Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2007

Thanks for the gift of you

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.

Hubert Humphrey

 

One of our readers just told me that one of her children has flown the coup and has broken the ties with the family. These life events are so devastating and tragic, too often young people don’t understand the pain they leave behind when they strike out on their own without a kind word for those they leave behind. Sadly we are also sometimes insensitive to how our feelings and attitudes affect others. We sometimes seem to be so into ourselves that we don’t pay attention to what is going on around us and the needs of others. Here is a poem that a reader sent me sometime ago. Just think what the world would be like if we all behaved the way it suggests.

 

We may not always realize

That every thing we do,

Affects not only our lives

But touches others, too!

 

For a little bit of thoughtfulness

That shows someone you care,

Creates a ray of sunshine

For both of you to share.

 

Yes, every time you offer

Someone a helping hand

Every time you show a friend

You care and understand…

 

Every time you have

A kind and gentle word to give…

You help someone find beauty

In this precious life we live.

 

For happiness brings happiness

And loving ways bring love;

And Giving is the treasure

That contentment is made of.

~~~

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.

Seneca

~~~

RULES OF THE AIR (from Australian Aviation magazine):

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.

4. It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No-one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward.

22. Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.

~~~

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."

Aldous Huxley

~~~

In California’s Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur."

The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary.

"Could you please spell that?" she asked.

"You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e."

~~~

"When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."

Edward Abbey

~~~

She said: Prior to our wedding, David and I met with the minister to discuss our marriage ceremony and various traditions, such as lighting the unity candle from two individual candles.

Couples usually blow out the two candles as a sign of becoming one. Our minister said that many people were now leaving their individual candles lit to signify independence and personal freedom. He asked if we wanted to extinguish our candles or leave them burning.

After thinking about it, David replied, "How about if we leave mine lit and blow out hers?"

~~~

Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.

Agatha Christie

~~~

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him.

"Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied "every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I’ve heard."

The reporter replied, "That’s ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on Titanic."

~~~

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

Og Mandino

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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When does your play open?

“Life’s like a play; it’s not the length but the excellence of the acting that matters”

Seneca

 

 

As I was driving home from a meeting today I started thinking about all of those who think happiness resides somewhere else and that they can’t find it where they are. Many live their whole lives believing in the illusion that happiness resides in a place somewhere over the next hill or across the sea. Too many spend their lives in frustration in search of that mythical place that does not exist.

 

If the truth be known happiness rests within the heart of each of us, not in another world. When we go elsewhere we still are the same person we where, but when we decide to change the way we think we often find that our “elsewhere” is right where we are. Pretend for a minute that we are limited to being on a stage which requires us to play out our lives within the space provided. We can act out tragedy, comedy, discovery, love; the list of the part we might play is endless. Rather than looking for somewhere else to perform we can look at what we already have on the set and if we don’t like the script we can change the play.

 

If we spent as much time on our “is” list as we do on our “wish” list there is no telling what we might find. Sure it takes courage to come out from behind the hope of finding that mystical place, but when we do it is amazing what we often find. It is not age that automatically leads us to despair it us our stopping to look for the happiness that exists right where we are.

 

"Youth is not a time of your life. It is not the age of supple knees, rosy lips and chubby cheeks. It is a quality of your will, a vigor of your emotions. It is the freshness of deep springs of life. Youth means temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of sixty more than in a boy of twenty. No one grows old merely by a number of years. We only grow old by deserting our ideals."

Author Unknown

 

So how about it, let us join the flowers and trees as they blossom in spring as they begin their renewal. After all the only risk we take is that we might find what we have been looking for.

~~~

“Man is a make-believe animal: he is never so truly himself as when he is acting a part”

William Hazlitt

~~~

John bought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner.

As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately.

"My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?"

"22 years", replied John.

"You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years."

"Don’t be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous."

~~~

Flirtation, attention without intention.

Max O’Rell

~~~

At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband’s sports jackets.

Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie.

The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a ‘bug’ planted by the conspiracy defendants.

The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis.

Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests.

"We’re not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays ‘Jingle Bells.’"

I also have a tie that has a disc sewn in that plays Jingle Bells also, I am not sending it to the FBI, please don’t tell them, the tie was a gift. – Ray

~~~

"Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand."

