Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2009

I am out of here!

The mark of a successful man is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it.

Author Unknown

 

 

 

OK, everyone this is it. The staff is packing up and is ready to leave. Spring is here and soon we’ll be gone for a couple of weeks. I plan on following the above advice and search for success by lying around. The time off will give me a chance to recharge so I’m ready for everything that is going on next month. I have four grandchildren that will be graduating, one from college, one from high school and two from middle school. I have a number of volunteer commitments and scheduled meetings and classes as well. These next two weeks also will be a test of my self-discipline, I have lost 14 pounds in the last month and I hope I have the will power to avoid too many snacks as I lie on the riverbank.

Anyway I wish you well while I’m gone. I also would appreciate it if you kept the peace and resolved the financial meltdown.

I have decided that when I get back I am going to make a greater effort to enjoy more of my life, if that’s possible, by following the advice offered by Author Peter Clemens, he suggests that we:

1. Appreciate Beauty. Each day we come across beauty in a number of shapes and forms. It’s a shame, then, that many people have become so accustomed to this beauty that it largely goes unappreciated. I suggest looking again at the people, plants, gadgets, and buildings (to name but a few examples) around you and taking a moment to appreciate what makes them so special.

2. Connect With Nature. Nature is an amazing healer for the stresses and strains of modern life. Eating lunch in the park, attending to a vegetable garden in your backyard, or watching the sunset are just a few simple ideas for how you can enjoy the outdoors on a daily basis.

3. Laugh. E. E. Cummings once said “the most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” How very true. Never be too busy to laugh, or too serious to smile. Instead, surround yourself with fun people and don’t get caught up in your own sense of importance.

4. Have Simple Pleasures. A good cup of coffee when I first wake. Time spent playing with my 8 month old son. Cooking a nice meal in the evening. These may not seem terribly exciting, but they are some of the simple pleasures I enjoy in life. If you slow down for just a moment and take the time to appreciate these ordinary events, life becomes instantly more enjoyable.

5. Connect With People. In so many ways, it is our relationships with people that give us the most happiness in life. Perhaps, then, the best way to enjoy your work more is not to get a raise or a promotion, but rather to build rewarding relationships with your co-workers.

6. Learn. There is a strong link between learning and happiness. Given this, there is no excuse not to be stimulating your brain and learning something new each day. My favorite way to find time for learning is to make the most of the commute to and from work. Audiobooks and podcasts are great for this purpose.

7. Rethink Your Mornings and Evenings. Are the mornings a mad rush for you to get out the door? Do you switch off the TV at night and go straight to bed? I have personally experienced the profound benefits of establishing a routine in the morning and evening. For example, in the morning you may choose to wake an hour earlier and spend the time working on yourself, whether it be reading, writing or exercising. In the evening, consider spending some time just before bed reviewing your day or in meditation.

8. Celebrate Your Successes. During a normal day we are sure to have some minor successes. Perhaps you have successfully dealt with a difficult customer, made a sale, or received a nice compliment for your work. These aren’t events worth throwing a party for, but why not take a moment to celebrate your success? Share the experience with someone else, reward yourself with a nice lunch, or just give yourself a mental pat on the back.

~~~

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

William Henry Davies

~~~

"Air Force Maintenance Issues"

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before next flight.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That’s what they’re there for

(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right." and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

~~~

You’re never too old to become younger.

MAE WEST

~~~

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.  She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I’m in a hurry.  Could you check me out, please?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Ummmm, Not bad."

~~~

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

~~~

A couple is celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary and goes down to their old school. There, in a corner, they hold hands as they find their old desk where he had carved, "I love you, Sally." On the way home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car in front of them. She picks it up and counts $50,000.

The husband says, "We’ve got to give it back."

She says, "Finders keepers." And when they get home she hides it in the attic. The next day, two FBI men show up at their home. They ask, "Pardon me, did anyone in this house find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

She says, "No."

The husband says, "My wife is lying. She took the money and hid it in the attic."

She says, "Don’t believe him, he’s a bit senile."

So they sit the man down and begin to question him. One FBI guy says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."

The old man says, "Well, my wife and I were on our way home from school…"

The FBI guy looks at his partner and says,  "Let’s get out of here."

~~~

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Mohandas K. Gandhi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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Here comes spring!

When the world says, "Give up,"

Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

 

 

It is almost dinner time and I am just getting home to the business of the day. It is catch up and wind down time in anticipation of shutting off the power to the presses tomorrow. In fact I think tomorrow is the first day of spring as well so I am going to see what today was like seven years ago, send you that day’s Daily and then prepare for spring.

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on March 19, 2002

Well today is the day that the Swallows return to the Mission of San Juan Capistrano, California. Oh well I’ll miss it again this year. I did go there years ago, I am just not sure I saw any swallows.

