Ray&#039;s Daily

Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.

Katie Reed

I got some great news yesterday. I learned that a plan has been put together that when implemented will allow me to regularly visit my wife in the memory care unit where she now lives. I will have to first be tested to make certain I am virus free, then I will be tested every week. I will also be required to wear a face shield in addition to my facemask.

Visiting with Nancy will be my top prioriety so I must make sure that I don’t take on too many other responsibilities while also staying positive. I will be avoiding overload while my wife and I add aditonal together time to our 67 years of marriage.

I found the following in Self Improvement Newsletter at SelfGrowth.com.to offer wise suggestions as to how I can best manage my time.

17 Ways to Boost Energy and Save Time

Garrett J. Braunreiter

1. Enjoy the moment. – Create the “ideal” atmosphere” for you to be able to concentrate on what you’re doing. Listen to music, be outside, whatever gives you energy and makes you feel good to get the job done faster.

2. Surround yourself with a calm environment. – Play soothing music. Instead of scurrying to fix dinner right when you get home, take some time to wind down by reading the paper, going for a walk, spending time with your kids.

3. Get some shut-eye. – According to the National Sleep Foundation, a lack of restful sleep results in poor mental performance, more accidents, and lack of concentration.

4. Simplify. – This is a tough one. What most people think they can achieve in a given amount of time is unrealistic. Simplify. What MUST be done today? When those are done, then, what other things would you like to do if you have some more time?

5. Break away for a daily mini-vacation.- Take 10-15 minutes each day to do… NOTHING. The point is to RELAX. No multi-tasking relaxation. Your mind must be free of everything else.

6. Drink some tea. – It’s kind of hard to gulp down hot tea. Several kinds can actually relax you, like chamomile tea.

7. Sit in a rocking chair. – Make good use of yours, or buy one

8. Breathe deeply. -. SLOW DOWN. Focus on EACH breath – in through the nose, out through the mouth. Concentrate on nothing but inhaling and exhaling.

9. Shift activities. – If what you’re doing is making you anxious, simply do something else. Here’s a guideline: for every 45 minutes of heavy concentration, give yourself 10-15 minutes of mindless rejuvenation.

10. MAKE yourself smile. – Keep a funny cartoon or joke nearby and look at it often. . Laughter is a great stress reliever, and it helps you feel good.

11. Stop procrastination. – Tackle and eliminate the task NOW. It takes more energy to put off a job than to JUST GET IT DONE.

12. Strive for EXCELLENCE, not perfectionism. – Stop focusing on what could go wrong. Commit to COMPLETING the job, e.g. give yourself deadlines. If you need to go back and refine later, fine, do it.

13. Say NO. – Think about everything you say “Yes” to: community involvement, errands for others, visiting, running around. Do they benefit you? If not, SAY NO.

14. Turn off technology periodically. – TURN OFF your pager, cell phone, and/or fax when you don’t want to be bothered.

15. Get rid of the clutter. – Start each day with a clean desk or clean office. You’ll be more efficient when things are in order.

16. EXERCISE. – Many times when we say we don’t have enough time to do things it’s because we’re wasting time sitting on our duffs for too long because we’re too tired. Get moving!

17. You are what you eat.- Energy comes from feeding yourself foods that are packed with nutrients and don’t bog you down with a lot of calories.

~~~

Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.

Christopher Germer

~~~

Here are some of the rules observed by those who park where I do.

Rule No. 1: When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road, don’t signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing.

Rule No. 2: Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.

Rule No. 3: In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up halfway and stop on the line, taking both.

Rule No. 4: As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him.

Rule No. 5: Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his or her car.

Rule No. 6: When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle with your door really hard.

Rule No. 7: When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate of speed.

Rule No. 8: When stopped in front of a store and waiting for a friend/relative to make a purchase, make sure that you are stopped in the middle of the road. The same rule applies to picking up and discharging passengers.

Rule No. 9: When a vehicle from the opposite direction is signaling and waiting for a parking space, position your car so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.

Rule No. 10: If you have handicapped license plates, use up a regular parking spot.

Rule No. 11: If you hit the adjacent car with your door and leave a dent, wait for a car, which is painted the same color as yours, to drive down the aisle looking for a place to park. Then back out, giving up your spot like “Mr. Good Guy,” and park somewhere else.

Rule No. 12: If the vehicle in front of you stops to let a pedestrian cross or another vehicle turn, pull into the lane of opposite traffic and attempt to pass him.

Rule No. 13: When exiting a shopping center into a busy road, exit through the narrow “ENTER ONLY” driveway, stick the nose of the car into traffic, and wait.

Rule No. 14: When driving through a parking lot with alternating one-way aisles and angled parking spots, drive the wrong way. Then when you see a parking space, take 20 minutes to do a 12-point turn to pull into it.

Rule No. 15: Always leave your shopping cart behind or tightly between parked vehicles.

