Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2008

Ray’s Daily is closing down for the rest of the month

Ray’s Daily
Special Notice
Hi all,
 
Sorry gang I am going to have to shut down the daily for a week. The presses are OK, the computer is OK, it is the editor that is the problem. I had hoped to be able to clear the decks so I had more available time this week but unfortunately my backlog is overwhelming and with the commitments that I cannot cancel I can’t do justice to the Daily.
 
I again learned that is it is often harder not to do something than it is to do it. Friends of mine are continuing to promote improved communications within Central Indiana between those who have a stake in our international trade and global activities. I have partnered with them since the beginning. Sadly I had to tell them I will not be able to keep up my end. It is due partially to my overload but it also is due to the fact that I do not have much I can construtively contribute to the effort. If you are like I am you know that progress is often limited when everyone involved has to agree before things can get done. In this case there seems to be consensus between the other players and my point of view would only muddy the water and possibly hinder progress. So I have had to leave something that I really believe in and I do so with regret.
 
This is the second time this year when I have had to make the decision to withdraw from an organization doing good work and I know I’ll again miss being involved. Fortunately there are more things that I have been asked to do, in fact more than I can handle, so I’ll be back in play but only where I think I can contribute. I am at the point in my life that I do not need recognition, credentials or credit for anything, in fact if the truth be known I would just as soon help make things happen and let others receive their deserved plaudits.
 
So I am doing spring workload cleaning and baring any problems the Daily will be back on Monday June 2nd.
 
 

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

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Ray has left the building

“Information is a source of learning. But unless it is organized, processed, and available to the right people in a format for decision making, it is a burden, not a benefit.”

William Pollard

 

 

I know this has got to be getting old but I am again going to send you a reprint. Right now after getting rid of all the spam and junk e-mail I still have over 460 messages in backlog. I am also committed to writing articles for a couple of newsletters and have about a half dozen new friends that have asked me to help them strategize the next phase of their careers. Fortunately Monday is a national holiday in the US and I will be able to rationalize taking three “Daily free” days off so I can catch up on the backlog. For those of you here in the US please enjoy your long weekend, for all of you in the other parts of the world, stay well, miss me and I’ll see you next Tuesday.

Ray

~~~

Originally sent May 23, 2005

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don’t need it, and if you are sick, you shouldn’t take it

Henry Ford

~~~

I think I told you that I was going to work at a huge outdoor art show last Saturday. I did, and it was great. I met someone who was a close friend that I had not seen in more than 25 years. My Nurse buddy Nancy stopped by to let me know that she had just completed a run/walk fundraiser for Cystic Fibrosis, she represented our Kiwanis club, she raised over a thousand dollars—she is a special lady.

The reason I was working the show was to promote a store in Indianapolis called Global Gifts. Global Gifts imports great fair traded items from about thirty countries. They sell everything from specialty coffees from grower cooperatives to hand made furniture. The store is non-profit and the clerks work for free. Everyone wins. Shoppers get unique items at unbelievable prices. The artisans get a much greater return on their labor. And people like me get the opportunity to do something for both our community and people in other nations.

I did relearn an important lesson; I again discovered that my body is not as good as my mind thinks it is. I was on my feet from one till six PM. Even if I could not remember the time I spent my body did, I was dragging that evening and sore all day Sunday. It is again obvious that my care givers are right when they tell me to get off my butt and back on to my treadmill. I have been telling everyone lately that I had doubled the amount of sit-ups that I had been doing by taking additional naps, every time I finish a nap I sit up, unfortunately it has not helped much. I found that following what Robert Hutchins’ once said “Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes,” does not work either. I really have to get my act together, I think I will start tomorrow, oh no I can’t, I am off with friends to a casino, I think I will use my winnings to hire a personal trainer, if that doesn’t work then maybe I will start Wednesday.

~~~

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Tips from the kids:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.  Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry.  God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.– Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.– Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at.  You got to be a fool to get married.– Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.– Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids.– Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.  Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.– Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.– Martin, age 10 (wise beyond his years)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead.  The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.– Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich.– Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.– Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.– Howard, age 8 (this one has very good morals)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife.  I don’t want to be all grossed out.– Theodore, age 8

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys.  Boys need someone to clean up after them.– Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?– Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. — Ricky, age 10

~~~

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

James Matthew Barrie

~~~

One of those physical fitness club franchises was preparing to enter the international market.  They placed ads in newspapers all over the county for people who could represent them on a tour.  The ad said:

We’re looking for five men in peak physical condition.  Must be able to speak Spanish, French, Chinese, or Japanese.  Must be knowledgeable about weights, aerobics, and at least two major sports.

The day after the ad appeared, a heavy man of about 70 appeared in the offices of the fitness club.  "I’m here about the ad,"

he said.

The bronzed Adonis behind the desk looked surprised, but decided to be polite.  "Do you speak Spanish or French?" he asked.

"Nope," the old man said.

"Chinese? Japanese?"

"No, both times."

"Know anything about weights or aerobic exercises?"

"Only that I wouldn’t be caught dead with either one."

"How about sports?"

"I’ve never played anything more taxing than checkers."

"I see," the young man said.  "Tell me something.  Why did you come here?"

"To tell you to count me out."

