Ray's musings and humor

Archive for September, 2010

Good Bye September

“Even if something is left undone, everyone must take time to sit still and watch the leaves turn.”

Elizabeth Lawrence

 

  My special assignment yesterday took me to an Orchid Nursery and to a large colorful garden in another location that hosts weddings and other events for people from all over the world. I also visited one of the Midwest’s largest landfills. Why the mix? It was because they were all located in the center of the state well off the beaten track and near each other. I saw a lot and I learned a lot. I am glad that I am provided opportunities to discover things I would never select to visit on my own.

 Can you believe it, October tomorrow? I think I am in some kind of time warp things are moving so fast. If you are in the right region make sure you stop and listen to the leaves turn color in the weeks ahead, you’ll need to listen with your eyes.

Since I thought I better get a jump on planning I downloaded some of the October opportunities to consider. October is:

Dental Hygiene Month – In my cast this is a “protect your investment” exercise since I have spent a lot more than I paid for my first new car on dental work this year.

Let’s Talk Month – Advocates for Youth – This is worthy effort if you can find a kid that will talk to you and also explain what they said.

Talk About Prescriptions Month – What can this be about? I am an old guy so I am always talking about prescriptions with ohers my age. Hey, we have to talk about something that does not require memory.

Book Month – Only one book? I wonder which one.

Car Care Month – Let your car know you care, five it a hug.

Dessert, Pasta, Pizza, Sausage Month – Thanks a lot! No that I have diabetes you offer to overload me on carbs.

Seafood Month – OK, this works. What I am sorry about is that it took me so long to find out just how good fish can be.

Energy Awareness Month – When ever I have any I am not only aware I am also surprised.

UNICEF Month – Seriously the years I worked on global projects with UNICEF proved to me how effective they are. If you are in the US there will be kids with orange boxes collecting as part of Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF, I hope when you get a chance you will donate. I know I will.

~~~

“Just before the death of flowers,

And before they are buried in snow,

There comes a festival season

When nature is all aglow.”

Author Unknown

~~~

The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble. Arriving home from work one night, he informed her, “I finally discovered why I’ve been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago and I just learned today that I’ve been sitting in the wastebasket.”

~~~

Seen on a headstone in a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent them manna.

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

~~~

A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation of his work and handed him a handsome Moroccan leather wallet.

The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and handed it back with a sharp reminder that a wallet could not possible compensate him for his services. “My fee for that work, ” acidly snapped the attorney, “is five hundred dollars.” The client opened the wallet, removed a one-thousand dollar bill, replaced it with a five-hundred dollar bill and handed it back to the lawyer with a smile.

~~~

“Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew.”

~~~

SUCCESS

    At age 4 success is . . . . not peeing in your pants.

    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

    At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.

    At age 20 success is . . . having sex.

    At age 35 success is . . . having money.

    At age 50 success is . . . having money.

    At age 60 success is . . . having sex.

    At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.

    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

    At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

~~~

She said, my mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was onJury duty…

They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

~~~

What the Store-employees really mean…

1. “Can I help you get a size?”

Don’t touch that, I just spent an hour folding it and I don’t need your hands messing it up again.

2. “Do you need help with anything?”

Quick, my manager is coming around the corner and I need to look busy.

3. “Welcome to <<Store Name Here>>”

Good, another customer to mess up my entire store just to buy a pair of socks.

4. “Have a nice day!”

Now that you ruined mine

5. “Thank you for shopping at <<Store Name Here>>”

Thanks for emptying your wallet with us!

6. “Do you need a shopping cart to help you carry your items?”

The more you can carry, the more you can buy!

7. “I love your shirt!  Where did you get it?”

Your shirt is much nicer than the clothes we sell here, why are you even shopping here?

8. “Can I help you get something down?”

I’ll get a ladder and put it up for you since this other nice customer put in the absolute wrong place.

9. “Don’t worry about folding it, I can do it”

You would just mess it up again if you folded it.