Rule No. 16: Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping center parking lots. While you’re at it, dump out all the garbage, too, including that Wendy’s or McDonald’s bag sitting in the back seat from breakfast.

Rule No. 17: If you are forced to change an infant’s diaper in a parking lot, leave the soiled diaper under the car next to you.

Rule No. 18: When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time. Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the radio. Roll down your window, light a cigarette, and eat your lunch. Feel free to go through your shopping bags and look at what you just bought.

Rule No. 19: When pulling into a parking spot, if there is a shopping cart in the way, lightly tap it with your bumper and send it rolling into another car. Then, when you step out, if the cart is still too close, push it down the parking lot aisle and let it go. While the cart is flying solo, turn around and walk toward the stores.

Rule No. 20: When walking back to your car in a busy shopping center, gesture to other drivers waiting for a spot to make them think that you are getting in the car and leaving. Then walk between the cars to the next aisle and do it again.

Rule No. 21: When shopping at the mall, which requires you to load your bags into the car and go back in to do more shopping, do NOT tell the driver who is sitting patiently watching you load your car and signaling for your spot.

Rule No. 22: When walking back to your car, if you notice other shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs, press the buttons on your key chain remote so that your car’s alarm makes a sudden loud “BLOOP BLEEP” that scares the crap out of them.

Rule No. 23: If you don’t see a speed limit sign posted in the mall’s parking lot, there isn’t any!

~~~

“The First Law of Philosophy” For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher. The Second Law of Philosophy: They’re both wrong.

~~~

Abe asked, “Is my face dirty or is it just my imagination?”

Mollie answered, “Your face is clean but I don’t know about your imagination.”

~~~

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind the bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she said, “especially the really tight pants and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What on earth do you mean?”

“Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: “Get the quarter back!”

~~~

A woman hit a pole between the drive thru lanes at the bank where I work. She was furious and complained that if the pole wasn’t there she wouldn’t have hit it.

~~~

With every act of self-care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self-care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side, I am on my side, each day I am more and more on my own side.

Susan Weiss Berry

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.

Category:

We Need to Stay Strong

Ray’s Daily

January 28, 2021

Tough times never last, but tough people do.”
Robert H. Schuller

Sometimes I find that it is not easy to stay positive. I miss not getting to see my wife as we continue to be bared from visiting due to the Covid epidemic. While we do talk on the phone I continue to worry about how she is dealing with her memory loss. I also find that life alone, with little outside social interaction is a downer.

I, like so many others, find todays challenges to require a positive mindset in order to avoid depression. I find the following to be helpful.

Promise yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

C.D. Larson

~~~

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

~~~

One Sunday a teenager was in church. When the collection plate was passed around, he pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in.

Just at that moment the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20.00 bill. Secretly admiring the man’s generosity, the boy placed the $20.00 in the plate and passed it on. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper:

“Son that was your $20.00 bill that fell out of your own pocket.

~~~

Wouldn’t you know it… Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

~~~

A wife reading the newspaper to her husband said, “There’s a classified ad in here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”

“Hmmm.”

“Would you swap me for a season ticket?”

“Absolutely not.”

“How sweet!”

“Season’s more than half over.”

~~~

The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.

Edward Gibbon

~~~

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, “What are you going to use on this hole son?”

The young man says, “An eight iron, father. How about you?”

The priest says, “I’m going to hit a soft seven and pray.”

The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, “I don’t know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down.”

~~~

If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.

~~~

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

~~~

“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more ‘manhood’ to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.”

Alex Karras

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

I want to hear what you think

Ray’s Daily

January 27, 2021

“We are all so desperate to be understood, we forget to be understanding.”

Beau Taplin

I think one of the problems many of have is that we think everyone sees things the same as we do. We all are different and often what we perceive is filtered by our background and experiences. I have found over the years that friendships are strengthend when there is mutual understanding.

It is important that we keep an open mind and spend the time listening to people as they share their beliefs, It is only when we can see their world through their eyes that we can beging to build bridges of understanding. We need to know that it is OK for us to share our beliefs without the need to impose them on others.

The best part of lasting friendships is the consensus that results from our openness with each other. So my friends I hope you invest some of you time listening to others as they share their views. Here are some tips I got from the SkillsYouNeed web page.

Understanding Others – The Skills You Need

People who are good at understanding others:

Pick up emotional cues, often from body language, tone of voice, and other non-verbal elements of communication.
Listen well to what people are saying, actively checking their understanding.
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
Show sensitivity towards others, and understand their perspectives. They are careful not to give offence by saying or doing the wrong thing, and are aware that not everyone has the same point of view.
Help other people appropriately, based on their understanding of their needs and emotions.

~~~

“Knowing is not understanding. There is a great difference between knowing and understanding: you can know a lot about something and not really understand it.”

Charles Kettering

~~~

A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, when he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.

