Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2013

BOO!

Eat, drink and be scary.

halloween1

They expect so much rain here today that they have moved Halloween Trick or Treat to tomorrow, we’ll see. It won’t make that much difference as far as I am concerned as I figure I am scary enough without a mask or costume. Also treats are not on my diet and my ability to do tricks is limited these days.

I do admit to appreciating some of the levity that accompanies so many workplace costumes. I know the nurses at my favorite hospital will dress up, many as Gothic blood drawers, the local restaurant servers are often a hoot and as always the folks my age who reverted to their second childhood will have a lot of fun some are even planning on staying up until eight pm or later.

I may continue my efforts to stimulate the medical economy as I heard from pre-surgical internal medicine doctor who has told me Tuesdays tests showed I was again suffering from some anemia and that I needed to get back to my hematologist before my surgical procedure. If it wasn’t for my medical glitches my social life would be pretty dull.

Just so you know I had nothing to do with creating Halloween here are the facts behind the day.

Halloween

Halloween dates back to over 2000 years ago

The Celts–who lived in Great Britain, Ireland, and northern France–celebrated Samhain on October 31st The priests (called druids) burned big bonfires on hills to frighten away the spooks whom they believed were present on this last day of their year. In A.D. 43 the Romans conquered the Celts-they  had different beliefs, but they did celebrate a harvest ceremony on October 31st

In the years that followed, the Celts accepted Christianity, and in the A.D 700’s the Roman Catholic Church November 1st would be named All  Saints Day or All Hallows’ to honor special people who had died  October 31st therefore became All Hallow’s Eve. This name was shortened to Halloween, a night when people visited cemeteries and prayed for loved ones buried there. Many people still believed that spooks wandered around on October 31st.

In some parts of England, people went from house to house begging for soul-cakes (currant buns) or a penny. Others preferred making mischief, often wearing masks to disguise themselves

In the 1840’s, during the potato famine, many Irish people went to the United States, bringing their Halloween traditions with them. One story they brought over involved a man named Jack who couldn’t get into heaven or hell after death…all he could do was wander around in the dark. The Devil finally felt sorry for Jack and gave him a glowing coal which Jack stuck into a carved out turnip…Americans substituted the local vegetable, the pumpkin–The jack-o-lantern 🙂

So now that you know the story, what will it be a treat or a trick?

~~~

Backward, turn backward,

O Time, in your flight

make me a child again

just for to-night!

Elizabeth Akers Allen

~~~

He said to her:

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what’s wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.

~~~

“Why do vampires always chase down Christians? Why not Jews, or Arabs? You know, somebody who won’t be carrying a cross!”

Galager

~~~

More workplace truths:

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.

~~~

Have you ever noticed…. Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

~~~

Stupid People for A Stupid Planet…

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting “Please come out and give yourself up”.

WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “that’s not what I said!”

NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

~~~

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.”

G. K. Chesterton

~~~

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, “So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?”

She says, “Bernie, I want a divorce.”

“My goodness, I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

~~~

“I wish everyday could be Halloween. We could all wear masks all the time. Then we could walk around and get to know each other before we got to see what we looked like under the masks.”

R.J. Palacio

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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Are we smarter now?

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

 war-of-the-worlds

I had a full day yesterday doing pre-op tests and such at the hospital in preparation for my next surgical adventure. This morning I am off to more medical stuff and a day full of other things today so we will again revisit the days of yesteryear.

Ray’s Daily first published on October 30, 2001

Sixty-three years ago Orson Welles created nationwide panic with his “War of the Worlds” radio dramatization. People all over the United States thought that the Martians attack on New Jersey was really happening. If you have heard the show you can understand why. The radio was the primary source of up to the minute news in those days. Life was simpler then. Today I often think that we are getting too much news, too much of the same thing, and in some ways I wonder if the electronic press does not sensationalize and overstate events to the point that we are no different than our fellow Americans were in 1938.

~~~

“The road to success is marked with too many tempting parking places.”

~~~

She said that if men ruled the world:

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To “I love you.”

When your wife needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the backside and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

It’d be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the “public ugliness” ordinance.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you’d get “beer biceps.”

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, “You’re #1!”

Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (Wouldn’t help — you STILL wouldn’t remember!)