~~~

Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first time or the last time.

Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.

Betty Smith, American Novelist

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

 

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A new life can be a better life

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.

James Oppenheim

 

 

I have been reading a lot lately about how rapidly people are reacting to the current energy costs, the rapid increase in food costs, the implications of a devalued dollar, foreclosures and even job losses. It is being reported in survey after survey that people are starting to eat out less, vacationing closer to home, buying more fuel efficient cars instead of the gas guzzlers and purchasing more economical but still functional appliances.

We are quickly learning that it is highly probable that we will never have it all and for many of us a more modest life style in store for the years ahead. For many this will be a difficult pill to swallow, but should it be? The reason I ask is I had lunch with a world traveler friend who is both wise and practical. As we talked we discussed not only what we see happening around us but also how life was like when no one had as much as we do now. As we thought about it many of the things we did and had in the past really were special. As my friend talked he shared with me that he and his children have seen the mountains in Europe, the Glaciers in Alaska and the islands of the Caribbean but had not yet seen some of the special places we have right here in Indiana. I know that when I stop to think about it I realize I am fortunate enough to live in a city that provides hundreds of things I could do and see everyday of the year, yet in my more than 30 years in Indianapolis I doubt that I have seen or participated in even half. I am sure it is true where you live as well.

For me a play in a community theatre often entertains me as much, if not more than some of the things I have seen in New York and elsewhere. It is great when we again learn just how good the food tastes in a back yard cook out with neighbors. In fact just writing about food to you reminds me that I have a stack of recipes that I have yet to try and now is probably time to do so.

You know what I am trying to say. We don’t have to look at the future saddened with the feeling we will be doing less and that our lives are going to be joyless. Rather we can savor what we do have and learn to add zest to our futures as we explore new ground, build better bridges between each other and who knows we may even return to the days when just sitting talking with friends was the highlight of our day.

It is up to us, the future is not going to be good or bad just because of energy costs and the like it will mainly be satisfying or depressing depending on how we decide to live.

~~~

As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

"Houston"

1. You must learn to pronounce the city’s name. It is Hugh-stun, not Howstun.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules: Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. They all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610"…. that has no beginning and no end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "Scenic Drive."

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop on a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

7. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic’ s way. Of course, you will be honked at frequently.

8. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native.

9. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

10. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena!"

11. If someone actually has his turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

12. All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have total right-of-way.

13. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

14. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.

15. Never honk at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking. I’m reloading." In fact, don’t honk at anyone.

16. If you are in the left lane, and going only 70 in a 60-mph zone, that’s not a finger waving "Hello" to you as people pass.

17. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.

18. If it’s only 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

~~~

It is better to be approximately right than precisely wrong.

Warren Buffett

~~~

The reason 30+ year old women get carded is because the cashiers and bag-boys make bets on how OLD you really are and someone has to find out. They know you would lie if they asked you.

~~~

Today is a day for making firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?

~~~

A man goes to a fortune teller to seek his fortune. The fortune teller says, "You are the Father of two children."

The Father laughed and said, "That’s what you think, I’m the Father of three."

The fortune teller laughed and said, "Nope.  That’s what you think."

~~~

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

~~~

Andy Rooney on Women over 40 – from 60 Minutes

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will not lie next to you in bed and ask, What are you thinking? She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it’s usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, and what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to worry where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Here’s an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

~~~

You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.

Vernon Howard

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Category:

Humor

Indy is celebrating today!

“Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!”

Amanda Bradley

 

 

I did it again; I have more to do today than I should. While the rest of our city celebrates Indianapolis being chosen to host the 2012 Super Bowl and many other of our citizens enjoy todays festivities at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway‘s prelude to the Indianapolis 500 race this weekend I’ll be doing mandatory stuff. I have medical tests scheduled, a seminar, a lunch meeting and a dinner meeting. I am hoping to find an hour or two to nap or that I will find someone at the dinner meeting to nudge me awake periodically. So instead of trying to write something fresh let’s you and I see what I wrote on this day a few years ago.

 

May 21, 2003

I hope you enjoyed National Employee Health and Fitness Day today, since I only work part time I was successful in avoiding most of it. And I will tell you another thing I will be glad when National Senior Smile Week ends, my jaw is getting sore.

~~~

An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil—he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good —he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

~~~

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a 10 ton truck and landed up in hospital in intensive care. His best friend Morris came to visit him. Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She’s so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?"