At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: “Come down, Holy Spirit!” Still no sign of the dove.

The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters:

“Sir, a yellow cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the yellow cat?”

~~~

“I’m ashamed of the way we live,” a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. “My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I’m just so ashamed.”

The husband rolled over on the couch. “You should be so,” he agreed. “Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent.”

~~~

What we see depends on mainly what we look for.

~~~

A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided that he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. It turns out that his next-door neighbor was also a chicken farmer.

The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, “Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens.”

The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later, the new neighbor stopped by to see how things were going.

The new farmer said, “Not too good. All 100 chickens died.”

The neighbor said, “Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more.”

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stopped in again.

The new farmer said, “You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too.”

Astounded, the neighbor asked, “What did you do to them? What went wrong?”

“Well,” said the new farmer, “I’m not sure. But I think I’m not planting them far enough apart.”

~~~

All general statements are false, except this one.

~~~

Scott and Glenn were walking down the street, when Glenn turned to Scott and said, “Scott, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all that, would you give me one?”

Scott replied, “Glenn, how long do we go back? Thirty years? We’ve been best friends since school, and if I had two of those Mercedes, top-of-the-line cars with all the trimmings, yeah, I would give one to you.”

They continued walking. After a couple of minutes, Scott turns to Glenn and asked, “Glenn, if you had two of those luxury, playboy-type yachts—you know, with all the modern conveniences—would you give one to me?”

Glenn replied, “Scott, you and me are like brothers. You were best man at my wedding. If I had two of those luxury playboy yachts with all the modern conveniences, then yeah, Scott, I really would give one to you.”

They kept walking. A couple of minutes later, Glenn turns to Scott and says, “Scott, if you had two chickens…”

“Now hold on there! Glenn, you know I’ve got two chickens!”

~~~

“If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.”

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

New Testament: Many are called, but few are chosen.

Marie Dolan: Many are called, but most are e-mailed.

Ron Morse: Many are called, but few actually switch long-distance carriers.

Ed Wintermantel: Many are called, but they face another wait in the examining room.

~~~

I can’t go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

~~~

The trooper said that this excuse is the most effective because it’s believable and any officer can relate: When you get pulled over and the officer comes up to the driver’s window, look at them with desperation in your face and say, “I’m sorry. I know I was speeding but I have to go to the bathroom sooooo badly that I’m about to explode!” You could also add, “Do you know of a restroom really close by that I can get to in the next 60 seconds?”

~~~

“Sometimes being understanding is more important than being right. Sometimes we need not a brilliant mind that speaks but a patient heart that listens. Not a keep eye that always sees faults but open arms that accept. Not a finger that points out mistakes but gentle hands that lead.”

Pavithra Ram

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

You can make it a great day

Ray’s Daily

January 26, 2021

“I get up every morning and it’s going to be a great day. You never know when it’s going to be over, so I refuse to have a bad day.”

Paul Henderson

I hope you are going to have as good a day as I plan on having. I have learned not to dwell on what is wrong these days as I have found that to be the sure way to start my day off on the wrong foot.

Each of us has only so many hiours in our day. In my case I don’t want to spend my time on agonizing over what is wrong but rather spend it making my day as enjoyable as pssible. I have included an abridged article that offers some tips on how you too can have a great day.

10 Simple, Sure-fire Ways to Make Today Your Best Day Ever

By Leo Babauta.

1. Be present. Instead of having your mind elsewhere, bring yourself back to now, in this moment, focused on where you are and what you’re doing and who you’re with. We cannot change things that have already happened, and obsessing over them does nothing to help us now.

2. Do less. Have a full schedule today? Cut it in half. You don’t need to do everything on that list

3. Get one important thing done. When I say important, I mean things that will have a huge impact on your life over the long run. If you get something important done, something that will help you in the long run (even if it’s only a step towards a major accomplishment, it’s important), you will feel great!

4. Plan your perfect life. A good step: pick the 4-5 most important things in your life, and build your perfect life around those things, eliminating most of the rest if possible.

5. Declutter. Even if it’s just a little space — say a drawer or a shelf — decluttering an area of your life can have a wonderful effect on your mood and happiness level.

6. Go for a walk. I was going to write “exercise” but I’m afraid that many readers will just skip over this one. So instead, just go for a walk. Clear your head. Calm yourself during a busy time of your day. Think to yourself: “How lucky I am to be alive! How wonderful a world I’m in! What opportunities and possibilities lie before me!”

7. Focus on 3 projects. Focus on getting them to completion, to the exclusion of all other projects. Do that today. You’ll be amazed at how much you’ll accomplish.

8. Listen to great music. Whatever music gets you going, jam it on your iPod or car radio. Or while you work. It’s a great time!

9. Watch a sunrise or sunset. I took the time to enjoy the sunset on my way home today. Mmmmm. It was lovely. It just fills me with warmth. Sunrises are even more beautifuller!

10. Spend time with a loved one. Even if you don’t have a spouse or kids, there’s someone in your life that you value … make time out of your day today to spend time with them … and not just to watch TV, but to actually be with them, talk with them, bond with them. It works.