~~~

"Hope is the thing with feathers,

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without words,

And never stops at all."

Emily Dickinson

~~~

What we said in The 50s

1. "I’ll tell you one thing. If things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."

2 "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long when $5000 will only buy a used one."

3. "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

4. "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

5. "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it’s going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."

6. "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

7. "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage."

8. "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

9. "Not only that, but their music drives me wild. That `Rock Around The Clock` thing is nothing but racket."

10. "I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying ‘damn’ in ‘Gone With The Wind,’ it seems every movie has a ‘hell’ or ‘damn in it."

11."Marilyn Monroe is now showing her bra and panties, so apparently there are no standards anymore."

12. "Pretty soon you won’t be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar."

13. "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

14. "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President."

15. "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the country?"

16. "I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

17. "It’s too bad that things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

18. "It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

19. "Marriage doesn’t mean a thing anymore, Those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

20. " I’ll tell you one thing. If my kid ever talks back to me like that, they won’t be able to sit down for a week."

~~~

Overheard at Shlemiel’s Shoe Shoppe – "How much are your four dollar shoes?"

"Two dollars a foot."

~~~

He said: My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn’t, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don’t expect we’ll run into too much traffic."

~~~

A manager has to take on some sport by his doctor so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing.  "It’s going fine", the manager says, "When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!”

"Really? What happens then?” the girl asks enthusiastic.

"Then my body says: Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!"

~~~

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

~~~

Remember Gracie Allen? She said:

Appliance salesman: You’ll like this range. For instance, you put in a roast, you set the oven control, then you go out all day. When you come home at night, the roast is done.

Gracie: Haven’t you got one where I don’t have to go out?

 

In the next life, I’d like to come back as an oyster. Then I’d only have to be good from September to April.

 

George: Gracie, what do you think of television?

Gracie: Oh I think it’s wonderful, I hardly ever watch radio anymore.

~~~

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . . ?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you’d be eating alone."

~~~

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Groucho Marx

~~~

Taxing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned round and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained.

"Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger.

"Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to get a new pilot here."

~~~

We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.

~~~

My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection.  As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn’t like mean."

"Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and took the dog. Then, one day she was approached by two men in a parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn’t kidding.

As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.

~~~

One thing you can’t recycle is wasted time.

~~~

The young lady walked over to the hospital room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door.

"We don’t allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?"

"Why-er-why, yes.  I’m his sister," said the lady.

"Oh, I’m so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I’m his mother!"

~~~

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

Walter Bagehot

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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Humor

I’ve heard enough!

The best things in life aren’t things.

Art Buchwald

 

 

 

I think my two weeks spring break is going be rejuvenating. Lately I am having a hard time listening to people who only want to tell me what is wrong and never anything about what is right. That coupled with their blaming everyone else for the problems they have while never taking any responsibility for their previous excesses turns them into bitter people that I would be better off avoiding.

Unfortunately I find myself sometimes slipping into cynicism as I hear some brag about loving our nation but only as long as they don’t have to pay much of a price. Enough of that, I just had to get it off my chest for I don’t like myself much when I let others negativism start to generate a dark view of many of my fellow citizens. So Like I said we are shutting down Ray’s Daily Friday and we are all going to use the time productively regenerating our optimism and our belief in the goodness of others. We may even organize into an association dedicated to stamping out negative behavior. Unfortunately the tough part will be that the naysayers are so busy pointing fingers at others they have little time to find out what’s right.

I wish some of those who really have no reason to complain because they have so much more than people in real trouble would sacrifice a little once in awhile, they might find there is more to life than collecting costly tokens. They could even follow the advice offered by author Stephen Martile on how to create an abundance mindset.

Here are 7 ways to create the abundance mindset:

1. Short on Cash? Give it away. Yes, you heard me right. I’m not saying you should sell the farm, far from it. But you may consider giving some money to a charity, giving money to a friend who needs cash, or even giving money to a panhandler in the street. If there is one principle that highly aware human beings understand, it’s this: You give away and share everything you have because you understand that you are a creative being, meaning you can create anything you want.

2. Are you short on time? Then, give away your time. Take time to give to others. You don’t have to dedicate 90% of your day to serving others – that’s not what I’m saying. Just find that balance between giving and receiving. Find an organization or a person that you really love and volunteer for them. Give away your time for free! Just take some of your time and place your attention on contributing to others.

3. Short on Food? Give it away. This is such a good one. I’m always craving food because I love eating. If you want more food, then give some away. This is so easy to do. You could buy your friend dinner, or just share a snack with someone you know. You could cook for your family or invite your friends over for dinner.

