Ray's musings and humor

DRATZ again!

He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears.

Montaigne

 

I made it back from my special assignment which took me to Michigan where their traditional cold and blustery March weather was replaced with balmy days with temperatures in the 80’s. While there we invested some of our money in games of chance at an Indian owned casino. I am sure you will not be surprised to learn that our investments did not provide any return; it was more like a money down the drain experience. I suppose though that providing our original Native Americans some compensation for past practices has some justice attached but my wife does not see it that way.

Friday I had my delayed colonoscopy; it had been delayed until I overcame my cardiac problems. The good news is that it is done. Unfortunately there is also some bad news, I flunked the test. While they did remove a couple of polyps there was one that was nasty that they left. I will learn later in the week after the docs get the biopsy results what we will have to do next.

I learned long ago that there is little to be gained by agonizing over that which we cannot control. I also know that unfounded worry is almost always misguided so I will hold off on doing so until I know what to worry about. I am getting so use to helping the medical economy I’ll just view it as another adventure. That is not to say that I do not realize it may be serious it is just to let you know that it is not in my nature to let it get me down. Of course I will be upset if I have to cancel my end of May cruise to Alaska, especially since my cardiac interruption required me to cancel the cruise we had scheduled for last November to the Caribbean.

~~~

No man ever sank under the burden of the day. It is when tomorrow’s burden is added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bear.

George MacDonald

~~~

Boudreaux goes to see his preacher one day. “Preacher, sumting terrible is happening, and I have to talk to you about it.”

The preacher asked, “What’s wrong, Boudreaux?” Boudreaux replied, “My wife, Marie, I tink she’s poisoning me.”

The preacher, very surprised by this, asks, “What makes you say that?” Boudreaux then pleads, “I’m telling you, I just know she’s trying to poison me. What should I do?”

The preacher then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, and I’ll see what I can find out and let you know.”

A week later the preacher calls Boudreaux and tells him, “Well, I spoke to your wife on the phone for three solid hours. You want my advice?” Boudreaux anxiously says, “Yes, anything!”

The preacher tells Boudreaux, “TAKE THE POISON!”

~~~

Children are natural mimics – they act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.

~~~

Fortuneteller: You will be miserable, depressed, and unhappy until your 40th birthday.

Client: Then things will improve?

Fortuneteller: No, you’ll just get used to it by then…

~~~

“Nothing needs reforming so much as other people’s habits.”

Mark Twain

~~~

Sol and Mort are walking from religious service. Sol wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Mort replies, “Why don’t you ask Rabbi Schwartz?”

So Sol goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and asks, “Rabbi, may I smoke while I pray?”

But Rabbi says, “No, my son, you may not. That’s utter disrespect to our religion.”

Sol goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Rabbi told him.

Mort says, “I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”

And so Mort goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and asks, “Rabbi, may I pray while I smoke?”

To which Rabbi Schwartz eagerly replies, “By all means, my son. By all means.”

~~~

“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.”

George Bush

~~~

OK guys, I’m assuming that you suffer from PMS, not directly, but suffer none the less. Hers the solution…

Q: What can I do to end the havoc created every 28 days?

A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: Will it ever end?

A: Sure, but you’ll be so old you won’t notice.

Q: Why is it that I’m wrong so much during this awful time?

A: You just are, cope with it. Someone must bear the blame.

Q: Can I just pack up and go out with the boys?

A: Only if you are heavily insured and have a death wish.

Q: What should I do to cope with this?

A: Glad you asked… (take notes)

1. Pamper your woman!  Shower her with love and affection.

2. Duck (alot).

3. Let her vent.  Remember, she probably doesn’t mean it.

4. If #3 does not apply, you deserve every bit of it…don’t whine.

5. Making dinner will lessen the trauma, take note: Burnt biscuits will only add to your pain – Order out.

6. Speak only when spoken to – Limit your replies to: “Yes, of course you’re right darling” and “those jeans never fit better.”

7. Educate yourself on the magic pills your loved one prefers, keeping them on hand is a bonus point for you.

8. Keep small children (and other helpless creatures) out of the path, keep the casualties to a minimum.

9. Gifts and “shiny” tokens of affection are advised, just remember these words: Victoria’s secret , Macys & Tiffany.

10. Always remember, you are against something way beyond your power.

~~~

Some of your hurts you have cured,

And the sharpest you still have survived,

But what torments of grief you endured

From the evil which never arrived.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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