Ray's musings and humor

Archive for January, 2010

Fate interupts Ray’s Daily publication


Life is like a game of cards. 

The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will. 

Jawaharlal Nehru




I had an appointment with one of my Doctors yesterday and learned that my aneurysm is located in a tricky place in my brain near the cortex and that surgery would be extremely risky. He also expressed concern with how high my blood pressure is lately since it increases the risk that the artery will burst. My blood pressure is one of the reasons I made changes in my diet and eating habits that has resulted in my losing thirteen pounds so far. I am closely monitoring my blood pressure daily and will report the results late next week and if things continue the way they are I will be increasing the dosage on one or more of my blood pressure medications.

It now appears that significant travel will not be possible in the future but I still have hope. The combination of living a more sedate life with geographic boundaries will require some adjustments in my activities and plans. It will be as if I moved to a new city and spent the time learning what it has to offer. There is plenty here that I have yet to see and many interests that have always been on the back burner to explore. I plan on rethinking what I do, what I would like to do and what I am capable of doing over the next week or so. So today I’ll send an old Daily and next week the chances are that I will suspend it for a while or just provide reruns.

I am luckier than most as I know what the situation is and so I can adjust to get the most out of life and not expect luck to adjust to my desires.

Ray’s Daily

January 29, 2003

As many of you know I put together our daily the day before I send it to you. This is being written before President Bush has made his State of the Union address Tuesday evening. The reason I mention it is that I recently attended a Great Decisions workshop on unilateralism versus multilateralism moderated by a Hudson Institute fellow. The Hudson Institute is an Indianapolis based conservative think tank with an international reputation. During the discussion, we concluded that the President’s use of the “Axis of Evil” and his defining the “Evil” countries last year, was a major mistake. Many believe that the current North Korean problem was a direct result. Also the ever growing democratic movement in Iran was stifled as the dissidents had to join ranks with the clerics as a result of the apparent US threat. Again these were conclusions of a basically conservative group. The Presidents propensity for polarized positions, "if you not supportive of my views you are wrong if not an outright enemy" can create major problems. We say we will not negotiate or compromise, yet as we are seeing in our North Korean efforts, such a position does not work. We have the power to do almost anything we want without the other nations, for at least awhile. We can break treaties, use our economic and military might, and decide what the world needs on our own, but for how long?

We were promised smaller government and yet we now have the largest government in history. We were promised balanced budgets and yet we have raised costs and lowered taxes resulting in an ever mounting federal deficit, you and I and our families own a huge piece of that debt. We are offered a tax cut as an economic stimulant, that is viewed as not providing any short term stimulus by economists from both the right and the left. Even with all this debt the president will probably promise more expense in the form of a much needed senior drug benefit. Other programs may also be offered in principle that will put further burdens on the states who are already struggling under huge unfunded federal mandates. I wish I had more confidence. Please, Mr. President be careful and learn from the past.

Sorry about venting my concerns in our daily, I usually reserve that kind of stuff for my “Ray’s Ravings” mailing list. I sometimes wonder if I would be better off not having the time to attend seminars and the like and just sit back and listen to those who say, “not to worry, it will all be ok.” Unfortunately I cannot hide, so this morning I am off to a teleconference titled “Foreign Policy in the Middle East.”


In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

W. B. Prescott


Well, like they say on with the show!

Our Leesburg Florida retirement center reporter, Jack sends a list of perks for my generation.

1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with elevator music.

16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

18. You can’t remember who sent you this list


Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.


Harry and Molly had been married for many years but now were in divorce court.

The judge asked, "Harry, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Molly?"

Harry replies, "Yes Judge, that is correct."

"And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" the judge inquires.

Harry replies, "I didn’t want to interrupt her Your Honor."


Let your soul do the singin’.

Ma Rainey


When Andrea was planning her upcoming wedding, she asked to wear her mother’s wedding dress. She went to try it on and the gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. As her mother’s eyes welled up with tears, Andrea put an arm around her. "You’re not losing a daughter", she reminded her mother in time-honored fashion, "you’re gaining a son."

"Oh forget about that!" said her mother with a sob, "I used to fit into that dress!"


"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

Mark Twain.


Two pilots got to talking on a transatlantic flight. The captain was Jewish, and the co-pilot was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn’t care for each other.

After thirty minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, "I don’t like Chinese."

The co-pilot replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?"

The pilot said, "You guys bombed Pearl Harbor. That’s why I don’t like Chinese."

The co-pilot said, "Nooooo, noooo …. Chinese no bomb Pearl Harbah. JAPANESE bomb Pearl Harbah."

The pilot answered, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese… it doesn’t matter. You’re all alike."

Another thirty minutes of silence ensued. Finally, the co-pilot said, "I no like Jew."