10. “No, we don’t have any more in the back”

I just don’t want to check

~~~

“October is the fallen leaf, but it is also a wider horizon more clearly seen.

It is the distant hills once more in sight, and the enduring constellations above them once again.”

Hal Borland

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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Have an inspiring day

Life is what you make of it. Always has been, always will be.

Grandma Moses

 

 

 

I had a good thing happen yesterday, a physician friend that I had known since her med school days resurfaced after we had lost contact a few years ago. This is a special person who cares for others more than anyone else I know. I learned from her that the truly kind are also vulnerable to the uncaring but they don’t let the insensitivity of others keep them from doing all they can for others. We plan on meeting for coffee soon and I am looking forward to it as she is someone who reenergizes all that is good in others.

Ralph Marston wrote a piece not long ago that reminds me of how I react when I am with my friend, I recommend what he has offered us as one of the secrets of living the good life. Here is what he wrote:

Let life inspire you

Let life inspire you. No matter what happens, you can choose to be inspired by it.

If you make a mistake, let it inspire you to be more careful and diligent next time. When you’re having a great time, let it inspire you to create even more positive experiences.

Each time you see kindness, be inspired to pass it forward.

If you encounter deception or injustice, feel inspired to raise your world above it.

Anything can inspire you when you choose to let it. You can even be inspired for no reason at all.

Be inspired by the big accomplishments and by the small, simple moments as well. An inspired life is a life that’s rich, and it’s a life you can choose no matter what.

If there’s a reason to be inspired or if there is not, be inspired. Bring your spirit fully to life, and raise your life to a higher, more enriching level.

~~~

Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope.

Tom Head

~~~

Note: No Daily tomorrow, I will be leaving on a one day exploration at 6 AM.

~~~

Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the Navajo’s, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and many braves were wanting the daughter’s hand in marriage.

Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a contest. All the eligible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that brought back the biggest and best ‘catch’ would be given the chief’s daughter in marriage.

A lot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves had returned with their killings–except for three: Running Bear, Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.

On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously, the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all….so far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he could award his daughter to Running Bear.

On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp and brings back a really big cougar: it’s even bigger than the black bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was

7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief’s daughter in marriage.

Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull’s catch.

Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went…..Saturday came and went……The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years, and still….Falling Rock did not return.

It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.

There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever after.

The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep their eyes open whenever they rode the trails—just in case.

And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say…"Watch for Falling Rock".

~~~

CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE.

~~~

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She’s my wife!"

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?"

Bob says, "I lied about my age."

His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

~~~

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: 

Those that don’t work, those that break down, and those that get lost.

~~~

Steinberg needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications to get it.  He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.

After a successful initial interview with the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the Sales Manager.

"You say you have experience selling books?" the manager asks.

"Oh yes, lots of it," replies Steinberg

"And you say you have a master’s in American history from the University of Michigan?" the manager asks.

"That is correct," replies Steinberg.  "American history is my field of study."

"Well, then," says the sales manager. "With these qualifications, as soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in our firm."

While the sales manager is making a few notations, Steinberg, obviously pleased with himself, begins to look around the room.  Steinberg notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the wall.  Pointing to the portraits, Steinberg turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine-looking men.  Your partners?"

~~~

I don’t mind that my grandson is earning more than I did on my first job.

What disturbs me is he’s just seven, and it’s his allowance!

~~~

Setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector at McCarran Intl. Airport in Las Vegas, a blonde traveler was asked by a security agent if she had any change in her pockets.

"Gee," the blonde says, turning towards her husband, I told you we should of gone to Florida instead…..everyone here expects to be tipped."

~~~

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

Thornton Wilder

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Don’t quit! We need you.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

Dr. Seuss

 

 

 

I have found myself a little down lately. I am running into too many folks that seem to think that they are the center of the universe. These are those that love to find scapegoats that they can use as whipping boys in order to absolve themselves of any responsibility for their own well being. Some of them seldom have a good word to say about anybody or anything. I have found it fascinating to listen to people and then count how many negative comments they make and how many positive comments. I have found that I don’t relate at all well with those that score high in the negative column.

What I find interesting is how many act as if they were superior to everyone else. Their golden rule is different than mine; theirs seems to be one of treat everyone you meet as an inferior who owes you while you owe no one. In many of their minds there is only one religion, theirs and all others are not to be tolerated. I get too much hate mail from people who find anyone different than they are to be inferior and who suggest that those others should be isolated and ostracized.

I know that these folks are the exceptions but unfortunately there are also many others who just sit back and watch as our problems continue unchecked.

Lately I have even had hard working concerned folk’s walk away feeling that no one really cares so why should they. I am glad that I know more who do care so much that they continue to do all they can, including making personal sacrifices to help others. They volunteer, they contribute and most of all they are concerned and do whatever they can to help others.

I was with a young man the other day where we talked about how each day provides us the opportunity to do something that we can feel good about. The conversation did me some good for I needed to be recharged. I still need a motivational boost so I will concentrate on more soul reinforcement in the next few days and a little less on windmill tilting.

 

Here is a story I like that has meaning for me, I hope it does for you as well.

 

When Does Night End?

The story is told of a rabbi in ancient times who gathered his students together very early one morning, while it was still dark. He put this question to them: "How can you tell when night has ended and the day has begun?"

One student made a suggestion. "Could it be when you can see an animal and you can tell whether it is a sheep or a goat?"

"No, that’s not it," answered the rabbi.

Another student said, "Could it be when you look at a tree in the distance and you can tell whether it is a fig tree or a peach tree?"

Again the rabbi answered, "No."

After a few more guesses the students said: "Well, how do you tell when night has ended?"

The rabbi answered, "It is when you look on the face of any man or woman, and you see them as your brother or sister. If you cannot do this, then, no matter what time it is, it is still night."

Jennifer Earl

