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts.

Helen Gahagan Douglas

~~~

An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. “Yumti-Bi,” he said, “you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here.” Yumti-Bi laid down and put his ear to the ground… “Heap large war party,” he says, “maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint…many many guns. Medicine man also with them.” “Good grief!” exclaims the General, “you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???” “No, General,” replied the Indian, “I can see under the gate…”

~~~

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Our dog, Longie, suddenly began barking daily at 4 a.m.

Irritated and sleepy, my husband, Larry, searched the back yard for what might have disturbed this otherwise placid animal. For three days he found nothing amiss.

Then the dog woke up the neighborhood at 3 a.m. with frantic barking. When Larry looked out the window, he discovered someone throwing pebbles to land near Longie.

Larry hurried outside and found the culprit. Crouching on the other side of the fence was our quiet neighbor, the last man you’d suspect of wrongdoing. My husband demanded to know what he was doing.

“My mother-in-law is visiting,” the embarrassed neighbor explained. “If she loses her beauty sleep another night, she says she’ll leave.”

~~~

Power always thinks it has a great soul and vast views beyond the comprehension of the weak; and that it is doing God’s service when it is violating all his laws.

President John Adams

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

My World

Ray’s Daily

March 23, 2021

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

Carol Burnett

As I have aged my world has become smaller, I still morn the plight of the millions who suffer each day as well as the loss of so many epidemic victums this past year. But I now live in my own world where I no longer face the challenges of the past. It is not that I have given up, it is because I no longer have the capacity to do what I once did.

I keep my current life as positive as I can. I don’t argue with those who disagree with me, I avoid the cynics and gravatite to those who chose to be happy. I do what I can for my wife and friends as we deal with the aging process. I find the following piece a good reminder that we should never give up.

There is a special place in life, that needs my humble skill, a certain job I’m meant to do, which no one else can fulfil.

The time will be demanding and the pay is not too good and yet I wouldn’t change it for a moment – even if I could.

There is a special place in life, a goal I must attain, a dream that I must follow, because I won’t be back again.

There is a mark that I must leave, however small it seems to be, a legacy of love for those who follow after me.

There is a special place in life, that only I may share, a little path that bears my name, awaiting me somewhere.

There is a hand that I must hold, a word that I must say, a smile that I must give for there are tears to blow away.

There is a special place in life that I was meant to fill, a sunny spot where flowers grow upon a windy hill.

There’s always a tomorrow and the best is yet to be, and somewhere in this world, I know there is a place for me.

Author Unknown

~~~

I dont want to hear the words “NOT POSSIBLE” they dont exist in my world

Rayvon L Browne

~~~

Been there?

* He wears the pants in the house – under his apron.  

* He has two chances of winning an argument with her – slim and none.  

* She leads a double life – hers and his.  

* He comes right out and says what she tells him to think.  

* She doesn’t have to raise the roof; all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.  

* He always has the last word – he says, “I apologize.”  

* The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.  

* He married her for her looks, but not the kind he’s getting now.  

~~~

A new survey shows most American teens are spending a lot more time with their parents.

That’s because in this economy, they’re all working weekends together at McDonald’s.

~~~

How old is…. Grandma? Stay with this — the answer is at the end — it will blow you away…

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.  The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandma replied,  “Well, let me think a minute, I was born, before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill.

There were no credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man had yet to walk on the moon.

Your Grandfather and I got married first and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, “Sir”- – and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, “Sir.”

We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong, and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing! Meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends — not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios.

If you saw anything with ‘Made in Japan’ on it, it was junk.

The term ‘making out’ referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, Starbucks, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent store where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

If you wanted to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail one letter and two postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600 but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day, “grass” was mowed, “coke” was a cold drink, “pot” was something your mother cooked in, and “rock music” was your grandmother’s lullaby.

“Aids” were helpers in the Principal’s office, “chip” meant a piece of wood, “hardware” was found in a hardware store, and “software” wasn’t even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a woman needed a husband

to have a baby.

No wonder people call us”old and confused” and say there is a Generation gap….. and how old do you think I am ???…..

Read on to see — Pretty scary if you think about it, and rather sad at the same time.

Grandma was born in 1946 .

~~~

Men who are getting on in years should console themselves with the thought that when they get too old to set bad examples, they can always start giving advice!

~~~

It was a beautiful wedding, but the mother of the bride seemed to be taking it too hard. Right after the ceremony, an old friend came up to console her. “Don’t cry,” said the friend. “They say girls marry men like their fathers.”

“I’ve heard that too,” said the mother. “That’s why I’m crying!”

~~~

I have my standards.  They may be low, but I have them.

Bette Midler

~~~

The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O’Brian was called for his question session.

“Property holder?”

“Yes, I am, Your Honor.”

“Married or single?”

“Married for twenty years, Your Honor.”

“Formed or expressed an opinion?”

“Not in twenty years, Your Honor.”

