Ray's musings and humor

Archive for August, 2021

Truth

Ray’s Daily

August 31, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Yes, the truth may hurt but lies will become a crutch and will cripple you.

Stephen T. Scott

Ray’s Daily first published on August 31, 2004

One of the things that truly frightens me this political season is how easy it is for people I know to say whatever justifies the ends that they seek. The same applies to the advocacy groups, the political spokespersons, and others. What must our children think when they see us placing less value on truth and accuracy than we do on winning or getting what we want. It seems too easy to sacrifice morality for expediency. I did not write the following but I believe it is absolutely right.

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.

If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.

If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.

If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.

If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.

If you plant hard work, you will reap success.

If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.

If you plant openness, you will  reap intimacy.

If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.

If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

But…

If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust.

If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness.

If you plant pride, you will reap destruction.

If you plant envy, you will reap trouble.

If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation.

If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation.

If you plant greed, you will reap loss.

If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies.

If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles.

If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.

So, be careful what you plant, now; it will determine what you will reap tomorrow. The seeds you now scatter will make life worse or better for you or for the ones who will come after you.

Yes, someday, you will enjoy the fruits or you will pay for the choices you plant today.

Believe or not, it’s up to you.

~~~

It is unfortunate, considering that enthusiasm moves the world, that so few enthusiasts can be trusted to speak the truth.

Arthur James Balfour

~~~

There are a number of nurses and Doctors on our list. I don’t know if any of the nurses are graduate nurses but I guess I will find out,

A Graduate Nurse throws up when the patient does.

An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up.

A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you can’t read it.

An experienced nurse doesn’t wear a name badge for liability reasons.

A Graduate Nurse charts too much.

An experienced nurse doesn’t chart enough.

A Graduate Nurse loves to run to codes.

An experienced nurse makes graduate nurses run to codes.

A Graduate Nurse wants everyone to know they are a nurse.

An experienced nurse doesn’t want anyone to know they are a nurse.

A Graduate Nurse keeps detailed notes on a pad.

An experienced nurse writes on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, etc.

A Graduate Nurse will spend all day trying to reorient a patient.

An experienced nurse will chart the patient is disoriented and restrain them.

A Graduate Nurse can hear a beeping I-med at 50 yards.

An experienced nurse can’t hear any alarms at any distance.

A Graduate Nurse loves to hear abnormal heart and breath sounds.

An experienced nurse doesn’t want to know about them unless the patient is symptomatic.

A Graduate Nurse spends 2 hours giving a patient a bath.

An experienced nurse lets the CNA give the patient a bath.

A Graduate Nurse thinks people respect Nurses.

An experienced nurse knows everybody blames everything on the nurse.

A Graduate Nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they will get to change it.

An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anybody.

A Graduate Nurse looks for a chance “to work with the family”

An experienced nurse avoids the family.

A Graduate Nurse expects meds and supplies to be delivered on time.

An experienced nurse expects them to never be delivered at all.

A Graduate Nurse will spend days bladder training an incontinent patient.

An experienced nurse will insert a Foley catheter.

A Graduate Nurse always answers their phone.

An experienced nurse checks their caller ID before answering the phone.

A Graduate Nurse thinks psych patients are interesting.

An experienced nurse thinks psych patients are crazy.

A Graduate Nurse carries reference books in their bag.

An experienced nurse carries magazines, lunch, and some “cough syrup” in their bag.

A Graduate Nurse doesn’t find this funny.

An experienced nurse does.

~~~

“Make It Idiot Proof, and Someone Will Make a Better Idiot”

~~~

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes, sir,” the new recruit replied.

“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

~~~

All people smile in the same language.

~~~

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”

“22,” Rick replied.  After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realised he wouldn’t get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest…”

~~~

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

~~~

A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he’d just escaped a tornado.

“What’s wrong?” a woman asked.

“I just lost a game to Houlihan,” the pro said.

“What? But Houlihan’s the worst player I’ve ever seen. How could he have beaten you?”

“He tricked me,” the pro said. “On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes – any handicap he wanted. He said, ‘Just give me two gotchas.'”

“What’s a gotcha?” asked the woman.

“That’s what I wanted to know,” the pro said. “Houlihan said, ‘You’ll see.’ Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed out ‘Gotcha!'”

“I can guess what happened,” the woman said.

“Sure,” the pro said. “The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball completely.”

“Understandable,” the woman said. “But still, that’s only one swing. How did he win the game?”