The pilot replied, "Why not? Why don’t you like Jews?"

"Jews sink Titanic."

The pilot tried to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn’t sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg… no mattah… all same."


Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy.

Gretta Brooker Palmer


After an hour of "Just a little more white, two squirts of blue, a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the paint- store clerk got my gallon to the exact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on.

"Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked.

"Don’t come back here," he begged.


Follow through on all your generous impulses.



Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.


I’m working on it

Other people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

Margaret Mead





A few weeks ago I got the following from web letter author Dannye Williamsen.

Starting a new year is a time when you can forgive yourself for whatever you deem as a negative or unsuitable action in the past and move forward. It is time to look at your life differently.

Quit trying to live up to others’ expectations. It’s a losing proposition. Do what feels right for you and don’t worry. If you are striving to fulfill your highest potential, then no matter what you do, it will never be at the expense of another.

Even if the outcome for you is not exactly what you wanted, you are still closer than you were before you started.

So make a commitment to your life. To do this, you have to start somewhere whether you know exactly what it will take to get to the finish line or not. You will learn what you need to know along the way.

Believe in your potential, and your desire and the natural resistance will be transformed into a new life for you.

All the best on your quest in 2010!

I had saved it but had not really read it until today. What she said hit home for me as I am getting overwhelmed with stuff to read, responding to folks who wish me to help in some worthy purpose and more. The load is getting oppressive and I am considering closing down for a week or two to rehabilitate and recharge. Part of my problem is clutter, procrastination and just pure avoidance. Who would have thought that I would need to stop, clean up and catch up in order to make a new start this late in life?

I need to review the use of my time and energy and prioritize my activities so I can concentrate on doing those things that have value where I may be able to make a difference. I also have let some folks know that I don’t have the resources to commit to their requests.

I don’t want to make too quick a decision so I need to think a little bit more about a process that I will use to get back in action. So I may have to ask you in the near future to forgive me if I close down the Daily for a week so I can concentrate on the clean up exercise and possibly get a day or two of rest and recreation. I have already have temporarily quit attending some meetings and will probably take a short leave of absence from all organization meetings fairly soon.

There is nothing to worry about for I expect to come back with more energy and maybe even more intelligence.


If you neglect to recharge a battery, it dies. And if you run full speed ahead without stopping for water, you lose momentum to finish the race.

Oprah Winfrey


I have often heard from Roger Moore and others about the significant contributions that were made by Audrey Hepburn during her short life. Her work for UNICEF is legendary; she is truly a heroine for our times. She once wrote the following, we all would be better people if we followed her advice.

Beauty Tips

For attractive lips,

Speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,

Seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

Share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,

Let a child run his fingers through it once a day.

For poise,

Walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed. Never throw out anybody.

Remember: if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

Audrey Hepburn


Only great souls know the grandeur there is in charity.

Jacques BéNigne Bossuet


One Sunday a teenager was in church. When the collection plate was passed around, he pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in.

Just at that moment the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20.00 bill. Secretly admiring the man’s generosity, the boy placed the $20.00 in the plate and passed it on. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper:

"Son that was your $20.00 bill that fell out of your own pocket.


Wouldn’t you know it… Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.


A wife reading the newspaper to her husband said, "There’s a classified ad in here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."


"Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not."

"How sweet!"

"Season’s more than half over."


The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.

Edward Gibbon


A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"

The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I’m going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don’t know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."


If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.


An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."


"We change the world not by what we say or do, but as a consequence of what we have become."

Dr. David Hawkins


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Good Bye Dear Friend

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam

And for a brief moment its glory

and beauty belong to our world

But then it flies again

And though we wish it could have stayed…

We feel lucky to have seen it.

Author Unknown




I just learned of the passing of one of our world’s most special people. My friend Dr. Connie Pittman has left us. I always found her to be humble, kind, brilliant, effective and the best role model I ever met. She served in many capacities with some of the most prestigious global institutions and organizations. She was tireless and no activity was too menial if it contributed to the welfare of others.

She traveled the world sharing her wisdom and expertise in the interest of both medicine and the causes she believed in. We had a special friendship and she would often call me to check on my health and to discuss our common interests. She even allowed me to collaborate on a few articles for publication and speeches to be given by leaders of Kiwanis International. Often she would call to tell me how much joy she got from her grandchildren or to report on Jim, her husbands latest adventure. Jim is also a renowned and highly regarded physician and educator. As Connie’s health waned I no longer received the check up calls and we no longer were in touch. Even though we hadn’t spoken she was often on my mind. I have been extremely fortunate to have had the opportunity to meet and some times even work with a wide variety of leaders and smart people but none of them shined as brightly as my small, dear Chinese friend, Dr. Constance Pittman. Here in part is the notice of her death that was sent to me by a friend.