"My life insurance policy."

~~~

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history — with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."

Mitch Ratliffe

~~~

With only two tellers working at the bank, the line I was standing in was moving very slowly.  As I waited, I began to fill in my withdrawal slip. Not sure of the date, I turned and asked the woman behind me. "It’s the fifth," she replied. From the back of the line a man advised, "Don’t write it in yet!"

~~~

The teacher wrote "Like I ain’t had no fun in months" on the board and then she said, "Timmy, how should I correct that?”

Timmy replied, "Maybe get a new boyfriend ?"

~~~

"I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."

Stephen Bishop

~~~

A congregant asked his Rabbi, "Rabbi, you’re a man of God. So why is it that you are always talking business when I, a businessman, am always talking about spiritual matters when I’m not at work?"

"You have discovered one of the principles of human nature," the Rabbi replied.

"And what principle is that, Rabbi?"

"People like to discuss things they know nothing about."

~~~

Discover wildlife!  Have kids!

~~~

A doctor was awakened at four in the morning by a caller who demanded to know how much he charged for a house call.

"Twenty-five dollars," muttered the sleepy physician.

"How much is an office visit?" demanded the caller.

"Fifteen dollars."

"Okay, Doc," said the caller. "I’ll meet you in your office in fifteen minutes."

~~~

Well Bill, how are you getting on with trying to date that new cocktail waitress?"

"Not so bad. I’m getting some encouragement now."

"Really, is she beginning to smile sweetly at you or something?"

"Not exactly, but last night she said that she’s said ‘NO’ for the last time."

~~~

Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

~~~

My boss’ wife Sherry was exasperated with her younger sister, who bought an unreliable car and called for a ride every time it broke down. One day Sherry got yet another one of those calls. "What happened this time?" she asked. "My brakes went out," her sister said. "Can you come to get me?" "Where are you?" Sherry asked. "I’m in the drugstore," her sister responded. "And where’s the car?" "It’s in here with me."

~~~

Murphy’s Technology Law #2:

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

~~~

Three men were traveling and happened to meet at a bar in Ohio. One man was from Texas, one from Florida, and one from Kansas. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives. The guy from Texas began by saying "I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do all of the cooking. Well, the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, and a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert."

Then the man from Florida spoke up "I sat my wife down and told her, that from now on she would have to do all of the grocery shopping, and all of the house cleaning. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and in the pantry, the shelves were filled with groceries".

The fellow from Kansas was married to an enlightened woman who had grown up in rural Kansas. He sat up straight on the bar stool, pushed out his chest and said "I gave my wife a stern look and told her, that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and housecleaning. Well, the first day I saw nothing. The second day I still saw nothing. But by the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye.

~~~

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

Mae West

~~~

A woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewelry store window.  She goes in and asks the clerk if a small deposit will hold it until her husband does something unforgivable.

~~~

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

~~~

"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.

The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan.

He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

"Come on, now," he said, "you don’t have to take it so hard.  It isn’t that serious."

"It isn’t?" cried the motorist.  "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"

~~~

They do not celebrate getting older; what they do celebrate is becoming better.

Marlo Morgan

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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Hear what jack has to say

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.”

Alex Tan

 

 

This is not the easiest of times for many people these days. Some of those I know seem to be depressed much of the time. They worry about the high cost of food and energy. Many are fearful that they will not have enough to sustain themselves in future years. Of course the news of the shrinking dollar, forecasted inflation, health concerns, war, national debt, and more does not make it any easier.

Sadly some measure happiness by how many vacations they can take, the ability to buy a new car every couple of years, being able to regularly spending a couple of hundred dollars for dinner at a gourmet restaurant, and generally getting everything they want. It is like we have been trained to lose sight of what really is important. Unfortunately those who place more value on things then they should let them selves slip into depression since they don’t see why they must now be deprived. Those of us who grew up in the 40’s and even the 50’s remember when the simpler life is what all we had and how much we valued friends and the special moments we spent together. It is not easy to adjust to difficult times but maybe if we placed more value on what we do have and less on what we don’t have we would realize just how fortunate we really are.

Some years ago my friend Jack in Florida sent me a reminder of the value of cherishing our real treasure. Here is what he sent:

Starting from Empty

We are all familiar with the metaphorical story of two people looking at the same glass and one perceiving it as half-full while the other sees it as half-empty. As much as we’ve heard this, it’s still a valuable exercise to really observe our minds and notice whether we are engaged in half-full or half-empty thinking. People will refer to themselves as being of one type or the other as if it was a permanent characteristic, but we are all capable of shifting into a half-full consciousness if we simply make the effort.

When we look at our lives with half-empty consciousness, we perceive a lack and think that the other half of what we want is missing. We are coming from a position of expectation and entitlement. On the other hand, when we look at our lives as half-full we perceive fullness. It is as if we recognize that our cup could be fully empty and so we are grateful for what we see as bounty, not something we expect or believe we are owed, but a gift. In half-full consciousness, we count our blessings. When we look at our lives we see all the elements that are in place and all the things we do have. This doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t seek more, but we seek from a place of fullness instead of from a place of lack. This fullness draws positive energy into our lives and often attracts more abundance.

If you would like to begin to make the shift into half-full consciousness, try imagining your life as an empty glass. This is your life without all the people you know, the work you do, your home, or your current state of physical wellbeing. This is just an empty, open space waiting to be filled. Once you have that feeling of openness in your mind, begin filling it with all the people, things, and places that make up your life. You may be surprised to find your glass overflowing.