The pro answered, “You try swinging at a golf ball while waiting for that second ‘gotcha!'”

~~~

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away.”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Laughter Works

Ray’s Daily

August 30, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.

Mignon McLaughlin

These are tough times. Afganistan events, increased Covid deaths, Haitian earthquate casualties, a monster hurricane, floods and devistaing forest fires are all taking their toll.

It is hard these days to find much to be happy about but we need to avoid becoming depressed. I have found humor to be helpful during bad times.

I hope you still can find occasional laughter to be good medicine during hard times. In order for us to be part of the solution and not of the problem we need to keep a strong sense of humor. Here are tips fom the Wisdomtimes blog that can be helpful

Tips for a Developing Sense of Humor

1. Seek out humorous company – Try to be in the company of people who possess a good sense of humor. This will allow you to watch them and pick up a few tricks on how to develop your own sense of humor.

2. Make laughing a habit – Make a habit of laughing at least 10 times a day.

3. Make fun of Yourself – Try to make fun of yourself when you are in a group. Use parodies, pun or even gestures and expressions to their surprise.

4. Finding a funny twist to everything – Consciously observe the funny side of everything and make your own funny stories about things and events.

5. Building a fun reserve – Creating your own collection of jokes and fun stories and remember to use them at appropriate occasions.

What to avoid

Being sarcastic or derogatory when trying to be jovial.

Criticizing the audience if they do not laugh.

Emotional Benefits

Humor works wonders to bind us together while lightening our burdens. All may not be lucky to have the best spouse, children or even in-laws. But being able to laugh together definitely helps us control our anger, anxiety or even resentful feelings and try to iron out the differences in an amicable manner.

~~~

It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself and the problems you face in life. Sense of humor can save you.

Margaret Cho

~~~

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 85, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore.

Jacob suggests that they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:” Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers ” Yes”.

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism? “

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob turns to Rebecca:

“Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them!

~~~

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves.

~~~

Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle of the night feeding?”

“No. I always did that.”

“That must have been before you had women’s liberation.”

“No, it was before we had baby bottles.”

~~~

Quote from telephone inquiry “We’re only hiring one summer intern this year and we won’t start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss’ daughter finishes her summer classes.

~~~

A priest was sitting on the steps of the church one spring day enjoying the sunshine.  He saw a young boy approaching him on the sidewalk pulling a wagon.  Every few yards one of the wheels would fall off the wagon, the boy would say “Damn!” put the wheel back on, and continue down the street, and a wheel would fall off again a few yards later.

As the boy neared the steps, the priest saw this as an opportunity to make an impression on the boy, and stopped him.  “You know,” he said to the boy, “when a wheel falls off your wagon, instead of using profanity, you should say ‘Praise the Lord!’ instead.”  He went on to tell the boy how Someone is always watching over us and how we should be careful to do the right thing at all times.

The boy acknowledged his words and thanked him, and went on down the street.  The priest stood there, feeling quite pleased with himself.  About 50 yards away from the steps, all four wheels fell off the wagon, the boy stopped, heaved a huge sigh, and said, “Praise the Lord!”  Instantly the wagon raised off the ground, all four wheels returned to their places.

Upon seeing this, the priest said, “Damn!”

~~~

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

Germaine Greer

~~~

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced.  “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?” Nine hands went up.

“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.

“Too much trouble,” came the reply.

~~~

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here’s an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now!

Follow this simple procedure:

     1) Hold down the shift key.

     2) Hit the 4 key four times.

~~~

“To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you’re overdoing it.”

Josh Jenkins

~~~

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn’t hear the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I’m sorry, Your Honor, I thought he was talking to you.”

~~~

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.

~~~

An older lady is making her first visit to her new doctor’s office. Before seeing the doctor she is required to fill-out forms. A nurse in the office offers to help her do this. The nurse starts by asking, “How old are you, Mrs. Silver?”

“None of your business,” she responds. The nurse then says, “But the doctor must know your age for his records.”

Mrs. Silver replies, “Okay. Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?”

“Yes.” answers the nurse.

“All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?”

The nurse says, “Zero.”

Mrs. Silver responds, “Right! And that’s exactly the chance of me telling you my age.”

~~~

A sense of humor is the best indicator that you will recover; it is often the best indicator that people will love you. Sustain that and you have hope.

Andrew Solomon

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Pride

Ray’s Daily

August 27, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real”

Thomas Merton

I have another early doctors appointment this morning so here is another reprint

Ray’s Daily first published on August 27, 2008

I had coffee with a media professional this morning where our conversation drifted to the pride we take in what we do. I shared with my friend that I felt that there are two kinds of pride, one is public the other is private. It is my feeling that far too many people fall into the trap of doing things only because it will provide them the ability to boast to others of their accomplishments. I am sure you know people who volunteer, join or do something just to get evidence that they can show to other people that demonstrates how special they are. I find many of them do what they do just for the notoriety and not because it is worth doing. I find this public display of pride to be overbearing and distasteful.

I relate more to those people who are driven by private pride. These are the folks that take pride in what they do and can at the end of each day feel good about their accomplishments. They don’t boast, they tend to be humble and in the process they gain the greatest gift we can give them, our respect.

I am sure I have been guilty of public pride, especially during my working years. My office walls were filled with plaques, awards, VIP photos, and the like. Fortunately not too many people saw what I had so I can rationalize that the display was for my personal reinforcement. In reality little of what I did then was as rewarding as what I have been able to do since. I think I have reached the point where I don’t think it is important that anyone else knows what I do as long as I do and that is more than enough for me.

It is in this spirit that I offer the following from Ralph Marston:

Anything you think to be “beneath” you will limit what you’re able to achieve. The people who are truly the most accomplished are those who do not consider themselves to be better than anyone else. Humility is critical to success. Why? Because lasting success in this world depends on the support of other people. And humility is a sincere expression of respect for those around you.

If others are constantly subjected to your pride and arrogance, then any success you manage to accomplish will be short-lived. Meaningful achievement comes from raising people up, not from putting them down. Those who are consumed with being better than everyone else, never give themselves the opportunity to be the best they can be.

Self importance and arrogant behavior reflect underlying weakness, while true strength, confidence and effectiveness are evidenced by quiet humility. Be a part of the world, not apart from the world, and your success will have a strong, solid foundation.