4. Don’t feel loved? You’ve got to give away some before you get some. Give away some hugs. Go out right now and give 5 people you know a big hug. I guarantee right after you do this, you’ll feel great. You’ll feel like a million bucks! Why? Because you feel loved. And you can only feel loved if you give that love to others. Go out right now and start hugging J

5. Want help with something? Help others first. Think of someone you know that is having a problem. And think of a way that you could help them out. Write down what you plan to do to help this person and then go out and do it. I’m telling you this works! Remember, you reap what you sow. When you help others whole-heartedly, help will always come back for you.

6. Lacking faith or self-belief? Yup, you know it. You’ve got to give it away! If you lack faith in your ability to create money, to build a business and be successful, you’ve got to give this faith away. Find someone you know who is lacking in self-confidence or self-belief and give them a boost.

7. Short on creative ideas? This is my favorite. If you’re short on creative ideas, give them away! Give others creative ways to increase the growth of their business. Give away ideas to help someone create a form of passive income. Don’t hoard everything for yourself – share your ideas as they come to you.

Remember if you focus on lack and limitation then that’s what you will continue to get. The only way to create the abundance mindset is by giving what you have from where you are.

~~~

“When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.”

Pema Chodron

~~~

"Say Ralph, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?"

"Sorry, I can’t."

"Why not?"

"The doctor told me I can’t play."

"Oh, he’s been out with you too?"

~~~

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

~~~

A nice girl brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancé to his study for a chat. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancé. "I am a Biblical scholar," he replies. "A Biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she’s accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "…and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" "I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us." "And children? How will you support children?" "Don’t worry, sir, God will provide." The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "So? How did it go?"

"He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God."

~~~

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

~~~

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let’s take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You’d be his wife!"

~~~

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

~~~

The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty, so the pilot made a simple request of the passengers.

"We have a little extra room tonight, folks," he said over the PA system. "So, if you wouldn’t mind, please take a window seat so that the competition thinks the plane is full."

~~~

When you dig another out of their troubles, you find a place to bury your own.

Anonymous

~~~

A man was in a Hallmark store, trying to pick out an anniversary card for his wife. The clerk was concerned that the customer had already spent a half-hour searching for the right anniversary greeting.

After watching the man lingering over one card after another, the clerk went to see if she could help. – "Is there a problem?" she asked.

"Yes, there is," he replied ruefully. – "I can’t find one card my wife will believe."

~~~

It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.

Author unknown

~~~

One Sunday afternoon, the pastor’s wife returned home with an expensive dress in hand. When her husband asked her about it, she explained. "Well, I was on my way to put the church’s offering money in the bank, but I saw this amazing dress in the shop window. I was just trying it on when the Devil appeared and started tempting me to buy it."

At this point, the pastor was beginning to become angry. "Why didn’t you just use scripture and say, ‘Get thee behind me, Satan’?"

The wife sheepishly answered, "I did, but the Devil said, ‘It looks even better from back here!’"

~~~

It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.

Thoreau

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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Do you like you?

"The tragedy is that so many people look for self-confidence and self-respect everywhere except within themselves, and so they fail in their search."

Dr Nathaniel Branden

 

 

Lately I have run into a few people who have seemed to give up on themselves. I am always shocked when I find those who just don’t realize how good they really are. I wish every one would do an objective personal inventory of themselves focusing on what they have to offer and more importantly on how they operate. It is bad enough when we overlook the good in others it is even worse when we overlook it in ourselves. Too many suppress their latent goodness thus keeping them from finding personal happiness and satisfaction.

Recently I was sent the following article written by author Cheryl Saban that provides some ways that we can develop our own feeling of self worth. In my experience those who can love themselves are capable of really loving others.

 

How do you express your self-worth?

Basically, I’ve discovered that in order to express self-worth, we need to learn to take care of ourselves. The following are some action-items I am trying to apply to my life. See if any of these ideas resonate for you:

1. Each day I will be grateful for what I have, and show compassion and kindness to others. I’ll do something that makes me feel good. I’ll tell my loved ones that I love them. I’ll actually say the words, and mean it. And I’ll make sure the recipient of my love hears the words and believes them.

2. Every week I will take myself on a special outing. I’ll realize that I’m worth the time and effort. I’ll make sure I get enough exercise, eat sensibly, and spend time in nature. I’ll also do something fun with my husband/partner, and my children.

3. Every month I will go over my finances and stay aware — I’ll set priorities. I’ll give some of my time, talent, or treasure to a charitable organization. I’ll stretch my mind to learn something new. And I’ll practice doing math, which was always my toughest subject.

4. Every year I will be proud of the person I am. I’ll celebrate my birthday, and treat my life as though it is a very precious gift – which it is. I’ll save some money in a retirement fund. I’ll evaluate my career choice and set new goals. And then I’ll remember to enjoy the here and now, for it is truly all I have.

Our sense of self-worth and learning how to express it with humility and love, is vitally important. Not just for our own well-being, which I think is rather obvious, but for those we care about as well. Express your Self.

Cheryl Saban PhD writes extensively about women, children, and social issues.