~~~

“May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams.

May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”

~~~

At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee.

The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. The ball went over the fence, and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus, and was knocked back on to the fairway.

As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, "How on earth did you do that?"

He shrugged his shoulders, and said, "You have to know the bus schedule."

~~~

To forgive heals the wound, to forget heals the scar.

~~~

A minister was completing a Temperance sermon.

With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced – with a tiny smile, "For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River’

~~~

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love and to let it come in.

Morrie Schwartz

~~~

A golfer who was well into his golden years had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California, the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that just out off the coast. It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the water. Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.

One year he went out to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer. Before he hit it, however, a powerful voice from above said, "WAIT. REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND NEW BALL."

He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition. As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT. STEP BACK. TAKE A PRACTICE SWING."

So he stepped back and took a practice swing. The voice boomed out again:, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING." He did. Silence followed. Then the voice spoke out again, "PUT THE OLD BALL BACK."

~~~

You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.

~~~

Our 13 year old niece spent last night with us. When we dropped her off at home, my sister-in-law asked how she behaved. "She was an angel," I informed her. "Really?" she questioned. "Yes, really. A perfect angel."

I assured her. "I just don’t understand. Whenever she is with you she is well behaved. Whenever she is at home, she is a monster. She misbehaves for everyone else. In fact, the teachers at her school drew straws to see who would be stuck with her in their class. How come she always behaves for you?" My sister in law asked. "I don’t know. I guess I just have a way with children. I also try to educate them as well. A child is never to young to learn." I answered. "What do you mean. What did you teach her?" She inquired. "Well, for instance, children need to learn about death and dying so they better understand this process. I explained this concept very carefully to her." I informed my sister-in-law. "Really? You explained this to her at 13?"

She asked dumbfounded. "Well actually she was much younger when I explained this. She now understands death perfectly. Which is good, because it makes threatening her with it, much more effective."

~~~

Spring is wonderful. It makes you feel young enough to do all the things you’re old enough, to know you can’t.

~~~

Karen: On the cover of a women’s magazine, I saw the title: "Men’s Secret Fear About Their Working Wives." I decided to get a first-hand account. I asked my ex, "What’s your innermost fear about my working?"

Michelle: What did he say?

Karen: He said, "That you’ll quit."

~~~

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces.

Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Ashley Smith

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Category:

Uncategorized

I hope you have done better than I have

But little is accomplished, because but little is vigorously attempted; and but little is attempted, because difficulties are magnified. A timorously cautious spirit, so far from acting with resolution, will never think itself in possession of the preliminaries for acting at all. Perhaps perseverance has been the radical principle of every truly great character.

J. Foster

 

 

Here we are in May already and soon the year will be half over. When I realized how time has flown by I thought I better take inventory to check on how well I am doing with my goals. I did not make many resolutions this year but my wife, my doctors and others mandated that I lose weight and make some lifestyle changes. Happily after months of procrastination I have been able to lose 13 pounds, unfortunately I need to do better than that but at least it is progress.

I also need to exercise more, more is probably the wrong word I should exercise some and then exercise more, so far the most I have done has been to think vigorously about doing it, so I need to get that act together. I have also been advised to slow down at least temporarily and to limit my commitments to what I can handle until my health situation stabilizes. With this one I have been semi-successful unfortunately however there has been pain attached to withdrawing from some things I like to do or should do.

Unfortunately the more I talk to others the more I realize that there is an epidemic of deferred and delayed action that affects far too many of us. In my case I am not proud of failing so many intelligence tests by avoiding doing what can make my life better. So here I go again I am going to do what I should do, honest, no I really mean it this time, I really do. Someone sent me the following apparently realizing I need all the help I can get, I figured you don’t need it but I’ll share it anyway.

1. Carve out regular time slots for your dream, and get to work. If you’re a morning person, get up an hour earlier and create as the sun rises. If you’re a night owl, stay up late to get it done. Either way, give yourself a regular shot of at least thirty minutes per day (an hour is better) five times per week.

