Ray's musings and humor

Archive for November, 2019

We are grateful

Ray’s Daily

November 27, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“Thanksgiving is a time of togetherness and gratitude.”

Nigel Hamilton

Thanksgiving

There will be no Daily published until next Monday. We are going to spend time enjoying our Thanksgiving holiday.

Tomorrow is our day of thankfulness in my country. Each year on Thanksgiving Day we join with friends and family to feast and express our appreciation for all we have. Many will also enjoy local events, such as parades, sporting events, festivals and more. We have been invited to enjoy a Thanksgiving lunch with a good friend and his family and tomorrow afternoon we will join with many of our family to enjoy a shared meal.

We have had a few health problems in the past year, we also have adjusted to our move to a senior independent living community. I am thankful that we survived the setbacks and am grateful for how good our lives are these days. In our sixty-six years of marriage I don’t think there has ever been a time when we needed each other more and I am grateful that we still have each other.

Yes, we have much to be thankful for and I am sure you do as well. I am also grateful to so many of you who allow me into your lives each day. So my friends I hope your days will be as good as mine will be, see you next week.

Being Thankful

James T. Atkins

I could list the gifts I’m thankful for and write until next week.

My health, my eyes, my darling wife, granddaughter’s rosy cheeks.

 

Treasured friends, that If I called, would say, “I’m on my way.”

A precious mother, that lucky me, turns eighty-one today.

 

Children I’m so proud of, sisters that make me smile,

little ones that call me Pops; my list could reach for miles.

 

A soldier in some foreign place, assuring liberty for me,

a sunny sky, a frosty morn, a blue-green shimmering sea.

 

I’m thankful that in this land I love, we’re free to disagree,

where we aspire to so much more than mediocrity.

 

I keep this mental list of gifts and add to it each day,

like God’s unique and precious love, whose patience never sways.

 

A similar list, I know you have, so think on that awhile,

and be thankful, friends, that everyday our gifts outweigh our trials.

~~~

“Give thanks not just on Thanksgiving Day, but every day of your life. Appreciate and never take for granted all that you have.”

Catherine Pulsifer

~~~

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead.

She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up!”

~~~

Views expressed by husbands are not necessarily those of the management.

~~~

A golfer was having trouble lining up a shot. “Please, God, let me make a birdie on this hole,” he said.

A nearby stranger walked up to him and whispered, “If you give up one quarter of your sex life, you will make this shot.”

Figuring it wouldn’t make a big difference, the golfer said “OK.” He made the shot for birdie.

A little while later, he was having trouble on another hole. “Please, let me make this for eagle” he said.

Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, “If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle.”

“OK” the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle.

On the last hole, the golfer needed one shot for eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said “If you give up the second half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win.”

“OK,” the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round.

As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, “I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex life.”

The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, “Nice to meet you, my name is Father O’Malley!”

~~~

Happiness is the delicate balance between what one is and what one has.

– F. H. Denison

~~~

A woman in her late 80s decides to move to Miami. As part of her preparations, she goes to see her doctor to get all of her charts. The doctor asks her how she is doing, and she gives him the litany of complaints: “This hurts,” “That’s stiff,” “I’m tired and slow” and so on.

“You have to expect things to start deteriorating,” the doctor says sympathetically. “After all, who wants to live to 100?”

The woman looks him straight in the eye. “Anyone who’s 99.”

~~~

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

~~~

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.  An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

“America,” the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. “She’s not from the States.”

“Yes I am.” said the wife. He looked at her and asked. “Is he your husband?” “Yes.” she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered….. “I’ll give you 100 camels for her.” The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence.  Finally he replied, “she’s not for sale.”

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”

~~~

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

~~~

A lady golfer visits a driving range to tone up before a game. She is about to drive her first ball off the mat when she notices the man next to her. “Pardon me, sir” she said. “You are aiming in the wrong direction – back towards the golf shop.”