~~~

. “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

Marcus Aurelius

~~~

Teacher: “Why couldn’t your brother spell ‘Mississippi’ when I asked him this afternoon in class?”

Boy: “Because he didn’t know if you meant the river or the state!”

~~~

In Mississippi, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had 18 wives, too many puppies to remember, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?”

The owner replies, “He’s just a big liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

~~~

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.

Charlotte Bronte

~~~

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, “Look at me. I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France.”

The new inmate asked, “What happened?”

“One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!”

~~~

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

~~~

She said: At my granddaughter’s wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, “What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?” I said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.'”

Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, “She’s probably right.”

~~~

If a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

Edgar Watson Howe

~~~

Goldblatt was showing off. He told his friend, “I bought a hearing aid yesterday. It cost me two thousand bucks, but it is state of the art.”

“What kind is it?” his friend asked.

“A quarter of twelve,” was the answer.

~~~

Children have more need of models than of critics

~~~

I was interviewing a jeweler for a story I was writing on giving new life to old jewelry, and I asked him to tell me about his most memorable client.

“It was a divorced woman who had me make a pair of earrings from her inscribed wedding band,” he remembered. “One earring read, ‘with all,’ and the other, ‘my love.’

When I asked why she had wanted it done that way, she answered, ‘To remind me that the next time anyone says that to me, I should let in go in one ear and out the other.'”

~~~

“Something special awaits you each day. All you need is to recognize it and make the most of it. Have a positive attitude throughout the day and then that today is going to be the best day of your life.”

Anonymous

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

What do you think?

Ray’s Daily

January 25, 2021

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Andre Gide

I have a busy morning so another Daily from yeateryear.

Ray’s Daily first published on January 25, 2010

I don’t know what it is but it seems like too many folks have lost their ability to restrain themselves and resort to vitriol and even hate to the point they become someone other than themselves. When people become so passionate in their arguments that they no longer care to hear alternate points of view they often ignore fact and truth and often come off as ignorant and unreasonable.

I wonder sometimes if there is too much information and that issues are so complex that they become too hard to deal with. When that happens it is easy to become vulnerable and mislead by what sounds right rather than what is right. I told someone the other day that we probably need better criteria for the selection of the people we trust to the point that we let them do our thinking for us. Sadly too many talking heads talk as if they have expertise but in truth only select information to communicate that agrees with their own point of view, which as often as not is slanted. I know that when we stridently defend questionable information we lose the respect of those around us.

So what do we do, do we give up and hide our head in the sand and just ignore the world around us or do we examine ourselves and establish some ground rules for dealing with the world. In my case I know I am often not smart enough to make definitive statements. If in fact something I don’t understand is important enough to consider I need to either decide to trust others smarter than me or investigate the subject so I am informed enough to make intelligent comment.

The key is to know ourselves, our limits and what is important. When we do we can make sure that what we do and how we spend our time is consistent with who we are and who we wish to be.

~~~

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.

Sir Winston Churchill

~~~

You know IT’S YOUR LAST DAY AT WORK WHEN…

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?” you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn”. Your boss is standing behind you. It’s his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a “sick” day. The next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”.

You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. Your underwear is missing. You’re in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

~~~

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

~~~

He said I am glad to be a guy because:

Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.

Flowers fix everything.

You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

~~~

I finally got my head together and my body fell apart.

~~~

A guy tells his doctor, “I am under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people and insulting them. You gotta help me, doctor!”

The doctor says, “Tell me about your problem.”

The guy looks at him and yells, “I just did YOU STUPID S.O.B.!”

~~~

The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best and therefore, never scrutinize or question.

Stephen Jay Gould

~~~

“Can people predict the future with cards?” said one little boy to another.

“My mother can,” said the other boy.

“Really?”

“Yes, she takes one look at my report card and can tell me exactly what will happen when my Dad gets home.”

~~~

“Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.”

Ogden Nash

~~~

A man was standing first in line for tickets from those who had canceled their reservations to a sold-out play. The manager said he had two together, and pointed to the two women behind the man. “You wouldn’t want to come between Mother and daughter, would you?”

The man turned around, and replied, “No. I did that once, and regretted it right up until the divorce.”

~~~

She said: Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

~~~

“If I ever see a falling star, I’m going to use my wish to wish that it had never fallen in the first place. If I’m lucky, that will throw the entire universe into a logic loop and while everyone is busy attending to that, I’ll skip work the next day.”

Abhishek Gami

~~~

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”

~~~

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years.”

Mark Twain

~~~

Mr. Smith patted his daughter’s hand fondly, and told her, “Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent.”

