Ray's Daily

Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude.

E.P. Powell

 

 

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in the USA and Friday is known as Black Friday, a day when millions will crowd the shops starting in the wee hours of the morning searching for bargains. The reason they call it Black Friday is that stores everywhere deeply discount their goods in an effort to sell enough that they will have a profitable Christmas season. Unfortunately the economy will probably limit sales but I am sure it will not limit the crowds. While my wife and daughters will be out and about I’ll be staying home avoiding the madness.

While tomorrow is the National Holiday Friday is also a day off for many. In that spirit I have told my computer and all its attached devices that they can take off until next Monday. They have preformed well and deserve the rest. So Today will be the last Daily until next week. Oh yes and please do me a favor, enjoy the next few days. I am thankful that we are connected I hope you are as well.

I think the following message from Ralph Marston is worth thinking about as we enjoy our day of thanks:

How often do you stop to count your blessings? In your daily struggle for more, how often do you feel joyful and thankful for the many, many things you already have?

In your ambitious quest to better your life, be careful that you don’t overlook the wealth that you already have. Wealth? Yes, wealth that is very real and very accessible to you.

Did you know that you already have abundant wealth? Perhaps you don’t feel like it if you’ve just paid the bills. Yet each and every one of us has an abundance that is almost beyond comprehension. The secret is to tap into that abundance and use it to do whatever we want to do.

And the process starts with counting your blessings. Taking stock of the things you have, the things you know, the people in your life, your spirituality, your skills, your opinions, your special perspective on life, your family, your hobbies, your sense of humor, your appreciation for beauty, your caring for others, your concern for those less fortunate, your ability to see opportunity. The list of possibilities is endless, and these things all have value beyond anything you can imagine.

I challenge you to take a good hard look at yourself and to count your blessings. Think of as many of them as you can. Think of the beauty and richness of your life. These things don’t require money or power or position. They all spring from your attitude, the way you react to situations, the way you value others, the way you value life itself.

Right now, within yourself, you have the ability to do anything you want with your life. You have complete control of your behavior, your actions from minute to minute. Look deep inside yourself and tap into the wealth that lies hidden within you. It is there if only you will look, and the best way to find it is with an attitude of thanksgiving and joy.

~~~

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

~~~

I wrote this on this day six years ago, I feel the same way today.

Have you noticed that all the nay-sayers and negative people are seldom grateful. They always think they deserve more and others deserve less. It is sad that they go through life without realizing all the important things that we have. Melody Beattie had it right when she said:

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

~~~

"The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong."

~~~

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979."

"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.

"No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."

~~~

Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Into what?

~~~

Max fell in love with Maureen, but the pretty Irish lass wouldn’t marry him unless he converted from Judaism to Catholicism. Love being stronger than any other emotion, Max undertook the studies that would make him a good Catholic.

Some months later, Maureen ran into her friend Paula, who asked, "When’s your wedding?"

Maureen answered, "There’ll be no wedding."

"Why not?"

"Max studied so hard he now wants to be a priest!"

~~~

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

~~~

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here."

~~~

Being a husband is like any other job.  It helps a lot if you like the boss.

~~~

A drummer on a big band was having trouble with his time. He kept getting behind the beat and the band is getting fed up and goes to the leader and says he should be fired.

However, the leader says he’s known the guy forever, he’s always been a good drummer, and he’ll talk to the guy and see what the problem is. He goes to the drummer, who admits he’s having problems and who says he’s working on it and to please not fire him.

But things get worse. He keeps slowing down the beat and coming in late and finally the whole band threatens to quit.

The leader has to fire him.

The drummer is so depressed that he goes down to the railroad tracks and throws himself behind a train.

~~~

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

Nina and Rosey shared the chores and on this day Nina went to the grocery store. In addition to the healthful items on their carefully prepared shopping list, she returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies.

Nina noticed Rosey’s glare and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual."

"Oh really?? Why is that?" Rosey asked.

"I ate a third of the cookies on the way home," Nina replied.

~~~

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

Thornton Wilder

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things.

But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.”

Mother Teresa of Calcutta

 

 

I have found that we can bank a whole lot of good days by spending time helping make a difference and you know what, most of it can be done at no cost. Recently I stumbled across the following edited list written by a neat lady named Anolia "Leah" Orfrecio Facun. I hope you’ll take a few minutes and read what she offers.

 

The TIME has come… We say ‘No more to gloom and doom!’ It is time to rise to our true potential… to experience total wellness in every area of our lives, contributing to solutions to maintain the quality of life we enjoy in our communities. This is the time that we need each other most, to work together, joining our hands together in making a difference.