~~~

“Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige.

It is discovered in goodness, humility, service, and character.”

William Arthur Ward

~~~

An older man strode in to his doctors office and said, “Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” the doctor shot back. “And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?”

The old man says, “Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since December.”

~~~

“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.”

Pablo Casals

~~~

She said: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”

However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting.

~~~

The best cure for insomnia is plenty of sleep.

W.C. Fields

~~~

Two Jews, one old and one young, travel in a train in old Europe. The young Jew asks the Old Jew: -What time is it?

The old Jew does not answer.

After asking him 25 times, the young Jew seem to give up and asks the old Jew: – Tell me, why don’t you want to tell me what time it is?

The old Jew answers: – Because then you are going to ask me where I am going to and I will have to answer that I am going to Zlabodka to visit my beautiful daughter Lea and you will certainly ask if she is single and I will have to say that she is single and you will certainly ask to meet her for a Shiduch and the last thing I want in my life is my beautiful Lea to marry someone who does not have money even to by himself a watch!

~~~

There is no right way to do a wrong thing.

~~~

The teacher asks her class to give her a sentence about a public servant.

A small boy raises his hand right away, so the teacher calls on him.

“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” the boy says.

The teacher immediately took the lad aside to correct him.

“Do you know what pregnant means?” she asks.

“Sure,” replies the boy confidently. “It means ‘carrying a child.’ “

~~~

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

~~~

The story goes that four ministers had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd minister out, after the usual “3 to 1 majority rules” statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a *higher* authority.

“Oh, Lord!” he cried. “I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!” It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the minister finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. “A sign from God! See, I’m right, I knew it!” But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the minister prayed again: “Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, Lord, a bigger sign!” This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

“I told you I was right!” cried the minister, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The minister was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just as he said, “Oh God…,” the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, “HEEEEEEEE’S RIIIIIIIGHT!”

The minister put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, “Well?!”

“So,” shrugged one of the other ministers, “now it’s 3 to 2.”

~~~

Don’t judge those who try and fail, judge those who fail to try.

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Attitude

Ray’s Daily

August 26,2021

http://rays-daily.com

Our attitude towards others determines their attitude towards us.

Earl Nightingale

I have learned over the years that my happiness is due in no small part to my attitude. By focusing on the positive we don’t waste time on the debilitating effects of negativism. The bright side of life is as much due to what we chose to see as to all there there is to see. I don’t mean we should ignore the bad stuff but rather that we don’t let it distract us from staying positive.

I honestly feel it is our attitude that defines us. I think the following is true.

Attitude on Life

The longer I live, the more I realise the impact of attitude on life.

It is more important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than whatever anyone might say or do.

It is more important than appearances, giftedness or skill.

The remarkable thing is that we have the choice to create the attitude we have for that day.

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the way people act. We cannot change the inevitable.

The one thing we can change is the only thing we have control over, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what actually happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Charles Swindoll

~~~

People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Anonymous

~~~

A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.

Dorothea Kent

~~~

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed, “This is Mr. Magillicutty. I need you to bury my wife.”

“Mr. Magillicutty? Sidney Magillicutty?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Didn’t I bury your wife 10 years ago?” the undertaker asked.

“I got married again,” the man sobbed.

“Oh,” replied the undertaker. “Congratulations.”

~~~

“Out of My Mind — Will Be Back Shortly”

~~~

Here are some actual comments made by NYC Teachers on student’s report cards. These comments were made as part of their final narratives.

All the Teachers were reprimanded, but they said it was worth it!

1. “Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.”

2. “I would not allow your student to breed.”

3. “Your child has delusions of adequacy.”

4. “Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

5. “Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

6. “The student has a “full six pack” but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”

7. “This child has been working with glue too much.”

8. “When your daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.”

9. “The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is not coming.”

10. “If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

11. “It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.”

~~~

“Growing Old Is Mandatory — Growing Up Is Optional”

~~~

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you, Grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”

The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that, dear?” she asked.

The little boy replied, “I heard Daddy tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again!”

~~~

“It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers.”

James Thurber

~~~

An elderly man was driving down the freeway, and the car phone rings. Answering, he found it was his son’s voice urgently warning, “I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-285.  Please! Be careful!”

“Hey!” said the senior citizen, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

~~~

The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.

“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.

“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean much impressed.