~~~

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection."

Buddha

~~~

Why the Military can’t communicate with each other. . .

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door.

If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass.

If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike.

If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy.

~~~

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.

Woodrow Wilson

~~~

There was a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies, and her mother told her no.

The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Veronica, we just have half of the aisles to go through—don’t be upset. It won’t be long."

Soon, they came to the candy aisle, and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry.

The mother said, "There, there, Veronica, don’t cry—only two more aisles to go, and then we’ll be checking out." When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there’d be no gum purchased.

The mother patiently said, "Veronica, we’ll be through this checkout stand in 5 minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."

The bagger followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her, "I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Veronica."

The mother replied, "I’m Veronica—my little girl’s name is Jenny."

~~~

A good many childhood ailments are cured miraculously as soon as it’s too late to go to school.

~~~

I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead.   "That," he sighed, "must be her checking out now.

~~~

"Chance is always powerful. Let your hook always be cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be fish."

Ovid

~~~

A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression, but the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome.  The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily, "Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"

"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?"

"Then she gave it to the policeman." said the boy.

~~~

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Unknown

~~~

The poor Jewish tailor is beside himself with worry. His wife is very ill and he wants the best doctor in town to treat her. But the doctor is somewhat reluctant because the tailor is so poor and, it being unlikely that his wife could be saved, the tailor might not pay him should his wife die.

However, the tailor promises he will pay anything, no matter whether the doctor cures his wife or kills her!

This is sufficient for the doctor and he agrees.

Unfortunately, the doctor cannot save her and the tailor’s wife dies.

However, when the doctor’s bill arrives the tailor refuses to pay it despite his promise.

After much argument, the doctor and the tailor agree to let the Rabbi decide the case since they both are, after all, Jewish.

The doctor puts his case to the Rabbi that the tailor promised to pay "no matter whether the doctor cured his wife or killed her."

After much thought the Rabbi asks the doctor, "Did you cure her?"

"No," admitted the doctor.

"And did you kill her?"

"I certainly did not," expostulated the doctor.

"In that case," said the Rabbi, "the tailor has no case to answer because you fulfilled neither of the conditions on which you agreed that the fee should be paid."

~~~

"If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."

Fred Rogers

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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Stay Balanced

“Work, love and play are the great balance wheels of man’s being”

Orison Swett Marden

 

 

 

NOTICE

The Ray’s Daily staff had a meeting and has decided to take their spring break early this year so we will be shutting down the presses and turning off the lights this Friday March 20, 2009. We will resume publishing again on Monday April 6th. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause and we will add a ten issue credit to your account, wait it’s free anyway, forget the credit part.

~~~

If there is one thing we all know these days it is that times are hard for almost everyone. I won’t belabor the point by again revisiting the economic crisis; I doubt that there are many who can’t think of examples close to home of people struggling to deal with their problems. As I talk to friends and acquaintances I find that many of those who are working are struggling to get a balance between work, home and outside responsibilities and believe it or not it is even harder for those searching for income producing opportunity. Many of these folks are running so hard and are so frightened that they are having a hard time coping with it all. Their failure to give themselves a break results in their panic and many times their doing a poor job presenting themselves to others. Worst of all a few even pull back and hibernate since they have lost their confidence and find every reason to wait yet another day before getting back into job-search mode.

The anecdote in my estimation is to get some balance in our lives by volunteering, visiting friends, taking in an escapist movie (if we can’t afford to go we can pick up one at the library), and doing just about anything other then spending 24/7 agonizing over conditions.

Here is what author Judy Martin has to offer as we all deal with what she calls “WorkLife.” I think her advice is worth heeding no matter what our situation may be.

 

The great WorkLife merge is happening whether one likes it or not. How it is handled is a matter of choice: To come from a place of fear, or proactively take personal responsibility. Several concise tips offer an alternative to burnout so that one can not only survive, but also to thrive in a chaotic job market and slumping economy.

 

1. Give yourself permission to take a break. We are our own worst critic at home and at work. Give yourself permission to wind down, even for a few minutes a day, with a walk, exercise, a good book or a movie.

2. Explore your own brand of creativity. If you like to write, speak or have another artistic bent, think of ways to incorporate those skills in the workplace or in your family life.

3. Journal on a consistent basis. In times of frustration, saying what you want, when you want, regardless of the consequences, may create conflict at home and in the workplace, but venting your soul to your eyes only might give you a new perspective.

4. Take joy in accomplishing small tasks. Even if it’s just the laundry or making a phone call, set a few goals for yourself each day. This can be an enormous help to alleviate anxiety. Procrastination makes it difficult to move forward.

5. Embrace a personal identity independent of your business image. When we become too identified with our job or a position of power, anything that challenges may cause anxiety. Put more effort into hobbies outside of work; explore volunteering outside of the sector in which you work; spend more time cultivating relationships; and expand your skill base into other sectors.

6. Design your own program to cultivate resilience. Think about what brings you to a place of calm, and take time out of your day to slow the wheels of the mind. Whether it’s meditating, playing tennis or reading, out of silence comes creativity and vitality. That small break just might be the catalyst for a great idea.

7. Remember to breathe. The interaction of activity and paying attention to how you breathe requires concentration and will keep your mind focused on what is in front of you. Breathing is the healing elixir of life and is the greatest tool to calm the mind and body.