Mark Twain

~~~

Blonde definitions

Arbitrator ar’-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.

Avoidable uh-voy’-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney buh-lo’-nee: Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette burn’-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize bur’-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.

Control kon-trol’: A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse i-klips’: what an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper i’-drop-ur: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes hee’-rhos: what a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank left’ bangk’: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Misty mis’-tee: How some golfers create divots.

Paradox par’-uh-doks: two physicians.

Parasites par’-uh-sites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist farm’-uh-sist: a helper on the farm! .

Polarize po’-lur-ize: what penguins see with.

Primate pri’-mat: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Relief ree-leef’: what trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck rub’-er-nek: what you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress seem’-stres: describes 250 pounds in a size six.

Selfish sel’-fish: what the owner of a seafood store does.

Subdued sub-dood’: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.

Sudafed sood’-a-fed: bringing litigation against a government.

~~~

Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.

Theodore Isaac Rubin

~~~

George Burns told a story about cheating on his wife once during their marriage.  He kept it to himself, but he felt so bad that he bought Gracie a beautiful diamond bracelet.  Finally, after several years had gone by, he confessed to Gracie about his indiscretion. 

She said, "I know.  I was hoping you’d do it again.  I wanted a ring to match."

~~~

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money."

Joe Weinstein

~~~

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist’s lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years."

To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years."

~~~

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.

Helen Keller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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That is not what I said!!!!

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said,

but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Robert McCloskey

 

 

Misunderstanding seems like too mild a word for what I often see around me. More often than not deep hurt or anger comes from misunderstood communications. Each of us hears through years of conditioning and our own attitudes and prejudices resulting in disconnects because someone else has a whole different set of filters. It sometimes seems as if we need a translator to have our words mean the same to someone else as they do to ourselves. It is sad how often turmoil is created because we walked away with a different understanding.

 

When I hear someone heatedly say “Oh, I understand alright”, it means they probably don’t, but at least they are letting you know there is a problem. It is worse when we quietly walk away with our own idea of what was said and it is different than what someone meant. Some of us hear instructions from someone, think we understand what they want and walk away without verifying that there truly are mutual expectations. I’ll tell you the only thing dumber than asking for clarification or verification is not doing so. I think the secret to better personal and professional cooperation and understanding is the question “If I heard you correctly you said…….,”, yep, just the simple stopping and feeding back to someone else your understanding of what was said can make a world of difference.

 

Sure sometimes it takes patience and work to assure total understanding but just remember the alternative is often chaos and anger. Here is what motivator, Ralph Marston has to say about the value of the patience that is often needed in order to achieve understanding:

 

Here’s something to keep in mind as you go through this hectic day. The person who benefits most from your patience is you. Yes, you’ll come across many people who are rude, annoying and self-centered. But does it really serve any positive purpose for you to sink to their depths of negativity?

 

Instead, take the opportunity to rise to a higher level of peacefulness and understanding. Take the opportunity to practice and strengthen your patience. Patience and understanding will take you to places where anger, frustration, confusion and anxiety can never reach. Patience and understanding put you in a position of real power and effectiveness.

 

Practice patience, and you will build real strength. Live with patience and understanding, and a whole new world of valuable opportunities will open up to you. There’s nothing to be gained by reacting to rudeness and anxiety with more rudeness and anxiety of your own making. Respond instead with patience and understanding, and you’ll make your world a much better place.

~~~

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Funny Kids’ Opinions

On science: "We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe."  

–Travis, age 11  

On beauty: "If you want to be loved by someone who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful."  

–Anita, age 8  

On beauty: "It isn’t always how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything, and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet."  

–Brian, age 7  

On marriage: "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."  

–Eddie, age 6  

On marriage: "Twenty-three is the best age, because you know the person forever by then."  

–Cameron, age 10  

On relationships: "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."  

–Lynnette, age 8  

On relationships: "Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash."  

–Erin, age 8  

On science: "One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in 1 second."  

–Harold, age 11  

~~~

Don’t think of it as getting hot flashes.

Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

~~~

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left, and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, "I don’t know about you, but in MY congregation, it’s my face they would recognize."

~~~

Happiness: The result of being too busy to be miserable.

~~~

In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues.

About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece.

One of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?"

Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!"

~~~

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

~~~

There are three religious truths:

a) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

b) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of The Christian faith.

c) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

~~~

Gracie Allen’s Classic Recipe for Roast Beef

1 large Roast of beef

1 small Roast of beef

Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

~~~

"Who is more busy than he who hath least to do?"

John Clarke

~~~

A state trooper stopped Jill for going 15 miles over the speed limit. 

