Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2019

Don’t Wait

Ray’s Daily

March 29, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“To insure good health: eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.”

William Londen

Active

Years ago I asked friends to develop a program entitled, “What to do when there is nothing left to do on your Things To Do List”. Many of us find after we retire that a time comes when we find ourselves with little to do and we stand the chance of stagnating,

Mental and physical good health depends on our staying active. So we search for something to do. The other day Angel Chernoff published a list of options that I liked and I want to share some of her choices with you today.

Little Things You Should Start Making Time for Again

  • It’s time to start taking better care of yourself again. –It’s your duty, and yours alone, to keep your inner light shining bright.  So learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you. 
  • It’s time to start indulging in your passions and hobbies again. – Do fall in love, not always with a person, but with an aim, an ambition, a passion.  Even if you can only dedicated 20 minutes a day to something you love, DO IT.  No excuses, no regrets.
  • It’s time to start spreading joy again. – BE the change you want to see.  Love fearlessly and without limits.  Smile, and help others smile too.  If you don’t have the power or strength to write someone’s happiness, then try to help them remove their sadness instead.
  • It’s time to start up quality conversations with loved ones again. –Relationships flourish when two people are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts about themselves and each other.
  • It’s time to start listening to others (without judgment) again. –Keep in mind that wisdom is not just knowing when to stand up and speak, but when to sit down quietly and listen.
  • It’s time to start enjoying peaceful downtime again. – You deserve quiet moments away from the daily hustle, in which no problems are confronted, no solutions are explored, and no demands are being made of your time.
  • It’s time to start reading good books again. – Books are truly the perfect entertainment: no advertisements, no batteries, hours of delight and education, and no cost with a library card.
  • It’s time to start celebrating the small victories of each day again. – Sure, not every day will be good, but there will be something good about every day.  Notice these things and celebrate them.

~~~

“If you have health, you probably will be happy, and if you have health and happiness, you have the wealthDon’t you need, even if it is not all you want.”

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are proposing to have a special ‘No Excuse Sunday.’

  1. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, ‘Sunday is my only day to sleep in.’
  2. They will have steel helmets for those who say, ‘The roof will cave in if I ever came to church.’
  3. Blankets will be furnished for those who say it is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.

4.There will be hearing aids for those who say, ‘The pastor speaks too softly,’ and cotton for those who say, ‘He preaches too loudly.’

5 Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.

  1. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.
  2. There will be TV dinners for those who can’t go to church and cook dinner too.
  3. Golf clubs will be available for practice swings for those who like to golf on Sunday.

~~~

Daddy, what does “Formatting Non-removable Disk” mean?

~~~

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch  I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again!  If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.

The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife was weeping.  She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas!  I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the blond’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “He made his own lunch.”

~~~

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill to have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

~~~

The Catholic Church’s air conditioning broke down, so they had to hire a man to crawl around in the ducts and figure out what was wrong. As the man peeked down through one of the vents in the sanctuary, he saw little old Mrs. Murphy kneeling by the altar, apparently saying her rosary. Since the man was a fundamental Baptist, he thought it’d be funny to try and mess with the lady’s mind. In his best authoritative voice, he said, “This is Jesus. Your prayers will be answered.”

The little old lady didn’t even blink, just kept on saying her prayers. The man decided maybe she didn’t hear him, and tried again. “This is Jesus, the Son of God! Your prayers will be answered!” Again, she didn’t react at all. Mustering up a big breath of air, the man decided to try again. “THIS IS JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD! YOUR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED!” The lady looks up and says, “SHUT UP! I’M TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!”

~~~

“Health is a state of complete harmony of the body, mind and spirit. When one is free from physical disabilities and mental distractions, the gates of the soul open.”

B.K.S. Iyengar

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Did I hear you right?

Ray’s Daily

March 28, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Robert McCloskey

Misunderstanding

Today I would like to share with you a Daily I wrote 12 years ago, I think many of us don’t stop to listen or clarify what has been said which results in misunderstanding and even conflict.