~~~

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”

Albert Einstein

~~~

MURPHY’S LAWS ON WORK

Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous.’

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

~~~

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.

~~~

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.

One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"

"Two days ago."

"Hmm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer."

"What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"

"At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty."

"No, I mean what’s he taking in college?"

"He’s taking every penny I make."

"Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?"

"He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"

"Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!"

~~~

My friends tell me that I refuse to grow up, but I know they’re just jealous because they don’t have pajamas with feet.

Tom Sims

~~~

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight, and dropped in a coin.

"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great husband."

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

~~~

I ran out of ice cream bars the other day, and I cried. Then I remembered Alexander the Great, and how he wept when there were no more worlds to conquer.  How very much alike we are, I thought.

Michael Thompson

~~~

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Bill Cosby

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

I hope yours will be as good as mine

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.

Grandma Moses

 

 

Even though I could find reasons to complain about our losses from the economic meltdown and our having to back off of some of our travel plans, I do realize I am way better off than most of the folks in the world. This morning I took a little time to review my weekend schedule and it again reminded me that my life is filled with easily overlooked good things. I started off the morning meeting an former colleague and we spent our time not only reminiscing but also planning how we can do some good while enjoying the days ahead. Later today my gymnastic granddaughter is having reconstructive surgery for torn cartilage that will result in her ending her national competitive season since they are estimating five months of rehab. I think I have told you before that she is one of my heroes and I expect that she will take this as she takes most things, it is over and she will do what is necessary with grace and good humor. I know I’ll end the day happy that it was spent with people I care about.

Tomorrow I am having breakfast with a favorite friend who holds a key staff position in our state legislature and I’ll learn more about the major issues being debated by our representatives as our state struggles with staggering unemployment and business losses. Right after that I will be meeting with a fellow Kiwanis member to plan our volunteer outreach for our role in our area Special Olympics competition that will be held in May. The day will be topped off by a visit to the grand opening of a new delicatessen that will donate all the day’s profits to my friend’s pediatric oncology Bags of Fun program. All in all the day will have been one of my best as I’ll be with friends and hopefully are efforts will do some good for others.

Finally Sunday where the highlight will be a long breakfast with one of the truly good hearted people I am fortunate to know. This friend does not want to sit around and talk about what the world needs or about doing something someday, she is right now looking to join an interfaith trip to the Middle East, not to tour but rather to work helping to improve the lives of some who have been caught in the current strife.

So my friends instead of stopping to wallow in my losses I will have the ability to celebrate the opportunities I have been given for both good fellowship and meaningful activity and that is good.

Ralph Marston recently challenged us to walk away from living in the past or fantasizing about the future and to spend time taking advantage of what today has to offer. Here is what he said:

Enjoy life as it comes, in the precious moments of each day. Live your success and fulfillment here and now, not in some distant, imagined future. Do not set yourself up as a hostage to your circumstances or your inventory of possessions. Choose right now to live richly and fully no matter what.

Make joyful and thankful use of whatever you have, wherever you are. There is so very much you have going for you. Pay no attention to those who scream that you must have this thing or that experience in order to be happy. Ignore them, and simply choose to be happy by creating your own interpretation of happiness all around you.

Keep in mind that most of the people who tell you how bad things are, seek to gain their own power or profit from your dismay. Life is good, life is rich, life is joyful and fulfilling to the extent you choose to make it so.

Open your eyes, look around, and see how truly beautiful your world can be. Real success is yours the moment you begin to make it.

~~~

Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.  I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drive into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl.  Let him come out as I do, and bark.

Samuel Johnson

~~~

With all the new technology regarding fertility, A 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother, "Soon." Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "Not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?" "No," replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?" "WHEN IT CRIES," she told them. "WHEN IT CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES??" "BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it…"

~~~

I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu."  The headwaiter said, "Don’t I know you?"