For YOURSELF:

• Smile more often! Be amazed of how many will be happy to smile back at you. Besides, this is the best facial exercise you can make to delay aging signs — so smile!
• Read and learn more. Devote time and money for self-improvement, the best investment you can make that truly pays off.
• Love, care, give, and share more. This practice is the very purpose of your life.
• Keep believing. Pray. Nurture your spirit. This won’t cost you any, but help or answer to your needs can be just a prayer away.

For those YOU CARE ABOUT:

• If you love them, then say it and show it! Do not take them for granted. They need both to hear and see you care.
• Spend more quality time with them. It is what they’ll remember most.
• Visit, write, call those you haven’t for a while.

For our CHILDREN or YOUTH:

• Walk or create programs for youth to benefit them and rally for their good future.
• Give them more opportunities to explore and develop their natural gifts and talents, express their dreams and goals.
• Encourage our children more by your words and example. Stay positive!

For our VOLUNTEERS: (For helping us make things happen.)

• Big "thank you!" note or anything to show your appreciation of them.
• Join them and be prepared to do a random act of kindness anytime.
• How about "volunteers appreciation day" to celebrate them and have a good break?

For our ENVIRONMENT: (We only have one planet, so we must take care of it.)

• Clean and plant trees with your workmates, neighbors, etc. anywhere permissible.
• Recycle consciously, not just plastics and papers, but clothes and others you can share. Clean up your closet, garage, or storage for everything that you don’t need. Do a yard sale or simply drive to or call local charities for pickup. This is one recycling to meet needs of others.

For ALL of US:

• Sing, dance, be happy no matter what. Brighter days are yet to come!
• Speak the truth. Seeking the truth can set someone free.
• Notice and say something good or positive to someone, and mean it.
• Learn survival techniques. Always be prepared for any emergency.
• Accept yourself. You are gifted and blessed more than you know.
• Be forgiving and understanding as you seek forgiveness and understanding.
• Be involved in your community in making good things happen!

~~~

Coming together is a beginning.

Keeping together is progress.

Working together is success.

Henry Ford

~~~

A guy once wandered into a Jewish restaurant and ordered roast chicken. It arrived complete with potatoes and a few sundries, and the diner looked at it without much favor. He said to the waiter, "Don’t I get a green vegetable?"

And the waiter said, "And what color is the pickle? Purple?"

~~~

Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.

Rita Mae Brown

~~~

A Mom and Dad went to a restaurant one evening. Dad was about halfway finishing his meal when took a hard look at the potato.

He called the waitress and said, "This potato is bad."

The waitress picked it up, smacked it, and put it back on the plate, then said,

“If that potato causes any more trouble just let me know.”

~~~

"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking."

Henry Louis Mencken

~~~

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it’s not getting enough gas."

The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something’s wrong with the electrical system."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in."

~~~

"The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them."

Robert Frost

~~~

Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out, "Okay, everyone in the house, please be advised that I, Little Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!"

~~~

A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband that she did, but she knows her son will never get as good a wife as his father did.

~~~

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let’s take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "you’d be his wife!"

~~~

Small deeds done are better than greater deeds planned.

~~~

As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the military base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper thin and they had no privacy. That was painfully obvious one morning when the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.

"Give this to your husband," he said, thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He’s been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"

~~~

"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best."

Henry Vandyke

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“Many fine things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow”

 

 

It looks like my reduced life style may be a blessing in disguise since now I’ll have time to do things I have put off over the years. I will have time for that book I never read, the movie I never saw, the issue I never researched, and of the greatest importance time for the people I respect. The list is long and it might take me awhile before I get to that book or study that subject since there are so many people who I never should have drifted away from. So if you find me on your doorstep, in your mail box or on your computer in the days ahead it is only because I want you to know how much I value you.

I was going to write about something else today but I stumbled across the following poem that reminded me that I have not told too many people how important they are in my eyes.

 

Tomorrow

Tomorrow-I’ll tell him just what he means,

That living and loving with him is in my dreams

Tomorrow-I’ll give a big hug to mum,

Say a quick thank you for all that she’s done.

Tomorrow-I’ll call or even drop by,

I’ll say ‘I love you’ state all the reasons why.

 

Tomorrow-I’ll go about getting in touch,

With forgotten friends I miss so much.

Tomorrow-I’ll take the first step to my goal,

That I’ve always thought would make my life whole.

Tomorrow-I’ll count all my blessings in life,

Consider it privilege to be a midwife …

 

But what should I do if that day never comes,

And all good intentions come undone.

If life should spin a crazy dance,

All these things and you never got the chance.

If you woke up tomorrow to find that they’d gone,

Looked at your list, realized you’d done none.

 

All the things you were going to do today,

A million things you never got to say.

Would you be confident that you’d given your all,

Or guilty that you didn’t make that call?

Could you be at peace, content that they knew,

Just how much they all meant to you?

 

So, to avoid that nightmare never becoming real,

Love life, love others and show how you feel.