~~~

Where there’s a will… I want to be in it.

~~~

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said: “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said :”Then you use to bite my neck” Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To get my teeth!”

~~~

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”

Mark Twain

~~~

A man who was noted for his tact was awakened one morning at four o’clock by his ringing telephone. “Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an irate voice.

The man thanked the caller and politely asked his name before hanging up. The next morning at four o’clock, he called back his neighbor…”Sir,” he said, “I don’t have a dog.”

~~~

The young man told his father, “I want to marry a good woman, a smart woman, one who’ll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy.”

His father told him he’d better make up his mind.

~~~

“Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.”

Dave Barry.

~~~

Top Ten Signs You’re Being Stalked by Martha Stewart

10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they’re all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.

9. You find a lemon slice in the dog’s water bowl.

8. On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen licorice downspout and the half-open graham cracker garage door.

7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal & saffron demi-glace’, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.

6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.

5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.

4. No matter “where” you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.

3. Twice this week you’ve been the victim of a drive-by doilying.

2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.

AND THE NUMBER 1 Sign You’re Being Stalked by Martha Stewart…

1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

~~~

Just remember…If the world did not suck, we would all fall off!

~~~

A Jew converts and becomes a priest. He celebrates his first mass in front of a number of high ranking priests who came for the occasion. At the end of the service, the bishop steps up to congratulate him.

Father Ginsberg,” he said, “that was very well done, you were just perfect.  But I have one suggestion. I think it would be better if you didn’t start your sermon with, ‘Fellow goyim.'”

~~~

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

~~~

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.  The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child.  It went like this:

“Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'”

One of the women spoke up immediately.  “Does she cook???”

~~~

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx

~~~

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, “Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?”

The mother replies, “Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand.”

“OK” said the son.  A few minutes later the son asks, “Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?”

“They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert”

“Thanks Mom!” replies the son.  After a short while, the son returns and asks, “Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??”

The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, “They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods.”

“That’s great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but… Mom?”

“Yes son?”

“Why the heck are we in the San Diego zoo?”

~~~

“It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to.”

Walter Lin

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Don’t worry the best is yet to come

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.

Dorothy Thompson

 be positive

I have spent the last few days at the hospital and again have seen how debilitating the fear of the unknown can be. We often talk about folks that suffer because of their negativism and belief that things will probably end up badly. I now release succumbing to fear is even worse, especially on situations where you have little real control of the outcomes. The tough part is realizing that the overwhelming incidents of concerns based on fear are unfounded.

Today I am off to the Indiana University Hospital for a series of tests and an examination in preparation for my surgery which is scheduled in about two weeks. I am looking forward to the surgery believing that it will go well and I will be a much happy person when I reap the benefits of the procedure. In the past I have always believed that things would go as well as they could and worrying about possible outcomes not only a waste of time but often it results in having a negative effect on outcomes. Part of the secret to a less worrisome life is the ability to accept what is and not dwell on a past situation you cannot change, it is far better to focus on the future and what can be done to make it as bright as possible. I know sleep is always easier when your mind is not cluttered with needless fears.

Here is a piece written by the always wise Ralph Marston that offers one of the secrets of dealing with life in a positive way.

 

The courage of fulfillment

When you make a habit of expecting the best, you will occasionally be disappointed. Though it is a risk, it’s a risk that’s well worth taking. The alternative to being occasionally disappointed as a result of your high expectations is to be continually unfulfilled. Which would you rather have?

Everyone has the ability to live a fulfilling life. Unfortunately, many people fail to summon the courage to do so.

Working to fulfill your most profound desires is a risky thing because it opens you up to the possibility of disappointment. Sometimes it might seem attractive to simply lower your expectations and avoid the disappointment, but it doesn’t work that way.

Sure, when you choose to expect the best, you risk being disappointed from time to time. However, when you expect nothing good from life, you put yourself in a state of continual disappointment that can eventually lead to intractable regret.

Go ahead, acknowledge and accept the fact that your high expectations will sometimes result in disappointment. Remind yourself that when those disappointments come, you can raise your expectations even higher, moving forward with more energy and determination than ever before.

~~~

“It’s better to die laughing than to live each moment in fear.”