2. Figure out your soul purpose in life, and put it on your computer. This is your larger job in life. It’s not a task, per se, but some more general gift that you are meant to give to others, such as ‘wake people up to the power of nature’ or ‘remind people of their compassion.’ It can be uncovered simply by journaling, or even meditating on the question.

3. Recognize five time-wasters and end them, pronto. If you compulsively check your email, this one’s for you. Other time wasters include hanging on the phone, parking in front of the TV, and reading the paper from start to finish. Take a clear look at how you spend your time, and honestly assess your time usage.

4. Politely withdraw from at least three situations or relationships that waste your energy. Energy wasters leave you feeling depressed, frustrated, annoyed, unappreciated and vaguely used or beaten-up. Get them out of your life right now, and you won’t believe how much energy they free up for your dream!

5. Find a support buddy or group. This is simply an ally (or a group of them) who really gets behind you and your dream. You can connect via e-mail, phone or live meetings to share inspiration, support, triumphs, disasters, and ideas. Especially helpful if you’re a procrastinator (be in touch before AND after you get your work done each day.)

 

I’d really like to tell you more but I have to go and get about thinking about doing something about my procrastination as I plan on doing better tomorrow or maybe the next day.

~~~

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.

~~~

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little, old man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so, he still looked wet, freezing and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf, he said to the baker, "May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?"

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"

"That’s right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Sherry."

"And who is Sherry, your wife?" asked the baker.

"What did you think," snapped the little man, "that my mother would send me out on a night like this?!"

~~~

Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart, give yourself to it.

~~~

A redneck and a Frenchman were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine. The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge. They tied the rope around the Frenchman’s neck and said, "Do you have any last words?"

He said, "No."

They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long. He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river.

Then they tied the same rope around the redneck’s neck and said, "Do you have any last words to say?"

He said, "Yep, you-uns shorten up that thare rope boys ‘caws I cain’t swim."

~~~

"It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny."

Jean Nidetch:

~~~

Jack and Jill were watching a TV show one night where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he was "cheating" on her.

Jack asked, "Would you ever do that?"

Jill said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you."

~~~

Time passed, which, basically, is its job.

~~~

One of our co-workers went missing for a few hours and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than waking him, he quietly placed a note on the man’s chest.

"As long as you’re asleep," it read, "you have a job." "But as soon as you wake up, you’re fired!"

~~~

The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.

~~~

Mensa is an organization for people with an IQ of 140 or higher.

A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.

How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma’am," they said, "we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker…"

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

~~~

Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.

The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.

Earl Nightingale

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Category:

Humor

Are you who you are?

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to make more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

Margaret Young

 

It is an interesting and full day so I am going to revert to a classic daily, I hope you don’t mind. I would appreciate your doing me a favor though, please forget your troubles and enjoy your weekend, that’s what I plan to do.

 

May 16, 2005

I think Young has really got it right. It is sad that it is not until we have reached the golden years that we realize that we had other choices we should have made. Too often we have been conditioned to see the material things as a measure of our self worth and so we choose what we have been taught to do to acquire them. When we do we often miss out on so much we could have had. I sincerely believe that you must please yourself before you can please others. And you know what? It is never too late. It is never easy, but those who have the courage to choose to be themselves have the greatest opportunity to enjoy all that life has to offer.

 

I don’t know where I got this but it is worth sharing.

"It appears that we have conditioned ourselves to believe that we always need more. More money each year, more things each year, etc. I wonder if this has robbed us of the opportunity to appreciate what we have. Have we trained ourselves to be unsatisfied if we don’t have a better car or a bigger home than the next guy? What might we be doing for ourselves if we did not need to spend so much time competing and consuming?"

~~~

To find out what you love to do demands a great deal of intelligence; because, if you are afraid of not being able to earn a livelihood, or of not fitting into society, then you will never find out. But, if you are not frightened, if you refuse to be pushed into the groove of tradition by your parents, by your teachers, by the superficial demands of society, then there is a possibility of discovering what it is you really love to do. So, to discover, there must be no fear of not surviving.

Krishnamurti

~~~

How Many Christians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None – Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course.)

Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None – Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish: What’s a light bulb?

~~~

How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three.  The rest are true stories.

~~~

The farm had been mortgaged, and gladly, to give daughter a college education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered, "I have a confession to make, Paw – I ain’t a virgin no more." The old man shook his head sadly. "After all the sacrifices your Maw and I made to give you a good education, you still say ain’t!"

~~~

There is no greater joy nor greater reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone’s life.