Ray’s Daily first published on March 28, 2007

Misunderstanding seems like too mild a word for what I often see around me. More often than not deep hurt or anger comes from misunderstood communications. Each of us hears through years of conditioning and our own attitudes and prejudices resulting in disconnects because someone else has a whole different set of filters. It sometimes seems as if we need a translator to have our words mean the same to someone else as they do to ourselves. It is sad how often turmoil is created because we walked away with a different understanding.

When I hear someone heatedly say “Oh, I understand alright”, it means they probably don’t, but at least they are letting you know there is a problem. It is worse when we quietly walk away with our own idea of what was said and it is different than what someone meant. Some of us hear instructions from someone, think we understand what they want and walk away without verifying that there truly are mutual expectations. I’ll tell you the only thing dumber than asking for clarification or verification is not doing so. I think the secret to better personal and professional cooperation and understanding is the question “If I heard you correctly you said…….,”, yep, just the simple stopping and feeding back to someone else your understanding of what was said can make a world of difference.

Sure sometimes it takes patience and work to assure total understanding but just remember the alternative is often chaos and anger. Here is what motivator, Ralph Marston has to say about the value of the patience that is often needed in order to achieve understanding:

 Here’s something to keep in mind as you go through this hectic day. The person who benefits most from your patience is you. Yes, you’ll come across many people who are rude, annoying and self-centered. But does it really serve any positive purpose for you to sink to their depths of negativity?

Instead, take the opportunity to rise to a higher level of peacefulness and understanding. Take the opportunity to practice and strengthen your patience. Patience and understanding will take you to places where anger, frustration, confusion and anxiety can never reach. Patience and understanding put you in a position of real power and effectiveness.

Practice patience, and you will build real strength. Live with patience and understanding, and a whole new world of valuable opportunities will open up to you. There’s nothing to be gained by reacting to rudeness and anxiety with more rudeness and anxiety of your own making. Respond instead with patience and understanding, and you’ll make your world a much better place.

~~~

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Funny Kids’ Opinions

On science: “We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe.”

–Travis, age 11

On beauty: “If you want to be loved by someone who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.”

–Anita, age 8

On beauty: “It isn’t always how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything, and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.”

–Brian, age 7

On marriage: “Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.”

–Eddie, age 6

On marriage: “Twenty-three is the best age, because you know the person forever by then.”

–Cameron, age 10

On relationships: “Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.”

–Lynnette, age 8

On relationships: “Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.”

–Erin, age 8

On science: “One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in 1 second.”

–Harold, age 11

~~~

Don’t think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

~~~

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.” As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left, and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in MY congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”

~~~

Happiness: The result of being too busy to be miserable.

~~~

In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece.

One of the old farmers stood up and said, “What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?”

Quick as a flash, the woman replied, “Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!”

~~~

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

~~~

There are three religious truths:

  1. a) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
  2. b) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of The Christian faith.
  3. c) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

~~~

Gracie Allen’s Classic Recipe for Roast Beef

1 large Roast of beef

1 small Roast of beef

Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

~~~

“Who is more busy than he who hath least to do?”

John Clarke

~~~

A state trooper stopped Jill for going 15 miles over the speed limit.