PITTMAN, CONSTANCE SHEN January 2, 1929 – January 15, 2010

Constance Shen Pittman, M.D. died January 15, 2010. She was 81 years old and recently had been in declining health. A physician, researcher, educator, mother, grandmother and wife, Dr. Pittman leaves a brilliant legacy of compassion and service. Her dedication, especially in the fight against iodine deficiency, has improved the lives of thousands of people throughout the world. A native of Beijing, China, Dr. Pittman, then known as Ming-Chung Shen, first worked in healthcare in a makeshift operating room along the Burma Road during WWII. She was 16 when she traveled alone to the U.S. to attend Walnut Hill School for the Arts, a boarding school near Boston, MA. She attended Wellesley College, and was graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1955. That year, she married James A. Pittman, M.D. She went on to complete her residency training in internal medicine at Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center and at the University of Alabama at Birmingham where, in 1961, she accepted a teaching position at the Medical School. She spent the rest of her career as a clinician, researcher in endocrinology and, later, as a worldwide representative in the fight against iodine deficiency, the world’s most prevalent, preventable cause of mental retardation. She described herself as lucky to have such a clear passion for service, saying, "I was inspired to go into medicine and then later in life I found my second calling when I visited China and saw the tremendous problem of iodine deficiency there." For many years, Dr. Pittman worked tirelessly with Kiwanis International, the United Nations Children’s Fund and the U.S. Fund for UNICEF to raise funds to eliminate iodine deficiency worldwide by increasing salt iodization, testing and monitoring, and improving community outreach and education globally. In recent years, she has been building an endowment for worldwide nutrition to carry on her work. Nominated as a Local Legend of Medicine by U.S. Rep. Spencer Bachus, Dr. Pittman received numerous commendations including the Kiwanis Club’s Andrew Gerow Hodges Service Award (2005), as well as the Distinguished Faculty Teaching Award (1991) and the Best Teaching Clinical Professor Award (1991), both from the University of Alabama Medical School. She is listed in The Best Doctors in America (1992), and received the Alabama Medical Association 50-year Service Award (2005). She is widely published and served as chief of the Thyroid Research Laboratory for the Veterans Administration Medical Center in Washington, D.C (1971-1973), director of the Endocrine Training Program for the University of Alabama School of Medicine (1973-1992), and a member of the International Council for Control of Iodine Deficiency Disease Board of Directors. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in her memory to Kiwanis International Foundation – IDD Endowment, 3636 Woodview Trace, Indianapolis, IN 46268-3196.


Here is a memorial poem written by British poet David Harkins that might have been written for Connie

“You can shed tears that she is gone,

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what she’d want:

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”



I hope you don’t mind but I am going to skip the humor today and us the time remembering the hours I shared with my friend.



Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,

love leaves a memory no one can steal.

From a headstone in Ireland


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Let’s be friends forever

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

Elisabeth Foley




I am glad I am heeding the advice from some of you and backing down to a less demanding schedule. The problem is I am not there yet. While I did miss another early morning meeting yesterday I have been loaded down since Saturday. I had the wedding of the daughter of a long time special friend to attend on Saturday and it was wonderful. Of course you can guess with our Indianapolis Colts playing in the AFC football championship that Sunday was shot. Yesterday was also filled but fruitful, the highlight being a discussion with the leader of a new global humanitarian initiative that will be announced later this year. Today it is a 7 AM meeting with a state leader, followed by a planning session with the Salvation Army and then dinner and a play. Tomorrow promises to be easier with only two meetings with the afternoon free.

So my friends I have to rush away and I am again leaving you with a daily from a different time

Ray’s Daily

January 26, 2004

Look what I got.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing. Just once I wanted to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more. But then my dad died and then my mom died. I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any ‘more.’ Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…never to return.

So, while we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken, and heal it when it’s sick. This is true for marriage, old cars, children with bad report cards, dogs with bad hips, aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special and so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thought I was a ‘keeper’!


I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

Stephan Grellet


A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because both had jobs they found it difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his Room there was a computer so he decided to send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her address and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. The dearly departed was a minister who had been called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, Expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I’ve Arrived

You’re probably surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is hot down here!



Teacher: "Why couldn’t your brother spell ‘Mississippi’ when I asked him this afternoon in class?"

Boy: "Because he didn’t know if you meant the river or the state!"


In Mississippi, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what’s your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had 18 wives, too many puppies to remember, and now I’m just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "He’s just a big liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff."


A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.

Charlotte Bronte


A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, "Look at me.  I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

The new inmate asked, "What happened?"

"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"


All that glitters has a high refractive index.