~~~

“Too many times we stand aside and let the waters slip away, till what we put off till tomorrow has now become today. So don’t you sit upon the shoreline and say you’re satisfied. Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide.”

Author Unknown

~~~

Two lawyers went into a diner and sat down at the counter. They ordered two sodas, took sandwiches out of their briefcases and started to eat them.
The owner saw what was going on and approached the men. "You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here," he complained.
The two lawyers stopped, looked at each other, and then swapped their sandwiches.

~~~

A rock <– me –> A hard place

~~~

More of my plans for when I become overlord, notwithstanding what we have learned from the movies.

·      I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

·      I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own father.

·      Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

·      I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

·      No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

~~~

I’m just moving clouds today. Tomorrow, I’ll try mountains.

~~~

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

~~~

A customer called our airline’s reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. My co-worker asked him, "Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?"
The customer replied, "V-I-S-A."

~~~

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

~~~

Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve. He would complain about everything. That day he went to their creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death. At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every time the women walked by she shook her head no. The minister asked ”Why are you shaking your head yes for men and no for women?” Her response was, ”The men would say how sorry they felt for me and I was saying, ‘Yes, I’ll be alright.’ When the women walked by, they were asking if the mule is for sale . . . "

~~~

Ohgreat,nowthedernspacebarwon’twork!

~~~

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school."

~~~

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Melodie Beattie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

If things go wrong, don’t go with them.

Roger Babson

 

 

I find as I implement a more frugal lifestyle that I am learning more about myself. I have been especially looking forward to a cruise that I had booked for next spring since it was going to be my first trip on that cruise line and be on a ship that I wanted to sail. But as I started to feel remorse that I had to cancel the booking I realized that I already had cruised more times than almost anyone I know so I really had no right to complain. I felt the same as I reluctantly decided not to renew many of my memberships in cultural institutions, community organizations and the like. I decided if I was not making an active personal contribution to what they were doing they would not miss me. I unfortunately had to also prioritize my charitable contributions; I don’t have as much in total to contribute as I have in the past so something has to give. I want to give all I can and even more to those who are helping people through these hard times the others will just have to wait until another time.

Many of my friends and family are worried about the future and the possibility that they face even further losses in net worth. While I face the same possibility I am more fortunate than most since I usually don’t worry until I have to do something to solve the problem. So right now rather than worrying about what might happen I am dealing with what is happening and laying contingency plans for handling what’s ahead. I know it is hard not to worry but it can be done. Here are some thoughts that I found in an article by Beth Tabak that are worth considering.

1~ Know that you can be worry-free- What we think about is a choice. It seems hard to stop because we develop a habit. The brain likes short cuts, but we can change those patterns with conscious effort.

2~ Explore the source of your concern- Is there a limiting belief or perception in the way? Is it legitimate or an over active imagination? Is it warning you of impending danger or is it the reaction of an over active habitual thought pattern?

3A~ If legitimate, shift into action, then trust- Gather information/ resources on the situation. Prepare. Take action, mentally and physically, to make the best of the situation. Stay in a place of trust (in yourself, others, God) that you are capable of handling the situation. Get the help you need. Be open to see all choices. Talk with others.

3B~ If over exaggeration, shift to a new positive place- Shift habitual thought patterns by choosing to stay in the present, stay in a place of trust, or wait until there is good reason to worry. Take action to become prepared. Remember, thoughts are a choice.

4~ Follow Intuition- Once the chaos is out of your head pay attention to your intuition, inklings, gut feelings, etc. that are guiding you to make the choice you can feel good about.

There is way too much in life that we can’t change, we can either spend our time complaining and hoping for miracles or we can adapt and find a new and often better way of life. Oh and by the way I will not be joining the moaning and groaning choir this weekend, I’ll be in the hills listening to the sound of music, I hope to see you there.

~~~

If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.