Oh, Papa,” gushed the daughter, “it’s going to be so hard leaving mother.”

“I understand perfectly, my dear,” beamed Mr. Smith. “You can just take her with you.”

~~~

Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills. Making the last car payment.

~~~

Dear Lord,

So far today, Lord, I’ve done alright. I haven’t gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or over-indulgent. I’m very thankful for that.

But in a few minutes, Lord, I’m going to get out of bed. And from then on, I’m probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

~~~

Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. [paraphrased]

BUDDHA

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

The Good Life

Ray’s Daily

January 22, 2021

“I think being in love with life is a key to eternal youth.”

Doug Hutchison

It has sure been a difficult year for most of us, my fear is that many folks have given up on life. There is hope for the future and failing to live as positively as we can now only will make things worse. Even during these difficult times we have the power to make our lives worthwhile.

Years ago Mark Twain offered tips on how to live the good life. They are especially valid today. I have listed them below with some comments made by Henrik Edberg.

Mark Twain’s Top 9 Tips for Living A Good Life

1. Approve of yourself. – “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behaviour and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to

2. Your limitations may just be in your mind. – “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think.

3. Lighten up and have some fun. – “Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”

Humor and laughter are amazing tools. They can turn any serious situation into something to laugh about. They can lighten the mood just about anywhere.

4. Let go of anger. – “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

Anger is most of the time pretty pointless. It can cause situations to get out of hand. And from a selfish perspective it often more hurtful for the one being angry then the person s/he’s angry at.

5. Release yourself from entitlement. – “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing.It was here first.”

6. If you’re taking a different path, prepare for reactions. – “A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

What other people may say and think and letting that hold you back is probably just fantasy and barrier you build in your mind.

7. Keep your focus steadily on what you want. – “Drag your thoughts away from your troubles.” What you focus your mind on greatly determines how things play out. You can focus on your problems and dwell in suffering and a victim mentality. Or you can focus on the positive in situation, what you can learn from that situation or just focus your mind on something entirely else.

8. Don’t focus so much on making yourself feel good. – “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

This is a great way to look at things to create an upward spiral of positivity and exchange of value between people.

9. Do what you want to do. – “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

~~~

“You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.”

Walter Hagen

~~~

Harold was an old man, he was sick, and he was in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?”

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So….. you know where the juice went. The nurse came in a little later and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it. “My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today…..”

At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drinks it down, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time.”

The nurse fainted…… Old Harold just smiled

~~~

Only a mediocre person is ever at their best.

~~~

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, “Who’s this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?”

“That’s your father.”

“Then who’s that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?”

~~~

WHAT HE SAYS / WHAT HE MEANS **

** “I’m going fishing.” – Really means: “I’m going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

** “It’s a guy thing.” – Really means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

** “Can I help with dinner?” – Really means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

** “Uh-huh.” “Sure, honey.” “Yes, dear.” – Really means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

** “It would take too long to explain.” – Really means: “I have no idea how it works.”

** “We’re going to be late.” – Really means: “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”

** “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” – Really means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

** “That’s interesting, dear.” – Really means: “Are you still talking?”

** “Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.” – Really means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

** “I can’t find it.” – Really means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

** “You know I could never love anyone else.” – Really means: “I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.”

** “You look terrific.” – Really means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”

** “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” – Really means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

~~~

All food is Fat-Free – if you don’t eat it.

~~~

A feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a Hassidic elderly Jewish man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,” so she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the elderly man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again.

Finally, the old Jewish man says, “Look, lady, trouble I don’t want, but you’ve got to let me get up….. I’m twelve blocks past my stop already!”

~~~

Never leave your wife’s anniversary present in a Wal-Mart bag.

~~~

SCHIZOPHRENIA – Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY – We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC – Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

PARANOIA – Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER – You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I’ll tell you why.