She said: At my granddaughter’s wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.  It turned out to be my husband and I.  The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"  I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.’"

Everyone then looked at my husband.  He said, "She’s probably right."


If a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

Edgar Watson Howe


Goldblatt was showing off.  He told his friend, "I bought a hearing aid yesterday.  It cost me two thousand bucks, but it is state of the art."

"What kind is it?" his friend asked.

"A quarter of twelve," was the answer.


Children have more need of models than of critics


I was interviewing a jeweler for a story I was writing on giving new life to old jewelry, and I asked him to tell me about his most memorable client.

"It was a divorced woman who had me make a pair of earrings from her inscribed wedding band," he remembered.  "One earring read, ‘with all,’ and the other, ‘my love.’

When I asked why she had wanted it done that way, she answered, ‘To remind me that the next time anyone says that to me, I should let in go in one ear and out the other.’"


"Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

Nathaniel Hawthorne


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Is it true?

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Andre Gide




I don’t know what it is but it seems like too many folks have lost their ability to restrain themselves and resort to vitriol and even hate to the point they become someone other than themselves. When people become so passionate in their arguments that they no longer care to hear alternate points of view they often ignore fact and truth and often come off as ignorant and unreasonable.

I wonder sometimes if there is too much information and that issues are so complex that they become too hard to deal with. When that happens it is easy to become vulnerable and mislead by what sounds right rather than what is right. I told someone the other day that we probably need better criteria for the selection of the people we trust to the point that we let them do our thinking for us. Sadly too many talking heads talk as if they have expertise but in truth only select information to communicate that agrees with their own point of view, which as often as not is slanted. I know that when we stridently defend questionable information we lose the respect of those around us.

So what do we do, do we give up and hide our head in the sand and just ignore the world around us or do we examine ourselves and establish some ground rules for dealing with the world. In my case I know I am often not smart enough to make definitive statements. If in fact something I don’t understand is important enough to consider I need to either decide to trust others smarter than me or investigate the subject so I am informed enough to make intelligent comment.

The key is to know ourselves, our limits and what is important. When we do we can make sure that what we do and how we spend our time is consistent with who we are and who we wish to be.


Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.

Sir Winston Churchill



You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, "What’s this?" you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, "I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn". Your boss is standing behind you. It’s his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard.  It shorts out.

You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a "sick" day. The next morning the boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?".

You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. Your underwear is missing. You’re in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.


When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.


He said I am glad to be a guy because:

Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president. (In this lifetime.)

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.

Flowers fix everything.

You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.


I finally got my head together and my body fell apart.


A guy tells his doctor, "I am under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people and insulting them. You gotta help me, doctor!"

The doctor says, "Tell me about your problem."

The guy looks at him and yells, "I just did YOU STUPID S.O.B.!"


The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best and therefore, never scrutinize or question.

Stephen Jay Gould


"Can people predict the future with cards?" said one little boy to another.

"My mother can," said the other boy.


"Yes, she takes one look at my report card and can tell me exactly what will happen when my Dad gets home."


"Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else." 

Ogden Nash


A man was standing first in line for tickets from those who had canceled their reservations to a sold-out play. The manager said he had two together, and pointed to the two women behind the man. "You wouldn’t want to come between Mother and daughter, would you?"

The man turned around, and replied, "No. I did that once, and regretted it right up until the divorce."


She said: Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.


"If I ever see a falling star, I’m going to use my wish to wish that it had never fallen in the first place. If I’m lucky, that will throw the entire universe into a logic loop and while everyone is busy attending to that, I’ll skip work the next day."

Abhishek Gami


At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"


"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years."

Mark Twain


Mr. Smith patted his daughter’s hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."

Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it’s going to be so hard leaving mother."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr.  Smith. "You can just take her with you."


Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills. Making the last car payment.


Dear Lord,

So far today, Lord, I’ve done alright. I haven’t gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or over-indulgent. I’m very thankful for that.

But in a few minutes, Lord, I’m going to get out of bed. And from then on, I’m probably going to need a lot more help.



Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. [paraphrased]



Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Let’s sing today

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”

Emory Austin




Ray’s had a full week and has a wedding and a busy weekend coming up so I told him to take the day off and that I would send you one of his past Dailies. He’ll be back Monday and I hope you will also have a great weekend.

Ray’s Computer


Reprint of January 22, 2004 Daily

How true!

Sent to me by a friend.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven’t thought about it, don’t have it on their schedule, didn’t know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine. I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour? " She would gasp and stammer, "I can’t. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday.. I had a late breakfast. It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It’s Monday."

She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.

We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We’ll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained.

We’ll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.

We’ll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating, as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to our-selves gets longer.