~~~

It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

Great Truth About Life Adults Have Learned

1)  Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2)  There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look.   For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles do not hurt.

3)  One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

4)  Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

5)  The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.

6)  Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

7)  Laughing helps. It is like jogging on the inside.

8)  Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

9)  My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

10) If you can remain calm, you just do not have all the facts.

~~~

It is much easier to be critical than to be correct

~~~

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up."

"That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?"

"Well, I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit down and listen."

~~~

"Wherever you are is the entry point."

Kabir

~~~

When visiting us in Los Angeles, my mother decided to explore a trendy shopping area. After window-shopping, she entered a store with unique table displays. Each table was laid out with distinctive linen, fine china, silver and crystal.  Mom was the only customer. The young woman behind the cash register initially asked if she could help, but Mom declined and said she was only browsing.

Mom was a bit put off by the glances the young woman kept giving her, but nonetheless, she spent almost an hour examining the different makes of china and silver.

It was only after thanking the shopkeeper and leaving that my mother discovered she had been inspecting the tableware at a chic restaurant.

~~~

A person with six children is better satisfied than a person with $6 million.

Reason: The one with $6 million wants more.

~~~

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts.

He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening."

~~~

Middle age is that difficult period between adolescence and retirement when you have to take care of yourself.

~~~

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That’s interesting. How do you make babies?"

"It’s simple," replied the girl. "You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’."

~~~

"Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done."

Harriet Beecher Stowe

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

At least saygoodbye

"Friends are the most important part of your life.

Treasure the tears, treasure the laughter, but most importantly, treasure the memories."

Dave Brenner

 

 

 

As you know I believe that the greatest gift each of us is given is the ability to grow lasting friendships. Our friends share our good times and our bad times. Our best friends forgive us for our failings and hold our hands when we are down.

In my experience friendships are earned. People respond to how open and friendly we are. In my case I view everyone I meet as being important as they are all potential friends. I even enjoy those momentary friendships that take place when you smile at a stranger or thank a tradesperson.

One of my problems is that I have trouble handling the loss of a friendship when I don’t know why it ended. In the last couple of years two close friends broke off all communications between us and I don’t know the reason why they did. To this day I don’t know if they are doing well or have problems that they don’t want to share. I can live with someone moving on and while I know I will miss them I will always be grateful for the friendship we had. What I have trouble with is the unexplained terminations of warm relationships that may be because of something I unknowingly did or said. It just is not in my nature to offend anyone much less those I care about. Conceivably the loss of a friend may be due to a misunderstanding as I have a tendency towards levity even in serious situations but I never do or say anything consciously out of malice.

Sadly my last two lost friends have not wanted to tell me why our friendships ended, thus depriving me of the chance to learn from the experience or allowing me to correct a misinterpretation of something I did or said. Neither have they given me the chance to change my behavior so I won’t put other friendships at risk.

So my friends please never walk away from a friendship without saying goodbye, for the not knowing why can be more painful than the separation itself.

~~~

"A friend shares the good times and helps out by listening during the bad times."

Molly Oliver

~~~

"If we were rich," said Mrs. Abrahams, "we’d spend six months a year in Florida, six months a year in Europe, and six months a year in California."

"But dear, that would make eighteen months in a year!" said her husband.

"Indeed it would, Herbert.  Isn’t is wonderful what you can do with money?"

~~~

One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything every night before you go to bed.

~~~

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn’t feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."

~~~

When it comes to work, there are many who will stop at nothing.

Henny Youngman

~~~

It was just after midnight, and there was a rapping at the doctor’s door.

Dragging himself out of bed and poking his head from the window, he shouted down at the lone figure.

"Well?"

The woman looked up, "No, sick."

~~~

"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves."

Ambrose Bierce

~~~

Not expecting to do at all well in the economics exam, Harold was heartened by the first question: In any given year, and to the nearest ton, how much wheat did the United States export?

Smiling confidently, Harold wrote, "1492; none."