After he handed her a ticket, Jill asked, “Don’t you give out warnings?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied.  They’re all up and down the road.  They say, ‘Speed limit 65.'”

~~~

Kindness is a language which the dumb can speak, the deaf can understand.

C.N. Bovee

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Friends

Ray’s Daily

March 27, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met.”

Jim Henson

A New friend

I really enjoy many of my new friends. Some have seemed to be needing more social interaction, just like we all do.

It is not always easy for folks to open up to others but doing so is well worth it. If you are like I am your memories are filled with good times shared with friends. As our life moves on many friends are no longer with us and it is important that we don’t let their loss isolate us.

It is the people in our lifes that make the difference between happiness and the sadness that often comes as the result of lonesomeness. The good news is that there lots of folks just like us who welcome new friends.

Here are a few tips I got from the Best Life Blog that we can use as we expand our friendships.

Lead with a smile. – One of the easiest ways to make yourself seem kinder and more approachable is to simply put a smile on your face.

Reach out to friends you’ve lost touch with. – On top of trying to build new friendships from scratch, do your best to reconnect with members of your social circle with whom you’ve fallen out of touch—with people you were once close with, you can more or less pick up where you left off.

Conquer your fears. – One of the biggest reasons people have a hard time making friends after 40 is the stigma attached to putting yourself out there, especially when you’re over a certain age. However, instead of indulging those thoughts telling you that trying to meet new people makes you seem lonely or sad, remind yourself that millions, if not billions of people are looking for the same thing.

Invite your neighbors over. – The nice thing about neighbors is that it’s almost like having built-in friends right next door. If Make friends with people who you see in non-social contexts.

Say hi to strangers. – Want a quick and easy way to make friends after 40? Start by saying hi to people when you pass them by. Once you’ve gotten comfortable making those initial introductions, you’ll have an easier time meeting new people you’re eager to socialize with, too.

Say yes to friends when they invite you out. – For shy people, saying no to a casual invitation is often a reflexive response. When your friends, acquaintances, or family members suggest that you get together on a whim, make it a habit of saying yes as much as possible

Be consistent – Like any relationship, friendships take work to maintain. If you want to both make and keep new friends, it’s essential that you do your best to make an effort. Schedule regular game nights, invite people over for drinks once a week, or just check in via text with some frequency—the more you nurture your new relationships, the more they’ll flourish.

~~~

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

~~~

The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr. Rosenthal was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation. “It’s simple,” he said. “Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on.”

“And you?”

“I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if the United States should declare war on China, if Congress should appropriate money for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on.”

~~~

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

~~~

My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other.  Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son.  Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, “You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back.”

With that, my neighbor said, “Well, it’s not even my ladder. It’s my dad’s.”

~~~

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

~~~

A hospital posted a notice in the nurses’ lounge saying:

“Remember, the first five minutes of a human being’s life are the most dangerous.”

Underneath, a nurse had written:

“The last five are pretty risky, too.”

~~~

Do not make an obscene gesture at anyone driving a pickup truck with a gun rack.

~~~

The judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement from one which he had previously made to the police. For example, he said, when I entered my chambers today, I was sure I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom.

When the judge returned home, his wife asked him, Why so much urgency for your watch? Isnt sending three men to get it a bit extreme?

What? said the judge, I didn’t send anyone for my watch, let alone three people; what did you do?

I gave it to the first one, said the wife. He knew exactly where it was.

~~~

Monotony is the awful reward of the careful.

  1. G. Buckham

~~~

While recently riding on the bus standing up, a friend of mine grabbed onto the pole nearest her to keep herself steady while the bus traveled down the road. She soon noticed a young man, who was also hanging on to the same pole, staring at her. Although this was somewhat annoying, she decided to just look the other way. Soon the bus came to a stop. Clearing his throat, the young man said, “Excuse me. This is my stop.”

Since she wasn’t blocking his way, my friend was slightly confused. “Well,” she said, “go ahead.”

“And this is my pole,” the young man said.

My friend was completely perplexed until the young man added, “I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain.”

~~~

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

– Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Speak Up

Ray’s Daily

March 26, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will.

– Venus Williams

Believe in yourself

In my community it is not easy to make friends if you don’t speak up. Some of my neighbors are very shy and are not easy to know. Folks our age benefit from the friends we make, they are the antidote for feelings of loneliness as well as helpers when we need them.

I know it is not easy for some to break out of their shell but the rewards make the effort worthwhile. Most folks are better then they think they are and can benefit from a confidence boost, I like what the gal in the following story did and I hope some of the shy folks will follow her lead and spek up.

Choosing Confidence

One of the greatest problems many people experience is lack of confidence. Some don’t believe in their ability to speak in public, others are afraid to try something they’ve never done before, and still others do not have the confidence to overcome their shyness.

Do you know that you can become more confident? One effective technique is to learn to do what you’re afraid to do.