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY – Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE – On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

~~~

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Thanks for all you do

Ray’s Daily

January 21, 2021

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well”

Voltaire

Ray’s Daily first published on January 21, 2009

I had breakfast with a friend the other day who heads a major arts organization. He, like others with similar responsibilities has the job of leading and motivating a group of artists on the performing side and administrators on the business side. Each group is dependent on the other for the organization to succeed and yet as is so often the case many do not understand or place value on the role of others in the organization. Sadly when we don’t understand or place value on the work of others we have a tendency to fall back on status, seniority, and many times a false sense of superiority. Fortunately my friend has the skill and temperament to make sure everyone is recognized and that their work is valued. In my experience the best way to bring people together is to publicly appreciate what they do so all can see how winning comes from the joint effort of good people.

If you are like I am you find it too easy to take for granted those who perform with competence day after day, people who are always there and who always make our lives just a little bit easier. I need to frequently stop and recommit myself to recognize the things that people do and let them know that I appreciate them. When I do let people know that I value them I find that they respond positively to knowing that I appreciate what they do. Unfortunately I find many, if not more people seem to concentrate on finding fault than on recognizing the good in others.

Here is what personal coach Carolyn B. Ellis suggests we can do to reap the rewards that come from appreciating others:

Appreciation is an underutilized yet hugely valuable ingredient in successful relationships. Wondering how to get into the groove of appreciation? Here are the seven strategies I call the “Appreciation A-B-Cs” to get you off to a great start. Each of these strategies is simple and effective, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

1. Keep Your Appreciation Simple. — Your verbal statements of appreciation to another don’t have to be fancy or long. Try a simple “I appreciate you for ____…” to get you started.

2. Speak from Your Heart, not Your Head. — Don’t think too much! Your most effective guide is your heart, not your head. Take a moment to breathe, visualize your heart, and let the words flow from there.

3. Keep It Up. — Expressing appreciation on a regular basis is more effective than going on a binge one day and then dropping into radio silence for the next two weeks. Set some simple goals like expressing one heart-felt appreciation to your partner each day. Giving and receiving appreciation may feel awkward initially, just like a muscle that hasn’t been called upon for a while. Simply keep up your efforts and soon it’ll become a natural and effortless habit.

4. Cover All the Bases. — Once you start looking, there are so many things you will realize you appreciate in the people in your life! Look at what they do, how they communicate, how they look, how you relate to each other. Look for things to appreciate and you’ll start to find them.

5. Don’t Let Just Words Do the Talking. — Appreciation doesn’t always need to be verbal. Play with nonverbal appreciation as well, such as leaving unexpected notes in lunch bags or briefcases, flowers, and other small acts of kindness.

6. Who to Appreciate. — Loved ones, family, and friends are clear candidates for receiving appreciation. How about your coworkers or employees? Why not expand your horizons to include your hairdresser or the check-out clerk at the grocery store? Appreciate your home, the city you live in, or your health. Expanding your list of whom and what you appreciate will help you to live in an “attitude of gratitude,” which will help you keep centered and open, better able to take on any challenges that might still be in front of you.

7. Appreciate Yourself. — Do you ever find yourself in need of appreciation? I always encourage my clients to start by appreciating themselves first. It’s amazing what wonders doing 10 written self-appreciations every day can do for your spirit!

~~~

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can read.

Mark Twain

~~~

You’ve seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of contraptions. Well, there’s no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape now!!! The following exercises can be done anywhere, anytime.

Inner Thighs: Place the dog’s favorite toy between thighs Press tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged – dogs who favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be damaged.

Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog – off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and so on.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If they’re too small for him, they’re certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the full length of the room, sails through the air, and slams both front paws into your chest.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 3: (for use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and answer the phone before it stops ringing.

Upper Arms: Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the Frisbee. Repeat until nauseous.

Upper Arms: (alternate) Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock. Repeat until your shoulder is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes first).

Hand Coordination: Remove foreign object from dog’s locked jaw. This exercise is especially popular with puppy owners. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed exercise. Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to prevent trips to the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw firming clenches.

Calves: After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hang a circular toy on your ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back. WARNING: This is feasible only for those with strong bones and small dogs.

~~~

If some people said what they thought, they’d be speechless.

~~~

At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

“Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”

Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single!”

~~~

“It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”

Irish Proverb

~~~

She said:

Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay, I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. “I’m here to do my postnatal exercises,” I said.

The instructor gave me an appraising look. “How old is your baby?”

“Twenty-six,” I replied.

~~~

“The only reason that I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”

Erma Bombeck

~~~

To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked us to guess the total number of years the three of them had worked for the airlines. After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the announcement: “The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please step off the plane once we are airborne?”

~~~

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”

Mother Teresa

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Let’s Get Happy

Ray’s Daily

January 20, 2021

http://rats-daily.com

Forget your troubles and just get happy.

Ted Koehler

I think one of the best revelations in ones life is that most of the things that bother us are not worth agonizing over. The difficulty is that we often place too much importance on our problems and let them linger. I have learned that if there are events in my life that I can’t change there is little use in letting them get me down.

It is not easy to forget your troubles but hanging on to their memories just makes things worse. The following story reminds us that we must tend to our mental garden if we are going to maximize our happiness.

Isn’t it amazing how you never have to water your weeds or nurture them and they still give you an unwanted crop? I can remember as a young boy growing up in Santa Cruz, California my grandfather showed me how to dig up this pesky weed called Bermuda grass. It was terrible stuff and it would really spread if you didn’t get it out by the roots.

That was then. But more recently when my wife and I bought our first home about 8 years ago; guess what I had to deal with? If you said weeds, you are correct. There was this certain patch of weeds that was similar to the Bermuda grass. In other words, just as invasive.