“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”

~~~

“Statistics Means Never Having to Say you’re Certain”

~~~

Barbara said, I returned to my parents’ home to attend a funeral. At the funeral my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar.  “Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?” she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me. He must be the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother’s funeral. “It’s good to see you again, Rabbi,” I said. “Though I wish it weren’t always under such tragic circumstances.  “The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away. A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother.

“Imagine,” she whispered, “after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your wedding!”

~~~

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.

Khalil Gibran

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

How To Enjoy Life

Ray’s Daily

August 25, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”

Gordon B. Hinckley

What have you been up to? I hope whatever it is that you focus on your own well being. Don’t be like the folks who are too busy to enjoy their lives. Too many of us sit back and wait for our happiness while others achieve it by taking the steps that result in the good life.

Here are some of the steps that can lead you on the path of a happier life. So my friend enjoy your self I know I will.

How to Enjoy Your Life and Your Job

By Thomas J Law

Learning how to enjoy life takes practice and effort, but the rewards will always be well worth the effort. Here are 20 things that you can practice to enjoy every day more:

  • Practice gratitude
  • Work on mindfulness
  • Put yourself first
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Celebrate small wins
  • Rest and recuperate
  • Invest in yourself
  • Nurture positive relationships
  • Meet new people
  • Consume less news and social media
  • Try new things
  • Get rid of clutter
  • Spend money on experiences, not possessions
  • Exercise regularly
  • Spend more time in nature
  • Track your time
  • Cultivate a purpose
  • Contribute to others
  • Overcome destructive habits
  • Commit to mastering something

~~~

“Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight.”

Gordon B. Hinckley

~~~

Here are some fisherman definitions:

  • Catch and Release – A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it’s limit.
  • Hook – (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his life savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman’s wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).
  • Line – Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.
  • Lure – An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.
  • Reel – A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.
  • Rod – An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
  • School – A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for Spam instead.
  • Tackle – What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
  • Tackle Box – A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.
  • Test – (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming “that darn line” for once again losing the fish.

~~~

A sales clerk asked his boss how to handle people who complained about the current prices compared to the low prices in the good old days.

“Just act surprised and tell them you didn’t think that they were old enough to remember them.”

~~~

THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…   “Just wait until we get home.”  

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING….   “You are going to get it when we get home!”  

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE…   “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you…   Don’t talk back to me!”  

4. My Mother taught me LOGIC…   “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me.”  

5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE…   “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”  

6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD…   “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”  

7. My Mother taught me ESP…   “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”  

8. My Mother taught me HUMOR…   “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”  

9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT…   “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”  

10. My Mother taught me about SEX….   “How do you think you got here?”  

11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS…   “You’re just like your father.”  

12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS…   “Do you think you were born in a barn?”  

13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE…   “When you get to be my age, you will understand.  

14. And my all time favorite… JUSTICE…   “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you….Then you’ll see what it’s like.”  

~~~

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence.

William F. Buckley

~~~

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.  The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, “Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand.”

The new priest tries this.

The old priest suggests, “Try saying things like, ‘I see, yes, go on,’ and ‘I understand.  How did you feel about that?'”

The new priest says those things.

The old priest says, “Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying ‘You’re putting me on!!!  What happened next?'” 

~~~

Every teenager should get a high school education — even if they already know everything

~~~

The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her. She shook her head and told him she didn’t have any money with her.

“No problem,” the Hodja grinned. “You can pay me later.” She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste.

“Oh no, I can’t, I’m fasting,” she responded.

“Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!”

“Yes, well, I missed a day and I’m making it up now. Go ahead and give me a kilo of the black olives.”

“Forget it!” shouted the Hodja. “If it took you 6 months to pay back a debt you owed ALLAH, who knows when you’ll get around to paying me!”

~~~

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.”

David Brinkley

~~~

Carolyn sent this to me, she is a happy person.

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me and at this time we all could use a little… calm! By following the simple advice I read in an article I have finally found inner peace… The article read:

“The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started.”

So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished… and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey’s, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, the Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.

~~~

“Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile, laugh as much as you breathe, and love as long as you live.”

Rachel Ann Nunes

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

She is 105

Ray’s Daily

August 24. 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“It’s not how old you are. It’s how you are old.”

Jules Renard

I have a number of friends well up in age, some over a hundred years old. I recently got an article from the Central Indiana Council on Aging that included the following story. It reminded my of many of my fellow seniors who stay happy and active.

Taking Time to Thrive at 105

Alice McGinnis

Ask Alice McGinnis, who turned 105 this summer, about the secret to her longevity.

“I never get in a hurry,” she says.

Today, Alice likes to listen to books on tape. She could write her own book, given all she has experienced and accomplished. But throughout her life, Alice has been determined to look forward and not back.

Never Stop Learning – After her husband of 51 years, Hobart, passed in 1986, Alice found new ways not just to stay busy, but to thrive. She was in her early 70s when she took art classes at the high school in Salem, Ind. Her specialty was painting landscapes and flowers, a skill she loved to show off in her own note cards that she would mail to friends and family.

In her 80s Alice took a literature course offered through Indiana University and earned a B+ in the class, which she proudly described as demanding. Inspired, she joined a local group of storytellers who met monthly at the library to share and critique their writing. 