~~~

“I’ve make my own world; not for others. It is that place when I often get tired in this worldliness; I can take a power nap & boost up myself again for satisfying myself only. Just like a temple where we can feel the peace but again we go back to our own businesses.”

Sonal Takalkar

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Memories

Ray’s Daily

March 22, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

To observe attentively is to remember distinctly.

Edgar Allan Poe

Many if us as we age sometimes find ourselves having difficulty remembering. It makes many of us wonder if our problem is normal age related or early stage dementia. Fortunately most of us just find that we are a little slower brining things back then when we were younger.

The good news is that we can sharpen our minds and improve our memories, Years ago I saved the following abridged article on how we can improve our memories. Now all I have to do is remember to do what it says.

Five Tools for Improving Your Memory

by Dr. Barry Gordon

Tool #1: Paying Attention – The first tool is paying attention – think of it as a flashlight that focuses on what you want to remember. The biggest problem in general that people have with their memory is not paying attention. Attention is the gateway to your memory.

Tool #2: Organization – Organizing memories involves putting them into meaningful categories. What’s most meaningful will depend not just on what you’re trying to learn, but also how you intend to use what you’ve learned. People you meet, for example, might be categorized by how you know them – from work, leisure, or family – or by their interests. Organization gives you a way to file memories as you’re learning them, and also a way to find them again when you need them.

Tool #3: Making Connections – The third tool is related to organization but has its own place in the toolbox. It’s making sure that there are the right connections or links between your memories. Connections are useful for three major reasons. One is that they simply make memories much stronger and more permanent. Any single memory by itself can fade or get isolated, and be forgotten. But when that memory is linked with others, the whole network becomes very much stronger, and much easier to navigate.

Tool #4: Sharpening Your Intelligent Memory – Even though Intelligent Memory is largely unconscious, automatic, and fast, you can sharpen it by thinking through what you have to do slowly and deliberately. It’s just like learning how to drive or play a game like golf. If you work on getting each step right, you’ll be rewarded with skilled, rapid, automatic driving or playing.

Tool # 5: Having a Plan – Sometimes the best way to remember something is not to have to remember it at all. If you can, write it down! The worst pen is still better than the best memory. Also, the simple act of writing something down helps engrave it in your memory, and having it written down will also boost your confidence. So when you write something down, you may find you remember it perfectly, and never have to look at your note!

~~~

It takes one thought, one second, one moment or positive memory to act as a catalyst for the light to gradually seep in again.

Fearne Cotton

~~~

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WILLIE: Me!

~~~

** FATHERS OF 1900 and TODAY **

** In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

** In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.

** In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.

** In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn’t touch Dad’s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

** In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

** In 1900, fathers pined for old country Romania, Italy, or Russia. Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.

** In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, “Wake up, it’s time for school.” Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: “Wake up, it’s time for hockey practice.”

** In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table. Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, I’m at gym, Pizza in fridge.”

** In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream. Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons’ ears and shout, “WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE..”

** In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles. Today, a father spends $800 at Toys ‘R’ Us, and the kid screams: “I wanted XBox!”

~~~

Avoid temptation… unless you just can’t resist!

~~~

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner. “Mommy, how old are you?” she asked. “Now dear,” said her mother, “You should never ask a woman what her age is.” “Why not?” demanded Jenny. “Because it isn’t polite. You’ll understand better when you grow up.”

Jenny thought about it for a moment, then piped up, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?” “Jenny,” said her mother, “That’s not a question you ask people.” “Why not?” “Because it’s not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh. You’ll understand some day.”

“Mommy,” Jenny asked, “Why did you and Daddy get divorced?” “Darling,” her mother replied with a sigh, “That’s something that’s still very painful for Mommy, and I really can’t talk about it now. I’ll explain when you are a little older.”

The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother. The other little girl explained to her, “All you have to do is get a look at your mom’s driver’s license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it.” So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother’s purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully. That evening, she went back into the kitchen and announced, “I know how old you are, Mommy, you are 36!” Her mother looked down at her, surprised. “And I know how much you weigh said Jenny. “You weigh 135 pounds.” “Jenny, where did you learn this?” her mother asked. Jenny just smiled and continued, “And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.” Her mother just gasped and asked, “Why?” Jenny replied, “Because you got an F in sex!”

~~~

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the car’s air bag works…

~~~

Carolyn asks:

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on “Start”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

~~~

Show-off:  A child who is more talented than yours

~~~

Your memory is the glue that binds your life together; everything you are today is because of your amazing memory. You are a data collecting being, and your memory is where your life is lived.

Kevin Horsley

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Good Day Ahead

Ray’s Daily

March 19, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Even the worst days have an ending, and the best days have a beginning.

Jennifer Coletta

I hope you have as good a day as I will. I decided a long time ago not to waste time agonizing over my past woes. There just enough time in each day to waste some of it by shedding tears over what has already gone by. Starting each day with a clean slate provides us the opportunity to fill it with the good things we appreciate as the day passes.

I think the following poem is right on, I hope you will too

Yesterday’s Door

I have shut the door on yesterday,

Its sorrows and mistakes.

I have locked within its gloomy walls

Past failures and mistakes.

And now I throw the key away,

And seek another room.

And furnish it with hope and smiles,

And every spring-time bloom.

No thought shall enter this abode

That has a taint of pain.

And envy, malice, and distrust

Shall never entrance gain.

I have shut the door on yesterday

And thrown the key away.

Tomorrow holds no fear for me,

Since I have found today.

Author Unknown

~~~

I have learned over the years that the nicest thing I can do is to just say to myself, Good Morning Darling, I love you; we’re going to have a really great day today.