After getting the inside of our home settled, it was time to work on the outside. On my hands and knees I vigorously attacked the weeds with a small hand trowel getting each one out by the roots. Spring after, spring that was my ritual.

Just this Spring I realized that one particular weed was no longer prevalent but another one was in full force. So again, I got down on my hands and knees and got to work ridding them from my yard. When I was finished, my yard was better off.

What hidden message is this true story purveying? Sometimes our life can be oh so similar. Yes, we all have weeds in our life. These weeds can be challenges, setbacks, negative beliefs, or naysayers, and the list can go on and on.

The solution is when dealing with these weeds of life is to get to the root of it and remove them one by one and eventually you will conquer this round. And when another crop of weeds shows up, deal with them directly before they spread, because now that you know what to do with them by getting to the root of it, it will give you more courage and wisdom the next time a problem crops up.

You could say we all need weeds in our life to challenge us to grow. Once you know how to handle the weeds in your yard to make it beautiful – so too will your life be.

Written by Tony Masiello

~~~

Never worry about anything that is past. Charge it up to experience and forget the trouble. There are always plenty of troubles ahead, so don’t turn and look back on any behind you.

Herbert Hoover

~~~

MEMO TO ALL EMS PERSONNEL

To: All EMS Personnel From: Chief of Operations

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT “Charlie Carrots.” Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or “hamburger helper.” Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like “negative vehicle to vehicle interface” or “terminal deceleration syndrome.”

4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not “glow worms.”

5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered “pharmaceutically gifted.”

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not “trans-occipital implants.”

7) The homeless are not “urban outdoorsmen,” nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a “PVC Challenge.”

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being “paws up,” ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.

~~~

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

~~~

My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots.

“Tina,” I commented, “I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?”

“At the store,” she answered.

“Which one?” I asked.

She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, “Both of them!”

~~~

In the long run you will receive more from life doing the job you enjoy than you will ever earn in money from a job you loathe.

Terry L. Mayfield

~~~

A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, “I don’t really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them.”

~~~

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

~~~

My sister brought her daughter a really nice Spinet Piano for her birthday.

A few weeks later, I asked my sister how her daughter was doing.

“Oh,” she said, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Well,” my sister answered, “because with a clarinet, she can’t sing….”

~~~

What would it take for you to forget all your troubles? Are you willing to simply forget all your troubles today? When you remove your attention from a problem, it gets bored and moves away!

Iyanla Vanzant

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

The Good Life

Ray’s Daily

January 19, 2021

“Rule your mind with serenity rather than with force and manipulation.”

Laozi

I think a lot of the turmoil and anger these days is that we become so entrenched in our beliefs that we have lost our willingness to admit we may be wrong. The information silos today allow us to choose what confirms our beliefs without the need to learn all the facts not just the ones that support what we believe.

I think an open mind allows us to learn to live with the realities of a complex society while tolerating our differences. I know I have come to where I appreciate tranquility without chaos.

Serenity

Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought.

A person becomes calm in the measure that one understands themselves as a thought evolved being, for such knowledge necessitates the understanding of others as the result of thought, and as one develops a right understanding, and sees more and more clearly the internal relations of things by the action of cause and effect, one ceases to fuss and fume and worry and grieve, and remains poised, steadfast, serene.

The calm person, having learned how to govern themselves, knows how to adapt themselves to others; and they, in turn, reverence their spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of them and rely upon them. The more tranquil a person becomes, the greater is their success, their influence, their power for good. Even the ordinary trader will find their business prosperity increase as one develops a greater self control and equanimity, for people will always prefer to deal with a person whose demeanor is strongly equable.

The strong, calm person is always loved and revered. They are like a shade-giving tree in a thirsty land, or a sheltering rock in a storm. Who does not love a tranquil heart, a sweet-tempered, balanced life? It does not matter whether it rains or shines, or what changes come to those possessing these blessings, for they are always sweet, serene, and calm. That exquisite poise of character which we call serenity is the last lesson of culture; it is the flowering of life, the fruitage of the soul. It is precious as wisdom, more to be desired than gold, than even fine gold. How insignificant mere money seeking looks in comparison with a serene life – a life that dwells in the ocean of truth, beneath the waves, beyond the reach of tempests, in the eternal calm!

How many people we know who sour their lives, who ruin all that is sweet and beautiful by explosive tempers, who destroy their poise of character, and make bad blood! It is a question whether the great majority of people do not ruin their lives and mar their happiness by lack of self-control flow few people we meet in life who are well-balanced, who have that exquisite poise which is characteristic of the finished character!

Written by James Allen

~~~

“Learn to be silent. Let your mind listen and absorb.”

Pythagorus

~~~

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continued playing standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks, so, who is going to tell his wife?” They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one.

They tell him to use good judgment, be discreet, and be gentle.. Don’t make a bad situation any worse. “Discreet? I’ll be the most discreet person you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Just leave it to me.” Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment, and knocks on the door.

The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, “Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.”

“TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!” she yells.

“I’ll go tell him,” says Goldberg.