Impressed with Alice’s skills and insights, one of the members asked her to help edit a book he was writing. The published work, The Hole, credits Alice’s efforts in its acknowledgements. It is one of her cherished honors.

Well into her 90s, Alice continued to live by herself in her house, tending to the garden, the yard and the kitchen. She also found time for crossword puzzles, card games and dominoes, a daily journal and, of course, painting.

Remaining Independent with Support Services – At 99, with her health and vision declining, Alice moved to Indianapolis to live with her daughter, Mary.

Through Central Indiana Consel on Aging (CICOA), Alice got connected to in-home support services that have helped her maintain a level of independence and optimize her quality of life. Alice receives daily meals and personal care assistance, which allows Mary valuable time to attend to her own needs, also.

Marking a Milestone – There is one story Alice loves to share.

Alice and Hobart often drove from Salem to Louisville, Ky., a trip of about 40 miles. Crossing the Ohio River from Indiana into Kentucky, they could see an old railroad bridge. In 2014, the dilapidated structure was replaced by a new pedestrian bridge, and Alice vowed one day to cross it.

Never in a hurry, on her 100th birthday Alice climbed aboard a golf cart and, accompanied by 75 family members and friends walking beside her, made her bridge crossing. She was a local celebrity that day, basking in the attention from the Louisville-area media.

~~~

“It matters not how long we live but how.”

Philip James Bailey

~~~

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round

or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? 

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight

or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

Do you run through each day on the fly?

When you ask “How are you?” Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed

with the next hundred chores running through your head? 

Ever told your child, “We’ll do it tomorrow.”

And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?

Just call to say “Hi”?

When you worry and hurry through your day,

it is like an unopened gift….Thrown away…

Life is not a race. Take it slower.

Hear the music before the song is over.

~~~

Patience in the present, faith in the future, and joy in the doing

George Perera

~~~

Sam Cohen, father of 3 and faithful husband for over 40 years, unexpectedly drops dead one day. His lawyer informs his widow that Stu Schwartz, Sam’s best friend since childhood, is to be executor of the will. The day comes to divide Sam’s earthly possessions, over a million dollars’ worth. In front of Sam’s family, Stu reads the will:

“Stu, if you’re reading this, then I must be dead. You’ve were such a good friend for so long, how can I ignore you in this will? On the other hand, there are my beloved Sophie and my children to be looked after. Stu, I know you can make sure my family is taken care of properly. So Stu, give what you want to her and take the rest for yourself.” Stu then looks at the survivors and tells them that, in accordance with Sam’s instructions, Stu will give fifty thousand dollars to Sam’s widow. The rest he is retaining for himself.

The family is beside itself. “This is impossible! Forty years of marriage and then *this*?!  It can’t be!” So the family sues. Their day in court arrives, and after testimony from both sides, the judge gives his verdict: “To Stuart Schwartz, I award fifty thousand dollars of the contested money. The remainder shall go to Sophie Cohen, widow of the deceased.”

Needless to say, the family is elated, but Stu is dumbfound. “Your honor, how can you do this? The will made Sam’s wishes quite clear: ‘Give what you want to her and take the rest for yourself!’  I wanted the lion’s share! What gives?”

The judge answered back, “Mr. Schwartz, Sam Cohen knew you his whole life. He wanted to give you something in gratitude. He also wanted to see his family taken care of. So he drew up his will accordingly. But you misread his instructions. You see, Sam knew just what kind of a person you are, so with his family’s interest in mind, he didn’t say, “Give what you want to her and keep the rest for yourself.’  No. What Sam said was, “Give what YOU want to HER; and keep the rest for yourself.”

~~~

Q: What do you instantly know when you see a well-dressed husband?

A: His wife is good at choosing his clothes.

~~~

Howard came home from work one evening and there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.

“What’s the matter, darling?” he asked her.

“I just don’t know what to do,” said Miriam. “Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner – but the dog has just eaten it.”

“Don’t worry,” said Howard, “I’ll get us another dog.”

~~~

Sign spotted in a toilet in a London office block:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

~~~

Stan was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Stan answered.

“I’d like to talk to your mother or father,” she said.

“Sorry, but they ain’t here.”

“Stan!” she said, “what is it with your grammar?”

“Beats me,” he replied, “but dad sure was mad that they had t’go bail her out again!”

~~~

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:

either the car or his wife is new.

~~~

Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out?

Yes. With whom? With a friend.

I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me!

You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybody and nobody. I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?

I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. There are lots of things that you did and I don’t.

What are you hinting at? Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.

You’re going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?

My EX husband. I don’t think he would be bothered.  From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!

So you’re going to sleep over at this loser’s place? He’s not a loser.

A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.

I don’t want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Poor children with such a mother.

Such as what? With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.

ENOUGH !!

Don’t scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Now you’re worried about the loser?

Ah, so you see he’s a loser. I spotted him immediately.

Goodbye, mother.

Wait! Don’t hang up! When are you bringing them over?

I’m not bringing them over! I’m not going out!