Steven Wright

~~~

She said: Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants’ restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped.

Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men’s room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee passing by.

"Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," Dave said. Gesturing toward the doors, he asked, "Which one should I use?"

"Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are private dining rooms."

~~~

Boycott shampoo…  Demand REAL poo!

~~~

The Jackson police were searching for a man they suspected of a string of burglaries.  They had six photographs of the man, all taken in different locations and from different angles.  They sent fax copies of these pictures to police departments all over the country.

Several days later, Jackson received a fax report from the police chief in a small town in West Va. The memo read, "We immediately went to work on those six pictures you sent. We’ve arrested five of the suspects, and we have the sixth under observation right now."

~~~

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway

~~~

Ron was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends were already married while Ron just bounced from one relationship to the next.

Finally a friend asked him, "What’s the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can’t you find anyone who suits you?"

"No," Ron replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them. So I keep on looking!"

"Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don’t you find a girl who’s just like your dear ole Mother?"

Many weeks passed before Ron and his friend crossed paths again.

"So Ron. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that’s just like your Mother?"

Ron shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends."

"Excellent!!! So… Are you and this girl engaged yet?"

"I’m afraid not," Ron replied, "My Father can’t stand her!"

~~~

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure

~~~

My co-worker is foreign and has trouble understanding some English phrases.  She is a top sales executive in our company and is known for being very competitive.  One day she was talking with a couple of employees, complaining about her job and how she felt mistreated. "Oh, be quiet," said a colleague.  "You know you’re queen bee at the office."

"Oh, really?" she replied indignantly.  "And who is Queen A?"

~~~

Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene.

Arthur Christopher Benson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

Let’s all be connectors

“Creativity is the power to connect the seemingly unconnected.”

William Plomer

 

 

 

A week or so ago a friend lent me a copy of The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell suggesting I read it since some things I do were covered in the book. I did so fully expecting that he had exaggerated my role since I really don’t do anything all that special. I am glad I read the book for it opened my eyes to just how important some of the little things we do really are in the long run.

The author reported on the role connectors play in our world. Connectors are often the people you never hear about but who by taking an interest in what is going around them and then connecting others make a major difference in outcomes.

When I thought about what he said I realized that connecting is something I do. I am fortunate to have met many people over the years I have been in Indianapolis, folks with a wide variety of interests, skills and resources. I often meet people who would benefit by connecting with like minded others who they haven’t met but often end up doing amazing things together after they do meet. My favorite connectors are those who don’t look for credit, they only care that they were the catalyst that resulted in others taking action.

I got more excited as I realized that almost everyone I know is a latent connector. They have a wide range of friends and acquaintances. In order to be a successful connector I would suggest we all need to really listen to people when they tell us their interests, concerns and needs. We also need to mentally store what we learn about people we meet, what do they do, what are their passions, what skills do they have and the like for it is these people who are the supply side of the connection process. Often both parties are suppliers each bringing a lot to the table and when they do the synergism results in one and one equaling three.

I really appreciate my friend lending me his book for now I understand the great possibilities each of us has to lay the foundation for some really good results by sharpening and then using our connector skills. So the next time someone shares a dream, tells you about a need, or knows of an opportunity, stop and think about who you know that they might meet and then explore what they might be able to do for each other.

~~~

“Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others…for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.”

Albert Einstein

~~~

An accountant spends a week at his new office, with the accountant he is replacing. On the last day, the departing accountant tells him that he left two envelopes in the desk drawer, and that envelope No. 1 should be opened if he ever encounters any sort of crisis on the job and envelope No. 2 should be opened if a further crisis occurs.

Three months down the road there is a major drama: all the accounts are wrong (the usual stuff) and the accountant feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor, and opens the first envelope. The message inside says: "Blame me!" He does this and gets off the hook.

Three months later, he encounters his next crisis and opens the second envelope.

The message inside says: "Write two envelopes."

~~~

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money."

Joe Weinstein

~~~

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf – always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Moral of this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.

~~~

You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them.

Malcolm Forbes

~~~

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home- cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn’t she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook…"

~~~

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

John Bright

~~~

When I managed a chemical plant, I instituted a rule that there would be no playing games on our computers. So I wouldn’t be a hypocrite, I had an information technologist get rid of the games on my laptop. Therefore I was surprised to find my grandson playing solitaire on it one weekend. I asked if he had loaded the game…

"No," he answered, "it was already there. It was just hidden – taken off the main menu."

On Monday I chided our information technologist for not getting rid of the game. "But," he explained, "I thought I just had to keep it away from *you* – not from a nine-year-old!"

~~~

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

~~~

Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes.

One day, she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, which was one of her husband’s favorites. "I’ve finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?"

~~~

“Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.”

Plato

~~~

In Miami, the jurors in a multi-billion dollar lawsuit against the tobacco industry were ordered by the judge to not see the new movie "The Insider", because it might influence their verdict. He also ordered them not to see "The House on Haunted Hill".