Sister Mary Rose McGeady

~~~

Our new office computer system was down as much as it was working. My co-worker Cathy decided to stay late one evening to catch up on the work that had accumulated. On her way home, a police officer stopped her for speeding. "What a perfect end to an awful day!" she exclaimed. "Our computer is up, then down — up, then down. I stay late to catch up, and now this!"

The officer was unaffected by Cathy’s griping and he went to his car to prepare a citation. After what seemed an eternity, he returned with her license and registration. As he handed them to her, he smiled and said, "Our computer is down."

~~~

I grew up in a large family. The only way my parents could afford to feed us all was to start a game of hide-and-seek right before dinner.

~~~

A housewife with three small children was getting dinner ready, when the telephone rang. The six-year-old picked it up, and said, "Hi, Daddy!", and began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister, as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work.

When it was finally the wife’s turn to talk, she took the receiver, and said, "Hi, Hon."

"Thank goodness, Lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered has arrived!"

~~~

He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.

Persian proverb

~~~

Jill went to a "Dude Ranch". The cowboy preparing the horses asked if Jill wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

When he told her one had a horn and one didn’t, Jill replied, "The one without the horn is fine.  I don’t expect we’ll run into too much traffic."

~~~

We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship.

Omar N. Bradley

~~~

Scam Alert!

A Polish gentleman went to the ophthalmologist who showed him a card, with the letters C Z W X N Q S T A C Z printed on it.

"Can you read this?" he asked

"Read it?" The gentleman replied, "I know the guy!"

~~~

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

 

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Category:

Humor

Trust Me

“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”

Walter Anderson

 

 

 

I was at a presentation today made by an expert on building intercultural relationships. She made a point of the value of working to understand others not by how we see them but by how they are and how they see themselves. Her suggestions struck me as having significant value and were obviously the result of years of sensitive observation by a very wise woman. While she was Indian by birth she lived in America since she was a child. Her parents kept an Indiana home while each of the family lived in a non-Indian world.

While I don’t feel I am capable of effectively relating all of the concepts she suggested we could use as we built bridges between ourselves and people of other cultures, generations, societies and more, I do want to dwell for a moment on one. After she finished her formal remarks a discussion broke out around the issue of trust. Basically she reminded us that trust was not black and white but rather trust is built on a foundation of a number of trusted or untrusted elements. As I listened to the conversation and later thought about it I again realized that the secret of accessing so much that is available to us in life is the result of our willingness to trust. As I thought about it I again realized that too often we withhold our trust until someone else proves theirs. I know, but often forget that the very best way to break down barriers through trusting relationships is for us to offer our trust to others and to demonstrate we can be trusted. How often are we afraid to be ourselves because we do not trust that someone else will understand? I think I have said it in different ways before but I make an effort to offer my trust to almost all and only withhold it when they prove themselves to be untrustworthy. When we withhold trust until others prove themselves we stand the risk of them not having the time or inclination to overcome our paranoia and as such we miss opportunity.

I like what Ralph Marston has said on the subject, here is what he wrote sometime ago:

Sometimes when you place your trust in someone, you will be wrong, and there will be disastrous consequences. Yet as bad as that may be, it would be even worse to never trust at all.

Without trust, without faith, we are merely machines, disinterested and unable to truly invest ourselves in anything worthwhile. With no trust, the world is a cold, harsh and excruciatingly lonely place.

The best way to know when to trust and when not to trust is to be trustworthy yourself. Know what it is like to uphold the trust of others, and it will help you to understand whom you yourself can trust. Some of the best and most valuable things you can experience do not come with a guarantee. Though it certainly pays to be careful, it also is important to be able to trust.

Don’t give your trust frivolously or irresponsibly, but do give it. For without trust, there is really nothing that is worth protecting.

~~~

One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life.

E.M. Forster

~~~

Bubba goes to a revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. To the preacher’s surprise, Bubba gets in line. It takes awhile, but Bubba is very patient. When it’s his turn the preacher says, "It’s been a long time since you came in, Bubba."

Bubba simply nods.

The preacher says. "What you want me to pray about?"

Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "OK, Bubba, how’s your hearing now?"

"I don’t know preacher," Bubba says. "I don’t go to court until next Wednesday."

~~~

No man who has once heartily and wholly laughed can be altogether irreclaimably bad.

~~~

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck I’ve had today! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her suggests, "I don’t know. Why don’t you play your age?"

He then walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don’t know. She put all her money on 29 and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"

~~~

"Humor is the shortest distance between two people."

Victor Borge

~~~

In a grocery store, a cashier held up a small dairy carton and yelled to a co-worker, "How much is half-and-half?"

Without a moment’s hesitation, the other cashier replied, "One."

~~~

Patience strengthens the spirit, sweetens the temper, stifles anger, extinguishes envy, subdues pride, bridles the tongue, restrains the hand, and tramples upon temptations.

George Horne

~~~

Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!"