If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

~~~

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

Sophia Loren

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Life Goes On

Ray’s Daily

August 23, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.”

Robert Kiyosaki

I am off to a doctor’s appointment this morning so we will again return to yesteryear.

Ray’s Daily first published on August 23, 2007

Some days are more disappointing then others, today was one of those. As most of you know I have been suffering from energy sapping Atrial Fibrillation for weeks now. The problem will be solved when I get some heart surgery that I thought would take place soon. When I met with the heart surgeon today I learned that I have to be off my current A-fib medication for at least two months before they can do the procedure.

This means that I will frequently be operating at half energy or less for the next few months. I will have to limit my activities somewhat so there will be things I won’t be able to do. I am concerned that my friends will be so understanding that they will no longer ask me to do anything. While I may have to avoid making commitments where my participation is important to the success of the activity so because I am sometimes physically exhausted to the point that the only contribution I might make would be to mess something up.

If people stop asking me to have lunch, coffee, meet, or do something of value I will need mental therapy. What would I do if I didn’t have things to do? I can only nap so long each day, so I am going to play as much as I can and hopefully do some good along the way. I hope to find out when the operation will take place soon as I need to know because of some volunteer commitments as well as a booked tour in November and a New year’s cruise in December.

Life goes on but just at a little slower pace for awhile.

~~~

There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.

Jane Austen

~~~

Two older women, Judy and Monica, who were rivals in a social circle met at a party.

“My dear,” said Monica, “Are those real pearls?”

“They are,” replied Judy.

“Of course, the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them,” smiled Monica.

Judy responded, “Yes, but for that you would need real teeth.”

~~~

The Earth is full – go home.

~~~

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y’allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are xamples excerpts from the Y’allbonics/English dictionary:

RETARD – (verb) – To stop working.

Usage “My grampaw retard at age 65.”

FAT – (noun), (verb) – a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.

Usage “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh.”

RATS – (noun) – Entitled power or privilege.

Usage “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”

~~~

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

~~~

“It’s no good, sir,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. “I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.”

“Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher. “But you only have two ears, boy.”

“You see, sir? I’m no good at math, either!”

~~~

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

~~~

When a grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move to Israel.  As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts.  The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints – this hurts, that’s stiff, I’m tired and slower, etc.

He responded with, “Mrs. Siegel, you have to expect things to start deteriorating.  After all, who wants to live to 100?”

The grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, “Anyone who’s 99.”

~~~

“The thing you have to be prepared for is that other people don’t always dream your dream.”

Linda Ronstadt

~~~

As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block.

All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly. They glared at us with looks of disgust. Suddenly, we realized why………we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them….

~~~

It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

~~~

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”

The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled,

“Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!”

~~~

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

~~~

The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and primary student residence of the small Catholic university where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker’s ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness experienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded the college.

“This must be difficult to watch, Father,” I said. “The tradition associated with that building, the memories of all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”

“It’s worse than that,” the monk replied. “I think I left my PalmPilot in there.”

~~~

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.

~~~

The manager of a glass and window company had advertised for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 20 years of experience.

He asked, “Where have you worked as a glazier”?

Came the reply, “Dunkin’ Donuts.”

~~~

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

We Need Each Other

Ray’s Daily

August 20, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

And as ridiculous as it may sound, sometimes all any of us needs in life is for someone to hold our hand and walk next to us.

James Frey

I doubt that there is anything more important than the companionship of others. It is our friends and loved ones who help us celebrate the god times and help us through the bad times. As we grow older we need to replenish our supply of friends. Ihave found that the glue that binds friendship is trust and empathy.

I think it is up to ourselves to nuture friendhips by having a sincere interest others. I know it is the companionship of my fellow residents in our Independent Living facility that make my days as pleasant as they are.

Here is a story that reminds us of the value of trust.

Sweet Dreams

A young boy and girl were enjoying a pleasant afternoon playing outside in their neighborhood together. The boy showed the girl his collection of beautiful, unique marbles. In turn, the girl showed the boy the handful of candy that she had just gotten for her birthday.

The boy proposed that the two of them switch–he would give her all of his marbles if she handed over all of her candy. The girl agreed, as she found the marbles to be beautiful as well.

The boy handed over all of his marbles, but kept one–the most exquisite one of them all–in his pocket. The girl kept her promise and gave the boy all of her candy.

inspirational stories of success | short inspirational stories about life | inspirational stories for college students

You have to be a participating factor in your relationship if you want it to be built on trust.

That night, the girl was happy with the exchange and peacefully went to sleep.

The boy, however, couldn’t sleep, as he was up wondering if the girl had secretly kept some of her candy, just like he did with the marble.

The Moral:

If you don’t give 100% in your relationships, you will always assume your partner isn’t giving 100% either. If you want your relationships to be built on trust, you have to be a participating factor in that.

~~~

She was struck by the simple truth that sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people…

Nicholas Sparks

~~~

My wife and I got married in New York 68 years ago, believe me these were true.

“39 ways to tell your a New Yorker”

1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.