~~~

A little boy asked his mother, "Mummy, am I descended from a monkey?"

The mother replied, "I don’t know, son, I’ve never met your father’s folks."

~~~

Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived.

One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all.

Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three. "Reform I can understand. But where will it end?  You! Goldblum!  The ashtrays in your temple so my people could smoke while the Torah was being read???"

Goldblum shuddered.

God went on.  "I can live with that.  Men are weak, but the Word is strong!"

Goldblum sighed with relief.

"Bauman! Really, I can accept My people need to eat, but really:  serving Ham & Cheese Sandwiches to the devout at the temple during Yom Kippur?"

Bauman hung his head in shame.

"Even that I can allow to pass, even with the eating of that which is not  Kosher. I’m not pleased at all with the playing fast and loose with my people, but I can accept these indiscretions."

Bauman also heaved a sigh of relief.

Finally, He turns to the third rabbi and says, "You, Rabinowitz, have gone too far!  Am I asking too much?  No, you flaunt the world at Me, even on the holiest days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur by putting out a sign saying….’Closed for the Holidays!’"

~~~

Other people or unfortunate circumstances may have caused you to feel pain, but only you control whether you allow that pain to go on.

~~~

When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed Send. His mother answered and I told her what happened.

"Don’t worry," she said. "I’ll take care of it."

A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."

"Martin," she said. "You left your cell phone at the convenience store."

~~~

He who forgives ends the quarrel.

African proverb

~~~

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like, "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking it all in. At last, she said, "I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!"

~~~

There isn’t much that I can do, but I can share an hour with you, and I can share a joke with you….as on our way we go."

Maude V. Preston

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

How is your flight?

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.

Michael Altshuler

 

 

 

I thought today I would share with you the last of the entries on my friend’s “Simple Truth’s” list. Over the last month or so I have periodically offered a few of them with my comments for your consideration. I appreciate the opportunity to think about them in small doses as I sometimes think that I have become a glutton for information and don’t stop often enough to appreciate the quality of leisurely observation and thought. I fear we are becoming information obese and devour much more than we need to. Anyway here is what was sent to me sometime ago:

 

  • Success is getting up one more time – I strongly believe that tenacity and perseverance is often the key to success. In my computer industry experience I often tried and failed, tried again and failed again but by learning from the failures and keeping on I almost always succeded.
  • Now is the most interesting time of all – Amen to that, with the constant changes going on if one can’t find something of interest then they might as well just lie down and stagnate.
  • When things go wrong…. Don’t go with them – What can I say, there is a penalty to be paid for continuing down the wrong path.
  • Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side – History has shown time and again that the majority often blunders down the wrong path; fortunately they almost always correct and reverse only to find those who stuck to their principles waiting for them.
  • Anyone who asks a question might be a fool for 5 minutes, but a person who doesn’t ask, is a fool forever – The quickest way to get there is to ask for direction, if you don’t know or understand, ask. It is more important to know than it is to worry about what others think.
  • Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back – You all know what I think about this one, tomorrow is full of promise while yesterday can never be relived.

~~~

If we’re always looking in the rear view mirror it’s hard to keep our eyes on the road ahead.

Author Unknown

~~~

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if:

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.

When the pastor says, "I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of."

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

The service wine is Boone’s Farm "Tickled Pink".

The final words of the benediction are, "Y’all come back now, ya hear?"

~~~

One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people!

~~~

A man said to his wife one day, "I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain it to you. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

~~~

"In a restaurant choose a table near a waiter."

Yiddish Proverb

~~~

The math teacher posed this problem, "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"

The savvy student answered, "A lawyer!"

~~~

Success never rests. On your worst days, be good. And on your best days, be great. And on every other day, get better.

Carmen Mariano

~~~

The U.S. Treasury announced it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state. The quarters are being issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S.

"We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday.

"This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices."

"The problem lies in a design flaw," Shackleford said.

The winning design was submitted by an Auburn University student.

"Apparently," Shackleford said, "the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

~~~

Keep a green tree alive in your heart and a songbird may come to sing there.

Chinese Proverb

~~~

A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."

"Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."

The factory owner said, "I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."

~~~

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

~~~

"Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, fifty sit-ups and walk two miles. I’m fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after women!"

He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I’m going to celebrate my 95th birthday!"

"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How?"

~~~

"Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life."

Immanuel Kant

~~~

A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"

The farmer didn’t answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again.

After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out, "About 20 minutes."

"Thank you. But why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you?"