The prosecutor was surprised to hear this instruction and he said "I understand why you’ve instructed the jurors to not see ‘The Insider, but why should they avoid the second movie, your honor?".

Being quick and to the point, the judge firmly stated, "Because it stinks!"

~~~

If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow human being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.

William Penn

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Uncategorized

No thanks, not me!

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.

It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Brian Dyson

 

 

Another big day for Ray again today. At least it keeps my mind off the sound of the economy sucking up our nest egg. But it also means not enough time to do justice to the daily. I do have some things I want to share but they’ll have to wait until another day. So here is what the world looked like to me on this date in 2004.

~~~

Some one told me that no one can ruin your day without your permission; I really believe this is true. As an example how often have you heard some one say, “He made me mad”? If true then they have given away their freedom of choice. No one can make you mad; they only do when you let them.

If we look around ourselves we see all kinds of examples of giving the decisions over our lives to others. Today many of us avoid controversial issues since taking a position would not be fashionable in the eyes of others. Recently I have had friends tell me that they will no longer travel due to fear created by others. The list could go on and on; the bottom line is that each of us has the freedom of choice if only we have the fortitude to exercise it.

~~~

Man’s power of choice enables him to think like an angel or a devil, a king or a slave. Whatever he chooses, mind will create and manifest.

Frederick Bailes

~~~

Poor Johnson had spent his life making wrong decisions. If he bet on a horse, it would lose; if he chose one elevator rather than another, it was the one he chose that stalled between floors; the line he picked before the bank teller’s cage never moved; the lane he chose in traffic crawled; the day he picked the picnic was the day of a cloudburst; and so it went, day after day, year after year.

Then, once, it became necessary for Johnson to travel to some city a thousand miles away and do it quickly. A plane was the only possible conveyance that would get him there in time, and it turned out that only one company supplied only one flight that would do. His heart bounded. There was no choice to make! And if he made no choice, surely he could come to no grief.

He took the plane. Imagine his horror when, midway in the flight, the plane’s engines caught fire and it became obvious the plane would crash in moments. Johnson broke into fervent prayer to his favorite saint , Saint Francis. He pleaded, "I have never in my life made the right choice. Why this should be, I don’t know, but I have borne my cross and have not complained. On this occasion, however, I did not make a choice; this was the only plane I could take and I had to take it. Why, then, am I being punished?"

He had no sooner finished when a giant hand swooped down out of the clouds and somehow snatched him from the plane. There he was, miraculously suspended two miles above the earth’s surface, while the plane spiraled downward far below.

A heavenly voice came down from the clouds. "My son, I can save you, if you have in truth called upon me."

"Yes, I called on you," cried Johnson. "I called on you, Saint Francis!"

"Ah," said the heavenly voice, "Saint Francis Xavier or Saint Francis of Assisi. Which?"

~~~

Character–the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life–is the source from which self-respect springs.

Joan Didion

~~~

A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I’ll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That’s fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."

"But aren’t you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned.

"You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."

~~~

Husband:  You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.

Wife:  I think he did, I’ve still got mine with me!

~~~

The FDA is planning to issue a Guideline for Gourmets that advises you to:

A.  List your ten favorite foods.

B.  List your five favorite beverages.

C.  List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.

D.  List water.

E.  Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.

~~~

Seated next to a self inflated egotist at a United Nations dinner was an Oriental fellow dressed in the robes of one of the Far Eastern countries. The jerk, attempting to make conversation, leaned over and said: "You like soupee?"

The Oriental fellow nodded his head.

"You like steakee?"

The Oriental nodded again. As it turned out, the guest speaker at the dinner was our Oriental friend who got up and delivered a beautiful 50 minute address on the United Nations’ definition of "encouragement to self-reliance" by underdeveloped countries of the world. The speech was flawless in Oxford English.

He returned to his place at the head of the table, sat down and turned to his dinner partner and said, "You like speechee?"

~~~

Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

~~~

Three blondes [natural] died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blond said," Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St.Peter said "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The second blonde said," Easter is when we celebrate Jesus birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said "Nooooo" and banished her to hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter is, and St.Peter said "so tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on a cross and eventually he died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder.

St.Peter said "Verrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

~~~

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

~~~

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

~~~

It is better to wear out than to rust out.

Richard Cumberland

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

I would not have known if you hadn’t helped me

“He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.”

Abraham Lincoln

 

 

 

I have been thinking about criticism lately. Over the years I have occasionally gotten defensive and even angry when faced with criticism but fortunately I have learned just how valuable the critics are. In fact if the truth be known we are probably hurt more by those who only tell us what we want to hear than by those who tell us what they think. For example far too many people who are looking for employment have friends who tell them that their résumé is great when they really don’t think it is. I often recommend to friends that they search for a truth teller who may see things they don’t and then hear what they have to say. That does not mean the critic is always right it only means that they provide you the opportunity to see things in a different light.