2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

3. You can get into a four-hour argument about “the best” way to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.

4. You never pronounce the letter “R.”

5. The subway makes sense.

6. The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro.

7. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.

8. You’ve considered stabbing someone just for saying “The Big Apple.”

9. Your door has more than three locks.

10. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

11. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

12. You call an 8-by-10-foot plot of patchy grass a yard.

13. You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Wapner.

14. You think Central Park is “nature.”

15. You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer’s speaking.

16. You’re paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it’s a “steal.”

17. You’ve been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.

18. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.

19. You haven’t seen more than 12 stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.

20. You go to dinner at 9pm and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.

21. Your closet is filled with black clothes.

22. You haven’t heard the sound of true absolute silence since 1977, and when you did it terrified you.

23. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.

24. You take fashion seriously.

25. Being truly alone makes you nervous.

26. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

27. Going to Brooklyn is considered a “road trip.”

28. America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.

29. You have jaywalking down to an art form.

30. You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

31. You haven’t cooked a meal since helping mom last Thanksgiving.

32. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.

33. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

34. $50 worth of groceries fits in one paper bag.

35. You have a minimum of five “worst cab ride ever” stories.

36. You don’t hear sirens anymore.

37. You’ve mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city’s air quality and what it’s doing to your lungs.

38. You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.

39. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watch-seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian, and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.

~~~

If the computer is so smart, how come it gets blamed for our mistakes?

~~~

A concerned Father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship.

“I’ll say he is Daddy,” she replied. “Why just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you guys are easy to get along with.

~~~

“You are not responsible for the face you are given, but you are responsible for the expression on it.”

Anonymous

~~~

Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish Texan is sitting between them. The first Texan says, “My name is Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1000 head of cattle and they call my place The Jolly Roger”

The second Texan says, ‘ My name is John. I own 350,000 acres. I have 5000 head of cattle and they call my place Big Johns’.

They both look down at the Jewish man who says, ‘ My name is Irving and I own 300 acres ‘ .  Roger looks down at him and say, ‘ 300 Acres ? What do you raise ? ‘ ‘Notink’ Irving says. Well then, what do you call it?’ Asked John.

‘Downtown Dallas.’

~~~

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, “Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?”

“Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife.”

~~~

“I Know About Stressed — It’s Desserts Spelled Backwards”

~~~

Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Boca Raton, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Shirley says, “Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?”

Abe says, “Do I care?”

A few minutes later Shirley says, “Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?”

Abe says, “Who cares?”

A few more minutes pass and Shirley says, “Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?”

Abe says, “Shirley, I really don’t care what you wear, but if you don’t move your tuchas, we’re going to miss the Early Bird Special.

~~~

The essentials: air, food, water, sleep, leisure, exercise, solitude, companionship. The inessentials: everything else.

Marty Rubin

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Doing Well

Ray’s Daily

August 19, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Keep your vitality. A life without health is like a river without water.

Maxime Lagacé

Ray’s Daily first published on August 19, 2004

 The other day I had to fill out a health questionnaire at the hospital. One of the questions was how is your over all health? the options were poor, fair, good, or excellent, I chose good. Later a friend asked how could I possibly choose good when I have to:

  • Use a CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) machine at night because of sleep apnia,
  • Get weekly injections of iron because of anemia,
  • Use a pacemaker because of atrial fibrillation,
  • Take a handful of pills twice a day for hypertension, occasional respiratory problems, arthritis, and the like.

The more I thought about her question the more sure I was of my answer. My CPAP machine has helped me sleep better than most people I know. My iron injections are magical creators of energy. My pacemaker keeps my heart running in a way that allows me to live a fuller life than many others. My pills are like magic potions that help keep my vitals at normal levels while so many other folks numbers are outside healthy limits.

So each day the sun rises providing me the opportunity to enjoy another 24 hours. I may move a little slower and not walk quite as far, but that is ok since it gives me more time to enjoy what’s around me as I travel through my daily adventures. Come to think of it maybe I did check the wrong box, maybe I should have checked excellent. Reviewing my health status makes me realize just how fortunate I am to be well insured so that I can access my caregivers in the health system as needed, I grieve for the millions that are not as fortunate as I as many have to report poor health when asked.

~~~

The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who asks for help when he needs it.

Whether he has an abscess on his knee or in his soul.

Rona Barrett

~~~

A elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone he said,

“There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if anyone has gone to heaven, he has.” They walked on a bit further and then came to another grave. The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, “Now there’s a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to hell, he has.”

The little boy thought for a while and then said,

“You know, Grandpa, you are very lucky.”

“Why?” asked the old man in surprise.

“Well, whichever place you go to, you’ll have some money to draw on.”

~~~

“Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age, and to imagine right up to the brink of death that life is only beginning. I think that is the only way to keep adding to one’s talent, and one’s inner happiness.”

George Sand

~~~

She said: My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

“Honey!” he called excitedly. “You’ve got to come here and see what I found.”

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet.

~~~

Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.

~~~

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:

“An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.”

She wasn’t selected for the jury.

~~~

What an automated society we live in.

Have you ever noticed that when a traffic signal turns green, it automatically activates the horn of the car behind you?