The client was impressed until he heard the secretary’s clear voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn!"

~~~

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

Oscar Wilde

~~~

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I’m Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I’m not."

~~~

Patience is the art of losing your temper slowly.

Unknown

~~~

Two college football players could not stay up with their classes and the big game was on Friday. The Dean came to the Coach and said, "Coach, I have been getting a lot of complaints from the other teams because of the requirement that all players must be in educational good standing. Now, I want you to devise a test for Killer and Hulk that they are guaranteed to pass or they won’t be able to play in Friday’s game."

"Dean, I can handle this one."

Later, the Coach said to the players, "Men, you have to take this test and pass it to be able to play in the game Friday. Begin now and just leave when you finish."

The players turn over their papers and found only one question: Old MacDonald had a _______.

Killer said, "Oh, I know! I know! It’s Old MacDonald had a farm!"

"That’s great, Killer! How do you spell farm?"

"Hey, I know that, too! It’s E-I-E-I-O!"

~~~

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Category:

Humor

Why worry, let the kids do it

A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which was intended for her preservation.

Charles Caleb Colton

 

 

  • US total personal debt exceeds personal income.
  • Gas tops $4 a gallon.
  • Dollar falls to new low against the Euro and other currencies.
  • Presidential candidates promise universal health care.
  • The U.S. total debit nears 10 trillion dollars with annual debt service nearing a half trillion dollars per year.
  • The U.S. health system has the highest infant mortality rate of the developed nations and an overall population health status that lags that of most developed nations while medical costs continue to rise.
  • Food shortages abound, food prices rise while huge agricultural subsidies add to producer profits.

But not to worry, candidates promise additional tax cuts while promising expanded support of social programs, trade barriers, infrastructure repairs, student subsidies, health care for all, a chicken in every pot, cleaner air, dancing in the streets, forgiveness of our debts, more fun – less responsibility, and a deaf ear to the needs of future generations.

I understand that many in the public are pleased that we are going to put our troubles under the pillow so the good fairy can come in the night and replace them with goodies. So don’t listen to anyone who wants to talk about debt reduction, paying for what we get or the need to improve universal education and health care, all they are trying to do is scare us. By the way notwithstanding what they are saying prices are nothing to worry about in fact just today I was able to buy the Brooklyn Bridge at a very reasonable price. And to prove what I mean I just got a call from a New York friend who jumped off the Empire State building, he was passing the 75th floor on his way down; he told me everything was fine so far.

So forget the facts, don’t worry about the slide — just keep electing those who buy our votes by borrowing to give us more than we deserve knowing that we don’t have to worry for we will be gone when our kids have to dig the country out of bankruptcy.

~~~

“Debt is the slavery of the free”

Publilius Syrus

~~~

COMPUTER PROVERBS  

* Home is where you hang your @.  

* The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.  

* A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.  

* You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.  

* C: is the root of all directories.  

* Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.  

* Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.  

* The modem is the message.  

* Too many clicks spoil the browse.  

* The geek shall inherit the earth.  

* A chat has nine lives.  

* Don’t byte off more than you can view.  

* Fax is stranger than fiction.  

* What boots up must come down.  

* Windows will never cease.  

* Virtual reality is its own reward.  

* Modulation in all things.  

* A user and his leisure time are soon parted.  

* Know what to expect before you connect.  

* Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.   

* Speed thrills.  

~~~

It’s not the pace of life that concerns me, it’s the sudden stop at the end.

~~~

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. "Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.

The pastor shouted out, "Cross!" Immediately the congregation started singing, in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."

The pastor hollered out, "Grace!" The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound…"

The pastor said, "Power." The congregation sang "There Is Power in the Blood."

The Pastor said, "Sex." The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock.

They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "Precious Memories."

~~~

Wife to bill-paying husband:  "I slashed expenses last month. 

Everything was charged on one credit card so that it will cost only one stamp to pay all of our bills."

~~~

Little Sam was out shopping with his mother, something he didn’t like very much. But when they passed a toy store, Sam came to life. He saw a new toy in the window that he didn’t have but wanted. Sam begged, pleaded and nagged but to no avail. He got so rude that his mother firmly said, "I’m very sorry Sam, but we didn’t come out to buy you a toy."

Sam angrily said, "I’ve never met a woman as mean as you."

Holding his hand gently, she replied, "Sam, darling, one day you’ll get married and then you will … you really will, I promise you."

~~~

After the funeral the Rabbi said, "I don’t think you’ll ever find another man like your late husband Morris."

The widow replied, "So who’s looking for one?"

~~~

At the beginning of the grandparents’ class I teach, I ask participants if they would share the very first feelings they had when they learned they were going to be grandparents.

Most people say they were happy and excited. During one class, however, an expectant grandmother blurted, "I just hated it! I finally knew for certain that my daughter was having sex."