Dean Smith

~~~

More signs of the times:

Podiatrist’s Window:    Time wounds all heels.

Butcher’s window:       Let me meat your needs.

Used Car Lot:           Second Hand cars in first crash condition

Sign on Fence:          Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

Car Dealership:         The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.

Muffler Shop:           No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.

Hotel:                  Help!" We need inn – experienced people.

Butcher’s Window:       Pleased to meat you.

Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?

Sign in an office:      We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.

~~~

No one ever says "It’s only a game," when their team is winning.

~~~

"College Tidbits"

*"Eight long years of college." moaned the budding Yuppette. "And just who has it gotten me?"

* One of the professors at Vassar requested medical leave for the day. In the space listing reason for request, she put, "Perrier on the knee."

* Father: "Son, I’m very worried about you being at the bottom of your class."  Son: "Don’t fret Dad. They teach the same stuff to both ends."

* In a way, colleges & insane asylums are both mental institutions.  The major difference being you have to show some improvement to "graduate" from an asylum.

* A student comes back to the dorm & finds his roommate near tears. "What’s the matter, pal?" he asked.  "I wrote home for my parents to send money so that I could buy a laptop, and they sent me the laptop." he moaned.

*The college President hired a new Admissions Administrator.  At the conclusion of the interview he said, "Please don’t tell anyone what we’re paying you." "Don’t worry Sir." the new bureaucrat replied.  "I’m as ashamed of my salary as you are."

~~~

"If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Morris West

~~~

A North Carolina man, having bought several expensive cigars, insured them against… get this… fire. After he had smoked them, he then decided that he had a claim against the insurance company and filed. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigar normally. The man sued. The judge stated that since the company had insured the cigars against fire, they were obligated to pay. After the man accepted payment for his claim, the company then had him arrested ….. for arson.

~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

~~~

The preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church.

"Good morning, Jonathan," the preacher said as he reached out to shake Joanthan’s hand.

As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan’s hand. "What’s this?" the preacher asked.

"Money," said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, "It’s for you!"

"I don’t want to take your money, Jonathan," the preacher answered.

"I want you to have it," said Jonathan. After a short pause Jonathan continued, "My daddy says you’re the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you."

~~~

Half the people you know are below average.

~~~

The kids said:

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other." (Judy, 8)

"Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife." (Tommy, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)

~~~

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.

Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

Samuel Ullman

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Kahlil Gibran

 

 

It has not been an easy week. It is not so much that I have been busy or that 40% of my life savings seems to be hidden somewhere on Wall Street. No it is the fact that I lost an old friend and a good friends wife passed away after a long illness.

My one friend died peacefully in his sleep. While he was in his mid seventies I no longer consider that old age so when it happened I was taken aback. When I read my friends obituary today I learned that he had done many more things than I knew he had. I hadn’t seen him for sometime but he use to be a fellow member of my Kiwanis Club and I had plenty of opportunity to get to know him better but now it is too late. I am sure he had many stories he could have shared and experiences that I would have enjoyed hearing about. I know a year ago or so I wrote about how much we miss by not stopping and taking the time to know more about the people we meet, especially those that we see often. Unfortunately too often I am guilty of taking too many people for granted and gloss over my failure by rationalizing not learning more because I am too busy. That is a sad mistake for I know that some of the best things in my life is the bond that I have built with others by just stopping and caring.

 

My friend’s wife suffered a long illness before finally finding peace. She was a gracious lady always quick to smile whenever we met. She told me once in awhile that she enjoyed our Daily and that always pleased me for it was written for her and my other friends. What saddens me most is that this kind and caring person had to carry so much pain and agony for so long. I have never been very good at sharing my feelings with those that have just lost a loved one; certainly it would be presumptuous of me to tell them I know how they feel. Still I always feel a hurt and a feeling of helplessness when I know some one is in pain or that someone is gone forever leaving only memories and far too often words I never said that were never heard.

~~~

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

~~~

I think both of these departed friends would be disappointed in me if I did not add our usual attempt at humor so for them I offer today’s daily.

~~~

"The greatest mistake you can make is to be afraid of making one."

~~ Elbert Hubbard ~~

~~~

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said "My husband just won’t go to church with me, I think he’s going to go to hell." This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell.

So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good – I’m sure I’ll make it to Heaven." Another one said "No, I did this bad thing, I won’t make it." So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn’t saying anything. And they looked at her and said "You’re such a nice lady, surely you’re going to Heaven…?"

She says "No, first thing in the morning, I’m going to buy me a ticket straight to hell!" They were shocked and asked why. "Well, you don’t expect me to live in a world without men, do you??!?"