One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I’m going to", "I plan on", and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my ‘seize the moment’ friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you’re ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It’s just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now ~ go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to ~ not something on your SHOULD DO list.

Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.


All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it.

Samuel Butler


Harold was an old man, he was sick, and he was in the hospital.  There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy.  Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.  She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.  One day, Old Harold had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand.  He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice.  So…..  you know where the juice went. The nurse came in a little later and picked up the urine bottle.  She looks at it.  "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today….."

At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drinks it down, saying, "Well, I’ll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted……  Old Harold just smiled


Only a mediocre person is ever at their best.


She said: Antiques have become very popular. Right now there are 15 million Americans who have things that are old, funny-looking, don’t work and are only kept for sentimental purposes. Some of these are called antiques – and the rest are called husbands.


A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, "Who’s this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?"

"That’s your father."

"Then who’s that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"


This is probably a repeat, but it is so important I decided to send it for reinforcement


** "I’m going fishing."

Really means: "I’m going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

** "It’s a guy thing."

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

** "Can I help with dinner?"

Really means: "Why isn’t it already on the table?"

** "Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."

Really means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

** "It would take too long to explain."

Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

** "We’re going to be late."

Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

** "Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard."

Really means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

** "That’s interesting, dear."

Really means: "Are you still talking?"

** "Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing."

Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

** "I can’t find it."

Really means: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless."

** "You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

** "You look terrific."

Really means: "Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving."

** "I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."


All food is Fat-Free – if you don’t eat it.


A feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a Hassidic elderly Jewish man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the elderly man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again.

Finally, the old Jewish man says, "Look, lady, trouble I don’t want, but you’ve got to let me get up….. I’m twelve blocks past my stop already!"


Never leave your wife’s anniversary present in a Wal-Mart bag.


SCHIZOPHRENIA – Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY – We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC – Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

PARANOIA – Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER – You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I’ll tell you why.

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY – Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE – On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).


"Sing songs of hope!"

Mahalia Jackson


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Do you have any time you can lend me?

Time is what we want most, but… what we use worst.

William Penn




I recently realized again that I will have to quit sleeping entirely and live for at least another 100 years in order to read all the books I have accumulated, see all the films I have collected, accept all the opportunities for service offered, meet family and life obligations while allowing a little time for travel and recreation. Yes I know, dumb behavior in action, I have so many things hanging that I get frustrated and bogged down which results in my falling even further behind.

I was with a friend the other day who suffered from the same “yes” disease that I have often have in the past. He is smart, a real talent in many areas and has much to offer so of course he is always asked to help or serve. The problem is that he finds himself saying yes way too often and so his commitments and obligations build to the point he can’t keep up, much less finding the time to do things he would like do and even some things he should do. We made a pact that morning that we would not say yes when we should be saying no. We don’t do anyone any favors when they think we can deliver when we can’t. So we are going to tell the askers that we care too much about what they want to let them down.

Anyway time keeps marching on and more often than not it moves much faster than we can and that’s not good. Here is an excerpt from an article by success coach Dennis Kelley that provides some good advice on how we can make more effective use of the time we do have.

Time is the great equalizer. No matter how important or rich or famous you are, you still get the same amount of time as everyone else. It’s not how much time we get; it’s what we do with our time that matters. We cannot manage time, the best we can do is develop the skill not to let time manage us. Trying to manage time will just cause you more stress because the minutes and hours will continue to tick away regardless of whether you are doing things you should be doing or not.

The way to change this is to learn priority management. It is the priorities you set in your life that dictate how your precious time will be utilized.

When something is trying to take your time, ask yourself, “Does this help me move closer to my goals and my vision?” If the answer is “yes,” then you should invest the time and do it with passion and purpose. If the answer is “no,” then you should not invest any time in it. It really is that simple.

Notice that I used the term “invest” instead of “spend” your time. It is important to recognize the difference between these. Normally when we talk about time, we use the consumption term “spend” when we should be talking in terms of “investing” our time, meaning that we are getting a payback when we do something.

The payback may be as simple as making your family happy or improving your health. It may be improving your knowledge or increasing the profits of your business. Time must repay you by getting you closer to your ultimate dream of success. Otherwise, if you just spend your time, you will never get that time back and will find yourself getting no closer to where you want to be.

It is completely up to you how to invest your time, but let me give you this advice: Be absolutely BRUTAL with your time!

It’s your life and your time. Don’t let time manage you. Don’t let others take control of your time either. Others will want to interrupt you or impose their priorities on you. Learn how to avoid these situations or minimize their impact on your time. Those who stayed focused and stick to the plan they have developed are the ones who accomplish the most. Stay focused on how you choose to invest your time for the best payoff.