~~~

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

Erica Jong

~~~

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer.  "Look at it this way." he said finally.  "How would your wife carry on if you should die?"

"Well…" drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don’t reckon that’d be any concern of mine — long as she behaves herself while I’m alive."

~~~

Debt is the fatal disease of republics, the first thing and the mightiest to undermine governments and corrupt the people.

Wendell Phillips

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are more than 1000 readers from all over the world.

 

Category:

Uncategorized

Let me introduce you to Sandy Rose

“Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.”

 

 

One of the rewards I get from publishing the Daily is the wisdom so often provided me by readers. One of my favorites is Sandy Rose from Texas. Here is an example of the kind of gifts she gives me.

 

If you remember I used this quote as the tag to yesterday’s Daily:

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

Mark Victor Hansen

Here is what Sandy replied:

I’ve been to a couple seminars with Mark Victor Hansen – he is a very powerful speaker. I especially liked his quote at the end…but it’s true about rescripting our lives which are constantly in flux. This is more true as we mature and find ourselves playing out our scripts on another stage in our lives. I am thankful I have not been devastated by lack of work or some other disaster (of which there are many at this time in our societies). Some foreclosures and bankruptcies are at the making of poor choices and the self-imposed desire to be like the Joneses… some are the result of illness or personal disasters. If we would all take our inventory at the different stages in our lives and be willing to face the truth and/or consequences we would grow by leaps and bounds. Many just expect the next guy, the government, or someone else to take over their lives. It’s so true what you offer here when you say …"I do get excited when someone decides that they will take this opportunity to find out what will make the rest of their life better than what it has been." I hope I can always do that as long as I live. Thanks for your blog today — it gets us thinking 🙂

I hear from Sandy often and the thing that impresses me the most is that she seems to take stock often, understands her needs, desires and capabilities and then moves ahead. While I have never met her she sounds like the kind of person who I would really like. I doubt that she spends too much time trying to figure out why not to do something for she is too busy just doing it. Each day, week and month is a new opportunity and there is no reason not to climb aboard and enjoy the ride. Too many of us drive a stake in the ground, become someone and then stagnate as we never change. Live is an adventure to be enjoyed not just tolerated, so if I am gone sometime for awhile I might just be with Sandy Rose riding on a star screaming yippee!

~~~

“Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal.”

~~~

I don’t think I’ll ever have a mother’s intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month-old nephew.

I said, "What do I do if he cries?"

She said, "Give him some vegetables."

It turns out jalapeno peppers are not his favorite!

~~~

Most people rush after pleasure so fast that they rush right past it.

Soren Kierkegaard

~~~

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.

"Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."

"You’re wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I’ve been working in the bank where your father has his account.

~~~

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

~~~

My son is the manager of a glass and window company and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers.

Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience.

"Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked.

The man replied, "Dunkin’ Donuts."

~~~

“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. ”

Douglas MacArthur

~~~

The poor Jewish tailor is beside himself with worry. His wife is very ill and he wants the best doctor in town to treat her. But the doctor is somewhat reluctant because the tailor is so poor and, it being unlikely that his wife could be saved, the tailor might not pay him should his wife die. However, the tailor promises he will pay anything, no matter whether the doctor cures his wife or kills her!

This is sufficient for the doctor and he agrees. Unfortunately, the doctor cannot save her and the tailor’s wife dies. However, when the doctor’s bill arrives the tailor refuses to pay it despite his promise. After much argument, the doctor and the tailor agree to let the Rabbi decide the case since they both are, after all, Jewish.

The doctor puts his case to the Rabbi that the tailor promised to pay "no matter whether the doctor cured his wife or killed her."

After much thought the Rabbi asks the doctor, "Did you cure her?"

"No," admitted the doctor.

"And did you kill her?" "I certainly did not," expostulated the doctor.

"In that case," said the Rabbi, "the tailor has no case to answer because you fulfilled neither of the conditions on which you agreed that the fee should be paid."

~~~

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."  

Robert F. Kennedy

~~~

A man who had been in a mental institution for some years finally improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The psychiatrist that ran the institution decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to interview him first. "Tell me," said the doctor, "if we release you, as we are considering, what do you plan to do with your life?"

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

"Wonderful," said the psychiatrist.

"Or else," continued the patient, "I might teach. There is something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding the knowledge of young people."

"Definitely," said the psychiatrist.

"Then again, I might write. There is always a need for books on science, or I may even write a novel based on my experiences in the psychiatric institution."

"Another interesting possibility," agreed the doctor.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."

~~~

"Every time you wake up and ask yourself, "What good things am I going to do today?", remember that when the sun goes down at sunset, it will take a part of your life with it."

Indian Proverb

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

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