“Oy! – tanks for dat. Vitout you, I vouldn’t know. I’m blind.”

He then turned around and started hitting out into the range. After a few minutes, he asked the lady how he was doing.

“Not bad.” she answered. “Most of your shots are straight and fairly long. Only a few of them are slicing.”

“Tanks, again, Miss. ” he replied. “Vitout you telling, I vouldn’t know dese tings.”

A few shots later, he inquired again. “Do you mind I should ask a poisonal qvestion?”

“Not at all,” she replied.

“I don’t do vell vit the ladies. Am I ugly or fett?”

“You’re quite presentable,” she replied. “I don’t think that should be a problem.”

Smiling now, he exulted, “Vat a relief. I vas always afraid to ask. Again, I got to tank you.”

He was about to hit another ball when the girl interrupted him. “Do you mind if I give you a bit of advice?” she asked.

“Vit gladness. All the help you got I vill take.” He answered.

“Lose the Jewish accent.” she replied. “You’re Chinese.”

~~~

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Melody Beattie

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

I appreciate them

Ray’s Daily

November 26, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Theodore Roosevelt

Kindnessx

This Thanksgiving week provides each of us the opportunity to recall the things that we appreciate and the folks that add meaning to our lives. In my case I have lots to appreciate, my family, supportive friends and most of all an understanding wife.

Lately I have been blessed by meeting folks who you would like as much as I do. These are warm people who care for others. They have kindness in common as well as doing what they can for others. I am sure you know others like these people, I hope you let them know how much they are appreciated.

Here is something I found some time ago that is a recipe for how we too can be one of the special good people.

Recipe for forever

Gather all of the ingredients together, so that they are close at hand! Get a clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any lingering dust from the past.

Take maturity, respect and friendship, and stir gently.

Add unlimited amounts of compassion and kindness, and mix well.

To this, add caring by the handfuls and fold in trust.

Continue stirring gently, adding listening, honesty, and large amounts of communication.

Slip in some dreams, goals, and firm pieces of keeping promises.

Bake in a home filled with peace, beauty and serenity.

Before you taste the finished product, sprinkle liberally with patience, love, and a touch of spice.

Serve very hot, with imagination on the side.

~~~

Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.

Harold Kushner

~~~

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off. “Man, that guy is stupid” I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here’s why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that’s 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.

That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that’s 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That’s 642. According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That’s 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That’s 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed. Flip one off?

I think not.

~~~

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

~~~

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir.”

The driver says, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, “Now don’t be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you keep your mouth shut for once?”

The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.” As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Damn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth

shut?!”

The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That ‘s an automatic $75 fine.”

The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.” The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”

As the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!”

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am ?”

“Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he’s been drinking…”

So just don’t do it! Keep your Holiday Season safe! Ray

~~~

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.

~~~

In the men’s room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: “Think!”

The next day, when he went to the men’s room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, “Thoap!”

~~~

“There was a robbery in Atlantic City at one of Donald Trump’s casinos. Thieves got away with $8 million dollars in debt.”

David Letterman

~~~

Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . . “Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.  Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . “Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to tell you that I don’t HAVE a dog.”

~~~

We have to believe in free will.  We have no choice.

~~~

His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris’ Last Will and Testament.

“To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”

~~~

The eyes are the second thing to go. I forget the first …

~~~

He said, one Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were attending a church in our community. It was common for the preacher to invite the children to the front of the church and have a small lesson before beginning the sermon.  He would bring in an item they could find around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.

This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a smoke detector.  He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.

My child immediately raised his hand and said, “It means Daddy’s cooking dinner.”

~~~

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

Og Mandino

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Let’s get it right

Ray’s Daily

November 25, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Good things happen when you get your priorities straight.