You must be brutal in how you ration out your time because no one else will do it for you. Take control of your priority management, and you will be amazed at how much progress you will make toward fulfilling your life mission!


Time is the coin of your life.  It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent.  Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.

Carl Sandburg


The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father’s firm. At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father’s office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you’ve been working on for so long!"

His father yelled, "You idiot! We’ve been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"


I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.

Bette Midler


As he lay on his deathbed he spoke, "Sara, I want you should know before I die that Ginsburg the tailor owes  me $200, and Morris the butcher owes me $50, and Klein next door owes me $300."

His wife turned to the children and said, "What a wonderful man your father is. Even when he’s dying he’s got the brains to realize who owes him money."

The old man continued, "And Sara I want you to also know that I owe the landlord a hundred dollars."

To which his wife cried, "Oh oh, now he’s getting delirious!"


If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?


A very religious couple was touring the Holy Land during the Christmas season and decided it would be very meaningful to them to spend Christmas Eve in Bethlehem, the birth place of Jesus. Arriving there, they searched high and low for a room, but none was available at any price. Finally, they pulled up in front of the Sheraton-Bethlehem and the husband got out of the car, telling his wife: "Stay here, sweetie.

Let me see if I can do something  for us." He approached the desk and the clerk told him there were no rooms. "Sorry, sir. It’s Christmas Eve, our busiest time." No matter how much the man offered to pay, the clerk said he had nothing. Finally, the man told the clerk, "I bet if I told you my name was Joseph, that the woman waiting in the car was called Mary, and that she had a newborn infant, you’d find us a room." "Well," stammered the clerk, "I– I suppose so." "Okay," said the man. "I guarantee you, they’re not coming tonight, so we’ll take their room."


"My doctor said I was paranoid… well, he didn’t actually say it, but I could tell he was thinking it."


Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."

There was a moment’s silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"


"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!"

Dave Barry.


A chap who frequently left the office to play golf instructed his secretary to tell all callers that he was away from his desk.

After he left the office, a member of his foursome forgot which course they were playing that day, and called for information.

The loyal girl would only reply that her boss was away from his desk.

"Just tell me, "the golfer persisted, "Is he twenty miles away from his desk, or thirty miles."


Catch, then, O catch the transient hour; Improve each moment as it flies!

St. Jerome


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Never give up

"It’s not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity."

Francis Bacon, Sr.



Over the years I have found that we should never stop learning, experimenting and expanding our horizons. I have been amazed hundreds of times by where I have been and what I was allowed to do. Some of it was luck, some serendipity but most often it was due to being ready. Even today as I am about to embark on another quarter century I find myself anxious to find some new ground to explore. I am slower than I was and often forget more than I should but that is no reason to give up and only live in memories.

Each of us, no matter our age or status, can benefit if we commit ourselves to constant learning and discovery. The rewards are great and the journeys not as difficult as they may seem. Here is what Life Coach Steve Brunkhorst suggests we do to make the effort worthwhile.


Eight Key Actions for Authentic Growth

1. Make a personal commitment to growth and excellence in all that you do.

2. Surround yourself with people who believe in your purpose, dreams, goals, and the development of your potential.

3. Stay organized by developing a plan to help you work efficiently. Continually evaluate your needs and set up a schedule of priorities. Consider working with a professional organizer to help you develop an organizational system that is right for you.

4. Strengthen your faith and determination with focus. Aim high. Envision what you would like to achieve in detail. Focus on your vision intensely for brief periods each day, expressing gratitude for your future achievement.

5. Work pro-actively, not reactively. Engage in continual education and training in your area of interest. Take ultimate responsibility for your results, and learn from every event. Hold yourself accountable for your physical, mental, and spiritual development.

6. Continual growth depends on adequate rest and relaxation as well as activity. Doing something enjoyable each day builds a storehouse of energy. When it appears that you have reached a plateau, step back, take a break, and reevaluate. Then move ahead.

7. No one succeeds alone. Seek help when needed, involve team members in important decisions, and give credit to others for the contributions they make to your success.

8. Obstacles often appear toward the end of great undertakings. Prepare for challenges, work through them with the help of experienced counseling, and turn them to your advantage. Then, move forward. Never quit.


"All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work."

Calvin Coolidge



To: All EMS Personnel

From: Chief of Operations

Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

7) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.


Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.


Inappropriate Gifts for Children…

The Duncan Yo  — Goes down, never comes back. Teaches children about warranties.

5,200 Pick Up — a jumbo deck of cards that lets kids play a larger version of their favorite game.

The Laff-O-Minit Spellin’ Tootor.

Doggie Dentist — Kids learn about dentistry on the family pooch.

Cuisine-Art — Turns mommy’s food processor into a spinning paint tool.


"Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God’s way of letting you know that you’re having too good a time."