After he handed her a ticket, Jill asked, "Don’t you give out warnings?"

"Yes, Ma’am," he replied.  They’re all up and down the road.  They say, ‘Speed limit 65.’"

~~~

Kindness is a language which the dumb can speak, the deaf can understand.

C.N. Bovee

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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It was worth the effort!

“Goodness is the only investment that never fails.”

Henry David Thoreau

 

 

Today I made a pact with a friend that I would only look for good over the next 24 hours. I promised to ignore negative behavior, overlook faults, and skip anything that I could not look at with pleasure. My friend said it was not going to be easy, of course I did not agree, but my friend was right. It is not that good does not exist everywhere it is just that sometimes it takes work to see it. I learned that as you peel away the things you see wrong in someone, negative after negative may have to be lifted. I found that the result is often worth it as I saw people in a different light and now have the opportunity to decide if something good might come out of my discoveries.

 

In the meantime another day is rapidly slipping away and I still have a lecture to attend at Butler University this evening. So guess what, you probably know already, another dip into one of Ray’s past dailies.

~~~

March 29, 2002

Apparently a large number of you also have the same anti-sorehead bias I have. Yesterdays daily generated a lot of positive comment. A friend who is in Ukraine (probably to observe the forthcoming election) suggested that the proposed organization be named Association of Sourpusses, Soreheads and Educated Self-servers (ASSES). Another friend from the East has asked where he can send the names of proposed charter members. I would like to tell the candidates where to go but I don’t think they need one more thing to complain about.

~~~

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.

Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.

Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

~~~

From Lewis:

An unemployed man went to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor.

The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test. After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed as a janitor at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day." Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don’t exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed by Microsoft."

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10.00 in his wallet, he buys a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. In less than two hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100.00 before going to sleep that night. Thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pickup truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pickup trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned. "What, you don’t have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the Internet from the very start!"

"Well," replied the tomato millionaire, "I would be a janitor at Microsoft!"

~~~

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

~~~

Three women were sitting around and bragging about their children. The first one says, "You know, my son graduated first in his class from Stanford. He’s now a doctor, making $250,000 a year in Chicago." The second woman says, "You know my son graduated first in his class from Harvard. He’s now a lawyer, making half a million dollars a year and lives in Los Angeles."

The last woman says, "You know my son; he never did too well in school. He never went to any university, but he now makes one million dollars a year in New York working as a sports repairman."

The other two women ask, "What is a sports repairman?"

The woman then replies, "Oh, he fixes games… you know, hockey games, football games, baseball games…."

~~~

Craig said that on the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

~~~

Paddy was in America. He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he’d allow the traffic to pass. He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

~~~

"Weiler’s Law"

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

~~~

Murphy approached Mulligan’s bar. On the step outside he was accosted by a nun, Sister Marie, who said: ‘Surely a fine man like yourself is not going into this den of iniquity? Surely you’re not going to waste your hard-earned cash on the devil’s brew. Why don’t you go home and feed and clothe your wife and children?’

‘Hang on, Sisters,’ spluttered Murphy. ‘How can you condemn alcohol out of hand? Surely it’s wrong to form such a rash judgment when you’ve never tasted the stuff?’

‘Very well,’ said Sister Marie. Till taste it just to prove my point. Obviously I can’t go into the pub, so why don’t you bring me some gin. Oh, and just to camouflage my intent, maybe you should bring it in a cup not a glass!’

‘OK,’ said Murphy and into the bar he breezed.

‘I’ll have a large gin,’ he said to the barman. ‘And can you put it in a cup?’

‘My God,’ said the barman, ‘that nun’s not outside again is she?’

~~~

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

~~~

It seems that every time our piano tuner John comes to our house, he scolds me for waiting too long between tunings.  I agree with him that it should be done every six months, but I don’t really think about it until the piano sounds off-key.  Last time he came over, I was on the defensive.

"If you would send out a postcard reminder like the dentist," I declared, "I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a timely fashion."

Without hesitating, he replied, "From now on, when the dentist sends you a postcard, call me."

~~~

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application.

~~~

"Say, Jim," Steve said to his pal, "how do you like your new job?"

"It’s the worst job I ever had."

"How long have you been there?"

"About three months."

"Why don’t you quit?"