Scott Caan

priority

We begin what will be a busy week for us who live in the USA. You see this Thursday is our nation’s Thanksgiving Day, a national holiday. We call the next day Black Friday since retailers all over will offer deep discounts on all kinds of items drawing in thousands of bargain hunters. It is a week when millions of travelers will clog our highways and streets as they travel to family gatherings and then travel in search of super low prices.

One of the good things in my life these days is the absence of an automobile, no car, no traffic jams. I will be having Thanksgiving lunch with fellow residents here at the Forum and then will be transported to another Thanksgiving feast with my family on Thursday.

It seems like all my days are busy lately. My wife’s needs are my first priority, but I also have some mandatory obligations and things I would like to do. I often find I have not managed my time well enough to fit it all in, but I am doing better.

Recently Marc Chernoff shared his thoughts on what we need to do to get done what we really want done. Here is what he wrote.

Reminders to Focus on What Matters Most

The solution to our time-wasting tendencies is a long-term practice. It is to ritualistically raise our awareness of how we presently manage – and waste – our time. And that’s exactly what the seven mantras below (which are excerpts from our books and blog archive) are designed to do – they will compel you to steal your time back from those recurring time-wasting tendencies you’ve grown accustomed to.

  • Anytime you catch yourself wasting time for the sake of wasting it, remember…The quality of your life in the long run directly depends upon how you set and respect your priorities today.
  • At times, you have to say “no” to good things to be able to say “yes” to important things. You can’t do it all. Be mindful and choose wisely.
  • “I don’t have time,” is really just another, perhaps politer, or perhaps naive, way of saying, “It is not that important to me.”
  • Don’t waste your time and energy fighting against where you are. Invest your time and energy into getting to where you want to go. And even if you have a good reason to be upset and resentful, let it go. Channel your energy into thoughts and actions that actually benefit your life right now.
  • Be present with what matters most. There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good story, a good laugh, a good hug, or a good friend.
  • Overcommitting is the biggest mistake most people make against living a happier, simpler life. It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with to-do list tasks or distractions. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.

~~~

Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.

Stephen R. Covey

~~~

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders…..6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!

  1. Better to be safe than………………. punch a 5th grader.
  2. Strike while the……………………. bug is close.
  3. It’s always darkest before……………… Daylight Saving Time.
  4. Never underestimate the power of………… termites.
  5. You can lead a horse to water but……….. how?
  6. Don’t bite the hand that………………. looks dirty.
  7. No news is…………………….. impossible.
  8. A miss is as good as a…………………. Mr.
  9. You can’t teach an old dog new…………..math.
  10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll……… stink in the morning.
  11. Love all, trust………………………..me.
  12. The pen is mightier than the……………. pigs.
  13. An idle mind is……………..the best way to relax.
  14. Where there’s smoke there’s…………….. pollution.
  15. Happy the bride who………………….. gets all the presents.
  16. A penny saved is……………………..not much.
  17. Two’s company, three’s…………….the Musketeers.
  18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what………. you put on to go to bed.
  19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and………you have to blow your nose.
  20. There are none so blind as………….. Stevie Wonder.
  21. Children should be seen and not…………. spanked or grounded.
  22. If at first you don’t succeed…………. get new batteries.
  23. You get out of something only what you…….see in the picture on the box.
  24. When the blind leadeth the blind………. get out of the way.

And the favorite:

  1. Better late than……………………..pregnant!!!!

~~~~

We must constantly build dykes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.

–  Martin Luther King, Jr.

~~~

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.

The Devil said to the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.”

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked,

“So, what’s the catch?”

~~~

If these walls could talk, they’d probably say, “No!  Not the nails again! Not the hammer!  NOT THE HAMMER!!!!”

Jennifer A. Ford

~~~

On New Year’s Eve, Judy stood up at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.  At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.

~~~

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

~ Aesop

~~~

When a blonde finally got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked, how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, “…and upon rising the coffee is ready!” A few weeks later the blonde wife was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker. “Wonderful!” she replied, “However, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?”

~~~

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

~~~

The elderly husband and wife, both a little hard of hearing, were watching golf on TV. The husband turned to his wife of some 50 years and said, “In my next life, I’m going to be rich and play all those beautiful golf courses with their great bars and dining and dancing areas.” The wife quickly responded, “How will you be able to manage all that with your bad legs? You can barely walk!” “I said, ‘..in my next life…,'” the husband replied.