Michael Crichton

~~~

 

One day, two out-of-work ventriloquists are talking on the phone to each other and lamenting their condition. The older one says, “Just between you and me, I’ve been moonlighting lately as a medium.”

The young ventriloquist is quite impressed. “Really?” he says. “I didn’t know that you were psychic!”

“Well, to tell you the truth, I’m not,” confesses the older man. “But what I did was rent a storefront and bought a small round table, a crystal ball, and a turban. Then, when people come in, I throw my voice and they think that they’re talking to their dead relatives.”

“What a great idea!” says the young ventriloquist.

“You should try it too,” suggests the first man. “You’ll see, it works great.”

The next day, the young man goes out, rents a little storefront, and buys a table, a crystal ball, and a turban. He opens up for business, and an hour later a middle-aged woman walks in. She sits down at the table across from the ventriloquist and asks him, “Can you put me in touch with my long-lost husband?”

“I sure can!” he answers. “Why, for just a hundred dollars, you can hear your husband speak to you from behind that curtain over there. Now I must warn you that his voice might sound a little different, but that’s because he’s talking to you from the spirit world.”

“That’s wonderful,” says the woman eagerly.

“For a hundred and fifty dollars,” the ventriloquist says, “you could have a two -way conversation with your husband, and talk back and forth with him.”

The woman’s voice rises in anticipation as she asks, “You mean, I could communicate directly with my dear departed Hubert?”

“Not only that,” says the ventriloquist, getting just as excited as the woman. “For two hundred dollars, you could actually carry on a two-way conversation with your husband while I’m drinking a glass of water!”

~~~

“In an underdeveloped country don’t drink the water. In a developed country don’t breathe the air.”

Jonathan Raban.

~~~

A stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed.

He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down trees to create a clearing; built a house and a small barn; cleared land for pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally worked his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive farm.

Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marveled rather fulsomely, and at great length, at all that “you and God have done together.”

“Eh,” the farmer said dubiously. “Ya shoulda seen the place when God ran it on his own.”

~~~

I am having an out of money experience.

~~~

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, “I’ll hear the oldest woman first.” The case was closed for lack of evidence.

~~~

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you sit there.

~~~

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.  “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

~~~

There are four ways you can handle fear. You can go over it, under it, or around it. But if you are ever to put fear behind you, you must walk straight through it. Once you put fear behind you. Leave it there.

Donna Favors

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Be well to fare well!

The greatest wealth is health.

Virgil

 stay well

I have a close friend who often joins us with his wife for an evening out. Over the last month or so he has been really down. He looked gray, had no energy and even had to cancel an evening at the theatre. When asked about doing something about his situation he said he had talked to his primary doctor’s nurse and she had suggested some medication for what he reported to be a cold. He also said that there was nothing they really could do, reporting on tests and diagnoses that had been made in the past.

To make a long story short he finally was sick enough that they took him to the hospital in an ambulance. He told them he felt better and was probably OK. In their questioning they learned that he had been told to go to the emergency room the week before if he was not better, he didn’t go. They also learned he was not taking some of his medications as prescribed but he didn’t think it was important. They also learned that he had a number of symptoms that he ignored.

It turned out he had internal bleeding that was serious enough to bring his hemoglobin down to dangerous levels which required transfusions. He also had dangerously thin blood that was not coagulating properly; in addition he had fluid in the lungs, high blood sugar and more. You get the idea. I think he has learned his lesson.  He is not the first person I know who seems to think they are invincible, or there is nothing the doctors can do or if they ignore the symptoms they will go away.

The bottom line for me is that if you don’t pay attention to your body and its warnings you are choosing to be sick which I find to be pretty dumb. My friend has been an outstanding athlete and has prided himself on his physical toughness I now think he will add some mental toughness that will bode well for his future.

People often are surprised when I tell them I am in good health. Yes I have a leaky heart valve, have my third Pacemaker, medicate for severe Iron deficiency, will be operated on in a few weeks for plumbing problems, I also have a brain aneurysm and sleep apnea as well as a few other things. But everything works because my doctors do a good job of keeping me patched up and functional. I pay attention to what they say I know they are smarter than me so I do what they tell me to do as I am sure you do too.

~~~

If I’d known I was going to live so long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

Leon Eldred

~~~

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes, I do” came the employee’s reply. “Why?”