I led a seminar a few years ago where I asked for three volunteers to speak to the group the next day. One young woman named Judy was the first to raise her hand. She explained to me later why she did so: ‘When you asked for three volunteers,’ Judy said, ‘I felt a knot of fear in my stomach. I’ve never done anything like this before and I’ve never really believed I could. But the fear was telling me something,’ she continued. ‘So because I felt so anxious, I decided that this was something I had to do. But I must to tell you, I’m terrified!’

She made up her mind to do that which she was afraid to do. And the following day, Judy’s five-minute talk was superb! She was honest and genuine, speaking right from her heart. Now she is more confident about her ability to speak in public.

People who are confident have choices. People who are fearful too often avoid much of life because they are afraid to venture into unknown territory.

Jim Loehr said, ‘With confidence, you can reach truly amazing heights; without confidence, even the simplest accomplishments are beyond your grasp.’

When you make what you’re afraid to do what you choose to do, you will soon have the confidence to do whatever you choose!

Written by Steve Goodier

~~~

Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life that you’d like to.

Steven Morrissey

~~~

“Excerpts From The Dog’s Daily Diary”

8:00 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 am – Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!

10:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

11:30 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

12:00 noon – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

1:00 pm – Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!

4:00 pm – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

5:00 pm – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

5:30 pm – Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!

6:00 pm – Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6:30 pm – Oh Boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite!

~~~

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

~~~

To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to call on some daily. One he selected was a young widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died two years ago. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms.

He said, “I’m sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte.”

“You’ve found her, Father.” smiled the lady.

“Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago.” he said glancing at the baby in her arms.

“That’s correct, Father. He surely did …but I didn’t!”

~~~

“I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.”

Joseph Blosephina

~~~

Top Ten Signs You’re Being Stalked by Martha Stewart

  1. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they’re all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.
  2. You find a lemon slice in the dog’s water bowl.
  3. On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen licorice downspout and the half-open graham cracker garage door.
  4. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon,rose

petal & saffron demi-glace’, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and adelicate mint-fennel sauce.

  1. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.
  2. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.
  3. No matter “where” you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.
  4. Twice this week you’ve been the victim of a drive-by doilying.
  5. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.

AND THE NUMBER 1 Sign You’re Being Stalked by Martha Stewart…

  1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

~~~

“Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.”

Oscar Wilde

~~~

My friend’s mother is a proper Southern lady and a passionate gardener who spends hours outside with her plants. In her neighborhood, where she has lived most of her life, no one has fences and every yard is open to the next.

Recently one of her longtime neighbors, an elderly man, moved away. “Are you going to miss him?” my friend asked.

“Actually I’m relieved,” her mother replied. “Now I can bend over.”

~~~

The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.

Lady Bird Johnson

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Kindness Matters

Ray’s Daily

March 25, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted”

AESOP

Kindness

I have found that the happiest people I know are also the kindest. They seem to do what they can for others whenever they can. They truly brighten the world around them with their good deeds.

Conversely the unhappiest people I know are the chronic falt finders they are so busy complaining that they have little time to do much caring for others, These are the folks that seem to treat food servers, clerks and others as their personal servants instead of valuing what the service workers do for us.

I have found it is useless to debate with the naysayers as they seldom listen to others. I just listen and move on as they tend to be the friendless. My favorite time is the time I spend with the caring kind people, people like you.

Here are a couple of things done for others with no expectation of reward.

Showing Kindness in Your Community

I was driving home from college in a heavy rain one dark spring night in the pre-cellphone era.  Suddenly, I had a flat tire about three miles from the small town where my parents lived.  Sadly, I hadn’t paid attention during the tire-changing demonstration in drivers education class, so I was essentially helpless.  However, just as I parked on the shoulder of the county road, I saw headlights behind me.  It was a young man, accompanied by his wife.  He got out and asked if I needed help, which was an understatement.  He got plenty muddy and soaking wet over the next fifteen minutes as he put on my spare, while I stood there twiddling my thumbs.  Then the young husband quietly returned to their car and waited until I drove off.

I was losing my hearing and was struggling to do my job as a teacher/trainer.  I began to withdraw due to my loss of hearing.  So I made an appointment with company that would allow me to borrow a pair of hearing aids. They made such a difference and I wanted to purchase them, but they were very expensive. Unbelievably, two friends told me they would cover the total cost.  My life has been radically changed due to this gift of hearing via hearing aids.