“Oh,” she said. I thought you said, ‘..with my next wife…'”

~~~

I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything… at least not at the same time. So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything.

Dan Millman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Stay Strong

Ray’s Daily

November 22, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Life Shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

Anais Nin

courage

It has been a busy couple of days with more to do toda6. So my friend I am going back fourteen years to see what my world looked likwe then.

Ray’s Daily first published November 22, 2005

~~~

I am constantly impressed by how so many people I meet are able to overcome adversity, their fears, and what would be roadblocks for others. Job loss, major illness, family problems, and many other things drive too many people to resignation or desperation. But in my experience, there are many who exhibit the courage needed to rise above the problems that life puts in their path.

I have many new friends who have to make a career change in their middle years. I get periodic medical treatments alongside patients who are getting chemo treatments for a grave disease. I know people who have lost everything they owned. Each of these events take way too many of us down. We either give up or lash out in anger, trying to find someone or something to blame. The magnificent people I am fortunate to meet who are facing great adversity reach down and find the strength to rise above their problems. As often as not they are the first to come to the aid of someone else. In my mind they are all champions.

Each of us are challenged sometime in our lives, often we are frightened and do not know how we will be able to cope, and yet we do. We may not get medals for our bravery, but it is our courage under fire that provides us the opportunity to get up and get back in the game. I continue to be inspired by the strength exhibited by so many people I meet. Sometimes they may need us to let them know they can do it. And when we are the ones that are suffering I hope we have the courage to do as well as these heroes.

~~~

It takes strength to be firm. It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard. It takes courage to let down your guard

It takes strength to conquer. It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain. It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in. It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain. It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pains. It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse. It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone. It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love. It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive. It takes courage to live.

                             Author Unknown

~~~

A husband and wife both talked in their sleep. She loved going to auctions and his hobby was golf. One night, during a deep sleep, the man yells, “Fore!”

His wife yells back, “Four-fifty!”

~~~

Can you be frequent infrequently?

~~~

PETER MARSHALL’S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM “HOLLYWOOD SQUARES”

According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?   – PAUL LYNDE:  He’s out of town.

Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie “What’s The Matter With Helen?”  Who plays Helen? CHARLEY WEAVER:  Dennis Weaver–that’s why they asked the question.

James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was “one of the best things I ever did. What was it? – MARTY ALLEN:  Rhonda Fleming.

Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?   – CHARLEY WEAVER:  His feet.

Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important.  What?   – PAUL LYNDE:  An engagement ring.

According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking.  What?   – CHARLEY WEAVER:  Not drinking.

When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What?   – PAUL LYNDE:  A masked baby.

If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?   – CHARLEY WEAVER:  Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Do female frogs croak? – PAUL LYNDE:  If you hold their little heads under water.

According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?   – PAUL LYNDE:  Where can I get some?

Why do the Hell’s Angels wear leather?   – PAUL LYNDE:  Because chiffon wrinkles so easily.

~~~

Don’t cry because it’s over: smile because it happened.

~~~

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“Why would you say that?” wondered the broker.

“Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career…”

~~~

“Civilization is just a slow process of learning to be kind.”

~~~

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.

“After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and  watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn’t you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?” the defense attorney prompted.

“Yes,” she replied, “I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him.”

“And when was that?”

“When he asked for his second cup.”

~~~

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

~~~

Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff announced his plans to expel every illegal immigrant in this country.

This policy has a lot of illegal immigrants panicking.