"No way. This is the first time in 20 years that I’ve looked forward to going home."

~~~

"We’ve got to work to save our children and do it with full respect for the fact that if we do not, no one else is going to do it."

Dorothy Height

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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Come out and play

“I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things… I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind.”

Leo F. Buscaglia

 

Friends who read the daily on my 360 Blog page have the ability to comment and share their thoughts. I wish the other readers (there are about 800 of them) who get the daily via subscription had the same ability. Here is what some of our readers had to say in response to our last Blog.

 

  • Marcia in Texas wrote… I agree that aging is a gift…I just wish the wrapping was more attractive!
  • Barb in Minnesota said……Move over Ray, I love playing in the sandbox, It brings back many memories
  • Janae from Australia commented….. This Is just what I needed, My Inner child has been playing up.
  • Maya from here in Indianapolis wrote……I am gleefully jumping in the sandbox on one condition, I am 21, BUT, I get to retain what I know NOW.
  • My friend Julie from the UK replied with….I’m soon to be 50..but today I feel like a 7 year old.
  • Paula from S.Derbyshire UK wrote  I am a lady who doesn’t think about age, I am not bothered at all about the years that come and go, I have the same outlook as I had when I was in my twenties, I don’t worry about birthdays and never celebrate them either.
  • Nancie sent us this from South Korea…  I don’t think I would change my age. What would be nice would be stay at the age I am right now, and maybe only age a year after 3 or 4 years. I think that would be perfect!
  • Sunny, from sunny California added…  Where you been? I’ve been in the sandbox forever…giggles I let my inner child out so often, "she just took over!" I tell my age all the time, always have. I eat what I want 6 times a day…I have my desert before I eat main foods, taught my kids and grandkids the same….I believe in moderation in all things I eat, and drink. I dance n jog daily, I always have, as well as play at the park… Age is a state of mind, I love my birthday cake! I yelled to get into this world, I do think I will do the same leaving… only it will be laughter for sure!
  • Pat wrote from Ohio….  I love the sandbox and plan to join you there. I have always thought memory is a bad thing, unless you only remember the good times. Dwelling on past slights is a waste of time. Tis better to enjoy each day, because we don’t know how many more we will have.
  • Precious commented from Vancouver, B.C…..Yes, it would be wonderful if we had all this in our 20’s but then we would have missed out on all the good things, and all the bad things as well as mistakes that we made that have turned into tools for our living better lives.
  • Gaby sent this from the Eastern US …….I only resent one thing about life’s management or CEO… the life span doesn’t go full circle here……once we learn so much we’re on our way out– pfffft! It should instead become the reversal *in body* so that we then can wisely use all this ‘stuff’. We need to have a staff meeting with the Designer.
  • Mary in Fort Worth wrote…  I am about to turn 51, and learned the secret of age about 3 or 4 years ago. Wow, isn’t it amazing??!! Playing is wonderful, and dessert before dinner (or as dinner) is a wonderful thing, as Sunny said. Did you know that one of the main differences between adult and child behavior is that while adults on average laugh 20 times a day, a child laughs 400?
  • Colorado artist, writer Wildflower wrote …  Age is only a number and it doesn’t matter how old you are. What matters the most is what have you learned in the time that you were born and how wise you have become. I do remember the old day when things were better and it isn’t life today. When you saw someone in need you were out there helping them. Things sure have changed but we all must go on in life and do the very best we can in life.

There were many other similar comments for which I am grateful. So what does it all mean? It means that our readers are nice, really smart people and it also means we are going to have to get one hell of a big sandbox.

~~~

 “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.”

Plato

~~~

"Excerpts From The Dog’s Daily Diary"  

8:00 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!  

9:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!  

9:40 am – Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!  

10:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!  

11:30 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!  

12:00 noon – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!  

1:00 pm – Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!  

4:00 pm – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!  

5:00 pm – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!  

5:30 pm – Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!  

6:00 pm – Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!  

6:30 pm – Oh Boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite!  

~~~

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

~~~

To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to call on some daily. One he selected was a young widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died two years ago. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms.

He said, "I’m sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte."

"You’ve found her, Father." smiled the lady.

"Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms.

"That’s correct, Father. He surely did …but I didn’t!"

~~~

"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."