~~~

What’s the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?

Wife saying she wants to talk to him.

~~~

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”

The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

The Blonde said, “So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!”

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

“You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

A man was waiting at the train station. The train was due at 5:23 PM. Finally, it rolled into the station at 6:07 PM.

~~~

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?

No matter what, somebody’s fixin’ to lose a trailer.

~~~

“You’re LATE,” the man said to the conductor. “What’s the use of having a schedule if you’re going to be late anyway?”

The Conductor looked at him, and said, “Sir, if we didn’t have a schedule, how on earth would you realize what time you were supposed to be at the station? And how would you know that we were late?”

~~~

“Do Not Disturb signs should be written in the language of the hotel maids.”

Tim Bedore

~~~

A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.

“Can you imagine,” he demanded, “people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?”

When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, “What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast.”

~~~

Horse sense is what a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.

~~~

“If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.”

Marvin Gaye

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Category:

Thank You Stranger

Ray’s Daily

January 18, 2021

“Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.”

Jackie Chan

It is hard for some of us as we isolate ourselves to avoid infection. I know I miss getting out these days. Fortunately I live in a senior residence community loaded with friendly residents and a caring staff.

My housekeeper visits weekly to change linens, clean and most of all to brighten my day. I have many encounters with food servers and other members of our residence staff members and I am greatful for what they so often do to help me enjoy my day, I just wish I knew rhem all better.

Here is a piece that mentions many of the little things that mean so much, not just as a recipient but also as a reminder that I need to be that stranger as well.

Dear Stranger, I’m Glad We Met.

You make my coffee every morning and draw a smiley face on my cup.

You hold the door open for me and say, “After you.”

I bet your heart is as beautiful as your smile.

You let me cut in front of you at the grocery store.

I drop a bag of candy and you pick it up.

You speak to me through a mask, engaging in muffled conversation.

You wave at me from your window like Queen Elizabeth.

You have dinner with me as we sit alone at a bar.

You grab my hand as the plane lands.

You hug me briefly.

You give me a high five.

You sign for me to help you.

You use an iPad to say hello.

You give me a rock that says Love on it.

I sit across from you on a bus in NYC.

You scoot over so I can sit down.

I sit in your office.

I teach you online.

We wish each other good luck before an exam.

I speak to you on the phone.

You sit on the floor next to me in Barnes and Noble, scanning the psychology section.

I walk next to you with our signs.

Your words resonate with me.

I think I’ve seen you before.

Yes, I made you a sandwich once.

We dance Forrô.

I can hear your heart.

It’s just as beautiful as your smile.

I keep walking.

I think I’m alone.

And then I see you again.

I may never learn your name, but please know I’m glad we met.

Rebecca Donaldson

~~~

“Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.”

Harold S. Kushner

~~~

Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, young Lora said unhappily, “Mom, do you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?”

The woman shot her an angry look, “Lora, how dare you talk about your father like that!”

~~~

I was carpooling with my friend Craig, he noticed that the “Check oil” light was on. He pulled into the gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, checked the engine oil, closed the hood, then got back into the car. “Can we make a quick stop?” He asked.

“Sure,” I replied, “what did you need to do?”

“I need to stop by the auto parts place to get a longer dipstick?”

“What do you need a longer one for?” I enquired.

“Because the one I got isn’t long enough to reach the oil!”

~~~

“Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?”

~~~

A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. “Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue’ and ‘A Love Supreme?'” she asked.

“Well, no,” answered the puzzled homeowner. “But I have a wife and eleven children.”

“Is that a record?” she inquired, puzzled in her turn.

“I don’t think so,” replied the man, “but it’s as close as I want to get.”

~~~

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

~~~

A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafing through the big book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can’t see that you did anything really good in your life, but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you’re in.”

The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Well, there was the time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a group of biker guys gathered around this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there were about 20 of ’em tormenting this girl.” “Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader’s chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, ‘Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You’re all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'”

St. Peter, impressed, says, “Really? When did this happen?”

“Oh, about two minutes ago.”

~~~

My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

Cecil and Morris are walking to services and Cecil asks, “I wonder whether it would be all right to smoke while praying?”

“Why don’t you ask the rabbi?” says Morris.

Cecil sees Rabbi Golden and asks, “Rabbi, is it permissible for me to smoke while I pray?”

“No, you may not. That’s utter disrespect to our religion and traditions!” quickly answers the rabbi.

Cecil goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Rabbi told him.

“I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”

Morris goes over to the rabbi and asks, “Rabbi, will it be ok if I pray while I smoke?”

To which Rabbi Golden eagerly replies, “By all means, my good man. By all means.”

~~~

“Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.”

Barbara De Angelis

~~~

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

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