Though not as much as Americans when they find out they have to clean their own houses, cut their own lawns and take care of their own kids. Then you’ll see panicking! –

~~~

“On our anniversary, I told my husband, “I know I married you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, but I’ve changed my mind. I’m ready now for better and richer.”

~~~

Bernie took his wife Sadie to see a psychiatrist for a check up.

After examining her, the doctor took Bernie to one side and said, “I have some very bad news for you. There is nothing I can do to help your wife. Her mind has completely gone.”

“I’m not really surprised,” Bernie replied, “Sadie’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 50 years.”

~~~

History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.

  • B. C. Forbes

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

There is always hope

Ray’s Daily

November 21, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever.”

Roy T. Bennett

hope

I have found that one of the secrets of happy aging is to combine optimism with hope. A short attention span also helps the setbacks fade into a better tomorrow. Actually you don’t have to be a senior to live gracefully, all you need to do is never lose hope.

Being a caregiver I sometimes have trying moments but I do always remind myself that the will soon pass. If you need to check up on your hopefulness read the following.

Then you still have hope

  • If you can look at the sunset and smile, and find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.
  • If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, and if the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.
  • If you can see the good in other people, and if the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.
  • If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, and if the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.
  • If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, and if you give people the benefit of the doubt, then you still have hope.
  • If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, and if receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.
  • If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, and if you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.
  • If you can look to the past and smile, and when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase … ‘yes, but ….’ Then you still have hope.
  • Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured and something that will refresh us in return. It can be found in each of us and it can bring light into the darkest of places. So never lose hope.

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay positive and happy. Work hard and don’t give up hope. Be open to criticism and keep learning. Surround yourself with happy, warm and genuine people.

Tena Desae

~~~

She said:

I wish I were a bear.

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.

You do nothing but sleep for six months.

I could get used to that.

And another thing; before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.

That wouldn’t bother me either.

IF you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business; you swat anyone who bothers your cubs.

If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too.

Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up.

He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat.

He likes it.

I wish I were a bear.

~~~

I just read a report that stated that last year 4,153,237 people got married.

I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

~~~

A foursome teed off on the long par-3 eighth hole. The green on this hole lay behind a large bunker, so any shot that made the green would disappear over the top ridge of bunker. You couldn’t tell where your ball landed until you arrived on the green.

After the last player hit his shot, the first golfer to hit charged off down the fairway, without waiting for the others.

He disappeared over the bunker and seconds later came running back down the fairway to the other three, yelling and screaming, “I got a hole-in-one!

I don’t believe it!”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” said the other golfers in the foursome. “You run ahead of us down the fairway. Then you vanish over the rise, where you know we can’t see you, and, all of a sudden, you start hootin’ and hollerin’ about a hole-in-one. Do you actually expect us to believe you? How stupid do you think we three are?”

“No, no. It’s true. I swear it,” he said crossing his heart. “Go look. I left it in the hole to prove it.”

~~~

A pessimist mourns the future.

~~~

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel; the only way to move things was by carrying or dragging.

One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food preparation area.

It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the much more comfortable boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to watching football on television.

~~~

There’s more to life than increasing its speed.

~~~

When entering a hotel where she and her husband were staying, Gladys, a devout Baptist, noticed a shabbily dressed man lounging idly in front of the newspaper stand in the lobby. She noticed that several men stopped to talk to him and gave him a little money. He seemed so cheered by the encounters she impulsively put ten dollars in an envelope, wrote ‘God Bless” on the outside, and handed it to him.

The nest day the man stopped her on the street. “Here’s your $250,” he said cheerily. “God Bless won 28 to 1!”

~~~

To make the world a friendly place, one must show it a friendly face.

–  James Whitcomb Riley

~~~

Arnold was a ventriloquist, and not a good one at that. In fact business was so bad that he was trying his luck as a medium. One day, a widow came into his office and said that she wanted to contact her dear departed husband and asked Arnold what he charged.