Joseph Blosephina

~~~

Top Ten Signs You’re Being Stalked by Martha Stewart

10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they’re all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.

9. You find a lemon slice in the dog’s water bowl.

8. On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen licorice downspout and the half-open graham cracker garage door.

7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon,rose

petal & saffron demi-glace’, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and adelicate mint-fennel sauce.

6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.

5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.

4. No matter "where" you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.

3. Twice this week you’ve been the victim of a drive-by doilying.

2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.

AND THE NUMBER 1 Sign You’re Being Stalked by Martha Stewart…

1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

~~~

"Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes."

Oscar Wilde

~~~

My friend’s mother is a proper Southern lady and a passionate gardener who spends hours outside with her plants. In her neighborhood, where she has lived most of her life, no one has fences and every yard is open to the next. 

Recently one of her longtime neighbors, an elderly man, moved away. "Are you going to miss him?" my friend asked.

"Actually I’m relieved," her mother replied. "Now I can bend over."

~~~

“When we come together to play and be we are truly ourselves, when we are truly ourselves it is wonderful and when we act collectively in that wonder we do transformative work for our community and our world.”

Brad Colby

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

Join me?

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

Satchel Paige

 

 

I was thinking the other day about the pros and cons of aging. In some respects life seems a little more complicated with all the health issues, taxes, and other bureaucratic stuff. It probably really isn’t any more complicated than it ever was, it just seems that way. On the other hand you get to the point where you are free to unleash all the unused youth that you kept pent up as the years went by. It is not a second childhood, it is more like, “watch out world I get to be me now and I don’t really care that much what people think.” You don’t have to like something because the critics tell you it is great or feel guilty because you like a piece of art without understanding in detail why you do. It really is sad how many years so many of us waste waiting before we set ourselves free.

 

Here are some thoughts I excerpted from a piece that Pat, one of our readers, sent me recently. It tells the story we all should hear as early in life as we can.

 

Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.  Oh, not my body!  Often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

 

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.  As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.  I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

 

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 40 &50’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

 

I know I am sometimes forgetful.  But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten.  And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.   How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car?  But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.  A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

 

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.  I don’t question myself anymore.  I’ve even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free.  I like the person I have become.  I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.  And I shall eat dessert every single day.  (If I feel like it).

 

So my young friends I offer you the life style of the well lived generation. Won’t you come join me in the sand box, we have castles to build. I just wish I had reached these golden years when I was in my twenties.

~~~

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

John Barrymore

~~~

A girl from North Carolina and a girl from California sat side by side on an airplane.

The girl from North Carolina, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya from?"

The California girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from North Carolina sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where ya from, bitch?"

~~~

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

The Dalai Lama

~~~

A big city corporate lawyer runs a stop sign in a small town in Tennessee, and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than this hicktown deputy because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy’s expense. Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "Y’all didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What’s the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, y’all have to come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do y’all want me to stop or just slow down?"

~~~

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices."

William James

~~~

Wife: "I mended that hole in your pocket last night after you’d gone to bed, dear. Now, I ask you, am I not the thoughtful little wife?"

Husband: "Well, yes, you’re thoughtful enough, but tell me, dear, how did you discover there was a hole in my pocket?"

~~~

She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow your own dope." 

How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient. 

Then I noticed the rest of her message … "Plant a man."

~~~

"Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does."

Evan Esar

~~~

On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I don’t believe I deserve this F you’ve given me."  

To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."  

~~~

I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on: "If you have been waiting longer than ten minutes, you may press eight. This will not speed up your call, but it will give you something to do while you wait."  

~~~

"Where facts are few, experts are many."

Donald R. Gannon

~~~

A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"

Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, I’ve been telling you for the last half hour that I’ll be ready in a minute!

~~~

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

George Washington Carver

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Uncategorized

Come laugh with me!

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Victor Borge

 

 

Just a quick note: I am more than willing to testify anyplace at anytime without hesitation. That is as long as you don’t make me promise to tell the truth.

~~~

We have been too serious lately. It has gotten to the point where we need to remind ourselves of the medicinal purpose of the daily. You know, using humor and laughter as an antidote to all the negative stuff people and things lay upon us each day. If we all laugh hard enough we will probably be able to blow away the storm clouds and enjoy more sunshine in our lives.

 

Here are some thoughts on the subject from author Robert Holden.

 

How wonderful it is to laugh! Instinctively, we know that there is something magical, nourishing and uplifting about laughter, particularly the warm, whole-hearted laughter that arises spontaneously between friends, loved ones and even occasionally a stranger.