~~~

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

~~~

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah…" the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"

~~~

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."

~~~

When a three-year-old opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

His Mother was not so pleased. She turned to Grandmom and said, "I’m surprised at you.

Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Grandmom smiled and then replied, "I remember."

~~~

Eschew obfuscation.

~~~

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath. "You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

~~~

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools

~~~

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.

Before long their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, ‘OK, lets get out and get him.’

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, ‘The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?’

The guy in the front says, ‘Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself!’

~~~

A lady inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

~~~

To help a friend lose weight, I told her she should switch to lower fat foods, including skim milk.

When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite awhile, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay.

"Sure, it’s fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. "Why do you ask?"

The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration date, this milk expired six months ago!"

~~~

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.”

Richard Moss

 

 

My life has really been full so far this week. New friends, new opportunities for service, a number of new things learned and a shortage of hours in the day and today is going on to be more of the same. What I am about to do is rummage through some old Dailies to see if I Can find some pearls of wisdom that I have forgotten. I’ll share what I find as I am hoping whatever it is will be better than what I might create today. So here goes, wish us luck.

~~~

I had the good fortune to hear an old acquaintance speak about luck at a meeting I attended this morning. He made many points about how we can improve our luck. His point that struck me the most was — pay attention and you might become lucky enough to recognize opportunity when you see it.

I could especially relate to how we are often so committed to what we want to say to someone that we look for the opportunity to interrupt and say what we want him to hear, too busy too even hear what is being said to us. While hopefully none of us drop out quite that far I would suspect too many of us are so concerned about our ability to impress or sell that we miss hearing something that would bring us together. Is it really luck that some find success more often than others or is it due in part to the winners paying attention? In my case I have found feeding back to the speaker my understanding of what they said does three things:

1.         The speaker can correct me if I got what was said wrong.

2.         If I often miss what is being said I can work to become more attentive.

3.         And probably most important of all when we agree on what was said we can move forward together to what might be unsaid otherwise.

Another of his points was to get out of our ruts. We can drive home via a different route on occasion, we can do things we have never done before and understand the value of keeping our mind open to alternatives. We will never break new ground if we never move out of our comfort zone. And I would add, don’t hibernate. Too many of us get so comfortable in the status quo that the world passes us by without our even noticing. When that happens, more often than not, we wonder why others are so much luckier than we are.

His last lesson was telling us not to get hung up on fairness. While we should always be fair we need to understand that the world often isn’t. Too many of us waste time complaining about our bad luck that was the result of being treated unfairly. We can spend time agonizing about it or even striking out, but while we are the “lucky” ones will have picked themselves up brushed themselves off and moved on. Bottom line, if you want to be lucky you can be, if you want an excuse for failure you can chalk it up to bad luck, but trust me few will lend a sympathetic ear.

2003

~~~

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

Seneca

~~~

Andy Rooney’s tips for telemarketers

Three Little Words That Work !!

(1) The three little words are: "Hold On, Please…"

Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt. Then when you eventually hear the phone company’s "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it’s time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home. What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer !!!

(3) Junk Mail Help:

When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back. It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before! the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

~~~

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

~~~

Speaking of luck, she said: I was shopping with my husband at a local supermarket and suddenly couldn’t find him. "I’ve lost my husband!" I muttered slightly louder than was necessary.

Then I heard a woman’s voice from the next aisle: "Some people have all the luck."

~~~

In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu, George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands

~~~

He said: A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog’s head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup’s head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn’t know they had to be baptized."

~~~

You know you’re growing older when … You begin to realize that your parents were right, after all!

~~~

I’m in a hurry today. I have to answer the email I got from Mrs. Moobooro Nambito, who is the wife of a prominent politician in some African country. She just so happens to need help funneling tens of millions of dollars that her husband gave her to hide–right before the populace tore him to shreds because he stole all their money and resources.  

Anyway, she needs help embezzling the funds to the States and is willing to pay handsomely anyone who lets her use their bank account. This is going to be the easiest money I ever made!  

~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~

The other day, I had to make a call to the telephone company. Something was wrong with my bill. I dialed the number listed, and was astonished. I got the strangest recording. It said, "You have been connected to the correct department on the first try. This is against company policy. Please hang up and redial."

~~~

Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.

R.E. Shay

~~~

When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a Prague ophthalmologist. The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ.  

"Can you read that?" the doctor asked.  

"Can I read it?" the Czech replied. "I dated his sister."  

~~~

Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.