“If you only want to hear him speak,” said Arnold, “I charge $30. If you want to have a conversation with him, I charge $50. But I charge $100 if you want a conversation with him while I’m drinking a glass of water.”

~~~

“Hope. It’s like a drop of honey, a field of tulips blooming in the springtime. It’s a fresh rain, a whispered promise, a cloudless sky, the perfect punctuation mark at the end of a sentence. And it’s the only thing in the world keeping me afloat.”

Tahereh Mafi

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

 

We Can Do Better

Ray’s Daily

November 20, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”

Peter Drucker.

self management

I don’t know about you but I still have days where I don’t get done all I would like to do. While I no longer have a job I still have some responsibilities, primarily to help my wife with her health needs. In addition, my senior residence provides numerous opportunities to participate in exercise programs, learning experiences, social activities and ways to help our community.

Of course, I also have the mandatory doctor’s appointments, medical tests, family get togethers and even a few trips to buy needed supplies. I know, I am supposed to be in retirement, but I find that senior living is also a job.

Recently I received the following article geared to those in preretirement but I think some of tips are applicable event to those of us no longer in the work place.

 

“7 WAYS to ENSURE a VERY COOL DAY from START to FINISH”

by Dr. Drew Rozell

1) Set a Relaxed Tone. Give yourself plenty of time and space in the morning. Avoid waking up, jumping in the shower, throwing on some clothes, and dumping coffee in your lap while weaving through traffic.

2) Move Your Body. Exercising in the morning provides an energy boost and the warm comfort of relaxed muscles that lasts throughout the day.

3) Underpromise. Underpromising means giving yourself a cushion for completing projects and making appointments to avoid the sub-standard work and stress that come with rushing around to meet a deadline.

4) Overdeliver. Okay, now that you’ve underpromised, you have the opportunity to overdeliver — to exceed expectations. When you feel better about yourself, you’ll end up accomplishing more. Consistently.

5) Get away from your workspace for lunch. This noon, remove yourself from your work area and eat slowly. Find a quiet spot, eat something light, and relax.

6) Clean house. Schedule 10 minutes before you leave each day to maintain your workspace. File things that need to be filed, delete unimportant e-mails, toss paperwork you don’t absolutely need, and return phone calls you received that day. You will have completed your day and will have a friendly space to welcome you to work the next morning.

7) Have something to look forward to each evening. Have something Talk with a friend. Take a class. Read a book. Join a club or league. Connect with your family. Learn something. Build a life.

Yes, I know this is a ‘Top 7’, but I figured this was an opportunity to overdeliver.

8) Sleep well. Only 35% of adults sleep the recommended 8 hours or more per night during the week. It affects you more than you think. Turn off the TV, and get the rest you need. Pleasant dreams!

~~~

“Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There’s plenty of movement, but you never know if it’s going to be forward, backwards, or sideways.”

Jackson Brown, Jr.

~~~

Two lawyers went into a diner and sat down at the counter. They ordered two sodas, took sandwiches out of their briefcases and started to eat them.
The owner saw what was going on and approached the men. “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here,” he complained.
The two lawyers stopped, looked at each other, and then swapped their sandwiches.

~~~

A rock <– me –> A hard place

~~~

More of my plans for when I become overlord, notwithstanding what we have learned from the movies.

  • I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
  • I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own father.
  • Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
  • I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
  • No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

~~~

I’m just moving clouds today. Tomorrow, I’ll try mountains.

~~~

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!”

“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!”

“I know, I know!” said Joanna. “But what am I going to do with the BODY?”

~~~

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

~~~

Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve. He would complain about everything. That day he went to their creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death. At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every time the women walked by she shook her head no. The minister asked ”Why are you shaking your head yes for men and no for women?” Her response was, ”The men would say how sorry they felt for me and I was saying, ‘Yes, I’ll be alright.’ When the women walked by, they were asking if the mule is for sale . . . ”

~~~

Ohgreat,nowthedernspacebarwon’twork!

~~~

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” one young man blurted out.

“To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?”

The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued. “Physics saves lives,” he said, “because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”

~~~

“Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a hard master to yourself-and be lenient to everybody else.”