Sure there is a difference between constructive honest criticism and unfounded disapproval based on false observations, but even those are worth hearing. The best salesmen I know love to hear the customer’s objections for then they can overcome them. It is the same with criticism, perception is realty to the beholder and if they don’t share their negative perception we have little hope of changing it. If I am doing something that creates a negative impression I want to know what it is so I can consider changing what I do.

Now comes the part that explains why this has been on my mind. I have been concerned about how poorly some of us handle criticism. At one extreme we have those who are totally crushed not understanding that the criticism is a gift that gives us the opportunity to overcome obstacles. On the other extreme are the people who’s ego needs them to feel they are never wrong and who not only don’t want to listen but who get angry that anyone one would think less of them, sadly many of these folks use superiority as a mask for their own insecurity. Fortunately the rest of us are strong enough to stop, listen and examine what others tell us. Each criticism that we accept and even those we discard help us to know ourselves better and to move on with our lives.

So thank you for being honest with me, I hope I thanked you for it when it was offered.

~~~

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing”

Aristotle

~~~

** KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS! **

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. – Alan, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. – Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids. – Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. – Lynnette, age 8

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich. – Pam, age 7

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. – Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? – Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. – Ricky, age 10

~~~

I was strongest when I laughed at my weakness.

Elmer Diktonius

~~~

A co-worker asked if I knew what to do about a computer problem that was preventing her from getting e-mail. After calling the help desk, I told my colleague that e-mail was being delayed to check for a computer virus.

"It’s a variant of the I Love You virus, only worse," I said.

"What could be worse?" my single co-worker asked wryly.

"The Let’s Just Be Friends virus?"

~~~

"There are two types of people–those who come into a room and say, ‘Well, here I am!’ and those who come in and say, ‘Ah, there you are.’"

Frederick Collins

~~~

"Why are you so upset?"

"My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning."

"So what?"

"So she said to him, ‘Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I’ve been telling you about’."

~~~

A seminar on Time Travel will be held 2 weeks ago.

~~~

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Six Flags over the weekend and decided to take a ride on one of the roller coasters. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"Don’t stand up in the car!"

~~~

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

~~~

These four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I’m right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, "Oh God…," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE’S RIIIIIIIGHT!"

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?"

"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it’s 3 to 2."

~~~

"In the perspective of every person lies a lens through which we may better understand ourselves."

Ellen J. Langer

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Humor

I need to slow down faster!

“The one thing you have to have is patience, … You just can’t rush everything. I use myself as an example. The last couple of years have been great, but it took some time to get up to that point.”

Cy Young

 

 

 

Here it is Friday and I only have about three days of backlog, a doctor’s appointment, an errand, a lunch meeting and a class to get done by five tonight. Sometimes I don’t slow down as fast as I would like to. So you guessed it, another reprint.

Ray’s Daily

March 6, 2003

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one ton truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

”Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied. "I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing’s for sure, those troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask My Keeper to take care of them.

Then in the morning I pick them up again." "Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick ’em up, there aren’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."

~~~

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

Don Herold

~~~

A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.  The man says,"I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What’s yours?"

"I’ll have the same," says the ostrich."

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I’ll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62."  Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.  How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp.  When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That’s brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That’s right!  Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Roll Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs.”

~~~

What do you get when you cross a Unitarian Universalist with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Somebody who comes knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

~~~

HOW MANY ZEN BUDDHISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Three.

One to change the lightbulb, one NOT to change the lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change the lightbulb.

HOW MANY EPISCOPALIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Eight.

One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

HOW MANY UNITARIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: The Unitarians wish to issue the following statement:

"We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb, and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

HOW MANY PENTECOSTALS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Ten.

One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

~~~

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today."

~~~

He said: My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.

Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.

When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath over 100 yards long.

"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"

~~~

The little boy’s mother asked him, "Why did you get such a low grade on that test?"

"Because of an absence," he replied.

"You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" she questioned.

He replied, "No, but the kid who sits next to me was."

~~~

A woman frantically calls the fire department to report a fire in the neighborhood.  The dispatcher asks, "Well, how do we get there?"

Confused she replies, "Don’t you still have those little red fire trucks?"

~~~

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

~~~

A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You’ve been fired from every job."

"Yes," says the man.

"Well," continues the executive, "there’s not much positive in that."

"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application, "At least I’m not a quitter."

~~~

“More than an end to war, we want an end to the beginnings of all wars.”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://starkreality.ning.com/profile/Ray currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Humor

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