“Well, that makes everything just fine then. See, when you left early yesterday to attend your grandmother’s funeral service, she happened to stop by to see you.”

~~~

Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah didn’t miss the boat.

Mark Twain

~~~

On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said,

“If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”

A little voice from the back of the room asked,

“How will that help?”

~~~

“Be yourself – everyone else is already taken.”

~~~

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.

An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.

“Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle!” the priest said. “Tell me where is this man now?”

“Flat on his butt over by the holy water!” the boy informed him.

~~~

“I’ve been on so many blind dates; I should get a free dog.”

Wendy Liebman

~~~

Two sexy young starlets were sipping stingers at Chasen’s, in Hollywood.

“You remember that backless, frontless, sideless evening gown I wore to the sneak preview last week?” asked teh first.

“Sure,” said her friend, “it was a sensation.”

“I just found out it’s a belt.”

~~~

There’s a new jewelry store in Hollywood whose business has suddenly leaped ahead of all the competition. It rents wedding rings.

~~~

Medical Terms

Benign…………….What you be after you be eight.

Artery…………….The study of paintings.

Bacteria…………..Back door to cafeteria.

Barium…………….What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section……A neighborhood in Rome.

Cauterize………….Made eye contact with her.

Coma………………A punctuation mark.

D & C……………..Where Washington is.

Dilate…………….To live long.

Enema……………..Not a friend.

Fibula…………….A small lie.

Genital……………Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series………..World Series of military baseball.

Impotent…………..Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain…………Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff………A Doctor’s cane.

Morbid…………….A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates…………..Cheaper than day rates.

Outpatient…. …….A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear….. …….A fatherhood test.

Post Operative……..A letter carrier.

Recovery Room………Place to do upholstery.

Rectum…………….Darn near killed him.

Seizure……………Roman emperor.

Tablet…………….A small table.

Terminal Illness……Getting sick at the Bus Station

Tumor……………..More than one.

Urine……………..Opposite of you’re out.

Varicose…………..Near by/close by.

Vein………………Conceited.

~~~

God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.

Voltaire

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Just be the best you

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

John Wooden

be the best version of you

I am still moving a little slow but I am on the mend. In fact I am venturing out this morning for an early breakfast with a Salvation Army staffer who is also a good friend. As I was looking back into my archives to find some moral boosting elixir I rediscovered some quotes from Marc and Angel Chernoff that are about as good as it gets. So rather than linger on the dullness of the last few days I thought I would share some of them with you.

  • Quotes from the Chernoff’s
  • Your best music is still inside you. – The only way for us to have long-term happiness and success is to live by our highest principles, to consistently act in accordance with what we believe our life is in fact about.  That music you hear inside you motivating you to take risks and follow your dreams is your instinctive calling to the true purpose in your heart and mind.  Don’t ignore it.  Be enthusiastic about all that you do, and the possibilities that lie ahead.
  • It’s never too late to be who you could have been. – It’s a matter of switching gears, never looking back, and BECOMING the person today that you always knew you were capable of being.  Entertain every thought, say every word, and make every decision from their point of view.  Walk the way they would walk, dress the way they would dress, and spend your free time the way they would spend theirs.  Choose the friends they would choose, eat the meals they would eat, and love and appreciate yourself the way they would.  These steps MUST come in order for there to be change.  There’s no other option, no other way.  But since this person is who you REALLY are deep down, that makes this task a bit easier.  You just have to STOP BEING WHO YOU AREN’T.
  • Your opinion of YOU is what’s important. – Most of the good things you do will go unnoticed by others.  Do them anyway, because you will notice.  Many of the contributions you make will not be fully realized by others.  Make them anyway, because you realize they are the right things to do.  It’s great when you receive recognition for the things you do, yet even when there is no possibility of recognition, YOU still recognize the reasons you are putting forth the effort.  Your honest, authentic view of yourself influences all that you do.  And that view is formed mainly during times when no one is watching.  Your life is a living expression of who you know yourself to be, regardless of what others think or see.
  • There’s a lot to appreciate in this moment. – Your journey will be much lighter and easier if you don’t try to carry your entire past and future around with you.  Take a break.  Let go of your obsession with yesterday’s struggles and tomorrow’s to-do list, and simply enjoy the beauty of what’s right here, right now.  Sometimes you have to stop thinking that some new richness will fulfill you, so you can fully experience the richness that’s already yours.