Louise Hay

~~~

As a member in good standing of the Society of Childlike Grownups, you are hereby entitled to:

Feel SCARED and sad and mad and Happy,

Give up worry, guilt and shame,

Stay Innocent,

Ask lots of questions,

Ride a bicycle,

~~~

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

~~~

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says, “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The Mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself–I’m going to make it hard for him–and says, “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence.”

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The three words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in one sentence.”

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green–I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?”

~~~

If at first you don’t succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

~~~

Herbert A Millington

Chair – Search Committee

Whitson University

College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Chris L. Jensen

~~~

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.

~~~

A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing.  He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit. In due time, he received an acknowledgement. “Thanks for the vase,” it read.  “It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately.”

~~~

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed though life trying to save.

~~~

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his

office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”

~~~

A day is a day. It’s just a measurement of time. Whether it’s a good day or a bad day is up to you. It’s all a matter of perception.

Donald L. Hicks

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Chose to be happy

Ray’s Daily

March 18, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Happiness is a function of accepting what is.

Werner Erhard

I am basicly a happy person. I am older than I thought I would be, I am living in a better place than I thought I would, and I am with people who have become my friends. And best of all I have three great children who do what they can to make my life as pleasant as it can be.

I have learned over the years that it is no use being unhappy over things that really are not that important. Recently Marc Chernoff published an article on what not to do if you want happiness. Here is anbriged copy of what he wrote.

10 Things You Do NOT Need to Be Happier in Life

  • To please everyone – Be careful not to give so much of yourself to others that you end up completely losing yourself.
  • Everything to be easy – You have to do hard things to be happy in life. The things no one else is doing. The things that frighten you. The things others can’t do for you.
  • Certainty and guarantees – Some people build too many walls in their lives and not enough bridges. It sounds crazy, but they would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy. Don’t be one of them.
  • To be better than others – The size of our universe shrinks dramatically when we place ourselves at the center, someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking to be richer, or smarter, or more attractive, who has not the slightest interest even in being better than anyone else.
  • More control over everything and everyone – Sometimes we put too much interest into trying to control every tiny aspect of our lives. Learn to relax and ride the path that life takes you sometimes.
  • Immense moments of glory –True, lasting happiness is found in the appreciation of all the small things.
  • Other people to constantly validate me – Relationships are essential, but happiness originates from within. It is not exclusively dependent on external validation or on other people.
  • Perfect harmony in all relationships at all times – Harmony in relationships is nice when it’s sincere, but too often we try to fake it. Effective communication is king. You have to talk it out sometimes. After all, the only way to be happy in life is to live with integrity.
  • A superior time and place –Appreciate your past without reliving it, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear. Life is simply too short to spend at war with yourself.
  • Happiness 24/7 – Absolutely no one is happy all of the time. Because you simply can’t be happy unless you’re unhappy sometimes. This is a harsh truth, I know. Just keep in mind that it’s perfectly normal to experience considerable fluctuations in your level of happiness from day to day, month to month, and even year to year.

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He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.

Marcus Aurelius

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Remember: No matter where you go; there you are.

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George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop. The flight was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the jump because of high winds. As the plane headed back to base, and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of the neophytes got airsick. “How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn’t handle the smooth landing?” asked George. “Well, Sir,” one trainee explained, “we’ve always jumped out of planes. We’ve never actually landed before.”

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Sane?  Hell, if I was sane why would I be here?

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Jill:  My ex was just impossible. Absolutely nothing pleased him. Tell me, Mary, were your exes hard to please?

Mary:  I wouldn’t know. I’ve never tried.

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The old make the rules, the young make up the exceptions.

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Mr. Dewey (of the famous law firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe) was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. “You must swear to tell the complete truth.  Do you understand?”

The client replied that he did.

The lawyer then asked, “Do you know what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?”

The client looked back and said, “I imagine that our side will win.”

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If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

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Soon after their last child left home for college, Linda’s husband was resting next to her on the couch with his head in her lap.

She carefully removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” she said sweetly, “Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married.”

“Honey,” he replied with a grin, “Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!”

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Thank you for holding. This call may be monitored for quality purposes.

Of course, if we really cared about quality we’d hire more people to answer the phone.

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California vintners in the Napa Valley area that primarily produces Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as Pinot More.

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Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.

Guillaume Apollinaire

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Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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