 

Physicians, philosophers and priests of all cultures have forever acknowledged the healing properties of laughter, a happy frame of mind and a joyful heart. In the Bible, for instance, it is written, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22). I like the words, in particular of Jonathan Swift who wrote, "The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet and Doctor Merryman".

 

Two thoughts: 1) "The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed, 2) "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they will never cease to be amused". The greatest happiness of all is to know that happiness needs no reason. Indeed, "Laughter needs no reason. A smile needs no reason. Love needs no reason. Kindness needs no reason. They are gifts for free – life’s true treasures."

 

Children are often happy without reason – it is a part of their charm. Often you can catch a child laughing for the fun of laughing, smiling for the sake of smiling, playing happily with happiness. It both amuses and saddens me to think that, when a child laughs for no reason at all we think it wonderful, but when an adult laughs for no reason at all we immediately fear for his or her health! The point is, who ever said happiness needs a reason?

 

Give up all thoughts that happiness needs a reason. Practice "unreasonable happiness." Laugh for no reason – it will entertain everyone! Smile for no reason – smiling always triggers curiosity.

~~~

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.

Yiddish Proverb

~~~

Rules for Driving in New York City

* When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.  

* Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.  

* The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.  

* Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.  

* Always look both ways when running a red light.  

* Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in. (Truest of All)  

* Making eye contact revokes your right of way.  

* Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.  

~~~

The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject.

Marcus Aurelius

~~~

"I hope I don’t sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: ‘How can I get in on that?’"

Dave Barry

~~~

After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check. In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac.  

"Nothing to declare but clothing, huh?"  

"Right," Mark extemporized. "That, madam, is my nightcap." 

~~~

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.

Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

Mark Twain

~~~

A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced: about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don’t know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."

When the passengers’ muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."

Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!"

~~~

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.

Anne Frank

~~~

The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball.

"I can’t play fetch with my dog," the blonde said.

"Why not?" the doctor asked.

"Because," she replied, "He can’t throw, duh."

~~~

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

William A. Ward

~~~

He said: As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the 40 names are placed into a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.

During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.

"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 12 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."

Both were excused.

~~~

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

~~~

The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.  

"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.  

"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. It’s always for you."  

~~~

"If we can learn to laugh unconditionally,

our happiness too will become unconditional."

Dr. Madan Kataria

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

How sweet they are….

God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.

J.M. Barrie

 

 

Hi all. It has been another one of those days; I started meetings early in the morning, had lunch with a friend and just got home. Unfortunately the day is not over as I have a World Affairs dinner meeting in a few hours and I already have used all of today’s energy. In order to recover I am going to leave in a few minutes and retire to my sleeping place to recharge. So here we go again, my past revisited. 

March 22, 2001

 

Recently my wife and I decided to go through things we had saved over the years. She found certificates, pictures, letters, and more going back as far as when we each were young children.

 

For me it was an enlightening experience. Pictures of people whose names have long been forgotten brought back memories of events we shared so long ago. Each new batch reminded me of another time and another place. Most of what was remembered was of good times, and some were of bad times. What it did for me was to help me realize just how important people we know are to us, even people that we sometimes know for only a day or two. These shared experiences are the fabric from which our lives are enriched. As I thought about what it would be like if each of those I remember did not exist, I realized that it is the people that enrich our lives, not material successes that create our happiness. Each of you adds meaning in some way. Some of you I have known for 50 years or more, others only briefly, and even a few who I have never met in person. I have not always done as well as I might, but I hope I did not disappoint too often. Today our limited contact, mostly by e-mail, makes another human connection that helps keep life interesting and meaningful. Thank you for that.

 

The years since have only made me appreciate you all more. Someone told a friend recently that I collect people. I won’t admit to that but I will admit that everyday I find opportunities to meet new people and make new friends, friends that I will remember fondly whenever I look back at the truly meaningful events in my life.

Ray

March 21, 2007

~~~

Life is to be fortified by many friendships.

To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.

Sydney Smith

~~~

He said that with the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called, "Marriage Anonymous."

Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn housecoat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she tries to nag him out of it.

~~~

She said if you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

~~~

At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen.

   "Paddy," he asked casually, "didn’t you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?"

   "That I did, sir."

   "And you are a bricklayer!  It sure is a funny world.  Things in life aren’t divided equally, are they?"