Dennis Miller


This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.


Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call!


"Beauty is silent eloquence."

French Proverb


My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots.

"Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?"

"At the store," she answered.

"Which one?" I asked.

She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them!"


True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

Kurt Vonnegut


My sister brought her daughter a really nice Spinet Piano for her birthday.

A few weeks later, I asked my sister how her daughter was doing.

"Oh," she said, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

"How come?" I asked.

"Well," my sister answered, "because with a clarinet, she can’t sing…."


"Impart as much as you can of your spiritual being to those who are on the road with you, and accept as something precious what comes back to you from them."

Albert Schweitzer


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

What is he up to?

"The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it."

William James





The good news is that my planned weight loss is working so far. In the past two weeks I have lost nine pounds and if baggy pants are an indication of youth I am getting younger. The not so good news is that my brain surgeon returned from a conference where he and colleagues reviewed my latest brain scan which showed a slight increase in my aneurysm, their recommendation is that we again defer any surgery and scan again in five months. The semi-bad news is that the situation warrants our staying fairly close to brain surgeons since if the artery bursts there is a fairly good chance of survival with quick action. If I go out of the country or to remote areas the risk would be almost 100%, so no cruising or exotic traveling for awhile. We do have a trip to Nova Scotia and the Canadian Maritimes booked for June. The docs will say yea or nay after my late-May brain scan.

I am sure everything will be fine but I am getting something like cabin fever to the point where I have been reexamining my commitments and organizational linkages. I almost feel like taking a sabbatical and spending a few months looking around to see where my contributions might be of more value. I think I also would benefit from some fresh thoughts as I am getting disenchanted by some of my fellow citizens apparent lack of concern for future generations and for those suffering at home and abroad. It is not like me to let pessimism slip into my thoughts so a diversion might be in order. Also I think I might recharge by getting my hands dirty, doing more than just sitting and listening to those who talk about what they are going to do or explaining why they shouldn’t do anything.

OK forget all that, it’s still me and you’re still the good person I respect. I think I may finally be facing a smidgeon of mid-life crisis since I just realized that in a few more days I will have retired after 33 years in the computer industry 20 years ago and from my Kiwanis career 10 years ago. The good news is that if it is midlife crisis after three quarters of a century I will have plenty to look forward to with another 75 years to go.


You can’t build a reputation on what you intend to do.

Liz Smith


The Italian composer, Rossini, went to see his doctor. After examining him, the doctor said, "Your trouble stems from wine, women and song."

Rossini suggested, "Well, I can get along without the songs, since I compose my own."

The doctor said, "Well, which of the other two are you prepared to give up?" Rossini relied, "That depends entirely on the vintage."


Some people itch for success when they should be scratching for it.


Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continued playing standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks, so, who is going to tell his wife?" They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one.

They tell him to use good judgment, be discreet, and be gentle.. Don’t make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I’ll be the most discreet person you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Just leave it to me." Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment, and knocks on the door.

The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home."

"TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" she yells.

"I’ll go tell him," says Goldberg.


What’s the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?

Wife saying she wants to talk to him.


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!"


What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?

No matter what, somebody’s fixin’ to lose a trailer.


A man was waiting at the train station.  The train was due at 5:23 PM. Finally, it rolled into the station at 6:07 PM.

"You’re LATE," the man said to the conductor.  "What’s the use of having a schedule if you’re going to be late anyway?"

The Conductor looked at him, and said, "Sir, if we didn’t have a schedule, how on earth would you realize what time you were supposed to be at the station?  And how would you know that we were late?"


"Do Not Disturb signs should be written in the language of the hotel maids."

Tim Bedore


A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.

"Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?"

When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast."


Horse sense is what a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.


She said: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions.

"Has anyone given you any packages you didn’t pack yourself?" he asked.

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.

He looked at me very carefully and asked, "Does she like you?"


I had amnesia once — or twice.


The Vet said: I heard the dog barking before he and his owner actually barreled into our vet practice. Spotting a training video we sell, the owner wisely decided to buy one.

"How does this work?" she asked, handing me a check. "Do I just have him watch this?"


Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they might have been.

William Hazlitt


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

At least you and I care!

I continue to be devastated by the scenes, reports and the human tragedy being faced by the people of Haiti. I feel frustrated by the fact that all I could do yesterday was make a contribution to the Salvation Army’s Haitian disaster relief efforts via http://www.salvationarmyhaiti.org/.

I am angry that Pat Robertson would say that the people of Haiti brought the disaster on themselves when their ancestors made a pact with the devil. I also find it outrageous that a popular talking head would say that the catastrophe was welcomed by the democratic administration since our humanitarian efforts would pander to blacks. Who are these people who have lost their capacity to be moved the maiming and death of thousands of children and their parents, thank god that most people are like you, they care and are still capable of tears.