~~~

KINDNESS CAN MAKE A BAD DAY GOOD, AND A GOOD DAY BETTER.”

R A Ktivist

~~~

The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed her ex-husband at the bar.

“Honey,” she said as she pointed the guy out, “that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”

Her husband said, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that much.”

~~~

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.

~~~

Perks of Being Over 60

  1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
  2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
  3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
  4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
  7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
  8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
  9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
  10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
  11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans and politicians.
  12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  15. You sing along with the music piped into the Mall.
  16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
  17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  18. Your ankles swell and you can’t feel them either.
  19. You have lost your sense of smell.
  20. Your taste buds only sense the alcohol in medicines. and worst of all…… You can’t remember who sent you this darn list.

~~~

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

~~~

The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children’s books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names.   She would then tell them they were signing a “Contract” for returning the books on time.

Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.

The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out.  The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.

Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, “That other Librarian we had could write.”

~~~

Ever notice that you have to get to church pretty early to find a seat in the back row?

~~~

A young man was walking past an old woman on a street corner, when she said, “Son, if it is not too much trouble, can you see me across the street.”

The young man said, “Just a minute.”  Then he walked across the street, looked back and yelled, “Yes, I can see you!”

~~~

“KINDNESS CAN TRANSFORM SOMEONE’S DARK MOMENT WITH A BLAZE OF LIGHT. YOU’LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR CARING MATTERS. MAKE A DIFFERENCE FOR ANOTHER TODAY.”

Amy Leigh Mercree

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

No buts please

Ray’s Daily

March 22, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

 

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”

James Allen

Complain

Rather than write a new Daily I want to revisit one I wrote nine years ago.

Those of you who have been reading the Daily for a while know that I am not comfortable with people who are constant complainers. These are the folks who wake up in the morning sure they are going to have a bad day and then spend the rest of day proving that they were right. I think of them as “but” folks, you know those who always say yes, but. It seems like they go out of their way to find fault or a flaw in almost everything they encounter.

As an example, Jack just got back from a cruise and I ask “Jack, how was your cruise?” and Jack replies, “It was fine but it rained most days, the food was very good but the dining room was noisy, my cabin was very nice but the bathroom was small, all in all I liked the cruise but it wore me out.” Since most of us hear the exceptions while taking for granted the good things in our day to day lives we tend to focus in on what is said after the but. In Jacks case what he said to the right of the but was that it rained most days during the cruise, the dining room was noisy, the bathroom too small and it wore him out. If he just would have stayed to the left of the but I would have heard that the cruise was fine, the food was very good, that he had a nice cabin and that he liked the cruise. If he needed to add anything he could have done so in a way that did not distract from what he reported, for example he could have said “I really liked the cruise, we had so much fun that I did not get enough sleep and it took me a day to rest back up.”

The sad part is that there are those who are compulsive “buters,” people that just need to find fault. Pretty soon all they say is what is on the right side of the but and they become chronic complainers. I really feel sorry for them as they miss the good life that those of us who try to stop before the but live every day. If you think about it the great majority of our time is pretty good and while we may stub our toe once in awhile that is the exception not the norm. So my friends let us make a pact — whenever we are about to say but we’ll stop ourselves and stay focused on what we really feel and what we are trying to say.

~~~

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen-aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage; climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

~~~

I have never had premonitions, but one day I think I will.

Lawrence Brotherton

~~~

Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. Then she went to visit her mother for two weeks and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that her husband had surprised her by installing beautiful new cabinets.

A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, “All of us were so glad the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen.”

~~~

She said: God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends

~~~

My parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. “Would you like to go out, girl?” he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, “Oh, yes, I’d love to!”

They had a wonderful evening and it wasn’t until much later that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom’s feet on the kitchen floor.