   "No, that they ain’t sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks.  "Me poor brother couldn’t do this to save his life!"

~~~

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

Sue Grafton-

~~~

Several women were visiting elderly Mrs. Diamond who was very ill. After a while, they rose to leave and told her, "Esther, we will keep you in our prayers."

"Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."

~~~

People tell me I’m childish but I think they’re just being poopyheads.

~~~

Over a round of golf, two doctors were talking shop.

"I operated on Mr. Lee the other day," said the surgeon.

"What for?" asked his colleague.

"About $17,000."

"What did he have?"

"Oh… About $17,000."

~~~

"Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business."

Dave Barry.

~~~

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.  Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out.

This student got back his test and $64 change.

~~~

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

~~~

On his doctor’s orders, Mel had moved to Arizona. Two weeks later, he was dead. His body was shipped back home, where the undertaker prepared it for the services.

Mel’s brother came in to make sure everything was taken care of. "Would you like to see the body?" the undertaker asked.

"I might as well take a look at it before the others get here."

The undertaker led him into the next room and opened the top half of the casket. He stood back and proudly displayed his work.

"He looks good," the brother said. "Those two weeks in Arizona were just the thing for him!"

~~~

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

~~~

During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up.

The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn’t know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a homebound 98-year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple.  The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was.

So he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation.

The one whose followers stood during prayer said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?"

The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."

The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during prayer?"

The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."

Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand!"

The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is our tradition!"

~~~

The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.

Herbert V. Prochnow

~~~

Laws Of Slow People

1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don’t know each other.

2. They drive side by side, too. If they can’t find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.

3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors, either.

4. Slow people drift sideways so they’ll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.

 

5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you’ll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.

~~~

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most do.

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Uncategorized

So Tired…..

“I wasn’t really asleep I was just meditating on unconsciousness.”

 

 

I spent most of the day today at the Indiana Heart Center getting a Cardiac Echo test, waiting for the results and then meeting with my heart doc. I have experienced unusual fatigue lately and Doctor Dave wanted to make sure my always leaking heart was not leaking too much. The results were good my “whatever” was within normal range, the “stuff” was functioning properly and my heart was not bleeding any more than it normally does. I forget the medical term for what was the final diagnosis; it was something like “you’re tired.”

 

I would try to get more naps but I already use up a big part of my day “meditating on unconsciousness.” So maybe it is just my chronic iron deficiency (in the old days we called it tired blood.) If that is the cause I will soon be cured as I go into the hospital next week for my periodic infusion of iron. It takes just a couple of hours and I usually feel real good afterwards, the only side effect being an unusual attraction to magnets.

 

I hope I am not banking energy only to have it all unleashed at once. I can barley stand myself at normal levels, I would be just awful if I exploded with unbridled enthusiasm.

~~~

When we sleep, sleep, sleep.

Are promises made that we always keep.

And imagined fears make it easy to weep.

And forbidden pleasures we dare not reap.

When we sleep, sleep, sleep…

Gregory Dent

~~~

A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty.

As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee.

The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full. After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?"

The man says, "Two would be fine."

She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" She asks.

The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "I don’t think so!"

~~~

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

John A. Shedd

~~~

Some Hollywood Squares quotes I don’t think I’ve seen before…

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?  

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.  

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.  

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes!  

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?  

A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.  

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?  

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.  

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?  

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.  

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can’t Get Enough"?  

A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.  

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?  

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries!  

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?  

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.  

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?  

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.  

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?  

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.  

Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?  

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.  

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?  

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.   

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?  

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.  

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?  

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?  

Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?  

A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.  

Q. Jackie Gleason reported that he firmly believes in them and has already seen them on at least 2 occasions.  

A. Charley Weaver:  His feet.  

~~~

"I recently went to the 30th reunion of my preschool.

I didn’t want to go because I’ve put on, like, 100 pounds!"

Wendy Liebman

~~~

My colleagues and I recently received this email from the facilities department: "Due to construction, your office may be either cooler or warmer than usual on Tuesday. Please dress accordingly."  

~~~

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.

–Unknown

~~~

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot.  

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw pair a of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully step stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.  

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.  

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his sewn into his forehead.  

~~~

Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.

Seneca

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Humor

Don’t lose yours!!!

Don’t sacrifice your life to work and ideals.

The most important things in life are human relations. I found that out too late.