~~~

“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.”

Marvin J. Ashton

~~~

More that I learned from the movies:

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off — even while scuba diving.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

~~~

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

~~~

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.

‘Yes, please’ she replied. ‘Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.’

~~~

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?

Lily Tomlin

~~~

She said:

Apology…Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse.  It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator

~~~

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

~~~

“The Aging Experience”

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you? “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half… going on five!

That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. How old are you? “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re ‘gonna’ be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life… you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony… YOU BECOME 21….YESSSSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Make you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sourpuss.

What’s wrong? What’s changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the breaks, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, your REACH 50… and your dreams are gone.

But wait, you MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by- day thing; you HIT Wednesday, you get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas! It’s an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one!!

And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I was just 92.” Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”

~~~

“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Live a better life

To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.

Og Mandino

happy

It is one of those days where I was scheduled to attend four critical events and had to cancel all of them. I am fighting a low level something that is an energy drainer and is moderated by long bed sessions. This is especially disappointing as I kind of like the balance in my life that comes from variety and even making a contribution to something of value once in a while. A couple of these events only occur once every two or three months and being out of the loop can limit my ability to do some good.

I find as the years go by that balance between obligations, time with family and friends, staying current on the world around us while making sure to have a little fun is important to my outlook. But while what I miss today is bothersome I am sure the world won’t end, I probably will hardly be missed and I will be able to play another day. So hibernate I will, chicken soup awaits and some recreational books on tape are waiting to provide a diversion.

Today I would like to share with you an article written by Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D., Psychologist that I think has value. Now stay well, fare well and enjoy your day.

 

How to Live a Better Life

1. Remember that work is not the only facet to your life. In these demanding times, it’s easy to focus more on the workplace.  Finding a time to “play” is just as important.  Making special time to enjoy interests, hobbies, and family, not only makes life happier and enjoyable, but helps us be more productive on the job as well.

2. Realize that you are just as important as other people — and say “no” when your obligations and responsibilities are too much.  You can only spread yourself so thin before you’re no good for yourself or anyone else.

3. Don’t compare yourself to other people – at work or in your personal life.  In the first place, no one knows what other people are going through.  More importantly, when you compare yourself to other people, you always tend to see yourself on the “short end” and everyone else seems better to you somehow.  Making comparisons is never a good or helpful thing for you to do.

4. Make a scheduled time every day for relaxation. This is not a “lazy” relaxation, but a time when you regroup, let go of your stress, and read something that is positive and uplifting.  This is a good time to go over any therapy that you’re working on.  Having a “relaxation” time or a “quiet time” every day strengthens you, allows the stress and tension in your life to evaporate, and keeps you on a positive, even keel.

6. Take time to laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in.  Laughter is a powerful, positive medicine, and the calmer and more peaceful you can take things, the happier your life will be.

7. Surround yourself with friends who are positive, encouraging, and helpful.  This has a nice reciprocal benefit: As you are positive and encouraging to others, your friends become positive and encouraging to you.  We all need this continuing, positive encouragement to make solid, positive progress in life.

8. If you have problems getting your feelings and opinions out, learn the techniques of self-assertion, rather than using anger or avoidance and bottling them all up inside.  Burying your feelings and pushing them deep down into yourself only creates blockages in your growth and progress as a human being.

9. Relax, calm down, take things slower.  The cliché is passé, but there’s a big element of truth to it: When you stop to smell the roses, the world is just a brighter, happier, and more beautiful place to live.

~~~

“They say I’m old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast!”

Dr. Seuss

~~~

A businesswoman is sitting at a bar.

A man approaches her. “Hi, honey,” he says. “Interested in a little company?”

“Sure” asks the woman. “What kind of company are you selling?”

~~~

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me, not you!

~~~

Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget’s Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday. According to the Associated Press, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied …

~~~

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?

~~~

A traveling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order he said he wanted his eggs hard and burned around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard.

The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested.  She then asked if was there anything else she could do for him.