"Didn’t know how fast you could walk."

~~~

Life is a precious gift, love is a wonderful gift, and laughter is glorious gift.

So live life to the fullest, love with all your heart, and laugh as much as you breathe.

Robert Byrne

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Peace, Please

“I do not want the peace which passeth understanding,

I want the understanding which bringeth peace.”

Helen Keller

 

 

 

Today is my heart doc day. They will be checking my Pacemaker and doing other stuff. I then move on to a day away so what do you say, a daily from another yesterday, OK. So here is what I wrote on September 22, 2004, sadly our problems have not subsided.

~~~

I know that we do our best to keep the daily light and upbeat. However every once in awhile it provides a vehicle to help us remember something from the past that has influenced the problems of today. One such event was the start of the Iran-Iraq War on this day in 1980.

Long-standing border disputes and political turmoil in Iran prompted Iraqi President Saddam Hussein to launch an invasion of Iran’s oil-producing province of Khuzestan. After initial advances, the Iraqi offense was repulsed. In 1982, Iraq voluntarily withdrew and sought a peace agreement, but the Ayatollah Khomeini renewed fighting. Stalemates and the deaths of thousands of young Iranian conscripts in Iraq followed. Population centers in both countries were bombed, and Iraq employed chemical weapons. In the Persian Gulf, a "tanker war" curtailed shipping and increased oil prices. In 1988, Iran agreed to a cease-fire.

What is important to remember is that we viewed Iran as an enemy of the US for their overthrow of the Shaw of Iran and the taking of American hostages. We provided support to Hussein’s efforts against the Iranians; in fact Donald Rumsfeld visited with Saddam in a show of support. At the time we viewed it in our best interests to ignore the methods used by Saddam to terrorize his enemies and his people. Many scholars today view the US support of both the Shaw of Iran and Iraq’s aggression as being major contributors to the animosity so many Arabs have for the US. I, like you, hope the day will come when we all can put the past behind us and live in peace. It will take a lot of effort on all of our parts to rise above history in order to build friendships that can lead us out of the ever growing threat to humanity. It won’t be easy but I think you will agree that it is worth the effort by Arabs, Persians, and the people of the West.

~~~

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total; of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.

~ Robert F. Kennedy ~

~~~

Wendy has more hurricane tips for us.

* Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.

* No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don’t work without electricity.

* Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game controller in their hand.

* Cats are even more irritating without power.

* He who has the biggest generator wins.

* Women can actually survive without doing their hair–you just wish they weren’t around you.

* A new method of non-lethal torture-showers without hot water.

* There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.

* TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.  One day at a time, brother.

* A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser’s to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey frozen for 8 more hours.

* There are a lot of trees around here.

* Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong.

* Contrary to most Florida natives’ beliefs, speed limit on roads without traffic lights does not increase.

* Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required.

* Just because you’re 35 doesn’t mean you can stay out as late as you want.  At least that’s what the cops told me during a curfew stop.

* Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.

* People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.

* When required, a Lincoln Continental will float–doesn’t steer well, but floats just the same.

* Some things do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.

* Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.

* Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.

* 27 of your neighbors are fed electricity from a different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!

* Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume.

* If my store sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and generators…I’d be rich.

* The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a hurricane.

* Your water front property can quickly become someone else’s fishing hole.

* Tree service companies are under appreciated.

* I learned what happens when you make fun of another state’s blackout.

* MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30% higher electric bill ?????

* Drywall is a compound word, take away the "dry" part and it’s worthless.

* I can walk a lot farther than I thought.

~~~

An optimist laughs to forget.. pessimist forgets to laugh.

~~~

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. "What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man. "How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." The priest replied, "Well, that’s not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage." "Well, now, that’s a little more serious." "Father, there’s more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!"

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious.

I’m afraid you’ll have to make a novena."

"Father, I’m not sure what a ‘novena’ is, but if you’ve got the blueprints, I’ve got the lumber!"

~~~

"Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?"

~~~

This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit.

"I’ve got grounds, all right," sputtered the irate husband. "Can you believe my wife told me I’m a lousy lover?"

"That’s why you’re suing?" pursued his lawyer.

"Of course not. I’m suing because she knows the difference."

~~~

Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.

Booth Tarkington

~~~

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense. After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a big, sharp knife?"

The student replied. "BIG ones."

~~~

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.

James Oppenheim

~~~

Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter marry?"

"Oh, he’s wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night."

"That’s nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"

"I’m not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late, spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out meals!"

~~~

"And none will hear the postman’s knock,

Without a quickening of the heart,

For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?"

~~  W. H. Auden  ~~

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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