Katharinde Susannah Prichard

 

 

I have been thinking lately about how we change as life goes on. Some of us seem to get better, both mentally and philosophically, while others seem to deteriorate both mentally and socially. The sad part is that so much depends on the choices we make.  I recently read a piece on Sure Ways to Lose Your Common Sense by Susan Dunn.

 

Dunn says that common sense is roughly equivalent to Emotional Intelligence.  Whether or not we’re born with it and then lose it, or aren’t born with it and have to acquire it, it’s not something we can get from book learning.  We have to expose ourselves to new ideas, new people and situations, and have the set of competencies which allows us to react effectively with reality. I agree with what she says and believe that if we don’t retain our Emotional Intelligence we will stagnate and deteriorate. Here are some of the ways she offers to those of us who just don’t care and who are willing to slip into the doldrums.

 

Lose the common touch.

Have more money than common sense (or taste). Use your money to buy your way out of problems and to avoid those nasty mutual obligations and responsibilities that come with real relationships. Quit asking your friends over to help you paint your house – pay a painter. Quit going over there to help them paint theirs – just send a check. You can do that for war relief, poverty, homelessness and anything else that "bothers" you!

In the workplace, maintain a strict line between salaried and non-salaried personnel.  Don’t interact with those "above" or "below" you to find out what they know you don’t know.

I really believe that those of us who walk away from others lose much of the joy in life. Sadly some of us get so enamored with our importance that we only hang out with others who are enamored with their importance. Soon everyone looks alike and thinks alike and become unbelievably boring.

 

Don’t get your hands dirty.

No need to "touch" things you don’t need to. Get in your ivory tower and stay there. Deal with it idealistically and theoretically. Read about it.  Assign it to others.  Don’t test your thoughts and feelings against new realities.

I have found that it is impossible to hear children laughing from the top of the ivory tower.

 

Use your power to isolate yourself.

Intimidate others so they no longer speak the truth to you or around you.  Consensual validation is part of reality-testing. Lose the "consensus" and you lose reality. If you work it right, you can arrange to hear only what you want to hear and already believe to be true.

Sadly too many validate something to be true only if it agrees with their belief, opinion, or prejudice. It is living in the market place of ideas that growth and understanding is developed. In my experience those who know they are never wrong often are.

 

Quit thinking for yourself.

Advice is plentiful; just ask someone else what to do. Why struggle? Pay them for their opinion if necessary, but avoid the hard work and introspection of developing your own wisdom. For extra credit, keep "thinking" and "feeling" totally separate. Compartmentalize everything you can. Bonus points: If something goes wrong, you can blame someone else!

Stop thinking, stop feeling, and whither away, no thanks, not for me. I have way to much to learn.

~~~

You should always learn, with life comes wisdom and with wisdom comes the courage to live your life selflessly. The more you learn about yourself and the experiences surrounding your life the more opportunities you have to make your life better and more fulfilling.

Amy Candy

~~~

It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by," his older brother explained. "Wouldn’t you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don’t go, He showed up."  

~~~

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.

A.W. Pinero

~~~

He said: Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren’t sure what to get, because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home.  

"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.  

"I don’t have a tape measure."  

"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."  

"Can’t," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten." 

~~~

"Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read a Playboy with your wife turning the pages."

Barry Goldwater, 1964 Republican presidential nominee

~~~

The budget-minded women was always clipping coupons in the young, lean years when she was first married, and even kept detailed records of how much money she saved. One of her first jobs way back then was running the cash register at the local drugstore. One day, she had a self-conscious young man approach the counter to buy some condoms. She noticed a dollar-off coupon on the box and asked him if he’d like to use it, adding that she and her husband had saved over $400 redeeming coupons last year.

The stunned young man replied, "On these?!"

~~~

"My kids just don’t understand my logic. They fail to see why the have to go to bed when I’m tired."

~~~

We finally got a local doctor who set-up his practice right in his home. He was awakened one morning about 4:00 A.M. by a man who said he brought his wife in.
Thinking it to be an emergency, the doctor hurried out to the truck with the man. There sat a healthy looking young woman whom the doctor had just seen the day before.
"Good morning Doctor." she smiled. "You told me to come in for a blood test this morning before breakfast."

~~~

Proud father to mother as they watched their small son lying on the floor studying by the light from the TV screen.

"Reminds you of Abe Lincoln, doesn’t it?"

~~~

A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer.  

She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture.  

He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on.  

"I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."

~~~

Learn as if you were going to live forever.

Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

Category:

Uncategorized

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