Henry Ward Beecher

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Moving On

Ray’s Daily

November 19, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.

Rick Warren

Past

Here we go again, a new week. It provides us another opportunity to start anew and make it what we want it to be.

One of the things that I learned as my wife and I decided to move on to our life as seniors was that our life has been filled with new beginnings. But putting the past behind us we cleared the desk so that we could make our future the best it can be.

While my mind occasional recalls the highlights of my past I always realize that I know longer have the authority or responsibilities I once had, and that’s alright. There is a freedom that is provided to us that decide to move on. In my case my past life was great, but it is over. And now my new life is just as rewarding and I am enjoying it all.

          Yesterday’s Door

I have shut the door on yesterday,

Its sorrows and mistakes.

I have locked within its gloomy walls

Past failures and mistakes.

 

And now I throw the key away,

And seek another room.

And furnish it with hope and smiles,

And every spring-time bloom.

 

No thought shall enter this abode

That has a taint of pain.

And envy, malice, and distrust

Shall never entrance gain.

 

I have shut the door on yesterday

And thrown the key away.

Tomorrow holds no fear for me,

Since I have found today.

Author Unknown

~~~

The past can’t hurt you anymore, not unless you let it.

                         Alan Moore

~~~

Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza House . May I have your…”

Customer: “Haloo, can I order..”

Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?”

Customer: “It’s eh…, hold on……6102049998-45-54610”

Operator : “OK… you’re… Mr. Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 014 266 2566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?”

Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”

Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”

Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”

Customer: “How come?”

Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”

Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”

Operator : “Try our Low Fat Hokier Mea Pizza.You’ll like it”

Customer: “How do you know for sure?”

Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Hokier Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”

Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?

Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99

Customer: “Can I pay by credit card?”

Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir.  Your credit card is over the limit and you’re owing your bank $3720.55 since October last year”

Operator : “That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.

Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw Some cash before your guy arrives”

Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”

Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”

Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle…”

Customer: ” What !”

Operator : “According to the details in system, you own a Scooter,…registration number E1123…”

Customer: ” *’!^ *%^**%^I7*”

Operator : “Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 You were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…

Customer: [Speechless]

Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”

Customer: “Nothing… by the way… aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”

Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic……. ”

~~~

I always know God won’t give me more than I can handle but there are times I wish He didn’t trust me quite so much.

~~~

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, “Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th’ bag?”

“Jes’ some chickens.”

“If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?”

“Shoot, if ya guesses right, I’ll give you both of ’em!” “OK.

Ummmmm…five?”

~~~

Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas.

If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

~~~

Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model INSIDE her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. It worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.

The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds!

~~~

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

~~~

The showers in my daughter’s dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, “Flushing!” each time they flushed the toilets. During one of my daughter’s visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while.  I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn’t tell me all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, “Flushing!”

“Wow!” said my friend, “How much more do you want to know?”

~~~

“Mr. and Mrs. Marvin Rosenbloom are pleased to announce the birth of their son, Dr. Jonathan Rosenbloom.”

~~~

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

“Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!”

“Oh, that’s okay,” said the blonde from the witness stand.”I don’t mind answering the question.”

“I object!” the defense said again.

“No, really,” said the blonde. “I’ll answer.”

The judge ruled: “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defence to object.”

So the prosecutor repeated the question: “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

The blonde replied brightly, “I don’t know.”

~~~

Don’t follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.

~~~

A college student wrote a letter home, “Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy.I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels.I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

Your son, Marvin.

P.S.I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it.I prayed to God that I could get it back.But it was too late.”

A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, “Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!”

~~~

Your past doesn’t define who you are. It just gives you the starting point for who you’re going to be.

Agent Carolina

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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