Today is not a good day for me to write a new Daily so I am going to send one from 2006.


We Can’t, Didn’t, Shouldn’t




"For many people, an excuse is better than an achievement because an achievement, no matter how great, leaves you having to prove yourself again in the future but an excuse can last for life."

Eric Hoffer


If you are like I am it is far too easy to use an excuse in order to avoid action, commitment, chores, donations, or any one of the thousands of choices we make in our lifetime. In my mind there are two kinds of excuses that are especially harmful to those of us who use them.

The first is the excuses we use to justify our behavior. Too many of us say things like, “I just can never get up on time” or “I would do it but I am not handy with tools,” once we decide that that is what we are, that will be what we will be. We are never going to do better if we have an excuse not to try. The list is endless, “I don’t want to try Asian cooking because I had some once,” “I don’t go to any of the meetings because I know they are a waste of time,” we could go on and on. The bottom line is that when we excuse ourselves we are really saying is that we are too lazy to try. That’s ok if that is what you want to do, but if you do you will never experience the feeling you get when surprise yourself with what you really can do. An example for me was a long history of avoiding fish, once I eat some because there was no choice I ended up kicking myself for missing something I found I really liked for so long.

The second type of excuse is even worse. Those are the ones we use to rationalize avoiding doing something worthy. Do we really fool anyone when we say things like I never give anything to charity since I know they all just spend the money on the staff, or make some other judgmental proclamation? Or when we say “I never vote, everyone knows voting does not make any difference,” of course when we don’t vote we can blame someone else for electing people we don’t like. Why can’t we just be honest and say I don’t want to donate to charity or that we chose not to get involved in elections or the like? Maybe if we were honest with ourselves we would not be too happy with what we see. But like everything else it is up to us individually to make the choices we make. I just hope that when I make mine that they are not all based on my avoiding doing anything that requires effort.

Oh by the way. I do appreciate people who make white lie excuses in order not to hurt my feelings. I handle “I can’t make it, I have a previous commitment,” much better than I do someone telling me,“Are you kidding me, why would I go with you, I don’t like you.”


He who excuses himself, accuses himself.

Gabriel Meurier



Note: If you are not a resident of FLORIDA or never have lived in hot, humid south Florida, youmay not understand the weight of this blessing!

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.

Please keep it cool in mid-July.

Bless the walls where termites dine

While ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass

Fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please

Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two,

The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.

Millions of creatures that fly or crawl, In FLORIDA, Lord, you’ve put them all!

But this is home, and here we’ll stay,

So thank you Lord, for insect spray.


She said: All Desirable things in life are either ILLEGAL, BANNED, FATTENING, OR MARRIED TO OTHERS.


A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?


My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.  


She said: Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation. "It’s my old Plymouth!"


Regrets and recriminations only hurt your soul.

Armand Hammer



* If it is on, I must turn it off.  

* If it is off, I must turn it on.  

* If it is folded, I must unfold it.  

* If it is liquid, it must be shaken then spilled.  

* If it is solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.  

* If it is high, it must be reached.  

* If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.  

* If it is pointed, it must be run with full speed.  

* If it has leaves, they must be picked.  

* If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.  

* If it is trash, it must be removed, inspected and thrown on the floor.  

* If it is closed, it must be opened.  

* If it does not open, it must be screamed at.  

* If it has drawers, they must be rifled.  

* If it is a pen or pencil, it must write on refrigerator, monitor, TV or table.  

* If it is full, it will be more interesting empty.  

* If it is empty, it must be more interesting full.  

* If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.  

* If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.  

* If it is a paper, it must be torn.  

* If it has switches, they must be pressed.  

* If the volume is low, it must go high.  

* If it is a bug, it must be swallowed. If it doesn’t stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.  

* If it is not food, it must be tasted.  

* If it is food, it must not be tasted.  

* If it is dry, it must be made wet.  


"I’m dating a guy who’s twenty-one. That’s seven in boy years."

Lisa Goich


An evangelist had a great revival camp going.  One night he was up in front of a large audience, speaking on imperfection.  He asked his audience towards the end, "Has anyone ever known anyone who has come CLOSE to the perfection of our lord, Jesus Christ?"  Nobody, of course raised their hand.  So he issued the question again.  "Anybody! Has ANYONE ever known that kind of perfection?"

Finally a guy in the back raised his hand, so of course he was asked to stand up. "Tell us.  Tell us who you knew who was so close to perfection."

The man responded, "My wife’s first husband."


"The trick is not how much pain you feel–but how much joy you feel.

Any idiot can feel pain.

Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses."

Erica Jong


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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