~~~

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

~~~

A guy moved to Arizona at the urging of his doctor. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man. “My doctor recommended I move here for my health. Is this really a good place to live?”

“It sure is! When I first arrived here, I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head and I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room. I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That’s wonderful! How long have you been here?”

“I was born here.”

~~~

If you’re not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.

Les Giblin

~~~

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents’ nasty divorce. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother. Jennifer asked the new wife to exchange it, but she refused.

“Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress and I’m wearing it,” she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, “Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”

A few days later, they went shopping and found another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Aren’t you going to return the other dress?” “You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”

Her mother just smiled and replied, “Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!”

~~~

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. If we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.

Charlotte Bronte

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

We need each other

Ray’s Daily

March 21, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”

Charles Dickens

helping

The other day I attended a meeting of my fellow residents who live in our Senior Living facility. It was attended by about 40 of my neighbors.

The meeting showed us ways we could make our community even better than it already is while giving us an alternative to hibernating in our apartments. I was impressed with how volunteers operated the convenience store where we purchase necessities and more. A member told how our library was staffed by fellow residents. Others reported on what they do to welcome new residents.

We were invited to participate by helping those with memory issues, meeting with prospective and new residents and much more. I liked the idea that we had things we could do while helping our residents. It is great to have the opportunity to do something worthwhile rather than just rest and eat.

I am glad I am here and I did sign up to get more involved. There is not much more rewarding than helping others. When I read the following story it reminded me of what some of my neighbors would do.

The Man at the Market

When the supermarket clerk tallied up my groceries, I was $12 over what I had on me. I began to remove items from the bags, when another shopper handed me a $20 bill. “Please don’t put yourself out,” I told him. “Let me tell you a story,” he said. “My mother is in the hospital with cancer. I visit her every day and bring her flowers. I went this morning, and she got mad at me for spending my money on more flowers. She demanded that I do something else with that money. So, here, please accept this. It is my mother’s flowers.”

Leslie Wagner

~~~

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

John Holmes

~~~

He said that with the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called, “Marriage Anonymous.” Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn housecoat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she tries to nag him out of it.

~~~

She said if you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

~~~

At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen.

“Paddy,” he asked casually, “didn’t you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?”

“That I did, sir.”

“And you are a bricklayer!  It sure is a funny world.  Things in life aren’t divided equally, are they?”

“No, that they ain’t sir,” agreed Paddy, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks.  “Me poor brother couldn’t do this to save his life!”

~~~

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

Sue Grafton-

~~~

Several women were visiting elderly Mrs. Diamond who was very ill. After a while, they rose to leave and told her, “Esther, we will keep you in our prayers.”

“Just wash the dishes in the kitchen,” the ailing woman said, “I can do my own praying.”

~~~

People tell me I’m childish but I think they’re just being poopyheads.

~~~

Over a round of golf, two doctors were talking shop.

“I operated on Mr. Lee the other day,” said the surgeon.

“What for?” asked his colleague.

“About $17,000.”

“What did he have?”

“Oh… About $17,000.”

~~~

“Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.”

Dave Barry.

~~~

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.  Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying A dollar per point.” The next class the professor handed the tests back out.

This student got back his test and $64 change.

~~~

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

~~~

During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up.

The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn’t know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a homebound 98-year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple.  The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was.

So he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation.

The one whose followers stood during prayer said to the old man, “Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?”

The old man answered, “No, that is not the tradition.”

The one whose followers sat asked, “Is the tradition to sit during prayer?”

The old man answered, “No, that is not the tradition.”

Then the rabbi said to the old man, “The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand!”

The old man interrupted, exclaiming, “THAT is our tradition!”

~~~

The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.

Herbert V. Prochnow

~~~

Laws Of Slow People

  1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don’t know each other.
  2. They drive side by side, too. If they can’t find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
  3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors, either.
  4. Slow people drift sideways so they’ll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.
  5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you’ll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.

~~~

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.”

Booker T. Washington

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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