He says, “Yes, sit down across from me, frazzle your hair and start complaining.  I’m home sick!”

~~~

“Misers aren’t fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors.”

David Brenner

~~~

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

Don’t unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

What happens if you touch these two wires tog–

We won’t need reservations.

It’s always sunny there this time of the year.

Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.

You can make it easy… that train isn’t coming fast.

Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.

Let’s see if it’s loaded.

Step on her, boy, we’re only going 75.

Just watch me dive from that bridge.

Lemme have that bottle; I’ll try it.

What? Your mother is going to stay another month?

~~~

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

~~~

A priest and a rabbi, who had become best of friends, were having dinner together.

“Come on,” said the priest to the rabbi, “when are you going to let yourself go and enjoy a piece of ham?”

“At your wedding,” the rabbi replied.

~~~

“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”

Guillaume Apollinaire

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

We can do better

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

Oscar Ameringer

politics

Hi everyone. I had a full day yesterday including a late night and I have my regular 5 AM workout this morning followed by a 7 AM breakfast meeting. Since my mind is a little mushy I am sending you something from the files.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on October 23, 2002

I don’t know how it is where you are, but I am disgusted with the political TV advertising here in Indianapolis. Most are negative and almost all have no substance. If I had my way they would all be outlawed, so that we can learn more about who the candidates are and what they really have done through objective reporting.

This year’s election may be one of the most important in our history. There are significant implications for both the long and short term, depending on which party controls the house and the senate. Unfortunately the results may be driven by advertising financed by huge amounts of special interest money without any viewer knowledge of what is behind the ads. In my mind negative and misleading ads tends to disenfranchise the voter. When election results are the product of the scare tactics and false promises of political advertising we lose our opportunity to make reasoned choices based on fact. I know it is a freedom of speech issue; my only concern is that it is freedom of speech for those that can afford it.

I don’t know what you are doing in preparation for the upcoming election; I am spending my time trying to learn the facts. When things are almost equal I guarantee you that I will vote against the candidate with the most negative ads.

~~~

Democracy encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is blissfully ignorant.

John Simon

~~~

The story is told of 4 older Jewish ladies who enjoyed getting together in each other’s homes. “My son,” says Mrs. Levi, “is a Physicist and heads up a department at the University. Her friends nodded approvingly.

“My son,” says Mrs. Greenberg, “is a Doctor and is Chief of Surgery at Mt. Sinai Hospital.”

You must be so proud, they said.

“My son,” says Mrs. Goldblatt, “is the head of a law firm and president of the bar association.”

Again, nods all around.

“My son,” says Mrs. Cohen, “is a Rabbi.”

“A Rabbi?!” they exclaim, “What kind of career is that for a Jewish boy?”

~~~

“If you talk about yourself, he’ll think you’re boring. If you talk about others, he’ll think you’re a gossip. If you talk about him, he’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist.”

Linda Sunshine

~~~

“I have good news and bad news,” the defense attorney told his client.

“First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.”

“Oh, no!” cried the client. “What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is only 180.”

~~~

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.

Robert Anthony

~~~

HOW DID WE LIVE THROUGH IT….

Looking back, it’s hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have.

As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

Our baby cribs were painted with bright colored lead based paint. We often chewed on the crib, ingesting the paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then riding down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.

We played dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda, but we were never overweight; we were always outside playing.

Little League had tryouts, and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren’t as smart as others or didn’t work hard so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

Author Unknown

~~~

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.

Eli Cass

~~~

A fourth grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. “Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?”

Little Mary raised her hand and asked, “To draw out all his savings?”

~~~

We’re all in this alone.

Lily Tomlin

~~~

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. “Okay Simpson,” says the investigator, “you were near the scene, what happened?”

“Well, it’s like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up.”

“He was smoking in the mixing room?” the investigator said in stunned horror, “How long had he been with the company?”

“About 20 years, sir”

“20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I’d have thought it would have been the last thing he’d have done.”

“It was, sir.”

~~~

The Bureau of Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three.

~~~

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her. She pushed him away. “Maybe your other models let you kiss them,” she said.

“I’ve never tried to kiss a model before,” he swore.

“Really,” she said, softening. “How many models have there been?”

“Four,” he replied. “A jug, two apples and a vase…”

~~~

To be blind is bad, but worse is to have eyes and not see.

Helen Keller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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