~~~

Cartoon Laws Of Physics

Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.

Cartoon Law II Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.

Cartoon Law III Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.

Cartoon Law IV The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Cartoon Law V All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Cartoon Law VI As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

Cartoon Law VII Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l’oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall’s surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting.

Cartoon Law VIII Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives, might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

Cartoon Law Amendment A A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B The laws of object permanence are nullified for “cool” characters.

Cartoon Law Amendment C Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.

Cartoon Law Amendment D Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.

Cartoon Law Amendment E Dynamite is spontaneously generated in “C-spaces” (spaces in which cartoon laws hold).

~~~

You never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with him.

Lou Holtz

~~~

A minister planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service, had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.

“Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?” he asked.

Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

~~~

Never hurry. Take plenty of exercise.

Always be cheerful. Take all the sleep you need.

You may expect to be well.

James Freeman Clarke

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Have No Regrets

Ray’s Daily

August 18, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Regret is mostly caused by not having done anything.

Charles Bukowski

No matter how old we are we still have the ability to work on can enjoy our lives. The tough part is that we too often miss things we could do to enhance the days we have left. Awhile ago Marc Chernoff sent me his thoughts on opportunities we might regret if they are missed. Here are excerpts from that article for your consideration.

10 Regrets Too Many People Will Have in 10 Years

In the end, more than anything else, we regret the small chances we didn’t take, the priceless relationships we were too busy to nurture, and the good decisions we waited too long to make.

Not spending enough quality time with the right people. — At some point, you’ll just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons. Never be too busy to make room in your day for the ones who matter most.

Not expressing your love openly and honestly with those you love. —Express your love! Tell people what you need to tell them. Don’t shy away from important conversations because you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Hearts are often confused and broken open by words left unspoken.

Basing a significant portion of your self-worth on other people’s opinions of you. — We tend to forget that most people judge us based on experiences from their own life that have absolutely nothing to do with us. For example, a person might assume things about you based entirely on a troubled past experience they had with someone else who looks somewhat like you. Therefore, basing any part of your self-worth on what they think puts you in limbo—you are literally at the mercy of their unreliable, bias perspective.

Being too busy impressing others and forgetting about what matters to YOU. — Ten years from now it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way. So forget about impressing people for the sake of it. Be real instead! If you want to impress someone, impress yourself by making progress on something you’re sincerely proud of. Focus on what matters! It’s truly amazing what you can accomplish in a day when you aren’t incessantly worried about what everyone else in the world is thinking and doing.

Letting uncertainty paralyze you. — Trust me now and thank me later, embrace uncertainty! Because some of the most incredible chapters of your life won’t have a title you feel comfortable with until much later.

Holding on too tight to every ideal, and then missing out on real opportunities. — You can’t lose what you never had, you can’t keep what’s not yours, and you can’t hold on to something that does not want to stay. But you can drive yourself mad by trying. What you need to realize is that most things are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them. Stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels right!

Playing the victim for far too long. — If you always play the victim, you will always be treated like one. Life isn’t fair, but you don’t have to let the past define your future.

Waiting, overanalyzing, and never taking the necessary steps. — Too often we waste our time waiting for the ideal path to appear, but it never does, because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting.

Being too busy to appreciate your life. — Take action, work hard, but don’t forget to pause and pay attention to life’s little moments too. That’s honestly the best advice there is. Realize that life is simply a collection of little chances for happiness, each lived one moment at a time.

~~~

The one thing I learned is to just give everything a shot. You don’t want to live in regret.

 Chloe Kim

~~~

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

~~~

“An old timer is a man who’s had a lot of interesting experiences — some of them true.”

~~~

When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc.  It comes from my family.”

“Your mother’s side or your father’s?” the doctor asked.

“Neither,” he replied.  “It’s from my wife’s family.”

“Oh, come now,” the doctor said.  “How could your wife’s family give you high blood pressure?”

He sighed.  “You oughta meet ’em sometime, Doc!”

~~~

“Any husband who says, ‘My wife and I are completely equal partners,’  is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.”

 Bill Cosby

~~~

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody- or-other had printed it.

“Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector.

“Yes, that was it!”

“You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!”

“Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. “It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther.”

~~~

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”

W. C. Fields

~~~

A guy walked into his friend’s office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

“Hey, what’s up with you?” he asks.

“Oh, its my wife,” replied the man sadly. “She’s hired a new secretary for me.”

“Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?”

“Neither, He’s bald.”

~~~

A computer expert is someone who can tell you logically why he doesn’t know what to do about your problem.

~~~

An airline customer-service agent got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board.

He told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. He further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over.

“I’ll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!” she said, and hung up.

~~~

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

~~~

This lady went with her daughter to visit a prestigious university, and the student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told them that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended the daughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. “We get so many applicants,” she boasted, “because of the stature of the school.”

After the tour the mother asked our guide, “So, why did you choose this school?”

“Oh,” she replied, “my boyfriend works at the McDonald’s across the parking lot.”

~~~

We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here now with the power to shape your day and your future.

Steve Maraboli

about:blan

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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